#itike

[mramur]

MAN I MISSED TRADITIONAL GAMES I PLAYED AS A KID. Especially the one with funny weird song.

There was game named Coca Cola which didnt have anything to do with the actual drink. Just one person squatting in the center while everybody walked in circle and sing.

And another game called Pipo-pipo where in the end, stack of every players hand get slapped starting from the hand at the top.

And Pikachu game (not the pokemon one no). Which in my local version is just a roundabout way to flick the person who lost the 'rock paper scissor'.

[buryam-soul]

Phonetics and Phonology exam on Tuesday and this girl still sucks ass at differentiating [ɪ] vs [i] (especially in the same word) and other such vowels. Watch as he mutters to himself while in public to remedy this

[inbabylontheywept]

the house i grew up in was a little bit of a fixer upper. for the first 19 years, my dad just sort of slowly fixed it, but pretty early on in college, he came into a large amount of cash and decided to just do the whole thing at once. so he rented a different house for like, 2 months that was just a block down from us, and then got a bunch of contractors to fix original house ASAP. it was kind of crazy, but it compressed many years of work into like, three months.

the sitting in a new house for three months was actually pretty fun. and i shouldnt really complain at all (staying at home while in college is a sweet deal)

but.

but. my parents are fairly hard of hearing, and their bedroom in the old house was in the furthest possible annex from everyone else. wheras in the rental it was just in the middle of the house. so without going into details, i was extremely aware that my parents were having sex like, eight times a day. my dad had just retired and i guess they were celebrating, which is great i guess, having parents that really like each other is way better than the alternative, but also, it did make me envy their deafness. i kept headphones on for so long that year i got literal ear calluses.

at the same time, the house my buddy from the shoe incident grew up in flooded. turbo flooded. they burst like, two pipes at once and the damage was so severe they had to redo all the flooring and all the drywall. his family actually had homeowners insurance, which is either incredible or suspicious for a family that used the drained pool in their backyard to store rusty scrap metal. so insurance was handling the work, but in the meantime, they were crammed into a very small hotel room space. we did the math on it then, it averaged about 80 square feet a person.

so one day i got home, and i was chilling, and then six rolled around, and apparently six o'clock was sex o'clock because my parents decided to flex their cardio. i grabbed my headphones and prayed that god would do for me what he did for beethoven, but that failed to work, and then seven rolled around and my parents were still at it, which again, very impressive, but was pushing me to swap out judas for mozart in those prayers. there's a definitive point where you stop praying to be deaf and instead pray that god could take you to a nice field and pop you like a gore-balloon.

i was about five minutes away from that point when my friend called me and basically said i have been stuck in a 500 square foot space with 6 people and i didn't have many marbles to start but what few i had are gone. please. if we are friends, if we were ever friends, take me out of here just for a moment.

and i was still pretty mad at him, but i had pity on the poor guy. also helped that i was desperate to leave the house. so i drove the chickenshitmobile to the hotel and i picked him up, and then we did our normal hangout activity, which was go to food city and buy produce. his normal house was, on a good day, nasty, and his backyard was, as i stated before, mostly used to store mosquito larvae and rusty metal, so what we'd always done before was just walk to the grocery store a half block away and leer at vegetables.

so we did that and it was like old times again. they had some radishes that were expired, so i could buy like, literally an entire grocery bag of them for about $5. so i did. i really like radishes. he got a coconut because he liked fruit and beating things with hammers.

which probably would've been great except we didn't have a hammer, so instead we spent about 30 minutes stomping itike it owed us money. when it finally cracked we cheered like we just got the winning touchball at the superdome and then he ate some of the flesh, and i ate some of the radishes, and we admired the black, starless sky of the city before i took him back to his hotel room.

and then we got pulled over.

i forgot to turn my lights on because the street all around the food city was ludicrously well lit. so it went from being pretty bright, to pretty bright and flashy, then i pulled into a parking lot and a cop came to ask us for IDs which is where everything went to shit:

i’d forgotten my license at home. 

the cop was was actually kind of chill about it - he said he could get by with just an address. except i did not know my address. i hadn't memorized the new one yet. so i told the cop, my house is getting remodeled, i don't know my address right now. and then he went to my friend, and my friend said the exact same thing. house getting remodeled, staying somewhere else, no address, sowwwwwwy.

now the cop genuinely didn't know what to do. he went back to his car, and i was stressed that i was about to get into HUGE trouble so i started eating the radishes and my buddy started eating more of his coconut, and we actually managed to eat like a quarter of both before the cop came back. we ate enough produce that he could smell something weird in the air, and he asked what the smell was, and i said radishes, and my buddy said coconut, and the cop said which, and then we produced a large bag of droopy radishes and an absolutely brutalized coconut, and the cop was just like

so my buddy tried explaining how he was sharing a 500 square foot apartment with 6 people and wanted a fruit he could fight with power tools, and i tried explaining how i'd actually tried buying my parents like, board games and puzzles and stuff but nothing worked - the only thing my parents seemed to like doing right now was each other, and we both went on long enough and pathetically enough that the cop eventually went:

ok. stop.

and we stopped.

and he said do you know why i pulled you over?

and i said, because of my headlights, and my friend (who is hispanic) and the cop both looked at me like like i was the dumbest person in the entire world. and then the cop said no. that's why i'm allowed to pull you over. i checked your car because this neighborhood has a terrible sex trafficking problem, and i pull over every car i can to make sure no one is buying or selling sex. and you two are obviously doing neither. now i could give you, like, four tickets right now, but that would do nothing to make this area safer, so just turn your lights on, go home, drive safe, and try to be less stupid in the future.

and i said okay but i was thinking, you know, damn, this is just how i live man, i don't have a hidden third gear i can shift into. people can't just get smarter because it would be convenient. it's always convenient to be smart. i am literally trying my best.

but i didn't say anything because i was, slowly, learning how to filter what i said. instead i nodded and the cop left then i dropped my buddy off, and the last thing he said was said he owed me for responding to his SOS. I said he owed me for a lot of things, and he agreed that was true. then i drove home with my lights on, 5 under the speed limit, and arrived to a peaceful quiet home. I could’ve wept with relief but instead I went to bed.

the relief was short lived. i was woken up at 6 am by my parents. i swore, and then i prayed, and when i did not explode, i swore again. then i got up to make breakfast before my first class.

[ajahbesti]

ORIGINAL, (0897.9279.277) Pemasok Bubuk Rempah GAFI

[jamuuntukternak]

PABRIK, BISA COD, WA : 0819-1738-0373 TERLARIS Penambah Nafsu Makan Pada Itik Indramayu

PABRIK, BISA COD, WA : 0819-1738-0373 TERLARIS Penambah Nafsu Makan Pada Itik Indramayu

Penambah Nafsu Makan Pada Itik Indramayu,Penggemuk Bebek Pedaging Karawang,Penggemukan Bebek Pedaging Kuningan,Premiks Bebek Pedaging Majalengka,Premiks Bebek Peking Pangandaran

[ivoryteeth]

thinking about ur f/o in ur native language is a different kind of disease

[syafizi77]

KESEDAPAN BINI ORANG

Cerita lucah bini kawan ini bermula bila aku menumpang dirumah kawan aku yang sudah berkahwin.

Bini dia tu tuhan sajalah yang tahu “Comel Gila boss” Body pulak montok. Kalau shape punggung tu

peeeeeh macam itik serati jalan menonggek je. Kawan aku ni selalu pergi outstation jadi selalu jugaklah

aku ditinggalkan dengan bini dia. Pada mulanya aku taklah sangat merasa apa-apa. Tetapi lama-

kelamaan sikap bini dia ni dah lain macam sikit dengan aku. Cakap dia pun dah meleret, senyum dia tak

lekang dari bibir, pakaian dia dah cuma pakai baju tidor yang nipis tu je.sekali dua memang lah tak

merasa apa apa tapi bila dh selalu sgt nampak gumpalan dngan punat yg timbul disebalik kain jarang tu..

adik dlm seluar aku ni meronta ronta.

Satu hari tengah aku telentang depan TV. Bini kawan aku ni tiba-tiba datang tidur tepi aku. Dia cuma

pakai baju tidur nipis paras peha . Bila aku tengok betul-betul rupanya dia tak pakai coli dengan seluar

dalam pun.berdebar debar jantung turun naik darah aku, terkedu aku sekejap. Dekat sepuluh minit kami

keras kat depan TV tu. Last sekali aku kata dalam hati “Rugi tak capai peluang ” So aku pun memulakan

perbualan “Cantik baju you, beli kat mana tu…” Dia menjawap ” Beli dekat Australia” Malunya aku pada

masa itu. Alamak bodohnya kataku tak ada benda lain ke nak cakap. Fida pun berkata “Panas betul hari

ni ye”… Aku mengangguk macam budak bodoh. Darah aku pada masa itu sudah naik ketahap nak

meletup dah.

Fida tiba-tiba dalam posisi terlentang itu meninggikan lututnya menyebabkan baju tidur tadi turun ke

paras pinggangnya dan kakinya di kangkang sedikit sambil mengkipas pantatnya dengan tangan dia

berkata dengan suara merengek…. “Panaaaaasssssss ” Wow aku pun dalam hati berkata ” Ini sudah lebih

“. “Panas, kesiannya dia, Boleh I tolong kipaskan” kataku, dia cuma mengangguk. Aku pun apa lagi

bangun dan pergi ke pantat dia. Fullamak ini yang dikatakan barang baik.

Pantat bini kawan aku ni tembam gila dengan air dia dah mencurah-curah bersinar-sinar kena cahaya

lampu. Aku pun apa lagi naik syeh laaaa. Aku kelebek pantat dia dengan dua ibu jari lepas tu aku jilat

betul-betul.

Dari lubang punggung sampai ke biji kelentit dia. Dia punya sedap mengerang sambil merengek2

manja….. AAAAaaaaaaaahhh ………… MMMMMmmmmmmmm…. Lagiiii Bang Lagiiiiiiiiiiii….

OOooooooohhhhh….. Saaayyyyyaaaaaang Sedapnyaaaaaa. Aku cucuk lidah aku masuk dalam lubang

pantat dia. Panassss lidah aku kena kemut .

Tangan aku pulak dh tak duduk diam macam kena gam dekat tetek Fida. Aku uli dan ramas tetek fida

dengan lembut . Fida tak habis-habis mengerang. Dekat sepuluh minit aku jilat pantat dia sampai muka

aku ni penuh dengan air dia.

Lepas tu . Fida rentap zip seluar aku dan menarik seluar aku hingga ke buku lali dan terus melurut seluar

dalam aku dengan rakus lalu menghisap batang aku tak sempat aku nak buka baju “Wow ini sudah jadi

macam Sex Ganas” kataku dalam hati. Sambil melutut aku memegang kepala Fida sambil menekan

kepalanya kearah balak bersaiz 7inci kepunyaanku . Sesekali dia tercekik kerana tojahan ku. Hisapan dia

mengeluarkan bunyi yang amat mengasikkan. Aku mengangkat kakinya kearah ku lalu kami pun berada

dalam posisi 69. Bau pantat Fida begitu memberahikan aku.

Aku memasukkan dua batang jariku kedalam pantat Fida, semakin lama semakin cepat aku sorong

tarikan. Sesekali Fida berhenti dari menghisap dan mengeluarkan bunyi macam orang sedang meneran.

Punggungnya yang sudah lama menjadi idaman aku tu diramas dengan penuh perasaan kegeraman.

Kemudian aku pun bangun dalam keadaan yang begitu payah sekali kerana bini kawan aku ni tak mahu

berhenti dari menghisap batang aku. Dalam keadaan berdiri aku dapat melihat pipi Fida cengkung

kedalam kerana menghisap pelirku yang pada masa ini sudah berkilat-kilat dipenuhi air liur Fida. Aku

tolak Fida ke lantai dan mengangkangkan fida , tetapi Fida menutup pantatnya yang gebu itu dengan

kedua-dua tangannya. Aku terkedu seketika. Fida berkata “You cannot fuck me there”. “Why” kata ku. “I

don’t want to go that far” balas Fida.

Kepala aku dah naik separuh gila mendengar jawapannya itu. “Benda ini salah, I boleh mengandung”

katanya lagi. Pada masa tu aku dah tak ingat apa lagi. “I don’t care anymore. I nak jolok pantat you yang

ketat tu samada you suka atau tidak macam mana pun pantat you mesti rasa batang I pada hari ni”. Aku

pegang pergelangan kaki Fida kemudian aku tolak kedepan aku kepit kaki dia bawah ketiak aku sambil

tangan aku menangkat tangan Fida yang masih menutup pantatnya.

Bila terankat sahaja tangan dia aku melihat pantat dia sudah dalam keadaan tergangga. Aku pegang

kepala konek aku, kemudian aku acukan dekat dengan lubang pantat Fida. Aku main-mainkan dulu

kepala konek aku dekat dengan lubang pantat dia. Kemudian aku masukkan kepala aku kedalam.

Peehhh suam suam panas pantat diaa . “Wow pantat you ni memang panaslah Fida” kata ku. Fida cuba

menolak dadaku tetapi tidak berdaya. Aku terasa pantatnya mengemut kepala batang aku. Fida masih

cuba menolak aku. Aku naik geram lalu aku menojah seluruh batang sampai ke telur aku kedalam pantat

Fida. Fida tersintak sambil mulutnya ternganga mengeluarkan bunyi ” AH “.

Matanya bulat macam duit lima puluh sen. Aku dapat rasakan lubang pantatnya itu mengemut seluruh

batang kotek ku. Kata ku pada Fida “Tak sangka pantat you ni lubang tanduk, makin dalam makin ketat”.

“Sakittttttttt….” kata Fida…. “Ya sekejap lagi sakit akan hilang. I nak kongkek you sampai esok pagi”

dengan kata-kata itu aku pun menarik batang aku sampai ke kepala konek kemudian aku jolok balik

sampai terbenam habis.

Aku layan dekat sepuluh minit. Memang betul kata aku, Fida tak rasa sakit lagi. Malah dia memainkan

peranan penting mengayak punggungnya sambil mengemut batang aku macam nak gila. Mulutnya tetap

ternganga dan angin tak berhenti-henti keluar dari mulutnya setiap kali aku menujah pantatnya dengan

keras. Kalau ikut hati mahu aku tojah sampai koyak pantat dia. Tapi barang aku nak pakai lagi beb.

UUuuuuuuu…. Bessstttttttt…..Aaauuuuwwwww Lagi Bang Lagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii….Bunyi suara Fida yang

merengek macam tu membuatkan aku lagi laju menojah batang aku.

Pantat Fida sudah naik merah dengan tojahan aku. Satu pemandangan menarik bila mana setiap kali aku

menarik dan menojah batang aku kulit pantat Fida macam tertarik keluar dan tertojah masuk dari

pantatnya macam pantatnya tak mahu melepaskan batang aku.

Kemudian aku menarik keluar batang aku……bunyi “POP” terkejut aku..”Wow pantat you boleh buat

bunyilah Sayang….”.kata ku sambil ketawa. “Jom kita naik atas….I nak main dengan you di atas katil you

dengan laki you” kata ku dengan berahi sekali sambil memegang batang aku yang berdenyut-denyut.

Aku dan Fida berjalan ke bilik dia dan suaminya dlm keadaan dia tk lepas memegang batang ku katanya

batang aku lagi besar dari suaminya. Sampai di tepi katil dia hendak naik keatas. “No...No...Not on the

bed...I nak you menungging sambil berdiri di tepi katil dan tangan diletakkan di tepi bucu katil. I nak fuck

you sambil berdiri” Kata ku.

Fida membalas dengan membulatkan matanya sambil berkata ” WOW…ini sesuatu yang baru untuk I ”

Apabila dia menungging sahaja aku menuja konek 7inci aku sampai ke telur Fida mengerang kesakitan.

“You nak lagi macam tu” tanya ku. Fida tak berkata apa-apa diam tanda setuju. Lalu aku tujah lagi

pantatnya dengan segala tenaga dan kepantasan sambil tangan ku menarik pinggangnya kearah ku.

Aku berasa macam berada dalam alam fantasi. Dengan pantat bini kawan ku di depan sedang dijolok

dengan ganasnya oleh batangku. Oh, kemutan pantat itu begitu rakus sekali. Fida mengerang macam

orang kena rasuk. Rambutnya melayang kesana-kemari mengikut hentakan batang ku.

Kemudian aku terdengar Fida Berkata “Sayangggggggg Fidaaa Nakkkkk Keluarrrr

ahhhhhh……OOOOhhhhhhh I’m cumminggggggggggggg…UUUHHhhhhhhhh Sedappppppppppppp

Banggggggggggggg. Hayunan aku makin lama, makin kuat bila terdengar rengekkan Fida itu. Aku

menujah pantat Fida dengan semahu hati aku. Bunyi tubuh kami berlaga semakin kuat. Hati ku

berkata…Yang pantat Fida adalah kepunyaanku pada saat ini.

Tiba-tiba aku melihat badan Fida bagaikan tersentak-sentak dan kumutan pantatnya pula semakin laju,

serta dia mengeluarkan bunyi macam orang nak bersin. Pada masa itu juga aku terasa air mani aku pun

dah nak keluar dan sampai kemuncaknya. Aku pun terkejang-kejang sambil cuba untuk memasukkan

telur-telur aku sekali kedalam pantat Fida akhirnya aku melepaskan air mani ku kedalam pantatnya. Air

mani ku mencurah curah di dalam pantatnya dan Apa bila aku menarik batang ku dari pantatnya. Air

mani ku pun keluar sama meleleh ke lantai. Bagiku ia adalah satu pemandangan yang sangat menarik.

Aku pun naik keatas katil dengan Fida dan kami berkucupan dengan penuh berahi sambil berkuluman

lidah. Selepas lima minit. Aku bertanya pada Fida “Nak lagi” Sambil tersenyum dia mengangguk

kepalanya dan terus menuju kearah batang konek aku. Dan kami meneruskan round yang kedua.

Alangkah bertuahnya aku mempunyai bini kawan yang kemarukk. Pantatnya diberikan untukku kerana

suami nya sering meninggalkannya dalam jangka waktu yang lama.

[grosirkaoskakicomel]

0823-3000-6040 (WA), Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Sungai ItikLangsung ORDER KLIK WA http://wa.me/6282330006040 , Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Sungai Itik, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Seruyan Hilir Timur, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Guntung, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Kamayahan, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Kuangan, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Muara Baruh, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Murung Karangan, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Padang Basar, Pusat Grosir Kaos Kaki Muslimah Padang Basar HilirKami adalah Distributor Kaos Kaki Muslimah Terpercaya dan Terlengkap di Indonesia, Kami sudah berpengalaman sejak 2008 melayani penjualan secara online, melayani pembelian dari luar pulau hingga ke luar negeri.Kami Sedang Mencari mitra bisnis yang ingin menjual kaos kaki Muslimah dari kami.Untuk Info Lanjut Tentang Kemitraan silahkan di Hubungi di Sini:Nomor HP Ibu Tiva : 0823-3000-6040#PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahSungaiItik, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahSeruyanHilirTimur, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahGuntung, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahKamayahan, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahKuangan, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahMuaraBaruh, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahMurungKarangan, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahPadangBasar, #PusatGrosirKaosKakiMuslimahPadangBasarHilir

[agentsnickers]

TODAY IS THE ROYAL AU'S THIRD BIRTHDAY!

[richard8786]

Kulungan ng itik | Gumawa ng bagong kulungan ng itik si Tatay | Richard ...

[aromarempah]

TERBAIK, (0897.9279.277) Toko Bubuk Rempah GAFI

[agendabymooner]

lucky charms, qatar and all that romance fiasco ! oscar p. x ofc (filo!gen z!ofc)

summary: in which, paloma san pedro is oscar’s lucky charm. OR the mclaren driver forgot to mention to carlos sainz about his relative being in the race— but the rest of the sprint days were something of a history.

content warning: use of explicit language, spoilers for qatar gp 2023 sprint, carlos sainz x ofc mentioned (magda) carlos sainz x in-law!ofc, funny banters, briefly mentions pato o’ward and mark webber (multi 21 joke incoming), one filipino word (“itik” = “duck” = “pato”), mclaren admin x ofc, crack fic, affectionate!oscar mentioned

a - n masterlist

o - z masterlist

THE DAY CARLOS SAINZ FOUND OUT

3 + 3 = P6 (QUALIFYING)

PALOMA = LUCKY PAPAYA? (QATAR SPRINT)

tagged lomisanpedro, landonorris, mclaren

liked by ninojames, patriciooward, aussiegrit

mclaren my girl is always dressed for the occasion 😇🧡

patriciooward congratulations!!! 🥳🥳 liked by oscarpiastri

ninojames he just put nine gyal on a sprinter 🙌💪 liked by oscarpiastri

landonorris 🙏🙏 liked by oscarpiastri

landonorris but why is she kissing lewishamilton instead 👀

user1 i would too tbh

lewishamilton 🤣

monamagdalena WOOOO CONGRATS OSCAR!!! (carlos is still mad you didn’t tell him about paloma going) liked by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri am i still allowed in madrid??

carlossainzjr your other half is.

user2 he just dedicated his win to her 🥺🥺

user3 bro is straight simping

aussiegrit proud of you lad!!! liked by oscarpiastri

lomisanpedro 🧡 proud of u pastry liked and pinned by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri no u 🏆

user4 he can’t even say ily or sumn 😭😭

bonus !!!

[tu-es-gegg]

Malay Words / Perkataan Bahasa Melayu

pronounciation notes:

c -> ch (e.g kucing is pronounced ku - ching)

air (as in water) is pronounced aa-ir

syaitan is pronounced like shy - t- ah -n

most of the time "i" is more like an "ee" than "aye" (e.g tikus is pronounced tee - kuus, itik is prounounced ee - tee - k)

au -> ow (like how without the h-, the ouchies, e.g hijau is pronounced hee-j-ow)

[crunchy-kinderapples]

Holy shit broski you're back KFNDKCSNCN I don't know if you still remember me but Kindergarten 3 BETTER SLAP (Also I don't see Danner in the trailer hell nawh they took away my pookie 🙏🏻💔)

HELDP I REMEMBER YOU I THINK?? youre the mf who drew danner holding the itik didnt you💀

I TRUST IN THE DEVS‼️‼️‼️ IM POSITIVE THAT KG3 WILL SLAP HARDER THAN APPLEGATE HITS KIDS WITH HER POINTING STICK

iNAHHH😭😭😭 i like how they continue to resurrect applegate and not danner like damn😔 talk about favouritism /j

[ajahbesti]

Toko Bubuk Rempah GAFI BISA COD, Hub: 0897-9279-277

[jamuuntukternak]

PABRIK, BISA COD, WA : 0819-1738-0373 TERLARIS Penambah Nafsu Makan Bebek Garut

PABRIK, BISA COD, WA : 0819-1738-0373 TERLARIS Penambah Nafsu Makan Bebek Garut

Penambah Nafsu Makan Bebek Garut,Penambah Nafsu Makan Pada Itik Indramayu,Penggemuk Bebek Pedaging Karawang,Penggemukan Bebek Pedaging Kuningan,Premiks Bebek Pedaging Majalengka