#it's too much noise for my brain
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girls who go 🧍
#(+ obligatory Fern Pout. i think it's the grumbly noise she makes that really sells it but i still had to draw it)#been thinking about this with melody for a while#& was inspired to throw fern in the mix when i saw her standing there like a telephone pole during her third exam#hunter x hunter#hxh#melody hxh#senritsu#sousou no frieren#fern frieren#(middle right is a manga panel redraw btw)#as much as i love dressing up melody in cute outfits & poses one thing i really love about her in canon is how a lot of the time#she's just kinda standing there in her signature potato sack dress#she wears dresses/feminine clothing but isn't really the “girly” type like bisky or palm#nor a Kickass Fight Girl™ but is still competent enough to participate in the plot#she values things like emotions music healing and protecting people without being “soft uwu Team Heart girl”#and not a mom/sister figure even with kacho or neon where she's in the position of protecting a younger girl#i know this word doesn't really mean anything but to my brain she's just *normal*#a depiction of femininity that i vibe with more than many others i guess#to some extent i feel that with fern too even if she's a bit more. well.#let's just say i spent two minutes in the fern tag and the amount of anime tiddies in there does not surprise me in the least
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so! working on that fallout 4 Long Time Coming rewrite fancomic i mentioned the other day and I'm wondering how I should post the pages when I'm done. I've got the script p much done and half the thumbnails are ready to go (looks like it's gonna be about 25ish pages long whoooops)
#fallout 4#nick valentine#fallout#teapot noises#poll#its been years since ive played fallout and idc abt the game that much anymore BUT THAT MISSION'S WRITING HAUNTS ME STILL#i've had a grudge against it for far too long and i want to be rid of it#i NEED to get this comic OUT OF MY BRAIN AND ONTO THE PAGE#anyway lets see! if external accountability works!#not putting posting the whole thing as an option bc that tends to not look all that good online#the preview is half of a page lol
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Hello hi 🫂
#i didnt wanna squeeze a thing out of my own brain for once so i did a redraw#of that official art that makes me mental everytime i look at it#digital art#clip studio paint#csp#yuyu hakusho#yu yu hakusho#yyh#shuichi minamino#kurama#yyh kurama#kurahi#youko kurama#hiei jaganshi#hiei#yyh hiei#it was fun to color and lowkey a nightmare to produce#anyway i hope you like it or smth#i kinds love the noise effect under my drawings???? its just a bit otherwise it alters the colors too much for my taste
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gotham is such a great show when you have an adhd like there's so many story arcs and characters and your mind can jump from one to another at the speed of light. delightful
#gotham is so chaotic and my brain makes happy noises and also i guess i won't be able to watch other shows after it bc#gotham is really brilliantly chaotic and i think my brain wouldn't be as much pleased with other shows#gotham#gotham fox#yes this show may be stupid but my brain is stupid too so#perfect match for real
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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out of curiosity, why is the alone at night rule there? is the place that they’re staying not secure, or is it more of an emotional support time deal?
Safety in numbers, and you're less likely to let imagination run wild when you have a solid support next to you
#Basically two options:#1: If there was something sinister and spooky going on you'll want a buddy#No one wants to be alone in a cold dark room thinking there might be something lurking#2: they're just still getting over the Total Brain Rewiring 2 Electric Boogaloo and it's best to have someone keeping an eye out#Much easier to spiral into a bad place when alone and unsure what's real#In both cases: it's pretty vital they take care of their mental state lest someone relapse into murder mode#So sleep buddies it is. You can still hide away in the daytime or put up like a divider#Just don't wander too far when you think you heard a suspicious noise coming from somewhere conveniently secluded#Well that's just my thoughts lol. Projecting my sleepy problems#Not an art
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Started feeling insecure about my writing and them remembered that Laios would be happy that im indulging in my hobbies, thanks Laios I needed that
#i have too much that i wanna write#swap au is tickling at my brain#mostly bc its an excuse to rewatxg dungeon meshi for the 80th time while thinking of what falin would do in laios' place#and bc i wanna write chilchuck longing#also bed time is rapidly appraochibg#so i gotta eat and sleep#sad noises
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me when i have to figure out how to structure a fic
#i am . Suffering#i’m so bad at it T_T#i have all these ideas for scenes but … what order should i go …………..#i think starting at the end and then gradually working my way there through flashbacks#is a pretty neat idea#…… but that also makes things more complicated#i wanna write the mer!sugu fic but unless i know the order of events it’ll be tough :’3#AND LIKE . where should i end the fic… with what event……..#and how much time would it realistically take for merguru to warm up 2 you… at what point does he start the courting process#should i end the fic with a confession scene…. a kiss…??? a revelation about their shared past???#T_T#there’s just 2 much to figure out and that makes my brain hurt#tying the scenes together is tough…#i want to show his bratty side .. his spoiled prince side … his caring side…. his monstrous side…….#… but i also don’t want the fic to feel too. fractured? you know ……..#…. maybe i’m overthinking it…..#ari noises ✩
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I've been loosening up my shoulder more and at one point i loosened something in my neck and pulled that back into place and. im starting to realize that whatever i did i can see, think, smell, and hear more clearly now. very bizarre.
#how much more of my disability circles back to triggerpoints noises#anyways i can feel the bristles of my mustache on my lips. could not feel it before#i can see the individual scales on my 2 inch fishies#brain isn't chasing its own goddamn tail lmao#oh and ofc i can smell the nasty bongwater smell so i fucking deep cleaned that thing#taste is a bit different too#haha wjat if. the losing the taste of covid was judt. triggerpoint s
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Authentic Story of the Shining Force - Saint Fencer Max - Chapter 4
Translation notes:
This is the last boob joke. We're free at last.
Here's the retranslation of every scene with the Spring of Recollection in the game. Overall, her speech here is fairly close to what she says in Waral in-game, with a few details from her final appearance sprinkled in, like her care for Cain. It does misses a few nuances though, like the Legacy being more than just Dark Dragon.
I don't think I've ever seen art of the Spring, but notably, she gets a portrait in the GBA version, and it looks a lot like the manga design, with the slightly wavy hair and especially the blank eyes.
Obviously, the manga rushes through the plot since it's short, thus a lot of places are skipped. I didn't even feel like pointing them out before. However I will point out Waral not being here this time, because Waral happens to not be in the beta map either, and it has very contradicting lore between the ASCII guide and the World Book, meaning it might have not been well developed. Besides, Chapter 5 is very weirdly structured. You get two ship battles that are basically the same, you get to Waral by accident, you advance the plot by going to Ring Reef for no reason and everyone telling you it's off-limits while letting you waltz in anyway, and hardly anything happens in the shrine besides you hearing about the Manual, which is not even a big deal because you get to Rudo by accident later (two ship accidents!! why repeat this plot point!!) and would go to Dragonia anyway to help Bleu. Basically, I obviously can't prove it, but it wouldn't surprise me if the ocean shrine was initially thought off as only a plot scene, and the battles/town added much later for gameplay reasons.
Perhaps worth mentioning, the GBA version also makes a point to mention that Max got lost in the shrine alone, and everyone was worried about him, which does remind me a lot of the ship scene here.
uh oh. i hit image limit for the first time and i don't wanna remove either of these pics. more notes on a reblog later.
#shining series#shining force#saint fencer max#saint fencer max translation#sfm max#sf cain#so. gamers. fans. friends and followers. are we good? are we normal? are we normal about the last pages? i'm not#unfortunately my typesetting does not do it justice but at least i put up a fight#those unending creaking noises mess me up so good#it's just. so good. all of this#why did the gba version wasted time with boring villain epilogues#when it could be giving me the Good Stuff (angst of a long haired anime man)#also is his hair dyed? the eyebrows kinda imply that. i'm not sure i like that but i'm not sure i dislike that either#his hair is so good tho#anyway i could talk about him forever and i will but i gotta talk about the spring too#i really like the sword of light being here. it works aesthetically at least. the mishaela plot is very dumb#i had a whole thing about the sword of light typed but i took it out for later cause it doesn't have much to do with the manga#will probably come though! the three max cain plots are the same basically but there have some difference in the details#that has mashed together in my brain#so i wanna pick that apart at some point#anyway back to the mango. i dearly miss the nuance about the legacy even though it took me a while to notice it in the game#between this and the pseudo-magic introduction the manga does suck a bit at portraying the ancients#but i like how despite the weird pacing of the manga this part kinda flows better#with the spring's revelations all here in the middle#instead of popping in manarina like 'yeah boy you're hero of fate wait three chapter until we elaborate on that though'#naturally the game has good battle content to keep you happy through it#but the manarina scene feels kinda useless to me#anyway i probably had more to say about this while translating but i'm very sleepy#i will never shut up about this chapter though. mark my words
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reminder that not struggling with eye contact, or even having too much of it, doesn't mean you're not autistic. a lot of autistic people complain about not having a good time making eye contact, but struggling with making it isn't in the diagnostic criteria, nor is it required to have a diagnosis
some autistic people might be just fine making eye contact
some might even swing in the other extreme and make too much eye contact that makes NTs uncomfortable. the diagnostic criteria just underlines "abnormalities" in eye contact
again, though, those abnormalities aren't required, because autism is a spectrum and not a straight line
#i myself struggle with making too much of it#while i'm talking i can't do it#but while they're talking i often s t a r e#and i can tell they get uncomfortable#sometimes i end up focusing so hard on their eyes that the edges of my vision blur and get foggy#and sometimes i have to focus hard on their eyes/face to figure out what they're saying#because brain no filter out background noise!!#autism#autistic#actually autistic#eye contact#actually autism#the tism#tism posting
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i have the squirrellies
which means i cant sit still or do anything that requires focus
#goblincore#unintelligible goblin noises#cryptidcore#lol#squirrellies#the brain not braining#i have too much energy#maybe its anxiety#bc i have 3 tests coming up#👀#anndd my computer is basically dead#i'm using so many excuses to not get anything done#help#give me your focus energy
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important to understand that my approach to oc design and characterization depends explicitly on how i'm playing that specific game, like. a thing you should know about ilya is that he is the kind of person who will dive into the middle of a large pull ahead of the tank and pop all of his mitigation while screaming because i get distracted and do that. constantly.
... it's the siren's call of the big aoe damage noises, ok.
#mostly im thinking about these things because they're the easy things to think about#i am. very. very. bad. at like deeplore dives lmao#so bad!!!!!!! i'm here for the emotional complexity do Not ask me where this man lives i don't know#... i do know.#once it starts branching out into history and family lore and godforbid fucking cultural lore i am just#so dumb. i'm so dumb i was not designed for worldbuilding even if it's just the world of one weird little guy#v invested in other people's sandboxes because mine is very small and it's also just full of rocks.#anyway.#my partner: BABY MOOOOOOOOODE#me: it's okay my heal is up it'll be FINE#also increasingly play casters like melee dps so everybody gets to suffer that as well#ilya standing directly under a very large guy in his stupid leylines like MANAWARD'S UP IT'S FINE#.... i dont play blm as much now honestly because to contribute i have to be less stupid. and that's not fun.#i really. REALLY enjoy the big melee dps damage noises#they're across the board better than caster noises. so disappointing because in my heart i am On Fire#sam+pal noises are the best noises in the game#SPINNING#i'm thinking too hard about backstories and it's not going well lmao#grabbing this creature by the shoulders and shaking him violently like WHO ARE YOOOOOOOU#concussed probably his brain is just sloshing around in there#babg mode blogging#this is also why he's canonically A Guy Who Touches Things He Shouldn't#because i'm that guy.#i'm the guy who touches things.#this explains sehren also like she would not be who she is if i didnt play dragona age with wild hubris and abandon#.... it wasnt fun unless i was wildly underleveled in places i didnt belong ok#every if mc ive gotten invested in also
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When still living in the same city as her there is always a chance that you will run into a person you Do Not want to see, and even if you recognize her but you are not sure she saw you and you only walked by her it can Still absolutely Tank your mood for the rest of the day.
#monster noises#and I was so proud of myself too!#i did pride today and I was up on the float doing crowdwork!!#a few years ago i would have absolutely locked up and had a bit of a breakdown and had to get down or run away or something#but I did it and I did a good job!#but then I saw her at a bus stop i was unavoidably going to be walking past and my brain was Immediately like#-One Thousand Screams Alarm-#and I walked past quickly and she was talking to someone else and my hairs much longer than when she last saw me and so's my beard#and i had a hat and sunglasses on so she probably didn't even See me amd it wouldn't have mattered if she Did#cause she also probably doesn't want to chat idly with me#it still freaked me out real bad#and now my brains just been spiralling all around that junk all afternoon#when i should have been working on my Comic#and ACK#i wanted to have this done this weekend but that's kinda on me for forgetting Pride was happening this weekend as well vjcjkdc#but i digress#really didn't need to see her at the time i'm at in my life right now specifically#but it was both pride and a convention for a thing she's really into this weekend so the percent chance we'd be in the same area went Way u#it was bound to happen#just#Ugh
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valentibners thoyghts yesterday: i love my girlfrebd and i wish i wasn't so sleepy all the time
#hooly noises#i fell asleep in call before it even if it was 4am for her and like 3pm for me#i wiiissshhhhh i had much energy to do things for ppl i love. i would like to draw ppl things and id like to hang out#i feeeeellllll a little bit selfish all the time. i feeeeeeelllll like i rarely use what energy i have for anything other than myswlf#which you knowwwww isn't the worst thing in the world. but i feel like im always distancing myself socialllyy#because i don't respond to messages or i don't give people time or i don't let people know#---#i think when my brain found out im not technically obligated to do anything socially ever it took it too far#prioritize feeling good and going to sleep. nothing else#little bit assholish. im a little bit shittty#but i hope it's clear i still love?#sorry! im still learning. don't look at me for too long#zzz
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i love like. wayyyyy at the end of the day sitting down and something happens and it just Clicks why everything was not great all day
#turns out! overstimulated#turned my ac on just now and oh my god. loud. noise. too much#the work vans are a stimulation nightmare it's a miracle i don't come home everyday and have to#noise cancelation headphones + lay face down on the floor + stare at the wall and unfocus my brain#however i did get to meet a few friendly doggos today including an ADORABLE young blue merle great dane#and one of my last stops had: 5 reaaaally baby black kittens + 3 older kittens (1 black 1 tabby 1 siamese)#almost stole one of them but 2 cats is enough for me and the size of my apartment#also i sped like a maniac bc there were too many gd stops on my route today and i think i am slowly coming to the realization that#something could have gone really poorly today#as it was a semi almost ran me off a gravel road. didn't slow down didn't move over. was less than fun#anyway. all that to say god knows if im gonna be productive tonight i haven't even played video games yet bc it feels too.. busy
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