#it's so over for me (literally the happiest i've ever been) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pierregazly · 1 year ago

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you make loving fun ꨄ pierre gasly smau

pierre gasly x fem!russell!reader

in which pierre has made it obvious he worships the ground his fiancé walks on, but her brother just has to make it clear he can fight if he needs to.

ynrussell has posted a story

liked by pierregasly, carmenmmundt, and others

replies

pierregasly je t'aime mon chérie 🤍

georgerussell63 you better be sleeping in different beds. and the food better be fully cooked

ynrussell we've been engaged for 9 months. ynrussell and it's a fucking croissant it's obviously fully cooked you dolt

pierregasly

tagged ynrussell

liked by ynrussell, charles_leclerc, carmenmmundt, and 650,093 others

pierregasly what a great winter break with my favourite person! time to get back to work 💪😈

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ynrussell i love youuuu

ynrussell thanks for massaging my sore ankles after :(

liked by pierregasly

username they are literally so CUTE

username i want to be ynrussell so bad... like she's so pretty and pierre brings her EVERYWHERE

georgerussell63 this doesn't seem like a safe date option

georgerussell63 my sister better be in one piece by the time you finally return her home

ynrussell i am a grown woman??? i am not being returned home??? what is WRONG with you pierregasly i think i'll keep her actually, sorry mate!

username do you guys think george is serious or is he just playing a joke

username he comments on EVERY single one of their posts... my mans gonna fuck pierre up if he ever steps out of line frfr

liked by georgerussell63

ynrussell

tagged pierregasly

liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc, georgerussell63, and 46,209 others

ynrussell a special happy birthday to the king of my heart 🫶🏻 one year closer to 30 handsome!!!

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username happy birthday pierregasly!!!!!!

charles_leclerc 🥳🥳🥳

pierregasly do you want to fight??? one year closer to 30???

georgerussell63 i've got this ynrussell, don't threaten my sister or it's game over

pierregasly je t'aime 🤍

georgerussell63 is there a video of pierre getting his face shoved into the cake? i'll pay good money for it

username george omg

username LMAOOOO pleaaaase george is ruthless does he even like his future brother in law

georgerussell63 no. happy birthday pierregasly.

username why is no one talking about how he's looking at her in that second photo???? the pure love??? im gonna cry i hate that i love them

username the 😭 king 😭 of 😭 my 😭 heart 😭

ynrussell

tagged carmenmmundt, alexandrasaintmleux, pierregasly, and 12 others

liked by pierregasly, georgerussell63, alexandrasaintmleux, and 52,951 others

ynrussell spoiled absolutely rotten by all the wonderful women in my life this weekend, thank you all for making my bridal shower so special 🫶🏻 (and an extra special thank you to my best friend for the beautiful present he dropped off for me in the middle of it all)

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carmenmmundt had so much fun celebrating the beautiful bride to be!!

username it makes my heart so full that carmen's planned so much of ynrussell's pre-wedding stuff, she has to be in the wedding party omg

username do we think george is one of pierre's groomsmen???

username if pierre doesn't want to die on his wedding day i'd hope so lol

georgerussell63 i hope pierregasly didn't ruin your special day by showing up. so happy to see how overjoyed you were in all the photos 💗

ynrussell pls stop harassing my fiancé. love you georgie.

username i literally cannot WAIT for their wedding, i just know pierre is going to go all out to make sure ynrussell is the happiest bride in the world (or george will get his ass)

pierregasly i stand by what i said, prettiest flowers for my prettiest flower 💐

georgerussell63

tagged ynrussell

liked by ynrussell, pierregasly, carmenmmundt, and 879,092 others

georgerussell63 can't believe the little girl who used to make me zip up her raincoat on the way to school is getting married tomorrow. honoured to be apart of your special day. and even though i mention it 14 times in my speech, pierregasly i know where you live and i will hurt you if you ever hurt her.

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ynrussell 🥺🥺

ynrussell i'm going to cry. love you always georgie 🥺

username the picture of him zipping up her coat i'm going to cry... my fav brother/sister duo HONESTLY

username i just know this man would get away with murder for her if he had to

username pierre would not stand a chance against george

username bestie be so fucking for real, george's skinny ass ankles wouldn't stand a chance against my man pierre

carmenmmundt i think you've made enough threats by now?

liked by pierregasly, ynrussell, and 63 others

pierregasly may as well make it 15 times, i just dont think 14 is enough little brother

georgerussell63 do NOT call me that

pierregasly and yngasly

liked by georgerussell63, charles_leclerc, alpinef1team, and 1,673,942 others

pierregasly i am truly the luckiest man in the world to finally be able to call myself your husband. the tears were worth seeing you in the most beautiful dress, on the most beautiful day. i will hold my vows until the day i die. je t'aime, i love you.

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username omg he cried!!!!!!

username i KNEW IT i knew pierre would be a crier my man's looks like he would be

username do we think george made him cry

username girl dont be delulu i'd be crying too if yngasly was about to be my wife

georgerussell63 i have a video of you crying. don't act up.

pierregasly wouldn't count on it lil bro. username pierre may get beat up without it even involving yngasly as this rate

yngasly can't believe i bagged myself such a looker

yngasly i love you mr. gasly

pierregasly i love you mrs. gasly

honestly this was one of those one's that i started, imagined myself in this position and then basically HAD to finish it. thank you to the lovely person who requested a russell!sister!reader who is engaged to pierre, who constantly get's threatened by george. i hope you all loved it!!

my requests are open

taglist:

@leclercdream @myescapefromthislife @princessria127 @iloveyou3000morgan @love4lando @asfaraslifegets @decseptapril @somanyfandomsbruh @fangirl125reader @imagandom @motorsp0rt @jspitwall @sarahedwards16 @glitterf1 @christianpulisic10 @carlandonorri-s @smoothopz @eugene-emt-roe @epitios

if your name is struck through it wouldn't let me tag you! let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist/if you're missing from it :)

#pierre gasly #pierre gasly x reader #f1 x reader #pierre gasly x female reader #f1 social media au #pierre gasly smau #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 imagine #f1 one shot #f1 x you #smau #my writing #my smau

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avelera · 1 year ago

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OFMD S2 Meta - Stede's Garbage Self-Worth with regards to Ed is still unresolved

(And I'm so hyped for this plotline)

H'ok! So of all the scenes in episodes 1-3 of OFMD S2, this is the one I've been most hyped to discuss but I've been putting it off a few days so people had at least a little time to watch the new eps.

Gifs are courtesy of @ratchet from this gifset:

Hoooo BOY this is such an interesting scene to unpack! Because to me there's at least 3 levels going on here.

What Lucius hears

What the audience "hears"

What Stede literally said

Thing is, I believe when Stede says, "I'm not ready to believe that," the tone that Lucius hears and that the audience is at least 50/50 expected to hear based on the sort of cadence of the scene is, "I'm not ready to believe that Ed's best days are behind him. I'm going to change that."

But I'm not convinced that's what Stede is saying, what Rhys Darby is portraying, or what is literally on the page.

Literally, on the page, Stede says he's not ready to believe that. And given that Stede is very neurodivergent coded, Rhys is self-confessed autistic, and I believe Rhys is bringing that to his portrayal of Stede, I think we really should look at literal words as written and not just run with they're implied to say. This could be read as a declaration that Stede refuses to accept a reality where Ed's best days are behind him or the literal reading: he still can't process that Ed Teach's time with Stede Bonnet was the best Ed's life is ever going to get.

I believe this is for multiple reasons:

Stede isn't going to throw off a lifetime of low self-esteem and bullying overnight just because he's realized he's in love. Especially when the manner of realizing it (end of S1) was hurting the person he loves pretty badly by abandoning him without a word. He's determined to fix his mistakes but each step of the journey is revealing just how big of a mistake it actually was. Not exactly the stuff of sudden self-confidence and positive self-image change.

It requires a full re-write in Stede's brain of every single assumption he had about his relationship with Ed before their separation. Stede in S1, to my eyes, very much saw himself as the junior partner in the relationship. He saw Ed as taking pity on him, to some extent. He felt blessed to have Ed there. It informed so much of their relationship and it especially informed him taking off when he thought his presence was an active burden on Ed. Basically, what Lucius is saying here attacks the very foundations of Stede's understanding of the happiest part of his life so far. To learn that Ed wasn't just the happiest part of his life, but that he, Stede Bonnet, was the happiest part of Ed's life? Whew. Fuck. Not good. Very not good.

Because it's really not good if he was the happiest part of Ed's life, that he so fundamentally misunderstood their dynamic because of his low self-esteem, that he ended the happiest period of Ed's life without warning, without a note, prematurely, and left Ed with the inescapable conclusion that Stede doesn't care about him.

I think worse, even worse, is that Stede has evidence that Lucius is right that he was the best part of Ed's life. But in S1, we're heavily in Stede's POV and Stede's POV of himself is that he's a joke, pathetic, garbage, lucky to have someone like Ed in his life. But Ed's literal actions, louder than words, are that he chose Stede. He gave up piracy for him. He stayed by him. He offered his life for Stede's. Stede wasn't ready to hear that then, he couldn't hear it over the sound of his own low self-esteem whispering poison in his ear, externalized by the Badmintons (both real and imagined). He took their words as fact, rather than Ed's actions as fact. Reexamining Ed's actions shows just how wrong they were. Just how wrong Stede was. And just how badly he hurt Ed because he didn't listen to Ed, the person he loves, over the voices of his own trauma, self-doubt, or of the Badmintons, people who literally hated Stede.

It's a lot. It's a lot for Stede to take in. He's not there yet. But I love that we've had it said aloud: this is a major plot point still. Stede's end-of-S1 glow-up didn't signal that he's self-confident now enough to realize he might be as good for Ed as Ed is for him. He's still grappling with that. It shatters him to even begin to realize this. They have to work through that still. Stede is ready to start listening but he still doesn't, can't literally can't, believe it just yet. It's just too big.

And I am absolutely salivating to see how the rest of the season deals with this thread.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #my meta #spoilers

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ghost-proofbaby · 6 months ago

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Hi Ghosty!

Can I please have a blueberry summers solstice with Robin where her and the reader go on vacation with Robins parents but Robin still isn’t out to them yet so she makes the reader pretend to just be her “good friend” (sort of like the movie happiest season, but in the summer)

Thank you ily ♥️

giaa!!! thank you so much for your request, love <3 happiest season absolutely wrecked me at times because i've definitely had to endure a situation where i was the "good friend". naturally, this ending is sickly sweet and possibly unrealistic idk but... it's the kind of ending robin deserves <3

happiest summer

warnings: hurt/comfort, fear of coming out, the vaguest of vague mentions of past homophobia, and plenty of passing references to smut (none actually detailed), fem!reader. not edited. minors dni.

wc: 5.3k+

come enjoy a sweet summer treat with me <3

Things could be worse. Things could be so, so much worse.

It’s a mantra you have to repeat to yourself over and over the entire drive. A reassurance you try to express through squeezes of your girlfriend’s hand that cradles yours in the center console. A useless, pathetic reminder that can’t seem to really drill into your head as reality draws in closer.

Things could be worse, but that didn’t mean that this didn’t royally suck.

When Robin first introduced the idea of going on vacation with her parents, you’d been overjoyed. Bursting at the seams with all your excitement and immediate visions of spending quality time with your girlfriend’s family. A chance to make a good impression, a step in the right path towards the future. You hadn’t understood her blanched face as you’d agreed and immediately began rambling about it all – you hadn’t let her finish the entire proposition.

You were to go on vacation with Robin’s family, as her good friend.

Not as her girlfriend of several years that she’d met freshman year of college in the library, not as the woman she literally lives in a shared apartment with. You were to be introduced as nothing more than a best friend. An entire departure and erasure of the last four years, all for a weekend of supposed bliss with a family that didn’t even know the true Robin.

“You okay, babe?” Robin asks with a soft returning squeeze from her own hand, quickly bringing you back down to Earth.

You don’t really know if you’re okay. You’d probably need a dictionary definition of what it meant to be okay laid out in front of you, then several drinks, and then several Advils to take the edge off of your current headache before you could even ponder the question properly.

But you’re not about to burden the girl next to you with all your heavy feelings, choosing to lug them over your back as your own to carry before you smile sweetly just to lie right between your teeth, “Never been better.”

You have been better. You’d been so much better just this morning, when you’d woken up with Robin’s head between your thighs and her saccharine smile looking up at you from beneath the sheets. Before the world and this entire trip had been barrelling at you in full force.

But it’s fine. Things could be worse.

“I’m so excited for you to meet my folks,” Robin gushes as she takes her exit, sparing a quick glance in your direction, “I just know they’re going to love you. My dad makes the best scotcheroo bars, and- oh! Oh my God, did I ever mention how my mom is obsessed with puzzles? She probably brought at least twenty with her. I know it’s not the most exciting thing but if we at least try to do one with her for one of the nights, I just know she’ll be so happy, but also I understand if that sounds super fucking borin-”

“Robs,” you interrupt, leaning forward to look at her properly just as the car rolls to a pause at a red light, “I would love to do a puzzle with your mom. And I can’t wait to try your dad’s scotcheroos,” you bring her hand clutched in yours to your lip, and you take the time to let your lips brush across her knuckles, trying to savor the gesture while you still can, “I don’t care what we do this weekend, I’m just happy to be here. With you.”

She looks pretty like this. Eyes focused on you as her lashes flutter, a blush spreading across her cheeks as her lips are agape, watching you press each little peck across her skin. Hair still a bit messy from earlier during the drive when the two of you had the windows down, screaming along to Abba as she blazed down Highway 37.

Your lips twitch with a smile as you remember the way she didn’t even have her license when you met her, and you have to fully press your mouth to her hand to hide it.

“I’m happy to be here with you, too,” she whispers, voice edged with rasp as she refuses to take her eyes off of you.

Whenever she looks at you this way, it’s hard to not feel invincible. All the choking anxiety of the last hour’s drive finally tampers down with a sea of blue gazing at you with enough love to drown anyone, and resolve takes its place.

You could handle this. It was just one weekend at a lake house with her parents, playing pretend until the hours finally trickled by and you could return back home, immediately dropping the mask to love on your girlfriend in all the ways she deserves. To drown in blue eyes and honey lips until you were nothing but decay. It could all be worth it, whatever may be awaiting you for the next thirty six hours, when you could come back home with her.

It’s fine.

—

“Oh, aren’t you darling?”

“We’ve heard so much about you!”

“You’ve always been such a good friend to our Robin.”

Maybe, just maybe, you overestimated yourself.

The weekend was exactly what Robin had prepared you for. Her parents adored you, the family dog gave you sanctuary in any moments you’d felt the slightest bit awkward, and the view of the lake had been certainly to die for. You’ve had your fill of the best damn scotcheroos you’d ever tasted, you’d completed three puzzles with her mother, and you've seen more baby photos of Robin in the last two hours than you’ve seen of the woman herself as she helps her mom wash dishes in the kitchen. There’s a permanent musk of the lake lingering on your skin, covered with the chemicals of sunscreen reapplied religiously and sweetness of iced tea dripping down your chins after you made each other laugh too hard.

It’s almost picture perfect. If you close your eyes, it’s almost exactly as you’d always dreamed it.

Except you haven’t held Robin’s hand in two days. You haven’t had her lips pressed to yours in forty-eight hours, sticky from all the fresh fruit her mother’s been keeping on the counter for everyone. You haven’t been able to count the freckles across her chest as she strides over to you in her bikini, smiling brighter than the sun as droplets of the lake water shimmers across her skin.

It’s almost perfect, if perfect was a world in which you never knew the taste and touch of Robin Buckley.

There’s a gaping wound, an empty space at every table for every dinner at dusk, that you can’t ignore. No amount of polite conversation can fill it, no amount of private smiles from Robin across the room can bandage it. It demands to be seen; it cries out at every opportunity. When your hand twitched as you sat next to Robin on the couch to enjoy a movie, you’d felt it. When you’d had to bite your lip until it bled to avoid kissing her as she’d broken the surface of the lake in front of you the second afternoon during a much needed swim to cool off, you’d felt it.

Your bones and skin don’t just ache from the sun. Every atom in your body has been lit aflame, yearning for the girl who’s never felt further away.

“My mom was talking about taking a nature walk today,” Robin says as she sits on the edge of her bed to lace up her shoes. The two of you don’t even share a bed. Each night is ended in separate twin beds, on opposite sides of the room. More than just an ocean between you, “But it’s gonna be a hike – please dress for a hike. Every year she tries to trick me and say it’s just going to just be some casual bird watching, but then we end up walking uphill for a mile straight, and it’s miserable. Did you pack those boots like I warned you to?”

There’s a space there, too. An empty hole in the shape of the babe that would have slipped out so naturally if the two of you were back home.

You swallow the lump in your throat, “You already know you’re the only bird I wanna watch, Robin.”

You can’t even say the joke as loudly or proudly as you’d wanted to. It has to be nothing more than a whisper, words that get lost between the thin wooden planks making up the walls separating you and your friend from her parents.

You want to scream. You want to throw a tantrum. You want to kiss your girlfriend. You want to soothe the ache.

You’d highly, sorely overestimated yourself with this trip.

She still throws her head back in a cackle, though, eyes squinted so cutely and soft pink lips wide open as it echoes around the room. Around the cavern in your chest, “Shut up. You should ask my mom about all my potential names, though. I think every single one was a bird and she’d probably point them out the entire hike if you asked her t-”

“I’m actually not feeling that good,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. You swear that the room is spinning, and you tell yourself it’s just from the sweltering heat outside leaking in, “I… Maybe I shouldn’t go on the walk with you guys. Stay back, lay down for a while.”

Robin deflates right before your eyes. You almost wish you could take the words back.

“What?”

The broken whisper widens the cavern inside, new prickles of hurt forming as you watch yourself disappoint the one person in the world you can’t imagine ever letting down. The person who always makes you want to strive to be better, the girl who’s always been your number one supporter. Your closest confidant, your shoulder to lean on when times got rough. The first person you’d greeted every morning of the last four years, and the last person you see before you’d close your eyes at night.

Your mind had been flooded with the what-ifs since the night before. Robin had been indulging her parents in the story of how you two met, but the memory had been something shaved. Something blurry and foggy with the vaguest unfamiliarity. Details forgone, chunks bitten out to make it all easier to chew for them.

You’d met in the library. She’d asked for help with a class neither of you can even remember now. She’d assumed you were the safest bet, the assigned textbook having been spread out on the table in front of you amongst pages of notes, but couldn’t have been more wrong. You were even more clueless than her on the subject.

And she tells the story as it was for that part. The beginning matches your memory perfectly. There’s extra bits missing, like the way you’d stuttered like a fool when she’d first approached you because you’d never seen someone make a button shirt look so damn good. Or how you’d nearly jumped out of your skin when she’d abruptly taken the seat next to you, nearly scorned by her knee bumping yours as your heart raced with the panic of oh, God, a cute girl is next to me. A cute girl is touching me. I’m going to do something stupid – this will never end well. But the Devil’s in the details, and you don’t mind those vacant bits.

But then she continues on with more of your shared story. More of the novel of you two, the one you held so sacred, spine worn and pages crinkled from how many times your hands chose to flip through the pages with such tender touches.

You’d asked for her number to arrange study dates, not because you’d fumbled over yourself as you’d tried to ask her to get coffee with you sometime the second week of knowing her. Intentions always clear once you’d found out she was like you – no room for friendly connotations when you’d just said it was a date. No studying involved when you’d spent the entire time sipping on lattes staring at her lips until she’d nervously asked if she could kiss you at the end.

You’re roommates because both of you realized how terrible the dorm situations were – not because you’d both gotten scolded one too many times for spending the night at the other's place, sleeping far better when curled up together than you did alone. Roommates, not giddy lovers who had nearly broken their shared bed the first night in their not-yet-unpacked apartment by jumping on it before collapsing into one another. Childish laughter and kisses that involved more teeth than appropriate all because neither of you could stop giggling.

You had watched in real time as Robin had written right over your history, dark blue pen inking over words written in the softest cursive, as if it had never even happened.

You knew she’d have to lie. You knew she couldn’t tell the truth. But it still hurt.

“I just think the heat’s getting to me,” you croak out, falling back onto your mattress, vision going blurry. It’s the heat – it has to be. It can’t possibly be tears, even if it all clears when you blink a few times. The burn in your throat and corneas alike were just from the layer of sweat on your skin, not from all the emotions clawing at you from the inside out, “I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ve got Buster to keep me company.”

The moment they left, you weren’t going to be bothering the family dog.

You were going to cry, and scream, and clutch your chest as you clung to the reminder that it was all fake.

Come Monday, you’d be back in your apartment with just Robin, and that dreadful blue ink marking the page would be erased.

She wasn’t burning it all down on purpose. She wasn’t scarring you intentionally. She was simply just doing what she had to do – she was putting up whatever act to continue to involve you in her life as you’d both craved. It didn’t matter if you’d always wished for it to be entirely different from your current situation, where she proudly introduced you as her girlfriend and would spare you salty kisses on a lake’s dock without any fear. She was doing what she could. She was offering you the best she was capable of, and you couldn’t lose sight of that.

“Do you think you have heat stroke?” her eyes go wide as she stands, already walking towards you.

Half of you wants her to just hold you, the other half wants to keep her six feet away from you at the risk of being injured any further with reality.

“Exhaustion, not stroke,” you weakly smile, taking the most subtle of shuffles back on the bed, making a compromise on whether you’d keep her close or far. The effort of distance, but not enough to stop her before she sits on the edge of your bed. The lonely sheets and family quilt that hadn’t been keeping you quite as warm at night as she did. “Seriously, Robs, it’s fine. Go with your parents, maybe see if your dad will take a bunch of photos of the birds with that fancy camera he’s got. I’m goo-”

“You’re not good,” she interrupts, a look in her eyes that pierces right through you. You’re a terrible actor, “You- What’s really wrong? Is everything okay?”

No. It’s not okay. I miss you. You’re right in front of me, and I miss you so fucking badly, it hurts to breathe.

“I told you,” you try to laugh, “It’s just the hea-”

“Please stop lying to me.”

More gaps, more spaces. This is the part where she would have reached out already to hold you. This is the part where she takes your hand in hers and lets her thumb sweep over your knuckles in the smallest and most erratic of swipes, somehow still managing to be entirely soothing.

She doesn’t. She can’t. The doors don’t have locks, and you won’t ask her to risk it.

“I’m not lying-” you start, but Robin is getting up off the bed in an instant. Fast enough to scare you, and fast enough to make you reach out to grab onto her.

She’s out of reach before your hand even makes a fist. Your first decisive move of this entire trip to try and touch her, try to hold her in your palm once more, and she’s nothing more than smoke and mirrors as she races out the door of the bedroom.

It’s fitting. The air between the gaps in your fingers currently feel exactly as tangible as she’s felt this entire weekend.

The tears can’t be stopped once you’re left alone. They don’t come about dramatically, they don’t slip out between gasping breaths and wretched sobs. Silent and salty, they slip down your cheeks effortlessly between small hiccups. Anyone on the other side of the door left open no more than an inch wouldn’t even hear you, notice you.

You love her. You love her so loudly, it’s deafening. You love her the way they love in all the movies, when the cameras will pine to the hopeless fools who scream from rooftops about the one they cherish most. You love her the way they love in all the novels, endless words for endless oceans you’ll brave just for one glance from her. You love her the way they do in all the photographs, in all the stories passed down for generations, in all the songs wailing over the radio static.

Four years. Four long and wonderful years that should have built the strongest of pillars to survive this one small bump in the road, but you’re crumbling at a faster rate than you’d ever thought possible.

You can’t even blame her – you don’t even want to.

When she finally comes back into the room, the storm has nearly passed. The clouds have rolled through, all the tears have fallen, and you try and see with some clarity between every single sniffle.

“I told my parents to go ahead without us…” she says, the last word falling off into an inaudible whisper when she catches sight of you.

Pink eyes, wet cheeks, broken heart. A heart not even broken at her hand, despite her having clear ownership of it.

She takes one deep breath, sharp and sudden, and you think she’s about to bombard you with questions once more. But then the breath is held for a few seconds – one, two, three, you count them – before she blows it back out and drags her feet over to the other bed. Away from you. Separate from you entirely, so far out of reach that everything threatens to begin to burn again.

She can’t love you the way she normally does. Not here, not behind curtains and restrictions. Not under the watchful gaze of oblivious parents.

You won’t even argue that her parents have been so kind, that she should be able to come out to them. It’s a line you refuse to cross. You’ve both witnessed it throughout your individual lives; everyone can play nice so easily until they know the truth.

You’d even shared your own handful of horror stories about your own family and friends with her. Probably scared her even worse when it came to the thought of finally coming out to her parents. Probably damned you to never be loved out loud as you were crying for, because now she knew of the risk that always existed, and it all felt a bit hopeless.

Thanksgiving afternoons spent snacking on whatever sweet treat her father had made as you all watched the parade on the TV. Christmas mornings spent in your childhood home. Grocery shopping on a Sunday night with her hand in yours.

They all felt intangible. She felt intangible.

It’s not until you can hear the quiet thud of the front door of the house shutting that you’re reminded that she’s still there. You’ve curled up on the head of the bed, knees to your chin, trying to bury all your sniffling into the skin rather than risk anyone hearing. You didn’t want her parents to see you like this; you didn’t want to have to explain. You couldn’t explain.

She’s perched on the other bed in a far less comfortable position. Her spine straight as a rod, almost appearing to be hovering over the carefully folded covers. Seconds pass in silence as you both hold your breaths, waiting on entirely different things.

You’re waiting for the final fracture – a bereavement that if you couldn’t have handled all this, you never should have come.

And she’s waiting on something entirely different.

Safety.

Once it’s been long enough that her parents are safely out of reach, she’s barrelling straight for you. No hesitation, no hiding, no friendliness.

One moment, you’re entirely alone, body growing cold on the bed. And the next, her arms are around you and her perfume is wrapping you up as your nose is buried in her neck.

“I’m sorry,” she gushes out despite the two of you being entirely alone for the time being, “I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She’d known what was wrong the entire time. You didn’t need to say it.

The gaps begin to fill in slowly. The baby lands somewhere deep within your chest, the squeeze in which she holds you to her own body convincing you she might believe she could simply slip you between her ribs entirely. Every kiss you feel her feverishly pressing to your forehead and temple repetitively balms it all over – all the burning, all the yearning, all the hollow aches you’ve tried to ignore the entire vacation.

She can’t love you as loud as you had cried for in front of her parents, but she can right now.

She can feel all that humid air surrounding you two with murmurs of soft I love yous and more unnecessary apologies. She can hold you until the hurt subsides. She can run those damn vapid sweeps over your shoulder until you’re leaning entirely into her, leeching off of all the comfort you can selfishly.

You don’t sob like you thought you might have if this happened. You just enjoy it.

You let yourself relish the feeling of being in Robin Buckley’s arms, because you don’t blame her. You love her. Loud enough for both of you, whenever she’ll allow it.

“Don’t be sorry,” you mumble, mouth muffled by the skin of her shoulder you’re still pressed tightly against, “God, Robs, it’s not your fault, I just-”

“It is my fault. I should have already told them by now. I shouldn’t be introducing you as my fucking friend, when you- You’re… you’re so much more than that,” she’s crying. You can hear it in her voice, and in an instant, the roles become reversed. You pull back just in time to get your own arms around her shoulder, her face hitting your chests hard enough you wince. Not because it hurt you, but out of fear it hurt her, “I can’t even tell you how much I hate it. I hate not getting to just grab your hand when we were out on the porch with them last night, and I hated not getting to cuddle during the movie, and I really hate not getting to sleep with you at night. Jesus, that part has fucking sucked. I don’t- I can’t-”

You cut off all her rambling as you smooth her hair down, pressing your nose into the crown of her head for just a second, a soft shush falling from your lips.

“I need you to listen to me,” you hold a steady voice. The storm had already come and passed; a certain determination had already taken hold of you. “Very, very carefully.”

Slowly, the two of you unfurl from each other, looking one another in the eye. Her hand stays in yours though, thumb moving jaggedly until you finally rearrange the two appendages so that you can be the one doing the soothing. Strong, smooth sweeps. Steady and unfaltering. Determined.

“You can’t love me loudly when they’re around,” you say very carefully, blinking when tears threaten to break free once more. It’s hard enough to look into her eyes and see all her own heartbreak existing – saying what you’re about to say might damn well destroy you both. “And that’s okay, alright? It sucks, and it’s terrible, but it just is. You don’t need to come out to them until you’re ready. I will never, ever put you on the spot like that, understood?” She nods, drinking in every word carefully, even as she squeezes your hand just a little tighter, “I just missed you. I missed kissing, and cuddling, and just… just being able to love you as loud as normal. That’s normal.”

You give pause, offering some space for her to respond, but the words that come out her mouth are the last thing you wanted to hear.

“I thought you were going to break up with me.”

Your heart drops, shatters on the wooden floor below, shards flying out to mingle with all the dust and dirt alike.

“What?” you breathe out, nearly laughing. The thought that you could ever break up with the woman in front of you is almost comical, “Oh my God, baby. Darling. No, holy fuck. You think it’s that easy to get rid of me?”

In all of it, all of your storms and all of your turmoil, the last thing you’d thought of was breaking up with Robin. If anything, you’d been more scared of her breaking up with you.

She wetly laughs, and you can’t help your hand from coming up to cup her cheek, swiping away her tears faster than they could fall, “I don’t think I’d consider anything about this weekend easy.”

“It hasn’t been,” you immediately agree, “It really, really hasn’t been. Hardest weekend of my life, scout’s honor. But you know what it comes down to?”

The softest of pauses, the largest of silences to fill with the love you have screaming inside you for her. The floorboards know, not so much as creaking. The trees know, carrying themselves with the breeze to tap on the window pane just for a glimpse. Even the cicadas know, falling eerily silent.

She’s looking at you with ocean eyes, and you’re drowning in the best way. Finding home on her shores once more.

“I would die for you in secret,” you say plainly, “And that means I can also love you in secret, if you need me to.”

You’d let the entire world smother you alive if it meant you still ended your days with Robin Buckley in your arms.

A tough pill to swallow, but she’s worth it. For every midnight impromptu baking session that has occurred between you two, in which she’d end up with flour all over her face and eventually in her hair when your fingers tangled up in it as she finally kissed you. For every scrunch of her nose in the beginning of your relationship, when you were still learning how she took her coffee and she’d power through cups far too bitter for her just to spend the morning with you. For every night spent tangled up in the sheets, your name falling from her lips in a prayer as you’d drink in every aspect as you could, happy to die with her thighs framing your face as though you may belong in the Louvre.

Robin is worth it. You can swallow your pride, you can handle the hurt.

“I don’t want you to have to love me in secret,” she confesses, almost sheepish, beginning to play with your fingers in her lap, “I’m tired of being asked if I’ve found any boys that catch my eye on campus when I’m unlocking the front door of our apartment, our home. I don’t want them acting all shocked when I announce I’m bringing you on family vacations instead of a boyfriend. I just… I think I’m ready.”

You can’t squeeze her hand tight enough, “You’re ready to tell them?”

Just for confirmation. Just to not get ahead of yourself.

“Yeah,” she nods, small smile, “Yeah, I think I a-”

She doesn’t finish the sentence before you’re pressing forward to kiss her. Hard, soft, short, long. It’s a myriad of kisses that you can’t distinguish the exact pattern of. You just want her lips on yours, her hands creeping up to tangle in your hair as you nearly rip her shirt, tugging her close as can be. Even when she can’t keep kissing you back, mouth breaking out into a broad smile, you want it all.

And even when there’s a sudden clearing of a throat from the doorway, you still want it all.

You jump apart, fear racing through your veins when you look up to see Robin’s mother standing there.

She saw the two of you. Kissing. Clinging to one another. She fucking saw you.

It doesn’t matter if Robin had just claimed she was ready, she surely hadn’t meant it like this. Every terrible outcome had yet to be calculated. The two of you hadn’t had the discussions of what to do in worst case scenarios. Robin hadn’t mentally prepared for this – you hadn’t mentally prepared for this.

“Mom!” Robin shouts, looking about ready to cry once more, absolutely petrified, “I- It’s not- I didn’t-”

It’s not what it looks like.

That’s what she was trying to say, and you were about to open your mouth to offer all the possible support you could, but Mrs. Buckley cuts you both off.

“Your dad decided he wasn’t up for a hike today,” she says as though she hadn’t witnessed anything. Looking entirely unaffected, save for the slightest twitch of a smile, “We did find a cute squirrel that he took a photo of, if you girls want to see. Most darnedest thing – too adorable, honestly.”

Your brain genuinely short-circuits. You glance at Robin, and she’s just as stunned as you.

“We were talking about putting on a movie, if you want to join us,” her words are becoming more careful, more calculated. Finally, as she turns to walk back out the door, one nicely manicured hand resting on the frame, she pauses to drop the other shoe, “We could always skip the movie, though, if you’re ready to finally tell us all about your lovely girlfriend, Robin. I’d love to hear all about what you’ve actually been up to at college, dear, and I’m sure your father would, too. Only if you’re ready, of course.”

The words aren’t rude, aren’t judgmental, aren’t harsh. Every worst case scenario flies out the window as Robin’s mother offers the sweetest smile you’ve seen from her yet. Like she knows she’s finally looking at her actual daughter. As if she’d just simply been waiting this whole time for this moment.

Best case scenario.

Only if you’re ready.

You look at Robin, and she’s never looked more ready in her life, hand finding yours once more.

“I- Okay,” she says with a slow-spreading smile, “Yeah, me and my girlfriend will be right out, mom.”

Not a friend. Not a roommate. Finally, finally, you’re hers once more. Wholly and entirely, this time.

“Perfect,” Mrs. Buckley claps her hands, seeming genuinely excited, “I’ll break out your dad’s leftover scotcheroos. See you girls in five.”

A breath of fresh air leaves your lungs once you’re alone with Robin once more, and she’s already climbing out of the bed, hand holding yours in order to drag you to stand with her.

“C’mon,” she laughs, and you can’t help but giggle as well, “Let’s go eat some scotcheroos with my parents, girlfriend.”

Screaming from the top of the rooftops. Pages turning, blue ink fading to black, pressed along with the same care as it always has been. Roaring, deafening, loud.

All her love and pride is palpable as you say, “After you, babe.”

#summertime sweetness #robin buckley #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x you #robin buckley fanfic #stranger things #gia <3 #ghost's stories

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kentuckyfriedmegumi · 1 month ago

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fanfic writer interview

thank you @uriekukistan for tagging me!

no pressure tags @yearnwormwrites @hijinks-n-lowjinks @fluffy-bacon363 and @philosophiums <33

How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 14 works; 13 are for jjk and 1 is just a writing exercise thing i wrote

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Itadori Yuji's Totally Foolproof Plan to get Fushiguro Megumi to Fall In Love with Him

Closing the Distance

is it gay if our pinkies are intertwined?

Too Soon?

I Have to Protect You

all of them are jjk itafushi works!! yuji's plan is my first fanfic piece i've ever written!

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!!! i try my best to but lskdjflsd sometimes it gets ahead of me or life gets all wonky. i really do try tho, and most of the time i'm pretty responsive <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oh for sure it has to be To See You Again. it's an alternate ending to What I'd Give, and i've had ppl argue that that one is sadder, but i feel like (without getting into spoilers) the lack of resolution leaves this one feeling a bit more bleak. i felt bad writing it.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

probably yuji's plan, even tho it's an ongoing series. it's only "ongoing" bc of a series of spin-off one-shots that follow the ending, but they are all pretty happy. the series overall has very light angst too, but if not yuji's plan, then perhaps Closing the Distance.

Do you write crossovers?

naur but i have considered writing characters in other universes. idk tho, seems intimidating.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not hate in the traditional sense where someone is actively disliking my story or writing, but i do regularly get jumped by my readers for my angsty stuff. i wouldn't call it hate tho.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

naur and i probably never will, but i do have little FLIES IN MY EARS that want me to.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

last i checked, naur. but im keeping an eye out bc im willing to throw hands over it ksfdjsdl

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but i've had someone ask me if i ever will. i can't do the translating, but it would be cool if one of mine were.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES OMFG!!!! @sunnyyflowerrs and i wrote pinkies together and it was SOOO MUCH FUN!!!! it's crazy like how well our writing styles meshed together, and i really liked working with her. i'm her number 1 fan fr so like this was just a dream to me. i loveee it and it's my third most liked fic!!!! i'd lovee to work with her again, and there are also some other writers that i hope to work with!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

itafushi literally sucked me into the ao3 rabbit hole like nobody's business. i never read fan fiction ever in my life before june, and then next thing i know i'm writing a multi-chapter fic in august. now i have 13 itfs works and kfm socials on like. every app. crazy how that works.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i don't know if there's one that i don't think i'll ever finish. i hope to try and finish all of my works eventually, i guess the *only* thing that i could really think to put here is just that the yuji's plan one shots are going to keep going til i run out of ideas.

What are your writing strengths?

the kfm trio: angst, miscommunication, and tension. i feel like i really do well with tension, but i've been told that when my angst hits, it hits. also currently have my readers tweaking out in CTD with the miscomm, so we got the holy trinity.

What are your writing weaknesses?

my prose and descriptors are a work in progress. i feel like it can come out sounding clunky and it's really hard to get the flow right. that's what i'm struggling with in skinny dipping, an unpublished wip of mine. the more i work on it, tho, the better it gets.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

oh goodness, i would be soooo bad at it i fear. the only other language that i know is american sign language ahahaha, so the best that i could do is accurately capture inumaki signing in ASL kajsdfldsk the closest i get is using when i use -chan or -sensei in dialogue, but i don't use it anywhere else.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

OH MY GOD I SWEAR I WILL WRITE A SHIGUANG FIC FOR LINK CLICK OMFGGG THE POTENTIAL THERE IS CRAZYYYYY I NEEDDDD TO WRITE IT however, i must pace myself and finish skinny dipping first, and also probably closing the distance before i even try to start writing a new fic, much less for a new fandom. oh also kagehina is slowly creeping up on me the more i watch haikyuu... i can feeeeel it

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

currently, it's actually Hot Off the Press teehee. it's a fun, low-pressure fic that i can self-indulge in and use my degree for! it's been a ton of fun writing and i really like being able to pull stuff that i learned for this story. also it's just a fun story to write teehee

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #megumi fushiguro #yuji itadori #itafushi #ao3 #jjk fan fic #fan fiction #fan fiction author #ao3 author #tess yaps

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hanamukes · 2 months ago

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To feel saved by your words (Taki and Uika)

While I believe you could compile endless comparisons between any two members of MyGO and Ave Mujica, something that's been on my mind a lot recently are the similarities found between Taki and Uika. Tomori and Sakiko are the ones who pull the story along, but I think Taki and Uika both hold a similar position within the contexts of their relationships with them that warrants a closer look.

This isn't a "complete" and cohesive analysis, so much as a collection of observations I've made as I've been combing through Uika's scenes again lately.

Small disclaimer, but given that Uika as we know her exists in approximately 10 minutes of It's MyGO footage, a lot of this will be my own interpretation of her few existing scenes. Your mileage may vary! I analyze Uika a bit more than Taki here, but this is simply because I honestly feel as if Taki's writing is more blunt and explicit―to "analyze" her almost feels more like a summary of the events and dialogue, whereas with Uika, all we can do is piece together the small crumbs that we have.

To start, I want to talk a little bit about their positions in their respective bands. In ways, they feel similar, but in many more ways, they feel completely different.

Uika is not the "leader" of Ave Mujica in any sense of the word. Sakiko is―Uika is figuratively and literally a puppet Sakiko is playing with. However, she is the "protagonist" of Ave Mujica's stage plays. This is an important distinction to make because while Uika is not the one pulling the strings as we've seen proven in the anime, it's not entirely unfounded for anyone to claim that she may have a special position within the context of the band (even ignoring the fact that vocalists tend to be the "face" of the band which many misconstrue to mean they are the leader).

Taki is an interesting case because she's not the front and center of her band, nor does she have "protagonist" traits, nor does she have something that draws people to her―but nonetheless, through her hard work alone, she has become the primary force that keeps MyGO held together (even if it, at times, feels like duct tape).

I like this distinction between them. Uika gets her special little place just by being popular and having had past connections with Sakiko, while Taki affirms hers by working harder than any one person would have to in order to keep a band together. One of them gets what they want with sheer luck alone, while the other must cling to this band as if it's the last thing she'll ever get the grace of doing.

Though, just what do Tomori and Sakiko mean to Taki and Uika?

Tomori's words save Taki and let her breathe, while if we're to interpret the Ave Mujica doll lore shown in their concerts as applying to their actresses, Doloris repeatedly talks about having a special somebody who accepts her for who she really is deep down, and how she wants to stay alone with them for an eternity―perhaps this is a hint as to how Uika views Sakiko (which has some support in the anime, as I think Sakiko's message to Uika has more to it than meets the eye).

I think there's something to be said about how Taki and Uika seem unhappy with their circumstances (Taki lives her life compared to her sister, while one of Uika's only solo scenes being her dropping the happy idol facade is telling to me), but it's Tomori and Sakiko's words that save them. For Taki, this is Tomori's songs (specifically Haruhikage), for Uika, this takes form in rereading Sakiko's consoling message from her idol debut over and over.

Notably with Taki, this is the happiest we ever see her! Tomori and Sakiko's words save them, and it's absolutely written all over their faces. It's not subtle at all.

Also, how we're (formally) introduced to both characters is in the context of their respective separation with Tomori and Sakiko: Taki is yelling at Anon for scaring Tomori away (after she finally found her again) while this text message scene is Uika's.

Now, separation is of course a huge theme with these bands in general, so what makes their examples special?

Where I think they differ from the others is in the way they approach these separations. Here's the thing: in a way, Taki feels as if her life purpose hinges on being around Tomori, but despite this, she never tracked her down in her absence. Uika always pulls out Sakiko's comforting message to her, so much to the point that she can recite it word for word on the fly, and yet despite having her phone number, she never messaged her. We can see the last message sent between Uika and Sakiko was that conversation from a year ago, and this has to be deliberate.

She probably wants nothing more than to see Sakiko again (when Sakiko calls her in episode 7, she literally blushes and shifts her hair in excitement about it, and I will also mention the director implied the reason she goes to the planetarium is because it reminds her of the stargazing she did on the island with Sakiko), and yet she respects Sakiko to be the one to take that step in contacting her first.

This is also something prevalent with Taki: Soyo exists as proof that if she really wanted to, she could have stalked or harassed Tomori into getting her back in her life, but instead she was patient. She valued Tomori needing space. She put Tomori's feelings above and before her own.

There's just this level of yearning behind their words and actions―of wanting someone in your life so badly, of thinking about them every single day, of looking back at all of your memories together and hoping and praying for the day they will reach out to you once more but not taking that first step yourself out of modesty for your own feelings―that I think separates them from the others. (Ironically, the closest that comes to this is actually Tomori herself but in regards to Sakiko.)

Another big theme they share is that they're rather open with their affection for Tomori/Sakiko, but the way they convey those feelings isn't always interpreted the way they intended for it to be.

(One could perhaps interpret Sakiko's reaction here as embarrassment, and I do think this is a part of it, but given this is the one interaction she's had this series that isn't someone trying to dox her or begging her to be with them, I think she'd be well within her rights to be confused at why Uika's also so obsessively fixated on her.)

Taki falls more under the "awkward" umbrella than Uika (so I'm not about to insinuate I think this will be as common with Uika and Sakiko going forward as it has been for Taki and Tomori), but they both share this trait of "I want to express how much you mean to me" and it being met with confusion.

The way they respond to said rejection is similar as well.

(This anime is very good at expression via a character's eyes alone, and I think this is conveyed really well with both Taki and Uika.)

And of course, because their intent was never to hurt and rather was the opposite (to cherish), they're not afraid to apologize, no matter how "insignificant" their offense may have been.

(The framing on these shots fascinates me, as if the camera needs to zoom out to capture the recipient of the apology in the frame in order for it to land.)

Everything is with Tomori/Sakiko's best interest in mind, but sometimes, just your thoughts and feelings isn't enough. You need to convey those feelings appropriately to the person you're saying them to, and Tomori/Sakiko are of course not the world's easiest people to get through to.

I think on the surface, Uika is presented to us as a character who Taki could aspire to be like. She's calm, collected, and she's able to get through to Tomori as a fellow vocalist. What was that planetarium scene for if not to point out that Uika could present herself as a threat to Taki? But on the other hand, we've seen Sakiko shut Uika down twice already; it's not like her one moment with Tomori makes her better than Taki at communicating with the one she cherishes most, even if she seems more sociable. Tomori is even a bit weirded out that Uika called her by name despite her never telling it to her. When you get down to it and look past their exteriors, they have the same struggles at hand.

Speaking of Sakiko's rejection of Uika, this brings me to what I believe is the most striking parallel between their scenes.

The last episode is fascinating because one of the two examples of Sakiko shutting down Uika is when Uika asks if she can go home with her on the train. We know this is something Taki does with Tomori as well, but that's not what I want to point out here (though that's also noteworthy in its own way):

Earlier in that same episode, Taki was also rejected when she wanted to walk Tomori home! The reasons of course differ (Soyo wanted to talk with Tomori so it's not as if Tomori herself rejected Taki, while I get the impression that at this point Uika still doesn't know of Sakiko's home situation which seems to be the real reason Sakiko said no fun side note though: a Sumimi commercial is very much on screen in the following frame of Sakiko on the train), but the framing of both scenes is very similar, and I honestly find this hard to ignore. The Taki one of course makes sense as it's a well-established thing between her and Tomori to ride the train home together, but Uika had no reason to ask to go home with Sakiko on the train. She got to the venue in a cab just fine! It feels very deliberate to me to have both of these happen in the same episode and to also put narrative weight on both moments as well. When I saw the Taki scene, I thought "Huh, so we're just not getting Taki closure?" and while the Uika scene was too late in the episode for me to really expect an actual scene even had Sakiko said yes, they're similar in that both of these scenes work to set up future developments in the sequel. We're still owed the closure Soyo pulling Tomori away from Taki robbed us from, and we're owed seeing Uika learn about Sakiko's home life.

Something else that I think about often is how Taki and Uika are involved in the songwriting process for their respective bands:

Taki and Sakiko are composers while Tomori and Uika are lyricists

Sakiko and Uika both read Tomori's poetry/ventings in her notebook and attribute it to being lyrical. (Taki does as well but this isn't a discovery she makes through having a one-to-one with Tomori)

Sakiko and Taki both feel inspired by Tomori's writing and do whatever they can to make compositions fitting for her words

While we don't know much about the Ave Mujica songwriting process as of yet, one of the interviews confirms that Uika does the lyrics for Ave Mujica songs. This leaves a lot to be considered regarding 1. why Sakiko wanted her for her band 2. what Sakiko would see in her writing and if it's comparable to how she feels reading Tomori's writing (as a note here: Tomori's writing makes her human, while Uika's writing turns her into a monster), and 3. Uika writes to other people's ideas, but she still feels as though singing is something that conveys her heart to others

Those are some general observations I have regarding this. To both Taki and Uika, they want to see out Tomori/Sakiko's musical ambitions, and they pour their heart into what they do. Of course all the band members are doing this (by playing their respective instruments, and Raana does contribute to MyGO songs in her own ways), but these two go above and beyond in their motivations.

As a much more subtle thing, I want to point out something interesting It's MyGO did: the various Sumimi shills throughout the series that happen during major scenes where characters are trying to communicate how they want to reconcile moving forward. Honestly this is a topic so fascinating I'd love to make its own post dedicated to it, but I want to talk about it here briefly as well because it does relate to Taki. Notably, I want to talk about the example of this in episode 5, because the framing of it felt the most deliberate there.

To set the scene, Tomori just expressed that she doesn't want to hold a concert because that'll end their band, which leaves Taki and Soyo hanging as they're unsure how to move forward from there if Tomori doesn't want to. The scene changes to Taki and Soyo, with Taki overlooking Sumimi's music video.

(The way the shots are composed makes it seem like Taki is staring at the music video, complete with the light of the scenes reflecting on her face, but when we get this zoomed out shot with Soyo in frame, it looks more like she's looking off to the side.)

As Soyo's talking about how unsure Tomori feels and how she's still thinking about CRYCHIC, Here the World is playing in the background. We can hear it pretty clearly; even more clearly than we heard it in the literal karaoke scene! The song continues until it fades out at this line:

The sudden silence almost feels deafening. Taki starts talking about how Tomori's words saved her, and how they made her feel seen. The MV is still playing in the background, we just can't see or hear it. But it comes back on screen to be a backdrop to these lines:

(Interesting how they chose this specific angle that captures the Sumimi MV in the backdrop, when they could have done a different one or turned the video off entirely since the song isn't even playing anymore. Also for the last line, Uika and Mana's silhouettes are no longer on the screen.)

What is the purpose of this? Is it to foreshadow that Sakiko would invite Uika to her band a few episodes later? Do Taki's words apply to Uika as well?

Soyo then continues on and says in order to avoid having things go south again, they need to communicate with one another. Then she says Taki needs to tell Tomori how she feels.

I think the most compelling shot in this scene is this one though.

Because 2 episodes later, this exact shot in the MV is what Sakiko scrunches her face at post-Haruhikage.

(Well, even if Taki's feelings didn't get through to Tomori, Uika did finally get through to Sakiko given she calls her immediately after this. Interesting.)

Taki is trying to express how much Tomori means to her and Sakiko is trying to get over MyGO playing Haruhikage, and there's Uika; happy, smiling, sparkling, and getting everything handed to her. It almost feels as if the MV is there to mock these characters, who are struggling so much to even keep a band together. She's an outsider who doesn't even know that Crychic has disbanded.

It's just one of those things that feels so meaningless, and yet at the same time, the Sumimi MV would not be playing during these scenes unless the writers wanted it to, for whatever reason that may be.

To wrap this post up, I want to mention that I find it very amusing how the director mentioned that Uika was actually not originally intended to be shown in a school setting (like Nyamu is), but when they were thinking about what school to put her in, they put her in the same classroom as Taki because of potential interactions between them. I am very eager to see those interactions in future content, and how Taki will react once she realizes that Uika (and Umiri) are in a band with Sakiko. It'll be interesting to see whether or not these two become proper foils to each other, as I see a lot of potential here given both of their respective relationships with our protagonists. Going back to what I said about Uika being presented to us as something Taki could aspire to be like, I actually hope it turns out to be the opposite: I hope that Taki sees Uika's relationship with Sakiko and learns what not to do with Tomori. This may just me being hopeful though (as in the Ave Mujica concerts, Oblivionis takes advantage of Doloris' dedication to her and turns her into a monster―I want to see something akin to this happen with Sakiko and Uika). We'll truly just have to see!

#seine writes #takitomo #uisaki #have so much i could add regarding things we know about doloris #but i dont want to go tooooooooo deep into assumption land #given we dont even know how much doloris reflects uika let alone if the one she talks about is oblivionis/sakiko #based on their concerts being gay as hell uisaki agenda constantly its an estimated guess though so #source: trust me bro <--this user has translated everything ave mujica

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vanishingcherry · 2 years ago

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fc sian lilly pls? siannlilly on ig ! thanks

heyy <3 i wasn't sure who this was for, so i made the social media au for harry. in celebration of the one year anniversary of harry's house

masterlist

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HARRY'S HOUSE ALBUM RELEASE

liked by yourfriend, harryfan, harrystyles and 1,834,957 others

yourusername me when i remember that harry's house is out tomorrow

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harryfan1 honestly... same.

↳ harryfan2 i literally cant wait like matilda? i just know its gonna make me cry

harryandynforever i wonder if she's heard the album already

↳ yourusername nope... harry said i have to wait like everyone else

↳ harrystyles its meant to be a surprise

↳ harryandynforever OH MY GOD SHE COMMENTED AND HE COMMENTED AND OH MY GOD

ynfan shes so pretty it hurts

liked by yourusername, mitchrowland and 34,750,405 others

harrystyles Harry's House. Out now.

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harryfan TE AMO

yourusername my all time fav album

↳ harrystyles my all time fav person

↳ ynandharry2 shes the only one who can get him to use his insta

onedirectioncomeback THAT MOUSTACHE LIKE EXCUSE ME

liked by gemmastyles, yourusername and 23,239,857 others

harrystyles One Night Only. New York. May, 2022.

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keepdrivingsupremacy THIS WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

↳ username NO WAY U WENT? THATS SO LUCKY

harryfan19 ❤️😭🥰

harryfan him singing harry's house live for the first time was the best thing ive ever seen

↳ harryfan4 im gonna spend the next few hours binge watching every single video from that show

yourusername via instagram story

liked by harrystyles, yourbff, annetwist and 20,485,007 others

yourusername harry's house, out now!

i've had the pleasure of watching you create this album over the last year, and as secretive as you've been over the songs, it's been one of the best experiences of my life. seeing you this happy and in your element makes me the happiest person on earth.

the album is nothing short of amazing and i love it and i love you. you've told our story in a way more beautiful than i thought possible. it is an honour to be your muse.

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liked by yourusername, jeffazoff, harrylambert and 26,291,485 others

harrystyles the inspiration behind harry's house

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harrylovesme NO WAY HES SIMPING ON MAIN

yourusername ❤️

↳ harrystyles ❤️

harryfan i too would write a whole album about her

username oh my god her style are we sure taylor swift didnt write about her

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bambikisss · 1 year ago

Text

Celebration in 5A :: J.JungKook

🎶: Bambi - Baekhyun & Saay (mashup), Seven - JungKook ft Latto

A/N: Sequel of Daddy's 95

💕: Streetracer! Jungkook x Streetracer! Reader

⚠: SMUT: Biting, unprotected sex, oral (both receiving), fingering (f), against a window, leaving marks, Jeon JungKook's thighs and muscles.

A/N: I've been thinking about doing a sequel to Daddy's 95, so here it is. There is a surprise announcement also at the end, also 👀 but yes. Also, this is in memory of long haired JK.

NOT PROOFREAD | REBLOGS & COMMENTS ARE ENCOURAGED

"It's not fair!"

You leaned back in your dark red corvette as your opponent complained loudly. You had beat him in a street race after telling him that you knew you'd beat him, yet, he was still so shocked that you won. It made you roll your eyes as the grown man threw a whole tantrum. As he yelled, your phone buzzed with a text from Jungkook.

JK: Y/N, there's a race downtown against this guy from France!

JK: Come stop by and watch your man win

A smile broke out on your face at the text, giving you something better to do than listen to the loser. "I'm off" You smiled to the man and the officiant before you drove away, leaving the man in the dust. As you drove, you listened to the music that came on your radio, the lyrics reminding you of JungKook; the nights you would spend with him on this very same empty highway speeding and making jokes. Those were your happiest times, all thanks to JK.

Ever since you and him began dating, he had made it his personal mission to be there for you all day and all night, despite his job and his wacky sleep schedule- if you had a race or needed him, he would be there. It always made your heart swell at his gestures, but you refused to tell him that he wouldn't ever let it go.

When you arrived at the empty race track, you noticed the crowd of people that were arguing out front. The closer you got, the more you could make out the conversation.

"There's no way you're going to beat me!"

"Dude, I'm literally going to"

You concluded that the more confident sounding words were JungKook, knowing that he was always overconfident in his abilities. You were proven right when you saw his confident smile, his arms crossed over his muscular chest while his opponent was mirroring him, but with a red face and a not so relaxed stance. You pushed your way through the crowd till you got to his side, making sure that he didn't cause a fight or something- while he was a great street racer, you weren't so confident in his fighting abilities, despite his constant gym visits and boxing classes. When he realized that you were now by his side, his smile widened, turning to fully give you his attention. When you asked him what was going on, he simply shrugged before saying "just some pre-race banter."

"No, this is not!" The French man yelled, making you and JungKook turn to face him as he stomped his foot before he was escorted away by his friends, leaving you and him alone. When he was far enough away, you raised your eyebrow at him as he rubbed the back of his neck. He looked guilty. At your raised eyebrow, he held up his hands in defense before he said "Hey, to me it was just some banter. I didn't think he'd take it so seriously!"

"JungKook, how do you manage to piss off and annoy everyone you meet?" You asked, pinching the bridge of your nose as you felt his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against his hard chest. You felt your body relax as he placed a kiss to your head, a small smile coming to his lips as he bit his bottom lip. "I don't piss you off and annoy you, baby." You raised your eyebrow again at his teasing voice, sighing once more as you knew he was right. He took your sigh and relaxed body as a sign that he was right as well.

"Well, you now have to beat a very angry french guy, so you need to go focus on that" You motioned over to the man who was glaring at JungKook still, leaning against his yellow car. JungKook winced at the glare, whispering to you "is that why I felt heat in the back of my head, like someone was trying to burn a hole there with their eyes? Damn."

You shook your head at his words, following him to his choice car for the night: a dark purple hellcat. He had won it in a race a week ago and he had been dying to use it again. You leaned against the driver side as he got inside, watching him as he prepared himself. "What did you bet if you won?" You asked, leaning back so he could close the door before you bent down to look at him through the window. JungKook at first didn't answer, choosing a playlist to blare while he raced before he jumped as you repeated the question, this time more tense.

"If I win, no, when I win I get his hotel room at some expensive hotel" He then paused, giving you an almost pained smile before he spoke again. "If he won, then he gets our project car."

At those words, you felt your heart drop: you and JungKook had been modifying a hellcat together for a while. It was your baby.

JungKook noticed your change in expression, wanting to reassure you that he could win, but you cut him off, asking him with gritted teeth why the hell he would wager your baby. "He saw my lockscreen picture of you and me posing in front of it and he picked that. Look, I know I can win this race, so don't worry your pretty little head, Y/N. I got this." For once, you felt doubt in JungKook. With something as important to you as that project car was for you, you felt like you had to wish upon a star like a child to ensure that you got to keep it and it didn't get shipped off to France.

JungKook gently cupped your face, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours before he pressed a kiss to your nose, whispering "I got this, baby. I know how important that car is to us, but especially you. Don't worry." You nodded, stepping back from his car as he moved to the starting line, revving his car as he looked over at his opponent. When he raced, JungKook usually never felt nervous. But, with something as important as that car on the line, and with how much it meant to you, he felt a bit of nervousness tingling at the back of his head. He took a deep breath before he turned up his music, facing forward as one of the French guy's friends dropped a green flag.

GO.

JungKook pressed his foot down on the gas, speeding down the racetrack, his music blaring loudly as he drove, drowning out his nervousness. He felt free, almost like a high.

He continued to speed around the track, skillfully moving around the track like it was the back of his hand. He didn't even try to look over at his opponent, wildly drifting when needed until he passed the starting line once more. He then pressed his foot down on the break, his whole body moving forward before he fell back against the seat, closing his eyes as he tried to calm down. He then opened his eyes after a few moments to meet your eyes as you stood outside his window, a proud smile on his face. He then got out of his car, hugging you tightly as the others cursed and complained about having to get another hotel room. That didn't matter to JungKook, nor you.

"Yo, hurry up and get the room key from me before I throw up" JungKook smiled, removing himself from your embrace before he accepted the room key from the annoyed man. He then turned to you with a wide grin, walking up to you before he approached you. "So, Y/N baby, ready to have a night out with me?"

He knew you wouldn't say no to him, but he wanted to see you nod. So when you did, he instantly, held your hand before he leaned in to whisper in your ear "I'm going to rush back to my house to pack some stuff, you do the same. See you in an hour" You smiled at his words, his grip on your wrist tightening before he pulled you back into his embrace, his lips now pressing against the shell of your ear as he says "Oh and pack something pretty for me"

You knew what he meant by the tone of his voice, biting your lip before nodding. JungKook smiled, moving his hand from your wrist, slowly up your arm to cup your jaw, making you look at him before he kissed you, just giving you a taste of what the night had in store.

~.~

What kind of French man did JungKook race and how did he even find him?

Your thoughts continued to spiral with more questions as you looked up at the luxurious hotel that you stood in front of. It was so fancy that they had a valet, a beautiful lobby, and even an infinity pool. It made you a bit worried to know that JungKook had challenged a probably very wealthy man to a race, thinking he was just an average joe. But, a part of you was very proud of him and excited for where this night would go.

You gripped your suitcase as you made your way through the lobby up to the elevator, pressing the floor number that JungKook had told you to before you leaned back against the cold elevator wall and waited. When you finally reached the floor, you walked straight ahead, noticing the beautiful double doors that had the room number JungKook had texted you. You glanced over at the plaque by the door, making sure it was the right room.

Presidential Suite 5A

You then knocked on the door, biting your lip as the doors opened to show your boyfriend wearing only a simple white hotel robe, his hair wet from the shower he had just taken. When you met his eyes, a smile crossed his face before he reached out to hold your hand, pulling you into the room. JungKook could tell you were shocked, but his thoughts were everywhere else besides letting you look around the luxurious suite.

No, he would let you do that after you two did some celebrating.

"Jung-" Your words were cut off by your boyfriend's lips pressing into yours, pressing you against the wall as he kicked the door closed before moving to press you against the door. The kiss started off slow before picking up in pace, his tongue moving against your bottom lip as a warning before moving into your mouth to meet yours. Your brain became fuzzy as his tongue moved with yours, his hands moving around your body to grip various parts of you before he became frustrated with the clothes that kept you from him. He kissed down your face, moving from your lips to your chin, then along your jaw before he stuffed his face into your neck, licking the area before he began to bite. Your various moans made his own brain fuzzy, his hands moving to grip your thighs before carrying you the bed, laying you against the silk sheets before he pulled back.

"Off." Your eyes slightly widened at his gruff sounding voice, sitting up to remove your clothes slowly, teasing him. You watched him as you removed the clothing slowly; how his eyes move over every section of newly exposed skin, his eyes darkening every second. When you sat back down on the bed, now fully naked, JungKook waisted no time in trying to reach your body again, only to be stopped when your hand moved to press against his chest, stopping him.

"I can't be the only one naked, can't I?" Your playful voice made JungKook feel even more dizzy, biting his bottom lip before he nodded, standing back up to slowly untie his robe. "I was taking a shower before you got here, Y/N. It's pretty nice, too." You hummed in response to his words as he let the robe fall from his shoulders, pooling at his feet as he stood in front of you bare. You let your eyes roam over his large pecks, his abs, his muscular thighs, and his long cock that stood pressed against his stomach. It all made your mouth water and made you even more dizzy.

JungKook always loved your reaction to seeing him naked, it always motivated him when he didn't want to go to the gym; to see you stare at his body like it was the first time every time always gave him that extra confidence boost. It also turned him on more.

"You know, Y/N, you would love the shower" He smiled, leaning down to cup your jaw, moving your head to look up at him as he climbed on the bed, pressing one of his legs in between yours as he slowly ushered you onto your back, keeping your jaw in his hand. "Maybe when I'm done fucking you all around this bedroom, I'll go fuck you in there"

You moaned at his words, making his grin become wider before he kissed down your body slowly, taking his time to get to where he knew you wanted him most. He let his tongue drag along your stomach as he looked up at you before he placed your legs on his shoulders. He would never pass up an opportunity to make you fall apart on his tongue.

"Oh and if you're worried about being too loud, don't be, baby" he smirked, kissing the inside of your thighs before biting them gently, his hands moving to grip the flesh before he blew gently on your clit, making you whimper a bit. "These walls are pretty thick. I should know, I asked the hotel staff"

You weren't able to say anything after that, his tongue immediately moving to taste you. He slowly lick up your wet pussy before diving back in to move his tongue around you, humming and moaning at how good you tasted and sounded for him. His eyes never left yours, staring up at yours as he messily ate you out without a care in the world; speeding up, slowing down, teasing you, outright fucking you with his tongue- he did it all.

As your back arched, he gripped your thighs tighter before moving to sit up, wrapping one of his arms around your waist as he ate you up higher, that way you would have no choice but to look up at him. You moaned at the new position, gripping the sheets as you looked up at him. You felt your orgsam approach quickly, one of your hands moving to grip his thighs and dig your nails into them as an anchor as your felt your body begin to heat up.

JungKook could tell you were close, moving faster before sucking and kissing your pussy, a smile coming onto his lips when you came. He made sure to clean you up, moaning loudly at your taste before he slowly placed you back down on the bed. You closed your eyes as you tried to calm down from the orgsam, not even noticing him kissing up your body to your lips before he kissed you roughly, shoving his tongue into your mouth so you could taste your own cum on his tongue before he pulled back. When you opened your eyes, you were met with his boyish smile and a wink, making you gently smack his thigh.

"Do you like that new position baby? I thought about it just for you. Is your neck ok?" He asked, gently massaging your neck as you nodded. You always loved how caring he was in situations where both tried something new.

He nodded before his hand moved to the back of your neck, pressing his fingers gently into the side before he began to move your head towards his lap where his cock was now leaking. "Look at the mess you caused, Y/N. All that moaning and shit made me like this, so you should come clean it up, no?" You knew it wasn't a question due to his voice, his hand directing your head more towards his cock. You accepted it, licking along the underside of his cock before moving opening your mouth, allowing him to enter your mouth as you hollowed your cheeks. JungKook gave your neck an appreciative squeeze before moving down your back to cup your ass, giving it a squeeze as well, making you moan around him.

You began to bob your head as JungKook moaned, continuing to squeeze your ass but giving it a smack whenever you did something he really liked, like deepthroating him and holding it for a bit, or circling your tongue around the tip of his cock. He tossed his head back before moving his hand in between your legs, pushing a finger into you before adding another, curling it.

You let out a shocked, yet happy moan, JungKook's hand moving into your hair to encourage you to deep throat him again as he began to finger you faster. You closed your eyes as you let JungKook have his way with you before he pulled you off his cock, pushing you onto the bed before he stands up, placing his fingers into his mouth as he does so, humming at your taste.

"I don't want to cum in your mouth tonight, baby. Not when I could cum into that tasty fucking pussy" he said, gripping your thighs to pull you to the end of the bed before pushing into you without a warning. You moaned as you arched your back, his hand coming down to press you back down against the bed as he moaned loudly as well. He gave you a few moments to adjust before he picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist before he walked over to the nightstand, grabbing a remote.

Why would he fuck you on the bed like usual when you both had a whole suite to yourselves? There we're so many options for tonight.

You raised an eyebrow as he pressed a button one the remote, watching as the curtains slowly opened, showing you a beautiful view of the city and the floor to ceiling windows. It only took you a moment to realize what was going on, hissing a bit as your back became pressed against the cold window. "Oh, and don't worry about people seeing you too. I asked the staff too about this and it's tinted" JungKook smiled before spreading your legs out onto his forearms, pulling back out before slamming back into your, crashing his lips into yours to suck up all of your moans as he moves.

You moaned loudly into the kiss, digging your nails into his shoulders before digging them across, making him moan loudly before biting into your bottom lip. "Fuck, keep doing that Y/N, baby, mark me up. I want scars to remember this night, baby. I want to remember having you pressed up against these windows, fucking you just like this"

You did as he requested, digging your nails into him more, sure that you had broken some skin before tossing your head back as he moved to bite and kiss along your collarbone. His hips never let up, which was something else you loved about him.

He could multitask.

"Oh, fuck, Jungkook" You gasped, feeling one of his hands move to play with your clit, moving it in various shapes as he moved faster as his face moved into your neck, leaving hickies in his wake. He wanted you to cum all over him before he came.

No, he needed it.

"Come on, Y/N. Fucking cum for me, babygirl" His voice came out gruff and a bit whiney, his hips now moving frantically into you as you came all over him, the cum ring around the bottom of his cock moving down his balls, making him moan louder into your neck before he pressed his hips against yours, filling you up with his cum. You gripped his shoulders as you both held each other, feeling his cum leak out of you, moving down his cock. JungKook breathed heavily before pressing a kiss to your neck, pulling back to see your face as he panted before placing you back on the bed, slowly pulling out of you. He hovered over you, his arms on either side of your head as he tried to gather his thoughts from the orgsam. You gently cupped his face, pulling him in for a kiss before sighing as your body relaxed against the sheets.

"Don't get to comfortable, Y/N" you opened your eyes, giving JungKook a confused look as he stood back up straight, wiping the sweat from his brow before he met your eyes again, a small smile on his lips. "This room booked until checkout time, which is tomorrow afternoon. Don't think that I we're done." His eyes mirrored ones of a predator, crawling onto the bed to hover over you as he continued to speak slowly. "I am going to fuck you all around this suite: every surface, against the floor, in the shower, in that tub, even in that infinity pool. I mean it, everywhere."

You smiled as he placed a kiss to your cheek, feeling excited for the hours to come as you whispered into his ear "well, you did win this, so this is your celebration"

"Damn right this is." He smiled, pressing a kiss to your lips before he whispered against them "and who better to celebrate it with than with you, my love?''

You smiled again at his words, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he picked you up, his cock pressing against your ass, letting you know that the break was over.

"So, where next?" You asked, tilting your head as he smirked. "Well, I wanna show you the shower, still. It's so spacious and has many different water settings. And, the shower head even comes off"

"Well, why don't you show me?" You whispered against his lips, watching as his eyes darkened once more, tightening his grip around you before carrying you to the bathroom.

It would be a very long night of celebration, but it would be worth it, even if you both wouldn't make it out by check out time.

THE STREETS SERIES : 2/4

#bts #jeon jungguk #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts junkook #bts jungguk #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #bts smut #bts x reader #jungkook imagine #jungkook x reader #~bambi #bambikisss

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ingravinoveritas · 9 months ago

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Hello, lovely followers. I was traveling for work again in the second half of this past week, but I'm now home and looking forward to answering all of your Asks that I've been seeing in my inbox. I first wanted to reflect a little bit, however, because this trip was also a personal one for me.

This week's travels took me to Anaheim, California, which is where Disneyland is (I think I actually must've not been far from where David and Georgia just were, funnily enough, as my hotel was right by the park). It wasn't my first trip to Anaheim, though. The last time I was there was when I was 11 years old, on summer vacation with my dad in California while my mom was on a tour in Italy at the same time. As you'd expect, my dad wanted to take me to Disneyland...but I was too scared and overwhelmed, and we only ever got as far as the parking lot. The gates were visible, and I remember how they loomed, that feeling of something foreboding washing over me...but rather than excitement, my tiny body was filled with dread. I mentioned this while in conversation with one of the hotel employees during my stay, and he said, "What kind of kid doesn't want to go to Disney?"

What kind of a kid. Well, an autistic kid. A kid who was constantly anxious, emotional, and terrified of sensory overload. A kid who hated crowds and noise and rides. A kid who didn't travel well to begin with, because she was afraid of new places, anything unfamiliar, anything that wasn't safe and home.

A kid who was me.

Even before this, there were so many ways that the world had said "This is not for you." But still, there was something different about it happening there, in the bright California sunshine. My favorite Disney princess as a kid was always Belle, because she also loved to read and didn't fit in with the people around her. Belle connected more with books and animals than people, and that made me connect with her. But Belle was also beautiful (as Disney princesses tend to be), and thanks to the bullying from my peers, I was very aware that was something I was not. So no matter how much I wanted to be Belle, there was no way I could ever be a Disney princess.

This is not for you.

Thinking about all of this during my trip made me feel so many things, but I was most surprised to find myself feeling a sense of nostalgia in particular, a longing for the child I was, who I wish I could comfort. It also made me feel such sadness for that child and anyone else who finds themselves in a situation or a place where the world thinks they should be happy, but they're not. And there are few things more difficult than feeling that way in (of all places) "the happiest place on Earth."

I didn't end up going to Disney on this trip, even though I had a little bit of time to do so. It's still not for me, but the difference now is that I am okay with that. That need to be the kid who wants to visit Disney--the "good" child, the child who isn't "broken"--has gone away, and I'm more than happy being adult me, and finding a place that fits me, instead of the other way around.

And that was my nostalgia trip, in quite the literal sense of the phrase. I have a picture or two to share in another post, so stay tuned for that as well...

#personal post #autism #disneyland #of course this happens during World Autism Month #so my emotions were a little all over the place #reflections #reflections from the road #childhood #thoughts #nostalgia #thank you all you lovely people for being here #<3

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jetblackromance · 2 months ago

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Lately I've been seeing a lot of posts about people reading Neil as being completely exy obsessed, not caring about anything else (including his own possible death).

And that's funny to me because I've never read him like that?😅 just wondering if I'm alone with this but:

In my head, Neil doesn't actually care about exy.

It's about what exy represents to him:

Exy is what his brain latched onto when he had nothing else. Playing exy is probably one of his happiest childhood memories. Then, when they were on the run, to distract himself, he probably thought of exy to escape the real world. He obsessively followed news about Kevin and Riko. It became his coping mechanism to escape from everything that was going on in his real life. Because if he had focused on his daily life, he would have gone insane. No child can grow up normally while being on the run.

So I don't think he actually cares about exy per se. It's just that exy is the only thing that let's him forget. It's the only thing he feels like he can control. If he practices a lot, he'll get better. If he makes his teammates get along, they'll have a better chance of winning the next game. Winning the next exy game is a goal he can actually accomplish if he works hard.

Meanwhile trying not to get caught by his father's men is out of his control. He tried to stay hidden for some time. But without his mother by his side, he had to carry the weight of his decisions all by himself. He had to choose which city he'd go to next. And he simply didn't know what would be the best choice, where he'd be the least likely to get caught. There were no guarantees. So, he was doing what he thought was best but had no way to know whether he was making the right choice. And let's not forget he was only a teenager still!! And he literally had to make choices that could result in his own death. That's a lot of stress for a teen. And despite having to make choices on a daily basis, he had zero actual control about whether he'd get caught or not. It was mostly just luck. So why bother trying to stay on the run?

So, he gives in and starts playing exy, which is probably the only interest he allowed himself to have. And suddenly he had full control over his life again. Going to high school? He could manage that. Signing up for exy? He'd ace the try-outs and have a first whiff of a sense of achievement after years of nothing but angst and stress. Actually playing exy? The more he practiced the better he got, the more goals he scored. Everytime something worked out the way he wanted to, he got hit by endorphins. So his brain latched onto that. He became obsessed with exy.

So, in my head, Neil only likes exy because of the control and distraction it provides him with. It could have been literally anything else. He just needs this one constant in his life, that he can control and that provides him a mental escape when he needs it most.

Am I the only one who thinks that? 😂 or am I maybe misunderstanding all the posts claiming he "wants to play stick ball so fucking bad, he doesn't care how many chances he has to escape certain death" or that "he gave up every rule he ever abided by to play exy".

He doesn't not care about staying alive. He had to fight to stay alive for so long, he just can't think about his father and the mafia any longer without it triggering years of suppressed memories and feelings.

He didn't give up all rules he ever abided by, he was about to break under the weight his mother's rules had put on his shoulders. He gets this first positive experience and he wants more, he gets addicted to exy just like people get addicted to drugs. But he doesn't care about exy, he cares about how exy can make him feel.

#neil josten #rant #rambling #aftg #nora sakavic #exy #all for the game series #the foxhole court #all for the game #the raven king #the kings men #the king's men #neil josten obsessed with exy

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ravenwoodalum · 1 year ago

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on karamelle, why it sucks, and redeeming azteca's reputation.

I just got to Karamelle for the second time, and good lord. I hadn't forgotten how much I hated it, but it hit me like a wall of bricks. And I'm already preparing myself to marathon it and be fucking done questing here for at least a year.

I think it breaks down like this.

Baby's first workers rights movement/sugary-sweet surveillance state Listen. I know this is a game that doesn't allow for player characters to have much individual impact on the in-game narrative. I know we've had to do errands for cops. I know we work for a war criminal. I KNOW there are flaws in the system. But there's something about the way that Karamelle's set up that makes it all feel so. much. worse. And that's the fact that Karamelle has such a stellar reputation within the Spiral before this. The happiest place in the Spiral, the sweetest treats in the Spiral. Everyone seems to fucking love this place. Almost no one outside of those actually working there seem to understand how corrupt it is. And so the YW is talked down to at every turn, like this is their first exposure to a corrupt environment. And sure, maybe it is within, canon. YW gets isekai'd at a very young age and then made into a child soldier, maybe this is actually the first time in canon that they've been introduced to these concepts. But (and this may just be me) it feels really rude to the player -- who might actually have experience with these ideas -- to make them feel like a fucking idiot with the dialogue options. Karamelle's characters just feel rude.

Oh, so the Gobblers were a fatphobic, Roald Dahl type thing from the start. Cool cool cool. Any of you ever read Roald Dahl's book "The Twits"? It's a very unremarkable story all things considered, except for this bit.

Aside from Roald Dahl's unavoidable history of antisemitism, does this remind you of anything? Honestly, this reminds me of the Gobbblers.

We first meet the Gobblers around level 10 in Wizard City -- creatures driven by consumption. And then we get to Empyrea and hear that the Alphoi -- skinny "civilized" creatures -- can become Gobblers if they eat too much or are unhealthy in their eating habits. Which makes one of our oldest running enemies a loop-around fatphobic thing, ESPECIALLY when we get to them in Karamelle, the home world of the Gobblers. Rosina, especially, just oozes fatphobia and diet culture. The literal vilification of being fat isn't even subtext, it's just text.

The Old One, The Cabal, and what to do when your escape from the world ends up shoving what you were escaping from right back in your face. When I was in sophomore year of college, fall of 2019, I had one of the worst mental health periods of my life. Antisemitism was fucking everywhere, I was always a moment away from a panic attack, and it felt like no one understood. While I'm lucky in the fact that I was able to get an official diagnosis for genetically inherited PTSD, alongside the reassurance that I wasn't fucking crazy, there was a period when I just needed to go home for a moment. So when I was going back to my dorm from the dining hall to make sure all my stuff was ready to go, I opened up tumblr and made a post on a long-gone RP sideblog I had for the Swedish Chef (y'know, from The Muppets? long story), and before I'd even gotten halfway across campus, I'd received threatening and violent messages from someone RPing as Borat, which only got worse when they realized they were talking to an actual Jewish person.

That escape from reality didn't even last five fucking minutes before the horrors I was trying to avoid found me.

Now, Wizard101 has always been a source of comfort for me. I made my account fourteen years ago, and I do not know what my life would look like if I hadn't done that. There are flaws with this game, yes, sure, but over the past five years (since I got a wiz compatible laptop) I've developed a bit of a reliance on it to get me through the horrors. No better form of escapism.

But no art form is free of the horrors.

And Wizard101 has the fucking Cabal and Old One.

The Cabal within the fiction of Wizard101 is a secret, nefarious organization pulling the strings on events across the Spiral, controlling history from the shadows. This term literally originates in antisemitic conspiracy theory, with the term 'cabal' originating from the term for Jewish mysticism, 'kabbalah'. And I promise you, you've heard plenty of applications of this conspiracy theory in real life too. It feeds into the idea that Jews (or 'global elite') control the government, the media, the banks.

And then, we get to the man in control of it all. The Old One. Whether or not this was intended, he's a walking, talking antisemitic caricature. The octopus as a symbol for the mythical Elders of Zion is a longstanding dogwhistle (see attached for a guide to this and many other visual dogwhistles). "Oh, he's based on H.P. Lovecraft-" So he's based on the works of a famous racist and antisemite, cool cool cool.

It's just exhausting, walking through a world that is so clearly modeled after Germany and other parts of eastern Europe, and finding antisemitism around every corner. And even more exhausting considering it's almost impossible to tell if they meant to do it. Antisemitism is so fucking ingrained in the world at this point that I don't actually know what they meant to do here, what they did maliciously or out of ignorance, or if any of it was put in with the purpose of turning it on its head. Over the past few years, it has become glaringly obvious that a lot of people don't realize when they're running across antisemitism, or even taking part in it. Including people I really thought would know better.

Side note. For those of you who know I see Dasein as Jewish, you may be wondering how I balance that out with the antisemitic nature of The Old One, since they share a physical form. I think of it like this. Dasein did not choose The Old One. He did not choose to resemble that, but he can attempt to reclaim it. Dasein's Judaism comes not from the resemblance he holds to the hatred that haunts us, but from the love that keeps us going. He questions authority and longstanding tradition, chooses to do what's right instead of what's expected, and is kind in the face of hatred. He literally makes himself, and a world, out of nothingness. Something out of Nothing. He's so Jewish you guys.

The Spiral's "Worst World Award" goes to... I know we all say "fuck Azteca" pretty often on this website, but I don't think it deserves to be deigned the worst world in Wiz. My main gripe with Azteca is how inaccessible it gets after Xibalba strikes -- the flashing lights aren't exactly photosensitive friendly. Which further lends frustration to my completionist nature, meaning I have to finish all quests, badges, and fishing before I finish the world (making it take forever to finish). Aside from that, there really isn't that much wrong with the world (and if you argue that it sucks because you can't save Azteca, I get it, but some tragedies are inescapable by their very nature). It's a problem of gameplay, versus a problem of plot in the case of Karamelle. And maybe its just because I'm a writer, but problems with plot feel much more egregious. I really do think Karamelle deserves more vitriol than it gets.

G-d, I can't wait to get to Lemuria.

#behold. the long awaited kvetch.#wizblr #w101 #wizzy101 #wiz101 #wizard101 #y'all better check out the resources i've linked :gun:#there really is something to be said about fantasy worlds where Judaism does not textually exist but antisemitism DOES.#like hmm. where did that come from. anyways.

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