#its almost like theres more it to that and its the fact that we're trans which might come as a surprise to some but its kinda a huge

[snekdood]

notice how when you hear about all these rich white men in high positions of power doing heinous shit, none of them end up being trans men or mascs 🤔 but surely we're just as privileged as any other cis guy right?

[figmemt]

hi. i don't expect you to understand or change your perspective, but i just wanna give you an understanding of my trans/trisbpd label.

i DO have it. i developed it later in life from trauma. this would make me "cisbpd" if we're being technical about it, but calling it "transbpd" feels like i can take the power back from my trauma!

maybe some transids ARE invalid. not that it will stop them from existing. if someone is willing to "fake disorders" with the transabled label; there's probably something mentally going on to make them do that. bpd has made me commit attention seeking behaviours too!

there's also a thing called body integrity identity disorder (bid/biid) which is when people feel they're supposed to be disabled, and dysphoric in the fact they aren't. is this okay? fuck no. i hope these people can recover. but not giving them space, consideration, and surgery could be way more harmful than professionally amputating them.

because they WILL and HAVE gone to unprofessionally do these things. it's unfortunate, but it is harm reduction.

i understand how the transbpd label can help u feel like ur able to take that trauma back and ik how much it fucking sucks to have bpd, but as ive seen the transbpd label has been used for people that WANT to have bpd without the trauma and glorify the bad behaviours that come with it, ive seen a post where someone was telling transbpd people how to fake having a fp and putting stigmatised abusive behaviours for how to act. and thats flatout not okay at all thats my problem with the transid label, i feel it makes an absolutely mockery of trans people and people actually with disorders ans disabilitys as this label gets used it can actually harm people that are “cisid” from getting proper help as mental health professionals might not take them as seriously and obviously having more of the public internet stigmatise and say people actually suffering are faking and attention seekers.

cisid and transid isnt vaild, cisgender is idenifying with the sex you are assigned at birth, you can’t be born with a mental illness its from trauma so that cant make sense at all. transgender is not identifying with the sex you were assigned at birth. again you can’t identify with a mental illnesses if you don’t actually have it or have the trauma that goes with it. the people that fake it cause harm to us great great harm.

i agree people whi fake disabilities need help, actual help for their mental health, ive had a family member with münchhausen and münchhausens by proxy, she was my grandmother, she convinced my mother she was sick everyday of her life to get pity and forced my mum to undergo unnecessary surgery that has impacted my mother for the rest of her life, from that trauma i was rarely taken to the doctors and ive only been to the hospital once and that was after i left my mother, im only finding out now that i have horrible hip problems as i was never checked for hip displacement at birth and now it might be to late for me and now it’s impacting my everyday life i couldn’t continue work from the pain of just being on my feet and im still fighting to get doctors to see im in pain. i only found out from my adoptive mother (shes a nursery) that i have extremely low blood pressure that causes me to almost faint every time i stand. theres been so many problems i only found out now at 16 that would’ve been fixed if they were checked when i was a baby. this is why those people are harmful, münchhausens is such a harmful disorder and people that want to be sick can cause serious truama to others.

the biggest problems i have with radqueers is the support of pedos, zoos and necros its straight up disgusting and shouldn’t be supported at all. i hope u understand this rant of my personal reasons of not supporting these labels and i hope i can actually change your mind on it :)

[noelle-holi-gay]

Hi! Just finished my second reread of Dream Come True and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA its amazing! You could definitely be a published author with the skills you have. I'm literally writing this just so i can point out not everything i liked because that would be just me copying the entire fic link but the things i liked the most

-i love how the vessels each have their own distinct and concrete personality, motives, and moment to shine. It would've been easy to just make them mostly the same and fight them at once, but you didnt, and i love that!

-carol. i love how you write carol. a lot of fics, especially trans-noelle suselle fics, make carol a straight up villain. no hate to tension points, but your take on carol is a lot more complex and nuanced than theirs. of course she's going through a lot, she lost her daughter and is on the brink of losing her husband and now her remaining daughters throwing herself into all this danger

-dess not knowing how to fit herself into the light world after growing up isolated from everyone and ruling a kingdom is a really good arc for her

-while we're on the subject of holidays, you even give rudy more depth. hes not a perfect parent, he's hiding his problems just like carol, though through laughter and smiles rather than icy detachment.

-bruh you gave almost everyone a character arc. thats a real tough challenge for such a densely packed cast, and a popular cast as well. and each arc is literally spot on

-apparently ralsei being kris' headband is popular fanon but i first heard about it though dream come true and it just makes too much sense

-i love red and i love their relationship with kris. i love the part where ralsei offers kris the chance to get their soul back and they refuse, even though red wants to. (do kinda wish they were a little meaner because kris could do Epic Amounts of Trolling now that they're dating berdly but alas red is kindness so that will never happen)

-love all the little snowgrave references, especially ambitions "you know what i would do with that power?" speech.

-little detail but i love how in the medieval flashbacks they speak in funny medieval talk

-the fact that you snuck in a "based? based on what?" joke in the middle of the fucking apocalypse

-no hate to suselle but krerdly is my favorite deltarune ship and you snuck them in at the end in the best way possible

usually my taste in deltarune fics (and fics in general) is fluffy slice of life hometown drama, and you fucking got me. i went "ooh suselle teehee" with dare to dream and stealing kisses and now theres the angel and gaster and dess and the bunker and i loved it. 20/10. holy shit this went on much longer than i thought it would

Waaaa thank you so much for the kind words!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the series! I put a lot of love into it and I’m always happy when I see that pay off in people’s experiences. This made my day :D

[devilbombers]

Music Rambles: Vocaloid/utaite

for real have been living under a rock all this time because I actually only really got into the vocaloid/utaite scene only about 2 years ago. I REALLY think I missed out during it's peak.

Love or hate vocaloid, you cannot ignore the herstory and impact it has on the world

The beginning of the end

I still recall in highschool some of my friends were really into it and as a matter of fact I was constantly reminded of the fucking kagamine twins just because I have a twin lmao. I thought it was all super cringe though and I would actually get creeped out if people mentioned it and shamed them for it. oh how the tables have turned.

cringe or not, it was impossible to ignore it or deny the yass slayery it has. Some songs I either pretended it sounded like shit and/or listened to in secret was:

butterfly on your right shoulder - the kagamine twins (#1 guilty pleasure at the time)

electric angel - the kagamine twins

just be friends - megurine luka

angelfish - rin kagamine

first love academy, school of true love - rin, len and gumi (fun fact: this is the first song i ever found with gumi in it so i actually thought gumi was a man at first. Ever since then I've accepted gumi as a trans legend lmao)

it really wasn't until I discovered reol did I actually give in to it all. Initially I thought reol's voice was unbearably high and giga's intense beats hurt my brain, but luvoratory is too good to be played once and after a few thousand listens before i knew how i felt i was hooked.

things probably spiralled out of control for me with it all because fast forward to around 2019; miku expo begins and she ACTUALLY has a show in my city. I actually cop VIP TICKETS to go see her. This would've been the craziest shit ever to ever happen to me if it didn't get cancelled because of covid aadjasdsaldlaakl it was supposed to be my first concert too. (on a slightly lighter note; I got tickets a little while ago to go see gumi live in my city!!!!!!!!!)

thoughts on the genre as a whole

I think the most irresistible thing about the whole vocaloid/utaite genre to me is there is no consistent genre to it. It works so well with my personal philosophy of having no favorite music genre of course I have to be so invested in it.

some producers and utaite i like:

giga

nilfruits

yuu miyashita

babuchan

rerulili

kira

oster project

kikuo

ado

mitchie m

utsu-p

Hiiragi Kirai

tsumiki

youman

if you're already familar with some of these guys, you can already tell all of these artists and such are quite vastly different from each other. It's a little beautiful to me in a way how it all is how it is and you can't really see any other music subculture do something like this.

FAVORITE VOICE BANKS

I really want to say it's Rin Kagamine because I'm delusional as fuck and think we're the same person and most of the vocaloid songs i listen to happen to use her vocals. Some years ago during a very boring and so forgettable con I cannot remember what it was called, i was just sitting idly by my table as my friend played songs a little on their speaker. One of the songs they played was Meltdown by iroha and ever since then I can't stop playing it almost every single day and everytime even the slightest inconvenience happens to me; I will blare this song so loud in frusturation.

Vflower is somewhere way up there with fav vocaloids. VERY unique sounding voice and I really like how producers are able to tune her very differently from each other. She's really dominating the scene lately and at this point its IMPOSSIBLE to ignore her. which is exactly why I'm so aggravated at companies and such for not letting her play live or even put her in fucking project sekai!!!!!!! how the fuck are you gonna keep putting her songs in it but not have her in it! i don't care if she's not in the same company theres no way you don't have the money to do it!!!!!!!!

i feel like there isn't a lot of songs by Gumi by herself; i really wish there were more bangers for her. She duets extremely well with mostly rin or miku though. Her voice provider is half-filipino therfor gumi is half-filipino and my only representation in this awful world so i really like her. Very nice sounding voice, theres a lot of opportunity to use her for most things really. I have the exact same issue as i do with vflower, PUT HER IN PROJECT SEKAI AND LET HER DO MORE CONCERTS YOU COWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Megurine Luka has the most prettiest sounding voice for sure. I would group her in my top 3 vocaloids in no particular order with vflower and rin. LOTS of nice range and there isn't much to say i can say other than shes a fucking legend and she's kind of sexy lmao.

THERE REALLY IS NO SONGS FOR MEIKO AND IT FUCKING SUCKS CAUSE SHE HAS SO MUCH UNTAPPED POTENTIAL. Very nice almost silkyish mature sounding voice. Personally i think no one knows how to harness her voice the best than oster project. Maybe it's just because they're the only producer who makes shit for her, but I feel like maybe meiko's voice is best used in dramatic type songs with lots of classic instruments. I'm actually angry at the world for not producing her enough my god

Ms Hatsune Miku; what can i really say except she's literally the bitch of all time. Obviously the vocaloid with the most impact for sure with what i would say is the most balanced type of voice from all the voice banks which gives her lots of opportunity to do literally any song which is exactly why she has so much motherfucking power.

[creacherkeeper]

Hi! Do you have any advice to share for people who've started questioning their identity after feeling secure in a label for a while? I feel pretty lost and off-balance and I'm not sure where to go from here.

as someone whos identity labels have changed about a hundred times in the last 15 years, yeah i do

broader (cishet) society has kind of conditioned us for the "born this way, come out loud and proud" view of queerdom where our big mountain to climb is being honest about who we are, and once we're Out, the hard part is done and we can just live comfortably as ourselves. this is ... almost entirely fabricated and has not been the experience of almost any queer person i know. realizing youre queer is the first tiny baby stepping stone for the rest of your journey. ahead of you there is a long and slow and, sometimes arduous, potentially joyful, process of figuring out the things that make you comfortable and happy

because that's really the thing, isnt it? identity labels are HIGHLY dependent on society and culture and time period, and are in no way Fixed and Inherent Facts about the universe or even about human beings. its a name for a collection of similar experiences that, like many things, have more variety within them than between them. two lesbians may have vastly different experiences, while a lesbian and bi woman may be almost identical. a trans man and a butch person may view their masculinity almost the same way but come to different conclusions. three people with similar feelings on gender may identify as nonbinary, agender, and genderqueer because those are the labels that speak to them the most. defining yourself as an identity is not a test you can pass or fail. its a word that you are using as a tool. and that tool unlocks things for you - experiences, community, feelings of safety, comfort, joy, expression

it is natural that our conception of ourselves will change as we grow because we are constantly changing and morphing as we have new experiences, see new things, learn new terms, meet new people. and the terms we use will change too, because that's just what society does. i feel comfortable identifying as nonbinary, and often do, but the term that makes me feel the warm fuzzies is 'genderqueer', because that was what i had as a child when i desperately needed something, and, to my point, the term nonbinary wasnt even a thing yet. literally no one was using that term when i needed it, i wouldnt even hear it used until 7 years after that. and i now am feeling more comfortable identifying as a trans man, even though, many many times, i asked myself "am i trans? am i a dude?" and thought, nah, not me. and then one day it clicked. and my attraction to men clicked. and i thought "well, okay, not a lesbian anymore. lets find out whats comfy now". and it was scary, for sure. but theres also been so much joy in the process of discovery

i kind of think of it like putting together a really big puzzle. youve got the pieces but dont know the picture its making. and you finally find a collection of pieces and say, oh, theyre blue. theyre all blue. this is definitely the sky. and you feel so satisfied in calling it the sky for a while. and then you find a piece with a ripple and think, water? okay, not sky. water. and over time you realize its a lake. now you have the word lake, and that feels good, but you dont know whats around the lake. you still dont know the scene. and for a while all you have are your blue pieces, and you cling to those little ripples, until one day your hand falls on one thats green. grass. you find the forest. and eventually, you find the sky, and you realize it wasnt blue like you thought, but instead a beautiful sunset. you definitely couldve chosen to stick with your little patch of blue and said this is my sky, this is my sky, this is my sky. you couldve ignored the ripple. you couldve thrown the green piece away, and let it fall into a corner where you would never find it again. but you would never have seen the trees. you never couldve marveled at the colors of that sunset. and maybe in the last few little pieces, the last empty spot, you find the cabin, and you make that your home

i think youve hit a crossroads, because once you start questioning, you cant go back. you can deny your feelings, but youll know that you had them. and that kind of thing sits and stews when you arent looking at it. maybe you go exploring down the path and it leads you right back to where you were before, thats fine. now you feel confident you can find your way home. or maybe you find something completely new and different that you never wouldve known was there if you didnt go looking. that can be scary. a lot of times growth and progress and change is uncomfortable. you have to break in your new self like a new pair of shoes. but it is worth it. discover yourself and honor what you find. maybe that new identity wont be permanent, but thats fine. maybe youll think its the sky for a while. let labels be a tool of expression, community, discovery, and joy. and eventually youll get to see that sunset, and youll find your cabin