#its 8am and im horned up

[possumsa]

I wanna touch his boobs

BARRY KEOGHAN W Mag’s Best Performances Party | 5 Jan 2024

[whumpshaped]

Saw the instruments had to come in & say I can play a Trumpet & French horn proficiently. I wanted to flex cause its some bullshit I ain't have no time for my instruments recently tho. This adult bs sucks need the good lord to gimme a refund! 👁✨️

u guys r so cool im gonna have to close my inbox bc im getting insecure /j i have a grudge against the trumpet bc the one on our street kept practising at 8am during the summer and i could never sleep😭 woke up to scales every day😭

[regularbeans]

i ammmm fuMMmmINGggGGG

rant about work lol

okay so i will be taking driving lessons right. 2 hours/day once a week. With travelling there, waiting for the bus etc i will miss 4 hours per week, right

since I have to work my ass off anyway, I was already planning to do a bunch of overtime, I dont even care that I cant take note of it, I didnt write it up last year, im not gonna do it this year, ill just get my job done so i can leave for my little concert adventure from february 20th to march 3th without any guilt that im leaving my trash behind for my coworkers to deal with, right. thats something _I_ want to do, like i need time to do my work x)

like thats my work conscience, like i want to do my job.

But with the driving taking 4 hours out of my day once per week, i thought that lets say tomorrow as an example, ill leave work at 8AM, and get back at noon, thats 4 hours missed, right? so that day, i would stay in two more hours to work, and then the next day, thursday, i would also stay 2 more hours at work to catch up with the work i shouldve done in those four hours. so in those two days, i should work for 16 hours, right? 8 hours on wednesday, 8 hours on thursday. with my plan, i could work 6 hours on wednesday (8 hours - 4 hours (driving) + 2 hours (staying after work) and then 10 hours on thursday (8+2 more hours after work).

so i end up wotking 16 hours together in those two days makes sense? makes perfect sense

HOWEVER

My boss told me that i need to take my PTO out to cover the driving days. she told me to take out five days, which account for 5x8 hours, so, 40 hours, so that covers 10 of my driving days, since 10 x 4 hours is 40 hours. which is how much ill be missing.

BUT ????????????

i will have to stay in aNYWAY x") cause i WILL have to catch up with the work i missed x) i cant just be like okay i was driving whatever. no, ill have to do my work, so ill stay in aNYWAY. so i take my PTO out AND i stay in more. but i cant write it down as overtime because overtime cannot be recorded (because my boss says that if we cant get our job done in 8 hours then we're not suited for our position lol)

but in thIS CASE IT WOULDNT EVEN BE OVERTIME it would be just REALLOCATING my ALREADY EXISTING TIME also i had to take out 5 obligatory days for the first week of january when we werent allowed to work i have to take out ten days for Adventure Funky Town TIme in february then i take 5 more days off for driving, thats 20 out of my 30 days a year off x) and that will only cover 20 hours of driving!!! Because mind you im gone for 4 hours a day, but only 2 of those hours is spent with driving lessons. and you have to drive like at least 50-something hours. so. thatll be at least five more days off so that leaves me with 25 days taken off and 5 days remaining. which ill have to keep for obligatory end-of-year PTO when the office is mandatorily closed so.

no more days off for the year for me uwu!

you know what?

you know Fucking what?

ill do it. ill take my days off ill work my ass off, ill work 60 hours a week, ill work in the weekends, i wont say a SIngle word, i wont write down my overtime, i wont have any more days off, that february break is gonna be my One Holiday for the year

then eventually ill overwork myself to the point of exhaustion and when i completely make myself sick then i can go on a sick leave and they can Eat. My. Taiiiiintttttttt

this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it

but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o

does she not trust me to do actual work????

just out

not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me

and i never said a bad word at work

i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work

when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work

so this just feels like im not being trusted???? or like... cause on one hand, plain overtime i can kind of understand. if my boss thinks you have to be able to finish your work in eight hours and if you cant thats a you problem, that i can accept even though i dont agree with it

but this wouldnt even be overtime, this would just be like, reallocating those four hours to Slightly later o_o

does she not trust me to do actual work in those hours???

not to toot my own horn but if someone is known for doing whatever they can to finish work on time at the office then its me

and i never said a bad word at work

i dont complain (at work, i complain on twitter... and now here x)), i dont boast about how much extra i work

when my Bosses see it they see it, if they dont, i dont care, i just want to finish my work

also, i have hundreds of hours of overtime from last year that i never wrote up, but kind of kept track for myself just so I Know x) I never once asked to be paid for that time, i didnt take any time off for those hours i worked extra so... why did i stay in all those hours for? to do my work. thats literally all the benefit i got out of it and she thinks id stay in just to fuck around? does she think thats what ive been doing so far? x)

chrrrist im annOYEd

[taylorandashley]

Camping will be so cost efficient

guest star: Written by yours truly: Taylor

This is the story about the events that transpired on November 24, 2017. This really happened to us. I swear. But first let me start out with the bit of a preface: Before Ashley and I came to Australia we decided we really wanted to camp as well as stay in hostels. “This will be so cost efficient”, “camping is fun, and we wont have to stay in hostels and we can have our own space.” So we go online, searching for the best backpacking tents, space conscious and light. Sleeping bags and sleeping pads that can be stored compactly, flashlights, pillows that can be inflated or rolled up tight, anything small we could fit in our bags. I have to mention that these items that can be super compact tend to be much more expensive, but “it’s okay Ashley we’re going to be camping TONS, it’s worth the extra money.” Flash forward 2 months… Ashley is lugging around a 10 pound tent on her back which has not moved since the day we left. My sleeping pad has remained in my bag, taking up space and those damn pillows have yet to be blown up. Ashley comes to me and says “Okay, we’re finally going camping.” She plans it all out we’re going to rent a car and drive there. We sit the night before planning our next day, so excited, oblivious of the horror that is planned for us the next day. The plan was for Ashley to wake up around 7 am in time to pick up our rental car for 8am. We plan to head to bed early as tomorrow is a big day. I wake up to a slight rustle of Ashley who’s alarm did not go off around 7 as planned and instead it is now 755am. The rental car place is approximately a 20 minute walk away. I look at my belongings thrown across the floor as if a tornado has gone through the room and she looks at me and says “SOOOO, you’re not packed.” I reassure her that by the time she gets back I’ll be packed and have breakfast started. We should’ve probably looked at this and gone hmmmm, maybe instead we’re in store for a bit of an interesting day but no, we still looked forward with optimism. We lug our 1 million pounds of luggage (that’s what it feels like I swear) into our 2014 Toyota Yaris (YAY A YARIS) and take off from Newcastle. We stop at Big W for some odds and ends and to Anaconda (the best camping store in the world) before we head out. Ashley has a revelation that she’s forgotten her after bite cream (prescription stuff that has been our SAVIOUR from misquotes thus far) at the hostel. Off we go back to hostel to search the room, its not there. Which surprised me as it honestly looks like cream someone would use for their Hoo Ha and I’m not sure who would want that second hand. We continue on for our 2 hour drive towards Crowdy National Park. We have a nice drive talking when Ashley finally clues in: “Wait, I think we were supposed to turn back there.” I get on the phone to look up and it turns out we had gone past our turn off. The GPS gives us 2 options: 1) continue on this route, it looks like a larger loop but it’s apparently only 7 minutes slower or 2) turn around and go on our original route. Maybe if I we had’ve picked route 1 we would’ve had a different day. We turn around to go on our original route. We turn off into a small little town and follow the GPS towards what looks like a dirt road. It’s okay, our Yaris can handle it. We go down this road, gravel a flying and bumping, Ashley quickly realizes that in order to not do damage to this small car she has to drive about 15 kph. About 7 km into the drive Ashley turns and looks at me. “Oh my god, that’s why that long drive was only 7 minutes longer, this 24 km drive is all backroad.” Well we’re too far in now it doesn’t make sense to turn around now. We’re fine. We travel at an agonizing 15 kph, bumping up and down in the Yaris Ashley evading the HUNDREDS of pot holes and me attempting to not throw up on her from the constant stopping and turning around the stupid pot holes. We finally arrive at the campground after what felt like hours, Yaris all dirty, us hating the stupid roads and cursing that we didn’t turn around earlier as we probably broke everything under the car. Get our campsite and as we’re setting up look up and see wild kangaroos EVERYWHERE. We’re ecstatic. At least 5 we can see just right in front of us. “Oh my god we’re camping with kangaroo’s, how cool!” I quickly get on the phone with mom and brag about these roos running wild right beside us. We get our tent set up and head back to the RIGHT ROAD (the one who should’ve taken originally) towards town. We go to the grocery store and starting getting groceries for the next 3 nights. We needed an “Esky” (Australian for a cooler) and have seen these really cool styrofoam esky’s you can get from the grocery store. We buy that along with sausages, hot dog buns (perfect ones) and other random groceries. We head back to the car load in our groceries Ashley begins to pull out of our spot. *HONK* *BANG* *ASHLEY SCREAMS* We look behind and we’ve collided with an extremely large utility truck. We get out and our left tail light has been smashed out and not a scratch on the truck. I look up and hear a lady scream, the truck is rolling backwards towards us… He jumps in his truck and gets in it in time to throw the brake in and stop it from hitting us and another vehicle. We quickly realize this is going to be 50/50 and he has no damage so he can leave. No information required. (Big mistake we know) After getting in the vehicle Ashley looks at the contract from the rental company and realizes that we need to prove there was another vehicle in order for the amount being taken from us from 398$ to 900$. In order to have that we needed his information so the insurance company could call him and confirm there was 2 vehicles involved. New plan: we’ll go to an auto shop and get them to fix it before we take it back on Monday night. Perfect. First shop: we’re moving, we can’t order parts. Second shop: I don’t have a part and neither do my other 2 shops, you’ll have to call and get it ordered and get them to fix it back in Newcastle before you return it. Done. It’s shortly before 3, we head to the liquor store (clearly we need it). We’ll call the Newcastle shop when we get back to the campsite to order the new part. And find Molson Canadian (SUCCESS) head to the check out. We stand in line and *Smash* a guy drops beers right behind us at our feet. Alright sweet our bad luck is just radiating now. We look beside us and see a white 2 door truck with a utility trailer as the back. No. It can’t be the same guy. We turn around to find a driver. We automatically see about 5 of the exact same vehicle. Ashley waits for the driver, its not our man. We drive through the lot and I hear Ashley yell and lay on the horn. I turn and look and a truck is about a foot away from T-boning us on my side. You’ve got to be kidding me. We drive back to the campground. Turns out the most common vehicle around here is a white 2 door utility truck. Everywhere. We stop back at the store to talk to the lady who yelled at the guy when his truck was rolling. I go in and talk to her. Apparently the man is in there every few days and she will call me with his information the next time he’s in. Okay a win. We get back to our tent and crack open a well deserved beer. Its been a rough day. I call the Newcastle shop to order the part for the car, the deadline to order a part before Monday was at 3pm. It’s now shortly before 4. Sweet. So I guess we’re going through insurance now, we better hope to god get that guys information. I go to check on my sleeping pad which “self inflates” the one I just “Had to have” and “It’s okay to spend a little extra money on it” because “I’ll be using it all the time.” It has only inflated on one half and has no indication that it’s going to get any more blown up. Sweet. Sleeping should be fun. Okay time for some food. Yay. We planned for Australian Beef sausages with fresh hot dog buns and some chips and salsa (fancy I know) Im pulling our food out of the car to put into the esky and take over to the BBQ as I notice a few kanagroos within about 20 feet of me. I see a Joey poking out the pouch of a mom. (ADORABLE, RIGHT?) The joey hasn’t quite got all his fur on him and he looks slightly like a rat but his ears are adorable and his head is poking out in his moms tummy. The cutest thing in the world. I kneel down and stick my hand out towards the group of 3 roo’s and the mom comes towards me. I almost cry into the esky while loading it as this is the cutest thing ever. She comes up to me and Ashley starts snapping pictures. Im petting her as she starts to hop by me. I turn to Ashley to see if she got the picture and I see the mom casually start walking towards our dry food bag. No. She’s not going for that… Ashley quickly goes to pick up the bag and just as she does the Mom reaches in with her paws and grabs our bag of hot dog buns! I yell NOOOOOOOO (im very excited about these buns I kept poking them all afternoon) I lunge toward the bag as the mom has no picked it up in his paws. I attempt to rip it from her paws but she’s stronger than I suspect, there I am, pulling back and forth a bag of hot dog buns, losing to a kangaroo. I scream and pull as the hot dog buns going flying. I scramble attempting to pick them up before she can get them (the little thief) she’s managed to get one and is trying to put it in her mouth, I snatch it away and go NO. Swatting my hand at her. I grab all the buns and the bag and try to run for the picnic table by the BBQ. By this time all the campers have gathered. (oh honey haha look at these helpless Canadian girls fighting with kangaroos) But oh no, we’ve left the esky behind. Have no fear, Ashley gets a second wind and grabs the handle of the cooler and takes off. *SMASH* I turn around to see Ashley holding the handle of the cooler in her hand but the styrofoam and contents of the esky are no longer attached to the handle and are scattered amongst the ground surrounded by ice. I look at Ashley who just says, “I’m going to cry.” The noise of the cooler smashing on the ground has scared off our kangaroo friends. We sheepishly pick up the contents of our old cooler and make our way to the BBQ. At this point we’ve said “You’ve got to be kidding me” or “What the hell kind of day is this?” At least a dozen times, but this time we’ve really had it. We finally clean up the mess and make it over to the picnic table and BBQ. We take out a beer each. A toast: “What a shitty day, here’s to an awesome night.” I take out the sausages, which at this point I’m like yes. Okay something delicious. Perfect. I assumed they were more like hot dogs. And tried to tear off the outer layer which I assumed was plastic like back home. It's not. Turns out they wrap their sausages in “edible collagen” and you don’t have an option to not eat the collagen because it all falls out when the wrapping isn’t on it. I don’t know how to explain this so I can help you understand how unappealing this “sausage” looks like. It was like mince beef, add some water and gelatine and stuffed it into an intestine. The outside was browning but the inside you could squeeze the meat out and it would come out. I’ve now had it. I turn to Ashley: “I’M DONE WITH THIS, TAKE ME TO THE PUB.” Ashley: “But I don’t want to waste the food.” Me: “THEY WERE 4$” Ashley being the intriguing foodie that she is, insisted she try the dog food so she puts it in the bun (i’m sure it was the one I wrangled from Sheila (I decided to name the mom roo) She takes one bite into it and the collagen part goes no where but the meat comes squeezing out the end of it. “NOPE. NOPE, I’M DONE.” Ashley: “Its actually not bad.” I’m hangry. As I type this I sit at a hotel restaurant chomping on garlic bread, Ashley and I exhausted from this day, going over it, like did this really happen. We got lost and ended up on the worst road possible, bumping up and down, damaged our rental car with still an unsure way to fix it, almost got t-boned, disappointed by our camping gear, wrestled a bag of buns from a kangaroo, broke our esky, lost our ice and anyway to cool our things for the next 3 days, wasted food and likely became a vegetarian. We have now gotten back to the campground and have forced ourself into our tent, not allowing ourselves near fire, anything sharp or pointy or near other people, just in case we’re contagious. The moral of the story is don’t lose your after bite cream.

[gulescamisade]

Virginia:  Day 10

DAVENFORTH: -Does this university have a gym? It better. Well, Dave is in there. Not that you can see him, there's a heavy punching bag taking quite the abuse. There's flurries of hits, but their source can't be seen.-

HIGHBLOOD: =Watching this. He's here. He's maybe always been here. Crunches nacho slowly, loudly.=

DAVENFORTH: -When the fuck did you even get here-

DAVENFORTH: -Flashes in and kicks the bag, sending it flying into a wall. He lands, huffing, sweating.-

QIRIN: =she comes in eventually, sitting quietly on a bench with her hands open in her lap, watching Sonic the Hedgehog beat up a gremlin.=

HIGHBLOOD: =hands Qirin cheesy nacho chips= :o)

DAVENFORTH: -He hasn't noticed the audience yet, walking over and hoisting the bag up, placing it back on its rack.-

QIRIN: =....thanks. She nods and takes it, not wishing to be the one to disrupt the silence.=

HIGHBLOOD: =loudly crunches chip again=

DAVENFORTH: -Looks up. Oh. He gives a sup nod-

HIGHBLOOD: you tirin already brother, shit just got good =eats more chips and nods at him=

QIRIN: =waves gently. hi, she read the news.=

DAVENFORTH: Nah just didnt realize i had an audience

DAVENFORTH: -Rolls his shoulders and goes back to punching the bag, normally this time. He's putting a lot of effort behind these swings, the impacts very audible in the gym-

-----------

ERIDAN: -Somewhere in the first floor of the university science department, a fish troll has made his headquarters. The door of a lab is thrown open while music plays, if it could be called music. It was muffled and the signal was terribe with static. It was obviously a radio hotwired to pick up whatever far off-planet station that dared to air all the way to Earth. A small sign of life in the otherwise gloomy dark school hallways.- 

ERIDAN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=And-yo5jwko

ROXANNE: -Obviously if she was going to tour around anywhere to distract herself from the stress and danger it would be the science building. It would be like a blast from the past. When Roxanne had still been in school she spent all her time in her campus science department or observatory (good place to study, really quiet.) She walks aimlessly around the empty halls of the first floor peeking in through a window or two until the sound of shitty music gains her attention and she follows it until she is looking in through the open door to the lab.- 

ROXANNE: Huh. -Looks like they were re-purposing rooms.-

ERIDAN: -Repurposing the rooms in a manner of speaking. The tables were lined with Eridan's "meager" collection of assault weapons. Everything ranging from harpoon guns to muskets, photon, and of course, the standard automatic was laid out on display.- 

ERIDAN: -Eridan himself was half sprawled over the professor's desk, having fallen asleep over maps of the Washington battle grounds next to his honest-to-god duct taped radio hull. The source of the static music.- (zzzz)

ROXANNE: -What a hero, what a pro.- 

ROXANNE: -Maybe she should just let him sleep, but tickle her curious at just why he was napping in a slightly redecorated lab while leaving dangerous weaponry about.- ROXANNE: Hm. -She knocks on the frame of the doorway to see if that will wake him up.-

ERIDAN: -SNORTS AWAKE, hunting knife almost instantly in his hand. Maybe he fell asleep with it? He lifts his head to peer blearily around, glasses askew.- zzzuhfuck -Spots Roxanne at the door, eyebrows furrowing until he's giving a mighty stretch at the desk.- 

ERIDAN: oh dammit 

ERIDAN: justa human -yawns toothily, using the pointy end of the knife to scratch at the base of his horns.- wwhats the commotion

ROXANNE: -Yep just a human 8) - 

ROXANNE: -Briefly flinches when he wakes up with a knife of all things.- Jeez ya' expecting certain company with that tooth pick? ...horn pick?

ERIDAN: surprised you aint similar wwise givven your situation -The horn pick feels good actually.... he casually keeps sweeping the blunt end along the wwavvy shape of his horns. The amphibious insectoid that he is, totally half asleep.- 

ERIDAN: mess hall aint this wway if youre lookin

ROXANNE: Man I'd be real dumb if I was lookin' for a bite to eat. 

ROXANNE: Surprise Im here to steal the guns you left out on the table for absolutely basically anyone to come and get. -jabs a thumb at the arms display. Do you get her point.-

ERIDAN: -gives her this LOOK.- wwhat 

ERIDAN: do you think im sendin these folks out there empty handed 

ERIDAN: kinda presumptuous a you assumin im runnin that kinda operation here

ERIDAN: takin is wwhat theyre FOR

ROXANNE: Right right i get that, but no sign in sheet or nothin'?

ROXANNE: Dang its like you got no respect for 'em. -Steps all the way in and eyes the collection close up. Some of these are nice.-

ROXANNE: Also seems dangerous.

ERIDAN: yeah probably thats also in essence the point -rubbing his eyes under his glasses and then reaches under his desk. Time to pour himself a drink.-

ROXANNE: -Picks up the automatic and looks it over, is it in good condition?- ROXANNE: Then you run a risky armory.

ERIDAN: meh -Damn. He has no more cups. Just swings back this rock n rye flavored faygo with a grimace.- 

ERIDAN: -All the rifles are in good condition. It's one of the few things Eridan gives a shit about enough to invest and maintain.-

ERIDAN: run your owwn armory if you wwanna criticize

ROXANNE: If I had plans ta' stick around i might. We could have a whole competition, best arms dealer wins.

ROXANNE: -Puts down the automatic and picks up the harpoon gun, inspecting it in quite the same manner and then aiming it at the opposite wall. Her finger isnt on the trigger of course, but shes never shot one before and wanted to try holding it.-

ERIDAN: run me outta business fine 

ERIDAN: so long as the job gets done -The safety's on and it gleams sharply in the flourescent lighting. A deadly harpoon, especially in the right hands.-

ROXANNE: -Noice. Its got a good weight to it.- Those are the words of someone plannin' on losing. 

ROXANNE: -Turns her head to flash him a small smile.- But like i said not stickin' around to do your job for you.

ERIDAN: yeah -What he's agreeing to, it's not apparent. He's just chugging more faygo, eyes drooping heavily.- mmmmh

ERIDAN: ought to pick one you like or somethin

ROXANNE: Hm? 

ROXANNE: ....Are you just gonna' give me a gun? -How sleepy IS this guy.-

ERIDAN: -fingers are knotted into his hair as he gives himself a massage around the temples- ...fuckin 

ERIDAN: yes i am 

ERIDAN: it aint that goddamn complicated sometimes a request or a question is just simple 

ERIDAN: not wwarrantin the necessity to react like youre batshit insane 

ERIDAN: i already had to deal wwith one a you

ERIDAN: or else just drop it clearly attempts at generosity or concern at you humans just aint wworth it

ROXANNE: Sorry consider me a lil' hesitant around strangers lately. 

ROXANNE: Thanks for the offer though, ill take ya' up on it. -Shes putting down the harpoon gun and taking one of the automatics. sure the spear was cool, but this would be a lot more useful later.-

ERIDAN: -reaching under his desk again. This time pulling out a twinkie, peeling apart the wrapper.- least you got your senses about you -mutters.-

ROXANNE: -Tucks that gun away safe and sound in her sylladex now before turning to watch eridan snack.- 

ROXANNE: So... besides hand out guns an' chug shitty soda brands, what else do you get up to in here?

ERIDAN: i aint in here most instances 

ERIDAN: im out and about runnin the operation a course 

ERIDAN: the fuck else wwould i be 

ERIDAN: besides sittin square wwith my thumb up my ass

ERIDAN: dealin wwith local patrols and organizin scouts for supplies and shit a that nature

ROXANNE: -She shrugs.- 'Dunno what else you would have been doing thats why I asked. 

ROXANNE: -Did they get rid of any of the tech in this lab?-

ERIDAN: -grunts. Nah, they didn't. But they did disembowel the computers for various things. Mainly so they wouldn't be used.-

ROXANNE: -She doesnt care too much about them being gutted, she just wants to look at them. She takes a seat at one of the counter tops and fiddles with the ripped open technology.- Hah. Ya' know its kinda' nice to see that not too much has changed in the sense of the standard open to public campus computers.

ERIDAN: i wwouldnt fuckin knoww 

ERIDAN: i aint gone to no humanclad univversity

ROXANNE: You sure missed out then.

ROXANNE: Human uni. is where it is at.

ERIDAN: -just. Stuffs this whole twinkie in his mouth. Chews balefully.- sounds like its a baised drawwn conclusion but alright

ROXANNE: Oh it absolutely is but its also the damn truth. 

ROXANNE: You ever had a "Week of Welcome" wherever you studied?

ROXANNE: Its crazy let me tell you.

ERIDAN: -fixes her with a dubious frown.- a wweak of wwelcome sounds like the traditionalistic ritual of testin the constitution newwly ascended trolls 

ERIDAN: vvia drowwnin their heads in load gapers and seein if they resuscitate afterwwards

ERIDAN: guess humans got more spine to them than i thought initially

ROXANNE: ......Wowie. 

ROXANNE: Nah we didn't do any of that. 

ROXANNE: It was basically a week of clubs an' academic society groups tryin' to out-do each other with fun or dumb activities.

ROXANNE: You could pet like seven dogs by the library. 

ROXANNE: Or get free pizza or cup cakes for shaking a teachers hand.

ROXANNE: Although sometimes you got to pay $20 to smash a car with a sludge hammer but that was more often around finals.

ERIDAN: so 

ERIDAN: youre sayin there aint some kind of mutilation or murder plots invvolvved 

ERIDAN: not evven a little

ROXANNE: Not usually.

ERIDAN: evven the recreational shits got some bite to it 

ERIDAN: ...huh -sips faygo thoughtfully.-

ROXANNE: Yep. School is a place for petting dogs, makin' the grades, and getting sloshed on a thursday night when you know you have a 8am lecture hall.  

ERIDAN: suppose i relate on some level -hmphs, unimpressed.- 

ERIDAN: but nothin too solid

ROXANNE: Thats okay. Lets agree to leave it as a cultural difference I guess

ERIDAN: fairs fair -sloshes down the rest of this lukewarm faygo. Disgusting.-

ERIDAN: im eridan

ROXANNE: -If its so gross dont drink it.- 

ROXANNE: -She turns around on her stool.- Nice to meet ya'. 

ROXANNE: Im Roxanne.

ERIDAN: uh sure -He DOUBTS it's nice to meet him but accepts this introduction anyhow.- dunno if i ought to point it out or nothin ERIDAN: but you aint lookin like the battlefield type so ERIDAN: noww im wonderin wwhat the shit youre doin taggin along the assassination brigade for

ERIDAN: it aint exactly the equivvalent to pizza and pettin puppies or wwhatevver the fuck

ROXANNE: Ya' aint wrong there. 

ROXANNE: Its kind of a long story. But to summarize why I'm goin' along on this crazy shoot the duo president mission is to make sure the dad of my infant daughter doesnt get himself killed in the process. 

ROXANNE: Plus I got no weekend plans.

ERIDAN: -He understands these words individually and is trying to piece them together into something comprehensible.- so outta obligation to your mate aka the sire a your offspring

ROXANNE: Mmmm, not technically either of those things. 

ROXANNE: But close enough. 

ROXANNE: Derek is my ex, and we adopted a lil' girl while we were still together.

ERIDAN: so it wwas a beforan style cullin ritual 

ERIDAN: wwherein the twwo a you havve obligation ovver some helpless wward 

ERIDAN: all the wwhile ditchin wwhat i presume wwas a romantic entanglement 

ERIDAN: but its enough for you to pledge loyalty enough to head facefirst into the troll davvy jones locker of suicide missions for 

ERIDAN: ...

ERIDAN: wwho the hell is this guy anywway

ROXANNE: Bingo. 

ROXANNE: Derek Strider. You'd know him if you met him. 

ROXANNE: About yay tall -Gestures the height.- kinda' full of himself. 

ROXANNE: Triangle shades.

ERIDAN: oh 

ERIDAN: him 

ERIDAN: .... 

ERIDAN: i dont see it

ROXANNE: -Snrks.- Dont see what? Him being a dad or the relationship?

ERIDAN: wwhy the shit hes wworth you dyin for 

ERIDAN: you aint even invvolvved anymore

ERIDAN: the risks real possible just FYI

ERIDAN: but on top of losin a dad your grubs riskin losin its mom too aint it 

ERIDAN: wway to fuckin go the both a you

ROXANNE: Yeah i know. 

ROXANNE: But hey if we both die then i dont have to tell my baby that her daddy died. -Yes, just smile the real truth away.-

ROXANNE: Nah but... caring about someone can make ya' do crazy shit.

ROXANNE: We may not be together anymore but it doesnt change the fact that I still love him in other ways.

ERIDAN: crazy shit like a plea for attention if i evver fuckin saww it 

ERIDAN: hey blowwhole look wwhat im puttin at risk for you 

ERIDAN: -snorts- bet he dont appreciate it none

ROXANNE: -Snrks.- Even if it was a cry for attention, 

ROXANNE: Which its not. 

ROXANNE: He might appreciate it at least a little.

ROXANNE: Or at least feel damn well guilty when its all over, haha.

ERIDAN: not appreciativve enough to vvalue your grubs livvelihood it dont look like ERIDAN: smfh wwhat do i knoww 

ERIDAN: just got a general sense a wwhat a guardians supposed to behavve to compare it to 

ERIDAN: and i wwas reared by a goddamn skyhorse scrod rest his fuckin soul

ROXANNE: Ya' probably know just about as much about proper parenting as me, to be honest. 

ROXANNE: Still workin' on that whole "Perfect suburban mom" deal.

ROXANNE: But he cares about her a lot. I think he just got his head dragged into this mission.

ROXANNE: Keep hoping he's gonna' snap out of it but maybe its his feelings from how hes about to have another baby with his wife that makes him feel like he needs to save the world.

ERIDAN: -grunts- i guess 

ERIDAN: still a fuckin shame says i 

ERIDAN: pitys gonna only go so far and in the ends its gotta be you and your owwn hide 

ERIDAN: the shit youre invvested in or wwhatever 

ERIDAN: wwardin the grub 

ERIDAN: cant be a bad thing 

ERIDAN: but youre wwastin your fuckin energy expectin anybody to change for you wwho aint done shit to try 

ERIDAN: except ask you to be there and vvalidate you feelin needed or wwhat not 

ERIDAN: makes the cycle addictivve -sighs out, staring off. Time to break out more faygos.-

ROXANNE: Well damn.

ROXANNE: This is some impromptu broken relationship advice or what.

ERIDAN: no -turns to her to deadpan.- its advvice on survvivin past tomorroww

ROXANNE: Oh i know im gonna'.

ERIDAN: the credits goin to you then 

ERIDAN: or him rather 

ERIDAN: hes the one in the front lines aint he 

ERIDAN: suspect much -asks it like a question. Suspect much??-

ROXANNE: Yeah he is. 

ROXANNE: But while derek has a big talk I also know he has the skills to back it up. 

ROXANNE: And I'm mostly tagging along to provide immediate cover for the kill group.

ERIDAN: right... -Sure Jan. He believes you.-

ROXANNE: What ya' dont believe i can do it?

ERIDAN: wwhats it matter wwhat i think 

ERIDAN: im the guy leavvin my wweaponry lyin strewwn about wwilly nilly

ROXANNE: ...... -Chuckles.- 

ROXANNE: Fair point.

ERIDAN: -slorps a new faygo. This one a grape flavored one.- 

ERIDAN: doesnt matter wwhat i say 

ERIDAN: its you and your time and wwho youre puttin it towwards 

ERIDAN: hope you get it back at the end of the day is all

ERIDAN: -says this because he's totally judging you, Rox.-

ROXANNE: -Seriously, How many sodas is this guy going to drink.- 

ROXANNE: -She shrugs. He is free to judge away, the plan is stupid and risky and she knows that by going into it she might die. But if there was anything she could do to help minimize the chance of any more casualties on this suicide run it would be worth it.- 

ROXANNE: Ya' know we've talked a lot about me, but what about you Eridan? 

ROXANNE: I could be wrong but ya' dont seem like the type to be visiting earth to get a load of our, albeit currently dying, culture. Is it the soda brands that caught your attention?

ERIDAN: the only thing wworth a damn to come outta earth if you ask me -snarks but it lacks bite. He just shrugs.- 

ERIDAN: just so happens i got a free wweekend too

ROXANNE: Aww really? Thats all you enjoy about it?

ERIDAN: you got decent pastries i guess -Don't aww at him...-

ROXANNE: Pastries and soda. 

ROXANNE: Well. Everyone's gotta have their favorites.

ERIDAN: sos you 

ERIDAN: it just so happens yours got pointshades

ROXANNE: -HRGH.- 

ROXANNE: Pft... Nah.

ERIDAN: youd die for it so 

ERIDAN: wwheres the fuckin lie tee bee ach

ROXANNE: I'm not going to die for him, because we're not going to die. 

ROXANNE: Also like I said before you can care about someone without them being your favorite.

ERIDAN: guess youre right 

ERIDAN: wwith that logic im layin my life on the line for a mime

ROXANNE: Is the mime your buddy?

ERIDAN: hell no 

ERIDAN: he dont evven like me and frankly i dont care for his foot wwear

ERIDAN: wwho am i kiddin 

ERIDAN: at least its consistant -just B/ at himself.-

ROXANNE: Pfft. 

ROXANNE: Hilarious. Well I havent met this mime but ill be keepin' an eye out for what shoes he's wearing.

ERIDAN: -lowkey fist clenching memes.- youll see it