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wearethemusikmakers · 7 years ago

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Growing up in a black family is difficult. Family members don't really take your life as serious unless it's relatives you don't have the privilege of speaking to often. Communication only happens after they've told everyone ur business. You are damn near programmed to grow up n do EVERYTHING for your family n they want to be paid in full for raising you all these years. There is nothing wrong with giving credit where it is due but sometimes black children's success is often because they end up going out on their own to do it. It is hard not having that strong a support system in a black family. You are literally tasked with doing things for them around the clock. If black families find that one weakest link in the thread they will squeeze money time and patience out of it till it can't function no more or until one of us snaps.

I for example live in a household where everyone seems to be jus breaking down n falling apart. They got old before they ever lived young. My cousins n I are subject to it because we're the youngest ppl here n that means we have to be at their every beck n call. My aunt is immobilized, grandmother is a diabetic patient and dialysis patient and my mom is the nervous workaholic that tries to keep the roof over everyone's head. Since she suffered her injury she does small things n uses all that she can to help balance out the house that she pretty much possesses. But she has been stuck here since I was born. According to my father she had a chance at leaving n jus the 3 of us under one roof. But she changed the circumstances of our living arrangements and told him she'd rather they stay inside with my grandmother and aunt n in the past my father had bad blood with my mom's side of the family n that prompted him to decline each time she mentioned it. My mom says cheating was the break up factor (which I could believe by the way he talks about women) but honestly despite this man's millions of flaws I believe he was right. And now my mom is not happy that she is here still. We've had plans to move n things were once in the right place to do so but then my grandmother's unnurtured health exceeded it's expectations n my mom decided to stay. Now we are both unhappy.

Me n her do the majority of the cleaning up and soul searching to get back on the path to finally moving. With the state of my grandmother and aunt and cousin, living her is just...hard. My mom grandpa and I are enslaved to pretty much doing according to everyone's beck n call. Any anger or rebellion in doing the action we are automatically called unloving, disrespectful, n lost our damn mind. But the one who is not attacked is my cousin. My grandmother never attacks her even with the fake love that she distributes to them on a daily, n changing her voice into a baby jus to make them feel all buttery inside but like butter wen hot she slides, slipping into a blind belligerent rage against them whether it's her personal issues or jus them in general. Wen she decides that she's not going to do something for them or share the responsibility of taking care of her legal guardian, it became me or my mother's task n my cousin receives no form of reprimanding or discipline, she storms up into her room n doesn't be seen again for almost days. If I'm busy or jus coming in my grandmother or aunt will send me right back out to the store despite how much traffic I've been in. If i reject to do it at all or immediately, I'm uncaring n I'm selfish. Sometimes I would get off of work pass the time that is required of us and drive through 40 minutes to an hour of traffic n she would still send me out. I was told by my mom if I did not do it then it falls on her to do it. Instead of waking my cousin up to go who was not working at the time she would rather complain to me that my actions resulted in her HAVING to do it. She didn't have to do anything. My mom knows this as well but is pre programmed into doing things for my grandmother or aunt wen most of the stuff or alternative foods she want is already there. My grandmother jus likes knowing that she has a sense of control over the rest of us. It angers me how she screams n breakdown my grandfather all because of their past as a couple but cant look pass all that n see the man that she has the privilege of marrying. He was never abusive. He jus has a way of saying things. But you can love him all the same and he's very humble but like us he gets annoyed every now n then. N she demands so much without any sympathy for him. I've watched this man lose siblings and nieces and nephews and still come back the same loving man that I knew. He has his ways but i love him still. But she does little to support him even wen he is actually older than her. I worry that he would fall asleep in death so soon because of her antics.

Another difficulty to being raised in a black household is that they judge every friend n person that walks in the room. My mom talks it over with me in private wat she thinks of each one at least. My grandmother, will call them fat poor n every name out the book in complete disregard of me who is standing there. Many times I wish she would jus shut up n go to sleep after her dialysis treatments. There's a time n a place for everything but my grandmother's phony attitude prevents her from holding her tongue n she makes sure that she says it all in front of my face for whatever reason. I appreciate wen ppl offer their honest opinion of someone but not the way she does it.

Ppl don't understand that it's jus hard being raised in a black family man. I know the idea is to raise us to be stronger against the world but sometimes I wonder wats colder: the world or this house sometimes? I'm glad with not being raised too softly but sometimes I jus wish black families were not so hard on their children. Its bad enough with being pressured to take on an unfair world that doesn't give black ppl the edge to catch up. But too much height from the nest makes it hard to fly wen you're first starting off.

#blackfamilies #black households #black children #black childhood #itain'teasy #singer #musician #family #support #therapy #thestruggle

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