#it's still the worst thing ever that she wasn't even allowed to compete for the cowl

[casscainmainly]

Just asking for fun cuz I think you being really interesting points abt so many of the bats to the table: who do you think should be Batman if 1) Bruce Died, 2) Bruce voluntarily steps down (old age / debilitating injury) or any other scenarios you would like to explore.

It's an age old question, it's fun to see who thinks what and what thoughts they bring to the table :)

Such a great question!! Though honestly I'm not sure I have any original or good thoughts haha. For me the Batman successor should be one of two people: Cassandra Cain (I am a Cass blog) or Dick Grayson.

For Cass the reason is obvious. So many people have written about how Batman is the culmination of her arc about agency and controlling her destiny - for a girl who was raised to be nothing, to be a tool for other people, becoming the centre of the narrative is an incredibly poignant and wonderful conclusion. She wants to be Batman, she has the ability to be Batman, she believes in Batman; she is as clear a successor as you could get.

Dick is more debatable. His feelings on being Batman have always been tangled up in his frustrations with Bruce, in a way Cass (who is more able, albeit imperfectly, to separate the man from the symbol) doesn't deal with. So I think there's some panels of him saying he doesn't want to be Batman, doesn't like doing it, etc.

However, in my mind he does like being Batman, he just doesn't like being Bruce's version of Batman. He comes to this conclusion in Gates of Gotham, and the back parts of Batman and Robin (2009) is basically him having fun once Bruce is alive. It was Bruce's death that made things difficult, not the mantle itself. Where Cass can be Batman now, Dick can elevate the mantle; and it's no secret that Bruce himself views Dick as his clear successor.

I honestly think both should wield the mantle. I love the idea of Cass being Gotham's Batman while Dick is the Justice League/wider world's Batman. This plays to their strengths, and solidifies their arcs: Cass finds a permanent home and a place she loves that loves her back, and Dick gets to travel again, using his leadership and interpersonal skills to save people.

In the case of Bruce's retirement, this would be the perfect set-up. For his death, though, I think it would be complicated by both Dick and Cass' grief. Look at the Batman Reborn era: the Dick and Cass parallels were actually insane. They were both told not to wield the Bat mantle - Dick by Bruce's message, and Cass by Bruce asking her to give Batgirl to Steph. This hurt them immensely, but they tried to follow Bruce's orders. The only difference was that Tim (and Jason) forced Dick's hand into disobeying Bruce, while Cass was already gone.

In an ideal world, Tim should've been asking them both to take up the mantle. His meeting with Cass in HK should've kickstarted her journey home, and she would've arrived back for angsty talks with Dick about who the Bat symbol belongs to or something. This basically happens in Gates of Gotham: Cass' conversation with Dick in the car is about not letting Gotham (and, I would argue, Bruce) dictate who they can or cannot be. They both want the mantle, and this was an acknowledgment that they both deserved it, too.

So, long story short, Cass and Dick are my picks for Batman successor. Them simultaneously being Batman would be so fun too, given their complicated relationship. They would be keeping score of who's the better Bat, and Cass would probably lob Dick out a window again, but they'd also have a shared understanding and deep compassion for each other's circumstances and desires. Curious to hear other people's thoughts!

(Also Duke Thomas should be their Robin but that's a post for another day).

[mydarllinglover]

Alone || Guilty as Charged

Previous

"Y'know, ages ago, when we were still in Georgia, our community had just collapsed, one we spent seven months putting together and defending. Me, Daryl, and our friend, Beth, got out."

"Beth?" Lydia asked.

"Yeah, like Elizabeth, my Bammy's middle name. She was this young kid, about your age, blonde, and she was strong. Anyways, we... we ended up losing her, we got separated. I blamed myself for it, it was over a stupid dog. So It was just me and Daryl, man, we chased that car till the sun rose up, think that was one of the worst stitches I ever had in my life." She chuckled. "Well, we ended up stopping cause we hit a fork in the road, no idea where the car went, so we gave up, layed on the ground and just stayed there in the sun. Until this group approached us, about six men, I don't know about you, but that's a warning sign for danger, and it was. They didn't give us a choice to join their group, well, they initiated Daryl into their group, and I was with Daryl. These people were horrible, horrible people, but they lived by a code, a shitty code, but they had it. One of their people, he kept giving Daryl shit, trying to compete with him, turn the others on him, shit like that, just messing with the new guy, y'know. Our second day with them, Daryl had snuck out to go hunting for the both of us, I hated hunting, but he has always been good at it, even back then. So he was up, even before the sun, hunting this one single rabbit, and just as he was about to hit it, y'know what happened?"

"What?" Lydia asked, hanging off of her every word.

"The guy came in, shot the rabbit from behind him, and "claimed" it, said it belonged to him. It didn't matter how much time and effort Daryl put in, cause he still only ended up with the ass end."

"But that's not fair!" Lydia rebutted.

"No, it wasn't, and I said the same thing, but Daryl didn't react, he just got over it and he continued, I didn't, but that's not the point. Well, we had been outside talking, away from them, planning our departure, and whilst we were outside, the guy had snuck his half of the bunny into Daryl's stuff, yeah, I know, sounds weird and random." She smiled at the confused expression on Lydia's face. "But that's just men for you. Well, it turned out that he did this, so that he could frame Daryl, turn the others against the Newby, why would they believe a stranger over their friend? Besides, according to his story, Daryl had broke a few of their code laws. So, he makes a scene, woke me up, by the way, going on and on about this stupid rabbit, coming up to us trying to initiate a fight, so the leader steps in, and he asks what's going on, and obviously, we deny the whole thing, we're innocent. So then he checks the mans story, and he still confirms it, and as I prepare myself for the attack, he swings round and throws his fist into the mans face, knocks him flat on his back, and then he orders the others to beat this man to death. It turned out, he had watched the man do the whole thing, knew it from the start, he knew the kinda fucker he was, and he allowed that to play out, because he knew he was guilty as charged, and he paid for it, with his life."

"Did you end up leaving the group?" Lydia asked, understanding why Natalia told her that story, so she wouldn't take any blame for Margo, even if she didn't feel it right then.

"Yes and No, something came up, we reunited with Michonne, and RJ's dad, Rick, and Rick's son, Carl, and the group were hunting them down, so we had no choice but to kill them, in complete self defence, by the way."

Lydia swallowed, staring at the ground.

"Are you going to kill my mom?" She asked.

"Lydia..." Natalia sighed, having no idea what to tell the girl. "I don't want to lie to you, your mother, what she put you through, what she did to our people, what she's continuing to do, we can't just let her get away with it, Mich, she doesn't want to cause anyone harm, trying to find a balance, but it won't always work out that way."

"But you didn't kill Negan."

"Yeah, but believe me, we all wanted to, but this, this is a completely different situation, where we all had a united enemy, we haven't got anything on your mother, but she has that herd, that could wipe out all of us, my kids especially, so I have to sit by and wait for a plan, it sucks, but I grew discipline, I wasn't always so patient, but I soon learned my lesson, no matter how much it kills me, and that's probably shitty to hear, but you would've thought the same thing of us, if you didn't get to know us, and just listened to what your mom told you."

After their conversation, the kids were all put to bed, including Lydia, whilst Daryl and Natalia went to go speak to Michonne via the radio.

"Everything alright?" Daryl asked. "We've been tryin' to reach ya."

"Rough day, but things are looking up. I gotta tell you, If Evie didn't come with us, it wouldn't be that way, I'm proud of that kid. What about you guys, what's going on?"

"Something happened." Daryl started.

"That bitch and the little weasel attacked Lydia, attempted to kill her." Natalia dropped the bomb. "You'll never guess who stepped in for her, though."

Michonne let out a long tired sigh before answering.

"Negan..."

"At the expense of Margo's life, he killed her, by accident, but everyone's pissed about it."

"She's a stranger, with everything going on, no one's rooting for her." Daryl added. "Negan's on the right side this time. I don't know if it's gonna make any difference, though."

"Should I come home?" Michonne asked.

Daryl glanced at Natalia before answering.

"Nah, not if Hilltop still needs you." He said.

"We got it handled, Mich, you do what you gotta do, we can't let Hilltop fall."

"How's Lydia?" She asked.

"Not good." Daryl told her.

"Nat, Daryl, you both have to protect her."

"Yeah, well, We're trying." He scoffed.

"No. You have to protect her for all of us." Michonne whispered.

Natalia side eyed Daryl, what the hell was this deeper meaning Michonne was eluding to.

"When we went to the border, we went there to de-escalate the conflict and buy time and strategic advantage. And it was working till Carol took her shot and Natalia punched her. Alpha could have killed us right there. Why didn't she?"

Natalia let out a sigh, dropping her head into her hands.

"You think she won't attack if we got Lydia?" Daryl spoke her thoughts.

"Alpha wanted you to protect her. Look, Lydia's presence might not help us, but if Alpha thinks she isn't safe with us or if Lydia runs off because of all this, it'll definitely hurt us. She has to stay at Alexandria."

"All right. We'll make sure." Daryl answered for the both of them.

"Let's just keep this between us for now." She paused for a moment, before changing the subject. "How's RJ?"

"He's great. He won't eat his vegetables, so I'm a little afraid for him. And Amelia want's ta speak with you when you get back, been causing trouble at school... with the twins." Daryl told her.

"Other than that, he's been a delight, he tried to be the voice of reason within the three of them, but you know mine are too headstrong, they get it from their father." Natalia joined in, earning a scoff and an nudge from her husband.

"And if that isn't the biggest lie I've ever heard from the mouth of Natalia Isabelle Dixon." Michonne laughed. "Remember when I had to drag your ass away from chasing after a dog, after you'd been shot, or... or-"

"Okay, we get it, you've had your moments, too."

Daryl covered Natalia's mouth, so that he could have the microphone again.

"Hey, the council's meeting right now. An' Nat's an key witness."

"Daryl... I want you to be my proxy when they vote. I know that Nat will do the right thing, too."

"All right." He agreed. "We should go."

"I know you'll both do the right thing." She finished.

They had left the building, making their way  to the town hall, where the meeting was still going on, Aaron was the one talking, when they had entered.

"I get why people might think Negan's been redeemed. I've... I've wondered it myself. Hell, he... maybe he has changed. But a man like that, who's done the things he's done, killed the people he's killed, something inside him is broken. We need to face that fact." He looked to the pair, noticing their arrival.

"Yes, but killing him now over this undermines the civilization that we have built." Siddiq countered.

"What about the people who never got to witness that civilization because of him?"

"And what the hell are you even talking about? The Whisperers are attacking us."

"Okay, let's take a break." Gabriel intervened.

"No. Let me finish." Siddiq stood up. "Look at what's going on at Hilltop. We're taking our eyes off the ball."

"The council wasn't make for this, deciding on a man's life in the dead of night because people are carrying pitchforks and torches."

"If I could so politely give my imput." Natalia stepped forward. "As the person who was actually there and witnessed what happened.

"Yes, Natalia." Gabriel waved her to continue.

"If we are here to discuss the execution of Negan Smith for the murder of Margo, whatever her name is... we'd also have to be discussing the execution of Gage and that other guy."

"Uh..." Nora looked at the others, confused at the woman's "Speech."

"Tonight, those three had formed a plan and tried to take the life of an innocent young girl, a child of this community, our people did that, we are all aware of what Negan has done, and as you may remember, Laura, I am very aware of how low that man can stoop, but what he did tonight, he saved her life, I could tell his intention was never to kill her, that was merely done in the crossfire of saving another's life, now, if Margo had never initiated the attack, she would still be here, wallowing in her self pity, picking on a girl half her age like she was sat in the canteen at the local high school. If we punish him for this, man, that would just be the biggest, and I mean the most fucked up, slap in the face to everyone who had suffered even the tiniest bit, by that man, all those years ago, when his sweet death was taken from us." She then stepped back.

"Thank you, Natalia." Gabriel cleared his throat. "...What did Michonne say?"

"She wants me to be her vote." Daryl answered, placing his hand on Natalia's back, rubbing it in slow circles.

"Lydia said Negan saved her, and Natalia saw Negan save her, so he saved her. I'm a "no."

"So we're tied." Aaron grumbled.

"Oh, I'm not sure if I was clear enough, but I'm a no, too."

"Yeah, we got that." Laura rolled her eyes.

It was early in the morning when an banging had woken the couple.

"Daryl, door." Natalia grumbled, rolling off her husband and tightening the blanket around herself.

"Probably just the girls playing." He followed her, stretching as he wrapped his arms around her waist, again.

"Daddy, door!" Daisy screamed at the top of her lungs, from downstairs. "It's the one eyed guy!"

"It's Gabriel!" Bambi shouted up.

"Oh, god!" Natalia jumped up, grabbing the nearest sweater and throwing it on, whilst Daryl scrambled for his own clothes.

"We gotta tell them 'bout answering the door."

"The hell were they doing to get to it so quickly?" Natalia looked at him, as she rushed to pull up a pair of jeans.

"Mommy! Daddy, now!" Daisy continued to scream.

"Coming!" Natalia shouted down.

The banging on the door, had also alerted the youngest Dixon, waking him in a fit of tears.

"I'll get him." Natalia sighed, changing course and heading for Archies room whilst Daryl continued down the stairs.

"Girl's, RJ, go in there, go play." Natalia heard Daryl almost growl at the kids, as she left Archies room, bouncing him on her hip to stop his crying.

"What's going on?" She asked, when she was close enough.

"Negan, he's gone." Daryl relayed the information given.

"Oh, fuck sake." She clenched her jaw.

"Fuck." Archie shook his head.

"Yeah, that's right, buddy." Daryl grumbled, leaving the house to go investigate.

Whilst Natalia was preoccupied with making breakfast for the kids, Lydia had managed to catch word of what had happened, slipping out, right past the woman, to take blame for whoever let Negan out of his cell.

Daryl had also been recruited to go looking for the man of the hour, causing an ruckus in the house, the girls getting upset that he was leaving, again, that Natalia was left to take care of.

Before he had left, though, he had tried convincing Lydia to leave her cell, but had failed miserably.

"Mommy, why does Daddy always have to go?" Bambi asked, refusing to touch her lunch, later in the day.

"'Cause people need his help, honey."

"There's sooo many people here, though, so why does Daddy have to go? He has kids, he should be taking care of us." Daisy told her.

"He's good at his job." She sighed.

"My Mommy's always away, too." RJ sighed, his face supported by his knuckles.

"And she's gonna be back soon, so will He, but we all have jobs to do, okay?" Natalia told them, taking Archie's spoon away from him to wipe his oats from around his mouth.

The front door opened, alerting them.

"Hey, where are my favourite fighters?" The voice of Rosita called, walking into the kitchen.

"Auntie Ro!" The three cheered, their glum expressions disappearing, almost instantly.

"Did I come at a good time?" She asked Natalia, giving all three kids an kiss on the head before sitting next to Archie's highchair.

"You always do." She nodded, brushing Archie's hair away from his face. "Hm..." She rolled up her sleeve, placing her wrist against his forehead. "Ro... he feel a little hot to you?"

Rosita copied her, feeling the baby's head.

"Uhm, I'll get him some water, sure it's just the food." She said, a millisecond before the coughing started.

"Mommy, I'm not feeling too good." Bambi told her, after taking a sip from her own water.

Rosita got up, feeling the girl's head, nodding at Natalia before feeling the others.

"I feel fine." Daisy leaned away from Rosita's touch.

"Are they okay?" RJ asked.

"Yeah, fine, uhm, I'm just gonna take them on a little walk, to get fresh air, Auntie Ro is gonna..."

"We are gonna... learn how to throw knives." She finished.

"We are?"

"Since it was the first thing I could think of" She smiled, ignoring the heated stare from Natalia.

"Yay, okay!" Daisy cheered.

"I wanna colour." RJ groaned.

"Yeah, that sounds like a cooler idea." Natalia gritted through her teeth, picking Archie up from his high chair. "Bam, baby, come on, get your shoes on." She waved her daughter over, who was coughing into her elbow. "That's a good girl, keep your mouth covered."

"Momma, I'm gonna-" The poor girl couldn't hold it in as she vomited on the floor, her eyes filling with tears almost instantly.

"Oh, god, it's okay, we're gonna go see Dante, and make it all better."

"I got this, go get our lil deer fixed up." Rosita told her, reaching for some supplies to clean up the puke.

"Is BeBe gonna be okay?" Daisy asked, worry in her voice.

"She's gonna be fine, so will your brother." RJ was quick to assure her, hugging the girl. "They're only poorly a little bit, but my mommy says that being sick makes you stronger, 'cause you will never be sick again."

Natalia rushed towards the infirmary, bursting in just as Bambi was about to blow again, but luckily for her, Dante was quick to grab the trash can, holding it under the little girls chin.

"Stomach bug?" He asked.

"Guess so, they were fine like not even ten minutes ago." She answered. "First Archie's head started burning up, then she was coughing, now... this."

"Yeah, this lil fella is turning green, go get these guys seated on the bed, we'll give 'em a check up, get them better than ever."

"Thanks, Dante." Natalia politely smiled at him, leading Bambi over to one of the beds, sitting down beside her whilst holding Archie in her lap, the trash can balanced between them. 

"Mommy, I don't feel good." Bambi groaned, feeling sorry for herself as she latched on to Natalia's arm, leaning her head against her shoulder.

"I know, baby, but that's why we're at the doctors, so they can make you and Archie feel better." Natalia soothed

"When is Daddy gonna come back?" She pouted, looking up at her mother.

"Soon, honey, he just had to do something, then he'll be here."

"He's out looking for Negan, isn't he?" Bambi sighed, rubbing her tummy.

"How do you know that, Bam?" Natalia asked her.

"Daddy's loud when he's mad, and I know he doesn't like Negan, he told us that he was mean to you and that we shouldn't go near mean people, that's why he doesn't live in a house, and isn't allowed to walk around without Brandon."

"Alright, then, time for a check up." Dante clapped his hands together, grinning at the three.

"No! Mama." Archie yelped, a tight fist around Natalia's curls as he hid his face in her chest.

"Baby, it's okay." Natalia pulled him away, adjusting him on her lap so that Dante could get a better look at him, but he still clung to her, as though he was trying to get as far away from the man as he can. "Doctor Dante is gonna fix you up all brand new, he's not gonna hurt you."

"I'm scared." Bambi admitted.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about, I won't even ask to take blood." He tried to comfort them, but that seemed to make it worse. "Alright, fine, how 'bout I give your ma a check up first, then you can see it's not so bad."

"Where's Siddiq, I want him to be my doctor."

"Honey, Siddiq's gone with Daddy, but Dante's a good doctor." Natalia assured her children, though, she still didn't like the man, she didn't know what it was about him, maybe the constant flirting, the weird tongue clicking tic, or just the stupid smirk he always had on his face, like he managed to pull off the greatest prank yet, and was patiently waiting for everyone to find out what it is.

Dante had managed to bribe the kids with a lolliepop, in exchange of letting him give them a check up, but ended up putting it down to just a sickness bug that would soon pass, and for the meantime should have plenty of rest and lots of fluids.

"Sorry about earlier, Siddiq took care of the twins when they were new born's, could be why they trust him so much, without barely knowing him, either." Natalia opened up to the man, as the two children napped, snuggled up together.

"And by that you mean?" He asked.

"Oh, uhm, me and Daryl used to live here since, uh, had to have been about a couple years in, but when the girls were two, we moved into the woods, lived there for the past three years? Where Archie was born, y'know, kinda surprised we hadn't run into those mask freaks, before all this." She chuckled.

"I just wanna let you know, that if-"

"I'm happily married, nothing's changing that." She held up her left hand, refusing to take her eyes of her kids.

"Alright, then." He held up his hands in surrender.

The pair turned around when the door of the infirmary opened, Rosita came trudging in.

"Oh, Ro, you caught it too?" Natalia asked, wrapping an arm around her friend, helping the pale and sweaty looking woman.

"No, no I'm fine, Daryl he's back, so is Siddiq and Evie."

"Oh, perfect, let's get the kids home, have Eve's look over them, is she alright?"

Dante shrugged off the obvious "hidden" insult in Natalia's sentence.

"She's... fine, yeah, uh, they didn't find him, though." Rosita shook her head, seeming to breath a little harsher, struggling to catch her breath.

"Rosita, you sure you're alright?" Natalia asked, putting the back of her hand to her friend's forehead, feeling heat.

"Hey, stop Momming me, kid's want their dad." She reminded.

"Oh, right, they'd be better off resting in their beds, anyway, I don't wanna get this bug out in the air, if I can help it, you're coming back with us, too."

"No, no, that's alright, I'm gonna go talk to Eugene, he's still at Hilltop, fixing things up, apparently. Give the kids my love and wishes, specially, my lil Archie."

"I will, go sit down, before you fall down."

"Yes, Ma'am." Rosita rolled her eyes, going back out the infirmary.

"Thanks for your care, Dante, but I'm taking the kids back home." Natalia told him, as though he wasn't stood there, listening to their whole conversation.

"Are you sure, I don't mind stopping by later, giving them another check up, or you, preferably whilst Daryl's out doing whatever he-"

"Not a chance." She smiled, politely, gently stirring her kids awake. "Babies, Daddy and Doctor Evie are back home."

Archie yawned whilst Natalia picked him up, sitting him on her hip as she helped Bambi off the bench.

"Really, when?" The small girl asked.

"Aunt Rosita just come and let me know, quick, let's go tell Daddy how poorly you are, so he can tuck you back into bed."

"Okay, Mommy." Bambi held her hand, wiping her nose with the back of her own free hand as they left, crossing the road and down the street to their home.

As Natalia opened the door, she was met with the sight of Daryl walking down the hallway, Daisy clinging to his leg as she sat around his foot, him practically dragging her across the floor as he paced.

"What's... going on?" Natalia asked as he looked up at her.

"Where you guys been?" Daryl avoided her question to ask his own.

"I don't feel good." Bambi told him, her voice still whiny as she gave the puppy dog eyes.

"We were at the Infirmary, these two caught an nasty bug, what's Daisy doing?"

"Showing off her clingy problems." He grumbled.

"I missed you, Daddy, and Mommy doesn't love me anymore." Daisy's own expression was an pout, the same as her sisters.

"Yeah, an' yer pulling Daddy's jeans down." He told her, bending down to lift the girl off him. "Swap." He told his wife, taking the baby out of her arms as Bambi let go of her mother to go to her father, whilst Daisy did the opposite.

"Mommy still loves you, angel." Natalia told her.

"But you've been with them for the whole day, what about me?"

"Honey, they're poorly, and need to be taken to bed, with their bottles." She hinted to Daryl, as he nodded, picking up Bambi as well, as he moved towards the stairs, his fingers touching their foreheads, feeling the heat radiating off of them. "But, as long as you're healthy, you got me all to yourself, why don't we find the ingredients to make your siblings some soup? Where's RJ?"

"Evie, yer mom's back, but I need ya in here." Daryl called from upstairs.

"He's busy, come on, Mommy, I love cooking with you, just the two of us." She pulled Natalia towards the kitchen, attempting to distract her from the five year old colouring in the living room, or the seventeen year old emerging from the basement.

"You got your father's jealousy issues, too." Natalia sighed.

Next

[doctor-who-binge]

Starting at 12:54 this explains very well why I don't like Thasmin.

You can watch the rest of the critique of the episode but thats not my point in sharing; link should take you to timestamp. Commenting on some of the quotes.

This was something the Thasmin fans willed into existence because it wasn't planned and only started to become purposeful in the Haunting of Vella Diodati. Confirmed in the Eve of The Daleks allowing only 2 episodes to cram it in.

Okay so I'm not the only one who thought it came straight out of thin air. A different video proves this is true with interviews of writers and producers.

There was never any chemistry between these two characters [...] You never had any of this with Yaz because she always faded into the background competing with 3 other companions to share screen time with.

This. I always thought if there was going to be Yaz x 13, she needed to be solo for a decent chunk of time. Even if I would have preferred solo Graham

Yes this episode manages to confirm the doctors feelings towards Yaz whilst Chibnall still tries to sit on the fence and avoid committing to either side. It makes you wonder why they even bother acknowledging it.

Poor representation for diversity and especially fan service. Bill did an amazing job as did Jack with LGBTQ represention in the story; Yaz didn't nor did 13 (unless you count changing genders which thats established as something completely normal among time lords).... it just ... manifested suddenly.

She even compares her love for Yaz to her love for River her literal wife

Biggest fucking sin in this onscreen ship confirmation especially because she then dismissively says she wasn't going to mention having a wife.

The real worst moment of the legend of the sea devils is the moment when the 13th doctor tells Yaz shes the most amazing person she has ever met. What has Yaz ever done to warrant that kind of opinion. She hasn't had a huge brave moment proving her worth. Rose absorbed the time vortex. Martha saved the entirety of earth. Donna became part timelord. Clara jumped into the Doctors time stream to save his life.

The continuing rest of that quote explain things that I so agree with but that I won't transcribe.

"Can't we just live in the present" - The Doctor

Thasmin was only turned into a real thing because of the fans. So what do you gain from turning on those fans?

This was prior to their last ""date"" in Power of The Doctor, but its still a decently good point.

I'll admit I'm still re-watching through 13th doctor's run.

[takalzuoom]

Viktor brain rot

Don't.. don't come for me I just think, I just think he’s really neat.

Okay okay, so I know you’ve seen a few pieces about the reader being his lab assistant. But let me up you with- enemies to lovers.

No? Yes?

Yes.

The thing is- you two aren’t even in the same department. You’re literally competing with a man who is a prodigy at mechanics while you’re a ‘prodigy’ in biochemistry.

Like where’s the logic? How did this even start?

It started in school.

Well, at the academy per se since yes- Viktor is from the undercity and you happen to be from Piltover. A two completely different sides of the same coin.

Fate, deciding things were already a tad bit boring, decided to spice things up and made sure that you both were in the same classes. Every. Single. Yeah

Non-surprisingly, he was always at the top. Always the teacher’s favorite as he worked harder than any person you'd seen. Always sat alone as whispers about his origins got caught up in the academy like wildfires. It seemed like he didn't. As he always scribbled in his little journal and talked to teachers about his finding and junk.

So you never bother him, and he never bothers you.

But that might’ve been because you were at the bottom of your class.

A nightmare, as you would, exploding chemicals every chance you got.

There was a lab? Boom! You were in charge of cleaning up today? Boom! The teacher left the door open by accident, and when they realized their fatal mistake as they sprinted down the hallways?

Boom!

You were the only person banned from labs. Or even walking into one as a chemical concoction spontaneously combusted the moment you walked in.

But that wasn't just it. You never took anything seriously. Always giggling with your friends, never doing your homework, doodling, and sleeping in class.

God, you were so infuriating! Lazy, privileged, snobs like you boiled Viktor's blood. He had to fight tooth and nail for everything he has now, meanwhile with a wave of a hand and extra cash, people like you were allowed here.

He sat next to you. The teacher telling him that since he was such an angel, maybe he could befriend, and help you…

It was a win-win in the teacher's eyes. Hitting two birds with one stone. Never did they think that their ‘worst’ and the top student would ever start competing.

Some say that you kicked Viktor's cane from him and started a war. Others say that he insulted your house.

But no. The truth was not as exciting. It was stupid even. You got into an argument over an answer on a pop quiz.

The first one you both ever failed.

The question was simple too. Well to you guys it was.

‘How did non-living chemical compounds generate self-replicating, complex life forms?’

You had stated that it had something to do with Biosynthesis.

While Viktor said it did something with protein design.

And when you both went up to the teacher to ask ‘why did I get this wrong?’

The teacher simply stated that it was an unanswered question. That she just wanted to see what you both thought.

“So why did I get it wrong? If it’s unanswered, then it should have been correct, since it’s only a hypothesis.” Viktor scratched his head as he studied his paper more.

“Why don’t you ask Y/N that? Compare your answers over lunch”

Yeah, it turned into a screaming match. You both at each other's throats, as the teacher could only stare at you two in horror, realizing her mistake when her chalkboard was filled with scribbles and numbers even she couldn’t understand.

Sigh. Young love right? Well, you two have been at each other's throats ever since. Either with test grades or straight-up petty things.

For example:

He would flaunt to you that he was able to use the lab while you would always jog past him…

HE GOT SO OFFENDED OH MY GOD

It only got worse when you tried to prove your theory a year later. Going fully into biochemistry as you were going to find out the answer to prove him wrong.

While he went into mechanics and engineering.

And you two still were at each other's throats. Not even talking as years flew by. Constantly trying to one-up the other as that was all you two could think of.

You were working on something extraordinary. Being able to fuse some kind of liquid into the blood of a human and make the person so much stronger.

While Viktor was studying arcane magic and runes.

When I tell you he did a huge finger up to the door, I mean it was up there for at least a minute before Jayce walked in and he shot his finger down.

He was embarrassed. But so happy that he could finally prove himself better than you and all the entitled Piltover’s. To get his legacy.

But these runes- or whatever he calls them. The ones that will help hextech expand- make no sense. He’s been stumped in his lab for weeks, trying anything and everything- as Jayce does whatever.

Sky tries to help him, but she’s either pushed away for not understanding anything that he’s saying, or he's just so engrossed in his work that he’ll forget she’s there… Which stresses him out a bit.

There’s one person who matches his caliber that isn't Jayce- no

No. He refuses.

… a fresh pair of eyes and a different perspective could help- no. No. That’s why he won’t see you.

He refuses to ask for your help. Won’t even humor the idea more than he has to.

He has found himself walking near the biotech department a few times too many.

No. He can do this himself. He’s done all his best work with himself- with Jayce who’s already secured his legacy.

and he has no doubt you have as well…

“Viktor! I know you’ve been stumped for a bit so I asked around if anyone were to give us good insight before we present this to Heimerdinger, and an old friend of yours volunteered!” Jayce paraded into the lab with a smile. The door behind him slightly ajar as the sound of clicks grew louder and louder, as someone gets closer and closer.

He can’t help but look to the side with a scowl, already knowing who it is.

He hasn’t seen or heard from you in years. Only seeing newspaper articles that mentioned your advancements in science and medicine.

As well as experimentation.

“They're not my friend Jayce. Not even close” his accent heavy as the door opened, revealing your Cheshire grin.

“Well, what can I say?” You mused, closing the large door behind you. “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”

“Enemies? Viktor I-“

“Not exactly enemies, more like-“

“Childhood rivals?”

“We didn't even breath the same air when we were children”

“It’s a figure of speech Viktor” you were growing annoyed at by the second. And Jayce was more than surprised at how uncharacteristically his friend/ partner was acting.

His gut turned, the cup of empty coffee crumpling in Viktor’s hand, the sharp, muted thumping bringing his attention towards your hands, your nails rapidly clashing with the other.

..yeah about that gut feeling- it was good that he hasn’t been listening to it lately. Because it was school. All over again.

Bickering over theories, wanting to try your way- it exploding. Wanting to try it his way, it failing, of course.

Nothing was going well. All you both did were obscene ideas, exclude the other, and just compete. Not even bothering to hear the other talk.

And the looks you would give each other were just plain old annoying! When Viktor was hard at work tinkering, you would just stare at the man. Clicking your nails as you twirled a pencil.

Or how when you were running around, trying to get some kind of chemical out of your hair. Viktor would just watch, moving his chair with each way you ran as he just casually sipped from his coffee.

Jayce has had enough of it.

All the dancing around each other dangerously. The tense atmosphere. And the constant one-upping.

“You two are tearing our team apart!” He complained, hands on his hips as he stared down at the two of you. You were seated on one side of the couch, a pillow on your lap neatly, as Viktor was on a chair next to the couch.

“What team Jayce? All I’ve seen you do is progress reports and hook up with Mel.” You gave him a look over “And by hook up, I mean both ways”

You saw him falter, quick to snag more at the wonder boy. “It’s practically been me and ‘you know who' running trial, after trial, after retrial independently. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this scenario if we had an actual leader to guide us. Better yet.” You had jumped up from the couch, chest puffed as you pointed to yourself. “I’ll be the leader since you two wouldn't have come this far without me!”

“You wouldn’t even be here if it wasn't for us” Viktor retorted.

“Oh yeah? Well maybe neither of us would be here if wonder boy scrapped his deadly project. So stop acting like you’re the one who made this what it is.”

“With the work of me and Jayce, we both made it to what it is!”

“I bet you didn’t do anything though” You rolled your eyes.

Jayce was confused. It looked like two cats were going at it as he was stuck in the middle. He didn’t know what to think. About you tearing him down just to defend him to torment Viktor. Or Viktor finding fault in everything you said and rebutting it.

You were arguing non-sensitizes at this point!

“God, just get a room you two!” He groaned, not noticing how you both immediately paused as you were about to throw a pillow at his partner.

“My god- you’ve been like this since what? The academy. You’ve had this sexual tension for over 10 years? What is wrong with you two?” He scolded you both.

Your heart stopped for a moment, feeling your body heat up as you stared straight at Jayce. Refusing to even look at Viktor, who was just as dumbfounded as you.

“Every time I come to do my little ‘progress reports’” he air quotes them as he peers at your shrinking form. “I can feel the tension from Heimerdinger’s office! That’s why I don't interrupt- cause it’s awkward with how involuntary it is!

“You’re both literal nerds who’ll be perfect for each other! Oh my god” he storms away, muttering about something you were too dazed to catch.

It was silent.

‘sexual tension? he was just making things up at this point!’

But Viktor was staring straight at his lap. Fist clutching his cane as a hand racked through his hair.

Shit. This was so awkward.

“…Your ideas aren’t all shit.” You mumbled, basking in the silence as he agreed, albeit quieter than you.

he didn't make a move to say something, let alone look at you so you did the next best thing.

“Oh boy look at the time” you had laughed nervously, jumping over the couch as you briskly made your way to the door.

“Wait- wait a minute y/n hold on!” He got out of his chair as he had just had a breakthrough, he walked to you as fast as he could with his cane.

You don’t know what made you stop, but you were glued in place. The coolness of the doorknob warmed under your touch as you turned to him.

“Yes? Would you like something Viktor?”

There was an obvious blush on his face as he stood in front of you.

You were still holding the knob behind your back, ready to turn it case of an emergency retreat.

Viktor was searching his brain for something, anything to say. But every time he came up with scenarios, they all crashed and burned, like his hextech as he cursed himself for being better with machines than people.

“What, ever happened to us Viktor? How did we get to be… like this?” You gesture towards yourself as you finally look at him in his Carmel-laced eyes.

“We were so caught up in competition.”

You nodded in agreement.

“Well I, personally blame our professors from the academy. Who knows, if we never sat next to each other, maybe we’d be good now.” You joked, leaning on the door more as the knob dug into your lower back.

“Ehh, that’s plausible… but,” he said “I actually… mildly disliked you back then, even before we were seatmates” He chose his words carefully as you looked at him surprised.

“Really? Why me?” Your voice comically raised as he sighed. Knowing the ugly truth would probably make things a whole lot worse.

“Well… I thought you were a spoiled brat who got in just because. Since you never took your work seriously and were always blowing things up…”

You hummed in acknowledgment.

“Well, at least I could semi-balance a school-work-social life. You always shut everyone out, just working on experiments.”

“It’s not like I purposely tried to” He bit back. Hurt in his eyes as he recalled the dark days of school.

“As you know, I was from the undercity, and when people found out, they didn't take too kindly to me…” he said with a bitter taste on his tongue.

Even now, as he had finally made a name for himself, he was still frowned upon because he was from Zaun and wasn't purebred from the upper city like you and Jayce.

“Viktor, I never knew that. If you had told me I would have-“

“Pity me? Y/n, you know more than anyone that I hate being pitied.”

A small ‘yeah’ left you as you looked behind you to the door. Sighing, as you let your tongue loose.

“Actually, I'm not as great and powerful as I seem.”

“B-“

“Viktor,” you pleaded as he shut his mouth. “Thanks” You muttered before looking past him.

“I was actually the runt of my family. Having 5 older siblings puts a lot of pressure on an 8-year-old. Especially since they were all great artisans and lawyers, doctors, authors- while all I could do was blow things up and recite the periodic table.

No matter what I did, I could never outrun their shadows…” your voice wavered as you flicked a piece of hair from your face.

"Did your parents not care for academics? scientific ones I mean" he corrected himself as his head tilted in your direction.

"Nope. I have no idea why either. Probably something about old farts in the past and just dismissed it altogether... but they did humor me with it-

And when I was able to compete with you, top of the class antisocial kid, I just saw you as my siblings. Saw you as something that I could overcome if I put my mind to it. To make my family proud…” you sighed, rubbing your face as you remembered all the faces your mother had made when you went home with another A+.

All the half-assed ‘good jobs’ from your dad as you showed him another winning chemistry set.

Or the unimpressed sneers from your siblings when you were banned from the lab.

“Well, did you?”

You shook your head with a tired smile. “I was never Heimerdinger's lab assistant”

“So you rebelled?”

“Indeed my smart friend. Started skipping classes, sleeping, not doing homework, purposely blowing things up. And then I found myself confronted with my oldest brother- the military general who was interested in my failed chemistry stuff. Said it could be used.”

You turned to him, a smile still on your face, scratching your nape, you jested “So it's all thanks to you that I’m here now, working with my brother on chemical compounds that don’t blow up as much”

“Much? Excuse me but I can most certainly hear explosions every time you walk”

“Huh? I’m pretty sure that every time you breathe, I can still hear the anguish cries of a coffee bean family!”

“There is nothing wrong with coffee”

“There is everything wrong with coffee! Try tea!”

“I appreciate the offer, but I have to decline, as tea doesn’t have the same effects I need”

“Same effects? What are you trying to do? Kill yourself?"

“Well, I am already dying. So why not speed up the process eh?”

“Viktor no!”

Let’s say that the worst mistake anyone could have made was letting you two become friends.

[roselen-mylady]

In Another Life

Bucky Barnes x reader ° part seven

Summary: Waiting 88 years to find your soulmate? It was cruel. But it was a cruel fate Bucky would have to face whether he accepted it or not. Bucky was a tortured man all his life and he wasn't even granted the solace of having his soulmate at his side. All he had was the promise of one in another life. They were separated by two different times.

But the pain in their lives were connected.

Y/n had been alone ever since she could remember. All she could depend on was the soulmate that was destined to be at her side. Yet when the snap occured she lost him.

And Bucky never got to meet her.

The diner was quiet, despite the time of day. Light chatter echoed around them but Y/n could hardly notice, her gaze and attention all focused on the large, green man before her. 

Bruce Banner was another idol of hers. He was one of the only brains to compete with hers, aside from Tony Stark, and she admired his work. It was his work after all that had attracted her full attention in that diner. 

The once timid looking man who stood small and nervous during lectures now sat confident and relaxed upon his chair, shoveling the biggest portions of food she had ever seen into his mouth. 

When Steve and Nat mentioned a genius her mind had immediately come to the much more civilized Hulk, but he wasn't their first stop. No, when they pulled up at a small cabin outside of the city, she was confused. 

It was secluded so it was easy to convince herself that they had arrived at Bruce Banner's home but that idea was thrown out the window when a familiar figure stepped away from the small tent out front. She recognized him in an instant and sunk back into herself once realization struck that she was at Tony Stark's home. 

"Who's the new girl?" He asked, curiously sending a glance Y/n's way as he adjusted his hold on the girl in his arms. 

"Dr. Y/n L/n. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark." Her voice cracked slightly but he didn't seem to mind as he reached out for Y/n's hand, shifting the small girl to his hip. 

"Iron Man fan?" He questioned, his grip on her hand soothing in a way. Y/n offered a short shrug, sending a warm look to the girl Y/n assumed was his daughter. 

"More of a 'Tony Stark the philanthropist' fan." A shy smile caked her face and Tony found himself returning it. It was new to him, the way someone admired his true persona rather than the superhero he had made himself to be. It was a welcomed feeling. 

"Well, Doc, since I've got you here-there's this pain in my neck." Tony slipped his hand from her own, moving to rub a spot on his neck. His daughter let her fingers entwine with his own as he did so and the heartwarming smile he gave her reminded Y/n very much of her own father. 

It seemed forever ago since she last saw his proud grin and she allowed herself to wonder what he would think of her life. What would her mother think? Would they be proud? Or would they share the same disappointment she now felt in herself for lying and cowering for so many years? 

"I'd recommend a chiropractor, I'm afraid I'm a PhD type of doctor." Her tone was strained, Steve being the only one to notice it. He knew she was thinking of her past. It was a look he had seen on too many people. A look of loss. He just wished she'd finally let down her walls. 

"I feel like I know you." 

Tony's statement sent a chill down her spine but she did her best to ignore the feeling, allowing yet another smile to grace her lips. 

"I wish." Y/n gave a short giggle, forcing away any suspicion Tony might've had. His eyes lingered on her for a moment but ultimately turned away, carrying on with their reason for visiting. 

Despite their pleas, Tony rejected their idea not that they could blame him. And while Y/n would've loved to work with him, she had just been ecstatic to meet the famous Tony Stark she looked up to all her life. 

He was the reason she took such an interest in science and technology. She was once trained to be the next Tony Stark after all. It was interesting seeing how different their lives had ended up, Tony choosing a life away from people while she chose to help them. She still admired him and she absolutely fell in love with his daughter, Morgan, an innocent replica of her father. 

There had once been a time when she imagined her and her soulmate having the stereotypical suburban life; married with kids. However when the snap occured, any hope of that life died with her soulmate. 

Yet this didn't stop her from pondering an alternative. She wondered if she and her soulmate did have a life together, what it would be like? What would he be like? Was he funny? Was he kind? Was he charming? Were his eyes really blue? 

"About what we were saying…" Steve said, capturing their attention once more. Scott wore a baffled and angry look after the whole picture interaction and Y/n couldn't help but be amused as he sat next to her with a pout. 

"Right. The whole time travel do-over? Guys, it's outside my area of expertise." Bruce explained. Y/n's heart sank and she sighed, her eyes subconsciously searching for Steve's. His eyes were still hopeful and he turned away from her trying to convince Bruce to help. 

"Y/n said she could get it started. Couldn't that help?" He questioned, almost desperate as Y/n shared a look with Bruce. She could tell he wanted to help just as much as the next guy but their entire plan rested on something that came straight out of a movie. 

"Steve, leading an experiment like this would be impossible if I don't even know where to start." Bruce tried to explain gently. Nat stared at Bruce, her expression unconvinced and even a little encouraging as a soft smirk twisted on her lips. 

"Well, you pulled this off. I remember a time when that seemed pretty impossible, too." She replied. Bruce fell silent, looking down at himself as he contemplated the decision. It would be risky but they didn't really have much else to lose, right? 

•••

Bruce had come back with them to the compound and after explaining the strategy she'd come up with, Y/n set off to find Steve. 

He'd been quiet since she'd asked him the truth about Bucky. She regretted it, having pushed him so far. But she was also kind of relieved. 

Finally she understood how her life had fallen apart. Understood why the man she feared had done what he did. 

She even understood why his eyes had looked the way they did that day. The pain and suffering within them made sense and the eyes that accompanied her nightmares only filled her with heartache. 

Would the guilt ever fade? Or would she just continue to find more things to feel guilt for? 

After a bit of searching, she found Steve in his room, leaning against the headrest of his bed. The room was neat and if it hadn't been for the few personal effects on the dresser she would've argued it wasn't lived in. In a way that was true since a majority of his nights were spent at her apartment whether it be movie nights, game nights or simply nights spent together doing their own things. 

Steve looked up from his sketchbook when she softly knocked on the door frame, leaning on it as he set down the book. 

"Come in." She wordlessly padded over, climbing up to sit next to him. Their shoulders brushed and the calming effect that came with her presence uplifted his spirits causing him to look over at her with a tender smile. 

"Let me guess. You wanna know what's wrong." He acknowledged. Y/n studied his thoughtful eyes, shaking her head with a brief exhale as she turned away. 

"You have a way of staring into someone's soul. Did that come with the serum or has it always been like that?" She asked him, her tone teasing yet a little genuine. He shrugged letting out a small laugh. 

The sound out her at ease, telling Y/n that he wasn't angry. At least not at her. Their interaction in the car had hurt both of them and Steve didn't want to continue it any longer. 

"I don't know. I guess I've always been a little intense." His smile faded slowly, allowing his gaze to fall back on the sketchbook. He'd been drawing a familiar sight, unable to get his best friend out of his head. 

Y/n followed his stare, landing on the drawing scribbled onto the page. Respectfully reaching over and picking it up, she looked up at Steve. He made no effort to stop her, watching as her finger traced the curve of the face upon the page. 

It was a rough drawing due to Steve's lack of time to really add the details he wished to but Y/n had seen plenty of his art so he didn't mind as much. Her lips parted but she didn't speak instead creasing her brow as she intently stared at the page. 

Steve had drawn Bucky plenty of times before but shamefully most had been of the Winter Soldier. He used drawing as a way to drag certain images from his head and nothing haunted him more than the monster HYDRA had made his best friend into. 

Yet this drawing was different. He drew him the way he remembered Bucky, from before the snap. When he was getting better. 

On the page was a tired man, a man she'd never seen before. There was a permanent crease in his brow, decades of pointed stares and menacing expressions having worn it into his very features. A bit of stubble had grown on his face and his hair was long like she remembered. Even his expression as exhausted staring back at her with a weak smile. 

Y/n wondered what moment Steve had drawn this from. What had happened to make Steve catalogue this within his memories. She wondered what had caused that look in his eyes. 

The eyes that stared back at her were completely different from the ones she remembered, though she knew they belonged to the same man. These were kind yet weary: eyes of a man who had broken by war and hate but still felt things like compassion. A man who saw the worst of the world but still chose to protect it. . 

"This was him?" She mumbled softly, meeting Steve's uncertain gaze. 

He nodded, watching as she looked away from him. 

This picture seemed to be her breaking point. 

All the rage and all the terror, all of it melted into the already overflowing pool of self hatred. How could she bear to think about the grudge she'd held against a man who despite everything that the world had done to him, still fought Thanos that day when the world ended. 

Today she had learned all at once the man behind the one she feared and all the hate she once felt was unjust. And as much as she wanted to hold onto it, she just couldn't. 

It was wrong. 

"You can keep it if you want." Steve offered once she had handed him back the sketchbook. She began to shake her head, trying to reason it meant more to him than to her but Steve had already pulled out the page handing it to her. 

"To remember who he really was." He reasoned. 

Y/n held it tenderly in her hands, taking care to lay it in her lap as if touching the page in any rough manner might damage the man displayed on it. 

When the silence came it didn't feel as suffocating as before. They sat there on his bed for an hour in that silence. Y/n was grateful for the time to think, trying desperately to come to terms with everything she'd been told. 

And it wasn't until Y/n was about to get up and head home for a change of clothes that Steve spoke, breaking the silence. 

"I know why you came." Steve said suddenly, making her lift her head to peer up at him. Shame flushed over him and Y/n could feel her heart drop. "You want to know why I wanted you to stay so bad. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" 

"You think keeping me around was a mistake, don't you?" 

Steve's expression morphed into shock and he instantly shook his head at her assumption. Allowing him to take her hand in his, she felt a bit ashamed for how hurt he was by what she had said. 

"No. Never. I want you here because I sincerely believe you can help us. You can help me." Y/n sighed, her eyes landing on their outstretched legs. She let him idly circle his thumb along the back of her hand, trying to fight the urge to argue. 

"I want to help, Steve. And I think I can, just..." She trailed off. "This is your thing, Steve. Not mine. I'm not equipped for this. I wish I was, I really do." 

A frown tugged at his lips and his lashes brushed his skin briefly as his eyes fell on his lap. He knew it was unfair to her to bring her into this and it certainly wasn't okay to keep her against her will but he needed her. 

"I know. And I'm sorry. Just-" He cut himself off, shifting on the bed to face her better. She watched with an unsure gaze as he took both of her hands. "Ever since I could remember I've done what I thought was right and for a while it worked. But the past few years, I've ruined so much." 

His voice was hushed and Y/n could see how troubled he was by his furrowed brow and clouded eyes. His eyes were trained on their intertwined hands, her touch filling him with a familiar ease. One he'd known all his life. 

"Things have gotten too hard. Being Captain America isn't white and black anymore and when we lost, I didn't see a point. But then I met you and things were easy again. I didn't have to be Captain America, I could just be Steve." He confessed. 

He felt guilty, not that his words weren't true. If anything, this was the most honest he had been with her. But the guilt that seeped into his heart came from Bucky. He hadn't just failed the world, he failed all of his friends, all people he would fondly consider his new family. Could he really risk losing again? 

"I don't know if that even makes sense but I need you here. I need to be Steve." He dared to take a glimpse at her, fearing she might condemn him. Instead a warm smile graced Y/n's features, patient and kind like Bucky always was. 

"Okay." She whispered, her heart clenching as she forced the simple word. She couldn't shake the feeling that her luck hadn't yet turned. Everytime she tried to help, it destroyed everything around her. She couldn't let that happen again. "I'm gonna go get some stuff from the apartment then you have my wholehearted assistance."

Y/n carefully tucked the picture into her pocket before climbing off the bed, standing next to it as Steve swung his legs over the edge. "Do you want me to go with you?" He offered. She shook her head, pulling her hair up and tying it. 

"Nah, I'll be ok. What, you scared I'll run away?" She attempted to lighten the mood. Steve chuckled as she walked over to the door running her fingers along the wall before pausing. He watched her small frame hesitate before shooting a short glance back at him. "Hey, uh- just…don't do anything stupid till I get back." She pleaded, earnest concern in her tone as he pushed off the bed. 

A soft smirk came to his face and he lifted a shoulder in a lazy shrug. "How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." He replied instantly, not giving it too much thought. Y/n scoffed, rolling her eyes and letting her fingers wrap around the doorframe as she stepped out into the hall. 

"Grandpa's got jokes now." She offered a genuine laugh, her smile lingering upon her lips. 

Then she disappeared down the hall, leaving him standing silently in the now empty room trying in vain to brush away the painful overlap. 

•••

When she got back to the apartment she packed a bag of essentials for herself, making sure to stop by Steve's room and pack a few extra clothes in case he needed them. Speaking of the man, she scoffed looking at the full sink. 

"Steven Rogers, I swear." A long sigh filled the quiet apartment as she set about washing the dishes he'd promised to take care of. While she was at it she took care of a few other chores since she wasn't sure when she would be back again. 

There wasn't much to be abandoned at the apartment other than a few plants but they'd been dead for a couple days at that point. She never had been one to have a green thumb but Steve claimed having them around gave the apartment some life. 

Ironic.

The walk back to the compound was peaceful even in the constant gloom of the city. Knowing there was a shift in the atmosphere filled her with a new type of feeling, one she hadn't experienced in a really long time.  

There had been people on the street, going about their business. Everything was dulled compared to life before the snap but she hadn't noticed until she knew there was something to be done. How many times she had gone about her life while something was happening behind the scenes that she had been so painfully oblivious to? Perhaps that was why the Sokovia Accords had been created in the first place. 

There were so many close calls the Avengers prevented that the public didn't even know about until it was on the news. Though she didn't agree with the Accords she understood the government's wish to be more aware and even in control. 

Once reaching the compound, Nat let her in through the gate and Y/n began her trek to the building. Tugging her hair free of the hair tie, it fell loose around her face and she cringed at the grease starting to build on her scalp. Moving through the halls of the compound, she let herself really explore. 

Despite years of friendship she hadn't really been at the compound for longer than a few hours at a time, most of the visit being spent in the training room with Nat. Steve explained he wanted to keep his friendship with her separate from his life as an Avenger and since she had been doing everything in her power to forget her past, she appreciated the separation. 

As she continued to wonder, she hoped there'd be a shower somewhere on the large complex. But before she could ask anyone, her silent venture was cut off by the sounds of very frantic voices coming from a door to her left. Hesitantly she stepped through, finding herself in a large open space with a very odd scene. 

 The horrid van had been brought in and the back glowed while what looked like a portal swirled inside it. A baby, she assumed to be Scott, stood on wobbly feet in a crudely made suit as everyone turned to her with alarmed expressions. Y/n dropped her bag and rushed forward, pushing Bruce aside as she pointed for Nat. 

"When I say kill the reactor, kill it!" Y/n demanded, adjusting the calculations on the panel as Nat rapidly walked over to the reactor. 

"Kill it!" Y/n called. Nat's frantic hands quickly pulled down the knob, turning off the reactor before looking back over to the van. Scott had returned to his position and normal age, his face contorted in shock and confusion. 

"Somebody peed my pants." Scott proclaimed making Nat sigh, walking over to them. Y/n let go of her own sigh of relief, stepping away from the control panel. Bruce looked over the work she'd done, his eyes widening for a split second before returning to Scott. 

"God, I leave you guys alone for one hour! I told you not to do anything!" She cried, sending an aggravated look at Steve. He cowered under her detested glare, bringing his hand to the back of his neck. 

"But I don't know if it was 'baby' me or 'old' me...or just 'me' me." Scott elaborated, earning an annoyed stare from Y/n. However Bruce did not share her agitation, holding up his hands dramatically. 

"Time travel!" He announced, a proud grin on his face as he looked to the others for the same enthusiasm. Steve refused to reply instead shaking his head and stalking off toward the exit while Y/n tried to calm her racing heart. She made them promise to wait for her. She knew something like this would happen. 

"What? I..I see this as an absolute win!" Bruce called after Steve. Nat and Y/n looked at one another before moving to check on Scott. He was fine other than some wet pants and suit which Y/n painfully took knowing they'd need the suit for another test run, one she knew she'd be leading. 

"Here, Bruce." Y/n tossed him the suit. He caught it with a scrunched nose, holding it at arm's length with a disgusted expression. 

"That's what you get for not waiting." 

Part eight

Taglist:

@cancanmarvel

@jessyballet

@eldahae

@mc225g

@kissesofdeadforme

@wantingtobekorra

@sxphiiwrld

@lunaticbarnes

@indecisivedolly

@saiyanprincesswanie

@lextheflexsthings

[klysanderelias]

no y'know what, I care more about talking about the last of us 1's ending than I do about getting any sleep today

so from the very beginning. The first thing we see of the fireflies is a botched attack on a guard post that (I have to assume) results in the situation that joel and tess end up in, where they find marlene gutshot in an alley with all her support dead. Marlene's driving goal at that point is to get ellie out of the city. That's the whole plot, right? is that joel and tess get swept up in it because marlene doesn't have another option. But that's the thing, that's the establishing character moment for the fireflies as an organization, and for marlene - and I HAVE to assume this wasn't intentional - they're all fuck-ups.

Marlene is the 'queen firefly'. She's the head of the whole organization, at least for her region, and she's in deep shit from the get-go. It's clear that, whatever is going on, the fireflies are losing. That's not something you can really argue. The government is in complete control. Sure, the fireflies still have safehouses and guerrilla forces, but not for much fucking longer from the way the game portrays them. We see almost no firefly power within the city, sans one car bomb, and when tess and joel get to the meetup outside the city, all the fireflies are, surprise surprise, dead as hell (and clearly because they colossally fucked up their opsec), so it's pretty straightforward from the intro that, yeah, the fireflies are not good at their jobs. And to be fair, they're civilians! I get it! But even MARLENE isn't getting results. Anyway, joel and ellie get to tommy, because plot happens, but here's the thing - tommy is EX-firefly, right? He LEFT. He was disillusioned with them and doesn't want to have anything to do with their mission. He gives joel supplies and information to continue the mission, after the attack on their compound, but still seems to be trying to convince joel to stay and not continue on. He's competent, he's capable, and he's pretty clear that he thinks the fireflies aren't worth the effort.

But joel and ellie keep going and find the university! The voice logs and shit there are kind of darkly hilarious because they're all basically 'well shit we fucked up', 'we're abandoning this facility and moving STATES', "We haven't had a breakthrough since the passive vaccine test we ran ... what? ...Five years ago?", 'oh shit I failed basic lab safety and got my ass bit by an infected monkey, triggering a new outbreak of the deadly pathogen we've been completely failing to cure'. Like, the whole university section should really just hammer home how fucking incompetent the fireflies are. They wasted all their time and resources for nothing. One of their researchers earns himself a darwin award because a) he sticks his hand in an infected monkey's cage, and b) he was gonna let INFECTED HUMAN-ADJACENT ANIMALS RUN FREE, LIKE DID THIS DUDE NOT READ ANYTHING ABOUT ANY PUBLIC HEALTH EVER?? DOES HE NOT KNOW WHAT A ZOONOTIC DISEASE IS? WHY IS HE ALLOWED WITH 100 FEET OF A RESEARCH LAB?? anyway they get to salt lake city, and ellie nearly drowns, and joel starts doing cpr. A firefly patrol walks in on it, and the absolute geniuses decide that a man doing cpr on an unconscious girl is an active threat and nearly kill both of them. Literally, I have no idea how ellie lives, except that it's a video game and video game devs have no idea how cpr works, or why, so it's not worth fighting. The point is, at BEST these guards nearly kill two people out of ignorance, and at WORST they nearly kill MAYBE THE ONLY IMMUNE PERSON IN THE WORLD but it gets better.

"In the hospital, Marlene tells Joel that Ellie is being prepared for surgery: in hope of producing a vaccine for the infection, the Fireflies must remove the infected portion of Ellie's brain, which will kill her." (thanks wikipedia) Let's start with the basics. You can't vaccinate fungal infections. That ain't a thing. There are currently people TRYING, but up until now in human history, it hasn't worked (for more information, try here). But for the sake of argument, let's assume that they CAN make a vaccine. That somehow, in the intervening time between now and before when the outbreak in the game takes place, in, uh, 2013, someone DID make a fungal vaccine, so it's not completely unprecedented. Let's also assume that the fireflies have the capabilities to make any sort of vaccine, at all, which is MUCH more complicated than most hospitals have equipment for.

I'm actually struggling to explain all this here. Look, it's a BRAIN PARASITE. It lives in her fucking brain. They cut it out, it doesn't live any more. That's how parasites work. That means they have, what, a couple of pounds of dying fungus to work on for a few days? They couldn't make a vaccine from the DANGEROUS fungus variant in 5 fucking years, at MINIMUM. What's their plan? Just stick it in someone else's head if they don't have a breakthrough on day 2? Literally, when I saw that a surgeon was the head researcher, I laughed, because of course a surgeon would cut first and ask questions never! Literally no one on their team apparently thought 'hey, the normal cordyceps infection is passed through saliva, right? What happens if the girl bites someone? or kisses someone?' How is that not THE FIRST FUCKING TEST you run? If ellie bites someone and they get normal cordyceps, that's HUGE information! and if she bites someone and they get NO cordyceps, that's likewise MASSIVELY IMPORTANT! It's just shockingly bad science, and bad medicine, and it's a sign that no one on the dev team the research team understood any medical microbiology. The point I'm trying to make here is that the firefly medical team makes literally the worst decision they could make, which is to immediately cut a PARASITE out of a GIRL'S HEAD while she's UNCONSCIOUS because they can't wait A WEEK????? to run extra tests? There's absolutely NO justification to do it as soon as she came in. It's wild-ass bullshit. Maybe, MAYBE, if there was something like 'oh when she almost drowned it did major damage to her brain and she might not actually pull through so it's now or never' but that's a COMPLETELY different scenario!

And like, it's CANON that the research team doesn't know what they're doing! Quoted from the head surgeon's voice recorder, "The girl's infection is like nothing I've ever seen. The cause of her immunity is uncertain. As we've seen in all past cases, the antigenic titers of the patient's Cordyceps remain high in both the serum and the cerebrospinal fluid. Blood cultures taken from the patient rapidly grow Cordyceps in fungal-media in the lab... however white blood cell lines, including percentages and absolute-counts, are completely normal. There is no elevation of pro-inflammatory cytokines, and an MRI of the brain shows no evidence of fungal-growth in the limbic regions, which would normally accompany the prodrome of aggression in infected patients."

I don't know about anyone else, I guess, but if a surgeon told me 'hey I've never seen anything like this, I don't know what's happening in there, and nothing I've done gives me any actionable results,' the LAST thing I'd expect to hear next is 'so I'm gonna cut your brain out lol, yolo am I right' So medically, the research team doesn't have a leg to stand on. Their decision is completely unjustifiable. And, I would argue, if there's only one person anyone knows of who's been immune to the world-destroying fungal infection, and someone was gonna kill that person, you should probably stop that from happening. And if a bunch of heavily armed paramilitary idiots tried to stop you from keeping that immune person alive, maybe they deserve what's coming to them. And politically, the fireflies are non-entities. They're nonfunctional as an organization. Salt lake city was their last major base in the last of us 1, to the extent that joel and ellie had to go from boston Massachusetts to salt lake city, TWO THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED, and SIXTY FIVE MILES, and that's if you took the fucking interstate straight fucking there. You're really gonna tell me that there wasn't a functional firefly holdout anywhere closer aside from tommy? Who wasn't affiliated with them any more?

Like, it's just wild to me. I understand how people could think the ending was ambiguous, because the devs WANTED it to be, but there's nothing supporting that in the actual game. There's no information, no experiences, no narrative, no METANARRATIVE, in which the fireflies are anything but colossal fuck-ups with a specialty in winning darwin awards en masse.

I get it, murdering a whole hospital full of people is wrong, but like, if you justify ANY murder in the last of us, you have to justify murdering a) the pedophilic cannibal rapists and b) the paramilitary organization with a suicide fetish that's hellbent on bringing everyone else with them.

And yeah, maybe shooting marlene at the end was a little much, but joel was STILL. RIGHT. She agreed with the decision to go ahead with the surgery. She did what she did because she believed in the cause, and nothing joel did was gonna change that. Plus, if she'd just lied to joel's face and told him that ellie had drowned, she would have 'won' and the surgery would have happened.

Joel was fucking right, and like I said before, the real impact of the ending is that he doesn't know that, just like ellie doesn't. He made a decision based on his own feelings, his own trauma, and that drives the drama of the moment, but the devs were morons and decided to completely justify the decision, in its entirety.

[thesmallgay]

None of my friends watch The Worst Witch but I need to rant so here are my questions/comments/ideas about HB and Pippa's relationship that season 3 has caused (also this is longer than I originally meant i'm so sorry):

[[MORE]]

1. Why does Pippa call HB "Hecate" if HB started going by that after Indigo Moon, HB said she ended her friendship with Pippa when Indy turned to stone???

Potential explanation: Pippa hears that HB prefers to be called Hecate now and respects that OR she and HB actually are friends for a little bit after the Indy incident and HB tells her she wants to go by Hecate. Also explains the Hiccup nickname, but I doubt HB would allow herself to have *joy* (ha) in her life so soon after

2. Why did Hecate end their friendship? Did she believe that the people she was close to would be in danger? Did she think she deserved to be in isolation?

HB says in season 1 that it was bc she thought Pippa didn't want to be friends with her. This could easily be a lie but in season 2 when they're arguing, HB says that Pippa always wanted to be better than her. There's a lot of tension, and honestly, hatred from both ends that doesn't just feel like heartbreak. The way they argue, it seems like HB truly believed that Pippa wanted to be better than HB. Maybe she lied to herself for so long that she started to believe it? Maybe they did hire Miss Broomhead (from the og series) to tutor her and maybe she used Pippa against her?

3. A theory on why HB didnt go to the broomstick display (I separate out friendship and broomstick display bc I think the broomstick display was either the first indication that she and Pippa were done, or the last - first if she immediately pulled away from Pippa, last if she slowly distanced herself)

I have 2 thoughts (though one of them doesnt make much sense). (i) the day the display happened was the day the Indy thing happened or perhaps the day she faced the Council. She doesn't confide in Pippa so Pippa just thinks she ditched but really HB is trying to protect her. Now this doesn't make sense bc HB gives Indy magic during break bc HB herself can't leave and I assume the broomstick display would happen during term. (ii) There is another level to the display competition that would require them to leave school grounds if they won (go to another school to compete or something). HB knows there's a chance they could win, and instead of having to explain to Pippa that she can't leave campus, HB decides to just forfeit. Having Pippa hate her is a bonus bc she thinks that she is holding Pippa back, esp if she is confined to the school. I think this theory relies on HB still being friends with Pippa (using the 2nd potential explanation for question 1)

4. If she and Pippa were bffs then shouldn't Pippa know that HB liked the nonmagic world? It's possible that HB even wouldve brought Pippa with her to the nonmagic world and introduced her to Indigo (I don't think Pippa wouldve minded breaking the rules for HB). If she knew though, Pippa most likely also knew about HB's punishment but I don't think she does based on my previous points.

5. Also, the scenes from HB in the nonmagic world showed Joy being like a real kid, having fun and messing around. She and Indy even made up naughty words to the school song (which btw when would that even happen), but when Pippa is talking to Mildred, she says HB always took everything too seriously which doesn't seem likely given what we've seen and what we know about HB's transformation into who she is now. Unless HB was only carefree in the nonmagical world? Didn't feel any pressures from anyone to succeed? Also, the silver dress comment from Pippa in season 2 implies that HB wasn't always like that ("that" being serious, dressed in black, didn't mind attention every now and then)

6. I also don't think Pippa and HB really talked between the spelling bee and modern witching workshops considering how surprised HB was. It definitely would be something they discussed if they had rekindled their friendship. But, HB does show a bit of familiarity by popping up to the roof to greet Pippa when she arrives. If they had missed each other that much though (per season 1), I definitely would think at least Pippa would make an effort to keep communicating with HB (HB would be too awkward and self conscious to know what to do i think)

I also think that the spelling bee wasnt the first time they saw each other in 30yrs bc Pippa calls HB stricter than ever or something like that. Perhaps she was strict as a kid (as we've said, unlikely), but I think it's more plausible that Pippa has seen adult HB being strict at Cackles before

7. Before they start arguing again in the modern witching ep, Pippa says HB looks angry, but also comments that she never could tell. So Pippa can't read HB very well? Doesn't that kinda go against the bffs thing? Idk about everyone else but my best friend knows what I'm thinking before even I know. Unless Pippa is referring to post-Indy HB who she really doesn't know?

It's all so confusing I'm starting to go in circles I think but someone please talk to me about the worst witch! Headcanons are welcome! I just want to make sense of it all (though it is just a kids show so perhaps there isnt any sense to it)

[sage-nebula]

I wish Alola wasn't the region where Ash wins because the anime gave the Nebby story to him instead of Lillie, Lusamine wasn't allowed to be the nonredeemable villain she is, Ash didn't even make a full team for the league, and the league itself was handled poorly. The anime ruined Alola from the start.

I’m kind of in a couple different minds about it.

On the one hand, I don’t really have strong feelings about the Alola anime one way or another. I haven’t seen most of it (and have instead just paid attention to it from a distance through fandom osmosis) because I don’t think that slice of life works for me when applied to Pokémon. I want adventures and traveling, and while there was some traveling in the Alola anime, it was a bit too grounded to its home base for my tastes. In addition to which, I think having such a large cast of companions might have hurt some of them, in that from my understanding many of them took a long time to add more members to their teams, if they did at all. (Of course, that’s not to say having fewer companions always allows them growth, because Misty and Brock were sadly not allowed to have their own arcs in the original series. That’s probably my biggest gripe of the OS.) I also can’t say that the anime ruined Alola, in my opinion, because I also don’t have a very good opinion of the Alola games. Most of my complaints stem from the gameplay, sure, but I also take issue with how Lusamine and Gladion were both handled (in that Lusamine was given “redemption” and Gladion wasn’t allowed to participate in the climax of his own family’s story), among other smaller quibbles.

So on that note, any issue I take with Ash winning isn’t really centered with the fact that he’s winning in this series, in the sense that this isn’t a series I necessarily dislike (I’m more indifferent to it), and therefore I’m upset about it. If I have any reason to not want him to win this one, then that reason is either that I prefer Gladion as a character and would prefer him to win (true, sorry, Ash), or that I feel like the Alola League is the least important of the game Leagues, which, from a storytelling perspective, it . . . kind of is. I mean, going based on what we know from the games, this is a brand new League that Kukui just started up because he thought it would seem fun. In the games I took issue with this little subplot because the League system seems to be a system of government in most regions, which means Kukui would need to overthrow Alola’s religious oligarchy in order to institute this new system of government, which should have created a lot of problems but in reality created zero, which in turn made it seem as if he just set up a fun kiddie tournament that would hold no real importance with regards to the rest of the world even though dialogue from Kukui (which may have been USUM only, can’t recall) suggested that he wanted it to. The anime isn’t that serious, in that they never really touch on issues like politics or governance very much (although if they’d been faithful with the stories from Black/White they would have had to given N’s entire goal was to become Champion specifically so he could change the laws in Unova), but from my understanding Kukui’s motivation / what he does is more or less the same. He sets up the Alola League so everyone can have fun. And in that sense, everyone can participate, regardless of whether they’ve met certain qualifications or not. It’s a free-for-all. And while that made for a big League despite not introducing very many new characters to the plot, it also makes it seem much less . . . high risk? Because by and large Ash was competing against trainers who hadn’t exactly trained for this, at least not for the length of a saga, which is what normally happens. (And before anyone starts, sure, Alan decided to enter the League late, but he had been seriously training Lizardon for years, and for far more high-stakes reasons, so he still counts.) Whether you want to talk Indigo, Silver Conference, Ever Grande Conference, or Lumiose Conference, generally speaking all the trainers who entered had been aiming to enter for months. They’d gone through the work of collecting badges, devising strategies, and working hard to make it there. As a result, Ash could lose against any one of them at any time, because all of them were just as serious as he is. And I don’t mean to knock any of the Alola League participants, but let’s be real, Team Rocket spends 50% of their time selling malasadas and the other 50% doing crimes (or maybe it’s more like 70% - 30% at this point? I haven’t been watching consistently). Sophocles is focused on his inventions, Kiawe has his delivery service, Mallow is helping at her family’s restaurant, Lillie has just barely started as a trainer, and so on and so forth. I’m sure they all tried very hard, but they don’t have a dream of being a Pokémon Master like Ash does, so they haven’t been training as hard as he has for this very goal. (Of course, trainers like Gladion and Hau have, but they were not the norm for this tournament, I don’t think.)

On top of which, there’s the fact that since this is a brand new League, it’s also not one that holds any history or, again, large-scale significance in the rest of the world. Even the Orange League, despite being much smaller and not a game League, has been around for a long time. It was a serious League, not one just thrown together by a professor who wanted to let everyone have fun. Saying, “I’m the Kanto Champion!” has a lot more weight than, “I’m the Alola Champion!” because the latter is going to get a, “Alola has a League??” response from most people outside of Alola at this rate. It doesn’t mean it’s not important or cool at all, but it’s just a bit . . . underwhelming. I think that’s the best word to describe how I feel about it. Underwhelmed. It’s not an impressive League win to me, and if Ash were going to win any League to end his time on the show, I kind of wish he’d gone back and won Kanto’s so that he could be the Champion of his own region, and make up for the way he was ripped off way back when.

At the same time, though, I do love Ash as a character and always have, and in light of the fact that we may be experiencing a reboot, if Ash’s time on the show is to end (or if this Ash’s time on the show is to end, although I hope that they go with an entirely new character if they really are ending his time rather than using AU Ash), then I do want him to go out having finally achieved his dream, or at least a version of his dream. The worst thing I can think of is ending this anime after twenty-one years with Ash not having accomplished what he set out to do in the first place. (And yes, I know what Shuudo wanted to do, but his idea was terrible, absolutely terrible.) So in that sense, particularly if this is Ash’s final saga, I’m happy that he’s winning.

So I don’t know. I’m not exactly jumping for joy, but I’m also not exactly upset about it either. I’m mostly underwhelmed, mostly indifferent, mostly curious to see what it is they’re planning for this next leg of the anime. At the end of the day, though, my favorite boy already won his League, so I already got the results I’m most happy about.

The Champion of my heart, always. ♥

[theangrypokemaniac]

Sinnoh has massive flaws as an era, although it's starting to feel like the good old days compared to the present piss-poor offerings.

The major drawback is the amount of 'recurring characters', ones not good enough to be in it fully, but inflicted upon us nevertheless.

I did care about Ash. I did care about Team Rocket.

I was prepared to care about The Misty Replacement, as in the girl shipped with Ash.

I was prepared to care about The Brock Replacement, that is the older brother figure who does all the cooking, carries the medicine, and knows about Pokémon.

I don't give a toss about extras who outstay their welcome.

Hoenn only had Drew and Harley. What was wrong with that?

There are just too bloody many.

Why does Dawn require so many opponents, as if she's of the greatest importance? Why won't Jessie suffice?

I accept the necessity of Paul as The Rival, and we were at least permitted to resent him initially, before the writers fanboy'd like there was no tomorrow.

I admit I liked two of them. They therefore featured the least.

Typical.

Nando

The Blondel of Iberia

A softly-spoken, raven-locked troubadour, roaming the many pathways of life, playing his songs for those weary travellers he encounters on the road.

He's wearing a cloak! The finest use of material to ever be invented!

All this ethereal grace considering the dub lumbered him with the most appallingly unsuitable name possible.

It could've been Raphael, or Dante, or Leonardo.

Oh no, let's name him after a restaurant chain. That adds gravitas.

His lyre pays tribute to Mew, because Nando knows she's The Rarest Of All Pokémon, thus refuses to be impressed by any deformed horse like Arceus throwing its weight around.

Damn straight.

Ursula

A pretty girl with lovely clothes and the spark of a proper personality.

You're not wanted round these parts, love.

I have no particular animosity towards Dawn, but it irritates me how the world revolves around her whims, where if she's lost in the woods, it's a major disaster, and if an attack heads in her direction, she must be protected in case she shatters.

It makes a refreshing change to find someone firmly inoculated against the lures of the temptress.

Also, alongside Ursula from Dinosaur King (the real Jessie), I'm glad of any attempt to reclaim that name, considering most of my generation, upon hearing it, think only about evil old octopus women.

As for the rest?

It's that bad I prefer the Unova bunch to these.

Reggie

Reggie is even more of a knob than Paul. As above, being Ash's enemy meant that, if only by narrative, he was intended to be somewhat disliked.

Not Reginald. No, he's the kind one.

Oh really?

When Ash and Paul have their showdown, Reg starts wittering that it's just as well Chimchar took up with Ash, since he wasn't suited to Paul's 'battle style'.

Battle style.

Is the what he calls mental and physical cruelty?

In Reg's amoral cesspit of a mind, there is no right and wrong, so do whatever you feel.

Reggie is quite aware of how his brother tortures Pokémon, and not only is he unconcerned, he excuses it with euphemism, hoping the audience will obligingly forget too.

What's more, he implies it's Chimchar's fault for not pulling his weight, and Paul abandoning him was the compassionate thing to do.

Cynthia

Suffering severe Bridge Nose Syndrome.

She may be Champion, but I don't remember Lance turning up all the time where he wasn't wanted.

She doesn't even use her influence properly. Rather than give it straight to Paul, order him to shape up and stop spanking the monkey, she fannies about with her cod mysticism, emptily preaching about how Ash and Paul are spiritually linked, with magical, beeyewteefull events taking form just because they met.

That's right, don't bother about Paul clearly being a psychopath, for 'tis ART!

It's the same as trying to convince me that Ash, Dawn and Brock were the Divine Trio because they all saw Something Nasty In The Lake District, as if they have an intrinsic bond foretold in ancient prophecy.

The writers pull this knowing two thirds of the Holy Trinity, plus Paul the Fallen Angel, will be leaving, at which point we'll be expected to stop being overawed at the great majesty they all apparently possess and transfer allegiance to their usurpers.

What's the point?

Angie

Yet another smackhead from that lunatic stare.

What shining genius decided giving all the characters contracted pupils was a good idea?

She looks like one of those kids whose parents dealt with nits the traditional way:

Shaving the entire head and painting it purple.

A barnet resembling privet hacked at by a paralytic gardener before he conked out.

I've seen her arc three or four times, and I still remember nothing about her, except for the amazing skill she possesses to make Ash sneeze on command from a distance.

Conway

One word: nonce.

A clichéd weirdo fitting into Pokémon's Four-Eyed Freaks fixation, where anyone with a slight visual impairment is a weedy, know-it-all bastard or on a register.

Oh yes, and this lad comes with hidden delights, because his glasses gleam like a giant cockroach, just in case he wasn't creepy enough.

Zoey

The human black hole. Has the incredible ability to suck all the joy out of a room just by appearing. A personage of absolute lead.

Too nice and over familiar, lacking a single detectable personality trait.

Bland, empty, and with the charisma of vomit-sodden cardboard.

Sinnoh is a prolonged saga as it is, padded with nonentities like her and Kenny.

Alright, episodes must be devoted to Dawn's Contest career, however tiresome it is, but why exactly do we need any about Zoey and Kenny? Why should we care?

Every time I sat through a competition Dawn lost, I resented that she was no further along on her quest, equating to another episode eaten away by this shallow, blackened hymn to superficiality.

Compare this indulgent treatment to the sneering disrespect shown to Jessie, an actual main character, who not only had to win her Ribbons practically off screen, but the writers delighted in hammering home how worthless she was in only scraping into the Grand Festival because Princess Salvia took pity on the deluded wretch.

They favour their own inventions over the original cast, then dump 'em as soon as the next generation arrives, so how could they ever matter if even the creators eagerly cast them aside?

After all the effort on my part to put up with the entire witless farce, Zoey beats Dawn in the finals!

Why?!

I understood the unspoken law of Ash not being allowed to win a League until the very last series, for fear whatever came after would be anticlimactic, but why should this deadening failure apply to May and Dawn?

By the culmination of the Contest rigmarole, it's obvious they'll be making their exit for the next region's Girl, so why couldn't either bid farewell to the fans with a victory?

Why must they be incompetent too?

Even if achieving their dream dampened any hunger to carry on, they're departing anyway, so what difference does it make?

At least Ash will continue, but for May and Dawn, it's the end.

How could any fan be satisfied with a smarmy vacuum of a creature like Zoey succeeding instead?

Barry

Eyes of molten evil.

The second-worst character ever created (Iris is top of the ranks), Barry is a smug, arrogant, screeching dweeb jabbering his oh-so endearing catchphrase about fining anyone who slightly irks him, so sure is he that his feelings should come above everyone else's

He truly believes he has a God-given entitlement to demand lesser lifeforms should arrange themselves to suit his pleasure, that they are morally compelled to shield him from  meagre inconvenience.

Twat.

Knocking the little geck out of the League was the most noble thing Paul ever did. It practically redeems him.

This is what I cannot comprehend:

Ursula is openly conceited, rude to Dawn, and brags about her own excellence even after losing.

We're asked to dislike her.

Barry slags Ash off constantly, is convinced of his own divinity, and jeers at Team Rocket.

We're supposed to see him as a 'good guy' and welcome his arrival.

Why? Are Ash and Team Rocket fair game, but offending Saint Dawn's intolerable?

Again, it astounds me how temporary, region-specific stars seem to count for more than those who've been here since the beginning.

Whilst they're here, that is. Once gone, you wouldn't know they'd existed.

Kenny

He wears a matador outfit to compete.

It's a crying shame Tauros was never given the opportunity to gore him.

As usual, it's Piplup I blame.

Each generation likes to flaunt the starter Pokémon, presumably in the hope of flogging more games, that's why Ash usually catches all three, or they're spread out amongst his friends.

It's about time Team Rocket had one.

Can't do that, they only appear five times per series now.

Piplup is a whiny attention whore who refuses to evolve. In consequence, he can't advertise the next stages in the evolution chain, so we have to keep seeing Barry and Kenny instead, that's why Empoleon and Prinplup are always walking about.

This equates to three characters having the same Pokémon, albeit in different incarnations.

There's variety.

However, Kenny's true purpose is much more grim than that.

Fans will ship Ash with The Girl, a useless endeavour when it's destined to come to nothing when she's kicked out.

In Hoenn and Sinnoh, an effort was made to wean shippers off in preparation for the upcoming split, so alternative suitors were introduced, with the girls effectively pushed on to them.

May got Drew.

I don't mind that. He had some refinements.

Dawn got Kenny.

...

What, you want me to cheer for such a revolting couple?

Have I not suffered enough?

What unpardonable crime did Dawn do to deserve such a horrible fate?

She's not a bad-looking girl. She can do better than an ugly, portly, shrunken, pie-faced cretin! 

You do this to me when Nando exists?

Sod the age gap, that never concerned anyone here.

This being the Kenny who spends four years belittling Dawn by constantly reminding her of a humiliating childhood experience, even giving her a nickname too!

Dawn is visibly distressed when he does this, but he's a fine candidate for romance?

She has to settle for a sweaty, lecherous herbert like him, who doesn't even try to atone for his unfortunate mug by being kind?

I suspect the whole Sinnoh adventure was really him wearing down her self-esteem until she believed he was the best available, wanting her to be grateful for his slobbery attentions.

It won't stop there either. He'll trap her for the rest of her life by isolating her from friends, followed by accusations of how undeserving she is of his 'love'.

Such is Dawn's lot: absent father, pushy mother, whinging penguin and abusive boyfriend.

Kenny's already a perv:

He's not looking at her face.

She knows he's not.

Ash and Pikachu have noticed an interesting feature further down.

Aipom likes it too.

[kyunsies]

MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3 

[thebluelemontree]

Ever since the 1st book Sansa was faced with the true/fake knight dichotomy: the KG beat her and her Knight of Flowers wasn't that honorable either (his mare trick). For some people that is one of the reasons why Harry is a good partner for her - he's honest and dislikes false courtesy (much like Sandor). But I fail to see how being honest about your dishonor makes you the TRUE KNIGHT. To me he's just as fake as all the others unlike Sandor who didn't give any vows to break. What's your opinion?

I guess we’re talking about a “good partner” in theory because I really don’t think the signs look all that great for Harry living much longer.  If he shows up at the tourney joust on a red stallion, stick a fork in him.  He’s done.  Besides that, should we honestly expect a marriage option arranged by Littlefinger to turn out good for Sansa?  When has any of his arrangements for her worked out in her favor?

Just so we’re being fair and this isn’t just about rooting for my OTP above other options, Sandor is also bluntly honest about some of the horrible things he has done too.  Not taking vows is him making a protest statement against the institution, but he can sometimes use it to deflect attention from his own bad acts onto the hypocrisy of knights instead.  It’s Sandor’s moments of choosing to be protective and helpful that make us see his potential for true knighthood.  Not his cynical stance on the subject.  He’s full of shit too sometimes.  But as I’ve said before, we have very good reason to believe that Sandor is continuing his trajectory toward true knighthood at his death scene and on the QI serving under a former knight.   

Not being a liar is good, but it’s a pretty low bar to pass.  No one deserves a medal for this.  Harry needs to show us way more than that if I were to believe he could actually be a “good partner.”  I wouldn’t say he dislikes false courtesy.  He’s thoroughly of the Vale and the conservative culture is all about appearances, pedigree, adherence to tradition and chivalric culture, which includes courtesy.  He’s just plain rude is all.  It’s not on principle against courtesy.  He dislikes low born bastards who have the audacity to consider themselves worthy to seek the next Lord of the Eyrie for a marriage prospect.  And he resents that circumstances have forced him to interact with Littlefinger’s bastard in particular.  Obviously he doesn’t mind consorting with low born girls and may fancy himself in love with them at times, but there’s no indication he plans on marrying one of them.  He’s a Hardyng, a minor landed knight house, that through dumb luck finds himself Robert’s heir.  He wants a good marriage to a highborn and trueborn to shore up his pedigree.  That’s why his shield is quartered with the Waynwood and Arryn sigils too.  To emphasize his more prestigious relations.  If he knew she was Sansa Stark he’d be treating her very differently, which was Sansa’s realization about her Loras fantasy.  No Tyrell would ever love a bastard girl, no matter what.  It always comes down to her claim, not her.  

I don’t hate Harry and I don’t think he is the worst person ever, just as Loras isn’t a terrible person for cheating at a tournament.  We’ve seen what truly terrible looks like.  You can’t really get on Loras for cheating at a stupid joust and think that highly about Harry “earning” his knighthood in a tournament rigged for him to win.  TWOW tourney is probably just as rigged.  If Harry doesn’t realize the win was handed to him and that he’s being wooed for influence by Yohn and LF because he’s the next high lord, then he’s monumentally stupid.  Accepting the knighthood when you know you didn’t actually do anything to earn it is just as false and shitty as what Loras did.   

Hey, at least you can say Loras knew how to be faithful to his partner even after Renly died.  I don’t think Harry would be abusive to Sansa, but he’s going to litter the Vale and probably the North too with his bastards and used and discarded women.  It wasn’t “different with Saffron.”  After Harry dumps Cissy for gaining pregnancy weight, Lady Anya arranged for her to be married off to one of her household guards.  How did Cissy feel about that?  Probably not good, but the dishonorable behavior got tidied up for Harry, didn’t it?  Saffron is going to be left pregnant and dishonored too, after all of the words of love he probably gave her.  If you look at the entire Alayne sample chapter there’s a running theme of used, dishonored, and discarded women beginning, middle and end.

Mya Stone arrives in Robert’s bedchamber with hay in her hair and a “scowl” on her face.  Sansa knows Mychel Redfort is around.  Poor Mya loved Mychel, thought he loved her, and had dreams of marrying him.  She’s broken hearted and still longing to be with him, but the tumble in the hay makes her feel worse, not closer to him.  She’s left with nothing but shattered dreams, a soiled reputation, and reminded that tumbles in the hay are all a bastard girl is good for.  

Alayne sharply corrects Robert when he insists he can keep Alayne as his mistress if he can’t marry her.  He’s still a little boy and only partially understands what he’s saying, but she’s giving him good parenting here.  Just because he’s Lord of the Eyrie doesn’t mean he can treat women any type of way, even low born bastards.  He’s not entitled to Alayne just because he wants her or has feelings for her.     

Myranda Royce is slut shamed by her own father because her late husband died of an apparent heart attack while having sex with her, some of which she has internalized.  I don’t think it was the dowry that Lady Waynwood found that unsuitable, because even cadet Royces are an ancient house that also have Stark blood.  There’s more than dowry to think about.  Lady Anya isn’t going to make the mistake of betrothing Harry to a girl he would find unpleasant (dowry or not) and sour a relationship with her future high lord.  IMO, Harry might have rejected the match between them as well because she’s a heavier girl when you consider his intense fatphobia.  Myranda is also not a traditional Vale lady either.  She’s very forward, highly intelligent, sexy, funny, and self-confident as well as competent at running a household.  She would be a joy of a wife for many a man and she’s rejected for the most shallow and judgemental reasons.  It’s hurtful because she knows her own worth.

Then we end on learning about Harry’s character, Cissy’s fate, and what will probably happen to Saffron too.  God forbid Sansa have his child and put on a few pounds.  That doesn’t scream “good partner” to me.  So even if he keeps his mistresses and bastards out of sight, he can still be shallow AF about a woman’s looks, which inevitably change over time.  He already doesn’t think she’s that attractive anyway.  Also if he finds out she’s really Sansa Stark and he suddenly starts treating her much better, that doesn’t say anything good either.  This match is theoretically all good for Harry, but I fail to see how it works out that great for Sansa.                     

The chapter can’t be structured this way for nothing.  George is giving us much to contemplate on about the treatment of women in relationships.  How the stakes are so much higher for them in giving their hearts, bodies, hopes, and dreams to a guy that would be careless with them.  Most of it happens before she even talks to Harry and gets to know him better.  And Sansa is being faced with putting her trust and hope to go home on him and having to give up her body, her dreams, and allow him power over her in return for that gamble.  If that doesn’t happen, she’s stuck in a loveless, faithless marriage in Eyrie, which she hates.  As of right now, it’s the only option that she knows of.  It also shows Sansa isn’t just thinking of what marrying Harry means for her, but she can also place herself in the shoes of other women and the bastard children.  Society will not be kind to them, while men have their fun and make promises they can’t/won’t keep.  

While George might be playing with some aspects of the Loras/Sandor dichotomy in Harry, Harry himself is a poor imitation of either.  Loras could be faithful and his deep, abiding love for Renly is one for the ages.  Sandor cares nothing for her claim and it was never her appearance that drew her to him.  In fact, her highborn status is a frustrating problem that kept him from being closer to her.  Harry is somewhat more like Robert Baratheon without the martial talent, easily attracted to the next shiny new thing.  So there might be some playing with the Robert/Lyanna dynamic thrown in as well, because there’s no reason to suggest that however charmed he might be by Alayne now that the feeling will last.     

The being said, it would be interesting to see if Harry ends up doing something true knight-ish before he goes down.  (I’m 90% sure he is going down.)  If it is the case that Harry has a bit of hero in him, it’s still a tragedy of wasted youth and potential, arrogant and douchey though it may be.  I wouldn’t be shocked if Sansa mourned Harry a bit, because that’s just who she is.  Maybe that kind of ending to his story will allow us to think of Harry a little more fondly rather than see the reality of what marriage to Sansa would be like a few years in.  We didn’t think that highly of Waymar Royce at first, but when it mattered most, the guy went down with real courage.  I’m sad about Loras’s potential fate in Dance, cheating at a tourney be damned.  All these guys have their arrogance and failings, but they could also rise to the occasion too.                                           

[shelleymarietalks]

Telogen Effluvium

Since being a child I had always been able to control my eczema with various creams, even under all the stress of being at university it was controllable, in fact I cannot remember even suffering with it. But it took its toll in 2014. In May 2014 I entered a Miss England regionals pageant and went on to be crowned Miss Black Country 2014 and in the June competed for the title of Miss England 2014 in Torquay placing in the top 20 out of 60 finalists. Was it the stress of the competition or simply an air born virus? I was admitted into hospital with shingles shortly after being crowned Miss Black Country and then again after competing for the Miss England title.

Since having shingles my skin took a turn for the worst for what we can only put down to my immune system taking a beating and ever since i have been backwards and forwards to emergency rooms with severe flare ups, allergic reactions and infections. From trying UV light therapy, to strong antihistamines, immunosuppressents and the new biological drug Dupixent, nothing seemed to work. With research claiming that Dupixent was the new "eczema cure" we thought that would be a turning point for my skin and my overall health which had also been affected but we were wrong. I had severe flare ups just days after having the injection, which I had to administer myself every 2 weeks. The flare ups were mainly around my neck and face but began to travel into my hairline. It wasn't until 15 weeks into trialling Dupixent that I noticed my hairline starting to disappear, my bleached hair becoming very fine and the ends becoming dry and severely breaking off. My dermatologist put this down to how severe my skin was, taking me off Dupixent and putting me back on immunosuppressents, this time trying Methotrexate.

I began to loose chunks of hair one handful at a time when I showered and was no longer able to tie my hair up as my scalp was becoming visible. My hairdresser at the time was able to sew in a braidless weave of extensions to hide the hairloss to restore what little confidence I had left for a short time. Being a woman in her late 20's with very low confidence and self esteem no thanks to eczema, this pushed me right over the edge! After doing countless hours of research and talking to others on similar medication with similar skin and health issues myself and my family decided to book a private appointment at Little Aston Hospital and pay to see a dermatologist who specialises in hair loss. From giving her my background information and from her looking at my scalp and hair she diagnosed me with Telogen Effluvium. A condition causing your hair follicules to go into shock, forcing them to fall out and shed excessively, this is usually due to a trauma, illness or medication, which we put down to the Dupixent and the trauma of the flare ups.

For more information - https://www.boots.com/floating-editorial/cha-/live-floating/telogen-effluvium

I was advised to take out the extensions and to give my hair a rest from any hair dyes or heat until my hair began to grow back and improve. I was prescribed some steroid based ointment to put onto my scalp and was told that only time would tell and heal. Stress had played a massive part in my hair loss and this was all down to my eczema. I was constantly going round in a circle of eczema flare up, stress, eczema flare up, repeat and still am today.

It's been 2, nearly 3 months later and my hairline is finally back and the condition of my hair is coming on leaps and bounds. I went back to my old hairdressers who I felt more comfortable working with and they were able to cut and style my hair hiding what damage telogen effluvium had done. I can finally style my hair properly and am able to use my straighteners and curlers, however I do take extra care. Although I will admit I have put a wash in wash out Red non-permanent colour on my hair, purely to give me a little boost and a change, I will no longer be touching bleach or strong chemical dyes again!

I am still no further forward where my skin is concerned and am off work sick with it as I write this. It's clear that the use of steroids in the past and now and again when I have bad flare ups lately hasn't helped at all and I still question if I went and continue to go through Topical Steroid Withdrawal, despite my dermatologist and doctor calling it a myth. I am waiting in a que of 580 people to see an immunologist at Birminghan Treatment Centre for allergy tests and skin biopsies to rule out any underlining issues. Although I'm currently flared up I am allowing the Methotrexate to give me a little break from the constant severe flare ups I used to have alongside the illness that comes with it but this can only be taken for a short period of time only, therefore myself and my dermatologist do not know what will be in store for me next until I have had my immune system investigated and allergy tests done and we know the results.

Topical Steroid Withdrawal is something I have questioned alot recently, as looking back to 2014 when my skin was at it worst and I was severely Ill I ticked all the boxes and had the same symptoms as other sufferers, however as I mentioned my dermatologist does not agree that withdrawal from steroid creams and oral steroids is a thing and claims I have an exfoliative type of eczema and that keeping ontop of steroids is the only way to help.

From talking with those that have gone and are going through TSW especially those going through the last hurdle of their journey with it after a long few years, I think that what I am experiencing now is due to the misuse of steroid creams in the past. I have to listen to my body and go with my gut instinct...

Disclaimer: I do not claim to have the correct information about Eczema, Telogen Effluvium or Topical Steroid Withdrawal. All that I write in my blogs is simply from my personal experience and the knowledge I have gained from connecting with others going through a similar conditions. I also do not do this for attention or sympathy but for my own personal journey.

Xxx

[stxrms]

I went into the emergency room voluntarily last year, riding a bus for two hours to get there. I was quiet and polite the entire time. Then something changed where I was getting treated differently, combatively by the staff. I decided I didn't want to deal with that and would be better off going home to see my cat. I expressed my desire, but I was not allowed to leave. I'd been placed on a 72-hour hold without anyone telling me and I had to ask repeatedly to leave and why I wasn't being allowed to leave before the pissed off nurse finally told me I couldn't leave because I was on a hold.

I was treated horribly after that. I'd become a "difficult patient" (just because I asked to leave when I didn't know I couldn't). Later, when I was in one of the psych units, I was accused of drug seeking. After that I was accused of faking my fall and inability to stand due to the pain they refused to treat (because of my "drug seeking"). When they finally helped me up off the floor, they put me on the bed facing the sunny window and away from the door. I couldn't see when nurses came by to do their headcount, and I was unable to signal that I needed further assistance. I ended up in such bad pain that I couldn't speak. They made clear how much they still didn't want to help me, that they didn't think my pain was legitimate.

There was only one nurse there who treated me like a human being, like a competent adult. Only one nurse listened when I explained that the low-frequency noise in the common areas of the unit were literally causing me more pain. That my hand flapping and pacing were helping me cope with the pain. Only one nurse accepted that I'm autistic and still a reasonable person. That nurse fought for me. She fought for them to get a medical doctor to examine me and figure out what the pain was from. She fought for me to be allowed to stay in my room more often. I was still punished for avoiding the pain of the common areas, and I was still mistreated for being in severe pain later. But that nurse was my only advocate in that hospital. I was no longer allowed to advocate for myself because of the judgments made about me, and she was my saving grace.

If that nurse hadn't cared enough to sit down and listen to me, to listen to me explain why I act differently, why I was doing the things I was, to listen and truly hear me when I said the pain was worse than the worst migraine I've ever had... if it wasn't for her, the abuse I received would have been even worse and longer-lasting than the week it ended up being. I was shocked when they actually let me leave, because of how mistreated I'd been. It was sudden, the idea that I was allowed to be free again. I honestly think they just didn't want to "deal with me" anymore and kicked me out as soon as they could manage to make it look okay on the paperwork.

This isn't the only time I've been mistreated by hospital staff. I have several stories I could share. But this stay was the most egregious. I tried complaining, and they made it very, very difficult to file a complaint. I eventually gave up.

I'm very privileged and was hiding my transness from doctors. Even cishet white privilege doesn't make you immune to medical abuse. So if I got treated like that, imagine how much worse it is for anyone remotely less privileged.

Our medical system does not recognize consent and regularly takes people's independence away from them. It's ***designed*** to seek out reasons to nullify people's freedom.

Also re: psychiatric care... The concept of consent as being integral to ethical mental health care is a nice one, but in practice RIGHT NOW consent is meaningless in a system where "being noncompliant" in and of itself is medicalized and ""care providers"" do things like tell you if you refuse to sign on your intake form that it is a consensual hospitalization, or refuse to take the antipsychotic they try to force on you, they will simply take you to court & have you declared mentally incompetent.

Both of these things happened to me during my last hospitalization.

So you will have to forgive psychiatric abuse victims for not instantly agreeing that your improved community care program ideas where social workers or whomever are the ones responding to calls about people "behaving erratically" are great bc you say "everything will be consensual, of course".

My medical records list almost all of my medical abuse as consensual.