#it's technically 5am the next day rn but it's not the next day until ive gone to sleep am i right

[theokusgallery]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ❤ i hope im not too late

THANK YOU !! :D

[kerm-the-fro]

oopsies its vent time

mainly abt insomnia and a little bit of dysphoria, feel free to scroll past tbh

i think my family heavily underestimates how bad my insomnia is, like they think i get to bed at what? 12? midnight?? idk, but i have trouble getting to sleep before 5-6am, im surprised it doesnt show how sleep deprived i am tbh

but like i think also some of my friends dont see it as bad as it is sometimes, like if im up at 5am and one of my friends is pulling an all nighter its like “oh you staying up too? lol me too im not sleeping tonight” and im like “aahaha yeah yeah, all nighter am i right hahaaaa” 

i dont look at myself much, and when i do i dont look at my faces, but i stg there has to be mega bags under them

god i just want some concealer or smth, like some eyeshadow and concealer to cover up the darkness under my eyes(and possibly for cosplay idk)

my sister and i are texting rn cause shes upset and needed someone to just kinda talk to and shes like “put down the phone”, i tell her thats not whats causing it and its just really bad insomnia and shes like “your bodys used to whatever sleep schedule youve had” but like aaaa ive never had a sleep schedule???? ive never once had one i dont think and idk why it just gets this bad but it does

my ‘sleep schedule’ is like falling asleep at somewhere between 6am-8am and sleeping until noon-1pm, whats that?? likeee a max of 7 hours of sleep??? maybe???? idk im terrible with math, but honestly it doesnt matter how many hours i get in cause like if i get a lot im bound to get so little the next night, and if i get a little sadly it doesnt make me get a lot the next night i just get a little bit more

my brother recently said smth that really kinda stuck out to me today and it was on the topic of insomnia and depression(which I brought up but nobody questioned), it was him saying that hes decided societys day-night cycle is dumb and if he wants to have breakfast at midnight and clean at 1am as his girlfriend is going to sleep then hes gonna do it, i said “i wish i could do that” and guess who was instantly berated by their mom!!!! surprise. its me. 

also fuck. my dysphoria is getting worse with each on-off cycle, sometimes ill be completely okay with my body but my next on cycle ill want to actually cut my fucking chest off with a pocket knife, i asked my brother for a binder a little while ago and idk if he ordered one so i might just cave in and ask my mom

aLso also fuck just realized i have piano tomorrow(technically today) and i havent practiced my new song i was supposed to pratice this week and ill have to sightread and learn at least the whole first page maybe an hour before lessons

god now i wanna play der flohwalzer, its such a nice song and idk if its easy to learn but ik how it goes and i sightread a little and ik it goes (running)e d (walk) a b+g b+g (running)e d (walk) a b+g b+g (running)e d (walk) a b+g f b+g d c+f c+f 

that last part probably makes no sense to anyone but in my head it does