#it's real cringe hours on this blog rn - but fuck it we ball

[cosmicmakos]

another cringy post that i want to write to make myself feel better after being treated like shit by the person i have to, unfortunately, live with until i can afford to move out

Jeanne had heard my sigh and a mumbled curse that sounded more sad than angry; she knew something had happened but didn't want to force me to tell her. she knew by the way i had put my face in my hands and the few sniffles that she heard as soon as i sat down that i was fighting back tears. instead of coming over to where i sat she let me be for a few minutes - she knows i need a few minutes to process my emotions and to understand them fully before talking to someone about them.

never wanting to overwhelm me in moments like these, she sets down the papers she was grading and sits down next to me waiting for me to let her in. she knows that once i uncover my face and look for anything that i can use to distract myself from my thoughts i'm open to talking about whatever happened. this time is no different than the others - her asking me if i would like her to hold me and me saying yes to her.

"did she say something hurtful to you or did she try to manipulate you this time?" i held her a little tighter and buried my face even deeper into her shoulder before telling her what had happened this time. even if my words were muffled she could still hear what i said and the hurt in my voice. she holds me tighter and kisses me when i finish talking about what happened.

"she doesn't deserve you, especially after all she's done to you. don't listen to her or take her words to heart darling; whatever names she calls you or whatever she says you are is far from the truth. you're stronger than you think and aren't the monster she tries to make you think you are." she didn't think her words would be the thing to make me finally cry but she holds me even tighter and tells me I'm safe in her arms.

Jeanne asks me if i'd like to talk about anything in particular (trying to get me to talk about a special interest or current hyperfixation since doing so usually gets me in a better mood) or if i wanted her to talk about something to help take my mind off what happened. i tell her i want to listen to her talk about whatever she wants just so i can hear her voice. "and here i thought i'd get you talking about that game you love so much but instead you want to hear about ancient history." i laugh and tell her i enjoy learning about the Umbra and the rich history of witches before the hunts happened. she asks me if there happens to be a subject i want to learn more about than others today and i mention wanting to understand just how the beast within techniques work and how you obtain them.

after we talk for an hour or two Jeanne suggests that we go out on a date, not taking no for an answer as she knows that doing so would be a good distraction while also giving her the chance to help me feel even better. after the main date she takes me to a secluded area where nobody is around - i crack the 'this is the perfect place to take someone if you wanted to kill them' joke and get an eye-roll from her. "i'm sure this would be a better place for angels to gather and not for a human to be murdered dear" was her reply as she laughed.

i asked her why she had brought me all the way out here where the city lights were in the distance and the sounds of the night were all you could hear. "remember what we were talking about earlier? i thought you'd be interested in seeing just how they work." the next few hours were spent watching her show me the ins and outs of the different forms and me being amazed at what she could do while in them.