#its all so. fucking stupid but he always makes me so goddamn mad

[pansy-picnics]

I really want to say this somewhere but honestly, my favorite part of Varigo is that it can really go both ways.

Like they have that soft fluffy thing going for them with that first love energy and it’s absolutely adorable in whatever it’s done with. And very believable.

But then they can also have this side where these two hate each other, but they want to MAKE OUT SO BAD IT HURTS TO WATCH. Like major enemies to lovers vibes and it’s very believable.

Maybe it’s just because Hugo technically never existed but any dynamic that any fanfic or art gives them just MAKES SENCE TO ME.

they are enemies AND lovers……... it is the funniest thing to me tbh i cannot see them being super lovey-dovey all the time after they get together, like its not that they AREN’T sickeningly in love, it’s just that they can flip between that and calling each other ugly whores within 5 seconds and they’re completely unfazed. as funny as it is i personally think it’s because at their core they are both kids who were forced to grow up too fast, and they bring out each others inner child in a way…. cuz like, their rivalry/hatred for each other has never been, in any way, Reasonable or Mature

hugo was suspicious when they met, sure, but i don’t think thats really why varian disliked him- i think that’s just the reason he used to justify it in his head. Really he just thought hugo was cool as fuck and he was really mad about being outshined on HIS coming of age quest. like. HE’S the main character bro. Who does this blonde bitch think he is. Goddamn. /j

and….Hugo was the same way lol. like despite his awful circumstances and all the angst going on in his head he only initially antagonized varian because he was a 19 year old boy and wanted to look cool and act like he knew everything. THEIR WHOLE RIVALRY WAS SO CHILDISH! AND THATS WHATS SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT I FEEL CUZ….NEITHER OF THEM HAVE EVER REALLY HAD THAT BEFORE.

ITS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID!! it’s that they’re each others first love…but they are also simultaneously each other’s first best friend and also each other’s first Enemy. Neither of them have REALLY done any of that before like ever. varian had friends but he’s never had friends HIS AGE, yk? its completely new for both of them, each for separate reasons, and because of that they are both acting like stupid fucking 12 year olds about it.

even after they get together i think the core of their dynamic is that….they were kind of each other’s (incredibly belated) childhood best friend. and they will always be best friends first and foremost Yk? they bring out each others inner child. it’s why even when they’ve been married for 40 years they tease each other like theyre two middle schoolers fighting on the school bus over pokemon cards. its why they always know exactly how to make the other laugh or cheer them up after a long day. they know EXACTLY how to push each others buttons but they also know when is too far, which is why they can just say the most vile things to each other without even hesitating because they KNOW they don’t gaf. They share one braincell together but they’re also both genius mad scientists so they COULD take over the world together if they wanted to but they’re too busy playing jenga with glass beakers in their pajamas at 2 pm. Idk. They need to be shot.

[romsabombs]

malevolent part 46 the unclean live listen notes

SPOILERS BELOW

faroe jumpscare

is she haunting him lol

i cant believe he slept

"its probably an animal" u guys keep forgetting what podcast you're in

"you were sleeping?" "NO👹" defensive for no reason

stop hiding things from eachother challenge impossible

"it was just Things" 😐

what is blud yapping about😭🙏

LILY MENTIONED‼️

yeah yeah we know john we were all there🙄

cheesy ass episode where are the horrors

TRAIN STORY CALLBACK :33333

u dont have to remind me this story is bouncing around in my brain at all times

ooohh okayyyy music

arthur is not registering any of this let the man sleep💀

john praising lily for just doing her job is so funny to me

omgg :3 faroe is hanging out

no its not malam his ass doesnt sound like that

is he not even considering that it could be faroe usually he jumps at any chance to mention her

its disney pixar movie brave

shes guiding him?? showing him the way??

do u think they're fae

oh hes being compelled

"we shouldnt just sit here" ya thatd be a boring episode

hes fighting it

they're fae i faer

maybe just go the opposite direction

"what We're seeing" ok arthur

oh ermm😕😕

ANOTHER CULT??? COME ON😐😐

omg crying obsidian literally minecraft

oh dear a child. oh nvm He

its that dead child in the river isnt it

HAHA HE ROBBED THEM

arthur what happened to your decluttering mindset

HAHA YORRICK💀💀💀 they kidnapped his ass

oh his ass gonna is snitch on us

👹fuck mother darkness👹

"as unfortunate as that is" 💀

what makes u think he didnt lie to you about being the last of his kind

"we wouldn't be walking into a trap BLINDLY" "we'd be walking in with MY EYES wide open"

yorrick if you dont rat us out we'll buy you a lego set😇😇 or a chew toy

bro just dont follow him hes obviously just using the bag to bait you

ok dont get the bag guys r u dumb

STUPID!! DONT!!!! ☠️😠 guys i cant keep defending you

they will not ignore the lights bruh🙏

god we're only 19 minutes in

they're gonna die from this bruh

goddamn it john😭

oh no💀💀💀 man come on

they're cooked🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

wait is it actually okay i cant tell anymore

oh😕😕😕 BLERGH☹️☹️

naur the hunt got to him🙏

idk wtf is going on anymore bruh

okay ya its still a trap

dont drink that fucking water bruh i bet his corpse was in there

ofcourse it looks inviting bruh💀💀

they're what

💀💀 HAHA HE LEFT dumbasses

funny as hell now what

DONT DRINK IT HAHA ARE U CRAZY

it looks inviting again huh😐😐

NOOOOO💀💀 jarthur needs a babysitter bruh

"it leads men astray" only men huh😐 god forbid women have hobbies

HEART OF THE FOREST MENTIONED‼️‼️‼️‼️

they're trying so hard to be otgw

IN THE DREAMLANDS?

YEAHHHHH

omg i knew it'd come back

no guys maybe it's the same forest remember when u gave it your finger n u actually didnt need to and u said Lets hope they'll pay us back

FAE FAE FAE THEYRE FAE💥💥

mushroom smell is a core memory for him💀💀

HAHA WTF sillyness

william mentioned

what is his ass yapping about 😭

is this still a trap wtf r these mushrooms doing to him💀

hes dancing???? naur what the hell

hes cooked the fae got to him💀🙏

music is distorting ermmm😕

blud snorted too many mushrooms

WHAT?????? not the traumadumping

madness madness madness

man what the hell

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

man i thought he had a relatively good relationship with his dad😕

YOU DID WHAT😨😨

WHAAAT WHAT THE FUCK MAN

did the dancing exhaust him

😕 man what the hell was that

what the hell wait what now

its the king isn't it

this eppy is crazy man ill kms

the fae got to him‼️🗣️🗣️

EVERYONE SPEAKS IN YOUR VOICE BRUH THERE IS ONE VOICE

what is going on bru

WHO?? 🗣️ horick???

was the shrine for him then

bro is bargaining💀

wuh oh😕

WHAT😨😨😨

YOUNGER????? not again arthur💀

once a child murderer always a child murderer

is arthur pulling this guy's chain bru

nah he was definitely lying right😕

fym "what are you doing" what are YOU doing

he what. he slept?? i think arthur was just pulled away from him so he was like. unconscious?? maybe

they just keep making secret deals with evil gods🙄

oh man hes so ashamed

john trying to have a moment with him and getting shot down again

so whats the plan here are you just gonna go back to killing children

"us" hmmmmmm

hes definitely not gonna tell john abt the deal

oh he did. but not about the child part

YEA THE CORPSES RIGHT

yess i was right💥💥💥💥

yeesh😕

i like how in audio dramas the throwing up sound is always just some tin foil getting squeezed

what an episode. i have to pee so bad

MMMM REALLY not liking the theme im seeing in this season (children)

[cheeeeseburger]

Dream girl Part 4

Next part

Sidney Crosby x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: I had something else completely written for this part but somehow I lost it so anyway here's part 4! English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes, enjoy!

“Yeah dude, some fucking pipe broke and now there’s water all over our goddamn new condo.” Like usual, Sid was busy listening to your boyfriend’s convo, trying to gather some info on you. Apparently, something broke in the brand-new condo that you and your boyfriend just bought together. Sidney knew all about it. After your almost-kiss, he though his heart had suffered enough for the week until he saw that fucking post on your Instagram. You were holding the key, and he was holding you, and Sidney just wanted to disappear forever.

Anyway. That must be why you didn’t attend a single game this week. Must have been too busy. Sidney was relieved. So you weren’t avoiding him. You still hadn’t replied to his texts saying he was sorry for almost kissing you, but at least you were not actively trying to escape him. His heart warmed a little in his chest.

“Oh man, that sucks. You haven’t even lived a month in it!” Another young defenseman chimed in. The story was getting real interesting now.

“Yet they still expect a payment every week. What a bunch of assholes. And they won’t fix it until another month! I mean, do they expect me and my girlfriend to live in a hotel for another fucking month?” For once, he could sympathize with the rookie. Yeah, it must suck to live in a hotel. He especially thought about you. You had to hate it. He had to do something about it.e H

Sometimes, love makes you stupid. It was one of these occasions. Sidney would ask you to move in with him. Temporarily, of course. With the boyfriend included.

It had got to be his worst idea yet. But it seemed he couldn’t keep the words from spilling out: “I have a basement you guys could use.”

So nice. So helpful. So generous. Yet so selfish. Sidney Crosby, what a nice guy, eh?

Of course, your boyfriend agreed on the spot, not bothering to check beforehand with you. He didn’t understand why you were freaking out, and it had to stay that way.

Two days later, you were knocking on the captain’s door, suitcase in hand. How could this go wrong?

At first, Sidney thought he could manage. It wasn’t like you were always there. Most of the time, you were hiding from him anyway. He wanted to talk to you about the moment you almost had right there in his kitchen, but it was hard with the rookie always being there.

Honestly, the first week went well. Sure, he found a thong in his batch of laundry and the image of you wearing it drove him mad, but everything was going well.

Until he heard it. That first moan, the first clue that you were arching your back for someone that wasn’t him. Sidney felt his heart sink in his stomach. He wanted to turn on the TV to forget the angelic noise, but he heard it again. This time, it was louder, needier. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t move.

Against his will, Sidney’s hand made its way underneath his pants. The effect you had on him was crazy. Your voice only got louder, echoing through the walls of his home. He began to stroke himself.

Faintly, he could hear the noises your boyfriend made, but he decided to ignore them. Pretending to be the one making you moan was simply too good. It sounded like you were matching Sid’s tempo better than his anyway. When your screams began to be louder and more frequent, he picked up the pace. He just knew that you were getting close, and so was he, but he wanted his girl to finish first.

His girl. That lie almost made him come on the spot. He threw his head back and imagined you were doing the same. He wished you were riding his thigh.

Suddenly, the bed in his basement stopped creaking. Your boyfriend thanked everyone but you for existing as he finished. He was done and apparently, for him, it meant that you were done too. Sidney called bullshit on that immediately.

There was no way you were feeling satisfied after that. You and Sidney were on the same pace, and he was nowhere near finished. Sure, a few minutes ago you seemed closed, but the fucking rookie was selfish. So selfish that he had to ruin the pleasure of two people that night.

Sid was so pissed for you. You deserved that orgasm. If you were his girl, he would’ve made you come twice already, with a third time coming soon. He would let you rest awhile only to rock your world harder a few moments later. Every single night.

Of course, Sidney was frustrated for himself too. He had no choice but to take a shower, because there was no way he would be able to sleep without getting some kind of satisfaction. The warmth of your mouth would be better, but the palm of his hand and the hot water would have to do for the night.

It didn’t take long for him to get right back on track. Now that he didn’t have your moans as background music, he thought of all the way he would make you come.

For the first time, of course, it would have to be sweet. After all, he was gentleman. He would worship you and tell you the million reasons why you were his dream girl. Only when you would be convinced that you’re an angel would he let himself think about finishing.

 He would have to eat you out next. His age was his biggest asset in that department. Guys his age knew how to take care of their girls. No way the rookie had ever used his tongue on you. Fucking idiot.

If he felt especially riled up one night, he would have to have you against a wall. He wanted to see the pictures trembling and the frames falling on the floor.

His next thought had him steadying himself on the wall. He wanted to have you somewhere he was sure your boyfriend would hear. Sidney had to let him know that only him could make you satisfied. After all, you were his dream girl.

That was all it took. He hoped the sound of the water would hide his grunts as he released all that frustration inside of him.

Yeah, he did feel guilty as he stepped out of the shower. I mean, he had just jacked off to the thought of you. But it wasn’t like it was the first time, nor would it be the last. Actually, he only felt guilty because he knew you weren’t feeling satisfied like he was right now. Sidney would have to change that soon.

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

heyy hope ur day has been good so far!

could i request a bill x reader hurt/comfort oneshot?

Reader and bill get into a massive fight about something stupid they dont even remember anymore and in the heat of the moment bill says something about readers weight wich they are extremely insecure of (reader is a bit chubby) and both of them are just standing completely shocked about what just happened and the reader starts tearing up so bill tries to hug her and apologise but the reader pushes him away not wanting to be touched and he then realises how he fucked up.

a few days later after the reader avoided him he shows up with puffy eyes and eye bags, holding flowers and apologises saying how he knows that what he did wasnt right and that he cant undo everything but he wants to try and will wait how ever long reader needs to trust him again?

sorry if this is a bit much and its ok if ur not comfortable writing this!

have a great day!

(Yo! Sure I can but so sorry, I'm not good at apologies so I left it at the end like a sorta cliff hanger bc I suck at giving and writing apologies. But anyway, enjoy!)

An Apology Won't Cut It

You didn't even know how the hell this started, and how it ended up here.

It was a small argument, ending up in comments thrown and bickering until yelling ensued and the rest of the band left you both alone.

Yelling in the hotel room you and Bill shared after a concert when you just wanted to sleep away everything.

What you can remember was that Bill got mad at you for 'flirting' with a fan.

Yes, you used to flirt with fans, basically what Tom did, flirting with fans girls and boys alike until you got into a relationship with Bill and that stopped.

You used to enjoy it, but put an end to it once Bill expressed his feelings for you before.

You didn't engage in fan advances, but when you put them off you were scolded by your publicist and told not to and just smile, brush them off and move on.

Of course, you didn't want to be scolded anymore, so you just agreed and tried to keep your distance.

But the fanboy at the signing today would not give in, not taking the hint at your strained smiles and goodbyes but being tugged back into the conversation.

Bill noticed and you could see his attitude change the more and more the boy flirted, and the more you stood there, trying to get away but Bill didn't see that through his annoyance.

Georg had to swoop in and save you from being uncomfortable, and the last thing you wanted was to be arguing with Bill over something you didn't even want.

"This is so goddamn pointless, Bill. I tried!" You yelled, exhausted from the night and fed up as Bill scoffed.

"You didn't try anything. You stood there and let him flirt with you when I stood there like a dumbass!" Bill countered, visibly angry at you.

"Yeah! You stood there and watched him make me uncomfortable! Georg had to come get me." You sighed, running a hand through your hair to try and calm down.

"For all anyone knows is that you were flirting back! Like you always do!" Bill tried to get it across from his spot standing across from you.

"Like I always do?! Don't throw that shit back at me!" You yelled back, pissed at him for bringing up past relationships before you were even together, and something he already knew wasn't true.

"Don't go there because I didn't do anything wrong. I tried to get away, you stood there like an asshole watching me but are still blaming me."

Bill scoffed, muttering a comment under his breath he would soon regret when the room fell silent.

He soon stilled, a cold sweat running through him as he heard what his own mouth muttered through the room.

Bill looked up to see your face, anger, hurt and shock written across your face.

"Really?" You muttered, you scoffed as you gave a small laugh out of bewilderment as Bill stood up in surprise in himself.

"(Name)-" Bill tried before you cut him off.

"You really wanna fucking go there?" You asked, your voice strong but coming out with the same hurt written across your face.

Bill felt guilty eating up in him, the memories of comforting you about your insecurity of your weight in his mind, bringing up your confidence in yourself as he helped you.

Even holding your hand as you told him about the insecurities, remembering how he comforted you and made you feel like the most beautiful being in the world.

Only to see him crush it as the stupid fucking comment about your own weigh and insecurity was used against you in an argument.

By none other than Bill.

"You're an asshole, Bill." You shook your head, trying to blink away the tears.

You were angry at yourself for what happened at the concert, even if you tried your best to make it stop but was still blamed.

"I'm sorry." Bill apologized quickly, walking closer to you and trying to pull you in for a hug, for both of you but his hand was quickly slapped away.

You backed away towards the door of the room, snatching your arm away from your boyfriend, or what Bill feared, ex-boyfriend.

You were a strong person and Bill knew that, you told him many times that even if it was an insecurity, you wouldn't let it be used against you or let yourself feel like shit because of it.

It had been before by previous boyfriends, and you left their asses because of it, and Bill may even now join that list.

"Don't you fucking touch me." You cursed at Bill, the boy's guilt multiplying as he saw you get rid of the tears, replacing them with anger fueled ones.

"Get the fuck out and get a new hotel room. I'm not gonna be around someone who immediately goes to that when arguing." You told Bill, your boyfriend tried to speak up but nothing came out.

"I told you about it, you even comforted me about it." You scoffed, staring through him as Bill frowned.

"(Name), I'm sorry." Bill apologized once more, trying to step closer to you but stopped when you turned on your heel and walked to the door.

"Get your shit and you better be gone when I get back. I'm not crying over your ass."

Bill watched the door open, hearing it slam against the frame and your footsteps leaving down the hall.

Bill stood in his place, cursing at himself for his own stupidity and trying to find a way to fix this but came up empty.

The only thing Bill could do now was sink down into the seat by the bed, looking around at tour abandoned belongings mixed in with his.

He could only hope for a way to fix what he may have fucking ruined over his own stupidity.

[slutsukio]

how they react when you tell them you like them. ( awotw x black!fem reader )

NETEYAM ! ׄ  ⭑ ⁔

❊ — cant even lie, neteyam was already knew, but he was oblivious as well. he picked up your flirty habits and late night talks with him, and assumed that you liked him.

❊ — "oh i knew that already." he chuckled at you as your jaw hung from straight EMBARASSMENT. he laughed dead at you in your face, before grabbing your hand and planting a sweet kiss on the back-side of it.

❊ — you guys talked that night about what you guys wanted to be, and how not to rush into things if you needed time to think about this more.

❊ — very respectful of your voice and opinions and lets you have the stage when you want to be heard. talked his ear off ALL GODDAMN NIGHT, and apologized in the morning for it.

❊ — after yall got off the phone, he went to go tell lo'ak who was up on the game, and they started celebrating and got hella excited.

❊ — p.s, they daddy came in the room and told them to shut up cus they was too damn loud, and him and lo'ak laughed the rest of the night off.

LO'AK ! ׄ  ⭑ ⁔

❊ — now lo'ak ass, he had to find out from kiri that you liked him. i SWEAR he was so confused, and realized how bad he been fumbling.

❊ —"OHHH SHITTTT." he yelled aloud and whipped out his phone and ran to his room. you answered the facetime call and seen a big smirk on his face.

❊ — "a lil birdie told me you liked me." he spoke to you while giggle and kicking his feet, to obviously make the moment more alive. your eyes widened and you let out a nervous chuckle and trailed off a lil bit.

❊ — he eventually made plans to go out with you, on a date. he had to get neteyam and kiri to help cause he aint wanna fuck it up more than he already had.

❊ — you and lo'ak went on a lil picnic date, and he surprised you with some of your favorite vinyls. jill scott, sade, micheal jackson, etc. had bought you both cookies and wings to talk about some things, before he asked you the big question.

❊ — "so...do you wanna be my girlfriend?" he muttered to you while avoiding eye contact, and you couldn't help but laugh. you jumped in his arms and gave him a lil kiss on the cheek.

❊ — "of course i'd be your girlfriend, stupid." you told him before two big smiles were painted on the both of you guys' faces.

❊ — p.s, he told his homeboys and his brother he got a kiss the first date, knowing damn well it was a PECK.

KIRI ! ׄ  ⭑ ⁔

❊ — you kept it long enough as a secret, thinking all the gifts you gave her were just friendly friends yk. she was SHOCKED, but not in a bad way ofc.

❊ — ever since you guys started dating, she would always hold your hand out in public, wear your bracelets/necklaces, and really cherish everything you give her.

❊ —you gave her a love letter on yall year anniversary (not dating, just knowing eachother), and she started to tear up.

❊ — "noo, baby dont cry." you chuckled and wiped her tears away before hugging her, whilst giggling a little bit. she keeps all of you guys' photos, jewlery, letters, and cards in a lil box, along with her moms stuff too.

❊ — she calls it her "loved ones" or "gifts from my eywa's."

❊ — p.s, her brothers make fun of her about her corny nicknames all the time, but its a sibling thing. they know how much she loves you.

TSIREYA ! ׄ  ⭑ ⁔

❊ — baby girl started to blush and giggle and everything.

❊ — "you like..me?" her surprised tone and her flushed skin made you laugh in her face (not in a rude manner ofc), and kissed her forehead.

❊ —ao'unung be side eyeing yall and everything. "aye aye aye, what yall doin in this room?" he would burst through it and see you guys fake sleeping together.

❊ — you guys are always having dates at both of you guys' houses. her parents welcome you with smiles and warmth, yours do the same with her.

❊ — shes most def the type to send you cute tiktok dances and be like "learn them cus we gonna do this." if you DONT learn them, she aint gon be mad, gonna take the time outta her day and a plethora of tries to get it perfect.

❊ — p.s, lo'ak was crying when you scooped tsireya up before he coulda got the chance to even TALK to her.

A'OUNUNG ! ׄ  ⭑ ⁔

❊ — now THIS nigga right here knew it, just like neteyam. yall was always talking to eachother, play fighting with one another, then going home and telling yalls siblings about eachother.

❊ — tsireya and you hung out alot, and everytime she'd come home ao'unung standing right by the fucking door. "yo, what did you and y/n do today." he asked, tryna take mental notes of what you like.

❊ — when you and your friend group hung out, you saw ao'unung and his homeboys out (like tsireya aint tell him yall was gonna be out), and came up and asked you for yk your numberr so he could "get to know you better."

❊ — when yall started talking, he responded in a blink of a damn eye. this nigga aint NEVER been so thirsty for nobody, he was on his joe goldberg shit.

❊ — after talking for a few months, yall started talking 25/8 and eventually he asked you on a date.

❊ — he had tsireya help and everything, and ofc you said yes and jumped into his arms with a big smile on your face.

❊ — p.s, he the third to last of his homeboys to finally get a gf. the last two were roxto and lo'ak.

❁ suki speaking — why am i just now finding out tsireya is fucking 13. i thought she was fucking 15 atleast. but, enjoy the fluff guys!! giggle, love u all.

[towerartt]

Handsome Jack 8, 12 ❤️‼️

ouhhh so sorry this took me so long to answer...

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I’ll tell you if you promise not to get mad at me���

A big chunk of the fandom wrongly views him as the Capitalism Incarnated, while he is quite obviously simply a product of the psychopathy breeding system. Jack’s psychopathy is a reaction to a crime that is uniquely capitalistic. Angel’s kidnapping is a crime of greed. He is, as every Borderlands character, uniquely traumatised by the world he was born into. Borderlands shows what capitalism does to men. Jack is not much different from the psychos/bandits of Pandora. For both, the planet is a prison. Psychos choose to assimilate, and Jack chooses to destroy it. He is the universal threat; neither the poor Pandorians nor the elite are safe from him. 

But does the distinction matter? I believe so. This affects the narrative as a whole. 

We can choose to see Jack as Capitalism, and we get to kill him, and then we all go out for milkshakes. Simple and up-lifting, and very American. But to me, Borderlands is largely pessimistic. Honest people die, the leaders are either cowardly or evil, and the oppressed are often gross, stupid, and difficult to sympathise with. And we cannot kill capitalism, so we kill a scapegoat in its place. The world of Borderlands is fixed: Jack’s death does not affect the status quo; it only frees the tyrant spot for the new, yet-to-come aggressor. This is less satisfying, isn’t it.

(Possibly I am overanalysing a silly shooter game that isn't concerned with a critique of capitalism/colonialism deeper than a simple and straightforward “It is very bad.”)

And despise is a strong word. Interpret him however you want. What I truly despise is haters going "Why are you Jack's apologist?" because he activates my maternal instincts! Next question.

+ personal nitpick. The "Is he/is he not a tragic hero" debate. Girls NONE of you are using the same definition of neither hero nor tragic. I hope a huge asteroid takes out all of us.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I have soo many so I'll just drop a few here that I haven't talked about before mkay <3

Uncharacteristically (and unsurprisingly) squeamish about burnt flesh. Nisha once brought him a scorched hand after some village burning (it looked kinda funny she thought it would make him laugh how was she suppose to know he is so goddamn sensitive) and he started gagging when she dropped it on his desk. When she gets really mad at him, she dumps some burnt remains at his apartment (she loves him dearly btw)

He journals a lot. Partially because, in his opinion, it is a very Great Leader activity, but also because Angel cannot pry into what he has written down on the pages. He knows this deeply annoys her. She can see everything, and she knows everything except for her father's thoughts. Sometimes Jack makes Angel echo him and patiently wait while he finishes his entry to really rub it in. He sometimes draws her.

I hope this is comprehensible. Part of Jack’s mythos being that he only has scars on his front, kinda like Alexander the Great, because a real hero always bravely faces his enemies. But actually, his back is a mess of scars from childhood. Wouldn’t that be fucked up?? All his fanatics are like "Erm, Jack would never ever let anybody get him from behind because he is SUPER cool and smart, and he never runs away from a fight <33" I think this would add to his inferiority complex.

Thank you for this ask💕 Ouhhh I love talking about this guy

[ladysomething]

hun, you sure as hell honor your name, couse you're mad. as in mad mad. madhatter kind lf mad iykwim

still, I missed my favorite mad mad angsty-hate-complot-ish-sex writer and being here but now I'm back from the dead to do once again 5+1

1. btw loved the chapter, but I had to remind myself that it's ficticion, because I was this close to pulling my hair. my goodness they really are stupid aren't they? and I might need to kidnap and torture Christian to get him to spill the goddamn tea because Max won't do it. asshole. and funny question I have a feeling you won't asnwer or was already asked. what's the relationship that Jean Luc and Max have? like, was he there in the oast with Kelly as well? from where and how do they know each other?

2. look, I like Pierre irl. kinda. sometimes. but here he's getting on my nerves more than he would usually. I really don't get his side of his relationship with Charles and that's something I forgot to ask from last chapter. because the heck was that shit of letting Charles do stuff. like, first he acts like a big protective brother, then he starts kinda controlling and then he goes on to do the alpha version of dick meassurent with Max? I desperately need some light on this. is it gonna be cleared some day in the future or am I never getting that answer?

3. and the fact that Charles got the end of the stupid fight like what the actual fuck is wrong with people in this society. this is not a movie where two idiots fight for the damsel in distress. do better *judgemental look*

4. very time Max uses his alpha voice, a fairy looses their wings. and he himself looses a part of his heart. I find it awfully confusing that he keeps doing it over and over and over, and then dares to make me feel bad about him feeling bad about Charles feeling bad and the action itself. fuck him honestly. I mean, Charles' on the task, but you know what I mean

5. is the 2025 ferrari line up happening here as well? does Max knows LH is gonna be Charles' new teammate or how's that situation here, because I feel like that could be trouble. wonder why.

+1. jesus FUUUUUCK that shit was a campfire. hot. like. hooot. I've recently discovered that I have a thing *specially* for Max in fics *specifically* when he's about to have sex with Charles, or already having sex with him and then he laughs or smiles or smirkS GOOD FUCKING LORD. and he did here. I almost passed out of hotness. or. is it horniness? idk

+2. your uptades always catch me when I'm at work. so obviously I have to either risk myself to eternal bullying and open ao3 in the middle of my office or in the lounge or go to the bathroom for 20+ minutes and have everyone thinking I either died or ate something thay was rotten since 1965. it's always worth either way. I saw someone saying that this fic hits like cocaine and look. I've never done cocaine but I share the feeling. sure as fuck I do. this is my way to thank you for your service contributing to get me insane piece by piece.

omg you're back!!!!! hi!!!! I hope everything is ok with you.

obvi I won't answer, but everything will be revealed in the fic!! but I willlll sayyyyy ... Max and Jean-Luc have known each other for a while :)

we have absolutely not seen the last of pierre! but I can kinda answer a little bit, even though it's a cop out - but a lot of his behaviour can be boiled down to the fact that he's and alpha, and feels super protective over Charles.

for real Charles was catching strays. he was like ..... but what'd I do?

hahahahaha yeah he's a complex little bean isn't he?? hates using it, and yet .... makes you wonder what kind of things he was maybe taught as a kind about how to deal with omegas ....

hah I wish I could make that ferrari line up work, but tbh this was all plotted out before that announcement so. no, its currently not a thing in this universe.

+ 1. Max is just. so hot. in every iteration of him.

+2. please let me know if you ever read it at work (either in front of people or in the bathroom) so I know if that happened. I'd really love to know.

[cowboy-robooty]

FUCK WIENERS DAD.

HE ISNT LIKE EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE OR ANYTHNG. HES JUST SO FUCKING USELESS!!! THIS BITCH IS DESTROYING WIENERS ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT EVEN A JOKE. THEY CANT EVEN USE THE BATHROOM ANYMORE BECAUSE HIS FATASS BROKE THE BATHROOM AND NOW THEY HAVE TO USE THE GUEST ONE. THIS BITCH FORCED WIENERS ENTIRE FAMILY TO FUMIGATE THE ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE (HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS NOW BTW) BECAUSE HIS STUPIDASS KEEPS EATING FOOD AT 3 IN THE MORNING AND THEN HE JUST LEAVES HIS HALF EATEN SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE! IT ATTRACTS BUGS. RATS. FUCKING CREATURES AND NOW THEIR HOUSE IS INFESTED AND THEY HAVE TO FREAKING FILL IT WITH POISONOUS GAS TO KILL FUCKING EVERRRYYTHINGG INSIDE! WIENER COULDNT EVEN MAKE KOREAN NOODLES BECAUSE HIS KITCHEN IS A LITERAL DEATH TRAP. "TO BE FAIR THE ONLY GOOD THING HES DOING RIGHT NOW IS FIXING MY MOMS CAR FOR FREE AND THIS TIME HE WASN'T EVEN THE ONE WHO RUINED THE CAR" - WIENER. BITCH. THEY HAVE ANOTHER CAR TO USE. BUT THEY CANT FUCKING USE IT BECAUSE ITS HIS DADS TRINKETMOBILE THATS SO INSANELY FUCKED UP AND FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH BULLSHIT. AND PROBABLY ACTUAL SHIT. HUMAN. DOG. HORSE. CAT. I DONT FUCKIN KNOW BRO BUT IT IS NOT RIGHT. THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING IS COVERED IN DUST SOMEHOW AND HES JUST RUINING EVERYONES LIFE. EVERYTIME THEY TELL HIM TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIMSELF HE SAYS THAT ITS THE MANS JOB TO DO WORK AND ITS THE WOMANS JOB TO CLEAN. BITCH DONT EVEN GOT A JOB. HE IS UNEMPLOYED AS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE LIVES LIKE GODDAMN GINTOKI ALL HE DOES IS ODD JOBS FOR FAMILY MEMBERS. HIS MOM HAS TO WORK A 12 HOUR JOB EVERY SINGLE DAY TO MAKES ENDS MEET AND THEN IS ALWAYS MAD BECAUSE SHE COMES HOME TO A DESTROYED ASS HOUSE BECAUSE HER STUPID FAILASS HUSBAND RUINED IT AGAIN!! WIENER AND HIS BROTHER AND HIS MOM ARE ALWAYS FUCKING CLEANING EVERY SINGLE DAY BECAUSE HIS DAD IS JUST LEAVING SHIT EVERYWHERE. HE DRINKS OUT OF THE MILK JUG. EVEN THOUGH THEY KEEP TELLING HIM TO FUCKING STOP!!!!! HE. IS. AN. ANIMAL! HE CANT EVEN WIPE HIS OWN DAMN ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RN WIENER TOLD ME HES OUTSIDE WORKING AND TINKERING. BITCH TINKERING ON WHAT? HE AINT EVEN FIXING THE CAR RN. BRO IS JUST MAKING RANDOM SHIT IN THE YARD. HES LESS GOOD AT MAKING SHIT THAN FUCKIN DOUBLE D FROM ED EDD N EDDY. GOD. DAMN. (PHOTOS BELOW ARE PROOF OF THIS ANIMALS MADNESS)

MAKE THIS BITCH FUCKING STOP. OR DIE SO HELL STOP.

LIKE TO CHARGE

REBLOG TO CAST

[galactic-academia]

Love One Another (As I Have Loved You)

Continuation to Finding God and Divine Wrath

Rating: M; minors, pass your way.

Category: F/M

Fandom: The Young Pope

Relationship: Lenny Belardo x F!Reader

Tags: language, sexy times drowned into metaphors, angst, unrequited (?) love, Chrismas mass, Reader smokes cigaret and has hair long enough to get pulled; TW: rejection, loneliness. Read as "The author chose not to warn for content, or Archive Warnings could apply, but the author has chosen not to specify them" on AO3. Don't hesitate to message me to get more informations if you want to read this story but don't feel like starting it without full warnings.

Words: 873

Notes: Set before Lenny became pope, but after he became Cardinal and the Archbishop of New York. Don't blame me, blame the Noots (don't, for I love my Noots).

Masterpost | Ask | Guidelines |

This is ridiculous.

You and Lenny… It has always been complicated. You’re both piggy-headed and have far too much pride for anything between the two of you being a bed of roses, even without considering his situation. But this outdoes all the shit you’ve come through.

There, on a Christmas day, you’re chain-smoking on your couch while glaring at your TV. Monseigneur Belardo is celebrating mass into St Patrick’s Cathedral before thousands of believers, since the whole affair is broadcasted on TV. And truly, this is ridiculous. 

He’s been babbling for almost an hour now, about love, and peace, and forgiveness and you would laugh your heart out if you weren’t so goddamn mad. Please, Lenny Belardo doesn’t know shit about peace and has never practiced forgiveness. As for love… He shouldn’t be authorized to even spell the fucking word.

The first time you fucked Lenny, long before he became the a Cardinal and the Archbishop of New York, it wasn’t about love. Transgression, yes; sacrilege, certainly; but “love” was never mentioned. But when he cupped your hips in his large, almost trembling hands to receive the bestowal of your body like he would hold the chalice with the wine become blood of Christ; when he came to your altar as often - in not more - as he went to Jesus’ one, maybe it didn’t need to be told? Maybe Lenny didn’t need words and labels to love you.

What a fool you have been.

When Lenny’s been called to a “higher destiny” than the one he had in your humble city, you followed him. No question asked. You left your job and you sold your house and you came to New-York, ready for a new life, and you weren’t afraid, for Lenny was with you. Should have been with you.

But you wouldn’t believe what a fucking cardinal has to do. Meetings, business trips, phone calls to one end of the world and then the other. Masses, benedictions, public appearances, preachings… Maybe he has some time to pray, while he’s brushing his teeth… 

He didn’t have time for you, and his secretary was beginning to be rude with you; when she hung up on you after one too many calls to his office, you lost it. You went to his place and cried for him until the security came and tried to make you leave and Lenny stopped them. For the first time in weeks, he finally was before you.

You weren’t prepared to get sermonized.

“This is my life, now”, he has said, “I’m a servant of God and I must honor Him”.

And it hurts you to think back about it now, the tears in your eyes and the tremor in your voice when you told him “I thought you loved me”. What a stupid thing to say in the first place…

“I only love God.”

Now, it seems laughable how, the closer to God he thinks to get, the more his heart desiccates. It didn’t make you laugh, then.

To see him spout all that nonsense in front of an adoring audience, it riles you up. You can feel it simmer low in your belly. Isn’t he pretty, that bastard, all in white; an albino peacock doing a cartwheel in front of its court. And that smile… You’ll never get tired of that smile. It calls troubles, fun troubles; a bratty behavior met with a few, powerful slaps and a punishing pace. You can almost still feel his hand pulling on your hair.

Fuck, you liked it when he lost control over himself and get a little rough with you. You suspect he came harder when he could see tears rolling down your cheeks.

As the choir ends and Lenny comes back to his pulpit, opening his arms and making his voice vibrate through the cathedral, you can’t help but rub your thighs together. It’s been too long. And why not, after all? Isn’t Christmas about love? It would be relevant, for once, giving yourself some love on Christmas day, yeah? So you drown out Lenny’s soliloquy - the man has always been his better audience, anyway - and let your fingers play another anthem; your eyes never leaving his angelic face.

You push yourself over the edge quickly, never better served than by yourself, yeah? Well… It’s efficient, at least. In a haze you see the assembly get up and turn to each other to shake hands, kiss on the cheeks - sometimes both - and Lenny stays there, petrified. Alone, standing high in a storm of people bending toward each other, let in peace to witness his fellow human beings show affection to one another. Just as he asked them to.

And, once again, you would laugh - if you couldn’t feel your heart shattering into your chest. He looks both so majestic and lonely in the center of that magnificent cathedral, surrounded by those ethereal lights. You miss him.

Not five minutes after the end of the Service, as you’re still breathing a little hard, your phone lights up and starts to vibrate. You shouldn’t pick up, not after the crap he dumped on you.

You shouldn’t pick it up.

You shouldn’t pick it up.

You shouldn’t pick it up.

You shoul-

Back to The Young Pope Masterlist

[pwnyta]

tell me about lost in general bc i watched it vaguely as it was releasing but i was. a child. and never rewatched it and i love learning abt media secondhand through ppl who are rlly into it bc i always learn things in variable order or with immense biases. :)c

THATS SO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY!!! THERES SO TO EXPLAIN!!!

Well obviously.... LOST is about a bunch of survivors of a plane that crashed on a mysterious spooky island and happenings HAPPEN & shenanigans ensue but the story is so twisty turny there is no way I could possibly explain...

BUT I WILL TALK ABOUT MY BLORBOS!!!

FROM MY SHOW!!!

We'll get these three dumbasses outta the way. In order-

Jack. Hes a doctor and the main guy of the series.

Kate. Shes a criminal. The main girl of the series

Sawyer. Hes way better then the other two also a criminal the rival love interest for Kate.. hes gruff. Hes smarmy. he makes insensitive jokes about people. He gets a way more interesting story than the other two. Hes like Daryl Dixon from TWD except actually hot and not stupid as hell. Theyre basically the same guy.

The tension between these 3 fuckin idiots is SO played out. None of this is Kates fault but her character is made significantly worse when this love triangle turned love... square when Juliet gets added later. Jack gets with both Kate and Juliet at some point and theyre both way more interesting with basically anyone else. Including Sawyer!!!

This is all Jacks fault. As per usual.

Jacks claim to fame- Being wrong... all the god damn time. So much that he does is just not correct. Except being nice to Sayid. That is always correct.

Kates Claim to fame- Bein bogged down by fuckin love interests and being an immediately better character when not around them. Especially when shes with Claire.

Sawyers Claim to fame- Bein a redneck guy.

Sun and Jin. Sun is the daughter of some shady business man and Jin, because he loves Sun, ends up working for her father and their life kinda spirals for a bit NGL but they get SOOOO much better.

MY BABIES.... DO NOT SEPARATE THEM.

Sun and Jin are so fucking good its actually crazy. Initially Jin was gonna just get killed off for bein a bastard but (presumably) the writers were like 'Are we really gonna waste DANIEL DAE KIM like that? Are we being so for real? Have you seen him???' And they changed their minds and Sun and Jin are both so precious and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I DONT WANNA SPOIL THINGS BUT I LOVE THEM. Theyre hands scene.... I WILL CRY FOREVER.

Suns Claim to fame- Crackin Ben in the dome cuz she REASONABLY didnt believe him! Jack could never.

Jins Claim to fame- Being found in the woods occasionally by world weary friends and instantly making theyre day better.

Walt and Michael...

I think what happened here is Walt grew too quickly for the show and he just sorta got let go... which left Michael with NOT MUCH ELSE TO DO.

BUT THE WRITERS DID THIS MAN SO FUCKING DIRTY ITS INSANE. The fandom too! Walt gets kidnapped by some dudes AT GUN POINT. AT SEA!!! AND NO ONE FUCKING CARED... EXCEPT MICHAEL. But people got REAL MAD at Michael for everything he did after in desperation to get his son back. MICHAEL DID NOTHING WRONG(except for all the wrongs he did but we forgive him.)

Michaels relationship with Sun & Jin was great. First there was a thing with Sun and Jin... and then Sun with Michael... and then Jin and Michael (A wild and adorable friendship holy shit)...

Anyways Michael deserved better KEEP MY WIFES NAME OUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH. Wasting Harold Perrineau... Imma watch OZ instead THATLL SHOW YOU.

Walts Claim to fame- Bein a lil cutie pie of like 5 minutes & then getting kicked off the show for growing like 12 feet an hour (speculation)

Michaels Claim to fame- Ruining Hurleys date & becoming Sun and Jins boyfriend.

Charlie and Claire! Charlie is drug addict member of the band DRIVE SHAFT! Claire is a pregnant lady whos secretly something to someone else but we wont get into it.

They are sometimes cute sometimes cursed Claire deserves better and NOT PENNYS BOAT STILL MAKES ME CRY. GOOD BYE.

Charlies Claim to Fame- Putting his hand on glass and devastating a community of innocent fans.

Claires Claim to Fame- Taking care of 'Aaron' IYKYK

Sayid has such a cursed life... if anyone has watched VLD... its worse than what they did to Shiro. People he loves keeps dying, hes forced to kill people, every time he gets hurt he looks up with his big sad brown eyes and says he deserves it. he tries so hard to be a good man... WHY DO THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO HIM.

Claim to fame- His big sad brown eyes and his luscious curls... and that time he snapped a mans neck with his ankles after he was tied up and beaten and held at gun point... As one does.

And then theres THIS fuckin freak... JOHN LOCKE.

His dad stole his kidney and threw him out a window paralyzing him from the waist down and he acts completely normal because of that throughout the rest of the show. (HES PHENOMENAL.)

Claim to fame- DONT EVER TELL ME WHAT I CANT DO!!!!!

Then theres HUGO. BEST BOY!!!! Hes basically the only normal person on this entire island. Sometimes bad things happen to him THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS OWN OH MY GOD PLEASE BE NICE TO HIM.

Claim to fame- HURLEY HUGS!!!! GOLLY HE HUGS SO MANY PEOPLE AND THEYRE ALL HAPPY ABOUT IT!!! EVEN MILES! And Miles could find a way to complain about ANYTHING.

-----

Those are like the MAIN GUYS.

WHO THE HELL IS NIKKI!? We just dont know.

But have some important other guys~

DESMOND AND PENNY....

(me blubbering and bawling)

Claim to fame- (I just continue pointing and crying) CHARLIEEEE

BEN LINUS!!!

I know I called John a freak but heres John bigger freak of a boyfriend/tormentor/tormentee... This mans name is Been Lyin' basically and he'll lie about anything anywhere at anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea! AND PEOPLE JUST KEEP BELIEVING HIM. So at some point you just go... 'well they kinda deserve it.'

Michael Emersons performance as Ben Linus was so fuckin good they kept him on for the rest of the series even tho he was definitely not supposed to be there that long. IT WAS THE BEST DECISION. BEN IS SO GOOD(as a character in LOST hes a bastard otherwise.)

Claim to fame- Gettin his ass beat constantly. In a funny way. Sayid also gets bullied a lot but Sayid doesnt deserve it. BEN DOES. ITS FUNNY EVERY TIME.

Rousseau is a crazy French woman who lives in the woods. She does torture Sayid a little and a lesser woman would be incinerated for that action alone....... but I love Rousseau.

Claim to fame- Taking any opportunity to beat the shit outta Ben. Good for her.

Abaddon! Hes not an important character really at all... THEY DIDNT DO ANYTHING WITH LANCE REDDICK!?!?!? THEY JUST KILLED HIM!?!? FOR WHAT REASON DO YOU HIRE LANCE REDDICK AND DO NOTHING WITH HIS CHARACTER!?

Claim to Fame- BEING PLAYED BY LANCE REDDICK!!!!!!!

There are a bunch of other characters... ones that I love... like Frank and Miles and Mr Eko and Nikki and Paulo(who the hell are Nikki and Paulo!?) and Rose and Bernard and Boone and Shannon but I'll leave you with one last character.

VINCENT!!!!!! SUCH A GOOD BOY!!!

Claim to Fame- Making sure a certain someone does not die alone cuz they lived together.

I just wanna talk about LOST with you Just wanna kinda get LOST in you ya~ Was thinking maybe I could watch LOST with you cuz im already~ LOST IN YOU~

[pansy-picnics]

Missing Lance hours

god same. literally all day every day i am thinking about lance. i’m so tired of him being the “hard one to draw” just because he’s a large bald black man and so he always either is absent from fanart or just gets completely butchered. like i know from experience IF U CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRAW EUGENE U CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRAW LANCE. ITS LITERALLY NOT THAT HARD TO LOOK UP THAT DESCRIPTION AND FIND A BUNCH OF REFERENCES!!!! U JUST NEED TO ACTUALLY PUT IN THE EFFORT TO TRY!!!!

OK. whatever. sorry. i’m getting worked up again. i need to say though i don’t think anyone gives him enough credit for THIS fucking scene

BECAUSE LIKE OH MY GOD??? EVERYONE WAS JUST BRUTE FORCING THIS FIGHT THEY WOULD’VE LOST SO HARD IF LANCE WASN’T THE ONE TO IMMEDIATELY REALIZE THAT DESTROYING THE STATUES WOULD STOP THE GHOSTS FROM SUMMONING….not even edmund and like HE FUCKING LIVES HERE???? like my dude this is literally YOUR house get your weird ass uncle under control already. goddamn.

PEOPLE ARE SOOO QUICK TO CALL LANCE STUPID AND IMPULSIVE JUST BC HE LIKES TO BE A LITTLE SILLY AND GOOFY WHEN HIS GUARD IS DOWN. but especially when you remember that lance is a very cautious and anxious dude and yet this scene makes it so clear that he’s an absolute POWERHOUSE under pressure and i’m SO MAD THAT WE DIDN’T GET TO SEE MORE OF THAT!!!!!!

look at this face girl. this is NOT the face of someone who’s acting absentmindedly on his first impulse. he KNEW what he was doing he had an idea and he was RIGHT and he SLAYED he’s INSANEEEEE.

whenever i think about lance strongbow i am instantly filled with the rage of a thousand suns. i’m currently punching holes in drywall. kill me.

[kyogre-blue]

OK, Wuwa chapter 1 is done.

It turns out the place I stopped last night was the very last scene of Act V, and Act VI is just the extended finale of chapter 1.

It was... a very mixed bag! If I had to describe it in a word, I would pick "clumsy."

The ideas they were going for are mostly fine, and their execution at least clearly shows what they were trying to do, but man. It gets aggressively Too Much at multiple points, the gameplay is so hand-holdy in parts that I honestly feel kind of confused as to what kind of audience testing led to this (are most people really this stupid??), and the details are, as always, painfully unpolished.

Speaking more specifically, I'll give an example. When defending the city, several NPCs show up to fight too. It's cool seeing them using their skill and ults, I like that! However, not only Verina, but even Yuanwu and Lianyang show up. We haven't even met Yuanwu before and he's, from all indications, just some dude who runs a gym. Every time he talks and then inexplicably shows up in montages of Rover thinking about everyone who is counting on him and Jiyan, it's just so silly. We don't know him! And Lianyang just looks so goofy with the liondancing in this extremely serious situation. I haven't even done his character quest yet, team. Be real, how much did the government give you for this character...

This is a case where less would have been more. Just leave it at Verina healing people, Taoqi getting introduced as leading the NPCs in battle, and Chixia as the face of people we actually know enough to care about.

And it's not the only example. There's stuff like how awkward it feels when everyone talks about Rover, Yangyang and even Baizhi with just first name and no other comment, like they're all very familiar with each other, which doesn't really make much sense. It feels very forced. Or stuff like Jiyan making you "pick" where the troops will be positioned during the operation, but there's only one correct answer anyway, so what was this even for? And just the general excessive amount of padding that isn't congruent with the urgent atmosphere.

(All of this is not helped by the poor EN voice direction.)

Which brings us to the gameplay. I won't comment on them giving us a full party of nothing but trial characters for the entire act, it isn't really a big deal either way. But the "platforming" was just... who the hell needed Jiyan to comment about every single use of the grapple? The grapple points freaking glow! There's nothing else to do anyway! Just explain it once and players can figure it out from there! It was so ridiculous.

And then there's the little details like the "Trial Resonator has left/joined the party" popping up over dramatic cutscenes. It's almost funny. Jiyan is leaving the party! Jiyan is joining the party! This is starting to look like a parody with the uuuuh gameplay and story integration here.

However, the two most unfortunate points were the minor gripes that ruined the very, very end for me. 1) Saved by an ugly mascot. 2) Stupid sounding storyteller cap off.

Not only does it look extremely silly to be shielded by a little mascot's butt with its bunny tail, but the mascot is pretty ugly. Why this thing...... who asked...... especially given the overall tone and vibe of Wuwa??

And then the storyteller.... god, I hate storytellers. They are so fucking awful, I do not understand the CN game obsession with them. Bruh, I don't need some dumb-sounding asshole to tell me the story, I'm playing an interactive modern medium so I can watch the story be acted out by the goddamn characters.

I was so mad I literally took out my headphones and did not perceive anything past the mascot. Which I also hated.

It was otherwise a passable if rather jank ending to the storyline, suitably dramatic and at least there was Jiyan, but those two last points....

Anyway, I'm mildly disappointed that we didn't beat the Threnobian (it just left) and nothing else interesting except the mascot was revealed. Jiyan was nice tho, and I'll play his character quest next, I guess.

[granitenotgranted]

I'm gonna need ur reaction and thoughts about the RaM finale once you've watched it

I only watched it yesterday so im not gonna have any hot and spicy new takes for yall but ya girl DID have some thoughts lets go (obviously spoiler warning)

thank you SO SO much for asking!! I’m honored that you want my takes<33

Listen I hate to say it but I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!! GOD!!! 😭😭😭

I just need to come out here and say this but first of all I dont think Rick replacing himself was really a bad thing,,,, like at all LMAO especially knowing that it was Rick who made him I mean it was more than just a replacement he was made to be the grandpa he wants for morty but he just knows he can’t be right now.

I can fully understand how it would absolutely feel like a betrayal to Morty but looking at it as a viewer I mean Rick was fully spiraling, to me his intentions were completely pure. Also I thik im just grateful they gave us a time stamp for when the swap was made so we didnt have to wonder forever how much of Rick this season was Rick. He still did piss master, he still kept Jerry blissfully ignorant just out of good will, he STILL WILLINGLY WENT TO THERAPY. All these wouldve been out the window if theyd overlooked that detail. 

Him recognizing that he was starting to go off the deep end again and not only removing himself but having his familys best interest in mind ( “Im no good to anyone until I resolve this” ) while doing so AND literally while mad at Morty is still INSANE character growth from where we started but this way is REALISTIC character growth. It was WEIRD how black and white the difference between literally yhe last two episodes and even just the rest of the season (which has famously been Rick in his peak good grandpa career) was. At some points it felt like I was reading fanfiction.

(Why do his knees look like that oh my god) Rick is fully capable of recognizing where he can be better, he always has been, he is not stupid *however* he is CLUTCHING onto the idea of being more logical than sentimental by the fucking neck rn. Men will literally build an anatomically flawless ai to be the perfectly calculated percentage nicer to their grandson and to be the man they wish they were before just going back to therapy.

Someone else mentioned this but ill also point out how much I appreciated just seeing Rick working? Like just in his space completely focused building shit with his brain and hands that hit the fucking spot. 9/10 times we only get the finished product and idk if its just me but I love when we SEE Rick living up to the Rick Sanchez tm reputation.

And Morty... my sweet summer child. It is not at all a shiny new take to say oh he’s so done with ricks shit we all know that but I really really want to point out something that I’m not really sure what point I’m trying to make with but have we noticed almost a switch morty flips when on adventures? He cried because Christmas was ruined like not even a full 6 hours before he was fully ready to kill a man while looking him in the eyes. Maybe the two were cause and effect idk bht I think that’s definitely something present in other episodes too this sorta “just get it done” attitude.

Also how much he sounded like rick this ep? That whole “don’t be too flattered he’s been actively trying to die” sounded EXACTLY like a Rick line I literally had to play it again. And the complete apathy for robo rick wanting to die until he ACTUALLY lunged himself into the void was also just textbook rick bullshit. Like grandfather like goddamn grandson.

The ending to me was a little disappointing tbh I think I was hoping for a more,,, structured? Cliffhanger? Like we dk what’s gonna happen in this storyline instead of the introduction to a new storyline yk? MAYBEEE I’m just salty we have to wait another year for more you can’t prove anything.

Rick being borderline manic ab RP at the end was my favorite it’s nice to see him just rant ab anything really and like not make some bullshit elaborate Halloween house to take his anger out but just legit vent ab what this guys been doing to him for the past fucking 40 years. I didn’t even notice the ep was over when the credits rolled in my mind we were only like 10 minutes in and I lost my MIND when mr poopy butthole pulled up again good to see he’s thriving (kinda)

On a final note when he called him Rick prime please let me know if I’m off but is that not an internet term for him? Like the fandom came up with it? Rick and morty writers are tumblerinas confirmed question mark?

And lastly: Neurotypical. Cooties.

[ask-teamplayer]

what do you guys all think of fate?

DARIN: not gunna lie sometime it b like

DARIN: ALL HAIL OUR GREAT FOREVER LEADER

DARIN: i aint know SHIT abt communism but we livin close to it with that guy

DARIN: that cute ass guy...

DARIN: cute as in cutie but also cute ass

DARIN: hes got a really cute ass im sayin

SETH: yeah, hes really hard to like... dislike!

SETH: he just worms his way under your skin and you cant even be mad at the little guy. hes just so charming and funny!

SETH: ive known him since i was young, so i have the best word here. how can you not fall in love with him a little??? bro love i mean. you know. how can you not just wanna wrap him up in a blanket??

NAHLA: Neeeerrrrdsss.

NAHLA: He is so full of bullshit, and honestly it's kind of crazy you think he's some kind of powerful leader type! He only breaks up fights because you're weak for him. So weaakk.

NAHLA: He is fun to prank. I will give you that and that only! It's funny to see him go on his little fits! Maybe that "small people are closer to hell" thing had some truth to it! Haha.

SETH: sure, nahla...

RONIN: yeah, f's probably the reason im friends with any of you stupid fucking people. he deserves some credit for that.

VERA: Hey now

RONIN: shit. except you, v. i dont know if we wouldve met without his divine intervention but i never wouldve hated you.

RONIN: we've got a trio thing going on with the guy, if you havent noticed, anon. he just forces us introverts to talk to each other, so i guess thats one thing he succeeded on.

CORA: I swear hearing the friend group discuss Fate without him in the room is always interesting. It's like he's some kind of friendship zeitgeist. Whenever he's in the room he's the center of attention, whenever he's out of it he's the center of discussion.

CORA: Somehow, every topic of colloquy we as a group have circles around to that boy and his many complexities. I enjoy his presence and participate in many philosophical discussions with him, but I'm more interested in the impact he leaves.

CORA: Every boy I am mutually friends with never shuts the fuck up about him. Even the straightest of macho men I have spoken with who accept his identity. It's quite humorous and frustrating.

LILY: hes silly :P

CORA: That as well...

ENZO: honestly its hard to tell if some of yall are too harsh on him except nahla in which case its really fuckin obvious and you gotta learn some empathy but whatever im not your dad

ENZO: dudes a goddamn sweetie pie but also a little asshole he balances it

ENZO: like the second i get uncomfortable he descends upon me like a shark smelling blood in the water to pamper me like im a fuckin handbag dog and hand out food and reassurances and sort the shit out he literally will just not let me be anxious ever no matter the circumstances

ENZO: he brings fuckin FANNY PACKS sometimes when we re out of school like he is THAT GUY

ENZO: i dont even think he knows half of what he does to me cause he drives me crazy lmao

CORA: As I said: Never shuts the fuck up about him. Homo-erotically crazy about this boy.

CORA: It's fascinating.

ENZO: yo cora i get its like your thing but can you interrogate me about my nonexistent sexuality issues a lil less cause i can fuckin hear you and its not all that polite

ENZO: im from the south i can make jokes like i ever experienced politeness in my life bro! shut up i literally just like the guy cause hes nice im not in the mood today

FATE: Sorry, bathroom break.

FATE: What are we talking about?

ENZO: NOTHING

CORA: Don't worry your pretty little head about it.

FATE: Cool.

[andi-justplays]

It’s been a while since I last played Love Island the game and I’m a little late already since there’s S6 now but I’m only on episode 30 something of Ex in the Villa (S5) right now but ohMYGOD I have NEVER been this frustrated over a game before????? you can’t defend yourself, all of your so called friends in the Villa are so fake and two faced AND NONE of the LIs are 100% worth it at this point. The most okay one is Finn but Kat’s just annoying the fuck out of me because she’s so narcissistic. 

damn, I honestly didn’t think they would top the frustrating Hope x Noah drama back in S2 cause S3 was meh and S4 was alright but WOOOW they cranked up the whole frustrating storyline up to 10000% with this season. Not to mention Suresh, like he’s just so frustrating like I pick absolutely EVERY option to reject him and he’s still delusional and now secretly pining over Gabi??? truly a red flag character my god Alfie is such a red flag as well, pretending to still be an innocent naive boy with “little experience” when it comes to dating but gets his head turned every 5 seconds and doesn’t even let MC explain herself when he fully misunderstood the situation. Now that he’s back with Meera from Casa Amor, he’s still making eyes at MC as if he didn’t push her so far away and also cheat on her at Casa Amor.  Johnny/Nicolas IM SO MAD AT THIS CAUSE I WAS ROOTING FOR JOHNNY LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO FALL FOR THIS GOOD LOOKING THEATER BOY AND HE RIVALED THE OTHER BOYS FOR BEING ONE OF THE WORST ONES OF THEM ALL. Truly a pathological liar. He even got most of the islanders on his side which is CRAZY since half of them where at the Villa with both of them this whole time.  Dana you stupid bitch, you’re not being a friend at all. Like at this point I truly do not care about how you feel cause you switch up so much. And most of your drama shouldn’t even concern me anyway goddamn. Kat’s just damn crazy, like I’m so tired of her. She even tries to talk to you like “babes im only trying to help you out” KAT I DID NOT ASK U TO DO THAT AND ITS NOT EVEN HELPFUL and also she switched up so fast too just because of whatever she hears. Doesn’t even matter to her if it’s true or not. It’s wild I’ve met someone in perosn like this before and it’s the most tiring thing ever like please I would rather not talk to you for the rest of my life than endure all of the drama you put onto yourself. Meera’s just snarky for no reason. I ignore her all the time. I miss Arlo a lot like she and MC didn’t get on for the first few episodes but when she was finally with Pete, they would’ve made such good friends.  Gabi, is okay, like I always play nice with her cause I blame Suresh over the drama cause he never told her about MC but she’s still hung up on Suresh and it’s just stupid at this point so girl, you do you but I’m not supporting how stupid you’re being. (DATE ME INSTEAD)

LULU IS PRECIOUS SO FAR, I love her, like she could be so snarky to MC for being Exes with Suresh but she has been nothing but supportive. Which is weird cause she’s had the least amount of time with MC by far. I swear if Finn does something of the red flag sort, I am running away with Lulu.

[sincelastsession]

My fucking God.

You know every day I wake up and I'm like maybe today will be a better day and it will be cool and nothing stupid will happen.

And every day I am proven wrong recently and this is not a cognitive distortion because all shit I am dealing with so many insane things and I feel like I'm a goddamn magnet for it and I don't think that there's a psychological or therapeutic explanation for why this keeps happening at this time I feel like I'm legitimately cursed LOL.

Like I have surpassed being upset to the point of hysterical laughing like I would do at a funeral usually.

So last night was insane and my neighbor went off on the other neighbor and I called corporate earlier that day because of the nightmare neighbors and she called corporate and wrote them a letter and sent them a picture and told them she was gonna send it all to the news station if they didn't take care of it and went to the office and tore them new assholes Because they kept telling me I was the only one that cared about it and was reporting the situation so she went up there to defend me and tell them they'd better get it straight.

But wait there's more!

So I had a stupid argument with my partner and it was his asshole response and I will maybe have to read that to you because I don't want to post it here but I think I handled myself okay there are some things that I need help learning about how to deal with certain types of confrontation obviously. Because I fawned when I should have bitten his head off. He did apologize for his bullshit and took accountability for it though. I am still mad at him though I have forgiven him and I have not heard from him since he apologized so I guess he is working on whatever the fuck is going on with him that caused him to be a snappy bitch. And I don't mean to insult my partner I am just super fucking exhausted and flabbergasted at my life in general and kind of a crab and a snappy bitch myself but currently I'm just like hysterically laughing at all the dumb fucking shit.

And I would love for this to be in order but I can't get my brain to put anything in order at all and it's annoying and I don't like it and Early wanna be on medication for this and my psychiatrist is unreasonable and terrified of the medical board and it's stupid because it would not even be high-dose it would be a baby baby dose of the medication and it worked before before my other psychiatrist died and there was no problem in the medical board did not spank him. Unfortunately he just passed away And I had to scramble to find Somebody. And I don't hate my current psychiatrist but he needs to work on how he talks to people or something because I always feel like he's staring into my soul and trying to cut me down and catch me in some sort of lie when I'm not even lying about anything and it's weird and he told me fraudian things that were also like wildly out of the box and so II don't know I don't know how to deal with these new doctors They aren't like new as in young but new as in new to me even though I've seen him quite a few times now but like Jesus Christ just totally not anywhere near my last psychiatrist rest in peace.

Anyway what else has happened o jesus

So after my neighbor reported the bullshit today to the office and raised hell and took up for me.

There was still more dumb bullshit but I did not have time to call and report it and report children creeping around my properthree making noises and screaming and talking about hurting my animals and all sorts of shit and I found out that none of those kids other than one girl is a resident of that apartment because the office doesn't know how to keep any information private about its tenants.

So all of the other children do not belong to this woman.

I want to my primary care Doctor today she is very concerned about my health it looks like I am having a load of different problems and possibly a another new immune disorder. I have a ton of blood work to get done. A whole entire button of tubes like I'm talking they're probably going to takeAt least 8 tubes of blood and I'm probably going to need to bring some juice with me and a snack or something they might as well just take a blood bag.

Anyway my primary care is extremely worried about my stress levels and I told her that I've been talking with you and that I've been working as hard as I can on coping with the stress of everything going on and it seems to be one thing after another regardless if I try to do absolutely nothing or if I tried to get up and get things done. We have established that it is not cognitive distortions running the show it is just literally I'm not having a good time and dumb things are happening. And I'm having lots of health issues because of all of it and probably just genetic factors.

I have to wear this silly little heart monitor till the 30 and I hate it and it hurts and I want to rip it off of my chest right now because it's itching like fuck and I'm allergic to Many types of adhesive. And I have to mail this damn thing back on the 30th if I can remember God help me.

And what else is going on let me think because 3 million things happened today yes I'm exaggerating.

So all day I was on and off the phone with my neighbor because well I was off getting things done and seeing my Doctor and visiting someone all chaos has broken loose at the apartment complex.

So I decided that since I went to the Doctor I did not want to go directly home because every time I step foot outside home all the people in apartment 60 come outside and start saying things to me and this is legitimately happening and the office doesn't believe me and I have ordered a security camera and it will be put up.

Also I found out that my dad went to high school with the owner of all the patrician management properties and he will be talking to the man about remedying the entire situation and I am to be moved in September and he will also ask him if he can help find me a nice quiet safe place to stay so I can work on my therapy and everything will be OK hopefully God damn it Like this better work because I am so close to losing it right now like I'm laughing and trying not to fuck up writing this because I'm not even stoned right now I'm just in hysterics because this is like nonsense world.

OK so I went to the Asian market after the Doctor appointment and I was looking for a broom and a few other things that are healthy if you eat the right things and I lost a pound or 2 but I'm also holding a ton of water weight and my doctor's gonna look into what's going on and send me to a gastroentestinal Doctor and whatever other doctors we talked about today I can't even remember at this point I'm so fucking tired. Because like I have cut my calories because I'm not as active and I can't go swimming the pool because people in apartment 60 have taken it over every single day even during the rain today and it keeps turning Kermit the frog green so I can't do my low impact swimming exercises And every time I leave my apartment I get called a fat bitch and all sorts of things from children probably under the age of 12 but I'm not quite sure how old they are. And I don't know if children in this situation where I'm not seeing an exchange of money but there's always a large group at the apartment from 9 of them to 12 of them at a time or more.

I think it might be time to work with you and talk to CPS and see if they can investigate the situation because they are often left outside without an adult present and that is against our apartment rules and I think it's illegal if there's no one over the age of 16 with them.

Because you know what they fucked with the wrong one they fucked with the wrong 1 I know too many people in this city And I have figured out their little fucking game and I am gonna WRECK their little game if they don't quit. No violence involved. But first I need to write a formal letter and I'm bad at doing that so I'm trying to figure out how to do that. If you have any resources on how to do that and you want to email it to me please do I'm not really seeing your emails and I'm a little aggravated about that not at you but I don't know if like my Google account is just filtering it into spam or something else. I do have another email account that I might have to switch over to forgetting emails from you.

By the way completely off-topic I still would like to do the disassociative disordered testing and any other testing you want to go ahead and do on me I will gladly do it I wanna find out if there's anything else going on before we Proceed with my therapy and working towards my goals.

I also visited Travis and his parents for a little while today and his mother sweet and gave me some sage advice and told me to rest 43 days and do nothing but take care of myself and whatever I want to do and I didn't have the heart to tell her that it is far too loud and insane over here for me to do that so I just thanked her for the advice she's a very nice lady she plays it law Davina a lot I don't know if you've ever seen her play but she's wonderful she used to be in this punk band called your mom. But they disbanded because they had grandchildren.

Anyway yeah Doctor's appointment I'm not doing great I don't like that that's going on I probably should sign a piece of paper so you can talk to my primary care if you'd like to I don't mind. She did ask how therapy was going and I told her it seemed to be going all right and she asked your name again so I think it might be a good idea for you guys to be able to talk if need be.

Anyway soyesterday I visited Travis's parents and said goodbye to travis because he went to bed early I was driving home and my parents blew my phone up

Because my father apparently got home and thought he heard my sister crying screaming because of the fact that her fiance broke up with her over text and he went to knock on her door and then opened the door.... And caught her having sex with her Ex fiancée's best friend in my childhood bedroom...

So my parents were texting me asking me for help with that situation because my sister is flipping out and completely out of control I have found so much shit out in the past 24 hours of what she's been up to and I'm sure there's more and she really really needs to go to a facility. And my parents tried to get me to call her and speak to her or go grab her and bring her to my apartment and I told them hell no.

I partially raised her because they didn't do shit just like they didn't do shit with me. I warned her not to do a whole bunch of stupid things which she has done I warned her about a lot. I told her not to do the dumb thing. I told my parents she's going to do these things and she is doing these things and they blew me off and they told me I was just trashing her and I hated her and made up all these stupid little lies that were not true and so Piper thinks that I hate her or something.

Communicating with both of them and my sister is like playing the worst grade school game of telephone ever.

My dad called me begging me to try and talk to her because she was freaking out and screaming him and cursing him out and it's his house and I had to remind him that it's his house and he could have just called him or the police or just told her to get the fuck out.

And I got bothered so much that I sent text messages back to everybody to leave me the hell alone and that they were crossing major boundaries especially when they told me not to tell them what to do with my sister and all this other shit about her which I had been warning them to get her some fucking help.

I am willing to get her some fucking help if she is willing to agree to go get the help otherwise I can't do anything about it. She's drinking she's smoking not medical marijuana every single day to cope with life. And it's all day. She's unemployed. She cannot drive. She did not get her high school diploma. All she has been doing is partying and doing drugs and drinking. Heavily. And then I do think that she is screwing around with a lot of other people And I'm not slut shaming her but I think she is being self-destructive with her body because she is incredibly insecure and Angry.

I mean she's being self-destructive in general.

I'm very much wont to be the big sister and go and help her and speak with her but my dad was like oh be really nice to her because she's in a bad mood and I as a grown woman am not going to bow down to a 22-year-old child basically because she's in a bad mood and I'm not gonna put myself in danger of getting hit again.

I did tell my parents that if I do help her and if she says one more time that she wants to die that I will call EMS and the police and I will call her bluff and I will give her the toughest love she's ever had.

I never did that for people who are dead now and I'll be damned if I see my sister go down that road. I do not care if she is mad at me for the rest of her fucking life. I understand that people with addiction issues need to choose on their own but right now I feel that if she was admitted to a facility that helps with these problems now it would prevent her from getting worse.

I did tell my parents they were crossing my boundaries because I'm not her parent and they have made that abundantly clear when I have tried to help in the past and if Piper wants my help she can call me she has my phone number she knows where I live.

And then my father suggested that she lived with me and I said not unless she follows the rules of my home.

So that's very disturbing and I'm very upset about it and I don't know what happened and I did not ask and I would like to help her but she is not very receptive to me or my parents and she thinks she's slick as if I don't know what she's up to but I have plenty of friends all around this city that see her getting up to things she should not be doing.

It's pretty embarrassing to hear about what your sister got up to from one of your friends who was at the same bar.

Also her biological aunt just died at a very early age from an alcohol-related disease as in like she drank a lot like an alcoholic but she also had a problem in her body that's genetic that caused her to die faster from drinking.

And Piper will not go to the Doctor and she refuses to take any pills. Except for of course recreational drug pills which she will not admit to but I know she's done it. Also I know she's either drinking or doing opiates because people don't cross their eyes like that when they are just stoned. She was in my apartment crossing her eyes and nodding off before she went on an adventure downtown to an abandoned building with stolen street signs with the dude she got caught fucking and 2 other of her friends to take very scantly clad photo shoots and I am not going to shame her for wearing next to nothing but I'm not thrilled about this at all not the lack of clothing but just the things she's getting up to She's going down a bad path and it is worrying me because I have been there and I know what happens if you don't stop being a dumb ass.

And despite the fact that she has been incredibly inappropriate and awful towards me most of her life I still love her very much despite the abuse she has put me through as a teenager and a younger adult now especially with the recent events in January that she doesn't even remember correctly. Most likely because she had been drinking on the way home and didn't think that I wouldn't smell it on her breath but I didn't call her out on it.

And my parents didn't believe me about any of the shit she was doing and they told me that I was just being a bitch and all of this and I told them and I fucking warn them and I've been warning them since she turned 18 and before that as well.

And yeah it's been fucking insane

And me I'm not okay about any of this shit I'm not doing well in general and now I have to worry about my sister because my parents don't know how to be parents and give her tough love and they're asking me for advice and help

My mother is a fucking psychiatric nurse and she can't get her own daughter some damn help and it would be very easy because they could do the same shit they did to me and just tell EMS that she said she wanted to die even if she fucking didn't say it because they've done that to me before and they won't admit that they did it but they did. And I don't hate them for doing that I needed to go to the hospital back then for that instance. I was younger than her and I was doing stupid shit and I had traumas and didn't want to talk about it and my brain was probably protecting Itself and I needed a fucking wake up call.

So I don't know.

Anyway I get home because the entire time I'm driving from Travis's house to my apartment my parents are like calling me and so is my neighbor and so are like 3 other people that were supposed to call me a couple of days ago and I'm like oh my God I'm gonna have to get back to half of you

And I get to my apartment and I walk up the stairs with my groceries exhausted as hell and I set my groceries down on the chair and I go to open my door and the neighbors an apartment 60 open their door and they all come out there and they all start saying shit to me and then I just go inside and shut my door and dead bolt it.

Then I just screamed like I was dying for a minute Into a pillow.

I don't want to scare the cats and I'm worried about June because I missed giving her her medicine this morning dealing with bullshit neighbors so I hope that didn't fuck up her recovery from her uti and I don't even know how she got one because she has a steady source of very clean water and I'm really concerned because she's like my child I know she's a cat but I can't have kids so that's the closest thing I have to a kid and I know she won't live forever but she's 12 and most of my cats live a long damn time because I take very good care of them. I think it's only fair because they take very good care of me as my ESAs.

I cannot wait to move to a place where I can foster a dog again because that will get me back on a schedule of some form because I will have to be on a scheduled to take a dog on walks and take a dog out and take a dog to an adoption house etc. And I can focus on that and I can focus on my therapy and I can focus on getting other things that I have needed to get done done. I literally have an art commission and I can't get it done and luckily the Person is being incredibly patient because they understand the kind of situation I'm dealing with And they know that artists need peace and do not function well in chaotic environments while they're trying to make art. At least me as an artist I don't do well with loud ass noise unless it's music that I picked out and put on repeat while I zone out and make a painting for 6 hours straight.

I'm super pissed because I haven't been able to be creative and do anything that makes me happy because these people are trying to ruin my life.

But that's OK what goes wrong comes around and I'm fucking coming around.

Found out that my father knows the owner of patrician management because they went to high school together. So he's gonna talk to him if this situation does not remedy itself. He knows the owner from high school and hangs out apparently now with a group of guys from high school like they met at reunion. And I'm happy that he is socializing with new people. Because my father's socialization skills can be very bad and you didn't get to see that because he was masking big time in that appointment and bullshitting you. He's very good at that.

Anyway these people are so fucked for messing with me and my neighbor who is recovering from breast cancer still.

Anyway since he knows the guy and the guy owns Lewis properties. I will likely be able to find a very nice place to live in September or earlier hopefully. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because my parents get all excited and tell me things and then it generally doesn't happen. But I'm hoping for a fluke of nature and that good things will come of this.

Off-topic again I think it's hard for me to remember and talk about certain things because I think my brain's still protecting me from a lot of things and from just daily traumatic insane shit and I feel like that should be looked at not my forgetfulness so much but just the fact that that could be happening I'm just kind of curious like can the brain still be protecting me at an older age if I'm still having traumas And I'm sure I could Google that but I'm so tired of looking up medical stuff even though a lot of it is like a special interest to me

Also I'm not even trying to be ridiculous this is also very much off-topic

I got some bubble tea with popping boba and it today and it was really fucking good and I'm really sad that it's gone and I almost want to cry about it like a pregnant woman with a food craving and I think my hormones are really fucked up.

Okay I need to actually bitch a little bit more

I am really fucking gross out and pissed with my sister even though I do love her

Apparently it's not the only person she has fucked in my childhood bedroom that she took over

My dad has rules for that house and I followed those rules growing up and I was made to follow this rules growing up I wasn't even allowed to have my door shut even when I was over 18 and had company over of the opposite sex but when I was younger growing up the house was such a fucking disaster that I rarely had any company over

It's actually worse over there now. I have no fucking clue why her friends even enter the house without throwing up because of the ammonia smell and cat piss smell that is horriblemy dad and sister are completely nose blind to it

I'm really actually fucking mad that my parents freaked out and called me for advice when they gave me hell growing up and when I tried to help my sister when she was at the age where she needed me to help her in my parents basically told me to fuck off and go live my own life and I still didn't get to live my own life because of their bullshit and I'm still not really getting to live my own life as much as I would like to because of their bullshit

I'm still pretty disturbed and fucking mad that as a child my sister would get really bad like dreadlock mats in her hair and I was the one that had to figure out how to fix that and I was the 1 who had to teach her to wash her own hair

I was the one that had to draw her bathwater quite a bit growing up and get her to go take a bath

Even as a teenager she did not shower or bathe very much and she smelled like ass

And she got teased at school and I was like I can take you to go get the things that you need so you don't get tested and so you can keep your hygiene app and I can teach you how to do make app and all of these things so it's not super obvious but you look nice at school so you don't get bullied and I can make sure that your clothes get cleaned with the right detergent so they don't smell like cat pee when you go to school but no one let me do a lot of things to help her

I wish I could speak to her fiancé well now ex fiancé and ask him what exactly happened that made him break up with her because I want to know his side of the story because I'm the one he asked to help arrange the engagement because his idea was bullshit and I did not want my sister to have a piss poor engagement and he went along with it because he had no idea what he wanted was to marry her And he wanted to have her come live on base with him and he was going to give her a home and not require her to work unless you wanted to and all of these things

And I really find all of this to be fucked app Timing because my sister does not have a job Right Now and she's got all these Issues that I have previously mentioned and suspect and my parents are old and my dad is not doing well and my mom is slowly going downhill as well and I feel like even with all the fucking chaos I'm dealing with I feel like the most sane person in the family right now.

I am fucking mad at my sister. Because when she's not working she is leaching off of my parents when she is perfectly healthy enough to go walk to Perkins road or get a ride and go apply for every store over there and I'm sure she could acquire a job.

I mean if she would just go get her GED she could go to community college stay in a student house and get some sort of benefits because I know that they have tons of opportunities for that and she could make healthier friends that won't get her arrested or something. I mean she's only 22 that's basically a baby and it's really hard to talk with her or help her because she just wants to escalate things and freak out and get dramatic and talk about how she wants to die and then she gets violent and flashes out and it looks similar to some of the ways I acted as a teenager and a very young 20 something

There's a lot of things that she has done that I have also done and it makes me feel like she's trying to copy me in a way

I was at 1 point almost engaged to a black man in the Air Force

She knows about that she also knows about all the naughty stupid things I did as a teenager that I should not have done and I told her not to do those things and it was not going to end well if she did and that she would end app in therapy at my age if she continued to do similar things that I did and she's going to end app having some traumas if she continues to hang around the people that she is hanging around and if she continues to scroll around she's going to end up pregnant And I don't know if she pays attention to the news but she doesn't really have a choice if she gets pregnant with all the laws that they are passing. And my parents at their age cannot take care of a baby and my sister has such a temper that I would not leave a baby with her even if it was her own child

I don't plan to be financially asking my parents for help for the rest of my life and I never did to begin with. I mean at this point it's fucking embarrassing. And I want to make it crystal clear that I have never done anything to take advantage of my parents on purpose to gain a place to live or anything else just because I didn't feel like working or something to that effect

But my sister does manipulate an abuse my parents and she does fuck with their heads and pretend to have issues that she does not have and it doesn't take a Doctor to look at her and see that she is perfectly capable of being an adult and going out and doing better things with her life

And I keep trying to get my parents to speak with Travis's parents who have gone through this with travis and travis I would ask him to talk with my sister and me but my sister probably would blow him off too

The thing is any time you're talking to her and you tell her the truth of something she flips outShe escalates since she turns it into this big drama and she twists it around and it's very narcissistic behavior and manipulative and I have sat there and watched her do this and done Gray rock as she flipped out 43 hours once

I mean one time she tried to fight me and I don't even know what it was about she just lost her shit because I asked her I think a simple question about like dinner or something and she was hanging out with her ex-boyfriend Dorian at the time and he was just sitting on the bed Stone and she was just being a fucking asshole in front of him and she does that a lot in front of her friends when I'm around she just talk shit to me in front of her friends like she's trying to impress them

And I went grey rock on her of course which is not easy to do when somebody is trying to push every button that you have. And her bothering me and following me around and screaming at me because I pointed out that she was acting mighty insecure lasted for over 4 hours and she threatened to hit me and gotten my face and talked like she was some ghetto bad bitch when she's a little white suburban girl Who is spoiled fucking rotten and it gets everything she wants because she knows how to manipulate my parents

And I have tried to tell my parents that she has been doing this since she was a small child I think that she legitimately has some sort of personality disorder that she has had her entire life or it's inherited from her biological father who gave her biological older sister shaken baby and her grandmother now takes care of this child by herself because her mother is a dead beat her aunt is dead from alcohol and her grandfather who was apparently a very good man passed away

And I have offered to bring her to visit her grandmother and meet her sisters because she does have I believe 2 more sisters and a half-brother

And I think it would be good for her at some point

Also you know she's put me in a position again of having to give my parents advice and work with her and all this other shit and I don't want to do it again

I thought when she got engaged she would make an engagement announcement and all of these things that most people do and she didn't and she wined about a ring that she said she loved and she bitched and moaned about how he didn't get her the perfect one when he told her he would upgrade her to the 1 she wanted when they got married because he would be paid enough to get her that or something even nicer

And I told my mother when she told me about it that the behavior was disgusting to me and I did not really want to know more and my mother continued to tell me more about how my sister hated that the gotten gazed and didn't really like how the engagement went and all these other things and she's just an ungrateful shithead in my opinion and I think she was cheating on him the entire time because there's evidence of that and I have witnessed things that I wanted to text him and ask him if they had agreed on You know seeing other people possibly while he was in training But that is not my business so I did not ask.

But I do really really want to message him because she did not tell me that he broke the engagement off yet so I could play dumb and just talk to him because I don't think he has any reason to hate me and he's a nice kid and he's a lot more grown up since he's gone through basic training

But he did cheat on my sister before they even gotten gauged they were actually broken up they weren't even dating when he proposed

So like my parents also have never given her any sort of dating advice because my father is the only man my mother ever really actually dated and she dated him for about 6 months before they got married or something ridiculous like that in my opinion

And I mean sometimes my family seems so insane and it reminds me of the book running with scissors Which was also adapted into a movie but it's just like weird characters

And sometimes I look at my life and the people in my life as if they are characters or NPCS

And it's almost in this disassociated ways and I like take a step back and observe all these people.

And I don't think I'm better than them or worse than or the smartest of them

But something's weird

Sometimes it's like interacting with people that you meet in your dreams like that's the best I can explain it honestly like have you ever had a very vivid Dream where you had a conversation with someone and it was very real feeling and very realistic and you woke up and you couldn't remember the conversation but you could remember the person and the plays and how everything felt

But that person in your dream is not even a real person that you know in real life it's just somebody that your brain made up because that's how you get all the extra people in your dreams your brain just makes stuff up

And you know your brains also giving itself a little bath while you're having little weird dreams

And so like as someone who is not asleep currently I am just you know sitting here reflecting on my mother and my father and my sister and just all these people and it's just weird because I feel so far separated from everyone

Like I feel very much different than all these people and I'm not like exaggerating or trying to make myself sound like I'm the most special girl or like I don't know how to explain this it's so difficult to explain. I want to say it feels like I'm a main character and these are like other characters that popup in my life and drive me fucking insane and it's almost like when you're playing The Sims and like they did an Easter egg in the game where sometimes it'll give you a notification that 1 of your Sims is wondering about if they live in a simulation and it cracks me up every time.

But I mean since I was younger everything has been just increasingly nonsense like just the absurdity is getting more and more in the world and in my personal life every year

And I don't know if it's because I'm autistic and this is just something that I'm noticing and it's not something I've noticed before pattern wise and it's kind of weirding me out big time honestly

Like what the fuck

And I tried to talk to my mom the other day about like there's a certain type of brain scan that tells you what parts of your brains are active and it can also help diagnose certain issues and things like that and I was trying to ask her If she just knew what it was called and she freaked out at me and I had to be like wow wow wow why are you freaking out and yelling at me

And my mother has been freaking out and yelling at me a lot lately even if I haven't blown her phone up or been a bitch even when I've been very nice to her she like tries to verbally come in on me

She screams that she needs to get off the phone like she's like having a massive panic attack

I had my head set on earlier today and I needed to pee and I have spoken to her while I was on the toilet my entire life in person so today when I had to talk to her and I had to pee really bad and I did not want to hang app the fucking phone because I was going to talk to her and then get off the phone and go rest and that just didn't happen the way I wished it to be but she like got mad because I needed to pee and she heard What's she thought was p but I had turned the sink on to block the noise out and then she had to have this weird little flip out about hearing me piss

And I was like why does it even matter you changed my diapers growing up like you're my mother why is it suddenly gross why am I gross for going to the bathroom I understand that people you're not close to you're not gonna be on the phone with them while you go to the bathroom and I understand that everyone's different but I have talked to her while I've been in the fuckingthat's room like so many times and she has never Bitched me out before about it

And I think it's pretty fucking weird that when I was a little kid she would scream at me if I'd tried to go in the bathroom with her I remember being like very small and trying to get into the bathroom because I didn't want her to be in there by herself or something I don't know what my childhood logic was

And I think it's pretty fucking weird that when I was a little kid she would scream at me if I'd tried to go in the bathroom with her I remember being like very small and trying to get into the bathroom because I didn't want her to be in there by herself or something I don't know what my childhood logic wasBut she would get mad at me and be really fucking mean

And I get it she probably just wanted peace and quiet but I was a Clinger 9000 and it was probably because I was abused and scared and I went on verbal a lot as a child and everybody just said that I was shy

In that kind of makes me mad

It makes me mad that they didn't recognize that things were wrong because I also went bed and I also had a lot of hypersexuality behaviors and other weird things that I did

But anyway back to the bathroom chatting so my sister comes along when I'm like 15 years old and my parents just take her everywhere with them my sister would get brought to the bathroom with my mother and like just the complete fucking opposite behavior towards her then me

But anyway back to the bathroom chatting so my sister comes along when I'm like 15 years old and my parents just take her everywhere with them my sister would get brought to the bathroom with my mother and like just the complete fucking opposite behavior towards her then meAnd I guess the point of that is not really the bathroom thing like I'm mostly like over that even though I think it's really fucking dumb that she got mad over that like come on there's there's more things to be upset about in the world than that and she's my own mom so I don't know why all the sudden it's like taboo

And it is frustrating with my mom because she's diabetic so it's like she has 3 or 4 different personalities and she might actually have a disassociative Problem. Because my father has told me stories and It would make sense. Especially since her father tried to abuse me and did abuse me and did molest me and did try to peep on my sister and my mother when they stayed with my grandparents.

And my mom has all these secrets like she would not hand me her phone the other day so I could show her how to work something and she kept asking me to tell her how to do it on an iPhone and I have an android and I haven't operated an iPhone in a long time so I needed to look at the operating system real quick to like figure it out and then tell her how to fix her phone

And my mom has all these secrets like she would not hand me her phone the other day so I could show her how to work something and she kept asking me to tell her how to do it on an iPhone and I have an android and I haven't operated an iPhone in a long time so I needed to look at the operating system real quick to like figure it out and then tell her how to fix her phoneAnd she got very flustered and very mad when I asked her to hand me her phone so I could mess around with it for a second and then figure out the problem and show her how to do it because she asked me

And so she finally hands me the phone over after I promise that I'm not going to open her phone gallery or her messages or look at who called her and I don't know what the fuck she's hiding that she was so angry and weird about that

I did not go through her phone and I tried to look at the phone it wasn't even 30 seconds until she just got very mad and snatched it out of my hand and said never mind fuck it you're not gonna be able to help me or something like really shitty

And she didn't have low or high blood sugar she was just being an asshole

And she made me order pizza for the both of us and I told her exactly how much mine costs because she told me she would give me the exact amount because she had cash on her so I told her how much it cost before I ordered it and it was her idea and then when the pizza came and it was time for her to give me money for ordering her some food she only gave me part of the money and then said she did not have all of the money so she lied to me And she owes me money

And she has not paid me back and she has done this multiple times and so has my father my father would fucking steal money out of my piggy bank and my mom would also take money out of it and say she was putting it in a savings account for me and I think that's really interesting

Because growing up I was told that they were putting money in savings accounts for me but I have never seen any of this money

Apparently my grandparents on both sides also had savings accounts for me and I never saw any of that money I do not know what the fuck they did with money that was supposed to go to me

And I don't know I mean I don't really know what to do anymore I mean like

All these people in my life feel like characters and just not real sometimes

Like sometimes lately I just feel like shits just not real like I'm real and things I'm interacting are real but didn't like the background stuff just doesn't seem real at all

And then sometimes like the people I'm talking to in person just do not seem real

And I don't know how to describe this because I don't want to sound like I'm like schizophrenic or something because I don't think it's anything like that I do think it might have to do with this association but I'm not like actively noticing all this shit to like today and the other day I felt like that and this and this is not like a common thing that occurs with me

It may be only happens once a year otherwise but this year it's been like what the fuck is my life like what alternate universe are we in

And it was really weird and interesting to me when my parents got divorced they turned into drastically different people like almost overnight

Like my mom got highly aggressive and secretive and my dad was just angry and depressed and just worse and more controlling towards me and started treating me like I was some sort of wife and that was fucking weird and then later on I learned that it was emotional incest and probably grooming Because my parents have always pitted me against each other

And sometimes I look at them and I see them and I'm like wow they're really just insecure small sad people

And it's weird sometimes just like being autistic or a nerd diversion or whatever the fuck and Observing things and seeing things from like different points of view that most normal people don't know how to do and don't experience the ability to do and can't like think about how other people might feel in shit and II know it's like I'm not super special because I can do that because I know that's perfectly mentally healthy people can also do that but most people don't do that

And Travis has told me that I'm incredibly good at putting myself in the shoes of another person and trying very hard to figure out what they must be feeling and going through and that's why people like me so much or something like that I don't remember the words verbatim but you know I think that has to do with my people pleasing cause I tried so very hard to be the perfect child and the perfect daughter for my parents and at 1 point my spirit just kind of broke and I gave up and I started fighting back because it just reminds me of like when you abuse an animal enough they either like lay down and die or they fight back

And I just I'm really grossed out that my sister was fucking another dude like 2 days after her fiance broke up with her

And she drinks so fucking much and she hides it

And I mean I already cleaned 40 fucking cups out of her bathroom that were all half filled with alcohol and my parents were like oh that's just juiced it And it fermented and I'm like what the fuck do you guys think wine and liquor is

And they were like oh some of it was soda and I was like yes I'm it was soda and hard liquor mixed together in it to go cup because they were all cups from a place at 1 of her friends bartended at

And she doesn't drive she has a skateboard and she can walk places so I mean she's just drinking and it's just upsetting me like I'm worried about it I know it I should be fucking worried about myself but this is like not good

Like none of this is good I'm worried I don't know how to get her into a place for a wake up call before it gets worse and then she refuses to get help and then she causes my parents stress and then she ends up dying of a fucking overdose or something or she ends up on the streets

So like I'm not sure what to do because she's 22 years old.

I don't know if interventions are very helpful these days I've seen so many of those shows and I don't know if that's realistic to try and plan an intervention for her or not.

And I would like to get my parents on board with that to help her and I would like to find friends and people that actually do Care about Her but Quit talking to Her because of Her behavior and see if they would show up as well for Her

And most of her friends got sober and she started hanging out with more people that did drugs and stopped hanging out with her sober friends

So I don't know

I am really stressed out right now it is almost 3 AM and I hear people Outside Right Now and I Know I'm not hallucinating that I Know that the kids from apartment 60 do not seem to have a Bad time and the Mother does not seem to watch them and every time I've tried to get footage of any of this the Mother Freaks out and calls me some sort of pedophile because she's a Messy Bitch but the office is the people that told me to take pictures of when she's not Out There and which kids are Out There And they shouldn't have told me to do that so now they things like creep and other crap at me as well as calling me a fat bitch and stuff that I try to just Block out when I'm going outside to leave or just water my plants like I have a chair outside that I used to like to sit in and just like observe everything without getting involved or talking to people I just wanted to sit on my little balcony porch and I can't Didn't do that now because like I tried to sit outside the other day with my headphones in and listen to some music and look at the sky because the clouds were Really pretty and the Sunset was happening and it made like the Colors of Everything look a little bit Different and they all Decided to just come Outside and yap at me

Like it started with the little kids being like what she doing why she doing that you think she's videotaping us what is that dumb white lady doing and just various other insults like it's really not that creative it is like grade school level bullying and it is like ghetto ratchet bullshit

And so I sat there for another minute or 2 and then they all like ran downstairs and started screaming and standing next to the pool and sang shit leg oh no if I go in the pool by myself I might drown and these are children saying this and the mom tells them to do it and nobody at the office believes me I'm not making it up and my neighbor has seen it and one of the people at the office has actually seen it and she didn't do anything about it because she didn't know what she was supposed to do about it and that's quite interesting to me

Because how the fuck did she get hired

I feel like I could take all these people's job I feel like I could take on the manager's job

Unfortunately I don't have the college education in order to get that job but I would be good as fuck at it because it doesn't seem that damn hard

I mean if something is broken you send the maintenance people out and if the maintenance people can't fix it then you call a professional and then the management company pays for that and you're just the one calling and scheduling things and if you have a computer you can have a scheduling program on it so you know what's happening all the time like they have all that software

And then as far as showing people apartments you don't really need to say much of anything other than showing people any special features and answering any questions they might have which are usually pretty average normal questions as I have looked at apartments myself and gone with friends to look at places and they're just typical questions

And it's not like you have to have a talent to get somebody to rent an apartment because usually they're coming to check it out because they're already interested and all you have to do is just show them what they are asking about and if they don't like it then they're not going to rent and if they do they will rent

I just I it cannot be that fucking hard

And I have asked the office if they had any jobs available And if they had some sort of forum I could fill out to apply to work there and help them in the office even if it was just secretarial type work

Or just printing out things and doing little things here and there for a couple of hours a day which I could have at 1 point done and right now I can't

And you know they seem to be like happy and excited about it but then you know I asked about it again and I saw eye rolls so I think that because they know that I am autistic and I have PTSD they are treating me in a very prejudiced way

Because they for some reason are scared of me about my PTSD and I'm not violent like that it's very very rare that I flip out and get violent with anybody ever I have to be really pushed to my limit and I have to lose complete touch with reality and that has not happened for a very long time

And I had to explain to Erica who walked me back to my apartment after I was threatened and named called and who witnessed the children taunting me and did not do a fucking thing about it that I was not a dangerous person and that I was in therapy and I was not a threat to myself or others and I have a psychiatrist that I see that specializes in this and I thought it was kind of insulting that they thought that of me and that my autism did not make me fucking stupid either I didn't say fucking but I told her it didn't make me stupid and that high-functioning does not mean high-functioning like on the intelligence level either that's not how any of that shit works

Off-topic again cause I'm switching topics

I'm a little worried about having to see a gastro in testing Doctor again. I'm not correcting that I'm sure you can figure out what kind of dogs are I'm talking about the tummy Doctor

Anyway most of the time when they are checking your intestines or if you can swallow or any stomach problems or gallbladder they will do a barium swallow test

And I have had to do that a lot in my life time as a small child and into teenage years because of the disorders that I have that are auto immune

And honestly I hate that test more than I hate a lot of other tests that would freak people out even more

I don't know why it bothers me so much

Maybe possibly because the barium looks like some sort of silly putty or whatever there's that liquid that is also like solid acting and I can't think of the name of it but I remember and like science class a science teacher would make it or show us it or let us play with it and it wasn't silly putty acted like silly putty or like even softer than that but if you used Force on it it would be really stiff or something I don't know But anyway my point is it reminds me of something that should not be in my body and I want to like throw app and die every time I have to do that test and it gives me like panic attacks thinking about it but I know I'm going to have to have that done and I'm probably going to have to have another scope done and I don't want to do that either but there's just something wrong with my body and people have called me a hypochondriac for a long time but every time I have sensed That there is something going onAnd I have figured out what it is and I have gone to that Doctor I have been correct.

Now right now I know that there is something going on however I'm not exactly sure what it is which is why I asked for referrals to a couple different doctors and the Doctor today agreed with me that I was smart and those were related conditions and she should give me a referral for that and she was going to tell me that before I even asked

And I don't think there's anything wrong with being smart about your health like that

I think it's very important as a spoony and as a zebra to research and learn about your conditions and keep your doctors and check about certain things because a lot of them are not educated on all the things that you would think they need to be especially some of the specialists that should know better

And I don't think that I'm smarter than any of them at all but a lot of them seem to think that I think that and I've gotten nasty comments by other doctors before even though I've been like nothing but a fucking polite delight that just knows medical language because I grew up around it and I did not grow up and learn to speak simply I grew up and read the the saurus and I looked at the Mosby's dictionary in Grey's Anatomy growing up and I read giant fucking chapter books I read Warren peace and some other massive book in high school for fun and my english teachers didn't believe me and made me write a report on it and I did overnight and they were flabbergasted

Now I couldn't fucking tell you what That book is about now because I don't even remember because I don't remember huge chunks of my life and it was likely that I was on klonopin at that point in time when I was in high school because I had switched psychiatrist for a short period of time and the lady put me on fucking klonopin and it made me just forget everything and I would have like monsters flip out worse than any of them and I was mean and I just I don't remember it I just remember my parents being like we couldn't deal with you we brought you back and they took you off a bit and put you back on your xanax and you acted normal again

And I was like okay and then you know my life went back to the normal shit show

And yeah I just I don't want to go see more doctors but I know that there's something going on that they're not finding because I can feel it in my body and I get really insulted when doctors tell me that they think I'm a hypochondriac or people tell me that like it makes me angry like it's one of the biggest insults for me it's a huge trigger and I swear if you ever call me a hypochondriac incession I will flip out at you and walk out and never come back and I'm so serious about that I don't think that you would do that to me but I'm just telling you right now I will not put up with that that's a massive boundary for me

And it is a massive boundary for me because I was told that I was lying growing up when I was basically fucking dying until I was fucking dying and I had to be rushed to children's hospital and then it took the Doctor like 10 minutes to diagnose me

And you know I've been misdiagnosed by so many doctors so like I don't think I'm a fucking hypochondriac

I mean a hypochondriac is going to pick out a disorder that they could not even possibly have and then convince themselves that they have it and then go to the Doctor and then find out that only men get that problem like that's a hypochondriac

I'm more curious to see if certain medical conditions are related 21 another because they are making medical findings about that and I read medical news because it is my special interest and it has always been interesting to me even as a small child because like before I even was diagnosed properly I was stealing my mom's medical books to look at stuff and read what I could understand and I was a small child I was like in kindergarten and then as I got older I still continued to look through the books and read

And then growing up my mom worked in the OR and at the hospital and I would hear all about all the surgeries and stuff and Then She Tell Me like Really fucked up shit about Her work day or She would be talking to a friend on the phone and I would Over Here All of It and I was a little kid but I wasn't stupid

Like little kids do understand what people are saying. I'm sure you know this. I mean when you're a little kid you just don't know how to respond to it like an adult would have vast vocabulary.

Now sometimes I did respond because I did have a big vocabulary for a small child because I like to read and I was around adults mostly growing up I really wasn't allowed around other children too much

And if I was around other children I got bullied and other stuff so my mom just wouldn't let me go places or I just didn't get invited or included so I hung out with the adults or older kids like Jen x

And you know I've seen someone get dragged out of their house onto their front yard and gotten the piss beaten out of them by my best friend because we hung out with Generation x growing up and elder millennials.

And so I grew up you know and it completely different world than my sister everything's politically correct now and I don't really care that much about it like I tried to keep up with it but some of it's just so out of the box wild that it just makes me feel fucking old man

Like I'm starting to understand why older generations fucking hated us when I was a child

Because to me Seeing my sister's generation is quite interesting because the kind of people my sister hangs out with are all about esthetics and kind of trying to show each other app and it seems to be like a creative yet very insecure group of people who do lots of drugs and stupid fucking things and I'm sure that they have fun and good wholesome moments and they do have decent friendships but these are not people she should be hanging around and she would have a much better time if she chose different friends With different social statuses but I can't control any of that

I can't really control anything in my life and I know that

And I'm not trying to control anything I mean my parents blew my phone up today asking me for advice and can you call your sister and talk to her and oh just be gentle with her she's really angry she might explode at you and we don't want her to get any angrier and I'm like why in the fuck are you guys asking me to talk to her because I want to ring her damn neck right now

And it's weird

Like it it's like the time I was bringing her home from school and she just started crying her face off and I had to pull in over at a taco belavel because I thought she was just Hungry angry

And so I got her food but she was still crying and she ate her food and you know she was kind of drawing it up and sniffling and she looked at me and she started crying all over again and she asked me if I was her real mom

And I was shocked

Because my parents had told her she was adopted from a place in Colorado

She was in high school

Like she really thought that I was somehow her birth mother and that I would for some insane reason let my parents adopt her from me because that's how she thought what was going on she thought I was like her biological mother

And I told her that sometimes I wished that I was because I did not like the way that mom and dad parented her

And I told her that no sweetheart I'm not your biological mother. At that point I already knew like everything about her mom because I went online and founder and all that shit. Didn't cross the boundary of speaking to the woman but learned about her mother enough to know that it probably was never a good idea for her and her birth mother to speak 21 another but she's over 18 now and they chat on the phone regularly so I can't do anything about that

But anyway I mean that memory sticks out and my head a lot when she's having problems when she asked if I was her mother and I told her no even if I was for some reason I would never let my parents have her

And I feel like it's my fault that my parents got to adopt her and I feel like she would have had a much better family and a much better life if she had been adopted by a different family

And I never really wanted a sibling.

I never did I told my parents I didn't want one and they told me tough shit that they wanted like 4 more and I was like you guys are too old to adopt in the state of Louisiana so you're literally calling places that will accept older parents

And I told my parents that I needed them and I was having trouble and they claimed that they don't remember this at all whatever kind of always up their own asses and they already are still

But the thing is the social worker who interviewed took me outside away from my parents to me and asked me if my parents were hiding anything or if there was any reason that they should not be allowed to adopt my sister and I had been threatened before that happened so of course I didn't say anything about my parents

When the lady asked me if I wanted a sister or brother I said yes and I truly believed that somehow that would fix my parents from being unhappy and arguing all the time because they would be too focused on a baby to scream at 1 another

But that didn't happen they still fought even with the infant around and I remember screaming at both of them to shut the fuck up because like my mom or dad would be holding my sister or my sister would be in her crib and here them screaming and then she would start to cry And it was horrendous

And they couldn't understand why my sister was so angry as a toddler

Well it's pretty fucking simple she was stressed out and angry her entire life because she was exposed to violent verbal arguments that were incredibly loud and would make any infant freak out

And I'm still really really bothered by the fact that she came over to my apartment with her friends and the guy she got caught fucking in my old bedroom

And like what the fuck

But like why why were her eyes crossing she just told me she was tired that was her excuse and I was like okay but like are you stoned and she was like I'm good bro like she didn't answer the question and I Tried to ask her something else and she did not answer the question then either and I tried to get my mom's attention and I was like hey mom like right in front of Piper but Piper was soooooo out of it she didn't even notice me being like "MOM SHE IS ON SOMETHING"

And my mom didn't respond. She was acting completely out of it.

IT WAS WEIRD

Like my brain is trying so hard to figure out what exactly is going on.

It goes in puzzle detective deep dive mode.

Also my neighbors are currently still outside.

This is trash.

I hope the camera we ordered works because I'm sooooo sick of this shit.

Idk I'm gonna try to sleep if I can.

Fuckin weird days I'm so worn out mentally and physically I'm hurting so bad and that's kicking my ass too.

I really don't know what to do in my appointments except chat right now. I feel far too stressed to focus on myself at home and my goals because it's hard to even cook a meal without hearing SCREAMING for example

I definitely need the appointments. I also need to check with my insurance to see if I can see you more frequently because I need to stabilize and you help and 2x a week for a bit would most likely helpful till we knock it down to onelce a week. But still even if it's allowed it's up to you if you wanna see me 2x a week.

Ok I'm trying to shut up. I really do have this compulsion or constant impulse to keep talking even over text and....I don't think it's only because I don't feel heard or whatever like I've been told and or expressed

I think there's just another factor

You know I cry because I used to not be this way and I remember how I spoke and acted before and I try to do that and I notice that I literally can't

I do get short moments where my brain is silent and I cam speak well and things are fine but then it feels like I can't operate correctly anymore in that way

I'm glad I have no obligation tomorrow.

Well I do need to write the formal letter but still I shouldn't fuckin have to.

I should not have to deal with hateful people so much

Ok enjoy this picture of June my sweetest bestest girl and a very good tiny ESA cat.