#it's so bizarre. it's like I'm looking at and analyzing someone else's fanart

[ineffable-romantics]

Red String of Fate

[imjustsomebunny]

I saw this on twitter and...

This is exactly the reason why I have such horrible social anxiety.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I'll see a really cool piece of fanart or read an amazing fanfic and think, "Wow! That's incredible! I should really leave a comment!"

And then I'll spend ages typing a comment up over and over, trying to fix little mistakes and being way too critical of it before I start to lose confidence and inevitably delete it at the last second.

Oftentimes I'll see that most of the other replies are just mutuals, and I feel like I'd just be unwelcome or out of place? Or I feel like they've probably gotten a dozen other similar comments, so "what's the point?"

And other times I'll be scrolling through a person's profile and looking at some of their stuff and I'll like a bunch of stuff and then this random thought will hit me: "what if they think I'm some weirdo stalker?"

So then I'll just like a couple things and leave, or try not to comment on more than one or two posts, in the rare instances that I DO end up commenting.

I over-analyze everything I say because I have this stupid fear of being judged by people. I care about what other people think of me, even though I know I shouldn't.

I'm afraid that when I start talking to someone, I'll come off as bizarre or clingy and drive them away. I try to word everything I say to sound slightly detached(?) because I don't want to come off as being too overly-friendly when they may only see me as some random person who keeps coming to gush about their posts online.

I hate having to overthink everything. I hate this overpowering anxiety everytime I try to talk to someone. I hate feeling like such a loser.

I want to have friends, and I want to be able to just talk about whatever comes to mind instead of having to keep my personality walled off because I have literally nobody else to talk to and I feel like I'm slowly going imsane, but I haven't lost my mind.

I feel like if someone approached me and started being genuinely nice to me and hanging out with me without having some sort of ulterior motives I would have a fucking stroke and die. I feel like if someone literally just put their hand on my shoulder I would go into shock.

I fucking hate this.