#it's so cringe that the cullens are all /together/ too in twilight canon but also like... that fits with the party's relationships too?

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

i saw a thirst trap of carlisle cullen last night and i immediately thought about a steddie twilight au but where eddie falls for steve, the patriarch of that weird-ass foster family that just moved to town at the start of eddie's third go at senior year (he moved to hawkins to stay with his uncle and try this last time to graduate after people in his home town keep only thinking of his now convict dad whenever they see eddie. maybe now he can actually graduate without all the teachers holding a grudge).

steve, or Dr. Harrington to the folks of Hawkins, who studied medicine to help people after he was attacked in his early 20s by an actual vampire his father was trying to hunt down after it killed steve's mother

steve, who forced himself to feed on animals, to not take a single breath when he went to his best friend robin's home after being changed to tell her goodbye

steve, who winds up changing robin too (accidentally biting her? he comes back not a year later and robin's sick? idk)

steve, who just kept collecting kids by accident when he'd find them on the brink of death, all throughout his long life.

steve and robin, who are now professionals at pretending to be married (and have been officially platonically married loads of times at this point).

eddie, who skids his car roughly into chrissy cunningham's in the school parking lot after they've just come back from winter break and they both end up bonding over the ride in the ambulance/long wait in the hospital

chrissy, who immediately clocks eddie's reaction to Dr. Harrington as soon as he walks in the room and relentlessly (lovingly) torments him about it from then on.

something something eddie falls for steve the otherworldly being and steve who falls just as hard for this entirely breakable human

classic miscommunications about "He's married!", "He's still totally into you though.." and "Oh my god he thinks I'm married...That's why he's not flirting back!", "And why did it take you so long to realize this?"

dr. harrington's meddling kids (who somehow look just like steve even though they're fosters??? ("They're vampires Chris, they've got to be.")) trying to push eddie on their 'dad' and eddie's 'robin' chrissy on their robin...

idk idk i just can't help but think about a twilight au now lmao

[dddemigirl]

I’m close to halfway done with Midnight Sun and I have some thoughts. It bothers me how much SMeyer writes Bella as the definition of “not like the other girls,” but also how much I see myself in Bella. Disgusting, considering Bella is Smeyer’s self insert. The clumsiness, not wanting to be the center of attention, being nerdy, being terrible at sports and dancing. I can relate to that stuff. Certainly not the fiction protagonist I’d want to find myself in.

Some other things that intrigue me; was Edward always unable to put together Charlie‘s thoughts? I don’t remember that. Granted I haven’t read the books or watched the movies since I was a young teenager. I was also wondering about Tanya and the Denali Clan, did they have much of a role? Something that surprises me is how teenager-ish Edward’s actions/thoughts can be. When I first read the books I always saw him as mature, so sure of himself. I guess one would be if they were as old as he is but Midnight Sun really reminds us that this emo sparkle boy is mentally 17.

Speaking of the Cullens, I love how much I’m seeing of their banter and personalities compared to what I remember from Bella’s POV. I’m really into the potential vampire lore that Smeyer denied us. I feel like if this story wasn’t so focused on Edward and Bella we could’ve seen that stuff fleshed out. Where do other vampires live in the US? Where in other countries? What are their laws or activities? We see so little of other vampire clans outside of the big battle scene in Breaking Dawn (?) or when we occasionally are introduced to the Cullens’ vampire friends. You’re telling me that Edward is the only vampire to ever develop feelings for a human? That every other group of vampires just see humans as prey? I know the Cullens are considered different from many for being “vegetarians” and for living as a family but still.. Also! Stephanie Meyer, your obnoxious Mormon ass incidentally went and wrote Alice as sapphic. I bet you’d hate it if you knew some of your readers thought this. The way Alice talks about loving Bella?? Hello??? Edward even refers to Alice being Bella’s girlfriend. I know this is being used in the way straight women refer to their friends as “girlfriends,” which is super obnoxious to me as a lesbian, but come on..! Alice is sapphic and polyamorous. I’m calling it. She is happy for Edward and Bella and truly loves Jasper but she has feelings for Bella too. No one can take this from me. Okay, so onto another topic. We all hate how racist this series is, it’s so focused on white people and has racist writing choices. I would’ve liked if the Cullens were diverse. Not just in race but in sexuality, gender, perhaps there could’ve been disabled vampires? Think about it; these are killing machines with great physical ability, would any physical disability they had as humans be gone with their change to vampirism? I think it would be good writing and good representation to have say, a vampire in a wheelchair for example. As someone with dyscalculia and ADHD I would enjoy reading about learning disabilities as well. Meyer writes about how smart Edward and Bella are in academics. I grew up learning that I would never truly be perceived as smart because of my dyscalculia and other learning disabilities.

I also like the idea of a trans vampire, someone who spends their new life as an immortal working on their gender expression how they see fit and becoming happiest with their body. They have all the time in the world after all. Obviously give me all of the lgbt vampires please. Onto race diversity, I had a thought, could a Native vampire exist in the Twilight canon? Imagine a Native who feels conflicted with their new vampire identity and how their heritage warns them to stay away from the Cold Ones. Becoming the thing your family and community despise and having to decide where your loyalties lie, if your loved ones would even accept you? Smeyer did the Quileute tribe soooo fucking dirty. I am so pissed. Who the fuck... what the fuck? Who the fuck involves an indigenous community in their writing, without permission, and doesn’t give said tribe funds from their earnings from the book(s)?? This lady’s racist, homophobic, slut shaming, holier than thou attitude is so prevalent in her writings and it worries me because she influenced a whole generation of young teenagers with her books. I was one of them. Not to mention she tried to play off that Edward and Jacob’s treatment of Bella were somehow romantic and healthy! Today’s young adults saw that shit! You’re a grown woman Stephanie. You romanticized toxic behaviors in your books targeted toward a young and impressionable audience. I’m thinking about how many of today’s preteens and teenagers will go read the Twilight saga for the first time due to Midnight Sun’s release. They will think that racism, predatory relationships and shaming girls for liking popular things (See Bella “not like other girls” Swan for reference) is acceptable. I’m a hopeless romantic, a dreamer, so I hate when these books easily make me go “aww” internally even when I know it’s not “aww,” it’s unhealthy. I’m old enough to know what is a red flag in Bella’s relationships but not everyone who reads them is old enough to understand that yet. Baby me certainly didn’t see how Edward and Jacob were both not good for Bella. I was too caught up in the Team Edward and Team Jacob craze. (Baby me was Team Jacob by the way. I’m a trashy furry who loves werewolves, I can’t help it.)

My final thoughts for now anyway: in the dedication our wonderful author says that this book is for the fans who were first young teens when reading Twilight, something like that. She writes that she hopes we achieved our dreams. Not the exact wording but you get it. I remember when I read that dedication page I felt immeasurable sadness. I haven’t reached my goals, lived my dreams or become a successful young adult. I’m still that socially awkward, clumsy, unremarkable person I was when I first read and watched this story. (Ew. Once again why do I sound like how Smeyer describes Bella? I’m cringing.) I’m stuck being a nobody because I’m too scared to change. I know this rant is about Midnight Sun/the Twilight saga and isn’t about me but damn that shit hit me like a ton of bricks.

[bracefacefreak]

Beware long post below. Just some thoughts I had whilst I was re-reading twilight...... 

1) Sarcastic Bella is love. Sarcastic Bella is life. 2)  No one can take away my headcanon black!Emmett with gorgeous tightly curled hair. Plus this means that he can totally teach Jasper about racism and why fighting for the Confederates was WRONG and they can support anti-racism charities together.  3) Jess’s little comment about Esme not being able to have children makes me so sad. 4) Ok, so Carlisle is a freaking surgeon. Like he spends his days elbows deep in people’s abdominal cavities. I have even more respect for him now if that’s possible.  5) Charlie’s lil crush on the Cullens is tots cute.  6) Wasted vampire trope #1 - the base instinctual fear that all human characters have around vampires, even though they can’t understand it.  7) Apparently Alice doesn’t give a shit about appearing human 8) Cute sibling moments-why didn’t we get these in the films? 9) What was the whole ‘electric current’ sensation that passed between Edward and Bella in science class? Is that ever explained? Do vampires conduct electricity now?  10) God damn it Charlie Swan, stop being precious. Also the fact Bella gets so choked up about her dad putting snow chains on her truck makes me so sad. Poor girl. 

11) “No blood, no foul.” Not even trying to subtle are you Edward.  12) “...the doctor was in on it.” Literally almost fell over laughing. Poor darling Carlisle.  13) God, I forget all the angry scowling and even angrier silences.  14) I fucking love Bella’s petty inner monologue about rear-ending Ed’s volvo. Girl after my own heart.  15) Sam Uley-totally forgot he was only 19!  20) So Carlisle has been coming to forks for centuries. Even before the first settlers reached there. Interesting little fact nugget.  21) Angela is GAY! FFS Smeyer.  22) Bella’s equally petty inner monologue about non-fatally wounding Tyler so he can’t take her to the dance. This girl is a mood.  23) You know Emmett absolutely rinsed Edward about all his mooning and pining during their hunting trip. I’m talking about made up ridiculous cringe-worthy joke poetry about Bella’s eyebrows and some rather grotesque smooching faces.  24) “We all like to drive fast.” I totally headcanon that Esme is a fucking terrifying driver, after all she has shit to do-crazy vamp kids to keep in check, houses to restore, a very pretty husband to bone.  25) So much unsubtle foreshadowing. 26) “Grizzly is Emmett’s favourite.” This is 100% Emmett’s revenge on bear-kind for his almost-demise.  27) Wasted vampire trope #2 - vampires are able to communicate in tones too low and too high for humans to hear. Other animals however are a different matter. It’s not unusual for private conversation to be interrupted by baying dogs and the irritated meows of cats.  28) Why can Bella see blue veins in Edward’s arms? He doesn’t have blood? Did you even proofread this Smeyer? 29) Edward’s fears about facing Esme - I can just imagine Carlisle coming home to find Esme holding Edward there in a headlock, before looking up and saying your father’s here now, lets talk. Also poor Carlisle having to face Esme that evening and tell her Ed’s gone.  30) Wasted vampire trope #3 - the what Edward talks about his human feelings being hidden deep beneath his stronger vampire ones. I don’t feel we get to see much of this except for a few episodes of over-protectiveness and growling. This could have been much more interesting.  31) I would pay good money to hear more about Carlisle and Esme’s increasingly ridiculous and disastrous plots to try and get Edward and Rosalie together.  I mean we think of them as the wise, mature adults but we all know that the Cullen children get some of their crazy from their parents.  32) I want an AU where Alice didn’t get her visions of Jasper and the Cullens and went absolutely feral, when the Cullens do run into her it’s as an enemy who they eventually persuade to their way of life.....or not.  33) Jasper’s gift is absolutely terrifying....I mean being able to manipulate people’s emotions, get them to feel what you want and by extension behave as you want. Ed even says he can use it on a crowd. That’s like supervillain level.  34) “You are mythical after all.” Ok so now I want an extended world of fantasy/horror/mythical beings. I’m talking mermaids/sirens, fay folk, ghosts etc. Make Forks like Gravity Falls or something. Please.  35) Edward whiny bitch Cullen repeatedly asking Bella if she’s going to tell her Dad that he’s her boyfriend. And if you think he stops doing this once their married, you’re wrong.  36) Edward’s forehead kisses are tots something he learned from watching Esme and Carlisle. I will die for this headcanon.  37) Edward tasting Bella’s tears. WTF!? WHY? WHAT AM I READING SMEYER!? 38) Carlisle found a real vampire nest at 23 years of age. He is canonically too clever for his own good. FFS sweety.  39) I forgot how much I enjoyed the part with Carlisle’s backstory. Also my poor bby boy suffered through his transformation without making a single noise. Even human!Carlisle had the self control of a saint.  40) Wasted vampire trope #4 - I know this has been mentioned before but the whole, vampires don’t need to breathe and get no relief from it but do it as habit. What other human habits and sensations do they have which have been altered by their transformation. 41) Aro and Carlisle playing tricks to try and get each other to drink from the other’s food source. It didn’t work cause of vamp smell obviously. I know I write this as if it’s playful, but we all knows Aro was a total bitch about it.  42) Edwin. Charlie Swan you are precious. Never change.  43) WHY DIDN’T WE GET TO SEE ALICE AND EMMETT HOLD HANDS IN THE FILMS! 44) “Occassionally Esme would call them to order.” I would pay good money to see this. Also does ‘ that include them’ include Carlisle? 45) Edward muttering a string of swear words both old and new, in multiple languages under his breath is a mood I recognise.  46) “Esme and Carlisle, they’ll have to leave, to hide forever!”.....”We’ve been there before.” I want this and every story of all the stupid reasons why the Cullens have had to flee the state/country in the past. Carlisle sometimes wonders whether all the trouble is worth it. This never happened when he was on his own. 47) I am unsurprisingly very much in favour of growling, snarling Alice Cullen.  48) Why does Bella have a secret cash hoard?  Is that normal? Is it in case Renee’s dealers turn up demanding money? (Can you tell I’m not a Renee fan.) 49) Of course Esme installed fucking bombproof shutters on their house. My girl is so freaking extra.  50) How many speeding tickets have the Cullens collected over the years?  51) “He seems to stay just far enough away that I can’t hear what he’s thinking..” Was this just coincidence or did James somehow know about Ed’s power? 52) Alice sketches her visions sometimes - it’s something Esme taught her because sometimes her visions are so weird or disturbing or exhausting that Alice can’t voice them herself. So Esme came up with this way to try and help her get it out.  53) Wasted vampire trope #5 - vampires can speak so fast that humans can’t understand them. Just imagine Bella wandering in on a family discussion at the Cullen house and all she can hear is a high pitched squeaking because everyone is talking super fast.  54) Alice’s backstory makes me so sad 55) “Alice had a bit too much fun fabricating the evidence.” Ok, so two things: one, I absolutely wish we could have seen Alice destroying shit and two, I still don’t understand how they managed to convince anyone Bella fell down a flight of stairs, like did they have to push her down the stairs to ensure it looked realistic, did Ed spend ages artistically placing her in a suitable position. How did this work? 56) Also love that everyone just accepted that Bella would fall down stairs and through a window, she’s just that much of a clutz.  57) Also they stole a car and burned down a dance studio. The Cullens should have started a crime family, they wouldn’t have been good at it but it would have been hilarious.  58) Bella should have grown up with Charlie. End of. Renee sucks.  59) Charlie is absolutely crushing on Carlisle and I love it.