#it's the only one tbh and atm it's under 1000 words lol

[thetomorrowshow]

sent to help

esh au masterlist (i'll update it soon i swear)

IT'S NORMAN TIME BABEYYYYYY! this part is set 6-8 months after 'poisoned rats'.

cw: references to past abuse

~

“Maybe you should get a cat.”

The suggestion comes from his therapist Nora one day, after an emotional session of beginning to unpack why Jimmy won’t let anyone touch his hair. He’d been running his hand on one of those pillows with the reversible sequins during the conversation, and he can imagine that petting a cat would be more comforting.

There’s Elle, of course. But Elle doesn’t really care much for being pet, and prefers being alone to Jimmy’s company, so that won’t work. He thinks about a service dog for a while (they certainly have the money for one and Jimmy has diagnoses that would make him eligible), but Scott’s allergic to dogs and it’s just not worth it.

He’d had a dog as a child. He doesn’t remember her very well.

The more he thinks about it, the more he wants a cat. A young cat, maybe, a little baby of a cat for him to raise and train himself.

He’s scared, though. He’s very scared.

“I’m scared,” he admits to Scott one evening, on their way home from the animal shelter (Scott had leapt on the idea of another cat, had enthusiastically looked up shelters and volunteered to go with Jimmy to check things out).

Scott doesn’t answer immediately, checking his mirrors and over his shoulder as he merges into a busy lane. “Of what, love?”

Jimmy sighs, slumps in his seat. “Of. . . .” he breaks off, a little ashamed of his thoughts. “Never mind.”

“Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“Because you’ll think I’m stupid,” he mutters.

Scott tsks. “I promise I won’t.”

Scott hasn’t made a joke about something important to Jimmy in a long time. He probably won’t about this.

“I’m afraid,” he says slowly, “that I will mistreat a cat.”

Scott doesn’t laugh, but there’s humor in his voice when he replies, “Jimmy, I don’t think you would ever mistreat any living thing on purpose.”

That’s the problem, though, because Jimmy has mistreated living things. Jimmy’s killed people, he’s hurt people, he’s done it accidentally and on purpose.

And more importantly. . . .

“I was a pet,” he says quietly, so quietly that he thinks Scott won’t hear him. He knows he does hear by the way his spine stiffens, by the way his fingers tighten on the steering wheel. He continues, louder now. “I was a pet, and I was mistreated. And—it’s all I know, I guess. I’m afraid that if I get a cat, it’ll be like . . . like generational trauma. I’ll abuse it because I was abused, and I don’t know any better.”

“Oh, Jimmy. . . .”

“They beat me, and whipped me, and kept me chained to a table leg and put me in a cage when I was bad, and so much more, and I accepted that it all happened because I was a pet. Because that’s how pets are treated. And I don’t—I don’t wanna hurt an innocent little cat because my head’s so screwed up about this.”

Scott is silent. Jimmy hazards a look up, sees how stormy his face is. He looks back down to his lap, anxiety leaping into his throat.

After a few moments, Scott speaks, voice tense. “You know you aren’t a pet, right?”

“Yeah! Yes. I . . . I understand. I know that. But. . . .” He shrugs. “Conditioning, y’know?”

They’re almost home. Scott turns onto their street, pulls into their drive. Once the car is in park, Scott unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to Jimmy, taking his hands in his own.

“Jimmy, I have never once seen you mistreat Elle,” he says seriously. “I understand why you are concerned, and I’m proud of you for sharing with me. But I don’t think that you will, in any way, shape, or form, hurt a cat. I have full confidence that you will treat a cat with the utmost respect and care.”

“But what if—”

“And if you happened to do so, I would tell you immediately,” Scott finishes, “and together we would work something out about it. Would that be good?”

That settles his racing heart a little bit. Jimmy leans down, kisses Scott’s knuckle. Knowing that there’s someone keeping him accountable means all the world to him. “Yeah. That would—that would be great, actually. And,” he laughs a little sheepishly, “I’ll bring this up in therapy next week. Think I need to process this.”

Scott smiles softly, reaches up his hand but pauses. “Am I okay to touch your face?”

Jimmy shrugs. “Go for it.”

Scott rubs his thumb along Jimmy’s jawline, cradles his chin in his palm. It takes a moment, but Jimmy realizes that it’s uncomfortable. It’s not a safe touch today, so he does what his therapist has been having him rehearse and he pulls away, muttering, “Yellow.”

Scott’s hand drops back to Jimmy’s hands, gives them a quick squeeze. “Kisses okay?”

Jimmy nods, weird feelings dissipating. “Please!”

Scott giggles and leans over, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Jimmy feels his cheeks heat, shakes his head back and forth rapidly once Scott pulls away. “Love you,” he says, the last knots of worry loosening in his chest.

Scott sighs contentedly. “I love you so much.”

-

Jimmy sees the way Scott’s eyes sparkle when he looks at him. He hears Scott mutter under his breath, “You’re so adorable,” when he thinks Jimmy won’t notice. Jimmy doesn’t press it, though, because he’s absolutely besotted with Norman.

Norman is his new kitten. He’s five months old and his fur is so fluffy and his eyes are so big and blue and he loves being held and cuddled and he’s lovely, he’s a lovely baby.

There are words that Jimmy avoids saying, words that he knows Scott notices. He doesn’t call Norman a good boy, he doesn’t use the word perfect, he doesn’t call him pet or obedient. He calls him Norman, and only Norman, and sometimes Big Man Norman when he’s an especially brave little kitten.

Norman isn’t just a little guy who lives with him, though. More than once, Jimmy is in the throes of a flashback and Norman hops up into his lap, purrs and nuzzles up against him, and Jimmy is brought back to reality. He goes from shaking at Xornoth’s feet to having a cuddly kitten licking his arm and meowing up at him, his own living room coming into view around him. It gets to the point that Scott drops everything to find Norman when Jimmy gets triggered, the cat rousing him quicker than any of their other tactics.

He tells his therapist of the improvement, and she’s happy for him, reminds him that this is a victory and he should celebrate. He does; he calls Lizzie and invites her over to meet his new kitten, throws a little party with him and Scott and Lizzie and Joel (he and Lizzie are a package deal) and the two cats of the house, which ends with Lizzie trying to put a party hat on Norman and Joel trying to sauvely suggest to Lizzie that they go to his house down the block and spend the night there rather than drive the whole twenty minutes to her apartment.

It feels so normal.

“You’re a keeper,” Scott declares, holding Norman up in the air and nuzzling their noses together. “Part of the family, now. We’ll get you a tag to match Elle’s and a little backpack for you so we can take you on walks. Won’t that be cute?”

That’s when it really sinks in, though. It finally hits Jimmy that Scott is treating Jimmy’s cat as a permanent fixture of the household. Scott considers Norman (and Jimmy, by extension) necessary to complete the family.

He’d known before. But he hadn’t really accepted it, maybe. And now it’s here, right in front of him, and Scott doesn’t even know that Jimmy’s four seconds away from bursting into tears because he’s home.

It can stay that way, though. There are some feelings that are just for him to process. For now, Jimmy watches as his boyfriend (his home) welcomes someone new into his life.

[shortqueershakespeare]

ALL QUESTIONS!! ALLLLL (except the one you said you were uncomfy answering ofc)

welcome to my daily essay procrastination (dw it is getting done I've just written like 1000 words and I need a break from literature type writing lol) 

1: Full name - Patch is my nickname for tumblr purposes! not sharing the rest (like I said) 

2: Age - 21 

3: 3 Fears - Abandonment, clowns, sleep paralysis 

4: 3 things I love - Theatre, languages, my puppy 

5: 4 turns on - Being dominated, lip biting, gentle physical contact, increasing physical contact 

6: 4 turns off - I genuinely don't know rn can u tell its been a while since I got laid lol, so I guess, being a dick, using certain terms for body parts, 

7: My best friend - Char is prob my best friend!! we currently communicate exclusively through animal crossing post lol 

8: Sexual orientation - Right this is somewhat challenging still but I'm gonna go gay 

9: My best first date - Would you believe I've only really been on two? I can't remember the first one v well but I'd be inclined to say that because all that first love shit was great 

10: How tall am I - 5' 3" i think?? 

11: What do I miss - uni 

12: What time were I born - I actually don't know exactly but it was definitely the afternoon 

13: Favourite color - Baby blue 

14: Do I have a crush - Yup 

15: Favourite quote - "The universe is seeming really huge right now. I need something to hold on to." 

16: Favourite place - I've got a few, a corner in the orchard at Hom, the nook under my window in my room, the bench up on the hill where I walk the dog 

17: Favourite food - Stir fry 

18: Do I use sarcasm - I think I was fluent in sarcasm before I was in English tbh 

19: What am I listening to right now - Right technically I cheated bc I just skipped a couple songs, but Bad Habit by Ben Platt and the puppy's snores 

20: First thing I notice in new person - Smile or voice 

21: Shoe size - 4 i think 

 22: Eye color - blue 

23: Hair color - a literal rainbow 

24: Favourite style of clothing - uhhh does generally gay count?? 

25: Ever done a prank call? - nope 

27: Meaning behind my URL - one of my friends once called me the shakespeare of nicknames as my other friend called me such a slytherin so i mashed them up (now changed bc fuck jkr)

28: Favourite movie - Moana atm, non animated either Let It Snow or Pitch Perfect 

29: Favourite song - Obv this changes a lot but the last few days, Wonderland by Taylor Swift 

30: Favourite band - Stornoway 

31: How I feel right now - Too damn warm and a lil sleepy 

32: Someone I love - my sister 

33: My current relationship status - furiously single 

34: My relationship with my parents - good 

35: Favourite holiday - when my friend and i went to austria at the end of year 13 

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - zero 

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - I want a few transition tattoos, a dodie lyric, something in russian, something watercolour 

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - Originally because it was 2013 and my friends and I were v much the typical tumblr demographic, this one to vent feelings about some shitty situations 

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - Pretty sure they both hate me, I don't hate them, but I hate how things worked out 

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - Sometimes yeah 

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - Nope 

42: When did I last hold hands? - Probably when I last went clubbing? 

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depends, I have to put T on, once i'm actually out of bed probably 15 minutes 

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - nope 

45: Where am I right now? - on my sofa in my kitchen 

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - depends where i am, home city it'd be katherine, clubbing in cam, jules probably or char, drinking just in cam, umme or porters 

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - reasonable 

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - usually mostly with mum, currently exclusively with dad because quarantine 

49: Am I excited for anything? - getting this damn essay done and sleeping 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - yep 

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - not that often i don't think, but i am very good at hiding my emotions if i decide to 

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - like 6 hours ago? 

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - not at all unexpected tbh 

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - not at the moment, i think i've managed to stop trusting the person who would've fit this category 

55: What is something I disliked about today? - my sister got super stressed and cried and i just wanted to make everything okay 

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - ben platt 

57: What do I think about most? - rn animal crossing or work 

58: What’s my strangest talent? - i don't think i have one 

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - nope 

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - both, i love taking photos and i love having photos of me at important times 

61: What was the last lie I told? - god probably something dumb like no i absolutely did not just steal your cup of tea 

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? video chatting 

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - no, yes 

64: Do I believe in magic? - no 

65: Do I believe in luck? - yes 

66: What’s the weather like right now? - decent I think?? it's like 2 am so idk 

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - What Is to Be Done? by Chernyshevsky 

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Fuck no 

69: Do I have any nicknames? - Bob, Bobbin, Robs, Rob, Stink, Little'un 

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - that would probably be me getting a fish hook stuck in my thumb lollll 

71: Do I spend money or save it? - both 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - the fact that this said a tongue and not my tongue is... unsettling.. but yes 

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes 

74: Favourite animal? - elephant 

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - writing the essay lol 

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - morningstar i watch too much lucifer lol 

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - rain by ben platt 

78: How can you win my heart? - hug me when i'm sad, send me things that make you think of me 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - he was there for me 

80: What is my favorite word? - mousse 

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - okay so i have five blogs and am so tempted to just list those but sewing-and-showtunes, aeternumregina, oneoveroneisone, ballym, xx-thedarklord-xx 

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - STAY THE FUCK INDOORS 

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - shapeshifting 

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - do i like myself 

86: What is my current desktop picture? - hamilton and laurens lol 8

7: Had sex? - yes

88: Bought condoms? - yes 

89: Gotten pregnant? - no 

90: Failed a class? - yes 

91: Kissed a boy? - yes 

92: Kissed a girl? - yes 

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - yes 

94: Had job? - yes 

95: Left the house without my wallet? - yes 

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - no 

97: Had sex in public? - yes 

98: Played on a sports team? - yes 

99: Smoked weed? - yes 

100: Did drugs? - no 

101: Smoked cigarettes? - yes 

102: Drank alcohol? - yes 

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - no 

104: Been overweight? - no 

105: Been underweight? - no 

 106: Been to a wedding? - no 

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - yes 

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - yes 

109: Been outside my home country? - yes 

110: Gotten my heart broken? - yes 

111: Been to a professional sports game? - no 

112: Broken a bone? - no 

113: Cut myself? - yes 

114: Been to prom? - no 

115: Been in airplane? - yes 

116: Fly by helicopter? - no 

117: What concerts have I been to? - dodie, stornoway, show of hands 

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - yes 

119: Learned another language? - yes 

120: Wore make up? - yes 

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - yes 

122: Had oral sex? - yes 

123: Dyed my hair? - yes 

124: Voted in a presidential election? - i'm british 

125: Rode in an ambulance? - yes 

126: Had a surgery? - not unless my fish hook extraction counts 

127: Met someone famous? - yes 

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - yes 

129: Peed outside? - yes 

130: Been fishing? - FISH HOOK YES I HAVE I NEVER WILL AGAIN 

131: Helped with charity? - yes 

132: Been rejected by a crush? - yes 

133: Broken a mirror? - no 

134: What do I want for birthday? - a boyfriend lol, or tbh for quarantine to be over 

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? - oh lord who knows, i like the name scottie and archie for girls 

136: Was I named after anyone? - my middle name is after my gran 

137: Do I like my handwriting? - ehhhh 

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? - my teddy bear 

139: Favourite Tv Show? - Crazy Ex Girlfriend 

140: Where do I want to live when older? - Berlin, Cambridge or London 

141: Play any musical instrument? - used to play the violin v poorly 

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? - fish hook or pets 

143: Favourite pizza topping? - pepperoni 

144: Am I afraid of the dark? - no 

145: Am I afraid of heights? - sort of 

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - don't think so 

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? - yes 

148: What I’m really bad at - currently? being motivated 

149: What my greatest achievements are - getting into my uni, finally finding an antidepressant that works, coming out 

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - oh yikes it's way too late at night to open that can of worms 

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery - pay for my damn top surgery 

152: What do I like about myself - I'm empathetic 

153: My closest Tumblr friend - @oneoveroneisone 

154: Something I fantasise about - going to pride abroad 

155: Any question you’d like? - I'm gonna pass this to the anons, ask me questions?