#its 2 am so i dont know how much sense this answer makes

[sieglinde-freud]

hiii @nyxlunaire !!!! sorry i did attempt to type this all in the replies but im a rambler and got smacked with the character limit because i had so much to say so im making it a post! but just know i never mind!! im so flattered ur interested 😭 also if you want me to untag you lmk, i just wanted to make sure you know that i am responding!! just somewhere else. theyre honestly among my favorite sibling pairings in fire emblem, maybe right behind eirika and ephraim which is kind of crazy bc lucina and inigo are definitely. not canon siblings in any way!! but in my head they are and they make a lot of sense to me! overall i think their relationship is a positive one and a close one. there’s a couple of strains, what with inigo’s relatively lackadaisical attitude being a bit annoying for lucina who was probably raised with more rigor (chrom was still ALIVE), and i can imagine lucina’s headstrong-ness could have bothered inigo. but you know. siblings piss eachother off. it happens. i dont think it happens as much with these two, especially in the bad timeline when they both REALLY needed to lock in to stay alive. to me, what really makes them interesting is everything post coming back in time

so they both come back in time and have wildly different experiences with obviously just landing, but more importantly with chrom and olivia. obviously just because of how gameplay works, inigo WOULD have a closer relationship with olivia, and lucina WOULD have a closer relationship with chrom. those have the intentional parent conversations as opposed to the generic ones with their variable parent but that doesnt change that they happen! and so for starters, with inigo specifically, we all know this one. we all know the infamous inigo pc support in which his dad, chrom in this case, compares inigo to lucina and reprimands him for not taking the fight seriously, falling for inigo’s teehee silly dumbass facade that he puts up and thus, despite the resolution in the A support, theres still a distance and there’s still a strain between them that is less than it was before but still present (this you can tell in how chrom treats future past inigo!!)

so we all know that one, very popular non-canon parent-child relationship blah blah blah. but i think what goes underlooked is lucina’s conversation with olivia (and her mother in general). this makes sense, because this support is truly nothing to write home about. its like, cute. but its generic and not all that interesting aside from the acknowledgment of baby lucina. but what im really interested in is the language lucina uses here and in her future past conversations with olivia and when she reunites with her parents after the henry chapter (12? 13?) and its very interesting if you’re someone who likes to read too much into the text where nothing was intended to be this way (me). i wont go into EVERY detail right now with olivia and lucina bc this is supposed to be about the siblings, but its important to note that lucina… does not know olivia. “her olivia died!” very true, but that came after chrom’s death, and lucina is able to adjust to having chrom back very easily! like its natural! but with olivia, she doesnt know how to talk to her. she doesnt understand her clothes, she doesnt know how to read olivia’s reactions, she doesnt know what to say or do when she meets olivia for the first time, and this isnt a problem that i see resolved in the A support all that well. its not the same kind of distance chrom and inigo have, but it is distance.

back to what you actually asked me, because i do have a point with this! i think that inigo and lucina, whether or not they realize it and whether or not they ever admit it to themselves, are jealous of eachother. what lucina has with chrom is what inigo has always needed growing up—a father figure who he can count on the support and love of. but when he found chrom, any stories and descriptions he knew from lucina break instantly once they talk. he says, “For being such a softie with everyone else, he doesn’t pull any punches with me.” how. interesting. and with lucina, i think it would be insane for her to see inigo, who knew their mother for even less time, immediately fall into step with her. they bond over dancing, shyness, and seem to get on well immediately. lucina didnt get that! when lucina saw her mom for the first time, olivia was crying and lashing out at her dad! resolved almost instantly, of course, but that’s a horrible thing to come back to! and she doesnt dance, she doesn’t understand her mom’s anxiety, she doesn’t get the same advice from olivia that inigo does. why? that question will never be answered. but it bothers her, and when siblings are jealous of eachother in this way, it leads to strain. obviously, it wont ruin their relationship. at the end of the day, theyre siblings who love eachother, and at this point, inigo is one of the only people in the world who can truly understand what lucina has been facing and is one of her strongest supporters. but they’re also young and are relishing in the comfort of having their parents back again as well as the discomfort of experiencing sibling rivalry for the first time. the worst part, though, is that they dont get to fix this.

blah blah blah awakening happens grima dies blah blah blah and then BAM. inigo? gone. hes outtie. disappears without a trace and supposedly without any real heads up, and if there is a heads up, its probably wildly inaccurate about the time hes gonna be gone!! and we all know how laslow feels about leaving (immense guilt and despair and sadness and grief) but what if he left a sister behind? a sister that, despite reassurances, feels out of place with her “parents” and who’s watching the rest of her friends move on and start the rest of her lives? a sister who had always planned to go back to their shithole of a home, but never thought she’d have to do it without her little brother by her side, or at least without a proper goodbye. will he come back? should she wait? will she wait? i dont know. i dont think either of them do know and i think thats the scary the part. when laslow comes home and reunites with the family he’s mourning for years, who he’s shared tales and stories and tidbits of with his daughter, will her auntie lucina be there to meet her too?

in my head, yes she is and they all live happily ever after forever BUT. thats a loose end worth exploring i feel. the grief and loss that follows these two is truly never ending and i feel like once you eternally interconnect them this way, through making them siblings, they get a lot more fun. i definitely have more thinking to do on post-fates them but… if they were strained before. weeell. imagine what being apart for that long without resolving your conflict will do to you. haha.

[sapphicseasapphire]

Ok found the Merspeak alphabet https://www.tumblr.com/sapphicseasapphire/747828546899247104/i-dont-know-if-ill-ever-actually-use-this-little?source=share

But you also state here that Legend has a song to refer to each Link that's from their respective games?

Is Time's the obvious Song of Time or more nuanced Song of Healing. I imagine when Legend meets Malon she'll end up with Epona's Song, the fact she's always singing it might trigger mixed emotions. I mean a Redhead with a beautiful voice, that's not complicated

Sorry!! I got so caught up in Mermay, I didn’t have the mental capacity to think too hard about putting these thoughts into words. Prepare for me to ramble for too long.

Legend’s “songs” that refer to the other Cryptids are just what the Merspeak version of the name sounds like. It’s written as a code version of English, but in the world it exists as a series of clicks and melodies- like whale songs.

Time’s name is different than his song.

His name is given to him by Legend, and used VERY rarely. (Legend will speak in Hylian when he’s with the rest of the Chain. He knows they can’t understand Merspeak). When Legend addresses Time, he’ll just call him Time. But of course, Time is a God worshiped by all…. Or he will be, at some point. So he has to have a name in Merspeak.

Names in Merspeak have to come from the Link’s respective game. It has to be a piece of music that exists in the game, but not in the world of the game. For example, the Ballad of the Goddess is a song that exists in the world of Skyward Sword. It is a song that is already claimed, in that sense. People know how to play it and associate it with a completely different idea, so it can’t be Sky’s name. It was made by the Hylians of that world, so it can’t be Merspeak anyway.

The Song of Time and the Song of Healing are the same way.

But it gets a little more complicated as a God.

Because he does answer to the Song of Time. Later on in the story, when he’s more comfortable with his Godhood, he will Know when that song is played. It summons him. But it’s less like calling his name, and more like calling him to work. It’s not personal. It’s not loving. It’s just… a stranger playing the right notes in the right order to summon a deity that they couldn’t possibly understand. It’s not Merspeak, it’s just music.

Now, Time’s Merspeak name? That is given with trust and understanding. With love. It has to be from either Ocarina of Time or Majora’s Mask, but it can’t be a song that he played during his adventure.

His name is the Opening Theme from Ocarina of Time.

“But Sapphire! That’s a musical motif that Link plays on the flute in game as early as in Zelda 1!”

You’re right. But it doesn’t exist in any of Time’s games, so it counts because I say so. The reason it has to be limited to in game music is because I want it to match the Vibe of the characters. Also because I am a NERD about Zelda music.

Legend only gives names to people that he’s CLOSE to. Realistically, Malon won’t get one. Not even a song she always sings- that exists in the game. And it calls Epona, not her. It should be Epona’s name.

Aaaand of course, in case you’re curious, here are some of the other Cryptids’ Merspeak names:

Legend: As I said, his is the First Search theme from Link’s Awakening. (Keep in mind that Ravio named him)

Ravio: Already has name! Ravio’s theme, Link Between Worlds. (The beloved)

Sky: Crimson Loftwing because COME ON, GUYS. OBVIOUSLY. It’s even a duet, are you kidding me? This song makes me so emotional, I love it so much. My Skyward Sword bias is showing

Hyrule: Palace Theme (Zelda 2) mostly because this song deserves more credit as one of the best pieces of Zelda music ever. And Let Hyrule Be FEIRCE!!!

Twilight: FUN FACT! This Link is the only one to actually have a theme! It’s most clearly heard in the Hyrule Field theme, but it weaves its way into the majority of music in Twilight Princess. So. Yeah, that’s him, alright.

Wind: I’m so tempted to make it the Pirates theme. BUT WIND IS SPECIAL!! HE IS AQUILI!! RAISED ON OUTSET!! BESIDE MER!! He also knows Merspeak- with such an accent that Legend can hardly understand him sometimes. But still, singing his grandma’s name or Aryll’s name brings him comfort on his travels

Spirit: Whatever this is (In The Feilds, I guess). This is one of my favorites of all time, too. It’s so joyful! So adventurous!

Wild: Ancient Zora Waterworks (Tears of The Kingdom). Please please please, I love this song. The Faron Woods motif from Skyward Sword that they snuck in??? And it sounds like something you’d find in Twilight Princess. It sounds peaceful. Almost mournful? But with a silent hope? UGH one of these days, I’m just gonna have to rant about my favorite Zelda songs.

(Realistically, it’d only be a few notes from each song. Or else it’d take FOREVER to have a conversation. But just for fun, we get to listen to the full context)

[goomyloid]

how do you think the weird route would continue in future chapters (assuming it isn’t exclusive to chapter 2)? Personally i think it would be interesting if the weird route would have us continue to break the game in different ways or focus on the consequences of what we did in chapter 2

idk for sure, it’s scary to think about lol… i dont think ive ever thought of it as being ch2 exclusive at least, maybe its a route that doesn’t change Literally Everything in the game but surely a good handful of things are quite different.

rip to berdly if hes supposed to have an important role in future chapters. it will feel like undyne waiting for a dead papyrus to show up. or maybe its less of that and his death/coma/whatever hangs over everyone and becomes more of a ‘symbol’ of the weird route’s nature (if that makes any amount of sense whatsoever)

i dont have any concrete predictions or anything buttt im very interested to know if theres some real underlying goal to the weird route besides breaking the game or something like that, maybe something more diegetic, i.e. something you cant do in the main route suddenly becomes possible in the weird route. i can think of many different directions for this particular idea lol

but im also not really much of a theorizer so if you ask me what i think will happen you’re going to hear more about what i Want to happen LMAO. but um yea . SORRY IF THATS A NOTHINGBURGER ANSWER i just . Am paralyzed with fear over what could be in store lowkey

[ar1mas]

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[lyss-sketchbox]

(To start, I've been enjoying reading your and folks' various perspectives on Natlan, it's interesting to see different breakdowns/thoughts)

I do have a theory on the flippancy though, and I may very well be horribly wrong, but I suspect it's intentional. The whole nation is being taught, more or less, that this war they're fighting is a game. It's fine if you die, we'll bring you back. It's fine if you fight the Abyss, we do it all the time. And yet. We see that folks' Ancient Names can be lost and not recovered, that you can't fully recover from Abyssal corrosion, and that hey, actually, Kachina is a terrified kid when we see that projection of her. It may even be part of why the nation is struggling so much with creating their Contending Fire. I also think Mavuika plays into this narrative.

Primarily, I think (or maybe just hope) her overconfidence is going to be her hubris. Traveller expresses concern about the time she has to gather the warriors and she's non-plussed, "eh, I trust the Wyob". She's got A Plan and it's going to work, according to her. But I dunno about that ma'am. She also says weirdly definitive statements that I don't think are fully accurate like "humans can't know their fate" and "the only thing that unites the Fatui are collecting the gnoses" that lead me to believe she puts full stock in her conclusions as soon as she feels she has an answer and doesn't exactly question any further.

Honestly? It would be nice if they set up this whole thing of the nation being so casual and Traveler buying into it only to tear it, crashing down, around everyone. How long can the nation avoid taking things seriously before everything comes to a head? (Perhaps why Capitano isn't interested in brute-forcing things overall? Or maybe I'm giving him too much credit, lol)

What an interesting take, genuinely

So Mavuika

It would definitely play the part of being a pyro archon and how pyro vision holders are often extremely confident and high spirited. It would make sense if the pyro archon embodies that kind of value.

This also lines up with what the previous anon said about how she wanted to be reincarnated because its HER plan and she wanted to see it through even if it means offing herself early.

(I dont remember the ending dialogue was i did it all at like 4 am so yeah please fight me on my takes)

She also seems very quick to make MASSIVE decisions like using a good chunk of her power to keep the Contending Flame alive right then and there even with the concerns of some people. Then she was just as quick to burn all the mementos gathered for centuries when the group sent to find Kachina didnt make it.

I feel like maybe she couldve waited before keeping the Contending Flame alive. And while the Contending Flame IS more importang than a single girl, based on the time we spent in the Night Kingdom. It doesnt... feel all that long. She couldve waited. Use her power to save us. Rest for a while then fan the Contending Flame. Saving us from the Night Kingdom didnt feel like a permanent loss of power while keeping the Contending Flame alive does.

To be honest, she IS human, WAS human before archonhood. Shes been human TWICE now due to her reincarnation. I can understand humans wanting to prove to higher powers and beings such as fate that they CAN hold power over themselves. But being human, being NATLANIAN means she has worshipped to Wayob as well at some point. Hence putting her faith more into them and their ancient names.

The Plot of Natlan

I will admit here that i am biased and there is only 2 acts so far. For all i know theyre still setting up the chekovs guns and they may pop oh so beautifully in late acts and i am too harsh on the set up acts.

But i can understand if the people of natlan has been trained their entire life to numb themselves of the true horrors of war. Because they live constantly in it, if they are in constant fear, it is not good for morales or the ancient name holders either.

And if they were written to be so chill so that hoyoverse can pull the rug under us even harder then well good on them because i will be COMPLETELY honest.

I cannot see them pulling this without making it cliche or shallow.

Because we all already know SOMETHING is gonna go wrong. The abyss will reach natlan. The contending flame will die. The 6 heroes will reawaken and help Mavuika fight off the abyss for good. We know it will happen. The only issue is how to get there and how to not make it cliche as fuck.

Because for one they pulled the anime training montage for Kachina where we get told she is actually really good, she has been training so hard with Mualani but we literally dont get to see or feel it. But oop she defeated mualani.

They pulled the power of friendship when Mualani talked back to lector in the night kingdom.

They already spoiled how Ororon was the traitor because HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO CAPITANO IN THE TRAILER.

It feels way too messy for me, way too unserious and uncoordinated both in game and advertisement materials. I almost feel like capitano, 1st of the fatui harbinger, probably shouldnt have been responsible for natlan because dude can out espionage them (or maybe natlan and capitano are both as equally uncoordinated who knows).

Well for NOW i think they have a generic base plot. I would be very willing to declare how wrong i was about natlan if act 3-5 managed to fucking mindblow me. But yeah as you can see i am not hopeful that hyv have half the brain you have about the plot.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Sup, mara.

You mentioned suspecting that you are autistic [i read it a long time ago; dont even remember where]

Do you know how to get rid of the "have-to-label-myself" mindset?

I have spent the last year or so wondering whether i have [insert the term] instead of [insert my diagnosis], and it's making me insane (˚☐˚”)/i feel like its a retardation spell for my creativity, almost

hi anonymous;

i can:t answer it for you, but i live according to Etiquette dictated by faith--if you want a lame example of this, do the dead opposite of what Suema suggest in episode 6 of Boogiepop and Others regarding the need of a person to resist the Imaginator, and how we must perform a life-long struggle to resist the Imaginator that does our thinking for us: I became an anti-intellectual, who lets the Imaginator do my thinking for me;

I do not let myself think using those terms and actively resist (like I were constantly praying to myself) any thought that is dirtied-up by psychiatry and logic in-regard to starting to define myself outside of what Etiquette dictates: I am left-handed, and a servant of my faith, and what-ever seems to be a flaw or sickness or blessing or miracle to me is nothing more than what was intended to me by part of my material; say, for example, I am struggling with counting constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" in my head: this world can surely provide a logical and tight explanation for why I do this, surely you could even think of some terms that would neatly explain my obsession with counting "1, 2, 3, 4," but I do not allow myself to think anything except that I am clay meant to count constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" and if a 'dirtied' thought enters, it is considered an antagonistic contice (a faith-based term, defined by logical "contexts" patterned here into the observable world to keep it tightly explained and free of "miraculous" explanations, like sutures to close-up wounds that faith bleeds out from), and pushed out.

I think often this is sometimes unhealthy, and I think often I am sometimes struggling with how much I have tied myself to Etiquette, but it's a closed-environment: those doubtful thoughts I just expressed are antagonistic contices to Etiquette, and the loop starts over again even within this response to you: "anonymous is a confusion trying to inject logic into your thought in sly ways," then it gets recognized, and then treated like that.

More-so than how I myself 'solve' this, is the importance of environment, self-understanding, and habit building; at some point I made it a habit to do this in my head as a constant prayer, till it just happened automatically and those terms became forbidden mostly both in thought and expressed here within the Confusion (this world); environment, too: if you surround yourself by people who self-therapize with terms then you'll sure-enough find yourself woven up in a bunch of narratives that define you--Stephen King uses this example of "Don't think of a pink elephant" and how futile it is to not imagine it after having the idea implanted in your head; more modern: "you are not immune to propaganda;" for me I just imagine the words of others (and how they are invisible but with weight) as dirt in the air that goes into your head, and stays there if you don't employ efforts to sterilize it;

for you, anonymous: maybe you are just meant to be troubled by terms. May-be not forever, but may-be for a few years; there's creativity in that, and life is not a closed box where we can be free from the invisible dirt, and, as Suema says in episode 6, quoting the fictional author she loves,

"If there is anything that gives value to human life, it is the struggle with that something. In the battle with the Imaginator that does your thinking for you, 'Versus Imaginator,' that's the starting line upon which all humans must stand."

We are bound by common sense more than we realize, and that makes us suffer;

take care, anonymous.

[multifandombullshitbabes]

21

24

27

And

30

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

thank you so much, I shall answer these prompts NEOW

21: Fics you wish you could find more of?

Oooohhh more fics involving Gwen, that's for sure. When she's written right she's one of the strongest, most relatable characters imo, 'cause all she wants is for the world to be right and just and kind and everything wants to prove her wrong, but she won't back down from her views. I would also adore more Elyan, just in general. And complete rewrites of the show 'cause the one I'm reading right now is so good I might do one as well. Also modern au's where they're all like secret badass spies or smth, 'cause those are so fucking cool (i am accepting fic recs for ALL of this, please feed me y'all)

24: Everyone knows that fandom doesn’t like uther but what are your feelings about gaius?

I think 1) we need more concrete info about how he was when he was younger, but 2) i think he is severely complicated and wanted what was best of merlin and morgana, but failed the two while also giving them a ton of love. With morgana, he just didnt want her to pursue her power lest she become uther's next victim, cuz gaius cares for the pendragon siblings like his own. With merlin, he was just trying his best with his overpowered nephew, who alos has a destiny regarding his people's genocide's son, and he just doesn't know what to do half the time, kinda like merlin. I didnt like how he lied to merlin n morgana, how he gaslit her and how he made merlin hide and become so anxious abt his magic (and we see what that looks like season 5), but i get it. I really get it. I dont know what i wouldve done if one wrong move could mean the death of two kids he considers his own. I bet he was scared all the time and hated himself for it.

27: Modern Merlin headcanons, if any?

OH BOY. OHHHH BOY. So many. It really depends on what au i have for modern merlin, but I'll give you a few generals:

he's a teacher of sorts; i like the idea that he's kinda collecting magical anomalies and teaching them how to understand their powers and being, since he knows what its like to be afraid of urself, so he's a personal magic teacher. I also rly like my magic elementary school au, since its merlin teaching magic to a bunch of kids, which is adorable

he has officially one cat, a black one called Midnight, that accidentally became immortal along the way and now hes severally attached. I say officially since hes also friends with any other animal that he might come across and they recognise him if he passes them again. disney princess fr

he's figured out his gender and he can turn into a woman if he wants; she looks exactly like merlin, same height, same weight n muscles, the hair is longer cuz merlin likes it that way and her voice is deep and gorgeous

his favourite weapon is a staff or any long distance fighting weapon of the sort; also he looks cool as fuck fighting with it, but thats just a bonus

I'll stop here but i have SO MANY MORE

30: Side character death that makes you the maddest?

Elyan. There was, quite literally, no need for it. I was gonna say Lancelot, since we did not get enough of him, but his death made sense for his character. Elyan? What the fuck was that? It was just for pain and nothing else. What did it add to the story if not just a sad funeral scene and thats it? It just felt like they wanted him gone n found a way, and that pisses me off. I feel like him saving gwen and living would've given such a complex situation when she turns evil, 'cause what if she "confides" more n more in her brother, creating a rift between arthur n elyan, which then creates a rift between arthur n the knights, which would just isolate him further n make him suffer, which is what morgana wanted!! we couldve had protective brother elyan! I think i just wanted more knights in general.

Thank you so much for this ask, I yapped a fuck ton but it was funn

[velvetvexations]

I'm gonna go ahead and post the rest of the binary/non-binary privilege stuff in my inbox without commentary because I honestly am running out of things to add to them in response lmao.

If you don't see yours here: I did answer it, but I didn't like my response and deleted it just now before realizing "oh, wait, if they didn't see it in the two hours it was up they're going to think I missed or ignored it." I totally did read it and reply though! I was just angrier at the kinna people you were talking about than I wanted to be.

The rest:

for me when i think about the binary/nonbinary thing, basically my thoughts are: if being binary isn't a privilege, then can the gender binary be called oppressive? like personally i think the gender binary itself is an oppressive force in society, like male/female being a form of societal categorization is oppression. so it makes sense to me that fitting into that categorization is a privilege, and not fitting into it is disprivilege. i think it's a good argument to have whether or not the gender binary is actually oppressive, you'll get a lot of different takes, but me personally i think it is because it hurts me a lot and that hurt makes the most sense for me to call oppression. those are just my 2 cents, not trying to argue that it's worse for anyone based on if you're binary or nonbinary, just kinda that to me the gender binary itself oppresses me so i feel disprivileged for not fitting it, if that makes sense! also i think binary trans people specifically often face disprivilege for not fitting into the gender binary because during transition they often dont, and if youre not able to transition at all that means you really dont fit into it. basically theyre hurt by the same stuff in the binary as us a lot of the time. i think it gets complicated though because theres a statistical pattern where binary trans peoples goals *BROADLY* (NOT TALKING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL CASES, just talking about statistics) are to look like a "normal" person of their gender, so if that cant be your goal because it would make you dysphoric or suicidal or anything like that, you think about it differently and youre less likely to think the gender binary is good. but if it is your goal and youre able to make steps toward it, like if youre looking more and more like a "normal" person of your gender over time and fitting into normal society more, or even if you dont fit in perfectly but youre using enough "signals" to show you want to fit in and are trying and the people around respect you trying, then you might think the gender binary is good because it helps you be gendered correctly and helps you be your true self. i think that's why a lot of us feel like binary trans people sometimes use privilege over us, whether thats true or not (i havent decided my opinion on that and i dont know if i ever will because its really loaded and a lot of people will be mad at me no matter what opinion i have so it doesnt seem worth it to have one): because its more likely that you like the binary and want to keep it around if it helps you, and that opinion feels like an attack if you're hurt by the binary. plus, statistically theres a lot more of the "normal" trans people out and about visibly in the world than "abnormal" ones, so it makes it *feel* like we're a minority within a minority even when that's not true.

Ngl this binary privilege discussion is driving me knuts. Binary trans people don't face exorsexism: is that privilege? Y'all pretty much agree that not facing transmisogyny doesn't give trans men privilege so if we were any type of consistent around here we'd say No. Personally I think not facing form of bigotry gives you A privilege. It's 1 less hurdle you have to jump over, not an additive system that negates any of the other bigotries you face as a binary trans person or gives you blanket Privilege over all nonbinary people! But that's how people use it in this discourse so maybe we need to put the word Privilege on the high shelf and just support other people when they face a bigotry we don't.

Wanna add something to the thing RE: binary privilege as a (close to binary) trans man who used to be non-binary. I won’t disagree that there’s situations where binary and close-to-binary trans people are treated better than non-binary and unaligned trans people, namely in medical settings and often also legal settings (depending on the country and laws, tho). But what I absolutely disagree with are inter-personal situations. I’m aware there’re non-binary people who have the experience that they are not accepted where binary trans people are accepted. But the opposite also happens. When I identified as non-binary, my family accepted and respected me, used my pronouns and gender-neutral terms, etc. and I was accepted in a trans group that was made up of only trans women and non-binary people. When I came out as a trans man, my family returned to using feminine terms for me started treating me like a stupid girl, and I was kicked out of the group I was in. I know multiple trans men who had the same thing happen to them (a lot of the ones I’m in a small group with now). And the way some people are using exorsexist binary trans people as proof that they have binary privilege is so weird, too. I know so many transmisogynist or transandrophobic non-binary people (esp. transandrophobic with the spaces I used to be in), but that doesn’t mean they have privilege over me? People can be bigoted assholes no matter who they are or what they identify as. Like. There are exorsexist non-binary people, too. So like. I’m open to discussion of binary "privilege" (tho privilege is a bit of a clunky word for that, it’s more like binary centrism/favouritism, but idrc) in relation to legal and medical stuff, but interpersonal stuff? Thats exorsexism—which should absolutely be discussed, too, just without acting like any group of trans people has privilege over another. It’s just like what I experience from my local trans community and family is transandrophobia / anti-transmasculinity, not the non-binary trans people having "non-binary privilege" and using that to kick me out of their spaces or whatever. I hope I’m making sense? I do think that discussion is important, but as someone who knows both sides, it’s lacking a lot of nuance currently. I’m definitely treated worse now as a trans man than I was a non-binary person (still experience the same transphobia from transphobic cis people, but now the queer+trans community is also slinging transphobia against me at any chance they have; while transphobes still want me to "go back" to being a girl without caring what words I use for myself now at all, there’s now also plenty of people who want me to "go back" to being non-binary, or really anything but a man.), and there’s plenty of non-binary people who have the exact opposite experience (used to id as binary trans, is now treated worse for being non-binary), and it’s important to keep in mind that a lot of the treatment is dependent entirely on the people around you, and that no experience is more important to discuss than another. This got long. English isn’t my first language, but I hope everything’s understandable.

(you worded it well!)

really enjoying the discussion about nuances of privilege vs advantage going on! I'd like to add that it's imo mainly caused by... medically and bureaucratically stratifying systems, for a lack of a better term? eg. in my country I can't go on HRT unless I want to "become" a transhet - that is, transition into a Fully Binary Man Wanting To Fuck Women. that's not something I want, as a nonbinary bisexual; I would be annoyed at being read as a Man the same way being read as a Woman is annoying, I only want some masculinizing changes, and the head of the board that decides if you can go on HRT does not believe in bisexuality (which is. ?????. HE'S A SEXOLOGIST.) But like. I don't think that others being willing to Be Seen As A Fully Binary Man Who Wants To Fuck Women (even if that's not the extent of how they want to live) is necessarily a privilege? It's just a slight advantage in a system that fucking sucks, you know? And you can at least lie about your sexuality (I have friends who are not straight and did lie), which, again, lying about that is not a privilege, but I'm too much of a contrarian bitch to even try and respect the opinion of someone who doesn't think bisexuality exists to even lie to them. I think a similar thing to this is compliance with psychiatric systems - I do well on medication and haven't had issues with any of my psychs (both therapists and prescribers), so I am in a circumstance where I'm going along with the system fine, making me have the advantage of less likelihood of being labeled a problem patient/disruptive/combative/etc. and being forcefully detained or such. People whose experiences with psych have been shit/are antipsych for whatever other reason/etc. do not have that advantage. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm privileged over them, but I do have a bureaucratic and medical advantage in a system that wants to binarize into Conforming To Expectations × Not Conforming To Expectations, even though both of us are having mental health issues.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

what is this jean/Jeremy/Kevin thing it looks interesting and the art is cool

oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!! i am absolutely going through it anon. so basically there is this book series called all for the game by nora sakavic that you should totally read (the first book is called the foxhole court -- but please check out a list of trigger warnings for it because it is very heavy and deals with a lot of serious and painful topics. i myself have had to disconnect for some of the scenes and come back when i was ready; its completely okay to do so, or to not read the books at all if its uncomfortable). its about gay athletes, guys just going through the absolute worst, the yakuza, fucked up families, a running game of how pathetic can you get answered in 15 different ways by each person, fucked up relationships, all not-so-neatly packaged into a completely made up fictional sport. (its funny because i am NOT a sports person and barely even understand cricket even though i watch it all the time, but i know the rules of exy forwards, backwards, and inside out. its that serious.)

i also need to warn you that the first book is slow. the second book is also kind of slow. i personally didnt have any trouble with it because im more of a character reader and aftg had PLENTYYY to keep me busy, but i think its a fair warning if youre sensitive to pace. however. the payoff is so incredibly worth it. its an amazing read with obsession-worthy characters, detailed and balanced plot beats, flowing and natural dialogue, very creative sports , and the relationships will make you want to reread it twenty thousand times. the romance is also the slowest burn to ever burn. if youre going in for romance at the start, you Will Not Get what you want -- but you will get it. i think we as a fandom focus on the romances a lot (im new so dont take my word for it) but its 1) because we're tumblr dont come and 2) because the romances and relationships are incredibly interesting to see through the lens of the books and vice versa. what i really love most (and youll see this in the ec doc) is that it feels like each and every choice was deliberately made by the author to make the book. like. down to the ice cream flavor they get at one point. especially with the sunshine court, i feel like i can see exactly where she made a choice and what mightve happened if that choice wasnt made. its intoxicated to read. it feels like breathing and it feels like drowning.

i just read the sunshine court (where jean and jeremy are more from) so thats what all the recent stuff has been, but you should read the foxhole court series first for it to make sense. i think tsc is 100000x times better and better written than tfc but you have to work for it lol. and!!!!! the author is on tumblr (@/korakos)! also if you do read it, please tell me!!!!!! you can keep sending anons or you can dm me or you can come to my house and live in my room but tell me!!!!! theres also an extra content doc (thanks @jeansyvesmoreau for sending this to me) between the series' (so after the kings men, before the sunshine court) that you should definitely definitely read. but im getting ahead of myself.

i hope that helps?? or at least doesnt hurt. if you liked the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, i think this is a good step up. let me know if you have any questions at all!!

okay ive been normal for this whole thing, ranting and incoherent noises below cut:

ANON ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. i told mel this but i cant possibly say i love these books because its not necessarily love. its not something i can explain but youll get it if you read it. there is a piece of my soul that was carved out, reformed, and then put back into me by nora sakavic. i dont think ill ever be the same again. i need a therapist who has read these books so they can understand exactly what im going through. each character was like a bomb to me. jean moreau is like a straitjacket. they mean so much to me. theyre nothing. i hate them. i need to feed them breakfast. OUGHHHHHHHHORGHEURGHEOGH. there is so much grief entangled with them but they are so vibrant and full of life it hurts. i cant stop thinking about them. i finished tsc yesterday and ive been sobbing ever since. i am dead serious. i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about one of the characters. i need you to know how real i am being.

i think if i meet nora sakavic i will probably kill her. just fully black out and kill her and not even know it. so i wont meet her for the better! but i need this to be out there. my fingers hurt from typing all this but know that there is MORE in my head. so much more. i am fit to burst with it all. love you anon thanks for asking

[venomgender]

13 + 22 for cjhua and 26 for dogwalk. lol<3

13. Do they have any disdain/contempt for each other? How do they show it?

i am honestly trying to think so hard on something that would actually honestly bother the other bc it feels like such a cop out to be like 'no they loooooove each other too much <3' but like. like. i dont think so... not really.

LIKE OK. neither of these 2 things would fall under disdain or contempt BUT,

for jaehui, i really do think that there is a small part of himself thats like truly bothered by just how flirty shua is, just because jaehui is both incredibly insecure and incredibly possessive, but he KNOWS thats not normal or healthy bc shua is his own person and they have both discussed and agreed on boundaries a la having flings with other people and stuff, which he REALLY TRULY IS FINE WITH, he just has Issues! so he just ignores those feelings of his <3 like always <3

though of course it definitely does show with the. collar. and general clingy-ness. and like its def different with Strangers (bc jaehui is very much no emotion except nice and pleasant ones for 5 years in public) but i do think when shua and jotch are flirting at least jaehui is like glaring daggers into jotch (at least at the beginning before choijotchieshua becomes real). which jotch is almost definitely obsessed w because hes a FREAK. but you knew this of course

for SHUA, it is of course jaehui's entire "im going to keep all my emotions bottled up until i die" shtick. i think like at the beginning of their relationship it was like pure annoyance since shua could like Kinda Tell When Jaehui Was Lying About That Shit (bc being a catperson makes him mildly empathetic in the same sense that like. your own cat always seems to know when to comfort you when youre sad) (<-explaining for people who dont know my ocs but are reading) and thast just! really fucking annoying! but its also something thats alsways been annoying for shua so whateverrr who caare. right.

but once they like Actually Get Together, and jaehui has a mental breakdown from bottling up his emotions thats so intense people quite literally die, the like pure annoyance from jaehui's emotional constipation defiently shifts to one of actual concern... because bottling your emotions up that tightly isnt healthy! and shua loves him! and he knows! he fucking knows when jaehui is doing that shit too! so it hurts him! but i wouldnt really describe that as actual contempt or even Annoyance but just overwhelming concern...

22. When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

once again the cop out answer would defiently be when they were trapped in eternal nothingness for however long that would be. LOL. because theres nothing you really can be except vulnerable when the only other thing in existance is 1 other person...

but, i really do think the Actual Answer would be right after jaehuis breakdown... obviously before then they were already really flirty with each other + they obviously both knew the other person had Some Sort Of Issues (jaehui more than shua lmao...) but i dont think either of them realized just how much the other one meant to them until that point. like jaehui's break down happened because he saw shua hurt. of everyone in that room shua was the only one (jaehui included) completely unharmed by jaehui. when shua saw jaehui loose all rationality his first concern wasnt for himself or those around him but instead for jaehui. for the first time ever protecting people from a threat wasnt his first priority, it was protecting a threat (jaehui) from people...

so i think once they get out of there + finally have a moment of peace they just. sit there. and shua is of course the one to start talking first but jaehui isnt that far behind and they just completely lay everything out on the table. i dont think shua would have ever brought up being betrayed by sworn brothers until that night (though its pretty easy to infer) and in turn thats the first time jaehui ever admits (even to himself) that despite how much love he has for his master he still also resents him for forcing jaehui to grow up in that environment that was so obviously detrimental for him.

so yeah. post jaehui getting too silly i guess <3

26. How would these characters react to being stuck in a small room with each other?

lol <3 i think jaehui would loose his mind a little <3

REALLY TRULY i think it depends on how small + for how long would they be stuck + how well do they know the bjs atp (which btw for all the beautiful people reading this that arent xander you can learn more about the bjs at @jotchia SMILE.) but for this ask i will establish these conditons:

Pretty Fucking Small. i am imaging my old bedroom that was 10x10 ft sq and barely had room to fit a twin sized bed and desk in. and we will say that theyre trapped for a seemingly indefinite amount of time. and that at this point all of dog walk are bffs5ever (so post choijotchieshua threesome)

i think, at the beginning, both jaehui and shua wouldnt really mind that much. at least assuming that they were trapped bc idfk a doorknob fell off and not that they were magicked into an inescable room (they would be much less chill about this for i think very obvious reasons)

but they wouldnt mind that much AT FIRST. i fucking know shua and jotch would get in some completely pointless argument that samir would start goading on and jaehui would then join in on the goading after a few minutes. LOL. in my beautiful mind actually now that im thinking of this scene specially its like. they get stuck -> try to find a way out -> realize both magic and brute strength wont work -> jotch makes some annoying fucking comment towards shua about like 'wowwww some ultra powerful magic swordsman you are!' -> shua immeidetly takes the bait -> samir joins in on the teasing while jaehui and bernie keep trying to find a way out -> jotch ends up saying something pathetic which makes jaehui join in on the teasing (but towards jotch and shua.) -> bernie is Can yall please either help me find a way out while arguing or just be quiet -> bernie ends up joining in on the fun too and they all end up laughing and its so shweets <3

and i think this good atmosphere would last for a good while. i said indefinite amount of time earlier but to put a reference lets actually say theyre trapped for 24 hours i think they would all be in pretty good will for about 4 of those hours. jaehui can like conjure a couch for them to sit in and food if they get hungry and stuff so its Chill. but jaehuis social battery only lasts so long and as much he enjoys the bjs company. well!

i think hours like 5-8 shua is still going strong but jaehui is just slowly getting quieter and quieter til by the end of those 3 hours hes just like purley in the opposite corner of everyone else just staring off into space. hes so over it LOL. and not even 10 hours in to the preestablished 24 huh <3

i do think though it would continue on about the same from there, probably by the end of hour 8 All of them are over it at least a little (i dont want speak on your guys though) and like obv would all be doing their best to not annoy the shit out of each other (i can see a scene where jotchie tries to tease jaehui to get a rise out of him (bc jotchie is. well. you know!) and jaehui snaps at him and jotch is like ahaha! my bad! that was really hot but i wont risk it beyond that! whoops! sorry!) and it just kinda continues from tehre but by hour likeee. 11 or 12 shua and jaehui are defiently like completely clinging onto each other because haha #trauma and like shua would still be talking to the bjs like normal but jaehui atp is just almost completely shut down only talking to shua via telepathy Not Doing Well At All. smile!

i said 24hrs but i cant think about any like Major change after that whatever you udnerstand. jaehui has issues what else is new. SMILE. when i sat down to answer this ask i had more thoughts about this in my mind and then like 2 fucking hours passed and im still answering this ask and its 3am and the thoughts have escaped me. but thas ok. i think in the 4 hour period where theyre so normal they would play azul. mainly because i cant stop thinking about dogwalk playing azul

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[quinnonimp]

trying 2 get into drawing splatoon!!!! any tips??? u make them look so gummy i love it

aaaa tysm ^_^

& ty for asking !!! though uhmmmmmmmmm im not really a great source at explaining splatoon anatomy & art traits tbh ! (specifically for inkfish, which is what i assume youre gonna be drawing if ur getting started)

i kinda just draw them as plain humans with tentacle hair and big ears, ive barely ever cared to analyze the way they are canonically presented to interpret into my own art - instead the style came naturally to me over the years after making many ocs & being a fan for so long, while bending the rules to whatever i find most comfortable

soooo if youre looking for a person to explain to you on how to draw inkfish in an accurate way then sorry i am not that guy pal . but if u just want my own personal opinions then sure ! if anybody wants more specific rundowns i can try, but for today ill only talk a little about hair:

first off, the simplest one

^ the way i color tentacles really depends on the style (its quite different when im working with aliased (aka pixelated) brushes or simplified styles, then i have to be a lot more concsious about my color choices) tbh but the one ive been doing the most recently is like the pictured above . im not good at explaining my coloring process in general to be honest, so i cant give much advice on that especially when it comes to splatoon since i just do whatever

^ now onto the wordier stuff ! its good to give more weight to the tentacles than you would with untouched human hair, since in the end these are literally pieces of flesh lol . inklings have more weight at the lower ends of their tentacles while octolings have it at the mid-to-higher ends, the weight is hand-in-hand with the thickness (as in mass) . also, i think its a canon attribute that octolings have thicker (as in density, and sometimes in mass, as shown with the enemy octolings) tentacles than inklings like their irl counterpart, but dont take my word for it since i dont know where the source is, i just like keeping it in mind art-wise since it makes sense for their real-world counterparts

personally when character designing i like to stick to the 4-tentacles = octolings, 6 tentacles = inklings rule, but even the canon characters will sometimes break it (though, from my recollection, it only breaks that rule by having less tentacles (shiver, frye, acht, marina in side order)) so i dont force myself to keep it if the design can look better with more or less pieces . however, limitations can definitely inspire creativity, so its a good starting point to stick to the canon tentacle-count

thank u for the question, feel free to ask more, though i will probably answer quite late as i usually do . now i go back to drawing yuri

[sealinredshoes]

I'm procrastinating work again ! its time for the

✨ UNHINGED WRITER GAME: CHAOS & CRAFT EDITION ✨

a tag game created by @maul-of-shame . I think tag games are an exellent way to explore your own writing and the way you make your characters because understanding how you create is a very good to help you with your work. Let's begin !

1./ If your writing had a scent, what would it be? Bonus points for weird answers (e.g., haunted lavender, burning VHS tape, library dust and daddy issues).

For me, this is barely an "if" because I used to write a lot in a very specific setting and the smell of it now create a povlovian reaction that make me search for a pen and paper. It's a mix of dust, pine wood and old fabric. I also have a second one but specifically for my main work on arthurian legends that smell like marbolo cigarettes since I had a neighbourg who always smoked those during the time I worked on the first volume.

2./ What does your writing taste like? (e.g., strawberries and gunpowder, over-steeped tea with secrets, blood and fondue).

Probably dust, vanilla, calamar ring and salt. It's crounchy but soft under the teeth. No this one does not have the same explaination as the first one.

3./ Your writing style walks into a bar. What drink does it order?

Knowing it, some sort of complicated coktails with a dozen of differents ingredients.

4./ If your writing was a weather event, what would it be? Hurricane? Soft drizzle? Biblical plague?

i think it would be a summer hailstorm. Most of the time it's very nice, warm, and peaceful and suddently I go for epico-romantic description of feelings, fates, universal laws and how they break and reshapping of space and time. And then nice sunny weather again.

5./ What song or sound effect would play every time you hit “new document”?

a weird mix of "Entrance of the gladiators" because, who am i fooling, of course i will write three pages and then not touching again for month but no matter how i'm conscious of it, "Narnia: Just the begining of the adventure" will still be louder in my head because, god, how do I love to daydream about stories.

6./ Which trope are you physically incapable of resisting, no matter how many times you’ve written it?

Found family, always that good old found familly. I just can't explain how important tender and deep declarations of platonic friendship is to me. There is something so beautiful with the inconditional love and the unbreakable bonds a group can form through their adventures.

7./ What’s one trope you love writing but would absolutely roast in someone else’s fic?

I dont' like the term "roast", because I will never criticize someone on their writing in that way, especially not fanfiction because a lot of people litterally just start writing with those AND they are sharing it for free. HOwever, I allow myself to be very critical with published books, when they have been choosen and beta-readed by a whole publishing team. One of the thing that tend to put a little cringe expression on my face is the whole "touch her and you die" trope. But I did end up writing it once, with a reluctant father figure finally admiting how much he cared for his adoptive daughter, and I loved this scene a lot.

8./ What’s a red flag in your writing that you refuse to stop doing?

Averbal sentences. Feelings and senses are a very important part of my writing, especially when it come to magic or wonder. I try to convey the kind of emotion that writing and dreaming make me feel, but I do understand that it can be read as the easy way of describing it so I try to moderate my use of them.

9./ What’s a green flag in your writing that you are smugly proud of?

Mythical symbolism as clues of character growth. Or just symbolism in general, as well as circular writing with double meaning. It's the kind of things that sometime made my irl readers goes a few pages back to get and it's really just a bonus to the story but that make them smile so my pride is infinite.

10./ Do you write like a god descending from Olympus or like a raccoon in a trench coat trying to pass for human?

I write like a dazed peasan that try to find his way throught the woods after had been kidnapped by the fairies for years, who is both drunk with freedom and yet desesperate to see the light of their kingdom once again.

11./ Do your OCs know they're in a story? If so, which one of them would threaten to beat you up?

Well actually, that literaly the plot of one of my stories, and my little OC Lucas can and will punch the Narrator in the throat because he do not like some canon events. I love him but he canonically can not stand me. I make him this way, I accept it.

A lot of my wip are based on folklore, fairytales and myth, therefore a generous amont of themes are meta-comments on the concept of stories and story telling, so they all are kind of aware they are part of a story, on different levels. Lucas is the one who understand the most of it, and is one who is the angrier about it.

12./ Which OC would try to unionize the cast? Which one would betray the union for a single grape?

I have this OC called the GoodMother whose role is actually to create a Characters Syndicat (she is from the same story as Lucas, but Lucas prefer to protest through violence toward the narator on his own). From a different wip, my version of sir Galahad is the leader of a revolution, so he can be trusted with this union. However, I would not trust my girl Marianne for anything pre-character developpement (she had already left the Charaters Syndicat once, and probably took some money with her). Sir Mordred would betray at random over his first mental breakdown of the week.

13./ You’re now legally required to write a crackfic of your WIP. What’s the plot?

Probably the cast of my fairytale inspired series meeting their Disney's (kind of) counterpart. I'm sure there would be a lot of cute and soft moments between them bounding over shared traumas until the musical aspect of the disney adaptations start to infect my OCs and the fic slowly become a covid lockdown parody.

14./ What would your WIP be called if it were: A Lifetime Movie, A 2000s emo album or A Pinterest board title?

Probably the following propositions:

Twelves characters in a manor

Tell me a new tale

the actual pinterest board title is Humanisation

15./ Your antagonist now has a pet ferret that influences every plot decision. What happens?

It's actually not very different from before with his daughter, at least until the moment his daughter leave him. After that, he would regulary cry over the ferret not wanting to cuddles and have long moments of flashback over everything the ferret would break. The local smith now have to create a ferret-shaped armor while not having its measurement because no one is allowed to touch it.

16./ Your favorite OC is now your therapist. What advice do they give you and are you okay?

Unfortunatly, my favorite child is Lucas, the previously mentioned professional Narrator puncher. He will beat the shit out of me.

17./ Your writing style is now a cryptid. What’s its name and where is it most likely to be spotted?

Do not mistake it for a Dahut ! The Onirocon is actually a sort of small deer that only live in under-oxygenated mountains.

18./ Who in your WIP would join a pyramid scheme and why?

My OC Helios would absolutely join one the moment you'll introduce him to the internet. Not for money tho, only to understand how it work, make the scheme fail on purpose and then blackmail the other members of it to use them later if he need.

19./ You have to pitch your story to a medieval peasant. What do you say?

"Good news ! Yet ANOTHER story about king Arthur just droped ! No not, sir Gerfeau's one, another. No, not Mother Maire's neither. YES I KNOW EVERYONE IS WRITING BALLAD ABOUT HIM, I NEVER SAID I WAS ORIGINAL, JEFFREY!!"

20./ If your writing was a disease, what are the symptoms?

You are hungry. All the time. Not for food: for art. for tales. for the beauty that all around you. for ancient stories you are yet to read. You want to eat the concept of speaking.

21./ Which of your WIPs would be most likely to summon a demon by accident?

"The Coerticy's masters": a bunch of teenagers messing around with old grimoires and secret societies ? That was doomed to happen.

22./ What moment in your story is so self-indulgent you considered cutting it but kept it in because you’re a goblin?

A whole bal that only served to pass down one (1) lore information. It could literaly have been an email.

23./ Which of your characters would flirt badly and with great confidence?

The main character of my main work, Julia, is an absolute disaster when it come to flirting. That girl have no rizz, only her girlfailure aura. Her seduction skills would be absolutly horrying to read if only she could realize how down bad she is for her crush (thankfully for us all, she is also bad at this)

24./ Who would do well on a cooking competition show? Who would burn cereal?

I have this queen of a character, Gabrielle Darzi, that basically had to take care of herself on her own since childhood, and since she have enough self estim for both of us, she have probably learned how to cook delicious meal for her alone. Her bestfriend Tyler however, relie on magic for absolutly everything. He can't even turn on the oven.

25./ Have you ever killed a character for dramatic effect only and then immediately wrote them a ghost scene or dream cameo because you missed them? (Be honest.)

Now that I think about it, I only killed a character for dramatic effect once, purely out of spite because someone told me there weren't enought death in my stories. That was how I discovered that character was 1. useless and 2. I did not gived a single fuck about her. (she was the only responsable adult around. i putted her in out of spite because someone told me it was weird to have teenagers wander around alone in the forest) ( all about her was out of spite). She never made any come back ever.

26./ What do you overuse like a man possessed? Em dashes? Vague poetic metaphors? Eyebrow quirks?

Ooh, do not ask me about my overconsuption of cosmic metaphor to express the overwhelming feeling of love and wonder my characters are feelings. I'm not adicted to it, I can stop any time.

Just not today.

27./ Ever write a metaphor so wild even you had to take a lap? Share it. Or a cursed simile.

It happen to me multiple time but maybe it's just because of my ADHD that want's me to jump around like a rabbit when I'm too happy. Here's the lastest one:

"Long ago, Julia's mother had brought her to her old childhood house, in Wales, and as Julia had tried to gaze upon the midnight sky, she had found herself drowned into an endless vertigo, so strong she almost felt like up and down did not existed anymore. There was nothing but her, her and the immensity of stars she could never numbered. Years later, as she was sitting down in the middle of this impossible cave, Julia thought that tales seemed a lot like stars."

28./ Which character is 100% an accidental projection of your darkest impulse or deepest trauma and you just let that happen, huh?

It took me nine chapters before realizing the main three characters were all granted with parts of my personnality I struggled with on a dayly baisis. Julia (main character) got my social anxiety and communication problems, Nadie (universe's favorite nerd) got my self loath and maladaptive daydreaming and Lucas (local mad scientist and gods puncher) got all my mental disorders ! (that's why he wants me dead)

29./ Lastly: if your writing had a warning label, what would it say?

Careful, this work include mythical references that may only make sense for the author.

I don't know a lot of people here that write, but I knows that @eowyns-shoe-buckle, @evergardenwall, @the-archivist-14 do and that @erio413 have ocs (give me the ocs lore erio, come one!). And of course, if you write and you see this, do this tag game, it's actually important to explore your writing in different levels, even the weird unhinged ones !

[genderstealer2000]

How do you start gender hoarding? I know that it might sound like a stupid question, but you see, I live in a place where trans people and nbs are looked down upon but lesbians and gays are ok. (rural Australia)

I felt weird coming out to my bf as a demigirl( I am AFAB) and he knows I’m a furry, but doesn’t know about my alter humanity (questioning therian)

So my view of gender is very “traditional” and where I live there’s only really female, male, trans and (very rare) nonbinary. I also have highly suspected autism/ self diagnosed yet I don’t see gender in a way I hear people with autism do, probably due to my upbringing

I want to know from a person like you who knows the “newer” ways of gender how I should gender hoard and not stick myself to just the traditional genders

its not a stupid question at all!! ill do my best to answer! so i identify as agender transmasc. agender goes under the trans umbrella and nonbinary, but i dont see myself as gender neutral i just have no gender. now going more into the transmasc, just means i feel more masculine. doesnt really effect the way i present my gender any differently, hmm i guess i dont really know how to explain it. i dont understand the concept of gender, i dont understand a lot of social constructs, i honestly think its sort of unneeded. my gender is complex in the most noncomplex way, its vast and its tiny. ive made my own genders based off of feelings and intrests, i think thats the best way to get started with genderhoarding. making your own ideas, analyzing yourself. (personally its helped me become more aware of who i am!) imaginationnnnn!! creativity!! make something up, no ones stopping you! the way i view gender is its what makes you, you. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone but you. it doesnt have to make sense! some of the things i tie in with my gender are the rustling of leaves in a forest, fog in the early morning, large fields, chaotic music, soft stuffed animals, the smell of pavement after it rains, soft piano music, acoustic guitar, the moon some of those things are real different!! and those are some of the things that i view my gender as! i think its a lot easier too with the internet, theres a ton of people who have similar ideas and interests so they also make genders, sexualities, and flags to go along with them.

i have a board on pinterest that i frequently add stuff to, i could link it here if you would like! i also save just anynthing that pops up if it remindes me of my friends or it seems cool. it doesnt mean i identify with it, but its cool to read about them! i keep track of them in a notebook as well!! my genders relate to my hyperfixations, mostly. Hyperfixations and anything that i can relate too! ex. horrormasc: a masculine aligned horrorgender. fits both definitions (1: a horrifying/all over the place gender, and 2: a gender related to different horror genres) raingender: a xenogender connected to the rain scenekid/scene neutral, oldwebemoic, onlineboyic, endspacic etc, etc. dont feel rushed at all to tell your boyfriend! when i started feeling more comfortable telling people, i made sure to have articals pulled up to read, notes etc. so it would be easier to sort me thoughts? get it out more smoothly. i also wanted to talk about self-diagnosing!! i hear so much negative about it, but honestly, its good to research and try and find out things about yourself. that my opinion. and not for longterm, just for a bit until you can get evaluated. gahhhhh self diagnosing is valid and it makes me so mad to see people who think its not. granted, some people to just see a couple things and "oh yup got that" but when you really spend time looking at signs, symptoms, traits it can be very beneficial in the long run, and also just to check before you go get evaluated also i apologize if this is insanely long, or if it makes no sense. im sleep deprived, im trying to fall asleep gahh i hope this helped even a little bit!! if you want me to expand on anything or explain anything further feel free to dm me!

[h4unt3d-s0u15]

answer all 30 of them? -your favorite of all time, 🦎

1 - what song makes me feel better

Line Without A Hook along with just. the Beatles Revolver album...

2 - go to comfort show?

i don't really watch tv, but House maybe?

3 - reading or writing?

Can I pick both? I love creating worlds to draw people in, to mess with people, or to simply satisfy my own need, poetrys a good way to get my emotions like jealousy out. but readings fun, disovering new worlds and other peoples stories... i have little time for either nowadays, sadly

4 - whats your favourite feeling?

Manic euphoria, maybe. When im all giggly and lightheaded and happy, when i cant stop smiling and i feel like all is right. otherwise known as when i talk to anyone in your system ♡

could also just be the general sense of contentment, of belonging... that one i only really get at concerts and with certain friends

5 - How do you like to take care of yourself?

I don't really take care of myself. is cooking taking care of myself? I like cooking

6 - favourite candle scent?

Lily of the valley. and did you know I make my own candles? theyre not perfect but i do :)

7 - Who do you feel most like yourself around?

You guys, Krow, angel, and the local scene, especially Ame and Ace and stuff

8 - fabric/texture thats nostalgic to you?

I have this little stuffed bear toy ive had since I was like 3.. the feeling of its fur, probably

9 - best childhood moment?

I used to love hanging out with these two girls, Zoe and Ariel, back in prep I think. It was nice. I haven't seen Ariel in 10 years now. Zoe I still sometimes see walking down to her bus. she was lovely, yknow? Kind and happy.... I can see her energy leaving her... But the old days were fun

10. last time you laughed so hard you cried

. Uhm. we were in spanish class and my friend poked my other friend (friend being poked is like one of those dickhead boys who makes sex jokes and brainrot jokes and drug jokes, idk if u know that kind) and bro sorta just lets out a moan and me and the first friend half collapse laughing-

11 - Do you have a comfort item?

yeah :) a small bat, smaller than my hand, and its wings are like galaxy blue and my sister got it for me for christmas :)

other than that my lighters probably

12 - What calms you down?

music and you guys

13 - bath or shower to relax?

ill just take a shower and sit on the floor lol

14 - whats something upcoming that youre excited for?

Probably the concert im going to. small local thing, shitty bands, but my friends performing. Ame can't come, she has work that she cant cancel if she wants rent. but its okay

15 - comfort food?

I dont like eating. Smokies, though. little sausages wrapped up in pastry and sauce and stuff

sorta like this, i only like the one out local bakery sells though

16 - something you wanna create soon?

Roses out of beads. they take ages though and i have so little motivation....i want to make you guys some... itd be better if we could give them to you yet alas...

17 - how do you feel best loved?

i dont know... i like quality time and talking and hugs and everything... i like watching shows with you all, even if im not much interested in the show itself (except AHS that ones peak i love it sm) anyways i dunno, id like dates some day. cuddles. in general, hugs make me feel loved... hand holding and sharing happiness...

18 - what age in life do you think youll feel most yourself at?

19. when we're old enough to do what we want. when we're old enough to go to bars and drink, at least by our laws. when we're out of highschool and can fuck around.

19 - have you ever written or received a love letter?

written? many. none are sent on, all are deleted. never received one... thatd be cute i think. i think id cry (in a good way)

20 - a memory i hold close to heart

2 years ago my old schools fete. dad tried to strangle me the previous day. i accidentally let it slip to a boy i just met. we sat there. he asked me if i wanted a hug. noone had ever actually asked before. i said yes. he hugged me and it was gentle and caring

school camp last year, before we discovered we were a system and before things fell apart. it was horrid and cold but i hung out with the boys around the campfire and we joked these horrible jokes and it was so fun. we had a trivia and my friends ditched me so i hung out with them. at night i called corwin and id filled my water bottle with hot chocolate. it stayed warm throughout the night and i loved it

april 14th this year. the biggish concert i went to. i met up with ame and followed her like a lost puppy. we hung out with someone id met at the first concert. we talked and teased each other. a guy came over announcing we were gonna bash a dude who did some shitty stuff. we arm wrestled in the car park. we chased him. i felt free. me and ame danced that spinning dance. she let me go on her shoulders. we smoked in our groups and it was amazing

and every conversation we hold with you is close to our heart

many many more

21 -tea, coffee, or hor cocoa?

i like caramel lattes, i make them myself. hot chocolate is also nice, especially when its cold.

22 - name of ur favourite playlist?

its just called Faye! and a dear friend of ours made it for me (fairy). he made one for viscera too. somehow he managed to make them both fit us and be exactly the genres we like.

23 - have you ever received flowers?

Only from my dear cousin Harriet. shes 4. she gave me a handful of these little red flowers she picked when we were at a theme park over the holidays. shes so sweet. she said so i wouldnt miss her...

24 -who is your best friend?

@roomofdamnation

second best is probably the friend who made us playlists

25 - what colour would your soul be

idk if we would even have one

grey. purple. green. red.

26 - if you could live wherever you want with whoever you want

i dont mind where. somewhere with a garden, though. i want a garden. i like flowers and growimg things... with you guys and krow and angel and perhaps this one girl called Ash

27 -do you like a garden? have you grown things?

i love gardens and i love flowers.. ive grown king sized asters, heartsease, phlox, and many more. i hope to one day grow lily of the valley, wisteria, skeleton flowers, and bleeding heart flowers

28 - what are you proudest of?

the spider bracelets i make, perhaps... im not often proud of myself

29 - Are you a kind person?

externally, often yes. internally? only towards those i love, and sometimes not even

30 -what do your hobbies look like?

well, i read, write, draw/paint, steal keys, go to shitty concerts, and bead

[theninthdoor]

ive been thinking about smth thats kind of been bothering me in terms of not exactly having an accurate answer for someone elses situation but also its more like a theory i have of something but i dont know if i even ask tarot like whats the actual chances of it being more wrong than right? im not fussed if my theory is in fact incorrect but i do still think there was something else going on at the time and it defo has to do with a certain netflix docu on a certain hotel. how can tarot help give a true accurate answer if we are still relying on shuffling cards in order to get said answer? even tho tarot is not fact at all.

does this make sense? ive watched many readings on this particular case and they all either seem to lean towards the narrative that i perhaps feel is incorrect but i cant prove nothing still because most people took the medias and netflix's word for it. is it more that cards can only suggest what mightve been going on or what is currently ongoing in someone elses situations rather thsn it being accurate? ive had some very accurate readings from some very good readers on here but youtube ones i think are not as good or mainly do it for the clicks and views than anything else. cause u basically are just observing the cards that u get right? but how come different readers may get different interpretations and there doesnt seem to be one set interpretation cause i really do think and feel that smth else was going on with this hotel imparticular and i generally am not quick to accept the given narrative anyway.

ok, let's break this one into parts 🫠 it got me thinking, and I have some opinions that I need to write down…

Tarot is not "fact" because it relies on energy and interpretation. Plus, I (and many others, I believe) would argue, genuine intuitive and psychic skills - althought that is not 100% necessary, as you can still read cards without either (or, at least, psychic abilities).

Now, as for the cards being "wrong", most often than not, it's one of 3 cases (or it's 2 or all 3, at once):

The interpretation of the cards is wrong, for one reason or another.

Energy changes!, and the reading might either be talking about the present (that won't be any longer; that is changing or will change), or the future (and they don't realize it, so by trying to make it fit into the present situation, they misinterpret it or dimiss it).

The cards are trying to tell the reader something else, yet they think those are the answers to their question (and so, again, they misinterpret it or dismiss it). This one happens specially with decks that are a little more stubborn or unique; Or, most often, when you insist too much on a question or matter, and then you are either being told to stop or you've messed too much with the energies, and so you're not being able or allowed to pick on them correctly any longer (or for a period of time).

[now onto my thoughts] As for Youtube videos, and more specifically Pick-a-Cards or viewer-centered readings, I personally found that I very rarely resonate with them, even if the interpretation is correct, yet I know many people who do. So, all in all, I'd say those are a hit or a miss, and it greatly depends on the person and on the reader. I still do Pick-a-Card posts for that reason - hoping they are found by the people they truly resonate with -, but also because I tend to choose a pile for myself before I do any readings and, in the end, those have always turned out to be pretty accurate. If they aren't, then I don't post the reading. That's about it.

But, the thing with those videos and posts is: Yes, some readers do it only for clicks (PACs and viewer-centered videos, I mean, but NOT ONLY) and don't bother with interpreting correctly or caring about the intention when pulling cards, so they never truly connect with or channel for the collective (the people who may come to pick that pile and video/post) or for whoever or whatever they are meant to. - and this is where and when your discernment should be used! Yet, yeah… I will say: it is difficult to read for a "collective" and have it resonate with most, still - and I'm not even saying "all", because that, I think, is absolutely impossible. Too many energies to pick up on is bound to confuse both the reader and the cards, and not everyone (or no one) has the time, attention or skill to select and organize all of those messages. So keep that in mind, too.

But then, when it comes to their general readings on events or celebrities, for example [and now referring to your ask and questions, as well], not only is it, too, a case of someone being genuine or not (which shouldn't be too hard to figure out), but also a matter of how sensitive they are to certain energies. As I've said multiple times here, I think, one reader is never the same as another, and each and every one will, inevitably, pick up on more specific details or parts of the overall energy/event/story/person, depending on their practice, gifts, skills, etc. Still, the basis of the readings should still be about the same, and many of the things mentioned by those different readers should overlap, I suppose. If not, then either the reader(s) is(are) full of shit, or they don't know what they're doing for certain.

As for not believing in readings on a certain matter, such as the hotel one, that I can't tell you too much about… There might be something to it, but idk… If the cards keep saying the same thing, shouldn't we listen and consider those messages, either way? And if they don't… "then either the reader(s) is(are) full of shit, or they don't know what they're doing for certain". 🫠

I just think the key here is to find an actual trusted (and true/legit) reader and/or psychic medium and see what they say. - That should be your best chance or getting an "accurate" reading on those energies and the whole situation. They, at least, should be able to remain neutral to the narratine that is/was being spun, and pick up on + tell the actual story, to whatever degree their abilities allow. But also, when you're talking about such heavy matters and energetically-charged events or places, it's only natural that it gets tricky for anyone who tries to read on it, no matter how skillful and/or gifted. - thought I should say that, too.

Also, I want to say another thing: Be careful, people, when you do readings for yourself or others! Specially if you are a beginner and/or you're being too careless and easygoing about it all! Be watchful and precise when it comes to calling upon anyone or anything. And, before you begin a reading, always make it clear (and make sure) that you have good intentions and, ideally, ask for protection from your God(s) and/or Angels, for instance. Plus, as I said before, cleanse! Always. - and this is not meant to scare anyone, only educate! my goal is for you all to be safe while enjoying your time with your practice and your experience with tarot 💗