#it's still translated so badly in English but it's all worth it for the sex scenes

[love-fucking-sucks]

GAP THE NOVEL IS INSANE

The pdf is not letting me screenshot but GAP the novel........ Rly said this and I needed to take a 5 minute break. The "eat me" is from the next page. I-- #topmon exists in every universe

[janecrockeyre]

scum villain is a greek tragedy disguised as a regular tragedy disguised as a comedy disguised as a danmei

this is going to be long, and this is only PART ONE.

a.k.a, Analysing the plot of Scum Villain’s Self Saving System through Aristotle’s Poetics, because I Have Mental Issues

Part One: Introduction and the Tragic Hero

Scum Villain’s Self Saving System is a tragedy disguised as a comedy, unless you’re Shen Yuan, in which case it’s a mixture of a romance and a survival horror. It's a fever dream. It's a horrible, terrible book that made me feel new undiscovered emotions when I finished reading it. 

The thing is... SVSSS shares characteristics with some of the most famous tragedies in the West, such as Oedipus Rex, Medea, Antigone, the Oresteia... if you haven’t read these, I’ll explain everything. But the gist of my argument is this: SVSSS is the perfect tragedy. In triplicate. 

Tragedy as a genre is old as balls and so it has meant slightly different things to different people over the last few thousand years. I'll be focusing on ancient Greek tragedy, which was performed at the yearly Festival of Dionysus in Athens during the 500-350s BC (give or take a hundred years). Aristotle, when writing about this very specific subset of tragedy, had no idea that one day Scum Villain would be written, and then that I would be using his work as a way to look at Shen Qingqiu’s Funky Transmigration Mistake. Anyway!

Greek tragedy greatly influenced European dramatic tradition. I have a lot of opinions about white academics idolising and upholding the classics as the "paragon of culture" but I'll withhold them for now. I have no idea if MXTX has read Greek tragedy or not, so don't take this as me saying they are writing it. 

In my opinion, tragedy is a universal human constant. We are surrounded by pain and hurt and none of it makes any sense, so we seek to process that pain through drama, art, literature, etc. We want to understand why pain happens, and how it happens, and try to make sense of the senseless. The universe is cold and cruel and random. Tragedy eases some of that pain. 

On that note: Just because I am analysing Scum Villain through a Greek lens doesn't mean that it was written that way. I'm pasting an interpretation onto the book when there's probably a very rich and deep history of Chinese tragedy that I just don't know about. If you ever want to talk about that, please, god, hit me up, I would love to learn about it!! 

Anyway, tragedy. MXTX is excellent at it! Mo Dao Zu Shi? Painful dynastic family tragedy. Heaven Official's Blessing? Mostly romance, but she managed to get that pure pain in there, huh? 

But in my opinion, Scum Villain holds the crown for the most tragic of her stories. MDZS was more of a mystery. TGCF was more of a romance. Neither of them shy away from their tragic elements. 

Scum Villain would fit right in between the work of Sophocles, Euripides and Aeschylus. How? Let me show you. Join me on my mystery tour into the world of "Aristotle Analyses Danmei..."

Part One: The Tragic Hero

What is a tragic hero? Generally, Greek tragic heroes are united by the same key characteristics. He must be imperfect, having a "fatal flaw" of some kind. He must have something to lose. And he must go from fortune to misfortune thanks to that fatal flaw. 

There are two (technically three) tragic protagonists in SVSSS and all of them are tragic in different but formulaic ways. Each protagonist has their own version of “hamartia” or a “fatal flaw”. 

Actually, hamartia isn’t necessarily a flaw - rather, it is a thing which makes the audience pity and fear for them, a careful imperfection, a point of weakness in the character’s morality or reasoning that allows for bad things to happen to them. For example, in Oedipus Rex, the king Oedipus has a “fatal flaw” of always wanting to find the truth, but this isn’t exactly a flaw, right? Note: this flaw can be completely unwitting, as we see with Shen Yuan. It can also be something that the protagonist is born with, some kind of trait from birth or very young. 

Shen Yuan

Shen Yuan’s “hamartia” is his rigid adherence to fate and his inability to read a situation as anything but how he thinks it ought to be. He believes that Bingmei will grow into Bingge, and it takes several years, two deaths, and some truly traumatising sex to convince him otherwise. 

Shen Jiu

Shen Jiu’s fatal flaw is his cruelty. It is his own sadistic treatment and abuse of Binghe which directly leads to his eventual dismemberment. This is kind of a no-brainer. Of course, it isn't all that simple, and as an audience we pity him for his cruelty as much as we fear it because we know it comes from his own abuse as a child. This just makes him even more tragic. Delicious. 

Luo Binghe

Luo Binghe’s fatal flaw is a complicated mix of things. It is his position as the “protagonist” which compels him to act in certain ways and be forced to suffer. It is his half-demonic heritage, something entirely out of his control, which sets in motion his tragic reversal of fortune when he gets yeeted into the Abyss. He also, much like Shen Yuan, has the propensity to jump to conclusions and somehow make 2 + 2 = 5. 

As well as having their respective “flaws”, all three protagonists match the rough outline of a good tragic hero in another way: they are in a position of great wealth and power. Even when you split the different characters into different “versions”, this still holds true. Yes, Luo Binghe is raised a commoner by a washerwoman foster mother, but his dad is an emperor and he also ends up becoming an emperor himself. 

Yes, Shen Jiu is an ex-slave and a victim of abuse himself, but Shen Qingqiu is a powerful peak lord with an entire mountain’s worth of resources at his back. 

Shen Yuan is a second generation new money rich kid. 

Bingge is a stereotypical protagonist with a golden finger. Bingmei is a treasured and loved disciple with a good reputation and a privileged seat by his shizun’s side. 

In a tragedy, having this kind of good fortune at the beginning of your story is dangerous. Chaucer says that tragedy is (badly translated into modern english) “a certain story / of him that stood in great prosperity / and falls out of high degree / into misery, and ends up wretchedly”. If we follow this line of thinking, a good tragedy is about someone who has a lot to lose, losing everything because of one fatal point of weakness that they fail to address or understand. 

If we look at Shakespeare, this is what makes King Lear such a fantastic tragic protagonist. He is a king in control of most of England, who from his own lack of wisdom and excess of pride, decides to split his kingdom apart to give to his daughters, favouring his murderous, double crossing progeny, and condemning his only actually filial daughter to death. He loses his kingdom, his mind, and his beloved daughter, all because of his own stupidity.

This brings us to:

Part Two: Peripeteia

This reversal of fortunes is called peripeteia. It is the moment where the entire plot shifts, and the hero’s fortunes go from good to bad. Think of it like one of those magic eye puzzles, where you stare at the image until a 3D shark appears, except you realise the shark was always there, you just couldn't ever see it, waiting for you, hungry, deadly, always lurking just behind that delightful pattern of random blue squiggles. 

Each tragic hero has their own moment of peripeteia in SVSSS, sometimes several:

Shen Qingqiu

In the original PIDW, SQQ’s peripeteia presumably occurs when he finds out that Bingge didn’t perish in the Abyss but has actually been training hard to come and pay him back. There’s really not much I’m interested in saying here - as a villain, OG!SQQ is cut and dry, and the audience doesn’t really feel any pity or fear for him. As Shen Yuan often mentions, what the audience feels when they see OG!SQQ is bloodlust and sick satisfaction. There is also the trial at Huan Hua Palace, which I will talk about in Shen Yuan’s section. 

Shen Yuan (SQQ 2.0)

One of SY’s most poggers moment of peripeteia is the glorious, terrifying section between hearing Binghe for the first time after the Abyss moment, and getting shoved into the Water Prison. 

“Behind him, a low and soft voice came: “Shizun?”

Shen Qingqiu’s neck felt stiff as he slowly turned his head. Luo Binghe’s face was the most frightening thing he had ever seen.

The scariest thing about it was that the expression on his face was not cold at all. His smile wasn’t sharp like a knife. Rather, it showed a kind of bone-deep gentleness and amiability.”

This is the moment of true horror for Shen Yuan, because he knows what happens next: the plot unfurls before him, inevitable and painful, and he knows that death awaits him at Luo Binghe's hands (lol). Compare it with the bone deep certainty with which he faces his own downfall during the sham of a trial later in the chapter (I’ve bolded the important part):

“In the original work, Qiu Haitang’s appearance signified only one thing: Shen Qingqiu’s complete fall from grace. [...] Shen Qingqiu’s heart streamed with tears. Great Master… I know you’re doing this for my own good, but I’ll actually suffer if she speaks her words clearly. This truly is the saying “not frightened of doing a shameful deed, just afraid the ghost (consequences) will come knocking”!”

After the peripeteia is usually the denouement where the plot wraps up and the threads are all tied together leaving no loose ends, but because this tragedy isn’t Shen Yuan’s but the former Shen Jiu’s, it’s impossible to finish. 

Shen Yuan cannot provide the meaningful answers that the narrative demands because 1) he doesn’t have any memory of doing anything, and 2) he wasn’t the person who did them. Narratively, he cannot follow the same path as the former SQQ because he lacks the same fatal flaw: cruelty. 

This is why Binghe doesn’t kill him - because he loves him, rather than despises him. And this is why Shen Yuan has to sacrifice himself and die for Luo Binghe in order to save him from Xin Mo: because the narrative demands that denouement follows peripeteia, and SQQ’s fate is in the hands of the narrative. 

(Side note: I believe that this literal death also represents the death of OG!SQQ's tragic arc. The body that committed all those crimes must die to satisfy the narrative. SQQ must die, like burning down a forest, so that new growth can sprout from the ashes. After this, Shen Yuan's story has more room to develop instead.)

It must happen to show Bingmei that SQQ loves him too. And this brings us to Bingmei.

Bingmei

Bingmei has two succinct moments of utter downfall. The first is a literal fall - his flaw, his demonic heritage, leads his beloved shizun to throw him down into the Abyss. From his point of view, SQQ is punishing him simply for the status of his birth. He rapidly goes from being loved and cherished unconditionally, to being the victim of an assassination attempt. 

He realises that he is totally unlovable: that for the crimes of his species that he never had a hand in, he must pay the price as well: that his shizun is so righteous that no matter what love there was between them, if SQQ sees a demon, he will kill it. Even if that demon is Bingmei. 

The second moment is when SQQ dies for him. Again, from his point of view, he was chasing after a man who was struggling to see him as a human being. Shen Qingqiu’s death makes Bingmei realise that he has been completely misunderstanding his shizun: that SQQ would literally die for him, the ultimate act of self sacrifice from love: that SQQ loved him despite his demon heritage. 

Much like King Lear holding the corpse of his daughter and wailing in sheer grief and pain because he did this, he caused this, Bingmei gets to hold his shizun's cold body and cry his eyes out and know that it was his fault. (Kind of.)

(Yes, I’m bringing Shakespeare into this, no I am not justifying myself)

Maybe I'm a bit sadistic, but that scene slaps. Let me show you a comparison of scenes so you get the picture. 

Re-enter KING LEAR, with CORDELIA dead in his arms; EDGAR, Captain, and others following

KING LEAR

Howl, howl, howl, howl! O, you are men of stones:

Had I your tongues and eyes, I'ld use them so

That heaven's vault should crack. She's gone for ever!

I know when one is dead, and when one lives;

She's dead as earth. Lend me a looking-glass;

If that her breath will mist or stain the stone,

Why, then she lives.

[...]

 KING LEAR

And my poor fool is hang'd! No, no, no life!

Why should a dog, a horse, a rat, have life,

And thou no breath at all? Thou'lt come no more,

Never, never, never, never, never!

Pray you, undo this button: thank you, sir.

Do you see this? Look on her, look, her lips,

Look there, look there!

Dies

Versus this scene in SVSSS: 

Luo Binghe turned a deaf ear to everything else, greatly agitated and at a loss of what to do. He was still holding Shen Qingqiu’s body, which was rapidly cooling down. It seemed like he wanted to call for him loudly and forcefully shake him awake, yet he didn’t dare to, as if he was afraid of being scolded. He said slowly, “Shizun?”

[...]

Luo Binghe involuntarily held Shen Qingqiu closer.

He said in a small voice, “I was wrong, Shizun, I really… know that I was wrong.

“I… I didn’t want to kill you…”

PAIN. SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL PAIN. Yes, I know Shakespeare isn’t Athenian, but he was inspired by the good old stuff and he also knew how to write a perfect tragedy on his own terms. Anyway. I’ll find more Greek examples later.

This post was a bit all over the place, but I hope it has been fun to read. Part Two will be coming At Some Point, Who Knows When. This is a bit messy and unedited, but hey, I’m not getting paid or graded, so you can eat any typos or errors. Unless you’re here to talk to me about Chinese tragedy, in which case, please pull up a seat, let me get you a drink, make yourself at home.

ps: if you want to retweet this, here is the promo tweet!

[touchmycoat]

translation navel-gazing

I’m thinking these days about how there really is such a thing as good translation, but that there are many arguments to be made for what that “good” means. That’s why, I think, I crave so badly for non-Chinese speaking danmei readers to seek out and read up on multiple sources for their favorite texts—not only true translations, but also metas, remarks, comments. And many do! I love globalizing fandom and all the ways people are moving to be educated on and intentional about their participation.

I’m thinking that there are good translations, but there aren’t true translations. Faithfulness vs. fluency is literally the first thing you learn in any translation course, but every translator gets a chance to navel-gaze about it. How else are we meant to decide our own philosophy of translation?

I’m recognizing myself as a fluency-oriented, egotistical translator who’s always trying to stop myself from adding that authorial overlay, but don’t always succeed. It’s like putting filters on photos; I fear becoming so desensitized to the alterations I’m making that two months later, I’ll come back to the photo and go “holy shit why is it so goddamn blue.”

I also think I’m a damn good translator, because I care relentlessly about the spirit of the original text, as well as the experience of the target language reader. The skillset is still being practiced and the mindset is still being loaded; I don’t always achieve my lofty intentions. But I’m working on it. It’s a muscle that has to be trained into constant tension.

I want the English-language reader to have the same experience as I did, when I read that text in Chinese.

That involves a lot of reinterpretation. That involves a lot of faith in myself, my methods of enjoyment, my worth. There’s a constant part of me that’s concerned about ego—hang on, what makes you think your experience is correct, is funny, is worthwhile enough to ascribe over somebody else’s words?

To that I say...

Like, yeah. If it’s not, it’s not. People can visit the source text. Others will re-translate if your works are truly so heinous.

And, wouldn’t it actually be so nice? To have other translations existing side-by-side with mine? So I can learn and admire. So I can examine intentions. So readers can triangulate—because readers of translations can only hope to approach the source text. It’s asymptotic until you learn the source language.

Practicing translation has informed my own reading practices of translated works as well. All us Tumblr gays know the Anne Carson example. It’s fun, and so wild to only be able to guess at what’s at the center of all these approximations.

It’s fun to choose what I consider central.

Anyways. I’m striving for a version of good translation, and it’s intense to live with the fact that two years down the line, I might look back on what I’ve come up with and think jesus that’s awful what were you thinking. But it’s also freeing. Whatever, be awful. Be true and be awful.

Finally, isn’t it cool, to engage with translators as re-authors? To be constantly aware of their presence? To be enamored with some, to hate some ‘cause they keep misspelling the goddamn main character’s name, but still at the end of it all to appreciate them for their intense emotional labor? Because good translators have to love, very deeply, the source and the readers. Translator Yang Jiang imagines it as a form of servitude, but let’s make this real millennial and imagine it as polyamory. I want to picture, in a Rilke poem, in a danmei sex scene, the translator as an active agent of eroticism. I want to recognize that, when I’m crying, it’s because a friend told me the tragedy over dinner, not because it directly happened to me. I want to send grins of appreciation to both the author and the translator when the joke fucking lands, and I’m cackling my head off.

This isn’t an indictment on anything, just a proclamation of my own intentions for my own practices from here on out.

my translation blog

[pear-pies]

Guitar Part - March 1997

okayish translation under the cut

The antidote Brian Molko takes revenge on his teenage ailments with his punk-inspired trio. from the London scene, the Placebo trio is above all an international group: its leader, Brian Molko, is in fact American; to the other two members of the group, they are Swedish and Swiss. From where a sound which does not recall anything the clan Britpop, even if all the English groups still deny to be a part of. The group got noticed on the occasion of the release of their first eponymous album, but also thanks to Brian's androgynous look Molko. Androgynous in the intentions at least, because even if, like he claims it, we often took him for a girl in the street, there is no photo as to the singer's real sex. In this search for the difference through androgyny, already explored by elders such as Lou Reed and David Bowie, we find the essence of rock, namely the escape of a context that suffocates him and does not understand him: to escape his childhood and, more particularly in his adolescence. The texts and the Placebo's music are imbued with this transitional period of life, often badly lived by most of us, since it is made uncertainties, questioning and that it is often badly seen by adults. For Brian Molko, this period also means bullying and taunting from other rough-hewn teens who have accompanied. Hence the desire for revenge with a rock group, within which he lets express his rage, his melancholy, his true nature of tist augmented by a sex appeal of which he himself was unaware. "When I let my hair grow, after high school, I was took for a girl. I was flattered because it meant that I was not ugly. ” 

The end of adolescence or the end of the nightmare ... self-awareness that comes with age is also mixed with a stranger nostalgia ge. But this relates to a period that he should have to live and not to the one he really lived, since the his personality through rock also reflects a desire for adolescents this eternal.FLASH-BACK - But before arriving at Placebo, with its procession of praises, Brian Molko lives in Luxembourg and attends an American school. he is poorly integrated and does not practice any sport, which is more than enough to marginalize To spoil everything, he aspires to become an actor, which is probably worth being called a fag more than once (insul- favorite of so-called virile men). So he takes acting lessons since the age of eleven. As a child, he also took piano, under the watchful eye of his mother. Flop! He then turns- therefore not towards the guitar, alone, as an autodidact. However, very quickly, the en-harm overwhelms him. This is why he decides to settle in London, attracting d by the big cities, more nervous, and resolutely allergic to calm lost holes. Arrived in London as a comedian dien, he was quickly won over by the attraction of music. Strong of its culture self-taught, he came across an old acquaintance, Stefan Olsdal, then studying music. The meeting of the instinctive musician, who has not had to get rid of his influences to impose his own style, and the accomplished musician will be one of the essential components Placebo style. It is besides Stefan Olsdal who brings to the group his first drummer, Robert Schultzberg, from whom they will separate more late. Originally conceived as a punk trio, Placebo would evolve fast- towards the experimental stage, in particular with the use of toys in lieu of musical instruments. As for the forced departure of drummer Robert Schultzberg, we don't know much, but as as singer of the group, Brian finds himself promoted to the status of leader with finally more delight than he is willing to admit. Him who, through music, sought to take revenge on his past, he is finally coveted by girls, recognized by the fessional (especially Bowie and Iggy Pop, sorry!) and, on- everything, converted into a teenager who gets off!                                                      • S. Salazar

[bubbletimestories]

Open your mind (Charles Xavier x Reader smut)

Summary: Imagine that you were there for the events in Cuba and its aftermath, that you were there for Charles when he needed you. Professor X and you are in love, it’s obvious, and when the students are in the park, you take the opportunity to share an intimate moment ^^ It starts very soft and it gradually heats up.

Warnings: It’s smut but my first one, just for fun. Little stars at each step (from soft to hot)

A/N: I tried not to give a gender to Y/N ^^  I have placed small stars at each stage. When it gets a little warmer, stars! ꙳꙳꙳

Translated with Google trad ^^’

Themes: SMUT, fluff, fat reader with stretch marks, love, mind sex

*********************************************************

Deserted by the students on this beautiful sunny day, the corridors of the institute seem quite empty and you are walking around thoughtfully, touching the walls with your fingertips. Through the large windows, you observe the children chasing after the ball, teleporting to throw their comrades into the lake among other teasing uses of their particular gifts. As a teacher, you can't join them, but that doesn't prevent you from having fun while you go out into the park, barely avoiding a bright yellow teenager who bounces against the wall before continuing his race.

- Watch out Julio. - Sorry, Professor!

You stifle a laugh when the teenager is already far away, streaking like an enthusiastic lemon that you watch for some time before walking away towards a quieter corner of the park. The grass is a superb emerald, as if you were in an English boarding school and not in New York State. Maybe one day you will return to Europe with pleasure but, for the moment, you are enjoying being here. And then, you had your account of journeys with Cuba. But yes, one day, you will feel ready to leave these walls, you have made so much progress, you will manage to remain discreet. Your pants rustle with each rub of your thighs and you focus on that noise without really thinking about it, letting your feet take you where they want. The fabric makes so much noise, or maybe you are too absorbed in your thoughts, that you do not notice the slight rustling behind your back. The person observes you discreetly, from the tips of the hair that sweeps across your neck to your hip curve highlighted by the visible pants (so goes the fashion). Finally, not wanting to be too perverse (a little, that's still acceptable), the newcomer clears his throat, a smile on the corner of his lips.

- You decided to go far off the beaten track, professor Y/N. Fortunately, Hank modified my chair…

Brutally drawn from your reverie, you utter a very inelegant cursing and turn around in a start, totally lacking in grace and above all in balance. You rock, carried away by your momentum, and prepare to hit the ground with all the ridiculousness that is required when, with a fluid movement, the director of the institute advances to receive you on his lap, sitting down like a child meeting Santa Claus. His blue eyes sparkle with amusement that he no longer even hides, and if his attitude is most chivalrous, the hand placed on your thigh testifies that he is not completely a gentleman. Keeping silence, he lets you realize the situation and become red with embarrassment, waiting for the excuses that you do not fail to eagerly stammer.

- My apologies, you scared me. Well no, you surprised me, I was in my thoughts and ... really sorry. I'm way too heavy, I ... I'm going to get up.

You sketch a movement to find the mainland but the professor holds you firmly without departing from his innocent air, spinning the wheels of his chair to change direction and return to school. He nevertheless takes a path out of sight, continuing to apply a slight pressure on the arm which holds you by the waist and hugs you against his chest. You start to protest but without much conviction because nobody can see you. The embrace becomes softer when you curl up against the young man and put your arms around his neck.

- Are you kidnapping me, Professor Xavier? - Would you really mind?

You turn your head to say something to him but you get totally lost in his blue pupils which capture your attention ; it hasn't changed since you met, you could follow him to the end of the world when he looks at you like that. As if you were a wonder.

The gravel squeaks under the wheels marked with an X and you check nervously that no student could have seen you pass in this position so compromising. If relationships are not prohibited, teachers must show exemplarity and avoid fueling gossip. But no, nobody seems to have paid attention to you, the students being all occupied elsewhere. You are nevertheless trying to straighten up, aware that you have to weigh heavy on the legs of this poor man who is already disabled.

- Let me get up, Charles, I’m probably crushing your thighs ... I'm too heavy, put me down. - No, replies the director laughing, I refuse. I’ve been trying to get you for three days so there’s no way I’ll let you escape. Besides, I don't feel anything at all, that's the advantage.

To make you pass the urge to brave his authority, he accelerates abruptly at the approach of the institute, making you cross the threshold like newlyweds (you quickly dismiss this ridiculous thought) and spin in the deserted corridors to a unreasonable speed. If someone saw the great Professor X rushing like a rocket between the classrooms ... You utter a cry of surprise when you slip on the polished parquet in a sharp bend, almost crushing against the wall, it might be worth thinking to include something about wheelchair racing in the rules of procedure. But Charles’s proud look, the dimple teasing that digs his cheek, keep you from being afraid of a bad fall, it’s way too much fun and we all know that he didn’t have many opportunities laughing after Raven left. Fortunately, time has passed and he has regained a certain zest for life.

On the pretext of having fun, you nevertheless feel that this dear professor has a very specific destination in mind and you raise an incredulous eyebrow when you see him moving away in one of the wings of the manor. The chair is slowing down, but you can't resist the urge to stay against the young man a little while he sneakily brings you to his room. It’s been a while since you’ve been alone, together, the teaching job leaves little free time. Which didn’t stop Charles from hosting a one-on-one evening, an unpretentious dinner, with a bouquet of colorful flowers and dance out of sight, forgetting the hours. His hand raises to caress your cheek on the pretext of replacing a wick and you have fun kissing the palm of his wrist, where the veins can be seen under the thin skin.

- Aren't you supposed to give a lesson? Do director's stuff? - No, I took my afternoon. It’s too good a day to work. And then ... I have other plans.

His warm breath settles in the hollow of your neck and his mouth curls in a flirtatious pout as if he were a young student, the tips of his fingers venturing under your blouse with the same greed, caressing the mountains of your flesh to your hip, where the skin is strangely darker and sensitive. This contact electrifies you and you blush strongly, feeling an excitement as brutal as unexpected rising in you. Just five minutes ago, you were quietly in the park! Slightly nervous while knowing full well that he will get what he wants (you want it as much as he does), you spread this hand of the folds of your belly and crisscross your fingers to prevent it from recurring. That's when you realize that the decor has changed and that the paneled and bright corridors have given way to a spacious but dark room, with a desk cluttered with scattered documents. The door closes behind you, reinforcing the feeling that you are far from the outside world, just the two of you. You finally decide to leave the professor's lap, taking advantage of being in this intimate place to look around, examine the crossed out papers, the framed photo near the lamp, the badly folded suit on a chair. It is both clutter and orderly, so representative of its owner. Through the stained glass window, you can see the lake, the hundred-year-old trees lazily spreading their branches and you think you have a crazy chance of being able to live here, under cover. When you turn around, that thought becomes a certainty and you smile. Charles notices your good humor and, believing that you are about to tease him about the ambient bazaar, prepares for the attack.

- Don't pretend your room is tidy. I'm a busy man who doesn't have time to ... - We don't care, I thought I was lucky that you found me. - Oh…

꙳꙳꙳ Taken aback, the professor does not know what to answer and you take advantage of his astonishment as he took advantage of your discomfort by surprising you earlier, settling you on the edge of the bed before wrapping your ankles around the wheelchair to attract him to you. This gesture of possessiveness surprises and amuses the mutant who puts on you an azure look of challenge, what do you intend to do with him now? The answer is not long in coming and you bend down to imprison his full lips, tasting the remnants of sugar from a sweetly swallowed pastry, it's that this professor is secrety ! A secrety and greedy man because he does not remain passive for a long time, printing pressure on your mouth to prolong the kiss, capturing the groan that you exhale when your bodies come together and a conquering knee comes to nestle between your legs. He does not sketch any other gesture, however, letting you act as you wish by letting your breath descend along his throat whose flesh quivers with delight. You feel the male body stretch when your tongue tickles a mole that you kiss, spreading the collar of the shirt. Before going any further, you decide to help Charles reach you on the mattress, but the latter stops you, your breathing made jerky by desire. His pupils sparkle with mischief when he meets your gaze and traps your wrists between his pianist fingers.

- No wait. I want to try something ... if you don't mind.

With an eloquent gesture, he raises two fingers to his temple and you step back slightly with an interrogative expression, nodding your head to give your agreement without knowing what you are consenting to. You have full confidence in him and the means to stop him if things don't go right. Far from enlightening you, the young man has a mysterious smile.

- I want to be able to capture you between my thighs, Y/N. Unhindered.

Your heart beats faster during the few seconds when your lover makes the suspense last before concentrating and entering your open mind. Impatient, you stare at him with curiosity as he lets his hand drop and begins to remove the professor's jacket which would only clutter it up. Obviously, he likes to proceed with exasperatingly slow gestures, knowing full well that you are stamping inside. Watching the fabric of his shirt stretch against his chest with each of his movements does not help you keep a cool head and you refrain from tearing off his clothes, your impatience would make him too happy. Finally, he drops the jacket on the floor and puts his hand on your neck to ask for a kiss, letting your hand get lost along his jaw. You are feverish, you close your eyes when your lips join to never leave each other while two arms shake you with a tenderness tinged with passion. You feel Charles' heart beating against you as he lifts you up without letting go of your mouth to better lie on the soft sheets. The feeling of being transported surprises you and you open your eyelids as the mutant settles above you, kneeling on the edge of the mattress. His legs ... The shock quickly gives way to understanding and you laugh as you look up at the face more than proud of the telepath.

- It's all in my head, huh? How perverse…. - I wanted to surprise you.

If all this is just an illusion, it is extremely successful and you take it with fun, it is a kind of naughty game. Lying in the middle of the crumpled fabrics, you contemplate the face of your lover, the halo of his brown ripples that you love to caress. But already the avid professor begins the lesson, running the pulp of his fingers on the thin fabric of your shirt before undoing the buttons one by one, making sure not to blow any of them and taking his time to admire your body which is revealed. Instinctively, you look away, contract your stomach with embarrassment, thinking of those beads that you hate, that soft anatomy that you are ashamed of. Charles knows your complexes well, you don't have to be a telepath to guess them, and he has made it his duty to appease them. He intends to make you lose your apprehensions at the same time as your head, even if it means spending the whole afternoon, the whole night, all of his life if necessary. He is a patient man, ready to invest himself body and soul in a new subject of study.

- It's too much light… it would be better in the dark, I don't want you to see… - Hush…, the young man interrupts you with an imperious finger on your lips, you are beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I forbid you to say the opposite.

꙳꙳꙳ The light authoritarian tone is softened by the happy smile he addresses to you, which creates tiny wrinkles at the corners of his blue eyes. The look that this man poses on you is so tender, so in love ... but also filled with a malicious and passionate fire. With a gesture, he finishes revealing your skin, kisses you on the chest, his hot breathing triggering pleasant chills on your naked flesh. His tongue darts like a curious snake, surrounding your nipple to harden it better before engulfing it in a slight back and forth movement. You arch slightly, short of breath, and feel your hand lose itself in the dark hair as he continues his gentle torture for a few moments. Then he goes up towards your mouth, his body moving with flexibility to stick against yours. Less delicate than Charles, you undo his shirt with movements made abrupt by desire, putting it away to better feel the fire of his dermis. Your hands have fun browsing the back offered, to feel the muscles rolling under your fingers as he captures your mouth, your throat, your lobe with an impetuous appetite.

꙳꙳꙳ The rest of your clothes ends up on the carpet to facilitate your caresses, who needs so much fabric anyway ? Neither of you can say who removed what but it doesn't matter. Your clammy bodies stick together and separate, you leave a few marks of love, with the tips of your nails or the tips of your lips, creating evidences that will last long after you become good again. While you had taken over and sat proudly on the chest of your lover, the latter wraps his powerful thighs around your hips to tilt you better, decided to push the games of the body further before you two are united. Feeling your rapid pulse in the hollow of your neck, Charles slides his other hand beyond your belly, exploring with joy finding a wild land which only he knows the way. He draws circles there, follows the purple, red or white patterns that permeate the inside of your thighs like a treasure map. These brands that you hate, he never ceases to admire them, to greet them without scratching before venturing with your fingertips into your most intimate places with an artist's delicacy. His name springs from your lips, begging him to end your wait and he laughs, biting your mouth. And there, I have to go eat so I leave you on that.

Thank you very much for reading and have a nice day (I fully assume my final troll)

[moistwithgender]

Anime I think I remember watching this year

I need to keep better track of this I guess.

Aggressive Retsuko: Great! Very likable characters (even the bastards), just the right amount of millennial cynicism. 9/10 Aggressive Retsuko Christmas Special: It's not about Christmas, it's about instagram. It's great and extremely real (watch the series first though). Digimon Adventure tri 1 & 2: This is actually very boring so far. I planned to jump back in with the english dub, which is honestly how I should have been watching it from the beginning. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten around to it. Kado The Right Answer: If this show had not been sabotaged from the inside out in the last 2-3 episodes, this would have probably been up there with classics like Bebop. WEST WING: THE ANIME, we would have called it, or something. I haven't watched West Wing, but it's all bureaucracy, right? 8/10 in this universe, 10/10 in the alternate universe where it didn't shit the bed. Angolmois: I got halfway through this before the low budget and my own exhaustion had me drop it. Unfortunate, since anime never adapts the mongol invasion. Planet With: In the running for series of the year, probably. A super robot show where the ultimate moral is that, actually, rehabilitating your enemies is better than killing them. Will rewatch in the future, I'm sure. 10/10. Asobi Asobase: Hina Kino (Hanako)'s is going to go down as a legendary voice actress if I have any say in anything. Which I do, because I'm in charge of the industry now. Which means we're taking out queerphobic jokes, wrap it up people. 8/10, would rank higher without the bad takes. Cells at Work!: Really fun concept, has *implications* of a deeper narrative to be had built into the worldbuilding, but ultimately the whole season is just "oh I bet this irl thing would translate like this in my setting" on repeat. Still, an easy watch. 7/10. Hanebado!: There's a lot that could be good about this. Themes of toxicity in competitive spaces, overwork, abandonment, and trauma. Ending had a lot of people upset because it either miscommunicated how the protagonist moved past her trauma (best case), or just completely dropped the entire arc because...I don't know why. I rated this 9/10 on myanimelist, but it probably deserves lower. I'm still over here wanting to believe I missed something in my interpretation. Hoping for either a second season or a faster manga translation. My Hero Academia S3: This season had some high points but I felt it was considerably less interesting overall than the second season. However, Deku vs Bakugou was genuinely one of the best moments of the series thus far. My Hero Academia The Movie: Pretty standard shonen series movie for the sake of having one. Nothing groundbreaking here. But hey, I got to listen to "You Say Run" in a theater, which was almost worth the price of admission on its own. 6/10. Ushio & Tora: Both seasons, thirty nine episodes. Waste of my time! Maybe this series was just meant to be consumed bit by bit, but I just found it really shallow in the end. 6/10. Chio's School Road: Another *brilliant* comedy that is ultimately brought down by the occasional queerphobic humor. Get it toGETHER, guys! In any case, I care about these stupid children now, and hope for a season two soon. 8/10. Angels of Death: It took about 14 out of the total 16 episodes before I suddenly stopped hate watching it and started laughing at its unwarranted self seriousness and paradoxical writing. Still, kind of frustrated I stuck with it anyway. 4/10. Night is Young, Walk On Girl: Gorgeous movie that has to be seen, but. I wonder if it's Yuasa or the original writer of these books that insists on the resolution to all conflict being "heterosexuality". 9/10. Haibane Renmei: I got four episodes in before the Funi/Crunchy split happened ;__; it's really good tho Dragon Pilot: Definitely gonna rewatch this one one day too. There is a density of theme and execution here that I cannot yet fully unpack and it's just so good. Also the english dub is good, and is how I preferred to watch it. It also has a lesbian and isn't afraid of her, even if her role is very small. It's something. 9/10, maybe 10/10. Mirai: I fucking love Mamoru Hosoda's films. 9/10. Zombieland Saga: I have the sneaking feeling that they wanted a few more HOT PROGRESSIVE TAKES to be fit in before the season ended, but restraints got in the way. We had a sex worker idol who never got her backstory episode, and actually Tae never got hers either. It's still a 9/10 for me, but I'm hoping for at least a followup OVA. And a movie. Granblue Fantasy: I finished the full season, save for the "omake" episode that I assume takes place in the alternate universe where Protagonist Is Girl. This was somewhat throwaway cozy saturday morning nostalgia for the old days of Final Fantasy before that game series became more grounded in contemporary and sci-fi settings. It was also something I watched as a primer for the incoming Platinum and ArcSys games, because I'm not gonna play two gacha games at the same time. Hilariously, the--like--twenty new characters from the gacha that showed up in the last episode were all more interesting than the cast of the full season. 7/10, 10/10 for having a race of hot girls with horns (there are also guys but who cares). Hi Score Girl: This show is a love letter to growing up with arcades in 90s Japan and also struggling with making friends and ohhh my god every time the idiot main boy stops paying attention to important interpersonal plot and just starts infodumping about a game, I tragically see myself. It's very good, the girls are GOOD GIRLS and deserve better and the writing seems fully aware of that.  The series unfortunately ends on a stock romantic plot beat cliffhanger that I have to wait until March to have ultimately resolved in THREE EPISODES. Despite that, it's easily a 9/10. I list a lot of 9/10s but it's been a good couple seasons and there's just...a lot of range there. Number scores are bullshit. Watch anime. Shin Getter Robo: Probably the last show I'll have finished before the year end. It's my second exposure to Getter Robo (my first was reading Getter Robo Go, which actually takes place after this), and it's still good, but oh god. These guys are dumb bastards but there's a note early in that has aged particularly badly in the MeToo era. Not sure if the show got better because I switched audio tracks to English with VAs I have nostalgia for, or because they broke through the bottom of a lake and wound up in alternate history Heian era Japan, stranded for multiple years. With a giant robot. I liked that part. 8/10. Shows I took a break from due to burnout and need to pick back up: Run with the Wind, Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, Vento Aureo, SSSS.Gridman, Hinomaruzumou, Ms. Vampire who lives in my neighborhood, As Miss Beelzebub Likes It., Devilman Crybaby, That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san. SO MANY!!

[brendaonao3]

Re: that picture of Seb and Chris. I see your tags and raise you - Bucky who also wears glasses with his turtleneck/blazer combo.

Steve’s eyes started to blur behind his glasses as he stared hopelessly down at the papers strewn on the desk. He loved his job, he truly did, but grading essay finals when the subject was T.S. Eliot’s poetry was more or less like being asked to attend a lecture on bio-chemistry in Chinese. Just reading through some of the interpretations was definitely an exercise in his non-existent patience.

He looked around his tiny, cramped office, dominated by a battered oak desk that probably predated the school itself, every nook and cranny crammed with books and papers and more books, all lying haphazardly in precarious piles (he had a system – honestly, he did – no matter what his TA said to the contrary), then to the single, small, grungy window.  It was fully dark out.  Jeez, no wonder he felt so wiped – he’d worked straight through the afternoon and missed dinner. Again.

Next semester, he was totally putting in a better system for finals. Maybe make the students do an oral presentation or maybe a nice, boring, multiple choice test. Something that didn’t involve five-page essays and badly annotated footnotes.

He loosened his tie a little more so he could undo another button of his shirt. His tweed jacket had long since come off, and he’d rolled up his sleeves to just under his elbows in a fruitless effort at comfort. Granted, he could simply go home and change into a tee and sweats, and work from his own back porch, but he knew if he left, he’d faceplant right into bed. The worn, but very comfortable, sofa on the far wall already beckoned him with the promise of a quick nap to recharge his batteries.

The door groaned in protest as it opened, and Bucky – in his usual well-worn jeans and an equally well-worn tee – walked in, carrying a Styrofoam tray with three large cups, and a white bag practically dripping with grease. “Hey you, thought I’d bring reinforcements,” he greeted, holding up the tray. When he smiled, the corners of his remarkable blue eyes crinkled at the corners.

Steve wanted to lay his head down on his desk and weep in sheer gratitude. “Please tell me that’s coffee.”

“And almond croissants from the bodega you like,” Bucky confirmed, and set everything down on the one small corner of the desk that was miraculously free of debris. “When you didn’t show up for dinner, I figured you were still holed up in here like the hermity nerd you are.”

Steve winced, even though there was no censure in Bucky’s tone. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I totally spaced on the time.”

“Eh, sometimes being an adult means you can eat croissants for dinner and drink far too many extra foamy lattes.” He passed over one of the cups and Steve took off the lid, closing his eyes as he inhaled the heady combination of espresso and steamed milk. Already, he felt rejuvenated.

After the first, life-affirming sip, he opened his eyes to find Bucky had moved beside him, and was leaning against the desk. His gaze was sympathetic, and when he cupped Steve’s cheek in a roughened palm, Steve leaned into the warmth like a grateful cat. “Thanks, Buck.”

“Always a pleasure,” Bucky replied, and leaned down, Steve meeting him halfway.  The kiss was brief, but no less potent, the rough scrape of Bucky’s beard sending another surge of energy through Steve’s system. Maybe he’d forgo the coffee next time and skip right to making out with Bucky when he needed a pick-me-up.

Bucky glanced down at topmost stack of papers. “That’s a lot of red ink, babe.”

Steve rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure a few of my students are trolling me on purpose.”

“Can’t say I blame them. You are kinda hot when you get all worked up.”

Steve hid his blush by taking another sip of his latte.  "You’re biased.“

“Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”  Bucky thumbed through a few of the papers. Every time he moved his hands, his fingers brushed against Steve’s wrist, making the hairs on his arms rise. “You’ll have to let me guest-lecture again sometime.”

“Last time we did that, Fury threatened to fire us for inciting the students,” Steve replied, sounding a shade breathless, even to himself. He didn’t move his hand.

“Yeah, but it would have been worth it if he had.” Bucky’s eyes, warm and laughing and so very blue that it hurt to look at them, pierced beneath Steve’s skin to the core of him. What little breath he had left was lost in a white-hot rush.

Then Bucky twisted, bracing his hands on either side of the desk as he dropped to straddle Steve’s lap, the heat of him a living, breathing, hungry thing.

“Busco en mi carne las, huellas de tus labios…”

In some dim part of Steve’s brain that wasn’t overwhelmed by Bucky’s lips so close to his and Bucky’s earthy, metallic scent filling his senses and Bucky’s tightly coiled body pressed, hard and muscular, against his, he recognized the poem as one of Lorca’s. He didn’t think anyone would blame him for not remembering the exact one, especially since Bucky took that exact moment to flick his tongue, butterfly-quick, between Steve’s open lips and tilt his head for a truly exceptional kiss. Bucky tasted warm, like sunshine and summer, and Steve moaned against Bucky’s mouth, encouraging Bucky to take more and more.

He lost track of time, lost track of the room, of everything that wasn’t Bucky. He felt, as he always did when Bucky touched him, thoroughly possessed, his brain fogging right along with his glasses. Bucky kissed Steve with his entire body, angled his head to them even closer and nibble at Steve’s lips, before diving in for another taste. All Steve could do was curl his tongue around Bucky’s, and grab onto Bucky’s shoulders tight to let him know whatever he was doing, it was more than welcome.

When Bucky finally pulled back, it took Steve several deep breaths in order to find his voice. “What was that for?”

Bucky just smiled, wide and wicked, his lips attractively bruised and red from Steve’s.  "I can’t just want to kiss my best guy?“

"Sure, but if you keep this up, then we’re never getting home,” Steve pointed out.

Bucky waggled his brows.  "Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve had sex on the sofa.“

”Buck...“

"Alright, I’m moving,” Bucky said, then stood, and snagged one of the croissants from the bag.  "You want some help with those?“

Steve was tempted, but he shook his head. "I’ve only got six left. I’m good.”

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere,” Bucky told him. “If I leave you, you’ll stay all night, and the bed’s much too big without you taking up all the space.”

“You wouldn’t have to steal the covers if you slept alone.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Typical Bucky, Steve thought, fondly. “Fine, you can stay, but you have to sit on the sofa. I can’t think when you’re this close. It’s distracting.”

“Flattery will get you all the sex later,” Bucky replied, and leaned in for another kiss.  Steve reveled in the heat and closeness for a few long moments, before he made himself stop.  "Buck, come on, I’m serious.“

"Alright, alright, I’m moving,” Bucky said, and grabbed the book under the tray.  "I need to brush up on Akhmatova before tomorrow’s lecture anyway.“

Steve squinted at the title. "You’re reading her in the original Russian?”

Bucky gave him a horrified look.  "Damn right I am.  The English translations are all terrible.  My freshmen students could do a better job.“

"Of course you’d say that,” Steve said, with another fond smile.

“Unlike you, my students are all awesome.”  Bucky gave him a wink and patted his cheek before moving to the sofa.

Steve looked at him for a moment – sprawled on the cushions, nose already buried in the pages, dark hair falling around his face – and smiled to himself before bending back to his papers.

***

[corner-stone1]

La pelea

This is a fan work  written by @xoshirari inspired by The rivals Series by Reiya. The work is originaly in spanish, I just translated it to english. Not a really good translation since english is not my first language :’v Still hope you like it @kazliin This is Xoshirari-san “thank you” to you :3 Xoshirari says “This is pure fiction, something in my mind based on top 10 of the figths between Viktor and Yuuri. Some stuffs are probably not acurrate, but is my “thank you” to Reiya :)” ------------------------------------------------------------------

He never thought he could fight with Yuuri in such a way. He just couldn't understand, everything was find a moment ago. It was truth that they were both stressed. After all, Worlds where just around the corner.  Between his own training and his job as Yuuri’s coach, he felt exhausted. But he couldn’t do anything to let people down, he was the Living Legend after all. Above all that, there was the wedding, which was approaching faster and faster, and he hadn’t be able to make proper arrangements yet. With all that in his head, he was not capable of focusing during his practice, and Yakov noticed it.

 “No, no! What are you doing now, Vitya?! Is this all you are capable of? You want to be remembered like the idiot that couldn't keep up with the competition before his retirement?”

 “Yakov, please. It’s not that bad. I have a lot of things in my head right now, and your yelling isn't helping”.

 “I know. But I wouldn’t be able to consider myself as an elite coach and you as the Living Legend if we let this affect your training. But you are right. You need to relax. Go home and I hope you are in better shape by tomorrow.

 “Thank you! I just need that. I promise tomorrow…”

 “Yeah, yeah. Just go already, you are distracting everyone else.” 

He left as fast as he could, he was sure that a couple of hours watching a bad movie while cuddling with Yuuri will be enough to make him forget everything else, perfect to recharge his batteries so he could be in perfect shape by the next morning.

 On the other hand, Yuuri was pissed off.  He could understand his fianceè being to busy right now, but this was the fourth week in a row he left alone with all the cleaning in their apartment. It wasn’t like cleaning was a bother to him, not if that could help Viktor with all the other stuff he had to do, but it seemed like he didn't appreciate his hard work and wasn't taking in count Yuuri’s own training.

Months ago, Yuuri had moved to St Petersburg, leaving his long time friend and his old coach behind. Viktor was still working on getting use to his new job as his coach and his own training, so there wasn’t enough time to see each other outside of work. Also, he had left all the wedding thing over Yuuri’s shoulders and didn’t paid attention to Yuuri’s suggestion to hire a professional on the field for it.

Yuuri heard the sound of the door being open, indicating that Viktor had come back  home earlier than usual. That was good, now they could talk about all the stuff that were running through his mind and causing trouble.

”Yuuri! I’m so happy to see you! Isn’t it great Yakov let leave early? We should watch that movie you like so much now we can”.

“Hi Viktor, is good you’re here. But you should go and wash the dishes, since it was your turn to do so, instead of wasting your time”.

“I’m tired. Please, Yuuri. I just need to relax a little. I really don’t want to think about any kind of meaningless tasks right now”.

“Meaningless? For your information, I’ve been doing all this ‘meaningless’ tasks by myself for almost a month because you’ve been unable to do it yourself. Weren’t you the ‘cleaniest and responsible one’?”

“Wait, Yuuri. You’re now saying I’m not responsible? You know I have much work right now, I’m preparing your routines and working on my own at the same time. It is not fair from you to expect me to something as banal dishwashing while I’m working the hardest here.”

“Eh?! What you talking about! I’m working hard myself! Just because you have been busier does it means my own work is meaningless to you and so I have to deal to all the tasks at home by myself? 

“I didn’t said that! It’s just I have more responsibilities than you!

“Yeah, of course. Because I don’t!” said Yuuri “Of course I have! But I’m trying to make all this work despite of that. I’m swallowing all your recent indifference so you can be comfortable and calm, you are the one who is not doing his part!”

“Ah?!  You’re really saying that? the man who spent years making me suffer is saying I’m not doing my part?  Don't you remember how miserable I was begging for your attention” yelled Viktor “Or course you don’t, you didn't even noticed it!!”

“What?! No, you are not bring that up!  But since we are talking about that, let me recall you how you never took in count my own feelings. You are so full of yourself, thinking you deserve everything you want no matter what the other person thinks or feels, you were so engrossed in "your feelings" that you never cared about mine!”

“Oh really? You're saying that? Didn't you bite your  tongue, babe?  As if you had been any less selfish.”

“Don’t call me that. I don’t want hear it from the person who supposedly suffered because of me but obviously just cared enough to take me to his bed!” Yuuri yelled, furious “If you wanted me, you could have said it!!”

“I guess you didn’t enjoyed it, did you?” Viktor refuted back, sarcastically  “Of course, you hated me so much you couldn't help coming back for more!  how do you think I could have tell you the truth when your contradictions had me frustrated all the time!  You were always closing yourself, you would not have understood!”  

“And how did you expect me to understand something I didn't know about! Do I read minds or something?!”

“Such an oblivious person as you wouldn’t have understood even if the truth slapped you in the face!”

“And you don’t know how to speak or what?! how I was I supposed to understand when we were just fucking around?! You used to do the same with the first person willing to be yours, how was a I supposed to know it was different with me?!”

“It was important to me! But of course, if it truly meant just that for you, then you clearly know nothing about love. Not even now. But since you did not care about meaningless sex in that moment, you have no right  to complain about that now!”

“I had a lot of issues to resolve in that moment, don’t you dare to put me at your level. I never had the sexual life you did. I’m actually surprised the little thing you had for me lasted that long.

“Little thing? You are right. I don't  know why I suffered for such a ‘little thing’. I should have got over you. I should have find myself someone who didn’t say how much they hate me while we were fucking!”

“Then I don’t know why are you marrying to a person you think is not worthy of you! The hell with all the stupid wedding! Like I care!” 

Viktor opened his mouth to say something but he chose not to, and then he stormed out of the room.

Yuuri suppressed his tears until he saw Viktor taking his coat and leaving the apartment, loudly slamming the door at doing it. When he was sure he was now completely alone, Yuuri dropped on the floor and let the tears fall from his eyes without even think about it. he just ruined it all. he had gone as far as opening old wounds from their past. Everything was his damn fault! Now Viktor will definitely leave him for good! Someone like him doesn’t deserve to be tied up to a crazy man as Yuuri. he could have anyone, Yuuri was not match. And sooner or later, Viktor would realize Yuuri was not worth it. Viktor had hurt him, yes. But he was not lying, all he said was truth. Yuuri had no right to say those terrible things that came out from his mouth.  

On the other hand, Viktor was sitting on a cold bench in the park next to their apartment, his check as full of tears as Yuuri’s. he felt lonely, just like the time he lost inspiration and didn’t find emotion in anything. Till he met Yuuri. He had made so much mistakes regarding Yuuri but still believed he was capable of love him the way Yuuri deserved. But it seemed as he had been wrong again. Viktor didn’t pay enough attention to what was happening between them and things had ended up badly, with him saying horrible things to his fiancee. his Yuuri did not deserved that, no when he had tried so hard to work on his problems to make this work. he had been through so much, working with psychiatrists to deal with his anxiety, and now Viktor has undone all the progress he had done with just some words. What Yuuri said before had hurt him, but Viktor had no right to respond as he did.

After course of reflection and crying, it was time for Viktor to go back home and apologize to Yuuri. The other man probably have had time to think about everything and they could discuss the problem and fix it.  Viktor bought the most beautiful bouquet he could find on his way home. When he opened the door of the apartment he shared with Yuuri, he perceived the smell of the borsch Yuuri used to prepare for him. It smelled really good, and it made him feel more calm. Viktor’s soon to be husband was in the kitchen, he still looked a little uneasy after what happened. And Viktor’s heart hurt a little because of that.

“Viktor! You are back!” Yuuri said.

“Of course I’m back”

“Viktor… I”

“Yuuri…I”

--------------------------

[oneweekoneband]

Ninety One, “Mooz” (мұз), from Qarangy Zharyq, 2017

(Warning: flashing lights around two minutes in; also, some violence. Here’s the audio-only video.)

But, like, it’s still just a band: they were never actually protecting anybody or setting anyone free. (from a post by @whitehotharlots​)

To make a long story short: about five years ago I fell in love with a pop group. Like spending-hours-on-Tumblr-learning-all-the-in-jokes love. Like imagination-run-wild love. Like as-opposed-to-grief, as-opposed-to-despair love. But once the initial euphoria-through-learning-through-euphoria phase had run its course, the love was a static thing, directionless. One of the great pleasures of love is doing things for the beloved; but what, exactly, was I supposed to do?

The company, and the performers themselves, said: buy our albums! Stream our songs! Help us win awards at music shows! Come to our concerts! And I did those things; but trying to think of them as expressions of love left me feeling inadequate and a little sordid. Other options were to leave messages and hearts on their livestreams, and I occasionally did that too, using Google Translate to turn “I hope you’re doing well” and “Thank you for your hard work” into Korean, but thousands of other fans had the same idea, and the resulting rush of love felt impersonal, statistical. They, the performers, had no way to know who we, the fans, were; and furthermore any attempts on our part to make them know would be so forced as to violate the very spirit of love that had prompted the attempt in the first place. Each of us was speaking singularly and truly, but the sameness of our language, and the volume of our messages, flattened us out.

What can I do? I kept asking. Which is another way of saying How much power do I have?

We (who have the ability to get online) have a strange relationship to power, in this day and age. Entire books have been written about how people with ostensibly enviable amounts of power might not feel secure enough to actually accomplish anything. (The late Benazir Bhutto apparently once said: “I’m in office, but I’m not in power.” The quote came up in a discussion of Aung San Suu Kyi’s responsibility for stopping the ethnic cleansing of the Rohingya.) Meanwhile those of us with less formal titles are nevertheless capable of possibly destroying people’s reputations with a single Tweet, or perpetuating unjust systems simply by growing up in them. It feels like we have a great deal of power, wanted or not, to do harm; and seemingly much less power to do good.

That becomes even more pronounced in pop fandom. We want to believe, so badly, that we have the power to do good things for our faves, or at least make them feel loved and valued. But our attempts at exercising our power frequently add up to very little, at best. We also want to believe, so badly, that we can do good with pop music, support the virtuous and punish the wicked; but that, too, carries the risk of being much ado about nothing, or degenerating into a series of sniping wars where everyone’s fave is problematic and no one has any self-respect left.

That pop group I fell in love with wasn’t Ninety One, by the way. When I started writing about Ninety One I said cheerfully to friends: “Oh, I’m not, like, emotionally involved here. These guys are fun and cute but this is just a fun intellectual activity, a side way of getting at some of these questions I’ve had. I’m not crying or anything, thank goodness.” Please remind me I said this next time I try to give you a stock tip.

In my defense, I said it before “Mooz” came out, which is to say before I realized Ninety One was thinking about power and doing good too.

***

I haven’t seen the movie yet. Reportedly NTK, a channel with which Ninety One has struck some sort of deal, is promising to put it online at some point (most likely with Russian, but not English, subtitles). I assume bootlegs are traveling around YouTube. A lot of the footage in the “Mooz” video was already featured in the two-minute trailer uploaded to Ninety One’s YouTube channel in early August.

It’s the story of the first couple years of Ninety One, but not a documentary; rather, it’s a docudrama, with scenes acted out by the guys themselves months after the fact, but everything based on What Actually Happened--90% true, I’ve seen Kazakhstani Eaglez say. I’m not sure how great an idea it was, mental-health-wise, to have the members re-enact confrontations with would-be rioters during the 2016 tour, let alone whatever happened to prompt AZ to put a gun to his head. But even if I’m right (and I’m speaking with my own understandings of what happened and how it got processed, which could very well be way off the mark), something can be emotionally costly to create and still be worth it.

Without knowing about the 2016 tour, “Mooz” is hard to understand, since it’s not a typical believe-in-yourself song. It’s subdued. Ace has the chorus, but he sure isn’t belting. Bala has “I have a dream,” but he prefaces his lines with a little chuckle, as if he’s somewhat amused by all the twists and turns this star-in-a-pop-group idea has taken him on. AZ’s rap is pure lament. Alem at one point just flat-out stops lip-syncing and simply stares into the camera, looking devastated and unsure.

There’s a sense of uncertainty in the wake of damage done. Ace keeps singing, Мүмкін күн шыққанға дейін, бірге күте тұрамыз? The official English translation is “Let’s wait together until the sun rises.” The Russian lyrics, similarly, drop the question: Может вместе подождем, пока солнце не взойдет. “Maybe together we’ll wait until the sun rises.” (Says Google Translate.) But in the original Ace is asking a question: can we wait together until the sun rises? Is that even possible? And AZ continues: the whole world, in fact, we are strangers to each other? The members’ collective sense of their own ability to proceed forward--to do good--has been called into question.

Moreover I think the uncertainty stems not just from the experience of having had their concerts shut down, though that’s the most extreme (and audience-pleasing) culprit. The trailer actually begins with black-and-white footage of masses of Eaglez screaming at concerts. In the interview this summer the members say, no no we’re glad that we’re not The Band That Spawned a Thousand Thinkpieces right now, we don’t want to be regarded as just controversial attention-getters, we want fame on our own terms. All according to plan, Bala says in the song; but “the plan” calls for greater fame, and greater fame is going to mean less and less power, in terms of their ability to control their own images.

Here I am thinking of a video I’ve seen but won’t link to, of Ninety One at some kind of industry dinner at the beginning of the year. Alem sees the camera first, as he’s about to go into the dining hall, and he waves, throws a V sign, seems happy to have the attention. But the camera continues inside, and when ZaQ and Bala catch sight of it they’re clearly uncomfortable; they’re not looking to be public figures performing for fans right at that moment.

Thinking, also, of Rana Dasgupta’s recent essay, “Notes on a Suicide”:

The problem was that, for the most part, it did not matter how widely broadcast your discontent was: no one cared. The great majority of celebrities – in this new world where even nobodies were celebrities – were lacking in that basic attribute of the celebrity, which was fame. They were half-creatures – unfamous celebrities, anonymous superstars, VIPs like the entire rest of the world – and unlike their fully formed counterparts, the world did not gasp when they expressed their thoughts and feelings. Everything was lost, in fact, in the infinite cacophony….

In the world of social media, where everyone becomes a celebrity, they do not inherit merely the life force of stardom – its beauty, achievement and sex. What is transmitted also to these faceless ranks of superstars is the inner knowledge of death. For, as all true celebrities discover, the media image feeds parasitically on human energy, starving them and removing them, slowly, from the realm of the living.

Even setting translation issues aside, the odds that Boss Yerbolat and Ninety One read Desgupta’s essay before filming the video for “Mooz” seem pretty low. But seeing the brief manipulation of ZaQ’s face into that of an old man’s, I wonder if they haven’t had similar thoughts about what they have to lose, in staking their accomplishments on the awareness of strangers.

***

And yet, and yet, and yet.

They keep yelling Eaglez! It’s practically a trademark: Сәлем, Eaglez! Part of that may be marketing. Part of it. Not all of it.

There are a lot of directions they could have taken with “Mooz,” and didn’t. They could have chosen to laugh off or minimize the disruptions, reassure fans that nothing can touch their commitment to Ninety One. They could have refused to address the uncertainty altogether. They could have done more easily sellable songs about love and relationships, as they did on Aiyptama. They could have put out something more upbeat and generic.

Instead: Неге бəрі мұз? The English translator on duty has Ace’s line as “Why is everyone so cold?” But мұз actually means ice. A better translation might be “Why is everyone frozen?” To continue the metaphor from “Su Asty,” and spell it out: even with gills, you can’t breathe in frozen water.

Ace says, can we wait together? AZ says, and why am I still hugging my knees? Alem says, I don’t know who is who, but my heart continues to believe. ZaQ says, Either their judgment will crush me, or I will pass by not noticing them. Bala says, I will not give up so fast. To me it adds up to, continuing on in the face of profound uncertainty. That they don’t know exactly how to love Eaglez back en masse but they’re going to keep trying. That they can’t be sure this will all work out to their benefit, but it’s still worth doing.

And then, for the first time in their discography, they switch to English:

When you feel alone You can breathe with the world Just keep our rhythm One love, one rhythm

And because now is not the moment for subtlety, Ace looks at the camera for the first time, and Bala makes a heart gesture record-setting in its sincerity.

It’s grandiose. Of course it is. It’s a grandiose idea to begin with, to say, This was my experience, and I think you had an experience like it, and here’s what I want to tell you, this helped me, I think it will help you too. It’s grandiose to think you can talk about the meaning of true happiness in a pop song. It’s grandiose to talk about love and one rhythm to millions of people you’ll never meet.

It is grandiose, in truth, to assume you deserve enough power to be able to do good.

***

There have been times, putting this week together, that I’ve wondered if it hasn’t been a gigantic waste of time, or worse. Quite a lot of time flew away while I happily wrote, and then I looked up and the doubts crowded in. Everything from Are you sure this is worth taking time away from your kids for? to It’s just a pop group, after all to You’re just flattering yourself into thinking your consumption choices are somehow “deep” or “ethical” to Who gave an ignorant American woman first dibs on writing about a Kazakhstani pop group anyway? to Even if you do somehow succeed in getting Ninety One more publicity, that’s not necessarily going to make them more comfortable or happier to All this time, and no one’s going to read it, and meanwhile you still haven’t washed the dishes.

You have to understand: I come from city planning. As a discipline we’re swamped with two things: people who enter with the fervent, heartmost desire to do good, and examples of the road to hell being paved with good intentions. And as a general rule of thumb, the bigger the intention, the less predictable and controllable the consequences.

I think Ninety One want to be famous with their work, the way most people who like to create original works (myself included) do. I think they want the power of visibility for themselves, their genre, and their country; more specifically to beat back the powerlessness that comes with invisibility. And I think they want to do good. “Mooz” feels like an acknowledgment that none of this is simple, that the power to do good is hard to get and harder to use; and a resulting combination of resolution and humility. The desire to reach out, still; to use their song to speak; but their promise is small. When you feel alone, not “you are not alone,” not a promise of connection they can’t deliver on; but, you can breathe with the world. That’s all. Just breathe. Such a small thing.

What was the superpower ZaQ and AZ boasted about in “Su Asty”? We have gills, remember? Simply breathing underwater. Breathing.

That’s it? Ace asks. That’s it, Bala says.

Why did I even start getting so obsessively into pop music and its stories in the first place? To feel less alone. And then to marvel at the idea that people on the other side of the world, speaking other languages, coming from experiences fully foreign to mine, were willing to offer enough of themselves to cameras that I could, in fact, feel less alone; even if there was absolutely no way of my being able to do half as much for them in return.

As best I know Ninety One hasn’t seen this. I don’t know how to show it to them--I don’t even know what would be the best platform for jumping up and down and yelling HEY GUYS LOOK WHAT I WROTE AND IT’S ALL ABOUT YOOOOUUUUUU, leaving aside any issues about queue-jumping in front of other Eaglez who put time and energy into their own presents. I don’t know how to tell them that I find them lovable and inspiring, or that thanks to them I’ve had a great deal of fun learning about Kazakhstan and Kazakhstani music. I don’t know how to say thank you--рақмет сізге, or maybe Спасибо--loud enough for them to hear it; and even if I did, there’s no good reason why I should be the one who gets heard and not some other fan.

But it’s still worth doing.

introductory post / all Ninety One posts

[poolenick-blog]

Have you ever had the chance to watch the movie: ‘Memoirs of a Geisha‘? Or at least read the book? Well… I’ve done both at a young age and I instantly fell in love with Japan’s geisha as I witnessed their unique beauty, grace, and discipline. In fact, ever since then, I have been deeply enamoured by their mystifying world — which, thankfully, have still survived up to this day!

I say ‘survived’ because I was also interested in the samurai (Japan’s olden warriors who typically serve a feudal lord or daimyo). I badly wanted to witness their noble way of life; however, it made me terribly sad when I learned that they no longer exist, and this is because their social class has died down long ago around the late 1800s after the emperor favored a more modern western-style army. Sure, there may be descendants and even people who still try to practice samurai behavior and/or swordsmanship today, BUT it’s not the same given how the whole samurai lifestyle and system is absolutely non-existent anymore.

The geisha tradition is not as old as the samurai but it IS old and I’ve surely developed some sort of mild fear that they might eventually disappear too — which I hope to goodness, they won’t — and this worry of mine makes a bit of sense because there aren’t many geisha anymore. To put it into numbers, back in the 1920s they numbered around 80,000. Their current number? It is now estimated to be only 1,000 to 2,000!! Because of this and more, it couldn’t be helped that I’ve made ‘meeting or seeing a legit geisha‘ as an item on the very top of my bucket list.

Well… guess what? I already made this dream come true when I went to Japan this year!

What have I done, precisely? I talked to a geisha in Tokyo over a dinner banquet, I played games with 2 young senior maiko in Niigata, I caught sight of a legitimate maiko (who was on her way to work) in one of Kyoto‘s narrow alleys, and I watched two young Japanese maiko perform in Gion Corner — breathtaking experiences that I will surely remember and treasure forever.

Of course, now that I have met and seen them, my wish for their practices to continue for eternity has been strengthened even more!

But before I go on, actually, let’s talk about the movie again because I find it imperative to note that since ‘Memoirs of a Geisha‘ was made in Hollywood, it had several aspects that were false (if not overly romanticized) thereby contributing to the already growing misconceptions of this culture. Thanks to my discussions with a geisha, Kimicho of Tokyo, as well as to my long research sprees, I have come to learn MORE of the truth.

Today, I will be imparting that knowledge with you so that you too can be cleared of any misconceptions that you may have about them.

RELATED READ: Sample Japan Itineraries

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Understanding the Geisha of Japan

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» What is a ‘geisha’? How about a ‘maiko’?

A geisha, which translates to English as “performing artist” or “artisan”, is a high-class professional and traditional female entertainer in Japan trained in various forms of art.

IMPORTANT NOTE: In west of Japan such as of that in Kyoto, they use another name for geisha: geiko. Whereas in Kanto area (around Tokyo), they call them geigi. For Tokyo and other places, they commonly use the word ‘geisha’. For the sake of consistency in this article, I will use the word geisha. Besides, it is a more widely recognized term that can be used to encompass both that of western Japan’s geikos and Tokyo’s geisha.

Meanwhile, a maiko, which translates to English as “dancing child”, is an apprentice geisha.

Historically, a maiko starts her training at a very young age: around 3 or 5 years old. But now, their training starts at a much later date: in Kyoto they start at 15 or 16 and in Tokyo they start at 18.

Nevertheless, any girl who wants to enter the community does not have to begin as a maiko because it’s said that they can already proceed being a geisha. (Still and the same, they are required to do at least a year’s worth of training before debuting as a geisha.) For women who are aged 21 to 23 and above, they are deemed to be too old to become maiko so they already become a geisha when they join the community — again, still with training beforehand.

IMPORTANT NOTE: In Tokyo, maiko are rather called as hangyoku (“half jewel”) and they can remain to be so until they are 23. For the sake of consistency in this article, I will use the word maiko.

• What a geisha does •

A geisha is usually hired to attend to guests (who are predominantly and traditionally male) during banquets, meals, parties, and other occasions as she demonstrates her skills through various ways such as dancing to a tune played with the shamisen (a stringed instrument), initiating games, doing the art of conversation, and more.

Japanexperterna / Color edit applied / CC For these affairs, they meet up with their guests at an ochaya* (tea house) or at a ryōtei (traditional Japanese restaurant) and charge their customers by the hour with flat fees.

*Ochaya are highly exclusive places that customarily only grant entry to regular or trusted customers. This is mainly because of how they operate: they don’t bill their guests at the end of the evening, but rather once a month for all the expenses accrued — hence, there is a special level of trust involved. For instance, not just about anyone can go up to an ochaya without being introduced to it first by an already existing customer (and that existing customer would essentially risk their reputation by trusting the behavior of the person that they are introducing to the ochaya). Going by this train of thought, hiring a geisha to have a dinner banquet with is not easy especially if you’re not Japanese and not well-connected, as it is exclusive AND expensive.

Fortunately, most ochaya have lessened their restrictions lately and tourists can now have a geisha dinner if they go through partnered travel agencies and hotels. However, you will still need to prepare a considerable budget for this because a full geisha dinner can be worth around 50,000 yen and up ($470~ or Php 22,500~) per geisha or maiko. This does NOT include dinner yet which starts at 10,000 yen ($95~ or Php 4,500~), as well as an interpreter if you don’t know how to speak Japanese (since geisha and maiko don’t train in English conversation).

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Want to meet with a geisha?

Come and check out these geisha encounters and/or dinner activities that you can do either in Nagoya or Tokyo that already include English translators!

TRIVIA: Some people will say that it can be a ‘waste’ of your money to have a geisha dinner if you don’t speak Japanese — the magic of it all may cease to exist! They say that this is because you’ll be missing out on one of their best talents: conversation or witty banter.

No matter the case, this is all up to you of course! The way I see it, it might indeed be a waste of money, BUT I don’t think it’s a bad idea to do it anyway and get an interpreter (better yet, drag along your Japanese friend). And if you’re up for it, there are also already a few trained and recognized foreigner geisha in Japan who can speak English. I went through this experience myself and I enjoyed it so much! (To learn more about these modern foreigner geisha, go • History of geisha •

Geisha started to appear in the pleasure quarters of Japan before the turn of the 18th century. The first geisha were actually men, whereas the first female ones who appeared years later were teenage odoriko who were expensively-trained “dancing girls” or dancers-for-hire. (As time passed on, being a geisha was mainly regarded as a female occupation.)

Slowly, geisha became more widespread and a lot of them started to work primarily as entertainers — anyone who was selling sex (which was against their intended kind of work) were imprisoned after all in order to protect the oiran who were licensed high-class courtesans or prostitutes at that time. However, when 1800 came in, the oiran slowly fell out of demand when wealthy Japanese men chose geisha more as their companion of choice due to their ‘chic’ and modern demeanour.

Simply put: the rise of the geisha was the fall of the oiran.

Japanexperterna / CC | Right photo by: Keisuke Makino / CC . Meanwhile, when World War II began, geisha started to decline; they had to close their okiya (geisha houses), and the teahouses and bars had to close shop as well. As a result, they went to other places in Japan for safety or for work (such as in factories, etc.). It didn’t help either that some prostitutes started to refer to themselves as “geisha girls” to American military men.

Nonetheless, when the war ended, the returning geisha made it a point to reinstate their traditional standards as highly-skilled entertainers, and at the same time, they proposed increased rights for their profession. • Myths to bust about the geisha and maiko of today •

1 MYTH: Geishas are prostitutes. TRUTH: Geisha are NOT prostitutes. They are and always will be highly-skilled entertainers. (It helps to note anyway that prostitution is illegal in Japan ever since 1956.) Plus, even though there were some of them in the olden times who offered sex to their clients, it helps to note that it wasn’t a part of their true traditional function or training — call them rebels if you will, and they might just be so since as I’ve discussed previously, a geisha is imprisoned in the past should they ever offer sex to others casually.

Of course a geisha is free to pursue personal relationships with any man that she meets through work; but such would most likely never be casual nor will it ever be her goal for such an interaction. They live in a geisha district (hanamachi) which is very closely-knit community, and given how greatly they value their reputation, they would always pick their relationships carefully. Should they ever fall in love and want to marry, then sometimes they must retire because geisha (most especially in Kyoto) are expected to be single. Nevertheless, there are now a lot of places in Japan (like Tokyo) that allow married, divorced and/or women with children to become geisha.

2 MYTH: Geisha have personal relationships with a patron or danna. TRUTH: This is NOT true today. It may have been tradition in the past for geisha to take a danna or a patron who was wealthy enough to support the expenses related to her training and other costs in order to have a personal relationship in return (which was not inherently sexual) with a geisha. But today, it is very unusual for a geisha to have a personal relationship with a danna and should they ever have one (which is rare because most of them love to be autonomous now), it’s mainly because of the patron’s desire to help prolong the geisha arts and traditions — nothing more. Again, a geisha and her danna can fall in love but intimacy is never viewed as an exchange for the danna’s financial support.

3 MYTH: Young girls are sold to okiya (geisha houses) by their parents because of poverty. TRUTH: It may have happened way in the past, but nowadays, NO young girl is sold to an okiya due to poverty as it is more of a personal career choice in order to become a maiko/geisha. In fact, a lot of girls have to persuade their parents today in order to let them become one. Once a girl’s parents do consent to it, she will have to be interviewed first by the association as well as the female owners of the ochaya (tea houses) before being accepted.

4 MYTH: Geisha are lead by men and money (as portrayed in the movie: Memoirs of a Geisha). TRUTH: This is NOT true. It helps to always remember that the movie was mainly fictional and set to be ‘sellable’ to audiences. (Well, hello Hollywood!). Being a geisha is like being an artist or a performer — it’s a respectable profession and much like any career you pursue in life that you are passionate about, you do it because you love it while also earning your living from it. They don’t go around chasing after men either; it just so happens that the people that they present their art and performances to are predominantly men.

5 MYTH: Maiko go through mizuage wherein a patron would pay to take their virginity. (As also seen in ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’). TRUTH: Nope. This kind of mizuage was actually a ceremony done by young courtesans and prostitutes in the past — NOT by maiko. Though there are speculations that this mizuage (taking of the virginity) was done by some maiko in the past, what’s important to remember is that this is NOT done today nor was it ever traditionally accepted to be done by geisha for their maiko. The only kind of mizuage that maiko have done was a ceremony wherein older geisha would symbolically cut the topknot of the maiko’s hair to signify her coming of age (of becoming an adult). • How to identify geisha and maiko •

As you visit Japan, take note of the below points to help you quickly differentiate a geisha from their apprentice (maiko):

AGE. As I’ve already discussed, maiko usually start their training at a young age (15 to 16 for Kyoto and 18 for Tokyo) so they are much younger than a full-fledged geisha who often start at around 21 to 23. .

HAIRSTYLE. Geisha usually wear wigs whereas maiko have their hair styled naturally. A geisha’s wig and a maiko’s natural hair are regularly styled by highly-skilled artisans (lately though, traditional hairstyling is slowly phasing out because it can sometimes lead to balding on the top of their head).

TRIVIA: Maiko have their hair styled elaborately every week. To keep their hairstyle intact, maiko sleep with their necks on small supports called as takamakura (they are tall uncomfortable-looking pillows; if you’ve watched the movie Memoirs of a Geisha, you’ll know what I’m talking about).

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HAIR ORNAMENTS. Maiko wear more elaborate decorative hair ornaments called as kanzashi and the designs can vary depending on the stage of training that they are currently in. During their .

MAKEUP. On a typical day, a maiko will be seen wearing the most recognizable feature of geisha: the full white face makeup. Geisha, on the other hand, do NOT have this makeup on unless they are going to do a special performance. . Maiko will always have a noticeable white band of unpainted skin on their hairline (since they don’t wear wigs) and their eyebrows will be shaded in red or pink, their cheeks slightly blushed, and their eyes outlined with black eyeliner and red eyeshadow. During the early stages of their training, ‘junior’ maiko (or minarai) will only have their lower lip painted in red and as they advance (as ‘senior’ maiko), both their lips will be painted but only in a thin line. For geisha who need to have their face painted when they work, apart from having no visible part of exposed skin near their hairline (since they wear wigs), their eyebrows will also only have a faint shade of red, their eyes outlined in black (if a ‘senior’ geisha) or with a slight red (if they’re a ‘junior’ geisha) and their lips painted fully in red. Joe Baz / CC | Circle & right photo by: Annie Guilloret / CC

TRIVIA: This white makeup fully covers the geisha or maiko’s face, neck, and chest — except for the nape (called komata or the back of a person’s neck) which they will make sure is visible when they would later on wear their kimono. This part is considered to be a traditionally erotic area in Japan so they accentuate this sensuality by customarily leaving an inverted “V” shape on a geisha, and an inverted “W” shape on those who just debuted as maiko. (This style is called as eri-ashi)

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KIMONO. A maiko usually wears a colorfully-designed long-sleeved kimono (Japanese traditional garment) with a wider obi (sash) that is set to look like a bow as it drapes down to their back. A maiko’s collar is also a distinct feature because it is thick and embroidered, hangs very loosely and are mainly in the color red (other colors can only be gold or white). It will slowly have white embroidered patterns as they advance in their training but it will always remain to be dominantly red. Geisha, who are more mature, wear more subdued but refined kimonos with shorter sleeves that are usually in one color with a simple pattern at the bottom. Their obi is shorter too and it looks like a square bow knot at the back. Lastly, their collars are completely white and are not as loose. (Both maiko and geisha though wear kimonos according to the season).

NOTE: Wanna try and wear a kimono? There are kimono rental shops in Tokyo! Read here to learn more.

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FOOTWEAR. Maiko generally wear very high wooden sandals, to prevent their kimono from touching the ground, called as okobo. Geisha use shorter wooden sandals called zori or geta (maiko will wear this too if the situation calls for it; but they wear okobo more). Laura Tomàs Avellana / CC | Right photo by: Joi Ito / CC .

• How to spot the fake geisha and maiko •

You might have heard of makeover (henshin) studios in Japan that will dress tourists up as a geisha or maiko for a day. With this in mind, if you have ever seen a geisha or maiko while you are around popular spots in Japan — like in parts of Kyoto or Tokyo — it is highly likely that you have witnessed or took a picture with a fake one.

To help you identify and spot these tourists who are only dressing up, see below the several features that they will possess. (Ultimately, henshin studios make it a point to NOT dress up their clients authentically; otherwise, they will be shut down by the authorities.)

They have mismatched hairstyle, makeup, and clothing. Taking into considerations the descriptions that I’ve made previously of authentic geisha and maiko features, a tourist in disguise will always have a wrong mix of characteristics. For example, most of them will have the decorative long hair ornament (of a junior maiko) yet with both her lips painted (like a senior maiko or geisha) and with a wig on (though some shops can now do your hair too). Also look at the 3rd one, she has a camera with her! (Maiko are not allowed to use any electronics while working). .

They are walking around crowded areas. A true maiko or geisha knows that she is sought out by tourists and they can get ‘mobbed’ in a sense; so, you will NEVER find them walking through a populated area while in their full regalia. What they usually do is walk through back streets and alleyways in order to avoid the crowd. Hence, if you ever see a maiko or geisha walking casually through a well-known place, she is surely a tourist dressed up as one. .

They are out during the early time of the day. Geisha and maiko commonly work in the evenings; though it’s possible that they are booked for an early banquet, it almost happens rarely. .

They are willingly taking photos with others. Geisha and maiko are actually paid for the time that requires them to get from point A to point B, so when they are out on the streets, they will never stop by to take photos with tourists. (You can always ask them though if you can take a photo, but do it quick). Therefore, if you see one who is taking her sweet time pleasing a crowd of tourists to take a photo of her (unless it’s an official event) then she is a tourist who had a makeover. .

They are accompanied by other people who are in normal clothing. Saw a geisha or maiko with an elder or companion who has to aid her while she walks in her high wooden shoes? That’s a tourist. Real geisha and maiko are trained to walk well with their zori or okobo sandals. Besides, they always know their way around town too. If they’re ever accompanied, it will usually be by a young girl in a kimono who will carry her belongings (this is a new maiko in training who is called a ‘shikomi‘). .

Actually, you wouldn’t be aware of it but you might have had a legitimate geisha or maiko in your midst especially when you’re walking around in Kyoto. When they’re in their normal clothes (such as a yukata), identifying them will naturally be tough — unless you are a fan who recognizes their face or unless they are wearing their signature kimono and traditional white makeup (shiro-nuri).

NOTE: There’s another kind apart from henshin tourists whom you could easily mistake as legitimate geisha and maiko, and they’re called furisode-san or kimono-san.

An established business by ‘Furisode Gakuin’ at Tokyo’s Asakusa district in the 1990s, these furisode-san are paid entertainers only who mimic the look and services of geisha and maiko at a cheaper price (usually around 25,000 yen or $250 for a 2-hour party). They only have about 3 months of training and again — they are NOT real geisha nor maiko.

In fact, most of the geisha experiences that you might have actually read in other travel blogs are actually experiences with a furisode-san. How do the Japanese feel about these people? A mix of approval and disapproval. Approval since they help gather interest in real geisha; disapproval since they deem it as disrespectful to the real tradition.

How then can you ensure that you’re not booking an experience with a furisode-san? Apart from the cheap price as an indicator, make sure that you book through legitimate travel agencies who only seek to provide real geisha/maiko experiences (note: I will update this section soon with relevant links for booking legit geisha).

» The geisha of today

Though the geisha tradition is dwindling (due to its exclusivity, expensive price, and traditional form), it is in Kyoto where it remains to be the strongest today. Kyoto is also the pinnacle area where experiencing geisha remains to be the best and most prestigious in its five hanamachi (geisha districts or “flower towns”), namely: Gion Kōbu, Ponto-chō, Kamishichiken, Gion Higashi, and Miyagawa-chō.

If we have to put it into numbers, as I’ve previously mentioned, there only about 1,000 to 2,000 geisha now and they are found in several cities across Japan — not only in Kyoto, but in Tokyo (with well-known hanamachi of Shimbashi, Asakusa, and Kagurazaka) and Kanazawa too. It is said that there are about 300 geisha in Kyoto; but the exact numbers there as well as in other areas are unknown to us outsiders.

TRIVIA: I was told that there exists a male geisha in Japan. His name is Eitaro and he is found in Tokyo’s Omori district.

Speaking of hanamachi, these are places that are generally referred to as the ‘flower and willow world’ (karyukai). Given that they are speckled with okiya and ochaya that are owned and run by women, all the power is then held by females. (Men in these districts are rather mainly artisans, dressers, or wig makers.) Children who are girls are also preferred so that they can later take on the business — this is a trait that is in contrast to the rest of Japan. • The foreigner or non-Japanese geisha •

In order to keep up with the times, some okiya have been accepting foreign nationals as geisha. So far there are only a few of them that have been admitted. (Below are their Japanese names, and the data below is as of 2016.).

Ibu – a geiko in Anjo, Aichi Prefecture // originally from Ukraine ~ source ~ retired

Juri – a geisha in the resort town of Yugawara // originally from Peru ~ source ~ unsure if still working or retired

Fukutarō – a geisha in Izu-Nagaoka, Shizuoka // originally from Romania ~ source ~ retired

Sayuki – an (unofficial) geisha in Asakusa, Tokyo // originally from Australia ~ source ~ debuted as a geisha, but has been disassociated with the Asakusa Geisha Association and has since worked independently

Rinka – a geisha in Shimoda, Shizuoka Prefecture // originally from China ~ source ~ unsure if still working or retired

Mutsuki – a geisha in Shinigawa, Tokyo // originally from China ~ source ~ working as a geisha

Kimicho – a geisha in the Oimachi district of Shinagawa Tokyo // originally from America ~ source ~ worked as a geisha since 2015, now retired

Kimicho just started last October 2015 and I personally had the pleasure of meeting and talking to her! Read about it here!

Evidently, you will not see foreigner or non- Japanese geisha admitted (yet) in Kyoto as they still remain to be somewhat strictly traditional. Nevertheless, it is great to see that the rest of Japan is slowly opening its geisha tradition to others who love the culture, even if they are not of Japanese descent. • How to become a geisha •

I’ve discussed this already above, but just to reiterate, training to become a geisha in which you start as a maiko begins at 15 to 16 in Kyoto and 18 in Tokyo (in the past, it started at 3 – 5 years old). So these days, girls must have at least graduated from middle school (except Kyoto who has special laws for it) before they can make the decision to train as a maiko and eventually become a geisha.

However, it is rather more common for young Japanese women to start training after high school or college; but a lot more would begin later. If they are above 21 to 23, they will already start as a geisha (with a year’s training) since they are too old to be a maiko. Having said that, one doesn’t have to start as a maiko since they can already start to train as a geisha — but of course, the allure of the overall comprehensive training process as you progress from a maiko to a full-fledged geisha can be quite an experience (and can add more to one’s reputation in the community).

So in order to become a geisha, once you reach the age required, you or your parent need to contact for example: Ookini Zaidan (the guild for all of Kyoto’s hanamachi businesses) and you must fulfill their other basic requirements: not taller than 160cm, at least 43kg in weight, willingness to train in the traditional arts for years, etc. Once they consider you a good candidate, they will send out your profile to okiya houses that might be interested in training you.

NOTE: Okiya will shoulder all your expenses for food, training, clothes, etc. once you are accepted by them and bonded by a contract. When you start working you can slowly pay off these debts.

If you are non-Japanese, Kyoto is a hard environment to crack in so you’re better off applying to other places like Tokyo and applying to okiyas yourself (better if you know someone who can introduce you to an okasan or a mother of an okiya/geisha house). By the way, do NOT try to apply if you don’t know the language yet; otherwise, absolutely no okiya will take you! • The training of a maiko •

There are several stages to undergo if you train as a maiko. First of all, the stage of…

Shikomi. As you are taken in, you will first be regarded as a shikomi, someone who basically works as a helper for the okiya as you do errands, help other geisha and maiko dress up, etc. — but at the same time you are also slowly being trained into the lifestyle. Example: adjusting to wearing a traditional yukata as normal clothing, growing out your hair, learning the proper demeanor, going to school (kaburejo or nyokobo) to learn the arts of the shamisen instrument, dance, tea ceremony, etc. » This can last for about 6 months before going to the next stage.

Minarai. At this point, you start your formal training and be regarded as a minarai which literally means “learning by watching”. In this stage, you will have an older geisha for a mentor whom you will call onēsan (sister) and this will be a bond that will stay for life. You are then expected to accompany your onesan to ozashiki (dinner banquet events) so that you can sit and observe her as well as other geisha and maiko interact with the customers. Through this way, you will not only gain real insights of the job but you will also gain the chance to know potential clients. At times, your onesan will allow you to perform but she will keep a close eye on you. » This training period starts a month before your official debut as a maiko.

Misedashi. This is your official debut as a maiko and this ceremony is like a grand public party wherein your name will be spread out across the hanamachi. You will also undergo a ritual called as sansankudo (also done in wedding ceremonies) where you exchange cups with your onesan, other geisha, and senior maiko — people who you are now bound to. Afterwards, you are now free to hold your own parties and perform in festivals; but you will always join your onesan at her events and you will also still continue learning from her. » Normally, this stage will last about 4 to 5 years.

David Offf / CC

• Debuting as a geisha •

Erikae. Around the age of 21 to 23, you will be promoted as a full-fledged geisha in yet another public ceremony called erikae or “turning of the collar” wherein as the name implies, they will turn your red collar to white as a sign of your transition to maturity from that of a maiko girl into a geisha woman.

Geisha. You will continue studying, working, and holding ozashiki banquets until you pay off your debts to your okiya. You could also take on a minarai/maiko under your wing. When your debts to your okiya are settled, you may choose to move out, work independently, or continue living in the okiya.

Hiki-iwai. This is a celebration that marks your retirement as a geisha, and it can be because of various reasons: you want to quit the geisha life, you want to pursue another career, you are too old to work publicly, you want to get married, or you want to become an okami-san (proprietress of either an ochaya or okiya).

Realistically-speaking however, not a lot of maiko make it to the geisha level because the lifestyle can be quite difficult. Also, once someone does become a geisha, it’s also common for them to retire within 5 years of their debut.

Anyhow, geisha and maiko alike are celebrated and they have a HUGE fanbase — not only in Japan but worldwide too! » Where to find or see geisha?

The geisha world needs to survive. It used to only be exclusively available for the rich or well-connected Japanese, but now it’s possible for other people as well as tourists to meet and see them through travel agencies and hotels.

But certainly, like I mentioned

Go book a spot in Niigata Hanamachi Chaya’s program in Niigata City. This is the cheapest way to meet, play, and talk to a real geisha up close since you only have to pay 3,000 yen ($26~ of Php 1,300~). It’s very similar to an ozashiki (dinner banquet) experience. To find out more about it…

» READ: Meet, Play & Talk with Niigata’s Furumachi Geigi (Geisha) for Only $26!

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Go to Miyako Odori in Kyoto. This is a yearly spring dance during April done by Kyoto’s geisha and maiko. Ticket prices start at 2,500 yen ($24~ or Php 1,100~) and you can see more info about this here. .

Go to Kamishichiken in Kyoto during February and July to September. Geisha and maiko of this district serve tea and wagashi (traditional Japanese sweets) to about 3,000 guests in an annual open-air tea ceremony held on February 25 (the plum-blossom festival in the Shinto shrine of Kitano Tenman-gū). Additionally, ever since 2010, there is a beer garden that opens up to the public at the Kamishichiken Kaburenjo Theatre during July to August (6PM to 10PM) where you can get the chance to be served by maiko and geisha. (At night, geisha would also sometimes to traditional dances). .

Go to the narrow alleyways of Gion, Kyoto to catch sight of a maiko or geisha. Their work often starts at around 6PM to 8PM but ordinarily, you can have a better chance of finding geisha or maiko at around 10PM to 11PM on the streets of Gion as they make their way to work. (Again, take note of my tips above on how to spot the real ones!) Unfortunately, there really is NO one guaranteed spot where you can see them because they can be elusive and they can be anywhere! Nevertheless, it’s said that the most common hubs would be the street of Pontocho Alley and Hanamikoji-dori (around 5-6PM) so you can try your chances there.

I managed to catch a glimpse of a real maiko when I was walking through Gion (on my way to Gion Corner). It was all unplanned since I was just following the fastest walking route shown to me by Google Maps! I was mindlessly going through narrow streets when ‘lo and behold, I saw a maiko emerging from a nearby alleyway who proceeded to stand on the corner, seemingly waiting for her taxi. From what I remember, it was around the Tominagacho area; my friends told me that it was possible that the maiko I saw had visited a nearby shrine/temple before going to work (which they usually do).

TIP: If you want to do a guided tour around Kyoto and learn more about the geishas, you can join this geisha districts tour.

NOTE: Don’t expect to see geisha and maiko in their full regalia around Gion during “Obon Festival”, the annual Buddhist event for commemorating the souls of one’s ancestors, because they don’t work at that time. This happens during the middle of August.

ETIQUETTE: Should you ever see a geisha or maiko as you go through the alleyways of Gion, be respectful. Taking a quick photo is fine as long as you don’t get in their way; but of course, it’s also more tactful if you ask for their permission first. Also, NEVER ever touch them and their kimono nor pull them back to make them stop and pose for you; that’s just plain rude BUT also because you have to remember that their kimonos are INCREDIBLY expensive. A famous geisha once said this: “We are not Mickey mouse and this is not Disney World, we are not here to entertain the public, we are here to entertain our patrons.”

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Go and watch the show at Gion Corner in Kyoto. This is a theater that presents regular one-hour shows of 7 performing arts in Kyoto — one of which is the well-known kyo-mai dance performance by maiko dancers. There are 2 shows everyday at 6PM and 7PM [see schedule here] with prices for adults at 3,150 yen ($30~ or Php 1,400). I went to this show and I loved it! (A lot of people on TripAdvisor left such bad reviews for this show, but that’s mainly because they didn’t read their pamphlet beforehand so that they can understand the rest of the 6 Japanese performances that are apart from the well-anticipated maiko dance.) .

Go to Azuma Odori in Tokyo. A dance performance by the geisha of Shinbanshi, Tokyo are held annually at the Shinbanshi Enbujo Theater in May. (For more info, go here). .

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Overall

I hope this article helped in making you gain more insight about the mysterious yet captivating world of geisha and their apprentice maiko. It took me a while to finish this up but I really enjoyed writing it… and I hope you enjoyed it as well!

If in case though that this is the first time you’ve heard of Japan’s geisha, it is therefore also my hope that you’ve now discovered a great appreciation for their wondrous traditions.

P.S.: If you are more knowledgeable about geisha than me and that I’ve accidentally made a false statement above, do let me know in the comments below. After all, I understand that this tradition maintains an air of mysteriousness and anonymity since it adds to their overall ‘allure’; therefore, there might be some conflicting facts online and in some materials and interviews. Regardless, I’m quite confident with the accuracy of the things above especially after doing long hours of research and then conversing with a true-blue geisha to verify my facts. Let me know!

How about you?

What do you think about Japan’s geisha?

Would you want to see or meet them up close? Why or why not?

Or have you already seen or met a geisha or maiko before? How was the experience?

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The post Understanding the Geisha of Japan: Myths & Facts appeared first on I am Aileen.

[wingslovesfiction]

tagged by: @monkeysatemylastrolo (here is her post) who is writing the lovely Supernatural/Avengers crossover fanfic Trading places on AO3 under the username Vegetableswillhavetheirrevenge. I think I found your AO3 profile and therefore your fic through your tumblr, then promplty forgot about it cause you have a very different username :D rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people tagging: This is so difficult... @tigerlilynoh @semirahrose @denugis @l-e-i-n-t-h @posingasme I’d tag @eruthiawenluin but she’s already answered here, @rirren @fioreitaliano @mixgoldenphoenix @forlorn-kumquat @waterbird13 but only if they want to. Any anyone else who wants to. :)

Sorry, but I’m incapable of giving short answers, apparently.

the last 1. drink: water. pretty much always. 2. phone call: my father, day before yesterday, about some potential tenants. 3. text message: ...also to my father, apparently. It was over a week ago, letting him and my mom know know when I was getting back. 4. song you listened to: not sure... it was in a fanvid, probably? I’ve rewatched sone SPN fanvids recently. Oh, no, it was that Anaconda/Phantom of the Opera mashup on here, wasn’t it? Yikes. 5. time you cried: I cry pretty rarely, and that’s usually because of a piece of fiction... it was either Atonement (movie with James McAvoy), or else a movie I don’t even know the title of, it just involved a grandmother almost dying, and I happened to be in the room at that part, and a relative of ours died recently - and I did not cry then, this stupid movie just triggered it somehow. 6. dated someone twice: how do you even count dates if you’re aroace but you slowly drift into a relatioship with your best (only) friend on a “I want to try this” basis? But I suppose the answer is: now, since I have a boyfriend at the moment. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: 2012 iirc, first time I tried kissing and hated it. But it was also good to know I don’t like it, so it’s not a big regret. Recenty it turned out I can like kissing, though. 8. been cheated on: never. 9. lost someone special: Mum’s cousin died a couple of months ago. 10. been depressed: it’s not to diagnosable levels, but I’m depressed and anxious a lot when I’m stressed, so this January-April had some difficult parts when I was writing my thesis. But 2013 autumn (I think?) was the only time I went to a therapist for it, cause wanting to die instead of dealing with stuff is not a nice thought to have that often. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never. I drink so rarely and so little when I do that I don’t think it will ever happen.

3 favorite colors 12. green 13. blue 14. yellow if mixed with the first two. Otherwise silver?

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes (but not close friends) 16. fallen out of love: so far I seem to be 100% aromantic... 17. laughed until you cried: Laughed a lot, yes, but I don’t remember if I ever cried from laughing. 18. found out someone was talking about you: what does this even mean? in secret? no. 19. met someone who changed you: do people who teach you stuff count? 20. found out who your friends are: ...no? 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: what facebook list? I only kissed one person, and we are friends on fb, yes...

general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them. I only have people on there who are to do with my real life, not my internet life. “knowing” them might be an exaggeration, though. 23. do you have any pets: my family has one cat atm. 24. do you want to change your name: Nope. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: parents, siblings & their SOs, cake. 26. what time did you wake up: Midday... 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sat in my parents’s car, coming back from a day trip to the Cserhát mountains. 28. name something you can’t wait for: I’m good right now... I’d rather this summer dragged on forever, since I just got my degree and start work in September (as much as I love my future job). There’s movies I’m looking forward to, but I can wait. 29. when was the last time you saw your mum: a second ago. 31. what are you listening to right now: birdsong; my parents talking at times. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I don’t think so. Maybe. Does the Hungarian equivalent of the name count? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: politics and news. More personally (tmi?): the roots of my body hair getting inflamed all the time. 34. most visited website: gmail, technically, from where I go to FFNet or AO3 for fanfic updates. Recently, tumblr is creeping back up. 35. hair colour: brown. 36. long or short hair: short (pixie!). I got it cut almost exactly 2 years ago, I wore it long before then. 37. do you have a crush on someone: No, still aro. 38. what do you like about yourself: I have a high IQ. It has its drawbacks (mainly my conscience screaming “why are you not doing MORE if you have the ability”), but I don’t know what I’d do without it. 39. piercings: no. 40. blood type: I don’t know. 41. nickname: Wings on the internet, rather not say in person. My given name is from the Bible so it’s pretty common in a lot of countries, but the nickname for it that I use only exists in my country (Hungary). 42. relationship status: like I said: ‘dating’ my best friend who knows I’m aro and (mostly?) ace, on the basis “let’s give it a try since we enjoy each other’s company”. It’s going well, so far, but he’s been in Germany for the past few months on a scholarship. 43. zodiac: Taurus (ascendant: Libra) 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: I have a lot of stuff I love a lot, it changes over time which one I’m focused on. I don’t have the objectivity to choose from them. Supernatural and Stargate: SG-1 deserve mentioning because I haven’t only read a ton of fanfic for them, I have also written a bit. 46. tattoos: nope. 47. right or left handed: right. 48. surgery: None. My broken arm only needed a cast. 49. piercing: I’d like to leave monkeysatemylastrolo’s answer here: “Why is ‘piercing’ any different from the ‘piercings’ of question 39? Is there some special magical power people gain depending on the number of piercings they have?” 50. sport: Tai chi (Taijiquan). It’s great. It’s martial arts and meditation but it’s slow moving and graceful and I could start it when I was out of breath just going up the stairs. Never looked back. I would like swimming, if *something* wouldn’t always get in the way. 51. vacation: I’m spending my summer with my parents in my childhood home. It counts as vacation because there’s clean air and lakes and I won’t be living here from September, when I start working in Budapest. 52. pair of trainers: yes? What about them? I have two pairs of cheap flat-soled ones for tai chi, and a pair of not-really-trainers for street wear (white, black, and light green, respecitvely). 53. eating: I just had some ice cream cake left over from my dad’s birthday. 54. drinking: water. again. 55. i’m about to: dunno. Read fanfic, probably, or answer some emails if there are any potential tenants. 56. waiting for: my graduation ceremony in two weeks? 57. want: realistically? To enjoy and earn enough money with the job I’m starting in September. Unrealistically? Superpowers, preferably ones involving flight, preferably wings + the assorted powers I made up. 58. get married: Probably not. I might enter a long-term relationship in order to raise children, if I come to want any, and then it might be worth it for legal&economic reasons, but... 59. career: Translator (Hungarian, English, some German). Just starting out. 60. hugs or kisses: Hugs. Not from everyone, though. 61. lips or eyes: is this a “what do I notice on people as attractive” question? In person: nothing. I do notice the eyes of some actors I’m a fan of, and the lips of one cause they’re always improbably red. 62. shorter or taller: I’m of average height for a woman, I think. 63. older or younger: Than whom? I’m 27. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: again: is this a “what do I notice on people as attractive” question? Again, nothing. 65. hook up or relationship: Mostly neither, but I have to say relatinship since I have something like that at the moment, and I never had a hook up. 66. troublemaker or hesitant: I’m mostly hesitant, except about stuff like climbing a tree on a hike or stuff like that.

have you ever 67. kissed a stranger: No. I’m definitely not attracted to strangers. 68. drank hard liquor: yes, to try the tase, or to settle my stomach, but always just a minimal amount. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope. Never had contacts. I did sit on my glasses on a holiday once, and they warped pretty badly, so I was without them for a little over a week... 70. turned someone down: Yes. All three people that ever asked me out, all of them after one or two dates (I felt like I had to try), all before I heard or thought about aromanticism and asexuality. The second involved a lot of tears, but then I was friends with him for a long time after that. 71. sex on the first date: Nope. 72. broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so. It might be on the horizon, though, if the boy I’m dating comes to love me and comes to hate the fact that I don’t feel that strongly... 73. had your heart broken: Romantically: nope, still 100% aromantic. It breaks my heart what we’re doing to the planet (and ourselves), though. Seriously, I have cried about that more than once. 74. been arrested: No, not even close. 75. cried when someone died: I think I only cried at the funeral, not when I got the news. 76. fallen for a friend: Never been in love!

do you believe in 77. yourself: Repeat after me: “I believe in myself.” 78. miracles: I believe in some stuff that sceptics would say is unscientific nonsense, partly cause I’ve experienced some of it, partly cause I’m hoping it’s true, but I wouldn’t classify them as miracles. 79. love at first sight: for some people, I guess it’s possible, I mean, there are enough stories about it. 80. santa claus: we don’t even have him in Hungary in the same form as americans&co do :) A dude based on Saint Nicholas comes on his day, the 6th of December and brings chocolate, tangerines and peanuts, but I know it’s my parents :) Christmas gifts are brought by the baby Jesus’s angels (again, also known as my parents). 81. kiss on the first date: Is that something to believe in? If you want it, do it, it doesn’t have anything to do with me. 82. angels: Ehh... no? Souls or similar, yes, some kind of afterlife, yes, because I don't think the human mind is just flesh, but anything as specific as angels? I have no way of knowing, and I don’t want to dismiss other religions by saying I believe in something that’s specific to only a few of them, so...

other 83. current best friend’s name: I only have the one close friend, who I’m “dating”, and I’m not telling you his name. (I’m bad at relationships. Not just romantic ones, but friendly ones as well. I have people I’m friendly with, but maintaining a relationship outside fixed programs like school, work, tai chi training, choir practice, etc. - how does one even do that?! I’m too lazy and too selfishly satisfied with my own company to spend my energy on that, apparently.) 84. eye color: green, but brownish (is that hazel?) 85. favorite movie: see question 45 about favorite TV show, except I never actually managed to write fanfic for any of them. How do I choose?!?! Star Wars, I guess? Return of the Jedi, if I have to choose one from them. The Matrix, if you want something a bit less fandom-y.

[intrepidprogrammer]

Go support the Fleen Fundraiser

EDIT: the fundraiser had closed, thank you all for your participation.

Over at Fleen (where, full disclosure, I am the French correspondant - pro bono), Gary Tyrrell has a fundraiser for a variety of good causes (original post) where, if you send your receipt of donation for one or more of these organisations, he will match the donation, doubling your impact.

For some of you it's obvious, but some of you might be wondering why I, a straight cis white man, from France, would care that much. Some of it is my upbringing and the values that my parents taught me, and I thank them for it. And some of it is from reading the diverse experiences represented in webcomics (and around the webcomics community in general), as is it for Gary. But in between happened two experiences that were more specifically significant for me, and relate to my trade, which is software development; following Gary’s example, I thought it would be worthwhile for me to relate them.

The first experience is that of playing computer games in French on the Mac. The Macintosh has long been, and today still remains somewhat not taken seriously as a platform for games, and so besides having a limited number of ports, those that existed tended to be of lower quality. And of course, anyone who has played games in a language other than English (and occasionally even English games, when they are adapted from Japanese) has experienced baffling artifacts introduced when the game was adapted to their language, ranging from the isolated word-for-word, clunky translation, to games where they did not have the means to record new voices, so the original voices remain while everything else was translated, to entire games that were so badly adapted that they might as well not have bothered.

But in some cases, the two specificities would intersect.

The best example is a crash that would occur in Civilization III when the samurai unit was to appear in the map; and the root cause was that, to make it short, the unit was called “samouraï” in French and the localized version of the name was actually used for some internal purposes, in a way that resulted in support files not being found, but only in the Mac version due to the different way the non-ASCII “ï” character is encoded on the Mac. So the issue would not be experienced in the French Windows version, nor in the English Mac version, but would exist in the French Mac version.

While the relationship with intersectionality only came later, this meant that, when I encountered the concept (e.g. with this excellent comic) I had no doubt whatsoever that there exist specific concerns that only arise at the intersection of two issues that you would naively think are independent. For instance, black women face cultural challenges that are more than just the sum of challenges faced by white women and faced by black men.

(yes, obviously the challenges faced from playing French games on the Mac pale in front of the issues faced by, say, LGBTQ+ immigrants; but if that led me to intersectionality, it’s a story worth sharing)

The second experience is when a software developer whose blog I had been following for some time revealed she had been diagnosed with gender identity dysphoria and was transitioning to being a woman. While I had known in the abstract about “sex change” (better referred to as gender reassignment surgery) and had no particular objection, this forced me to confront some conceptions I had about the whole thing, and I came out considering: “Why the fuck not? If that is the conclusion she came to, then I have to respect the path she has chosen to follow.” And while it was disconcerting at first, today I have no trouble thinking of her as a woman.

I later discovered more people in and around software development I knew and respected were in fact trans, most notably Sophie Wilson (who designed the ARM instruction set - you might have heard of it), though there is still only one case where it happened “in front of my eyes”, so to speak.

(My higher education environment played less of a role: while it did to some extent, my engineering school had much less of a culture of diversity than your average U.S. college)

So my support of intersectional issues does not come from some hidden agenda or because I’ve been somehow brainwashed, but from a personal reflection that stems from my experience in various domains, which do include software development. If this is something you care about too, then go support the Fleen Fight For Fungible Futures Fund as I do.

EDIT: changed links to point to updated list