#it's so so bittersweet to spend two years working on this big thing and then being done

[gaysparkler]

I submitted my Master's thesis today :'D

[i-like-writing-stuff]

never changing; part two [ five hargreeves x reader ]

a/n: y’all this ain’t much i’m still trying to reacommodate myself back into writing but i will share a final part 3 to this imagine eventually!!!

again this is just fluff and banter i love keeping things light hearted

and i’m trying to heal myself with what could’ve been 😔

summary: you and the hargreeves siblings start your rescue mission

“Well, you all certainly look shittier than the other,” You crossed your arms awkwardly, watching the seven Hargreeves siblings as they were all clutching onto their bodies, sprawled across what used to be the fancy mansion that they grew up in.

Now it was just looking as beat down as your family.

“You’re fucked up in the head,” Ben groaned, making you roll your eyes.

“Coming from the dipshit who roofied his siblings with space juice… that’s a big statement,” Diego mumbled, as the others nodded in agreement.

After Gracie’s birthday party, you intended to go back to the office and catch up on some paperwork. The current case you were working on was truly a pain in the ass. Ever since you started working on it a couple of months ago, you didn’t think that anything else was more important than trying to win it. Boy, were you wrong.

You intended to leave the party a bit earlier, so that’s exactly what you did. Even if you felt like you couldn’t get enough of bantering with the family, playing with Gracie and most specially, talking to Five, you eventually dragged yourself back to the car and drove back to work. You needed that gathering, you truly did- in spite of the inevitably awkward moments.

That’s why when Five called you to inform to that Viktor got kidnapped, you didn’t hesitate to drive back to the mansion and regroup with the siblings to rescue their brother. One thing led to another, you managed to save him and even celebrate after that, but it wouldn’t be a Hargreeves mission without something going sideways.

“We have to get going, asshats,” Five reminded you all, stroking his hair.

You wanted to comfort him, as your heart sunk watching the dark circles around his eyes. His skin was as pale as a ghost, and he was groaning lightly through heavy breaths. His long fingers were running through his messy hair, as his other hand was holding the marigold jar loosely.

You always thought how stupid it was that you could just look at him for hours, just because he was so pretty. He could be doing nothing, you still couldn’t get enough of him.

This is so embarrassing, it’s been six years, you thought to yourself, looking away exactly as he caught a glimpse of your stare, Besides, he looks like he is dying. Handsomely, but dying, nonetheless.

The same man who kidnapped Viktor last night entrusted you with a rescue mission to bring his daughter back home. You decided not to pursue it, eventually, and before you went your separate ways, you all had a shot of Sake, ushered by Ben.

The rest is history.

Point is, everyone seemed to have their powers back.

“Shotgun,” You raised a hand, as the seven siblings started cussing at you on your way to Diego and Lila’s van.

You felt very nostalgic, since so many years passed without being with everyone. It was bittersweet, but you tried to promise to yourself to not get too attached. You liked your current life, and as lovely as it was spending time with Five, that led to nowhere. It was just a stupid little crush, anyway.

The family van was parked in front of the building, right in front of your car, so Diego started moving some thing into your car trunk to make room for everyone. Allison and Klaus were talking to Claire on the phone, as Ben, Luther and Lila were bickering about the sconces and Viktor was still trying to calm his nerves.

“You okay?” You placed your hand on Five’s shoulder, feigning a confident smile.

You were honestly so concerned for them, all of them.

“Just the most annoying hangover in my life,” Five placed his hand on yours absentmindedly.

Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal, he appreciated your concern, he always did. When he got hurt in missions you were always scolding him and he acted annoyed with your protectiveness, but this was the first time he actually showed gratitude for it.

“But you don’t gotta get all up in my ass,” He added with a smirk, taking your hand off his shoulder.

There it was.

He still held onto it, proudly, as you rolled your eyes, not even noticing how naturally your hands locked together.

“Oh please, you’d love me to get all up on you,” You scoffed, making him chuckle.

“Since when are you so arrogant?” He wondered.

“I may have picked up a thing or two from you over the years,” You shrugged your shoulders lightly.

“Should’ve picked up the phone more often,” Five said, causing you to wave a hand in front of your face bored of how many times you’ve been told that;

“The phone that…”

“Works both ways,” He interrupted you, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Then you don’t really have a leg to stand on,” You declared with a smile.

“Is that right?” He took a step closer, eyeing you curiously.

If you were to ask him where did that come from, he really had no idea what to say. Five always was unpredictable, but this was something new. But then again, it’s not like your relationship was that cold- it wasn’t. However, he was playing with fire a tad too much.

It all felt so ridiculous. How could he still make your heart thump heavily just with a simple look? You felt so little compared to him, as hard as you tried to seem confident. With the help of your platform boots you were still almost reaching his chin, and that was to show you just how young you both still were, even if your mental ages begged to differ.

“You still look like shit,” You broke the ice, still trying to keep up a tough exterior.

“Bullshit,” Five grinned, obviously feeling a lot better.

Little did you know how much your simple presence helped his mental well-being.

Surprisingly, he thought to himself.

“Are you two gonna suck faces or can we move along?” Ben suddenly walked up to you and his brother, as the rest of the family was watching everything unfold as if it was a soap opera.

“Why’d you wanna watch your brother kiss someone?” You wondered, letting go of Five’s hand to climb into the car along the others.

“That’s not okay,” Klaus agreed.

“You’re getting weirder by the second,” Allison told Ben, as he tried to argue.

“What the fuck?” Diego turned to watch his brother disgusted, as Viktor was just silently side-eyeing the tentacle man.

“I fucking hate you all,” Ben said defeated, looking around the car.

“At least they don’t wanna watch their fresh 19 year old brother eat tongue,” You couldn’t help the banter.

“Don’t say fresh 19,” Luther chimed in as well, as the siblings turned to you now.

“He is 64, nothing about him is fresh,” Klaus pointed out.

“Shut the fuck up, fuckface,” Five only rolled his eyes.

And thus the road-trip begun.

[oddinary4bts]

When the End Comes | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?

☆pairing: photographer!Jungkook x lawyer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in every chapter)

☆genre: breakup!au, slice of life!au, angst with a big A, smut

☆warnings: fear of getting stood up, alcohol, pet names, curses, Jungkook's scars, angst, stubborn Jungkook, pessimism, depressive episode, cliffhanger at the end I'm sorry, explicit content: jerking off, oral sex (male receiving), Jungkook taking pictures of them during (I apologize, I have sinned), balls sucking/fondling, pain kink (Jungkook), deep throating, mouth fucking, unprotected sex, hickey, clit play, degradation, fingering, cum play (ish?)

☆word count: 14.3k

☆series masterpost

☆a/n: Rereading each chapter to edit is a challenge bc I just be sobbing the whole time :') I hope you enjoy this one, though it does really hurt oop

☆a/n pt2: Thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing this, you are the best <3 and thank you to @jessikahathaway for supporting me with this project, you are amazinnng

☆Read The Forgotten Spaces here, the prequel to When the End Comes! It does not need to be read to understand When the End Comes, but I think it still should be read first to have a better understanding of the characters in general!

☆Add yourself to the taglist here (if you were on the taglist for The Forgotten Spaces, you're already on the taglist for When the End Comes!)

☆☆☆☆☆

But love never leaves a heart, where it found it, found it You found it Someday, I'll fall into you That's where I'll be now when the end comes

When the End Comes, Andrew Belle

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, September 8th

                You clutch the gift bag in your hand. It feels strange to be meeting Jungkook again, after last weekend. And even after last weekend, you’re not sure where you’re standing.

Did he spend his whole week thinking about you the way that you were thinking about him?

You texted a little, over the week. Each time a notification from him popped up on your phone, you felt like you’d gone back in time. Like maybe, maybe you took a time machine to a past of better days last weekend. It’s bittersweet in a way, because you feel like there is still so much left unsaid between you and him.

But he’s willing to try. Even if you broke him, even if you’ve been wondering if there’s anything salvageable after all, he’s willing to try. Willing to meet you at a Korean barbecue restaurant halfway between his place and yours.

You check the time, anxiety flooding your veins. He’s running late, though he texted you to tell you he was almost there. A part of you wonders if he’s going to stand you up – you think you’d deserve it. Because you’re not sure you deserve this chance, yet you don’t want to lose it, don’t want to let it go.

You look down at the bag. You bought the gift on a whim this week, and you have no idea if he’ll still want it. It’s a lens he was looking to buy months ago, before he left for Paris, and there’s a high chance that he’ll have bought it for himself since then…

You just couldn’t think about anything other than that to gift him. Even though his work was your demise, you know Jungkook loves photography. Always will, no matter where you two will end up. And since it was his birthday last weekend – before you’d reconnected – you thought why not? Why not get a gift and show him that you still care, that you remember?

Because you’d never forget, when it comes to him. You think, if you had dementia, he’d be the last thing you’d lose, if at all.

You worry at your lip, glancing around. Luckily enough for you, there is a bench outside of the restaurant, though you can only sit on a corner of it as the rest is still wet from the rain earlier. It was raining when you left work, but it fortunately stopped as you were getting ready for the date.

You sigh, looking down at your phone again. Twenty minutes late seems like a long time, considering that Jungkook’s not one to be late usually. A sense of dread takes ahold of your heart, and you already feel tears forming in your eyes.

You were foolish, stupid. Idiotic, if you thought there was a way things could be set right.

You get up, looking towards the door of the restaurant. A couple are waiting in the hall, arms around each other as they hug with not a care in the world. It aches deeply, makes you crave the physical intimacy last Saturday held and you gulp as you swallow around the lump in your throat.

Still you stay rooted in your spot. There’s a light tremor that starts taking a hold of you, and you regret not putting a jacket on even though it isn’t remotely freezing today. Your eyes fall to the gift bag, and you think about May. About the moment you’d let him go – has he gotten too far for you to reach him now?

A tear wins. Or perhaps it’s the gravity, growing ten times stronger as your heart breaks again. As the hope gets lost to you, replaced by that same deep sorrow you’ve become accustomed to. You sigh, the breath of air trembling on the way out.

And then you almost let out a scream as someone touches your arm.

Jungkook startles just as much as you, taking a step back, his big, doe eyes widening even more as he meets your gaze. Your mouth remains open, yet no words come out. You just take him in, take his appearance in – his piercings, the beanie he’s wearing, his flushed cheeks. He looks like he was running, and you think maybe he was.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you.

At that your eyes drop to the bright pink bouquet of flowers he’s holding, and something inside of you heals, as if you’ve found a cure to the disease.

“Oh, Jungkook,” you let out. You meet his gaze again. “You didn’t have to.”

He pulls at his piercings, shrugging sheepishly. “I wanted to.”

It’s warm. Whatever is blossoming in your chest is warm, a stark contrast to the winter you’ve been stuck in since the night you lost him.

“Thank you,” you murmur, and you blink away the tears in your eyes.

You freeze when he wipes the one that’s already rolled on your cheek, frowning slightly at the sight.

“The florist I wanted to go to first was closed,” he says as an explanation. “I had to run around to find another one.”

You offer him a small smile, and his features immediately smooth out into a soft expression too.

“I was scared you were…” you trail off, wetting your lips as you refuse to voice your fear.

Refuse to admit you didn’t have faith in him.

“I thought you would,” he answers carefully. “Hence why I ran.”

You nod. “I…” You look down at the gift bag, holding it up. “I got you a birthday gift.”

His smile is teary when you look at it next, and you take a moment to delve into the depths of his gaze. There’s a small twinkle there, though it is faint, barely even noticeable. If you didn’t know him like the sun knows the moon, you wouldn’t recognize it.

He’s hopeful. It’s strange – there was no hope in Jungkook’s gaze last weekend. Or there had been, for a fraction of a moment, until it had been blown away by the wind. You can only hope that this time it will hold on strong.

“You didn’t have to,” he says, though the curve of his pink lips tells you he appreciates the thought.

He grabs the gift bag, not looking through it right away. Instead, he hands you the flowers, and you delicately take them, bringing them close to your nose so that you can inhale the fragrance. Your eyelids flutter shut, and a content smile moves on your lips.

“Thank you,” you murmur as you meet his gaze again. “And…” You motion towards the gift. “You deserved it. I think you’ll like it.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, as Jungkook looks down at the bag. He offers you a tight-lipped smile, and you cock an eyebrow.

“What?” he lets out.

“Aren’t you going to…” you vaguely answer. “Open it?”

“Oh, now?” He chuckles awkwardly, glancing around before pointing towards the restaurant. “Shouldn’t we go in to give our names?”

He’s got a point. Especially considering that it’s a Friday evening. So you do just that, giving your phone number to the hostess as she tells you there will be a thirty minutes wait. You and Jungkook move back outside after that, and he guides you towards his car, a few streets down.

“How was work this week?” he asks on the way.

“Better,” you admit, remembering how you’d told him that you didn’t like the new department in which you worked.

And it’s true – it has been better. Maybe because the excitement of receiving texts from him through the days made it easier to handle. Or maybe it’s because you haven’t been so damned cold since last weekend. All in all, work has been easier, even if it isn’t as interesting as it used to be.

“I’m glad,” he says, offering you a smile.

Silence surrounds the two of you, only interrupted by a car honking in the street. You startle a little, and Jungkook chuckles.

You’re struck. His chuckles have healing properties, you’re convinced of it. They spark hope into you, so bright you think you’ll be blinded, retina forever burned. Yet your eyes don’t lose focus on him, even as his lips return to a neutral expression.

“What about you?” you ask as your heart picks up in your chest. “What were you up to this week?”

A small crease appears between his brows, but it disappears so quickly you think you might have imagined it. “I’ve been going to the gym,” he answers. “And looking around for some jobs.”

His last sentence turns the hope into a firework show inside of you. “Yeah? Any luck so far?”

You reach his car, and as he always does, he opens the door for you. You blush, something you haven’t really done with Jungkook in forever, and you’re struck thinking that this feels new.

Perhaps this will be a new chapter in your relationship with Jeon Jungkook after all.

“Thank you,” you mutter as your cheeks burn. You sit in, and he closes the door before moving around the car to get in. You watch him do so, and he sits next to you, turning the car on just long enough so that you can roll the windows down.

“Now,” he lets out, eyeing the bag. “What’s this?”

For some reason, it makes you chuckle, and he shoots you a dumb smile that makes you think you’ve delved right into the heat of summer, warmth spreading through you. It erases the winter, replaces it with blooming flowers and bright sun rays, golden sunsets and the feeling of a soft breeze threading through your hair.

Needless to say, you want to cling to it before winter comes again.

“Open and you’ll see,” you answer, your heart racing as you glance at the bag, before going back to his smile.

He nods, and he opens the bag, taking out the paper first. Your heartbeat increases tenfold because, what if he doesn’t like it?

What if he takes it as an affront that you’ve given him something photography related?

But then he sees it. Sees the lens you bought for him, and his features turn somber, but not in a bad way. They settle into a calm expression, with a softer smile that barely even tugs at the corners of his lips. He takes a deep breath, and then looks towards you again.

Teary eyes find yours, and you think maybe this is it. Maybe this is where the end will find you. Lost in the swirling depth of his gaze, in the forgotten space of you and him.

He whispers your name, emotion making it heavier than the whole world. You nod once, as no sentences take shape in your mind to reply to him. You’re not sure you have to say something – he sees in your eyes the emotions you can’t quite voice.

“You really didn’t have to,” he adds, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he gulps. “Fuck.”

He looks down at the lens, takes it out of the bag so that he can examine it thoroughly. You observe him as he does so, as if you’re watching a show. And you think, maybe he is a show – a movie meant for you to admire on and on until you go old and blindness seeps into your gaze.

“I wanted to,” you reply.

He shoots you a quick look, just as teary as the initial one. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

And then he laughs, a small vulnerable laugh that has you blinking back the wetness building up on your waterline. You echo it with one of yours, though it comes unexpectedly to you. But then again, you reckon you share the same feelings.

You always have, haven’t you? Your soul is in sync with his, has always been, no matter if distance put an end to the story of you and him. Or tried to, because he’s here today.

So are you, and if he allows it, you’ll never leave again.

“I’ve wanted this lens in forever,” he says, voice small as he turns it in his hands, looking at it in every possible angle. “You…” he trails off, meets your gaze and smiles again. “You remembered.”

You nod. “How could I forget?” You worry at your lips, shy away from his gaze to watch your wriggling fingers in your lap. “There isn’t a day I didn’t think of you.”

The revelation seems out of place, in a parked car on the side of a busy street. Yet it comes naturally to you, and meets him just as naturally. Because he nods, and then reaches for you. Grabs your jaw, gently, so that he can turn your head towards him. There’s a moment when you think the whole world holds his breath, and then he leans forward, brushes a soft kiss on your lips.

“I missed you,” he admits as he pulls away, letting go of your jaw reluctantly.

A tear slips on your cheek, and you quickly dry it. “I missed you too.”

And though the moment is heavy with emotion, you don’t want to run away from it. When you were younger, you would have fled like a deer hearing a branch crack in the woods. But today, today you want the weight of this emotion to rest upon you, like a weighted blanket that reminds you you’re alive.

The emotion lingers, past this moment and into the next. As you get the text that a table is ready for you and him, and you move back to the Korean restaurant. As you sit in front of him, watch him smile and laugh in time with you at the stupid jokes that you make.

You and him make more sense than you realized. Or maybe you forgot. Maybe the distance made you forget, but right now you think you know he’ll always be the one. And if you lose him again, he’ll be the one that got away, and you’ll search for him through every connection with temporary people.

Because there can’t be permanent people after him. He’s permanently inked into your heart, carved into your bones.

“How has your family been?” he asks when there’s a lull in the conversation.

You offer him a tight-lipped smile, though you know he means your father, Isabel and Louis.

You know he’d never talk about your mother as part of your family.

“They’ve been great,” you answer. “Dad’s been looking to retire, or at least to have a lesser charge at work.”

Jungkook furrows his brows, but says nothing as he puts some meat on the grill between you and him. You observe him as he does so, wincing when flames erupt and he pulls his hand away – quickly enough, thankfully.

“How old is he again?” Jungkook asks after that, meeting your gaze again.

“Fifty-nine,” you reply. “But I don’t think it’s about his age. He just wants to spend more time with Louis.”

The softness that takes over his doe eyes makes you want to curl up in him, against him. Makes you want to listen to his beating heart until the day that it ceases, decades away from now. It’s a strong feeling, and you’re forced to blink away tears again.

“Don’t cry,” Jungkook gently says, and he reaches to pat your cheek.

It makes you laugh. Of course it does, and he offers you a dumb smile again. For the first time that night, you notice that yes, it does reach his eyes. The smile lights up his gaze, though there’s wariness, etched in the lines of his face.

It’s not that you missed it before. Maybe you just didn’t want to see it. But right in this instant, it’s all you can see, and it makes his smile fall until his eyes follow, moving to the grill. He turns the meat as you busy yourself with eating japchae.

And you don’t like this silence. You don’t like the ache that it carries, so you force yourself to try. To try and fight for him and prove that, after everything, he really is where the end will be, when it comes for you.

“What about your family?” you ask, throwing him a lifeline in the storm you’re sure he’s been plagued with too.

“They’ve been great,” he answers. “My brother’s wife is pregnant again.”

For a moment you forget about the torment between you and him as your mind zeroes in on the fact. “That’s amazing!” you let out, and your smile comes easily. “They must be so happy.”

Jungkook looks at your smile, taking a deep breath. It seems he takes a decision then, because his lips curve up, and some of the wariness fades away. He looks softer like this, younger, and your heart shines under his light.

“It really is,” he says. “I was thinking on going to Korea to see the baby when Yuri gives birth.”

In another world, you would have said you’ll go with him, but right now you don’t think you can. So, instead, you reply, “That’s a good idea. I’m sure your family will be happy to see you.”

He nods, and then he puts some meat in your bowl, taking the two other stripes for himself. You mindlessly pick one of the pieces up, mixing it in ssamjang before eating it. You wince as you burn your tongue a little, and quickly eat the meat so that you can take a long gulp of water.

Jungkook must have expected you to burn yourself, because he laughs at your expense as he refills your glass. “You good?”

You nod. “Sorry, just burned myself.”

“Don’t apologize.”

So you don’t. For the rest of the evening, you try not to apologize. And you think you succeed – you both speak as if distance wasn’t a thing between you. As if time hasn’t come to pass between you too – as if you’ve never been apart. As if, seven years ago, the stars told the truth as they sparkled in the July night sky.

You finish eating while chatting like this, while sharing thoughts about movies you’ve seen. As he tells you about working out, about Bam and the songs he’s been listening to. He drinks a beer as you speak, and you once again take a moment to admire him.

You’d never admit it, but the beanie makes him look good. Comfortable and soft – as does the jean jacket, you reckon. But then again you know Jungkook would look good in anything, one of the advantages of him being gifted with pretty privilege.

And when he clinks his glass with yours, claiming you have to finish drinking even though you’ve only been drinking water, you still laugh with him, still down your glass as he chugs the beer. And you wonder, how long will it take to erase the distance?

Will it take more than this moment in time, to undo the distance and rebuild the closeness?

And you think, maybe it just needs now. Because as you walk out, bellies full and minds buzzing with a slight tinge of alcohol, you accept Jungkook’s extended hand. You let him guide you to his car, even though yours is parked on the other side of the restaurant. He opens the door for you again, but you hesitate for a moment.

Long enough to step closer to him instead, and pull him down so you can peck his lips. He looks surprised, and his features fall serious as you share a long look.

“Can I come over tonight?” you whisper.

He nods. “I thought it was a given.”

Of course he would. And you’re not even mad that he would. You’re rather relieved, and you can’t help yourself. You can’t help pulling him down in a more heated kiss, even though you hate public displays of affection. There are just words your lips can’t say any other way than this, and he gets it. He’ll always get you. He always will, and he kisses you with the same intensity, one hand cupping your cheek gently while the other presses on the small of your back, resting flat as he pulls you in. You hold his delicate waist, sighing in the kiss as your thumbs draw idle lines on his sides.

Jungkook pulls away to press a kiss on your forehead, lingering there for a small eternity that leads to you wrapping your arms around his waist. He lets you do it, and you wonder if his soul has found yours. You hope it has, for there are things your soul can say even better than your mouth can.

Apologies don’t mean much when they are shaped in words. But you think your soul could show him, and maybe, maybe tonight he’ll allow you to show him.

“Are you parked somewhere you can leave your car overnight?” he asks softly, lips moving against your forehead.

You nod. “I am.”

“Then let’s go home.”

*****

                It comes as a surprise, when you realize Jungkook has moved in the same building as Kiko and Yoongi. Even more so as they run into you on the way in, knowing smiles on their lips as Jungkook holds your hand tight. They don’t really say a lot – both of them aren’t man and woman of words, except when they pour them into the lyrics of a song.

But Kiko does hug you. Does whisper in your ear that she wishes everything will be set right for the two of you, and when you pull away to meet Jungkook’s gaze, you think it already is. Especially as you’re clutching the flowers he got for you, and their sweet fragrance surrounds you.

And then they walk away, as they were leaving to go on a late walk, and you and Jungkook walk in the building, making your way to the elevator. Jungkook presses the call button, and then pulls you close to his chest so that he can press a kiss on the top of your head.

“Well, that was awkward,” he says.

You chuckle. “It wasn’t really.”

His grip tightens around you before he lets you go so that you can enter the elevator. He follows you in, and he intertwines your fingers as he presses on the fourth floor. As the elevator starts moving, you pull him closer, tilting your head back as you pout slightly.

“What?” he asks.

“Kiss me?”

He doesn’t need to be asked twice. He immediately dives in, and you’re surprised with the strength of the kiss. As if he’s pouring his entire soul in it, and you think maybe he is. After all, you kiss him back with all the fire in you, and it’s burning brighter than it ever has.

Unfortunately, the moment is short-lived as you reach his floor and the doors slide open. He pulls away, presses a kiss on your forehead as if he wasn’t sucking on your tongue a moment ago, and then he pulls you behind him as he walks towards his door.

It’s further down the hall, and you wait excitedly as he unlocks. Though you’re a little worried about seeing Bam again – what if he doesn’t recognize you?

Which, you reckon was a stupid thought, because the dog comes barging out, tail wagging wildly, when Jungkook manages to get the door open.

“Bamie!” you exclaim, and Jungkook carefully takes the bouquet of flowers from your hand to allow you to bend down and pet the dog.

He licks at your face, whimpering as if he thought he’d lost you. It brings tears to your eyes, and you giggle like a kid as you pet him, rubbing his short fur as he keeps running all around you.

“I think he’s happy to see you,” Jungkook deadpans, and you burst out laughing.

You look up to try and look at Jungkook, but Bam jumps in your vision, which makes you giggle again. And then, something magical happens. Something you didn’t think you’d hear again – Jungkook laughs that childish laugh of his, the one that usually only comes forth when he’s really happy.

You act by pure instinct. You stand up, wrap your arms around Jungkook’s neck. His giggle dies against your lips, but he’s quick to kiss you back as he snakes his inked arm around your back. You let out a breathy sound, and then burst into a fit of giggles as Bam jumps on you.

“I think he demands attention,” you state and Jungkook nods as you part, though he keeps his arm close to you.

“We should take him on a walk,” he says, and you notice his cheeks are flushed red. You reckon yours probably are too, but there’s something about seeing the effect that you have on him, even after everything, that makes you come undone.

“I’m so happy to be with you right now,” you murmur.

He gulps, eyes shining suddenly. “Me too.” He adds your name softly, before repeating, “Me too.”

You walk in his apartment after that, to put the flowers in a large glass of water since Jungkook doesn’t own any vase. Meanwhile, he disappears in what you assume is the bedroom, only to reappear with his camera. To your surprise, he’s already fitted the new lens on it.

It’s endearing. There’s something so incredibly endearing at the thought that your gift is loved already, that Jungkook already wants to use it. It makes a line of silver appear in your eyes, and you don’t even blink it away as Jungkook angles the camera towards you to take a picture.

“Huh,” he lets out as he looks at the picture. He adjusts some settings, and before he’s had time to take another picture of you, Bam comes up to you, jumping up. His two paws rest on your waist as you laugh, and that’s when Jungkook snaps the picture.

You glance his way to see him smiling softly, and then he nods appreciatively. “I’m going to use this lens way too much,” he comments.

It makes you laugh. “I’m glad.”

And then you’re going outside with the dog. Jungkook brings the camera, and he snaps pictures of the surroundings, of you and Bam. He even takes one of the three of you, though you reckon the angle is clearly unflattering.

It doesn’t feel like it matters. Because you’re struck realizing that this, this moment matters. It matters enough for him to want to commit it to memory, and you wonder if he’s going to add it to all the frames you left behind.

But then again, did he even put them up in his new apartment? From what you could see when you were in, there was no picture visible.

It aches, but then he tells you to smile and you do. You immediately do, because there’s nothing easier than smiling when you’re with him like this. The wariness still clings to him, but it’s barely visible, like a mirage that’s about to fade in the distance.

“Stop taking pictures of me,” you say as he takes another one.

He lets out a noncommittal sound, shrugging his shoulder. “Why?”

You pout as blush creeps on your cheek. “You haven’t taken this many pictures of me since… Chicago?”

He shakes his head. “I took more pictures on our first trip to Korea.”

A beautiful trip, where you’d met his family for the first time. You had gotten along with everyone well, even though your Korean was poor. You got better through the years, but you still have a long way before you can speak in Korean without feeling like everyone is going to judge you.

“That’s beside the point,” you mumble. You motion towards Bam, who’s patiently sitting next to you. “I’m pretty sure he’s done.”

Jungkook pouts, and butterflies take flight in your stomach. “Sorry,” he apologizes.

You’re not quite sure why.

“I just…” he adds, and then shadows cloud over his features. They resemble the sorrow that was surrounding him last weekend, and just like that you think summer has ended. “I haven’t used my camera since…”

You don’t need for him to say it, because you know exactly what he was going to say. Still, it hurts, and your gaze drops to the ground.

“Gosh,” you whisper. You let out a strangled sound. “I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything. Just grabs your hand, raising it to his mouth to press a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

“We said we’d try,” he reminds you, or maybe he’s trying to remind himself. “Let’s try. For real. So no more apologies.”

“I feel like you deserve thousands of apologies and more,” you admit.

He kisses your forehead, and it’s against your skin that he whispers, “I just want us to move on from what happened.”

You nod, wrapping an arm around his waist to loosely hug him. Unfortunately, Bam pulls on his leash, and you have to let go of Jungkook far too quickly. Still, you meet his gaze, nodding your head again.

“I want to move on too,” you tell him. “If I could, I’d erase everything but…”

He holds out his hand for you to interlace your fingers with his. “But it’s in the past.”

He’s right, yet you see the wariness. It’s still there, though you think soon the mist will dissipate with the rays of the sun. So you follow him in, let him feed Bam before he shows you around his small apartment. It feels like him, in ways you can’t really describe, and you want to stay. You think, if he’d ask you’d never leave again.

“I like it,” you tell him as he finishes the tour in his bedroom, which is only occupied by an unmade bed with white sheet and a small night table with his pair of glasses on top. You notice the LED lights, and a smile moves to your lips. “Please tell me these still shine purple like they did at the house with the boys.”

Jungkook nods, offering you a grin. “Yeah. I thought it’d be great to have a… reminder of a simpler time.”

He turns them on, and you get it. You get it so much you grab the lapels of his jean jacket, pulling him closer to you. His lips are upon yours in an instant, hungry, insistent, ravishing a kiss that makes you light-headed. Especially as he grabs your face, holds on to it like it’s a life buoy in a storm. The piercings push into your bottom lip, their colder temperature making your tongue dart to them, as if to warm them.

Jungkook groans, and then kicks the door of his bedroom shut. He’s had to stop kissing you for that, but he’s kissing you again half a second later, and it’s even more intense, more desperate.

You let go of his jacket, hands blindly moving to his belt as he pushes his tongue in your mouth. You suck on it, moan lightly when he groans again. You fumble with the buckle, but soon enough you get it undone, and you move on to the button of his jeans.

You just want him. Need to feel his body against you, in you. And clearly he needs the same thing, as he pulls away from the hug to take your shirt off. Right as you get the button undone, and then unzip his jeans. You slip your hand in, letting out a breathy sound as you find him already hard. He sits heavy in your hand, and you squeeze him unabashedly.

“Fuck,” he curses, head thrown back as his eyes close. “Baby.”

The pet name has you drop to your knees, and you pull his pants down just enough for his dick to spring free. He doesn’t try to stop you, and you admire him for a time. Admire the brown base of his tip, the veins that run along his length. A bead of precum appears on his slit as you look, and you’re quick to lick it clean. The salty taste fills your mouth, and you look up at him, to see him watching down on you, strands of hair falling in his eyes where they’ve escaped the confines of his beanie.

“Suck it, mmh?” he says.

You grab him, jerking him off loosely. “Yeah?”

His eyes darken behind the strands of hair. He bites at his piercings, cocking his head to the side. And then he’s glancing away and to your surprise, he asks, “Can I take pictures of you while you suck my dick?”

You swirl your tongue around his tip, and he bucks his hips forward. In answer, you sit back on your heels, looking up at him innocently. “Right now?” He nods. “You want to take pictures of me while I suck your dick?”

“If you want to,” he answers. “If you don’t want to it’s fine.”

You close your lips around his tip, sucking once. “You’ll keep the pictures to yourself?”

You don’t know why you’re agreeing. Only know that the lust in Jungkook’s gaze is making you forget everything about common sense. But then again, you highly doubt that Jungkook would ever do anything to harm you.

Jungkook’s mouth falls open as he was about to answer, but when you take his dick as far as you can, he’s silenced. And he’s hard in your mouth, a rod of steel you’ve missed since last week.

“Yeah,” he finally breathes out.

You sit back on your heels. “Then it’s fine.”

He smirks, nodding his head as he finishes taking off his jeans and underwear. “Wait here.”

You purse your lips as he walks away, and you watch him leaving his room to head to where he left his camera. You patiently wait, feeling shy even though you have nothing to be shy about. This is just Jungkook – it’s not like he hasn’t seen you half-naked and on your knees for him before.

It takes him a moment to come back, but when he does, it’s to sit on bed. He’s still hard, and he leans back on a hand as you move closer.

“If you want me to stop, you tell me, okay?” he gently says as you run a hand along his thighs.

You glance at his scar, the familiar knot of skin giving you more confidence than you expected. “You’re going to jerk off to these pictures, mmh?”             

He gulps, angling his camera towards you as you lean closer to his dick. You lick at it, and the shutter goes off.

It has you dripping in your panties, unexpectedly.

“So what if I do?” he asks as you grab his dick, stroking him.

The question is rhetorical, and your answer is to wrap your lips around his cock as your eyes flutter shut. You swirl your tongue around the tip and hollow your cheeks as you go down. You hold the gag reflex in as he hits the back of your throat, and you can’t help but moan as you hear his camera again.

You flick your tongue at his frenulum on the way out, and then you stroke his dick as you sit back. You move one hand to his balls, squeezing gently before thinking better of it and leaning forward, sucking on one. He grunts, and you keep your eyes locked on the camera as you jerk him off faster.

Another picture added to the list. And you’re dripping wet. Already you want to sink on his dick, want him to be so deep inside of you that you’re just one.

“Kook…” you murmur, and then you’re back to sucking on his dick, though this time you make sure to squeeze his balls too, the way that he likes it. Hard, but not too hard, and you’re choking around his dick in no time as he starts fucking up in your mouth, clearly forgetting about the pictures.

It goes like this for a while, with his dick growing impossibly hard. Your jaw aches by the time he pushes down on your head, hand lost in your hair. You gag, and he moans loudly. You think he’s coming, but he somehow manages to keep it in before pulling you off.

“Shit,” he curses. “Sorry.” He breathes for a moment, as you wipe your mouth and chin from the drool.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. You glance at the camera. “Any good pics?”

That brings him back to the land of lust and passion, and he offers you a smirk. “We can look at them after. I’m not done with you yet.”

You laugh, because you know you’ve barely started. Know you’re likely to be unable to walk tomorrow. Because the lust in his gaze hasn’t shone so bright in years, yes, but also because you almost lost each other.

Or maybe you have, and this too is just a dip in the past.

You stand up, hands snaking to your back so that you can unclasp your bra. Jungkook watches you carefully, before taking a picture as you massage your breasts. It makes you bite at your lower lip, and you look at his hard dick where it rests on his stomach.

“Can I ride you?” you ask breathlessly.

He smirks. “You don’t want me to finger you first?”

Instead of replying, you finish undressing, taking off your pants and panties at the same time. You then push on his jean jacket, and he takes that as a cue to remove it. You motion to the shirt too as he was about to lean back on his hand and he cocks his head to the side, an eyebrow raised. When you nod, he takes it off too, and it makes his beanie fall.

His hair is a mess, and you can’t resist but step forward so that you can push it back, though you think the jet black strands are currently untamable. You give up after a few seconds, pushing on his chest so that he lies back.

His eyes are on you as you climb on his lap, and you grind along his length, coating it with your juices.

“Shit,” he lets out again. “You’re fucking dripping.”

You nod, moving up just enough so that you can grab the base of his dick. His tip prods your entrance, and he pulls at his piercings as you wait there, teasing him with a corner smile on your lips.

“Fucking tease,” he growls.

It undoes something in you. Because yes, you wanted to tease him. You wanted him to beg you to fuck him, but now you sink down on him, until he reaches your cervix. Even the pain of him hitting the back of your pussy doesn’t make you move, and your walls clench around his dick as he grunts out a curse, followed by your name.

“Kook,” you purr. “Fuck me good.”

He chuckles as you circle your hips, and his free hand rests on your hip as he angles his camera to take a picture of you again. “You can’t do the work?”

He says it condescendingly, and you find enough challenge in you to start bouncing up and down. It shuts him up, and the following moment is spent with you fucking yourself on him as he groans under you, your breathy moans filling his room. Soon enough he stops taking pictures, putting his camera down next to him so that he can hold your hips with his two hands.

And then he’s fucking up in you, and you cry out as you lean forward, wrapping an arm around his neck while your other hand holds on to his shoulder.

You’re a mess, yet your heart clenches in your chest as he fucks you like this. As you remember a land of winter, that somehow doesn’t feel as distant as it should. Maybe because of Jungkook’s wariness tonight, or maybe because you know all good things come to an end.

The thought douses your arousal, until Jungkook stills deep inside of you and whispers, “I want to be with you, like this, forever.”

You nuzzle your face in his neck and suck a mark on his skin. “Me too.”

And then he’s fucking you again, hard and quick. He holds you close, grunts in your ear as you lick at his neck. It’s an abundance of sensation, and your brain focuses on the way he hits your clit whenever he pushes up. Whenever his hips snap against you, and soon there’s an orgasm in the distance.

It finds you when he lets you sit up so that you can fuck yourself on him again, and his thumb finds your clit to press expert circles on it. It finds you hard, and your pussy spasms repeatedly on his dick. He helps you through the high, and when you finally come down, a dumb smile tugs at the corners of your lips.

“Fuck,” you let out.

“Felt good?” he asks with a teasing tone to his voice, the one you know he only reserves for you.

To hear it right now makes you love him so much you think you’ll die on the spot. Because yes, tonight has been great. Yes, it’s almost been like before, but what if he doesn’t take you back?

What if, in the end, this was just an extended moment meant to be closure for you and him?

“Yes,” you still reply.

Because no matter how much your heart aches in your chest, you’ll never lie to him.

“Good,” he says. He sits up, wraps an arm around your waist to steady you as he brings his mouth to yours.

You go in for the kiss. Meet him halfway, and you moan against him as he moves under you, albeit clumsily from the position.

His lips will make you drunk. Make you dumb, make you forget that there’s a world outside the door. That, in that world, you might not belong to him anymore. But then again, you think you do. To you, you always will.

“Lie on your side,” he says after a moment, lips moving against yours.

Jungkook pecks your lips one last time before you move, and then he kneels behind you. His dick prods your entrance again, and he grabs his camera to snap another picture.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he praises as he pushes the tip in, taking another picture. “Such a good little fucking slut.”

And then he pushes all the way in, until all of him is embedded in you. You grip the sheets as a broken moan escapes your lips. He holds your hip with one hand, fingers digging in the supple skin as he fucks you hard, chasing his own orgasm.

He looks good doing it. Long hair sticking to the sweat on his face, eyes narrowed in pleasure, mouth open as soft grunts echo through the room. The purple light makes his honey skin glow somehow, and you feel another orgasm reaching for you, though it doesn’t hit right away. It just feels so good – as he always does – and you can’t help but clench your walls against him.

That’s what undoes him. He comes, ropes of white painting your insides, as he swears and says your name in a litany that almost makes you go over the edge too.

“Baby,” he says at the end.

It feels like a confirmation. Like a confirmation that, maybe, maybe you will work this time around. That maybe distance won’t destroy you again – maybe you’ll grow old and gray by his side.

“You came so much,” you say as you feel his hot cum sitting deep inside of you.

He pulls at his piercing, nodding once. And then he pulls out, and he takes a picture of the cum dripping out of you. He decides to push it back in, curling a finger inside of you, and your walls clench as you moan.

“Touch your clit,” he tells you.

You don’t need to be told twice. You quickly move your fingers to the sensitive bundle of nerves, drawing quick circles on it as he pushes another digit inside of you, fingering you until the second orgasm finally finds you.

You cry out his name, a broken plea that doesn’t really make any sense as your vision turns white. And it stays that way for a long time, blinding you until ecstasy is swimming in your blood. And when you come down from the high, all that you can think is how much you missed him.

“Kook,” you breathe out.

“Baby…”

He puts the camera away, and then bends to press a kiss on your lips. It’s soft, and you grab his face to hold him in place, not even wincing as a bead of his sweat rolls on your cheek. You kiss him with a heart heavy with emotions, trying to show him that you’re never going to leave again. When he pulls away, you notice his teary gaze.

“Can we be together again?” he asks, and you watch in horror as a tear rolls on his cheek. You sit up, drying it with your thumb.

And you don’t care if it was too quick. Don’t care that there’s a high chance it won’t last. You still answer, “Yes, Kook. Yes we can.”

He smiles, nodding his head. “Let’s take a shower. I want to hold you tonight.”

You want to cry from the statement, want to tell him that you wish he could hold you forever, but the words get lodged in your throat. Instead, you follow him as he gets up, interlacing your fingers with his as he leads you to the bathroom, uncaring that his seed is rolling down your inner thighs.

He turns the shower on, and soon enough you’re standing under the hot water. He watches you carefully, presses a kiss on your forehead when you stand in front of him. You wrap your arms around his waist, holding him as close as you physically can. Even then it’s not enough – you want him under your skin, or to be under his.

You don’t think you’d survive being parted from him again. Maybe that’s why you let him fuck you again when you return to his room, slower this time, lips entwined in a never-ending embrace. Love flows between you and him, and it’s etched in the way your bodies move together, in the way you’ve been molded perfectly for him, and him for you.

You wonder if outside, the stars are shining. And you’re struck thinking that tonight, tonight they’ve aligned for you and him again, the universe agreeing for this second chance between you and him.

So you hold him close, and pray that this time around, forever is waiting for you.

Saturday, September 9th

                Jungkook wakes up slowly. Softly, the same way waves hit the shore at low tide. He’s unusually warm, and he frowns as he shifts, trying to turn on his side. Then, he realizes his arm is stuck under something. His very dead arm, and he cracks an eye open.

That’s when he remembers that it’s you. You’re the one sleeping next to him, mouth slightly agape as you breathe softly. You’re also the one crushing his arm, and he tentatively clenches and unclenches his fist to try to get the blood circulation back on track. It doesn’t really work, so then he stops, figuring he’s going to have to make you move somehow.

But you look peaceful, in the light of the rising sun. Serene, like there’s never been anything wrong in this world. This morning, Jungkook wants to believe it. Wants to believe that happiness is all he’s ever known – that accidents, heartbreak and pain are all constructs of his imagination.

He’s too realistic for that. Or perhaps the breakup has made him pessimistic. Because the peace of the moment doesn’t really linger, and he’s stuck reliving the moment you left, that night in May. Stuck reliving the wait for you to come back, only you never did.

Or maybe you did, months later. Maybe you really are back, and this time you’ll stay.

You mumble something in your sleep, startling him. It takes him a few seconds to realize you’re still deep asleep, but when you move he quickly does too, pulling his arm from under your head. You frown, lick your lips, and then your features smooth out as you return to your peaceful slumber.

He turns on his side, watching you carefully. He’s aware that watching you sleep is creepy, but he can’t help it. Not when his bed has been empty for months.

He stays like this for a while, unable to fall back asleep. Because, what if you’re gone when he wakes up again? He doesn’t want to risk it.

Unable to help himself, he gently brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. You sigh, and he’s afraid he’s woken you up. When a small smile appears on your lips, his heart skips a beat, yet you don’t show any other sign that you’re awake. He assumes you aren’t, and then decide to take a picture of this moment.

He feels like he’s going to need it. Like all the pictures he took yesterday – he was desperate to commit to memory as much of you as he possibly could. He feels bad – he said he’d give you a chance, he is giving you a chance, but some part of him is just waiting for it to blow up in his face.

Maybe if he expects it it will hurt less.

He carefully grabs his camera where he left it on his night table. He doesn’t dare take a look at the pictures you took yesterday, a little ashamed that he asked you to do that in the first place. Silently, he takes a picture of you, and then puts the camera away.

Only, the reminder of the kind of pictures he’d find in the camera was enough to make his blood stir, and he picks it back up almost immediately.

And then there you are, in all your glory. Beautiful as ever, pussy filled to the brim with his cum, with his cock. Tits squeezed in your hands, in his, and his dick goes rock hard as blood leaves his head.

He wants you again, and he wants you now. He doesn’t care that it’s early morning, that he never liked waking up early. All he can do is put the camera down and slide closer to you. He pulls you back into his embrace, and you sigh softly as he wraps his arms around you.

Jungkook holds you tighter, nuzzling his face in your hair. The inebriating scent of your shampoo fills his nose, and his dick twitches in his underwear.

You hum, and he holds you tighter. “Morning,” he says, voice low and gravelly.

You make another sound that can pass as a hum, but you move against him, until you’ve wrapped an arm around his middle. There’s a moment where silence reigns again, and Jungkook is afraid you’ve fallen back asleep, but then you say, “Morning.”

He smiles. “Slept well?” he asks, kissing the top of your head.

He’s convinced you’re smiling against him as you say, “Want to sleep more.”

He whines, which earns him a chuckle from you that makes the wariness settle back in, even as his heart feels full in his chest.

It never felt full without you. Another reason why he needs to be ready for the blow, whenever it comes.

“I want you,” he admits. “Can’t sleep.”

You hum again, and your hand slides down his back. You squeeze his ass, and then move the hand back up. “You’re going to have to try.”

He whines, lips jutting out in a pout. “Boring.”

At that you laugh, pushing him slightly until you’re able to look him in the eye. He keeps the pout on, knowing that it always worked with you before.

“It’s not even morning,” you point out.

“The sun is up.”

You roll your eyes, though your lips are curved upwards, your gaze beaming as you hold his. “We fucked twice last night.”

He shrugs, rolling on his back so that he can stare up at the ceiling. He pulls at his piercing, the new one, and then turns his head towards you again. “Yeah, and?”

“Surely you don’t need to fuck right now,” you tease.

He frowns, looking away again. “Not my fault if I haven’t fucked since… May. Last weekend doesn’t count.”

“I’m pretty sure it does,” you say, laughing lightly. You prop yourself up on an elbow, blinking away the tiredness as you meet his gaze again. “And besides,” you pause, features turning confused as a crease appears between your brows. “Haven’t you fucked while we were…” you trail off, motioning vaguely around you.

And then something occurs to Jungkook. Something bad – maybe the explosion was closer than he expected it to be. Maybe he’s been standing in the radius of impact, waiting for the bomb to go off. And maybe your sleep deprived brain forgot the measure of protection, maybe it forgot he was standing there.

Because your eyes go round with fear, right as a drop of lead solidifies in Jungkook’s stomach.

“What?” he lets out.

What a stupid question to ask. He wants to beat himself up, because he knows.

He knows now that you’ve been with someone else. Why else would you be surprised that he hasn’t?

“I’m just saying…” you try, but it’s too late.

The bomb has gone off, and all that’s left is rumbles.

“Get out,” Jungkook says, and somehow it’s lacking bite. It’s lacking anger, lacking any signs that he cares for you.

It surprises even himself – doesn’t he care? Or is there nothing left of him in the aftermath of the explosion?

“Kook.”

“You’ve fucked someone else,” he states. When you don’t say anything, just watch him in horror, he sits up in bed. “Get out.”

“Come on,” you let out this time, following him up. You wrap yourself in the blanket, his blanket, and he wants to rip it from your body. Doesn’t want anything that’s his to be in contact with you anymore. “It didn’t mean anything,” you say, and you’re suddenly blinking back tears. “It was just one-time.”

“Frankly, I don’t want to know,” Jungkook says, and he really doesn’t. Doesn’t want to think about another man’s hand on you, or he’ll break.

He’s done breaking for you.

You don’t fight the tears, as you understand that the end really has come. At least that’s what he thinks happens – you just sit there, gaze heavy with tears until they fall, little droplets that carry a world of regret.

After all, the distance really was enough to break you up, wasn’t it?

Jungkook watches you, surprised that his heart is not clenching in his chest. No, he feels nothing as he watches you – he’s already cried enough for you.

“We were broken up,” you murmur, holding his gaze. “It’s not like I cheated.”

At that he laughs, shaking his head. If you can’t understand that he’s done, that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, then he’ll do it the harsh way.

“I don’t give a fuck,” he says. “I couldn’t be with someone else. I tried, and you were all I could think of. And…”

“You tried!” you interject. “You tried and you’re giving me shit for it?”

He gets up, trying to put distance between you and him, as if that’ll make the fight easier.

“I still chose not to do it,” he coldly states. “The girl was willing, she even kissed me and…”

“You kissed someone else?”

He laughs again, the absurdity of the situation dawning upon him. “Yeah? Tae set me up on a date, and the girl kissed me at the end and I told her I couldn’t. I didn’t fuck someone else.”

The way he’s throwing the blame at you feels selfish, especially as more tears join those already sliding down your cheeks.

“How is that fair, that you’re mad at me when you literally went on a date with someone else?” You pause, choking on a sob as you try to dry your cheeks. “Come on, Kook, it meant nothing.”

“Who did you fuck anyway?” he asks.

For a reason unknown, your tears stop. Entirely, there a moment and gone the next. “Why do you want to know?”

He doesn’t. He doesn’t fucking want to know, and he scoffs as he runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. “Get out,” he says again, still as stern and void of emotion.

“It was Harrison,” you still say. “I switched departments because I didn’t want to see him again after that.”

Now, there’s an inkling of pain tickling the carcass of his dead heart. As if there was still more, for him to feel, even after everything. As if pain is but a constant of his life now, and he thinks maybe it is.

“Your colleague?” he repeats, dumbfounded.

He’s met Harrison a couple of times, throughout your relationship. He’s always thought the guy was decent, but now something very ugly settles deep in his core. Something that tells him, ‘Hey, maybe he’s only ever wanted to fuck her, maybe he was waiting for his chance’.

The words are on a loop in his head, and he doesn’t even think he can see you anymore. All that he sees is Harrison with his hands on you, in his ever-too creative mind.

He startles as you put a hand on his arm. He shrugs your grip off, steps away from you. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Kook, I swear, please listen to me,” you beg, and now you’re crying again.

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to.” At that he shuts his eyes, runs a hand on his forehead and then through his hair. “I really don’t want to. I don’t want you to be here anymore.”

“It didn’t mean anything,” you say, an echo of something you said earlier. Though this time you say it differently, as if you too sensed the finality in Jungkook’s tone.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever want you to be around anymore. He was stupid to give you a chance after you broke his heart – you chose to break up, months ago. Why would it be different this time around?

“It doesn’t matter,” he tells you, as softly as he can. Because he knows you’ll break even more, and some dark, twisted part of him is satisfied that this time, this time he’s the one with all the power over you. “I’m done, Y/n.”

The words sound like thunder, in all their calmness. In all their softness – or maybe that was the sound of your heart breaking. Whatever it was, Jungkook really is done. He wants you gone, wants to be able to break in the quiet peace of his home.

A home you aren’t a part of anymore.

You nod. He expects you to fight more, but you nod. Choke out a sob, turn around, and start putting your clothes on. He figures he should dress too, so he does, picking up discarded items of clothing on the floor, not caring that they probably aren’t clean. All that he cares about is to get you out of his apartment, out of his sight.

And when you’re ready, he walks you to the front door. Lets you say goodbye to Bam, a crushing parallel to the time you’ve said goodbye in May. Bam still looks confused, and Jungkook feels bad, for a moment. Because you were the dog’s mother – he’s been looking for you ever since May. Jungkook can only hope that, this time around, Bam understands that it’s farewell.

When you straighten, you mutter an apology. Jungkook ignores it, holds your gaze expecting something to hurt, but he’s just empty. Empty and tired, and all he wants is to go back to sleep and to never wake up again.

“I can’t let you go,” you let out, voice stark with pain.

He shrugs. “You should have realized that in May.”

You close your eyes, and you look so fragile. Like glass – it never survives the shockwave of an explosion, doesn’t it?

“Please,” you beg. “Let me make it up to you.”

He laughs bitterly. “How? You’re going to go back in time and not get fucked by him? You’re going to go back in time and not break up?”

You look like you want to curse him, and he almost wants you to. He wants you to fight, wants you to make him feel something other than this emptiness. Instead, you shake even more, sobs racking through you.

“I wish I could.”

“Leave.”

“Jungkook, I swear,” you insist. “Let’s not lose each other over this.”

He wets his lips, tongue pushing in the inside of his cheek next. “We’ve lost each other already. It’s time we realize that we have.”

And that does it. You fall silent, defeat washing over you like a tsunami wave – there’s nothing left after its passage, and you look tired, sick, standing there right next to the door.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologize again.

He shrugs. “It’s whatever. The past is the past.”

You look like you want to say something else, but somehow you remain silent. Somehow you look at him for a time, bloodshot eyes taking in his features as if it’s the last time you’ll ever see him again. He surprises himself by doing it too, mostly by instinct. Because right now, looking at you makes him want to be sick, but he knows that it won’t last.

He knows that the echo of pain in the distance is a good indicator that he still has it in him to break for you. That he’ll break for you forever, perhaps. Because he doesn’t think that there’s an end to you and him. It’s always going to be a cycle, and it’ll never end well.

“Goodbye, Jungkook,” you murmur.

He offers you a tight-lipped smile. “Goodbye.”

All he can do is hope you know it means farewell.

Thursday, October 5th

                You used to love fall. The cooler weather, the long walks that smell like soil and fallen leaves and pumpkins. Nowadays, you hate fall.

You hate it because he loved it, and every reminder of him is poison to you. And though the season is still early, the days are getting shorter, and the longer the night, the more you drown in thoughts.

You haven’t slept in weeks. Have barely eaten too, and you’ve been off from work for a week. It’s allowed you to stay in, to just sit and try to breathe, hoping that it’ll help.

That it’ll fix something that’s never going to be fixed.

You’re lost. Lost in a town that used to be your home, lost in memories that used to be beauty brought to life – now, you’re seeing the ugliness in beauty. Because beauty is temporary, and like all temporary things in life it doesn’t last long enough. Beauty, and the ending temporality of it, leaves nothing when it goes but a bitter taste in mouth.

Perhaps that’s why you haven’t been able to eat properly.

You haven’t spoken to anyone, since the early morning he asked you to leave. Yet for some reason, you’ve felt the need to go outside today. To walk around, aimlessly perhaps, but you couldn’t stay inside a second longer. Too many tears were shed in your apartment, and you hoped the cool weather would help you feel better.

It does, a little. Because you feel like you’re breathing him in every time you inhale, and then carry him out on an exhale. You feel close to him, in a distant way that’s bound to only make you break harder tonight, but right now you can’t bring yourself to care. You do hate the reminders of him, but you need them. Viscerally, as he was the oxygen in your lungs for so long.

You’re going to have to learn how to live without him, one step at a time.

So you take another step, let your instinct carry you where you have to go. Maybe it knows how to heal.

The sun is descending in the sky, and the absence of clouds lead to a sea of azure you’d swim in if you could. You’d soar up high, so high that there isn’t oxygen anymore, and maybe then the pain would cease. You’d ride a sunray into the night, where you’d finally be able to fall into a well-deserved slumber.

As you look up, a tiny bird flies across the sky, a small speck of brown that goes so fast you think you imagine it. Like the years with him – they went by so quickly, the crushing wheel of time spinning down the slope towards the end.

Seven years ago, almost to the day, you kissed him on a hotel roof lost in Chicago, under clouds painted with fire. Who knew seven years later you’d be trying to live without him, clearly failing at it.

You sigh, pushing the thought away as you reach a crossing. You wait for the light to turn green, then follow the parallel white lines across the road. You avoid a pile of leaves, though a strong gust of wind makes some of them swirl around you, spinning like Mother Nature’s tiny dancers.

The foliage in the trees along the street is golden and red, bright colours that look out of place in the bleakness of your heart. You follow them, wonder if they know that they are about to die. The answer is one you’ll never have, and so you walk under the trees, the autumn breeze playing with your hair.

You don’t know where your steps have been carrying you. You’ve long gone past the places you usually go to, heading towards the middle of the city. The no man’s land between you and Jungkook, spread wide in a maze of streets you want to get lost in.

So you do. You press on, walk until the sun becomes a ball of melted gold nearing the horizon, and it’s on the corner of a street that a glint in a vitrine catches your eyes.

You eye the rings, crafted by an expert hand. Bands of gold, with diamonds and emeralds and gems you don’t know the name of. They look expensive, elegant, and you wonder if you would have had a ring on your finger one day, bought by him.

Recklessly, you walk into the shop, wishing to peruse its vitrines, hoping they’ll offer you dreams to survive the night. And you can almost see it – a ring on your finger, a proposal under a star-sprinkled sky, an intimate wedding for you and him. A dance, always and forever, of love shared like a secret in the night. Your secret, as the end would have one day come for you and him, an eternity of life later. You would have been old and grey, yet your love would have been young and eternal.

In this dream, he would have never taken the job overseas. You’d have stayed here, together, growing old by his side. You would have gotten more dogs, maybe even a cat, and you’d have lived happily ever after.

You wonder if, in a parallel universe to yours, the dream is unfolding. If parallel-universe you has the chance to experience it, and you think she does. You think she does, and the love is so strong it’s shaking through universes, picking you up like you’re just a leaf in an autumn wind.

Because why else, then, do you find yourself buying a gold band? Too big for you, masculine in its simplicity. Something you think he would have worn, had you been in that other universe.

You sit on a bench outside, after, as the last of the sunlight finally fades away, replaced by a blue dusk that matches your mood far better than the sun ever could. You have no idea where you are in the city, no will to brave the trek back home – you’ve been out for hours at this point.

You grab your phone, long forgotten in your purse. You haven’t touched it all day, and to your surprise you’ve received a couple of texts while you were walking, all by the same person.

[04:37 pm] Jimin: hey, this is going to sound crazy [04:37 pm] Jimin: and I’m really sorry to be telling u this [04:37 pm] Jimin: can u go check on JK? [04:38 pm] Jimin: he’s been unreachable for days and at this point I think he’ll only talk to u

You want to text him back to fuck off, to leave you alone, yet you hold on tighter to the velvety box in which the gold band hides. After all, even if you’ve received the texts hours ago, you’re realizing perhaps that that’s where your steps have been leading you anyway.

It’s stupid – he asked you to leave. Hasn’t contacted you once since then, and it’s like the wedding and the week after never happened. Like you’ve been broken up for months, like you barely know him anymore. He’s a stranger now, in your life, something you’d never thought he’d become someday.

And why would he talk to you? Why would he want you in his vicinity, when he made it clear as spring water that he was done, that the end had come to pass between you and him?

But if the end has come, why is that you’ve been feeling like you’re surrounded by him, today? Like you’ll always be – just a drop of water in the sea of him. Perhaps you are weak, to feel for him the way that you do, but seven years ago, the cataclysm that started you and him shook you, and its repercussions are still felt today. Will be felt until your dying breath, until all that’s left of you is stardust.

So you let your feet carry you, weightless in the way that you’re moving forward. Like you are once again but a leaf carried by the wind, and you can only hope that it’ll let you land in the right place.

You don’t really know how you make it to his building. Perhaps you were closer than you initially thought you were – all that you know is that you recognize the building, and that you sense his proximity through the walls.

Your heart reaches for him, longs for him in a way you can’t ignore anymore. Because you’ve been dead, without him. Just a shell of what you should be, of what you want to be. Because yes, you could learn to live without him. After everything that you’ve been through, you know well enough that you are strong enough to do it.

But you don’t want it. You want that dream you’ve found in the jewelry shop, want to make it possible. Want to prove that, no matter who would ever get close to you, he’ll always be the owner of your heart.

So you walk in. Reach the elevator, press on the call button. Then on the fourth floor, reminiscing the night you rode the elevator in his company, right before the fall. The new fall, a harshest one that made you reach those low levels of hell that living without him are consisted of.

You awaken when you are standing in front of his door. You think you can almost hear him inside, moving around through his home. You wonder if he can hear your heartbeat, where you’re standing. If he too can tell that you’re nearby once again, even though you shouldn’t have been.

Even though farewells have come to pass between you and him.

You don’t knock. You don’t have to. To your surprise, the door opens in front of you, slowly, before you’ve even managed to raise your arm to knock. Then his voice fills your ear, as he tells Bam to wait. You just stand there, dumbfounded, and then his eyes move from the floor to your face, and his mouth falls open.

Bam jumps on you, tail wagging wildly as you take a step back from the force of impact. You pet him on the head, pushing him back to the floor as you try to focus on Jungkook.

And then it dawns upon you that you have no clue what to tell him. You reckon you maybe should have prepared something in advance, because you’re wordless standing in front of him.

“Hey,” you eventually say, and you think the world has time to revolve around the sun three times before you manage to say something else. “How are you?”

His mouth slowly shuts, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. He pulls on Bam’s leash, tells the dog to sit, before he finally addresses you. Just your name, and the way he says it make it sound formal, like you’re just a stranger.

“What are you doing here?” he asks after another moment.

You look down at your hands. At the box you’re holding, and his eyes follow after you. “I was thinking of you, today,” you admit.

He sighs, and his eyes shut. “You were?”

You nod as he meets your gaze again. “When am I not?” Your comment doesn’t ask for a response, and he doesn’t offer you one either. “Jimin told me you’ve been unreachable.”

“Yeah,” he lets out. “I’ve been busy.”

“Oh.” You try to look behind him, as if you’ll find his reason to be busy there. “Can I talk to you?”

He says your name, this time like an apology. “I told you we were done.”

You shrug. “I know.” You gulp, fingers playing with the velvet box as if it’ll help ground you. “Can I walk Bam with you, then?”

He looks conflicted but he gives in. Says yes in a defeated way that rips your heart from your chest, in a way that makes you cling to the ring box even more, hoping that it’ll offer you salvation.

Being outside in the early fall evening with him feels like the Earth has finally returned to its normal axis. You don’t say anything, unable to find the words, and he remains silent too. You just enjoy his company, watching over Bam as he sniffs at plants before peeing on a pole.

Stars are twinkling in the sky up above. The breeze is still soft tonight, caressing your features in a gentle embrace that resembles the one he’d used to offer you, though it’s far colder than his. You spare a glance at him – he’s already looking, and he doesn’t look away as your gazes connect.

“What are you doing here?” he asks again.

You wet your lips. “I don’t know,” you admit. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

“How is that an explanation?” A shrug of your shoulders is all the answer he gets. He scoffs, shakes his head slightly, and then his head turns toward the door of his building. “I have hot chocolate inside,” he tells you, once again sounding defeated. “Do you want a cup?”

Turns out salvation wasn’t to be found in the velvet box you’re holding, but in the gentle angles of Jungkook’s features, behind his big doe eyes that will forever feel like home to you.

“I don’t want to intrude,” you tell him, voice soft. “I just wanted to… talk.”

“Then let’s talk over a cup of hot chocolate,” he says.

Which is what you do. You follow him in, feeling like you’re out of place in his life. Like he’s only giving this to you because of what you used to be to one another. Yet you don’t care. You’re slowly finding words, your brain shaping them into sentences to change an ending you can’t come to terms with.

Jungkook prepares the hot chocolate in silence, as you sit at his small dinner table. You play with Bam as he does so, a game of tug-of-war that you’re bound to lose as the dog is far stronger than you. Yet you still indulge, as you’ve missed Bam far more than you even thought possible.

The game is only interrupted when Jungkook rests a cup of steaming hot chocolate on the table next to you. You let Bam go, and the dog trots away to go play somewhere else, you can only assume.

“What did you want to talk about?”

You’ve left the ring box on the table. You’ve noticed Jungkook glancing at it repeatedly since you’ve put it there, and you worry at your bottom lip.

“I wanted to apologize again, for what it’s worth,” you answer. “I felt horrible when it happened, and just wanted to forget all about it.”

His features turn harsh, and his eyes drop into the cup of hot chocolate he’s nursing for himself. It reminds you of a café, of a conversation you had years ago, that led to you opening up to him, and to him opening up to you.

“I love you,” you continue. “I haven’t stopped loving you, and if I’d known that breaking up would hurt so much, I would’ve fought harder. I wish I had, and I wish I’d never let you go.”

“But you did…” he says when you remain silent for a few seconds.

“But I did. And I understand if you hate me for it. If you don’t want to ever see me again. But shit, you’re the only thing that I’ve been able to think about. Just you, and everything that could have been, had I been stronger.”

You grab the cup of hot chocolate, the warmth of it slowly seeping through your cold fingers. For the next few minutes, you don’t say anything, and neither does he. You just drink the hot chocolate, hoping you’ll find more words to say at the bottom of the cup.

“The distance was hard,” Jungkook eventually says. “I don’t blame you for wanting to end things over it.”

It surprises you. Makes your brain go entirely empty, and you just watch him with wide eyes for a few seconds.

He shrugs as you don’t say anything. “What?” He looks down, tongue darting out to play with his piercings. “I’ve been thinking about everything too.”

“Yeah?”

He nods. “I over-reacted, when you told me you had sex with Harrison,” he admits.

Totally not expecting the conversation to take this turn, you’re stunned silent.

“I was shocked, and needed time to process,” he continues. “You were right, the fact that I went on a full-on date is just as bad, differently. We were broken up, we didn’t owe each other anything.”

As much as it pains you to agree, you still do, nodding your head. “We didn’t.”

He purses his lips, holds your gaze for a few seconds before glancing down at his cup. The silence is more comfortable now, as you think maybe, maybe then the dream you’ve dreamed about isn’t just a distant mirage of what could have once been. It’s foolish, but you can’t help it.

You think your heart is beating for the first time since you left that morning weeks ago.

“Did you want to speak about anything else?” he asks after he’s taken a long sip of his hot chocolate.

You take a deep breath, and somehow courage finds you on the long exhale. “I don’t want us to be over.”

You think you hear him gulp. “You don’t?”

Blinking away a few tears, you shake your head no. “I really don’t. I walked around all day today, and all I could think about was you. All I could think of was all the years between us, from when we met to a few weeks ago. And I don’t know, I refuse to accept that the end has come.”

“When does it come, then?” he asks.

“When the end comes?”

He nods.

“After years and years,” you say, allowing yourself to voice your dream. “Hopefully after we’ve had years to live together. After we’ve gotten married, and maybe even after we’ve had kids. Not that I want some.” You pause, and you look down at the table, unable to carry the weight of his gaze anymore. “Or maybe after we’ve had plenty of dogs, a cat or two. After we’ve had a house with a white picket fence, after we’ve danced under a thousand different night skies.” A tear rolls on your cheek, and you do nothing to stop it. “After we’ve travelled the world together, after we’ve had a chance to live, together.”

“And what happens after we’ve lived together?” he presses.

You shrug. “Then we die together. Then we turn into stardust and memories. I don’t care. As long as it’s with you, I don’t care what happens to me.”

Blurry behind the wall of tears in your eyes, you see Jungkook run a hand through his hair. “You don’t?”

“I don’t,” you echo. “I just want to get to love you.”

At that you do cry. And not just a little bit. Your heart longs and yearns for him, reaching in the space between you, trying to find a beat to sync with. You wipe your cheeks dry with trembling hands, before pressing the heel of your palms on your eyes, hoping to stop the cascade at the source.

“It’s a nice dream,” Jungkook says after the few minutes it takes you to collect yourself, your hands falling to the table.

“Is it?”

He nods. “Yeah. I don’t think we’d do a white picket fence though. I’ve always found cedar trees make a better fence.”

Something stirs inside of you, and you want to take a hold of him, and to never let go. “Yeah?”

He sits back in the chair, looks up to the ceiling as he blinks away the silver in his own gaze. You wonder if he’s crying because he saw you cry, as the sympathetic crier that he is, or because he shares the emotions in your heart.

“Where would you want to get married?” he asks then.

You push the velvet box towards him. “This is for you.”

He doesn’t acknowledge this, instead repeating the question.

“Somewhere in the countryside,” you answer. “Maybe the cottage where it all started.” You think about Julys of a world ago. “Under the night sky.”

“People don’t usually get married when it’s already dark.”

“Right,” you let out. “Then we’d have a ceremony for just us two when it’s dark outside.”

At that he grabs the box, opening it. You reckon he must have known what the content was, because he doesn’t say anything as he takes it out. As he tries to put it on his finger, though it doesn’t fit. It’s too tight, and it makes him chuckle, a sad sound that almost kills you on the spot.

“Do you think we’d dance under the stars?” he asks as he turns the gold band in his fingers, and light glimmers on it.

“Yes,” you say, nodding your head. “We always would.”

“So you came all the way here to tell me this?”

He meets your gaze again, for the first time in a while. He looks struck with emotion, much like you feel – the depths of his eyes are swirling with love and ache and yearning. You fall forward, fall in his eyes, trying to find home again.

“I came here to ask you to marry me,” you finally say, as it dawns upon you that, yes, your steps were leading you to this all along. “Jungkook, will you marry me?”

He smiles, a world of sadness etched in the sweet curve of his lips. “Can it be this easy?”

You shut your eyes. “It can. Please. Let’s not lose what we have again.”

“When would you like to get married?” he asks.

“Are you saying yes?”

He plays with his piercing, takes a deep breath as he chases tears away from his gaze but to no avail. You watch the two drops as they slowly roll down his face. “When would you like to get married?”

“In July,” you answer easily.

“Next year?”

You nod.

He holds your gaze for a few seconds more, then looks at the gold band again. His fist closes around it, slowly, as if he’ll be able to crush it in his hold. For what you don’t know. All that you know is that his features grow tortured, pained. It doesn’t last long – another deep breath later the expression is gone.

“I need to tell you something,” he says then, his voice so small you can barely hear it.

You prepare yourself. As well as you can, expecting the blow before it comes. You sense it – in the eternity it takes for him to speak again, you see every moment of you and him before this day, your life flashing before your eyes as if you’re about to die.

And then he says it a first time. At first you don’t even understand the words, as if he’s speaking a foreign language. So you let out, “What?”, hoping that it will change the cruelty that this world holds.

But nothing can, after the end has come. Nothing, especially not as he repeats the words, softly, their meaning tainting the dream you’ve just painted with him, until all that’s left of it is a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.

“I’m permanently moving to South Korea.”

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

I'm sorry for the angst, for the cliffhanger, for them to be so stubborn and for how life is working against them now. I hope you don't hate me too much after this :') let me know what you think of this chapter!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

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[goldfades]

so so proud of u!! can we get 💘 with our bf adam !

𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐲 | af¹¹

♡ ─ word count | 706 words

♡ ─ warnings | absolutely NOTHING just pure fluff and a sweet kiss, ONE SINGULAR suggestive comment at the end LOL

♡ ─ ev's notes | i LOVE you so much fia, you literally mean the world to me bc u were my first mutual HELPPPPP<3 ur the best, enjoyyyy!!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶

You and Adam have been dating for almost three years, and for the two Valentine's days you'd spent together, you were together. However, this year would be different because Adam was almost 200 miles away in Ohio, Columbus while you stuck in Ann Arbor.

You sat in your friend's dorm as you watched her get ready for her Valentine's date with her new boyfriend. You were happy for her, obviously, but it felt bittersweet because if Adam was here, you would also be getting ready for a Valentine's date as well. Instead, you were just watching her get ready. As you watched your friend apply the finishing touches to her makeup, you couldn't shake off the pang of loneliness that crept in. The distance between you and Adam felt more palpable than ever on this special day.

Your mind began to wander back to the memories you and Adam had shared over the past three years. You remembered your first Valentine's Day together, how he had surprised you with the necklace you'd been wanting (and yes, it was gold/silver) and a bouquet of your favorite flowers that was wrapped in your favorite color. The second year, you both spent the day at home, spending time together by making dinner then watching your favorite movies.

This year, however, distance had come between you. Adam was in Columbus, doing what he loves best: playing hockey while you were finishing up school. The thought of spending Valentine's Day apart made your heart ache, but you knew that you both were committed to making it work despite the distance. Adam had sent you a Valentine's day text this morning, which had made your day but made you sad knowing that you weren't waking up next to him.

Your friend gave you a sad smile, "I'll bring you back some pasta, okay?"

You returned her smile, appreciating her effort to make you smile. "Thank you. But I'll be fine."

"I know, you will. You're seeing him in a couple weeks, right?" Your friend tried to cheer you up and all you could nod. "Well, I'm ready. Wanna walk me to my car?"

You nodded again and got up from her bed, slipping on some shoes and walking out with her. As you walked your friend to her car, the cold winter air nipped at your face, you should've gotten your jacket. As you reached her car, you began to say your goodbyes before you felt a tap on your shoulder.

You turned around to meet the bright blue eyes of Adam. He was holding a big bouquet of flowers and a huge basket of all your favorite snacks, candy and some jewelry. All you could was gasp with surprise. "Adam!"

"Y/N!" He replied with a big grin, putting down the stuff to embrace you tightly. Your heart swelled as you returned the hug, feeling the warmth of his embrace chase away the chill of the winter air.

"I couldn't stand the thought of being apart on Valentine's Day. So, I decided to make the drive and surprise you." Adam said, his voice filled with sincerity as he held you close.

You couldn't contain your happiness as you looked at the bouquet of flowers, the basket filled with all your favorite things. It was a gesture that melted away the distance and made you feel incredibly loved.

"I missed you so much," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.

"I missed you too," you replied, smiling up at your sweet boyfriend. "I can't believe you're here," you whispered, your voice filled with happiness.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Adam replied, returning the smile on your face. With those words, he leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss on your lips, sending a wave of warmth coursing through your body. Adam pulled away slowly and your lips felt cold, "Where do you wanna go? Are you hungry? Or do you wanna go get ice cream or-"

"Anywhere, Adam." You answered, your heart jumping out of your chest happily. You couldn't believe he was here, in your arms. He laughed and shook his head.

"Fine, then let's go get some coffee. We are not sleeping tonight."

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[felassan]

Snippets. 🐺💜

Corinne Busche celebrates 5 years at BioWare! [source]

Devs Michelle Flamm and Gabe Graziani: "feels weird that 'the last game informer cover game is a game I worked on' is a thing I can say now" / "And all of the exclusive coverage we did with them is just... gone." [source, two]

Jon Renish: "It's just a coincidence but, the last cover for Game Informer is 'Dragon Age: The Veilguard', the last printed Prima strategy guide was 'Anthem'." [source]

John Epler: "christ. seeing game informer shutting down is awful. seeing them shut down literally three months after spending time with them is fucking me up. hope everyone lands on their feet. unbelievable." [source]

Jay Ingram (on GI): "Oh my gosh. It was always so exciting to see what the cover story of a month would be, and then even more so as a dev when you showcase games I've been privileged to work on. This is so sad. Thank you for everything. I wish you all the best. Truly the end of an era" [source]

Derek Wilks: "Seriously hate to see Game Informer go. They’ve been my go to for years. Always loved their magazines. They will be greatly missed. It’s a bittersweet honor to have our game as their last cover story. Wish they could have continued forever. 💔" [source]

User: "Will Briala make another appearance in the future (not necessarily in Veilguard)?" Trick Weekes: "Anyone who didn’t die onscreen could potentially show up again someday." [source]

[Here] is the link to costume builder Ladytoxie's SDCC V-log! Ladytoxie was invited to the DA:TV@SDCC Fandom party, at which they cosplayed Bellara. In the vlog, they discuss their Bellara cosplay, the process of creating it, their experience going by the BioWare booth at SDCC, and their Fandom party experience with the devs. The vlog also includes a bonus short interview with the devs from SDCC. In the vlog you can see that, along with the dragon screenshot, an alternative option for the background of the DA:TV photo booth pic was this tavern screenshot that we've seen. Ladytoxie also mentioned in the vlog that it's clear how much love and work the devs have put into the game [source]

^ The devs talked a bit about DA/the game & characters in the bonus interview. I'm not 100% sure if I heard all these details right, so apologies/correct me if I misheard, missed or misunderstood any of it (listening to the original source first-hand is of course always most advisable!!), but it sounded like: Corinne Busche feels most connected to Maevaris Tilani. Corinne Busche loves the qunari and would cosplay as Taash, as she loves the scale, armor and Rivaini gold. Her favorite companion is Emmrich. John Epler would cosplay as Lucanis, calling him so stylish and suave. It sounded like he said he wrote Bellara and a few other characters. Ashley Barlow would cosplay as Neve, saying that she has [awesome] dialogue, quick wit and is sassy. Parrish Ley would cosplay as Davrin. He said that Davrin has some awesome armor pieces, with the hands and feet being lots of interlocking pieces of metal. Parrish Ley is a big face and hands animator, so when he's animating Davrin's armor, his hands and feet get a lot of focus, so that he looks great in any pose from any angle. [source] <- Check out the vlog here!

User: "bioware, it is now the second of august." Dev Jess: "Soon 😄" [source] User: "On my knees groveling for more information on Taash" Jess: "soon :)" [source]

User: "Coming back to say Thank you so very much for Veilguard! Coming back to Thedas feels like Home!!". Derek Wilks: "It’s absolutely our pleasure. We’ve truly made something that we love, and hope you all love it too. 🧡" [source]

User on Fenris in DA2: "coolest character introduction ever". Derek Wilks: "So far 😊" [source]

[sugarandspisces-writes]

Hii, I saw your requests are open, I’m so excited!

So I wanted to ask a Melissa x reader where the reader is working at abbott maybe for 2 or 3 years and Melissa always talks about the reader on her family dinners. One day Mel takes the reader to one of those dinners and Melissa’s family think they are dating but they are not (although we all know they love each other).

Can you make it with a happy ending? Thank you!

Party Favor

Pairing: Melissa Schemmenti x reader

Summary: Melissa invites r to her birthday dinner and her family is convinced that they are dating. More details in the request above!

Word Count: 5.7k

A/N: Thank you for sending in this request, anon! I hope y'all enjoy!

Translation: Cara = Dear

You admired the glow of the afternoon sun as it peeked through your living room windows. You just finished doing some Sunday cleaning and you were now laying on the couch enjoying what was left of your weekend. You were happy that you were able to enjoy your free time now that things were slowing down at work. It was nearing the end of the school year and while you were ready for a break, you still felt bittersweet about it. You enjoyed your time at Abbott and you didn’t want it to come to an end.

As an aide, your job placement was unpredictable, so you weren't sure if you'd be working there next year. You went wherever you were needed, but if it were up to you, you would stay in Melissa Schemmenti’s class. You had grown close to the woman over the year, and that surprised you both. It took a while for you to build a solid relationship. Despite the fact that you weren't complete strangers — you frequently volunteered prior to becoming an aide — it still took you a while to warm up to each other's personalities. Once Melissa put her defenses down, you were able to see that you were quite fond of one another.

You attributed your closeness to the weekly dinners Melissa invited you to. This was something you two started earlier this year when Melissa found out you didn’t have family near you. You made a comment about how much you missed having home-cooked meals and Melissa couldn’t resist the offer. At first, she was hosting you out of the kindness of her heart. She believed everyone should enjoy a nice meal at least once a week. As time went on, she found that she actually enjoyed having you over. She loved your company, and you were always welcome in her home.

Tonight's dinner would be a change of pace because you were celebrating Melissa’s birthday. She originally didn’t want to have a birthday dinner, but her nana insisted, and Melissa could never say no to her. You speculated that Melissa wasn’t fond of big displays, but she definitely deserved to feel celebrated. She only agreed to it under one condition – the guest list had to be small. The attendees consisted of her nana, her mother, her sister, and to your surprise, you.

Earlier this week when you confirmed your plans, the conversation went a little something like this: 

“Are you sure you want me to come?” You asked her one afternoon as you were cleaning up the classroom. You were met with an incredulous look. She was never one to conceal her facial expressions. “Of course I want you to come. It’s our Sunday dinner.” She leaned against her desk with her arms folded. “Yeah, Mel, but it’s also your birthday. If you just want to spend time with your family that’s okay with me.” You assured her. You didn't want her to feel obligated to have you over. That same look lingered on her face, but now there was a touch of disappointment. You could tell you stirred some feelings within her. You wondered what that was about, but you didn’t read too much into it. She she would tell you if she wanted to. “Well, I want you there, so you’re coming,” she said. "Okay, I'll be there." You nodded in confirmation.

And so, it was decided. You were attending Melissa’s birthday dinner.

You were taken from your thoughts when you felt the vibration of your phone. You looked at it to see that you received a text from Melissa. Your face scrunched in confusion as you read the messages.

SOS Call Me

Without hesitation, you picked the phone up and dialed her.

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked once she answered.

“I don’t want to do this.” She said plainly.

“Don’t want to do what?” You asked even though you already had an idea.

She let out a huff at your question before saying, “The birthday dinner, Y/N. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

She was frustrated. You could tell from her tone of voice.

“Why not? What happened?” You asked calmly.

You knew Melissa lost patience quickly, and it was easy to get her in a bad mood. This was especially true if things weren’t going as planned.

“Kristen decided all of a sudden that she’s not coming, and now Nana’s upset.”

You could almost see her hands waving around in exasperation as she explained the current situation to you. 

“Why isn’t she coming?” You asked, trying to gain a deeper understanding.

“I don’t know! Probably because she’s inconsiderate.” Melissa fussed. “It doesn't make a difference to me, but I'm upset because she promised Nana she would be here.” 

“Well, that’s okay. We’ll still have a great time without her.” You tried to cheer her up, but you weren’t sure it worked.

“No, it’s not okay. Now Nana’s sad, but she’s gonna pretend she’s not for my sake.”

You could hear the dismay in Melissa’s voice. You knew she was hoping her sister would come, whether she admitted it or not.

“And my mom is about to drive me crazy because she’s making a big deal out of this whole thing.”

“Is she upset about Kristen too?”

“No, she knows how Kristen can be. She’s just making a big deal about this party. She wants to put up decorations and I just-” Melissa let out a disgruntled sigh instead of finishing her sentence.

“Do you need to me come over?” You asked, offering yourself without thinking twice. “Maybe I could give y'all a hand?”

“No, you’re the guest. You don’t have to do that,” Melissa said.

“I know, but I can if you need me to.” You assured her.

There was a pause before she answered.

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” She conceded.

You weren’t expecting her to agree that easily, but you weren't gonna complain. You happily took the win.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon,” you said.

“I'll see you soon.”

And with that, you ended the call.

You got off the couch and headed to your room to get ready. As you put your clothes on, you started thinking about the situation at hand. You wondered why Kristen was no longer attending. Melissa didn’t mention anything about them falling out recently, but maybe something happened that you weren’t aware of. Either way, you felt bad that Melissa was stressed out on her birthday. That was the last emotion she should be experiencing.

As you prepared to leave your house, you stopped in your tracks as a thought hit you. You were about to meet Melissa’s family. Melissa Schemmenti trusted you enough to have you around the people she cared about the most. You suddenly felt nervous because you wanted to make a great first impression. You shook your head and took a deep breath, trying to tamp down the nerves that were building within you. You assured yourself that Melissa's family would be lovely and that you had nothing to worry about. With that thought, you grabbed Melissa’s gift and your keys before exiting your home.

✦ ✦ ✦

Around 15 minutes later, you pulled up to Melissa's house. After you parked your car, you gathered your belongings and walked up to the door. You rang the bell, then smoothed your clothes down to get rid of any wrinkles that may have formed on your journey over. When the door opened, you were met with the sight of an elderly woman. She was short and had red hair like Melissa’s, except hers stopped at her shoulders. She wore a pink pantsuit and she was adorned in gold jewelry. She almost made you feel underdressed, even though you'd picked out your finest outfit.

“Hello. Who are you?” The woman greeted. She had an Italian accent that you were pleased to hear.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. I’m the teacher that works with Melissa.” You smiled at her. 

“Oh, yes, Y/N.” She smiled back. “Come in, come in.” She waved her hand, beckoning you to join her in the home.

As you ventured inside, the smell of food filled your senses. Every time you came over, the house smelled divine, and you found so much comfort in that. Being at her home always brought up fond memories for you. 

“Let me take your things.” The woman grabbed your belongings as well as Melissa’s gift before you could even protest. 

The two of you then made your way into the living room to take a seat.

“I'm Melissa's nana, Teresa. I've heard so much about you.” The woman looked at you with twinkling eyes.

The expression held something you couldn’t place your finger on. She looked at you like she knew something you didn’t.

“Oh, really?” You asked, mainly out of surprise. "Hopefully all good things?"

“Yes, she speaks very highly of you.” Teresa enlightened you.

You didn't know Melissa talked to her family about you. Now, you were left wondering what tidbits of information she'd shared with them. You felt a smile creep onto your lips at the thought, but you stopped before it could fully manifest. You didn't want to think too much about it, so you decided to turn the conversation back to her.

“Whatever you’re making smells really good,” you complimented.

“Oh, I'm banned from the kitchen,” the woman laughed. “My daughter is using my recipes, though, so I guess a little credit goes to me.”

“I would say so,” you nodded in agreement.

Before you could engage in further conversation with her, you heard Melissa shout from across the house.

“Nana, did you get the door?” The Philly accent rang through the home. 

“Stop yelling, Melissa. We have company.” The woman responded.

“Well, I called your name and you weren’t answering,” Melissa said as she walked into the living room. 

“I was talking to my new friend. She thinks you should let me in the kitchen.” She eyed Melissa before looking to you. “Isn’t that right, Y/N?” 

“Uh uh, don’t encourage her,” Melissa said, looking toward you. “Nana, I told you, you’re on decoration duty.”

“This one is so bossy.” She pointed at Melissa.

“Where do you think I get it from?” Melissa questioned her nana, placing her hands on her hips.

“How do you work with her?” Teresa looked at you in all seriousness.

Melissa rolled her eyes in your direction, so her nana didn’t see, and you laughed at their banter. Melissa walked over to you, and you stood from the couch to greet her. 

“Hey, hon.” She said, before wrapping her arms around you.

“Hey, Mel.” You rubbed your hands along her back a few times before pulling away from the hug. “You feeling better?”

She put a finger up to her lips, signaling you to not say anything else.

“What’s wrong, cara? Are you not feeling well?” Her grandmother asked.

“I’m fine, Nana. I just had a headache.” Melissa fudged, looking at you with pleading eyes.

She didn't want her nana to know that she was having a rough day, and by the looks of it, you made a mistake by mentioning anything.

“I’m sorry,” you mouthed to her.

She shook her head, letting you know that it was okay.

You looked down and saw that you were still in your embrace. You weren’t hugging, but you were holding each other at arm's length. Her hands grasped onto your forearms and she held you in a steady position. You looked back up at her as you felt her fingers absentmindedly stroking your skin. She seemed to be unaware of what she was doing though.

“Did you take some medicine?” Teresa asked sincerely, oblivious to the moment (or so you thought).

That question snapped Melissa out of her thoughts and she stopped her movements. She looked at her grandmother and said, “Uh, yes, I did. It should kick in any minute now.”

“Why didn't you tell me?” The older woman asked.

“Nana, it's just a headache. I'm not dying.” Melissa laughed, trying to keep up her lie. “But thank you for being so concerned.”

Before her nana could ask anymore questions, Melissa turned back to you and said, “Let me introduce you to my mom.”

You walked into the kitchen with her and saw a woman hard at work at the stove. She had glasses sitting upon her head and it reminded you so much of Melissa.

“Hey, Ma,” Melissa said, capturing the woman’s attention.

“Melissa, I’m almost done. I just need to—,” She turned around, throwing a dish towel over her shoulders before looking directly at you. “Oh, you must be the famous, Y/N?”

“Ma,” Melissa said in a cautionary tone.

Clearly, you were popular in the Schemmenti world.

“What?” Her mother shrugged her shoulders before directing her attention back to you. “Hey, hon, I’m Maria. It’s nice to meet you.”

You could see where Melissa got her mannerisms from.

“Nice to meet you too, Maria.” You smiled.

A beep from the oven alerted everyone that something was done cooking.

“Alright, I’m all for talking and making conversation, but if you two don’t mind I’d like to have the kitchen back.” She opened the oven to check on its contents.

“No problem. I just wanted to introduce you. Let us know when you’re done, okay?” Melissa said.

"Okay. Now goodbye." Maria shooed the two of you away. You could tell it was playful, despite the delivery.

You giggled as you exited the space.

“What are you laughing at?” Melissa asked.

“She just reminds me of you.” You shared.

“What about her?” Melissa asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The things she says, the glasses. You kind of look like her too.”

“First of all, I look like Nana,” she stated. “But what did she say that reminds you of me?"

“Telling us to get out of the kitchen.” You smirked.

“I wouldn't say that." She said, mouth opening in shock.

“Yes, you would.” You said definitively.

“Well, I might. I wouldn’t say it to you, though.” She nudged you with your elbow.

“Mhmm, sure you wouldn't.” You side-eyed her.

“I wouldn't,” she said. “You know you're always welcome in my kitchen.”

“Yeah, until I burn your house down.” You joked.

“Well, yeah. Maybe then I'd have to ban you like Nana,” She chuckled.

She placed a hand on your back, guiding you to walk in front of her. “Come on. Let’s go put these decorations up.”

✦ ✦ ✦

By the time you were done decorating, Melissa was in a much better mood. The living room was filled with balloons, streamers, and banners. Teresa was the creative director, telling you where to place everything. You tasked Melissa with blowing up the balloons. You gave her the most menial job because it was her birthday after all. She technically should have been relaxing, but she wasn’t going to sit around and watch you and Nana do all the work.

You made your way over to Melissa as you watched her blow up the last balloon. You stood against the wall with her, taking in the transformation.

“So, what do you think?” You asked, extending your arm toward the center of the room.

“I think you and Nana are quite the decorators.” Melissa smiled at you.

It was a genuine smile, one that met her eyes, and you felt a swell of pride fill you at the site. Your goal of making her feel less stressed had been accomplished.

“Why, thank you,” you grinned. “I just have one final touch.”

You held a gold crown in your hand that said “Birthday Girl”, and you moved to place it on top of her head. 

“There. Now you’re all set.” You fixed a couple pieces of her hair before stepping back to take in her appearance.

“Y/N,” she scoffed, reaching up to grab the object.

“No, leave it.” You reached for her wrist to bring it back down. “It looks good.”

“Y/N, come on.” She laughed, freeing her wrist from your hand.

“Leave it, Mel.” You requested again.

From the look on her face, you could tell she thought the crown was a childish touch. However, you thought it was fitting for the occasion. 

“Please.” You looked at her with pleading eyes. “Wear it for me and Nana.”

“Fine,” she said. 

You knew that would do the trick. 

“I’m gonna go get dressed. Try not to add anything else while I’m gone.” With that, she went in the direction of the stairs.

Deep down, you knew she liked the extravagance even if she didn't say it.

✦ ✦ ✦

A few minutes after Melissa disappeared upstairs, Maria alerted everyone that the food was ready. You all gathered in the kitchen and set the table while engaging in small talk. Once the table was set, everyone sat down at the table and waited for Melissa to come back. Melissa's seat was at the head of the table. Maria sat in the chair that was to the left of Melissa's.

“Teresa, would you like to sit next to Melissa.”

“Yes, if you don't mind.” She nodded before taking the seat. “And please, call me Nana.” She laughed, inviting you to sit next to her.

That made you feel special. You could tell she liked you but Maria, on the other hand, was a little harder to read. You would have to interact with her a bit more to gauge her feelings. 

Melissa came back quickly, and you were pleased to see she was still wearing the crown. She donned all black, wearing her favorite leather pants to give the outfit a dressy look.

“There she is.” You greeted her. 

“Hey.” She smiled as she sat in her seat. Her eyes widened as she looked at all the food on the table. They were fixated on one dish in particular, though. “Ma, you made chicken marsala?”

“I did.” Maria nodded. “It’s still your favorite, right?”

“Yeah, it is.” A look of joy filled her face. “Thank you,” she said before getting up to hug her mom.

You watched the interaction with a smile. There was something different about her demeanor when she was around her family. She was more reserved than usual which was contradictory to her typical behavior. When it was just you around, she was far more bold and playful.

“No hug for me? I’m the one who put the menu together.” Nana asked, throwing her hands up in the air.

Everyone laughed as Melissa made her way around the table to give the woman a hug and a kiss on the cheek for good measure. 

She sat back down and you all enjoyed your meals after Nana said a blessing over the table.

Maria was the first to start the conversation back up. “So, Y/N, how's the school year been for you.” 

“Oh, it’s been wonderful. I love working with Melissa.” You looked toward the redhead, “She’s really great.” 

“Yeah?” Her mom raised an eyebrow as she lifted her fork into her mouth.

“Yeah, she’s a great teacher and I’ve learned so much from her.” You said honestly.

Maria and Nana made eye contact after you made your statement. You watched as Melissa’s eyes followed theirs.

“Don’t do all the bragging on her,” Maria said. “We hear you’re very hardworking too.”

“Oh, well, I try my best.” You smiled timidly. 

“Don’t be coy. Balancing school and work must not be easy, huh?” Nana asked.

You averted your eyes to Melissa at the mention of your enrollment in school. Melissa had her gaze on her nana, but you knew she could see you looking at her. In that moment you realized just how much Melissa talked about you to her family. Being in school and working at Abbott was a huge challenge for you. You were working toward a higher degree so you could take a step up from your position as an aide. It was something that took a lot out of you, but Melissa made it a little easier. She was very understanding when your lesson plans weren’t your best, or when you were late on grading.

“It definitely has its ups and downs, but I think I manage okay.” You said to Nana. “I have to give credit to Melissa, though. You both must be very proud of her for handling two classes so well.”

“We’re very proud. I know that job’s not easy,” Maria said. “But she has a good head on her shoulders.” She pointed at Melissa. “And from what I’ve heard, you do too.”

“Thank you,” you took the compliment, having a feeling she didn’t give those out freely.

Nana placed a hand on your shoulder and said, “You keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll be just like our Melissa one day.”

For some reason, you felt yourself getting emotional at the comment. You grabbed her hand, squeezing it to express some of your gratitude. “That’s very kind of you to say.”

The conversation continued and Melissa was soon the topic of discussion. You enjoyed the rest of your food, chiming in here and there, as the family talked amongst themselves. When you were done eating, you excused yourself from the table.

“You need something, hon?” Melissa asked, not missing a beat.

“No, I’m good.” You assured her. “I’ll be right back. Finish your food.” You reassured her before exiting the room.

✦ ✦ ✦

After the conversation died down, and once she was sure you were gone, Melissa asked her burning question. “Why were you two looking at each other like that earlier?”

“Like what?” Nana said.

“Nana, you were the ringleader, so don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Melissa said. 

The pair made knowing eye contact again and Melissa was even more confused this time around.

“You just did it again! What’s going on?”

“We could ask you the same thing.” Maria retorted. “'Oh, Melissa is just so wonderful. She’s so smart and amazing.'”

Melissa watched as her mother did her best impression of you, over-exaggerating your voice and mannerisms.  

“'I just love working with her sooo much.'” Nana laughed and joined in on the fun.

Melissa looked back at them with a blank look on her face. She was missing the joke. “Okay, I don’t get it.” Melissa laughed even though she was confused.

“Oh, come on, Melissa.” Her mom said dryly.

“What, Ma?” Her face the picture of bewilderment.

“You're telling me you're not together?” Maria raised a brow.

“What?” Melissa said in pure shock. If she was sipping on her drink, she surely would have choked. “You think we're together?!”

“You're not?” Nana asked, almost sounding just as shocked as Melissa.

“No!”

“Seriously?” Maria's voice going up in pitch, disbelief evident in her tone.

“No, mom!” Melissa shrieked.

“You may not be together, but she clearly likes you.” Maria said, as if it were a fact.

“No, she doesn't.” Melissa shook her head.

“Yes, she does,” Nana chimed in. “And I think you like her too.”

Melissa let out a loud laugh at that. “Okay, I’m officially worried about you two.”

“You’re the one making it obvious.” Her mom shrugged. “I saw your moment in the living room.”

“What are you talking about?” Melissa laughed some more. She couldn’t help herself, the situation was comedic. 

“When she gave you your little crown.” Her mom motioned toward the top of her head.

“Mhmm. I may be old, but I'm not crazy.” Nana added to the conversation. “I saw the way you looked at each other earlier. When you were telling me about your headache.”

“Okay, I'm not sure what you saw, but we’re friends. More importantly, we're coworkers,” Melissa explained to the women.

“Love doesn't discriminate.” Her mom said.

“Okay, stop. I’m not talking about this anymore.” Melissa drew the line at that.

“Sweetheart, that was just a joke.” Her mom laughed, but she could see the effect it had on her daughter.

“Well stop ‘joking’ before Y/N hears you,” Melissa said.

It was as if you were summoned by the mention of your name, because you walked back into the room less than a minute later. You glanced around the table and saw a sour-looking Melissa. 

“What’d I miss?” You asked.

“Nothing,” Melissa said.

 “Just the fact that Melissa can’t take a joke.” Her mom informed you.

They spoke at the same time and you looked back over to the Melissa.

“Ma, please!” Melissa scolded her mom.

“Must have been some joke.” You said.

“I’m sure she’ll tell you about it later,” her mom winked at you.

You looked at her with a puzzled expression, but decided to leave it at that.

✦ ✦ ✦

You continued the night by singing happy birthday and eating cake until you were content. After that, it was time to open presents. Melissa wasn’t expecting to receive anything, but to her surprise, everyone came bearing gifts. Her nana gifted her a necklace to add to her expansive collection, her mom got her a book she’d been wanting to read for a while, and you gave her a bottle of wine she’d been dying to try. Before you knew it, the night was nearing an end. You were having such a good time that you didn’t realize it was half past 9. Her family kept you engaged and they were very entertaining.

You were currently helping Maria wash dishes while Nana told you stories. You found yourself laughing at all the things she shared about Melissa in her younger days.

“Hey, Ma, can I borrow your little helper for a second?” Melissa asked.

“Sure.” Her mom nodded. “Don’t let me keep you. I’ll finish these.” She said when you hesitated.

You walked out of the kitchen and followed Melissa into the living room.

“What’s up?” You sat down next to her on the couch.

“Thanks for coming,” she expressed graciously. “And thank you for the wine.”

“Of course, Melissa. I wouldn’t have missed it.” You smiled. “You brought me out here to thank me?”

She laughed, “No, no. That’s not why, no.”

You didn’t miss the way she was fumbling over her words. From that alone, you could tell something was bothering her. She was also avoiding eye contact which was unlike her. She had something to tell you, and she was trying to be subtle. However, she wasn't doing a good job – at all.

“Then what’s wrong?” You asked, preparing yourself to hear the worst for some reason.

“Nothing’s wrong, hon.” She looked up at you.

“Okay, so why are we out here? Your nana was in the middle of a very compelling story.”

“About me I assume.” She leaned back into the couch making herself more comfortable.

“About you and Kristen Marie, yes. How you used to fight over who got to lick the cake batter off the spoon.” You giggled as you imagined a young Melissa.

“I always thought I should get it 'cause I was the oldest.” She smiled at the memory.

You rested your head on her shoulder as she continued the tale.

“Nana told me I was being selfish for not sharing. And I cried like a baby because I didn’t want anyone to think I was selfish.”

“You just wanted your older sibling rights to be enacted.” You concurred.

“See, you understand.” She rested her chin on top of your head.

You sat in silence for a minute, just enjoying each other's company. You busied your mind by listening to the sound of running water and the clattering of dishes coming from the kitchen. It wasn't long before your mind began to wander again.

“Why are we out here, Mel?” You asked again, moving your head so you could look up at her.

She laughed and you figured it was at your relentless behavior. If there was one thing about you, you would keep going at a problem until you found an answer. You didn't give up easily. That was something Melissa liked about you.

“I just–,” She gazed at you. “My mom said something earlier and it got me thinking.”

“What’d she say?” You gave her your full attention, looking at her with all the curiosity in the world.

With you looking at her like that, it was the only time she found herself at a loss for words. You had to be staring at each other for a couple minutes with no words being exchanged.

“Melissa,” you urged, trying to regain her attention.

She appeared to be zoning out, but you failed to realize that you actually had all her focus. That was the problem – too many thoughts of you were taking over her brain. She knew what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t transfer those thoughts to her mouth.

“I’m trying to tell you, hon.” She sighed. “I just don’t know how.”

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“I don’t want to offend you or make things weird between us. But if I don’t ask, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop thinking about it.”

“Okay, so tell me.” You felt your stomach flip with anticipation.

“They think we’re together.” She bit her lip, bracing herself for your reaction.

Your eyes widened. “Like, together together?”

“Yeah,” she nodded slowly. “Like dating.”

“Huh,” You sighed, slumping into the couch.

“What do you mean ‘huh’?” She asked, eyebrows crinkling in confusion.

“I mean, that's... something.” You looked toward her, a natural expression on your face. You honestly weren't sure how to react.

“Okay, um, a little bit of an underwhelming response.” She laughed before placing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Well, shit, Melissa! You gotta give me a second.” You laughed along with her. “What do you have to say about it?” You asked.

“I-I don’t know.” She shrugged, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her thighs.

You knew that was a lie. She always had something to say. Plus, she wouldn't have commented on your lack of response if she didn't have one herself.

You tilted your head to the side and gave her a look that you thought would make her give up the act. When she didn't budge, you decided to ask her straight up.

“Melissa, do you like me?” You asked.

Her mouth gaped open at the blunt nature of your question. “I don’t know, Y/N. I–” She tried to explain, but you cut her off.

She knew. What she didn't know was if she could actually admit it.

You thought it would be a good idea to give her some encouragement. “Tell me the truth, Melissa. I just want you to be honest with me.”

At that, she seemed to kick into gear. “I like teaching with you. I like talking to you. I like cooking you dinner.” She trailed off for a second before speaking again. “I like making you laugh. I like being around you.”

With her last sentence, you could see the shift in her demeanor. It was like a lightbulb went off. She didn't even realize how she felt until she said it out loud.

“I like being around you too, Melissa.” It was now your turn to be truthful with her. “I like the thought of coming into work every morning ‘cause I know you’ll be there. I like eating the dinner you cook for me. I like talking to you and laughing at the jokes you make.”

“I really like you, Y/N.” She said finally, coming to her senses.

“I really like you, too, Melissa.” You bit the inside of your cheek as you tried to hide your smile. It was no use though because the expression fought its way onto your face.

You watched as she closed her eyes, trying to process everything you just said. You grabbed her hand after a moment, causing her eyes to flutter open.

“I wasn't expecting this to happen today.” She said, talking more to herself than to you.

“Are you sure it wasn't your birthday wish?” You teased as she focused her attention on you.

“Shut up.” She nudged your shoulder with the hand that wasn't occupied by yours.

“So... now what?” You inquired, still smiling like an idiot. You felt like a teenager, but you couldn't help it.

“I was thinking I could take you out on a date.” She smirked. “Would you like that?”

“I would love that.” You beamed.

“Perfect.” She gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “We'll figure out the details later, okay?”

“Sounds good.” You nodded.

“Alright, let's go back in there before they start to get suspicious.”

She moved to stand, but you tugged on her hand to stop her. She looked at you, sage eyes gleaming despite the low lighting of the living room. In that moment, you were overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her.

You threaded your fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her close. You admired her facial features before making your move. You could see every freckle on her cheeks, and every line that adorned her face. From this angle, she was breathtaking.

You planned on kissing her, but she was eager to close the gap between you. Her lips claimed yours in a delicate manner. One, two, three pecks before her tongue grazed your bottom lip. You opened your mouth and allowed her tongue to slide against yours. You could taste the tangy sweetness from the remnants of the lemon cake she ate earlier. You hummed as she placed a final kiss to your lips. You pulled away and took several breaths to recenter yourself.

“I knew we weren't crazy.” A voice said from the distance.

You gasped and whipped your head over your shoulder, looking at the entrance to the kitchen. You didn't see anyone, but you knew you weren't hearing things. You looked back toward the Melissa for confirmation.

She rolled her eyes and stood from her seat. You may have been too stunned to speak, but she wasn't. “Are you two eavesdropping?!”

Your theory was confirmed when you heard footsteps scurrying along the tile floor.

She sat back down and gave you a sympathetic look. “Sorry about that.”

"It's okay,” you laughed, trying not to be mortified by the fact that they may or may not have seen the kiss. "They're quite the pair.”

“You can say that again.” She shook her head. “Hopefully they don't scare you away.”

“It's gonna take a lot more than that to get rid of me.” You stated firmly.

“Good to know.” She said, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Happy birthday, Melissa.” You said finally before leaning in to kiss her cheek.

“Thanks, hon.” She smiled, a blush rising to her face. “You gave me quite the gift.”

[verxsyon]

·:*¨༺ ❝ 𝐈'𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ❞

it’s summer: the season of thrills and bittersweetness.

✧ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. bronya, dan heng, gepard, jing yuan, sampo, seele, & serval x gn!reader

✧ 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭. headcanon (written) ; 0.6k

✧ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞. modern au, summer romance au ; angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

✧ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. one night stand (sampo), unrequited love (gepard)

✧ 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚. omg vera comeback! i’m finally free from classes and i’m off from work for three weeks so yay proper summer break! oh yeah, i finally got bronya! my seele’s no longer gf-less. so this is supposed to be bittersweet with ambiguous endings throughout but uh, my mind went elsewhere with most of them lmao. hopefully this makes sense; my writing’s pretty rusty. special thanks to pigeon from the teahouse server who came up with the title!

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐚. a sheltered heiress who is secretly a thrill seeker. at night, she sneaks into an underground club where she hangs out with the only person who doesn’t treat her any differently despite her status. on very last visit, she reveals she’ll be married soon and her mother discovered her escapades, forbidding her from such activities. that doesn’t stop you from crashing the wedding and presenting a (fake) ring to object to the marriage, having you as her spouse instead.

𝐝𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐠. a tenant under your grandparents as well as an assistant of their small business. his aloof personality is intimidating at first, not saying much as he accompanies you around your grandparents’ residence, but there’s more to him in his eyes. his nightmares catch up with him the moment he falls for you, and now he has to repress it to keep you safe. the more he pushes away, the more he wants to yell for help, and you hate to come home with a guilty conscience.

𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐝. an estranged friend who has been serving the military, and is spending his off-duty at home. you haven’t seen him in years, so it is expected to start off awkwardly, but the two of you are glad to see each other again. besides reconnecting with friends and family, he wishes to resolve his biggest regret, being unable to confess his love for you. but maybe it should stay that way when he meets your fiancé, and all he can say is congratulations.

𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐮𝐚𝐧. a playful businessman who visits the bar just for his new favorite bartender. your coworker is gone for the entire summer, so you become the target of his flirting. at this point you’ve known the guy for a while, except he has a son who you’ve met at the bar, both terrible in acting and flirting. soon his infamous father arrives, not surprised that his son is there and is happy that he finally met you, his “partner”. perhaps you’ll await an explanation on your date.

𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐨. a notorious thief who stole your precious belongings along with your dignity one fateful night. within this season, you’re set to finish your bucket list, however, thanks to a certain someone, there aren’t enough funds. speaking of which, he sees the nearest person and pulls you into an alleyway to hide from the police. recognizing each other, he offers to help you with your bucket list as a deal. not only did he steal your things, he stole your heart as well.

𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐞. a free spirit with a rebellious streak. she’s invited to the road trip, viewing it as an opportunity to assess her strength and explore more of the world. the beginning starts off rocky, her clashing with you about meticulous things and the others are trying their best to diffuse the situation. if the arguments teach you one thing, the girl is honest. the one thing she isn’t is when it has to do with her crush on you, hoping the arguments will come in handy.

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐥. a fairly popular musician whose name you’ve never heard of until your friend drags you to attend her concert. forced to listen to her setlist before the big day, you slowly become a fan and are able to memorize some of the lyrics. while outside one day, you’re so in the moment that a stylish woman excitedly says she recognizes the music. the brief friendship results in her contact info and gratitude for your support. then you realize, you know who she is now.

✧ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬. if your url is in bold, it means i can’t tag you!

@kamiyatos​​

[maliciouslove]

𝕄𝕠𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕚𝕥 𝔻𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕤

pairing // Tsukishima Kei x Reader

word count // 2.8k

tags // friends with benefits, pining, a little bit of angst, bit of dom/sub dynamic but very badly depicted, semi-public rooftop sex, use of petnames (princess), restraints (belt), edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, dacryphilia, unprotected sex, creampie

It’s ironic that we yearn for summer to come, yet when it finally arrives, it’s over in the blink of an eye. Perhaps good things aren’t meant to last long, perhaps that is exactly what makes them special. 

And each summer spent with him was just that: long awaited, desired, special, yet awfully short lived. 

Tsukishima works overseas, so he only ever comes back home around the end of June staying only until the end of August. It’s the only time he got off work, and he was more than happy to spend it back at home where his family and friends are. Where you are. 

You weren’t dating or anything; you had been friends since highschool, but somehow through the years you ended up in this weird friends with benefits relationship that was in force only for the duration of these two short months. It’s fun and easy: no attachment, no feelings, and the sex is so good. 

You find yourself excited and longing for him to come back home as soon as spring rolls around the corner. When the warm rays of sunshine on your skin remind you of his touch, and you count the days until he comes back. Summers with him are fun, colorful, different. Yet so short. 

And once again, it’s the end of August—the last day of sunny weather and clear, starry nights. The final hours spent with him before he’s gone again. 

You’re sitting on the rooftop, cold beer in hand, back pressed to his chest as his large hands wrap around your waist, his lips ever so gently brushing against your bare neck and shoulders. 

“What are you thinking ‘bout?” His voice is so low and husky in your ear. He trails a single finger up the length of your arm, tapping your jaw lightly with it so you could look at him. 

“About how at this time tomorrow, you won’t be here anymore…” You don’t mean to sound so needy or sad, but your voice cracks at the end and the feelings of uneasiness slip through. You avert your gaze back to the ground, quickly bringing the bottle of beer to your lips just so you can occupy yourself with something else. Just so you could play it off as not a big deal. 

But Tsukishima knows you better than that. He cups your face and brings it close to his, nose brushing against yours in the seconds before his lips find yours, thumb gently tracing down your jaw. You can’t help but smile against his lips as you realize that this is a little gesture he always does when you feel anxious. And without failure, it always calms you down. 

The taste of bitter beer mixes with the sweet taste of his tongue and you find it funny, thinking to yourself ah, how bittersweet. But the way he moves against you, the way his hands trail down your sides, sliding under your shirt… It distracts you from the fact he’s leaving soon. It fills your mind with a fog of pleasure, drowning out the tension and fear.

The night air is cool, yet his touch feels hot against your skin and before you can register it, he’s moving you to lay your back down on the concrete, his much larger body towering over yours. For a few seconds, he just looks into your eyes, and you struggle to read him. It’s funny how he can instantly tell the slightest shift in your mood apart, yet after so many years you still can’t read him, not even a little. 

He brushes a few stray hairs away from your face and smiles down at you. 

“You’re beautiful.”

It’s not the first time he’s said this, but it feels so different this time and you wonder why. His words feel like an inevitable end, like a final act of kindness of some sorts, yet his lips are trailing soft little kisses down your chest which pull you away from the thought. It takes Tsukishima no time to get you out of your tank top, hands following the shape of your hips and waist, sliding up to brush his thumb against your nipple.

His hands never leave your body, they hold you tightly as his tongue explores your breasts, eliciting a tiny whimper from you. His knee is right between your legs, so close to you, you just can’t help but lift your hips up a little so you can grind on his thigh. He’s barely started, but you’re already so needy, your fingers cradle through his blond locks and tug slightly when his hands get close to where you need him the most. 

You watch as he takes his belt off, wrapping it around your wrists. It’s not tight, but it’s enough to keep you in place as he works his way down your body, lips kissing at the hem of your shorts, thumb pressing into your clothed pussy. You still can’t help but feel as if something feels a little off tonight, but the way his every touch lights your skin on fire doesn’t allow you to ponder too long over it. 

It’s not long before all your clothes are discarded, and you’re laying completely naked under the stars while he’s still fully clothed, the only missing part of his outfit being the sweater you’re currently laying on, and the belt around your wrists. His hand runs down the middle of your chest and over your belly sliding down your core where his fingers brush against your slick folds. 

“It’s still summer, people sleep with their windows open. You better keep quiet.” He smiles as he tells you this, a single digit pushing past your entrance at an excruciatingly slow pace. It’s a single finger, but it’s enough to take your breath away and make you mewl under his touch. 

While he pumps his index finger in and out of your pussy, his thumb is softly circling your clit—not enough pressure to tighten the cord in your belly, but not soft enough to make the tension go away. Your walls pulsate against his finger, and your cunt drools, the quiet of the summer night filled with the obscene squelching noise. 

“So fucking needy, look at you, so wet over a single finger. Does it feel good, princess?” 

“Tsukki... Please, I need more…” 

He doesn’t bother responding, simply chuckles and positions himself between your thighs, eyes swallowing up the view of your slick already dripping down onto his sweater. He keeps the slow torturous pace for what feels like forever, but he’s so close you can feel his hot breath on your pussy. The tiniest change of his motion, of his breathing, affects you and it makes you clench around him. 

By the time tears of frustration start pooling in your eyes, he finally adds a second digit. It stretches you out pleasantly, and, quite frankly, two of his fingers are more than enough to drive you mad. Even with the additional finger, he doesn’t increase the pace—he keeps you right there, on the edge of insanity, marvelling at the way your body tenses, your thighs shake. Every spasm of your walls, every flutter of your eyelashes, every half-muffled moan of his name—it all belongs to him right now. 

You’ve been begging for him to change the tempo, to speed up, but when he does you regret your words. His fingers curl inside you, fingertips grazing over your sweet spot, it’s faster now and the tension inside you builds up like a tidal wave, and just when it’s about to crash over you his fingers still. 

He kisses your thighs, blowing hot puffs of air over your clit and giving it a soft kiss while he waits for you to calm down, just so he can do the same thing all over again. 

“Am I not giving you what you want, princess?” You can’t even form the words, you just shake your head, fat tears rolling down your face as you struggle to keep your eyes on his. Another devilish smile and he leans down to lick one of your tears away. 

“You know I like it when you cry for me.” And once again, even though it’s something he’s said to you before, it feels utterly different this time. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but the words leave a sour taste in your mouth and more tears well in your eyes. 

“Wanna cum?” There’s a lilt to his voice, like he’s having fun, like he doesn’t already know how badly you need a release. 

You nod frantically, please, please. His head dips between your thighs again and his mouth latches onto your clit, tongue working over your sensitive nub while his fingers finally pick up the pace. 

When your orgasm comes it is violent. You forget to be quiet, you forget where you are, everything turns dark, and your body shakes with the force of your release. It fills your lungs and brain with pleasure that courses through your body like poison, and every subsequent stroke of his tongue over your clit is a jolt of electricity travelling up your spine. 

“Stop, stop, Tsukki, too much, please,” you beg. 

You try to wiggle away from him, but he’s much larger than you, stronger. His arms wrap around your thighs, and his hands press down on your belly, and you know you won’t be able to escape. His lips and tongue move relentlessly against your pussy, it’s sloppy and the sounds are obscene, mixing with his own grunts of pleasure. You steal a glance at him and you observe how his biceps flex when you try to move away, you see his gaze burning into yours, pupils blown wide with lust, and you almost see the desperation in his eyes. The pure unadulterated excitement of what’s to come. 

A few more expert strokes of his tongue, and you’re coming undone for him again, pulling on the restraints around your wrists as the world turns black again. It’s not as violent as your first orgasm, but it lasts so much longer, like time stretches for the sole purpose of pleasure. Your chest is heaving as you try to calm yourself down, and your eyes are closed shut because everything just feels too much. 

Even without opening your eyes, you can feel him shift above you, hands once again touching you softly, with care and admiration. You can feel the cool breeze on your skin contrasting with the hotness of his every touch. He wipes away the damp hairs from your forehead and places a gentle kiss there, holding it moments longer than the usual which makes you finally open your eyes. 

There he is: on the black canvas of the night August sky, littered with stars that were the only witness of your time together. In this moment, the rest of the world fades away, and you find yourself entranced by the way the moon shines bright behind him, the light creating a halo over his head. Your eyes follow and trace the lines of his face—his sharp jawline, his neck, broad shoulders littered with tiny freckles. The scent of soap, aftershave, and sweat carries in the air, but it doesn’t repulse you. He smells like home. 

You finally match his gaze, and he’s looking back at you as if he’s seeing you for the first time in his life: golden orbs peering back at you with astonishment, with desire, and perhaps a tinge of hope. His eyes don’t leave yours as he gulps rather nervously, licking his lips. 

“I’m being relocated at work.”

It’s so quiet, you can hear the exact moment your heart stops beating. You can pinpoint to a millisecond the exact moment where your world shatters and the gears in your head go in full overdrive. What does this mean?

Is this why he’s been so weird tonight, why everything felt just slightly different? Perhaps he won’t be able to come home anymore for the summer, perhaps… this wasn’t the last time you’re with him this year. Perhaps, it’s simply the last time. 

You don’t even realize there is a fresh set of tears rolling down your cheeks until his thumb brushes them away. 

Time stands painfully still.

“I’m coming back home.”

The tiny gasp that escapes you is swallowed by his lips. He’s never kissed you like this before, with so much need and desperation. One of his hands is at the back of your head, fingers cradling through your hair as he holds you impossibly close and deepens the kiss even more, as if the tiniest gap between you will be too much. His other free hand is quickly undoing the belt around your wrists.

Finally, just as your lungs are about to collapse from the intensity of the kiss, he pulls away. You want to say something, anything, but the words get stuck in your throat and you’re left staring up at him with big doe eyes, lashes still wet from the tears. 

“I don’t have to leave anymore. I don’t have to wait for summer to see you.” 

He smiles, and his eyes shine like little suns in the dead of night. You place your hand on his cheek and trail it down his neck as if to make sure this is real, he is real. 

“Tsukki—”

“Be mine.” 

All the unspoken words, all the feelings bottled up inside you finally break free as your heart hammers against your ribcage. Now it’s your turn to hold him impossibly tight and close as you bury your face in the crook of his neck, whispering barely coherent sentences about how you’ve always been his. Most of the words get lost between sobs, but he knows, he understands and there is a blooming warmth inside his chest. 

Somewhere between sobs you find his lips again, and everything feels different, warmer somehow. Even though it’s late into the night, you can see clearly. The mess of limbs and moans, his fingers tangled in your hair as you struggle to take him out of his clothes. It’s rushed, it’s chaos, but your heart feels like it’s soaring. 

When you’re both finally naked under the moon, he places you in his lap, cock slipping between your slick folds as you rock your hips against his in a rhythm only you two could hear. The cicadas in the distance serenade you. 

You’ve been together for years, you’ve had sex many times, yet it feels much more intense now. Every touch ignites a fire on your skin, every time his fat cock rubs against your clit you can practically see the gates of heaven. 

He looks into your eyes as you finally begin to sink down on his cock, now wet and covered in your arousal, and you hold onto his shoulders for support. He’s big and thick and every vein and ripple on his cock makes your mind reel, until the tip of his cock finally bumps against your cervix and your mind stills. 

He takes it slow, moving your hips to his desired rhythm, hands burning hot on your sides as he guides you and whispers in your ear how long he’s wanted this. How long he’s waited for this not to be just a summer fling, no strings attached. He praises you and repeats over and over again how fucking beautiful you are, how perfect. And while his face is hidden in your neck you can tell by the strain in his voice how much emotion and vulnerability he’s actually showing you right now. 

You cup his face and force him to look at you as your hips pick up the speed, angling themselves as you bounce up and down on his cock. Tears are welling up in your eyes again but you smile at him. 

“I love you, Tsukki.” And you can see it, the shift in his eyes, the way they mellow out and turn to golden honey, the way his feelings shine behind his irises, so vivid and beautiful, so intense. 

You can feel the tension building up inside you, and it’s the next words he whispers to you that finally make it snap. 

“I love you too.” 

His hips move up urgently against yours, meeting you halfway as he thrusts inside you, completely losing himself to the feeling. The silence of the night is filled with the sound of skin on skin, the wet squelching of your cunt as he slams his cock inside you, pressing you close to himself but never breaking eye contact. There’s so much feeling in his eyes, so much promise. 

You both cross the edge almost at the same time, your velvety walls spasming and pulsating around his cock which immediately sends him over the edge too, balls tightening and emptying themselves deep inside you. You can feel every twitch of his dick inside you and you close your eyes blissfully, pressing your forehead against his. 

You listen to the sounds of your ragged breathing slowly coming back into rhythm as the cicadas continue their song, and you know…  

Love like this is a promise for eternal summer. 

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑! I do not own any of the characters or people mentioned in my work. these are works of pure fiction that do not reflect the views, opinions, or actions of any person, real or fictional. Furthermore, all characters I write for [thirsts, drabbles, fics, etc.] are aged up to 21 or older – they are adults with adult characteristics presented and written in adult contexts.

all rights reserved © by maliciouslove. my work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. all fanfics belong to me, please do not copy, translate nor repost the fics or files seen above as this is strictly prohibited.

[justmystyles]

Now You're In My Life - Part 11

catch up here

pairing: Harry Styles x plus size reader

*i say it's a plus size reader, but it is not something that i focus on explicitly in my fics, because your size should not define you. it will only come up if it comes into the story organically.*

word count: 3.3k

summary: just as your settling into your long distance relationship, Harry returns for his New Year's visit.

warnings: smut, NSFW, 18+

a/n: nothing of note, just a good old fashioned smutty reunion.m enjoy!

tags: @allthelovehes @ameerakane20 @ash-craze @bethanysnow @blue-ballad @blueraspberryreader @brightlightsinlife @creativelyeva @cute-as-ducks420 @deannaard @fanficismydrug @gem1712 @golden-hoax @gothmingguk @groovychaosavenue @hillzrry @iceebabies @indierockgirrl @jerseygirlinca @jng4kook @jooniesbabie @kaverichauhan @laurxn-robinson @lexiecamposv @mrs-anna-styles211994 @n0vaj3an @potterheadandsherlocked @rach2699 @ravenclawdirectioner @stylesfeverr @superchrystaldrug @tenaciousperfectionunknown @tiaamberxx @thechaoticjoy @theekyliepage @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @youknowwhaaat

Saying goodbye to Harry was significantly more bittersweet than it had been. You had the peace of mind knowing when you would see him again, and where you stood. However, the two of you had just spent ten days together, getting closer and falling further in love. You found it hard to fall asleep without him beside you. You had brought in the pillow he gave you, but it wasn’t even a fraction of the comfort that Harry brought you. 

He called you the second his plane landed, to let you know he arrived safely, and the two of you would talk constantly throughout the day. He would send you pictures of places and things that he wanted to show you when you were finally able to go home with him. The excitement he had to show his world off to you made your heart swell. 

The time apart didn’t go entirely without issue though. Since your birthday, and seeing how thoughtful and elaborate his gifts were, you’d been racking your brain trying to figure out the perfect Christmas gift. You knew he had the means to get himself anything he could possibly want, and that he was likely going to get you something incredibly thoughtful. It was stressful to try to match that. You came up with an idea, but a nagging doubt ran on a loop in the back of your mind.

Christmas was your first holiday as a couple, and you were spending it on opposite sides of the world. The relationship was still new, so it made sense that you would both spend it with your families. The distance was something you’d have to work out at some point, but not yet. 

Before you headed out to your family dinner, you received a FaceTime call from Harry, who was already with his, and slightly inebriated. You laughed at his overexaggerated expressions, and borderline slurred words as he passed the phone around to his family, introducing you to everyone.

“Say hi to my girlfriend.” 

“This is my girlfriend, isn’t she pretty? She’s even prettier in person.” 

The pride in his voice as he told his loved ones about you caused butterflies in your stomach.

Once he had passed the phone around to everyone, he stepped into a quiet corner so that he could have a moment with you. He makes you promise to call him when you get to your uncle’s house so that he can say hi to your family too. You’ve never been with someone who was so excited to be a part of your life, let alone for you to be a part of theirs. Especially not after such a short amount of time. It was scary, part of you was worried you were moving too fast, but at the same time, it all felt so right.  

The night before Harry was scheduled to arrive, you were lounging on your couch in your sweats. The room was illuminated by the combination of your Christmas tree and the television, which was playing a corny Lifetime Christmas movie. Just as the big city career woman kissed her small town childhood love, and the credits began to roll, you were startled by a knock at your door. 

You sat in silence for a moment as the guest knocked again. It was nine at night and you weren’t expecting anyone. You had seen enough cautionary tales on the internet to know that a woman living alone shouldn’t answer the door in this situation, so you continued to ignore it. 

Then, your phone pinged with a new text message from Harry. 

You should probably answer the door. ;) 

You read the message a couple of times, realizing this could have one of two outcomes. Either you were living in a romcom, and your super romantic boyfriend flew in early to surprise you, or you were living in a horror movie, and the killer has spoofed your boyfriend's number… or murdered him and stole his phone, to gain access to your home and kill you. 

“I know you’re in there, princess.” 

A romcom, you were living in a romcom. 

You rushed to the door, opening it with a wide smile. “Harry?” 

“Why didn’t you answer?” He pouted. 

“I thought you might be Ghostface.” You shrugged. He chuckled at your response. “What are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow.” 

“I missed you too much, so I pushed up my flight.” 

“Aww… puppy!” You cooed as you rushed into his arms. 

He wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he breathed in your scent. Your body shivered as the crisp New England winter air blew around you.

“Maybe we should move this inside?” Harry asked, rubbing his hands up and down on your arms to soothe the goosebumps. You nodded and led him inside, shutting and locking the door. “Much better,” he sighed, holding your face in his hands and pulling it to his. While his hands remained on your cheeks, you snaked your arms around his torso, pulling yourself as close as you could get. 

When you finally pulled apart, you smirked at him. “Perfect timing, I was just about to go to bed.” The suggestion in your voice was clear, causing Harry to groan and press his forehead against yours. 

“But don’t you want your present?” He asked. 

“You’re my present,” you replied as your hands trailed to the waistband of his pants. “Wanna unwrap it now.” 

Harry threw his head back in laughter. “That is an incredibly tempting offer, my love, but I’ve been dying to give you your Christmas gift. We have all night for all that other stuff.” He leaned in, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. “Trust me, it will be worth the wait.” 

You put on an exaggerated pout and back away. “Oh fine,” you pull away and move over to the Christmas tree as Harry gets your gift out of his luggage. “That’s a lot of stuff. How long are you staying?”

“Trying to get rid of me already?” He asked with an arched brow as he came to sit beside you in front of the tree, a small wrapped box in his hand. 

“No, I mean we talked about you coming for New Years, but didn’t really discuss how long. Then you show up with a bunch of bags.” You shrug. “I was just curious.”

He smiled, and leaned in placing a chaste kiss on your lips. “I have to be in New York to do some work in the studio in a couple of weeks. I figured I’d stay here until you got sick of me, and then go straight to New York and stay there for a bit.” 

“Until I get sick of you?” You reiterate his words, he nods. “Then I guess you’re never leaving.” 

“So we get to play house for a while?” He asked hopefully. You nodded, excited by the idea of getting a few uninterrupted, domestic weeks with him. He pulled you in for one more kiss. “Okay, presents now?” 

“Sure,” you chuckle, handing his gift to him. 

He holds a hand up to stop you. “Ladies first.”

He hands you your gift, which you immediately start unwrapping. Beneath the paper is a small jewelry box, you look up at him with wide eyes. Things had been moving fast, but you didn’t know they were moving ‘jewelry for Christmas’ fast. 

You opened the box to reveal a white gold bracelet with a black pendant in the center. “Harry, it’s so beautiful.” 

“It’s not just any bracelet you know.” Harry pulls up his sleeve, showing you his wrist. 

“Aww… we’re twinsies.” You coo. He taps the black pendant on his bracelet, and you look down, noticing a heart light up on yours. “It just lit up?”

“I told you it’s not just any bracelet.” He grinned. “When I tap on mine, yours lights up and vibrates, and vice versa.” He reaches over, tapping your bracelet to show the same reaction on his. “See, now when we’re apart, even if we don’t have our phones on us, we will always be able to connect. Like when I’m onstage, or doing interviews or something.” he taps his bracelet, and yours goes off.  

“Harry,” you sigh. “That’s so sweet. I love this, I love you.” You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a kiss. 

“I love you too, princess.” He watches fondly as you put the bracelet on your wrist. “Okay, my turn. Gimme.” He reaches his hands out making a grabbing motion. 

You chuckle at his display, hoping to conceal the nerves you have about your gift. “It’s not much, it’s okay if you hate it.” You say dismissively as you hand him his gift.

“Baby, it’s something that you thought of with that pretty brain of yours. I’m sure it’s going to be wonderful.” He assured you as he began to unwrap it. Once the wrapping had been discarded, he examined the notebook before him, the cover of the book adorned with various flowers. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

“It’s uh…” you chime in, realizing how cheap and generic the gift seemed without an explanation. “It’s not just any notebook.” He looks at you curiously. “The flowers on there, okay, so every time you’ve gotten me flowers since we met, I saved a couple and dried them out. You know, as a keepsake. Each one of those flowers is from a bouquet you’ve given me over the last couple of months.” You lean over, pointing to each flower and explaining which arrangement they came from. 

You look up at Harry to gauge his reaction, and he’s staring at you with wide, glossy eyes. “You saved the flowers?” You nodded. “Even when you thought this was just a one time, east coast hookup thing?” 

“Even if it was just going to be a couple of days, it was worth remembering. You were worth remembering.” You shrug.

“Y/N,” Harry said softly, his hand coming up to cup your face. “This is incredible.” 

“Yeah?” You ask, still feeling insecure about your gift. 

“It might be the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” He smiles at you, pulling you in for a quick kiss. “It’s going to come with me everywhere,” he smirked. “And I’m going to write so many love songs about you in it.” 

You giggle at his words and lean in, kissing him deeply. His hand slides from your cheek to the back of your neck, his other hand traveling to your hip to pull you closer. You pull out of the kiss, but keep your forehead pressed against his. “So, can I unwrap my other present now?” 

“I’ve created a monster,” he chuckled. 

“Okay, that’s fine,” you tease as you stand from your spot on the floor and saunter away toward the bedroom. 

He hurries to follow you. “Hey hey hey, I didn’t say it was a bad thing.” He came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and trailing kisses down your neck. 

“No, it’s okay,” you sigh. “You’re probably tired from traveling.” 

His lips moved to the sensitive skin just behind your ear, and you were unable to keep up the charade, moaning and arching into him. “I promise you princess, I will never be too tired to take care of you.” 

Harry turned your body so that you were facing him, your breath hitched at the intensity of his gaze. 

“You’ve gotten even more beautiful since the last time I was here.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper as he lifted your shirt over your head. A low growl of approval escaped him when he discovered that you hadn’t been wearing a bra. 

His lips crashed against yours as he cupped your breasts, squeezing firmly. He walked you backwards toward the bed until the backs of your legs hit the mattress, Then his hands traveled down your body, tucking his fingers into the waistbands of your sweatpants and underwear, sliding them down your legs. He followed their descent, dropping to his knees in front of you. 

“Sit,” he commanded, and you immediately complied. “Good girl.” He lifts your leg, kissing the inside of your ankle and slowly working his way up, placing your leg over his shoulder as he goes. 

When he got to your inner thigh, the kisses became rougher, leaving small marks in their wake. You gasp at the sting of his teeth against your skin. He lets out a small grunt when his eyes meet your center.

“So wet, and I’ve barely even touched you.” He blew against your wet folds, causing you to shutter. “Did my girl miss me?” 

“Missed you so much,” you whined, shifting your hips, trying to get closer to him. 

He chuckled at your impatience and gripped your hips, holding you in place. “Patience, my love.” He purred. 

“Please Harry, I need you.” You pleaded, running your fingers through his hair. You massaged his scalp lightly, knowing it drives him wild. 

“Mmm… well since you asked so nicely.” You caught a quick glimpse of his smirk before his mouth descended onto your core. 

He licked a long, slow stripe through your folds. Your head fell back, a loud moan ripping from your lips. He hummed in satisfaction from both your reaction and how you tasted. Your hands tightened their grip on his hair as he wrapped his lips around your clit. 

“Fuck Harry… so good.” Your hands guided him to exactly where you needed him, he complied immediately. 

He continued to work his mouth against you, sucking and licking as if his life depended on it. In that moment, he felt it did. He could feel you nearing the edge, and pulled away briefly. 

“come for me, princess. Give me everything.” He returned to his ministrations, swirling his tongue around your clit before bringing it into his mouth. 

Before long, you fell back on the bed, your back arching as the sounds of your release filled the room. Harry worked you through your release, removing his hands from your hips to allow you to ride out your high. 

When he didn’t slow down or pull away, you began to whimper slightly. “H… Harry, I’m good… please.” 

“I need you to give me another one princess, can you do that?” He looked up at you, taking in your flushed cheeks and rapidly rising and falling chest. You nod your head, and he arches his brow, encouraging you to use your words. 

“Yes, I can.” Your voice trembled. 

“That’s my girl,” he smiled, kissing each of your inner thighs before returning to your center. This time, he inserted two fingers before working his tongue against your clit. 

Your legs involuntarily began to close around his head. He removed his fingers and spread your legs apart. “You’ve gotta keep them open for me, baby.” 

You moan in response, his fingers quickly resuming their work, crooking to hit that spot deep inside you. You gasp at the sensation, already close to your second release. Harry can sense this and picks up the pace, pumping his fingers in time with the movements of his tongue.

Your hips rolled against Harry’s face, tugging on his chocolate locks as you reached your second peak. “Harry… Harry… Fuck!” 

Once he lapped up everything you had to offer, he kissed up your stomach, stopping to lavish each one of your breasts with attention. When he met you face to face, he smiled sweetly and pulled you into a passionate kiss. 

“I really missed you,” he spoke against your lips. 

“Me too,” you giggled. You ran your hands down his chest, stopping to palm his hard length through his pants. He groaned and instinctively thrust against your hand. “Your turn.”

He smirked and sat back on his knees, pulling off his shirt and tossing it on the floor. You sat up, running your hands along his bare chest, tracing his tattoos with your fingers. Your hands continued their descent, gripping onto the waistband of his pants and starting to tug them down.

Harry grabs your hand, bringing them to his lips and kissing the backs of them before getting off the bed and removing them, along with his underwear. You watched as his hard length sprung free, and moved to the end of the bed. You wrapped your hand around him, stroking gently and smirking as you lowered your head, running your tongue along the underside of his cock. 

“Fuck,” he grunted, gathering your hair in his hands so that he could watch you take his length between your lips. 

You take as much of him as you can, working the rest with your hand, your head bobbing up and down at a torturous pace. He groans, watching you intently as you work his cock. 

“Baby… fuck.” He tugs your hair, pulling you off of him, and you look up with a curious expression. “I’m close, wanna come inside you.” He leans down, pressing his lips against yours as he guides you onto your back, positioning himself to hover over you. 

He ran his cock through your folds, still sensitive from your last two releases. You shuttered at the sensation. “Harry, wait.” 

“Is everything okay? Do you want to stop?” He furrowed his brow in worry. 

You smiled, placing your hands on his cheeks and kissed the wrinkle that had formed before moving to his ear. “I want to be on top.”

A low growl rumbled in his chest at your words, his hips grinding against yours. He crashed his lips against yours, rolling onto his back and guiding your hips so that you were straddling his lap. 

“Fuck,” he grunted. “You look so sexy on top of me like that.” 

“Mmm,” you moaned as you positioned yourself over his cock, slowly lowering down onto him, both of you moaning as he filled you. Your hands falling to his chest to steady yourself as his settled on your hips, guiding you. 

“You feel so good, Y/N” Harry ran his hands up your body, stopping to cup a breast in one hand as the other continued its ascent, pulling you down into a deep kiss when he reached the back of your neck.

As your tongues twisted together, he thrust up into you, filling you completely. You moaned into his mouth, and he felt your walls begin to flutter around him. He broke the kiss, resting his forehead against yours. 

“That’s it princess, come for me again. I want it all over my cock.” He commanded through a heated whisper. 

“Harry… oh god, Harry!” You screamed, burying your face in the crook of his neck, muffling the sounds of your release. 

You began to slow your pace, as Harry continued to thrust up into you chasing his own release. After a few powerful thrusts, Harry’s grip tightened on your hips as he spilled himself inside of you.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, coming down from your high. Harry tapped your thigh softly.

You took the cue, rolling off of him and resting beside him on the bed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he said, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you close. “That was incredible.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Now get some rest, we’re doing that again first thing in the morning.”

You giggle at his words. “Good night, puppy.”

“Good night, princess. I love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that, you drifted off for your first peaceful night’s sleep since the last time you were in his arms. 

[alpaca-clouds]

Astarion, Trauma, Depression & Healing

I just cannot stop thinking about this topic, so I am going to talk about it. Mind you, technically I could extend this topic to some of the other characters as well - maybe I will - but for now let me talk about our favorite vampire spawn.

The game does make an effort to give every character at least a somewhat happy or at least bittersweet ending. (With the exception of Karlach, really. Yeah, I am still bitter about it.) But of course the general way it goes about the character plotlines is that they basically remove one issue and then end.

And for me there is the question: What would realistically happen after the ending?

So, let me talk a bit about psychology.

This is for the vampire spawn ending.

Spoilers for all acts.

CW: Abuse, trauma, depression

Astarion is traumatized.

"No shit!" I hear you say.

But yes, he is traumatized. To be exact he has CPTSD. Complex trauma. The difference between this and normal trauma is, that it develops over a long time. Specifically when it is not one or even just a few traumatizing experiences, but it is a lasting traumatizing situation. And in the case of our dear vampire spawn it is a traumatizing situation that lasted for almost two centuries!

Being unable to escape a traumatizing situation means that people in those situations build coping mechanisms as a method of survival. And I would argue that Astarion's entire asshole snarky personality mostly is a coping mechanism.

There are a several aspects of the situation with Cazador, that were traumatizing.

Several people have already talked about how basically Cazador has subjected his spawn to basically every single kind of abuse. We know there was physical abuse (for fuck's sake, they were tortured on a regular basis), there was sexual abuse (they were forced into prostitution and there is some dialogue that say that Cazador also raped them), there was emotional and psychological abuse (just look how Cazador talks to Astarion - and how he played the spawn against each other), and there was also a general sense of neglect.

But there is also the fact that Cazador forced them to do bad things. Be it to catch those victims (who the spawn thought would die) and there is also a bit of evidence that he probably forced them to otherwise kill - maybe people who were in the way of his politics. After all he also was quite active within the politics of the city. We also know from some dialogue that Cazador used his absolute control over the spawn at times to force them to torture themselves or each other.

One big aspect of people in abusive relationships (be it romantic relationships - or familiar relationships) is that the abuser will try to take away any possible support. I do assume that him playing the spawn against each other and making them torture each other is partly meant to destroy trust between them.

And of course, they just could not get help from the outside. Partly because of his rules and command. And partly, too, because I assume any attempt to get help would end the potential helper's life.

We also know from Astarion's dialogue, as well as the narrator text in the Astarion origin that Astarion gave in fairly quickly and tried to just do what Cazador wanted him to do. But we also know that it basically made no difference because Cazador would find some faults he could punish Astarion for.

So, all in all Astarion spend about 200 years in constant survival mode.

Here is the thing: For someone who has spend two centuries in those condition he appears surprisingly... functioning. Sure, he is a snarky bastard. And yeah, he also cannot fathom you helping him without him paying you in sex. But he... well, he is not a pile of misery sitting in a corner.

There might well be a reason for this, though: He is still in survival mode (because of the entire tadpole and world ending thing), and he also has a concrete goal (kill Cazador). The big question is how he is gonna relate and work through the trauma after the end of the game, when both the life-or-death situation ended and Cazador is dead.

Because, look. Our boy is going to need to work through all of that trauma. There is no way around it. He needs to work through it and it is gonna be painful.

A lot of people with CPTSD do develop a depression - and I doubt that this precious vampire spawn is going to be any different. Heck, I am going to go so far and say that we do see him being depressed quite a bit even in the game, even as he tries to hide it.

We know from the game he has nightmares of Cazador. Nightmares that kinda mix memories with fears. And those are probably just going to be a fact of his life for a few years. So, sleep is going to be hard at times - and so is going to be other stuff.

There will be stuff that triggers him. In my stuff I write him as easily being triggered by sexual stuff - because there is so much trauma related to it - as well as getting triggered when he is reminded of his scars. But he is also quite good at triggering himself by falling down memory holes.

Given that when you play the Astarion origin we have at least two scenes (probably more, but so far I encountered it two times) where he halucinates Cazador being there and watching him, I would assume that this is also going to stay within his life. Him seeing or hearing Cazador, because it is just so engrained in his memory through trauma.

One big thing I see him struggling with most is, that everything he is right now is what Cazador made him. For better or worse, all his learned behaviors are because of Cazador. And Cazador of course wanted to shape him. If Astarion ends up with Tav (or one of the origin characters), I can also very much see that this is gonna be a big issue for him. Because Astarion needs to change to heal. He cannot let himself be defined by Cazador. But if Tav tries to help this along, Astarion might just think that Tav is just another person who tries to mold him into someone else. (And yes, this is a point of conflict that I bring into Voice of the Voiceless.)

Another issue I could see arise is avoidance behavior. Basically... Here is the thing, trauma will never quite go away - but it can get better, if you work through it. But working through trauma is very, very painful, which is why a lot of traumatized folks instead try to avoid this. Becaue while it leads to betterment on the long run it is more painful for the moment than just trying to forget about it and distract yourself.

And given just the amount of trauma, I can see that easily happening here.

There is another big thing, too, though. Some people have already pointed it out before, but... If romanced it is fairly clear that Astarion is very, very emotionally dependent on Tav. Which absolutely makes a lot of sense, given that from his perspective Tav is (probably) the first ever person in a long, long time, who is actually nice to him and helps him. But you have to see that this, in the end, also is a type of avoidance behavior. Tav is safe, so he just sticks to Tav like a shadow, basically.

It seems to me from the game that Astarion is one of the characters in camp, who very much stick to themselves. Like, you can gleam from dialgoues (even though I still gotta say, I wanted more scenes of the characters doing stuff together at camp) that Wyll and Karlach do hang out at camp. And that Halsin and Gale over time do also kinda take care of everyone. But Astarion mostly tries to stick to himself, not really making connections to anyone.

And I think that also is in a way part of avoidance behavior. Friends means opening himself up, which means having a weakness, which then brings fear of it being exploited. So... yeah, sticking to Tav and Tav alone is so much safer.

But, here, too I think it is something that he, if he wants to heal, needs to learn to overcome. To put it differently: This man needs some friends. He needs people in his life besides Tav. But to get him there might be hard.

I mean, let's be frank. This man needs therapy. He needs therapy so badly. But... I somehow doubt that there are therapists in Faerûn.

So, yeah... He needs to figure it somewhat out on his own, which is only gonna make this harder.

tl;dr

This man is a mess. And even if everything goes well, he is gonna be a mess for at least a few years. Because you just do not get over 200 years of trauma upon trauma, without being a mess somewhere in between.

[horsetailcurlers2]

addison montgomery fanfiction recs by pairing

(although i am *relatively* new to the greys fandom, once i finished season three i immediately obsessively scoured the internet for any addison montgomery centric fanfiction i could get my hands on. here are just a few of my favorite ones for each of my addison ships (of which there are many). this is by no means an exhaustive list. my qualifications for this are that i’m cool and have good taste and spend way too much time thinking about fictional people)

ADDEK:

-“The Climbing Way” by winter machine (this is actually probably one of my favorite fanfictions of all time, period. this author is just absolutely brilliant at capturing their dynamic and all of its complexities. the entire thing is actually from derek’s POV which i was surprised how much i enjoyed considering i can sometimes be a derek hater lol but it provides some really good insight into his character without being as forgiving as canon or as bash-y as some fics (if that makes any sort of sense?). it also combines two of my favorite addek tropes: “sad baby backstory” and “traumatic event forces them to actually confront their issues”. it is also a very captivating portrait of derek and mark’s realtionship and has lots and lots of flashbacks. big angst warning especially for the early chapters.)

-“Some Bright Morning” by winter machine (i just can’t get enough of this author. i love any addek fic that heavily features savvy and weiss bc i think they should have made more appearances in canon. or savvy should’ve at least lmao. weiss was kind of a dick. but i like him in this fic! this is a very very interesting AU because it takes place largely outiside of canon settings and features a lot of OCs. it also takes place around early season one so the mark wound is still very fresh. its set entirely on a small island in georgia during savvy’s mother’s funeral so there’s plenty of forced proximity and bed sharing. the original setting and cast of characters are really fleshed out and completely captivating. like, i would read a whole separate story just about this island and its inhabitants. also features lots of background on savvy and addison’s friendship. and plenty of angst of course. you may be sending a pattern with these recommendations)

-“do you think i have forgotten (about you)” by crime_wives (this one legitimately made me sob. like, my body produced actual tears. angsty one shot. not happy-addek. a perfect snapshot of their tragic ending)

- “Unhinged (AddisonandDerekandMark)” by RulerOfAllThatIsEvilChiFlowers (very dark. very twisty. somewhat non linear.)

- “This Hurt Can Teach Us Both” by darlingwrecks (oh my lord this one is so so addek- bittersweet, sexy, nostalgic, painful and delightful all at once. my favorite thing about this writer is the way they write backstory, especially for the Med School Trio. this is also kind of fun because we never got to see how these two dealt with their post divorce logistics. derek was just kind of like “take all the property and fuck off” which is not at all how these things work lol)

MEDDISON:

- “lately she’s undressing for revenge” by emilyprentits (only read this if you want to be driven to tear your own hair out by the emotions this will make you feel. this is one of the fics that fully convinced me to ship meddison. so so so good and it’s like it was written from inside of meredith’s actual brain)

-“i’ll show you every version of yourself tonight” by withpeopleinperson (two words: stripper addison. read it. be forewarned it’s only one chapter and has not been updated in a few years but it’s a GREAT chapter regardless)

-“the seven stages of intoxication” by theprincessdiarist (meredith grey doling out meredith grey levels of emotional dysfunction. featuring loads and loads of delightfully frustrating mutual pining)

-“Sex and Caring in Seattle” by Bluefall (meredith once again having totally normal and regular feeling about her ex boyfriend’s wife. i love this one because they are both just kind of bisexual disasters and derek is just Also There. i love the way this author perfectly captures meredith’s perpetual inability to navigate her own emotions)

*EDIT: i also realized i forgot to add that these last two were recommended to me by @crime-wives !!!

-“open the floodgates up” by SugarsweetRomantic (this has EVERYTHING you could want in a meddison fic: mutual hurt/comfort, bed sharing, friends to lovers, these two being absolute dumbasses about each other. had me crying and also kicking my feet. genuinely)

MADDISON:

-“Make This Go On Forever” by darlingwrecks (i am so in love with this universe. i usually don’t gravitate toward kid/family centric fics but this one is so so much more than that. it’s maddison, if those two had made a real go of things, stayed in new york, and kept the pregnancy. there’s even some background merder eventually (which is not usually my jam but i like in this context). very very fluffy at times, a bit angsty at others, super in character but iirc i think this was written pretty early on in the show so addison and mark’s backgrounds may be a smidge different than in canon. this is the link to the rewritten version (i think?) on ao3. the author had the original up on live journal back in the day and i could have SWORN i read a sequel that i found a link to in the depths of their LJ but i cannot find it anywhere rn)

-“When I Grow Up” by winter machine (another maddison-if-they’d-stayed-in-new-york-and-addison-kept-the-pregnancy, but with a twist that brings them to seattle to see derek, who they haven’t spoken to in seven years. a fantastic plot but also sort of just a brilliant exploration of how mark and addison would be as parents given their own childhoods and how they have pretty much been cut off from the one healthy(ish) family dynamic that either of them have experienced. there’s also background merder in this one and it actually kind of made me like merder which is a major feat)

-“Celery” by winter machine (a fun little one shot featuring Derek Being An Idiot, Drunk Addison, and Mark Crossing Boundaries. a little bit sad and a little bit funny. again, everything by this author is just great)

JADDISON:

- “A Certain Slant of Light” by darlingwrecks (this is for those of us that were weirded out by addison’s convo with amelia in season 18. a more fleshed out exploration of addison’s mental health during the pandemic. it’s a very raw and honest portrayal of depression and anxiety and how someone like addison would navigate it while being a doctor in a global pandemic and raising an 8 year old. it’s not nearly as bleak as it sounds though. lots of fluff, a little smut. also touches on how addison might’ve grieved mark and derek. and archer makes some appearances which i loved (i know he’s an asshole but i really like addison’s brother lol))

-“Diamonds in the Sky” by Ziaaaaa_sdc (there’s so few jaddison fics out there, probably because of how compressed their relationship timeline was as they tried to wrap up the show, but this writer has several and they’re all so good. there definitely aren’t enough fun AUs for them so i was really excited when i first found this. its Ballet School Jaddison and there’s actually only three chapters atm. no idea if it will be updated ever again but it’s still more than worth a read. a smidge angsty so far. also seems to be setting up a little enemies to lovers arc)

CADDISON:

-“Help Me (With The Butterflies)” by BlackRoseMatron (a very sweet one shot. this author is single-handedly keeping the caddison shippers fed and i love it. they also have some really great meddison stuff)

[kpop-stories-21]

A Bittersweet Holiday

Group: ATEEZ

Pairing: Hongjoong x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Rating: 18-21+

Genres, Tropes, & AUs: Non-Idol AU, Established Relationship, Smut, Angst

Content & Trigger Warnings: Husband!Hongjoong, Wife!Reader, major character death, reader has an incurable illness, unprotected sex(wrap that shit up kids), goodbye sex, soft sex, fingering, slight dirty talk, Joong is very gentle with the reader

Summary: Christmas has always been you and Hongjoong's favourite holiday. After all, it was on December 24th four years ago that the two of you became husband and wife. But this year is different: not only will it be the last one you celebrate with Hongjoong; it will be the last one you celebrate, period. And you can't think of a better place to be when things happen than snowed in with your husband at your family's mountain cabin.

General tags: @kpop---scenarios @jeonrose @skittlez-area512 @mybiasisexo @biaswreckingfics @anyamaris @liliesofdreams @rdiamond2727 @naturalogre @bxffietheblxxdy @millennial-fangirl @twisted-tales-of-all @yoonguurt @staytinyville @dimpledsatan @kwanisms ATEEZ tags: @deltamoon666 @lovelyhange @spicyseonghwas

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Network pings: @cacaokpop-fics | @kdiarynet | @cultofdionysusnet

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A/N: Ya'll get your tissue boxes ready, we're in for quite the emotional ride

Collab Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You still remembered it vividly, the day the doctor said you had a disease with no known cure. It had been a devastating revelation, one that left you and your husband reeling for weeks afterward.

Things were fairly easy in the beginning. Aside from the weekly doctor visits, everything continued as usual for a while. Then one day you noticed that simple things like going upstairs and walking around the house exhausted you, leaving you tired for the rest of the day. Every day when Hongjoong came home from work, he found you perched on the couch looking like you just ran a marathon. He’d kiss you softly, then go change and start in on the housework. You felt awful for not being able to help him, but when you brought it up he just shrugged.

“I can manage.” He told you. “It’s not that big a deal.”

But you could see that it was, in fact, a very big deal. The stress of having to go to work, then come home and do all the things you used to be able to do was wearing him thin. Sometimes you felt like you were more concerned with his health than your own, but there was quite literally nothing you could do.

Sometime near the end of November, Hongjoong reached his boiling point. Suspended from work for getting into a fight with a colleague, he decided to take you away on what would probably be your last vacation. Your family owned a cabin in the nearby mountains, and it had become something of a Christmas tradition for the two of you to spend the holiday all warm and cosy in that little cabin. So you packed up and began the now-familiar drive into the country, ready to get away from all the stress and anxiety that hung heavy in your house.

“We’re here!” Hongjoong murmured, gently rousing you back to wakefulness. You shook the sleep from your eyes and pushed open the passenger car door, sliding out into the crisp winter air. Hongjoong unlocked the cabin’s front door and let you sit on the bed to begin unpacking things while he went to purchase a week’s worth of groceries to start with.

As you sat on the comfy double bed and emptied out one suitcase after another, you found yourself thinking back on your life and if you had really lived it to the fullest. Could you confidently face your end with no regrets? You weren’t sure. Maybe talking it over with Hongjoong would help you put things in perspective.

The rustling of plastic bags broke you from your thoughts as your husband re-entered the cabin. You stood and went to watch him unbag everything and put it all away, smiling at how lucky you were to have someone as kind and caring as Hongjoong. He was everything you could’ve ever asked for in a partner, plus so much more. You wouldn’t have anyone else by your side through all of this, not even your parents or your best friends.

Hongjoong saw you standing in the doorway and stopped to smile at you. He could see the lingering worry in your expression and walked over, pulling you close and wrapping his arms around you.

“What’s wrong, love? Is something bothering you?”

You let out a sigh, hesitating, then slowly nodded your head. “A little, yeah.”

Hongjoong guided you into the living room and sat beside you on the sofa, dark eyes watching you intently. Taking a deep breath, you began to share with him the thoughts you’d had just moments ago. Hongjoong listened patiently, waiting until he was sure you’d said everything before voicing his response.

“You know what I think? I think that you have absolutely nothing to be worried about. Everyone makes mistakes or does things they regret, but unfortunately that’s just part of life. What you need to remember is this: the things that really made you happy, the moments you’ll never forget? You did them because you wanted to, and that is far more important than doing things that will only please others.”

Your eyes filled with tears as you leaned forward and hugged him tightly, your heart swelling at the profound words. “I love you so much Hongjoong, more than you will ever know.” You looked up at him seriously. “There may be things in my past that I regret, but marrying you has never been one of them.”

Hongjoong held you fast against his chest, relishing the warmth of your thin body. In his head he cursed God, the Fates, or whoever was responsible for taking you away from him much too soon. He hated that he wouldn't get to grow old with you, surrounded by grandchildren. You had only managed to give birth once before becoming sick. The baby had been several weeks premature, and after being released from the hospital she currently resided with your parents since you were too ill to care for her. When he realised he was going to lose you, Hongjoong had sworn to himself that he would be the best father he could be. He owed you that at least, if not so much more.

The rest of that day was spent quietly, the two of you curled up on the couch watching Christmas movies together until you both began to get sleepy and retired to the bedroom.

On your fourth day at the cabin, you woke to find a thick blanket of snow covering everything. According to the weather report it was several inches thick, with a layer of ice underneath. Long story short, you and Hongjoong were now snowed in until it melted enough for safe road travel.

A couple days after that, you awakened with a strange urgency flooding your veins. You had trouble even sitting up by now, and Hongjoong had to help you do pretty much everything. You had a sinking feeling the urgency meant you didn't have much longer, and it terrified you. You were by no means ready to leave, especially since it meant your beloved husband would be stranded with your lifeless form for who knew how long.

After dinner that evening you asked for a last favour from Hongjoong.

“Joong, will you make love to me?”

The brunette choked on his drink a little, looking at you in surprise.

“Y/N, are you sure? I don't wish to hurt you or-”

“I'm sure.” You replied, staring at him firmly. “I want to feel you one last time.” You bit your lip to hide the wobble of your chin as you pushed out that last sentence. You hated how final everything felt, and you knew Hongjoong felt the same way.

“Alright then.” He conceded, scooping you into his arms and carrying you to the bedroom. He sat you gently on the plush duvet, then proceeded to cover all the windows. This was to be a private moment, just between the two of you.

Tenderly, as if he was afraid he might break you, he stripped you of your clothes before removing his own. Then he crawled slowly towards you, that signature smirk of his surfacing for a moment and causing butterflies to erupt within you. His hands gripped your hips briefly before sliding up your side to cup your face.

“I love you so much, my sweet Y/N, and I will miss you terribly.” He murmured, eyes glistening.

“Shh, let’s not think about that now.” You whispered, heart twisting at the agony in his expression. “Show me how much you love me, Kim Hongjoong.”

His lips met yours in a gentle but heated kiss as he slipped two fingers inside of you. It had been a while since the last time you two were intimate with each other like this, and the stretch made you wince slightly. Hongjoong pressed little kisses to your forehead as he carefully moved his fingers, and soon the discomfort gave way as heat began to build inside of you.

A quiet moan slipped past your lips, and Hongjoong tentatively added a third finger. No discomfort twisted your features, only pleasure, and so he deemed that you were ready. Removing his fingers, he moved forward, sliding fully into you with one smooth motion. A choked moan was punched out of your lungs, eyes rolling back slightly at the glorious sensations coursing through your body.

“Fuck, I forgot how good you felt inside me like this.” You panted, gripping his shoulders as you fought the urge to cum immediately.

“It’s been too long.” Hongjoong agreed, letting out a grunt as your walls clenched around him. “You’re always so tight for me, baby.”

Hovering over you, he pressed a firm kiss to your lips and began moving in long, slow thrusts that stole the breath from your lungs as he pressed deep inside you.

“Shit, Joong, ‘m not gonna last long like this!” You exclaimed, fingers burying in his hair as he leaned over and wrapped his tongue around your nipple, licking and sucking as he continued to fill you up over and over.

“It’s okay, my love. Go ahead, cum for me. I won’t be far behind.”

A wave of utter euphoria flooded your senses, your vision going white as the most intense orgasm you might’ve ever had washed over you. Lost in the bliss, you didn’t even register when your husband’s movements stilled as he emptied his load inside of you.

Once you floated back down to earth, you watched with a sated smile as Hongjoong set about cleaning both of you up. Then he pulled the duvet and sheets down, climbing in and pulling you close as he succumbed to sleep’s sweet call.

You stayed awake that night, mind running too fast to even attempt sleeping. As the sun began to peek over the mountaintops you felt a sudden peace come over you, replacing the urgency you’d felt the previous day.

Hongjoong would be alright. He had both his and your parents, his friends, and your little daughter as well. They would help him cope and keep him from losing himself to his grief.

Yes, he would be okay. You could rest easy now knowing your family would be cared for and looked after. You took one last look at your beloved husband, smiled, and let go.

[detectivereads]

Batman The Long Halloween: The Last Halloween: Prologue #0 by Jeph Loeb

100/5 this was so good; I can’t wait to read more.

This post is for fan entertainment, I am not being paid.

Hi everyone,

I hope you are well.

Ok this comic, I got this on Batman Day, and I was totally stoked to get something from the series The Long Halloween. I love the whole story about The Long Halloween with the crime families, to the murders and this shows how Two-Face came to be, (or at least a version, they have the iconic court room scene with acid.)

Now I did get confused when I was reading the comic, when it said Prologue since this already have Harvey Dent being splashed with acid but looking closer, I saw the subtitle The Last Halloween so that cleared things up.

We also see Glinda Dent, Harvey’s wife, who went MIA for a year and now came back, if you read the Long Halloween, you’ll understand how big of a role she played. I always sympathize with her, that she wanted to spend more time with her husband, but in Gotham you’ll be lucky to get two minutes.

Harvey is one of the villains I always felt sorry for, granted looking at some of Batman’s rogues, there is a lot of people there that are villains of circumstance, either being manipulated to being a villain or just pushed too far. But this comic shows that desire that he wants to be with his wife and have the life before he got horribly disfigure. But not all good things last. Especially when Calendar man has a bone to pick with the Dents.

Now I will say this Calendar Man is freaking terrifying; I played Arkham City and did some background research on the guy and this man is crazy. Tim Sale has done wonderful work on Calendar man on how in the Long Halloween series he has made him so creepy and unsettling.

Calendar Man reminds me of a cult leader when we see him in the church, but way more disturbing. After his acolytes botched a robbery Calendar Man promptly disposes of them.

However, I did find one issue with one part of the comic, where Calendar Man went to the Dent’s house, Harvey was in the other room while Gilda was answering the door for what she thought would be tick or treaters. You think that Harvey would coming busting in the room like the Kool-aid man when he heard his wife’s body dropped to the floor.

Now a real treat that this comic had given us we get to see Robin, Jim had asked Batman if Robin wouldn’t mind going tick or treating with Barbara (Barbara the niece not the daughter, this is the universe where Barbara is the niece).

But Batman gets summon with the bat signal, Two-Face is there he needs Batman’s help on finding Gilda and Calendar Man.

Now this scene where Calendar Man is doing the token bad guy speech, is my favorite scene besides the little color that is on the baby bottle topper the scene is completely black and white. Calendar man has Gilda in the confessional, he is not happy with her roll during the Long Halloween, and he is there to get his revenge on her.

However, before Calendar Man could pull the trigger, Two-Face busts in dressed like one of the acolytes as per Calendar Man orders to show that he is “loyal” to Calendar Man, he has to perform a heist.

Calendar Man wants the Moussaieff Red Diamond, but Calendar Man falls into the trap that Batman set up. We also see the real Harvey and Solomon Grundy busting in the room of the church. After Harvey interrogates one of the acolytes, telling Harvey where she is, he disposes of them and rescues Gilda, but like all of Gotham rogues Calendar Man has the penchant to use bombs.

Solomon Grundy takes the blow, but we all know Solomon Grundy will rise again. But it is bittersweet to see Solomon sacrifice himself for a friend.

Back to the butt kicking that Batman is laying out on Calendar Man.

Calendar Man is again telling Batman how hard his life was on the streets of Gotham but felt alive when he was committing crimes.  Batman finishes whooping Calendar Man and dashes off.

We see Two-Face and Gilda rowing off into the moonlight? (I don’t know if the sun is rising at this point.) Two-Face and Gilda, Batman and Robin all good things comes in pairs.

Batman is worried about Harvey and Gilda, what could happen to them or what they can do together.

I love this series, I can’t wait for the next issues, seeing some of the covers I have high hopes for the series.

[lej222]

Hey... What's your thoughts on todays chapter of aslfua

I apologize in advance for the short answer, I'm working on a big post about the supernatural force in the story and it takes up my time 😃Episode149 spoilers:

I personally liked this chapter. We had a lot of interesting moments, like:

Miae can indeed hear the voice of the higher being(?) and it seems to steer her towards Jisu. I cannot emphasize this enough, but there's two possible outcomes, one is the happy ending with Miae fighting her own fate, the other is the bittersweet one about a young love that was not bound to happen. So far, Miae has been ignoring this voice and might continue to do so, but even if her fate is not with Cheol, the story is about them. There's no way we will see Miae with Jisu together unless it's an extra/epilogue chapter if Miae and Cheol don't end up together. So even if that comes true, it doesn't diminish Cheol's role as the main character as some people claim after this episode. It is a story about growth and learning and first love.

Miae finally remembers Jisu which makes me think her memories about him will emerge just like they did with Cheol. Like I said in my previous post, Miae might just have kickstarted her own destiny that the higher power foreshadowed. If it's true, this unknown voice will be even more active in the future chapters. The direction of the story from here on really depends on the author's vision.

Jisu and Miae playing the guitar was so cute. Poor Jisu said he cannot control his yawning, I know people on the spectrum who are the same because of sensory overload...and because he was the same as a kid it pretty much explains it

Jisu got himself involved with both the Shim (the bully with the mole) and the Yonghui-Yunhui storylines. So his character will definitely be a cornerstone from here on, regardless the love triangle.

Soonkki said that she would focus on the main plot because of her health problems. Which pretty much confirms what I've been yapping about, that Jisu is the 3rd main character and is important to the main plot. There was no way he would be irrelevant with how much attention Soonkki gave him, he was basically having his own parallel storyline in the background up until ep 75. We could even say ASLFUA is about two stories about two childhood friendships, and the intersection is Miae herself, that's why she's the main character who can hear the voice of the higher being. We got her story with Cheol in a chronological order, starting from their first meeting, and it continued in the present. While her story with Jisu was intentionally left open for a long time.

It's just my personal opinion, but I hate comments like how Cheol should beat up Jisu for this episode. They genuinely make me angry. I never cared about the romantic outcome in this story, I'm an adult. Hating on a teenager like this is an awful thing to do and trying to justify it with how you want your 15-year-old characters to end up together is just immature. Jisu has a role in this story, whether people like it or not. What role, we can only make guesses. I hate to say this to some readers, but there are people who experience heartbreak countless times in their lives before they find the one, or they might never find them. So arguing about fictional teenagers and their love lives seems pretty pointless, especially sending asks to me about it, because while I think it's nice if first loves last a lifetime, I'm not naive or young enough to believe that it is always true. (Not your question anon, it was respectful!🤝)

Random thought, but I just realized Jisu and Miae are two characters who still don't have their resolution to their character arcs and it's interesting how they have to spend more time together.

Because we have:

Cheol: he stops hiding from other people, becomes more animated and honest about his feelings, more open to new experiences

Johan: steps up to be brave and opens up to make friends

Honggyu: stops judging people and learns to accept help

Jinseop: forms genuine connections instead of hanging out with bullies

Song-I: stands up for herself and for what she wants

For Miae, we know she has to mature but she's not there yet, she needs challenging experiences like Cheol, e.g. when Jisu called her out for interrupting the confession was a moment that genuinely made her think about her actions. As for Jisu, we don't know what his character arc will be about, but he's already connected to important subplots.

[stingrayextraordinaire]

Thank you so much for the tag, @lady-merian! I'm honored to be included <3

Are you named after anyone? Not in the slightest! I think my parents truly just thought of a random name and wrote it on the birth certificate.

When was the last time you cried? Probably a few weeks ago.

Do you have kids? I do not, but I think I will someday when the time is right.

What sports do you play/have you played? I was a roller figure skater and ballerina all through high school, but ballet is the one that I have kept up! I'm also hoping to pick up some martial arts sometime in the future :)

Do you use sarcasm? Frequently and enthusiastically (though I do work to avoid being potentially hurtful with my sarcasm)

What is the first thing you notice about people? I always pay attention to how people treat others, because that's the best judge of character in my opinion. Physically, I tend to notice how people walk / what their nervous habits are. I'm not very talkative, so I often spend a lot of my time observing the people around me when I have a chance!

What's your eye color? A mix between blue and gray, with some squiggly white rings throughout.

Scary movies or happy endings? I'll take a happy ending any day, as I'm not a huge fan of really scary movies (atmospherically creepy movies are okay, but not scary movies). However, a bittersweet ending is also quite palatable to my tastes when I'm in the mood for it!

Any talents? I have a lot of reading/literature-based skills, and writing has always been a strength of mine as well. Drawing, coloring, singing, and organizing are some sub-talents that I don't use as often but enjoy fostering when I can!

Where were you born? In the big city hospital where my parents lived when I was born!

What are your hobbies? Reading, drawing, writing, coloring, making miniatures, making moodboards, etc.

Do you have any pets? I have two dogs, both of whom are joys of my life!

How tall are you? Five feet and four inches, which puts me shorter than most of my students unfortunately :D

Favorite subject in school? English and history!

Dream job? I am currently a high school English teacher, which was my dream job for years, but the ultimate dream job is a lighthouse keeper or mystical librarian. One day, I will achieve one of them :)

I'll tag @valiantarcher, @moonlightandstarshimmer, @effulgentpoet, @ladyrock18, @piscesgirl2020, @thevintagetiger, @bg-sparrow, and @lemaldusiecle, but only if you see this and are intrigued by it!

[pebblysand]

Hey there. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing Castles with us. I was 16 when I stumbled upon this masterpiece. I turned 18 a couple of months ago. I came of age with this fic. Whenever things got too much, Castles was what I'd find an escape in. It has taught me so much, taught me how the world's never just black & white and how life can be messy yet worth living. Castles has been a safe place, really. I cried, laughed, mourned and loved along with the characters. Your writing has made me feel so much so deeply, and I'd feel those heartaches all over again in a heartbeat. The female characters especially are so strong, so nuanced, their beauty lies in their imperfections which you've portrayed with so much care . As we reach the end of this road, I hope you are proud of yourself. I hope you know that this fic of yours has left a lasting impact on me.

Oh and I've been meaning to ask, how are you feeling now that it's all out?

thank you so much. that means more to me than you can imagine. ❤️

as to your question... how am i? pfew. i don't know. as i write this, i am now in france, enjoying the riviera's setting sun on my mum's terrace, with my thirteen-year-old four-legged baby sleeping underneath the table. there are palm trees and bougainvilleas. she's just woken up to bark at the airbnb neighbours next door.

how am i? exhausted. like, bone-deep. i don't know how to explain. the exhaustion of having published 82,000 words in two months. of having written 403,000 words in four years. of having made a thing. i made a thing. i could sleep for ten years, i feel, but i'm also wired. from the excitement and the adrenaline. i woke up every hour last night. i woke up at four o'clock this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. i now have two weeks of holidays and beach days to hopefully let my brain recuperate.

i am... terribly unfit lol. i'm the heaviest i've ever been, but it's not really about that, it's about the fact that i've been eating absolute shite for the past four/five months (with the above-mentioned exhaustion, i couldn't be bothered to cook), and honestly don't feel i could walk 10,000 steps without being out of breath. let me tell you that spending your days working in front of a laptop for your big girl job and all your evenings and weekends writing makes your life very sedentary. but that is easily fixable. my mum's building has a pool, so we'll be going every day and doing laps and going for walks and exploring the world again and recharging, and hopefully we'll feel better in a few weeks.

i am also... in absolute disbelief. i think it will take a while to truly sink in. i am incredibly proud of myself, proud of this story. proud of having told it. proud of not giving up on it. i came so close, this time last year. but i hung on. i owed it to myself. and, frankly, i owed it to lily, to tell her story. how lovely that i can finally say that without spoiling. she deserved someone else to hear.

i am... immensely honoured. beyond belief. i think for a long time, i blocked out and minimised the kind comments and the things people would say about how much this story meant to them, not out of rudeness but more to preserve myself from the pressure. it can be difficult - petrifying - to write a story that means a lot to people. but now, i have seventy-two comments (and counting) in my inbox and i am slowly realising that maybe, people weren't just being nice when they said these things. maybe it was true. and that means more to me than words could ever express.

i am... grieving. a little bit. i think, reading all of your messages and comments, a lot of you seem to feel that too. a bittersweetness of a four-year adventure ending. i think this emotion is already a bit on its way out for me, because i've been grieving castles for a while now, and have slowly come to terms with it ending. but, still. i would be remiss if i did not mention that the immense sense of pride and satisfaction and fulfilment that i feel ending this project, also didn't come with a bit of grief.

and, finally, i am very much looking forward to the future. i am excited for a lot of travel plans i have set up in the autumn. i am excited for my birthday in six days. i am excited for what the future will bring in terms of the stories i will inevitably tell again. fanfic or original.

and, i am immensely grateful to all of you. so thank you ❤️