#it's so funny how the line between freedom and loneliness is so thin and I find myself crossing it so often

[boyapologist]

told my mom I'm lonely and she said I should just put on my favorite song and lounge... girl don't you think I TRIED THAT

[seafleece]

“hello, essek.”

“ah— i— hello, mollymauk.” it’s late summer— hot, almost muggy. essek isn’t used to the weather in the empire, even now, doesn’t like the idea of being seen. jester knows, he thinks, that he comes here; she’d gotten him the cloak he’sd wearing now, a thin, gauzy thing that’s still opaque and lets in the rare breeze.

more of molly’s body seems to be fungi, now— he has the urge to compliment caduceus on his work. their time together has exposed the body to the air, and now patches of pale pink lichen crawl over the ribs, the curl of one horn. the jewelry, now cleaned, is bright in the sun.

“if you’re surprised i know it’s you, well, i don’t know anyone else who’s in line to dig up my corpse and talk to it.”

essek winces. “i suppose that is fair.”

“why are you here?”

“i, um,” and he crosses and uncrosses his legs, feeling strangely hot— even more so, were that possible.

(it’s funny, how much he’d pinned his hopes back then. he’s trying to learn to laugh at himself, in retrospect— lonely and simultaneously so afraid to get close, so desperate for it. gods, he’d thought so much of caleb, had dreamed up this person who understood treason, who understood the way solitude feels when it’s been so long you forget the alternative— or, perhaps, never had one at all.

and well, maybe caleb did know it better than him, and thus chose it in the end. over— over things he doesn’t think it does much good to imagine, anymore. and laughing at who he was, he thinks, only hurts them both, the person he was and the one he is now. foolishness is worth laughing at, but pain, not so much.

jester still calls, at least once a week, or answers so happily when he calls her that it shakes loose the cold, cloying thing still at the center of his chest, just a little. he’d helped her augment the spell that one winter’s crest so she could lend it to someone else, and sometimes she puts beau on, or yasha, or even her mother and it still startles him, every time, how they seem happy to speak to him.)

“i don’t quite know.”

mollymauk— he feels more present now, essek thinks. closer to the earth. or perhaps he wishes it were so— says nothing to this.

“would you want to come back?”

essek does not tend to speak suddenly— it was trained out of him so young, startling the umavi— but the question seems to simply pour from him, his mouth, like a sudden flow of water. like an upheaval of something from deep down.

the body of mollymauk, knitted over with the tissue of caduceus’s strange plants, laughs.

“oh— i’m sorry, shadowhand. if you had asked me when i was alive, i would have told you that i was what was brought back, already.”

“and now?”

“i wonder, you know, if it would even be possible for you to know what death is like, now. you’re consecuted, no? i imagine it’s more like a waiting room.”

“what is it for you?”

and mollymauk laughs, again, quieter. “it’s a lot like sleeping, honestly.”

“oh.”

and essek is young, you know, by the dynasty’s standards, infinitely young— not even two centuries, still on his first life— he has so much living, left. but gods, if that doesn’t get at something inside of him, some part of him so tired that sleep can’t even reach it. something that longs, maybe, just a little, for the undemanding weight of the earth, around him. dark, and warmth, and quiet. freedom, maybe, from that funny ache that never seems to leave him, that both intensifies and abates when jester calls, or bowls him over in an embrace when he comes to visit the Xhorhaus while they’re there on business, or vacation, or gods only know what.

“are you going to answer?” he says, quietly, and shoves the thought down again.

“hmm?”

“what i asked earlier. if you would come back.”

“oh.”

there’s a long silence— essek starts to fear if he’s miscounted his questions, and then—

“you know, i don’t know. i would like to see the sun again, i think.”

and essek has his parasol, today— jester’s paints, long-gone as her first set is, are so reliable, it’s survived so many rough seasons beyond rosohna, so many showers of debris and worse— and the sun, he can hardly see when it’s out, but the way mollymauk says it— the body of mollymauk, he has to remember— hits him oddly. suddenly, he longs for its warmth; or, rather, he longs to be in a body that wants to feel it.

“why, shadowhand, are you offering?”

“i— that is—“

and the body of mollymauk laughs and laughs and laughs.

“mollymauk,” he says, suddenly, and the laughter stops. he must be very careful, now.

“yes?” the head tilts, watches him eyelessly.

“if i were to not ask you my last question,” essek says, choosing his words, the lack of tilt to them, “your soul would remain. for a time.”

“for a time,” mollymauk says, and then, more cheerfully, “but all things return to the earth.”

he goes quiet for a long moment. “oh—” as if remembering something he could have learned anywhere else than from essek himself, from jester’s messages she doesn’t know get through, “—but you are very powerful, shadowhand, aren’t you?”

“yes.” essek says it with certainty. it it the one thing he knows he has.

“then,” mollymauk says, “i suppose it depends on how strongly you cast the spell, how long i can stay.”

“i suppose it does.”

mollymauk is quiet again, for even longer.

“you don’t know me, you know. everyone called me molly. you don’t know that.” there’s a note of uncertainty, to the voice, that essek has not heard before. “would you keep me around, then? to have someone to talk to? to abet the loneliness?”

“maybe,” he says. “or.”

“or?”

essek closes his eyes for a long moment, heart fluttering like the wings of some strange, fragile bird, and reaches for mollymauk’s skeletal hand, fits his fingers between the bones. the sun burns where it touches his skin, and he does not flinch away.

“to give you some time to make up your mind.”

( @fiovske and i had a talk about shadowmauk)

[baabmedia]

I like doing interviews cause it's fun for me, sharing minds. Having conversations with remarkable people all over Africa's new age pushes the paradigm of what's deemed as impossible to the extreme edge. That's what keeps me going.

It's hard to have faith as a creative-innovative dreamer in Africa as there are so many obstacles that face everyone one of us daily.

By exposing minds, and sharing our various ideas and thought processes we can all come together consciously.

Bidemi is one the minds I've always found intriguing. Since I stumbled on his work via twitter, the gathering place of culture shakers in Africa and almost every young society around the world, I had to converse with him. Like I said sharing his mind was not only inspiring for me but I felt it will beautiful for everyone.

The new age seems like an odd sphere moving around Africa's underground. It's life consists of creatives, dreamers and pioneers like Bidemi doing what they love by breaking the rules and creating their own in the process.

'Their' being who identify something and break every mould restricting them by being the best version of themselves regardless of the conformity their environment has brought.

As a journalist I want to expose these minds to the world continuously, I want to share the gift of New Age Africa with everyone.

Art has played an intriguing role in every generation that’s ever been on earth, and it’s playing a vital role in Africa right now. Being one of the rawest expressive forms of creativity known to man it’s only natural the new generation calls on its form as a tool of pushing their ideas, diversity and story to the audience.

What’s more exciting is the new love and understanding of the arts in Africa, once not fully recognized for its beauty and knowledge art is finally getting its rightful place in our society.

With shows like Afrikulture and ArtX helping to showcase artist of all forms, to various mediums like Instagram, Twitter and tools like Photoshop the art is being shared with the world. A showcase of what’s really going on in Africa, what our future holds art is important to the history of our generation, it records and highlights points, breaks society norms while creating an open place our skins, ethos and ideals to be free. It also creates an escape for those trapped in the one life scenario being African serves to you, soon it will help shape a new future for everyone.

I dove into my discussion with artist Bidemi

Unorthodox art expression seems to be your speciality, take us into your art world ?

Bidemi : It's just who I think I am as a person, my life has always been surrounded by weirdness and obscurity, and I think it rubbed off on my art style.

Back when I was little and we had those fine art classes, I always got poor marks because my teacher thought my figures were poorly drawn and It pissed me off a lot; It felt unfair to call art ugly. art is expressive, it shouldn't have a pattern. I always try to make "ugliness" appealing, whether it's an eye or a lip or finger, I always attempted to make it grotesque or exaggerated. The usual is boring, is what I always say.

I wouldn't say My drawings are beautiful or well drawn, but, it's appreciated and I think I'm winning.

It's like welcoming you to the dark part of art.

Has art changed you as a person ?

Bidemi : Yes, definitely. It's made me more aware. I find myself now spending days looking for tools, muses to tap into. I'm more conscious about subjects and let them influence my art. I've used my illustrations to fight away depression and fears. I can tell you now that I'm more confident. I've found a way to express myself in a beautiful way.I'm having fun with this and I found my safe place.

You use your art to showcase social issues and the popular culture around you ?

Bidemi : Sometimes.

I've used my illustrations to dispose the idea that a person has to look suicidal to be suicidal.

You can never really know what's going on. Sadness and loneliness sometimes do not have physical revelations, that's what I'm all about. Just be nice.

I'm heavily wrapped up in the world's popular culture than I like too admit and I sometimes make references in my illustrations.

Music, movies, art.

I'm always present for the trends.

It's never a consistent occurrence, but, I do dabble with it sometimes.

How did art become your tool of expression ?

Bidemi : I had always been secluded, I hardly spoke unless it was necessary and my lack of a voice made me isolated in my own thoughts. And I had incredible thoughts as a kid that watched too many horror films and cartoons. I don't remember when I started drawing, but, I remember the first thing I drew was an eye, I have always been sensitive about my eyes because one looks smaller than the other and my peers always pointed it out to me. I began to draw eyes, the best eyes I could, eyes I wished I had. I perfected drawing eyes and it kicked off from there. I would draw everything I felt, everything I was inspired by. Anything I'd been watching or listening to. The concept of my drawings would depend on my mood; If I was sad, the character I drew would most likely have bleeding eyes or would be dying. If I was happy, I would try my best to draw a funny looking character; Something to incite happiness and warmth.

I have never been the kind of person interested in the relationship of shapes, colors or similars And I never fail to make that point in my illustrations.

Is it limiting being an African creative ?

Bidemi : Limiting? I don't believe creativity is limited honestly. Captivating art is captivating, The world is so connected in many ways even though it won't admit it.

I like to believe my illustrations are relatable to anyone and everyone. Different people from different areas of earth can look at it and appreciate it all in the same way. I don't think only a certain type of people can enjoy my work. No I don't believe it's limiting being African  and a creative; I appreciate a lot of artist's work that aren't particularly from Africa, I don't think it's limiting for them being from other geographical regions.

What's the uniqueness of being an African artist ?

Bidemi : We are more traditional than most, I must say. African art is both dark and resplendent, I think that's one trait you can't find anywhere else. It's more down to the roots, never losing it's culture, staying true to shapes and lines. African art romanticises the idea of the female importance, there's a feeling of female empowerment in most African art exhibitions I've been to, there's always that feeling. It's enjoyable and you are almost always tempted to take one home with you. I've had the opportunity to meet and witness other great african artists, with each their own fantastic style.

I haven't met a bad one yet.

How do you challenge conformity using art as a tool ?

Bidemi : Growing up, I was thought to believe an artists is a "poor" man's occupation, I can't deny I believed it. The artists I always saw were thin looking men, who have hung paintings outside their studios for years, they always had beautiful paintings of celebrities or fairly popular people that people admired but never bothered themselves to really dive into; it had no emotion, I resented that art, because, that was what was expected from every artist.

My real battle against conformity really began during my secondary years, when people really frowned on my drawings, and called it ugly or scary, I refused to draw how people expected me to draw. I would draw portraits for people and they would usually comment, "why did you make me so ugly?", " this is not how I look". I'd ignore it. The popular perception of fine art was what I was trying to break, everything doesn't have to be a detailed work to be beautiful. I define myself as an artist interested only in expressing ignored human emotions such as doom, tragedy, ecstasy and so on. The society I found myself in expected illustrations only representing the norm: Happiness, joy, light, glory and all that.

It's satisfying to see a lot of African artists taking on their own roads now, the freedom is here now and it's cool.

What's the art scene around you ?

Bidemi : My inspiration comes from different areas: sometimes after listening to a song, or a movie or from cartoons; My art is heavily influenced by music and how it made me feel. I am a fan of every creative and I always look out for the works of popular artists, Liz Lomax, Jody hewgill, And so on. These illustrators stimulate me to grow and improve my skills. I became acquitted with digital art through them and the first thought that came to my mind was, "I could never draw like that". But then I gradually perfected drawing eyes again with Photoshop, then illustrator. Still, I've only began to walk the path of an illustrator and I still have much to learn.

Thanks to the internet I've gotten to know many interesting people and designers from all over the world, I've recently found myself dabbling with a lot of French illustrators, it's all beautiful how art connects. In the end those communities have helped define me as an artist.

Our generation is beaming and black culture is the pride of the world, what's your take?

Bidemi : Yeah right, we are beaming.

I think blackness has always been hip, right from the time of crip-walk and Afros. We are more aware now, I think. The world is taking notes now, they can't deny the greatness anymore. The black youth is finally looking between the lines and we are taking more risks, no ones trying to play safe anymore, we are questioning society and doing not what they expect, but, what we expect from ourselves and that's how it should be- freedom, expression, satisfaction. We are freer, art is more appreciated now, especially In Nigeria, more people are getting involved, more people are investing and it's great, feels great knowing we might actually be appreciated this time, it's a beacon of hope, people can express themselves now without feeling chains on their necks and it's great that our generation is the spear head, we are opening doors that didn't have keys before and hopefully all these will leads somewhere great. Everyone's talking about Africa, we are finally getting our credit, even if it's not in it's entirety, but, we are heading somewhere.

Abstract or conceptual art ?

Bidemi : I'm a bit of both sides, but, I'm more abstract than conceptual to be frank.

the purpose of art was once to create beauty and to imitate nature, today the concept has evolved dynamically and is constantly changing.

Simple colour matchings don't cut it anymore, there is a bit of surprise and unpredictability in abstract works. Like fashion, music, movies and every other subject, the idea of the usual has become mundane and cliché. Don't get me wrong though, conceptual art still has it's relevance, there are a lot of artists going in that route and their works are beautiful and also captivating. But I'm more of a fan of the abstract and extensive.

How honest must art be to be art ?

Bidemi : Honestly, I don't think it has to be. A creative is someone with a beautiful mind, I like to say the idea is better than the skill. An artist doesn't necessarily have to be sad to make gloomy pieces. Art is expressive no doubt, but, an artwork doesn't always have to be a clear reflection of the artist's mind, it's still captivating art, It still makes the audience feel a thing. It's still art, regardless of how honest the artist is.

You write also, how does that come together with your art ?

Bidemi : I am very imaginative so illustrating, writing, photography and video editing, it all bodes well to be honest. I have the advantage I think, I have an expansive mind.

I just recently made writing a serious hobby of mine and it's going well, I get good compliments and good numbers. I sometimes take writing as an opportunity to showcase my art, I compliment my writings with illustrations; I'm all about imagery. to confess, I hardly enjoy pieces without images or illustrations. It's all fun, I have fun with it.

Do you get depressed ? If you do what's your cure ?

Bidemi : I like to think everyone gets depressed, some find it easier to deal with it, some don't. With Love, video games, music, movies, writing and so on people find their ways of subsiding it.

I used to feel undervalued and alone, back in boarding school far away from home, from friends and family  in another state or country and my way of beating the sadness was drawing and writing these little notes beside my drawings, notes of how I feel and promising myself it will be better soon.

I would show friends my drawings and it made me feel better when they smiled and gave my drawings compliments and called other kids to come see, it made me feel valued for the time and I didn't really feel alone anymore.

What you planning for yourself going ahead ?

Bidemi : I haven't really put much thought to it, I've been riding this wave of life. Going forward as long as the road's there. It's been a good year for me and I wouldn't say I'm satisfied, but, I know there's more to come.