#it's pretty much the new adult romance novel that I wanted to write/read

[renewedmotionforjudgment]

But Darling, Stay With Me

Aka that SOKP Modern Lawyer x Lawyer AU that @xiakeponz and I have been brainstorming.

(Title from Stay with Me by Sam Smith feat. Utada Hikaru)

(Anyways, I found a fun instagram generator. Also, literally at some point I realized that since SOKP is set in a fictional country, I don't actually have to set them in modern day mainland, and I'm just going to assume that Da Qian underwent some law school reform a la South Korea to adapt it to the US system. )

[ladyloveandjustice]

Yuri Manga for New (AND Not-So-New) Readers

I was talking on discord about some good yuri for beginners, and figured I'd repost here.

I get way more detailed some of these recommendations in this post, and there's great recs from another person too! Check it out!

I'm doing this accounting to various tones and tastes, so what works as a beginner yuri for one person might not for another, just read the info to figure out what your jam is.

I'll put a star by the ones about adults (which is the majority of them) since I've found that's always something people want.

Goodbye my Rose Garden (Victorian yuri w/ beautiful art, just beautiful all around)*

How Do We Relationship? (messy adult relationships and lots of actually realistic intimacy)*

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat- (A woman loves to cook but doesn’t have a huge appetite, only to find the woman next door to her does! She cooks for her and they really start to bond over food and the trials of being working adults. Yes, this is the one where the woman googles lesbian. It's really good)*

Bloom into You- a common go-to yuri for beginners for a reason, about a girl who believes she can't fall in love meeting a girl who wants to date her specifically BECAUSE she can't fall in love. Find out more about it and hear my thoughts here. It has a gorgeous anime that doesn't cover the complete story.

Doughnuts Under the Crescent Moon (sweet office lady romance, ace rep) *

Catch These Hands! (These two women were delinquents and rivals in high school, they meet up again, one reveals she was always into the other, she challenges her to a fight on the condition that if the other woman loses she'll date her. Lots of slapsticky fun and great for any lover of girl delinquents)*

Run away with me, Girl (there's some abuse shown in this one, but it's a story about healing, the premise is these girls dated in high school, but one of the pressured herself "normal" and marry a man, that man turns out to be abusive, so when the former lovers reunite, they decide to run away together. It's got beautiful art and a well done story)*

The Moon on a Rainy Night (absolutely spectacular, explores the relationship between a hard of hearing girl and her closeted classmate, the characters are complex and the writing is so good!)

Kase-san And...- Starting with Kase-san and the Morning Glories, this is a very fluffy and sweet high school romance. It also has a short movie. (as the manga goes on they become college students, too)

The Two of Them Are Pretty Much Like This (slice of life about a voice actress and anime screenwriter who live together as a couple. Unfortunately the ending is a bit abrupt (and likely premature) but I love their relationship)*

My fave Otherside Picnic is great for scifi and (mild) horror lovers. It's Scifi creepypasta adventure yuri. It's a slow burn but does truly spectacularly deliver on the gay. Has an anime, it's not great, you should start with the novels. Wrote an article here. https://www.animefeminist.com/how-otherside-picnic-masterfully-uses-horror-to-explore-abuse-and-show-healing-queer-love/ *(v young adults, college students)

The Guy She was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All: (A web manga about a girl who works at a record shop. Her classmate , Aya, wanders in but doesn't recognize her because she has her hair hidden with a hat and is wearing a face mask, and Aya assumes she's a guy. They bond over music and slowly start to get closer...and Aya's finds her heart is fluttering not only over this mysterious boy, but her female classmate that seems a lot like him...) It's going to get a physical release soon.

I Married my Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up (girl and her friend get married simply so her parents will stop bugging her about being single. You can probably guess where it goes from there) *

I Married my Female Friend (similar premise, except no parents involved, it's a platonic marriage they both agreed to with the promise they'll divorce if one of them falls in love. But one woman has decidedly not platonic feeling for the other that she's hiding from her, so It will likely turn romantic, it hasn't all come out here yet so I haven't finished it)*

Monthly in the Garden with my Landlord* (it didn't really hit with me but I might give it a shot again, it's solid despite the terrible title, a woman moves into a house and finds she'll be cohabitating with an idol) (Some more titles I haven't fully read that could appeal: After Hours*, Still Sick*, Cheerful Amnesia*)

My Cute Little Kitten (two roommates adopt a cat...and maybe fall in love?)*

I think all of those work as solid intro- though it does depend on what flavor you're looking for!

This article also covers some of these recs and some manga I didn't mention due to not having completely read it. so check it out: The Beginners Guide to Yuri Manga.

Here's some titles to try when you're a little more familiar with yuri (or you can try them now! I'm not your boss!)

SHWD (action yuri that's taking forever to come out over here physically, featuring extremely muscular women fighting monsters. I think it was forced to end prematurely too)*

Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl: (I'm only three volumes in, but it's really enjoyable. The main storyline is about two academic rivals, where one is determined to rank first in class, and the other is an effortless genius who becomes intrigued at the possibility of someone beating her. Honestly they have the kind of messy combative sexual tension I wish we'd see more often in yuri because it's so good. The story follows other couples too. However, big warning for some nonconsensual kisses in the first volume at least).

Sweet Blue Flowers/Aoi Hana- (This one is a little bit dated, and boy is the ending weirdly paced, but a lot still holds up imo. A painful and sweet coming of age tale, it also has an anime that's good but ends too soon.

One teenage characters backstory involves incestuous (older cousin) the perpetrator of which pulls the "oh no did I turn you gay? thing" but it's definitely framed as a bad thing. )

Yuri is My Job- a story about messy lesbians in a yuri-themed cafe, and how their real relationships differ from the personas they put on. Read more about it here. Big warning for sexual assault of a minor (by an adult villain) in volume 12. Has an anime covering early material.

[animentality]

special announcement time

alright everyone.

at long last, i have finished polishing my latest writing project, a horror romcom fantasy novel (94k words), and am looking for beta readers to tell me what they think of it.

but not only that...

i am also interested in beta swapping.

sooooooooo.

if you got an ongoing fanfic, if you've got a novel of your own...or any other kind of big writing project, or web comic even, that you want eyes on...dm me or send me an ask (or reply to this post, I'll reach out).

i have turned on dms and replies for this purpose.

it can be pretty much any length and any genre, about anything. i don't mind any experience level either, whether you've never written anything at all, or have been doing it for years. i can help aspiring authors (trad or indie), fanfic authors who want to participate in fan events/post to AO3, people who don't want to share their work with the public...

i'll read sci fi, fantasy, horror, historical, contemporary, romance. porn. any genre, with any audience (YA, MG, adult, whatever).

but also, you know. we don't have to swap. if you just wanna read it, that's perfectly alright too. summary here, so you can see if you'd be interested.

Warnings: Graphic violence, child death (death of an infant), self-harm (because their powers are blood-based, and they need to self harm in order to use them), implied sexual assault/incest (not graphic), animal death (a lot of it), and oh yeah, sex scenes. this is an adult romantasy. adult.

anyway.

here:

In a world ravaged by war between the old gods and the new, demigods sow chaos and discord wherever they go, destined to be either legendary heroes or fearsome villains. But Marrow is not like other demigods. They are the child of the god of blood and slaughter, born with only one purpose: to kill in their savage father’s name, and bleed the entire world dry. The one problem? 

The only living creature they want to kill is their father.

But Marrow has been imprisoned within their temple for their entire life, unable to realize that dream…until now. A deal with a devil allows them to escape, making their way into a hostile world they know little about- and matters are not helped by the fact that their father can use their eyes to see what they're seeing at any time. To keep him from seeing their location, Marrow must remained blindfolded. But Marrow, an eternal optimist, won’t let their lack of vision stop them from fulfilling their lifelong dream. 

The demigod hunter might, however. Arlo Ren is a member of the Razor Watch, a religious order dedicated to the goddess of the hunt. He is clever, but impulsive, eager to prove himself to his goddess by capturing powerful prey. Soon after meeting Marrow by chance, and discovering what they are, he sees his opportunity and refuses to let it go. Literally. The demigod hunter handcuffs the demigod to his side, and swears to sacrifice them in his god’s name. Luckily for him, Marrow is an inexperienced, blind pacifist, who needs him to guide them through a dangerous, unknown world. They fully intend to escape him eventually. But perhaps a demigod and a demigod hunter have more in common than they might think. Perhaps they might even need each other...but they will, at the very least, need to learn how to live, work, and fight together as they are relentlessly chased by Marrow’s powerful demigod siblings, all hoping to kill their youngest sibling and please the god they abandoned. 

So yeaaaah. DM or replied or whatever if interested. We can chat some more in discord or on Tumblr (but I'm faster on discord).

[vanessaroades-author]

— looking for more fantasy writeblrs! ⚔️

after a few years of hiatus, I’m back! but…that means almost everyone I followed went inactive. please like, reblog, or reply to this post so I can find some folks to follow!!

particularly interested in writing blogs that…

- write fantasy, especially fae/elves or less popular fantasy “species” (dwarves, angels, orcs, you name it!)

- write myth, fairy tale, or folklore retellings

- have things published (whether that means on a retail site or just on your blog; I want to read!)

- write lgbt+ characters, double points for lgbt+ fantasy stuff

- write new adult or adult books. i love YA too but I write and read more new adult these days!

— about me

I’m a 20-something author who writes…pretty much what I described above. Fantasy novels that focus more on emotions and characters and world than wild adventures, often with lgbt+ characters or romances. I love elves of the Dragon Age variety, Greek myths, fairy tales, and moral ambiguity.

[bunnakit]

can i have your top 5 feral boys AND old mans you meet this year?

lkjlakjglk YOU KNOW ME SO WELL - so i just started watching BL in june??? so pretty much everything is new to me, sorry if some of these are old news to ya'll. idk if you meant for me to pick 5 of each but that's absolutely what i'm gonna do.

"OLD MEN" BRACKET 🌸 (most are my age or younger)

hoooooly shit papang in general. houghghhh i want to lick the blood off his teeth. i want to raise anarchist young adults together. i want to-- well. let's not bring beam into this, maybe. regardless, old man of all time.

what right does this old man have??? hello??? you just go around LOOKING LIKE THAT? all the time? i want to run a humble restaurant together. i'd be his ride or die.

i had to go make a gif special for him bc no one loves akk the way i do apparently. i wanna fuck that old man - and yeah, you can add that one to the counter. obsessed with him, i wanna see him get a romance of his own, i want to know everything about him. (and this is saying something bc i hate cops, but The Sign boys get a pass - for now.)

i know chan has pretty privilege ok? i KNOW. i do not care. i love him, i want to know everything about him, i've started several fics about him, he was my first absolute brainrot in BL.

i understand what chen yi was about and once again i am asking sooo so nicely for a prequel about his and ming lei's past and relationship. i would love if it was a parallel to chen yi and ai di.

FERAL BOYS BRACKET 🌸

this comes as a shock to absolutely no one. ai di is my specialist boy. i adore him so much, i want to hang out with him so bad. i wanna be best friends. i can't wait for my rainbow sweater to get here.

jack and his boobs are everything. he really stole the show for me (as all side romances tend to.) this is another show i could use a spin off or sequel of just them, give me everything, i love them - jack especially. give me jack's whole past, his pov up to meeting chao lian.

pisaeng counts, don't @ me. he was so feral in his own way for kali. absolutely unhinged behavior. wingmanning your own crush? winking and finger gunning at him on day one? PINING FOR HIM FOR YEARS? pisaeng something is deeply wrong with you and i love you for it.

tan is the epitome of "you're delicious as a concept, but as a real person i worry for you" - ESPECIALLY after reading the novel. i'm still laughing that according to personalities database we are the same personality. his flavor of feral is just soooo so sexy.

babygirl there is something so very wrong with you. this bad boy can fit so much repressed trauma in it. i think he should be allowed to bite people for fun. every fanfic i read exploring black's mental state makes me love him more and more. (also he's so difficult to write, i respect fanfic authors that explore black's pov so much)

ask me my top 5 anything BL!

[hermesserpent-stuff]

heeyyyy so ive been really into the Void Remy entering the x-men evolution universe. so with talking to @golden-buddle I lept forward a bit to write evo!gambit and void Remy in a ticking time bomb, so spoilers for the future of that fic.

tw: vivisection, invasive medical procedures, kidnapping, blood, nonconsensual drug use, human experimentation

Gambit is often described as a cat. His fellow thieves constantly are comparing him to one. He is always getting into places that he is not supposed to be, and can get his paws on just about anything anyone asks for. Plus he has some pretty mean claws in the form of sparking fingertips. 

Now Gambit is not too particular about what he takes. And not too particular about who he takes it from. But he does make sure to follow the rules of the Guild. The Thieves Guild has been a to him since… Well… forever. Before they had taken him in he had been growing up on the streets of New Orleans. But he knows he had been born to some woman out in the bayou who tossed him aside when she saw his devil eyes. Without the Guild, he would just be another swamp rat.

The city of New Orleans is in his bones while the swamp rests in his bone marrow. He is just as comfortable in both places, able to crawl across ragged rooftops and dance between the branches of the trees that suckle at the water of the bayou. He knows how to slink amongst the hidden dangers of the bayou. But of course the city is not super safe either with shady characters tucked into each shadow and giving the Thieves Guild space to thrive. 

Gambit likes being a thief; he is good at it and he can get just about anything he wants. There were some downsides in his day-to-day life that kept him from doing everything that he wanted. His reputation on the streets, which consisted mainly of admiration, hatred, or a mixture of the two depending on how much the person knew and whether or not he had stolen from them. His reputation and status means that people sometimes tail him or try to fight him. 

Being part of the Thieves Guild for so long also means he never had a chance to go to school. He knows what he needed to know to survive, like how to calculate numbers and evaluate things by sight. He could also read and write as well as any other adult, despite being seventeen, and could do better than most at the Guild to keep a clean ledger. Or as clean as a ledger gets in a place full of thieves. 

Gambit does not necessarily wish that he had gone to a traditional school.  But he might have missed a few details along the way, having not participated in the regular education system. While other kids had been learning to dissect frogs and how to do long division, he had been learning to pick pockets and locks, and how to sneak away with the biggest loot possible. He does kind of wish he had a little help with some of the bigger words he stumbles across in his beloved romance novels though. Jane Austin was a particular lady about her words. 

His adoptive father is… well it is hard to describe the relationship really. Gambit is thankful to have been taken off the streets and removed from the angry hands of those who called him the White Devil due to his eyes. But he knows his adopted father mostly took him in because of Gambit’s small hands and his ability to sneak into places that had smaller entrances. Much like many of the other kids in the Guild. Then, when his powers manifested, his adoptive had found even more use for him. Gambit is not entirely sure how to feel about that. 

Yeah, he likes being useful to the Guild, and being able to earn the right to stay in it, so as to not be alone with dealing with all the enemies he has surely made over the years. However, he is fully aware of the lack of love between his adoptive father and himself. They used each other, and no feelings were there. Not really.

If Gambit got captured, his adoptive father would only seek his return because his skills and powers were valuable. And if trying to get him back cost too much; outweighing the value of his skills and use as a thief to the Guild…

Well…

Gambit  just hopes that that day doesn't come.

He walks down the street looking at the hazy sky. It is hard to sess with all the lights on around him. New Orleans twinkles brightly around him. It is also hard to hear anything other that the lively beat of the street. Music and people fill up every nook and cranny present in the air. Thats alright with him. Theres not much up in the sky for Gambit and the sounds of his home city are a comfort. He would hate to permanently lose it. Or have gone without it. Gambit is not sure who he would be without Louisiana flowing through his veins and New Orleans pulsating through his heart.

Just another swamp rat he supposes. 

He slides into an alley and pulls himself onto a nearby roof. He relaxes up on the well worn sloped roof that is still a little slick from the rainfall t this morning. He looks down at the streets, the night alive with people. He stares at the crowd mind already registering who would be the easiest to fleec and who had their hands tightly wound around their wallets. 

And who is likely to get a little looser with their hands if they just had enough to drink. He shakes off the final thought. He hates dealing with drunkards. They always seemed to get a little too personal with him. Too… grabby. 

His thoughts move on as he intently stares at the heavy crowds and plays a game with himself of trying to spot his fellow Guild members. He is pretty good at it, able to spot most of them in a crowd, even though he is not supposed to be able to. They were supposed to blend in. As much as any one can blend in inside of a city like New Orleans, where it feels like everything is always just a bit to the left side of strange. 

Gambit is lost in thought and does not sense when someone else comes onto the roof like he normally would. He does however, notice the small, but human, bump come from behind him on the rooftop. Without turning around and looking to see who it is, he leaps. He is dashing through the street before he has time to really think about it. The Thieves Guild has lots and lots of enemies. So he does not need to know who is chasing him until he has a better vantage point on them where he could see them, and they could not see him. 

The pursuer is following. Gambit knows that he is following. There's a sound of people being pushed out of the way in the crowd behind him. It is more than a little familiar to him. People yelling because they are shoved out of the way because someone else was trying to get at a thief who just stole out of their pockets. It is a noise that a thief has to become familiar with if they want to fleece people in crowds. He keeps moving. Not wanting to be caught as he is not sure who is trying to catch him. Could be anybody. His adoptive father and the Theives Guild made lots of enemies; both within Lousiana and beyond. 

He sort of hopes it is from within the state because the beyond option… that makes it more likely to be an assassination attempt. 

Gambit takes a breath and keeps going. 

But they keep following.

And then…

They stop.

Or he gets away.

It is one of the two and Gambit is not too sure which it is. He decides it might be a good idea to head back to the Thieves Guild's main house and wrap up his nightly stroll there.  He walks on the balls of his feet, light and quick, ready for trouble as he weaves through the crowd. Each step is sure, like a cat prancing along a windowsill to reatch their favorite spot of sun. 

Then there's a prick of something on his neck as the alleyway that leads towards the secret entrance to his Guild’s home, and Gambit feels suddenly very sick. 

Something is wrong.

Something's horribly, horribly wrong.

His powers flare as he rips whatever it is out of his neck; lighting it up with kinetic energy and makes it explode, as he hurls it torwards where the angle of entry suggests that it had come from. There is somebody who dodges, their hand still holding a gun. They are trying to blend in as a tourist. Their face is too set, to be a tourist; roaming the streets and taking in the awe of New Orleans. No, no, this is someone who's come after Gambit. Specifically. For some reason. 

The world starts to blur.

They hit him with something. Something is now inside of him, making him break down, making him fall down. He pulls out his deck and releases more kinetic energy. But it is weak and he cannot aim with his vision swimming violently. Soon it is difficult to even light charges. He finds himself falling, unwillingly, heartbreakingly, down. He is asleep as his head slams against the ground. 

--+

Remy hisses low and deep as they tie him down once more to steal more of his blood and do god knows what else to him. They pump him full of sedatives and he finds himself going limp.

“Well need to get a sample of blood without all these drugs blocking his system. Does the other one fight this much?”

Other one? They are torturing someone else. He lets out a weak snarl at the thought while his head is restrained and spacers are slipped into the back of his jaw to keep him from being able to bite down. They press something wet and slimy over his upper and lower teeth and hold it in place with some sort of plastic mold.

“Not as much hissing and more scratching over biting. His teeth are more normal. Despite their DNA being practically clones of each other.”

“Hmm. It will be good to have both dental impressions to compare the two.”

Remy stills his sluggish movements, trying to hear more. The ‘scientists’ take note.

“Hmm, thats interesting. Normally he is struggling until he passes out.”

A hand touches his face and a light scans his eyes. Remy huffs and scrunches his nose slightly. 

“So you’re interested in subject 0465? He is very similar to you. Maybe you've been cloned. Wouldn't that be fascinating…?”

Remy lets out as much of a hiss as he can with his maw forced open wide and spit slowly building around his tongue. He is forced to swallow and stop hissing for a moment. The scientist above his head looks over to the other one.

“Put in a request with upper levels, I want to test the two of them together. Limiting drugs in both. And maybe a pane of glass between the two test subjects.”

Remy finds himself slipping into a hazy miserable sleep. 

When he wakes up he is in another blank cell a fancy collar on his neck that has needles that push a constant drip of drugs into his blood. This one is a little different from some of the others. Not a testing room because there are no objects for him to pick up and light up. There is the normal glass the scientist love to hide behind and scratch things down on notebooks in place. But there is a second pane of glass dividing the room exactly in half. Someone is crumpled up on the other side, breathing deep and slow in a way that suggests sleep, but that could be faked. The person looks… small and thin; he is dressed in the same white itchy uniform. And same neck device as him. 

Remy slowly moves to the glass, drugs making him stumble. He sits down next to it and pulls his hair out of the loose braid that the ‘scientists’ let him keep. He shakily rebraids as he starts humming, eyes closing easily. It is a song he learned in the Void. He has no true lullabies, as Blade had been raised without lullabies, and Remy had been born in the void as far as he could tell. He hopes that music will make him seem more friendly. He would hate to scare a child more than this place likely already had.

“Pretty tune, monsieur.”

Remy glances at the kid and both flinch back as matching eyes stare at each other. 

“Hoo boy, now that's a mirror.”

Remy mumbles, hand going up on the glass. The kid slowly puts his hand on the glass over his.

“Mutant?”

The kid asks and Remy gives a tilted grin.

“Oui. Got eyes and kinetic explosions. And from what I heard from the tatailles, you got them too. I am Remy.

The kid’s eyes go wide as saucers and then narrow.

“They be makin’ you say this. You're another experiment. Another test!”

The kid snarls, but it lacks the bite of a feral or a vampire. Remy hates the distress of the little fledgling and croons softly. 

“Ah, petit, non. I am not another test; not willingly.”

He pulls out the hair band, mourning the loss for a moment. He lights it up and flicks it away as it glows pink and explodes.

Then his collar is alight with electricity and more drugs are dumped into his bloodstream. He screeches and hisses, curling in on himself and clawing at his own throat. He pants as the electricity dies down.

“Monsieur!! Monsieur!”

The poor fledging calls out, voice rippling with panic. Remy pushes himself back up and coughs. The room spins and he knows he has a limited amount of conscious time left. 

“Sorry, fledglin’. I'm passin’ out. I'm okay. Not your fault. All mine…”

And then it goes dark again. 

--+

Gambit paces his cell that he had been snatched from New Orleans. Seven steps one way. Spin. Seven steps the other way. A tiny cell that had started crawling into his dreams instead of the wonderful spices, lights, smells, and streets of his home. This place, this horrid place is run by some group saying they are Hydra and they seem obsessed with him and his blood. Well his everything really. 

He had been alone here, shoved full of needles and forced to display his powers over and over. He had tried to escape and had been knocked out each and every time and woke with worse and more invasive procedures. 

Then… Then he had met Remy. Or just glimpsed the man really. Someone who looked so much like him, but older and with a slightly different bone structure. He wants to meet Remy again. If only to not be alone anymore. Remy had been the first smile and friendly voice. The first voice that sounded anything like home. 

Home! Oh, how his heart weeps for beignets and jazz. He knows his adoptive father will not come for him here. The gear that this organization has is far too above the Theives Guild pay grade. He stops pacing and flops onto the stupid cot that is harder than a rock. He refuses to cry and sob, but a few silent tears do sneak out as he curls up on the bed. 

When Gambit wakes the next day he is in a new room with so many drug in his stystem that he thinks he might throw up if he moves. A hand is gently scratching and petting his hair and it calms him. The same singing voice that had stirred him once before is filling the room now.

“Remmmy?”

His mouth slurs heavily. A bright friendly chirp noise greets him. The noise is strange and Gambit blinks slowly up at the other mutant. He presses into the friendly touch that he had gone without for so long. Gambit shifts slowly to curl into Remy who gently moves his hands, mouth making noises that are just to the left of human. Gambit settles into a hazy calm as the drugs slowly start to fade from his system. Remy does nothing more threatening that shifting his weight slightly and petting Gambit's head, so Gambit decides that the man is trustworthy enough for now. As he regains some control over his limbs he shifts to be sitting up, shoulder to shoulder with Remy as they both lean against a wall. The room is blank aside from the peeping window for the scientists and the tray full of items that they normally told Gambit he had to explode. 

The older mutant still has an arm around his shoulders. Gambit pulls his knees up and rests his face on his knees.

“What do they want from us?”

Gambit murmurs. 

“Im not sure. I think it has to do with having similar powers? Or maybe our type of power… Desole petit.”

A popping whistle and Gambit blinks.

“Are you from New Orleans?”

“Me? Non. Remy from… nowhere. Nowhere I can talk about here. Real desert-like place though. Not a good place for raisin’ fledglin’s. My sire did it anyways.”

Remy says with a sigh. Gambit likes the sound of Remy’s voice. It sounds like home. And he would like to hear more.

“Tell me about your ‘sire’?”

He asks softly as his body keeps fighting the drugs that make him so drowsy. Remy hums and pulls Gambit a little closer. 

“Oui. My Papa is a strong man. He saved me from tatailles. He knew how to hunt and taught me as best he could.”

Remy rambles on, the accent warm to Gambit’s ears. There is also such an outpouring of love in the man’s voice. It must be nice to have a loving adoptive father.

“Mais, Remy has talked too much; I bore you, petit.”

The older mutant pauses and Gambit straightens from his comfortable slump as he blinks himself into looking alert.

“Non! Non. Its nice. I dont-” He hates to admit any weakness; terrified that it will be used against him because on the streets he knows that would be on the streets. “We might not meet for a long time if they don't want us to.”

He points to the window using his jaw. Remy tightens the loose side hug and nuzzles his hair.

“Alright, fledglin’. Remy keep talkin’. Next time, you be the talker, non?”

“Oui.”

--

Gambit holds onto the memories of his home and of the gentle words and warmth from Remy while he is strapped down to a table and his blood is drawing from needles in his arms, or he is forced to charge and discharge larger and larger objects. The scientists wear him out and dump him in the lifeless room, feeding him food that makes his horror and sadness all the worse. He wants to see the man again. 

He currently is doing a handstand with one hand in the air as he waits to see what the scientists want to do with him next, boredom nibbling at him. Normally, this is where he would get out a deck of cards and practice card tricks, or Solitare. But here he has nothing. He had tried asking a guard for a deck, but quickly learned that trying to talk to any guards is an action that leads to shock. So he had slowly stopped speaking aside from the questions they demanded out of him. And they shock him if he tries to refuse to answer the question. Some of them were horribly invasive. Questions that he barely wanted to answer for doctors on the rare instances of him getting checkups. 

He kicks his legs back down and shifts into a comfortable split.

“Subject 0465.”

His number. His evil sick number that is not him and he hates that he has to respond to it. Gambit lifts up his chin and narrows his eyes the door.

“Oui?”

They hated him speaking French. Apparently, most of the scientists here only knew English, German, and Spanish and they would complain about having to translate his responses or simply shock him till he re-responded in English. So naturally, he responds in french as frequently as feels natural. There is a huff of anger on the other side of the door and he draws his legs in from the split.

“Yeah, watchu want?”

He states and cracks his back. 

“If you dont give us any problems and run the obstacle course with no complaints, we will let you see subject 0464. Referred to you as Remy.”

He immediately straightens at the idea. Gambit hates how eager he is to get a friendly face that will not stab him full of needles and force him to do tasks. 

“Gambit will comply.”

He says and stands gracefully. He holds out his arms and lets them put cuffs on him without complaint. They take him to a new room he had not seen before. It has some sort of agility course set up. A rock wall that leads to a balance beam, monkey bars, a rope swing, and then a part of the course that is just poles. The scientist explains to the fidgeting seventeen-year-old that they want him to go through the course with no powers and no touching the floor. Fine with Gambit. He may have lost some of his muscle strength but he knows he will be fine. This could be no harder than racing along the rain-slick rooftops trying to get away with a huge score while the Assassins Guild or Rippers or some one else chased him down.  

He notes the timer but throws the thought away. A timer is not important to him right now. The cuffs are removed and he stretches his arms out and leans side to side. This is the longest time that he had been allowed to keep a clear hand and he kind of loves that his brain is able to spin like it always had. He shakes out his legs and then a start noise is played.

Gambit hauls himself up the rock wall, eyes dancing up the wall to plan out the best path heavenwards. He rolls a little and then steadies himself on the beam. Swinging up onto his feet, he practically dances across the balance beam. He feels excited to be doing something familiar, something fun. He cartwheels off the end of the beam, using the momentum to flip through the air and right himself as he grabs the rope. He swings over to the strange poles. 

It seems like each is placed slightly further away from the last. There is enough room on the top of each for him to crouch and fit his feet and the heels of his hands. He crouches as he studies the course, the tip of his tongue sticking out slightly. He could make most of the jumps easily, and if he keeps up the momentum the last two should be fine. He grins impishly, stands up, and thrusts himself forwards. Gambit flies across the poles and lands on the final one with a grin. He slips down the pole and bounces a little. 

The scientists are busy jotting things down like the time from the paused timer. Gambit takes advantage of their business and hops up on the balance beam again. He likes the feel of it. Like the ridge of a gable roof on the ledge of a building. He bends backwards and kicks his feet over his head. He hums happily to himself as he messes around on the beam, brain focused on the cartwheels and the pleasant challenge of not falling off. He overhears a bit of conversation between the Hydra ‘scientists’.

“Balance beam. Interesting. Subject 0464 was more attracted to the poles.”

So the other mutant had done the course too? Had… had they promised the same thing to him? A visitation if he did not resist? He kind of likes the idea of Remy wanting to see him. He smiles to himself and flips off of the beam and lands on his feet. 

“Alright subject 0465, time to go.”

Gambit walks over a little reluctantly but holds out his arms to be cuffed again. He is lead to another room. They undo his cuffs and shove him in. He blinks and sees Remy sitting on the floor against a wall. The adult looks up from staring at his hands and grins brightly at Gambit. But one of Remy’s eyes is covered in a white bandage. His left eye… 

“Petit fledglin’! Good to see you.”

Remy stays seated but opens his arms. They shake a little. The teenage part of Gambit rebels at the thought of just getting a hug. But another part of him that had not had a friendly touch since there last meeting screams to just accept it. He cuts a middle ground and settles on Remy’s right side where the other can see him. He leans into the side-hug that Remy has adjusted his arms to give. 

“Ooh, you lookin’ better mon petit.”

Remy slurs and gives a chirpy whistle. Gambit imitates the sound and Remy laughs.

“Aww, fledglin’ is happy to see moi.”

He nuzzles the side of Gambit’s head. 

“Those whistles mean things?”

Gambit asks, not pushing away the friendly nuzzle. Remy hums and Gambit can tell that the man is likely having a hard time thinking with all the drugs in his system. And despite that, it seems that Remy’s instinct is to be nice and care about him. 

“Oui. It's how my papa and I talked. Mm. Remy teach you when the room stop dancin’. Sorry, not much for talkin’. Diables took samples from my eye. No fun.”

He sighs sadly and Gambit winces. 

“Desole.”

“Mm. Non, fledglin’. You never say sorry for them.”

Remy tightens his grip and nuzzles a little bit more. Gambit pats his leg and then decides to speak.

“Seems it's my turn to talk the whole time, non?”

Remy laughs airly, resting his head against Gambit’s. 

“It’d be nice.”

“Mais, I was born in the swamp but my adoptive father picked me up after I got dumped on the streets of New Orleans. That's when I learned to be a thief. Gambit be a good thief. One of the best in the Guild.”

He slowly speaks, dancing around anything that Hydra cannot be allowed to know. Remy hums and gives different whistles and chirps during the talks and eventually falls asleep. Gambit settles in to rest beside him. 

--+

Remy stretches his arms forwards. He still has his left eye covered and he has a bone-deep hurt. They had taken some of his marrow and he still hurts. They are breaking him to bits.

“Subject 0464. Prepare to exit. You will be going through the obstacle course. Offer no resistance and you will be allowed to see subject 0465.”

Gambit. He hums and gracefully stands. 

“Alright.”

His movements are slow due to his pain. His time on the course is absolutely awful. As the scientist jot things down, he clambers up the tallest pole and balances on the top. He breathes deeply and hisses. Having lost vision from one of his eyes had made it harder to be sure of his jumps and his balance. He had managed, but he hates it. He wants… well he wants Blade. But honestly, he would love to see this universe’s Creed and Logan. He bites his lip and forces away the keening noise. He has a fledgling to look after until he finds a way to escape or they find him. It will be okay. He would make sure of it.

It is a little weird to run into this universe's version of himself. He had never run into any other Remys or Gambits in the void. He has a little bit of jealousy that Gambit actually has clear memories of Louisiana. But the emotion is easy to dump at the thought of the hurting fledgling. Gambit is stuck here just like he is, and from how the little one talked it does not seem that there was much in the way of love for the fledgling back in that city. Remy swings his legs down and sits on the top of the pole. He sighs and scrunches his nose. His bones ache.

“Alright subject 0464. Let's go.”

He slides down and stumbles a little bit as his body protests. He straightens and lets his hands get cuffed. As the walk the Hydra agent huffs and tugs at him complaining about his slowness. One of the scientists pipes up that perhaps they should wait to take his plasma in a few days rather than a few hours. Remy swallows and scrunches his nose.

He stumbles into the room and Gambit is there juggling the little wooden balls they had them explode. The scientists interrupt before Remy can say anything.

“Both of you take a ball and charge it. Compare your energies.”

Remy blinks and realizes that he has never seen the kid use his powers. Remy slowly sits down against the wall and Gambit tosses him a ball, eyes alight with worry. A whistle comes his way, asking about how he is. Remy grins at the noise and croons to his fledgling. He is well enough. He lights up the ball and shows it to Gambit who tilts his head and scrunches his nose.

“Pink?”

“Got a problem with it, mon fledglin’?”

Remy jokes, throwing the ball up and forwards so it explodes a good ways away from them both. Gambit hums.

“Non. It's just different. I had thought I misremembered.”

Gambit grins and lights up his ball. It is a fiery-looking orange and it makes a slightly louder pop when it explodes.

“Mm, interestin’. Not as pretty as a card.”

Remy sighs. Gambit hums his agreement and slowly shifts closer. Remy recognizes that reaching out now might spook the child. So he stays still. Gambit shifts to slowly lay across Remy’s legs, slowly wrapping his arms around Remy’s chest. The kid rests his head on his shoulder. Remy slowly raises his arms and wraps them around Gambit who hides his face. 

Wet tears begin to soak his shirt and Remy croons softly. He tugs gently on Gambit’s legs so that he is cradling the kid, nuzzling the brown hair. He moves his hands slowly and sings low and calm. Gambit continues to cry. Remy notices the bandages around Gambit’s neck and can see new ones wrapping the entirety of both of Gambit’s arms. Remy forces down a hissing snarl, just trying to be a stable rock for the kid.

“The sorrow of the Elves is they live beyond their time. The tree of swords and jewels waits for me. Until the world forgets them, saving tales and rhymes. When shall I hang-. When shall I hang my own upon the tree?” 

The song is one that he had found on a random cassette that he unburried from a pile of rubble. The softness had attacted him even though he could never know its title. And the gentleness of the tune makes it a easy lullaby to sing softly to the crying teen who clings all the tighter.

“The sorrow of the Elves is that all they love must die. The tree of swords and jewels waits for me. Time withers all about them, yet the Elves it passes by. When shall I hang-. When shall I hang my own upon the tree?”

He gently breathes and tightens his own grip, nuzzling the fledgling.

“I'm alive. You're alive. It's okay right now.”

He whispers, the words familiar and dry on his tongue like the desert static of the void they were born in. He then slips back into the tune. Gambit slowly relaxes. And then the poor teenager falls asleep. Remy’s heart aches for him. The kid had a life beyond these walls that he had been stolen from. Even if the teen had no love for his adoptive father, Gambit clearly loved New Orleans and Louisiana. Remy had never had a place he loved. Sure he loves his roost, but that is because Blade is there. And lord does he miss Blade. If Gambit misses his city like Remy misses his sire despite being stuck in this other universe for so long, the kid must be hurting worse because it is so recent for Gambit. 

He presses a kiss to the poor kid’s brow. 

--

Gambit grins at Remy when he spots the older mutant in the obstacle course room. Remy’s eye is no longer covered and Gambit had seen Remy slowly recover over their semi-frequent visits. He whistles out the noise Remy had taught him means friendly hello. Remy lights up like one of Gambit’s cards and whistles the same noise back. Gambit ignores the growls from the guards who yank harshly on his cuffs as they take them off. Gambit immediately bolts towards Remy and only halts when the scientists yell at him and threaten him with a shock. Remy shoots an apologetic smile towards him. 

Both are instructed to walk to the start of the course and then are told they will be running one by one for comparison. Remy whistles and gestures for Gambit to go first. Gambit notices that Remy is keeping half an eye on the guards without directly staring at them. After cracking his back and shaking out his wrists, Gambit is ready to go. Honestly, he wants to show off a little. He launches himself up the wall and cartwheels across the beam. He launches himself at the rope and the leapfrogs from pole to pole. He slides down and does a handspring. There is clapping and Gambit grins and bows to Remy.

“Ah! Thank you mon ami!!”

He sings out glowing at the claps. He can feel the edge of desperation his brain, desperate for smiles and praise. He sidles up to Remy and pokes at his chest.

“Try and beat that old man!”

He smiles, feeling his energy flick through his body. Remy hums and clicks his tongue.

“Ah, Remy will do more than try, petit fledglin’.”

He says with a sharp smile and a flick to Gambit’s nose. Gambit makes a noise of mock offense as Remy shifts to stand at the front of the course. The teen finds himself whistling softly as Remy dances across the course. A lot of the moves are familiar to him, like a mirror that is just a little wrong. But it is silent, like a thief should be. When Remy finishes, Gambit lets out a cheer and the adult grins and trots back up to him. While the scientists record the results, Remy tugs on Gambit to clamber all over the course. Gambit shows off his ability to do back bends on the balance beams. Remy copies the move. Remy then flips off the balance beam and Gambit imitates the move. They do this all over the course, with one displaying a move while the other copies it. Gambit feels his muscles stretch and warm as he moves. Remy moves with as much grace as he does though it echoes more of a fox with elements of a cat where Gambit might be a bit more cat like. 

Gambit decides to start a new game. He taps Remy’s nose and cackles as he yells out tag and dashes away. 

“Ohhhh mon fledglin’ you dont know what monster youve awoken.”

Gambit cackles and dodges, shimmying up the wall to avoid Remy. They play this new game eagerly, chasing eachother back and forth along the equipment. A hind part of Gambit’s mind wonders why they are not stopping them. But he leaves it alone and decides to just enjoy the most fun that he has had in weeks. 

--+ 

Remy slowly runs his hand over the bandages on his chest, mind blank. They had cut him open. Sliced an ugly Y into his flesh. Two long cuts that stretched from his shoulder that meet at the top of his sternum and a third cut that drags down from that point to just below his navel. They had kept him awake during the… vivisection. They gave him pain medications and sedatives to keep him from squirming. Remy had kept his eyes closed and focused on words to a variety of songs and books to get his mind away. Far far away. He had accidentally blown up a few of the tools and gotten shocks 

But now he is lying on his cot in the corner, not sure what to do with himself. He had ended up keening to himself and blowing up the spare blanket accidentally. Now he is just focusing on keeping the charges in. 

A day passes like this. Then a second. The scientists try to stir him, shocking him when he makes no reply and simply having guards drag him out. They take more of his blood and put him into the obstacle course room. He simply sits down in front of the rock wall and keens low. He hurts too much to move. To think. They shock him and he slowly tries to climb the rock wall. He falls off several times and he accidentally lights up the wall while near the top. He lets out a shriek and yanks it back, arms shaking from the sheer amount he is trying to bring back in. Remy manages it and falls backwards at the top. Then he slips up again, the charge lighting up the rock wall and slowly spreading down to the floor. Bright pink sparkles as it starts to climb the walls of the room and the scientists begin to yell. They try shocking him to get him to comply, to get him to pull back the charge. 

He wants to. He tries too. But it all hurts. His brain spins.

“REMY!”

His eyes snap open at the fledgling’s voice. They brought his fledgling here?? Into danger?? 

Remy lets out a shrill whistle that means that he wants Gambit to flee.

“I'm not leaving Remy.”

Gambit says with all the determination and snark of a teenager. The kid quickly climbs the wall despite his still bound hands and settles on the glowing platform next to him. The kid shifts awkwardly and then whistle-chirps. One asking about touch that Remy had used fairly often with the fledgling. He registers the fearful look on the little one's face and realizes that if this place blows his little fledgling will blow up with it.

“Desole. I can't bring it back in.”

He whispers and Gambit's eyes are full of determination.

“Maybe we both try?”

A hand grabs one of his and the other touches the the glowing platform. Remy leans into Gambit who nudges him with his head. Remy slowly nuzzles while pulling the chargeback. A shared wince tells him that Gambit is also able to pull it in. The glow fades and Remy feels like a puppet with its strings cut. He slumps a little and Gambit shivers.

Aww, poor cold fledgling. Remy drowsily tugs the little one closer, laying down and curling around the fledgling. He nuzzles and makes chirps and whistles. 

“Frère aîné. It's alright. Im alright and you… we’re both alive.”

The fledgling clings, fingers winding around the horrible material that his uniform is made of. Remy breathes deeply, nuzzling. He gently sings and whistles to the fledgling that just melts against him.  

“Oh, what did they do to you frère…”

Gambit whispers fingers slowly moving the uniform to the side and touching the bandages. 

“Desole. Remy can't keep you safe. He want to. He want to real real bad. But Remy can't.”

Remy admits, crying. 

“It's okay. Gambit will be okay. You help so much already.”

Gambit whispers back pressing in tight. That night they put the two of them in one cell. Something about being able to discharge the blasts of each other or something. Remy does not care about the why. He just cares that he now has the ability to keep Gambit warm while they sleep and be there for the fledgling so much more. 

Remy nuzzles Gambit’s hair giving friendly chuffs and churrs. Gambit imitates the noises back to him. They curl into eachother and fall asleep. A nightmare startles him awake. He slowly pulls Gambit closer as he calms down from the nightmare. His chest is screaming in pain from the deep cuts. The collar slowly releases cold cold drugs into his system, numbing him from the neck down. The teenager shifts and wipes at Remy’s eyes. 

“Desole.”

Gambit whispers. Remy nuzzles his hair and sighs.

“Thank you, mon petit fledgling.”

He presses a kiss to Gambit’s scalp and slowly falls asleep. 

--

Gambit grins as he shows off a few tricks on the newly added monkey bars while Remy relaxes on one of the poles. 

“Good!”

Remy sings out and Gambit grins. He hooks his legs through the bars and hangs upside down. He stretches and shifts his weight easily. Remy is so free with his praise and is always kind to him. Sure, his adoptive father had praised his abilities. But there was always a tinge of demand and expectation that went along with that praise. Expectation to repay the kindness of the Guild… And Remy seems to have none of that expectation. Gambit pulls himself up and gives a bright chirp. Remy laughs and chirps back. He shifts and hops onto the pole close to Remy.

“Are you feeling up to tag?”

Remy asks and Gambit bites his lip.

“Your chest is still healing…”

He whispers back and Remy scrunches his nose.

“Fledglings need fun. And the drugs help with the pain.”

Remy smiles and Gambit puffs his cheeks.

“Why do you call me that, frère aîné?”

He asks, leaning forwards a little bit. Remy sighs airily, glancing to the scientists and guards. Then, Remy huffs irritably and crosses his arms.

“Lemme tell you a long story, petit. I don't be carin’ no more how they gonna take it. My Papa is… was a good man. A strong man. But a strange one. He could smell blood on the wind and hunted dangerous people. People with teeth that are sharp and dangerous and who lusted for blood. Vampires. My Papa hunted the bad ones who were killed without care and left blood splattered everywhere. Mais… My Papa was strange. His nose too keen, his teeth too sharp, just like the vampires he took down. Because there was another side to those creatures. Some were normal, decent. He was decent; more than decent. I love my papa. And he loved me, even if I wasn't a vamp like him. I was his fledglin’. His baby vamp. I love you, and I can't think of anythin’ closer I could call you. Because I care about you so much.”

“You… love me?”

Gambit whispers, eyes growing wide. No one had told him that they loved him. Loved him for him and cared about him. Normally… Normally the Guild only cared about him for his use. It is the reason that he knows no one is coming for him. 

Remy looks at him, a slight softness filling the eyes that are so much like his own.

“I love you. I worry about you and care about you. I would do just about anything for you.”

He says voice brimming with truth. Gambit swallows and looks away, not trusting himself not to cry if he keeps looking into Remy’s eyes. 

“I… I love you too. I'm glad I met you. I'm sorry about how we met mais…”

He whispers, terrified of his own words. He trails off not trusting himself anymore. Remy purrs and whistles merrily. Gambit looks back and grins happily at him.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I think what's often missed in the "why can't we play with genre and not write romance with an HEA?" conversation is that a lot of people defending the HEA are heavy romance readers who are very aware of the amount of money involved, and how the authors who pop off about wanting to be able to label their non-romance books romance are in fact... thinking of money.

Not solely money, of course. And that's not meant to be a critique--I'm a writer, I'd love to write books for a living someday. Money is important. I'm all about getting money for your work, and I've never begrudged anyone for writing to market, writing to catch a trend, whatever. Sometimes it can turn out badly, but if you want to make money it does have to happen (and often writers write to market, get big, and then write what they want... see Ali Hazelwood's Bride) and as long as you are writing a good product and enjoying yourself... I don't see the issue.

BUT. Romance is extremely commercially viable, and it has been especially for the last few years (though that hype has to die down at some point, dude--and I think the shift to romantasy is probably like, the last breath of the current boom, and romance will go back to its normal levels of popularity, which are still more commercially viable than many other genres). So when people (like me) see writers going "but why CAN'T I label my love story that doesn't have an HEA 'romance?"...

I mean. We know why lol. We aren't idiots. Why is it so important that your fantasy novel is placed on the romance shelves, in the romance categories on Amazon? Is it because these authors have a deep and abiding love of romance and just want to sit with the cool kids? Is it because their hearts beat for romance, and even though they wrote something that is not a romance (the thing their hearts beat for) they just are desperate for it to be there? Is it because they are SO DEDICATED TO THE CRAFT OF WRITING and SO EDGY that they MUST change genres, they MUST break CHAINS!!!!

No lol. It's because when you write a romance, you are much more likely to be recommended by the BookTok girlies reading ACOTAR (and say what you will.... those books do by and large, I believe, have HEAs for pretty much all of the core couples). You want that Fourth Wing bread. You are more likely to have access to an audience that spends more than other audiences do. You want access to an audience that also is, let us be real, less likely to be real misogynistic about your book than certain subsets of the fantasy readership.

And the thing is--sure. A lot of readers sincerely don't care. And good for you, why did your book need to be labeled a romance the--oh, wait. I see!

But the readers who do care and spend like, anywhere from $1.99-$35.00 on your book (look dude, I'm thinking about preordering a pretty copy of the next Kerri Mansicalco, and I feel a LOT BETTER about spending that money because she specifically referencing HEA's when announcing her adult titles, and I APPRECIATE THAT A LOT ACTUALLY) only to find out that it's not the thing they expected... It doesn't follow the ONE RULE you expected it to follow because of how it was marketed...

The only time I've kinda come close to having that happen is actually when I read that book the new Anne Hathaway Harry Styles fanfic movie is based on. I was verrrry new to going back into the romance genre, and I read it expecting, based off the premise, that this was a fun, maybe a little silly, sexy book about a woman falling in love with fake Harry Styles. And she does. And guess what? At the end they rather randomly and suddenly break up.

And it kinda sucked.

It's also going to suck to see that book marketed as a romance as the movie comes out, but there you go, I've spoiled you, HORROR OF HORRORS I let you know that the thing you think is gonna be a fun little romance with a happy ending.... is not.

But yeah dude, imagine if I'd spent ACOTAR or Fourth Wing or Princes of Envy money on that book. I already felt kinda dumb for spending what was probably $8ish? It was a kindle copy. I could've gotten a fry-less sandwich with that money, back then!

So yeah. I just think that a lot of people want to be very condescendingly high-minded about PUSHING GENRE BOUNDARIES. And it's like... dude. Do you not think I would get my head bitten off if I went "well, I want to write a fantasy novel, but I don't want there to be magic... I actually want it to be revealed that everything is just run by computers the whole time, and the magical spell was actually a hologram, and I want that to be shelved and sold as fantasy"?

Yeah. Because I'm basically tricking people out of their money, lmao.

[supersoakerfullofblood]

Great Books About Gender Identity

Seeing some posts about how new-adult romance novels popularized by BookTok don't show genuine queer experience and largely tokenize queer characters. And look, the prose of these books is ass too. One of my reading interests is how themes of gender/masculinity/femininity interact with other elements in a novel, and with the culture from which the novel was written. I've read a lot of great books on the topic!

As a disclaimer, most of these books don't have explicit queer representation. I read a lot of old books where that wasn't a thing you could openly write about, but you could write about cultural perceptions of masculinity/femininity (a lotta people still didn't like this, but like, you usually weren't stoned for it), which is where modern queer theory and identity comes from! So if you want to feel understood by a novel, here are my book recs on gender, in no particular order:

The Earthsea series by Ursula K. Le Guin: a series of children's fantasy novels that build the foundation for modern children's and YA fantasy (Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, some Neil Gaiman, Brandon Sanderson, etc.). Men and women's roles in society and relations with magic are a major theme in the series, and while no character is queer (though there's a reference late in the series about witches living together), characters are always bound or freed by the gender they express. Also, all the characters are black, which was unheard of at the time of the first book's publication (1968) and is frankly still unheard of today. And it's just a fun read!

The work of Virginia Woolf: My favorite author and one of the largest players in what we today call gender studies. Highly recommend Orlando, where the titular character changes inexplicably from a man to a woman halfway through the novel (it's tempting to call them "the first trans character," but the label feels disingenuous. Transsexuality as we know it didn't exist then, and Orlando didn't choose or want to switch genders. It just happened to them); A Room of One's Own, Woolf's essay on life as a woman author; and The Waves, a book less about gender identity and more about wholistic identity.

The work of Kate Chopin: Chopin is a huge player in starting the feminist literary movement of the 20th century, influencing the work of many authors on this list. If you can stomach Victorian prose, Chopin is for you!

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: Plath's novel is written from an intimately feminine perspective and wrestles with questions of mental illness from such a perspective. A must-read.

The work of Oscar Wilde: Thrown in jail for a bit for likely being at least a little gay, Wilde's writing frequently riffs on and critiques gendered social customs. Highly recommend The Importance of Being Earnest, Lady Windermere's Fan, and definitely other stuff of his I haven't read yet.

The work of Madeline Miller: I think Circe is the only "BookTok book" I've read that I thought was good, and boy is it fantastic. Its ideas of gender feel a bit cliche or elementary at times (Circe sometimes reads like an "empowered girlboss" stereotype), but how it plays with this identity at the same time it plays with Circe's identity in her family and pantheon make this book special. And Miller really is a delightful prose stylist. Galatea is also pretty good, and I haven't read Song of Achilles yet.

The Hours by Michael Cunningham: based on Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway, Cunningham reprises Woolf's themes for a book set in the 90s! Great read, and another master of the craft.

The poetry of Sappho: The popular conception of Sappho is that she's this girlboss prodigal lesbian in a patriarchal society, which isn't true. There's definitely some truth there, but it's much more nuanced, and certainly Sappho couldn't conceive of the labels we put on her today and those labels' connotations. In any case, her poetry is some of the first, if not the first, love poetry from a feminine perspective.

Any piece of literature about slavery/colonialism written by a woman: This is a broad category, but the intersection of femininity and race is a broad topic which many writers fall into. You really can't go wrong here. My recs are Toni Morrison, Jean Rhys, Zora Neale Hurston, Oroonoko by Aphra Bein, and Jean Toomer. I still need to read Gwendolyn Brooks, Octavia Butler, and Alice Walker.

The work of Shakespeare: You can't go wrong here. Obviously not explicitly queer, but many of his plays deal with cultural gender perceptions and, of course, crossdressing! Twelfth Night is probably his strongest play on this front, but The Winter's Tale and Measure for Measure are both great here, and most of his plays have at least a little commentary on the gender front.

Leave other recs in the comments/rts! :)

[sexcromancy]

when i first read notinlove several months ago I felt a) extremely personally targeted in ways i will not explain b) simultaneously thrilled and annoyed that ali had published a book that proved my analysis completely correct. like she just tweeted it out etc. i was reading it thinking, with horror, that she had made the subtext text, and even worse, it was fucking good. her books get so much better every time. i joked to my publishing industry friend that it seems like she doesnt even get her edits till she's drafting the next book and she was like, yeah, pretty much. anyway. how does she do that. how did she write an actually convincing and compelling narrative while navigating the knife edge between "these people need crazy therapy but its so hot" and "these people are too therapized and its so boring" that goodreads reviewers demand.

a good definition for a romance novel is: creating characters, dynamics, and circumstances that achieve and validate specific desires, fantasies, or kinks. eli notinlove is possessive, controlling, and ravenous in similar ways to rhysand, or jem carstairs, or the new adult dark romance of the week, but he's therapized about it so hes not as scary. this allows rue to explore her own desire, how much she likes what he wants from her, what she wants in return. my thesis, that ali "tweeted out" [sic] is that the story objectifies eli as a tool for rue to work out how she can enjoy sex more, and eventually find emotional fulfillment. eli doesnt really get an arc of his own, despite being ali's first dual pov man narrator. this is not, like, feminist literature; it's not groundbreaking or a new take for a romance novel. in fact, i'd say notinlove is more middle of the road typical than some of ali's earlier work. but i think, by working her way into this romance trope through the backdoor of the most extreme forms of literal heterosexuality, as in, opposites attract, as in, monsterfucking, as in, enemies to lovers.... i think she's managed to keep some of that heat and interest alive, not letting it get smoothed down. no one else makes putting women in locked rooms sexy like her. and thank god. notinlove is out everywhere june 11

[the-bloody-sadist]

Me-Centered Narration in Fiction

"For characters' hearts to be open to readers, characters must talk to us quite a bit about what's going on inside. In many manuscripts, the characters don't disclose much. Often they, or rather their authors, simply report what's happening to them--a dry, play-by-play conveyance of the action. Even the witty, ironically detached first-person voices of Young Adult, New Adult, and Para-Everything fiction aren't necessarily open. An ironic, snarky, or perky tone can be used to avoid true intimacy with readers. Literary writing isn't necessarily intimate, either. A life "closely observed" doesn't mean we'll care about it." -Donald Maass, The Emotional Craft of Fiction

Welcome to the new tag, Sadist's fiction advice!! For those of you interested, I'll be taking bits out of books I personally studied all my life to learn how to write--the majority of those being by the fantastic and insightful Donald Maass, whose writing help books I've collected for my shelf! If you want to start anywhere for your own novel, start with him. I'm not fucking kidding. He's THE BEST out there.

Let's start with some discussion on that first quote, alone! Most often, the first thing that turns me off to a story is the main character's voice. I'm an extremely picky reader, nowadays, after growing up reading, and especially after discovering the fanfiction world. But one thing that I actually tend to like more about fanfiction is that a lot of the authors--since their source material is an existing couple of characters that they can research and have a template to add their own details to--are not afraid to explore how that character talks to the reader and sees the world.

In so much of professional fiction I've found only bland, annoying main characters who fail to make me laugh with their sarcastic quips about living on earth. It's just...boring. It's all the same. And don't even get me started on the erotic world, because what are they ON?? I've never found more abrasive or boring main characters than in professional erotica. I've tried and dropped nearly every gay romance I've come across with a pretty cover (meaning NOT a stock image of a hunky, shirtless man because ew, low effort)...and literally none of them except one grabbed me. And that one took CHAPTERS UPON CHAPTERS of dealing with yet another boring main character just to get to the love interest that I was curious about. And if you're curious, that book was the Captive Prince series by C.S. Pacat. I will slander it, I'm sorry. The writing is frustratingly basic and the prose is very weird at times, and Damen is a cardboard cutout in my opinion. Laurent was the saving grace of that series, and if not for him, I would've dropped that book on chapter one.

Captive Prince eventually got much better, so it's still one of the only good ones I've ever read, but--BUT--Damen's inner world? Boring as shit. I wanted to know his complexities and conflicts, the things that directly impacted his worldview and the ways he was a multifaceted person. I really wanted him to win me over. But I mostly skimmed a lot of the "thoughts" that were going on in his head, because he had none that were worth listening to. He wasn't unique. He wasn't particularly conflicted about anything interesting.

In direct contrast to that, probably my favorite romance to ever exist in the LGBT category is Anne Rice's The Vampire Armand. Talk about a fascinating writer with a strong voice. Anne is INSANE, for one. The things she puts together on paper are wild and ravishing and they will fucking sweep you off your feet. And that's what I'm always looking for. We see the world through the vampire Armand's eyes, who has a riveting and thorough perspective--far different from the pessimistic narcissism of most modern tellings of vampire "romances" (Twilight can eat my dick). He feels tangible, terrifying, and so warm at the same time. He displays a full and seasoned view of the world, and it reads as realistic for someone having lived so long. Marius, the boy who is with him who's caught up in sexuality, is a fantastic contrast to Armand, and thus provides a thrilling relationship dynamic of push-and-pull. He is headstrong; Armand is mature and set on rules.

Ugh, I could go on and on about how good Anne is when it comes to these things. Her characters are top-notch every time, and though there are sometimes exceedingly long rants about topics that neither interest me nor entertain me, somehow the way that she structures it in her characters' voices could convince me otherwise. (I still skip some of the LOOOONG expositions on history and religion but LMAO, I could read it if I had time.)

Let me infuse some more of Donald Maass into this, going on with his advice from The Emotional Craft of Fiction:

"Elsewhere I have advocated building the world of the story not by describing how it looks, sounds, feels, smells, or tastes, but rather by conveying characters' experience of that world. Opening the emotional world of a story is just as important, but doing so involves delving not only into characters' experience of their world but also of themselves.

For some authors this can be uncomfortable. Plot-driven storytellers, for example, may fear that they're slowing the action. Character-driven storytellers can be afraid of getting their characters' inner lives wrong, believing that even a tiny misstep can ruin years of effort. Both fears strangle emotional effect. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with opening up characters' inner lives. The bigger problem is that most authors don't do so enough. That said, letting characters simply gush on the page isn't terribly effective, either."

I always hesitate to talk about my own writing, because it feels egotistical to use my own as an example, but since you're here because you either like my writing or my art, well... 😂 I feel like it's the best way to give you a glimpse of how I think when I create them! Plus I know you want to hear about it, so I'll put my self-deprecation in the closet.

That said, let's talk about Dancing With Death--particularly what Maass mentioned in presenting world building through the eyes of your character and not the physicality of the setting. I am not someone who enjoys the observation of fantasy cultures and elements that we don't have in the real world. I simply do not care. I don't like Avatar for this reason--the entire world of Avatar is the biggest character in the story, and I don't care. Biology and science is boring. There's no interesting person to see the world through, so I find myself lost on why I'm watching it as a story, when it feels like it should be a video game to explore instead.

This being the case, my portal for the world was Emery, whom I consider to be the least interesting character I've ever created LMAO. Probably because he's so normal, and basically everyone else I've created is wildly off-kilter on morality, thought process, and mental health.

BUT!

My workaround for this character concept was having him come from an isle with a directly opposing culture to the one he'd be entering for the story. Now, I'm not much for introductions to characters living their normal life, so I started right off with Emery arriving in Gailda, so that the reader could find out organically how much different Gailda was to Emery's home in Dorne. Pretty much everything he comes into contact with--starting with the isle's ruler, Taushin--is entirely backwards to the way Emery has been raised. It adds interest because it adds inherent conflict. But the complexity here is that Emery came to Gailda of his own accord. Because he was curious about Gailda, and wanted to see if it was really as bad as the rumors he'd heard.

He travels there under the pretense that he's going to go free some Pets (the bed slaves of the world structure). But the readers should suspect right away that this isn't the case. Emery is a reckless, curious little man. He thinks he's an upstanding citizen, but he's naïve and--as we soon find out--pretty easily swayed.

So, seeing the world through Emery's eyes makes the world seem new and horrifying and thrilling to the readers--at least, this is my aim, of course! Going off of the current feedback I've received, most readers saw it this way. And while Emery might still be my least favorite man in my repertoire, he has deeply conflicting views, which constantly create dilemmas he has to resolve.

If you can keep a character on his toes, talking to the reader about the choices he has to make and how his morals might object to those choices, it opens up an intimate connection between us and them. The more specific their problems, the more chance the reader has to relate. What would they do in that situation? Don't make it easy.

For instance, one of Emery's first choices involves Minx, a Pet who's sent to his chambers the first night as a custom of Gaildan hospitality. Emery has come to free the Pets, so seeing Minx in his room instantly creates a dilemma. He thinks he can resolve this by not sexually interacting with Minx. But of course it's not that easy. Minx has to have intercourse with him, as per his master, Taushin (the ruler of the isle whom Emery is "doing business" with), or else he'll be punished. Then it's up to Emery whether he'll protect Minx by fucking him (LMAO), or not fucking him and knowingly submitting the boy to unjust punishment.

Okay, well that's enough rambling for my FIRST FUCKING POST. I hope this helps you, or otherwise lets you know that I'm just as long-winded in discussions as I am in my stories. 🥲 But in stories, that's a good thing! I hope that's what you've learned, today. Get to know your character by writing how he thinks and sees and feels the world around him, and make him INTERESTING, goddamnit! The more intricate and unique, the more we're inclined to listen to his inner world.

I'll leave you with another quote on that same page from Donald Maass's book--and feel free to send me asks about this topic or to let me know if it helped you! If I don't have feedback, I'll likely not continue these posts. It's hard to write and ramble to an audience I can't see. T_T Tumblr makes it tough for comments and likes!

"Creating a world that is emotionally involving for readers means raising questions and concerns about that world. It means both welcoming readers inside that world and making them curious, or uneasy, about where they are. First-person narration, the self-absorbed voice of our age, would seem to do that automatically but that belief is deceptive. True emotional engagement happens when a reader isn't just enjoying a character's patter but when she cannot avoid self-reflection, whether she's aware of it happening or not."

If you're interested in my own work that I talked about, Dancing With Death, and haven't read it, some of it is on Tumblr! Here's a link to the first chapter. It's more polished now than what is posted, but when it's published someday, you can see it in its full glory!

Dancing With Death chapter 1

About Donald Maass' The Emotional Craft of Fiction

[monsterhunting]

I like your fanfic and we share some of the same ships. Do you have any book recs? My tbr list is long but I don't mind adding more books

firstly: thank you so much!!! secondly i have TONS of book recs. honestly i could’ve kept going but i was getting a little crazy so lemme stop here. thank you for asking!!!

fiction:

the lincoln highway by amor towles: bildungsroman, beautiful story, satisfying ending, long but worth it

ask again yes by mary beth keane: family drama, turning point halfway thru that made me gasp and screech

such a fun age by kiley reid: a Black babysitter gets stopped by a grocery store security guard and a video of it goes viral and a bunch of other stuff also happens. lots of really good discussions on racism. her other book that just came out this year was really good too!!!

fantasy/sci-fi:

the last binding trilogy by freya marske: finally read these a few months ago and i loved them so much 😭 great romance great characters exciting plot with high stakes FOUND FAMILY!!

silver under nightfall by rin chupeco (and the sequel court of wanderers)… vampire couple x vampire hunter throuple of my dreams what more can you want

ocean’s echo / winter’s orbit by everina maxwell: queer scifi romance!!!! stand-alones set in the same universe but both are great

station eleven by emily st. john mandel: this is a pretty well known book but it was GOOD! takes place in a post-apocalyptic world and centers on the importance of living as opposed to just surviving and also the beauty of creating and sharing art ❤️

romance:

cat sebastian writes really good queer historical romance, I’ve read like 6 of her books this year. we could be so good and the ruin of a rake are my favorites so far

lex croucher!!! she has three historical novels, one is a sapphic romance (I’ve only read two) and then she has a YA called Gwen & art are not in love that’s a queer Arthurian legend retelling

love hate & clickbait by liz bowery: m/m fake dating where the two MCs are politicians who kinda suck and are trapped in a PR stunt. a better red white & royal blue. i’ve read it like 3 times

sarah hogle is my oomf but also writes great romance. you deserve each other and just like magic specifically

the charm offensive by alison cochrun: the new bachelor falls for the producer of the reality show instead of his contestants. probably my favorite romance ever. also great asexual rep!!

horror:

the lost village by camilla sten: a group of people filming a documentary go to an abandoned village where everyone in the town just up and disappeared one day and were never seen again and weird stuff starts happening. i read this in like 2 days. also i based the town in the stoncy ghost files au off of this lmao

the whisper man and the shadows by alex north: crazy as fuck plot twists that made me close the book and run around my house. he has a third book too but unfortunately I didn’t like it very much

night film by marisha pessl: reporter obsessed with elusive director who’s daughter just mysteriously died investigates director and his family. very good mixed media element and very immersive

mister magic by kiersten white: child actors from children’s tv show mister magic — a tv show that ended suddenly and tragically, with no surviving video footage or evidence of the creative team behind the show whatsoever — gather together for a reunion as adults. kinda like if IT by stephen king was combined with a weird creeypasta and throw in some religious trauma also. sooooo good

graphic novels:

check please! by ngozi ukazu: duh

bubble by jordan morris: guardians of the galaxy esque but also a criticism of capitalism. very fun

hooky by miriam bonastre tur: i DEVOURED these last october. perfect cozy fall vibes. just a cute fun story. they’re technically for children but idc 😭 so many characters and i loved them all, i can’t wait to reread again in the fall

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn!! Can I ask you an unorthodox question not related to kidlit but instead about ... adult romance???? :) I've read in previous posts you enjoy reading adult romance novels and just wondered if you have any advice to new adult romance authors - even if it's just things to avoid and/or things you'd like to see being written in adult romance that you don't see much or enough of???? I've never written in this genre before but a lot of my other genres have heavy romance subplots so thought I'd try my hand at a full on romance story for a change. Also open to any other resources you can recommend but wanted to pick your brain so to speak too!! Hope it's ok to ask this here as I know you mostly answer about kidlit. Thanx. xx

I'm sorry to say that I really, truly, know next to nothing about writing or selling Romance.

I do read it -- but I have pretty specific things I like and authors I auto-buy, I'm not reading widely across the whole genre. So I have NO idea if the authors I personally like and read a lot of are any indication of what the market generally is doing or interested in or whatever.

My only suggestions, then: Follow a lot of Romance people on socials, follow the Romance conversations (podcasts you might check out: Fated Mates and Smart Bitches, Trashy Books). If you are lucky enough to be near Brooklyn or LA, go to the Ripped Bodice. Get great book recommendations. READ A LOT. Like -- A LOT a lot. Figure out where YOUR book would fit in the market, because it's quite a big market with all kinds of different niches! When you find books that seem like YOUR kind of books -- look at who publishes them, and check out the author's website or acknowledgements to see who represents them!

Different romance imprints can often have pretty specific likes, dislikes, "rules" etc -- for example, here are the different imprints at Entangled and Harlequin -- you'll note that every imprint has different length and "steam" and style requirements. When you've figured out what kind of a book YOU are writing, you'll have a good idea of what the "rules" are around that kind of book, which publishers publish them, which agents rep them, etc.

(Oh and please -- you gotta have a HEA. No happy ending? Not a romance. It might be a great book -- BUT IT AIN'T A ROMANCE.)

[hopeymchope]

The riveting, disturbing world of 'Babylon'

I just finished the anime 'Babylon' from 2019, and my mind was all kinds of messed up by it. Honestly, after all the horrific and edgelord-y crap I've seen in anime/manga, it's sort of comforting to know that I'm still capable of being shaken and unnerved by some of this shit.

The title is generic AF, so let me give you a brief overview: Babylon is 12-episode anime series adapting a trilogy of novels by Mado Nozaki. Note that these are full-on novels, not light novels — but they aren't available in English as of me writing this. So for that reason, I can't speak to how adapting each novel into four half-hour episodes was handled. I'm sure that numerous cuts had to be made. I can only speak to what I know of the novels from other people who've read them. I'll get into some of that a lot later on.

The story focuses on Japanese public prosecutor Zen Seizaki, who starts out the series investigating false advertising at a pharmaceutical company before stumbling into a conspiracy that initially seems to be manipulating his city's politics. But Zen digs deeper still, and he finds it's far worse than just that. Countless lives are on the line, and humanity's shared moral compass faces a huge possible shift that appears to be occurring naturally... but the spread of this new perspective is, in actuality, FAR from natural. One character likens the events to "ideological terrorism," and that strikes me as a pretty good summary. Ultimately, the antagonists are technically — at least in all visible senses — moving within the confines of the law to enact their intentions. In that case, what can government authorities, lawyers, and police do to stem the tide?

The series doesn't try to argue that government authority is 'innocent' or 'incorruptible' in ANY way... but it does seem to believe that figures of authority USUALLY play by the established rules of legality. .... At least in Japan.

So hey, let's start up front with some exciting news: It's an anime about adult characters living adult lives and doing adult jobs! And despite that, it's not an office romance, NOR is it a romance between an adult and a teenager or ANY of that stuff! Shit — this isn't even a comedy! That puts 'Babylon' somewhere around "EPIC" in terms of anime rarity. Every episode begins with a content warning and a suicide prevention hotline number. That should give you some fucking idea of how dark we're going here. But the primary focus of 'Babylon' isn't revealed until the very end of episode 3. So... I'll give you the chance to bow out right now if you don't want to know the exact nature of the threat. It's hard for me to discuss it in too much depth without spoiling it. I won't spoil anything OTHER than the major subject matter revealed at the end of episode 3, though!

You still here? The content warning hints at the most important component of the story: The central focus is on suicide. Specifically, is suicide inherently immoral? Or should people have the right to decide when their lives end? Is there any gray in the middle of that? Etc. Suffice it to say that there's a major trigger warning for suicide in this series. Not only because characters kill themselves with disturbing regularity, but because there are also multiple scenes that are just long philosophical debates about when suicide is or isn't moral... as well as who or what defines the guidelines of our personal and societal morality, is there any such thing as pure good or pure evil, etc.

And I'm not complaining — these scenes are really interesting! Although characters do tend to take WAY too long to bring up really obvious aspects of these debates for my taste. Like, when someone raises the question of why suicide is illegal, it takes multiple episodes of off-and-on chit-chat before someone cracks wise about how you can't exactly prosecute or arrest someone who commits suicide FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. I'm not sure why that wasn't the FIRST thing to come up, but I guess I just think differently than this author. (FYI: Another character points out that the matter of 'legality' extends to whether police and emergency services are compelled to stop/respond to possible suicide threats, if you're curious how the ongoing debate is justified.)

Some of the heady debates are portrayed via trippy-ass visuals that only we, the viewers at home, can see. Which is kind of goofy, but it's an interesting way to keep things from becoming too static during the philosophical discussions.

Clearly, they're not shying away from tough topics. But the side in favor of allowing people to commit suicide is hardly playing fair, either. They're forcing the issue in the worst possible way: Controlling people to kill themselves, convincing fucking CHILDREN to kill themselves, and more. So as a viewer, you obviously WANT them to lose the debate. But they aren't entirely arguing without merit, either. That's part of what makes it so disturbing: Sometimes they make some horrible kind of sense.

The elements that make the series discomforting aren't just in the subject matter discussed or in the touchy debates. The primary antagonist (or... are they?) is... oof. How can I describe them without spoiling anything about their identity and what they do? Suffice to say that their abilities border on supernatural, and as the series progresses, those abilities become increasingly impossible to counter. Apparently they are framed as being explicitly NOT supernatural in the novels, but in this anime, they appear to lean closer to being some kind of superpower — a really gross and upsetting one.

To make matters worse, before we see this antagonist fully utilize their abilities, the experience of being on the receiving end of their powers is compared to fucking rape in a way that... really made me feel like it was justifying objectification of human beings - even underage ones!!!! - as nothing more than sex objects. Like, it actually PISSED ME OFF. But... look, I gave the show some time to justify its bullshit, and I'm glad I did — that conversation became much less offensive in retrospect, after we learn/see a lot of said antagonist's true nature. (Note that I said it became less offensive. It is still disturbing as all hell, which is the intended response.)

You can tell that I'm STILL trying to avoid a lot of spoilers in this thing. There's just so many twists and turns, and it's consistently extremely compelling stuff. I don't know that they entirely stick the landing on this bird, though...

There's just too many questions left open at the end for my taste. Too many hanging chads. What are the motivations of our antagonists? One of them — the one who appears on-screen the most — at least appears to be the "just want to watch the world burn" type, though even THAT is pretty unclear. And the other major antagonist is kept mysterious for the entire run! They serve as a major figurehead for a pro-suicide movement, and we have no flippin' idea what their motives are! Furthermore, the series ends on what could be called "ambiguous" at best or "a goddamned cliffhanger" at worst.

And there are no more books! The author has written other books since completing this trilogy and has given no indication of ever intending to go back! It just... leaves us there, twisting in the wind!

KNOW THIS: The post-credits scene in the last episode was made up for the anime by the anime production team. Nothing like exists in the original novels or the manga or anywhere else. You might as well consider it non-canon. Which is great news, because it sucks all the life out of the preceding confrontation.

But even with all that baggage, I can't say I wasn't riveted. I can't stay I don't recommend it, honestly. It's very well done up until that point. And I don't even completely hate the ending! ... Maybe I just hate the post-credits scene, I guess. ..... No, WAIT, we sit through multiple episodes of a character pondering their position on the suicide issue, only for their big moment of revelation to be... LITERALLY THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF AS A COUNTER-ARGUMENT TO THE VILLAINS. So that. Yeah. That kinda sucked.

But the actual climactic scene? The final moments? They're engrossing... and open to interpterion in a way that isn't without merit!

Oh, and consider this: The manga version of the story? It ends on the second novel, concluding with a much happier version of the events that wrap up that part of the story here. There is no third novel — that final part where the stakes become global never arises. Sadly, I don't think the manga adaption has ever been translated into English. But if you find a scanlation or something, let me know! I'd like to see the happier ending. At least I'd feel more closure than I got here.

[bookgirlrants]

Rant #1

finally, the time has come for the first rant of bookgirlrants. for today's rant, i want to talk about dark romance and the issues i've come across while reading it.

to start, i just want to say that i'm new to the genre while also not being new at all. i used to write dark romance a lot growing up, used to read dark romance fanfics, and my favorite book has been flowers in the attic since i was 16! i just haven't started reading newer dark romance until very recently.

now, the rant. my intro to this genre has been with haunting/hunting adeline. i had heard incredible things about the duel series and finally decided to give it a go. for reference, i usually read horror and more taboo type books. i figured dark romance would stay pretty close to what i read usually (and was proved right!) so i bit the bullet and started reading.

it honestly took me about 200-300 pages into haunting to finally start liking it without cringing at least a little bit. the writing reminded me a lot of those fanfics i read as a little emo kid, which...is both good and bad. nostalgic, but a little off putting now that i'm an adult woman. however, once i started liking it, jesus christ, i started like it! i ended up caring for and falling in love with the characters.

hunting adeline on the other hand. good lord. i knew people said it was darker, but i truly was not expecting what i got with that book. incredibly action packed and heart wrenching and i was on the edge of my seat the whole time. i found a whole different love for the chracters and the books in general after finishing it.

now listen, this rant is NOT about the cat and mouse series. this rant is about the disappointing way people react to dark romance novels...actually, difficult topic novels as a whole. after finishing hunting, i put in my little star rating on goodreads and thought, shit, why not read some ratings? good god, i forgot why i always ignore ratings on books.

at the beginning of haunting adeline, i noticed the author specifically asked people not to give bad ratings just for the dark parts of the DARK romance novel. i thought it was strange, but overall didn't think much of it after that. that was, until i looked at these god foresaken reviews.

damn near every dark romance novel i've looked at has a list of trigger warnings or has a link to where you can find the content involved. personally, i don't have a problem with content/trigger warnings for books. i am absolutely the type of person that the more fucked up a book is, the more i love it. however, i know most people do not feel the same way!! there is not one thing wrong with that.

you know what there is something wrong with though? completely ignoring those warnings, proceeding, and then throwing a bitch fit of a review because it was too much for you and your standards. i am such a strong believer that just because a form of media makes you feel something negative, does not necessarily mean it's a bad thing.

if i had a penny for every review i've read over the years that are people being mad that a disturbing book...disturbed them...i would be a fucking millionaire. i've seen it with damn near every favorite book of mine/books that have truly made my stomach churn. and i have now seen it with every popular dark romance novel. it's now made me start thinking twice when i stick my nose up at a badly rated novel.

sometimes, i'll see people reply to others who have DNF'ed a dark romance because they are upset when they trampled over trigger warnings and then lost their marbles when the book triggered them. sometimes it's people who completely agree or say that they're no longer going to read the book. other times, there's people who think and feel the same way i do. people who call them out for shaming an entire genre of books and a massive group of people.

one of the reasons i love reading horror and taboo and dark romance is because of traumatic things i've been through, and i know it's the same reason a lot of people read them too. even for the people who just love a little bit of fucked up shit in their life, i get it. i just don't think i'll truly ever get why people feel the need to leave bad reviews and shame readers and authors because of something that made them feel uncomfortable. embrace the darkness, and if you can't, don't blind the ones that do with your giant fucking flashlight.

thank you guys for coming to my first rant, see ya next time! and you know where to come for questions, comments, concerns and to rant back at the void!

[travelinglibrariansdesk]

New idea for a blog

New idea for a blog: circulation assistant who enjoys talking about the books she checks in and out every day. I have no idea if anyone would find my opinions of books interesting: I'm mainly writing for me. Last fall, after the library hired me, I began keeping a list of good-looking children's books for my mother, who says she's going to start reading books to little kids somewhere, as soon as she's settled into her new apartment. The list mushroomed right away.

Can I start a blog this way? I'd love to keep notes on the books I see every day. For instance, today someone returned Jenny and the Cat Club, a book my grandmother used to read to me. So dear to my heart, little black cat Jenny with her red scarf and silver ice skates, and her wonderful friends. I'm overjoyed that someone is still reading it!

Also, a really funny edition of Frankenstein: Frankenstein: Annotated for Scientists, Engineers, and Creators of All Kinds. Worrisome, isn't it, to think that someone seems to want to encourage scientists to...um...duplicate Frankenstein's research? Not sure if that is what is intended by the title.

Just read an adorable book called It Came in the Mail. Little boy loves getting mail, so he writes a letter to the mailbox asking it to send him things. The first thing that arrives is a dragon. All the art is letter/postcard art, with appropriate and adapted post office stamps: "oversize" on the elephant, and "pearishable" on a giant pear.

Every day I'm amazed at the dazzling and creative art used in children's books. Yesterday I read a sweet Native American myth, called The Girl Who Loved Horses, a Caldecott winner from 1978 by Paul Goble. His Native American-style art is colorful and gorgeous, and sweeps across the pages in a way that suggests wild mustangs in motion.

The popularity of graphic novels has freed both adult and children's book authors from the either/or of "text" or "picture book". I nabbed a book today that I'd like to read called Trial by Jury Journal. I opened it to find that the story is told by all kinds of print media - the usual paragraphs, letters, newspaper articles, etc. I love creative flights like this. It reminds me of that beautiful series of books done as letters and postcards: Nick Bantock's Griffin and Sabine romance. I love the zing I get when I can connect two authors and think, I wonder if the older book(s) had an influence on the newer ones? Did Bantock's books pave the way for others of this type?

Update on Trial by Jury Journal: Good but not great. Kids will probably appreciate the character name puns more than I did - over several pages it wears a little thin (e.g., Anna Conda, Rhett Tyle). Still, the narration style keeps switching, which both keeps it interesting and develops individual characters. However, I think she could've gone further with the character development. They're not flat, but they don't have a full three dimensions. Still love the pen-and-ink art, reminiscent of Joseph Schindelman's original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Lemony Snickett.

Then there's Kaz Windness's If Ur Stabby, about a psycho anti-unicorn. Definitely NOT for kids under 12. A nice old man handed me the book the other day because (I think) his granddaughter had pulled it off the (presumably) adult graphic novel shelf, and he thought it might not be for children. Which it is NOT. However, the dark (one might say sick) humor of a depressed unicorn depicted largely in black and white is pretty funny if you've had a little too much princess literature, or the Pinkalicious series, come across your desk.

Just did a deeper dive into Stabby, who is apparently a graduate of Mother Goth Rhymes, which I can't put on hold right now because I have too many other books out that are overdue. (Just can't get myself to read enough. Very frustrating.) Fascinating stuff, though - "Stabby the Unicorn" is a meme, and apparently a game - "Unstable Unicorns", which would be a great name for a band, don't you think? But the game - "a strategic card game that will destroy your friendships" - is a little to manga for my taste. Even though they're "unstable", they're too cute and marshmallowy. More on that some other time, I think. Stabby is not manga. Original artwork - lots of curly, swirly letters and piles of skulls.

On a more serious, but still dark, note, I saw a book today entitled The Midwife of Auschwitz. My first reaction was YOW, this sounds horribly depressing. I was intrigued enough to read the blurb on the back, and it depicts exactly the story you'd expect of the title. However, I expect it would be an interesting take on the Holocaust, if you're in the right frame of mind. It turns out that among the atrocities the Nazis committed at the camps, they took the most Aryan-looking babies and gave them to German couples wanting children. Just like the Irish nuns and the evil folks in Before We Were Yours did.

[brightbeautifulthings]

Begin Again by Emma Lord

"'My life may have just flashed before my eyes,' I say after we're in the clear. 'Was it pretty?' asks Shay. 'Honestly, there was a lot of scrolling through Instagram.'"

Year Read: 2022

Rating: 4/5

About: Andie Rose is always the girl with a plan to fix things, and right now her goal is to repair her relationship with her longtime boyfriend, Connor. His semester at Blue Ridge State while Andie stayed at their hometown community college strained their relationship almost to the point of breaking, but Andie has a surprise: she's transferring to Blue Ridge second semester after pulling up her grades. The one problem? Connor transferred to her community college to be closer to her. With all her plans wrecked, Andie is determined to make the best of it and get her boyfriend back to Blue Ridge, but in the meantime, she discovers her own place there. I received a free ARC from Wednesday Books. Trigger warnings: parent death, cheating, mild underage alcohol use, mouth-watering descriptions of bagels and cream cheese flavors with no recipes included.

Thoughts: After my lukewarm feelings about You Have a Match, I wasn't sure I wanted to give Lord's writing another try, but this showed up in my mail. I couldn't very well abandon it, and I'm glad I gave her books a second go. Begin Again is much more my speed. It could probably be classified as New Adult, given all the characters are college-aged, and it's an excellent book for that sort of atmosphere. We're right there with Andie as she adjusts to her first semester, from dorm living and work study to the intellectual demand of her classes and finding her place in the campus activities. It's a little Extra like most fiction (I was never that involved with campus, and certainly not in my first semester), but overall it paints a fun picture of American colleges.

I stand by what I said in my previous review that Lord's writing is a bit dense, especially for the genre, but in this case I really enjoyed being immersed in Andie's perspective and all the different aspects of her life. I was expecting her long-distance issues with her boyfriend to play more of a role (contemporary romance, after all), but what the story is really about is Andie finding her place on campus and figuring out who she is, which is one of the things college is ultimately about. Her friendships with her roommate, Shay (a lesbian Bookstagrammer with an undeclared major), her RA Milo (a caffeine-addicted sophomore who doesn't believe in love), and her tutor Valeria (a bisexual math major who writes romance in her spare time) all play a large role in the novel, and I came to love them and their interactions. Connor is a bland love interest at best, but it's cool since he's hardly ever on the page.

In addition to Andie's friends, her family relationships also get a lot of attention. She was raised by her adorable grandmas, and her relationship with her dad has been strained since her mom died. I laughed and cried in the same chapter when Andie finally got a heart to heart with him, and I found that whole arc really moving. There's also a strong thread in Andie's relationship with her mom, who may be gone but is everywhere in the book and on the Blue Ridge campus, her own alma mater, as Andie figures out how to live up to her mother's legacy and create one of her own. There's a lot of excellent character development for her overall, and I very much enjoyed being along for the ride.