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funkywerks · 5 years ago

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Things I Know About Airplanes Part 1:

First things first !

There are just some things you cannot control. So let go of that perfect travel itinerary. Air travel is made possible by so many factors its impossible that on everyday in every way everything goes perfect !

Is air travel safe ? Absolutely. Is airtravel convenient? HELL YAH. Is airtravel fun, cheap or relaxing? Go fish . So remember unless you want to swim , walk , or drive to your destination This airplane business is overall pretty cool.

I would have titled this post “ tips to make you a better traveler” , but that would mean that I deem myself queen supreme of all sky travel ever.

( and there is nothing that grinds my gears like a couple people calling themselves world travelers after their cruise to Cabo on spring break ). So this is just based on what I know as a flight attendant .

the plane will ( and I cannot stress this enough ) NOT , wait for you.

- SORRY !!!!! If you’re late the plane will not wait for you. If you miss your connection the plane will not wait for you. Let go. Stop stressing. I know this is a hard pill to swallow. You got this. Stop yelling at airport or airline staff because no matter what we do ( NO MATTER WHAT WE DO aka WE CANT DO ANYTHING) if we are delayed aka late or if you are late, Your plane is gone. THE PLANE WILL LEAVE AT THE TIME IT SAID IT WOULD. Much like you committed to being there at that time. I don’t make the rules. The rules pay me to be at work on time & here I am.

Why can’t the plane wait for you?

The world doesn’t revolve around you. How many more delays would you have caused if every time you were late for a connection or a flight , if it waited only for you. Just you. Did you ever think about the other 200 people trying to get to their connections. & maybe you haven’t thought of anyone else. BUT TODAY IS THE DAY YOU START. If you really wanna brain storm you can also think about the flight that needs your aircraft after you THOSE PEOPLE TOO . So just think about others. Bad weather ? Can’t go . Broken airplane ? Good thing we have awesome pilots and mechanics that can detect such dangers. No airplane ? Come on! you’re smarter than this. Stop being upset about it. Nothing you can do. Rebook your flight. Sleep in the airport if you have too or buy a hotel if you REALLY have to. Swallow your pride. You can travel across the country in less than 5 hours in a supersonic tin that sometimes has WiFi and movies ( more about that later ). Life is good.

Tip from a flight attendant, my personal fav , I swear by it:

Book the earliest flight you can. Like 5 am early!!!!! You are less likely to be delayed in the morning. There is less air traffic and the airplanes come from the hangers after being serviced overnight. If anything goes wrong you have time for a back up plan. Not being a “morning person “ is a lame excuse for an adult human these days . ok .

I’m honestly not sure if I’m giving airplane advice or just life advice at this point tbh. Moving on !!!!

2. Headphones and other things you forgot to pack.

Ok so. I’m for sure not about to tell you how to pack the perfect carry on because there is no such thing ( don’t let any YouTuber tell you so ) But I can tell you about the common items that people forget to bring with them on airplanes

( based on multiple true stories )

- headphoneS / MULTIPLE PAIRS / meaning the ones for your phone ( Bluetooth or lighting port AND the old regular ones ) if the airplane gods smile upon you the day of your flight , you might have inflight entertainment WOW free movies in your seat back! that’s insane right . ( especially since you’re paying for transportation and not to be entertained ) but if you forget the regular headphones, you can’t watch them ! I always also download other movies to my phone or tablet as well just Incase.

- A blanket or jacket. It’s true ! Breaking news ! not all airplanes supply blankets. Flight attendants get asked all day long multiple times if we have “ any extra blankets , it’s so cold in here “ so. Wear a jacket & closed toed shoes ?. Flight attendants have minimal control over the temperatures. Why did you wear shorts and sandals? YOU KNOW AIRPLANES GET COLD. Just like movie theaters are cold. You never ask someone at the concession stand to warm up your theater. This isn’t a house it’s an airplane. My airplane outfit is always nice jeans, plain tee, socks , vans and a jacket. Always. I will swear by it, I’m always the right temperature.

- Portable charger bank. This ones lame and I hate it. Not all airplanes have charging outlets. And it sucks I know. I work there. Can you imagine walking into work and there being no outlets. Well I feel your pain on this one. All of the airplanes are random. Some airbus models have screens and WiFi and chargers. And some have none. Luck of the draw. If you cannot find the charger in your immediate area. A flight attendant cannot make one for you. Be smart ! bring a portable charger bank. If the airplane is and old Boeing 767 ( super random plane we use for some Europe routes and select domestic ) it has cigarette lighter chargers ( like in old cars ) in some rows **** . Just bring a portable charger and avoid landing in a foreign country without access to information. Save yourself.

- SNACKS why do so many people overlook the importance of the airplane snack. Unless your flight is over 3 hours food will not even be available for purchase. And over 3 hours the food is expensive and mediocre. Complimentary meals are only served on long haul international or routes Jfk - SFO JFK - LAx and JFK - San ( direct ) . So airplane snacks are important. I usually get 2 choices . Something to munch on while watching my movie and one snack that actually is a meal. For example : I bring sunflower seeds and a Pb and j. Or if I’m feeling extra !!! : a quick bacon egg and cheese from the airport Starbucks, large venti ice coffee and Chex mix. You get the idea. It’s an airplane not a kitchen. It’s like a sky bodega. Don’t be unhappy. bring your own stuff. Especially if you’re vegan, or allergic to everything. PLEASE I BEG YOU! DONT BE THE FITNESS GURU WHO NEEDS MORE GRASS FED PROTEIN AT 38000 FEET. ( actually happened to me ) oh also people say that airplane coffee isn’t safe? Because of the water tanks. The Jury is still out on that: I will be your personal lab rat , I drink multiple cups of airplane coffee in one sitting. Make your assumptions and opinions. I will stay warm and caffeinated.

3. Hacks and tricks . Ok so we’re getting to the good stuff. I’m about to tell you the easiest way to be offered a free drink , snack , or in general special treatment on the airplane. Are you ready !? BE SUPER NICE AND PERSONABLE. Ok not exactly rocket science but seriously the SECOND you mumble under your breath, say something rude, get an attitude, look unsettled, or be annoying in the galley. You might as well kiss your chances of getting any special treatment goodbye. ( one person does something , the entire crew knows about it. rude passengers will not be rewarded . Being rude to airline staff never works . I’ve never seen it work) airline staff will most of the time reward good behavior. Wow are we back in pre-k? Or what. Ok now something more tangible . -BRING THE FLIGHT STAFF SMALL GIFTS. Most airplanes have 4 flight attendants on board. International has 12. If you walk on board and say “ hi I’m ______ seated in 23a ( whatever your seat may be ) I brought these for the flight attendants” almost 10/10 times we love it and tell the whole crew to take care of that person specifically. This is important : *You will probably have a flight attendant ask you “ thank you for the gift. do you need anything ? ��* and that is your go to time !!!! That’s your time to shine !!!!!! If you want a free drink or snack !!!! Ask now!!!!!!!!!!! This is a real thing and it really works. Small gifts include : individually rapped candies, hand sanitizer, a pack of pens, any kind of snacks at all , a 4 pack of Red Bull/espresso 4 little bags of mnms,donuts or munchkins from Dunkin’ Donuts. Honestly it doesn’t have to be big or expensive! If you show up to your flight on time AND you’re nice to the flight attendants. Just wow . Doing better than 99% of anyone else on airplanes. Go you . If you are a high maintenance flyer this is your go to move to get on the good side of everyone on the crew. Or buy a first class seat ok ? A smile and some donuts go a long way. DO YOU WANT FREE WIFI ? Me too but unfortunately most of the time the WiFi is expensive and not at all free . BUT after take off if you connect to WiFi and the WiFi connection is sourced by the company “gogoinflight” ( you’ll know cause that’s what it’s called in your settings when you connect to WiFi ) I do have a trick. Gogoinflight is a company that sources WiFi for major airlines, if you have T-Mobile ( or if you know someone with a T-Mobile phone number *****) you can enter your phone number and boom free WiFi for an hour. FREE BEER AND WINE - actually free - on international routes ( not Caribbean) don’t be a jerk ! It’s an airplane not a bar. You’re an adult you know you can’t act drunk on airplanes. It’s actually VERY frowned upon and personal CAN call security on you. If you can’t drink 2 glasses of wine on the ground without dancing on the table , you can’t on the airplane. Oh and TRUST me I’ve seen the light while yaking in the airplane bathroom and THAT MY FRIEND!!!! will not be my final destination!!!

#Travel #Flight #flight attendant #Tips #Airplanes #Things I know about airplanes #aviation

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teddy-bear-surprise · 4 years ago

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Chapter 4: Filling in The Blanks

|| Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 Part 1 || Chapter 7 Part 2 || Chapter 8 || Almost The End || Chapter 9 ||

WARNING: Mentions of violence, blood, police, alcohol, stalking, car crash (not the main character), and bondage (non-sexual).

Author’s Note: This is an alternate universe situation set around the time of seasons 13 and 14 but I kept Hotch and Prentiss because they're some of my favorite characters. This fic does not follow cannon occurrences so please keep this in mind.

Ophelia sat on her couch moping over Cat's disappearance. It had been two days since Cat left. She wouldn't pick up her phone, which Ophelia did not know was broken, and Ophelia thought she was ignoring her. In reality, however, Cat was trying to reach Ophelia by payphone but could not remember her number. Barely ten minutes had passed since ten in the morning, and Ophelia was already nursing her third beer of the day. Her motivation to do anything, to be anything, had completely disappeared.

She lazily clicked through the channels before settling on the news. Now, Ophelia was not one to regularly check the news, but this station had a particularly handsome reporter that she loved to watch. In her mind, he was the only viable man left in Los Angeles. Her aptitude for stalking and predating did not end with her victims and was a driving force in all aspects of her life. According to her standards, he checked out: a clean digital history, a clean social presence, good financials, no unhappy exes, and most importantly he was single.

Today, however, Ophelia was less than pleased with what he had to say. "The FBI has landed here, in Los Angeles, this morning to investigate the mysterious murders of five young and famous men. They are working in conjunction with the LAPD and are searching for answers. More on this after the break–"

She rolled her eyes and crossed him off of her mental list of "viable LA men" which now held a whopping zero names. Her hand reached for the remote and clicked off onto another channel, hoping for something a bit more light-hearted.

On The Jet Earlier That Day

The BAU's luxurious, white jet had taken off only moments earlier and was flying quickly from Quantico to Los Angeles. Hotch looked at his team, all eagerly waiting for his instruction, before addressing them, "We're dealing with a very experienced killer here and they might even have a partner based on the amount of physical strength that it would take to restrain men of this size. The M.O. has been consistent since the very first case and there were no trials and no errors, meaning that we found no similar attacks in the Los Angeles area that occurred before these. They started attacking right off the bat and we need to find out why. Garcia will fill you in on the details."

The screen above Hotch's head was now occupied by a perky blonde, "Garcia here! Ready to rock and roll? Yeah? No? Okay, tough crowd. So, first up we have Rick Garza, twenty-eight years old and living in Glendale. He's not the most famous actor, but he is definitely on Hollywood's radar... should I say 'was'? Not important... Last year Mr. Garza started working in sideline films like Danika's Delight–a great movie by the way–and worked his way up to major ones like Begum's Trial which was supposed to finish filming next month. He doesn't have many enemies in the industry, a pretty well-liked guy, for the most part. He did have some disputes with the financial department on set, but that happens all the time so I don't think it was a contributing factor. Uhhhh... his wife, Maci Garza, said she was out shopping with friends but when she came home and went to her room to put her new, shiny things away, she found Rick like this–"

A photo of Rick flashed onto everyone's screens. He was hogtied with his legs and hands tied together behind his back, an apple occupying his mouth, and big bloody letters covering his back that read 'suck on this, you bastard'. Rick's body was laid on its stomach, so his hands and feet were in the air, and based on the images, he had been positioned to face the door, almost like he was waiting for someone to walk in.

"Yeesh, if I were to die like that, I don't think I would want to have been born at all," Rossi tried to lighten the mood with his snarky comment and his jokester reputation never disappointed.

Garcia rolled her eyes at Rossi and continued, "Agreed, not the best way to go out. Moving on to vic number two, we have Simon Boyd, thirty-two, and also living in Glendale. He was a very, very popular chef, you all might know his restaurant, 'Boyd & Boyd'. It opened up ten years ago and has gotten an impressive three Micheline stars. According to co-workers, he's a 'nice guy with the worst anger-issues in all of LA', that is a direct quote, by the way. Kind of contradictory, kind of confusing, didn't help me that much."

"So, I did a little deep-dive into his online presence, he seems pretty clean, but looking into his wife's life is where it gets weird. Back in the day, Daniela had a massive online presence, like massive. There was not a day where she did not post about her friends or life updates. But about three years ago she was living in a pretty bad part of town and then she met Simon. After that, she stopped working, stopped going out, stopped posting, all that jazz. She essentially disappeared from the face of the earth and only went out when there were events for Simon's restaurant. Kind of sketchy if you ask me. Also, they got married like two months after meeting and he immediately put all of her assets in his name. Basically, he owned her."

Garcia took a moment to find the rest of her notes, "Daniela was actually on their house property when Simon was killed. She was in their backyard, swimming, and when she went back inside he was dead. So as Hotch said, very experienced killers. Simon also left almost nothing to Daniela so take that as you will. As for the M.O., it looks pretty standard, the same as with Garza."

Garcia pressed a few buttons and some photos of Boyd's crime scene appeared on their tablets. This time, it was Emily who spoke up, "Garcia, you said that Daniela didn't get a lot from Simon in his will, so who got everything?"

"I am so glad you asked, Emily!" Garcia bore a wide smile, "All of Simon's assets went to an Eric Matteo Bowes, but the problem is, there is no Eric Matteo Bowes. He doesn't exist. And the only one that does, lives in Puerto Rico and has never been in the same state as Simon. So basically he left his entire life to a mystery man."

"Why would he do that? Is it possible that it's some kind of pseudonym? Maybe it means something else?" Replied Emily with a confused expression.

"Already there, my love. I called Boyd's lawyer and he said that while he could not give specific details, he did confirm that Bowes does not exist. Yet another mystery to solve, we just have to see if this is related to Boyd's death or not."

They went on like this for the next hour, bouncing around ideas and debating if certain occurrences had any significance in the cases. Once all of the cases had been discussed, Reid raised his hand to speak, still resembling the quiet kid that Ophelia knew, "Guys, I think the unsub is female. Look at the amount of rage," he pointed to the photos of the men's' slit throats, "this is a very up-close kill and it indicates that there may be a personal motive too. That's something we see a lot in female serial killers, it tends to stem from trauma that they feel they cannot let go of. And it's definitely a duo, two of the victims were athletes, indicating that at least two unsubs would be needed to restrain them, especially to get them on top of the bed after. But not more than two, bigger killing teams are more prone to mistakes and disorganization, I'm not seeing any of that here. My guess, is that these two bonded over their hatred of men, as indicated by the message written on the victims' backs, and somewhere along the line they decided to put their message out there through violence. Garcia, we need to start looking into females living in the greater LA area who have filed reports for domestic abuse against males within the past five years, cross-reference that with females whose mothers were either missing, dead, or not involved."

"Give me one second, pretty boy." Garcia's painted nails clacked loudly on her keyboard and they all watched as she typed at an alarming speed with her pen still in her hand.

"Anndddd done! We have seventeen lovely ladies here, one of them passed away a week ago and three have recently moved to other California cities. So we're down to thirteen now. Up first we have Miss Daniella Olson, twenty-three, and worked as a sales clerk for Knight's Knives up until two months ago... hmmm. Possible unsub? Oh wait, she stopped working at Knight's because she sustained debilitating injuries from a car crash. That's unfortunate. Up next is Kiya Driscoll, thirty years old and living in eastern LA. Geographically she doesn't look like a match, but let me see what comes up when I dig a little deeper."

After less than a minute, Garcia had managed to take a deep look into Kiya's life and left no stone unturned. "She's squeaky clean, moving on. Belle Jones, twenty-five and also in the hospital. Hmmm... change of plans, my lovelies, I will get back to you when I have a list of possible unsubs."

They discussed the case while Garcia looked into each of the girls' backgrounds.

Hotch's deep voice suddenly boomed through the jet, "These unsubs are experienced, they have likely experimented in other states, which would explain how their kills were so clean right off the bat. The only problem is that when I looked into it, there were no similar cases except for one case in Las Vegas from nineteen-ninety-nine. There was only one suspect, Darla Sutton, but there was never enough evidence to convict her. Our current case also profiled that we would be dealing with a team of young killers, Darla is already in her late sixties. We could be dealing with copycats or even an apprentice of some kind. Garcia, can you change the search to include anyone who has ever been affiliated with Darla Sutton?"

"Yes, Sir, already ahead of you!" Chirped Garcia. "Allow me to introduce you to Miss Ophelia Sutton, Darla's daughter. Thirty-seven years old and she has not worked in four years, but lemme tell you, this girl is rich. Like, buy a house on the moon rich. She graduated from MIT when she was seventeen and went straight into huge engineering companies like Z-Tech and Cormac & Robles, she was able to reach the top by the time she was twenty-one and she's made enough money to sustain several families for at least fifty yea–"

Spencer's eyes widened in shock and he completely zoned out as Garcia droned on. How was it possible that the girl he knew so well as a child was now their prime suspect? She had been his best friend, stuck with him through thick and thin, yet here he was staring at a photo of her and not recognizing her in the slightest. He could see the evil in her eyes, but it had not been there when they were friends. Back then, he saw everything good in the world swimming in her smile, that was all gone now. He blamed himself for this, he did not fight hard enough for Ophelia's friendship, if he had, they might not be in this position.

Of course, it was not Ophelia's fault that Garcia had now found her, but rather Cat's. Cat had gotten a bit lazy while designing their M.O. and copied Darla's almost to the tee because she thought it made the most sense. This was, however, a detail that Cat never disclosed to Ophelia. It was the reason why she had insisted so adamantly that Ophelia had to leave, why she had been so worried that Spencer would catch them both. If anything happened to Ophelia, it would all be because of her mistake. While Cat did modify a few things, it clearly was not enough to keep the BAU from noticing the connection. Maybe prison really had damaged Cat's once perfect abilities, but it was too late to do anything about it now.

Spencer drew his eyes away from the screen and tried to hide his feelings of disappointment, but JJ always seemed to notice. She whispered into Spencer's ear, "Hey, Spence, what's wrong?"

He jumped, frightened by the nickname she used. She was the only one besides Ophelia that ever called him Spence, "Oh, it's nothing JJ, I just got worried for a moment, I thought I had forgotten to call the institution where my mom is staying to ask if I could visit her after the case. Nothing serious."

"Whatever you say, Spence, I'm always here to talk." JJ looked at Spencer worriedly and tried to take his explanation at face value, but she could tell that he was still hiding something, especially since he never forgets anything.

They wrapped up their briefing and Spencer remained quiet, worried about what to do. He was not close with Ophelia anymore, they had not spoken in over two decades, but a part of him wondered if he should excuse himself from the case. Eventually, he decided to stay on the case and not say anything to Hotch because it was just an old friendship. Ophelia did not have an eidetic memory like him and probably would not even remember him. Spencer found solace in this thought, essentially ignoring that he would have to arrest his only childhood friend.

When they landed in Los Angeles, Spencer thought of how ironic his situation was. He hoped that Ophelia's name coming up was just a false alarm, that they had pinned the case on the wrong unsub. But so far, all of the signs were pointing to her and they would definitely need her to cooperate to find her partner.

On their way to LAPD's headquarters, Spencer fidgeted with his hands, still debating telling Hotch about his relationship with Ophelia. He figured that it could go one of two ways: Hotch would kick him off of the case and berate him for not speaking up sooner, or he would be used as bait to extract an emotional response from Ophelia, that is if she remembered him at all. When they got to the station though, Spencer was immediately cut off by the Chief who insisted that he needed to give them a thirty-minute guided tour of the station.

He walked at an excruciatingly slow pace, slowed even further by his co-workers stopping them every few steps to ask about the case. They were shown the kitchen, the bathrooms, his office, the garage, and literally every room except for the one where they were supposed to set up. By the time that the tour was over, there was not even enough time for Reid to have a quick talk with Hotch. They were now twenty minutes behind schedule and had to grab everything from the cars and rush to set up their space. Prentiss and Reid worked together to set up the computers, connecting them to Garcia, while Rossi worked on printing and pinning physical copies of the crime scene reports and photos. Hotch and JJ were running between the cars and the conference room trying to get everyone's belongings inside as quickly as possible since it was beginning to rain and they would be unable to get their stuff out later without wetting it.

As soon as everyone was settled in, they jumped straight into working on their game plan, plotting how they would approach Ophelia. They figured that their best bet was to send one team to search the apartment, and another to search the house. Rossi, JJ, and Reid were being sent to the house, whereas Hotch and Prentiss were going to check the apartment. It was a solid plan and only took a few calls to execute. They had just arrived in LA and they were already on the verge of a breakthrough. It all seemed to be moving so quickly, too easily, and Spencer felt that they were being drawn into a trap of some kind. But since they were employing the help of a S.W.A.T. team, he figured that there was not much to worry about and carried along with the plan. In two hours Ophelia Sutton would no longer be a free woman, and she was not going to go down easily.

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garfieldexplained · 7 years ago

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The Garfstream

So, I’ve spent the past couple of days working, drawing up different ideas, and testing different streaming services on different platforms. While it’s not perfect, I feel like we are in a good enough place to at least pitch ideas for the type of content you guys would like to see and give just a general update to the stream.

From now on, the stream will be called the Garfstream. and I will try and stream as much Garfield related stuff as I can. If I end up streaming anything that isn't in any way Garfield related just for fun or boredom, I will title the post Nongarfstream. They will also be tagged as such, for easier access.

I want to try and stream AT LEAST 1-2 times a week, but considering my erratic retail work schedule and general lifestyle, this could be more on some weeks and less on others. This also means I can’t really put down a schedule for what specific days I’ll stream. If I end up settling into a basic routine, I’ll update with an official schedule for the stream.

Now, on to the stream ideas.I feel as if I should iterate that none of these ideas are concrete, as I might not have what it takes in regards to equipment and such to make all of these happen. Regardless, I am still gonna list all of the ideas I’ve gotten, as I would genuinely like to do most of these. I will specify any qualms that I have with this stream type in the description of them.

Well anyway, on to the actual ideas, I have created a Strawpoll for easy management of what you guys want to see. The Strawpoll is here, as well as in a few different areas along the post for convenience. Please choose whatever you want to see on the straw poll. Choose as many things as you want, you're not limited to one. If you like them all, then click them all! I also have a “I’m fine with all of it” option if you’re lazy! I want to do most, if not all of these at some point, but if it doesn’t have a lot of votes with you guys, it will negatively impact when I do it, or if I even do it. So please vote!

>>Strawpoll is here<<

A list of all of the activities, complete with descriptions after the break! Please Read Them!

Garf Shows/Movies

The Garfield Show (continued) [Not possible yet]

Now, unfortunately I do not have any means of doing this yet, but if I ever found a way to, I would really like to do this.

Garfield and Friends

It appears that it is on Hulu. Now I don’t own Hulu and don’t necessarily like Hulu, but I’d be willing to get a subscription in order to stream this. Also interestingly enough I found a YouTube channel for it, but I think it’s just for compilations and mini episodes. If anyone can confirm I’ll post the channel page once I return

The Live Action Garfield Movies

I have no clue how I would stream these, but I would be freaking stoked to stream these somehow.

Art

Doodle Streams with Tumblr and Friends

I would love to stream my artist friends and I doodling absurdist, surreal and generally bizarre Garfield drawings. You viewers at home can submit prompts for us to draw, and even join us in prompts and send in your artwork to us!

Now I only have a little $99 wacom art tablet with no screen, so my art quality significantly diminishes in comparison to my works on paper. So expect more rough, gestural dumb doodles than absolute masterpieces. I figured this would be a good way for me to get generally more acclimated to my tablet, and have fun with friends along the way. Also we might occasionally deviate from Garfield if we get bored or if the prompts lead us away from it.

Garf and not so Garf Games

Garfield Kart [Currently a Terrible Experience]

I sampled streaming this, and not only do I suck really hard at it and consistently land myself in last place, with the stream on, the stream runs at like 3fps, while my pc runs at like 20-25fps. Basically it was a terrible experience for everyone involved and I would only do this if I had some practice with it and got a better PC

Garfield GO [Might be impossible, I don’t know yet]

Unsure if I could stream it or how good it would be, but it is most certainly an option. Haven’t looked too into this.

Garfield Flash Games on Garfield.com

I just noticed that they have a lot of Garfield flash games on Garfield.com, and I wanna play them and see how weird they are

—Not So Garf Section----

Fighting off the Mondays with the Anti-Mondays Task Force (Battlefield 1)

A Monday stream where we assemble the Anti-Mondays Task Force platoon on PS4 to play with us and stave off the Mondays. This goes for both my friends and anyone who joins the PS4 platoon and wants to play with us. Sorry PC players, I’m a console pleb with no money to upgrade my toaster PC.

Dark Souls 3 Garf Run

A run through Dark Souls with a character from the Garfield Universe, and try to make as many Garfield references as possible, whilst dying as little as possible. Disclaimer, I suck really hard at dark souls and will likely die very frequently and make really shitty plays, so if you are a ds3 god, please don’t watch cause you will probably cringe yourself into a singularity.

Until Dawn, but with Garfield

A run through Until Dawn, but we set characters as different characters from the Garfield franchise, and see who gets killed off and what happens to them. Now, i have never played until dawn and therefore don’t know what happens so I feel like this could be really dumb and fun!

Undertale Genocide run as Jon Arbuckle

*Suggested by@thegreatestegg*

A genocide run through Undertale, but as Jon Arbuckle. Now I’m going to go right out and say it. I never had much interest in Undertale. I can appreciate it for what it is, but I’m not crazy about it personally. Sorry if you like it, I don’t. However, this is a pretty great idea and if I can snag undertale on sale and it’s popular amongst you guys, I will be willing to swallow my pride and play it for the first time. Warning, I will probably suck.

Non Garf

Other dumb shows and movies from other franchises (Mario Super show, Sonic Cartoons, Gaming Show IMPG, Air Bud, etc.)

*Partially Suggested by@thegreatestegg*

I watch other shows and movies that aren’t Garfield, but equally fun to poke fun of.

Non Garf Games

I can pretty much stream most of the games on my PS4 and some on stream, so I might stream something random when I’m bored and not in a Garf mood. I will list just some of the games I have down here

PS4: Battlefield 4 & Hardline, Guitar Hero Live, Killing Floor 2, Overwatch, Prey, Resident Evil’s 0,1,4,5,7, Code Veronica, and begrudgingly Umbrella Corps, The Evil Within, Uncharted’s 1-4, DMC, Soma, most games that came out free since like last year, and probably a few others that i’m forgetting.

PC: A Fuckton but idk how they will work out on stream. some of my favorites include Left 4 Dead 2, Terraria, Cry of Fear, Half Life, Half Life 2, etc.

>>Strawpoll is here<<

Yep that’s pretty much it. If you have any suggestions for what I should stream, let me know with a comment below this and of its feasible I’ll add it up and credit you! So Please Vote! Thank you!

#garfstream #stream #nongarfstream

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kyliealejandra · 8 years ago

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Mobile App Analytics Best Practices: How to Improve UI, UX, and Performance

It took a bit of exploration, but you finally found an app with the specific functionality that you need. You were excited to explore the UI, but now, you can’t seem to find—much less master—the feature that originally prompted you to click the “install” button. Oh, and there it goes. It just crashed. Forget it; you don’t have time for this. You quit the app for the first and last time as you embark upon another search for a new app.

Unfortunately, this isn’t an uncommon experience. In fact, a poor user experience (UX) is a primary cause of low usage rates amongst B2B and enterprise apps, dramatically reducing the overall usefulness and value of the application. And in the world of consumer-facing apps, 77 percent are uninstalled within 72 hours after the initial download, while a mere 5 percent of apps are still on a user’s device at the 90-day mark. Substandard UX is cited as a top reason for uninstalls and low user loyalty.

When hiring a mobile developer to create your app, it’s essential that you consider UX. Analytics provide you with a mechanism for evaluating precisely how users are interacting with the app interface. This insight will allow you to streamline and optimize your app so you don’t subject users to a frustrating UX. An experienced app developer can implement tracking for various front-end and back-end analytics, generating data that will help you identify key trends and user habits. You’ll glean some important information, such as the degree of user-friendliness and overall engagement levels, user paths, functionality, and how users are actually utilizing the app. You can also learn what your UI “pain points” are and the app’s effectiveness at obtaining your objectives. With this data, developers and app owners can refine and optimize in a manner that promotes a positive UX while also helping your company boost ROI by meeting app-related conversion goals.

What Kind of App Analytics Data are Most Important?

When most people think of analytics, they think of general “vanity” analytics, like the total number of app downloads or active daily users. But this type of data accounts for a very small piece of the picture.

Some of the most useful front-end metrics include the following:

App crash reports – These reports include data on the app version, device type, operating system, and what was action was taken time of the crash. This can be helpful when trying to replicate a problem during the QA testing process.

UI, application response, and screen rendering times – This data indicates whether the app is performing in a fast, smooth manner or not.

User paths data – These metrics offer insights into exactly how users are interacting with the app (and how you can improve the app’s UI/UX to make it more user-friendly and increase conversions ).

Daily active users – This gives you an idea of whether your user base is growing, shrinking, or stable. It’s a far more important figure than total downloads, as many people download then later delete or ignore the app.

OS/device compatibility data – This data provides key insights into the QA testing process. You may find it’s advantageous to aim for compatibility with a larger number of devices and/or operating systems. Conversely, you may find you’re investing resources to ensure compatibility with devices and operating systems that are rare amongst your users.

Some of the most helpful back-end metrics include:

Server response time – Server response time metrics are useful when determining if you’re allocating sufficient server resources for your app. For example, Apple requires a 500 millisecond upload speed for your app to be accepted into the App Store. At SevenTablets, we ensure every app we produce has a response time of 200 milliseconds or faster.

Time to first byte (TTFB) – This piece of data is key for evaluating the responsiveness of your servers or network. It’s a measure of the timeframe between the point when a client makes an HTTP request and the point when the client receives the first byte of data in response to that request. A “slow” app would have a high TTFB.

TCP Connection Times – The TCP connection time refers to how long it takes to connect to the server, making for a three-way handshake when the connection involves SSL. A lengthy TCP connection time frame would result in sluggish responsiveness and a poor UX.

The number of HTTP requests – This data indicates the quantity and frequency of HTTP requests. Each HTTP call signifies an instance when the app requests data from a server. This translates into more data usage and a longer loading time.

It’s important to work with a developer who can configure your app so it automatically exports these vital data sets to a user-friendly analytics interface. They should also have the ability to generate custom reports as needed. Once you begin tracking key data sets, you’ll gain a better understanding of strengths, weaknesses, and precisely how people are interacting with the UI.

Why Are These App Metrics So Important?

When you have user path data and insight into how your app is performing, you’ll be well-equipped to plan for future updates and UI/UX improvements. Still, it’s vital that you monitor these data sets following app updates and alterations. Don’t be surprised if you see unexpected consequences, particularly during the early days while you’re still becoming acquainted with your user base. When developing an app or implementing updates, you can only make educated guesses. This can cause differences between what you expect to occur and what actually occurs. The gap widens further when you account for the many variations that exist amongst users, including device type, operating system, and connection speed.

The aforementioned metrics allow you to:

Achieve a better balance between the app’s data usage levels and the amount of data stored locally on the user’s device

Identify areas for improving app speed, responsiveness, and overall UX

Determine exactly how people are interacting with the UI

Evaluate the efficacy of the app’s architecture

Identify user tendencies and habits

Focus your QA testing efforts on the devices/OS versions that are most common amongst your user base

Implement shortcuts and architectural revisions to ensure the UI aligns with how people are actually utilizing the application’s features and functions

Remember, it’s not just consumer-facing apps that benefit from this data and insight. While issues surrounding uninstalls and user loyalty are not chief concerns for B2B apps and enterprise apps, UX still matters. If the company’s app isn’t used consistently or if it’s sucking up more time or data than necessary, your application falls short of its true potential. This results in a poor return on investment. To see a maximum ROI from your app, the architecture and features must closely align with user tendencies and needs.

Much of the battle can be won by entrusting your company’s app development project to an experienced team of tech experts. Our developers can create native and hybrid enterprise apps, B2B applications, B2C apps, and stand-alone consumer-facing apps. Serving Dallas, Austin, Houston, and beyond, SevenTablets has a world-class development team based in the Texas Triangle. We have developed a unique, open-source platform called STAX, which gives us the ability to build apps using a robust, well-engineered framework that slashes development costs and time-to-market by 35 to 40 percent. Contact us today to discuss your app development needs.

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