#it's possible this was inspired by recent harrowing events

[ledenews]

OCPL - Lunch With Baseball & Hot Dogs!

May 7 at Noon: Bloomered, Be-Whiskered, & Barnstorming! Wheeling Baseball Oddities Download the May-June 2024 brochure HERE. We will explore the strange world of Barnstorming baseball in Wheeling during the early Twentieth Century, when all manner of diverse and sometimes downright odd professional teams came to town to play the locals, often in front of sold-out crowds. Learn about women's teams who played long before Rose Gacioch and the All-American Girls Pro League, a hirsute team from Michigan with amazing talent, and much more. Presented by Seán Duffy. Watch LIVE on Facebook Watch LIVE on YouTube Facebook Event Library Calendar Get Your Hot Dogs Here! Q: What goes better with Baseball than Hot Dogs? A: Not much. That is to say: NOTHING. That's why Melissa from Midge's Kitchen will have her hot dog cart at the 16th Street entrance to the Library on May 7 in time for our Baseball Barnstorming Lunch With Baseball program! She has it all, from classic chili dogs to vegan options! See menu below. Plus, we'll be giving away vouchers for FREE dogs to attendees only. So come early and have a great day at the ballpark -- er -- Library!   May 14 at Noon: Following the Silence - Poetry with Marc Harshman In “Following the Silence,” Marc Harshman, Poet Laureate of West Virginia, offers up his newest full-length collection of poems and demonstrates his dependably keen observational skills that elevate landscapes and people into an almost mythic realm. In many of the poems there is, as well, a threatening presence from whose grim circumstances he wrestles, if not hope, glimmers of its possibilities. Marc Harshman is the author of 14 nationally acclaimed children’s books including FALLINGWATER: THE BUILDING OF FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT’S MASTERPIECE, co-authored with Anna Egan Smucker. His collections of poetry include WOMAN IN RED ANORAK, winner of the Blue Lynx Prize, BELIEVE WHAT YOU CAN, winner of the Weatherford Award from the Appalachian Studies Association , DARK HILLS OF HOME, , and his newest volume just released and from which he’ll be reading at OCPL is FOLLOWING THE SILENCE, Press 53, Winston-Salem, NC.  He has also just been named the Appalachian Heritage Writer for 2024 by Shepherd University’s Appalachian Studies program.  He holds degrees from Bethany College, Yale University Divinity School, and the University of Pittsburgh.  Appointed in 2012 by Governor Earl Ray Tomblin, Harshman is the seventh poet laureate of West Virginia.   Facebook Event Library Calendar May 21 at Noon: SOURCE of Resilience: The Story of a Refugee Family from Ukraine More than two years after the full-fledged invasion of Ukraine by Russia, ten million Ukrainians still cannot return to their homes. The decision to leave Ukraine was a harrowing one for Roman and Olga Panivnyk. Torn between loyalty to their country, concern for Olga’s elderly parents and responsibility for their three children, they ultimately left to Poland. From there, the family was able to continue to Olga’s sister’s home in Pennsylvania. In this talk, Olya Panivnyk will recount their journey from Kyiv to Wheeling, share what was the SOURCE of their resilience along that journey, and describe how we may support those whom they left behind.Olga Panivnyk graduated from Dnipropetrovsk State University, Ukraine, with a major in International Business. She is the Founder of BeChange, Human Capital Advisor, Executive and Business Coach, Speaker, and Executive with 25 years of experience in HR, Finance, M&A, and Change Management in global FMCG, Manufacturing, and Technology businesses. She is a resilient Ukrainian who has recently started the North American branch of her coaching and consulting business out of the Pittsburgh Metropolitan area. Olga is proud to have a legacy of the business and HR leaders she has inspired and developed who are successful across multiple industries and geographies today. Facebook Event Library Calendar May 28 at Noon: Japanese Food Workshop Our friend Manami Kawazoe from the Japanese Outreach Initiative at West Liberty University returns to talk more about the Japanese style of eating and food. We will make mochi(rice cake) as a dessert. The traditional mochi is sweet red bean paste inside but ours will include chocolate and other flavored pastes. Facebook Event Library Calendar June 4 at Noon: A History of Cooey-Bentz Randy Cooey, W.R Cooey’s great grandson and Emeritus Professor of Economics at Bethany College, and Jeff Knierim, great-great nephew of Herman Bentz and the company’s president until it closed in 2002, will present the history of Cooey-Bentz Company. Founded in 1897, Cooey-Bentz was a landmark home furnishings business in South Wheeling, playing an important role in the fabric of the community. In addition to selling home furnishings, the company operated a funeral home that was sold to the Kepner family in the 1930’s. Although known for providing quality products and service to its customers, Cooey-Bentz is best remembered for its legendary Christmas window displays, “Toyland,” and of course, Santa Claus. Join Randy and Jeff as they reminisce about the “good old days” at Cooey-Bentz! Facebook Event Library Calendar June 11 at Noon: Bloomsday in Wheeling Patrick Hastings, English professor, author of “The Guide to James Joyce's Ulysses,” and curator of ulyssesguide.com, who will be at the Library for Wheeling's first ever Bloomsday, a worldwide but Irish-centric celebration of the book and the genius of James Joyce. Ours will feature a virtual walking tour of Leopold Bloom's Dublin led by Mr. Hastings, dramatic readings, trivia, music, food, a final discussion of Ulysses, and more! Dress like it's 1904! And enter the James Joyce look-alike contest to win! Facebook Event Library Calendar June 18 at Noon: The Book of Quint with Ryan Dacko “1100 men went into the water…” So begins the haunting monologue by actor Robert Shaw as grizzled shark hunter Quint in the movie “Jaws,” in which he describes his experience as a survivor of the sinking of the USS Indianapolis in the dying days of the Second World War. The sinking left hundreds of crew members floating in the ocean. Most died from exposure and the worst mass shark attack in recorded history. As we approach the fiftieth anniversary of the “Jaws” movie, host of the podcast “The Jaw Obsession,” Ryan Dacko has written the definitive prequel to the Jaws novel, telling the back story of Quint. Beginning with him adrift after the sinking, and following him first to San Francisco and then to Amity Island, we read of how and when he acquires his many scars, of how he comes to own his boat “The Orca,” and how he develops his technique for hunting sharks. Dacko is a US Coast Guard veteran, licensed underwater welder, and professional commercial deep-sea diver. He last visited our state in 2012 when he worked on a massive wind storm that took down power lines. “I loved the state and always wanted to go back,” he said. “This is a great opportunity.” Enter the Quint look-alike contest to win! Facebook Event Library Calendar June 18 (6:30 pm): Special Edition People’s University –Misconceptions About West Virginia Statehood WVU History professor Dr. Hal Gorby will discuss some of the common misconceptions about how West Virginia became a state. The program will cover some of the intense divisions among those involved. Facebook Event Library Calendar June 25 at Noon: Our Flag Was Still There: The Story of the Star Spangled Banner Our Flag Was Still There details the improbable two-hundred-year journey of the original Star-Spangled Banner—from Fort McHenry in 1814, when Francis Scott Key first saw it, to the Smithsonian in 2023—and the enduring family who defended, kept, hid, and ultimately donated the most famous flag in American history. Tom McMillan, former VP/Communications for the NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins, tells a story as no one has before. Digging deep into the archives of Fort McHenry and the Smithsonian, accessing never-before-published letters and documents, and presenting rare photos from a variety of sources, McMillan follows the flag on an often-perilous journey through three centuries. Our Flag Was Still There provides new insight into an intriguing period of U.S. history, offering a “story behind the story” account of one of the country’s most treasured relics. Facebook Event Library Calendar Download the May-June 2024 brochure HERE. Read the full article

[xpao-bearx]

Okay S O--

I promise I'm updating my Moon Knight fic (Like A Virgin), but this is an idea that's been nagging me like Khonshu for a while now and I've finally decided to share it! But please keep in mind that it's just what it is: an IDEA. So I'm sorry if this sounds a bit messy/incomplete/all over the place (and there's a possibility that some things could be changed), it's literally just me rambling and I think it's actually a pretty interesting idea! And this turned out a lot longer than expected ;-;

At the moment, I also have no clue what I wanna do with this idea (or if I'll ever even do anything with it at all). But I, obviously, take all credit for this so please don't steal (or at least tell me if you got inspired and plan on writing a similar fic to this cuz I would totally read the F U C K out of it) 🙃

Anywhore--

So my idea is, basically, this: The story begins in Season 1 of Moon Knight and it mainly revolves around a romance with our one and only sassy baby boy, Steven Grant (and of course with some 🔥spahcy🔥 smut thrown in) ❤️

For Steven's love interest, I dunno if it would be an original female character OR a Fem!Reader situation going on, so for now we'll just refer to the love interest as MC (main character)

Now MC and Steven live in the same apartment building and are next door neighbours. They've also been dating for quite some time, but strangely enough Steven doesn't remember ever asking out MC.

Steven and MC are pretty much what is considered to be the "perfect couple". You can really tell that they love and care about each other a lot, but recently a rift has been slowly but surely growing between them. It all started when Steven has been mysteriously disappearing, sometimes for days on end with MC not being able to contact him and not knowing his whereabouts. It doesn't help that Steven doesn't know anything either which, obviously, is very concerning but MC really likes Steven a lot and (maybe quite foolishly) chooses to let the matter go. MC thinks that whatever the hell is going on, there is a good explanation for it and can be resolved once Steven is ready to open up.

But things only become much worse from there when Steven started to miss dates and other important events in his and MC's relationship. There are also some days when Steven acts very odd, being cold towards MC and acting as if he didn't even know who she is which obviously hurts MC especially when she continuously tries to help him and just wanting to figure out what's happening.

It eventually comes to a point when MC couldn't take it anymore so she goes to confront Steven about his behaviour. She is rightfully mad and confused, but nothing changes the fact that she's still very much in love with him and wants to properly work things out.

Once MC goes to Steven's apartment using the spare key she has, she is shocked to find a woman there (this is shortly after Steven is fired from the museum and he discovers Marc's things + the scarab in the storage locker). A frazzled Steven is shocked when MC suddenly appears, too, especially when the woman--Layla--introduced herself as his wife.

MC couldn't even say--do--anything, only staring at Steven with such hurt, angry, disappointed eyes before running out the door and out of the building. Steven chased after MC to explain, but he wasn't fast enough and the damage was already done.

Fast forward into Season 2 (I know at this point in time there's no S2 but just indulge me LMAO xD), MC is revealed to be living with a friend of hers as she picks up the pieces of her broken heart and starts anew.

But here's a lil twist: After the events with Harrow and the gods' Avatars died, MC became Hathor's (the goddess of love and music) new Avatar. I still don't know how this came to be, but just roll with meh 👍

While MC does her missions for Hathor, she eventually crosses paths once more with a familiar face who she is surprised to find out is Khonshu's (another god Hathor has quite smittenly told MC a lot about) Avatar--Steven.

Only... This isn't actually Steven, but a man who claims to be Jake Lockley.

Jake then explains to MC that Steven has dissociative identity disorder and that he, along with another man named Marc Spector, were alters in a system with Steven. Obviously this is a fucking LOT to take in, but MC eventually believes Jake and it made sense as to why Steven acted different sometimes when they were still together.

It is also revealed that Jake was the one who asked MC out and before Steven even knew her, Jake was the one who liked her first. But in an attempt to keep MC all for himself, Jake doesn't say the truth about Layla, of how she is now Marc's ex-wife since things never worked out with them and Steven is still very much hung up and in love with MC. So MC is kept in the dark about everything, still believing that Steven lied and cheated on her.

It is definitely weird meeting Jake, especially when Jake is extremely open about his feelings for MC and continuously attempts to go out of his way to find her and woo her (to no avail). MC knows that despite sharing the same body, Jake is an entirely different person. But it hurts a lot to just look at him since all she sees is Steven.

Overtime, however, MC gets over her heartbreak and realizes that she also has feelings for Jake and decides to say "fuck it" and take a leap of faith. At this point in time, MC is still under the impression that Steven is married to Layla (even though she hasn't seen the woman again at all). Deep down, MC knows that it's wrong, but she really does like Jake and believes that they both deserve to live their own lives and have a relationship with each other, even if it may be challenging to keep it a secret.

Once MC confesses to Jake, he realizes that what he's doing is wrong and if he truly cared about her, he needed to be honest. So Jake takes MC out on a date and plans on telling her everything, but before he had the chance to Steven suddenly gained control of the body!

Steven and Marc have both had suspicions for a while that there's a third alter and now it's been confirmed, along with the two of them being surprised and infuriated that Khonshu isn't actually out of their lives. But the more pressing matter is that MC was here, right now, with Steven, even though it shattered his heart to see her looking at him with those same pained, spiteful eyes that haunted him when she completely disappeared from his life.

But in a panicked rush, Steven told MC everything. Of how he didn't know he had DID before, about coming to terms with Marc's existence and Steven's own purpose, of how Layla was actually Marc's wife and they were now divorced, etc.

All of this was much harder to take in than when Jake told MC about their situation. Although, meeting Steven again made MC realize that she did still love him as much as she loved Jake. But that didn't erase the pain in MC's heart and while she was glad that the truth was finally out and all the misunderstandings were cleared up, MC just needed time. Time to heal, time to just really wrap her head around everything and determine where she stands in Steven and Jake's lives and where they stand in hers.

So that's what MC did. As much as Steven missed her, as desperate as he was to hug her and kiss her and just say that everything will be okay, he respected her decision. And he understood because he, too, needed time to get his and Marc's and Jake's shit together.

As time passes, MC and Steven meet again. And this time, they were ready to be together once more and for forever. Jake is there, too, and they all work together to navigate through their unconventional romance, but they don't worry too much because they know they will be alright. Because, just like the constellations in the night sky, their hearts had a special connection.

But as MC's love blooms with Steven and Jake, Marc is there. He's always there, like a dark shadow. Unlike the other two, Marc actively avoided MC and/or openly expressed his distaste. He didn't love Layla anymore, but the divorce really affected him as well as his perception on relationships. He just didn't want to suffer through that same heartbreak again, but this time he had a lot more to be protective over because he not only had to watch over himself, but also Steven and Jake. He absolutely would never forgive you and himself if you broke the boys' hearts.

Though let's just say, long story short, that you work things out with Marc and wormed your way into this lovable grump's heart 🥰

There are also two potential endings for this story. Ideally, of course, I LOVE a happy ending and I want them all to simply be lovey dovey (which they DESERVE). The other ending, ROUGHLY, is that some bad shit goes down and MC ends up having to sacrifice herself to keep the Moon Boys safe and she dies. This obviously completely fucks the boys up, so much so that they never fully accept MC's death while also losing their will to live and blaming themselves. As a result, during a mission for Khonshu, the boys are so out of their element that they end up being killed by their enemy.

B U T even tho me likes some good ol' angst, I could never actually go through it without a proper conclusion!! SO when the boys die, they meet and be with MC again who's been eagerly waiting for them at the Field of Reeds, truly for all eternity now and just U G H MY HEART 😭💔

Now that I've written this out, I'm SO fooken excited!! Though, as I said, this is only an IDEA (at least for now)

Buuut what do y'all think??? :3

[carnegiemuseumnaturalhistory]

Real Dinosaurs Versus Reel Dinosaurs: Film’s Fictionalization of the Prehistoric World

by Shelby Wyzykowski

What better way can you spend a quiet evening at home than by having a good old-fashioned movie night? You dim the lights, cozily snuggle up on your sofa with a bowl of hot, buttery popcorn, and pick out a movie that you’ve always wanted to see: the 1948 classic Unknown Island. Mindlessly munching away on your snacks, your eyes are glued to the screen as the story unfolds. You reach a key scene in the movie: a towering, T. rex-sized Ceratosaurus and an equally enormous Megatherium ground sloth are locked in mortal combat. And you think to yourself, “I’m pretty sure something like this never actually happened.” And you know what? Your prehistorically inclined instincts are correct.

From the time that the first dinosaur fossils were identified in the early 1800s, society has been fascinated by these “terrible lizards.” When, where, and how did they live? And why did they (except for their modern descendants, birds) die out so suddenly? We’ve always been hungry to find out more about the mysteries behind the dinosaurs’ existence. The public’s hunger for answers was first satisfied by newspapers, books, and scientific journals. But then a whole new, sensational medium was invented: motion pictures. And with its creation came a new, exciting way to explore the primeval world of these ancient creatures. But cinema is art, not science. And from the very beginning, scientific inaccuracies abounded. You might be surprised to learn that these filmic faux pas not only exist in movies from the early days of cinema. They pervade essentially every dinosaur movie that has ever been made.

One Million Years B.C.

Another film that can easily be identified as more fiction than fact is 1966’s One Million Years B.C. It tells the story of conflicts between members of two tribes of cave people as well as their dangerous dealings with a host of hostile dinosaurs (such as Allosaurus, Triceratops, and Ceratosaurus). However, neither modern-looking humans nor dinosaurs (again, except birds) existed one million years ago. In the case of dinosaurs, the movie was about 65 million years too late. Non-avian dinosaurs disappeared 66 million years ago during a mass extinction known as the K/Pg (which stands for “Cretaceous/Paleogene”) event. An asteroid measuring around six miles in diameter and traveling at an estimated speed of ten miles per second slammed into the Earth at what is now the Yucatán Peninsula in Mexico. The effects of this giant impact were so devastating that over 75% of the world’s species became extinct. But the dinosaurs’ misfortunes were a lucky break for Cretaceous Period mammals. They were able to gain a stronger foothold and flourish in the challenging and inhospitable post-impact environment.

Cut to approximately 65 million, 700 thousand years later, when modern-looking humans finally arrived on the chronological scene. Until recently, the oldest known fossils of our species, Homo sapiens, dated back to just 195,000 years ago (which is, in geological terms, akin to the blink of an eye). And for many years, these fossils have been widely accepted to be the oldest members of our species. But this theory was challenged in June of 2017 when paleoanthropologists from the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology reported that they had discovered what they thought may be the oldest known remains of Homo sapiens on a desert hillside at Jebel Irhoud in Morocco. The 315,000-year-old fossils included skull bones that, when pieced together, indicated that these humans had faces that looked very much like ours, but their brains did differ. Being long and low, their brains did not have the distinctively round shape of those of present-day humans. This noticeable difference in brain shape has led some scientists to wonder: perhaps these people were just close relatives of Homo sapiens. On the other hand, maybe they could be near the root of the Homo sapien lineage, a sort of protomodern Homo sapien as opposed to the modern Homo sapien. One thing is for certain, the discovery at Jebel Irhoud reminds us that the story of human evolution is long and complex with many questions that are yet to be answered.

The Land Before Time

Another movie that misplaces its characters in the prehistoric timeline is 1988’s The Land Before Time. The stars of this animated motion picture are Littlefoot the Apatosaurus, Cera the Triceratops, Ducky the Saurolophus, Petrie the Pteranodon, and Spike the Stegosaurus. As their world is ravaged by constant earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, the hungry and scared young dinosaurs make a perilous journey to the lush and green Great Valley where they’ll reunite with their families and never want for food again. In their on-screen imagined story, these five make a great team. But, assuming that the movie is set at the very end of the Cretaceous (intense volcanic activity was a characteristic of this time), the quintet’s trip would have actually been just a solo trek. Ducky and Petrie’s species had become extinct several million years earlier, and Littlefoot and Spike would have lived way back in the Jurassic Period (201– 145 million years ago). Cera alone would have had to experience several harrowing encounters with the movie’s other latest Cretaceous creature, the ferocious and relentless Sharptooth, a Tyrannosaurus rex.

Speaking of Sharptooth, The Land Before Time’s animators made a scientifically accurate choice when they decided to draw him with a two-fingered hand, as opposed to the three fingers traditionally embraced by other movie makers. For 1933’s King Kong, the creators mistakenly modeled their T. rex after a scientifically outdated 1906 museum painting. Many other directors knowingly dismissed the science-backed evidence and used three digits because they thought this type of hand was more aesthetically pleasing. By the 1920s, paleontologists had already hypothesized that these predators were two-fingered because an earlier relative of Tyrannosaurus, Gorgosaurus, was known to have had only two functional digits. Scientists had to make an educated guess because the first T. rex (and many subsequent specimens) to be found had no hands preserved. It wasn’t until 1988 that it was officially confirmed that T. rex was two-fingered when the first specimen with an intact hand was discovered. Then, in 1997, Peck’s Rex, the first T. rex specimen with hands preserving a third metacarpal (hand bone), was unearthed. Paleontologists agree that, in life, the third metacarpal of Peck’s Rex would not have been part of a distinct, externally visible third finger, but instead would have been embedded in the flesh of the rest of the hand. But still, was this third hand segment vestigial, no longer serving any apparent purpose? Or could it have possibly been used as a buttressing structure, helping the two fully formed fingers to withstand forces and stresses on the hand? Peck’s Rex’s bones do display evidence that strongly supports arm use. You can ponder this paleo-puzzle yourself when you visit Carnegie Museum of Natural History’s Dinosaurs in Their Time exhibition, where you can see a life-sized cast of Peck’s Rex facing off with the holotype (= name-bearing) T. rex, which was the first specimen of the species to be recognized (by definition, the world’s first fossil of the world’s most famous dinosaur!).

T. rex in Dinosaurs in Their Time. Image credit: Joshua Franzos, Treehouse Media

Jurassic Park

One motion picture that did take artistic liberties with T. rex for the sake of suspense was 1993’s Jurassic Park. In one memorable, hair-raising scene, several of the movie’s stars are saved from becoming this dinosaur’s savory snack by standing completely still. According to the film’s paleontological protagonist, Dr. Alan Grant, the theropod can’t see humans if they don’t move. Does this theory have any credence, or was it just a clever plot device that made for a great movie moment? In 2006, the results of ongoing research at the University of Oregon were published in the Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology, providing a surprising answer. The study involved using perimetry (an ophthalmic technique used for measuring and assessing visual fields) and a scale model T. rex head to determine the creature’s binocular range (the area that could be viewed at the same time by both eyes). Generally speaking, the wider an animal’s binocular range, the better its depth perception and overall vision. It was determined that the binocular range of T. rex was 55 degrees, which is greater than that of a modern-day hawk! This theropod may have even had visual clarity up to 13 times greater than a person. That’s extremely impressive, considering an eagle only has up to 3.6 times the clarity of a human! Another study that examined the senses of T. rex determined that the dinosaur had unusually large olfactory bulbs (the areas of the brain dedicated to scent) that would have given it the ability to smell as well as a present-day vulture! So, in Jurassic Park, even if the eyes of T. rex had been blurred by the raindrops in this dark and stormy scene, its nose would have still homed-in on Dr. Grant and the others, providing the predator with some tasty midnight treats.

Now, it may seem that this blog post might be a bit critical of dinosaur movies. But, truly, I appreciate them just as much as the next filmophile. They do a magnificent job of providing all of us with some pretty thrilling, edge-of-your-seat entertainment. But, somewhere along the way, their purpose has serendipitously become twofold. They have also inspired some of us to pursue paleontology as a lifelong career. So, in a way, dinosaur movies have been of immense benefit to both the cinematic and scientific worlds. And for that great service, they all deserve a huge round of applause.

Shelby Wyzykowski is a Gallery Experience Presenter in CMNH’s Life Long Learning Department. Museum staff, volunteers, and interns are encouraged to blog about their unique experiences and knowledge gained from working at the museum.

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

[things2mustdo]

When I ask myself what films in recent years have been my favorites, I find that the answers all seem to have a few things in common.  One, the movie must tell a compelling story; two, it must rise above its genre to make a larger statement about life or some universal idea; and three, it must be technically well made.  All great art—including film—can serve as a vehicle for the presentation of ideas, and the promotion of a certain virtue.  Although the mainstream American film industry has become more and more a sad repository of feminist cant and lowest-common-denominator commercial pandering, the foreign film world has undergone something of a renaissance in the past fifteen years.

The best films of France, Germany, Spain, and the UK are edgier, more intelligent, and more masculine than anything found in the US.  It was not always so.  But the work of great European directors like Jacques Audiard, Gaspar Noe, Nicolas Winding Refn, and Shane Meadows leaves little room for doubt that the true cutting-edge work is being done in Europe.  (Argentina deserves honorable mention here as having an excellent film industry).  The mainstream, corporate-driven US film industry has effectively smothered independent voices under an avalanche of political correctness, girl-power horseshit, chick-flickism, and mind-numbing CGI escapist dreck.

Movies that deal with masculine themes in a compelling way are not easy to come by these days.  Honest explorations of masculine virtues are repressed, marginalized, or trivialized.  One needs to scour the globe to cherry-pick the best here and there, and in some cases you have to go back decades in time.  Luckily, the availability of Netflix and other subscription services has made this task much easier than it used to be.  Access to the best cinema of Europe, South America, and Asia can be a great way for us to catch as glimpse at a foreign culture, as well as reflect on serious ideas.

I want to offer my recommendations on some films that I believe are an important part of the modern masculine experience, in all its wide variety and expression.  Out of the scores of possible choices, I decided to pick the handful of films that are perhaps not as well known to readers.  My opinions will not be shared by all.  I encourage readers to draw up their own lists of films dealing with masculine themes, and hope they will reflect on the reasons behind their choices.  Below are mine, in no particular order.  In italics is a brief plot synopsis, followed by my own comments.

1. Straw Dogs (1971).

A mild-mannered American academic (Dustin Hoffman) living in rural Cornwall with his beautiful wife becomes the target of harassment by the local toughs.  Things escalate to a sexual assault on his wife, and eventually to a brutal and protracted fight to the death when a local man takes refuge on their property.

Dustin Hoffman reaches his breaking point in “Straw Dogs”

This is a classic example of the type of movie that could never be made today.  Arguably Sam Peckinpah’s most daring film, it contains a controversial rape scene that seems to leave open the question whether Hoffman’s wife (played by Susan George) was a victim or a willing participant.  Faced with his wife’s betrayal, and continuing harassment from local miscreants, Hoffman’s character finds himself completely isolated and must learn to stand his ground and fight.

A chance incident later in the film sets the stage for a blood-soaked confrontation which is as inevitable as it is necessary. Peckinpah presents a compelling case for the cathartic power of violence, and the achievement of masculine identity through man-on-man combat.  It is a theme I find myself strongly drawn to. Controversial, powerful, and unforgettable, Peckinpah proves himself an unapologetic and strident advocate of old-school martial virtue.  We would do well to listen.  His voice is sorely missed today.  (Note:  avoid the pathetic recent remake of this movie).  Honorable mention:  Peckinpah’s The Wild Bunch (1969) and Bring Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974).

2. Sorcerer (1977).

A group of international renegades find themselves down and out in Nicaragua, and volunteer for a job transporting unstable dynamite across the country to quell an oil rig fire.

Due to inept marketing when this movie was first released, it never achieved the credit it so fully deserved.  A motley group of international riff-raff (including the always appealing Roy Scheider) seeks redemption through a harrowing trial.  But will they get it?  Is it even desirable to escape one’s dark past?  The answers are complex, and director William Friedkin refuses to supply easy ones.  The characters in this film are doomed, and they know it, but they still hold true to their own code.  Which is itself honorable.  Consequences must be paid for everything we do in life, and often the price comes in a way never expect.  Dark, brooding, and humming with a pulse-pounding electronic score by Tangerine Dream, this film has deservedly become a cult classic.  The ending is a shocker you’ll never see coming.

Roy Scheider undertakes the most perilous journey of his life in William Friedkin’s 1977 masterpiece “Sorcerer”

3.  The Lives of Others (2006).

A coldly efficient Stasi (East German security service) officer (Ulrich Muhe) is enlisted by a Communist party hack in a surveillance program against a supposed subversive writer and his girlfriend.  But monitoring the writer’s life awakens sparks of nascent humanity in the Stasi man, and he eventually must decide whether to follow orders and destroy the writer, or to sacrifice himself to save him.

This German masterpiece was made with great fidelity to the look and feel of 1980s East Germany, and the results are evident in every frame.  It belongs on any list of the greatest films ever made.  The masculine virtue here is of a different type than viewers may be used to:  it is a quiet, understated heroism, the type of heroism that probably happens every day but is hardly noticed.  There is no bragging here, no chest-beating, no big-mouthed bravado.  (In short, none of the wooden-headed caricatures that pass for masculinity in the US).  The ethic here is about love and self-sacrifice, the noblest and greatest virtues of all.

The ethos of self-sacrifice is now considered old-fashioned and almost a punch-line, but historically it was valued very highly.  It features in nearly all the old literary epics and dramas of Europe and Asia.  Actor Ulrich Muhe pulls off a minor miracle of characterization here with his portrayal of a Stasi man named Weisler, whose special wiretapping assignment against a playwright transforms him from heartless automaton into awe-inspiring hero.  The movie made me wonder just how many quiet, unassuming men there must be out there, whose toil, heroism, and sacrifice has never been, and never will be, acknowledged.  The ending is transcendently beautiful, and moving beyond words.

4.  Homicide  (1991).

A police detective (Joe Mantegna) is assigned to investigate a murder case.  The case awakens in him stirrings of his long-suppressed ethnic identity.  Unfortunately, he will eventually be forced to choose between conflicting loyalties.  And the consequences will be devastating.

No modern American director has probed the meaning of masculine identity more than David Mamet, and all of his films are meditations on themes related to illusion, reality, masculinity, and struggle.  Homicide, a nearly unknown gem from the early 1990s, is perhaps his profoundest.  Mamet knows that a man must make choices in his life, and for those choices, consequences must be paid.  And very often, we find ourselves derailed by the mental edifices we construct for ourselves.  The Mantegna character is led through a complex and increasingly ambiguous chain of events, only to find that at the heart of one mystery lies an even more inscrutable one.  Beware the things you seek.  You may not like what you find.

Joe Mantegna deals with the fatal consequences of his decisions in David Mamet’s “Homicide”

5.  A Prophet (2009).

An Algerian Arab is incarcerated in a French jail, and is drawn into the savage world of Corsican gangsters.  Forced to kill or be killed, he is drawn into a pitiless world that recognizes only cunning and brutality.  He finds himself straddling two realities:  the world of his own nationality, and that of the Corsicans.  And to survive and emerge triumphant, he must learn to play all sides against each other.

This film must be counted among the greatest crime dramas ever made.  You simply can’t take your eyes off the screen.  The lesson here is that a man must learn to survive on his wits, and do whatever is necessary to stay alive.  The Corsican boss whom Al Djebena (Tahar Rahim) works for is just about the most malevolent presence in recent screen memory.  Part of France’s continuing internal dialogue about its immigrant population, A Prophet is not to be missed.

Tahar Rahim learns a thing or two about Corsica in “A Prophet”

6.  The Beat That My Heart Skipped (2005).

An intense young man (Romain Duris) works for his father as a real estate shark in urban Paris.  His “job” consists of intimidating deadbeat immigrant tenants, vandalizing apartments, and forcibly collecting loans.  He also plays the piano.  Eventually, he is forced to decide which life he wants:  the path laid out by his shady father, or the idealistic path of his own choosing.  He’s seeking redemption, but will he find it?  And at what cost?

Again, we have here the themes of redemption and moral choice.  Romain Duris has a screen presence and intensity that rivals anything done by Pacino in his prime, and some of the scenes here are fantastic.  (His seduction of his friend’s wife, Aure Atika, is one of many great scenes).  All men will be confronted and tested by crises and situations beyond their control.  How they respond to those situations will define who they are as men.  Duris’s character proves that redemption can be achieved, if wanted badly enough.

Romain Duris embodying screen intensity

7.  Red Belt (2008).

Martial arts instructor Mike Terry is forced, against his principles, to consider entering a prize bout.  He is abandoned and betrayed by his wife and friends, and must confront his challenges alone with only his code and his pride.

Another great meditation on masculine virtue and individualism by David Mamet.  In his own unique dialogue style, Mamet showcases his belief that, in the end, all men stand alone.  At the moment of truth, it is you, and only you, who will be staring into the abyss.  Our trials by fire will not come in the time and at the place of our own choosing.  But when they do come, a man must be prepared to hold his ground and fight his corner.  Watch for Brazilian actress Alice Braga in a supporting role here.  We hope to see more of her on American screens in the future.

8.  Fear X  (2003).

A repressed security guard (John Turturro) is searching for answers to who killed his wife.  His strange behavior and ticking time-bomb manner begin to alarm friends and co-workers.  One day he finds some information that may be a lead to solving the mystery.  This discovery sets him on the path to realization. Or does it?

I am a big fan of the films of Nicolas Winding Refn (The Pusher trilogy, and Valhalla Rising), and this one is perhaps his most penetrating examination of a wounded psyche.  It failed commercially when it first appeared, as many viewers were put off by his artistic flourishes and opaque ending.  For me, this film is the deepest study of grief and repressed rage ever committed to film.  All men will be confronted by tragedy, grief, and inexplicable loss during their lives.  How we handle it will define who we are.  The greatness of this film is that it explores Turturro’s claustrophobic, neurotic world in a deeply personal way, and at the same time suggests that he may actually be on to something.  This film covers the same philosophical ground as Francis Ford Coppola’s The Conversation, in that it hints at the ultimate ambiguity of all things.

John Turturro confronts the unrelenting darkness of his own psyche in “Fear X”

If you are a Netflix subscriber and watch movies frequently, as I do, you may find it useful to keep a notebook near your television and jot down the titles of movies you see, and a few notes about what you liked or didn’t like.  You’d be surprised how much you can learn from movies.  There are just so many good and bad ones out there that having some system for keeping track of them will be time well spent.

[intensivelinepadelrackets]

How to Choose the Best Tennis Rackets

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[ofgoodmenarchive]

Blighted Empire: Ch. 3

A Light in the Dark

A hand was absent from his grip when Dorian awoke but he didn't panic- Evallan rose early at the best of times. Out on the field, he was likely on his feet as soon as possible and the reasoning behind this was no longer a complete mystery.

Rolling over, he absently touched the bedding left in a crumple next to him. Still warm. No other sign of the Keeper, but he'd left recently. Dorian supposed it was fine to doze- it wasn't morning, not really- and Evallan would not allow him to oversleep.

Sun crowning the sky and the innards of the tent baking, he was miserable for more reason than one when he truly regained consciousness. His skull felt it had been trampled on and his throat sore from a lack of hydration. No carefree lounging this time, his body cried out for water and air- and food, if there was any to be had.

Outside the tent were the remnants of a campfire- and Evallan still absent. He couldn't recall either of them building it, so he supposed the elf had, then allowed it to extinguish while he was gone. Below the peak the Keeper situated them on, Dorian could see figures beginning to mill about- preparing food, strapping armour to themselves or seeking out specific supplies from carts and tents.

If he watched for long enough he'd probably spy Evallan- but the pressure in his brain increased the more he squinted. Looking away, he caught sight of a flask seemingly left for him by the tree. He snatched it and gulped water almost violently, not stopping until it was drained and the container discarded in the grass.

After last nights events and suffering a torturous headache, he needed to get his bearings. His weapon was still at his belt but his cloak had slipped- he retrieved it from the tent, hood cautiously adorned. Prepared to escape from the noise, he strolled further up the slope, wondering what he might see from higher up. The scenery didn't honestly concern him- he was attempting to fathom the events of last night.

He hadn't imagined them, he was certain- Evallan talking in his slumber, his eyes aglow, visibly channelling something. Lightbringer, it had to be. Though it was foolish for the elf not to prepare for the eventuality of sharing a space with someone else- then again, maybe he had tried?

This was what he pondered as he made his way back to the tent, head still complaining and mouth screaming for fluids. This time as he approached Evallan was visible, sitting comfortably against the tree. A small wooden tray of food balanced on his lap- mostly apple slices, preserved meat and some bread. He pointed lightly towards a similar tray near the dead fire, a new flask accompanying it.

 “Andraste bless you, Evallan.” Dorian puffed wearily as he brought the container to his mouth. A second later he was spluttering- it tasted like he'd just bitten spindleweed!

 “This isn't water!” He choked, teary-eyed.

 “Hangover remedy.” Evallan didn't look from his food. “I am surprised last night did not teach you to smell a bottle before drinking.”

 “Duly noted,” Coughing a few times, he sipped more gingerly, face puckering. “But you said it yourself- Fletch was playing a joke on me.”

 “You must learn from it, nonetheless.” The Keeper popped another finely-cut piece of fruit into his mouth, response tepid. Dorian scoffed, though not seriously.

 “Well then! I'll be sure to!”

Gathering the flask and tray he settled next to Evallan, back against tree, almost shoulder-to-shoulder as they'd been the previous night. This caused the elf to halt, hand still poised half-way to his lips with an apple slice, eyes questioning though his face was lax.

 “You think I'm going to sit where you're casting cold, now I know where it stops?” Dorian chuckled openly, pressing his shoulder to Evallan's. “Does it bother you, Keeper?”

After a moment of eyeing Dorian with an expression that was peculiar but calm, he shook his head.

Unable to prevent the triumphant smile, he lowered his face to his tray and spoke to distract from it.

 “I don't know why I thought we'd be fed better on the road.”

 “I brought you an apple.” The elf pointed. Dorian couldn't remember anyone packing apples- and they wouldn't be so efficiently portioned. Evallan had to have found and cut them himself. He wasn't sure why but it gratified him to think about.

 “Thank you, Evallan!” His smile deepened “That's very kind.”

The Keeper bowed his head in acknowledgement, then busied himself with picking at food. Dorian was content to enjoy this peace for some time but eventually asked, tone non-threatening;

 “Do you know you talk in your sleep?”

Evallan unleashed a long but quiet sigh, straightening his shoulders- but not in avoidance. He confessed, tone sombre.

 “I am afraid I do more than that.”

 “Oh?” Dorian sensed much was to be conveyed. Though it was a slow process- the elf studied him, a vague and rare aura of helplessness tainting his usual solemnity. But he came to a decision.

 "I write, I speak to spirits, I even practise spells.”

 “Is this....a recent phenomenon?”

The Keeper's head bent in something akin to embarrassment.

 “It happened for some time when I was first bound to Lightbringer. Since I summoned her during the Harrowing, it has begun again.”

Dorian considered this, remembering what he could of their encounter.

 “So she's...stretching, I'd say.”

 “Yes.” He breathed out his next words almost harshly. “I must ask for your assistance....and your discretion.”

 “You can't have anyone seeing you like that, I assume?” That part at least was not something Dorian needed to be told.

 “They are already concerned. At the least, I would be subject to experimentation. I do not wish Lightbringer to suffer that indignity again.” He said it with conviction- desperate. Dorian knew he had to assist- however was required. He didn't hesitate to state as much.

 "What do you need of me?”

He was examined for a time in that typical stillness he'd oddly begun to feel comforted by- almost forgetting what they were speaking of until Evallan's lips began to move, their corners grim.

 “Lightbringer has no wish to be seen or cause disruption, but her awareness of the physical world and her actions within it are limited.” His features twitched, unexpected colour spotting the whiteness of his face. His hand angled up, opening and closing as if to grasp words that when they came, were forced out near inaudibly.

 “She only realised it was not safe because...you...”

Dorian's heart stuttered beneath his ribs and his own cheeks flushed- a reaction that made him feel utterly childish. Struggling to deal with the information and his ridiculous emotion towards it, he blurted in typical, sly fashion.

 “Are you asking me to hold your hand, Evallan?”

The elf's features blazed, brow furrowing- he made to pull himself up and away from Dorian and in response he clasped both hands over one of Evallan's and squeezed. As he did, he consoled warmly, rumbling with the occasional spike of mirth.

 “I'm sorry- I'm sorry!- Look!” He tugged the captured fingers so Evallan was forced to relax against the tree, pressing digits firmly against knuckles and palms, smiling. “It's fine- neither of us will burst into flame. You don't even have to be unconscious.”

The limb usurped by his own was thin and greatly calloused- an intriguing contrast. He inspected one rough patch with a fingertip, then dipped to feel at a nick of scar tissue, unconscious to his own actions. Not assisted by the fact Evallan did not stop him, seeming to ignore it as he stared resolutely at Dorian- though crimson-faced.

For the second time in twenty-four hours he found himself urged to kiss that stern mouth- and he wasn't even drunk! Thankfully, Evallan's voice distracted from the impulse.

 “I can entrust this to you, then? And you will keep it hidden?”

 “You can trust me, don't worry-” He lured Evallan's hands close to his chest and held them there, winking. “I'll protect you.”

This was finally too humiliating for the Keeper, ripping away and curling as he muttered in disdain- features no less overheated.

 “You do not have to phrase it in such a way.”

Now he admittedly underwent a flash of guilt- a flash, anyway. Evallan didn't seem to know what to do with Dorian's attention and Dorian for his part, was unsure what he even expected it would result in. People were often free with their affections in the tower- even if it had to be secretive, but this was clearly a part of Circle culture Evallan hadn't adapted to. He deigned to change the subject, dismissing the rest as a joke with his lazy manner.

 “You want this secret, and you're asking me, not Villyen, so I assume...”

 “I do not want him to know.” His head perked up from behind his knees. “Correct.”

 “Wouldn't it be better if he did?” He frowned. “He'd be more acquainted with the...nuance, of the situation.”

 “I do not want him to be afraid for me.”

 “Or to see you afraid?” He didn't mean to ask so sharply- but it was difficult not to point out the elf's choice of phrasing.

Evallan hesitated, but still answered.

 “Yes.”

Dorian couldn't fault him for that, really- and he appeared so meek in the cautious huddle he'd drawn himself into, he wanted to inspire confidence.

 “Well, he won't hear anything from me, nor will anyone else. And I'll ensure you don't go wandering about in your sleep. You can trust me.”

 “Thank you, Dorian.” He did seem encouraged- straightening somewhat, manner less strained.

Thinking to preoccupy with more talk, he inclined his head towards the Dwarven statue in the centre of camp.

 “So we're really going into The Deep Roads?”

 “You do not relish the idea?” Composure restored, Evallan finished his meal while they chatted. Dorian did the same though struggled to chew through the dried meat.

 “This is probably a terrible time to mention it,” Partially untrue- he hoped it might soothe the elf's nerves if he shared a humiliating personal fact. “But I'm actually quite claustrophobic.”

Evallan considered that a moment.

 “You are afraid of enclosed spaces, or spiders?”

 “Spiders is arachnophobia,” He couldn't help smirking, though without cruelty. “I'm afraid of small spaces, yes. Specifically of being crushed.”

 “That is very specific.” There was a curious note to this statement and though- probably out of politeness- he did not really question, Dorian still explained.

 “Other refugees came out of the Blight afraid of fire, or having nightmares of Darkspawn and Archdemons,” He chuckled ruefully. “Me? A roof fell on my head and I never quite recovered from the shock.”

 “It is not that strange,” He sounded near-sympathetic. “You associate the event with a greater loss.”

 “Well, either way!” He shrugged dramatically. “It might be a problem, so you know.”

There was an odd pause from the elf, not responding to Dorian but with a calculating gaze. Eventually the corner of his mouth gave off a spasm that Dorian knew signalled a restrained smile. Before he could wonder what the Keeper might be laughing at his voice broke the silence, battling to keep tone dry, hand extending.

 “Would you like to hold my hand?”

A sincere joke not dripping in ice was rare from Evallan- Dorian was immediately tickled. It was lucky he didn't have food in his mouth, he'd have choked as he slouched back against the tree and laughed without restraint.

 “Would you, Keeper? It seems only fair!” He blathered as he fought to contain himself.

��“It may raise some suspicion if I am seen holding the hand of a Templar,” The corners of his mouth were really struggling to stay flat, Dorian noted. “However, The Deep Roads are for the most part quite spacious. If we explore the smaller side tunnels, you should trail behind so as not to be too enclosed.”

 “Well I'll keep that in mind, if it becomes an issue.” Dorian tried his utmost to tear into another bit of meat.

They polished off their breakfast with sparse conversation and afterwards Dorian assisted Evallan in deconstructing their camp. Or to be more accurate, Evallan taught him how to dismantle the structure and attempted to inform him on how it would fit back together. Dorian did his best to process the information, out of depth as he was.

Though he had to admit, he didn't mind roughing it so far- but had no doubt that comfort would end where the Deep Roads began.

Everything packed, they descended to mesh with the other recruits once more. It was not so lazy now, there was a commotion as the last stragglers awoke. He trailed dutifully behind Evallan, mindful to not speak and with significant space between them. It appeared less that they walked together and more that the Keeper was supervised- Dorian imagined that wasn't unheard of since no one seemed intruded upon by his presence.

They were only in the camp long enough to stash their gear into a cart, then Evallan motioned for the wider slope the Dwarven sentinel indicated. Still keeping a slight distance, he shadowed the elf and only stopped upon spying two familiar faces.

 “Waiting for us, were you?” Dorian greeted- he saw no one but Elias and Fletch, so he thought it safe. Evallan didn't scold him, hovering near the trio in silent confirmation.

 “What, you think this joker gets anything done without me?” Fletch snorted, chin pointing out the tall elf who merely angled a brow in return.

 “And you'll need another mage still,” Elias straightened from the rock he leant upon. grinning. “Thought I'd wait for you here instead of being grabbed!”

 “Thank you, Elias- you are indeed my most considerate friend!”

The newly assembled party climbed together but soon the elf and dwarf were ahead of the Tevinter pair, muttering between themselves. It didn't look entirely serious- Fletch still burst into jeers every few sentences, but Dorian had the impression the dialogue wasn't for him. Likely they had not seen each other for some time. Besides, he could spot others at the summit, so it was less conspicuous of him to keep in stride with Elias.

 “Marcus thinks you've gone AWOL, you know.” Elias informed, clearly entertained by this. “Either that you've run off for a life of mediocre apostasy or that you high-tailed it back to the tower.”

 “Does he? Ha!” A broad grin spread over his features. “Let him think it!”

 “Meanwhile, let you not think at all.” His tone was still friendly but the criticism wasn't lost on Dorian.

 “Oh what trouble am I causing, really?” He rolled his shoulders. “I'm meant to be here, anyway! I'm still helping, just not precisely in the way that was implied.”

 “Let's just hope the Circle sees it that way if it turns into a mess,” Elias sounded more serious now. “I know you're bored, Dorian, but we have a good streak of not annoying anyone. Maybe don't end it?”

 “Why so concerned all of a sudden?” He was mystified, twisting his face as he interrogated. “You're the last person I'd think to complain at having a little adventure!”

His friend hesitated then, lines of apprehension ageing him by a few years. For once he didn't entirely resemble a clueless nug with straw stuck on its head.

 “Well...It's just...” Mouth warping, he settled on words with a small motion towards Evallan's rigid back. “He's a little strange, isn't he?”

He couldn't squash the urge- Dorian had to laugh- a raucous sound that bounced between the mountain walls. It was loud and abrupt enough the subject of their conversation craned his head around and sought them out. He didn't look angry- startled, perhaps. Dorian restrained himself while dismissing Elias with a wave of his hand.

 “I happen to like that about him, you know.”

 “Andraste have mercy!” Elias shook his head. “Of course you would!”

But Elias yielded for now. They regrouped without another mention of Evallan.

READ MORE ON AO3

[science-jules]

Could COVID-19 be the climate change tipping point we so desperately need?

These days, confined to our homes, our daily routines are likely to consist of a great deal more screen time than usual, so you’ve probably seen the hopeful tweets: the water in Venice is crystal-clear for the first time in years! Shaky iPhone footage shows that wildlife has started to return to places they haven’t been seen in some time! Some of these obviously have nothing to do with a “healing planet”, and many of these have been debunked: the clear canal waters in Venice are really the result of sediment settling due to the absence of water traffic, and many of these “returning” species had always been present in these areas if one knew where to look. Nonetheless, it is worth noting that there has been a significant decrease in global emissions, which have reportedly decreased by 25% since the start of the year in China, 20% in Spain and Italy, and as much as 50% in New York City alone. This is a good thing—but how optimistic ought we really be? 

In my last blog post, I talked about the concept of “social tipping points” and how experts say we are in desperate need of a dramatic shift in social attitudes towards climate change if we have any hope of saving the planet. Is this global pandemic the kind of tipping point in favour of climate change these experts were talking about?

It is tempting to compare the attitudes towards the onset of this global pandemic to the those concerning the onset of climate change. Consider, for instance, that for weeks we were assured that there was no need to cancel vacation plans, conferences, and ceremonies, stating that simply being mindful of one’s surroundings and washing one’s hands frequently would be sufficient to protect against the virus.  Then as warnings and harrowing anecdotes from scientists and medical professionals from Wuhan and around the world started to pour in at an intensifying rate, immediate school, university, and business closures were enforced across the country in a matter of days. Each day, it became evident that an incremental approach was not working: gatherings of 150 people or more were not recommended, quickly dropping down to 50, then only 5. The entire joint border between the Canada and the US is now shut down for the first time since the Canadian Confederation in 1867. We are witnessing what a global emergency really looks like. 

Similarly, while the climate has been changing for some time, the warnings of many climatologists have come and gone for years without making major waves until very recently. Many people are starting to come around to the notion that this is a significant global issue requiring immediate action with more frequent catastrophic weather events, devastating wildfires, species loss, and marked environmental change. The speed and extent of the global response to COVID-19 have made some hopeful that we could see this kind of rapid action toward climate change if the threat it poses was treated as urgently. 

However, many argue that the rapid global response to COVID-19 is no model for climate action. Still others caution that the response to COVID-19 was so sweeping and immediate because people understand that these lifestyle shifts are temporary, and that a “return to normal” is expected once the virus is contained or a vaccine becomes widely available. Contrastingly, climate action requires sustained, multi-generational change commitment to drastic lifestyle changes at the population level. Some are optimistic that this pandemic will inspire these changes, though many are apprehensive about this comparison, stating that pandemics and recessions are “hardly formulas activists should cheer, much less try to replicate”. Further, experts warn that while global carbon emissions will certainly decline this year, they might rebound significantly in future years, as evidenced already by the sweeping relaxation of environmental regulations on fossil fuels in China and the US in an effort to ease future economic recovery. 

There are others that maintain that the kind of response we’ve seen to COVID-19 will be critical in the future with respect to climate action. The notion that climate change and this global pandemic go hand in hand is not novel: the Executive Director of the UN Environment Programme, Inger Anderson, has stated soberingly about the pandemic: “Nature is sending us a message,”. According to Anderson, the way humankind has been exploiting our global resources greatly facilitates the spread of pathogens from wildlife to humans. Amy Turner of the Sabin Centre for Climate Change Law has expressed that we are at an inflection point in the sense that we’ve seen such sweeping global action around the pandemic, adding “We also have the opportunity to reset the economy in a way that mitigates climate change”. In Canada, the federal government has been looking into investing in climate goals as a way to stimulate economic recovery: “When the recovery begins, Canada can build a stronger and more resilient economy by investing in a cleaner and healthier future for everyone,” said Moira Kelly, a spokesperson for Environment Minister Jonathan Wilkinson. 

It is still not clear what the coming months have in store for us. This draconian reality we now find ourselves in could not have been foreseen even a few months ago. This is unprecedented, not only because of the universal nature of this threat but because, like climate change, it isn’t one that we can see. As we’ve seen, it is incredibly challenging to get people to unite against a threat that people don’t generally take seriously (or worse, one that many believe they are invincible to) until it is much too late. Hopefully, this pandemic will inspire more confidence in scientists and medical professionals as trust in many worldwide political figures fades with their struggle to manage this sweeping global crisis. Understandably, it is problematic to talk at length about the potential silver linings of this pandemic when it has brought so much grief, hopelessness, and uncertainty. But it has also reminded us of our unending capacity for generosity and compassion in trying times and what is possible when we take care of one another. This will be a critical perspective to have in the fight for climate action.  

[weirdlandtv]

READERS’ MAIL

I receive quite a few messages from readers every day, so occasionally I have to answer them all in one go, otherwise I’ll fall too far behind. So here goes...

Have I heard any Lana Del Rey songs? Not consciously. Maybe if one featured in a film or something. I’ve heard her name though; next time I come across her I’ll pay more attention.

@commitdefenestration Have I seen the video of Brigitte Bardot kissing a seal pup? You mean that footage of her visit to Canada in 1977? Oh yeah. She was one of the first celebrities, if not the first, who put animal rights on the map. I hope to see the day that fur gets banned. Obviously if you love animals you don’t want them to get tortured in harrowing ways.

Do I like the B-52s? I only know two songs by them, so I’m not sure.

What do I think of Jayne Mansfield? No opinion honestly. She existed and made some movies, but if she hadn’t existed or hadn’t made any movies, my life would be exactly the same.

Am I male or female? That one again, eh?

What do I think about the recent allegations against Michael Jackson? I’m committed to the belief that he’s innocent. That belief is the result of my having followed the history of the allegations against him, past and present, through the years. When I hear that some radio stations are banning his music, I shake my head. None of this all matters in the long run.

Do I have any favorite books? When I was in my 20s I tried to read every classic in existence, “Don Quixote”, “Lolita”, “Paradise Lost”, Homer’s “Odyssey”, et cetera, but these days I don’t really go there anymore. Generally I like biographies: Rasputin, Jesus, Hitler, Disney, Roald Dahl, Napoleon, Jim Henson, Steve Jobs, whoever. When I read a biography I get very immersed in it and read a lot of stuff around it, always looking up things online: photos, locations, birthplaces, faces, articles, and for a few weeks I become a specialist on the subject, the world’s leading authority, the foremost expert—then, once I’ve finished the book, I forget nearly everything except a few random facts and quotes. (However, I’m an enthusiastic re-reader.) I like books that explain the history behind a phenomenon, company, event; books on art and design, and music; and the unusual. And everything by Dutch author, Harry Mulisch (1927-2010).

What year was I born? You can guess...

And lastly...

What do you really think of the cinematic works (and especially the fantasy adventures) of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, respectively? Also, what are your favorites among all the works of Lucas and Spielberg themselves? Just asking.

When I grew up in the 1980s, Lucas and Spielberg were gods. They could light up the night skies, which suddenly were teeming with stars and spaceships and distant worlds that beckoned. It’s sometimes said that Star Wars killed cinema, but it saved a generation: because of the genre in which they operated, the works of Spielberg and Lucas beamed out hope, possibilities, exploration, adventure, magic, the power of imagination and dreams. They inspired. Kids in the 1960s had The Beatles, we had Lucas and Spielberg; and it felt like they had a hand in everything that wowed us on the screen, on TV, and in toy stores; and in a way, they did.

The best thing Lucas has ever done of course is the STAR WARS trilogy. Ever since the prequels, efforts have been made to diminish his contribution to it, but he was always the guiding force: Star Wars didn’t come from a studio, not from a group of executives in a room, but from his rogue imagination (and then it became bigger than that).

My favorite Spielberg film has to be E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL. The film itself was like an alien friend to me when I was a kid, a benign presence, both loving and spellbinding. Spielberg has a reputation for producing schmaltzy endings, but when his sentimental finales are justified and not just dutifully tacked on, they make for very powerful cinema. I like the Indiana Jones trilogy (not the fourth one), and SCHINDLER’S LIST, his monochrome monument to the evil that men do. Another personal favorite is DUEL, his version of David and Goliath. Like the shark in JAWS is more than a shark, the truck in DUEL is more than a truck: it’s a force of evil, a roaming demon that attaches itself to an ordinary guy. You can view DUEL as a petty feud between two drivers, or as a clash between good and evil, or both; it’s a simple road thriller that, by the power of suggestion, invites all sorts of theories and interpretations. The tank truck has to be one of my favorite movie villains.

And that’s it for now. I might do this more often; most of the messages I receive are sent anonymously and I don’t always want to reply to all of them separately.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

In order of most to least voted:

Yes, the hidden society on the moon WAS the one I made up! No, it’s not a Hermitcraft plot point either, though it was inspired by it. It’s also based on canonical mind control on the Dream SMP and two characters going to make a (non-evil) moon society. And I see all your tags, I know you didn’t listen to my rules. Which proves a secret thing I was totally absolutely testing all along- NO ONE in the Dream SMP fandom has any media literacy or reading comprehension. Which I was suspecting from the time my friend got harassed and sent death threats for calling a blatantly abusive relationship that the actors have called abusive an abusive relationship, but it’s good to get confirmation.

The devil is Drista, Dream's sister, who was thirteen to fourteen throughout the Dream SMP's run. She played on his account occasionally, on creative mode, which was explained through her being a deity and her being the devil at different times. She mostly just hung out and didn’t participate in the roleplay, but she did on occasion, most notably when she took pity on Tommy's character during his abuse and took him to his home for a while to cheer him up.

The polyamorous relationship was between Karl's character, Sapnap's character, and Quackity's character. Karl's character was a time traveller who forgot more of the present every time he travelled, and after Quackity's character became distant and started his own nation Karl's character completely forgot about him. This lead to him being aggressive and confused when Quackity's character came to visit, causing the complete dissolution of the relationship.

George's characters whole arc is that he sleeps through any major event. He was made king at one point solely because he was never present for anything and was a good figurehead. He also attracted the attention of one of the deities of the setting, DreamXD, who was a cruel and sadistic god of life who found him interesting and wanted to be close to him. This was literally the entirety of his storyline. People got harassed over not thinking he was a deep and interesting character by the way.

Philza's character, the Angel of Death, had a son with a Samsung smart refrigerator. This child was Wilbur's character, who had a relationship with a salmon named Sally, who he later may have ate but it’s not clear. She was possibly a shapeshifter but it’s entirely possible she was just a literal animal (albeit one who was somehow a secretary). Their son was Fundy's character, a fox. Wilbur just does stuff like that with his characters family trees in things. He tried to add more confusing mess to the whole thing that got shot down, he just enjoys it.

Puffy's character is a pirate sheep woman with amnesia (half the characters on the server have amnesia). She befriended Foolish's character, a totem demigod who was insanely good at building (mostly because Foolish in real life is, watch his QSMP streams if you wanna see a more recent example.) She adopted him and became his father (she preferred to use masculine terms). I didn’t expect people to think this one was made up tbh it’s one of the more normal family tree stuff.

Oh boy, I’ve been WAITING to talk about this one. Okay, so Tommy's character was in a DEEPLY abusive friendship with Dream's character (who was the main antagonist of most storylines). This started after Dream's character manipulated events to have him exiled to a deserted beach and physically and mentally abused him into becoming his “ally” (he escaped) but continued through basically any scene they shared together, up until the literal end of the series though it probably wasn’t intentional there because it just makes the whole thing very uncomfortable (I am not going to talk about the finale anymore because I have zero positive words towards it and genuinely don’t understand why people like it). Inexplicably, this was one of the most realistic and harrowing depictions of abuse and trauma I’ve seen in ANY media. It’s great. I could go on about it for paragraphs and paragraphs but I already do that every day on my blog because they’re my deepest special interest ever. Send me an ask about these two specifically if you wanna know more I think about them non stop.

Jack's character was killed by Tommy's character while he was in exile (Tommy's character didn’t mean to kill him, but he was still a dick about it and meant to hurt him), and this deeply traumatised him. Jack's character placed a lot of his anger and frustration around everything on the server onto Tommy's character after this, and tried to murder him dozens of times. The issue was that he was incredibly awful at it to the point Tommy's character was genuinely unaware he was trying to kill him and just thought they were hanging out as friends still. He literally nuked the guy and it didn’t work. (Twice technically but the second time killed literally everyone and he only tampered with it).

Wilbur's character died after going through a mental breakdown, destroying a country, and committing assisted suicide, and came back as a ghost named Ghostbur (full name Ghostbur Boo). He couldn’t remember any traumatic experiences and as such was pretty forgetful and struggled to do a lot of things, but he always remembered his favourite sheep friend (all lower case) who turned out to be immortal. It was initially believed his father kept replacing the sheep when it died to try and keep him happy, but later events only make sense if friend was truly immortal. Ghostbur on at least one occasion referred to friend as his girlfriend in Dutch- it’s not entirely clear if he just misspoke or if they were actually dating, considering Wilbur's character did have a child with another animal (see above).

Finally is the Egg! I’m glad to see this last, it shows it’s gotten more appreciation and love. It’s not my special interest but it’s a lot of people's favourite arc and it got fucked over by the FUCKING FINALE and it deserved more love. Anyway, so this story arc started when Bad Boy Halo's character found a red egg under the ground that mind controlled him and eventually his friends into serving it and helping it grow. It took over a lot of the server and hurt and traumatised a lot of people, and it eventually possessed Puffy's character and took over the entire server (and then it got reset by the stupid goddamn finale before they could do anything with it and then the server died).

(ppl who know please don’t vote lol reblog for more reach)

[rigelwrites-blog]

Lorelai: Discussion and Review

The Cat Lady, from the basis of my personal perspective, was a brilliantly haunting, poignant experience that tactfully and cleverly explored grim, deeply philosophical concepts such as death, grief, self-harm, depression, and suicide. It adroitly cultivated its atmosphere to effectively and realistically convey the overhanging bleakness of Susan’s life while avoiding miring the narrative in unnecessary, ostentatious darkness. In many ways, it seems Lorelai has managed to emulate the harrowing realism of its predecessor, while similarly employing abstract imagery to establish and amplify the palpable emotional tone. The expression of this profound pathos and visual symbolism was augmented through variation in both the color palette between settings and the intensity or saturation of certain hues, particularly red. More specifically, I appreciated the implementation of softer, warmer tones to embellish the wistful filter overlaying Lorelai’s joyous memories with her father, which contrasted the harsher colors and shadows denoting her stark reality. Additionally, it was devastating to see Miranda’s death even though it had been unfortunately rather likely, considering that, when someone’s thoughts are as despairing and volatile as hers were, it’s exceptionally dangerous to be left alone with them.

Beyond the seemingly implied, deeper connection between The Queen of Maggots and Lorelei, I wonder if the Queen selected Lorelei in particular as the executor of her will as a result of Lorelei’s tenacity and her embodiment of a true “survivor”. In a sense, an individual with an indomitable spirit, who essentially represents the refusal to capitulate even amidst confrontation with the vilest of circumstances, would harbor the insatiable desire to protract their life and quell any lingering regrets, thereby rendering them susceptible to the tantalizing bargain offered by the Queen. Lorelei cannot expunge the compulsion to protect her sister from the maleficent hands of John and finally secure freedom for them both, and, consequently, she acquiesces to the Queen, just as the demonic woman likely anticipated she would.

Concerning the characterization of Lorelei and Zack, I personally found them to be just a bit too calm when conversing in Zack’s apartment in consideration of the traumatic, ineffably disturbing situations they recently endured and witnessed. Perhaps their somewhat relaxed and even flirtatious attitudes at this particular moment could be attributable to difficulties in processing the reality of what transpired, as well as the immediate need for the distraction and comfort of each other’s company and congenial, flippant conversation. Regardless, I still would have preferred some additional development for these characters during their quiet scene together, particularly through the presentation of their respective emotional responses to the profound stimuli of facing death and irredeemable wickedness. Further intimate moments between the two could have sufficed to augment the audience’s personal connection and understanding of these characters and the true depth of their personalities.

In a way, the chapter with Al was rather reflective of the anxiety mini-game from The Cat Lady, which externalized the precarious balance of Susan’s mental stability by demonstrating the pronounced repercussions incurred from her cumulative experiences of various stressors. For Al’s circumstance, it seems that the nature of Lorelai’s sudden influence over him serves as the sole determinant of the fragility of his resolve and represents the dangerous tenuity of the line existing between redemption and regression. Essentially, Lorelai was imbued with the ability to either inspire Al to surmount his depressive state and become a survivor like her, or, shatter his attempts at remediation and force him to submit to his pernicious tendencies, just as her stepfather and mother did. Though Lorelai is supernaturally capable in this situation and can affect both Al’s surroundings and his mind, I consider some of her whispered sentiments to be rather emulative of intrusive thoughts that, in their injuriousness and pessimistic cruelty, oft hinder the path towards sustained progress.  

In addition to their literal meaning as a method of transportation and escape, trains have also been rather metaphoric in this game, seemingly representing a more symbolic journey or liberation from the debilitating circumstances and mentalities that have entrapped both Al and Lorelai. Lorelai is impeded in the forward momentum of her life by her corrosive home environment, and, as potentially implied through the imagery of a train battering through her apartment building as it speeds along, she is a survivor who fights for her future, regardless of what she must do or destroy to progress. Conversely, it seems in Al’s negative route that he himself was an obstacle in the track towards betterment and, in his inability to move forward, he was left behind, his journey coming to an abrupt end.

In general, the quiet moments and honest discussions on the intricacies of depression in The Cat Lady were more resonant with me personally than the situations that Lorelai is subjected to. That being said, the conveyance of the harrowing events of this game and their emotional undertones was beautifully accomplished. Additionally, the lingering possibility of redemption or progression for these characters certainly contributes much appreciated instances of warmth and hope to an otherwise rather dismal, grave story.

In consideration of the dialogue and visual representation of the Queen, it seems certain interpretations of The Queen of Maggots and her symbolic significance can be discerned. Essentially, imagery appertaining to mirrors or facing one’s reflection, prevalent in the final confrontation between the two Lorelais, appears to infer that the Queen herself is a physical manifestation of the darker, pernicious, yet oft concealed inclinations that all of humanity experiences to variable degrees. In a sense, the Queen and her machinations are also rather representative of the external or environmental stressors which trigger the emergence and outward expression of these negative attributes. In the context of the game’s universe, the “thorns” of the Queen’s corruptive influence ensnare the frail, suggestible minds of her victims, translate their desperation into capitulation, and, eventually, induce dire, grim consequences. These ramifications often involve considerable anguish for the individuals trapped in the vicinity of someone else’s destruction, thus, the cycle of trauma, mental devolution, and death exists in perpetuity, thereby fulfilling the monstrous Queen’s insatiable need to consume, like a true maggot, the corpses of the pained, lost, or damned. Lorelai can perhaps be interpreted as a symbol for the transcendence of these tribulations, as it appears she ultimately overcomes both her stepfather and the Queen herself regardless of the route, though the lingering grasp of the Queen and the regression she represents restrains Lorelai and somewhat limits the extent of her personal progression in the “bad” endings.

With respect to the overall impression Lorelai imparted upon me, I suppose I feel rather ambivalent, as certain scenes and elements were beautifully portrayed while others seemed to be a bit lacking in substance and depth. There are indubitably positive attributes to be enumerated, particularly the depiction of alcoholism and the generally inspiring message underlying the narrative and its culmination. It’s certainly quite appreciated and somewhat aberrant for a game to conclude with an accurate presentation of the mundanities and natural oscillations of highs and lows which define the course of an average life. As explored thematically throughout the extent of this game, grief, devastation, and turbulence are immutable inevitabilities of human experience that necessitate solidity of the will and persistence to healthily overcome. Though the path towards self-betterment, redemption, and contentment is sinuous and occasionally regressive, the cumbrous journey is undoubtedly worth the tribulations and set-backs we endure along the way.

As I’ve already expatiated on my interpretation of Lorelai’s purpose as a representation of resilience and pertinacity in spite of horrific circumstances, I’ll instead delve into a few of the aspects and sections of the game that I consider to be a tad weak. I mentioned earlier on that certain conversations seemed somewhat out of place and irreverent in contrast to the depravity and disillusionment the characters had recently experienced. The tonal shift was quite rapid, and, consequently, these individuals were deprived of the opportunity to emotionally respond or effectively contend with the actualities and implications of their harrowing situations. Overall, it seemed there was some misappropriation of time and focus throughout the game, as certain characters such as Maria, Zoe, and the other nursing home residents were granted comparatively considerable portions of the narrative despite, ultimately, having little significance to the overarching plot or Lorelai’s personal development. In general, ancillary characters and sections are beneficially employed to showcase facets of the protagonist’s personality and facilitate their growth, or, further the conveyance and clarity of the main theme. Outside of Al, Chapter 2’s characters were essentially forgotten about and devoid of greater purpose and detailed exploration, retrospectively rendering this chapter slightly hollow and empty. I was anticipating the replication of Lorelai’s experiences with Al in future chapters where these discarded side characters would be more effectively anatomized.

Concerning Zack and Lorelai, I still somewhat maintain my aforementioned perspective on the extent of the development and depth provided for them individually and as a couple. To me, it seemed their interactions were a tad flat and shallow with respect to the subject matter discussed and the depicted intimacy of their personal, emotional connection. Zack, himself, appears to have no demonstrable or notable personality arc beyond the rather commonplace, archetypal neighbor who finally acquires the ability to articulate his love when faced with the prospect of imminent death.

I’m a bit more equivocal when analyzing Lorelai herself and, by extension, the overarching structure and flow of the narrative itself. I suppose the greatest issue I encountered when recollecting the events of the game is the limited internal elasticity and growth that Lorelai seems to experience between the beginning and end of her journey. Though her circumstances and surrounding environment are improved substantially, her inner personality, beliefs, inclinations, and desires remain rather immutable and unchallenged by her experiences with the Queen. Regardless of your choices in actions and dialogue, Lorelai is generally the same person and an uncompromising “survivor” in the end, varying only in the amount of regrets and lingering difficulties she faces. However, Lorelai can potentially express wildly variable opinions throughout her time in the afterlife on the basis of your direction, for instance, she can harbor little sympathy for the frustrated mother in the AA group and the alcoholic Al, resolutely deciding that his life is irredeemable and should be sacrificed for the sake of her own desires. Alternatively, she can help him and defy the Queen, though the significance of this choice is rather undermined considering Lorelai suffers no evident consequences from her insubordination. I suppose I would have preferred greater divergence in the endings to reflect the pronounced dissimilarity in her perspectives and submission to the Queen’s will. Even in the positive, “golden” route, I believe Lorelai’s characterization and progression would have been a bit more realistic and dimensional had she initially lacked empathy and compassion for others who cannot as easily combat or surmount their debilitating situations. Lorelai’s unwavering strength and tenacity are not ubiquitous traits, and it would have been interesting to explore her process of recognizing and accepting the innate heterogeneity of human resolve and mental stability. Perhaps she could have accomplished this through her experiences delving into the specific circumstances of her assigned “parasites” and witnessing the true fragility of the boundary between recovery and capitulation.  Conversely, the negative route would demonstrate the ramifications of austerity and the unwillingness to understand or forgive the flaws and injurious behaviors of others, instead electing to acrimoniously judge and consequently punish the people she gains influence over.

An evocative experience, nonetheless.

[howweperceivethings]

finished playing “the missing: j.j. macfield and the island of memories” recently so i thought i’d review the game!!

overall, i was surprised and immensely gratified by the game. i really wasn’t expecting such a transgressive LGBT+ story in a horror game that didn’t result in an upsetting ending. for swery’s first game released by his new studio, i applaud him

spoilers below the cut

This game was made with the belief that nobody is wrong for being what they are.

story pitch: “the missing” is a puzzle platformer horror game that starts with a camping trip on a mysterious island between protagonist jj macfield and her friend/confidante/possibly-something-more-than-that emily. when JJ wakes up to a terrible thunderstorm, she finds emily missing and goes to find her. after seeing a frightening monster, JJ is struck by lightning. however, she gains the power to revive herself and must use this power to traverse the island and find emily.

game play

if you’ve ever played inside or limbo, this game plays pretty similarly to them. the game doesn’t require you to be too precise (which is helpful when you’re playing the switch in handheld mode) and i only got stuck on one puzzle for the entire game.

the game starts out with minimal instructions that are given via JJ’s thoughts, so as to not break immersion. the puzzle designs can be pretty elegant (the bowling alley & diner were pretty damn neat) but they can also be harrowing, especially when you’re forced to platform as a decapitated head (gory i know). i found the gameplay quite fun as well and enjoyed how the puzzles forced you to think creatively with your ability to create extra weight (with your torn off limbs and arms) and to make yourself smaller (by reducing your working body to only a head, as mentioned before). the designs were also varied enough to not feel stale and repetitive, and the added challenge of collecting the donuts (and, post-game, the F.K. dolls) were fun too.

story

the story is told 80% through text messages and 20% in-game cutscenes. the not-plot-important text messages are completed after collected a milestone number of donuts, coming from JJ’s college friends and her professor. the plot-important texts buzz in after certain story events, and you find new messages to read back through from emily and JJ’s mom. note that all of these texts were sent in the past, except for the ones sent from and to F.K., JJ’s misshapen doll.

as a queer person, i resonated very strongly with the story here and was just immensely surprised and ecstatic with the reveal of JJ being a trans lesbian. the lesbian identity i was able to pick up during the course of the game, but JJ being revealed to be trans caught me by total surprise! but when i thought back to all the text messages, it made sense to me. the women’s clothes found in JJ’s room being too big for emily’s size, JJ’s mom always referring to her as the macfield “heir” (which is typically reserved for a male heir), lily’s obvious crush on JJ while remaining apprehensive at the possibility that she is queer, and the other friend being an inspiration to JJ because of the way she so easily rebels against her parents’ expectations and chooses to present herself the way she wants to. it was in all honesty incredibly clever how the game hinted at JJ’s actual secret being not that she was a lesbian, but that she was trans.

and the whole concept of the scalpel monster being JJ’s mom, and the moose doctor quite possibly being the doctor the mother referred her to, is just ingenious. “that was my mother’s anger.” the way the story was framed (being an extended nightmare JJ has when she’s in a coma after a suicide attempt) was done excellently and poignantly as well.

finally, the fact that the story had a positive ending was just truly wonderful. JJ was able to accept both the physical and emotional pain of being alive, knowing that she won’t have to face it alone, and knowing that she doesn’t have to fit into the mold anyone else has for her. she comes out of the dream alive, aware, focused, and (best of all) happy.

characters

i found that all of the characters were written very well, even philip whom i really did not like for about 85% of his text conversations. JJ’s mom is a religious conservative whom I obviously dislike and hate on principle, but she was written very convincingly. while i personally don’t have a religious mother, i totally understood JJ’s situation with an invasive, helicopter mom. prof. goodman was a pretty interesting character as well, acting as JJ’s pseudo-father figure in lieu of her actual father who passed away before the game starts.

JJ, of course, is my favorite character. i love that she can be quite assertive and sassy when she’s not running away from horrid multi-limbed monstrosities. she’s also a sweet girl.... ;w; i hope JJ and emily can go on that world-wide trip they talked about in one of their conversations...

graphics

this game made me think a lot about inside with its choice of muted colors and smooth, simplistic character models. the cymbal monkeys had a LOT of detail in comparison though, which was probably what made them so creepy looking.... the graphics overall were high quality, though the framerate did drop in certain scenes containing a lot of movement, like the gears in the background of the clocktower.

art & design

i can’t look up the name at the moment, but the character artist did an amaaaaazing job. so fashionable and chic!! i honestly loved a lot of JJ’s beta designs, though i’m happy with the final design we got for her and emily ^^ i also really like the use of the americana aesthetic (diners, bowling alleys, trailers) and find that it sets a delightfully happy if sinister tone. also the moose doctor grafitti/graphics? iconic. i also thought the flippy iconography to be very awesome in its retro design.

sadly, the voice acting can sound really... bad... it’s fine with emily since she has the backwards speech, but some of JJ’s intonations sound narmy :/ it’s the one major thing i think detracts from the game’s experience in my opinion.

and dude... the scene with the late entry title card in the gigantic flower fields after the storm passes with the light folksy ballad and JJ’s soft sobbing.... i honestly got chills. that was my favorite part of the whole game because wow what an opening sequence.

overall: 9/10 it’s a short game that follows through without pomp and circumstance. the voice acting takes away from the game quite a bit, but that’s the one glaring flaw it has. music, gameplay, art & design, and writing are all very well done. the story’s message and ending were the game’s highlights, as was that very cool opening theme song. despite its brevity, the game leaves a strong impact, or at least it did for me. strong warnings for the gore and violent body harm, as well as suicide imagery. i personally enjoyed how the gore was handled and wasn’t queasy over its depiction. this game comes highly recommended!

[thesweetblossoms]

Twelve Ways To Stop Fretting

🌴I often fret ceaselessly and needlessly about the future, rethinking unhelpful habitual thoughts, grappling with the same issues, and squandering valuable time and mind space in activities that not only do not provide any peace, but tend to agitate and deepen stresses and anxieties. Of course, the concerns range from the casual, such as what to wear to a new job, to the more existential, about whether I am fulfilling my potential and progressing incrementally, towards my layered dreams with my slow simmering efforts; recently, I have been worried about whether I would be able to devote sufficient time to my businesses, if I am also working long hours as a staff attorney at a law firm. Thus, here are a few ideas about how to approach a change, to confront an uncertain future, to duel with hastening hours, and to forestall the rough blades of doubt.

1)New Experiences: Because we cannot foretell the future, we dwell in a realm of possibilities, chances and surprises, thus one way to eliminate unwelcome worries is to be open to the unknown and to appreciate the unfolding, being aware of the nuances that may bring us moments of illumination, such as discovering a new route with prickly pair cacti, dropping date palms and cloud scaling desert willow trees, or the joy that comes with the opportunity to frequent a charming coffee shop with a decadent chocolate croissant, or even the task of choosing a daily attire, to boost feelings of wellness and comfort of a job outside of home.

2)Novel Insights: Be vivacious whenever you feel uncertain, rather than forlorn, because it is through the unknown that we are given clear sight into the wheels churning, the planets tilting, the new poppy seeds unfurling and how our own lives are steadily moving on a course that surges recklessly, between shoals of contentment and abstract rocks of chaos, because, between every awakening and every nights final snubbing of the candlelight, reveals more about the music of family, the valuable gift of lyrical leisure hours and the blue sky moments of heady enlightenment. For it is only through upheaval, changes to routines, modifications or habits and reframing of customs that we come closer to the truth.

3)Relationships: We shouldn’t hesitate to confront the new opportunities and experiences that befall us, because these are often accompanied by novel and intriguing encounters as well as chances to meet new people and develop friendships. For when we are taking a risk, changing course, or experimenting with altered methods of conducting our lives, we float into a stream swimming with potential new memories, possible friendships, and a mine of inspiration from meeting and conversing with different minds, personalities and temperaments. For when we don’t know what the future brings us, we often fill up the space with the worst imaginings and the direst outcomes, but rather then fret, we should contemplate the magical elements of not knowing who will cross our path, how they might change an aspect of our lives, or a way of thinking, or how they may improve our experience of reality.

4)Adaptability: Many of us worry, because we hate to be jarred from routine, from our well honed habits and the peace that arises from a steady and contented ritual that eases us through the seasons. Yet, by worrying we are inhibiting the adventurous spirit and the courageous instincts that we also possess in equal quantities. Thus, instead of doubting the unknown, we should utilize its cryptic nature by enhancing and polishing our ability to adapt. By taking a moment, to think and strategize about how we may grow through periods of discomfort or annoyance, of how we may challenge our behaviors and deep seated fears, we may move towards better incarnations of ourselves. We may adapt in small or new ways, perhaps continue highlighting a personality trait such as gregariousness, while tempering an inclination to be less private, or to overcome a fear of driving in town, or a phobia of transversing great distances too far off lands. Each day we might attempt to scale the barriers, by channeling our best tools, our most potent skills and our latent talents, and incrementally alter ourselves.

5)Positive Thinking: A light hand creates the most beautiful paintings, the same principle may apply, such that, the lightest thinking creates the most beautiful reality. Thus in all our rumination, our puzzlements, or bewildering half dreams, our misty morning meditations, we should err on the side or positivity, by perceiving every element in the best light. We can continue this positive trend and encourage it to seep, like dew on blossoming lilac bushes, into every element of our story by having confidence in yourself and the universe as well as an unmitigated curiosity about the unfolding of events. For any situation, after its initial explosive or even subtle entry, may provide us with emotions, answers, thoughts, inspirations and ways of thinking that we have previously not accessed or been aware of, that may reveal tentative secrets about the world around us and that could help us string together a narrative of events that makes sense only with the alchemical element of time, or it could even ensure that we act the most beneficial way to unsure favorable and happy outcomes.

6)Analyzing The Situation: A creative way to address your worries, anxieties, sadness, regret, ennui or melancholy is to create your memoir, either in your mind, or by writing, creating videos, photography and art, for each is a token of the moment that assists us in comprehending situations within the passage of time, as even the most troubling elements, often carry detectable nuances, as when we read memoirs, and notice how certain events or choices shape and alter the course of a persons life. By thinking about the future in a certain, knowing way, almost taking for granted that you will age and write your memories down, you may practice the art of hindsight even in the present moment. My favorite part of reading autobiographies, is the countless renditions of writers rising about harrowing circumstances, cruel cultural constructs or the pervasive evil of human nature, to reveal the ultimate victory of light, truth and courage. Thus, a certain degree of detachment and the steadfast employment of the power of multiple perspectives, helps us to react to events in a way that ameliorates its most haunting effects.

7)Nothing Lasts: If we remember the heartbreaking, temporary nature of life, even when we are sad, we realize how futile it is to waste even a quarter hour of the day in unhappiness. The universe is in constant flux, with the fall trees turning shades of copper, crimson and aubergine, with the chill setting into to the once balmy clouds, with candles lit and spluttering out, with the years passing steadily as a lighthouse on a thunderstruck, isolated island, with reunions coming and going, with milestones won and lost. So let go of the current distresses, for it will, also unequivocally pass away.

8)Experiment/Discover: There is so much to reality that is yet to be understood, for their has been no cure for pain, just as there has never been a thorough theory of love. So what if we could explore any situation as a momentous chance to gain jewel like insights into the mechanisms that abound around us, perhaps, contemplate the wonder of how our intuition already knows before a loved one rings, of why some trees have lived for centuries yet they have never swam in the sea, or of why candlelight, music and dancing, rinses away even the most stubborn stains imprinted into the threads of our hearts, or of why we never know ourselves no matter how much we search, or of why beautiful poetry can reduce us to tears. We should make use of champagne, or gardening, or an art as a portal to channel bliss, to see what elements align with how we hope things will turn out, realizing that maybe thinking about it in a particular, incanted light, is a secret charm, a tonic to clear away cloudy windows that reveals what we need may already be in our presence or in our repertoire. Use the worrisome aspect to discover new ways to deal with issues, unravel expedient methods to handle onerous tasks, or unveil how to manage time in a way that deliberately moves us nearer to the nebulous realms of our most coveted desires.

10)Focus On Rewards: Rather than fretting, we should focus on the future where the results of our actions manifest themselves in the clearest light. Whether in business, where long hours of effort, planning and diligence may create value for others, and later, provide revenue, or at a job, where after completing assigned tasks you are able to also share your skills and talents with the larger community for an income, or by writing or creating art that helps to ease the stubborn wounds of pilfering time, or by planting a garden with prolific wild poppies, zinnias and marigolds, it is only with patience and diligence, that we are granted the initial blooms and the first fragrance of success.

9)Gratitude: Even if initially it seems that hindrances and detours seamlessly appear whenever we move towards a certain vision, instead of lingering on the unsavory elements that rob us of our mind space, time and energy, we should tabulate our blessings, for they are just as plentiful and almost as ubiquitous, landing softly into the newly inked lines of our story, like a butterfly on a luscious frangipani blossom. By being grateful, we dwell in the space of opportunities, of pragmatism, of hacking time and energy, of doing what is needed to take us to the next step, for often, it is through change and upheaval of routines that we enter a chamber of new possibilities and happy chances.

11) Dance: Whenever you fret, do something active, take a walk, yoga, dance, work out, get up to look at the stars, or water a plant, by moving away, even an inch from our coordinates upon earth, we are also creating distance from a negative thought. I also have a theory that it is impossible to worry and dance at the same time.

12) Focus On Wellness: When we feel overcome with dread, or lapse into the eerie corridors of anxiety, we should refuel our quest for wellness. It is often challenging when we are stressed to think about our bodies and minds and to give it the priority it needs to help us through the most tiresome situations, yet, by drinking plenty of water, by making sure you sleep as much as possible, by meditating, eating healthy fresh fruits, seeds, nuts, vegetables and grains, by taking time for a facial, massages, skincare and working out, we are primed to confront whatever the next day may bring. 🐝

[saferincages]

a couple of weeks ago, a friend showed me this amazing post (where the photos are far better than mine, which just didn’t want to turn out at all) of @the-far-bright-center‘s beautiful, sparkly Force Ghost Anakin, and it brought me such joy (I was maybe giggling excessively...), and today he arrived in the mail as a surprise gift! 💖

I want to take a moment to appreciate this bio, and the “weapon of choice” being loyalty and love, because it is. a lot.

this could be a very silly post (okay, it already is), but it actually gives me an opportunity to talk about something that I’ve never had a chance or reason to discuss before without some frame of context, so here is an unbelievably overemotional story (one of many regarding Star Wars’ history and special place in my life, I could write a series of these focused of specific themes and characters in all honesty) that no one really needs, but that I feel compelled to write anyway.

I’ve written before about my first experience seeing Revenge of the Sith (most recently here), so I apologize for retreading a certain amount of ground, but it’s important to know what the state of my life was at that time, which was a frightening, burned out shambles. ROTS premiered in May 2005, I believe I had just completed the physical therapy I’d been undergoing since the car accident we had that February. I was extraordinarily ill, and no one knew why (diagnoses were forthcoming), I was rapidly losing weight, and at the time, the scariest thing for me, was that I had no choice but to withdraw from school. Academia, which was such a constant for me, wasn’t even going to be on the horizon. I was, in short, not okay. I felt almost hollow in that uncertainty.

That midnight premiere was incredible, exciting, emotionally fraught, and I remember the weight and the sorrow of it hitting me in a very profound way when we got home, at which point I crawled into my bed and sobbed. I saw it several times that summer, but the final time (which is also a story a couple of my friends know, but I don’t think I’ve posted about it publicly?) was on my birthday that September. It is a crystalline memory. I can recall everything about that day, even what we ate (the cinnamon rolls my mom made for breakfast, the vanilla chai tea I had at Borders that afternoon), because it was the last birthday I had when certain things were not yet permanent, when I was still in the misty place between before and after. By then, the film had moved to our local little budget theatre, and seeing it that way, with a handful of other people rather than with a big, enthusiastic crowd, lent it an intimacy and poignancy which struck me on a wholly different level. (That was also the night Supernatural premiered, which is an aside, but don’t doubt for a moment that the events are inextricably emotionally connected for me.) September, and I should have been in school, but I wasn’t. I had no idea at that point that I never would be again, but I was frightened, and sad, and deeply angry. Anger isn’t a feeling I’d had a lot of experience with, I was a sweet, shy, overly sensitive, naive child (and teenager), but I didn’t often deal with anger, and then I usually sublimated anger with grief and guilt instead (and those things were warring in me, too, and of course I still carry them), but the anger at the unfairness of it all, at how cruel it was that this had happened to me, at how much I hated my own body for turning against me, how I irrationally hated myself for not being better or stronger or able to fight it, was consuming and yet almost childish, as though being ill was causing a perpetual temper tantrum in my mind.

My touchstone in the prequels was always Padmé, and she deserves her own post, but she was so inspiring to me, her compassion and her goodness and her belief in justice, her loving nature and her femininity and her tender heart being strengths, and never undermining her bright spirit, her keen mind, her ability to lead, her powers being her forgiveness and empathy and kindness. I love her so much and she had (and continues to have) such meaning for me. 

It took me by surprise when the aching heart of my identification in ROTS plunged more towards Anakin. I loved him too, and I had a lot of varied, complicated feelings about him already, about his gentleness and his trauma, about the immensity of his capacities and his contrasts, but this was the fall, the dark hour of the story, the nadir of everyone’s suffering, and so much happens at his hand, because of his tragic choices. When I was reading the novelization, I didn’t know what to do with the fact that I understood certain aspects of his struggling in such a harrowing way, and seeing it playing out made that even more acute. Those choices he makes out of desperate fear aren’t rooted in evil, they’re driven by the chasm of grief and terror of loss, and they’re mixed with disillusionment and disappointment and frustration. Up until the moment when he walks into the Jedi Temple, when we really see him cross a line he cannot return from, hope for a course correction seems possible. Even knowing what’s coming, it’s like...just turn back. You can still fix this. It ripped my heart out because of course he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. There’s the scene where he’s denied the title of Master, and his outburst at the council (“this is outrageous! it’s unfair!”) is tinged with an adolescent level of upset, but...of course it is. He’s still so young and he wants to trust them, it’s not ambition causing that fury, it’s desperation for inclusion, for some measure of respect, and he keeps being refused. It’s a strange analogy because the things holding me back had nothing to do with a council of old men deciding my fate, all my hindrances were physically trapping me in my own body, the jury denying me the ability to move ahead was my own failing immune system, but I understood his rage, because I wanted someone I could yell at. The person I was so terrified of not being able to save, of having to watch die, wasn’t my beloved, it was...me, the girl I was, the girl I dreamed of becoming. I’ve talked so many times about feeling like I let her down, like I’m the ghost of her, the revenant walking around in a shape that vaguely resembles her, but at that point, she wasn’t gone yet, she was just rapidly slipping away. I didn’t know what to do to save myself. People would say it wasn’t my fault, to let it go (which felt a lot like being told the useless “mourn them do not, miss them do not”), that I was still here, I didn’t ask to get sick, and I knew, logically, that was true, but emotionally all I felt was that crushing guilt and despair (all of this remains a lingering struggle). I didn’t want to be powerless. I would have clung to something that offered me a way out. I knew where Anakin, conflicted and misguided as he was, was coming from, and it eroded everything that made him good and heroic and kind, so the only power I had left was to fight against it and keep the anger at bay.

This is such a specifically personal thing that I won’t get into the analysis of what happens in regards to his descent (which I also expounded upon in that other post anyway), but every time it happened, the same muscle memory seemed to take hold of me, my hands would shake and I’d press them together, my chest would pound, I’d bite my lip to try not to cry. I have this overwhelming fear of fire, so Mustafar was its own nightmare, and I’ve literally only watched the immolation scene once (that first time, at the midnight showing), otherwise I close my eyes tightly shut. I don’t even like seeing gifs of it. But because of what I was going through at the time, what I’ve gone through since, the physical aspects of him so painfully and horrifically losing himself, being so stripped of his humanity that hardly anyone ever looks at or acknowledges him as a person again (until Luke) held its own terror (it’s such an awful metaphor when it’s examined, and it’s that re-enslavement, he did not choose that reconstruction) because I didn’t understand what was happening to me physically, and because so many people were questioning the veracity of my pain and my incapacitating illness, were treating me as somehow less (ableism wasn’t even a word in my vocabulary yet, I just thought maybe everyone had a point and I didn’t deserve the space to be heard or understood, since so much of what I was going through was invisible). I genuinely felt like my personhood and my agency was being taken away. I didn’t have school, I was quickly isolated from everyone else and kept in the (comforting yet confining) cage of my room, I didn’t know who I was supposed to be anymore, and I didn’t know what to do if no one would listen or believe me (my mom aside). The torture Anakin is put through in that conversion to Darth Vader is unimaginable and I don’t want to dwell on it, but there’s a passage from the novelization that goes in part: “The first dawn of light in your universe brings pain. The light burns you. It will always burn you...You can hear yourself breathing. It comes hard, and harsh, and it scrapes nerves already raw, but you cannot stop it. You can never stop it. You cannot even slow it down...now your self is all you will ever have...and within your furnace heart, you burn in your own flame.” It’s such a wrenching description that some part of me separated it out from the villainous aspect, because the rest of it felt true. My nerves were raw and burned with sensation, touch and too much strain hurt, but my heart persistently, stubbornly kept beating, and I was left sifting through the alternating aspects of its passions (both the transcendent and the desolate).

This isn’t at all “excuse or justify the things Vader did” (since, again, this isn’t actual analysis, it’s sentimental personal nonsense), because of course I do not and never would, but the depth of empathy I had for Anakin, as a person and as a lost soul (and a lost future), and the way that left an imprint on me right at the onset of my illness became indelible.

There’s a point to this, I promise.

George Lucas did re-editing and reworkings of the original trilogy and I’ve never minded any of it, because they were his to edit and fix up if he wanted to do so, and little extra CG snippets of planets and creatures only expands the universe in my mind. That said, I realize adding Hayden’s Anakin at the end of Return of the Jedi was divisive, even upsetting for some, but for me it was everything. I’ve hesitated to ever reblog gifs of the scene because I felt like I had to justify or explain why I hold it so dear before I did, so this is my chance to do that. 

As a child, I never felt really connected to the fleeting glimpse of Sebastian Shaw (my mom actually remembers me asking why he was so “old,” apparently I reasoned at the time that Anakin should have been younger, I think because I imagined him then as more of a dashing hero, based on Obi-Wan’s description in A New Hope). Anakin never lived as that image of a more middle aged man, that was never who he was within Vader’s suit, and there was always an evincive resonance that I was seeking. Once Attack of the Clones came along, Hayden was my Anakin, he was the embodiment of that character, and I loved him, and I loved his performance (and saw so much nuance and layering in it despite what was often said). Yet one of the last images we witness of him is burning on that scorched lava shore. It’s devastating. 

Luke’s unwavering faith that some glimmer of his father still exists, that goodness can’t ever be entirely erased, that love will overcome, that throwing aside his weapon is an act of bravery and grace, is the moment when Anakin is finally released from that. “He takes the ounce of good still left in him and destroys the Emperor out of compassion for his son.” Balance is restored, and redemption is very small and quiet, not a washing away of violence, but a ceasing of it. It’s the hope that we can always find salvation, that we can still choose to act in love.

When Luke turns around and sees those spirits watching over him, benevolent and glowing and one with the Force, Anakin is his beautiful self again, as the description on this little package says, restored to the “hopeful young Jedi he once was.” The first time I saw that edit of the film, I wept. That was the connection I’d been looking for, the understanding that we’re never wasted, that our souls endure and are mended, that we can choose light, no matter how lost we feel we are, that love can persevere and illuminate even the longest night. It reminded me that I wasn’t only my body, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how it felt like it was collapsing on me, no matter how often I felt like I was failing to be the person I thought I would be, my body could never capture the entirety of who I was, or am. My spirit could still shine, my heart could still be soft.

Anakin says to Padmé in AOTC, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi's life, so you might say we are encouraged to love.” It’s one of my favorite scenes because it’s so sincere, and yet so richly layered in its meaning. And in the end, this is fulfilled, this belief is proven right.

People may think the idea of the Force is hokey, but because of the way I was brought up, and the intense theological discussions that used to be framed around it (particularly by my dad, we used to do this over e-mail back in the olden days of dial-up, I wish I had those conversations saved), it was a really important, formative concept for me. The Force is connectivity, it’s like a variant of the belief in Tikkun olam that parts of the vessels of the divine used to shape the world shattered, and their shards became sparks of light trapped within the material of creation, and thus exist and persist in all of us, in all the diverse and breathtaking life around us, and that we should respect and cherish that life. “The best expression of the Force is not a lightsaber fight or other combat techniques. It’s really about your connection to life, to everything around you, and your ability or willingness to let go, to find peace, and ultimately become a selfless part of existence...in the end there is no power that aids [Luke], except the power of compassion and love; the act of forgiveness and apparent self-sacrifice is what saves his father from the dark side.” 

It’s the idea that there’s something eternal within all living things, something powerful and connected that binds us together, that means we affect one another, and that we make choices as to whether those influences are for the better (or not). That we can decide to increase the power of light and warm energy in the universe. The idea that we’re not limited to our physical selves, that we’re luminous, radiant, possible beings. That we can reach out in love and compassion to heal the world, even if it’s only in small ways, even if we’re the only ones who see it exist, who know it happens, and still the summation of that additional light can radiate everywhere.

[harrowandgreen]

Put a little magic into this year’s festive celebrations with Harrow & Green’s amazing range of personalised Christmas sacks

Bringing bags full of joy to your loved ones this Christmas has never been easier with the London’s top-recommended design studio

Harrow & Green is a design studio based in London where the owner and stylist Tanya Taylor applies her skill and experience to create beautiful and personalised items fit for any occasion. Working in the design industry for many years has provider her silage for many ideas and her approach is not only unique but also multidimensional and interconnected.

Having been around the block for some time, Harrow & Green strive to wow customers with their amazing and creative designs and pledge to deliver on any type of brief. They design, create and print all their products from their full-service design studio and it is evident that they have a passion for all things beautiful.

They are masters in their area of expertise and proudly inspired by modern typography, old-style fonts, and the way text can be combined with the original design to produce high quality and great-looking gifts. Their focus is on a complete creative solution where the client’s personal touch is positioned across the final product.

Their innovative personalised designs include among other tote bags, handkerchiefs, jars, pencil boxes, monthly planners, kitchen towels, letterpress Christmas stockings and letterpress Christmas sacks. With Harrow & Green, clients are included in their exclusive designs by working together in creating tailor-made products.

“Anyone who has ever received a personalised gift from somebody will understand how much thought goes into the gift. The same applies for Christmas gifs and giving someone that you care for a personalised Christmas sack, for example, shows that you have taken the time to think about that person and what makes him or her special in a certain way,” Tanya explained.

Items such as personalised Christmas sacks gained popularity in recent years as they offer a twist on the traditional Christmas stockings. Harrow & Green is a reputable design company who is not only skilled in the art of personalising almost any item for walk-in customers, but they also offer a variety of personalised products for the online market too.

With Christmas around the corner, many people are probably already at the stage of thinking what to buy for friends and family, but Harrow & Green makes it easy and convenient with their range of personalised products at affordable prices to quickly and easily brighten-up the festive season.

Giving or receiving a gift is an art form, and personalised gifts remain a favourite that people will cherish forever. If you plan on giving a truly unforgettable gift to a special person or looking to surprise guests with personalised Christmas sacks, the possibilities are rife, but in a digital world filled with websites that offer a range of unique products, Harrow & Green company stands out head above shoulders.

They have it all covered at affordable prices too and they offer free ‘standard’ delivery on all orders delivered in the UK. When customers order products from their website using the ‘standard’ delivery option, Harrow & Green will dispatch the order within four working days of it being placed.

Their selection of shipping methods makes the online shopping experience worth the while, even for international shoppers. Their website is teeming with information on various personalised products, prices, and special offers.

About us

Based in London, Harrow & Green is the creation of stylist Tanya Taylor and graphic designer Philip Taylor. They design, create and print all their products from their design studio in London. They have a passion for all things beautiful, which influences all their products from traditional Christmas sacks to fun and quirky tea towels. They are inspired by modern typography, old-style fonts, and the way text can be combined with the original design to produce high quality and great-looking gifts. All their products are designed and printed in-house to guarantee quality, originality, and integrity. Their Christmas sacks are quite popular and offer a twist on the traditional Christmas stockings and their tea towels are not only great for drying pots and pans, but they are the ultimate in kitchen-chic. Harrow & Green offers a fantastic and affordable option to quickly and easily brighten-up any event. This theme of mixing typography with graphics can also be seen across their ranges of handkerchiefs, coasters and house-warming gifts. Find out more by visiting their website at https://www.harrowandgreen.com

[aion-rsa]

Travel Channel Announces Third Annual Ghostober Event

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

If you’re afraid sticky-fingered children will invade your social distancing to get at your favorite candy, lock the doors and tune into “Ghostober.” Halloween rules again all month long on Travel Channel. Its third annual paranormal programming event takes viewers on “spine-chilling adventures to the other side – where tales of poltergeists, ghostly creatures, demons and even a few legends will keep you company,” according to their press statement.

Travel Channel’s “Ghostober” begins Sept. 27 and runs until Halloween. “Halloween is Travel Channel’s Superbowl, and with more people at home than ever before, we plan to deliver an over-the-top slate of original programming,” Matthew Butler, general manager of Travel Channel, said in a statement.

“Ghostober” has thrills and chills on lockdown. Paranormal programming will be scheduled throughout October, culminating with the top 20 of the world’s spookiest unexplained videos. “7 Nights of Fright” starts on Sunday, Oct. 25 at 9 p.m. with the two-hour countdown “Paranormal Caught on Camera: Top 100.” Leading up to the month, Paranormal Caught on Camera will be “counting down the top 100 paranormal encounters of all time,” according to the advance press. “This eye-opening compilation features the most compelling evidence, expert analysis and eyewitness accounts ever documented including: Bigfoot, UFOs, aliens, poltergeists, ghosts and a whole lot more. Seeing is believing.” The countdown begins September 27.

New episodes of Ghost Nation premiere Saturday, October 17 at 9 p.m. “The locations have bigger mysteries, are more chilling and have never been investigated on television,” reads the official synopsis. The paranormal team of Jason Hawes, Steve Gonsalves and Dave Tango call in “an old friend for some help – paranormal investigator Shari DeBenedetti,” according to the synopsis. “With the help of their local contacts, they embed themselves in the community, conducting multi-day investigations in an effort to track down the true source of hauntings and restore peace to the living. They’ll do whatever it takes to entice the ghost into telling its story and stop at nothing to get to the bottom of the paranormal phenomena.”

Paranormal investigators Zak Bagans, Aaron Goodwin, Jay Wasley and Billy Tolley open up to viewers when Ghost Adventures: Screaming Room airs new episodes every Thursday at 9 p.m. “The guys are kicking back in their screening room to watch their favorite episodes of the hit series and get candid with fans – and each other – about their craziest experiences over the past decade,” according to the synopsis. “Away from the haunted locations we usually see them in, with no equipment or investigations, the crew relives some of the most terrifying, shocking and even comedic moments from their career.”

“Ghostober” will also include new Shock Docs. The first, Amityville Horror House, premieres Monday, Oct. 26 at 9 p.m. The book The Amityville Horror was published in 1977 and caused a sensation. The 1979 film adaptation was a surprise box office hit. “Today, it is the quintessential American horror story based on true events – family moves into their dream house in an all-American town and experiences the most terrifying demonic haunting imaginable,” according to the official synopsis. “Demon possession, demon attacks, a portal to hell – it was a situation so dire, even the church couldn’t help them.” The special presents the harrowing true story of Ronald DeFeo, who murdering his entire family in the Amityville house, and the 28 days the Lutz family lived there. It includes archival footage, re-creations, and rare, archival interview with George Lutz, describing the final night in the Amityville house.

The Exorcism of Roland Doe debuts on Tuesday, Oct. 27 at 9 p.m. “In 1973, The Exorcist shocked moviegoers,” reads the official synopsis. “Overnight, the sinister presence of satanic evil seemed frighteningly real for millions of Americans. Archival footage shows audience members frightened out of their wits – and literally out of their seats. Some in the audience ran out of the theatre; others got physically ill or couldn’t sleep for weeks.” The special uses rare archival footage to showcase the cultural impact of the film and explore the true story of Roland Doe, the possessed boy who inspired the book The Exorcist. Also, an investigator will expose a shocking secret and possible cover-up in the real-life exorcist case.

“Shock Docs” continues with the tell-all holiday special This is Halloween, premiering Wednesday, Oct. 28 at 9 p.m. “Halloween is a time to indulge our darkest fears and live out our wildest fantasies,” reads the official synopsis. “For those who like the spooky side of life, it’s become a yearly event.” In the two-hour Shock Docs installment, This is Halloween, Travel Channel’s paranormal experts share their best Halloween stories in a nostalgic look back at everyone’s favorite haunted holiday. “From creepy costumes to the scariest pranks they’ve ever pulled, it’s a sweet and spooky trip down memory lane,” promises the advance press.

Ghost Adventures: Horror at Joe Exotic Zoo premieres Thursday, Oct. 29 at 9 p.m. In the two-hour special, Zak Bagans and the Ghost Adventures crew go inside the infamous Greater Wynnewood Exotic Animal Park to investigate “sinister accounts of ghostly activity,” according to the synopsis. In this two-hour special,  the team examines claims of “tortured spirits believed to lurk in the shadows of a park tainted by tragic events like deadly fires and accidental shootings,” the synopsis reads. “Could these incidents have opened a mysterious portal to the other side? The team is prepared to confront these dark spirits as they attempt to gather evidence as to who, or what, is haunting this park.”

The special will be followed by the reopening of famed ghost hunter Hans Holzer’s original case files in the season 2 return of The Holzer Files, which airs at 11 p.m. The show returns with all-new investigations from the trail of John Wilkes Booth in Maryland to a serial killer in Ohio. Led by investigator Dave Schrader, psychic medium Cindy Kaza and equipment technician Shane Pittman, the series investigates terrifying true hauntings from the recently discovered case files of America’s first ghost hunter, Dr. Hans Holzer.

Recognized as the “father of the paranormal,” Holzer’s legendary four-decade exploration into hauntings like the Amityville Horror house helped spawn a generation of supernatural enthusiasts, including Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, who were inspired to write Ghostbusters. Holzer’s daughter, Alexandra Holzer, helps Travel Channel reopen her father’s most captivating case files – “digging into thousands of documents, letters, photographs and chilling audio and visual recordings dating back to the 1950s,” according to the official synopsis.

In the sneak peek of the new season of Portals to Hell, which premieres Friday, Oct. 30 at 8 p.m., Katrina Weidman and Jack Osbourne investigate Captain Grant’s Inn.  The Inn was built in 1754, “might just be the most haunted place in all of Connecticut,” according to the press statement. Carol, the current owner, claims that shortly after she purchased the property in 1986, she was taken over by an evil spirit. She conducted an exorcism to eliminate the angry spirit. “For 10 years following the exorcism, the paranormal experiences were mild, but soon Carol and her guests started to experience an uptick in ghostly activity.” Carol claims she cataloged over 300 spirits haunting the property. 

The Portals to Hell duo “seek to discover if these are historical hauntings or if there is something more sinister at play. In a risky attempt to get answers, the duo asks Carol to join the night investigation for an unprecedented experiment that leaves the entire team speechless.”

It will be followed by a special two-hour Osbourne family holiday treat, The Osbournes: Night of Terror. “Adamant on truly living up to their position as America’s first family of darkness,” Jack Osbourne takes Ozzy, Sharon and Kelly on their first-ever paranormal investigation: Los Angeles’ historical Heritage Square, a collection of active haunted houses believed to be the area’s most haunted hotspot. The collection has never been investigated for TV.  “Not only are they going to hunt ghosts together … but they’re going to love it,” promises the advance press. “As Jack and Kelly go deep into the night to investigate prolific spirit activity, Ozzy and Sharon monitor the action from basecamp. Terrifying encounters aside – of which there are plenty – in true Osbourne fashion, there’s a never a dull moment. With Kelly and Jack on the front lines of the investigation confronting unexplained disturbances, skeptics Ozzy and Sharon provide lively feedback and guidance hoping to mitigate the paranormal danger their kids are sure to face.” The Osbournes: Night of Terror premieres at 9 p.m.

Travel Channel wraps up “Ghostober” on Halloween night. The will feature a series crossover featuring ghost-hunting teams from the series Ghost Nation and Kindred Spirits. The paranormal investigators Ghost Nation – Jason Hawes, Steve Gonsalves and Dave Tango – reunite with Amy Bruni and Adam Berry of Kindred Spirits for the first time in nearly a decade to investigate a Newport, Rhode Island, mansion. “Seaview Terrace is the 40,000-square-foot Rhode Island mansion famous for being featured on the TV show Dark Shadows, but the owners were shocked to find out that a recent visitor – a self-proclaimed warlock – had performed some sort of blasphemous ceremony in the house,” reads the official synopsis. “Now, they’re experiencing a shift in the mansion’s energy, unleashing something more menacing. The team scours 100 years of history to discover a notoriously patchwork past, filled with lavish high society parties and possibly a scandalous murder. Ghost Nation: Reunion in Hell premieres Saturday, Oct. 31 at 8 p.m.

“Ghostober” ends with a new episode of Destination Fear, which airs Oct. 31 at 10 p.m. The team will spend a terrifying night inside the abandoned Old Crow Distillery in Frankfort, Kentucky. The series’ new season premieres Saturday, October 24 at 10 p.m. Destination Fear is “a haunted road trip turned terrifying sleepover,” according to the official synopsis. “Brother and sister duo, Dakota Laden and Chelsea Laden, and best friend Tanner Wiseman, along with camera operator Alex Schroeder, confront their fears, as they pile into their RV and hit the road on a nail-biting cross-country journey to pursue paranormal evidence, spending the night inside America’s most haunted abandoned buildings.”

In the premiere Destination Fear episode, Dakota leads Chelsea, Tanner and Alex to Saratoga County Homestead Hospital, a “decaying sanitarium in upstate New York, where some patient corpses were unclaimed due to a flu pandemic,” according to the advance press. “Screams and darting shadows play mind games with the team as they struggle to pin the activity on the living or the dead.”

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