#it's so dumb and cheesy and not logical but i fully believe it now
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#ok but this is lowkey how i got my guy so đ¤ˇ#and he's literally the best boyfriend ever#he sends me train videos đ#so yeah sometimes you just gotta be your full autistic self#gotta rizz em with the tism#and eventually it WILL lead you to where you need to be#it's so dumb and cheesy and not logical but i fully believe it now#anyway thanks for coming to my ttt (tag ted talk) đ#iasip#always sunny#its always sunny in philadelphia#charlie kelly#iasip shitpost#shitpost#meme#neurodivergent#autistic
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You asked for it: live thoughts from Ria and @creatrixanimiâ watching RvB Zero.
So, after having a movie night the day before (third movie night in a week, actually, we are very productive) watching Neil Breen movies and âCool Catâ, it was now time to touch upon Zero. Sadly, Zero does not belong in the âso bad itâs goodâ category, but alas, Ria had to spoil Haleyâs innocence.
This is not a proper edited review, but just snippets of our live reaction while watching the thing together. We are not drunk, but this continued way past midnight for Ria, so maybe her brain isnât fully functioning. Also, Ria is a potty mouth because cursing is easy when itâs not your native language. Enjoy.
Episode 1:
Ria: I canât figure out if they were trying to do a Grif and Simmons parallel with those two random guards talking outside, the ones with the Wash retconning.
Haley: Their armor doesnât cover their noses.Â
Ria: Thatâs gotta be cold. Frostbitten noses.
...
Haley: There is no exposition. Like, it feels like the writers had their idea and know what is going on, but we donât so it just feels weird and random. It feels like a Marvel movie.
Ria: Is that a compliment? I havenât watched Marvel.
Haley: Not a good one.
 ...
Ria: This episode isnât that bad in itself. But itâs just there to establish that the OG characters canât beat this new villain, but the new guys can, and, urgh.
 ...
Episode 2:
[The shot focuses on Oneâs behind.]
Riaâs dirty mind: Ass.
 ...
Ria: STOP CALLING HIM DAVID.
...
Ria: I like this character, but I donât remember his name.
Haley: Raymond.
Ria: This is why we need a name system like with the Freelancers and states. Shouldâve just been numbers all the way through. Except Eleven, you fucking whore.
 ...
Haley at the sight of Raymondâs phone: Itâs so big.
Ria: Itâs the future. I can believe it.
 ...
Ria: Hereâs the thing driving me crazy. Axel is a normal name in Denmark. But like, only old people use it. I know two Axels and they are both older than eighty. So thatâs when I think of when I see Axel.
 ...
[After the whole training montage where we are introduced to the characters, we are still confused.]
Ria: I canât remember their names.
Haley: Well, they didnât show all of them. They didnât show One.
Ria: They did!
Haley: They did?
Ria: Wow. So we got all that tell and no show, and we are still confused.
 ...
Haley: When it comes to genre, itâs actually not that bad with the narrated tell and donât show. If it wanted to be a cheesy/bad action movie, thatâs a trope thatâs used relatively frequently in the genre. Itâs a bad action movie. But itâs not RvB. Itâs kinda like a particularly bad Marvel movie.
Ria: Youâre really not selling me on the Marvel movies tonight.
 ...
Ria: I know Iâm just a sucker for Joe, but I keep thinking of s15. Like, here they just use the files as a cheap way to introduce the characters. But like, in s15, Dylan just read out loud Grifâs file, and it was not to introduce him, but like, to show the complexity of the characters and go against the files? I donât know, it just seems way cooler now.
 ...
[After the whole âwhatâs Eastâs dealâ scene, we were so confused. Literally paused for five minutes trying to figure who was whose dad and why and what. How many daughters did Axel have? And where are they? We were just lost. Future Haley: Him waxing poetic about his daughters while watching the two girls in his team train confused me like I thought he was talking about East and One and couldnât count sdfghjk. Future Ria: Iâd even watched the show before and I was still confused.]
Ria: I canât figure out if theyâre too fast or if weâre just stupid.
Haley: Itâs like Iâm trying to remember the details but it all slips through my fingers.
Ria: The whole Zero experience is to feel too old for this shit.
 ...
Ria: STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM DAVID
 ...
One: This is how itâs done, grandma.
Ria: Fuck you.
 ...
Episode 3:
Haley: People would like it if they love dumb action shows. It works as a mindless action show.
 ...
Haley: So this is a temple?
Ria: I hate the worldbuilding. Is this the same planet as before? Like, Chorus had temples, but it also had lore about it. Is this the same sort of temples?
Haley: So shouldnât this temple have its own key? Why do they need to include Tucker? It makes no sense for the temple to require a totally different sword from a different planet.
Ria: So they could beat him up âcause OG characters are weak now.
 ...
Haley: I donât like the training scenes. They are so long and boring.
Ria: This is like the third episode where they are training. Holy shit.
 ...
Haley: Itâs not that bad. But if you like Red vs. Blue, itâs not something for you. They arenât really comparable.
Ria: I just donât understand what they wanted to continue for Red vs. Blue. Like, itâs not the worldbuilding or the plot or the characters. I just donât get it.
 ...
Haley: Raymond is the best character.
Ria: I like Raymond.
Haley: Heâs RvB. He should be the main character.
 ...
Ria: Did East just use the âIâm not like the other (girls)â line?
Haley: I donât like her. Sheâs a brat. Why did Carolina have to apologize? They were just training, this is something sheâs gonna have to deal with on a daily basis lmao.
Ria: Didnât Carolina have a cast on her arm? Itâs gone now. I canât keep up with the timeline. So, sheâs healed, but how long was Wash gone? They are so vague about everything. Worldbuilding, timeline, motivations.
 ...
Ria: âŚDid Carolina just say sheâd suit up? While wearing a full armor suit?
 ...
[And this is where the cursed part takes place. To talk, weâd often pause the thing. Here, I randomly paused during the introduction for Starlight Laboratories. Thereâs a desk in the shot. With a fucking marker on it.]
Haley: Thatâs a Crayola marker. Thatâs a Crayola marker on the table.
Ria: Glad we can appreciate the details by pausing.
[Haley then missed the entire Axel flashback scene because she was too busy looking up pictures of Crayola markers. When this is revealed, Ria lost it for like, three minutes]
Haley: I had that marker as a kid.Â
Ria: So 4/5 stars for the marker?
Haley: They were supposed to smell like blueberries or something but they just smelled like chemicals.
Ria: This is the most excited weâve been about Zero so far.
[Future Haley: I was literally laugh-crying you dont understand. This was the best part of the show.]
...
Episode 4:
Ria: They all have super powers. Itâs so weird.
Haley: I keep thinking they are gonna explain stuff. But they donât. So Iâm just confused.
 ...
[Haley has now brought forth all the markers in her room to find a Crayola one. She drops them all on the floor. Ria loses it again.] [Future Haley update: I found a yellow one it smells like lemons :)]
 ...
Ria: They are all glowing and have super powers. Itâs weird. Like, I know we had super powered armor before but that was all connected to AIs. I donât get how all of this works. They donât have AIs.
 ...
[We both agree that we enjoy Raymond and Tiny. Bless them.]
 ...
Ria: Itâs weird. The dialogue is so oblivious, it comments on its own mistakes. Like, Carolina just acknowledged Wash has had a computer in his head before. But they donât acknowledge the whole canonical lore about his trauma regarding computers in his head and why heâd hate this. Same with the name David. They just noticed that itâs his first name and thatâs how theyâd show how close Carolina is with him, but they didnât acknowledge the canon lore that Wash dislikes people using his first name.
 ...
Episode 5:
Haley: Why didnât they use Locusâ sword instead. Itâd make more sense. Heâs the one travelling around planets and wanting to help people??Â
Ria: Whatâs the worldbuilding here? Is Tucker on the same planet? Is this Earth? Chorus?
 ...
Haley: Gotta love it when they make Tucker hit on teenagers.
Ria: Oh god why did they make East 18.
 ...
Haley: They should have done something with the Warthog song, even if thatâs a Red Team thing.
Ria: I miss Red Team.
 ...
Ria: Wait, so if these three swords are connected, why can the two first ones move by themselves and they have like super powers connected to them? When Tuckerâs sword is just boring? They didnât even make a joke about how the two new swords are longer than Tuckerâs.
 ...
Tucker: Iâm fine, I have my sword.
Ria: That line is so tragic in hindsight.
 ...
One: Itâs Tucker. He is dead.
Carolina: Oh my god.
Haley: *laughs her ass off*
 ...
Haley: I donât understand why anyone is doing anything.
Ria: Your brain is still thinking about that fucking marker.
 ...
Episode 6:
Ria: The dialogue did it again! Wash just said âamazing medical techâ. Like, he points out a plot hole. Because that amazing tech can heal brain injuries and bring people back from death, but East had to be tortured for years to heal her vague illness? Like, why couldnât their amazing tech fix that.
 ...
[While watching the design of the temple.]
Ria: It looks like those are just plates glued to the wall. Dinner is served.
 ...
Haley: There is no logical reason why they brought in Tucker. His sword isnât even from this planet.
Ria: To lure in fans.
 ...
Haley in a very sad voice: The speech wasnât good.
 ...
Episode 7:
Ria: Is all of this happening on the same planet? They keep driving. The worldbuilding is so weird. At least earlier RvB made a joke about how they could just drive everywhere. This is like a big desert, a training base, laboratory, city and temples and Tuckerâs workplace, and I donât know if itâs even on the same planet.
 ...
Ria: Diesel is just standing there waiting while they outfit Carolina.
Haley: Itâs like a video game.
 ...
Ria: The templeâs walls are filled with runes.
Haley: It feels like a free/bought asset. It doesnât even look like the temples on Chorus. It looks like something in WoW or something like that.
Ria: Itâs driving me mad. I can read runes! Imagine a big boss fight and the freaking alphabet is plastered on the walls. Thatâs what Iâm looking at.
 ...
Haley: Zero is such a boring villain. Itâs not interesting when we donât know what this âpowerâ actually is or what he wants to do with it.
 ...
Ria: Thatâs the helmet Spencer wore.
Haley: Oh god I forgot about him.
Ria: So did the writers.
Haley: Spencer should have been the real villain.
 ...
Haley: *sees the random model of the temple guardian alien* I miss Santa.
 ...
Episode 8:
Ria: The aliens are just dancing in the background while Carolina is fighting Diesel.
Haley laughing: Oh my god, they are. They are just jumping up and down.
 ...
Ria: So, the villain just turned overpowered, and the solution is that Raymond just flicks a switch we havenât heard about and now the heroes are overpowered too?
Haley: It just makes them shiny. And like... they donât even use the âpowerâ, they donât fight him with their powers which only some of them have, they just shoot their ordinary guns at him while doing unnecessary flips.
Ria: I just remembered Churchâs dick switch. That had more dramatic buildup.
 ...
Axel: Youâre too cocky for that.
Riaâs dirty brain: Cock.
 ...
Post Zero thoughts:
[Ria returns from bathroom break and Haley is proudly showing off her marker over video cam.]
Haley: There was too much going on so I just focused on the marker.
Ria: So how many stars would you give it?
Haley: Itâs really bad.
Ria: How many stars for marker representation?
Haley: Three out of five. It was only there for a second.
 ...
Haley: In the beginning, it wasnât that bad. It was dumb, but also fun and sorta cool. But then it just went on for too long and they didnât explain anything properly and it stopped being fun really fast. But I can see why some people might enjoy it. Like, youâd love it for its action but only that. Not for plot and/or the character writing.
Ria: I think my biggest problem is the worldbuilding. They kept everything so vague because they didnât want to connect, not really. Like, where is this happening? When? Why are Carolina and Wash there? Like, the motivations for all the characters were so vague as well.
 ...
Haley: Raymond was great. He had personality and some good lines. And he felt like RvB. Like, he used his brain and actually got shit done, but he also wasnât over-powered. He followed a similar character arc to what the Reds and Blues had. He sucks at fighting but heâs efficient and smart in a practical way with his rocket launcher. He does the most and he doesnât stop being a goofball! Even Zero was focused on stopping him the most at the end. And he didnât need to do any stupid flips.
 ...
Haley: The borrowed assets annoyed me. It ended up looking stupid, like, the temple felt more like fantasy than science fiction. And nothing like Chorus. And normally, RvB doesnât have to worry about being cohesive because all of the designs are from Halo so it all makes sense and itâs connected. But this is just so random it feels distracting, I feel like this is a big reason people felt that Zero was so jarring⌠but on a subconscious level. It just felt off and there was no cohesive design. Also everything looked like it was made for video games and not modified at all for the show.
 ...
Haley: Honestly I was optimistic at first but then I got confused really fast and it kept getting worse because it was so fast. They didnât explain stuff properly or at all. Like, they made it too big. Should have been smaller. I thought going with the âStarlight Labs is evil and needs to go downâ plot would have been A LOT better and would have tied together multiple aspects of the story that the temple plot didnât.
Ria: If I had the power which I donât, I dunno, but I if the main point was to introduce new characters, Iâd keep them tied to lore and worldbuilding we already know. So we donât get so confused and it doesnât feel so disconnected. Like, Iâm still in love with the idea that it should have been Carolina on Chorus dealing with these soldiers who have been fighting all their lives and now donât have to do that anymore. But maybe Chorus still needing an army, and thatâs why she is training it. I donât know, but like, familiar, build on what we know. And then they wouldnât be superpowered, but like, just competent-ish but normal soldiers and weâd get to know them better, but I just think Zero just wanted them to be these super cool soldiers even better than Carolina so they could pull off all the fight scenes. âCause itâs all Zero has going for it. The fight scenes. Itâs its strength and weakness âcause they sacrificed everything else to look cool. And it does. But itâs boring and there is nothing else going on.
 ...
Ria: Iâm still so annoyed about the temples. Why are they there? Like, on Chorus it was a big thing, also plotwise, but it had lore connected to it and the worldbuilding explained it. So, where are these temples? A different planet, right? Is it the same aliens? Are people just cool with the temples? Why havenât they been explored before. Chorus made sure to explain all of that.
 ...
Haley: The West and East scene-
Ria: Feast.
Haley: Confused me. âcause West didnât really regret anything. He just said why he did it. And then all of the sudden East forgave him and rejoined the team. It was so weird. He doubled down on the thing she hated him for so much I was like âWow heâs kinda an assholeâ and then all of a sudden she was on his side? What?
 ...
Haley: Zero does its job if you want action and nothing else. And itâs not RvB. Donât watch it if you like RvB. And I just want to acknowledge that we are nitpicking. Quite a bit. Iâll admit that. But, I wouldnât nitpick the other RvB seasons the same way because the old RvB never took itself seriously the way Zero did.
Ria: I agree. We are nitpicking. But like, thatâs why we have the movie nights.
Haley: But we are also allowed to criticize it. You can do that with any season. And with the other seasons, you could nitpick it and you can find stuff you donât like, but there are always stuff you do like or that other people like. I just canât find anything about Zero that I like. Besides Raymond.
Ria: Yeah. Like, I really love 15. And it had so many flaws people pointed out. And when it comes to criticism and Zero, I just donât see many points about why people like it. They are allowed to do that though. But, like, we could have a movie night where we watch the Chorus seasons and weâd nitpick so much because we both have issues with it, but there is still so much stuff weâd still like.
Haley: I like Raymond though. Heâs like Grimmons lovechild.
Ria: No. Fuck you. Donât put that in my brain.
 ...
Haley: Raymond being in this⌠I want to say it feels like the Freelancers seasons but if Grif was part of the team or something. But thatâs just âHit and Runâ. *laughs*
Ria: NO! Thatâs cursed. Shut up. Also, the Freelancers were way better written.
Haley: And those seasons made better sense.
Ria: And like, the Freelancer seasons did the thing with change of tone and have these new and super cool characters and fight scenes. But they kept half of the seasons to be around the Reds and Blues so we still had the humor and the dumbasses, and Zero just, it didnât connect.
 ...
Haley: So, I have some thoughts on Zero.
Ria: I know, you fuck, I had to write them all down by hand.
Haley: I like bad movies, actually, but Zero didnât stay fun, so no, I didnât enjoy it.
 ...
Ria: Do you forgive me for making you watch Zero?
Haley: Yeah.
Ria: What should we watch next?
...
Also, Haley dressed up her dog for the event and you all deserve to see her:
#we asked you answered we delivered#like most of these are just stupid observation#but we do have some proper reflections on the good and the bad and the ugly#and markers!#rvb zero critical
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