#its 2 am so i dont know how much sense this answer makes

[chiacanwritesometimes]

casual (part 1)

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

ship: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 1.2k

authors note: this was a little hard to write, as i had to delve into the reserves of my own experiences, so this hits a little close to home. i will be updating soon! unedited. there is soft smut and mentions of homophobia. this whole series is about situationships, so dni if this triggers anything or makes you uncomfortable. please do not get into anything you do not feel comfortable doing, and know that you are loved and should not settle for less. my dm’s are always open. much love, and enjoy.

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your pov

you didn’t blame him. he wasn’t really in the best of mentalities for a relationship, so it must’ve meant a lot for him to choose you. or, at least, not push you away.

after losing his best friend, he decided he should lay low. if he didn’t get close with anyone, he would get hurt. except you. always, except you.

you would come over to his bleak apartment, and chat for a bit. occasionally, you’d bring him some food. you’d write down the events in your journal, rereading them time and time again to feel closer to him. you knew he didn’t want you, or rather, want you the way you needed him to. he was still stuck, mourning the loss of his best friend, and…lover. but he was gone, and you were right here. why wouldn’t he pick you? you weren’t terrible looking, and you weren’t … terrible in bed either. what was so utterly unappealing in you? you wrote in your journal. maybe in your thoughts, you’d find the answer.

entry 1:

it was 2 in the morning when i came over. the clock keeps ticking longer each time i go, and im hoping that one of these nights you’ll ask me to stay. you never do. i dont like the way i manage to say everything that’s on my mind when im with you. i think that one day, ill let you read all this, but for now, its just mine. i want to not like you, so badly. i get so nervous around you, my chest tightens, my lips curl inward, my eyes dodge yours, my hands are occupied with my sweater, and my heart beats speeding up by the second. i usually am more eloquent and organized with my words and feelings, but today was so frustrating. i can’t look into your eyes when we fuck, because i know that through mine you look for him. your eyes attack mine. your eyes are unkind, your eyes are bitter. your hands hold me, wishing i was someone else. your lips softly graze against mine, hoping that you’d catch a glimpse of what it would be like if it was him instead.

you picked up your pen, and sighed. that was enough angst for tonight. you still had his sweat on your skin to wash off.

he wasn’t evil, just in a confusing situation. you convinced yourself that if you were in his shoes, you would probably do the same. it still didn’t take away from the pain, though. you liked him best when you were the sole focus on his attention, and when he told you pretty things. you got a sick sense of comfort when he squirmed under your gaze. he knew what he was doing wasn’t right, but cmon. he must have had some sort of clue if he felt guilty.

his pov

you had just left his apartment on a sour note. it wasn’t uncommon for that to happen. he would send you a text, saying he was sorry, you’d respond, and the cycle would repeat again. it was almost comical how long it has been since you two had been at this. he had put himself in an awkward situation again, but he wasn’t sure if it was an uncomfortable one. the last time he was in a one sided relationship was with… it wasn’t a relationship, at least not by technicality. sure, they slept together, spent time together, cried together, but he knew deep down his heart belonged to peggy. he wasn’t jealous, but a part of him wondered what would have happened if he was honest with his feelings. hes sure nothing would have changed, as it would have been extremely controversial for america’s sweetheart to have a sweetheart of his own, let alone a male one. he felt like a kept secret, a promise that one day, things will be different. they never were.

now, with you, things were different. he felt the need to shield himself from the world, but it wasn’t because homosexuality wasn’t accepted, rather because he wasn’t. his mere existence was hated by many, for who he was, who he hurt. the winter soldier, although gone, still haunted him.

he didn’t want to hurt you. being close with you would mean that you’d have to take care of him, something he hardly ever did, so why should you? other than aftercare, he wouldn’t let his guard down when you were near. he was afraid that he would be right, and you wouldn’t give a shit about him, worried that you just wanted him for his body, like them. he didn’t like thinking of you that lowly, but after a life like his, it was bound to happen.

he sighed, and grabbed his phone. he texted you a small apology, silently cursing himself for continuing this cycle. he threw his phone on the couch and sighed. he got up, walked to the kitchen and made himself a small breakfast. the morning didn’t start just yet, but might as well start the day now.

your pov

you couldnt hate him. you loved the way he loved you, the way you came undone with his touch. his scent was addicting, and you were obsessed with the way he tucked your hair behind your ear, the way he breathed heavily under the sheets, the way he held you so gently when pumping inside you. you thought of this morning, and sighed.

you got his text, and smiled. “miss you. door’s open. bb.” you found it adorable how he typed in short sentences, and finished each message in “bb”, for “bucky barnes”, as if you didn’t know it was him. you dressed yourself casually. nothing too fancy, nothing too drab. you wore a small amount of perfume, just enough so his bedsheets smelled like you. you wore your favorite lingerie, knowing that romance was out of the picture. this was just a fuck, a quick connection between two people before the knowledge of knowing you will never be his overcame you. you showed up to his apartment, and he opened the door. you didn’t even need to knock, he knew you were there. he smiled.

“you look beautiful.”

you walked in, and he started kissing you. you always wore a low cut tank top, and he always lingered on the straps of your shirt. he’d bite it, almost whining that the small piece of fabric was in between him and your body. he led you to the couch, and let you straddle him. he removed your pants, complimenting the way they hugged your hips while doing so. you got on top of him, loving how almost natural it felt, how perfectly you fit on top of him. his favorite part to leave hickeys was in the sweet spot of your neck. he kissed over the healed bruise, evidence of the last time you came over to his place.

you went to bed. might as well catch some sleep before the morning came.

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

please elaborate on where you would have taken hunter's arc!! i am so frustrated that they gave him no time to grieve and didn't even let him confront belos in the end

Godd, you and i both anon, you and i both. Where do i even start.

Aaahh first of all obligatory disclaimer: this is all hypothetical talk and I don't hold anything against the toh crew they did their best with what little wiggle room disney gave them. Well ok theres actually like one or two things i hold against them but we will get to that.

So. Hunter. Its honestly so frustrating how little he does and how little he learns about himself after like. Labyrinth runners? Like we and king see the golden guard graveyard. He doesn't. We see the Caleb statue. He doesn't. We never learn anything more about Darius' mentor and besides like a nudge and a wink the fact that Gus knows that he is a grimwalker simply doesn't get brought up. Most of these are obviously things that the crew would looove to elaborate on but they weren't allowed to which. Tragic. Disney robbed us blind.

But what DOES Hunter know?? Well he knows a few things and they are all horrifying! Caleb, Phillip, Evelyn, witch hunters yada yada yada. Is he ever given any screen time to grieve or scream or cry? Nope!

Aaauughh in my humble and 100 percent biased opinion...the hunter episodes that i Truly Unabashedly Loved with all my heart and soul and i have rewatched like a bazillion times since then are 1. Kings tide, 2. Hunting palismen, 3. Eclipse lake and 4. Hollow mind. What do these episodes have in common? Well Hunter acts like a little bitch in them. He is determined to win, he is capable, he is unhinged. Honestly i was very casual about toh before hunting palismen aired. Like i genuinely didn't care all that much before Hunter showed up 😭😭 but the MOMENT the show dangled a little shiny fucked up bitchboy before my eyes i was a goner. Well past the point of no return and with no desire to return to the way things were.

At the end of the day my stance on Hunter's characterisation throughout the show is that i wanted him to be more fucked up... I wanted him to cling desperately to the ideas Belos beat into his head, i wanted his desperation to be palpable and intoxicating.!!! That happened in the eclipse lake episode and ive simply never gotten over it!! Suuuuuch a good episode. Also i know that getting more friends is definitely better for him in the long run but i wanted him to be like a little feral cat,,, i wanted him to have more weird rivalry-fueled misadventures with luz before getting acquainted with the hex squad and when he did meet the rest of the kids i wanted him to be more mistrustful... God i wanted luz to keep making him fail on his missions resulting in punishment and abuse by Belos. I wanted him to misdirect all the blame onto her since he obviously can't blame his beloved uncle now can he. I wanted him to be mad!!! I wanted him to start biting!!

But whatever thats again a lack of screentime. We barely got to see hunter in his gg era which was a crime, i loved his gg era. At the end of the day maybe im simply asking for too much. Hollow mind happens (amazing episode 10/10). He calls invading belos memories "sacrilege" which has simply never left my mind. The moment the memories he sees don't allign with the propaganda belos has forced into him, his first instinct is to angrily call himself an idiot because obviously being wrong about mindscapes would make more sense than his emperor and uncle lying to him, right???

The first moment he dares to so much as imply that he might be doubting Belos integrity his worst fear becomes reality.

Now at this point i would be SO happy if he begged a little for forgiveness. But whatever its an ok point for him to leave. It makes sense, his only family threatened his life. He runs away into the woods while having a panic attack. Poetic cinema, ten out of ten no notes.

Honestly when hollow mind aired i was SO sure that flapjack would lead him to the bat queen. It makes sense doesn't it? Damaged palismen, damaged grimwalker. Made of the same materials, breathing artificial life into their magical bodies. I was so so so sure. Buuut he went to hexside intead. Works for me i suppose. Labyrinth runners is one of those hunter episodes that just didn't really click for me as much as i wish they would. But it was great nonetheless! He got to kick some ass which was lovely and also graye got to psychologically torture him which was excellent. And then the season finale happens and what was his role again? Oh literally nothing?? Ok. Whatever. Then thanks to them, he gets retraumatised again and then in for the future he is allowed to be grumpy and grieve for a whole five (5) minutes before everyone takes it personally which. Lmao. And then in the finale he just. doesn't do anything.

Have you ever watched any of the smurfs movies? The smurfs and the lost village perhaps but honestly most of them could work for the point im trying to make. Have you seen Smurfettes arc? Isn't it GOOD? Doesn't it feel EXHILARATING when she gets the chance to stand up against the man who created her for a Specific Purpose, proving him wrong and showing off how much control she has over her own life in the process? Well Hunter never got any of that sadly. One day he learnt that he is literally a Clone instead of a Real Witch and he just never really reacts to that horrifying revelation kskskska. And he doesn't play a role at all on the fall of his uncle, the man who has literally killed and rebirthed him for CENTURIES again and again and again. He doesn't even get to vengefully step on his gooey corpse after luz is done with him kskskssm. Im so fucking mad. :D

Now im kinda getting into unpopular opinion territory again but i was so scared this would happen when the blushing between him and willow first started rearing its uninteresting head...i immediately went oh no. They are gonna give me a silly romance plot instead of some actual emotional impact / reaction on the fact that his life literally fell apart overnight. The thing is i really really don't like the way they handled huntllow. Sorry not sorry but i was so desperate for any crumbs of earned character development that the stupid ''will they won't they'' thin they gave me felt like mockery. Hunter got zero time to adjust to his new reality but he got a romance that i really really didnt want him to get. And the thing is ive read fics and seen fanart about them and its cute! Ive actually enjoyed fancontent about them!! But in the actual show? The timing feels so wrong skskks. Giving hunter a love interest feels like such a weird priority considering the fact that he just learnt that he is a reanimated corpse created by the man he called family to be used as a weapon. Im not trying to rain on anyone's parade but i really really wish things could have played out differently.

God another thing that has been driving me insane!! They play up this "half witches" thing with hunter and willow as a point of camaraderie and it makes sense...i was actually looking forward to any possible interactions between them before asias first aired because of that parallel. But well. Theres like a huge difference between them. Willow grew up thinking she was weak only to find out that oh she was super strong and a prodigy all along actually! Which good for her! But Hunter grew up feeling weak and useless, getting abused by the man who made him and then he just found out that surprise! Actually you are not even half of a witch. Like. I can't be the only one who thinks thats tragic, right???? Right???? If i was hunter and willow tried to play the ''i understand how you feel' card on me i would get so mad, no offense. But of course this is toh and as much a s i love it (which is a whole lot i assure you) the characters aren't allowed to be maladjusted, not even a little bit nooo. Everyone has to act like they have dozens of hours of therapy under their belt which i don't mind on characters like luz or willow or gus who have lead relatively normal lives but really fucking annoys me when applied on Hunter who's spent his entire life getting physically and emotionally abused out of his mind, working himself to death and interacting only with his genocidal maniac of an uncle who is somehow both neglectful and obsessed with him at the same time. Like thats the one (1) thing i blame the toh crew for. They kinda give me the impression that even if they had more screen time they wouldn't allow hunter to explode the way he deserved.

My other complaint and i swear I'm almost done is the fact that the moment they took his gg status away from him they went really out of their way to make him out to be some sort of loser?? Like people making fun of him left and right or him just acting really silly all the time and stuff like that...and sure some of it comes off as endearing I won't deny that but. Idk. I never do handle it well when people don't seem to respect my favourite characters. It makes me sad for reasons i can barely explain but hunter was raised as a soldier and as a powerless boy who was constantly fighting off assassination attempts and enemies a lot older than him. God knows he had to fight hard for any semblance of respect or safety but the moment he leaves the emperors coven they immediately rob him of that. Idk it doesn't seat well with me. Like its so upsetting??? He already has so little left,,,giving him space to become his own person shouldnt come at the cost of the little power he was ever allowed to have. Idk. But yeah i dont like the way they turned him into some sort of loserboy towards the end in an attempt to make him more endearing withouth having to actually put him through the painful process of building a new identity for himself. Its just rubbing me the wrong way.

Ok and to actually answer your question: what would i actually want hunters role in the finale to be? Well. In a perfect world he would be allowed to kill Belos himself. But thats kinda unrealistic i suppose considering the fact that at the end of the day luz is the protagonist of the show and in shows like these the protagonists tend to get the final fight. Like im not going to lie, i liked the finale well enough. Out of all the scenarios they could have gone with, a king-eda-luz team up was honestly one of the best things they could do. This show started with them and it ended with them and that was beautifull! Makes sense! But skskksks throwing hunter on the sidelines with camilla, amity, willow and gus feels so funny to me. Like i mean no disrespect to any of the other characters but the stakes for hunter are so ridiculously personal????? Didnt he deserve to have one (1) moment. One scene where he gets anything resembling a proper ending for his character arc??? But noooooo what hunter gets is a schoolyard crush and zero closure. Im so mad on his behalf, he deserved so much better.

[ar1mas]

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[red-velvet-0w0]

rereading the most recent page and can we talk for a second about this comment from falst

(also keeping falst and dainix in the same pannel again i see you red)

How does falst know this about the sun being lower? like obviously he is clearly one of the most intelegent members of the squad, second to erin, but his knowledge mostly comes through in the form of street smarts, logical deduction, strong reasoning, and knowledge of magic and lacrimas. hes not implied to be a very well traveled person, as though he did have to flee from town to town for a while, i find it hard to believe that he really went very far on his own, probably staying in or around towns for long periods of time, looking for a way to cure himself (and his mother, if the "find a way if you are truly my son" is any indication), so its unlikely he would have learned this from experience.

there is the obvious answer that he read this at some point, but I would doubt that too, because while its implied that him going through Erins book has become more of a comon occurance, he seems to mostly be focusing again on lacrimas and magic, so i dont really see where he would have learned about the location of the sun in the sky from them.

theres the doylist explanation that red just needed somebody to say it, so she used falst, but that doesnt make much sense to me either because 1) kendal or even dainix knowing this would make more sense, seeing as both of them have been more formaly taught (and kendal has the entirety of the knowledge of a god) and 2) the position of the sun in the sky seems like such an... unimportant detail that it feels weird to mention it without some purpose to the comment

maybe i am overthinking this but FALST BABY HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?

[lyss-sketchbox]

(To start, I've been enjoying reading your and folks' various perspectives on Natlan, it's interesting to see different breakdowns/thoughts)

I do have a theory on the flippancy though, and I may very well be horribly wrong, but I suspect it's intentional. The whole nation is being taught, more or less, that this war they're fighting is a game. It's fine if you die, we'll bring you back. It's fine if you fight the Abyss, we do it all the time. And yet. We see that folks' Ancient Names can be lost and not recovered, that you can't fully recover from Abyssal corrosion, and that hey, actually, Kachina is a terrified kid when we see that projection of her. It may even be part of why the nation is struggling so much with creating their Contending Fire. I also think Mavuika plays into this narrative.

Primarily, I think (or maybe just hope) her overconfidence is going to be her hubris. Traveller expresses concern about the time she has to gather the warriors and she's non-plussed, "eh, I trust the Wyob". She's got A Plan and it's going to work, according to her. But I dunno about that ma'am. She also says weirdly definitive statements that I don't think are fully accurate like "humans can't know their fate" and "the only thing that unites the Fatui are collecting the gnoses" that lead me to believe she puts full stock in her conclusions as soon as she feels she has an answer and doesn't exactly question any further.

Honestly? It would be nice if they set up this whole thing of the nation being so casual and Traveler buying into it only to tear it, crashing down, around everyone. How long can the nation avoid taking things seriously before everything comes to a head? (Perhaps why Capitano isn't interested in brute-forcing things overall? Or maybe I'm giving him too much credit, lol)

What an interesting take, genuinely

So Mavuika

It would definitely play the part of being a pyro archon and how pyro vision holders are often extremely confident and high spirited. It would make sense if the pyro archon embodies that kind of value.

This also lines up with what the previous anon said about how she wanted to be reincarnated because its HER plan and she wanted to see it through even if it means offing herself early.

(I dont remember the ending dialogue was i did it all at like 4 am so yeah please fight me on my takes)

She also seems very quick to make MASSIVE decisions like using a good chunk of her power to keep the Contending Flame alive right then and there even with the concerns of some people. Then she was just as quick to burn all the mementos gathered for centuries when the group sent to find Kachina didnt make it.

I feel like maybe she couldve waited before keeping the Contending Flame alive. And while the Contending Flame IS more importang than a single girl, based on the time we spent in the Night Kingdom. It doesnt... feel all that long. She couldve waited. Use her power to save us. Rest for a while then fan the Contending Flame. Saving us from the Night Kingdom didnt feel like a permanent loss of power while keeping the Contending Flame alive does.

To be honest, she IS human, WAS human before archonhood. Shes been human TWICE now due to her reincarnation. I can understand humans wanting to prove to higher powers and beings such as fate that they CAN hold power over themselves. But being human, being NATLANIAN means she has worshipped to Wayob as well at some point. Hence putting her faith more into them and their ancient names.

The Plot of Natlan

I will admit here that i am biased and there is only 2 acts so far. For all i know theyre still setting up the chekovs guns and they may pop oh so beautifully in late acts and i am too harsh on the set up acts.

But i can understand if the people of natlan has been trained their entire life to numb themselves of the true horrors of war. Because they live constantly in it, if they are in constant fear, it is not good for morales or the ancient name holders either.

And if they were written to be so chill so that hoyoverse can pull the rug under us even harder then well good on them because i will be COMPLETELY honest.

I cannot see them pulling this without making it cliche or shallow.

Because we all already know SOMETHING is gonna go wrong. The abyss will reach natlan. The contending flame will die. The 6 heroes will reawaken and help Mavuika fight off the abyss for good. We know it will happen. The only issue is how to get there and how to not make it cliche as fuck.

Because for one they pulled the anime training montage for Kachina where we get told she is actually really good, she has been training so hard with Mualani but we literally dont get to see or feel it. But oop she defeated mualani.

They pulled the power of friendship when Mualani talked back to lector in the night kingdom.

They already spoiled how Ororon was the traitor because HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO CAPITANO IN THE TRAILER.

It feels way too messy for me, way too unserious and uncoordinated both in game and advertisement materials. I almost feel like capitano, 1st of the fatui harbinger, probably shouldnt have been responsible for natlan because dude can out espionage them (or maybe natlan and capitano are both as equally uncoordinated who knows).

Well for NOW i think they have a generic base plot. I would be very willing to declare how wrong i was about natlan if act 3-5 managed to fucking mindblow me. But yeah as you can see i am not hopeful that hyv have half the brain you have about the plot.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Sup, mara.

You mentioned suspecting that you are autistic [i read it a long time ago; dont even remember where]

Do you know how to get rid of the "have-to-label-myself" mindset?

I have spent the last year or so wondering whether i have [insert the term] instead of [insert my diagnosis], and it's making me insane (˚☐˚”)/i feel like its a retardation spell for my creativity, almost

hi anonymous;

i can:t answer it for you, but i live according to Etiquette dictated by faith--if you want a lame example of this, do the dead opposite of what Suema suggest in episode 6 of Boogiepop and Others regarding the need of a person to resist the Imaginator, and how we must perform a life-long struggle to resist the Imaginator that does our thinking for us: I became an anti-intellectual, who lets the Imaginator do my thinking for me;

I do not let myself think using those terms and actively resist (like I were constantly praying to myself) any thought that is dirtied-up by psychiatry and logic in-regard to starting to define myself outside of what Etiquette dictates: I am left-handed, and a servant of my faith, and what-ever seems to be a flaw or sickness or blessing or miracle to me is nothing more than what was intended to me by part of my material; say, for example, I am struggling with counting constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" in my head: this world can surely provide a logical and tight explanation for why I do this, surely you could even think of some terms that would neatly explain my obsession with counting "1, 2, 3, 4," but I do not allow myself to think anything except that I am clay meant to count constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" and if a 'dirtied' thought enters, it is considered an antagonistic contice (a faith-based term, defined by logical "contexts" patterned here into the observable world to keep it tightly explained and free of "miraculous" explanations, like sutures to close-up wounds that faith bleeds out from), and pushed out.

I think often this is sometimes unhealthy, and I think often I am sometimes struggling with how much I have tied myself to Etiquette, but it's a closed-environment: those doubtful thoughts I just expressed are antagonistic contices to Etiquette, and the loop starts over again even within this response to you: "anonymous is a confusion trying to inject logic into your thought in sly ways," then it gets recognized, and then treated like that.

More-so than how I myself 'solve' this, is the importance of environment, self-understanding, and habit building; at some point I made it a habit to do this in my head as a constant prayer, till it just happened automatically and those terms became forbidden mostly both in thought and expressed here within the Confusion (this world); environment, too: if you surround yourself by people who self-therapize with terms then you'll sure-enough find yourself woven up in a bunch of narratives that define you--Stephen King uses this example of "Don't think of a pink elephant" and how futile it is to not imagine it after having the idea implanted in your head; more modern: "you are not immune to propaganda;" for me I just imagine the words of others (and how they are invisible but with weight) as dirt in the air that goes into your head, and stays there if you don't employ efforts to sterilize it;

for you, anonymous: maybe you are just meant to be troubled by terms. May-be not forever, but may-be for a few years; there's creativity in that, and life is not a closed box where we can be free from the invisible dirt, and, as Suema says in episode 6, quoting the fictional author she loves,

"If there is anything that gives value to human life, it is the struggle with that something. In the battle with the Imaginator that does your thinking for you, 'Versus Imaginator,' that's the starting line upon which all humans must stand."

We are bound by common sense more than we realize, and that makes us suffer;

take care, anonymous.

[multifandombullshitbabes]

21

24

27

And

30

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

thank you so much, I shall answer these prompts NEOW

21: Fics you wish you could find more of?

Oooohhh more fics involving Gwen, that's for sure. When she's written right she's one of the strongest, most relatable characters imo, 'cause all she wants is for the world to be right and just and kind and everything wants to prove her wrong, but she won't back down from her views. I would also adore more Elyan, just in general. And complete rewrites of the show 'cause the one I'm reading right now is so good I might do one as well. Also modern au's where they're all like secret badass spies or smth, 'cause those are so fucking cool (i am accepting fic recs for ALL of this, please feed me y'all)

24: Everyone knows that fandom doesn’t like uther but what are your feelings about gaius?

I think 1) we need more concrete info about how he was when he was younger, but 2) i think he is severely complicated and wanted what was best of merlin and morgana, but failed the two while also giving them a ton of love. With morgana, he just didnt want her to pursue her power lest she become uther's next victim, cuz gaius cares for the pendragon siblings like his own. With merlin, he was just trying his best with his overpowered nephew, who alos has a destiny regarding his people's genocide's son, and he just doesn't know what to do half the time, kinda like merlin. I didnt like how he lied to merlin n morgana, how he gaslit her and how he made merlin hide and become so anxious abt his magic (and we see what that looks like season 5), but i get it. I really get it. I dont know what i wouldve done if one wrong move could mean the death of two kids he considers his own. I bet he was scared all the time and hated himself for it.

27: Modern Merlin headcanons, if any?

OH BOY. OHHHH BOY. So many. It really depends on what au i have for modern merlin, but I'll give you a few generals:

he's a teacher of sorts; i like the idea that he's kinda collecting magical anomalies and teaching them how to understand their powers and being, since he knows what its like to be afraid of urself, so he's a personal magic teacher. I also rly like my magic elementary school au, since its merlin teaching magic to a bunch of kids, which is adorable

he has officially one cat, a black one called Midnight, that accidentally became immortal along the way and now hes severally attached. I say officially since hes also friends with any other animal that he might come across and they recognise him if he passes them again. disney princess fr

he's figured out his gender and he can turn into a woman if he wants; she looks exactly like merlin, same height, same weight n muscles, the hair is longer cuz merlin likes it that way and her voice is deep and gorgeous

his favourite weapon is a staff or any long distance fighting weapon of the sort; also he looks cool as fuck fighting with it, but thats just a bonus

I'll stop here but i have SO MANY MORE

30: Side character death that makes you the maddest?

Elyan. There was, quite literally, no need for it. I was gonna say Lancelot, since we did not get enough of him, but his death made sense for his character. Elyan? What the fuck was that? It was just for pain and nothing else. What did it add to the story if not just a sad funeral scene and thats it? It just felt like they wanted him gone n found a way, and that pisses me off. I feel like him saving gwen and living would've given such a complex situation when she turns evil, 'cause what if she "confides" more n more in her brother, creating a rift between arthur n elyan, which then creates a rift between arthur n the knights, which would just isolate him further n make him suffer, which is what morgana wanted!! we couldve had protective brother elyan! I think i just wanted more knights in general.

Thank you so much for this ask, I yapped a fuck ton but it was funn

[velvetvexations]

I'm gonna go ahead and post the rest of the binary/non-binary privilege stuff in my inbox without commentary because I honestly am running out of things to add to them in response lmao.

If you don't see yours here: I did answer it, but I didn't like my response and deleted it just now before realizing "oh, wait, if they didn't see it in the two hours it was up they're going to think I missed or ignored it." I totally did read it and reply though! I was just angrier at the kinna people you were talking about than I wanted to be.

The rest:

for me when i think about the binary/nonbinary thing, basically my thoughts are: if being binary isn't a privilege, then can the gender binary be called oppressive? like personally i think the gender binary itself is an oppressive force in society, like male/female being a form of societal categorization is oppression. so it makes sense to me that fitting into that categorization is a privilege, and not fitting into it is disprivilege. i think it's a good argument to have whether or not the gender binary is actually oppressive, you'll get a lot of different takes, but me personally i think it is because it hurts me a lot and that hurt makes the most sense for me to call oppression. those are just my 2 cents, not trying to argue that it's worse for anyone based on if you're binary or nonbinary, just kinda that to me the gender binary itself oppresses me so i feel disprivileged for not fitting it, if that makes sense! also i think binary trans people specifically often face disprivilege for not fitting into the gender binary because during transition they often dont, and if youre not able to transition at all that means you really dont fit into it. basically theyre hurt by the same stuff in the binary as us a lot of the time. i think it gets complicated though because theres a statistical pattern where binary trans peoples goals *BROADLY* (NOT TALKING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL CASES, just talking about statistics) are to look like a "normal" person of their gender, so if that cant be your goal because it would make you dysphoric or suicidal or anything like that, you think about it differently and youre less likely to think the gender binary is good. but if it is your goal and youre able to make steps toward it, like if youre looking more and more like a "normal" person of your gender over time and fitting into normal society more, or even if you dont fit in perfectly but youre using enough "signals" to show you want to fit in and are trying and the people around respect you trying, then you might think the gender binary is good because it helps you be gendered correctly and helps you be your true self. i think that's why a lot of us feel like binary trans people sometimes use privilege over us, whether thats true or not (i havent decided my opinion on that and i dont know if i ever will because its really loaded and a lot of people will be mad at me no matter what opinion i have so it doesnt seem worth it to have one): because its more likely that you like the binary and want to keep it around if it helps you, and that opinion feels like an attack if you're hurt by the binary. plus, statistically theres a lot more of the "normal" trans people out and about visibly in the world than "abnormal" ones, so it makes it *feel* like we're a minority within a minority even when that's not true.

Ngl this binary privilege discussion is driving me knuts. Binary trans people don't face exorsexism: is that privilege? Y'all pretty much agree that not facing transmisogyny doesn't give trans men privilege so if we were any type of consistent around here we'd say No. Personally I think not facing form of bigotry gives you A privilege. It's 1 less hurdle you have to jump over, not an additive system that negates any of the other bigotries you face as a binary trans person or gives you blanket Privilege over all nonbinary people! But that's how people use it in this discourse so maybe we need to put the word Privilege on the high shelf and just support other people when they face a bigotry we don't.

Wanna add something to the thing RE: binary privilege as a (close to binary) trans man who used to be non-binary. I won’t disagree that there’s situations where binary and close-to-binary trans people are treated better than non-binary and unaligned trans people, namely in medical settings and often also legal settings (depending on the country and laws, tho). But what I absolutely disagree with are inter-personal situations. I’m aware there’re non-binary people who have the experience that they are not accepted where binary trans people are accepted. But the opposite also happens. When I identified as non-binary, my family accepted and respected me, used my pronouns and gender-neutral terms, etc. and I was accepted in a trans group that was made up of only trans women and non-binary people. When I came out as a trans man, my family returned to using feminine terms for me started treating me like a stupid girl, and I was kicked out of the group I was in. I know multiple trans men who had the same thing happen to them (a lot of the ones I’m in a small group with now). And the way some people are using exorsexist binary trans people as proof that they have binary privilege is so weird, too. I know so many transmisogynist or transandrophobic non-binary people (esp. transandrophobic with the spaces I used to be in), but that doesn’t mean they have privilege over me? People can be bigoted assholes no matter who they are or what they identify as. Like. There are exorsexist non-binary people, too. So like. I’m open to discussion of binary "privilege" (tho privilege is a bit of a clunky word for that, it’s more like binary centrism/favouritism, but idrc) in relation to legal and medical stuff, but interpersonal stuff? Thats exorsexism—which should absolutely be discussed, too, just without acting like any group of trans people has privilege over another. It’s just like what I experience from my local trans community and family is transandrophobia / anti-transmasculinity, not the non-binary trans people having "non-binary privilege" and using that to kick me out of their spaces or whatever. I hope I’m making sense? I do think that discussion is important, but as someone who knows both sides, it’s lacking a lot of nuance currently. I’m definitely treated worse now as a trans man than I was a non-binary person (still experience the same transphobia from transphobic cis people, but now the queer+trans community is also slinging transphobia against me at any chance they have; while transphobes still want me to "go back" to being a girl without caring what words I use for myself now at all, there’s now also plenty of people who want me to "go back" to being non-binary, or really anything but a man.), and there’s plenty of non-binary people who have the exact opposite experience (used to id as binary trans, is now treated worse for being non-binary), and it’s important to keep in mind that a lot of the treatment is dependent entirely on the people around you, and that no experience is more important to discuss than another. This got long. English isn’t my first language, but I hope everything’s understandable.

(you worded it well!)

really enjoying the discussion about nuances of privilege vs advantage going on! I'd like to add that it's imo mainly caused by... medically and bureaucratically stratifying systems, for a lack of a better term? eg. in my country I can't go on HRT unless I want to "become" a transhet - that is, transition into a Fully Binary Man Wanting To Fuck Women. that's not something I want, as a nonbinary bisexual; I would be annoyed at being read as a Man the same way being read as a Woman is annoying, I only want some masculinizing changes, and the head of the board that decides if you can go on HRT does not believe in bisexuality (which is. ?????. HE'S A SEXOLOGIST.) But like. I don't think that others being willing to Be Seen As A Fully Binary Man Who Wants To Fuck Women (even if that's not the extent of how they want to live) is necessarily a privilege? It's just a slight advantage in a system that fucking sucks, you know? And you can at least lie about your sexuality (I have friends who are not straight and did lie), which, again, lying about that is not a privilege, but I'm too much of a contrarian bitch to even try and respect the opinion of someone who doesn't think bisexuality exists to even lie to them. I think a similar thing to this is compliance with psychiatric systems - I do well on medication and haven't had issues with any of my psychs (both therapists and prescribers), so I am in a circumstance where I'm going along with the system fine, making me have the advantage of less likelihood of being labeled a problem patient/disruptive/combative/etc. and being forcefully detained or such. People whose experiences with psych have been shit/are antipsych for whatever other reason/etc. do not have that advantage. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm privileged over them, but I do have a bureaucratic and medical advantage in a system that wants to binarize into Conforming To Expectations × Not Conforming To Expectations, even though both of us are having mental health issues.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

what is this jean/Jeremy/Kevin thing it looks interesting and the art is cool

oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!! i am absolutely going through it anon. so basically there is this book series called all for the game by nora sakavic that you should totally read (the first book is called the foxhole court -- but please check out a list of trigger warnings for it because it is very heavy and deals with a lot of serious and painful topics. i myself have had to disconnect for some of the scenes and come back when i was ready; its completely okay to do so, or to not read the books at all if its uncomfortable). its about gay athletes, guys just going through the absolute worst, the yakuza, fucked up families, a running game of how pathetic can you get answered in 15 different ways by each person, fucked up relationships, all not-so-neatly packaged into a completely made up fictional sport. (its funny because i am NOT a sports person and barely even understand cricket even though i watch it all the time, but i know the rules of exy forwards, backwards, and inside out. its that serious.)

i also need to warn you that the first book is slow. the second book is also kind of slow. i personally didnt have any trouble with it because im more of a character reader and aftg had PLENTYYY to keep me busy, but i think its a fair warning if youre sensitive to pace. however. the payoff is so incredibly worth it. its an amazing read with obsession-worthy characters, detailed and balanced plot beats, flowing and natural dialogue, very creative sports , and the relationships will make you want to reread it twenty thousand times. the romance is also the slowest burn to ever burn. if youre going in for romance at the start, you Will Not Get what you want -- but you will get it. i think we as a fandom focus on the romances a lot (im new so dont take my word for it) but its 1) because we're tumblr dont come and 2) because the romances and relationships are incredibly interesting to see through the lens of the books and vice versa. what i really love most (and youll see this in the ec doc) is that it feels like each and every choice was deliberately made by the author to make the book. like. down to the ice cream flavor they get at one point. especially with the sunshine court, i feel like i can see exactly where she made a choice and what mightve happened if that choice wasnt made. its intoxicated to read. it feels like breathing and it feels like drowning.

i just read the sunshine court (where jean and jeremy are more from) so thats what all the recent stuff has been, but you should read the foxhole court series first for it to make sense. i think tsc is 100000x times better and better written than tfc but you have to work for it lol. and!!!!! the author is on tumblr (@/korakos)! also if you do read it, please tell me!!!!!! you can keep sending anons or you can dm me or you can come to my house and live in my room but tell me!!!!! theres also an extra content doc (thanks @jeansyvesmoreau for sending this to me) between the series' (so after the kings men, before the sunshine court) that you should definitely definitely read. but im getting ahead of myself.

i hope that helps?? or at least doesnt hurt. if you liked the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, i think this is a good step up. let me know if you have any questions at all!!

okay ive been normal for this whole thing, ranting and incoherent noises below cut:

ANON ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. i told mel this but i cant possibly say i love these books because its not necessarily love. its not something i can explain but youll get it if you read it. there is a piece of my soul that was carved out, reformed, and then put back into me by nora sakavic. i dont think ill ever be the same again. i need a therapist who has read these books so they can understand exactly what im going through. each character was like a bomb to me. jean moreau is like a straitjacket. they mean so much to me. theyre nothing. i hate them. i need to feed them breakfast. OUGHHHHHHHHORGHEURGHEOGH. there is so much grief entangled with them but they are so vibrant and full of life it hurts. i cant stop thinking about them. i finished tsc yesterday and ive been sobbing ever since. i am dead serious. i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about one of the characters. i need you to know how real i am being.

i think if i meet nora sakavic i will probably kill her. just fully black out and kill her and not even know it. so i wont meet her for the better! but i need this to be out there. my fingers hurt from typing all this but know that there is MORE in my head. so much more. i am fit to burst with it all. love you anon thanks for asking

[lorelaiislatte]

Do you think there's a chance a streaming service will pick ncis:h? I've signed the petition but do we dare to hope? I'm tired of this happening all the time. I just dont understand. It was doing fine in ratings and it's a part of a franchise that keeps getting more spin offs? How that makes sense? Do you know the ratings compared with the others ncis shows? Sorry im asking you but im not from usa and i have no idea how american netwoks work. So sad rn.

okay SO i am also not from the us but have done this dance before sooooo:

1) from what i’ve heard, they were planning to move either another ncis show (i think sydney?) or another cbs show to paramount plus - which they now are no longer doing. in theory yes, this opens up the possibility for ncishi to move over there; in practice, i’m not holding my breath, as typically that negotiation would happen before a cancellation announcement

2) how does it make sense? the honest answer is that it doesn’t. like, it really doesn’t. it’s been holding steady at sixth of 14 cbs shows in the ratings (which is a brilliant number, ensures it’s profitable, and is also impressive for a procedural that’s still relatively new). it’s been beating a LOT of other crime procedurals in viewership and viewer retention, and reviewers have been singing its praises. i think this is why it feels so much as if it’s because they just view this show as less valuable (socially and economically) than their usual white guy cop shows; it’s very difficult to argue that your profitable, successful show is too expensive when you’re flying cast and crews across - or, potentially, internationally to - australia, to continue a less-highly-rated show with no issue.

3) as far as ratings go - ncis hawai’i episodes were pulling in as many as 10 million viewers last year (s2 e10 came in with 10.5 mil, as per variety telecast viewership reports) which has it going toe to toe with the core ncis (seems to pull approx. 8-10mil per episode, via hollywood reporter). for the 18-49 demographic across us series, ncis hawaii is ranking at #13 of #21 as per tvseriesfinale.com - this is significantly above ncis sydney (renewed, #15), and elsbeth (#19, renewed), two other cbs shows, one of which in particular is incredibly expensive. crucially, ncishi has actually increased its viewership, which is VERY difficult to do on a year to year basis. its up by 4.18% among 18 to 49 year olds - for comparison the core NCIS is down 0.83% and fbi international - a competing show - is down by 3.73%. bear in mind that even a single percentage point represents hundreds of thousands of viewers.

i also want to point out that ranking at #13 isn’t strictly representative of viewer numbers, it’s about percentage of viewers that are within that core age bracket. the neighbourhood is ranking at #6, but only pulling in 4.8 million viewers - ncishi is at #13, and pulling in 5.2 million. ncishi pulls in over half a million more viewers than four shows ranked above it in that chart.

so essentially - it doesn’t make sense. from any perspective. it doesn’t make sense from a business perspective (ncis sydney is more expensive to produce and brings in approx. 200k less viewers than ncishi, and ncishi crew had already agreed to a shortened, budget-restrained final season), it doesn’t make sense for a ratings perspective (it continues to outperform many of cbs’ own shows, including ones that have been renewed), it doesn’t make sense from a social perspective (people are loving it, even outside of our fandom spaces).

objectively, it’s a really, really bad move by cbs. i also thought being part of a franchise would be a kind of safety net - fool me once, i guess. all the evidence suggests that they just don’t care enough about ncishi, especially when they’ve got their bullshit white guy ncis origins show, a young sheldon spinoff (?? who asked?) and a plethora of other cookie-cutter shows they can just keep going with. and we can make a pretty educated guess as to why, when the main things that set ncishi apart from the other ncis shows are its diversity and character dynamics

(edit: it was pointed out that people aren’t being flown to sydney from the us, which is true, and bad phrasing on my part - but many are flown across australia at seemingly similar costs to mainland us/hawai’i flights, and i believe not all of the leads are based in australia either, so i’ve updated that bit for clarity. apologies!)

[venomgender]

13 + 22 for cjhua and 26 for dogwalk. lol<3

13. Do they have any disdain/contempt for each other? How do they show it?

i am honestly trying to think so hard on something that would actually honestly bother the other bc it feels like such a cop out to be like 'no they loooooove each other too much <3' but like. like. i dont think so... not really.

LIKE OK. neither of these 2 things would fall under disdain or contempt BUT,

for jaehui, i really do think that there is a small part of himself thats like truly bothered by just how flirty shua is, just because jaehui is both incredibly insecure and incredibly possessive, but he KNOWS thats not normal or healthy bc shua is his own person and they have both discussed and agreed on boundaries a la having flings with other people and stuff, which he REALLY TRULY IS FINE WITH, he just has Issues! so he just ignores those feelings of his <3 like always <3

though of course it definitely does show with the. collar. and general clingy-ness. and like its def different with Strangers (bc jaehui is very much no emotion except nice and pleasant ones for 5 years in public) but i do think when shua and jotch are flirting at least jaehui is like glaring daggers into jotch (at least at the beginning before choijotchieshua becomes real). which jotch is almost definitely obsessed w because hes a FREAK. but you knew this of course

for SHUA, it is of course jaehui's entire "im going to keep all my emotions bottled up until i die" shtick. i think like at the beginning of their relationship it was like pure annoyance since shua could like Kinda Tell When Jaehui Was Lying About That Shit (bc being a catperson makes him mildly empathetic in the same sense that like. your own cat always seems to know when to comfort you when youre sad) (<-explaining for people who dont know my ocs but are reading) and thast just! really fucking annoying! but its also something thats alsways been annoying for shua so whateverrr who caare. right.

but once they like Actually Get Together, and jaehui has a mental breakdown from bottling up his emotions thats so intense people quite literally die, the like pure annoyance from jaehui's emotional constipation defiently shifts to one of actual concern... because bottling your emotions up that tightly isnt healthy! and shua loves him! and he knows! he fucking knows when jaehui is doing that shit too! so it hurts him! but i wouldnt really describe that as actual contempt or even Annoyance but just overwhelming concern...

22. When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

once again the cop out answer would defiently be when they were trapped in eternal nothingness for however long that would be. LOL. because theres nothing you really can be except vulnerable when the only other thing in existance is 1 other person...

but, i really do think the Actual Answer would be right after jaehuis breakdown... obviously before then they were already really flirty with each other + they obviously both knew the other person had Some Sort Of Issues (jaehui more than shua lmao...) but i dont think either of them realized just how much the other one meant to them until that point. like jaehui's break down happened because he saw shua hurt. of everyone in that room shua was the only one (jaehui included) completely unharmed by jaehui. when shua saw jaehui loose all rationality his first concern wasnt for himself or those around him but instead for jaehui. for the first time ever protecting people from a threat wasnt his first priority, it was protecting a threat (jaehui) from people...

so i think once they get out of there + finally have a moment of peace they just. sit there. and shua is of course the one to start talking first but jaehui isnt that far behind and they just completely lay everything out on the table. i dont think shua would have ever brought up being betrayed by sworn brothers until that night (though its pretty easy to infer) and in turn thats the first time jaehui ever admits (even to himself) that despite how much love he has for his master he still also resents him for forcing jaehui to grow up in that environment that was so obviously detrimental for him.

so yeah. post jaehui getting too silly i guess <3

26. How would these characters react to being stuck in a small room with each other?

lol <3 i think jaehui would loose his mind a little <3

REALLY TRULY i think it depends on how small + for how long would they be stuck + how well do they know the bjs atp (which btw for all the beautiful people reading this that arent xander you can learn more about the bjs at @jotchia SMILE.) but for this ask i will establish these conditons:

Pretty Fucking Small. i am imaging my old bedroom that was 10x10 ft sq and barely had room to fit a twin sized bed and desk in. and we will say that theyre trapped for a seemingly indefinite amount of time. and that at this point all of dog walk are bffs5ever (so post choijotchieshua threesome)

i think, at the beginning, both jaehui and shua wouldnt really mind that much. at least assuming that they were trapped bc idfk a doorknob fell off and not that they were magicked into an inescable room (they would be much less chill about this for i think very obvious reasons)

but they wouldnt mind that much AT FIRST. i fucking know shua and jotch would get in some completely pointless argument that samir would start goading on and jaehui would then join in on the goading after a few minutes. LOL. in my beautiful mind actually now that im thinking of this scene specially its like. they get stuck -> try to find a way out -> realize both magic and brute strength wont work -> jotch makes some annoying fucking comment towards shua about like 'wowwww some ultra powerful magic swordsman you are!' -> shua immeidetly takes the bait -> samir joins in on the teasing while jaehui and bernie keep trying to find a way out -> jotch ends up saying something pathetic which makes jaehui join in on the teasing (but towards jotch and shua.) -> bernie is Can yall please either help me find a way out while arguing or just be quiet -> bernie ends up joining in on the fun too and they all end up laughing and its so shweets <3

and i think this good atmosphere would last for a good while. i said indefinite amount of time earlier but to put a reference lets actually say theyre trapped for 24 hours i think they would all be in pretty good will for about 4 of those hours. jaehui can like conjure a couch for them to sit in and food if they get hungry and stuff so its Chill. but jaehuis social battery only lasts so long and as much he enjoys the bjs company. well!

i think hours like 5-8 shua is still going strong but jaehui is just slowly getting quieter and quieter til by the end of those 3 hours hes just like purley in the opposite corner of everyone else just staring off into space. hes so over it LOL. and not even 10 hours in to the preestablished 24 huh <3

i do think though it would continue on about the same from there, probably by the end of hour 8 All of them are over it at least a little (i dont want speak on your guys though) and like obv would all be doing their best to not annoy the shit out of each other (i can see a scene where jotchie tries to tease jaehui to get a rise out of him (bc jotchie is. well. you know!) and jaehui snaps at him and jotch is like ahaha! my bad! that was really hot but i wont risk it beyond that! whoops! sorry!) and it just kinda continues from tehre but by hour likeee. 11 or 12 shua and jaehui are defiently like completely clinging onto each other because haha #trauma and like shua would still be talking to the bjs like normal but jaehui atp is just almost completely shut down only talking to shua via telepathy Not Doing Well At All. smile!

i said 24hrs but i cant think about any like Major change after that whatever you udnerstand. jaehui has issues what else is new. SMILE. when i sat down to answer this ask i had more thoughts about this in my mind and then like 2 fucking hours passed and im still answering this ask and its 3am and the thoughts have escaped me. but thas ok. i think in the 4 hour period where theyre so normal they would play azul. mainly because i cant stop thinking about dogwalk playing azul

[quinnonimp]

trying 2 get into drawing splatoon!!!! any tips??? u make them look so gummy i love it

aaaa tysm ^_^

& ty for asking !!! though uhmmmmmmmmm im not really a great source at explaining splatoon anatomy & art traits tbh ! (specifically for inkfish, which is what i assume youre gonna be drawing if ur getting started)

i kinda just draw them as plain humans with tentacle hair and big ears, ive barely ever cared to analyze the way they are canonically presented to interpret into my own art - instead the style came naturally to me over the years after making many ocs & being a fan for so long, while bending the rules to whatever i find most comfortable

soooo if youre looking for a person to explain to you on how to draw inkfish in an accurate way then sorry i am not that guy pal . but if u just want my own personal opinions then sure ! if anybody wants more specific rundowns i can try, but for today ill only talk a little about hair:

first off, the simplest one

^ the way i color tentacles really depends on the style (its quite different when im working with aliased (aka pixelated) brushes or simplified styles, then i have to be a lot more concsious about my color choices) tbh but the one ive been doing the most recently is like the pictured above . im not good at explaining my coloring process in general to be honest, so i cant give much advice on that especially when it comes to splatoon since i just do whatever

^ now onto the wordier stuff ! its good to give more weight to the tentacles than you would with untouched human hair, since in the end these are literally pieces of flesh lol . inklings have more weight at the lower ends of their tentacles while octolings have it at the mid-to-higher ends, the weight is hand-in-hand with the thickness (as in mass) . also, i think its a canon attribute that octolings have thicker (as in density, and sometimes in mass, as shown with the enemy octolings) tentacles than inklings like their irl counterpart, but dont take my word for it since i dont know where the source is, i just like keeping it in mind art-wise since it makes sense for their real-world counterparts

personally when character designing i like to stick to the 4-tentacles = octolings, 6 tentacles = inklings rule, but even the canon characters will sometimes break it (though, from my recollection, it only breaks that rule by having less tentacles (shiver, frye, acht, marina in side order)) so i dont force myself to keep it if the design can look better with more or less pieces . however, limitations can definitely inspire creativity, so its a good starting point to stick to the canon tentacle-count

thank u for the question, feel free to ask more, though i will probably answer quite late as i usually do . now i go back to drawing yuri

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[bil-daddy]

Mr bildad the shuhite, I need some advice. What do I do when that familiar overwhelming sadness washes over me? Ive been feeling horribly depressed lately, even though I have no real reason to be. I do talk to my friends abt this, but I dont want to talk abt my mental state ONLY and drive them away, so I refrain from talking abt it too much even tho it feels like it will drown me, because I am too afraid of seeming clingy.

Its been getting worse lately, and all I can do is distract myself from it. Ive been excessively sleeping just to not.. feel. I dont know what to do, nor do I know how to not feel this way

I made myself a nice breakfast, and it felt good. And then the feeling came back, like a drip drip drip from the leaking faucet of my mental health I cant control. I am scared. I am so scared

Sorry if this ask wasnt what u were expecting, or if u cant help me either, thats completely fine. I just needed to share somehow how scared I am. Of myself, what I feel I dont know

I dont know. I just dont know

Best wishes,

Anon❤️

*shows up one month late carrying six shots of espresso in a big cup to answer this ask*

It's taken me a while to respond to this because 1) I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself and 2) I haven't figured out a solution yet.

I do have some ideas, though.

You were on the right track, making yourself a nice breakfast. Little things like that make a bigger difference than you think. In fact, I think we should all try to live in the little moments as much as we can. Sometimes, when you're feeling depressed but can't point at a reason in your own life, it's because you're reacting to large scale problems that, while very real, are out of your control--and you know this, and so you feel depressed and scared because there's nothing you can do.

But there is something you can do.

Do at least one thing nice for yourself everyday as part, even if it's something really small. Especially something really small. Listen to your favourite song. Eat a piece of chocolate, just because. Play with a pet, if you have one.

And, if you're up to it, do at least one nice thing for someone else, too. Help your parents with the chores. Call a grandparent and brighten their day. Send a kind message to a friend.

Because you should keep on talking to your friends. The right friends will be honoured you've opened up to them. Listen to your friends, too. They might be going through things to, and being a comfort to them might in turn make you feel better, as well. Being part of a community, even if it's just a small group of friends--or even a group of two--can really help. Having you a sense of purpose, belonging, and importance is part of what makes people people.

Sleeping a lot isn't necessarily bad. Ive done that myself (for totally normal amounts of time, definitly not entire century or anything) Sometimes, your body and your mind just needs the rest. But if you feel like you're sleeping too much, then you probably need something exciting to be awake for.

It might be time to try out a new hobby, start a new TV show or book, take a class, or set a new goal that you can work towards a little bit every day. The mind craves new experiences and challenges. If everything's been the same for a while, depression can set in simply due to boredom.

However, there could just as easily be other causes, which are worth looking into with a therapist and a psychiatrist, if you want to try the medical route--and it is worth a try with persistent depression.

It sounds to me like you also have some anxiety about having depression, since it scares you (and rightfully so, it is scary) that you can feel it coming on and that you can't control it. For that, in addition to what I've already mentioned above, I'd suggest thinking about it differently. Instead of leaking faucet you're desperately trying to shut off, let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling*

(*safely and within reason--don't harm yourself or others)

Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it out.

Sometimes, the sadness we fear feeling ends up not being as bad as the fear of it. You might feel relieved, once you're no longer bottling everything up and sleeping/distracting yourself to avoid feeling sad. As cliche as a it is, the only way out is through.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey. You can do it.

[genderstealer2000]

How do you start gender hoarding? I know that it might sound like a stupid question, but you see, I live in a place where trans people and nbs are looked down upon but lesbians and gays are ok. (rural Australia)

I felt weird coming out to my bf as a demigirl( I am AFAB) and he knows I’m a furry, but doesn’t know about my alter humanity (questioning therian)

So my view of gender is very “traditional” and where I live there’s only really female, male, trans and (very rare) nonbinary. I also have highly suspected autism/ self diagnosed yet I don’t see gender in a way I hear people with autism do, probably due to my upbringing

I want to know from a person like you who knows the “newer” ways of gender how I should gender hoard and not stick myself to just the traditional genders

its not a stupid question at all!! ill do my best to answer! so i identify as agender transmasc. agender goes under the trans umbrella and nonbinary, but i dont see myself as gender neutral i just have no gender. now going more into the transmasc, just means i feel more masculine. doesnt really effect the way i present my gender any differently, hmm i guess i dont really know how to explain it. i dont understand the concept of gender, i dont understand a lot of social constructs, i honestly think its sort of unneeded. my gender is complex in the most noncomplex way, its vast and its tiny. ive made my own genders based off of feelings and intrests, i think thats the best way to get started with genderhoarding. making your own ideas, analyzing yourself. (personally its helped me become more aware of who i am!) imaginationnnnn!! creativity!! make something up, no ones stopping you! the way i view gender is its what makes you, you. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone but you. it doesnt have to make sense! some of the things i tie in with my gender are the rustling of leaves in a forest, fog in the early morning, large fields, chaotic music, soft stuffed animals, the smell of pavement after it rains, soft piano music, acoustic guitar, the moon some of those things are real different!! and those are some of the things that i view my gender as! i think its a lot easier too with the internet, theres a ton of people who have similar ideas and interests so they also make genders, sexualities, and flags to go along with them.

i have a board on pinterest that i frequently add stuff to, i could link it here if you would like! i also save just anynthing that pops up if it remindes me of my friends or it seems cool. it doesnt mean i identify with it, but its cool to read about them! i keep track of them in a notebook as well!! my genders relate to my hyperfixations, mostly. Hyperfixations and anything that i can relate too! ex. horrormasc: a masculine aligned horrorgender. fits both definitions (1: a horrifying/all over the place gender, and 2: a gender related to different horror genres) raingender: a xenogender connected to the rain scenekid/scene neutral, oldwebemoic, onlineboyic, endspacic etc, etc. dont feel rushed at all to tell your boyfriend! when i started feeling more comfortable telling people, i made sure to have articals pulled up to read, notes etc. so it would be easier to sort me thoughts? get it out more smoothly. i also wanted to talk about self-diagnosing!! i hear so much negative about it, but honestly, its good to research and try and find out things about yourself. that my opinion. and not for longterm, just for a bit until you can get evaluated. gahhhhh self diagnosing is valid and it makes me so mad to see people who think its not. granted, some people to just see a couple things and "oh yup got that" but when you really spend time looking at signs, symptoms, traits it can be very beneficial in the long run, and also just to check before you go get evaluated also i apologize if this is insanely long, or if it makes no sense. im sleep deprived, im trying to fall asleep gahh i hope this helped even a little bit!! if you want me to expand on anything or explain anything further feel free to dm me!

[lemon-wedges]

Just wanted to ask (and feel free to not answer), but how do you draw so much so quickly? I'm always impressed by how fast you doodle or paint. Also, wanted to say that I appreciate your Barok and DGS art as a whole.

and with this ask i have finally reached an artist milestone 😭

Well theres a short answer and a REALLY long answer (which ill put under cut when i get there).

short answer: practice + refs

which.....can be an annoying thing to hear. And as someone who studies art and has bought a LOT of online courses trying to figure out how industry people can just churn out work like nothing. it feels like a let down every time i find out their big secret. just practice and photo refs. Every. Single. Time.

LONG ANSWER:

its how you studying your refs. heres how i do mine

sorry if this is rambly. but ill try my best to at least be clear. BUT THIS is the EXACT way i taught myself how to be quicker.

I do not know if youve taken any art classes but essentially one of the ways to study gesture drawing is by first tracing ur photo ref to get a sense of the flow/proportions of the body. youve probably seen a billion of these tutorials floating around:

So last year around hmmmm june/july? i was NOT looking to get better at my anatomy or gesture. i was actually trying to get better at clothes. but my problem was it took me so long to draw out a figure (which i was fine with cause i liked how my people looked at the time) that i could never really just focus clothing part.

So i told myself look. ur not looking to draw in this style like this forever. so for now SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY!!!! I WANT THE BAREBONES OF A HUMAN HERE TO MAKE A MANIQUIEN FOR CLOTHES OK

but how do i do that....

Im gonna use this piece as an example from my rise and yosuke fashion palooza month. FIRST u see i got all my photo refs together. i like those poses on the right and i want to switch out the clothes for the other ones i picked out. i trace out my poses. kind of like the tutorial up top but since this is about draping i was focused the exact places their waist/arms/legs/etc would bend.

and like the tutorial u turn off the photo ref and do a drawing based off that traced piece.

then i would turn on my refs and add on my clothes

And after a month of just doing that over and over and over. i was surprised to find that figures and poses were so much easier to understand when i would break them down like this. and once u get familiar with them the faster and more confidently you'll draw them.

I and still do this btw. heres my otasune from the last week

i used photo refs for all my sketches. if i cant find anything online to match what i want i just take photos of myself. and some might say well arent u just relying on reference TOO much?

AND AGAIN take it from someone who has spend a lot of money buying classes from their fav artists in the industry. The Secret of how they churn out so much cool work so fast always turns out to be this. practice and photo refs.

Every. Single. Time.(tho this is omitting a lot. im not getting into like they way they stylize their art work. that actually the fastest and funnest thing to do once u have ur base down)

Now PAINTING

The thing is, i dont actually post up all my work on this blog. So theres a ton of stuff you havent seen me do. These are some paintings i did 2 years ago for a class.

I already know how to pick my values and set up lighting. When you see me painting my figures now. i am not focused on learning these basics im actually just honing a technique.

you might see me post readmores with these kinds of wips. I lay in all my colors and lighting with the lasso tool. ALL THE MAJOR DECSIONS ARE DONE HERE

(the little miniature i add on the side basically tells me what the overall feeling is going to be when i blend in the lineart to be cohesive with my colors) ( also if you had any questions on my prepainting process tho. feel free to ask!!!)

and if you compare this wip to my finished piece youll actually find that i dont stray that far from what i've laid in.

everything happening at THIS stage is about feeling out how i want the textures to blend with one another and getting funky with some brush strokes.

and thats it? im not sure if any of this is helpful but if anything. i hope you come away from this feeling like what ive been doing here is nothing special. "THATS IT???? THATS ALL THERE IS??? well i could have done that :T"

exactly man. you can do ALL OF THIS aND MORE!!! I BELIEVE IN U :D

but ill let this be the last thing i leave u with my friend: my barok sketch and the refs i used for his boobies