#itll take a while bc ive got so much else to watch first

[texas-hates-taxes-too]

I think once I'm finished rewatching doctor who (2005), watching classic who, watching young sheldon, and binging rwby, im gonna rewarch rvb and im actually excited about it which is cool

When I was watching rvb literally all the time, it was hard to have the same excitement as when I first started watching because I knew everything that happened and heard every joke at least 20 times. Now I've not watched in a while, itll be better

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Tagged by: @thevoiceofthanatos​

Favorite color: warm bright yellow, mustard yellow & old gold, and just yellow in general. its a good colour. it makes me happy

Currently reading: idk, probably star trek fanfic my friend @rubbertplant​ was writing to give my opinion on it. i often read through my own stuff too lol, like whoah i wrote that??? ADHD has taken everything from me including my capability to read though, for real. ive been thinking of trying to listen to some audiobooks recently though, this cannot continue... its just that i also have no ears disease so idk how well that would go. determined to try though

Last song you listened to: havent been listening to music so much bc ive been playing videos instead but my last.fm has all my spotify listens so itll stay up to date on whatever i listened to last. currently seems to be “please play-bite” by pinocchioP. i often just let spotify play me whatever it recommends anyhow so theres variance. and i only started this account like a few months ago max so its not really a full picture of my music-listening

Last movie (in theaters): its not really a movie, but if it counts, the first ginga nagareboshi gin stageplay (recorded and released in finland in theaters with subs)

ginga was always huge in finland for some reason. idk. the anime is so violent though that i got really afraid of bears for some reason. theres so much blood... i never read the manga either i just knew of the anime and partook in my share of wolf roleplays (dogs were uncool! so i didnt do dog roleplays. iirc that really was my reason).

heres some funny wolves from my wolf rp days

2010. one of the first things i coloured digitally... i painstakingly cleaned the scanned pencil lineart with a mouse

2011. i had gotten my first drawing tablet as a birthday/xmas gift and practiced a ton around this time (more than just wolves lol)

Last series I watched: trigun stampede. even changed my phone bg into vash... but millions knives is probably my favourite. he just does everything wrong and makes his life worse. and everyone elses life too bc he sucks. but hes multifaceted so hes also my meow meow and whatever. i hope a ford explorer drives over him

if it counts though, ive seen some star trek TOS episodes and movies because my friends have been watching them. im not super into it but its always fun to hang. i also dont watch a lot of stuff. i dont even know what i do. guy who doesnt read or watch things but listens to jerma videos on youtube without actually looking at them while i “draw” and “write”

Craving: food honestly. i should cook something lmfao. i also want soda so bad but i dont have any. id make some tea but its disgustingly warm in my house so i only want cool drinks. could kill for a nice milkshake or a smoothie rn i think

Tea or coffee: tea... im the only finnish person who doesnt drink coffee for real. also got really into loose leaf tea bc i befriended a chinese lady who is really into tea and has a tea shop in the city near where i live

Currently working on: drawing this and trying to think how i want to do it. somehow want to incorporate flat colours and maybe shade his body naturally, and make the blood look realistic instead of flat colours... hmm not sure yet what i want to do

other than that im trying to proofread the chapter of my ryanyuri fanfic i already published because theres a lot of typos and strange sentences in there but its been a chore bc my body breaks down when it gets too warm smfh... not looking forward to when my apt goes over 30 degrees celsius it is unlivable. im also trying to complete a “lookbook” of my tnb sims. but i always start huge projects that take three million years to complete and im really slow lmfao

Tag people you’d like to get to know better: i could just ask these questions from everyone i talk on discord with. fuck my friends i know irl or otherwise, only asking people who r my friends through tumblr. no need to do this though. also this isnt probably meant to be answered so long-windedly... thats just me. i cant answer with one word i gotta write an essay. heres three tags though @basslinegrave​ @vita-divata​

(record scratch before 3rd tag) and @rubbertplant​ bc they were streaming a game in discord when i started typing this and i was like hey wanna do it and they were like yeah

i expect replies on my desk by 5pm TOMORROW!!!!get to work!!!! no i jest, do it or dont, i dont mind either way, just if you feel like doing this. if you see this and want to do it feel free to consider yourself tagged. godspeed

[rqs902]

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RENYU CALLED FAN YU. 

thats true friendship right there :’) mannnnn i really wish we could see them reunite one day

LOL WHY IS YANG CHAOWEN SO LOUD HAHAHAHA we love a boy who supports his friends LOL

ooof so if that tap dancing song is like the song with all the least popular kids, “first confession” is like the song that is filled with the 2nd least popular kids. 

HAHAHAHHAHA KOU CONG BEING THEIR LOVE MENTOR HAHAHAHHAHA

YLQ IS SO SHY LOL and he and cx are like the same age LOL ycy saying “hes too real” LOL 

i agree with yixing it wasnt like amazing but i thought ylq did a good job! even tho i kept feeling like that sweater was getting in his way lol... and i like wlk’s voice :’) i just love how wild its getting in the waiting room with all the kids LOL 

UGH just seeing the vocal kids’ reaction to them getting announced as the front runner? HEARTBREAKING. they’re all SO surprised. and up until the last second, renyu is like SO sure that it’s not them. and then when it gets announced, theyre all so stunned with their eyes wide and mouths agape, except huang enyu who just covers his face with his hands. this reaction is just... its so sad that they have such low expectations of their ability to do well. I mean i cant blame them, it’s a realistic reaction, seeing how things have progressed on this show for them so far and the rankings of where theyre at now. but its still so sad. 

AW kou cong being so supportive of huang enyu and huang junrong! saying “you can definitely win”, we love a boy who supports talent :’) and chen junhao aggressively hugging a dumbstruck li chenxu - awww friendshipppp

ive tried my best to avoid spoilers for the elims so my main thought for this next perf is just “oh gosh i really hope this isn’t sbh and syh’s last stage, but even if it is, at least they shone well in it” .... except for sbh’s last high note :( 

lol qby.... the kid’s so pure and sweet but i feel like youku giving him another feature is a sign they want to keep him around and im wary lol 

i agree i think syh did well! i really like him! but again why does youku choose to use age as a punishment for some but a pity point for others? AY JUNRONG CHEERING FOR HIM my singaporean bros

i agree xzx and cxh have improved a lot and i respect their hard work. 

junhao calling lin mo momo will never get old :’) 

oof again, if this is gonna be these kids’ last stage, im really grateful yzy and qzq got to shine. really yzy and qzq are good vocalists! was yzy center? bc im so happy for him if he was!!! amazing!!!!

mxy 辛苦了.... wait is that tyger training footage or am i hallucinating

so what youku is trying to tell me is... if you’re good, you should keep trying, and giving up is a sign of lack of perseverance !! if you’re bad, you should recognize it and give up while you’re ahead and go do something else rather than waste your time. so was zuo qibo not good enough? are lm and syh good enough? and so cxh and xzx have shown they’re good enough? but for kids like qzq and yzy who are relatively good too, should they keep going despite your lack of giving them a similar amount of attention? 

i feel like this whole segment has been dedicated to convincing me that liu cong, ma haowen and he yijun should give up. and im ??? how is this okay? wont this make them sad when they eventually watch this? 

LOL yes please give cui shaopeng a feature, its exactly what we need from this group. i love how he described everyone, hes so real LOL. but also the fact that xue en is just gentle :’) 

aw zixin..... really trying his best to stay cheerful must be hard. im happy to see zlj really cares about him. im grateful yixing recognized zixin’s skill in singing and dancing. but also im kinda just hoping that if this group does place top 4, which is highly possible, that zixin actually needs saving. bc otherwise itll be sad if no one in their group needs saving and they just waste that opportunity :\ 

YASSSSSS CUI SHAOPENG VOCALS !!!!!!! 

AHHHHH XUE EN GOT A KILLING PART YESSSSSS THANK YOU!!!!! 

LIN MO POINTING OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS OF THAT PERF I AGREE !!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHA I STAN HIM FOR A REASON 

i mean the rest of them were really good too! honestly a high quality perf, but still. YES JUNHAO EXACTLY! xue en literally can get your attention in 0.5 seconds, and he may not be the most popular, and youku may not give him nearly as much attention as he deserves as the WINNER of the last round (with 190 votes!!!!), but no matter how much time he has on screen, he takes that window of opportunity and KILLS IT. and im !!!!!! so grateful !! he did so well!!!

AW shaopeng’s smile when hyb says hes changed after cutting his hair is so adorable! 

aw zuo ye...... man its amazing when you think about how much of an impact cx has had on several of these trainees when she herself is still so young, but that tells you how respected she is, which is awesome. but also i do agree zuo ye has really really improved a ton!! 

you know, i was gonna say i was surprised they flat out told everyone that the vocal group was ahead, but actually im pretty grateful at least this means these kids who normally would NOT get any screen time (cough zhaohao cough li chenxu cough junrong) are regularly getting at least some screen time, which is great! but also it is sad to see that this screen time just consists of them being nervous and unconfident and stressed out thinking theyre about to get knocked down from the top at any moment. but at least... we’re reminded that they’re here, that they exist, and that they’re a force to be reckoned with. 

can we also talk about wlk sitting next to enyu instead of with his group? their friendship is so strong :’) 

wait where’s xue en during their dress rehearsal?

first thought is: omg did he go to the hospital and youku didnt give him a feature?? second thought: wait but if he was there to remember that gjm gave them that advice, did youku just crop him out or something? wtf 

oh wait look at this 

look whos sitting with the vocals now :’) 

they really like this shot of xikan 

and i do too!!!!!!

but cmon lets be real if the public (and youku) have the choice between voting for a group of amazing vocals on the brink of elimination and a group of already popular kids who will most likely all make it anyway..... if they chose the latter, i would literally flip a table. 

[bluepunkmon]

hoping this might take yr mind off some of the anxiety so, what do u think other smt protags (besides demi obvs nd u kno who) wud look like as fiends?

Thank you Demi You know just what to say to snap me out of a slump

Idk if this will answer your question satisfactorily but itll be. Something. Ive thought about this too much too often. Just a lot of rambling. (Wont go into Nanashi bc he already kind of is one? A demi-demi fiend)

For consistency’s sake in this im defining a fiend as some kind of human demon fusion.

Im sorry this took so long

Kazuya – kazuya my man my treasure. I’ve thought about this a lot, so I’ll use this as a chance to link up to my ‘demon from the start’ AU. In the opening of smt 1 kazuya and yuji are taken to a hospital where weird experiments are being conducted. They both break out in like 2 minutes and leave but I kinda thought ‘hey what if they didn’t break out in time and went through terrible demon fusion experiments?’

Ive got 2 cohabitating versions in my head. So version 1, He kind of looks like an electronic ghost? Idk if you remember when I talked about this 500 years ago. Grey, barely visible, fuzzy around the edges, when he does talk its like someone talking through a broken radio. Idk sort of like the idea of someone isolated getting lost in computers and technology but on a literal level. Makes doing anything pretty difficult but on the upside maybe if someone else wears the comp he can, possess it? I just made him rotom dangit

Version 2 is just straight up monster version, sort of like I wrote him in that one fic where he got cursed but more, werewolf-y, scraggly hair, maybe spikes on his back and filmed over eyes, sort of all white like the alexander nina chimera in fma? A lot of this demon form I made to parallel that chimera actually, not in terms of body shape (kazuya can still stand and wear clothes) but the unnerving factor, the inherent wrongness and fear it inspired in others.

a very unhappy pained werewolf, bc the thing I would (will? If I write it) is that the fusion was done improperly, so its not as seamless as takeshi’s fusion was. Kazuya hands are more claw than hand, so using the comp is more difficult, but even more pressing is that the fusion screwed up his throat, so demon negotiation is hard, and its that much harder to explain who he is to a future full of very anxious trigger happy humans who probably wouldn’t listen to him at the best of times.

Flynn – For some reason I always associate Flynn with birds? Mostly diurnal raptors, ever since I first started playing smt iv in 2016. I have no idea why.

I think Flynn kind of has a canon fiend, or at least semi-divine form when he fused with Vishnu in smt iv a? but this is where I put my bad thoughts so disregarding that

Ive had this dumb idea for a long time (pre-smt iv a) of Flynn being like a bird-demon type fusion, with talons, sharp fingernails, maybe some patches of softer short feathers on his arms and legs, and wings (idk from what, prob red-tailed hawk). Idk how it’d happen, I thought some kind of curse, he’s probably pissed off enough deities to warrant it. theyre big enough to let him fly, if he ever tried

In his case the change is noticeable but almost entirely hide-able. So for Flynn, in a neutral route that depends on so much on what outsiders think about you, he has to get through while hiding his new demonic nature from Hunters and people in Tokyo in general (also the samurai too probably) who’d turn on him if they knew what he was. So doing every mission, working himself to the bone endlessly with his nails constantly filed short and wings tied down tightly until the pain almost makes him sick. Fun!

DS1 (these headings have no consistence) – ds1 kazuya has a fairly canon demon version I think, but ill throw down my hc anyway – King of Demons route he can usually make himself look how he wants, but default he’s got horns, bat wings, fangs, and keeps the cape I see him in sometimes. I think it suits him. If he hugs someone (Atsuro) he uses his wings too without thinking, so it’s a very warm all-enveloping hug

Ds2 – if Hibiki goes alcor route, I think his outward appearance would kind of change to reflect his new nature. To other humans he mostly looks the same, but sometimes in stressed moments/pre-battle his eyes turn totally blue like Leo Watch’s in Kekkai Sensen. Hibiki’s battle form (the way alcor turns into a giant cube) looks like a white glowing abstract rabbit (like the rabbit on the moon get it?)

Smt if – this is vague bc I only played 30 minutes of the game and don’t know anything about it. You know how when you die in the game you get a guardian spirit? HC that the player character is actually a guardian spirit demon possessing the corpse of a student that died in the attack trying to find someone to, guardian over? They look mostly normal, except not, really dying when theyre killed? They just get back up, taking horrible wounds. Only clues about their demons nature are a grey pallor to their skin and red eyes.

Persona  - and now the vaguest of all. What would a fiend even look like in persona, in a world that (usually) doesn’t have demons? I have no idea but I like to think if any human fused with a shadow they’d look mostly normal in the real world except for eyes that turn yellow at dramatic moments, and then in whatever alternate world the game has their human skin starts falling off and they take increasingly abstract and freaky shapes depending on whatever emotional turmoil/teen angst they’re going through. (also slightly ties into a hc for that fic i will also never write where philemon and myarly reincarnate as humans)

Im sorry for all of this

[rqs902]

bias explanation tag

ok so @banana-jiayou tagged me to do this about one month ago and me being the forgetful person that i am, am just getting around to it now!!!

nini actually tagged me to talk about either my banana or my mr-x bias, but because i still consider myself as “developing” my bias order in mr-x (altho anyone can probably tell im leaning towards luo zheng) i’ll go with banana kids!! 

you may know already, my banana bias is Lu Dinghao 🌞🌞

(i dug deep into my #ludinghao tag to try to piece together what i can remember of what happened hahahha)

the rest will go under the cut bc i think this is gonna get kinda long....

Idol Producer Era

you may have seen me rant about this in my tags before, but I really did not plan on watching Idol Producer... at all. I watched p101s2 and it wasn’t the greatest experience for me (kenta and youngmin were my favs ;;;) and so I wasn’t too keen on starting another extremely similar show, because I had little hopes that the kids I’d like would make it to the end, so I thought the show would just end in disappointment for me again.  

but! *drumroll please* cue chen linong! (i promise, im getting to dinghao, itll all make sense eventually LOL)

so I forget why, but maybe when I was just on the internet, I heard a LOT about chen linong. (even my friends who don’t watch ip who are just normal taiwanese kids HAVE HEARD OF chen linong. he’s honestly THAT popular in taiwan that regular people who dont care about ip know his name - its crazy!) so i heard he was taiwanese and I heard he was super popular and tons of people loved him. so what did i do? I went and looked up his audition video bc i was like wtf why is this kid so popular?? whats so special about him??

so one audition video, one intro video, one upward!trainee video, and a couple of douyins later, i was officially committed to watching idol producer for chen linong. 

the next step, what do I do? go to wikipedia (LOL) and search up what other taiwanese boys are on the show. i immediately notice 3 of them are from banana ent and banana ent actually also has a malaysian child. (which was super interesting to me too bc i have a lot of friends who are southeast asian and southeast asian representation is super cool!!) and so i watched all of the 5 other taiwanese kids’ intro videos and upward!trainee videos. I’ll be honest, at the time none of them stood out to me as strongly as linong (I just love love love smiley guys, and linong’s personality was so strongly taiwanese and so down-to-earth in his audition video, i just couldn’t resist!) but from there, bc 3 of the 6 taiwanese kids were in banana, I knew to look out for the banana kids. 

fast forward to episode 2, I watch the banana audition perf and dinghao sort of stands out to me because i usually go for the “happy/ mood-maker” member in kpop groups, so when he introduced himself as “小太陽陸定昊” i was like oo who’s this? also im soft for boys with the curved lip smile thing heheh and so in my curiosity to find out who he is, i look him up and find his instagram! (i didnt have weibo yet) and I start seeing pictures like these and I’m like oh my goodness he’s beautiful :o 

but i think julie (@qinfour) was one of the first people i talked to about this, but one of the reasons why i usually like “happy/ mood-maker” members is because I feel like I can relate to them (ie: dinghao) bc I feel similar to them. In high school i was seen as the crazy hyper happy one and people actually thought that i was constantly happy.... all the time... which is impossible. so it was hard for me at times bc when i wasn’t feeling happy, people would discredit my feelings, or as soon as I stopped smiling, people would be like omg whats wrong with you?? so to me, seeing idols who are like that, having a happy, fun exterior but are actually insecure / experiences hardships inside, makes me feel like i can relate to them. 

so anyway, so after ep 2 im already like kinda interested in dinghao (but also still interested in linong and the other banana trainees, but he’s on my radar) and so ep 3 rolls around and this HISTORIC xinfan ep from Feb. 2nd comes with it: 

(in the original video, the banana part starts around 8:36) and from watching this and dyING of laughter at zhangjing being adorable and sassy and dinghao being HILARIOUS, i was like ok i like them, they’re my fav banana children!! (even tho neither of them are taiwanese and i only became interested in banana in the first place bc they had taiwanese people LOOL) and you may be wondering, what about yanjun?? he was really funny in that video too?? but actually yanjun didn’t stand out to me until around “ai ni” bc he was in the same group as dinghao maybe bc i just didnt get his humor as much??? HAHAHHAHA like zhangjing and dinghao were like SO FUNNY to me but yanjun i was likeee okayyy (i love him and his humor so much now, but idk i just didnt get it back then?? LOL oops sorry yanjun) but yea, it wasn’t until “ai ni” that i started noticing him and then gradually it snowballed into i was MADLY VOTING FOR YANJUN by the the final ep and SUPER EMOTIONAL when he made it into the final 9, like my body was shakinggg, i was so happy !!! (i was MUCH happier with the result than i was with p101s2!) 

but anyway, back to the point, I think around this time was when i found out about the “rock the show” mv (it was actually released beforehand, on 1/29 and the dance version 2/6??), and I think i freaked out to violet (@zhu-xingjie) like !!!! wtf is this ?!?? its so good omgomg (something along those lines, at least ;;;) and then after watching the mv i was like ok im def gonna be a banana stan wow they make good music, so talent, super funny members, much visual wow

(tumblr only lets me embed youtube videos, but you can find the official video in HD!! here and the dance version here. id highly recommend watching both if you havent already!!!!!!! the dance version has more closeups???? and i felt even more attacked than i thought was possible after watching the official video???)

and so basically from there, I became a banana stan, focusing on lu dinghao and you zhangjing. and ofc i love zhangjing to bits and he’s so warm-hearted and adorable, but I think I’ll always feel the most connected to dinghao, which is why he became my bias.

some other moments that led me to love him:

his mini chinese lesson because i also struggle with “zhei” but also since then, ive discussed with nini on multiple occasions how weird dinghao’s chinese is?? hahahahahha its like hard to understand sometimes??

4/9 banana boys discussing getting rid of fans at the airport !!!! this is actually one of my favorite videos because LU DINGHAO IS HILARIOUS!!! SO EXTRA WOW

the entire banter with yanjun during the “ai ni” era bc he finally got more screen time!! and also he showed how good of a friend he was to keep voting for yanjun until he just really couldnt anymore

nursery coloring class with chaoze bc dinghao is ridiculous?? 

during the hot pot ep, just watch for any clips of dinghao and he’s probs doing something ridiculous

the banana family scene from the “boom boom boom” era where dinghao shows his insecurity, bc it was a moment where i felt i could really connect to him, as a flawed and normal human who isn’t happy all the time

fun fact: I think this banana boys post was one of the first i ever translated, probs bc beibei was leaving and im soft for that boy too and bonus you can see in my tags that im already dinghao trash at that point bc i freaking had 芝麻糊 for the first time (and bought it with my own money!!) bc of freaking Lu Dinghao !!! (about two weeks later, i bought a whole pack of it at the grocery store....) 

but anyway, so “that’s how the story goes” (gotta include a zzt reference heheh) of how dinghao became my bias... i tried to keep it as relevant to dinghao as i could? lol and i also could be remembering things wrong LOL but basically post-ip, all that’s changed is that i’ve realized dinghao is even weirder than i first realized HAHAH BUT I STILL LOVE HIM. 

some additional fun moments: 

this interview where he describes roasts all the other banana trainees

watch “sawadika banana” if you havent already and you’ll get some GOLD dinghao moments like this crazy mess and other hilarious shenanigans

idk if its been subbed yet, but this bazaar interview is one of my fav dinghao / yanjun / zhangjing videos bc theyre so funny!!! i was literally laughing the whole time, its so fun to watch c: 

im not gonna tag anyone else to do this, because it does take quite a while (3 hrs for me LOL) but its fun if you have the time to reflect back and if anyone wants to do it, id love to read your story as well!!