#it's so unburdening finding your people!!!!! filled with gratitude!!!!!!

[asiancatboy]

filled with overwhelming love for my friends ❣️

[sendyefrogs]

saudade

a/n: WELL. im back! *confetti pops out*. i mean, kinda hehe, apologies im absolutely swamped with school and my degrading mental health :). n e way, this is LONG, because i’ve missed writing a lot <3  wrote this for @sykuui, this is long overdue babe tw: verbal and (probably) physical abuse, kuroo just being a gigantic dick, dont come after me pls ily, cheating, swearing word count: 2K (word vomit ;-;) pairing: kuroo x gn!reader genre: angst (if it’s not very good, pls forgiveness, internet person)

What keeps you up at night?

Gentle snores, his soft hair brushing your arm, muffled breaths reminding you that the world knew not of the Kuroo that slept by you at night, unburdened by the worldly dilemmas. For just a few hours every night, he was yours, through and through, in your arms while the clouds drifted across the jet black sky with no destination, and the moment seemed to freeze.

Love, love for Tetsuro, is what kept you up, and it would never have once crossed your naïve mind that love is what would break you, keeping you up, not for the love you felt, but the love that was torn from you.

Simple signs would not tell you what happened, it came crashing down on you all too quick, for he was proficient at hiding it, behind his caring smiles and affectionate touches. His love wasn’t as pure as yours, he did not yearn for you as you did for him, and it showed, eventually enough. The cracks in the relationship built up gradually, slowly but prominently, too wide for either to bandage up alone, and that is how you found yourselves; alone.

He did try to provide for the both of you as best he could, being the sole income earner, and it didn’t always end well when you expressed that maybe he was too occupied by his office for your liking, unable to care for you as he once did throughout high school, when he was attentive to you no matter when you beckoned.

“Tetsuro, welcome home!” You’ve had a long day and not nearly enough time with your husband, deprived of his peppering kisses and gentle strokes of your hair. You get neither, receiving just a simple grunt, and it is clear he has had a grueling time as well. “Dinner is ready when you want it.” He nods slightly, not making eye contact with you yet, his hair appearing even less groomed than usual. You stand on your tip toes to kiss his forehead, but he shoves you away, harder than playful, glaring at you.

Maybe it’s just weariness, but he makes no attempt to apologize. You blink back the sting of tears, walking towards the kitchen to serve the food that you had learnt to make for him. He’s just tired. I’m sure he didn’t mean to push me away. That was the first tear, in the loosely woven fabric that was your relationship, that began as high school sweethearts but was now, you realized only later, becoming too stifling for Tetsuro.

The steam rose of the bowl of rice and curry, curling around your jawline as you carried it to the tall figure seated at the table, with his head in his palms. “Do you want to talk now, baby?” Your question is only answered with another sound of fatigue. You seat yourself beside him, curling your arms around his bicep, watching him lift the spoon to his mouth, trying to make him comfortable. You wanted to show him that you’d be there when he wanted to share his exhaustion with you, never occurring to you that maybe, it was exhaustion of you that plagued Tetsuro’s mind.

“Y/n, can you please be quiet for once?” It was barely a whisper; you weren’t sure if you heard him right.

“Huh?”

“Just shut up for once, god.” The tears stung again. What was with him today? He seemed genuinely mad, but you didn’t know what you had done to make him behave like this.

Little did you know, it wasn’t actually you, but the idea of you. Kuroo had grown to be frustrated with his daily routine, tired that every day was the same, that his life had lost that spark it had when he peaked in high school, your presence monotonous and the marriage empty. He didn’t want it.

“Tetsuro, why would you-?” His hand swiped out, knocking the bowl off the table, a gasp erupting from your mouth. In that moment, all you can think about is to get as far away from him as possible. There is an uncharacteristic bitterness in his eyes, directed towards you as you lie in his line of vision. You flinch as he raises his hand to run fingers through his hair. Without a second thought, he spits his frustration out at you.

“Y/n, I’ve had a long fucking day, and I don’t need you to make it even worse with your constant questioning.” The chair slides back with a scrape, not unlike the scrape of his words against your soul. There is, and always has been, an insecurity bubbling away in you that maybe you aren’t good enough for Tetsuro, maybe he deserves better, maybe you are too overwhelming for the calm male that now stands enraged in front of you.

“You need to learn to shut the fuck up sometimes, because no one wants to listen to your endless whining. I get it, you need constant reassurance that you’re the perfect partner, but I couldn’t be fucking bothered. And you sure aren’t perfect with how clingy you’re being right now. So shut up, and leave me alone.”

Kuroo knocks over a jug of water on his way out, slamming the door over the sound of it shattering as your sobs rack through your body, dry but hard enough to hurt.

Being furious wasn’t a thought that occurred to you, and whether this was his fault made no difference, because it was yourself you blamed when you found him the next day, with his secretary, the bento lunch you had packed him, to resolve the night’s arguments, spilled over the wooden floor, much like the shattered pieces of your heart.

What broke you, was that there was no chase; Tetsuro didn’t come after you, didn’t try to convince you to stay, didn’t try to explain that this was a mistake, didn’t even try to salvage a nine-year long relationship that he tossed out the window of his high-rise office building, not a single second glance back at the spouse that had supported him through his struggles, through thick and through thin, comforting him when things got tough, consoling him as he lost matches, lost money, lost old friends.

Gratitude wasn’t something he had ever considered. You were always there after all, there to ensure that he was happy, that he was content with his unchanging life, the responsibility of being his unpredictable little spark of excitement weighing down on you.

You were gone that night, with hurriedly packed bags, worn out spirit and tears streaming down your face, sparkling as they dripping onto the marbled floor, sparkling like the diamond of your wedding ring that you left behind on the counter top, with one last admiring glance. It was worth a lot, but not enough for what you were being put through. And recognition of that fact is what liberated you, to start your own life, without a Kuroo Tetsuro.

What keeps you up at night?

Y/n. Bubbling laughter and affectionate aura. Everything that was gone, that now made Kuroo’s life… empty; as empty as he had left the relationship, as empty as the void that was once filled with y/n’s warm smiles, that he now attempted to fill with anyone who would throw themselves at him.

A different face to wake up to everyday, but none of them yours, the only one he longed to see, heart aching as though it might burst out of his chest to find its rightful place with you.

The day after you left, he had had no idea that his life would crumble without you, the backbone around which he organized his life, the foundation for his happiness. He knew it was unfair to put the expectation of his functioning on you, but he did it anyway, and without you, he couldn’t wrap his head around the concept that was independence.

“Tetsuro”, his seventh secretary in two months waltzed into the room, carrying a stack of files, discovering him with his head in his hands, glaring up at the one who dared use the name that you had so loving adorned upon him, the word only perfect on your tongue. “Do you want me to spend the night again? You seem tense.”

Kuroo growled, at the audacity they had, suggesting that they were even worth attempting to comfort him like you did. With a swipe of his hands, he knocked the files off the table, standing up to spit his frustrations out at the secretary.

But one glance at the look of apprehension on their face made him buckle, reminding him of the very last night he spent with you, broken jug, bowl of curried rice upside down on the floor. You; cowering from him, frightened of what he would do to you, flinching as he raised his hand.

Dry choking sobs left his mouth, you were afraid of him, the person you had loved more than life itself, given up everything to make happy, and he had never even uttered a word of gratefulness.

Realization engulfed him, leaving him on his knees. He hadn’t shown you how much he loved you, forgetting or simply just ignoring you.

No wonder you were gone, because what was there to stay for, in the dead-end life that you lived, without a loving husband or self-contentment? What had he done? Why had you stayed for so long?

Why had you stayed up all those nights for him?

Tetsuro never could forget about you, the absence of you gnawing away at him, slowly taking over his life. The final straw that broke him irreparably was you, at the national volleyball match that you attended, not for him, but as a sports reporter, beaming in pride in your professional outfit.

Your independence is what did it, because if you could live without him, it mean you would never return. And why should you, after everything he had done, why should you when you had finally found yourself, why should you when there was nothing to return to?

His eyes followed you around, trying to take in as much of you as he could. Interviewing people, smiling at them, the warm smile that was once only for him. Suddenly, your eyes locked, and he froze, standing close enough to see the hurt swim in yours as you lay them upon him, and the moment was over just as quickly as it began.

“Hajime!” What? Why were you yelling out his name, jumping into his arms, fondly glancing up at him with that adoring look, completely forgetting about the one man that had been missing you for so long? Why weren’t you running back to him instantly? Did you not love him?

But Kuroo knew the truth.

You did love him, just, not anymore. He had lost you the second he took you for granted. And he wanted to yell that he would never do it again, come back to him, please just stay with him, he will always love you.

He couldn’t. The beam reaching from end to end of your glowing face, words bubbling over as Iwaizumi held you close, it was too bright to interrupt. The sparkle in your eyes not unlike the diamond that sparkled on your wedding ring, the one he still kept in his pocket, in hope that you would one day, return to him, forgive him, love him again. But-

Kuroo knew that he didn’t keep you up at night anymore.

[hockeyboysiguess]

nine ladies dancing -> nine hockeys dancing | j. benn

a/n: i know christmas was two days ago, but 2020 isn’t real so here’s day 9. rest of the series linked here. 

word count: 2,799

warnings: single!dad jamie, a very absent mother figure, some cute dancing. 

“You want what?” 

Jamie sighed, covering his skate blades before dropping them into their designated spot in his stall, all part of his routine that was so practiced and rehearsed he didn’t have to think about anything before he did it. He thrived in the routine of it all, as much routine as he could get at the rink because when he got home, all semblance of a routine went out the window for the dark-haired little girl in pigtails on the background of his phone, sitting in his lap. She was five now, joyful and gap-toothed and as perfect as she’d been to him the day he knew that he was going to be her dad. She was his pride and joy, the only thing that when the sun set everyday, no matter where he was, mattered. It was him and her and he’d do anything to keep her smiling, including ask his teammates to sacrifice a little of their time and a lot of their pride for her.

“Lottie’s nervous about her recital for dance,” Jamie repeated himself slowly and steadily. “She’s scared she’s going to mess it up if she doesn’t practice in front of people who aren’t just her dad as she says, so I was hoping some of you might be willing to drop by the house later to give her an audience? I know it’s a lot to ask for this time of year.” 

Some of the younger guys bristled a little at the idea of giving up a prized free Friday night in Dallas without a team commitment the following day to watch Charlotte Benn dance as well as a five-year-old could perform The Nutcracker. Other teammates smiled with experienced and well-knowing understanding, having similar experiences in their own past, and standing up in front of the team to ask for something for their families. Jamie hated asking, but he asked more than anyone else. He hated asking now, especially this close to Christmas where people wanted to be with their families most of all, even though Jamie Benn hated Christmas these days. 

“What time do you want me?” left Tyler’s mouth so much more easily than the call for help had left Jamie’s moments before. “Who else is coming?”

Jamie’s calls for help were always answered in this room, a gift he never expected to receive but now couldn’t imagine his life without the people in this room. Especially as hands went up, along with a disjointed but beautiful chorus of, “I’m in,” and, “Me too,” fell from his teammates mouths, Jamie couldn’t stop the grateful smile from forming on his face. The support fell over Jamie’s shoulders in a way that reminded him of the way his mom would pull his heavy, puffy winter coat over his shoulders before sending him outside back home in Victoria ages ago, back when he thought his life was going to be simpler than it was, back when he thought he would follow the traditional order. Grow up, get a good job, find a wife, get married, have a few kids, and live happily ever after in a blissful, peaceful, uncomplicated, adult world. To be fair, Jamie had done most of that, but after Charlotte was born, she left them both, wiping her hands of him and her daughter without a thought of how cruel it really was to leave your child who hadn’t even seen a full year of life the day before her first Christmas.

Jamie hated her for a lot of things now. One of the many things was that she made him hate Christmas and hating Christmas just wasn’t ever in Jamie Benn’s plans. But he had to pretend he didn’t hate Christmas, or her for that matter, because Charlotte deserved to get to be happy and unburdened by her father’s hatred or her mother’s lack of desire to be her mother. So, Jamie Benn loved Christmas, as long as you didn’t look too deep into his eyes where the pain rested as he lied about how excited he was for it. 

Still, Jamie painted that smile on his face when he answered the door covered in the most basic Christmas wreath Jamie could get away with to see more of his teammates than he imagined standing behind it. Tyler led the group, big smile and a flower for Charlotte in hand, an attempt to maintain his title as her favorite uncle. Dicky and Guri seemed to have been pulled into this by Tyler, but were happy to have come along probably under the promise that Jamie might just join her for a terrible dance or two, terrible because of Jamie not Charlotte. The girl dad crew, as the shirts one of them had gotten them for the start of the season said, Comeau, Dowling, and Klinger, were all right behind them, and Bishop tagged along as well. The only true surprise was Rads, who despite being a dad himself, only had boys and wasn’t exactly a ballet sort of honorary uncle, but Tyler Seguin could make people do a lot of things for his very deserving niece and he’d put his mind to giving her the biggest audience possible. 

The smile relating to Christmas itself might have been fake, but the gratitude Jamie felt to his teammates for stepping up on short notice brought a real one to his face in place of the fake one. His smile carried over as Tyler made a beeline for Charlotte who was standing in the living room, with all the furniture pushed to the walls, in her tutu and a gapped-tooth grin on her face. Tyler scooped her up easily, setting her on his hip and offering her the flower in one smooth motion. 

“For me?” Charlotte asked him, her little hands already reaching for it. 

“Of course it’s for you, Miss Charlotte,” Tyler smiled back at her as he placed it gently into her waiting hands. “There are no other pretty ballerinas around who deserve flowers.” 

“You’d make a pretty ballerina, Uncle Tyler,” Charlotte told him with her eyes trained on her flower. 

Jamie funneled past them and into the kitchen to grab a vase for it, the one Charlotte had decorated with her handprints in preschool. Jamie kept everything, every ornament, every macaroni art, every card, every little thing Charlotte made. He had bins of stuff by now, but he was more than content to buy more bins and fill his basement with everything she made. He rotated what was on the fridge weekly. This week, his fridge doors were full of various glittery Christmas artwork from school. Glitter rained on the floor every time he opened it. Jamie didn’t mind in the slightest.

Charlotte was charming his teammates with her dimpled smile when Jamie came back into the living room, vase with water in hand. He knelt down next to her and offered her the vase to slide her flower into. Taking it from her would lead to tears, but letting her put it in the vase she made herself eliminated that possibility. Jamie sat the flower in its vase next to the speakers and pulled up the soundtrack for her recital on his phone.

“Okay, you ready, Lottie?” 

Jamie’s question caused his teammates to settle themselves around the room. Tyler took the floor in front of Bish and patted the ground next to him for Jamie. He started the music, then made his way to his spot, slumping down onto the floor while Charlotte fussed with her dance costume and shuffled her feet on the floor. Jamie could hear her counting softly under her breath and see her foot loosely tapping to the beat. Jamie didn’t know a thing about dance, but he had seen Charlotte practicing enough to know she’d missed when she was supposed to come in and was just staring at her shoes instead. 

“You okay, honey?” Jamie asked her softly.

“I’m nervous, Daddy,” she mumbled in reply, fingers fussing with her tutu. “I don’t want to dance alone.”

Before Jamie could even begin to stand, Tyler was up on his feet and reaching for Charlotte’s small hands. She sheepishly held onto a few of his fingers. 

“Would it help if Uncle Tyler danced with you?” he asked her softly, head ducked down to be level with her. “That way, you won’t be doing it alone.” 

“But you don’t know the moves,” Charlotte mumbled, eyes trained on the grain of the hardwood as Tyler swung their conjoined hands back and forth to try and cheer her up. 

Tyler laughed as he spoke, “Uncle Tyler can manage just fine, with a little help from some friends?” 

Jason Dickinson was up on his feet without another word, with Guri hot on his heels and Klinger right behind him. Bishop might have been flexible, but dancing wasn’t exactly his forte. He still rose to his feet to join everyone else who was gathering around Charlotte. Tyler reached out and grabbed Rads’ forearm, seeing as he hadn’t moved yet, and yanked him into the crowd. 

“Daddy!” Charlotte called out from his spot among his teammates, hidden from view. “Come dance too!” 

Jamie really, really wasn’t a dancer. Jamie wasn’t a lot of things. He wasn’t the most bold sort of guy, preferring to stay inside of his comfort zone most of the time. He was a good captain, but not by being outspoken. He led quietly by example. Jamie wasn’t the guy who ever thought he’d be a single dad. Hell, sometimes Jamie thought he was the guy who was going to be relegated to the fun uncle role for his entire life before Charlotte was born. Jamie wasn’t the guy who ever thought he’d need other people like he needed people now, like he needed his friends to make his daughter feel comfortable enough to practice for her dance recital, a sentence Jamie never thought would be among his list of concerns in life, because he always thought his ex-wife would be there to help and could handle this sort of thing he was particularly bad at. 

Most of all, Jamie never thought he’d hate Christmas, but he truly couldn’t wait for December 26th to come and for that godforsaken tree tucked in the corner that reminded him of everything he wasn’t, everything that he’d failed at, to go back into its box, for his daughter to be doing normal ballet recitals instead of ones of the Christmas variety, for everything to stop reminding him of the holiday he used to love. Still, Jamie rose to his feet from the floor and restarted the music, ready to sway as poorly to it as he did, because Charlotte had asked him to, like doing it didn’t make his chest ache and his head spin as he remembered that life he was supposed to have but never would. 

Tyler was the best worst dancer of the bunch, attempting to spin when Charlotte did, arms over his head doing his best impression of a five-year-old doing her best impression of a real ballerina. Jamie just swayed a little to the music, feet shuffling side to side. Rads was trying his hardest to be The Grinch, but it was increasingly hard to do with their teammates making fools of themselves for the sake of Charlotte Benn, Guri finding himself in the air courtesy of Jason and being spun like a top. John was swaying with admiration on his face, seeing this as his future with his own little girl. Charlotte’s giggle was drowning out a lot of the music. Rads ended up slow dancing with Tyler after a fight about which of them was actually right to lead. The fight lasted all of four second before Radulov took charge and started leading Tyler around the living room. Comeau and Dowling were swaying together, giving Jamie supportive looks because they understood what seeing her laughter meant to him on a level others didn’t.

The only thing that dulled the ache in his chest was Charlotte’s laughter. She loved Christmas still, something Jamie would never try to take from her. He didn’t want to pass any of his resentment and anger down to her like a tradition that should’ve died years ago. It would die with him. Jamie was determined to make it so. 

His teammates doing their best attempts at ballet meant for five-year-olds to The Nutcracker soundtrack with the fire crackling in the background was a pretty good way to make sure all Charlotte remembered from his Christmas was love and joy. Jamie scooped her up as the song ended, causing a fit of giggles to pour from her mouth. 

“You did so good, peanut!” Jamie tickled her a little as he spoke, heightening her giggles. “So good, right guys?” 

The chorus of approvals and cheers from his teammates made Charlotte's smile wide impossibly more.

“I think I’m going to do so good tomorrow at the re-re-recital,” Charlotte stuttered a bit as she spoke. The word recital was a difficult one for her. “Uncle Tyler should join. He’s a good dancer.” 

“Not as good at you, Miss Charlotte,” he assured her, ruffling her hair a little and making her giggle again in Jamie’s arms. 

Charlotte carried the smile she grew that evening with her all the way through to her recital the next day. Jamie dropped her off early, as he always did, and took his seat in the audience among the other eagerly waiting parents. He managed to find a prized seat at the end of the aisle, where Charlotte might actually have a chance at spotting him from the stage.

“Is the seat next to you taken?” 

Jamie lifted his eyes from his phone to see you standing there, coffee in hand despite it being seven at night two days before Christmas. You were beautiful and Jamie wondered who you were here with. He wasn’t able to make most dance practices or parent events, so he didn’t have a good idea of who you might be even though it made him feel like a worse dad for not knowing.

“Your Charlotte’s dad, right?” you asked him after clearing your throat. 

“Uh, yeah,” Jamie mumbled as he scrambled to his feet to let you get by and take the seat next to him. He dropped back into his seat when you did. “How’d you guess?”

“Well, she looks just like you,” you told him. “But also, figured you had to be the hot single dad everyone talks about in the moms’ group chat.”

Jamie threw his head back and laughed, “The moms’ group chat talks about how I’m hot?”

“Shhhh,” you shushed him softly. “Don’t rat me out as the source of that information though. You’ll get me kicked out of the chat and that chat is the only source of entertainment I have in my life that doesn’t involve a five-year-old.” 

Jamie nodded and put a hand over his heart, “Your secret is safe with me. Promise.”

“Better be, or I’ll have to kill you,” you joked, drawing another laugh that caused him to tip his head back and shift his hand over his stomach as he laughed with his whole body. 

As he came down from his laughter, the lights began to dim around you to signal the start of the show. You watched as various moms slipped into the aisle, phones outstretched, to record the show. You shook your head softly. The studio always recorded the show and sent it to all the parents after, and you were partial to watching her dance with your own eyes rather than through your screen. 

“Gonna get out there?” Jamie whispered to you. 

“Their teacher will send out the recording,” you shrugged. “I’d rather watch it.”

“Finally,” Jamie sighed, voice heavy with relief, “someone else gets me.”

“Maybe we should sit together at more of these,” you suggested to him as the lights went dark. “Single parents who don’t believe in watching the recital through their phones.”

Normally, especially now when trees stood in people’s living rooms and wreaths hung on front doors, the acknowledgement Jamie was in this alone with Charlotte, that she left them both, made him feel alone. When the words left your mouth, Jamie felt a sense of closeness, of kinship, of mutual understanding that he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was natural, the way you two talked between dance numbers, about Charlotte, about your daughter, about hockey, about your work, about your lives. Jamie left that recital with your phone number burning a hole in his pocket and Charlotte’s hand in his, feeling like, for the first time in a long time that Christmas might still have some magic left in it after all.

[alylionheart]

Star In The Final World

So I haven’t seen anyone post this full transcript yet but I sat through a video and wrote it all down! Spoilers under the cut for KH3!

All the dialogue from talking to the Star in The Final World. 

Star 1: I found myself here, lighter than before. Unburdened. All my pain and responsibility, gone. But something in this new ease keeps catching at the corners of my mind. Is it all right for me to be here like this? There is a faint memory. A sound. Others may have found it grating, but it warmed my heart. That crying…I have to find it. Embrace it. The sweet weight I carried. My dear, beloved burden.

Star 2: Whoever said love and hate are two sides of the same coin is a liar. The second our eyes would meet, we were at each others’ throats, every time. The idea of us as friends is laughable. I’m finally on my own here, and what a relief! Just…not as big a relief as I’d thought. It’s weird. Something’s just…missing. Ugh, is that how this works? Did I keep going back for another fight just so we could spend the time together? Maybe it’s not as simple as “like” or “hate.” The heart’s a complex thing. Wonder if he feels this lonely, too…Takes two to have a fight, after all.

Star 3: We were always together. Practically joined at the hip. We’d wear the same clothes, eat the same food, go to the same places. We were an identical pair – like walking alongside a mirror. So why is it just me here now? There’s this…this feeling. Calling to me. Pulling at me. And now I share it. Feel it as my own. We are always together.

Star 4: “I have nothing left to teach you.” I had thought those words would make him happy, but it was sorrow that clouded his face. I had shared all I know, my every technique. What more did he seek from me? I never heard the answer. Time passed on, and…here we are. But now, since we’ve parted, I think I understand. He wanted the same thing I did. This wasn’t just about passing on knowledge. It was a communion. A connecting of hearts.

Star 5: I kept telling everyone we were just friends, but he crept into my head. Into my heart. It started to feel weird being together. I stepped back, and he never stepped in to close the distance. I wonder how he saw it. Wonder how he feels. …what’s this emotion, filling me? It’s overpowering. It’s him. I have to respond. I have to tell him how I really feel.

Star 6: Did I matter? Was I ever there at all? I thought I’d found my place, surrounded by people I trusted. But look there. I’m gone, yet they go on meeting up just the same. Hm? The table’s set wrong. There are too many glasses… Oh. Added a new member, have they? That didn’t take long. That was my seat. That was my place at the table. Their glasses clink against the newcomer’s one after the next. No, this is not my place. Maybe it never was.

Star 7: We spent so many years together. A lifetime. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, of course. We had our share of troubles. Sorrows, too. But all of it is dear to me now, every minute we had. We got to experience so much. I have no regrets. At least, that’s what I thought. Special occasions may stand out, but there’s nothing so precious as the quiet days between them. That’s what a life is, really…

Star 8: I was defeated. That was supposed to be it. I’d just…fade away. Yet a part of me remains. But why? I have no regrets. No reason to cling to this life. I turn these questions over in my head again and again, and again and again I remember. Our clash. The feeling of exhilaration. Of pleasure. I can see his face clearly in mind. He wore the same grin as mine. I would dearly love to cross blades with him again…

Star 9: After long years of service, my one regret is that I must pass on before my master. I suspect he will not notice my absence. I doubt he so much as knew my name. Yet how, then, can I explain this sight? The artworks that I was tasked with tending now bear a thin layer of dust. It seems he expressly commanded that none of the remaining staff take up my work. What can that mean, save that he saw me not as one among many, but as an individual? That he feels my absence. Grieves for me. I am awash with gratitude at the thought of it. I must do all that I can to reciprocate.

Star 10: Oh, good. If you’re speaking to me, I suppose I must exist. I feel a consciousness, or memories, perhaps. Feelings. They pass through my mind one after the next, but none of it feels real. And that was fine. I’d resigned myself to simply forget. To let it all slip away. But there was one piece I couldn’t let go of – a fragment I couldn’t forget. Maybe that sliver of memory is what kept me here this whole time…

Star 11: That’s strange. I’m running and running but I can’t get to Papa. Oh! This is hide-and-seek! I love hide-and-seek! I’m going to find Papa. He’ll be so proud. Hmm…I can’t find him. I give up, Papa! Come out! Come out! …I’ve looked so hard for him. Isn’t he looking for me? Wait, that’s Papa’s voice. I heard his voice! It’s that light! I understand, now. I just have to run toward that light!

Here’s the conversation Sora has with Her once you finish talking to each Star.

Sora: Hello?

Star: Good day.

Sora: Oh cool! You can talk!

Star: You look like a person. How is it that you retain your appearance? Are you special?

Sora: Umm…I’m a little hazy on the details.

Star: As are we all.

Sora: So whose heart are you?

Star: No one’s anymore. They took away my name – everything about me.

Sora: No way. They couldn’t have taken away your heart.

Star: Only because it pines for another.

Sora: Yeah? Someone’s coming for you?

Star: I cannot be certain. He’s been changed beyond recognition – his heart replaced with another’s. But, were he to regain his old self again, he would be distressed by my absence. So I choose to wait here, where he can find me.

Sora: Good. You have to believe.

Star: Believe? Oh, you mean know in my heart he will return? Without any proof?

Sora: Exactly. Believe. I thought it was all over for me, but a friend of mine looked me in the eye and said, “You don’t believe that.”

Sora: So uh…who did this to you? Heartless steal hearts so…a nobody?

Star: A…somebody.

Sora: Really? Hmm…Well, I wish I could help…but my situation’s no better.

Star: You must see to the tasks before you first.

Sora: The tasks before me? There’s so many.

Star: All the more reason for you to make an effort.

Sora: Yeah. You’re right. I just wish I knew what to do.

Star: Here you are on the brink, and yet you hold on to who you are. You possess a strong sense of purpose. And in that purpose you will find direction.

Sora: Thank you. I’m really glad we met. You cheer me up. I hope that friend of yours finds you soon.

Star: Thank you. Me too.

Sora: Oh, hey. If I see him, I’ll tell him that you’re here. What’s his name?

(She whispers something to him. He looks shocked.)

Star: Our secret.

Any guesses? After an after credit ending like KH3, I think it could be anyone, but hoping its someone we’ve already seen!

[benjamingarden]

How I Learned To Live With Less

I've spent a pretty good amount of my adulthood chasing things I thought would make me happy.  Raised by parents who also had a lot of stuff, it was my norm.  I learned that possessions would increase my self-worth and lead to a happier life.  I was always comparing myself to other people who had more or better things.  And I was miserable.  The more stuff I had, the more stuff I wanted and I dreamt of finally achieving that dream salary so I could buy all that I felt I needed and wanted.  When I achieved these, I reasoned, THEN I would be happy. I remember eventually putting actual dollar figures on my happiness.  I lived for years wishing for a certain salary.  I knew if I hit that amount I would finally feel like I'd made it.  Like I'd finally achieved success and happiness.  Well, I did hit that dollar amount.  I was stressed, worked a ridiculous amount of hours, and wore busyness like a badge of honor.  But when I achieved it, I was happy.  It wasn't long, however, before I wanted to achieve more.  I focused not on the enjoyment of what I had achieved but on the fact that I wanted the next step.  A quick sidenote - I'm not suggesting that having a drive to achieve more isn't healthy.  Delaying happiness until it is achieved or attaching happiness to a goal, however, is unhealthy.  And formerly I was the queen of both of these.

We live in a world of surfeit stuff.  We have access to shopping 24 hours a day online.  We are inundated with "perfect" lives on Instagram, facebook, in magazines and on reality (or completely manufactured reality) tv. Our phones listen to our conversations and the next thing you know ads specific to what we like show up on our phone and computer.  Advertising surrounds everything we do so much that we are oblivious to to the fact that we are absorbing so much of it. Stuff, and our fondness for it, affects every aspect of our lives.  We own larger homes (which we will work to fill up), spend a good amount on organization systems to contain much of our stuff, have garages that are filled to the brim and likely don't fit a vehicle, and store our extra stuff in a rental storage unit which, by the way, are multiplying at an all time high.  Our lives are filled with a lot of stuff. We are constantly buying things that will make us happy, but we aren't happy! It's like a feedback loop.  The more stuff you have, the more stuff you want.  Have you ever decided to update one thing in a room in your home?  Maybe it's the wall color.  Once the walls are painted and look so good, those curtains that are at least 7 years old just won't cut it anymore.  So now you need new curtains.  Once the curtains are up, your eyes go to the next outdated item in the room that needs updating.

Simplifying my possessions was one of the best things I've ever done.  Letting go of the constant pursuit of material things has been, in one word - freeing.  I'm not talking about giving everything away, moving into a tiny home and owning 3 pair of pants and 4 shirts.  Unless that's what you want to do, of course.  Instead, I'm talking about surrounding yourself with things you love.  Not things you think you should own, things you think might make you happy, or things that will impress someone visiting your home.  Nope.  I'm talking about simplifying your possessions down to only the things that you need and/or truly enjoy.  No matter the number. I think words are important so I'm not defining my lifestyle as minimalism.  Minimalism suggests living with the minimal amount of items.  Some even go so far as to put a number on it.  That is not for me.  I learned early on that although I have an appreciation for minimalism it's just not a lifestyle I should strive for.  Instead, I found paring down my possessions to things I love or use really worked for me.  I also found that if I reassess every so often I can gradually part with even more things. I've made another discovery on my journey.  That discovery is that the only thing better then owning less is wanting less.  And that, my friends, has taken more time to achieve.  Wanting less starts with owning less.  Once you've begun the process of letting things go, the next two natural steps are 1. working on breaking your buying habits (identifying when you are shopping to avoid dealing with feelings or to self-soothe) and 2. practicing self-discipline to change your daily patterns.  For me, the self-discipline of making myself wait at least 24 hours before buying something is what was a game changer.  It gave me time to think it through and the majority of the time I didn't end up buying what I'd initially really wanted. After making good headway on breaking buying habits and practicing self-discipline, introducing daily gratitude helps round it all out.  I learned to take a few minutes in the morning to focus on being grateful for every single thing I had every single day.  During the day, when my mind would unconsciously switch to wishing I had something, I would bring it back to gratitude for what I already owned.

 One additional benefit I didn't anticipate in my journey to wanting less is that when you truly are content with what you have and know it is enough, you will also free yourself from the constant comparison to others.  This means letting go of those feelings of inadequacy.  Something that becomes a huge burden lifted from your life.  It allows you live in abundance - enjoying what you have, finding true happiness with your life, and knowing that what you have is enough. Learning to want less will make living with less a success. Learning to want less and, therefore, live with less is rewarding in so many ways.  Not only do you stop wasting money on things you don't love or need, and unburden yourself with the feelings of inadequacy, but it allows for many choices in your life.  For me, achieving that last piece of the puzzle, learning to want less, is what allowed us to make the career decision we'd only dreamt of. We had been dreaming of working for ourselves but when looking at our finances we realized we had 3 choices: make more, save more, or want less.  Honestly, I hadn't realized that learning to want less is what our missing piece was.  Changing the way we made decisions with our finances, rather than focusing on trying to earn more, has not only allowed us to make that leap into self-employment, but has also allowed us to save more money in the bank then we had when we made just over double what we're making today. This is in no way a how-to guide or an instruction manual.  If you were looking for that, I sincerely apologize.  Instead, what I hope to do is inspire you to do what feels right for you.  Take other people's stories and "rules" and use them merely as a guide and ideas for your own journey.  If you are inspired by someone who has found happiness in only owning 100 items, use that as a challenge for yourself to question the items you surround yourself with and see what your number is.  In an age where social media and advertising imply that everyone else leads perfect lives, it's time for us to detach from what others do and instead, do what's best for us. When you find the balance of having enough it will free you.  It will free you to stop chasing happiness and appreciate where you are.  Right now.  You may not have the largest bank account.  You may not make the most money.  You may not have the nicest things.  But if you have found your "enough" it will make you rich in ways you'd never dreamed.  From the people by your side, to the memories that you make, to the joy in your heart.

How I Learned To Live With Less was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)

[ncmagroup]

Don’t go down with the ship.

By Monica Torres

Humans may be a civilized species, but a primal fear and instinct take over when a company is in a crisis: like animals fleeing open spaces before an earthquake, humans panic and huddle in cubicles and office kitchens when their company is facing tough times.Most experienced professionals know the drills: Instead of productive work, the office is overtaken with furtive gossip and speculation about layoffs, numbers in the red, gallows humor and more panic at news that your fourth team member in a month has just quit.These are all events that can toss a company into chaos—but you don’t have to follow suit. Whether you’re a manager or you have “soft” influence in the office, you can make sure that the panic and chaos leads to clear thinking and better plans, not willy-nilly destruction. While certain things will be out of your control, as a professional, there are parts of this situation you can individually control and address. Here’s how to motivate your co-workers and yourself in tough times.

Lead yourself

When fear hits the air, you need to put on your oxygen mask first and help yourself before you can rescue others. That means leading yourself.

Process your own emotions about what’s happening, so you don’t unduly unburden your stress and panic onto your colleagues and create an unhelpful anxiety loop.

Easier said than done, right? Here are a few tips that may help.

First, identify your greatest worries by writing them down. What’s the worst possible outcome? Is it job loss, financial panic, something else? Don’t run away from that. Life coach Raphael Cushnir has a short ritual he advises in his book “The One Thing Holding You Back“: Identify the emotion you’re feeling, then scan your body to find out where it’s sitting. (It may be, for instance, a lump in the stomach.) Don’t run away from it or distract yourself. Instead, allow yourself a few minutes to picture and live in the worst-case scenario, thoroughly allowing the emotion to do its work and noting the physical changes in your body. Then ask yourself: could you accept that outcome? Usually, you can. That helps move the worry off your plate. Cushnir provides guided meditations for free on his website that helps guide you through the process.

Leading yourself also means getting informed and doing your own reporting about the crisis. Understand as much as you can that’s factual about what’s going wrong so you can make decisions with as much information as possible at your disposal. That way, when you communicate information to your team, it’s well-researched and pragmatic, not hyperbolic.

Also, remember to take care of yourself. During unhappy days at work, make sure each day includes something you enjoy. Keep a gratitude journal, take breaks and go outside. These are necessary reminders that there’s a wide world beyond your office walls.

Praise your team’s work

You may not be able to control the direction of your company, but you can make sure to know that your employees’ work is still valued. Recognize small and big wins early and often. Giving consistent, specific credit to your colleagues creates positive feedback loops and makes everyone feel appreciated. And you’ll need all the good vibes you can get in tough times.

Talk to co-workers about how their work still matters. More than a paycheck, employees want their work to matter and be recognized. “You cannot fix their views of the company as a whole. But do not wait for the CEO to solve that problem. Shift the focus to something that you can control–the good that their unit does. You can help them see how that still contributes to people’s lives,” Harvard Business Review recommends.

Signal your values

What are we here for? Living up to your values —preferably honesty, transparency and mutual respect —sends a clear message to employees that expectations will meet reality.

Whatever external forces are at play, you can set the tone about how it will be handled. Look to the CEOs of the nation’s top automakers, GM, Ford, and Chrysler, in 2008. After the CEOs were criticized for using private jets to go to Washington and seek bailout money, they changed their tune. They drove their own cars for the next Congressional hearing. It was a positive public relations move, yes. But it also showed that the CEOs were owning up to their mistakes, and it allowed them to show off their companies’ fuel-efficient vehicles.

Address the gossip

If there is no reliable information, there is a vacuum for communication—and that vacuum will be filled with negative gossip. One of the best ways to manage morale is to nip rumors in the bud. Talk to your co-workers about what you know and don’t.

But remember: be discreet about how you talk about the state of the company to your team members and to people outside of it. What you share will shape your company’s story to future employers and may make it harder or easier for you to find new opportunities.

No false promises

It can be tempting to brush away concerns and say “it’s all gonna be okay.” But that would be a lie: you can’t know that, and it’s a bad move to set up expectations that get dashed.

Instead of setting up unrealistic expectations about the company’s future, you can help people make commitments to themselves, to do their best work while they can. Those promises will last longer than anyone job.

Remind your close teammates that you will support their careers, and follow through on that promise. Take those colleagues to coffee, offer to be a reference, go to networking events together, and review resumes.

You can’t promise your co-workers that their jobs are secure. You can promise them that whatever happens, they will be able to handle it.

Put the crisis in perspective

Remember that you work for a business and that demoralizing events like pivots and disruptions are business decisions, not personal ones. If you find yourself overwhelmed by what’s happening around you, take a step back and put these events in perspective. Recognize that your work doesn’t define you. You are bigger than this one bad month, a disappointing result, or job. Today may be tough, but there will be brighter tomorrows.

  Go to our website:   www.ncmalliance.com

6 life-affirming ways to lift your morale when things are melting down around you Don't go down with the ship. By Monica Torres Humans may be a civilized species, but a primal fear and instinct take over when a company is in a crisis: like animals fleeing open spaces before an earthquake, humans panic and huddle in cubicles and office kitchens when their company is facing tough times.Most experienced professionals know the drills: Instead of productive work, the office is overtaken with furtive gossip and speculation about layoffs, numbers in the red, gallows humor and more panic at news that your fourth team member in a month has just quit.These are all events that can toss a company into chaos—but you don’t have to follow suit.

[unifycosmos]

The A-Z Guide to Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra [Blessed By Ganesha]

The Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra is a prayer that is offered to the Hindu God, Lord Ganesha. The mantra professes absolute devotion and undying gratitude to the God. Besides that, the mantra also requests for freedom from all obstacles while asking for wealth, prosperity and wisdom.

But before we try and understand what the mantra means, I thought it would be helpful to have some basic idea about it. You must have heard about people chanting mantras to help cope with life. And when I say life, it could mean anything from looking for a new job to simply seeking for happiness. The simple fact is, mantras are therapy to the soul.

It is the act of chanting a specific line or lines which will harbor good energy towards the center of your mind and soul. If it is a change that you are seeking in your life, you must look for it within yourself instead of the surroundings. And mantras help do just that, it helps with meditation while helping your heart to unlock secrets.

Mantras are also known to help with resolve and enlightenment within oneself as Gandhi famously said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world”. Gandhi himself lived by the Rama Nama Mantra which freed him from the fear of death. That is evident from the history of India and as the world knows him, a fearless man fighting for justice and truth. He lived and died by that mantra as his last words before he breathed his last were “Hey Ram”.

By: Linkedin

Returning to our original topic, the Vakratunda Mahakya Mantra is not only a prayer but it displays a deep portrayal of devotion to Lord Ganesha. The mantra reads as: “Vakratunda Mahaakaaya Surya Koti Samaprabha” “Nirvighnam Kuru Me Deva sarva Karyesu Sarvada”

Which means: “O Lord with the curved trunk and the one who has a huge body, the one whose radiance can only be compared with a crore suns” “O Lord, I ask thee to please free my path from all obstacles”

As you can see, the mantra is simplistic and its beauty lies in its simplicity. The chanter’s intention is clear and the request is straightforward. But before the speaker appeals to the God for its request, the mantra starts with its appraisal for the God.

It is also important to understand who Lord Ganesha is. Lord Ganesha has a lot of names, but he is mostly known by his Sanskrit name, ‘Vighnaharta’. ‘Vighna’ translates to hurdles or obstacles for that matter and ‘Harta’ translates to remover. Therefore, he is also known as the ‘Remover of Obstacles’ and thus that becomes the centre of the theme in the mantra.

There are also other names for Lord Ganesha, some of which are ‘Vighneshrava’ and ‘Vighnesha’. These names also rounds to the same meaning as the ‘Remover of Obstacles’.

Therefore, it is evident, that the mantra is centered on the meaning behind Lord Ganesha’s name.

Who Exactly is Lord Ganesha?

A good part of the population of the world is familiar with Lord Ganesha. The elephant headed deity is hard to miss by all means. But Lord Ganesha is just more than its appearances.

Lord Ganesha’s parents are Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati. His siblings are Lord Kartikiya, Goddess Lakshmi and Goddess Parvati. With such esteemed parents and siblings, it is no wonder that Lord Ganesha is also a much revered deity in Hinduism.

Lord Ganesha is popularly depicted with the head of an elephant with a rotund frame, particularly around the belly. Most commonly, he is portrayed with four arms, but this number can vary and he can have up to twelve arms. He is portrayed standing, dancing or even in a yoga pose.

Lord Ganesha is also seen holding some items. Most commonly a noose can be identified in his hand which is called pasha. This is to symbolize the fact that he carries devotees or worshippers to the truth. He also carries an axe to cut off the devotees from their worldly attachments. He is also known for his love of laddoo, which is a sweet snack. He can also be seen holding a laddoo which symbolizes the fact that he rewards his devotees for all their good deeds and spirituality.

For his mount, Lord Ganesha has a mouse which symbolizes humility. The reason behind that is to strike a romantic chord with his ability to remove all obstacles. And in the same time, it also represents his ability to control and manipulate all creatures and situations.

Lord Ganesha stands for three virtues namely Riddhi, Siddhi and Buddhi. Riddhi stands for Wisdom, Siddhi stands for Spirituality and Buddhi stands for Prosperity.

Besides the fact that Lord Ganesha is known as the “Remover of Obstacles”, he is also known for placing obstacles. But this is only for those who needs a lesson in life or for those who need to trace their path to true virtue.

How To Chant Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra

The correct way to chant the Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra is to follow a ritual to prepare your mind and soul. The whole ordeal will consist of some steps while chanting: “Vakratunda Mahaakaaya Surya Koti Samaprabha”, “Nirvighnam Kuru Me Deva sarva Karyesu Sarvada”.

The reason it is called a mantra is because the sentence need to be repeated over a series of times. The Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra needs to be chanted for a number of times but this is not any number that we are talking about. If you are going to chant the mantra, you need to repeat it for 9, 27, 54, 108 or 1008 times.

The complete ritual for chanting the Vakratunda Mahakaya, also known as the Ganesh Mantra is discussed in the following steps below: Step 1: It is important to be physically clean because it not only makes you feel refreshed but it unburdens your mind as well. So you may take a bath or if you are not feeling up to it, you may wash your hands and feet before chanting. Step 2: Sit in a comfortable position facing the East or the North direction. Once you are seated, you may begin to chant. I suggest that you consider using a meditation cushion which will help you seat comfortably. Step 3: When chanting, it is important to concentrate on the words and immerse fully into it. Imagine the Lord and devote yourself to him. While doing so, try and feel the Universe inside you and let it fill you with positivity. Step 4: Make it a point to repeat the Ganesh mantra for the next 48 days with full devotion. Step 5: Do chant the mantra for 9, 27, 54, 208 or 1008 times over the beads of the rosary.

Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra Meaning in English

The whole mantra has been broken down and has been translated in English for a better understanding.

Vakra means ‘the one who is not straight’ and Tunda means ‘a curved trunk’. Mahakya is talking about the physical frame of Lord Ganesh and it specifically means ‘a large body’. Surya means ‘the sun’ and Koti means ‘crore’. Therefore, Suryakoti translates to ‘a crore of suns’.

Samaprabha translates to ‘the radiance’ or ‘the aura’. Nirvigham typically means ‘free from obstacles’ and Deva means ‘God’.

So when somebody chants:

“Vakratunda Mahaakaaya Surya Koti Samaprabh” “Nirvighnam Kuru Me Deva sarva Karyesu Sarvada”

In English it means:

“O Lord with the curved trunk and the one who has a huge body, the one whose radiance can only be compared with a crore suns” “O Lord, I ask thee to please free my path from all obstacles”

9 Miraculous Vakratunda Mahakaya Benefits

So overall, the Ganesh Mantra is an embodiment of positivity that is aimed at bringing success and defeating obstacles in our lives. Besides those, the are other Vakratunda Mahakaya benefits.

Mentors say that when we start chanting the mantra, we start living by it. When words are spoken verbally, words have the power to turn the meanings into a reality.

Once we devote ourselves to the mantra, the positivity that stands behind the mantra will start to engulf us in reality. This positivity will start to take shape in our lives and help us practice it in reality.

Being a positive person takes one into a journey to success. This very positivity can also help us defeat the obstacles that life presents to us occasionally.

It helps you build focus: Chanting the mantra on a regular basis helps your build concentration. As you do this on a daily basis, the concentration that is you exercise will help you build focus. You will observe that you are able to focus better and that procrastination will no longer be a menace.

It helps you learn humility: As you build positivity in your life with the help of the mantra, it will also bring you humility as well. Chanting the mantra will help you to be more conscious of your actions around people. This will automatically bring a sense of humility in your life.

It helps in self-acceptance: Self acceptance is often a difficult thing to do. But once a person lets go of their shortcomings, self acceptance becomes an easy thing to do.

Chanting the mantra helps us to look within our souls and helps us focus on our inner well being. When we focus on our inner self, it helps us boost our confidence as well and thus, helps us be more self accepting.

It helps in conflicting resolution: Chanting the mantra helps us to grow as a person as well. Since this mantra is not only a plea to Lord Ganesh, but it also helps us to see a reflection of ourselves. With constant reflection, it helps a person to mature mentally. This maturity helps a person conflict resolution between parties or between oneself and a second party.

It helps in prioritization of goals: A person without a focus or proper goals can find confuse their priorities with something else. Since chanting the mantra brings back focus, it can help a person understand the right goals. With a deep sense of studying oneself, prioritization of goals would no longer be a problem.

It helps a person invest in meaningful work: With our daily life taking its tolls, sometimes we may be living just for the sake of living. Little do we know that life is not all about just earning and buying.

Life can begin to take meaning in doing meaningful work like giving to charity, helping somebody in need or adopting an orphaned pet. Chanting the mantra can help a person understand the true meaning of life which is investing in meaningful work.

It frees a person from anxiety: Chanting the mantra will free a person’s mind and soul. This will help a person unburden the heavy thoughts that run in the back of the mind. When the mind is free from burdening thoughts, it will ease the soul. This will definitely free the person from all anxiety.

It helps a person appreciate the people: Chanting the mantra sheds a person from all arrogance and pride. This makes a person more empathetic towards others. Being empathetic for people makes a person more accepting of people with their flaws. This act makes it possible for a person to appreciate the other person despite their weaknesses.

It makes a person open to learning: Chanting the mantra opens up the mind of a person. This helps a great deal in making a person hungry for knowledge and wisdom. In this case, a person may look for sources to read and learn.

This opens up a journey of learning which will never stop and one which will get more interesting as the journey progresses.

Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra on Youtube:

You can watch an amazing video which will show you how to chant Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra below:

(Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra Youtube Guide)

Final Thoughts

The Vakratunda Mahakaya Mantra not only brings a person success and the ability to defeat obstacles, but it also disciplines the person. The enlightenment it brings a person with every chant makes a person look deep down one’s soul.

With every reflection, a person becomes more wary which affects the life of a person in a positive manner.

Related articles: The Complete Guide to Chamunda Mantra [Feel Miraculous Blessings] The Complete Guide to Kleem Mantra [Discover The Power of Love] The Complete Guide to Shreem Mantra [Secrets of Money Mantra]

Currently my Favorite Online Meditation Course

If you haven't seen it by now, my buddy Giovanni, developed a fantastic step-by-step 5-week meditation course, that I've taken myself as well and found valuable.

This course has 35 daily video lessons, organized by week – each with its own unique themes, goals, and insights. These videos cover everything, from showing you how to make meditation a daily habit, to teaching you all the different meditation techniques (Mantra meditation is included as well).

I wholeheartedly suggest this program because it teaches you to practice meditation from the “inside out” - independently.

P.S. You can get this course for only $97 which means that you'll pay $2.7 for each lesson. That's crazy cheap.

Click here if want to learn more!

[benjamingarden]

How I Learned To Live With Less

I've spent a pretty good amount of my adulthood chasing things I thought would make me happy.  Raised by parents who also had a lot of stuff, it was my norm.  I learned that possessions would increase my self-worth and lead to a happier life.  I was always comparing myself to other people who had more or better things.  And I was miserable.  The more stuff I had, the more stuff I wanted and I dreamt of finally achieving that dream salary so I could buy all that I felt I needed and wanted.  When I achieved these, I reasoned, THEN I would be happy. I remember eventually putting actual dollar figures on my happiness.  I lived for years wishing for a certain salary.  I knew if I hit that amount I would finally feel like I'd made it.  Like I'd finally achieved success and happiness.  Well, I did hit that dollar amount.  I was stressed, worked a ridiculous amount of hours, and wore busyness like a badge of honor.  But when I achieved it, I was happy.  It wasn't long, however, before I wanted to achieve more.  I focused not on the enjoyment of what I had achieved but on the fact that I wanted the next step.  A quick sidenote - I'm not suggesting that having a drive to achieve more isn't healthy.  Delaying happiness until it is achieved or attaching happiness to a goal, however, is unhealthy.  And formerly I was the queen of both of these.

We live in a world of surfeit stuff.  We have access to shopping 24 hours a day online.  We are inundated with "perfect" lives on Instagram, facebook, in magazines and on reality (or completely manufactured reality) tv. Our phones listen to our conversations and the next thing you know ads specific to what we like show up on our phone and computer.  Advertising surrounds everything we do so much that we are oblivious to to the fact that we are absorbing so much of it. Stuff, and our fondness for it, affects every aspect of our lives.  We own larger homes (which we will work to fill up), spend a good amount on organization systems to contain much of our stuff, have garages that are filled to the brim and likely don't fit a vehicle, and store our extra stuff in a rental storage unit which, by the way, are multiplying at an all time high.  Our lives are filled with a lot of stuff. We are constantly buying things that will make us happy, but we aren't happy! It's like a feedback loop.  The more stuff you have, the more stuff you want.  Have you ever decided to update one thing in a room in your home?  Maybe it's the wall color.  Once the walls are painted and look so good, those curtains that are at least 7 years old just won't cut it anymore.  So now you need new curtains.  Once the curtains are up, your eyes go to the next outdated item in the room that needs updating.

Simplifying my possessions was one of the best things I've ever done.  Letting go of the constant pursuit of material things has been, in one word - freeing.  I'm not talking about giving everything away, moving into a tiny home and owning 3 pair of pants and 4 shirts.  Unless that's what you want to do, of course.  Instead, I'm talking about surrounding yourself with things you love.  Not things you think you should own, things you think might make you happy, or things that will impress someone visiting your home.  Nope.  I'm talking about simplifying your possessions down to only the things that you need and/or truly enjoy.  No matter the number. I think words are important so I'm not defining my lifestyle as minimalism.  Minimalism suggests living with the minimal amount of items.  Some even go so far as to put a number on it.  That is not for me.  I learned early on that although I have an appreciation for minimalism it's just not a lifestyle I should strive for.  Instead, I found paring down my possessions to things I love or use really worked for me.  I also found that if I reassess every so often I can gradually part with even more things. I've made another discovery on my journey.  That discovery is that the only thing better then owning less is wanting less.  And that, my friends, has taken more time to achieve.  Wanting less starts with owning less.  Once you've begun the process of letting things go, the next two natural steps are 1. working on breaking your buying habits (identifying when you are shopping to avoid dealing with feelings or to self-soothe) and 2. practicing self-discipline to change your daily patterns.  For me, the self-discipline of making myself wait at least 24 hours before buying something is what was a game changer.  It gave me time to think it through and the majority of the time I didn't end up buying what I'd initially really wanted. After making good headway on breaking buying habits and practicing self-discipline, introducing daily gratitude helps round it all out.  I learned to take a few minutes in the morning to focus on being grateful for every single thing I had every single day.  During the day, when my mind would unconsciously switch to wishing I had something, I would bring it back to gratitude for what I already owned.

 One additional benefit I didn't anticipate in my journey to wanting less is that when you truly are content with what you have and know it is enough, you will also free yourself from the constant comparison to others.  This means letting go of those feelings of inadequacy.  Something that becomes a huge burden lifted from your life.  It allows you live in abundance - enjoying what you have, finding true happiness with your life, and knowing that what you have is enough. Learning to want less will make living with less a success. Learning to want less and, therefore, live with less is rewarding in so many ways.  Not only do you stop wasting money on things you don't love or need, and unburden yourself with the feelings of inadequacy, but it allows for many choices in your life.  For me, achieving that last piece of the puzzle, learning to want less, is what allowed us to make the career decision we'd only dreamt of. We had been dreaming of working for ourselves but when looking at our finances we realized we had 3 choices: make more, save more, or want less.  Honestly, I hadn't realized that learning to want less is what our missing piece was.  Changing the way we made decisions with our finances, rather than focusing on trying to earn more, has not only allowed us to make that leap into self-employment, but has also allowed us to save more money in the bank then we had when we made just over double what we're making today. This is in no way a how-to guide or an instruction manual.  If you were looking for that, I sincerely apologize.  Instead, what I hope to do is inspire you to do what feels right for you.  Take other people's stories and "rules" and use them merely as a guide and ideas for your own journey.  If you are inspired by someone who has found happiness in only owning 100 items, use that as a challenge for yourself to question the items you surround yourself with and see what your number is.  In an age where social media and advertising imply that everyone else leads perfect lives, it's time for us to detach from what others do and instead, do what's best for us. When you find the balance of having enough it will free you.  It will free you to stop chasing happiness and appreciate where you are.  Right now.  You may not have the largest bank account.  You may not make the most money.  You may not have the nicest things.  But if you have found your "enough" it will make you rich in ways you'd never dreamed.  From the people by your side, to the memories that you make, to the joy in your heart.

How I Learned To Live With Less was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)