#its actually gross like im sick its not fun no more im out

[firelise]

drake just responded...mid as usual.

1 actual jab which is the same jab he already made at kendricks relationship with his wife. For some reason he thinks "This Epstein angle was the shit i expected" is a bar. Ummm??? why would u expect that? thats weird, thats suspicious. And the rest is him saying kendrick is sensitive about drake grooming lil girls bc he says kendrick was molested as a child? How is that a diss..its getting weird. gross. someone call the judge call the prosecutor investigate whatever is going on with that dusty chicken nugget's brain something not right

[whyse7vn]

I’M SORRY -

[ ot7 x reader ]

JUNGKOOK -

jk: i’m sorry

jk: didn’t mean to make you upset :(

i hope i die

i should get jumped

barely survive

be on life support until i’m 50

and when i wake up die from the most painful heart attack recorded

i hope no one attends my funeral and i’m publicly and privately made fun of even after i’ve passed

hope my parents are ashamed and i hope that whenever the name jungkook is said people feel sick to their stomachs

i’m gonna throw up

gonna choke myself to death

i have the tightest grip on my throat rn

i’m going red

it’s fading to black

i’m sorry i wasn’t being a good boyfriend

tell bam that his dad was an asshole who didn’t deserve any rights

don’t even let him remember me as his father

i don’t deserve that title

i don’t deserve anything

not after what i did

burn all my clothes

delete all my pictures

tear my face off all posters

cross my name off all paperwork

i am not worthy of anything

y/n: shut up

jk: i’m sorry

y/n: i can tell

jk: i didn’t mean it

y/n: i forgive you

jk: really?

y/n: yeah

jk: do you really or are joking?

if ur joking it’s not a funny joke

y/n: you can come back home now

jk: really 🥺?

y/n: don’t ever use that emoji again

jk: sorry

i’m coming

omw

i love you

this is so great

y/n: you’re so dramatic

jk: i’m sorry

y/n: stop apologising

jk: sorry

i mean

ok

love u

y/n: hurry up

jk: 🏃‍♂️

SEOKJIN -

jin: can you talk to me now

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

hey

i’m going to kms and it gonna be all your fault if you don’t reply to me

y/n: record it

jin: hey loml 😘😘❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗

WAIT WTF

THATS SO SICK?/?:£:££.&.&.&&.

y/n: what do you want?

jin: i love you ❤️💓🩷

y/n: bye

jin: WAITTTT :(((((((((((((((

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

pls

y/n: what

jin: i’m outside 🤭🤗❤️

y/n: stay outside

jin: am i a dog?????

DON’T ANSWER THAT

anyways

i’ve come to see you princess 😘❤️‍🔥

y/n: gross

go home

jin: i am home 🥺

y/n: ur at MY home

jin: tu casa es mi casa 😚

y/n: that is not how that phrase goes

jin: let me inside pookie it’s cold 😍

y/n: you should have a key if it’s ur house

jin: LET ME IN IM TRYING SOSOSOSO HARD

FUCK YOU

ITS COLD

MY HAIR IS WET

IM DISTRESSED

LET ME INNNNNNNN

y/n: it took you 3 minutes

to be an asshole again

jin: :((((

i really tried that time

i can’t help it

this is real this is me

i was born this way

you can’t change me

ur the asshole if we think about it why are you trying to change people?? let the world know you LOSER

y/n: fyi you can stay outside

jin: PLS NOOOO PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS

y/n: “pls” doesn’t really sound like sorry to me…

jin: I SAID IM SORRY

I DIDN’T MEAN TO SHOUTT

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRYYYYYYYYYYY

i love you

this is kinda sadistic if you think about it

didn’t know you was a freak like that bae

it’s okay i kinda like it

how about you let me in now

or do you want me to beg more???

pls oh plsssss let me in 🥺

i’ll never be mean again i promise 😇

pls 😚

hello??

babe??????

fr this isn’t funny

hello

HELLO

OPEN THE DOOR PLS

HELLLOOOO

OMH

HELLLLO

pls

i’m fr sorry

i mean it like genuinely

hello

…

okay let’s stop now

…………..

HELLLLO

fuck you

HOSEOK -

hobi: this fighting stuff kinda boring now

….

hello

i’m sorry

BOOOO

:(((

y/n: you can’t just walk out the house mid argument

hobi: in my defence u were being mean

y/n: so were you???

hobi: ??

y/n: be honest are you fr gonna just leave like that when things get hard?

hobi: i mean i might

y/n: …

hobi: things were pretty hard

y/n: AS MAN OF THE HOUSE YOU SHOULD OF GOT RID OF THE SPIDER

hobi: AS A FEMINIST I LEFT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF IT TO HELP YOU FEEL EMPOWERED

y/n: fuck you don’t come home

hobi: i would never lie to u bae 🙏🏼

and i would never suppress a moment for a woman to feel empowered

y/n: don’t actually fucking speak to me

hobi: ily

cheer up baby cheer up baby

y/n: picked the wrong member

jungkook would of helped me

hobi: omg????????

are you fr?

y/n: would never lie to you bae 🙏🏽

hobi: ….

JIMIN -

jimin:

y/n: ???

jimin: are you still mad at me?

y/n: yes jimin wtf

jimin: do you want to have sex?

y/n: yes jimin wtf

jimin: love you

y/n: whatever

jimin: say it back

y/n: i won’t

jimin: you will

y/n: definitely will not

jimin: i’ll sing for you

y/n: no thanks

jimin: no thanks?

y/n: no thanks.

jimin: you say that like i’m bad at singing

y/n: eh

jimin: eh?

y/n: eh.

jimin: i won’t have sex with you

y/n: aw man

jimin: don’t sound too sad

y/n: ok

jimin: you should be

y/n: i’m not

jimin: i go crazy in bed yk?

y/n: that is the ugliest thing you have ever said to me

jimin: if ur not in love with me just say that

y/n: i won’t

jimin: so ur IN love with me is what i’m hearing

y/n: ur not hearing anything cuz we are messaging rn

jimin: can you just tell me you love me like a normal person?

y/n: you don’t deserve it

jimin: okay maybe that’s true

but you should do it just once

pretty pls with a cherry on top 🥺

y/n: i’ll punch you

jimin: maybe i’ll enjoy it

y/n: nasty

jimin: kiss me

y/n: where are you?

jimin: ur really gonna kiss me?

y/n: ur talking long to tell me where you are so ig i’m not

jimin: joon’s studio

y/n: maybe i’m omw

jimin: ur so in love with me it’s kinda gross 🤭

YOONGI -

yoongi: :3

y/n: die tbh

yoongi: :3

y/n: your stupid faces mean nothing to me

yoongi: :3

y/n: …

yoongi: :33333

y/n: i hate you

yoongi: :Ɛ

y/n: ew wtf how did you do that

yoongi: Ɛ:

y/n: stop omg

yoongi: i’m sorry :3

y/n: cool

yoongi: i’m fr :3

y/n: idc :3

yoongi: you used the face :3

ur not mad :3

y/n: ur logic is wrong

yoongi: bring the face back :3

and it’s not logic it’s common sense :3

y/n: ur wrong

yoongi: never been wrong a day in my life :3

y/n: that’s crazy

so when you shouted at me for no reason you weren’t in the wrong?

good to know

yoongi: okay i never said that :3

y/n: but you did

yoongi: ur being annoying :3

y/n: fuck you

DID YOU JUST SEND ME 10K?????????

yoongi: did i? :3

y/n: you can’t just buy my forgiveness

yoongi: i can’t? :3

y/n: this is not how relationships work yoongi

yoongi: this is how our relationship works :3

y/n: no it’s not

STOP SENDING ME MONEY OMG?:£:£:’

yoongi: :3

y/n: you are still not forgiven leave me alone

yoongi: unforgiven i’m a villain :3

y/n: SEND ANOTHER 10k AND UR GETTING BLOCKED

yoongi: ur making me real upset rn :3

y/n: go back to work

yoongi: stop being mad at me :3

y/n: die

yoongi: don’t say that i’m about to get on a plane :3

y/n: now i feel bad

yoongi: say sorry :3

y/n: nvm

yoongi: :(

look you’ve made me change faces hope you feel bad :(

y/n: i don’t

yoongi: ur sick and twisted :(

y/n: cry about it

yoongi: really hope i survive this plane ride :(

y/n: i will not be guilt tripped by you

yoongi: you told me to die knowing i was getting on a plane :(

y/n: bye

yoongi: what if i had a deep deep fear of flying and u made that fear 10x worse rn :(

y/n: you don’t

yoongi: you don’t know a thing :(

y/n: fuck you

yoongi: do you really want ur last words to me be fuck you :(

y/n: fly safe

TAEHYUNG -

y/n: no

tae: hiiiiiiii

wtf how did you know

y/n: blocked

tae: NONONONONONO

y/n: you have one minute

go

tae: i am walking alone rn

y/n: ???

tae: on the street

y/n: ok?

tae: alone

y/n: you said that

tae: ALONE

ALL ALONE

y/n: right

tae: it’s not right actually

ITS VERY FAR FROM RIGHT

i’m ALONE

do you know what could happen to me rn?

i could literally be snatched up off the street by anyone

y/n: hopefully it’s a rehabilitation centre 🙏🏽

tae: WHAG IS UR PROBLEM

IM ALONE ALONE ALONE ALONE

ME

KIM TAEHYUNG ALONE ON THE STREET

WHAT ARE YOU NOT GETTING HERE?

y/n: ur one minute is up

tae: no it’s not

can you pls care for me rn i’m stressed out

y/n: it was pretty stressful when you stood me up yesterday

but i powered through 💪🏽

i’m sure you can do the same!!!

tae: that never happened

pls let’s pretend that never happened

i’m the perfect boyfriend i swear

y/n: get lost

like actually

never come back

tae: 😢

you don’t even mean that

y/n: are you sure?

tae: IM SORRY PLS PLSPLSSSSSS

forgive me

y/n: no

tae: you can have my card

y/n: don’t want it

tae: take my house

i’ll give you my keys rn

y/n: i have ur keys

tae: you do?

you thief omg

give them back

y/n: you left them here???

after YOU stormed out my house after you made ME upset

tae: oh yeah

i’m coming back now

y/n: asshole

tae: let’s put this behind us and move on

that’s a great idea i say

y/n: you are single

tae: don’t say that

y/n: said it

tae: we are actually engaged and expecting our 10th child

y/n: you are single

tae: top 10 singles

made a few of those in my time

LOL

i’m funny right

say i’m funny

y/n: it’s painful talking to you

tae: painfully in love with me are you?

y/n: it’s like i’m taking to a brick wall

you have like selective hearing

tae: what i’m hearing is you want to kiss me on the lips?

y/n: call an ambulance

tae: feeling so much love for me ur throwing up?

???

hello

oh

ok

maybe i do deserve this

NAMJOON -

y/n: would you now like to explain why the hell you sent halsey flowers on MY birthday??

namjoon: it wasn’t just on ur birthday i’ve been sending them all week for like a month now

y/n: namjoon what the fuck??

namjoon: i’m confused

y/n: UR confused????

do you like her or something?

namjoon: ofc i like her!

y/n: so ur cheating?

namjoon: what

y/n: ur cheating on me and you have no shame???

what the actual fuck is wrong with you??

namjoon: i’m not cheating?

y/n: for a month now you’ve been sending another girl that you like flowers

EVERY WEEK???

namjoon: every friday

y/n: fuck you

namjoon: i’m confused how that’s cheating when you told me to do that?

y/n: WHEN HAVE I EVER SAID “OH NAMJOON SEND OTHER BITCHES FLOWERS”

namjoon: you literally said you loved how halsey’s bf gave her flowers every week and that you wished i did that?

y/n: ….

there is no way

….

namjoon

oh my god

kim fucking namjoon

LMAOOSO ARE YOU FR?

namjoon: what??? i’m so confused pls tell me what i did wrong

i would never cheat on you

ur freaking me out

y/n: think about it

why would i wish you sent halsey flowers?

think

like really think

namjoon: IDK i was confused as hell but you seemed like you really wanted me to

so i did

y/n: i meant i wanted you to buy ME flowers you idiot omg

namjoon: oh

that makes a lot more sense

y/n: yeah

you are the dumbest smart man i’ve ever met

namjoon: my fault

i get confused sometimes 😞

y/n: i love you

namjoon: i love you too

ur not mad anymore?

y/n: could never be mad at you silly

[flnpushy]

Classic Story...

all birth stories

My old Story: Anna's Birth Struggle Anna had recently graduated and was college bound. Being 18 was fun for Anna and she enjoyed the graduated life. Her boyfriend Tom was also looking forward to college as well, but the two would be separated as they had been accepted to different schools. On the final night before moving away for school, they spent the evening together. Alone. Three months had gone by since the two had been together. Things were going well for him, but no so well for Anna. She was sick most mornings, and just felt off. A couple more weeks went by before she finally called her mom. She told her about her morning sickness and other symptoms. Her mom asked if she had taken a pregnancy test. To that she answered “Are you nuts?” “I’m not pregnant.” A few more days passed, she finally gave in and took a test. The test said she was indeed pregnant. She didn’t believe it so she took another. Same result. She called her mom in disbelief. “Mom I’m Pregnant.” Anna said. “OH my goodness....” Her mother replied. “What about school?” She asked Anna. “I don’t know mom, I don’t know what to do.” Regardless her mom was actually very excited, but Anna was far from excited. She had waited years to go to college and now it was all at risk. She visited the doctor where they confirmed she was about three months along. Much to far to go back now. Anna Couldn’t believe it. A baby? She didn’t want to have a baby! She then had to let Tom know. She didn’t know how he would react. She was very nervous making that call. “Tom, Its me, Your going to be a dad.” Anna said. There was a brief silence on the line.... “Oh my god are you serious?!?” He said excitedly. “Are you mad.” Anna asked. “Of course I’m not mad, Im absolutely ecstatic.” “Why would I be mad Anna, Its my fault your pregnant!” He said. “Oh thank god your happy.” Anna said. “What about our schooling?” “Its ok Anna, we will make it happen no matter what, I’m here for you!” Tom said. Most days Anna had morning sickness and other issues. Pregnancy was not easy for her. Anna was a petite brunette. She was small overall. She has a small frame, tiny arms, and she was only 5 foot 2. She was still just a girl in reality, but she now was going to become a woman faster then she had ever imagined. She continued her studies as best she could. Eventually the ninth month had arrived. Annas belly was like a basketball protruding from her body. Anna knew she would birth at home as this was her wish. Her mom Mary had been preparing thier home for months. Everything Mary could afford to get she got in preparation for the birth. Finally summer break arrived and a very pregnant Anna returned to her home, and Tom did to. One morning Anna awoke early to pains in her belly. This wasnt unusual for her as the baby frequently moved around in her belly causing discomfort. These pains were different however. She felt around the top of her belly. She could feel a little baby foot squirming around within her. Anna was grossed out by the babies movements, she didnt like the idea that a baby was inside her. She was ready to be done, ready to give birth and be back to being a normal girl again. Anna prepared a breakfast and joined her boyfriend Tom on the front porch for a Saturday morning conversation. Tom asked how Anna was doing and knew that she was in some type of pain. “I think it may be happening.” Anna said “Ok honey, lets get things ready.” Tom replied. Tom prepared her bed with clean sheets and comfortable pillows. He also layed out towels in the bathoom and on the bed to catch fluids during the birthing process. A couple hours later Anna was in real pain, labor had begun and her belly squirmed wildly as the baby moved toward the birth canal. The contractions were sharper and shaper and it wasnt long before Anna was really hurting. She layed sprawled out on the couch, trying her hardest to bear

through each contraction. She was wearing a light shirt, bra, and panties. She fought the pain as best she could, but still yelped in pain with each contraction. Tom had read up on birth and was going to school to be a doctor. He figured this would be a good training opportunity.

“My poor baby girl.” Tom said, sitting beside her. Anna continued to struggle through the pain. Anna entered transition, this was the worst pain she had ever faced. “Oh my god, oh oh oh, help me, ahhhhhhh” Anna yelped. She continued her struggle. Till finally transition had ended. The baby was now low in her belly and engaged in her pelvis. “Ok its time to check your cervix to see if you can push.” Tom said Anna sat upon the bed and Tom inserted a finger to check Anna. “Good girl Anna, your right on the money, 10 centimeters!” “So now what do I do?” Anna asked. “Time to push that baby out hun!” Tom replied. “Im scared.” Anna said. “I know baby girl, but its so close to being done now.” Tom said. Anna endured another couple of contractions. She was ready to get over to the bed, but the next contraction brought a tiny gush of fluids. “Whats happening!?!” Anna shrieked. “Your water broke baby, The baby is coming now!” Tom replied. Anna and Tom went to the bed, Anna waddled as it was so strange to her having so much pressure between her legs. They arrived at the bedside. Anna took off her shirt, bra, and panties, then climbed into bed. “Wow look at my beautiful baby girl” Tom said. “You are so beautiful.” “Ok how do I do this.” Anna asked. Tom put several pillows behind his pregnant girlfriends head, he put an absorbent pad under her butt as well. “Lift your butt baby.” Tom said as she slid the pad underneath. “Ok now we wait for a contraction and you push.” Tom said. “I will teach you how to push.” Tom stated. Tom put a finger in her opening. “Feel my finger?” Tom asked. “Yes.” Anna replied. “Ok when a contraction comes, your push like your having a bowel movement right at this spot.” He said “Ok” Anna replied. It was time to put her newly acquired knowledge to the test. A contraction came. “Ok baby, pull your legs up toward your chest and push like your pooping.” Tom instructed. Anna pulled back her little legs and pushed. “Grrrrr.” she grunted out. She then stopped. “Good girl Anna.” Tom said. “Hold those pushes good and long.” Tom stated. Anna pushed again. “mmmmmm grrrrrr ahhhhhh.” She grunted hard. The contraction ended. “Good girl baby!” Tom said. “Now relax.” “How many pushes will I have to do?” Anna asked. “Could be a few minutes, could be a few hours babe.” Tom said. “A FEW HOURS!” Anna yelled. “Yes baby, pushing a baby out is a long process. Your young and small, The baby has to stretch you out to get free.” Tom said. “You will be ok. Just breath and relax.” Another contraction came.

“Ok baby girl, here goes.” Tom said. Anna pulled back her legs and grunted. She pushed good and hard this time, curling her little toes in protest of the pain. “Good push girl! And again!” Tom said. Anna pushed again and again till the contraction was over. “Ok babe, lets see what we can see.” Tom said. Tom used both hands to open her opening. He poked around a bit. ‘“Ok girl, heres a contraction, push hard.” He said Anna pushed with all her strength. “Ohhhh!!! We have something here!” Tom said. “I see something!” Tom said again. “We have a little baby head!” “I wanna see the baby!” Anna said. Tom grabbed a large mirror and placed in in front of her, she then pulled back her opening once more. “Ok push hard and watch the mirror” Tom said. Anna pushed, in the tiny little back of her opening a tiny spot of hair was visible. As the push stopped the spot went away. “Where did my baby go?” Anna asked. “Back in your tummy.” Tom said. “Why in my tummy, I want her out!” Anna stated. “Birth is a two steps forward, one step back process baby. The baby will come out a bit, then go back in a bit, remember she is stretching you out so she can get free.” Tom said. “ I want her out!” Anna said. “Honey, she will come out, you have to push her out. “ Tom said. Anna dropped her legs as the contraction ended. Tom grabbed more pillows as it was a struggle for Anna to push and hold her legs open. He put pillows under Annas legs to support them. Then another contraction came. Anna moaned as she pushed, she struggled and quivered. Her perineum however was starting to bulge a bit with each push. “I’m uncomfortable.” Anna said. “Change positions honey, you have the whole bed.” Tom said. “Try side laying, I’ll support your upper leg when you push.” Anna slowly moved from laying on her back to laying on her side. Her cute little Belly touching the mattress. Another contraction came. Tom supported her upper leg as she began to push again. Anna dug deep and bored down with all her strength, the perineum slowly bulged outward. As the push ended the perineum bulge disappeared. The contraction continued so Anna pushed again. Once again the bulge appeared, and then slowly disappeared as the push ended. “Good girl Anna, your making her move in there!” Tom said. “With every push your helping the baby escape from your womb.” Tom laid down first and let Anna lie down on his lap. He did this to comfort Anna and help her push the baby out. The mirror was positioned so that Anna and Tom could see the progress. Little did Anna know this was just the beginning of the battle. Another round of contractions Hit Anna. Assisted by her boyfriend she began pushing again. Anna drew back her legs and let out a push. She curled her toes as she pushed, her Tummy shook and quivered as she pushed hard to free the baby. Her perineum bulged as she continued to push the baby. The next push brought the bulge out further. It was becoming evident that the baby's head was close to the opening. A few moments later another push came over Anna. She strained and struggled, but her efforts were awarded. She pushed again, the perineum bulged farther this time. Anna continued to struggle, however she was about to be rewarded. As in her vulva, a tiny tuft of hair protruded. “Good Girl baby!” We can see that little Head! Tom said.

As the push came to an end the tuft of hair receded from view. The contraction ended. Anna relaxed in between the waves. Less than a minute later the next contraction started. Tom assisted Anna in drawing her legs back. Anna pushed with all of her strength. The tiny tuft of hair appeared in the opening once more.

“Reach down and touch the baby.” Tom said Anna reached down with her hand, and for the first time touched her baby's head. “Ewww its slippery and gross!” Anna said. Tom just laughed. The next contraction started. Anna Drew back her legs once more and pushed. The baby's head became slightly more visible this time. However as the push ended the baby's head drew back inside of Anna’s tummy. She was so close, but yet so far. When pushing she could see her baby, but the battle was far from over. “Ok baby girl, the next stage is the tricky one. The babies head will fight your perineum to get out. When you push the head will come out, but when you stop it will roll back. The perineum skin will hold the baby inside of you. You must overcome this skin to get the baby out.” Tom instructed. It was time for Anna to dig deep. Her baby's head was stuck in between her legs, and only she could free it. It did not matter how much assistance her boyfriend gave her, it was totally up to her to give birth to the babies head. Anna knew that Tom could not pull the baby from within her. It had to be done on her own. The next contraction came. Anna's Little body strained as she began to push. Below her belly the tiny baby Head was starting to emerge. It seemed so much more fluid in her. The head was more responsive to her pushing now. Even a tiny push had a reaction on the baby. Tom layed behind her and watched the action unfold in the mirror. He was so proud of what his girl was doing, and slightly aroused. Anna pushed again which revealed the baby's head once more, however as she stopped the head receded back in. The battle between baby and skin had begun. Every push moved the head into the opening, but at the end of every push the baby went back inside of Annas tummy. The battle continued. Anna pushed down hard, the baby responded this time, and the head protruded quite far. However with the end of the push the baby went back into her tummy. Anna made tiny moaning sounds as she pushed hard to free her baby. She needed a position change to see if she could push the head free in a different position. Lying on her back was obviously getting her nowhere as the baby continued to go in and out. She once again switched to side lying. Tom supported her upper leg as she pushed. The baby's head came into view then slowly rolled back in as Anna stopped pushing. The little baby head was not coming anytime soon. It's almost as though the baby preferred Annas tiny little Tummy. Anna continued to struggle, but the babies head remained firm in her. It had now been two hours since Anna began pushing. She had made good progress, but the babies head was still within her. The baby had made an appearance several times, but refused to stay in the opening. Anna's Young perineum skin just was not allowing the baby to come forth. Anna was becoming desperate. She wanted the baby out of her badly but no matter how hard she struggled the head would not come free. Still on her side she began to wiggle her tiny hips back-and-forth. “Good girl Anna. Move those hips, it may help her out.” Tom said. “Follow your instincts.” Anna resumed another push. As she wiggled her hips back and forth the baby's head started to make more headway. The tiny tuft of hair head become the top of the babies skull. A tiny teardrop shape was starting to happen. Anna's perineum skin was finally starting to stretch. “Good job baby girl, wiggle that tummy and get that baby out!”Tom said. “Uhh, uhgrrrm, ooh god, mmmmm.” Anna moaned as she pushed. Anna was getting tired And frustrated. It was time for an all out massive push. “Im going for it.” Anna said. “Hold me open.” Anna waited for the next contraction to set in, Tom held her opening below to allow more space for the babies head. Anna breathed in any gathered all of her strength. She dug her feet into the mattress, strained as hard as she possibly could and let out the biggest push she had

ever done. She wiggled from side to side as she pushed. The baby's had came far into the opening. The furthest it had been yet. Even a small portion of the babies forehead was visible. However at the end of her massive push, the babies went back inside the tummy. “Wow honey, I was for sure that would have her out!” Tom said.

“I dont think I can get her out.” Anna stated. “You can honey, I will coach you.” Tom said. Tom began the coaching. He came around from behind her to assist the perineum in opening. “Ok baby, hard push.” Mary said “1 2 3 4 5... “good let go.” Tom continued coaching her for another 15 minutes. The baby's head continued into yo-yo action. Slowly coming visible with the push, and receding back in with the end. Finally after a few more pushes the head was starting to come forth far into crowning. Even though the baby's head was starting to crown, at the end of the push the head was still receding into Anna's tummy. Tom continued to coach his girlfriend, but the head refused to come free. The perineum skin was still fighting to keep the baby inside. No matter how hard Anna pushed the baby continued to recede in at the end. Tom assisted her by pulling back the skin as she pushed. Anna was taking a real working over and Tom knew that she would soon tire to the point of exhaustion. “I cant get her out.” Anna said. “Ive been in the same spot now for 45 minutes and the head is still stuck.” “I know baby girl, you have worked so hard, your perineum is just so tight.” Tom said. The babies head remained in the vulva. Visible, but not able to get free of the perineum. “Help me, I cant get her out.” Anna wailed. Anna began to doubt, she had worked so hard, but with no avail. Tom had doubts as well, seeing his poor girl struggle was starting to make him wonder as well. They took a break for a few minutes and regained composure. “Help, help me.” Anna said. “There is nothing I can do to free the baby honey, you just have to keep going.” Tom said. Anna let out a tiny grunty push. The head moved, but barely. She pushed again. Once again the baby responded, but it was little effort against the tight perineum. The baby receded back into Annas tummy. Once again becoming clenched by the Tight perineum. It was time to take a break and give up for a while, it was becoming apparent that Anna was not going to be able to free the baby. She was simply too tired, and her skin too tight. Anna drew her legs together and the baby disappeared from the Vulva back into her tummy. Anna stood up. It was time to take a break and walk. The walking motion and the movement of her hips might help the baby get into a better position to get free. The baby now back firmly in the tummy made Anna upset. She had carried this baby for the last nine months, and now it was so close to coming out, but yet she was unable to get it out. She could feel the baby moving within her, she could feel it kick and struggle to get free of her tight skin. She began to wonder if the baby would actually fit out of her. Anna endured more contractions as she paced around the bedroom. She could feel the babies head just inside her rubbing the perineum as she walked. It was a strange feeling. After 30 minutes of walking around, it was time for the inevitable. Anna needed to starting pushing again. Anna returned to the bed with Tom at her side. She drew back her legs and began pushing once more. She breathed in and bored down, her skin bulged below. She pushed again, the skin bulged farther and the vulva opened. She pushed again, the head came back to view then slowly receded with the end of the push. The next contraction came. Anna pushed hard and the head came to view, as the push slowed the head went back. Anna was grunting will all her might to free the little baby, but it was stuck. The tiny head held tightly in place. She took a breath. The head slipped slowly back in. “Good girl Anna, it will happen, just stay with it.” Tom said. However after several hours of pushing Tom was starting to get worried she would not be able to get the baby out on her own. Secretly he was turned on by this. Anna kept at it though, pushing hard to get the head moving, then watching it go back inside. She knew she really had no other choice but to get the baby out. The morning turned in to afternoon as Anna continued

to push the baby out. The head had now been going in and out for two long hours. Anna had now been pushing for five total hours. Anna’s body was covered in sweat, and she was becoming very exhausted. “Tom, the baby isn’t coming out.” Anna said. “I’ve been at this for hours.”

“I know babe, but the head is right there in your opening, It will come.” Tom replied. “Yes I know Tom, but her head has been there for two hours!” Anna said. “Are you enjoying seeing me like this?” “No babe of course not, I mean you are quite cute when you push, but I want the baby to come out to.” Tom said. Anna returned to pushing, she grunted hard and long. The babies head was right there at the opening, but just refused to come out any farther. Anna tried and tried again to get the baby out but with no prevail. “Ok Tom, I’m throwing in the towel.” Anna said. “Your baby isn’t coming out.” Anna felt trapped by this. She had a baby stuck in her, she couldn’t get it out, she began to feel anxious. Her anxiety made her tense up. This made the baby retract back inside her. As the baby retracted her tummy got bigger. “Looks like your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Yes, but I’ve been trying to get un-pregnant now for hours!” Anna said. “Why did you have to put such a big baby in me Tom? Anna asked. “I’m not sure its a size issue, I think there is another complication.” Tom replied. Anna went to say something again but was stopped by a contraction. She pushed hard and the head moved out to its farthest yet. The head stayed in the opening for a few seconds before slowly retracting back inside. “See babe, your getting it, that was the farthest its been out yet.” Tom said. “Well ok, I’ll keep trying.” Anna said. Anna pushed again with the next contraction, the head came slowly into view. The babies hair was dry now, it had been in the same spot for so long. Feeling the head going in and out was starting to become natural to Anna. It was actually starting to become slightly pleasureable. She pushed again feeling the head push against her opening. She was becoming aroused. Tom noticed this. “Starting to like it babe?” Tom asked. “Well.... I mean I want it out, but the feeling.....” Anna said. Anna continued to work the baby in and out of her. The head would slowly decend and push her opening, then retract back within her. Anna continued this until she could handle the pleasure no more. Her body shook and quivered with pure sensation. As the sensation overtook her she pushed, her opening contracted in and out. The babies head did the same, however it wasn’t popping out as she thought. The tension of the contractions held the baby tight within her. “Ok Tom thats it, your baby is stuck in me and I want it out now.” Anna said. “Get this baby out of me or else.” “Ok ok, lets see whats going on in there.” Tom replied. Tom reached in Annas opening, he felt around the babies stuck head with his finger. He got around to the bottom of the head and found the problem. “Ok so first of all we have a hand here, and second of all the baby is face up.” Tom said. “Theses two conditions make birth just about impossible.” Tom then withdrew his finger. “I suppose I could pull the hand free making birth much easier.” Tom said as he took a step backwards. “Ok so do it then.” Anna said. “Nah your ok babe, Just keep pushing.” Tom said as he stepped farther away. “Are you nuts Tom!” Anna said. “Your just so cute when you push.” Tom said. “Tom I command you to pull that hand out.” Anna said straining to push. “You’ll get it babe.” Tom said.

“TOM!!” Anna yelled. Tom slowly sat back down at her side. Anna desperately reached down and tried to feel for the babies hand. She could get her fingers just inside, but her belly was to big to be able to reach far enough inside. She gave up and moaned in protest. “Good girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. “Oh I’m going to get you for this!” Anna said. Anna went to move toward Tom but was hit with another painful contraction. She pulled her legs back and pushed as hard as she could. “Mmmmm Ahhhhhh, COME OUT BABY!” She yelled. She pushed hard again. “OHH MMMM AHHH, COME OUT!” She was gaining traction on the baby, moving its head ever farther out of her opening. However the babies little hand was preventing escape. She pushed hard again, her belly covered in sweat. She could feel the baby kicking and squirming inside to try and get out. Anna put her legs up on the headboard of the bed and continued to push with all her might. She pushed on her belly with her hands to help the baby. But it wasn’t moving. The baby was stuck just prior to full crown. The forehead was visible, but the face had yet to come. “TOM!” Anna said. “Good effort babe, But your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Make you a deal.” Tom said. “Ok what.” Anna said. “If I can impregnate you again in the future, I’ll pull that hand free.” Tom said. “NO, I don’t want another one of your babies inside me!” Anna said. “Ok keep pushing then.” Tom said. “Quick tip, wiggle your hips.” Anna stood up and got on all fours. Then went into a squat. She pushed and wiggled her hips as much as she could. The babies head began to come forward. She pushed harder and harder, the head began to finally stay down. With the next push the face came forth. It retracted a bit with the end of the push. The next push was a struggle but the baby was moving. “AHHHH MMMM.” Anna grunted as she pushed. The head was coming slowly out. The babies ears started to show. The end of the push had the ears disappear back in, to Toms pleasure. “Good Girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. The baby was coming but it was also continuing to recede back at the end of the pushes. The next push was finally the one that Anna had been waiting for, with a epic push and struggle, the head finally emerged. It was a relief to Anna to finally have the head out. She wiggled and pushed again, the first shoulder popped free. With the next push the other shoulder and body slipped free. Anna was elated to finally have the baby out. She got to know the new baby, and allowed Tom to bond as well. “So, when can we have another Anna.” Tom said. “Don’t get any silly ideas.” Anna said.

[inkbagel]

I drew a postcard for my show :) the concert was really amazing I had so much fun. Genuinely one of the best nights of my life.

Idk if people want to avoid spoilers so I’ll put my rants below.

It was so AWESMOEE I have so many thoughts on each and every songgg that was my first concert experience EVER and ohh man it was spectacular

Heathens was SO GOOD LIVE. Was genuinely my favorite part of the show and HEATHENS ISNT EVEN MY FAVORITE!!! like I don’t dislike any of their songs but I have a very long list of favorites and heathens is not in it. However that being said it was spectacular. I had the most fun during that song I think that song was actually made to be played live and not for suicide squad

The transition from heathens to next semester is so so good. I didn’t notice the similarities in those songs until they were back to back. I do really wish they had played all of next semester instead of like. Half the song but it’s okay the rest of the night made up for it

THEY PLAYED GUNS FOR HANDSSS THAT SKNG MEANS SO MUCH TO MEEEE AAAAAAA I almost started crying when I heard the tune it was so so good. That song genuinely like. Made me realize so many things about myself. I’m so glad I got to hear it live

THE TRANSITION. BETWEEN NATN AND HEAVYDIRTYSOUL. NOT EVEN INJECTING IT INTO MY BLOODSTREAM WOULD BE ENOUGH. THAT WAS SO GOOD. GHHSBFBJGKKC i got a recording im so happy

EVERYONE WAS SO NICE DURING TREES!! I saw so many clips from LA and it looked like hell for those two but everyone was really respectful here and Tyler even started picking people around the circle to stand closest to the islands and I thought that was so sweet

FOREST APPEARANCE??? IN 2024?????? I DIDNT THINK THEYD EVER ACKNOWLEDGE RAB AGAIN BUT THEY PLAYED FOREST!!! I’m glad forest has a lot of nostalgia for me

The thing with the lights in mulberry street was so cool. Honestly the whole show was so interactive he kept calling to specific parts of the stadium and had certain people doing certain things I loved it. Tyler really made sure that even the people wayyyy in the back were having fun and that the people in the pit were getting their moneys worth

After the proctologist line Tyler yelled GROSS!!!! Really loudly and I thought that was funny. He then said “you guys are wayy cooler than me. The only difference is I’m on a stage and you’re not you guys are better than me. Anyway we’re taking a photo losers.” I love him

JOSH SANG. LIKE SO MUCH. HE WAS SINGING DURING STRESSED OUT AND HE SANG BANDITO WHILE TYLER SANG PALADIN STRAIT. HES ACTUALLY SO GOOD AT SINGJNG TYLER SHOULD MAKE HIM SING MORE IN THEIR SONGS.

Right before the show started Josh said into the mic WHATS YOUR ETA? TWO MINUTES! And that was really cute

THE CRAVING BACK TO BACK WITH TEAR IN MY HEART I WAS GOING TO CRRYYYYYY AND SCREEAAMAMMMM AAAAA I LOVE THOSE TWO THEYRE SO CUTEEEEEEEBVBB

OVERCOMPENSATE LIVE. HFJSJSJJDK AKAKGKFKDKEJRJFJFJFJFJFJ THAT WAS SO GOODDD. I saw some clips from other shows where he jumped off his piano and caught the microphone mid air and while he didn’t do that here he def made up for it bc that performance was AMAZINGK.

I think he might’ve been feeling a little unwell or smth because he was definitely not as acrobatic as in clips from other nights BUT I DIDNT MIND! HE STILL DID AMAZING ANYWAY and honestly I could NOT be performing like that if I was sick so I think it’s more impressive if he’s actually not doing good. He’s actually insane

HIS GLOWING MICROPHONEEEE ITS SO SILLYYYY

HIS DISAPPEARING TRICK IN CAR RADIO WAS SO COOL. HE WAS KIND OF CLOSE TO WHERE I WAS SITTING AND. HNGNKSKSKF

During vignette he did grab the keyboard and play it on the floor again I’m like 90% certain he knows the fandom thinks he’s a catboy and plays into it. Bc sir. You are NOT beating the cat allegations. Get off the floor and play your keyboard standing up like a REAL MAN /silly I loved that part actually

I actually started crying when he played addict with a pen. It was so good. That song means so much to me.

I got a really good picture during stressed out which speaking of! THE SKELETON HORSE CAROUSEL?????? THAT WAS SO COOL IT WAS LIKE OUT OF A MAGNUS ARCHIVES STATEMENT WHAT DOES IT MEANN ITS SO COOOLLLLLLLLL

I have not put enough Josh Dun appreciation in this post and for that I am truly sorry Josh Dun you were amazing the whole night you were so energetic your backflip was the best part of the night you were awesome

I think I’ve said it before but everyone screaming “our brains are sick but that’s okay” was so surreal. Like wow I’m sitting in a stadium FULL of people and every single one of them treasures this band just as much as I do. Idk man there’s something so amazing about that. It really felt so amazing. I’ve never before felt like I was the same as a whole crowd of people. We’re all going through our own things but we’re all still here. We’re still alive and we’re still fighting. And tonight we’re fighting together. I loved it

Midwest indigo <3 that song was MADE to be played live I got chills it was so good

This post is getting kind of long and I’m tired so I’m ending it with this picture of Clancy with the glowing microphone I drew :) as a first time concert experience the Clancy world tour was life changing and I am never going to be the same person I was before the concert

[markipliere]

TO CLARIFY AGAIN I loved sleedge

Review and spoilers below

Loved the show,,, i am overall pretty disappointed with the lack of the “cutting off your balls” guy but i love that they hinted at it. I also miss the moobles and the horror movie scene alltogether but I understand the limitations they have with the budget and stuff. I really hope the show does good outside of Marks fans, and i believe it will and ideally maybe we will get an international release. I had to watch it on a vpn (canada, used Nord) which wasn’t a big deal on pc, was fairly easy to use and such. But i think if somehow they were able to release it internationally itd blow up insanely. I also hope we’re able to keep it in the top ten for this month (totally not because i want to see iron lung ,,, 👀) and all around its a great show.

Considering too that it was filmed in 2020-2021 is nuts with all the covid restrictions and so on.

The mask of the Elephant monster was awesome and super grotesque, its first appearance grossed me out pretty bad (im not a lover of gore) and I immediately screenshot it and shared it around lmaoo. I do feel, like moistCr1TiKaL/penguinz0 said here , it does kind of drop in its scare factor later on with how often it is just shown standing there in bright light. Still gross, just not as nuts as the first time. The whale clips were nuts, and the sky whale later on was also awesome and the colour choices around the whole show were really good. I very much as an artist thought a lot of them to be pretty inspiring and pretty good for colour/composition/atmosphere studies.

Katies last appearance was sick as fuck, and im glad matteo didnt meet the same fate as originally. I cried about that shit when i listened to the podcast. Linda was fun, she seemed much more agro in the show which i also liked. The old lady section just made me feel bad lmao, like damn atleast in the podcast we had a shithead to not feel bad about. I actually had a lot of fun watching it and seeing the changes and the therapist was a super fun change despite … the gigantic difference in origin for daves scarring.

Also the fucking puke in the sink scene was SO GROSS “its so warm” EWWWWW STOPPPPPP

oh and love love love matteos Character and also the pin in the grass, Dave struggling was so well acted out and the scream really did it i think. Overall 10/10 coz its mark, 8.5/10 coz it was not PHENOMENAL but it was very good. I recommend it and if youve seen the show by now i implore you to listen to the podcast if you dig that kind of thing. If you listened to the podcast first id love to hear your thoughts on it too, feel free to comment your blogs with your reviews and stuff too :D

[yenqa]

how you would spend a snow day with enhypen!

pairing : enha x reader :)

warnings : kissing, mentions of being sick, destroying things, mentions of eating/food

wc : 0.7k again 😭😭

a/n : another one bc my last one did well :)

heeseung - as soon as he sees the snow he fr RUNS out there with you ofc. but he’s so excited and then you’re like “babe we have to put on warmer clothes we’re going to get sick!” and as much as he does want to be sick so he could be pampered by you, he decides a snow day is much more fun. together you build a snowman and he pushes you down a hill with a sled :)). and you like insists on pushing him down but he’s like no bc he doesn’t want you to do the work for him :( and when you get inside he makes ramen and hot chocolate 😭😭 </3

jay - he wakes you up bc he’s made soup and hot chocolate to contrast the cold day :( and when you’re about to go outside to play in the snow he literally puts every single jacket on you known to mankind 😭😭 and you’re like “jay that’s too many jackets! i’m sweating right now!! 😠😠” and he’s like “hun i can’t have you being sick :(“ but in the end, he makes you wear three layers plus snow pants and a hat that covers your ears :). together you make snow angels and (try to) build a snowman ☹️

jake - actually drags you out of bed to play in the snow. and like jake i feel like is the kind of guy to make tiktoks of you two dancing in the snow if your relationship was out he would post it on the enhypen acc but if it wasn’t he probably has a private account he would post it on. but you guys literally spend like an hour making that video because one of you two keeps messing up. then when you get back inside you watch corny christmas movies together and cuddle :)

sunghoon - he’ll take you to a frozen lake and he’s so happy bc he bought skates for the both of you and he like teaches you how to skate properly :((. hes like “y/n-ah you’re so bad at this” and you’re like “i know 😒😒”. and eventually you give up so you both make snow angels and he turns it into competition obvi “y/n my snow angel is way better then yours!” “no sunghoon yours has your boot prints in the legs mine don’t so mine is better 😒😒” and you keep arguing and you know he’ll never give up so you give up and gives you his lil gummy smile ☹️☹️ guys im crying

sunoo - he would get a driver to drive you guys to the city so you can see all like the tree’s with the lights and snow on them 😣😣 and he like writes on the sidewalk “y/n <3 sunoo!” but he know’s it won’t be there for long so he takes a picture of it :((. when you’re admiring the scene he secretly takes a photo of you bc you’re so cute and he wants to remember this moment forever :(. and he asks a random person walking on the street to take a photo of you two and you both make it your wallpapers 😖😖

jungwon - would make hot chocolate for you guys and add like whipped cream and peppermint bits to make it all fancy and things :(( and once you finish it you has to make sure you’re warm by putting you in his jackets 😏😏 and when you’re outside you have a little walk stopping sometimes to throw snowballs at eachother :(. then when you get back inside you two would make gingerbread houses and eat them (maybe idk i find them gross)

niki - he literally doesn’t care about getting sick so he puts on a jacket but you its different he puts you in his warmest jacket! and a sweater underneath obvi. and the whole time you’re throwing snowballs at eachother and running away from eachother and you make a life sized snowman which takes sooo long and when you make the head he has to put it on and he teases you for it obvi “y/n aish you’re so short, here i’ll put it on for you like the best boyfriend i am.” and you’re like whatever 😒 and when you add all the decorations to the snowman he gets a tripod and takes a picture of you two :( then he try’s to knock down the snowman by running into it which fails terribly.

tysm for reading! i appreciate likes, comments, and reposts! have a great day!

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[ninyard]

Kevin for the headcanon game!!

these have been in my inbox for a few days but I've been too busy with other stuff to sit down n write em so im sorry im only getting around to doing them now <33 also these are so stupid so take em with a pinch of salt but... yes

realistic headcanon: until he's rehabilitated from his injury, and able to use his left hand properly again, he refuses to handwrite things unless he absolutely has to. I think he has really nice handwriting with his left hand, but he got really self conscious of using his right hand because it looked like a toddlers handwriting. He got better at it the more he practiced, but it was still never as nice or legible as the writing he'd do with his left hand. If for any reason he had to write something down, he'd ask Andrew to do it or he'd type it out if he could

may not be realistic it is hilarious: he has a really weak stomach. like he even thinks about something gross and hes already gagging. he's particularly sensitive to smells tho. sometimes he'll wait to shower after games/practice just to make sure his teammates have showered before him because the smell of their BO after a particularly long and sweaty game makes him want to vomit. sometimes somebody will be cooking an Absolutely Normal and Seasoned Meal that he hasn't smelt/eaten before and he'll walk in with his hoodie over his nose like 'what the fuck is that smell' and they're all like ??? it's just fish ?????

heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends: kevin is not actually that much of a strict asshole when it comes to his diet. it LOOKS like he is, but he avoids sweets because he has awful self control and will binge on snacks until he gets sick if he starts. everyone thinks he's particular about his diet because of the ravens and yeah its true in a way but he was deprived of sweet things for so long that he has to keep himself away from them. we all know hes a bit of a disordered eating king and he's not unhealthy about it necessarily, but he has to keep himself away from snacks. because he WILL eat an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting if he lets himself. and then regret it terribly afterwards

unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own: he smokes cigarettes or vapes when hes drunk. im so sorry but he is simply the Type.

[keemitthefeog]

DIRE STRAITS?? FOR THE LAST SONG???

im 🗣️ yelling 🗣️

thoughts about willow under the cut (with spoilers obviously)

loved the scenes that actually focused on magic. this tv show felt like a rare one where what the audience wants out of a traveling group of adventurers is present. like elora learns magic and theres that sick shattered sea montage where they all train together and shit. very fun.

this isnt going to be a huge read more or anything but the biggest thing was

WHERE WAS THE HYPE FOR BOORMAN???? WAS I JUST BLIND TO IT? or did you motherfuckers really just never talk about him???

bc yes yes kit and jade, yes yes willow mentoring elora, yes yes graydon character development (ig lol, i liked graydon though)

but BOORMAN, my best friend boorman. Amar Chadha-Patel was literally so amazing. he's maybe my favorite guilt-filled, heart of gold buried deep under ground, comedy relief character ive seen in a tv show. the way he asked in the last episode maybe they should all make out 😭 so out of pocket but soo funny

but his sort of mentor-uncle-adjacent vibe with kit was so good too, like very much detached from her but also her father was such a huge person in his life, so he wants to help her and ough. im not being articulate about it but i liked it a lot.

him and graydon being buddies the whole trip was also fun

yall were sick for not telling me about boorman. hes the best character.

i can see why people are upset about it getting cancelled, this is maybe the best representation of a fantasy setting ive seen in TV. it feels very true to its 80s roots while also having modern appeal. but like. the set design, the character design, the actual magic language and spells and shit. it was SO FUN because thats what fantasy is!! i liked it even more than the D&D movie's attempt at fantasy

however ☝️ why did they CG the crone. an amazing melted face with actual practical efx makeup would have been soooo cool. LAME for making her all gross with cgi

other than that though, i thought the mix of practical and cg was pretty well balanced and looked good ✌️

[schizowitchic]

re: the last post i reblogged i am now going to rant about biphobia i have experienced and am experiencing! yay /s

(under a cut bc this got way too long)

so in secondary school i was in a friend group full of queer people, majority of whom were bisexual girls (at the time. a couple are now nonbinary / asexual) . and they were very big on the whole "bisexual culture is liking every woman and 2 men" thing, a lot of "ew men" jokes, and all in all general "liking women is better than liking men" "why am i dating a gross icky man i should be with a woman".

now i am more attracted to men than women, not by much, its typically fairly equal, but i definitely have a leaning towards men. and i repressed that for AGES. because it simply was "frowned upon", so to speak, from almost everyone i was close with

(for further context for the rest of this. i am not out as genderfluid. i use she/her pronouns irl and ppl know me as a cis woman. i am not really out as aromantic, when i identified as aroace i did tell a few people but i think they either completely ignored me or forgot. lol.)

nowadays, i tell my friends i am bisexual. one in particular always seems to forget, constantly calling me gay/lesbian, assuming i have no opinion or that my opinion will be "ew no" when she asks if i find a man she likes hot. (she has told me so many times "why am i asking you this you don't even like men". i have told her i am bisexual several times) (she also thinks it's funny to call me & another friend "f-slurs" . she says that not the actual word but still. i have to find it funny bc she gets so defensive if we imply she's homophobic)

(i do call myself gay bc i consider none of my attraction ever to be straight. i have no major issues with being called a lesbian apart from the fact that. yknow. im not a lesbian and have never identified as such)

i made a post a while back saying something like "help im being biseuxal erasured". because i am!! i am stuck in yet another situation with people who are either mainly attracted to women/only attracted to women/don't often talk about their attraction to me & also two cishet girls who are attracted to men in a very different way than i am (one of whom erases the fact i am attracted to men and the other who i don't like and probably assumes i'm a lesbian bc of how often everyone else says that)

also full of "ew men" jokes!!. might i add.

i literally have no space to talk about the way i experience attraction, i have to water it down and pretend i only like women, pretend i am interested in romance, pretend i feel attraction when the occasioanll bout of extreme sex-repulsion hits, take (albeit censored) homophobic slurs, sex jokes about me & another female friend that are getting uncomfortable.

and pretend like the main perpretatror of this isn't being at all queerphobic. (she also has massive racism and antisemitism issues. although my friend did throw basically a whole book at her face when she made a really bad joke). to the point where i no longer consider her a friend but i can't say that bc then im overreacting and i'll get the same bullying ostracisation treatment & my friends are still gonna hang out w her so i can't avoid it

people wonder why i am aplatonic when throughout friendships i have experienced: making fun of me to my face & behind my back, bullying, homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, ableism .

like what the fuck. im sick and fucking tired of having nowhere safe to express my sexuality bc let's be real, the internet often isn't the best space.

ive made my peace with either having to compromise my aromanticism or my allosexuality irl (ie either be out as bisexual or out as aroace) but apparently i can't even freely be bisexual without people making assumptions and at this point im just waiting it out until i can hit restart and try make new friends

[myloveforhergoeson]

Lengthy comment left.

I make no apologies. ;)

oh my friend thank you so much!! literally just the sheer size of the comment in my email made my heart swell so so so much. i truly cannot put into words how much your support means to me :') thank you for giving me the space to share my story and talk about it all the time and taking precious time away from your day to dive into my content and share your thoughts <3

now, everything i have to say under the cut <3

"I love how Roxy was so excited when Gustavo mentioned going multiplatinum. Of course that would be her main focus. She's not interested in the sold out stadiums. She wants the awards."

yes!! while she's not worried about awards in the sense that collecting them means something in hollywood, its more about the reach of her music - someone nominating a song of hers for an award, what that implies about the impact and the effect of her words... good lord im crying just thinking about it 😭

"I love how you actually focused on another reason the New Town High song was a big deal - especially for Kendall. Being able to have one of his songs - preferably a love song - on his girlfriend's show would be a big deal for him. I actually wish the show focused on that angle a bit more."

thank you!! i know on here we like to joke about how season 3 and 4 kind of erase everyone's characterization from the first few seasons, but personally i've always felt this episode in particular also falls into that category. so weird for kendall to be a gustavo ass kisser, so i definitely needed to give him a reason if that's how i was going to write the story :)

kendall: write a song about love for my girlfriends show because im in love with her

roxy: what's that? you want to sing another song about my boyfriend?

"Okay, first of all, Storm in a Teacup or Rip-Off the Old Block are awesome song titles."

I'M TRYING SO HARD 😭 <- someone who could never be a songwriter. something early 2000s pop punk bands loved to do was take a common phrase and twist it into new meanings or make it punny or combine it with another phrase (i.e. i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off) (i love you pete wentz) so that's my attempt at a small nod to her taking inspiration from the scene around her to write her music in minnesota <3 now that it's all pop, her content's shifted just a bit for more palatable and straightforward titles

"And I love the way she immediately starts thinking about what her dad used to do for her when she was sick and immediately apply it to James. It was a very sweet touch."

in my first draft james actually fought her a bit more about taking care of him because he really didn't want her to get sick! but when i was writing out the parts where she was taking care of him i was thinking 'she's 17 where did she learn all of this?' and there's only one person that could've been LMAO so i took their back and forth out and made it more narrative, glad you thought it was a sweet touch :)

"And I love how James fell asleep on her. Shows how comfortable he is with her. (Also, the falling asleep in the middle of a conversation... that's my dad sometimes - the only difference is James doesn't snore.)"

i regret to inform you james diamond does snore but i cut it out of the final drift. at the end of the chapter when james makes fun of her for being a double dipper the conversation was essentially

james: rox! gross!

roxy: you literally just kissed me with tongue? and don't act like you're so perfect - you literally snore so loud you big jerk

james: don't you ever imply that i snore again!

roxy: imply? i'm stating it as fact

which was not as good as what i came up with afterward hehe

"Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus! Communication wins out in the end!"

😭 me when i project my communication issues onto my oc and then fix them 😭

"Why do I suddenly want Dak to appear again so Roxy can rub her newfound happiness in his face?"

i want dak to come back so bad (i say as the author of this story like i don't make the decisions) because i miss writing him aghhhh ! he will at some point some time eventually i just need to make up my mind about when. i have a few ideas but i'm not really married to any just yet. same with stephanie!! when will she return from the war!!!!!

"Oh. Then the jerks from Roxy's past had to come and ruin it. Once again, I shall like to offer my services in dealing with the douches. Maybe the guys and Gustavo could team up and destroy their career before it can even take off. Maybe something a la what they did to WayneWayne is in order..."

no comment. just love your ideas sm!

thank you so so so much again! <333

[magpigment]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR GENLOSS EPISODE: THE MASTERMIND OF THE WAREHOUSE

my thoughts and some theories as i was watching the second part of generation loss! not really analysis just my reactions to it as i watched lmao. enjoy!

is ranboo chained to a chair

why is ranboo chained to a chair

why is the volume so high on my computer

that’s a conveniently placed key

okay ominous tv man

oh wait it’s jerma lmao

my friend who’s obsessed w jerma told me about this episode lately

‘the amount of chains on there would hold every single bicycle. for a million years’ i’ve been sold on this jerma guy

NO NOT THE BUCKET ( <—- obligatory homestuck reference) 

ranboo just cannot get a break wow

..it does not seem as though ranboo COULD HANDLE a ‘little bit of juice’ 

‘ranboo you alright??’ no i don’t think they are actually now that you mention it

i like how everybody in the poll is immediately going for the middle one 😂 

win! the person who has you trapped in a sick series of death obstacles for their own sick amusement wants to make sure you’re doing ok after accidentally knocking you out via high volts of electricity administered directly to your brain! 

bit confused about the bundle of wires dangling from their neck ngl 

‘ there’s a one in ten thousand chance of that happening and it did?!’ what can i say, homeslice has the power of PLOT ARMOR on his side! 

why is squiggles upset at ranboo actually picking the right key???? 

‘i love rats! 🥰’ based, squiggles. based

wow i didn’t know the back rooms were part of this place /j

oop hello random person on the gurney

i stg if that’s charlie- ITS FUCKING CHARLIE

his feet are for sure fake are they gonna have to remove his foot or something

oh most of his body is fake i see. ranboo is gonna do surgery on charlie

that’s fun 😅 

ranboo is a licensed medical professional im sure this will be fine /j

i like how the totally real feet that are totally a part of charlie’s actual human body has toenails that are painted red. yassss bitch slayyyy- oh wait, *checks notes* oh, GET slayedddsdddd yasssss 😂 

‘what is this, invisalign??? whatre u doin down there????’ never change, charlie. never change

also this california surfer dude is about to get absolutely fucking eviscerated perchance. i feel like that’s where this is going. 

‘so that’s why they call him slimecicle! ^^’ shut ur WHORE MOUTH SQUIGGLES /j

fr tho why are his insides literally goop tho

oh that was harrowing. ok so when the static interference happens whatever mind control is happening to make everything seem like. fine ish is removed and it’s like even more horrific?? 

also i see why they made his insides are green slime, so when they do the color reversal it looks red so it looks like human bits and then they crank the saturation up on that a bit so that it’s a brighter red or something??? ooooh that’s so cool i’m loving this 

‘ermmm. what just happened?’ you and me both squiggles. 

ok genuinely what the hell is charlie even saying right now. like what the actual fuck 😂 

are these camera people dressed up as rats cuz if so that’s both very funny and also that would suck to have to film in, they’re doing a great job 

‘how many hot wheels did you swallow???’ 

‘vrooom :D’ 

‘..ok dude’ 

‘they call me lightning mcEAT ^u^’ 

I KNEW THE BIT WAS GOING TO BE THAT HE DIDNT EVEN NEED TO CUT CHARLIE OPEN I COULD SMELL IT IN THE AIR THAT IS SO FUNNY

‘what a gushy gooshy guy’ facts and truth from squiggles in the corner 

why does charlie have a toilet tattoo 😂 

wowwww NOW you get cold feet ranboo XD. ‘but it’s so gross 😖’ homeslice you just fully eviscerated a man. you were elbows deep into a guys ABDOMEN. a toilet is leaps and bounds better than a full on HUMAN(?) BEING 

even squiggles commented on the toenails 

why is eef here 

and also the love or host guy

and also like the other people. 

why is sneeg and also frank back????

lmao jermas tv is broken L

oop squiggles is not happy about the broken tv

what is he doing XD

short king jerma 

why is jermas cane so bendy 

‘i hope slimecicle is ok’ me too, squiggles. me too

wow ethan is really giving this his all. turner my beloved

why is charlie offering to be ethan’s fish

i really like the little idle animations for squiggles ngl. they’re very expressive 

austin shows, ‘I LOVE WOMEN.’ ‘lying is not going to save you’ way to haul his ass out of the closet /j (also yes i’m aware austin isn’t straight) 

slimecicle, laying there completely fucking disemboweled, ‘i’m feeling something funny, kinda rumbly, some sort of discomfort?? if i could just get someone to check that out..’ 

austin in the background talking about his very real very heterosexual relationship 

why did charlie have a whole ass baseball hat in his stomach

OH THAT WAS SNEEGSNAGS HAT

WHY WAS THAT IN THERE AND WHY IS SQUIGGLES SO UPSET ABOUT IT ??????

i stg if everyone votes to save frank 😂 

was that sneegs hat actually?? i’m p sure it was 

sneeg is just having a crisis over this fucking hat dude 

there is definitely something happening and that was definitely sneegs hat before 

i’m only 30 minutes into this how has so much happened so far

i like how sneegs first thing he does upon regaining awareness of the full extant of the situation he’s in is immediately lie about having to take a dump that would produce gases banned by the geneva convention in order to get away for a second. he’s for sure going rogue dude can’t wait to see what you’re able to do before it all goes to hell again 

squiggle is absolutely flabbergasted 

OH NIHACHU!! hell yeah

nvm sneeg like immediately got caught 

oop

that’s not ominous or foreboding at all. don’t mind him he’s just getting reprogrammed real quick lmao

THEY TURNED HIS HAT AROUND 😂 

i’m relatively confused 

did they put nihachus mic under her hat or something 

her audio is a little wonky 

ok so only one person for sure survives 

i can almost guarantee either sneeg or frank is gonna be the one picked to survive ngl

i love charlie’s little background contributions 

ok nvm two of them survive 

also yeah i agree how is charlie even still alive in canon. most of his organs are just not in his body

oh niki won??? nice 

is niki like ok lmao

she is a very good actress because she seems both genuinely incredibly afraid and incredibly suspicious 

niki and sneeg hell yeah 

why’d he bitch slap frank 😂 

squiggles is not happy with that and neither is charlie

JERMA IS CALLED THE PUZZLER??? LMAO 😂 

why is charlie making a callback to the goddamn fussy bit from that one tommyinnit morph mod video

what the hell is charlie doing 

why is he strewing his entrails everywhere 😭 

i am so incredibly suspicious of niki and idk why

the VIBES? are OFF. 

ok i’m going to sleep and finishing this tomorrow and i am fully expecting my dreams to be super fucked up because of this but that’s fine. i’m at the 55:42 minute mark ^^ if my dreams are interesting/relevant i might leave a little note detailing it but probably not lmao (editors note: my dreams were weird but not really relevant, so. yeah)

why does squiggles want them all to lick the walls so bad

i’ve never even heard of the board game mouse trap in my life 

is this like an actual board game??? why is it so convoluted???? 

i like how sneeg just started eating the candy around

squiggles is speaking in some sort of code or something so like. that’s cool???

i like how everyone just started bullying the puzzler XD

oh so that’s why squiggle is speaking in code ig, cuz that’s what the instructions are written in. that’s really funny actually 

squiggles is straight up speaking in the same code or whatever the instructions are written in. is that able to be translated??? has anyone translated that yet??? 

i kinda wanna see if i’d be able to translate it but idk the first thing about ciphers and idek what that arrangement of symbols would be called. is it just straight up wing dings?? who knows! not me! 

imma go see if it’s wing dings actually gimme a sec 

IT IS WINGDINGS

bet if i translate this it’s gonna be just inane bullshit lmao

i have given up trying to translate this, if anyone’s interesting this is at about 1:03-5:04 of something, i’m too tired for this 😂 

on the plus side squiggles is now talking in not wing dings so that’s cool

IS THE MISSING PIECE GONNA BE IN CHARLIE LMAO

OH DUDE THATS SICK THATS SO FUNNY

ok so it USED to be in charlie but it is no longer! it was one of the first bits that ranboo kindly extracted very carefully from charlie’s gaping torso ^^

the rock candy is made from actual rocks??? ok squiggles

why is sneeg just eating random shit around the room 😂 

not the candy :((

also i’m eating cantaloupe btw. if you even care 😒 /j

DID HE JUST SHOOT NIKI????

😂 bruhhhh

welp. at least he put her out of her misery???

what is this emphasis on ranboo kicking the bucket in reference to the game. i feel like this is foreshadowing 

they probably did it! why is he celebrating the fact they beat his trap lol

oh where the hell are they

why are there deadly lasers

WHY WAS SNEEG GOING TO TOUCH THE LASER 😂 

the way his wrist got smacked away from the lasers so promptly 

please don’t throw this man

wow

oop

well his face is smooshed lmao

i like the comical way that guy just got fucking murdered via anvil to the face

‘i guess those ones didn’t count 🤷‍♂️’ lmao

SLIMECICLE?! 

‘oh my gosh it’s slimetowel!!’ based squiggles. based

welp. bye slimetowel, you lived as you died. shortly 

the lasers are gone! 

sneeg is fully just brushing off the like two dead bodies rn

welp. they got out of there 😂 

jerma can fly that’s crazy

i like how everyone instead of getting blown up is getting the chance to participate and then comically getting killed in other, miscellaneous ways. 

hey uhhh squiggles, buddy ol pal, you doin ok over there?? 

‘ranboo..’ ‘yes😊?’ 

oh wow everyone is in the closet that’s crazy /j

the rats are poggers also BTW 

i miss charlie already 😔

‘sometimes you need a change in perspective’ do they need to use the mirror to solve the puzzle. i doubt that’s what they have to do but if it is i’m so poggers and awesome and that is REAL and TRUE

jerma just go thru the door sideways bestie 

jerma was indeed talking about his ass for a weird amount of time lmao

‘is this a hookah??’ just hearing eef say this in the background sent me

why is sneeg messing w alphabet magnets 

‘slayyyyy king!’ i like how squiggles is just stanning ethan putting on a purple wig. based

the wig ethan’s wearing and the color of dress he chose coupled w his entirely purple outfit is clashing horribly oh god

also squiggles is right the audio keeps getting funky cuz of all the fabric on the microphones 😂 

i like sneegs bright yellow boa scarf 

the heels actually look p cool austin 

how many layers is ranboo wearing???

where did ranboos jacket go?? 

oh i think it’s on the red chair 

i don’t think those heels are the right size for austin i’ll be honest 

sneegs outfit is really something 

for the record i have absolutely no clue what’s happening rn

why is everyone voting for ethan in terms of most stylish 

i do not think they did it, guys

i actually really like austin’s orange pants but i think that’s just because i like cargo pants and also orange so like. maybe i’m biased 😂 

why is ethan walking like that

oh ranboo literally just put two different jackets over his showfall jacket and then just took one off, they’re still wearing the showfall jacket underneath XD

‘it says that we should go there, but i feel like that’s a trap :D ‘ 

also there was a button that sets off a black light which is what reveals the clues, not the mirror

oooo nice fit change 😂

‘NOT HIS CHILDREN AND WIVE’ why is squiggles actually kinda funny ngl. like i don’t trust them as far as i can throw them but sometimes they’re based 

ok bits aside the fact that ranboo and sneeg are so far mostly unaffected by the copious amounts of dead people and dying people and horrific threats of violence and whatnot is almost certainly some sort of mindcontrol or something by showfall. like. that’s not even really a question in my mind that’s irrefutable fact at this point. especially with the whole thing earlier with sneeg?? and the occasional interference from the hacker or whatever or the instances where something happens that’s not meant to and the illusion breaks?? like mannn this is so cool. 

LMAO THE COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY DEATH OF EEF AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LEAVING TO THE NEXT PART OF THE PUZZLE

BRUH

that’s so funny 

also the meta of finding this funny because it’s all silly and goofy and framed as a joke falling into line w the entire thing being set up like that to keep people from thinking about the horrific things that are actually happening in order for this entertainment and then how that parallels real life in the entertainment industry? yikes 

anyway onto the silly goofies tee hee 

is jerma just smoking a cigar 

did jerma just drop the bomb button. is austin about to fucking die 

what even happened hello ??

jerma really likes his cardboard what can i say

ranboo just solving the rubik’s cube without looking at it lmao

i’m honestly surprised there hasn’t been more gore in this so far, i was honestly expecting this to be a lot more graphic than this but that’s kinda dumb of me i think, i didn’t realize this was streamed on twitch at some point lol

i’m fully expecting austin to die ngl

push the button push the button push the button

nvm squiggles said to push it i don’t think they should push it

‘we shouldn’t push the button it’s got dynamite sitting in front of it’ ‘…*moved the dynamite to a shelf right next to it* looks safe to me :D ‘

yeah austin is dying lmao

‘only one person would fit in this silhouette’ *ranboo, standing there like a foot taller than it* 

well those people are dead oop

why’s that chair all fucked up lmao

it sure is just. focusing on that chair for a while, huh

oh hey ranboo in the background lmao

ranboo is on the set this is not a drill 

this sure is a funky little room huh

wow look at that four minutes set up XD

is that torn up showfall merch on the ground around the chair?? 

why did the puzzler leave a message TO RANBOO in the case he died??? hello?? 

why are there so many boxes inside boxes lmao

‘the truth will set you free’ genuinely what side is the puzzler even on here 

squiggles is not happy about hacker guy being here again 

i’m noticing whenever the hacker guy shows up or interferes or whatever is when ranboo seems actually distraught and confused and scared, most likely because whatever tie showfall has on him is weakened?? idk but it’s super cool

also squiggles commentary is. intriguing 

ohhhh ranboo can actually see the fourth wall now?? or at least the people filming who represent the fourth wall/ the audience?? 

woahhhhhhhh this is so cool

the backing track there fits the atmosphere so well!! 

that’s such a neat place to end it on holy shit lmao

[aw-tysm]

hi im the anon from before.

to summarize my intentions here: i am wary of you because of how i have been treated in the past by people who post about the same things that you do and im trying to figure out whether or not you are going to be unkind to me if i exist earnestly in your vicinity like other autistic people who are similar to you have in the past.

i was not diagnosed with autism as a kid because my mom refused to have me tested because she didnt want the responsibility of raising a disabled child. she chose to intentionally ignore my impairments, and when she couldnt she made it clear that she thought my disabilities were personal and moral failings on my part. she has been calling me a spaz for so long that i didnt realize it was an ableist slur until i was a grown adult. i have been repeatedly told that being undiagnosed means you are obviously low support needs and nobody seems to be saying otherwise and that feels gross to me because my experiences dont make sense in that framework. and when i try to explain that to other people they invalidate and deny my experiences instead of challenging their own viewpoint of autism.

i suffered from severe head trauma as a three year old and it isnt actually diagnosed because my mom didnt take me to the ER. she took me to the family pediatrician who held me down long enough to sew shut the gaping wound on my forehead because my mom was planning to go see a play and she didnt want to have to stay home and keep an eye on me after i hurt myself. and now i am actively denied referrals to neurologists despite having seizures all the time. which i plan to sue over once i can get help figuring out how to do so. i have been heavily medically neglected because of my autistic behaviors that are undiagnosed because of the medical discrimination i face over my brain damage.

my emotional instability from the brain damage has been diagnosed as every "problem disorder" under the sun and as such everyone i ever meet thinks im delusional and out of touch with reality. i cant get adequate medical care because people think im crazy because of my more extreme brain damage symptoms and how they combine with my autism.

according to your definition i do have caregivers! even if theyre not very good at taking care of me! but when other "high/mid" supports needs autistics on here were questioning my disability i was told that the only caregivers that matter were ones that were paid to help you, that loved ones didnt count. i was made fun of for saying my loved ones are my caregivers. which is why i now say i dont have one. thats what i have been told to do by other people who claim they are more of an authority on autism than me.

according to your definition i also dont and cant mask but according to all the other autistic people who like to make fun of me all the time my severe ocd is the same thing as masking so thus im obviously low support needs. i have been called "sheldon cooper" by so many "high/mid" support needs autistic people that its not funny anymore. im constantly made fun of for "masking" by people who are mocking me for how stereotypically autistic i am behaving and its making me feel scared and sick. im being repeatedly gaslit about what masking looks like so people can deny my disabilities.

i have had "high/mid" support needs autistic people call me "retarded" repeatedly because i get upset when they mislabel me as "low support needs" when i am evidently not.

i have been silenced with extreme violence because early diagnosed autistic people keep saying im "talking over them" when i try to explain that my experiences dont fit within their perception of autism.

im just.

you seem like you have genuinely good intentions but at the end of the day the way you are engaging with the autism community makes me feel unsafe as a psychotic autist with brain damage who has severe medical and psychiatric trauma from neglect i face due to ableism.

some of us dont get to have a diagnosis even if having one would help us survive. some of us dont get to have adequate caregivers even if we need them. some of us dont get any accommodations at all even if we need them.

i am. literally struggling to survive. because allistic society does nothing but abuse me and the autistic community seems to want to pretend they dont see it? my basic needs arent being met and nobody thinks its their responsibility to help me and im getting scared.

i just feel like i have been forcibly pushed out of my own community by people who think they are an authority who has the right to "correct misinformation." i dont think you should all get to Speak As Authorities in a way that gives people who have more niche experiences no room to talk about their own lives.

you arent an authority on autism. you are an authority on your own experiences. and if you want to correct misinfo as it relates to your own experiences then fine but you need to be more mindful of what actually counts under "your experiences" because as i see it your viewpoint on autism is limited and you are imposing an Autism Standard that only covers a very small part of the spectrum.

you. are not. an expert. on the whole. autism. spectrum. and yet you think its your place to "correct misinformation" based on your own beliefs and opinions and experiences. what if its not misinfo and you are just misunderstanding someone???? what if YOU just dont understand what they are talking about because you dont have direct experience with it??

how can you trust that the information you are spreading is any more correct or helpful?

i am at least "mid support needs" according to all the definitions and requirements and yet other people who claim to be my peers keep calling me ableist slurs because they insist im low support needs.

i just want to know that if i interact with your blog as a person who doesnt fit your expectations that you arent going to tear me to absolute shreds over it like the bajillion other "high/mid" support needs autistic people who have literally called me retarded for not wanting to be improperly labeled in a way that denies my suffering.

and like. this is not "discourse" and im frustrated that you see it as such. its such a red flag. i am begging you to be more mindful of autistic people who have experiences that you dont understand because youre attempts to "educate" are biased.

i just. i think yall should stop appointing yourselves as Autism Ambassadors when you are only knowledgeable on a very narrow part of the autism spectrum: the part you personally are on.

you are a hairs breadth away from unintentionally denying a lot of peoples experiences and i think yall need to just. take a step back and ask yourselves what exactly you think you are accomplishing by "correcting misinformation" like this. who is correcting all the misinformation i was fed by people who didnt want to allow me to talk about how hard my autism makes my life?

Honestly? It sounds like you're just giving yourself reasons to not follow me. And that's perfectly fine, you don't have to follow me. Keeping yourself safe is important.

I'm really just kind of consfused to be honest? I don't know who you are, I don't even know if I follow you. As far as I'm concerned, I don't interact with you in any kind of capacity already. I haven't seen anyone really interact with my blog beyond just liking or reblogging. So it's rather confusing having these asks come out of nowhere?

And some things that higher support needs post about aren't really based on "their experiences"? Like, it's just a fact that autism is a developmental disorder. That autism is considered a disability. We haven't been given any new scientific evidence yet to say otherwise. It's also just plain fact that some autistics have more severe symptoms that occur more frequently than others. There's studies around that kind of thing too? Sure we learn new things as we go and we correct accordingly where we can.

I labelled it "discourse" because you mention the term "heavily medicalised autistic people" and also mentioned that you're "anti-psych". You can be anti-psych if you want to, and I understand some of it stems from trauma, I'm not gonna stop you. But I'm not anti-psych and at this point in my life, I will never be anti-psych.

I'm also not the one labelling you as low support needs. What you're going through sucks, for sure. I'm not going to invalidate your experiences. But I'm also not a person who is good at emotional reciprocity. So if you're looking for some empathy or support, I'm probably not the blog to be following. I'm not a person who is good at that. Never have been and probably never will be.

I don't claim to be an advocate or an activist or an authority for autism. I am just one person posting my thoughts out into the void and learning new things as I go.

I have been on this hellsite since about 2010. And with this blog specifically? I am just out here vibing with about 100 followers, some of which are probably only here for the kpop.

You curate your own experiences here. Sometimes blogs just change or you realise you don't agree with them anymore, that's a-okay. It happens.

I've no idea how to how to make this experience better for you as I've no idea what I've done wrong. So if you feel that in order to protect yourself and keep yourself safe that you need to unfollow me, then do what's best for you.

[misspickman]

moss might i please have some trans tim headcanons. or trans kon if you’re feeling it.

Hii blink thank you blink i always have those<3

Kon is nonbinary and transfem to me and i do have a more specific way this happens in mind which is he starts questioning his gender after already figuring out hes not straight, and this is a few years down the line post sb 2011, so hes getting comfortable living on the farm and having a group of friends there, being a part of the kent family (hes never had a family before!!) and its because of that new personal comfort and safety that he can think more about himself as a person and not just. An icon with a role.

I read his tt03 era as his big Repression Period (along with cassie) where he figures he has to be a Normal Real Boy so he ditches the 90s superboy charm for a more traditionally masculine look, which maybe works for his secret identity but isnt what he actually enjoys. So later he starts growing out his hair and tiptoes around more flashy costumes which are daunting now, because kon has a lot of hate for his younger self for being foolish and a try hard, and this all reminds him of himself back then.

Its a slow process but he will get there eventually and i think living with ma helps a lot. Being away from the public eye and with someone who wouldn't judge him for not wanting to look as masculine would do kon wonders. Also he hangs out a lot with the yj girls, and i imagine cissie would eventually she starts putting makeup on him for funsies (and bc cassie doesnt let her) which kon has many feelings about. No worries! Anita braids his hair like she did cissies so many times and kon goes haha does this mean im one of the girls now as a joke and then has many feelings about that too bc what if he Wants to be one of the girls? Uh oh

I have less of a specific timeline for tim so some scattered ones are:

It would take her a long time to make peace with being trans and to come out, bc imo tim would not be a fan of the Coming Out Process. Would hate to do it. Would only do it once its the last feasible option bc shes sick of lying (again) and being seen so wrongly by everyone. I think she just writes cassie a note or something like it would be funny.

Jack having been so obsessed with tim being his perfect masculine son would make all of this especially hard but also make certain stuff make more sense in retrospect. Its impossible to think about tim being queer in any way without thinking back on jacks behavior.

Theres a v sweet image in my head of helena braiding tims hair bc once she lets it grow out tim does not know what to do with it and helena has to do something about that (set in a future where helena knows tims identity. The cowl doesn't really show hair. But boy it must be sweaty gross in there).

While i think kon would be big into makeup and all sorts of fun clothes and shoes i dont imagine tim being That much into it, is not as much of a makeup girlie, loves a nice dress but mostly for occasions and such.

One of the reasons why itd take her so long to figure herself out is she mostly didnt get body dysphoria until she thought of the possibility of Not Being A Man and then started noticing little things that bothered her, bc tim would be very aware of which traditional standards for being a woman she is not fulfilling. Very aware of and held back by the Issue Of Bodies And How They Are Perceived, as you do.

The initial realization would probably be something sudden that she refuses to think about for a while bc tim v much lives by that post thats like i may be trans but i have a job so idc about that rn. Its in the back of her mind and she is Not examining it when there are bad guys to punch out there.

[forgottenroisin]

Character Analysis

THE BASICS: 

Character’s name: Roisin Malconaire

Role in story:  Hot mess/Supporting character

Physical description:  Emily Carey

Age: 21

MBTI: ENFP

Enneagram: Type 7 (the enthusiast), 7w6, 749

Zodiac: Aries Scorpio

INTERNAL: THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER

What is his/her greatest fear?  Being deprived and in pain

Inner motivation: To be satisfied and content: to have her needs fulfilled, to maintian her freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep herself excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain

Kryptonite: Someone trying to control her (looking at you, Valentina)

What is his/her misbelief about the world?  If she just accumulates enough wealth and fun and experiences she can actually live the perfect, flawless, pain-free life and give it to her loved ones, too!

Lesson he/she needs to learn: Oops, that’s impossible and money certainly won’t buy it! (Just ask Edmund!)

What is the best thing in his/her life?  Her sisters!!  Her home!!  Fun and doing what she wants and exploring all the opportunities this life has to offer!!

What is the worst thing in his/her life?  Probably her stepmom and stepbro #gross No, but honestly most likely the death of her dad if she was old enough to remember him :( Her mom, too, but I'm not sure she ~does remember her?

What does he/she most often look down on people for?  Being controlled, being boring, an uncooperative spirit, a lack of vision, an unwillingness to help others (tho tbf her viewpoint on this is a lil skewed bc she often fails to see the things ppl need etc etc her heart is ultimately in the right place she’s just kinda spoiled and blind bc of it)

What makes his/her heart feel alive?  Adventure!  Laughter!  Inside jokes!  Exploring!  Riches and excitement!  A new frock!  Poetry that inflames her emotions (yes, she’s def rocking those Anne of Green Gables vibes esp when she was little – cue her renaming Goat Road to the Way of the Shephard or smth more poetic etc)!  Spending quality time with loved ones!  Etc, etc!

What makes him/her feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? Her sisters were most def the ppl <3  Being paid attention to, being supported and shown affection, having fun, quality time, shared fresh air and experiences, shared laughter, etc!

Top three things he/she values most in life?  Her loved ones, fun, security!

EXTERNAL: NOT NECESSARY, BUT GOOD TO KNOW AND SAYS A LOT ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER

What’s his/her favorite book, movie, and band?  She’d love the Idylls of the King!  Ivanhoe and pr much anything by Tennyson and Scott and all the other Romantic Poets!  She’d also love Narnia and Pippi Longstocking and Amelia Bedelia and all sorts of fun, fantastical things as a kid!  Re: tv Bridgerton would be a go-to, and, speaking of regency things, pr much all Jane Austen!  I feel like the most recent Emma, P&P, and Persuasion would be her fav movie adaptations (and tbh she’d probs have more patience for those than reading) but she would loooove S&S just in general all editions of it bc she’d suuuuuper relate to Marianne and the whole sister thing would obv get her right in the feels, also Little Women esp the most recent Amy!positive adaptation too for similar reasons etc!  Gilmore Girls!!  Daisy Jones & the Six!!  Florence + the Machine <3  Fairy tales in general!!! dua lipa, ava max, fleetwood mac

Is there an object he/she can’t bear to part with and why?  She probs has, like, a bracelet or hairpin or smth from her mom that is hella sacred to her but tbh she probs rarely wears it, instead choosing to keep it in this tiny ornamental box where she knows its safe and tbh itll probs get burned asp and she’ll probs have a breakdown bc of it bc im mean <3

Describe a typical outfit for him/her from top to bottom.  This girl is O B S E S S E D w clothes and far more so than i am tbh so i probs can’t even comprehend of the sort of sick fit she’d come up w but suffice it to say she’s always glammed out and rocking the latest trends and probs helping to set them too lbr i also feel like she’s REALLY good at, like, taking her mom’s old dresses and spicing them up to make them ahead of the latest trend or like even making smth completely new out of her bedroom curtains like they might not have much?? since they got an evil stepmom?? but even if so she still living that haute couture life!  the best seamstress in the land tbh lbr! ;D  she ~will find a way!  and everyone will be drooling to wear that next week when she’s already moved on to the next look ;D

What names or nicknames has he/she been called throughout their life?  Rosie to her sisters, Rose to her friends, Roisin to everyone else thank you very much

What is his/her method of manipulation?  Lol, she’s the worst smh anyway that would be guilt tripping, judging you, annoying you

Describe his/her daily routine.  Only gets out of bed when positively FORCED tbh and probs kinda cranky in the morning whoops but omg she comes alive at night and just out there having a stupid good time, def the life of the party type, pranking!! joking!! leaving Brigit doodles of Valentina's face after the latest prank lol, honestly she’s not really someone who holds to ~routine bc that’s the bane of her existence and noT exciting (tho she does actually lowkey thrive on one when its enforced so she goes on jags where she holds herself to this standard...and then gets bored of it or distracted by smth and lets it go haha), but catch her laughing and flirting and dancing and teasing and planning outfits and frankly being impulsive af #facepalm

Their go-to cure for a bad day?  Pranking their stepmom w Brigit!!  drawing!!  whatever the medieval!fantasty equivalent of, like, eating ice cream directly out of the container while watching Gilmore Girls is, putting on her fanciest dress and going to balls and dancing w ppl who look at her like she’s the moon in the sky, probs actually wearing that bracelet/pin she has from her mom for once! making her sisters laugh! general escapism of every kind tbh, exploring awesome places everything from creepy forests to exquisite castles yknow!!  new experiences and having fun w her loved ones in general <3  the medieval!fantasy equivalent of going to one of Gatsby’s parties, etc

CHARACTER GOALS:

How is your character dissatisfied with their life?  Well, she’s an orphan w Valentina (fc: ANJELICA HUSTON IN EVER AFTER ;D) for a stepmom so…i feel like that kinda speaks for itself hahaha plus she wants to save herself and her sisters!!  and obv she hasn’t done that yet so lots to be bummed about :/  fortunately, she’s got a handsome prince on the hook so things’re looking up in that dept! and she’s defffff not considering the huge possibility that ~that won’t last since his ambitious parents almost certainly have other plans for him than some rando orphan!!!! even if she ~is technically nobility (actually she ~does know this but she ain’t looking at that too close up bc she’s a world class ignorer of truths she don’t vibe with <3)  Anyway, basically she’d love to be rich and just important enough to be consulted and included on fun things but frankly noT important enough to have to deal w the bad (but she doesn’t really think about that second part too much ngl) and have fine parties and intellectual but funny convos and be admired and adored by the glittering throng and make her sisters’ lives better w a wink of her eye!!!! but obv this fantasy existence isn’t playing out so!!! dissatisfaction!!

What does your character believe will bring them true happiness or contentment?  Wealth and importance bc that’d allow her to solve all her current problems!  of course, it’d also create a host of new and perhaps worse problems, but!!!! she does not consider this!!!  in her mind, if she were wealthy and important she could fix everything and then it’d be all happily ever after for everyone a la a fairy tale!

What definitive step could they take to turn their dream into a reality?  Marry Edmund and become a literal princess/empress so she can save her sisters and really stick it to her stepmom or, failing that (besides, it'd be pr cool to be bowed and scraped to and wear a crown and a pretty dress!) or marry pr much any of the other male characters so far that aren’t resistance members! bc she's looking to marry rich so she can save her sisters!

How has their fear kept them from taking this action already?  Well, she’d be pr tied down as the wife of an important person and she values her freedom greatly!  how else is she supposed to bask in her precious distractions and adventures?  she couldn’t just take off for the woods at a moment’s notice or prank Amira (she’d probs be executed for that tbh ;D) or smth, plus – and this is the worst one in her mind – lbr she probs wouldn’t be able to see her sisters nearly as much and, gods, she doesn’t know how she’d ever, ever do w/o them!  So!  her solution?  ignore all of this and just hope things continue 100% the way they are rn, forever, problems and all!

How does your protagonist feel they can accomplish their goal while still steering clear of the thing they are afraid of?  Change, of any kind, is anathema!  everything stays the same <3  failing that (bc inevitably that one’ll collapse around her and she knows this), marry someone rich and handsome and powerful who adores her and buy her way to success <3

[nothbee]

Do you ever think too hard about a relationship between two characters. Do you ever think abt the people one left behind. I do. I think about Marigold and Buttercup alot.

(Context:

Marigold; Scrybe of Stories; fucked up outlaw

Buttercup; Not a cow yet; Fucked up outlaw )

Marigold- Frequently bc of their VERY VERY Criminal actions as a well known outlaw, they’d go thru Partners in crime rlly quickly. Like either they’d die or they’d become a card or leave or whatever.

Marigold gets used to that

Shit doesnt last forever. Marigold Never Truly Lets themself be Known to someone else. The only memory of that they have is before they were a scrybe and friends with the beast one, which ended badly, because they became a scrybe and got amnesia.

So thats how they compartmentalize the world. Everything is a character. A puzzle. An arc to the next story. A means to the ends.

The introduction doesnt have to be ethical if the conclusion is what Marigold wants.

They live a fun life they enjoy, but one kind of… empty of connection and understanding. They can understand others deeply. They can even like, guess with Scary accuracy how theyll react in situations. But they know others will never know them in that way.

So enter scene new outlaw Buttercup.

Marigold locks onto this guy. Like. Hes like… 22 i think. Maybe? Hes 20 and Marigold goes ok my new pet project is to make this random guy open up to me, and usually thats something Marigold does in a few beers and a week as a hobby.

But Buttercups so emotionally constapated i dont think even he Knew what to open up abt.

So Marigold ends up becoming More and More invested in this guy, the longer Marigold tries to become friends with him and the longer hes , yknow, alive. And the pet project becomes ‘Quick friendship’ to ‘Become Genuine friends with this man’. None of Marigolds typical methods are working so guess they’ll have to be…gross. Honest.

Like imagine it kinda touch and go? Buttercup’ll do a crime that goes on the radar and Marigold will go oh sick and go over there in hopes of catching him, and then they’ll drag him on some outlaw adventure thats way fucking crazier then whatever he does and gets him into deeper shit later.

Marigold is genuinely the reason he starts opening up. Bc to Marigolds side, hes always kinda…idk. A brick wall. Getting words out of him that arent threats is an Accomplishment. Marigold probably doesnt even realize they’ve actually succeeded in becoming friends until Buttercup steps in to save Marigold from being killed or something.

And Marigolds like Oh. Shit. I accidentally invested way too much into this person because I was trying to get him to crack, but he never Cracked because his trust was something we slowly built up and earned. Fuck. And now its too late for me to bail because ill feel bad.

Afterwards they kinda just Happen Upon eachother every few months, do a crime or large month long scheme of Marigold’s, and then go their seperate nomad ways again, and honestly they were both happy with that. They’re friends but they’d actually strangle eachother if they were full time partners in crime.

And then Buttercup found Blair and Lottie. And became friends. And made connections. And then suddenly he was 1) becoming a cow 2) trying to…avoid doing crime?? Which was basically the same as Not Hanging out with Marigold. Which took Goldie awhile to realize hurt.

Like they just…didn’t talk for a year. And then I think they came upon eachother randomly while Buttercup had wandered away from Blair and Lottie’s campgrounds for a bit for some alone time and they had a Kinda Bitter conversation but. Like. Yknow when one party goes ‘no i dont want to do something stupid’ and then IMMEDIATELY go so something stupid?

So Buttercup ends up back on the. Erm. Criminal radar bc he got a bit fucked up and silly with Marigold bc he went ‘well fuck it. As long as im back b4 blair and lottie r up! Sure’. He basically had a new start bestowed to him in his hands but his bad habits and lifestyle before shanked him.

Look they’re soooo unhealthy for eachother its insane. They’ve fixed eachother in ways they’ll never realize. They’ve made eachother worse in ways that’ll never heal. Understand.

Buttercup eventually does look back, and. Ext time a year or so down the line Marigold finds Buttercup, I think Marigold and Bup have an argument abt .. like. Control?

Anyone that talks to Marigold basically becomes a butterfly effect. They’ll say something that’ll deeply effect someone else which will change something in the future and ect ect.

And Buttercup cracks abt his worries that Marigold idk. Yknow. Is a bit Fucking Manipulative and a bastard. And Marigold is Actually Hurt- because they purposely tried their damndest to NOT do that to Buttercup- or at least they never used their scrybe power to!! He was their test on if they COULD have a genuine relationship without underhanded actions. Marigold doesn’t know how to grapple with the fact it hurts Buttercup doesn’t believe them. You lie enough that every word out of your mouth is hearsay, and even your closest friends will doubt you. Maybe even yourself.

Was Marigold being truthful? Did they truly never say certain things or trap him in scenarios where the outcome favors them ? Can they trust themself when they say they didn’t?

Anhway when Buttercup Blair and Lottie disappeared and ended up in Sockscraft. Marigold didn’t Know that happenedfor awhile. So they just kinda assumed they were purposely avoiding giving any signs where they were just so Marigold wouldn’t find them.

Let me stress THATS THEIR ONLY FRIEND

Like they consider Buttercup to be their Only True Friend- but even then. Marigolds… never opened up to him.

Yeah. Buttercup picked stuff up from jokes and stories, but Marigold… idk. They put up enough walls upon walls that its hard to tell whats the protection and whats the house.

Marigold is completely caught off guard by how buttercup was the one who left them.

Marigolds always the one in control.

Marigold Knows where people go and Knows how to make them do what they want

And yet he still slipped out of their grasp.

This cements in their mind that what they were doing before meeting Buttercup was the smart thing. If you give people opportunities to leave then they’ll take them. Marigold’s emo phase. In reality they’re clearly unhappy and refusing to unrepress it.

Buttercup misses Marigold in the way you miss being a more naive person. A worse person. He misses being able to do awful things without feeling bad- just feeling happy hes with them and not thinking about why.

This gets worse when you dig into deeper feelings. They were definitely fruity in some fashion, but also very aromantic. Aroflux but your romantic feelings only lined up once in a blue moon and sometimes you weren’t even near eachother. And maybe you were just mixing up the joy of friendship and closeness for romance. Who knows!

Theyre destined to never really Be Together. Just like… There.

Like if u ever suggestted Getting Together Officially to the two of them they’d scrunch their nose and go Idk I dont feel romance things . Get out of my house

They’re always kinda.. its like. The comfort of knowing you have someone when you need someone and nothing more. This has always defined their relationship honestly.

These two make me mentally unwell. Very ill. Love loses. I hope I never see them again.

[pwblogarchive]

June 2005

June 1, 2005

Lets make a mixed cd.

Songs to listen to when you're alone:

Smoking popes "pretty pathetic"

Imogen heap "hide and seek"

Elliot smith "a fond farewell"

Get up kids "valentine"

Bright eyes "lua"

Joy division "ice age...."

Kent "if I was there"

Motion city soundtrack "everything is alright"

Morissey "the more you ignore me..."

Now its overhead "with a subtle look"

Saves the day "blindfolded"

The smiths "unloveable"

The smiths "asleep"

The weakerthans "left and leaving"

Coldplay "trouble"

American nightmare "we are"

Damnation ad "no more dreams"

The cure "why can't I be you"

Dan andriano "lucky smoke rings"

Nick drake "pink moon"

Burn. And play. Repeat play.

In the dark.

June 4, 2005

things you may or may not know about our experience at trl:

fat joe is awesome. he is one of the few "celebrities" that we have ever met that has no attitude. he goofed around with us and told us a bunch of hilarious stories. he is what you wished you were only bigger and funnier, trust us.

it was really hot there.

we have yet to meet a camera man that knows how to film fall out boy. we were doing lots of stuff on stage that they completely missed. next time maybe they'll catch on.

we saw some footage that mtv shot of "sugar we're going down" for fall out boy makes the video (Mtv2). it will make you laugh at pete and dirty literally stealing a golf cart and driving it into a tree at full speed.

pete is constantly sick. possibly because he jumps in pools full of staph infection or possibly because he never sleeps. we're not sure. he did a sick cannonball today, again too bad the camera missed that one. though we are pretty sure that the vj vanessa loved the gross wet hug he gave her when he got out of the pool.

our guitar tech eric the cowboy and soundguy Dad did a trl "shout out" during kelly clarkson for our tourmonkey Dirty. it was the best part about trl.

we think this is the first time Lifetime and The Descendents were namedropped on TRL, that makes us proud. now go buy their cds.

we recommend that you do not put all of your money on red or black. its just not worth it.

the "i heart revenge" shirt. will be available from clandestine this summer.

patrick gets sunburned in approximately one second.

panic! at the discman's new songs are amazing. pink was the new black then black was the new black now panic at the disco is the new black.

fall out boy is always gonna be just a band that started in joe's attic. we got the world fooled on TRL, thanks for being in on the secret with us. keep up the calling!

thanks for making it all possible.

now back to crankcalling dirty.

June 8, 2005

Florida is hot. That's all I have to say. The humidity makes it hard to breathe. I wanted to thank everyone for remembering my birthday. And kimber thanks for the bday slipandslide but joe decided he liked it more than me so he took it. Maybe hell let me use it on warped with him, hehe. Besides I like joe. The hardrock show was actually a lot of fun... We're going home to try and work up some new stuff to play on warped. Post what new songs you guys want to hear the most and we'll work on them. Oh yeah we got all new merch for warped and all new clandestine stuff too...

For those of you voting on trl. We heard that the whole last week was pretaped. So don't give up hope!!

Real enrty later when I'm not so tired. Nice to see all your pretty faces all over again.

June 10, 2005

the boy kings-

you guys did it. i dont really understand how we managed to but we beat out 50cent and made it to number 9 on trl countdown. pinch myself. yep. im still me and my mom is still yelling at me to clean my room. damnit i thought being on trl would make me instantly awesomer.... in any news we have some cool cover songs we're working on for comps and we're practicing for warped you know- sitting with out guitars in a sauna for 12 hours a day. it gets kind of gross. wait did i thank you for your undying support for us. all the other bands on TRL are three times the size of fall out boy and our fans alone are dedicated to call and work to get us on there. it honestly made me shiver when i saw that. lets keep it going up the countdown- show them what this is about! please call again tommorrow, phones are worth more than the net! the info is on the front page. back to the sauna for me. me and patrick are sweating out new songs as we speak. hope to see chicago kids at the gym class show on sunday! and we have some awesome stuff planned for everyone real soon...

hey S.O.'s i been seeing you at shows. it makes me swoon.

truefuckinglove peter

06/10/05

question

Dear Pete, or whoever decides to answer this question..well or not answer…my friend megan says that if you listen to XO with just the right side of headphones theres no music so it sounds like Patrick is singing in her ear just for her…and i agree….try it sometome

answer

how about this. when i want patrick to sing in my ear i call him on the phone and he does it… boo and yah. oops. yeah i do that sometimes.

June 13, 2005

i'll be your number 9 with a bullet.

thanks for getting us on trl again!!! they changed the time of trl for summer. can you tell how suprised the vj's are that we keep getting on? its so amazing. keep it up. they changed the voting time to 1:30-2:00pm EST... so check it out earlier now. check out how to vote on the front page.

more s(w)oon.

XO

06/13/05

question

Does Patrick have a nickname? If so what is it?

answer

rickster. von stump. sophmore strump. winchester snomp, lunchbox. cookie jar. healthbar. rick ta life. patty boy. dont ever call him these. they are mine.

June 14, 2005

dear diary,

how did we get here. i'm not even sure.

thank god that the man who wrote Thriller is free. bring back the hits please, i'm dying.

summers not what it used to be.

the first kiss (off).

we leave for new york in moments. i'm a mess. nothings really going as planned in good ways and in bad ways.

thank you for the number seven, even if we are the "fall out boyS"

to the falloutBoy kings

ps. new summer line over at www.clandestineindustries.com - which includes more girls stuff, the bleach series based off of the story the count of monte cristo and some shirts designed exclusively for patrick.

June 14, 2005

her dad was a cook.

more like a chemist.

now he's doing time for burning down a shack out in the woods.

she gets her affection through two inch bulletproof glass two weekends a month, when her mother will drive her out there.

her hair is nosebleed red kinda funny in the way she always has the sniffles too, but you wouldn't laugh out loud, just in your head.

but me i'm brave, but in the boy next door kind of way. gone wrong ofcourse.

she says her family used to ski in vail.

i'm thinking this is a thinly veiled code for something about drugs but i'm not sure.

someone should wipe that smile off of her face.

someone should tell her that she's a terminal case and ruin her day.

not me, you know i'm kinda too into her.

it's the kind of conversation i'd engage behind cigarette smoke late at night with someone else.

she's like exposed brick. its not really as classy as people in manhattan apartments will tell you.

she always talks my ear off.

telling me amazing stories from the middle of nowhere.

i can hear the crickets chirping.

and the tumbleweeds blowing.

like how the 92 flood of mississippi was so bad that the water went into graveyards and she saw coffins floating down the street on the news.

peaceful resting place.

when we walk into a casino in vegas she tells me how they pump oxygen through the vents to keep people from feeling tired. how they make them like a maze around the casino floor so you can't find exits. how they keep the drinks coming for free. how everything is inclusive, you can get whatever you need, so you won't leave. she tells you to notice how there isn't anywhere to sit down except in front of a slot machine. she tells you it's just to get you to keep gambling.

as if it't a conspiracy.

just so you know she also calls tornados: twisters. and she's been in too many to count.

today she said the sky looked too nice, "it just isn't right".

we have patchwork afternoons like this.

just sewn together but not really matching.

we would if we could though. just coming apart at the seams and thats what's so attractive about eachother.

we could beat this rap. we could change your mind about us. we could live through this.

we just don't want to.

fuck your futures.

- petey

06/14/05 Q&A

question

Hypothetically asking, Ok, what if one day you woke up and Patrick was not there. Would you be worried?

answer

it would make me want to disappear to wherever he was.

06/16/05

question

How does patrick sing the emotion in the songs that u (pete) wrote.. Do you have to explain it to him or does he just know?

answer

me and patrick can finish eachothers sentences. this is what makes it so funny when people ask us if we care that you think the the other one is hotter or cooler, or how much everyone makes a big deal about who writes what or is where in photos. we don’t care. that kid is my best friend and the rest of the world could blow up and fall out boy can break up and he still will be.

June 16, 2005

I am glad today is over. We drove around nyc on a double decker bus and then recorded a cover song for a video game. A lot of things kind of were blown out of proportion today. But then I got to hear the new kanye west record and meet him. I realize no matter where our record is, hiphop guys like him are so much cooler than I will ever be. Oh well.

Number 5 is unbelieveable. Honestly I looked at my tv screen and was baffled. There aren't words... You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, no matter how bad things get.

June 18, 2005

best in show, worst in. love. with you. spent the day rehearsing warped tour. getting in the swing. so happy tonight in the perfect weather with friends from: from first to last, underoath and matchbookromance. we're a gang. get into it. this summer is going to be okay i think. really excited to play again tommorrow. come and find me (out). pick me out of a hat, pull me out of your sleeve. im lucky, but you're the luckiest. you guys bring a smile to my face when i see all of your silly questions. keep voting at TRL- it's definitely suprising some people over at Mtv!

www.clandestineindustries.com

XO

ps J. - BenFolds "the luckiest"

June 20, 2005

haiku for you...

moonlit blues dimming

veins full of point fives and ones

turning my head off

just watch my mind run

over by the ambulance

side effect lover

- petey

June 21, 2005

I love summer in the midwest. Sunsets are the best. We love the number five. Thanks for voting on trl. Mtv is super suprised that we keep beating out 50cent and shakira. Thank you for your support. Its pretty exciting for us and is worth more than you could know. Please Keep voting... The info is in the news. First day off on warped tour and goddamn I miss it. Comeback forever.

Btw we love ap.net and jared kaufman so whoever said otherwise has got their stories mixed up.

Watch: the notebook. Get in touch with you cliched romantic side.

Listen: frou frou "letgo" cause theirs beauty in the breakdown.

Truelove.

See you on warped tour. Come over and say hey.

June 22, 2005

Warped tour is so hot. I've been eating icees and popsicles like they are going out of style. I love all the smiling, sunburned faces. Number three on TRL? This blew everyone away. We thought we might make it out on there but never guessed we could have gotten that far up. We talked about it all night on the bus. We have to find a way to repay you guys, something special. We're coming up with some ideas, just to let you guys know how much your support means. Stay tuned for that. Keep voting if you can. Otherwise go outside and play in the sun. We've been hangng with mcr and fftl a lot, teaching them how to go outside before it gets dark. Its funny.

Xo

June 23, 2005

From the bottom of our blackened hearts. Thank you for making us number one on trl. Its hotter than hell in dallas right now and we want to go to a waterpark. Koreantom cruise isn't helping it go down though.

We always knew how you felt. Now the world knows.

Honestly. Beaming from cheek to cheek.

June 25, 2005

lovers. from room 911 of a holiday inn next to the warped tour in houston. i apologize for being out of touch. the internet is not easy to come by here. i hate the sun. it seems to hate me as well. but i love being on Warped tour. been hanging with lots of old friends and some new ones too, definitely talking about some upcoming tours.

after seeing us as number one on TRL i was reminded of something that happened to me on last years Warped tour. I was standing in line for catering where all the bands eat and happened to bump into a member of a huuuuuuge punk rock band that i will not mention. i felt dumb and said i was sorry. but for whatever reason the guy didn’t like how i looked or like my band or whatever and said “you shouldn’t even bother wait in line to eat, you don’t deserve to be on the warped tour and you’ll always be a second stage band”. it made me feel like shit. i left the line and just started walking away to be on my own. as i did, someone from another equally huge punk band ran over and said “fuck that shit. get back in line”. and i mumbled something about feeling sorry for myself. and he said

fuck that. lets just say that you are a second stage band for the rest of your life. could you look in the mirror and love what you did?”. and i thought about it. and i came to terms with it. now this isn’t something where i’m trying to rub anything in anyones face. in fact its quite the opposite. i realized that i loved our band no matter what happened to it. if youve seen the movie rushmore you know what i mean when i say “fall out boy is my rushmore”. its the only thing i have really believed in, in a long time. it makes my heart beat. playing the songs makes me feel alive. yeah, i come off as depressed and blue all the time, but the stage washes that all away. whether we are number one on TRL or not even on Mtv.

that all being said. i was talking on IM with a kid the other day when we were number two and she said “don’t worry, we’ll get you to number 1”. it seems like such a simple thing but it almost made me cry. a fan who cares enough about me and every member of this band to feel like they owe it to bring us to number one. like they were paying us back. it made my day. i can’t tell you the gasp i felt when we heard the news. we figured taking off 25 percent on our merch store isn’t alot to do but it’s the best we could think of. soooo again Thank you!!! every single person who ever believed in us was vindicated in that moment. you shook the world alittle bit, but it was amazing. please keep it up.

bring your sunblock and water, and maybe a couple of yellow flowers.

xo

06/25/05 Q&A

answer

“kisses on the necks of just friends” kinda sexy dont you think. like if my friend was say william beckett that would be really sexy.

question

id just like to clarify that no one could pull off sideburns like patrick, i mean cmon, whats wrong with you people?..oh and pete, hows it going?

June 26, 2005

Warped tour is hottness. As are you.

Also, we have noticed a crazy amount of fake myspace accounts for each of us. NONE of us a personal myspace account.

We have also noticed a lot of people selling our autographs online. Don't support this. We promise that you can get our autographs at shows. Don't waste your money online. We will however later on this summer be putting some items that you cannot get anymore from early in our career as a band on ebay as a charity for our friend andrew from something corporate. So keep your eyes open.

Thanx love.

June 28, 2005

Amazing new mexico sunset. I'm hanging on a bridge with my friend mikey way from my chem. Its all orange and pink above us. We went to another waterpark again. I love high fives again. Totally back in love. Saw the most amazing movie... I think its called spirited away. Watch it.

Oh yeah. Keep voting. Kelly clarkson fans think they're better than ours. It kinda gave us a chuckle. For real. Total hiphop beef. We've got our money on you guys. Keep the votes up! You guys are amazing. Hugs and highfives forever.

Peterpan

06/30/05 Q&A

question

hey pete, do you belive in god? and congrats to you guys for being on TRL so long. and one more thing when are you guys coming to San Antonio again last time you guys came it was my sisters b-day. Bye, Sami

answer

im not sure what i believe. i would like to believe that there is something bigger making all these coincidences happen. i want to not be alone.

question

how come that me and my friend voted two hundred times in two days to beat strung out ass in the energizer contest and you didnt play ten more minutes in montreal by the way im glad you have come here and the show rocked

answer

i dunno. we didn’t get the extra ten minutes.

question

did mikey rub it in your face that they were number 1 on trl on friday?

answer

me and mikey are in a gang called the sweet little dudes. there is no competition. we are happy when our friends are doing well.

question

When I wake up in the middle of the night, I sing your songs in my head to fall back asleep, what do you do to go back to sleep?

answer

i put on the new panic at the disco record.

question

what do you do when your becoming something you hate and you never wont to be. Please help me. Brittany

answer

its never too late to turn it all around. thats the best thing about being alive.

question

Do you think if some big fan at warped tour just randonmly came up and humped Andys leg do you think he would care?

answer

nah andy is pretty easy going.

question

Pete, is it true that you dont drink alcohol

answer

only xmolotovcoktailsx

question

hey pete, who came up with the idea for the flipbook album edition thing? cause its awsome

answer

the rats that live inside my brain.

question

Patrick and Andy are so sexy!

answer

true.

question

Peter, what is up with the sudden emo scented journal entries. i mean, i /we just dont want you to be sad anymore. ::internet hugs::

answer

im just being a baby.