#its 2 am so i dont know how much sense this answer makes

[goomyloid]

how do you think the weird route would continue in future chapters (assuming it isn’t exclusive to chapter 2)? Personally i think it would be interesting if the weird route would have us continue to break the game in different ways or focus on the consequences of what we did in chapter 2

idk for sure, it’s scary to think about lol… i dont think ive ever thought of it as being ch2 exclusive at least, maybe its a route that doesn’t change Literally Everything in the game but surely a good handful of things are quite different.

rip to berdly if hes supposed to have an important role in future chapters. it will feel like undyne waiting for a dead papyrus to show up. or maybe its less of that and his death/coma/whatever hangs over everyone and becomes more of a ‘symbol’ of the weird route’s nature (if that makes any amount of sense whatsoever)

i dont have any concrete predictions or anything buttt im very interested to know if theres some real underlying goal to the weird route besides breaking the game or something like that, maybe something more diegetic, i.e. something you cant do in the main route suddenly becomes possible in the weird route. i can think of many different directions for this particular idea lol

but im also not really much of a theorizer so if you ask me what i think will happen you’re going to hear more about what i Want to happen LMAO. but um yea . SORRY IF THATS A NOTHINGBURGER ANSWER i just . Am paralyzed with fear over what could be in store lowkey

[ar1mas]

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[lyss-sketchbox]

(To start, I've been enjoying reading your and folks' various perspectives on Natlan, it's interesting to see different breakdowns/thoughts)

I do have a theory on the flippancy though, and I may very well be horribly wrong, but I suspect it's intentional. The whole nation is being taught, more or less, that this war they're fighting is a game. It's fine if you die, we'll bring you back. It's fine if you fight the Abyss, we do it all the time. And yet. We see that folks' Ancient Names can be lost and not recovered, that you can't fully recover from Abyssal corrosion, and that hey, actually, Kachina is a terrified kid when we see that projection of her. It may even be part of why the nation is struggling so much with creating their Contending Fire. I also think Mavuika plays into this narrative.

Primarily, I think (or maybe just hope) her overconfidence is going to be her hubris. Traveller expresses concern about the time she has to gather the warriors and she's non-plussed, "eh, I trust the Wyob". She's got A Plan and it's going to work, according to her. But I dunno about that ma'am. She also says weirdly definitive statements that I don't think are fully accurate like "humans can't know their fate" and "the only thing that unites the Fatui are collecting the gnoses" that lead me to believe she puts full stock in her conclusions as soon as she feels she has an answer and doesn't exactly question any further.

Honestly? It would be nice if they set up this whole thing of the nation being so casual and Traveler buying into it only to tear it, crashing down, around everyone. How long can the nation avoid taking things seriously before everything comes to a head? (Perhaps why Capitano isn't interested in brute-forcing things overall? Or maybe I'm giving him too much credit, lol)

What an interesting take, genuinely

So Mavuika

It would definitely play the part of being a pyro archon and how pyro vision holders are often extremely confident and high spirited. It would make sense if the pyro archon embodies that kind of value.

This also lines up with what the previous anon said about how she wanted to be reincarnated because its HER plan and she wanted to see it through even if it means offing herself early.

(I dont remember the ending dialogue was i did it all at like 4 am so yeah please fight me on my takes)

She also seems very quick to make MASSIVE decisions like using a good chunk of her power to keep the Contending Flame alive right then and there even with the concerns of some people. Then she was just as quick to burn all the mementos gathered for centuries when the group sent to find Kachina didnt make it.

I feel like maybe she couldve waited before keeping the Contending Flame alive. And while the Contending Flame IS more importang than a single girl, based on the time we spent in the Night Kingdom. It doesnt... feel all that long. She couldve waited. Use her power to save us. Rest for a while then fan the Contending Flame. Saving us from the Night Kingdom didnt feel like a permanent loss of power while keeping the Contending Flame alive does.

To be honest, she IS human, WAS human before archonhood. Shes been human TWICE now due to her reincarnation. I can understand humans wanting to prove to higher powers and beings such as fate that they CAN hold power over themselves. But being human, being NATLANIAN means she has worshipped to Wayob as well at some point. Hence putting her faith more into them and their ancient names.

The Plot of Natlan

I will admit here that i am biased and there is only 2 acts so far. For all i know theyre still setting up the chekovs guns and they may pop oh so beautifully in late acts and i am too harsh on the set up acts.

But i can understand if the people of natlan has been trained their entire life to numb themselves of the true horrors of war. Because they live constantly in it, if they are in constant fear, it is not good for morales or the ancient name holders either.

And if they were written to be so chill so that hoyoverse can pull the rug under us even harder then well good on them because i will be COMPLETELY honest.

I cannot see them pulling this without making it cliche or shallow.

Because we all already know SOMETHING is gonna go wrong. The abyss will reach natlan. The contending flame will die. The 6 heroes will reawaken and help Mavuika fight off the abyss for good. We know it will happen. The only issue is how to get there and how to not make it cliche as fuck.

Because for one they pulled the anime training montage for Kachina where we get told she is actually really good, she has been training so hard with Mualani but we literally dont get to see or feel it. But oop she defeated mualani.

They pulled the power of friendship when Mualani talked back to lector in the night kingdom.

They already spoiled how Ororon was the traitor because HE WAS STANDING NEXT TO CAPITANO IN THE TRAILER.

It feels way too messy for me, way too unserious and uncoordinated both in game and advertisement materials. I almost feel like capitano, 1st of the fatui harbinger, probably shouldnt have been responsible for natlan because dude can out espionage them (or maybe natlan and capitano are both as equally uncoordinated who knows).

Well for NOW i think they have a generic base plot. I would be very willing to declare how wrong i was about natlan if act 3-5 managed to fucking mindblow me. But yeah as you can see i am not hopeful that hyv have half the brain you have about the plot.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Sup, mara.

You mentioned suspecting that you are autistic [i read it a long time ago; dont even remember where]

Do you know how to get rid of the "have-to-label-myself" mindset?

I have spent the last year or so wondering whether i have [insert the term] instead of [insert my diagnosis], and it's making me insane (˚☐˚”)/i feel like its a retardation spell for my creativity, almost

hi anonymous;

i can:t answer it for you, but i live according to Etiquette dictated by faith--if you want a lame example of this, do the dead opposite of what Suema suggest in episode 6 of Boogiepop and Others regarding the need of a person to resist the Imaginator, and how we must perform a life-long struggle to resist the Imaginator that does our thinking for us: I became an anti-intellectual, who lets the Imaginator do my thinking for me;

I do not let myself think using those terms and actively resist (like I were constantly praying to myself) any thought that is dirtied-up by psychiatry and logic in-regard to starting to define myself outside of what Etiquette dictates: I am left-handed, and a servant of my faith, and what-ever seems to be a flaw or sickness or blessing or miracle to me is nothing more than what was intended to me by part of my material; say, for example, I am struggling with counting constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" in my head: this world can surely provide a logical and tight explanation for why I do this, surely you could even think of some terms that would neatly explain my obsession with counting "1, 2, 3, 4," but I do not allow myself to think anything except that I am clay meant to count constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" and if a 'dirtied' thought enters, it is considered an antagonistic contice (a faith-based term, defined by logical "contexts" patterned here into the observable world to keep it tightly explained and free of "miraculous" explanations, like sutures to close-up wounds that faith bleeds out from), and pushed out.

I think often this is sometimes unhealthy, and I think often I am sometimes struggling with how much I have tied myself to Etiquette, but it's a closed-environment: those doubtful thoughts I just expressed are antagonistic contices to Etiquette, and the loop starts over again even within this response to you: "anonymous is a confusion trying to inject logic into your thought in sly ways," then it gets recognized, and then treated like that.

More-so than how I myself 'solve' this, is the importance of environment, self-understanding, and habit building; at some point I made it a habit to do this in my head as a constant prayer, till it just happened automatically and those terms became forbidden mostly both in thought and expressed here within the Confusion (this world); environment, too: if you surround yourself by people who self-therapize with terms then you'll sure-enough find yourself woven up in a bunch of narratives that define you--Stephen King uses this example of "Don't think of a pink elephant" and how futile it is to not imagine it after having the idea implanted in your head; more modern: "you are not immune to propaganda;" for me I just imagine the words of others (and how they are invisible but with weight) as dirt in the air that goes into your head, and stays there if you don't employ efforts to sterilize it;

for you, anonymous: maybe you are just meant to be troubled by terms. May-be not forever, but may-be for a few years; there's creativity in that, and life is not a closed box where we can be free from the invisible dirt, and, as Suema says in episode 6, quoting the fictional author she loves,

"If there is anything that gives value to human life, it is the struggle with that something. In the battle with the Imaginator that does your thinking for you, 'Versus Imaginator,' that's the starting line upon which all humans must stand."

We are bound by common sense more than we realize, and that makes us suffer;

take care, anonymous.

[multifandombullshitbabes]

21

24

27

And

30

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

thank you so much, I shall answer these prompts NEOW

21: Fics you wish you could find more of?

Oooohhh more fics involving Gwen, that's for sure. When she's written right she's one of the strongest, most relatable characters imo, 'cause all she wants is for the world to be right and just and kind and everything wants to prove her wrong, but she won't back down from her views. I would also adore more Elyan, just in general. And complete rewrites of the show 'cause the one I'm reading right now is so good I might do one as well. Also modern au's where they're all like secret badass spies or smth, 'cause those are so fucking cool (i am accepting fic recs for ALL of this, please feed me y'all)

24: Everyone knows that fandom doesn’t like uther but what are your feelings about gaius?

I think 1) we need more concrete info about how he was when he was younger, but 2) i think he is severely complicated and wanted what was best of merlin and morgana, but failed the two while also giving them a ton of love. With morgana, he just didnt want her to pursue her power lest she become uther's next victim, cuz gaius cares for the pendragon siblings like his own. With merlin, he was just trying his best with his overpowered nephew, who alos has a destiny regarding his people's genocide's son, and he just doesn't know what to do half the time, kinda like merlin. I didnt like how he lied to merlin n morgana, how he gaslit her and how he made merlin hide and become so anxious abt his magic (and we see what that looks like season 5), but i get it. I really get it. I dont know what i wouldve done if one wrong move could mean the death of two kids he considers his own. I bet he was scared all the time and hated himself for it.

27: Modern Merlin headcanons, if any?

OH BOY. OHHHH BOY. So many. It really depends on what au i have for modern merlin, but I'll give you a few generals:

he's a teacher of sorts; i like the idea that he's kinda collecting magical anomalies and teaching them how to understand their powers and being, since he knows what its like to be afraid of urself, so he's a personal magic teacher. I also rly like my magic elementary school au, since its merlin teaching magic to a bunch of kids, which is adorable

he has officially one cat, a black one called Midnight, that accidentally became immortal along the way and now hes severally attached. I say officially since hes also friends with any other animal that he might come across and they recognise him if he passes them again. disney princess fr

he's figured out his gender and he can turn into a woman if he wants; she looks exactly like merlin, same height, same weight n muscles, the hair is longer cuz merlin likes it that way and her voice is deep and gorgeous

his favourite weapon is a staff or any long distance fighting weapon of the sort; also he looks cool as fuck fighting with it, but thats just a bonus

I'll stop here but i have SO MANY MORE

30: Side character death that makes you the maddest?

Elyan. There was, quite literally, no need for it. I was gonna say Lancelot, since we did not get enough of him, but his death made sense for his character. Elyan? What the fuck was that? It was just for pain and nothing else. What did it add to the story if not just a sad funeral scene and thats it? It just felt like they wanted him gone n found a way, and that pisses me off. I feel like him saving gwen and living would've given such a complex situation when she turns evil, 'cause what if she "confides" more n more in her brother, creating a rift between arthur n elyan, which then creates a rift between arthur n the knights, which would just isolate him further n make him suffer, which is what morgana wanted!! we couldve had protective brother elyan! I think i just wanted more knights in general.

Thank you so much for this ask, I yapped a fuck ton but it was funn

[velvetvexations]

I'm gonna go ahead and post the rest of the binary/non-binary privilege stuff in my inbox without commentary because I honestly am running out of things to add to them in response lmao.

If you don't see yours here: I did answer it, but I didn't like my response and deleted it just now before realizing "oh, wait, if they didn't see it in the two hours it was up they're going to think I missed or ignored it." I totally did read it and reply though! I was just angrier at the kinna people you were talking about than I wanted to be.

The rest:

for me when i think about the binary/nonbinary thing, basically my thoughts are: if being binary isn't a privilege, then can the gender binary be called oppressive? like personally i think the gender binary itself is an oppressive force in society, like male/female being a form of societal categorization is oppression. so it makes sense to me that fitting into that categorization is a privilege, and not fitting into it is disprivilege. i think it's a good argument to have whether or not the gender binary is actually oppressive, you'll get a lot of different takes, but me personally i think it is because it hurts me a lot and that hurt makes the most sense for me to call oppression. those are just my 2 cents, not trying to argue that it's worse for anyone based on if you're binary or nonbinary, just kinda that to me the gender binary itself oppresses me so i feel disprivileged for not fitting it, if that makes sense! also i think binary trans people specifically often face disprivilege for not fitting into the gender binary because during transition they often dont, and if youre not able to transition at all that means you really dont fit into it. basically theyre hurt by the same stuff in the binary as us a lot of the time. i think it gets complicated though because theres a statistical pattern where binary trans peoples goals *BROADLY* (NOT TALKING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL CASES, just talking about statistics) are to look like a "normal" person of their gender, so if that cant be your goal because it would make you dysphoric or suicidal or anything like that, you think about it differently and youre less likely to think the gender binary is good. but if it is your goal and youre able to make steps toward it, like if youre looking more and more like a "normal" person of your gender over time and fitting into normal society more, or even if you dont fit in perfectly but youre using enough "signals" to show you want to fit in and are trying and the people around respect you trying, then you might think the gender binary is good because it helps you be gendered correctly and helps you be your true self. i think that's why a lot of us feel like binary trans people sometimes use privilege over us, whether thats true or not (i havent decided my opinion on that and i dont know if i ever will because its really loaded and a lot of people will be mad at me no matter what opinion i have so it doesnt seem worth it to have one): because its more likely that you like the binary and want to keep it around if it helps you, and that opinion feels like an attack if you're hurt by the binary. plus, statistically theres a lot more of the "normal" trans people out and about visibly in the world than "abnormal" ones, so it makes it *feel* like we're a minority within a minority even when that's not true.

Ngl this binary privilege discussion is driving me knuts. Binary trans people don't face exorsexism: is that privilege? Y'all pretty much agree that not facing transmisogyny doesn't give trans men privilege so if we were any type of consistent around here we'd say No. Personally I think not facing form of bigotry gives you A privilege. It's 1 less hurdle you have to jump over, not an additive system that negates any of the other bigotries you face as a binary trans person or gives you blanket Privilege over all nonbinary people! But that's how people use it in this discourse so maybe we need to put the word Privilege on the high shelf and just support other people when they face a bigotry we don't.

Wanna add something to the thing RE: binary privilege as a (close to binary) trans man who used to be non-binary. I won’t disagree that there’s situations where binary and close-to-binary trans people are treated better than non-binary and unaligned trans people, namely in medical settings and often also legal settings (depending on the country and laws, tho). But what I absolutely disagree with are inter-personal situations. I’m aware there’re non-binary people who have the experience that they are not accepted where binary trans people are accepted. But the opposite also happens. When I identified as non-binary, my family accepted and respected me, used my pronouns and gender-neutral terms, etc. and I was accepted in a trans group that was made up of only trans women and non-binary people. When I came out as a trans man, my family returned to using feminine terms for me started treating me like a stupid girl, and I was kicked out of the group I was in. I know multiple trans men who had the same thing happen to them (a lot of the ones I’m in a small group with now). And the way some people are using exorsexist binary trans people as proof that they have binary privilege is so weird, too. I know so many transmisogynist or transandrophobic non-binary people (esp. transandrophobic with the spaces I used to be in), but that doesn’t mean they have privilege over me? People can be bigoted assholes no matter who they are or what they identify as. Like. There are exorsexist non-binary people, too. So like. I’m open to discussion of binary "privilege" (tho privilege is a bit of a clunky word for that, it’s more like binary centrism/favouritism, but idrc) in relation to legal and medical stuff, but interpersonal stuff? Thats exorsexism—which should absolutely be discussed, too, just without acting like any group of trans people has privilege over another. It’s just like what I experience from my local trans community and family is transandrophobia / anti-transmasculinity, not the non-binary trans people having "non-binary privilege" and using that to kick me out of their spaces or whatever. I hope I’m making sense? I do think that discussion is important, but as someone who knows both sides, it’s lacking a lot of nuance currently. I’m definitely treated worse now as a trans man than I was a non-binary person (still experience the same transphobia from transphobic cis people, but now the queer+trans community is also slinging transphobia against me at any chance they have; while transphobes still want me to "go back" to being a girl without caring what words I use for myself now at all, there’s now also plenty of people who want me to "go back" to being non-binary, or really anything but a man.), and there’s plenty of non-binary people who have the exact opposite experience (used to id as binary trans, is now treated worse for being non-binary), and it’s important to keep in mind that a lot of the treatment is dependent entirely on the people around you, and that no experience is more important to discuss than another. This got long. English isn’t my first language, but I hope everything’s understandable.

(you worded it well!)

really enjoying the discussion about nuances of privilege vs advantage going on! I'd like to add that it's imo mainly caused by... medically and bureaucratically stratifying systems, for a lack of a better term? eg. in my country I can't go on HRT unless I want to "become" a transhet - that is, transition into a Fully Binary Man Wanting To Fuck Women. that's not something I want, as a nonbinary bisexual; I would be annoyed at being read as a Man the same way being read as a Woman is annoying, I only want some masculinizing changes, and the head of the board that decides if you can go on HRT does not believe in bisexuality (which is. ?????. HE'S A SEXOLOGIST.) But like. I don't think that others being willing to Be Seen As A Fully Binary Man Who Wants To Fuck Women (even if that's not the extent of how they want to live) is necessarily a privilege? It's just a slight advantage in a system that fucking sucks, you know? And you can at least lie about your sexuality (I have friends who are not straight and did lie), which, again, lying about that is not a privilege, but I'm too much of a contrarian bitch to even try and respect the opinion of someone who doesn't think bisexuality exists to even lie to them. I think a similar thing to this is compliance with psychiatric systems - I do well on medication and haven't had issues with any of my psychs (both therapists and prescribers), so I am in a circumstance where I'm going along with the system fine, making me have the advantage of less likelihood of being labeled a problem patient/disruptive/combative/etc. and being forcefully detained or such. People whose experiences with psych have been shit/are antipsych for whatever other reason/etc. do not have that advantage. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm privileged over them, but I do have a bureaucratic and medical advantage in a system that wants to binarize into Conforming To Expectations × Not Conforming To Expectations, even though both of us are having mental health issues.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

what is this jean/Jeremy/Kevin thing it looks interesting and the art is cool

oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!! i am absolutely going through it anon. so basically there is this book series called all for the game by nora sakavic that you should totally read (the first book is called the foxhole court -- but please check out a list of trigger warnings for it because it is very heavy and deals with a lot of serious and painful topics. i myself have had to disconnect for some of the scenes and come back when i was ready; its completely okay to do so, or to not read the books at all if its uncomfortable). its about gay athletes, guys just going through the absolute worst, the yakuza, fucked up families, a running game of how pathetic can you get answered in 15 different ways by each person, fucked up relationships, all not-so-neatly packaged into a completely made up fictional sport. (its funny because i am NOT a sports person and barely even understand cricket even though i watch it all the time, but i know the rules of exy forwards, backwards, and inside out. its that serious.)

i also need to warn you that the first book is slow. the second book is also kind of slow. i personally didnt have any trouble with it because im more of a character reader and aftg had PLENTYYY to keep me busy, but i think its a fair warning if youre sensitive to pace. however. the payoff is so incredibly worth it. its an amazing read with obsession-worthy characters, detailed and balanced plot beats, flowing and natural dialogue, very creative sports , and the relationships will make you want to reread it twenty thousand times. the romance is also the slowest burn to ever burn. if youre going in for romance at the start, you Will Not Get what you want -- but you will get it. i think we as a fandom focus on the romances a lot (im new so dont take my word for it) but its 1) because we're tumblr dont come and 2) because the romances and relationships are incredibly interesting to see through the lens of the books and vice versa. what i really love most (and youll see this in the ec doc) is that it feels like each and every choice was deliberately made by the author to make the book. like. down to the ice cream flavor they get at one point. especially with the sunshine court, i feel like i can see exactly where she made a choice and what mightve happened if that choice wasnt made. its intoxicated to read. it feels like breathing and it feels like drowning.

i just read the sunshine court (where jean and jeremy are more from) so thats what all the recent stuff has been, but you should read the foxhole court series first for it to make sense. i think tsc is 100000x times better and better written than tfc but you have to work for it lol. and!!!!! the author is on tumblr (@/korakos)! also if you do read it, please tell me!!!!!! you can keep sending anons or you can dm me or you can come to my house and live in my room but tell me!!!!! theres also an extra content doc (thanks @jeansyvesmoreau for sending this to me) between the series' (so after the kings men, before the sunshine court) that you should definitely definitely read. but im getting ahead of myself.

i hope that helps?? or at least doesnt hurt. if you liked the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, i think this is a good step up. let me know if you have any questions at all!!

okay ive been normal for this whole thing, ranting and incoherent noises below cut:

ANON ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. i told mel this but i cant possibly say i love these books because its not necessarily love. its not something i can explain but youll get it if you read it. there is a piece of my soul that was carved out, reformed, and then put back into me by nora sakavic. i dont think ill ever be the same again. i need a therapist who has read these books so they can understand exactly what im going through. each character was like a bomb to me. jean moreau is like a straitjacket. they mean so much to me. theyre nothing. i hate them. i need to feed them breakfast. OUGHHHHHHHHORGHEURGHEOGH. there is so much grief entangled with them but they are so vibrant and full of life it hurts. i cant stop thinking about them. i finished tsc yesterday and ive been sobbing ever since. i am dead serious. i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about one of the characters. i need you to know how real i am being.

i think if i meet nora sakavic i will probably kill her. just fully black out and kill her and not even know it. so i wont meet her for the better! but i need this to be out there. my fingers hurt from typing all this but know that there is MORE in my head. so much more. i am fit to burst with it all. love you anon thanks for asking

[venomgender]

13 + 22 for cjhua and 26 for dogwalk. lol<3

13. Do they have any disdain/contempt for each other? How do they show it?

i am honestly trying to think so hard on something that would actually honestly bother the other bc it feels like such a cop out to be like 'no they loooooove each other too much <3' but like. like. i dont think so... not really.

LIKE OK. neither of these 2 things would fall under disdain or contempt BUT,

for jaehui, i really do think that there is a small part of himself thats like truly bothered by just how flirty shua is, just because jaehui is both incredibly insecure and incredibly possessive, but he KNOWS thats not normal or healthy bc shua is his own person and they have both discussed and agreed on boundaries a la having flings with other people and stuff, which he REALLY TRULY IS FINE WITH, he just has Issues! so he just ignores those feelings of his <3 like always <3

though of course it definitely does show with the. collar. and general clingy-ness. and like its def different with Strangers (bc jaehui is very much no emotion except nice and pleasant ones for 5 years in public) but i do think when shua and jotch are flirting at least jaehui is like glaring daggers into jotch (at least at the beginning before choijotchieshua becomes real). which jotch is almost definitely obsessed w because hes a FREAK. but you knew this of course

for SHUA, it is of course jaehui's entire "im going to keep all my emotions bottled up until i die" shtick. i think like at the beginning of their relationship it was like pure annoyance since shua could like Kinda Tell When Jaehui Was Lying About That Shit (bc being a catperson makes him mildly empathetic in the same sense that like. your own cat always seems to know when to comfort you when youre sad) (<-explaining for people who dont know my ocs but are reading) and thast just! really fucking annoying! but its also something thats alsways been annoying for shua so whateverrr who caare. right.

but once they like Actually Get Together, and jaehui has a mental breakdown from bottling up his emotions thats so intense people quite literally die, the like pure annoyance from jaehui's emotional constipation defiently shifts to one of actual concern... because bottling your emotions up that tightly isnt healthy! and shua loves him! and he knows! he fucking knows when jaehui is doing that shit too! so it hurts him! but i wouldnt really describe that as actual contempt or even Annoyance but just overwhelming concern...

22. When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

once again the cop out answer would defiently be when they were trapped in eternal nothingness for however long that would be. LOL. because theres nothing you really can be except vulnerable when the only other thing in existance is 1 other person...

but, i really do think the Actual Answer would be right after jaehuis breakdown... obviously before then they were already really flirty with each other + they obviously both knew the other person had Some Sort Of Issues (jaehui more than shua lmao...) but i dont think either of them realized just how much the other one meant to them until that point. like jaehui's break down happened because he saw shua hurt. of everyone in that room shua was the only one (jaehui included) completely unharmed by jaehui. when shua saw jaehui loose all rationality his first concern wasnt for himself or those around him but instead for jaehui. for the first time ever protecting people from a threat wasnt his first priority, it was protecting a threat (jaehui) from people...

so i think once they get out of there + finally have a moment of peace they just. sit there. and shua is of course the one to start talking first but jaehui isnt that far behind and they just completely lay everything out on the table. i dont think shua would have ever brought up being betrayed by sworn brothers until that night (though its pretty easy to infer) and in turn thats the first time jaehui ever admits (even to himself) that despite how much love he has for his master he still also resents him for forcing jaehui to grow up in that environment that was so obviously detrimental for him.

so yeah. post jaehui getting too silly i guess <3

26. How would these characters react to being stuck in a small room with each other?

lol <3 i think jaehui would loose his mind a little <3

REALLY TRULY i think it depends on how small + for how long would they be stuck + how well do they know the bjs atp (which btw for all the beautiful people reading this that arent xander you can learn more about the bjs at @jotchia SMILE.) but for this ask i will establish these conditons:

Pretty Fucking Small. i am imaging my old bedroom that was 10x10 ft sq and barely had room to fit a twin sized bed and desk in. and we will say that theyre trapped for a seemingly indefinite amount of time. and that at this point all of dog walk are bffs5ever (so post choijotchieshua threesome)

i think, at the beginning, both jaehui and shua wouldnt really mind that much. at least assuming that they were trapped bc idfk a doorknob fell off and not that they were magicked into an inescable room (they would be much less chill about this for i think very obvious reasons)

but they wouldnt mind that much AT FIRST. i fucking know shua and jotch would get in some completely pointless argument that samir would start goading on and jaehui would then join in on the goading after a few minutes. LOL. in my beautiful mind actually now that im thinking of this scene specially its like. they get stuck -> try to find a way out -> realize both magic and brute strength wont work -> jotch makes some annoying fucking comment towards shua about like 'wowwww some ultra powerful magic swordsman you are!' -> shua immeidetly takes the bait -> samir joins in on the teasing while jaehui and bernie keep trying to find a way out -> jotch ends up saying something pathetic which makes jaehui join in on the teasing (but towards jotch and shua.) -> bernie is Can yall please either help me find a way out while arguing or just be quiet -> bernie ends up joining in on the fun too and they all end up laughing and its so shweets <3

and i think this good atmosphere would last for a good while. i said indefinite amount of time earlier but to put a reference lets actually say theyre trapped for 24 hours i think they would all be in pretty good will for about 4 of those hours. jaehui can like conjure a couch for them to sit in and food if they get hungry and stuff so its Chill. but jaehuis social battery only lasts so long and as much he enjoys the bjs company. well!

i think hours like 5-8 shua is still going strong but jaehui is just slowly getting quieter and quieter til by the end of those 3 hours hes just like purley in the opposite corner of everyone else just staring off into space. hes so over it LOL. and not even 10 hours in to the preestablished 24 huh <3

i do think though it would continue on about the same from there, probably by the end of hour 8 All of them are over it at least a little (i dont want speak on your guys though) and like obv would all be doing their best to not annoy the shit out of each other (i can see a scene where jotchie tries to tease jaehui to get a rise out of him (bc jotchie is. well. you know!) and jaehui snaps at him and jotch is like ahaha! my bad! that was really hot but i wont risk it beyond that! whoops! sorry!) and it just kinda continues from tehre but by hour likeee. 11 or 12 shua and jaehui are defiently like completely clinging onto each other because haha #trauma and like shua would still be talking to the bjs like normal but jaehui atp is just almost completely shut down only talking to shua via telepathy Not Doing Well At All. smile!

i said 24hrs but i cant think about any like Major change after that whatever you udnerstand. jaehui has issues what else is new. SMILE. when i sat down to answer this ask i had more thoughts about this in my mind and then like 2 fucking hours passed and im still answering this ask and its 3am and the thoughts have escaped me. but thas ok. i think in the 4 hour period where theyre so normal they would play azul. mainly because i cant stop thinking about dogwalk playing azul

[asexuwales]

i dont know who i am

what is my identity

i like lots of things

i also dont like alot of things and i know what they all are

i appreciate some things but sometimes they dont really hit the same when i actively think about them

like shadows and such

they seem so pointless out of context

idek who im trying to be

well

im trying to be someone with a sense of self

but as a nihilist it doesnt work out too much

people say im not a nihilist because i have a job i want to do and hobbies

nihilists dont just sit around doing nothing we do get bored

but how we would love to

there isnt a point to anything

maybe were big thinkers who see too much outside of the big picture

whats the point in spending so much time earning money when it was just a system set up because we accidentally discovered fire

if you dont comply to the government in anyway the only way is jail

maybe jail is a nihilists endgame

i wouldnt mind being in jail

but other parts of me are relieved that ive finally found somewhere to belong

my insides clash i guess

growing up without a stable base or stable reliable people in my life leads me to want to find a home

but my personality wants to just give up because life is so fucking boring anyways

so why dont i give up its supposed to be the easy way out

but it really isnt

the paperwork

the possesions

the relationships

having to change my stable base again

japan has become the longest stable place ive ever had

which is crazy to think about

the longest ive ever stayed in one place is like 2 years

the dragon was 5 years but i changed house and people like every 2 years

even before i started boarding we didnt stay in a house longer than 2 years

but why do i desire a stable place to stay

was it really that awful

because i didnt notice it was awful

it was just life

idk how it would have affected me

this stupid sense of self affects every part of my life and my work

the problem i have with literally everything stems back to who am i

i really dont know who i am

its messing me up

i dont know how to find out who i am when i already know what i like and what i dont like

what am i missing

i really feel like im missing something

its not as simple as what i like and what i dont like

theres something else

that everyone else seems to have no trouble understanding

i really need help with that

but i dont know how to work around to that because everyone always stops at what i like and what i dont like

what other parts are there to me as a person

what creates a personality

INTP

im introverted i get my energy from being alone

im intuitive i activley search for new things and enjoying changing my opinion and evolving

im a thinker i make decisions logically and analyse things before i feel them

im a perciever im more random and spontaneous

but that doesnt tell me anything i dont already know

if i enjoy learning things why am i a nihilist

who do i think of myself as a nihilist if i constantly want reasons and answers

WHAT THE FUCK AM I MISSING

when i talk about my likes i dont actually like them

but when i see them i like them but i think about how i dont like them when talking about them

that doesnt include my interests

specifically naruto ive never been bored talking about naruto

what music do i like

all music music is better than no music no matter what it is

what movies do i like

dead poets society

which is crazy but its a movie about optimism

i know i dont like romance

unless i do

then i do like romance

a very specific lack of fluff but not toxic kind of romance

i wear tshirts and baggy trousers

i dont wear skinny trousers because theyre uncomfy to sit in

that's probably because they dont fir properly

but i dont have the money for properly fitting skinny trousers

they gotta have a stretch

i lie about alot of things

i paint myself as not a lier

but i really am a chronic lier

lying gives me a sense of security i think

i can control what others perceive me as

but i dont want others perceiving me

do i want control

i know people find me annoying but thats been so oversaturated in my life that i really dgaf anymore

everyone finds me annoying and theres nothing i can do about that

i like the dark

idk how to talk about things deeply

im so surface level

so why do i do therapy

i feel like i have nothing deep to talk about

because im so surface level

so why am i like this

i wish other poeple would try to understand me as much as i understand them

if im surface level why do people not understand me

maybe my worst fear is that im making all this shit to be way bigger than it actually is and that im just a normal person with some sort of victim complex

just sick and tired of life i just wanna lay down and never wake up again

i wont be losing anything when i die

[quinnonimp]

trying 2 get into drawing splatoon!!!! any tips??? u make them look so gummy i love it

aaaa tysm ^_^

& ty for asking !!! though uhmmmmmmmmm im not really a great source at explaining splatoon anatomy & art traits tbh ! (specifically for inkfish, which is what i assume youre gonna be drawing if ur getting started)

i kinda just draw them as plain humans with tentacle hair and big ears, ive barely ever cared to analyze the way they are canonically presented to interpret into my own art - instead the style came naturally to me over the years after making many ocs & being a fan for so long, while bending the rules to whatever i find most comfortable

soooo if youre looking for a person to explain to you on how to draw inkfish in an accurate way then sorry i am not that guy pal . but if u just want my own personal opinions then sure ! if anybody wants more specific rundowns i can try, but for today ill only talk a little about hair:

first off, the simplest one

^ the way i color tentacles really depends on the style (its quite different when im working with aliased (aka pixelated) brushes or simplified styles, then i have to be a lot more concsious about my color choices) tbh but the one ive been doing the most recently is like the pictured above . im not good at explaining my coloring process in general to be honest, so i cant give much advice on that especially when it comes to splatoon since i just do whatever

^ now onto the wordier stuff ! its good to give more weight to the tentacles than you would with untouched human hair, since in the end these are literally pieces of flesh lol . inklings have more weight at the lower ends of their tentacles while octolings have it at the mid-to-higher ends, the weight is hand-in-hand with the thickness (as in mass) . also, i think its a canon attribute that octolings have thicker (as in density, and sometimes in mass, as shown with the enemy octolings) tentacles than inklings like their irl counterpart, but dont take my word for it since i dont know where the source is, i just like keeping it in mind art-wise since it makes sense for their real-world counterparts

personally when character designing i like to stick to the 4-tentacles = octolings, 6 tentacles = inklings rule, but even the canon characters will sometimes break it (though, from my recollection, it only breaks that rule by having less tentacles (shiver, frye, acht, marina in side order)) so i dont force myself to keep it if the design can look better with more or less pieces . however, limitations can definitely inspire creativity, so its a good starting point to stick to the canon tentacle-count

thank u for the question, feel free to ask more, though i will probably answer quite late as i usually do . now i go back to drawing yuri

[genderstealer2000]

How do you start gender hoarding? I know that it might sound like a stupid question, but you see, I live in a place where trans people and nbs are looked down upon but lesbians and gays are ok. (rural Australia)

I felt weird coming out to my bf as a demigirl( I am AFAB) and he knows I’m a furry, but doesn’t know about my alter humanity (questioning therian)

So my view of gender is very “traditional” and where I live there’s only really female, male, trans and (very rare) nonbinary. I also have highly suspected autism/ self diagnosed yet I don’t see gender in a way I hear people with autism do, probably due to my upbringing

I want to know from a person like you who knows the “newer” ways of gender how I should gender hoard and not stick myself to just the traditional genders

its not a stupid question at all!! ill do my best to answer! so i identify as agender transmasc. agender goes under the trans umbrella and nonbinary, but i dont see myself as gender neutral i just have no gender. now going more into the transmasc, just means i feel more masculine. doesnt really effect the way i present my gender any differently, hmm i guess i dont really know how to explain it. i dont understand the concept of gender, i dont understand a lot of social constructs, i honestly think its sort of unneeded. my gender is complex in the most noncomplex way, its vast and its tiny. ive made my own genders based off of feelings and intrests, i think thats the best way to get started with genderhoarding. making your own ideas, analyzing yourself. (personally its helped me become more aware of who i am!) imaginationnnnn!! creativity!! make something up, no ones stopping you! the way i view gender is its what makes you, you. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone but you. it doesnt have to make sense! some of the things i tie in with my gender are the rustling of leaves in a forest, fog in the early morning, large fields, chaotic music, soft stuffed animals, the smell of pavement after it rains, soft piano music, acoustic guitar, the moon some of those things are real different!! and those are some of the things that i view my gender as! i think its a lot easier too with the internet, theres a ton of people who have similar ideas and interests so they also make genders, sexualities, and flags to go along with them.

i have a board on pinterest that i frequently add stuff to, i could link it here if you would like! i also save just anynthing that pops up if it remindes me of my friends or it seems cool. it doesnt mean i identify with it, but its cool to read about them! i keep track of them in a notebook as well!! my genders relate to my hyperfixations, mostly. Hyperfixations and anything that i can relate too! ex. horrormasc: a masculine aligned horrorgender. fits both definitions (1: a horrifying/all over the place gender, and 2: a gender related to different horror genres) raingender: a xenogender connected to the rain scenekid/scene neutral, oldwebemoic, onlineboyic, endspacic etc, etc. dont feel rushed at all to tell your boyfriend! when i started feeling more comfortable telling people, i made sure to have articals pulled up to read, notes etc. so it would be easier to sort me thoughts? get it out more smoothly. i also wanted to talk about self-diagnosing!! i hear so much negative about it, but honestly, its good to research and try and find out things about yourself. that my opinion. and not for longterm, just for a bit until you can get evaluated. gahhhhh self diagnosing is valid and it makes me so mad to see people who think its not. granted, some people to just see a couple things and "oh yup got that" but when you really spend time looking at signs, symptoms, traits it can be very beneficial in the long run, and also just to check before you go get evaluated also i apologize if this is insanely long, or if it makes no sense. im sleep deprived, im trying to fall asleep gahh i hope this helped even a little bit!! if you want me to expand on anything or explain anything further feel free to dm me!

[lemon-wedges]

Just wanted to ask (and feel free to not answer), but how do you draw so much so quickly? I'm always impressed by how fast you doodle or paint. Also, wanted to say that I appreciate your Barok and DGS art as a whole.

and with this ask i have finally reached an artist milestone 😭

Well theres a short answer and a REALLY long answer (which ill put under cut when i get there).

short answer: practice + refs

which.....can be an annoying thing to hear. And as someone who studies art and has bought a LOT of online courses trying to figure out how industry people can just churn out work like nothing. it feels like a let down every time i find out their big secret. just practice and photo refs. Every. Single. Time.

LONG ANSWER:

its how you studying your refs. heres how i do mine

sorry if this is rambly. but ill try my best to at least be clear. BUT THIS is the EXACT way i taught myself how to be quicker.

I do not know if youve taken any art classes but essentially one of the ways to study gesture drawing is by first tracing ur photo ref to get a sense of the flow/proportions of the body. youve probably seen a billion of these tutorials floating around:

So last year around hmmmm june/july? i was NOT looking to get better at my anatomy or gesture. i was actually trying to get better at clothes. but my problem was it took me so long to draw out a figure (which i was fine with cause i liked how my people looked at the time) that i could never really just focus clothing part.

So i told myself look. ur not looking to draw in this style like this forever. so for now SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY!!!! I WANT THE BAREBONES OF A HUMAN HERE TO MAKE A MANIQUIEN FOR CLOTHES OK

but how do i do that....

Im gonna use this piece as an example from my rise and yosuke fashion palooza month. FIRST u see i got all my photo refs together. i like those poses on the right and i want to switch out the clothes for the other ones i picked out. i trace out my poses. kind of like the tutorial up top but since this is about draping i was focused the exact places their waist/arms/legs/etc would bend.

and like the tutorial u turn off the photo ref and do a drawing based off that traced piece.

then i would turn on my refs and add on my clothes

And after a month of just doing that over and over and over. i was surprised to find that figures and poses were so much easier to understand when i would break them down like this. and once u get familiar with them the faster and more confidently you'll draw them.

I and still do this btw. heres my otasune from the last week

i used photo refs for all my sketches. if i cant find anything online to match what i want i just take photos of myself. and some might say well arent u just relying on reference TOO much?

AND AGAIN take it from someone who has spend a lot of money buying classes from their fav artists in the industry. The Secret of how they churn out so much cool work so fast always turns out to be this. practice and photo refs.

Every. Single. Time.(tho this is omitting a lot. im not getting into like they way they stylize their art work. that actually the fastest and funnest thing to do once u have ur base down)

Now PAINTING

The thing is, i dont actually post up all my work on this blog. So theres a ton of stuff you havent seen me do. These are some paintings i did 2 years ago for a class.

I already know how to pick my values and set up lighting. When you see me painting my figures now. i am not focused on learning these basics im actually just honing a technique.

you might see me post readmores with these kinds of wips. I lay in all my colors and lighting with the lasso tool. ALL THE MAJOR DECSIONS ARE DONE HERE

(the little miniature i add on the side basically tells me what the overall feeling is going to be when i blend in the lineart to be cohesive with my colors) ( also if you had any questions on my prepainting process tho. feel free to ask!!!)

and if you compare this wip to my finished piece youll actually find that i dont stray that far from what i've laid in.

everything happening at THIS stage is about feeling out how i want the textures to blend with one another and getting funky with some brush strokes.

and thats it? im not sure if any of this is helpful but if anything. i hope you come away from this feeling like what ive been doing here is nothing special. "THATS IT???? THATS ALL THERE IS??? well i could have done that :T"

exactly man. you can do ALL OF THIS aND MORE!!! I BELIEVE IN U :D

but ill let this be the last thing i leave u with my friend: my barok sketch and the refs i used for his boobies

[theninthdoor]

ive been thinking about smth thats kind of been bothering me in terms of not exactly having an accurate answer for someone elses situation but also its more like a theory i have of something but i dont know if i even ask tarot like whats the actual chances of it being more wrong than right? im not fussed if my theory is in fact incorrect but i do still think there was something else going on at the time and it defo has to do with a certain netflix docu on a certain hotel. how can tarot help give a true accurate answer if we are still relying on shuffling cards in order to get said answer? even tho tarot is not fact at all.

does this make sense? ive watched many readings on this particular case and they all either seem to lean towards the narrative that i perhaps feel is incorrect but i cant prove nothing still because most people took the medias and netflix's word for it. is it more that cards can only suggest what mightve been going on or what is currently ongoing in someone elses situations rather thsn it being accurate? ive had some very accurate readings from some very good readers on here but youtube ones i think are not as good or mainly do it for the clicks and views than anything else. cause u basically are just observing the cards that u get right? but how come different readers may get different interpretations and there doesnt seem to be one set interpretation cause i really do think and feel that smth else was going on with this hotel imparticular and i generally am not quick to accept the given narrative anyway.

ok, let's break this one into parts 🫠 it got me thinking, and I have some opinions that I need to write down…

Tarot is not "fact" because it relies on energy and interpretation. Plus, I (and many others, I believe) would argue, genuine intuitive and psychic skills - althought that is not 100% necessary, as you can still read cards without either (or, at least, psychic abilities).

Now, as for the cards being "wrong", most often than not, it's one of 3 cases (or it's 2 or all 3, at once):

The interpretation of the cards is wrong, for one reason or another.

Energy changes!, and the reading might either be talking about the present (that won't be any longer; that is changing or will change), or the future (and they don't realize it, so by trying to make it fit into the present situation, they misinterpret it or dimiss it).

The cards are trying to tell the reader something else, yet they think those are the answers to their question (and so, again, they misinterpret it or dismiss it). This one happens specially with decks that are a little more stubborn or unique; Or, most often, when you insist too much on a question or matter, and then you are either being told to stop or you've messed too much with the energies, and so you're not being able or allowed to pick on them correctly any longer (or for a period of time).

[now onto my thoughts] As for Youtube videos, and more specifically Pick-a-Cards or viewer-centered readings, I personally found that I very rarely resonate with them, even if the interpretation is correct, yet I know many people who do. So, all in all, I'd say those are a hit or a miss, and it greatly depends on the person and on the reader. I still do Pick-a-Card posts for that reason - hoping they are found by the people they truly resonate with -, but also because I tend to choose a pile for myself before I do any readings and, in the end, those have always turned out to be pretty accurate. If they aren't, then I don't post the reading. That's about it.

But, the thing with those videos and posts is: Yes, some readers do it only for clicks (PACs and viewer-centered videos, I mean, but NOT ONLY) and don't bother with interpreting correctly or caring about the intention when pulling cards, so they never truly connect with or channel for the collective (the people who may come to pick that pile and video/post) or for whoever or whatever they are meant to. - and this is where and when your discernment should be used! Yet, yeah… I will say: it is difficult to read for a "collective" and have it resonate with most, still - and I'm not even saying "all", because that, I think, is absolutely impossible. Too many energies to pick up on is bound to confuse both the reader and the cards, and not everyone (or no one) has the time, attention or skill to select and organize all of those messages. So keep that in mind, too.

But then, when it comes to their general readings on events or celebrities, for example [and now referring to your ask and questions, as well], not only is it, too, a case of someone being genuine or not (which shouldn't be too hard to figure out), but also a matter of how sensitive they are to certain energies. As I've said multiple times here, I think, one reader is never the same as another, and each and every one will, inevitably, pick up on more specific details or parts of the overall energy/event/story/person, depending on their practice, gifts, skills, etc. Still, the basis of the readings should still be about the same, and many of the things mentioned by those different readers should overlap, I suppose. If not, then either the reader(s) is(are) full of shit, or they don't know what they're doing for certain.

As for not believing in readings on a certain matter, such as the hotel one, that I can't tell you too much about… There might be something to it, but idk… If the cards keep saying the same thing, shouldn't we listen and consider those messages, either way? And if they don't… "then either the reader(s) is(are) full of shit, or they don't know what they're doing for certain". 🫠

I just think the key here is to find an actual trusted (and true/legit) reader and/or psychic medium and see what they say. - That should be your best chance or getting an "accurate" reading on those energies and the whole situation. They, at least, should be able to remain neutral to the narratine that is/was being spun, and pick up on + tell the actual story, to whatever degree their abilities allow. But also, when you're talking about such heavy matters and energetically-charged events or places, it's only natural that it gets tricky for anyone who tries to read on it, no matter how skillful and/or gifted. - thought I should say that, too.

Also, I want to say another thing: Be careful, people, when you do readings for yourself or others! Specially if you are a beginner and/or you're being too careless and easygoing about it all! Be watchful and precise when it comes to calling upon anyone or anything. And, before you begin a reading, always make it clear (and make sure) that you have good intentions and, ideally, ask for protection from your God(s) and/or Angels, for instance. Plus, as I said before, cleanse! Always. - and this is not meant to scare anyone, only educate! my goal is for you all to be safe while enjoying your time with your practice and your experience with tarot 💗

[doodlegirl1998]

Thinking on the whole "Aldera allowed BK to bully Izu" and how Inko is so...uncaring for such fact may be accidental or not...

There are others schools out there...why Izu had to stay in Aldera? Legit. Why? If Inko is so poor she cant afford a new school it would be smth but...the fact she doesnt even try, she is so out of reality...its concerning.

Also...Aldera has (or should have )parents meetings(parents and teachers meeting one another) are the teachers the best actors in the world to convice Inko "your son happy here" or she just dont care?

Another thing: BK is from a rich family...he could have gone to a big school but stay on Aldera. Reason? "To make his hero origin story look good"

1) why? Where this idea comes from? Is AM from a poor background and reach stardom from day to night?

2) does others heroes care for "proper hero background"?

Inko is a bad mom in canon...ironically, bashing fics got it wrong. She doesnt light cigars on her son nor let him starve...she just...do nothing.

Hi @mikeellee 👋,

This. This is where I see Hori's lack of exploration into Izuku's childhood to be a massive problem. Inko is never seen to try literally anything to prevent Izuku's bullying.

A common defense I hear of her is that, "Izuku hid it from her so she had no idea" and while that may be the case later let me ask; does anyone seriously think a four year old can hide being hurt constantly? Let alone being exploded?

So there is two options here:

She could have been too poor to change Izuku's schools / move homes. If this is case - Explore that HORI! That could have been common ground for IzuOcha to bond over!! Not only that but it would have gave Inko a sympathetic reason why she didn't go this route. Hori should have coupled this with a few brief shots of her in the manga showing her trying to speak with teacher, Mitsuki etc... That could have shown a sympathetic and good prominent mother figure.

She saw Izuku being hurt for being quirkless and viewed his suffering as inevitable so did not try to do anything to prevent what he was going through. This is the option that makes Inko look the worst - but also lines the most up with canon in my view. There's metas out there saying that, despite the Midoriya's living in an apartment, they are rich / well off by the interior Hori designs for them (maybe not as much as Bkg but comfortable.) So no monetary boundary to moving. There's the fact that Inko is quick to say "I'm sorry Izuku" and cry on him when he's being diagnosed as quirkless which... It feels like Inko is now expecting the worst for him/ Izuku's future in this diagnosis - which would explain her inaction. (Note - she only tries to protect him after Izu gets a quirk too, by threatening to take him out UA, which lines up with this theory.)

With the Bakugou part - that's just Bakugou's stupidity and ego coming out full swing.

Logically speaking, it would make more sense to go to be best school - rather than whatever Aldera is - to maximise the chances of getting in UA. But Baku is so up his own ass he believes he is innately the best.

First, who lets their child pull this sort of shit when they genuinely want the best for them? Why doesn't Mitsuki sit Bkg down and tell him he's being an idiot? She's done it before. And should do it here.

Second, I WISH this bit him in the ass. I wish he got lower down the scoreboard then third on the term rankings. Or even, failed the entrance exam, got expelled by expellzawa - just anything! Because then it would show Bkg is his own worst enemy.

Third, maybe Baku pulled this deliberately because he knew Aldera would let him get away with being a POS. If Bkg went to a top school do you think they would let him get away with being an abusive turd? Short answer no. If they expelled him - game over for his dream of heroism too. Baku probably knew Aldera would likely fudge things for him to help him get in UA to make themselves look good.

We don't know enough about AM in canon but I do presume that he was from a poorer background due to this view of Bkg's otherwise Bakuboo would not have cared about being seen as "coming from poverty."

TLDR - Inko sits by and does nothing for her son while he was quirkless and being severely bullied because Hori writes her poorly. But there's no nice implication as to why this is the case.

Bakugou is an arrogant idiot who is his own worst enemy - or would be if Hori making him the strongest plot armour all the time.

And AM needs his origins explored - where's the underdog rising to be the number one hero origin story, Hori?

[naina285]

There are these 2 versions of me of whether to be spiralling or being ignorant and how I always can choose the option of being the latter.

I dont even like spiralling and if I choose the latter option nothing crazy will happen or the world will not turn upside down for godsake. If there is an option to stay unbothered and live by my own terms then why dont I just do it? What the fuck is even stopping me at this point, idk.

Sometimes I think what the world will think of me if I become unbothered. Will people judge me? I shouldnt even be liable to answer this to anyone so whats the issue?

I should just shamelessly be disregarding things that I dont like. Simple. Doing things at my own pace. When it is in comparing with someone and I am doing this just to get ahead of that one person, I know it very well, that feeling of satisfaction and getting ahead of them will last only for a day max. So is it really worth loosing my sanity for feeling that sense of accomplishment like, for a day like just for 24 hours?! Thats diabolical, and yet I chase this high. I still go for it like my life depends on it.

And then the very 2nd day I would have already found another person to compete and make myself feel inferior so what is the point of all this? Like for how long will this go on of putting myself in pain?

Why dont I ever listen to myself? Why dont I make my needs an absolute priority?

The people I am comparing myself with, they feel happy abt what they achieved no matter how small or big it is, cuz they did it in their own pace and with a genuine intention, when they were in their element, not stressed but rather in an almost zen state of mind, and went thru trials and errors. It all felt like a natural process where u evolve. It felt like them making their own creation. Where failures felt like a blessing cuz it becomes a lesson to make ur creation better.

But what I am realizing is I do it just so that I can get ahead of a person I feel I am in a competition with, when there was no competition to begin with. Cuz there was no other reason to justify myself of why I am so behind that goal otherwise. Cuz there is no reason whatsoever. The only thing in my mind is how to beat the other person and never of how I wanna do this cuz I like doing it. Cuz ofc my interests never held that much importance as compared to others. Never. Cuz till date I was too busy analyzing others and how to counteract their achievements. So basically living their goals in a way.

Where facing failures sucked like oh shit that person got ahead of me and is becoming successful and never of ohh how this failure can help me get better at my craft, cuz shouldnt that be the end goal? Its kinda making me rethink everything that I have done till now and all the intentions behind doing it and was there any real say of me, of my actual inner voice, or was I just consumed by the illusion of it all?

Thus no wonder I am not happy with my achievements no matter how small or big cuz even during trying to acknowledge my efforts, that very act too, I try to compare. Not a single opportunity is missed. Sighs. Every single thing I do revolves around this. This is what I do day in and out. Its my livelihood.

[testiculartorsionlover]

Journal #2 : sharing feelings + therapy

hello, i'm writing this as a means of grounding myself, i feel really disconnected from myself and fear that i may switch out, and i am seriously trying my best to not dissociate. will writing this actually help, i don't really know because it might delve into dissociation a fair bit but it'll also talk about other things.

i haven't taken my meds in a while because apparently i need to call my insurance to mail order them for me but they havent even been calling back, or something like that. i usually take abilify but i question if i need a higher dose sometimes, because i feel like it doesn't do much (after writing this i realised they do a lot lmfao). but lately, despite being unmedicated, i'm not going through any major episodes so far.... other than some rapid mood shifts. i'm also more impulsive and have been partaking in a lot of drug use, but i'm careful about it atleast. im more irritated than usual. ive been lashing out on my fp and been extra paranoid. i've been on and off suicidal apparently but no memory of that as i am writing this.

my intrusive thoughts have kinda been making a come back.

i seriously need my meds back. they seriously stabilise me.

i went to therapy this tuesday. she read my dissociative journal in full (my physical journal that she gave me) it was kinda embarassing having her read it. i rarely am open about my parts in therapy, up until now atleast. it also went into depth about the symptoms of my other disorders, how parts of me felt, my memory loss, my obsessions, etc. she evaluated me briefly, i think for depression. i scored moderately, but i was frankly too dissociated at the time to answer questions properly. it was a different depression screening than the other one ive taken, i honestly thought this test was a lot better, it was a lot more extensive.

i've apparently declined a bit, but i don't feel it. is it my dissociation hiding it away from me? i don't know really.

i haven't recalled any fugue episodes since my last journal entry or maybe my amnesia is covering that up (can that happen? idek). that's a good sign atleast, im hoping it's the former. my fugue states feel really scary although i dont get them commonly at all, if i had to estimate id probably get them once a month. but i mostly have "partial amnesia" or i guess more mild fugues if you could call it that. ngl my fugues have improved a lot ever since i was first treated for dissociation and trauma. at first it used to be like maybe once a week (very rough estimate but it might as well be just as common as that) to now its lessened. that happened after i processed some traumas, it improved my dissociation quite a bit as well. my dissociation was always really really bad.

i've been experiencing some denial about my disorders. i worry that i'm just crazy. that i'm gaslighting myself into believing i have problems because my life was more "privileged" as i have been recieving help from an early age. it doesnt help that i was misdiagnosed with a lot of disorders as well. i still question if my bpd was a misdiagnosis though i meet most of the criteria. i got diagnosed so young. meds have been the only thing to help my bpd symptoms, same with some dbt skills.

my amnesia is more or less the same outside of the fact that i havent had any major fugues.

i am constantly depersonalized and derealised. but with certain alters its a bit better.

i might make a journal post about my alters, just to make sense of them. even though i said i would never really be super descriptive of my parts, maybe i will be very rarely (ofc id never do like alter intros or give off personal info about them but maybe ill share my experiences with them very rarely)

anyways i feel crazy writing this, i don't even know if im describing my experiences properly