#it's so sad when people delete their fanart from their blogs

[fandom-hoarder]

I've found reblogs for all those reposted fanarts EXCEPT THE PUSHUPS. I KNOW I HAVE IT SOMEWHERE WTF

Why didn't I tag it #big little brother

[raayllum]

so i deleted my poll & here's why bc it is both. sad, strange, and a little hilarious. for TLDR, skip all the way to the end

this is what it was gearing towards as of this afternoon & this is why it got weird.

for clarification, the poll was meant to investigate, because i was curious, how many people i had potentially influenced in my writing(s) about callum analysis wise. i actually expected option 2 to be the most common (aka that people already saw him that way) since that's what i've found in my circles; most of the other rayllum writers and shippers i've spoken to reached those conclusions themselves after S2 or S3, if not earlier. so option 1 being the most popular was the first big surprise, as was as many people picking "want to see the results"

here's where things go from surprising to weird. earlier this afternoon, the poll was sitting around 120-ish people and had been in that vein for most of the week since it was published, climbing maybe a few votes every day after the initial boom in a variety of the categories the first like day and a half.

then, steadily, over the course of 5-10 minutes, anywhere from 5 to 15 fresh votes flooded in... all to the same category of "nah i don't see him that way." which wasn't That strange, except

the fandom troll, who is notoriously obnoxiously loud about Not liking this interpretation of callum, also has a tendency of making sock blogs and sending anonymous asks to bait you over and over again, no matter how many times you block them. for Years.

then the number continued to steadily climb solely in that singular category, doubling and then tripling. now, i'm not going to say there couldn't be *check statistics* 50 people who don't see callum as being willing to sacrifice the world for his loved ones/help aaravos if rayla or ezran's lines were quit literally being held at knifepoint, But

When the poll started, I acknowledged the bias the poll would likely be prone to, as my followers - by virtue of following me and seeing and presumably agreeing with what I post - would probably skew in favour of the interpretation, and this was reflected in 6/7 days of the poll's backing, with 60-78% (roughly 70-80 people) of participants leaning towards a shared interpretation. "Nah I don't see him that way" also rose steadily in terms of votes throughout the week day by day, but never cleared more than 8-10 individual people (you're troopers, I respect you, and I hope having the "snake boi Callum" tag makes it easier for you to blacklist accordingly so that you can enjoy your fandom experience)

The Snake Boi Callum interpretation is popular enough in fandom that we actually had a fandom event for it a few months back, plenty of people participated who I felt I wasn't familiar with as well as people I knew I would, and the pieces of art/fic/playlists regularly got 50-150 notes. If there are 50+ people who disagree with said interpretation, they are, generally speaking, not a group who's often actually making things for the fandom at large in terms of fic, fanart, other forms of creation, and not a ton of meta weekly or monthly about the topic and/or outside of that general wheelhouse, either. The 'pro' side is conversely a lot more active; most of the people who have written fic about said topic(s) aren't even me, but other cool lovely talented individuals over the past 3-ish years

The initial wave of votes happened when I posted the poll in the "snake boi Callum," "Rayllum," "tdp," and "the dragon prince" tags to reach a broader audience beyond my more immediate active follower range (as like, 90% of my followers are lurkers, which - respect). This is when it would've made sense if there was going to be an uptick in "nah I don't see him that way" to build

Instead, it happened 6 days into the poll when it was already decently buried by tags, I had recently self-reblogged it back into my accordingly biased circles, and rather than having a general variety, only a singular category went up by close to 40 people in like 3 hours. I tend to gain anywhere from 6-10 followers a week (for example, this week was 6) so that also does not account for the massive leap in a very short amount of time

Therefore, keeping to roughly 125 votes for posterity, and when removing the originally 30-ish or so people who voted for "see results" (significantly less than the first category, but more than the second by a decent margin) as well as the real 10 votes for "nah, I don't see him that way," approximately 85 people voted explicitly in favour of Snake Boi Callum / one of the first two options in general, with my meta being cited as the biggest influence. This is also with me rounding up the numbers of the other categories to likely more than they were, but I want to account for the potential error of my memory, as I wasn't keeping track of where things were super specifically before it started to smell like meddling.

Again, it's not that there couldn't be 50 people with that opinion, it's just that 40 of them, Realistically, did not suddenly come out of the woodwork in the span of 1-2 hours to consecutively vote in only one (1) category 6 days after that would've actually, marginally, made sense in terms of tagging / seeing it in the main tags.

If you're wondering why I presented all my ~ evidence ~ it's because if not, I'd probably be labelled as a liar and/or dismissed (it's happened before, unfortunately) and honestly, it ended up being a little funny to dig into how presumably nuts this got.

TLDR;

Anyway if you ever feel like you're deeply insecure and worried that you're idiotically clout chasing, remember you will never be as Embarrassing as the guy who made close to 39 sock blogs in one afternoon to try and 'one up' someone over an opinion they have regarding a children's tv show protagonist who's believed biggest flaw is that he Loves His Friends.

better poll that cannot be screwed with will follow

[felmonth]

Anonymous Questions!

(It takes me a long time to answer since I usually draw to answer, give me patience with that too)

What I do?

-I draw "Welcome Home" mostly and some other alternative universe of this project and other fanarts.

-I draw small comics of my character interacting with fandom characters

-I draw headcanons/scenarios through comics.

-I don't usually draw romantic things but above all it's always romance between boys (so if you don't like it you can leave with a cup of tea and cookies from me)

-If I draw horror I do it as soft as possible.

Social networks:

instagram / Tiktok

About my art!

-You can draw your OC with my character but don't think that by putting my character in a romantic situation, you and me, should be a couple…it's VERY uncomfortable…don't see it as automatically we should be a couple please (yeah... People like this came to me)

-I clarify this because it has happened to me with some users who fought to the death in the chat for my character and me... and man… it's uncomfortable to see that so I ask you please… if you draw your character with mine. DON'T see it as a relationship between users….

-If you draw them in a romantic way, let them be of legal age since most of my characters are 25 or older.

-It takes me forever to draw but I will do my best to bring content.

-Don't trace my drawings.

-I'm not good with my character designs but don't copy the designs I give them, I want to see your creativity not an exact copy.

-You can be inspired by my drawings but not make exact copies of those drawings.

-Yes, you can draw my Ocs with your oc (whether alone, ships, friends or neighbors)

-You can also draw reels or tiktoks, comics with my characters, I have no problem.

About me

-You can give me ideas to draw in the anonymous questions, no problem and also your oc (but patience or block)

-I have no problem with nsfw art as long as it's not problematic all good.

-Don't ask me if you can draw me something, just do it (But if you feel better asking, I have no problem answering).

-If I inspired you, give credits or a mention so I can see it.

-I will not tolerate homophobes looking at my drawings… we must respect everyone equally even if they are just drawings.

-Well… that's it, this blog will be edited over time to add more things. You can ask if you have questions about something.

About "Chats"

I didn't want to make this section about the chats but I am tired that there are people who get angry or sad either if I don't answer or I give them an answer that is not to their liking, I don't want to be a bad person but I want to clarify a few things:

-I can't be 100% chatting.

-I take a long time to respond to chats but that doesn't mean you have to insist with messages for me to respond quickly, if you're going to start with that, better not talk to me.

-Don't talk to me constantly:

-I mean by this, is that you talk to me all the time and every day of the week, do not do it...give me pauses and time to answer because I am not 100% on the phone, do not insist that I answer because it stresses me more not being able to answer, I try but I can't, I have other things to worry about and I'm not on the phone.... sorry.

-My response in chats: usually take days, weeks or even months, either by work, University, energy, mentally, etc..

-Delete messages: If you talk to me on any social network chat .... don't delete your messages...when they come to my phone by notification I read them but if I see that the message you sent me 35 min ago, I see it again 5 minutes later, it makes me feel very bad because you are not being patient with me when I am doing my best.

-Don't give me personal information about yourself and if you insist with chat messages of “why aren't you answering?”, I will not answer.

Byeeee UWU)/!!!!

[therealpizzaheadiswear]

HAHAHAHA! HELLO! HI!

Welcome to my blog! I'm Pizzahead, and we're gonna have fun here, haha!

This site is gonna be one of my first interactions with the world outside of my tower, but haha, i'll manage!

(psst, hey! i'm the person who runs this thing. this is also my first time doing anything like this, so sorry if it's bad.)

(anyways, i'm gonna speak in these parenthesis just because i want people to know the difference in tags about whether Pizzahead or i am saying a thing.)

(so here are some rules btw-)

1: I could be a bit slow with asks sometimes. Sorry, but i got a life, and i can't control that. Just dont get angry or demand asks be turned on or answered or smth

2: I'm a minor, and i have friends that dislike NSFW! At their worst, keep asks mildly suggestive please! Otherwise they will be deleted

3: Basic DNI stuff (racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc.)

4: Don't be mean in general, unless its for RP reasons

(and if you want to refer to me, you can just call me RandMod. Okay now some other info...)

I think that one blue square on my blog is usually called "asks" by others or somethin? Well, haha, either way, mine are...

Open! Go ahead, don't be shy, ha! say whatever!

Closed! Sorry, heh, ya gotta come back later!

Hrm... Think that's about enough for now, ha! Bye!

(And also, here's my explanation on some of the tags ill use. I'm using them all on this post mostly to check if they don't exist yet...)

("Just silly pizza thoughts" will be used whenever Pizzahead is just saying things)

("Just sad pizza thoughts" will be used for AAAAAANGST!!! which apparently happens a lot ig)

("the RandMod speaks!" will be used whenever i make a post that's just me talking to you directly, or if i'm in a post)

("Pizzahead's art gallery" will be used when art is reblogged on this blog, which will be rare unless its direct fanart for this blog)

(And of course i will use the basic tags of "Pizzahead" and "Pizza Tower" for each post)

(Oh, and you can do just about whatever with the stuff from this blog as long as u credit it, and it abides to the rules from earlier)

(Alright then, uh... bye. Hope you have some sort of fun with this...)

[hogwarts-legacy-confessions]

To answer this question in more detail: No, I have not felt personally targeted by a post on this blog, and I'm grateful for that. But I know too many people who have been, and that's really fucking sad.

Maybe the intention was for this blog to be a fun place where people could post their dirty, dark secrets, but all it's become is a cesspool of negativity.

Too many people are stressed and over-researching their fics because of lore police on here ranting over minute details.

Too many "bigger" creators now feel guilty for not interacting with every single person who comments on their work or drawing the MC of every person who draws theirs first.

Too many people who don't interact with this blog, who have blocked it even, have been bombarded with Anon's saying their work is being attacked here. That's not a nice feeling.

Too many people worried their work isn't “good enough” and only got attention because they posted early on.

People have considered deleting entire works because of posts on here.

And honestly, I've probably missed a lot more ways people have been negatively affected.

Sitting here and saying, "I'm not omniscient" does not change the fact that people are very obviously being hurt by the content posted on this blog.

Fandom should be an escape. Not a place people have to grow a thick skin to interact with.

/rant over

You're correct that my aim with this blog was to give people a place to admit things about their interest in the game and its characters that they would not say publicly. Specifically, I've had multiple people relay to me anonymously that they love my work who also admitted they were afraid to express their appreciation by way of public engagement on it. I thought it might be interesting to see what other secrets people may be hiding, and we've gotten some good ones.

But, you're right that the nitpicking over fics and fanart has gone too far. The AI argument has been done to death, for instance, and we know historical accuracy is an issue in fanworks (as it's bound to be in any fandom based on a specific time period), and we also know that people are feeling underappreciated in their efforts to contribute to the fandom.

I am not one to cater to the most sensitive person in the room. From the inception of this blog it had detractors, including multiple people who submitted very direct attacks against me personally, some of which I published. I wouldn't be surprised if some of these same people had submitted some of the nastier confessions just to sow discord then pointed them out in order to prove how bad the blog is. But the idea that someone might be so devastated by this or that general comment or correction that they want to quit fandom or remove their work honestly never occurred to me. I've made an effort to ensure that posts aren't aimed at any particular individual, but that does leave them open to interpretation and anxious people may assume the worst.

Until a few hours ago, I had never heard about any of those purported reactions you listed above - not even from people with whom I share servers and DMs - and I do wonder who/how many people we're talking about here and whether the posts really were even about them. There was only that one girl who dramatically "left the fandom" because people were saying critical things about Sebastian. Other than that, not one single person has reached out to me (and anons are obviously open) to say "hey, I was hurt by x/y/z" or "I think this confession is about me."

I can also tell you for a fact there are certain bad actors trying to stir up trouble, particularly for me and this blog, which they're primarily against because they don't like its admin. I can't control what those individuals do as far as sending anons that may or may not be accurate, and I suggest that everyone block them when they rear their heads.

That said, I can admit that we've gone a little off course with both the tone and content of some of the confessions. I'll be implementing new guidelines (to be determined, and I welcome input) surrounding the issue of fandom and fanworks.

Thanks for your gracious feedback. Anons and DMs remain open.

[dovelydraws]

Im no creator or anything, but that last part you wrote about how the internet is becoming a lonely place…i kinda feel that. Most likely not in the same sense you do, but everywhere the release of new and newer stuff and media is on the forefront, AI is rising and making the release even faster (at the cost of quality most of the time) and it‘s just…there‘s no appreciation anymore? Nobody stops to listen or see or engage with stuff because newer music or art or anything really is coming out and everyone wants to keep up. Communities or fanbases become short lived and that‘s for the huge pieces, and the smaller ones kinda seem to just…fall behind and are forgotten

Engagement also seems to have become somewhat precarious. That‘s solely an opinion of mine, but whenever I hear what creators have to deal with due to the animosity made possible by the internet…it‘s just sad. And as such, I for one don‘t want to bother anyone and so I feel like not wanting to say the wrong thing and in the worst scenario cost an artist some motivation or joy (yes, Im aware, me sending an ask anonymously is a bit ironic, but that‘s mostly my anxiety peaking)

Yeah, I totally agree about everything going way too fast. Over the last few years I REALLY began hating the binge-format brought on by streaming services, ever since I noticed how quickly communities die out after new shows air because of it. I remember a lot of people complaining when certain ones like hbomax and disneyplus decided to release their shows weekly instead of all at once, but I actually felt relieved and excited by the idea, because it meant we'd all actually have time to digest and truly appreciate what we were seeing and have actual discussions around it like we used to.

It's why I describe the feeling I get when people simply leave a quick "like" on my art without actual engagement with me and my work as "consumption." I don't fault people for doing it on occasion, I get sometimes we just like what we see and don't have much to say about it and that's that, I certainly do the same thing sometimes. But when it's constantly the only form of recognition I'm getting, it really starts to feel like I'm not being seen as a person behind the screen, that my work was churned out for instant individual gratification with no extra thought behind it.

This feeling started to get really, really bad with the rottmnt fandom in particular actually, which is why I swore off making any more fanart for it. Seeing several strangers discover me, spam-like through my blog on all my fanart posts, ignore everything else, no reblogs, no comments, and not even follow me afterwards, it really began to leave a bad taste in my mouth and made me super uncomfortable. It was happening literally every day for months at one point, after the movie came out. It made me feel like a content mill, and I very nearly deleted every single one of my fanart posts because of it. I'm hesitant to jump into making fanart for any other fandoms now too, because I don't want that to happen again.

As for what you said about the way people treat artists making you nervous to engage yourself, in worry that you'll bother them or make it worse- tbh, I think your recognition of that makes it even more important for you to say what you want to say? Art is a form of communication. Artists are looking for community, when we share our work to the world. We're always bound to not be understood or treated fairly, when you open yourself up like that. Whether that's feeling hated, or ignored, or disrespected, I think every positive comment left by someone who enjoyed what they saw helps to drown out those bad experiences. It's all we're ever looking for, to know that our effort meant something to someone.

I totally get where you're coming from with your anxiety, but I truly think you could only do more good than harm by letting someone know that you liked something they put a lot of love and effort into creating. I always reblog art that I like over on my personal blog, and I try to leave little comments in the tags whenever my brain's not totally fried after an 8 hour shift at my job, lol. It doesn't even need to be anything specific! I try to do that for people when I can because I know how happy it makes me feel when someone else does that for me. :)

[dirtappreciator]

Announcement for gay people

Hello my adoring fans, it's (formerly) Valvarna. You might have noticed that all of my previous art has for the most part has disappeared from this blog. Not to worry! This is untrue (kind of) I have saved all of my old art on my alternate blog. You can find it here.

@not-elizabeth-what-are-you-crazy

Why did I do this? In laymen's terms, I just want a fresh start. I'm not really into the Undertale fandom anymore and to be honest I just cant stand looking at the art I've made for it (in a cringe way, not that I hate the art itself, or the fandom) This is my main blog that I've had the longest and I want to be proud of what people see on it. Though, I know how much it sucks when you can't find a piece of fanart you liked when you were younger, so I didn't outright delete my art. You are welcome >B)

So from now on and for the foreseeable future, probably no more Undertale (sad) If you followed specifically for that, this is your cue to leave if you so wish.

As for the rest of you, I may start posting some new stuff (mostly from my other interests (like Fallout 4, JJBA, MLP, Warrior Cats/WC ocs) but maybe even some stuff from my own little projects >:3C

I'm not really sure how to end this post, so here's a drawing of (most of) the cast from Undertale from memory. Sucks to anyone that isn't Sans or Papyrus cause this is the first, probably even last time they'll appear on this blog.

.

..

...

That's pretty much all I wanted to say.

Good night,

Elizabeth

[possessionisamyth]

I mean, is it bad that i went through the entirety of RE4make and bought in the whole knight/princess fairytale schtick but didn't pick on any feelings from Leon's side? Kinda sad for Ashley but i think the devs were being sly

Of course, if i went in depth about that, some would deem me for judge jury execution lmfao

Anon, I am saying this very nicely, but everyone in the RE tags are not your friends. Shared interest doesn't equal friendship. This isn't a website you can make money on, so focusing on engagement and post numbers is a null point.

That said, this means you can post whatever you want! You're not stuck to a theme or a fandom or how personal you get or anything!

Dropping something different/argumentative in a fandom tag isn't like you're on the announcement speaker in high school telling people off. If someone tries to annoy you or harass you, you can choose to engage them honestly and elaborate, ignore them, or you can block them. I've found sometimes when I do engage people honestly, they don't like my tone and block me. These are good things. Everyone is able to curate their experience, and honestly, if they don't want to talk to me about this stuff, then I probably wouldn't want to talk to THEM either.

All that stuff about people receiving a ton of anon hate for ships and opinions and shit? I haven't seen any of it. Why? Because I've been pretty vocal and annoying since I first got here, and those 2-3 people sending that stuff definitely have me blocked by now. The 10+ hater asks people get are always, without fail, just a couple people being annoying and wanting to frame themselves as an army. As you can see, there's no limit to how many asks you can send in one sitting. It's very classic 2014 tumblr behavior.

That said, I strongly recommend you and everyone else to be posting your opinions/interpretations in the tags. It not only keeps the tag from being swamped with half xreader fic I keep having to find new ways to block, but it'll encourage others (including me) to look at scenes and dynamics differently as we read. Different interpretations, even read in passing, do fuel and influence fandom as much as fanart and fanfic. The more opinions in the water, the more art people end up creating. Making people think, giving varying viewpoints on the same scenes/relationships, and organizing your own thoughts by putting them down on paper also lets you have more enjoyment of the story.

If people don't agree with or like what you write, they will either ignore your post or block you, but you're not looking for "Yes Men"! You're not going to get bullied either since anons make themselves look dumb as hell on this website all the damn time. You have the power to post or block as much as anyone else. Abuse it like me. The people you want to talk to will meet you at the level you're speaking at.

Plus, every anon who sends something always desperately checks the blog over and over to see if it's been posted. If for some reason you do get hate asks and quietly delete them, imagine how desperate they'll start acting. It'll be so sad and pathetic lol.

[memorymessage]

i got deep and sentimental about scrolling through my old blog...

@vinterisen

i was watching mina le's new video last night and, though i didn't fully finish it yet, i made it to the part where she was talking about how she would never share her new interests to her tumblr followers, because they originally followed her for something else-

and boy- yeah... i restrained myself so hard from posting about anything other than metal, norse mythology, tolkien, and nature photography on my main blog for soooo long. then i caved and started posting about video games. and yep, soo many people unfollowed me or just stopped talking to me. i felt so involved in a community of friends and likeminded people, and that immediately went away when i started posting different content.

eventually i just said fuck it and made a video game blog @sordm5, but... i should have made it as a sideblog, because i ended up abandoning my main blog. i couldn't be bothered to sign in and out, and i also had (have) a hard time catering to multiple hyperfixations, so my main blog became forgotten.

and it's funny because, my current main blog is now...not dissimilar from my old main blog. so i am literally scrolling my old blog for content to reblog from myself. i tried going back to my old blog a couple years ago, but everyone there is fucking gone. i only have a handful of active mutuals that are still around, so it's just fucking depressing to even log in and see the desolation of a once super active dashboard.

but the difference is, i don't have a community here. i started my current main blog as an eating disorder diary, and that's where pretty much all of my followers came from, aside from the few people that found me through HIM/ville valo posts.

i think a majority of my followers are inactive now, and the rest have been deleted for community guidelines (lost 400 followers during the second tumblr app store scandal purge) since ed tags got stricken down on by the ban hammer really, really hard.

so i guess i just miss having a community-based tumblr. if those even exist anymore outside of fandom spaces. mind you, i'm talking about an era where this site was still popular (2012-2014), and you could find a community for just about everything.

now... there really isn't "genre" communities anymore. i think the only blogs that still have strong fandoms and communities are tied to specific media. there's no strong sense of community anymore for people that post nature photos, norse mythology, metal, tolkien, etc, but don't make any fandom-esque posts, like fanart, fanfics, character analysis, etc.

my main blog is just...an aesthetic blog now. the most soulless type of blog on this entire platform. but i can't help it. my OCD has taken over my tumblr presence. on my old blog, i used to just post whatever i wanted. now, i follow a formula of aesthetic photo posts, and never post text posts anymore (this one is the first time in...maybe two years).

and the only way for an aesthetic blog to gain traction is to steal/repost content, which i refuse to do. i refuse to take part in the rampant photo theft on this site. i mean... sadly, i probably reblog a lot of stolen reposts without being aware. i should source check better, but i cannot be fucked with how overrrun this site is with content theft.

but even when those blogs gain traction, it's still soulless. like, there's no community of similar interests beyond aesthetics.

anyway i'm tired of typing

tl;dr: BIG SAD, NO FRENS

and this all ties into my obsession with nostalgia. we're living the better past of a depressing future and we don't even know it.

i keep trying to go back.

what am i gaining by ceaselessly peering through the archives of my past? naught but bitter melancholy...

the yearning for a life that has long gone by—so far now that it begins to feel like a fiction. it's as familiar to me as a beloved book or film, multiple times re-watched, yet similarly as unfamiliar—memories becoming indistinguishable from an observed or imagined fiction.

my past is all i have—i cannot lose it... yet the mind is inescapably fallible. as time goes by, it is a saddening realization that my old cameras will have better preserved my lived experiences than my own recollection.

[gin-draws]

Hey! Sorry I didn't see these forever, but it's totally something I've been meaning to address and I just haven't had words for a while.

Firstly: fuck terfs.

The rest is long so it’s under the cut:

Having JKR alive and running around spewing hate has definitely not helped my love for the series. She uses money that we gave her to fuel her hateful bullshit, and to actively attack not just the trans community, but whatever issue she disagrees with in the UK. It hurts as someone that grew up putting myself into this world to have the creator openly using her power and influence to go after other marginalized people.

Even before JKR started openly being horrible I had worked hard to overlook my discomfort with stuff in the series (there's a lot of problematic stuff that 10 year old me could overlook but 32 year old me can't lol). A big part of me getting past that was just making her world my own through my art. I loved the community I found in the fandom on tumblr. I loved the people I could interact with over a shared interest and something that brought us all joy. Especially other creators that made the world their own.

Over time though, engagement kind of fell off on tumblr. (Where the reblogs at.. am I right?) And slowly I went from being able to ignore negative comments here and there because of the good interactions, to being worn out by the growing overwhelming negativity. People act like they can just demand things from creators and we somehow owe it to fandom to do what they specifically want.

Want that character to be white? Draw them yourself.

(Making characters bipoc brings out a shocking amount of anger from people for no reason but racism...)

I had tried to make the story I'd grown up loving into something that made me happy. I made the cast diverse because I grew up surrounded by all sorts of cultures and religions and it made my world a lot bigger. I sometimes played around with my own gender identity through my art, and it brought me a lot of joy. (Sirius was a fun playground for getting through a LOT of my own shit). But it brought out a lot of vitriol, and over time I just got tired of it.

I mostly stopped posting art because now it's something I do for me. My own characters and stories where nobody could send anon messages telling me "x should actually be white because---" I put a lot of time and love into my work and if it doesn't make me happy, I lose interest. Doesn’t mean I stopped drawing, it’s just not fanart as much anymore.

(I draw a LOT lol)

I miss the story I grew up loving a lot. But I can't actively put money in JKR's pockets, which distanced me from the series. A lot of my interaction with the community became a little too negative to deal with. And so over time I drifted away. It makes me sad to have strayed from that world, but it just became a little too toxic for me.

It still brings me a lot of joy seeing the positive comments, and people appreciating my old art means a lot. But I kind of moved on for myself, and now I don't have to worry about hateful comments about canon and race when I post my dnd characters lol.

I’ll probably be moving hp art I’m not happy with anymore over to my old hp side blog instead of deleting it, but as an artist and creative I’ve moved on to my own characters and stories. (If I open up commissions and people liked my interpretations of the characters, I would love nothing more than to draw desi Harry, or black Hermione, or Sirius not giving a fuck about gender. Lmao)

[thalassa-caelum]

IN/ENGLISH:

Well, this is going to be the last post I'm going to do on this topic and then "The End". As you know , followers and friends, a couple of months ago I have been receiving hateful (anonymous) comments from useless people who have a lot of free time. Normally, I ignore these kinds of things because they're the sick pastimes of cowardly people, but I have found out that they have been spreading slurs on me, so I'm going to dedicate this post to politely answer them:

1."Your Liar Princess is a copy of xxxx": Wrong. They told me this in 2021 but my AU was published on Feb 17th, 2019. You just have to go to the original post and you will find their publication date. This AU was born out of my fanaticism for the video game. There is no more story behind this. However, it's important to emphasize that my Au's story is VERY DIFFERENT from the story of the video game. The Knight and the Huntress don't exist in the video game, the Wolf's intentions are different (the game's wolf is much friendlier), and the Prince doesn't have magical eyes. These are some examples. Is it a copy of what exactly?

2. ”Your Identity V3 AU is a copy...too”: My AU’s was posted on Oct 17th, 2018, two years before the DRxID Collab announcement. I'm not a time traveler, is impossible for my AU to be a copy, and even if I decided to draw something on this today then that would just be a fanart, not a copy. To this I add, this AU’s was born when the Identity V game wasn't the globally recognized game that is today. I just thought "it would be a cool mix" and the rest is history.

3. “Your D. of Shuichi is a copy" (of what? They have never specified it): Wrong again. My comic (January 12, 2021) is slightly inspired by a book that I love called "Disarticulations", which tells the story of a woman with Alzheimer's. Obviously, neither Shuichi nor Kokichi have this sad disease, since the only thing I took from the book was a phrase ["only when we forget something, can we begin to remember"] and the rest is a modern interpretation of a philosophy concept name that I willn't mention because it would ruin much of the mystery. It isn't a copy, at most it has an intertext inside.

4. (This is perhaps the most inconceivable lol), “Your Remake is a copy”. because it makes all the logic in the world... to copy myself. I know that my style has changed, but I think is clear that the two drawings are the work of the same person because... they both have my watermark on them *sigh*.

- I think this shouldn't even be a topic of discussion, it's very easy to find the publication dates of each of the Au's in this blog, and if they need more "proof" I have each of the original files saved on other platforms. In addition, it's very easy to identify the same dates in the metadata. Personally, I wasn't going to say anything about this because is a waste of time for me, however this post is to affirm that I'm not going to delete my drawings or my account just because some children are bothered by my saiouma, my ideas or they "don't like me" for their immature reasons. Here posted drawings just for fun, I don't want money, or anything like that, I'm never going to profit from this because I'm not a professional artist like many of my friends and, thanks God, I don't need it. For this same reason, I have the total freedom to posting what I want since, as I said, is a hobby.

My apologies for this text, but I thought is necessary to clarify the obvious in case any of you became a recipient of this nonsense.

Have a nice day, ladies and gentlemen.

Long Live Tonight.

SPANISH/ESPAÑOL:

Bueno, este va a ser el último post que voy a hacer sobre este tema y luego voy a concluirlo. Como ustedes saben, seguidores, hace un par de meses he estado recibiendo comentarios (anónimos) de odio de parte de gente inutil que tiene mucho tiempo libre. Normalmente, ignoro esta clase de cosas porque son los pasatiempos enfermizos de gente cobarde, pero me he enterado que han estado esparciendo difamaciones sobre mí, así que voy a dedicar este post a contestarles:

1.Tu Liar Princess es una copia de xxxx. Error. Esto me lo dijeron en 2021 pero mi AU fue publicado en Feb 17th, 2019. Solamente tienes que ir al post original y encontrarás la fecha de publicación. Este AU nació por mi fanatismo por el videojuego. No hay historia más detrás de esto. Sin embargo, es importante recalcar que la historia de mi AU es MUY DIFERENTE a la historia del videojuego. El Caballero y la Cazadora no existen en el videojuego, las intenciones del Lobo son diferentes (el lobo del juego es mucho más amigable), y el príncipe no tiene ojos mágicos. Estos son algunos ejemplos. ¿Es una copia de qué exactamente?

2.”Tu Identity V3 AU es una copia”: Mi AU’s fue publicado el Oct 17th, 2018, dos años antes del anuncio del Collab. No soy una viajera del tiempo, es imposible que sea una copia y aunque yo decidiera dibujar algo sobre esto el día de hoy, entonces eso sería simplemente un fanart, no una copia. A esto agrego, este AU’s nació cuando el juego de Identity V no era el juego mundialmente reconocido que es hoy en día. Simplemente pensé “sería un mix cool” y el resto es historia.

3. “Tu D.of Shuichi” es una copia (¿de qué? Nunca lo han especificado). Como sea, de nuevo error. Mi comic ( Jan 12th, 2021) está inspirado levemente en un libro que amo llamado “Desarticulaciones”, el cual cuenta la historia de una mujer con alzheimer. Obviamente, ni Shuichi ni Kokichi tienen esta triste enfermedad, ya que lo único que tomé del libro fue una frase “solamente cuando olvidamos algo, podemos empezar a recordar” y lo demás es una interpretación moderna de un concepto de la filosofía cuyo nombre no voy a mencionar porque arruinaría gran parte del misterio. No es una copia, a lo sumo tiene un intertexto.

4. Esta es quizás la más inconcebible, “tu Remake es una copia”. Porque tiene toda la lógica del mundo el copiarme de mí misma. Sé que mi estilo ha cambiado, pero creo que es evidente que los dos dibujos son obra de una misma persona porque ambos tienen mi marca de agua en él.

Creo que esto ni siquiera debería ser un tema de discusión, es muy sencillo encontrar las fechas de publicación de cada uno de los AU’s en este blog, y si necesitan más “pruebas” tengo cada uno de los archivos originales guardados en otras plataformas. Además, es muy sencillo identificar las mismas fechas en los metadatos. Personalmente no iba a decir nada sobre esto porque es una pérdida de tiempo, sin embargo este post es para afirmar que no voy a borrar mi contenido ni mis cuentas solamente porque a unos niños les moleste el saiouma, mis ideas, o yo no les agrade por sus razones inmaduras. Publicó dibujos solamente por diversión, no quiero dinero, ni nada parecido, nunca voy a lucrar con esto porque no soy una artista profesional como varios de mis amigos y, gracias a Dios, no lo necesito. Por esta misma razón, tengo la libertad total para publicar lo que yo desee ya que, como dije, es un pasatiempo.

Mis disculpas por este texto, pero creí necesario aclarar lo evidente por si alguno de ustedes llega a ser receptor de estas tonterías.

Tengan un buen día, damas y caballeros.

Long Live Tonight.

[acrispyapple]

do no reblog art from this person.

they disregard artists. the artists’ rights. the artists’ wishes.

mlqc fandom, PLEASE be extremely mindful of what you reblog.

if there is only a link or an artist name, that art is -stolen- / reposted without permission. do not reblog.

there should always be a disclaimer somewhere that permission was given to post fanart. usually with proof as some people can just claim they have permission even when they don’t. unless that blog is well-trusted when it comes to posting art, there should always be proof of permission.

i always talk about art theft because it’s important to protect the artists who give us content. i’m sorry if you hate seeing my posts about this, but you guys can easily unfollow me because i will never stop trying to stop blatant art theft whenever i see it. tho i always do things privately, at this point i have no choice because they have chosen to just keep posting art while ignoring the artists and their wishes. i don’t think i need to explain much from our messages above. i also don’t think i should keep quiet about this.

whenever i message people about reposts, more often than not, it’s just an honest mistake. i’m always grateful to the people i’ve sent messages to in the past (re: taking down stolen art) who were really understanding. it creates a lot of anxiety for me to keep messaging people-- not knowing how they’re going to react, but i still do it because it’s the right thing to do.

now this person has blatantly shown she doesn’t care what the artists think of her posting their work. after my last message, i waited for her to reply, but instead she posted more stolen art and this:

i guess this is supposed to justify her just wanting to post whatever she wants without asking the artist or respecting their wishes when they say ‘do not repost / please ask for permission first’.

now, going back to their message to me, they also sent me a link about hypocrisy. and here it is:

i actually have an idea about who this might be. i remember sending some people copy/paste messages asking them to take down a helios fanart because the artist said so + it was posted without permission. because of so many reposts, that artist has already deleted the aforementioned fanart from their twitter. it was a photo to be used for her friend’s story.

please read everything under the cut because this is important.

besides calling an artist a hypocrite for wanting their art not posted anywhere else, this reposter blog also posted the twitter below, showing support. it has multiple stolen fanart. it’s mind-boggling how this can get 200+ retweets when it clearly says “stolen” ... GUYS. PLEASE.

do not support art theft. please just don’t. every time i see stolen art, it just makes me sad. it makes me not want to be on this site. please. i know you guys love pretty fanart, but please only reblog and support those who do it properly and those who protect the artists. do not reblog art posted without permission. this affects all artists. this affects all content makers when we allow people to feel entitled to anything they find on the internet. it also makes our fandom look bad.

if there is only a link or an artist name, that art is -stolen- / reposted without permission. do not reblog.

pinterest, zerochan, weheartit, etc are not supposed to be considered a source for fanart. do not use those sites as a justification for posting art without permission. DMCA LAWS EXIST. it’s just harder for foreign artists to lodge complaints because of accessibility, language barrier, etc. i know some artists who have lodged dmca take downs on tumblr, so please know, you really can’t just take someone’s work. besides, would it really kill to be respectful and mindful of others?

anyway, i’m just asking you guys not to reblog fanart from this person or anyone else who posts fanart without permission. do not send them hate or abuse. they’re free to think that way, and we’re also free to warn others not to support art theft. this is the first time i’ve had to name names because there really was no other way for me to protect the artists’ interests without outing the blog name. i’m sorry.

btw, if this is even important, apparently i’m not the first person to message them about art theft. they just really don’t want to listen.

please also read:

@saizoswifey​​​ ‘s post.

other posts explaining art theft: here and here. and the pinned post on my blog.

[canimal]

There is a real person behind every single story you read.

Maybe the world has gotten colder and more impersonal or the pandemic has made everyone suspicious of everyone and see other people as enemies. Or it could be the On-Demand, Netflix-binging consumption that’s made even kind people turn selfish in their demands for more content. But Fandom isn’t as much fun as it used to be.

I’m old enough to remember when this was a place to feel safe to share your creations with other fans who were just as excited to read them. It was a community, a place you could feel like you belonged when the real world got hard. For many of us, it was an escape.

I miss those days. Am I the only one who feels like it’s all changed?

2018 was the HARDEST year of my entire life. Sorry, 2020 and 2021, y’all have NOTHING on 2018, at least in my personal experience. Every single day was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. I can’t tell you how many times I HAD to write just to give me something to keep my mind occupied. Fandom was my escape. Even after I got caught up in some ridiculous nastiness more than once when the petty drama that always seems to follow a group of any people existing in the same space couldn’t avoid me, I had a place I could find joy and safety and a sense of belonging.

It’s not something I like to talk about (or even remember) but my year of shit bled into the early half of 2019 too. At my absolute lowest point of my entire life, literally and not hyperbolically, on the edge of a full emotional nervous breakdown, I was lost and struggling for something to hold on to to keep my head above water. Perhaps I put too much hope and faith in Fandom that should have been directed elsewhere more capable of handling it.

One hateful comment I wasn’t expecting pushed me over the edge. It was embarrassing. Now I can look back cringing with red cheeks and think, “Wow, that was an overreaction, dumbass”, but at the time I just wanted to run far away. An ordinary day when I wasn’t so fragile, I could’ve just rolled my eyes and moved on. But I wanted OUT. I wanted to run away from Fandom, forget it ever existed, and live far, far away from it.

I deleted all of my stories. Almost immediately I knew I made a mistake, but my stubborn nature made me dig in my heels and say “Fuck it. I want to leave. I want to move on with my life.” That was the only way it seemed possible at the time.

I didn’t expect the bombardment of messages I received after that over the next 24 hours. Almost entirely from people I’d never heard from before or spoken to, they were requests for me to send them PDFs of my stories or demands that I repost them because they were in the middle of reading them. A few audacious souls even asked if they could “adopt” my WIPs and finish them for me the way they wanted to finish them. Some messages were from kind readers expressing concerns about me and my well-being, but the overwhelmingly majority of them were from strangers demanding more, more, MORE!

It made me feel reduced to nothing but a machine whose sole purpose was to churn out more content for ungrateful, spoiled, selfish brats to consume more stories for which they would never even offer a simple “thank you” in return. All of the late nights I stayed up forgoing the sleep I loved (and needed) to finish another chapter were for nothing. The hours and hours I could’ve spent with my family and friends instead of in front of my computer were for nothing. It was all for nothing.

Maybe a day passed before I recovered all of the stories because I couldn’t imagine going through another minute of my FFN inbox, my Tumblr Asks, and my FB Messenger blowing up with messages from strangers demanding my stories. It was too much. All I wanted was to be left alone. Clearly that wasn’t the way to go about it.

Then when I recovered the stories, MORE messages came through except they were decidedly less friendly than “Yo, The Minister’s Secret is gone. Send me a pdf. I was in the middle of it.” These messages were full of vitriol about what a disgusting human being I was. One Ask I remember responding to (still cringing when I think about it - both the content of the ask and my response) accused me of doing it all for attention and I should be ashamed of myself. (I didn’t respond kindly which I’m still a little embarrassed by, but I still stand by most of what I said… barring most of the expletives.) Most of the Asks were deleted without comment, but wow, I still occasionally get a doozy!

I lost a lot of readers after that. Even more potential readers, I’m sure. It’s something I regret. It makes me sad sometimes to think about someone I know who won’t even talk to me now because of that particular incident. I know there are others who didn’t appreciate my horribly embarrassing moment of weakness. I wish I could take that whole incident back, but sadly, there’s no “Undo” button in life.

My reputation, which in some corners of the fandom already wasn’t very good, suffered a lot. I get it. I really do. Of course I understand actions have consequences. There were plenty of other less drastic and harmful decisions I could’ve made in that moment. I wasn’t thinking clearly and wish I could’ve just stepped away from my keyboard for a few days.

I’ve never wanted to talk about this because I’m still embarrassed even 2 1/2 years later. A lot of changes have gone on in my life since then that have made me a more emotionally stable, happy human being that I wish I could’ve been back then.

My whole point on writing this rambling post is because I want to remind everyone that even if the Fandom has changed, the people haven’t. There’s a human being behind every story, every fanart, every fan blog, every review - a human being with their own struggles and weaknesses and crises. We can’t afford to forget that.

You literally don’t know if your one word of encouragement is what is helping a person who is struggling take the next step forward or if your callous rudeness or indifference is the last straw for another.

The world is mean and nasty, but that doesn’t mean we have to be too. Fandom is an escape.

[lilfellasblog]

I tried to choose a question but, I'm pretty interested in answers to all those tbh

You. I like you.

Talk about the first ship you ever had. - Tiencha (Tien Shinhan/ Yamcha), which is why I'm very sympathetic to those also suffering in rarepair hell.

Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life. Destiel, Tiencha, Analogical

What’s your current OTP? Oof, I think I gotta go Prinxiety! So much potential for angst with hurt/comfort.

What’s your current NOTP? You know, I honestly can't think of any tbh.

Do you have any poly ships? For my OTP question, I originally answered LAMP/CALM, so definitely that!

How do you feel about love triangles? I think they can be intriguing if done well. If there's cheating involved, it would be pretty difficult for me to feel sympathy for the cheater.

How do you feel about RPF? It's fine, do whatever you want. Fanfic has always been for fans, not for creators. Purity culture and entitlement needs to stop. It's like seeing a sign that says "Snapping Turtles", jumping in the pond anyways, then yelling at the people who put up the sign after you lose a couple pounds of flesh.

Have you ever shipped yourself with a character? Tbh, the closest I've gotten is wanting different characters to adopt me and take me from my home. But I don't think I've ever romantically shipped myself with someone.

Do you have many ships that never got together at all? *cries in All Of Them*

Do you ship any characters that have never met? Huh. I don't think so tbh.

Talk about your favorite first kiss. Well in college there was- Oh! You mean fictional characters! :3 I think Virgil's first kiss with Roman in Healing Broken Wings is my favorite.

Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together? *cries in It's Never Happened*

Has a ship ever broken your heart? In fanfic? Yeah, I've read some sad endings before and that's usually not my jam.

How do you feel about will they/won’t they? I'm fine with it so long as it ends in "Yes they will!"

Have you ever “shipped at first sight”? Analogical, actually!

Talk about a ship you initially disliked. I think when Remus first appeared, I had a hard time imagining him with anyone because of what a gremlin he is. I've come around to the trash rat tho.

Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically. Destiel.

Talk about a moment which made you question an entire ship. Season 6 of Supernatural. Destiel. >:(

Have you ever shipped something despite yourself? Kind of? I've done spite fics with spite ships.

Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping. Tiencha, or Tien Shinhan/ Yamcha. They'd be so cute together!

Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against? Any ships that are part of fandoms I'm not in. I guess maybe Tony Stark/ Steve Rogers? They have such different values and ethics. They literally need a threat to the entire universe to come together.

Which of your ships have the best chemistry? Oh Analogical, easily. Royality too I think.

Which of your ships deserve better writing? Tiencha :(

Do you mostly ship canon pairings? Lmao no.

Have you ever shipped a pairing before you even started watching the show/movie simply because of gifs and graphics or similar? Yes I have! Crowley/ Aziraphale.

Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to? Not really, it's kind of all over the map.

Is there a ship you’ve shipped for most of your life? Tiencha.

Does shipping come easily to you? Yes, I am trash.

Do you need to ship something to really enjoy a movie/book/tv show/comic? Definitely not. I was a Potterhead, and I still don't really ship anything there.

Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships. Harry Potter, Marvel, DC Comics. I'm not in those fandoms tho.

Talk about one of your favorite headcanons for a ship you love. Roman is playfully protective of Virgil, and Virgil teases him by dramatically swooning.

Share five must-read fics. "Unexpected Destinies" was my first fic that I got into. Destiel fic, very complex and interesting AU. I think it got deleted during a LiveJournal purge tho. I got really into the "Battle Scars" series for a hot minute. Disabled Goku/ disabled Yamcha. "Perfect Attendance" by Periwren is great hurt/comfort starring Roman and Logan. "Welcome to the Neighborhood" by LeFay_Strent is absolutely hysterical. Shenanigans with Remy and Virgil, background Prinxiety, baffled Logan, it's a good time. And "War is Hell (but crushing is way more awkward)" by Jasper01 is incredible in so many ways! Funny, tragic, accurate, romantic, sweet, heartbreaking, all the things!

Name your favorite fanartist(s). So many fanartists have moved away from Sanders Sides, so I'm having a hard time thinking of many. To make sure I cover everyone, if there are any recs please let me know and I'll signal boost!

Share your favorite fanmix for your OTP. *Googles fanmix* It would appear I have none.

Recommend 1-5 shipper blogs. Gosh, so many of the shipping blogs I follow have become inactive in the Sides fandom. So! If any of you shipping blogs would like a shout-out, lmk and I'll signal boost!

Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for you ships? Fic. So much fic.

Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP? I mean I'm partial to Healing Broken Wings AU. As for trope, I'm a sucker for angst with hurt/comfort.

Do you like and use ship names? Definitely! Much faster to type.

Is there a fictional relationship you’d really want for yourself? I'm taking the word "fictional" literally here, because there is someone I'm in unrequited love with that I'm working on dealing with and I would really love a relationship with this person even though I know any hope is fiction.

If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be? Prinxiety, and that Roman would get some goshdang therapy!

[calware]

Man I just want to say that we would all entirely understand if you stopped updating this blog. Some people seem to think you're like a news network or something and think its your JOB to be Neutral in discourse and Always be correct or else your scrutinized to hell and back. Even if you did delete it doesn't mean you have to leave the fandom either, I would definitely be sad to see you go.

hey this is really?? really??? REALLY sweet?? thank you,,, SO much anon 🥺🥺🥺

especially with the part about discourse; i've gotten asks in the past that are like "i read this blog like the newspaper" "i love using your blog to stay up to date with hs drama" and don't get me wrong it's really flattering and i love those asks!! and to be completely honest it's fun to laugh at people making themselves look like idiots as per homestuck fandom drama. but it also kind of inadvertently places this expectation on me to always 1. give a fair, unbiased recount of the situation and 2. give My Opinion on the situation (which. is really hard if not impossible to do both) while 2a. also having the Correct opinion on the situation (that's not me saying "ugh it's so hard to not be offensive these days!!" thats me saying "i'm literally just a teenager and i'm trying my best to navigate issues as maturely as possible but i'm still learning a lot and a lot of the time it feels like i'm stumbling around blindfolded when i make arguments about things") because of how easy it is to get backlash for things—even if you're just misinformed/mistaken/someone misinterpreted your post in a way you didn't expect. like for example, with psycholonials, i really felt like i just did not have enough... experience(??) to give my opinion on the game, but not saying ANYTHING about it or having a "stance" after it ended... terrified me. and i know that i don't even have to involve myself with discourse and i could just reblog fanart and character analysis and overall just be chill but.... i still LIKE putting my voice out there and participating in fandom discussions. it's just the stress that comes from going about it that makes it almost intolerable.

...almost.

i still love the majority of this fandom and overall i enjoy it, so i'll definitely be sticking around. but it really does help knowing that i have all of this support from you guys :')

[1meengreenie]

A Vent/Update

This is kind of a long post, so I’ll be hiding it behind a read more! This is more for me to get things off my chest, so it’s alright if you skip this. I’m doing my best to resume making art, but it’s been difficult, so if you stay tuned, I truly appreciate your patience!

So it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that it’s been quite a while since I’ve made any sort of art on this blog. I figured I should probably provide an update to anyone who is concerned that something has happened to me, considering what the world has been like recently.

tl;dr: I am fine and physically healthy, but not mentally. I will keep trying my best, but I will not make any promises.

Long version: As some of you may be aware, I deal with (professionally diagnosed!) major depression and PTSD (though the PTSD isn’t really a factor here, as far as I know). I have been struggling with this for quite a number of years; if you look up “symptoms of depression,” 95% of those boxes would be checked for me, most notably in this situation “loss of interest in things you enjoy,” “fatigue,” and “persistent sad/anxious/empty feelings.” I tend to have good days and bad days, though it is more common for me to go for a period of time feeling horrible, especially if outside factors have affected me. Of note, I was juggling two jobs throughout March and April, with one of the jobs being so taxing that I eventually had to quit due to the stress it was causing me. I would come home from that job, do work for my other job, then be so mentally-drained that I couldn’t do much more than watch stuff on Youtube or play picross to unwind a bit before I had to go to bed.

Understandably, not drawing for months has affected my ability to draw. There was one point of time that I really wanted to make an effort to make art again, then I was told something that made me feel like a failure of an artist and I completely lost motivation again (I believe they meant well, but I wasn’t in the right mindset to receive criticism). Throughout May I have tried to make different pieces of art, and none of them have lived up to my standards; going two months without drawing makes me feel like I’ve lost YEARS of skill. Am I being too harsh on myself? Likely. Is it really as bad as I’m making it out to be? Probably not, but having been a perfectionist my entire life I just can’t bring myself to show others a finished product that I myself am not completely proud of (for the record, I delete pictures from my hard drive that I’m not happy with, finished or no).

I miss being in middle school and drawing absolutely “cringey” fanart, not having a care in the world what other people thought of it. I miss being able to make art for the sake of fun, not having to worry about notes or likes or retweets or growing an audience. I used to draw absolutely tacky neon-colored Sonic OCs using gel pens and shared them with one online friend. Now it feels like if I post something I spent hours on and get 30 likes (which I interpret as “it’s ok, but not good enough to show anyone”), I failed. How can I make art fun again? It’s easy to say “Just do it, who cares what anyone thinks,” but how do you break down those mental roadblocks that have been built up over years? How can I silence that voice in the back of my head that says “You’re not good enough?”

I used to love making art, but when you have a family that considers it a waste of time and thinks the only “real jobs” are those in the education, business or medical fields, you lose faith in yourself and your dreams. I make art to make others smile. To hear (or read, in most cases) someone say “This is cute!” makes me feel like I accomplished my goal. It is my dream to be able to make a video game that people will enjoy and connect with, and I just hope that one day I’m able to.

I want to draw, I really, truly do, but when I muster the energy to try, there’s a voice telling me “Why bother?” Why do I care so much about what other people think? I can’t even say “I just need to care about what I think” because I’m extremely harsh on myself as it is.

After I post this, I am going to try as best as I can to put an effort into ignoring that criticizing voice and try drawing again. I am going to try to draw things that I want to draw, even if it’s from something people consider unpopular or it’s an OC that only I love and care about. I need to re-teach myself how to draw humanoid characters, and if I have a bit of a learning curve, so what? Everyone starts somewhere.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I haven’t been able to share these thoughts with anyone, and it’s been eating away at me for quite a while (some of it even before this year, honestly). I feel like I can breathe a bit easier. I hope the next time you see a post on my blog, it’s a happy one.

-1MG