#it's only for the uni systems as well so I wouldn't have to worry about ¿ letters to my house and stuff being sent with my name ¿

[anothermonikan]

wait hold up you're telling me I can just. edit what my name is on my uni systems by myself without having to scary convo or scary email someone. what. huh. this uni goes wild

[khaleesiofalicante]

hi Dani, how are u?

Do you think there’s a way to stop worrying about grades? I’m majoring in dentistry, but as a first year I have to take basic math for some reason (?). Every teacher has a different grading method, but mine only makes quizzes. Last week I had a quiz and the teacher decided to do it in groups, and I really thought we made everything correct, but the teacher submitted the grades and we only got half of the grade (8/16) and since then I’ve felt really bad because I had done really well until then in the class :((

My classmates told me it’s not a bid deal, but I feel really shitty about everything, because I had done everything really well until then.

I hate feeling like my grades define my worth, but I don’t know how to stop it either 🥲.

I totally relate to this too—especially when I was in uni. First of all, the assignment you did was a group assignment, so it's not entirely your fault. If you got a perfect grade, you wouldn't have taken all the credit, right? So if you didn’t meet your expectations, then you shouldn’t blame only yourself either.

I think something that really helps to not rely too much on your grades for your self-esteem is to ask for qualitative feedback from your teachers. Most teachers just give a grade or a score and don't say much else. If they don’t do that, then you should go to them and ask: What did I do well? Did you see me make any easy mistakes? What can I do better? These are actually questions that you can ask your teacher not just after an exam, but after any assignment or class.

Basically, communication with your teacher about your performance is actually healthy and helpful. I say this while admitting that not all teachers are open to doing this (some are just assholes), so if you do have the opportunity and a teacher who is willing, then talk to them and get their feedback and use that because that's more concrete than a number on a piece of paper.

The second thing is much harder to do, and I've only done it myself when I got older. It’s realizing that exam grades or scores don’t actually reflect your intelligence at all. Especially in a lot of education systems, exams test memory recall and the ability to write a lot in two hours or some other skill that actually has nothing to do with the subject or the career you might be interested in. You really need to find alternative ways to make yourself feel better because more often than not, people who tie their self-esteem to their grades end up tying it to their salary or which university they went to or how many degrees they have, etc. It’s a slippery slope.

It’s okay to tie your self-esteem to your academic achievements. It’s completely normal. But let it be something concrete and personal—like completing a course that you found online, writing an article or essay about a topic of your choice, attending a conference on dentistry, or helping out a dentist at the office. These are all things that will also make you feel good about yourself, and guess what, they are long-lasting and much less stressful than an exam.

So if you’re in uni, I would deeply recommend that you look for opportunities to learn about dentistry or medicine in alternative ways other than just uni classes. If you only learn from school, then the only way you can judge yourself is by your grades. So expand and diversify the way you learn, and you will slowly stop worrying about grades too. There are so many opportunities these days, so I’d recommend that you look out for them and try them out!

Hope this helps!

[curs3dn0va]

TW: death, substance use, pick me behaviour, and backstabbing, swearing

After my ex-something left I was in such bad state I actually got internalized in a mental hospital for a while, I can only descrive it as a limbo of trying to face the complete void in my life that he left behind, I've heard some people with addictions say that recovery takes away your "personality" because all that you defined as "yourself" was or was a part of your addiction. That's sort of what I went through when he left, I was't even half a person, everything I liked and anjoyed was highly linked to him, and same with my friends... or the people I was friendly to, they reminded me of the person I was around him, so I stopped talking to them... but I did have someone I knew from before him: lets call her B (it does stand for bitch but I'm getting ahead of myself).

B and I had a long friendship together, we met in elementary school, she was a year younger but it was a Montessory system (look it up) so we were in the same room and often "worked" together. As I had mentioned before I was severly bullied during elementary school, it started as teasing because of my glasses and grew as the years went by, and even though B was my only friend -that I remember at least- I wasn't hers, and in the end we were in different grades. In my las year of elementary school, B transferred to another school, and that's the year that the bullying got truly horrible. But we reconnected... well, I reconnected. You see, I was always the one begging to hang out, and being autistic and very lonely I would call her a lot, I would ring her house like 10 times if necessary, but as soon as a concice "no" was given I would stop, the thing is that B would make excuses and I was a problem solver, so we would be talking fo a while about all the reasons she couldn't hang out, and then I would be sad. She was my only friend, and probably my favorite person (remember, I also have bpd) which is a heavy burden for a child, so I don't really blame her for trying to get rid of me in a very subtle way that I was just not getting.

Enter middleschool and I start making other firends, B and I are still in contact and out parents are friends so my mom recommends my school and she enter on my second year, I immediatetly adopt her into my friend group and things progress nicely, I do worry about her a bit, because with the years I have come to love her like a sister, and I wanted her to make her own friends from her grade so that she wouldn't be lonely when we graduated, and she kind of managed. Middleschool was an okay time for our friendship, at least that I can recall, but I was still the one always reaching out, always the first texts, always the first call.

We kept in touch during highschool, although she was an overachiever and I was in 4 different highschools... well, I kept in touch. And then my ex happened, and 4 years later, I knew there was one person I could call who predated that whole fiasco, B and I had just drifted apart for those years, and I wanted to see how she was. B was happy to hear from me, and our friendship resumed -hell, she even visited me in the looney bin- her life started to get hectic with her uni graduation coming soon, so I did all I could to help (because that all I knew how to do). Those were some fun few months... and then we went to this party, very unremarkable really, we drank a little and made fun of some people, her friends asked her when she was getting a boyfriend and she responded "Who needs a boyfriend whe I have Nova?" and pretended to faint into my arms, it was a joke that we used to make mostly because I was very protective and attentive, and she wasn't interested in anyone, until we were playing ping pong. I went to get us some pie because our ride was about to arrive and we wanted pie, when I came back to our game some dude was playing with her, I approached and he said "oh I just want to teach her" and I shrugged, told B our ride was coming and sat down to eat my pie. We left and everything was fine, she crashed in my couch and that was that.

Next day B told me about the guy, her friends know him from some other friends and -her friends- told her he asked for her number, she seemed excited aod I wanted to know about it, and she explained that he was actually her type while showing me a picture of the party, I was very baffled since when we were making fun on people we had said "who the fuck brings a suit to a party? that's so pretentious" and there he was... the guy in the suit was "her type". I tried my best to be supportive, but I have to admit that having come from a very toxic situation myself I was not the "omg he did the bearest minimum??????? MARRY HIM", even less for B. I would've killed for her. I wanted someone who worshipped the ground she walked on, and he was... a bare minimum kinda guy. B had never been in a relationship before, so everything to her was "so original" and "very thoughtful", and when I didn't share her enthusiasm she would get short with me. One night after watching Midsommar (great movie btw, highly recommend) I drunkely said "I just really wish I could pick up all the shitty ways a man can hurt you out of my brain and put them on yours, just so that you'd know in dvance" we looked at eachother, I don't remember what she said anymore, but I did make it clear that I was sorry for coming across as unsupportive, but I was just trying to look out for her, and she understood.

He ended up being a scumbag, the most shocking part is that no one but me saw it coming, I was there to comfort B every time he would bail on a date, but those were rapidly becoming the only times we would talk. I had made another friend at this time, he was really cool and we hung out often, but B was very consumed in her relationship, and when it ended she was acting like "I really get what you meant now" and "men are really trash", which I didn't care much about, but I had been starting to get myself out there and trying to date, this is when the "jokes" about me being better than a boyfriend whent from "Jokes" to just presenting me to people as her boyfriend (I used to look very femme back then, but no one would laugh anymore). The trouble began when I met this boy, let's call him L (for "leeching piece of shit") and he was a karmic twin flame for me, I confirmed it every way I could, but he really was my twin flame, and so I went feral for L, at least for a month, then I realized my traumas ran far too deep for a relationship so intense so soon, so we just became friends, and it was all platonic from then on with him.

Why is a random idiot I met relevant? well because B made him relelvant. I will admit that I had also just started using weed to cope with my trauma, I moved out of my house with L as roommates, and I don't remember all the things I did, but the things I do remember doing were shitty. And after a while of me running around trying to contact her, B cut me off from her life over a pretty silly argument. But this is not the thing that blew our friendship appart, because I'm sure in her eyes I deserved it. No, what blew it up happened a few months later.

My grandmother was an amazing woman, she took in my grandpa's children (including my mom) and raised them as her own, she moved to a state she knew nothing about just to help my mom take care of me while she focused on her studies, she took care of my older half-sister's (my father's side) children while she was in the hospital in a high risk pregnancy, plus me because my mom was the one looking after my older half-sister in the hospital. My granmother was a saint, if people started praying to her instead of god we would see a resurgeance of miracles. Anyways, she diead in April 26, 2023. It was a hectic day to say the least, my mom and I were a mess, but I had to stay strong because my mom is the type to shut down during emergencies. And at the funeral there were many things happening, it was stressful. And then in walks in, with a group of people, that fucking narcicistic Bitch, comes right to where my mom and I are standing, the group of people hug me and my mom, but she only hugs my mom and then looks down as the group makes awkward conversation.

Who is even that sick? I don't even think I could pull a stunt like that at someone's loved one's funeral, which should tell you a lot because I am a truly sick fuck, but going to my ex-bestie's grandmother's funeral, the grandmother that I know raised them because she also took care of me when we were little, and not eve offer a "I'm very sorry for your loss"? What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You? How fucking pathetic do you have to be to go top someone's funeral to attract attention?

This is what B looked like: (fictionalized dialogue)

atendee: "how do you know the deceaced?"

Bitch: "Oh, that my ex-bestfriend's grandmother"

atendee: "oh... have you come to make amends? to show support in such a vulnerable time?"

Bitch: "what? psh no, I just want to cause emotional distress under the guise of coming to offer support to my ex-besties mother, she's also like my own mother and probably loves me more than that loser she has as an offspring, anyways I have to go parade my new hair in front of the casket brb"

And dear reader... you want to know what the worst part is? I lent her some books that I haven't trusted myself to pick up since I'm afraid to gauge her fucking eyes out with a spoon, so I sent her a text and she said "oh yeah, you can pick them up whenever! btw I have a boyfriend now!". I am not kidding you dear reader. This delutional piece of human waste actually gave me an update on her life as if I would... what? be happy for her???? SHE RUINED MY GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL AND SHE WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY FOR HER? I hope she get's cheated on, dumped, ran over by a car 3 times and survives but lives with chronic pain, becomes addicted to pain medication, and lives a miserable life away from me. Am I evil for wishing something so horrific to someone? yeah, but not evil enough to go to her grandmother's funeral and not ever make aye contact. Fuck you Bitch. If you read this I hope you contact me so I can insult you to your stupid fucking face.

*I want to set aside a space for the poeple that B tried to make me drop from my life but I kept around because I love them and they are worth every second: my mans S, you're a real one; My buddy L2, I'm sorrry I already used your initial fro someone sucky, but I wanted to thank you since despite not having seen eachother in months you were working at a parmacy my mom went, saw her crying and came by to the funeral even though it was very late and you had just gotten done with work; and last but not least, my amazing Boyfirend, who came running after work and stayed as late as he could. I am so greatful to all of these people for making the funeral bearable. I love all of you.

[aintgonnatakethis]

hi, this may not be the kind of question you normally, but would you mind talking about your experience being trans in the uk? i'm headed there for uni at the end of the summer, and while in many ways it'll probably be better (i'm coming from a very catholic conservative area in the states), i'm kind of scared.

Sorry this took a few days to answer. Originally I thought there wouldn't be much to put here but then I started writing and wow! I have actually had a life, haven't I? 😂 If you have any other questions I'm happy to answer them for you.

I'm going to put this under a readmore because it got so long, but TL;DR: Find allies in LGBTQ+/queer clubs at your Uni, if your professors deadname/misgender you complain to the Uni, register with multiple NHS GP surgeries to doctor shop for a trans friendly GP, same with NHS dentists, if you're socially transitioned and get lucky with GPs you might be able to get a bridging prescription for hormones (details below), if you're faced with medical transphobia know your rights but discretion is the better part of valour.

So all in all I think I've had things pretty easy. I'm a social recluse so even before covid kicked off I wasn't going out or going to school/working a job. It's only recently (since top surgery) that I've felt confident enough to go out and do things and that's because I now pass all the time.

I don't know where you are in your transition or whether passing is even an option (and I also wouldn't say passing should be the automatic goal for all of us - going stealth is just my personal preference) but if people can take a quick look and "clock" you, it will obviously be more dangerous for you. Though I don't think that differs much from place to place; trans people are always in danger if we're outed.

I would recommend looking for any LGBTQ+/queer clubs your Uni might have. Sometimes those groups are awful and they just bleed chronically-online-made-real-life, but sometimes you'll make friends for life. It's important to get a support network going around you I think, as well as know what rights you have through the Uni when it comes down to professors referring you to with the correct name and pronouns.

Talk to the professors first obviously - the fewer waves you make the better - but if some of them continue to deadname/misgender you, stick to your guns. I know it's a tough sounding piece of advice, but if you let them get away with it once, they'll do it forever. Find out who in the Uni you're able to file complaints with. If you need to, do it. Don't take no shit!

If you're on a student visa and are here for more than six months, congrats! You get to enjoy the sparkling joy /s that is the NHS. Something that differs greatly between the US and the UK is that you can doctor shop super easily over here. I'm presuming that Uni=a town at least, so there should be multiple GP surgeries within your range and 2-7 doctors at each depending on the size of the area they're looking after. You're allowed to register at multiple surgeries without informing them you're doing so (and our medical records aren't on a centralised system so they aren't likely to find out). Do that ASAP and then if you run into a doctor who's anti-trans you can just bounce, no questions asked, either to another doctor at the same surgery (which is what I did) or to another surgery altogether.

On a side note I'd also register with every NHS dentist in the area as well, as waiting lists for simple check ups are 6 months long currently. The only thing with multiple registering you have to worry about is if you have an appointment either turn up or cancel it. If you no show they'll remove you from their list entirely.

If you're already on hormones and are looking to continue taking them here, I'm afraid I have no idea what the transfer system is. I know GPs can write bridging prescriptions (hormones while waiting for the Gender Clinic to get through their waiting list) so if you have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a doctor in the US then a GP might be willing to do that.

I was referred and 2 years later my GP (who I love and would die for) was like "well this is ridiculous, you're obviously socially transitioned so I'll supply the testosterone for you." She wrote that bridging prescription for 3 years, gel only (which I've stayed on because I have a needle phobia), and blood tests every 3 months (now every 6). While she was writing the bridge she had to check the blood tests herself, but when the Gender Clinic finally got off their arses they're sent there.

A bridge will be a lower dose (ig micro dosing?) than you'd get properly, but it's better than nothing. If you're looking for that, bring proof that you're socially transitioned and have been for at least two years. If you've changed your name any letters/documents are good. I have 7 years worth of shit saved, just like my grandad used to do with receipts so when it came time to do his taxes he'd have everything together. ❤️️

Obviously the GP in question might want to get to know you a bit first before giving you anything, especially if you're looking for T as that can be used for sports enhancing purposes. But without knowing how long you're going to be here, my wait on the Gender Clinic waiting list was 5 years so I'd guess that's not gonna work for you.

Transphobia I've suffered from the medical industry. Right.

First time was before I moved to where I'm living currently and came out in tears to my then GP. She said "you've obviously thought this through" but then did not refer me to a Gender Clinic, thus breaking the law. Me, not knowing the law at the time, did nothing. Lesson: know your rights.

First time where I understood what was an NHS dentist. It was before I started taking T, obviously before top surgery. I did not pass. He came into the waiting room called Mr. <name> and when I stood up the look of disgust on his face was fucking haunting. That was a tough appointment to get through with him sticking sharp things in my mouth, let me tell you. He also informed me my wisdom teeth weren't fully done coming through yet which was why I was in pain, which turned out to be a lie as when I went to a private dentist (massively stupidly expensive wnr) the following month they told me they were impacted and I'd literally been chewing on myself every time I ate or spoke, hence the pain. I haven't been back to that NHS dentist place since, though I do want to get back on their waiting list now I pass properly. Lesson: get second opinions.

No direct transphobia from the private place, though after I'd voiced financial concerns and then said I ate a lot of chocolate, one tech did say "well, after you've paid for today you won't be able to afford that anymore". Unknown whether she said that because I was trans and she wanted to get a dig in or just because she was a cunt. 🤷‍♂️ I was stoned at the time as I do before all dentist appointments so didn't even work out it was supposed to offend me until later.

For the regular blood tests that are required a nurse at the surgery does it. This particular nurse was always fine and lovely to me before I started T and began to pass as a man, suddenly got very weird and standoffish, calling me 'honey' and 'sweetheart', things you do not call young men here unless you're an old woman. The kicker was when she drew blood and (knowing I have a phobia of needles) said "all done" and made sure to wait until I was looking before pulling it out. A few seconds passed and she said "you okay?" in the most vindictive tone I've ever heard. Sadly for her my panic is internal so she got fuck all. The shift times for each nurse are available on the GP surgery's website. She does afternoons, so now I only go in on mornings. Lesson: when you come out, change your name, start hormones, start passing - at basically every step of the process - there'll be people who'll treat you differently for no reason. If they're friends, sit down and talk it out before deciding what you're going to do. If they're not, avoid them.

GP referred me for a hysterectomy. First place turned me down because I'm trans. Second place put me on their waiting list. GP was pissed off.

I won't go into detail about the problems I've faced from the Gender Clinic or the surgeon as that probably won't be useful to you. If it turns out you'll be working with a GC or getting surgery done over here let me know and I'll add stuff.

Good luck at Uni, friend! 🤜🤛

[marshmallowprotection]

Saeray's tips for calming down anxiety/feeling low when it's not even active in my mind?

By that I mean like, I'm not even thinking about anything in particular but my body's gone into nausea mode for something I can't even make sense of yet

But then again I'm going back to uni soon which does make me feel anxious, so that's probably it -_-

My body must just be like no, we're gonna make ourselves anxious way before we actually set foot in the place. Essays? Not anywhere near deadlines but already uneasy. Socialisation? I don't even have any friends because I just freeze with anxiety in every situation. Or just like, back away....ugh

I understand that I'm an anxious person but the way my body just reacts, I can't stop feeling like my throat's welling up and feeling like I'm shaking and just so uncomfortable

But Saeran brings such comfort to me

Do you think he'd have any tips on how to calm down nervous, even sickly feelings inside before I like...fully transform into a mess XDD

It's just honestly so awful

I get so hypervigilent and can't relax because my literal nervous system thinks I'm under threat when absolutely nothing is happening

Who is Saeran Choi but a ball of nerves? There are so many things that he stresses out about. There has never been a time in his life when he didn't feel like there was a crushing feeling on his back. It's gotten better in recent months because the workload he's had on his shoulders isn't what it used to be. He isn't working himself into the ground to be able to stay alive. He's able to take things at his own pace and there's no worry about it. He doesn't have to stress himself out. There's still a strong feeling of bumblebees in his stomach but it's not going to consume him.

Living and coping with anxiety can be the hardest thing someone learns how to do. Not everybody is going to be able to cope the same way. What winds up working for him may not be able to help you at all. It's just the unfortunate reality of things. That doesn't mean he won't offer to show you what he does to feel better at the moment. But it does mean he's open and sincere with you when it comes to what may or may not work.

If things don't wind up working, don't beat yourself up. It's going to be okay in the long run. You just have to give yourself some credit where credit is due because it takes a lot of hard work to be able to sort out your feelings. You were there for him when he felt afraid, lost, and concerned. He's going to be there for you as long as you need him to stay.

In every sense of the word, sometimes taking a break can make it better. If you want to feel like the world is working with you instead of against you, you need to be able to see things from a different perspective.

A great way to do this is to watch how you speak about yourself. If you find that it's easy to insult yourself or belittle yourself, you need to change that. You need to learn how to speak about yourself in a positive way. If you can help it, the most important thing to do is to Simply say that you're doing your best. you're not a failure.

You wouldn't believe how much perspective in tone can make a difference in somebody's life.

It all changed once he stopped calling himself an airhead or a bug. Sure, it wasn't perfect. It's not always going to be perfect. even if you put your best foot forward and you try to see the brighter side of things, that doesn't mean that it's instantaneously going to make it all better. This isn't something where things get better overnight.

You have to be willing to wait and work with it. There is no instant fix.

As far as confronting anxiety when it comes to being in a situation that you've never been in before, the only thing that you can do is face it head-on. If you're afraid of something that you've never done before because it feels overwhelming or frightening, the only way to make that go away is to try it. Sometimes in life, you have to rip off the Band-Aid no matter what. It's a price of being alive and well it's annoying in many ways, you have to go with the flow.

There's no way to sugarcoat that. There are ways to get people to come with you if you feel like you need a buddy to make it less frightening, but sometimes you have to face things yourself. If you've been living with anxiety all your life, you might not even notice that it's happening when it happens. It might feel like you're not on edge, but you might actually be on edge. It's hard to turn it off when it's been on all the time. A perpetual state of adrenaline pouring through your veins can make you feel exhausted. 

If you want advice from Saeran, it’s simple. You need to take care of yourself. You need to be gentle with yourself when you're afraid and you need to be stern with yourself when you're avoiding things that need to be done. You can't let fear consume you because then you won't even be living. It's good to be cautious but don't let it hold you back. If he lived in fear forever, he never would have known what it was like to love you. Don't you want to take that chance? 

[softesthobi]

what if i just lived at home until i graduate sdfksdjf

[hella1975]

Any tips for my first year at uni next year?

omg that's so exciting!!!!! i'll try help as much as possible but remember all uni experiences are different so my word is not gospel lmao <3

so because it's april you havent had your results yet right? (im assuming ur british bc ur asking me and u called it uni). so for starters - uni acceptances. i got rejected from THREE out of FIVE of my choices and it was literally my fault bc i genuinely filled out my ucas application wrong (i went to a really shitty college that just left us out to dry with EVERYTHING so im v bitter but oh well), and it was super super disheartening. especially bc my firm choice AND the one i would have put as my insurance were both part of the ones that rejected me. i really remember being out at my mates drinking in her garden (covid times too it was fucking FREEZING) when i got one of my emails from ucas, and i went to her bathroom to call my mum bc i was just so upset and WORRIED about it all. but you know what? it always works out, which brings me to my next point

THE SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO ALWAYS WORK OUT! IT IS VERY FUCKING HARD TO FALL THROUGH THE CRACKS! THE GOVERNMENT WANT UNI GRADUATES! clearing is a godsend and no matter how arrogant your peers might act, you'll probs notice the MAJORITY of people wind up going through clearing. it's very very normal and it might seem scary on the day, but you will wind up getting in somewhere. i was lucky in that i wound up putting another of my options as my insurance and they gave me an unconditional offer, but almost everyone im friends with all came through clearing, and you know what? if i had the choice, i would pick the uni im at as my firm. life really has a way of working out sometimes and i genuinely love my life at uni. you will almost always get in somewhere, and even if it's not even in your top 3, you might find yourself loving it regardless. more comfortingly (or at least i found it that way) is that love it or hate it, this whole process being fucking MESSY is very very very normal

as for your actual results day, leading on from what i said, everything has a way of working out. im not someone who cries often and my family know that, but results day i was a fucking wreck. i didn't sleep at all the night before even though i knew for a fact that the grades wouldn't be up until 9am, and when i did get my grades back, they weren't at all what i wanted. the combination of my shit college and covid really fucked me over and my grades were not representative of me as a student at all. my results day was such a shambles that by lunchtime i still didn't even know what SUBJECT id be doing, let alone where id be doing it. my mum said she's literally never seen me that upset. and looking back, i would never have said to myself that i was worrying too much bc past me WOULD have clocked me in the face, but i was definitely worrying too much. i didnt even have to go through clearing in the end, and even if i had, id have been in the same boat as literally THOUSANDS of other people. i really hope your results day goes smoothly and you get the grades you want/need, but if it doesnt, just know that you're part of the majority and that the system is designed more towards this last minute aspect than it is towards the few that go through smoothly. just resign yourself to a long day of phone calls lmao. by the end of that day the uni operators literally RECOGNISED me. do you know how hard that is when they're receiving dozens of calls from all over the uk every minute?

as for actual uni!!! the biggest part of uni for a lot of people is the social life. i've literally seen it make or break people's experiences. i would like to start this by saying sometimes people do truly get unlucky. they dont find like-minded people simply bc there aren't any nearby. that aspect of uni is literally pure luck and im only telling you that to be honest, not to scare you. it's important to go into this new life knowing exactly what it has in store. loneliness is HUGE at uni and i wish id known more about it before i went, but ill talk about that in a sec. back to the social life, you HAVE to put yourself out there. maybe you're naturally extroverted which will help, but if you hate talking to people/putting in effort bc it makes you anxious/uncomfortable, then know this aspect of uni might be really difficult for you. those first few weeks are CRUCIAL (but not the end of the world mind) because EVERYONE is in the exact same boat. if you just remember that every single person there no matter how confident is just as terrified as you of not making friends, then you'll be fine. and when i said 'put yourself out there' i dont mean going out on the lash every single night (though freshers is fucking brutal if u do decide to join in), i mean little things. talk to your flatmates, make sure you get added to groupchats, dont hide in your room. i feel awful saying 'socialise even if it makes you uncomfortable' but ive just seen so many introverts who WISH they'd suffered a little more in those first few weeks if it just meant they'd be more involved, bc teenagers are still dumb. it's a lotttt better than at secondary and college, but teens are teens, and they're not gonna care what your reasons for avoidance are, they're just gonna see you avoiding them

the first few weeks are INTENSE. sometimes it's a good intense and personally it was the most fun id ever had at the time, but it also can be super overwhelming. one thing ive heard said quite a lot about uni is that the highs are SO much higher than being at home, but the lows are also a lot lower. ive never been happier and more comfortable in my life than i am at uni, but when i have bad days, it's honestly been the worst ive ever felt. im telling you this not to be like 'avoid mental illness' lmao, and more bc like i said earlier; before i came, i wasn't aware of the loneliness of uni or the scariness of its enormity, i just thought i was a baby who couldnt hack it. but people started talking and i looked online and low and behold, it's a universal thing. so dont beat yourself up if you get homesick or if the Big Uni Dream you had in mind doesn't always match up to what it ought to be

the first few weeks also are not the be all and end all. the flatmate i dont like that im now in a precarious friendship with (?) has been through MULTIPLE friendship groups and joined her latest only a few weeks ago, MONTHS into the year. things change and nothing is set in stone. if you feel you haven't made friends during freshers, then it isn't the end of the world

befriending your flatmates IS helpful, but it's not a sign of failure if you dont. i have nine other flatmates so personally i dont think i was EVER gonna get on with all of them, but im also not incredibly close with any of them, and they're not the actual group of friends i hang out with. it worried me at first, bc my sister (who's two years above me) got on SUPER well with her flatmates, and there's obvs the whole tradition of just getting ur second year house with ur first year flatmates. but honestly? it's really not a big deal lmfao. just dont fall out with them even if you hateeeee them (unless they do something that seriously warrants it) bc it's not worth it and remember you have to see them REGULARLY and ive seen shit get very very petty for some people

on the other end of that, flatcest is not just a haha funny joke. it is a HORRENDOUS idea. dont even think about it

try make friends on your course! even if you feel like you have a set group you're content with and you dont need anyone else OR if you dont want to make friends bc you're just there to do your lectures, it is still SUPER helpful from both a social and an academic standpoint. i genuinely would not be passing first year without my econ friends, and they also widen my social circle and get me invited to cool things i wouldnt normally know about (bc the thing with coursemates is that they're typically from other accoms whereas hanging with ur flatmates/people nearby means you're always in the same circles). it just makes things more fun, but i seriously cannot exaggerate the academic benefit either. dont be cocky!

give yourself set days to do things. your course might be PACKED and see you out of your flat every single day, but on the more likely chance that you have pretty big gaps and/or days off and/or your attendance is just shit (well in for uk first year grades literally not contributing to the final grade at all), then it's very easy for your mental health to slip bc you dont get out of bed. i LOVE my room, but it's also tiny and even a fucking palace would drive you mental if you were there day in day out. when my mental health got really bad, i had to start scheduling myself just to make sure i left the flat. spoons is on monday. coffee shop day is friday. laundry and food shop is on sunday etc. it might seem stupid but it really helps

idk if this was just me but i saw it happen with my friends too, so just........ be careful with your family relationships. i hope you're really close with your family (if you're not you can ignore this point lol) and i am too, but uni reallyyyy strains that relationship no matter how close you are. for me, things really got tense between me and my mum, and im not trying to scare you so i will admit we had some problems before i left, but just to repeat UNI STRAINS HOMETOWN RELATIONSHIPS. be that family or friends, if you want to keep what you have with them, MAKE SURE YOU KEEP PUTTING EFFORT IN

have fun! work hard! uni isn't supposed to be a bad, terrifying thing. i love it so so so much AND im doing a course i hate so that's really saying something. it's the best decision i could have made and i dont regret anything, even when it all went wrong trying to get here lmao. it's truly the independence i needed to flourish and the little life ive made for myself makes me genuinely so so happy to the point ive caught myself walking past my kitchen or through the accoms or to my friend's coffee shop and smiling like 'wow, that's mine. this is mine'. it's such a cool feeling to know that, after your entire life has been spent determined by the input of like parents and siblings and shit, you can finally just fucking do what you want

good luck anonstie, im rooting for you!

[magicaigirl]

@heliurg-blog thanks for asking, love ❤️!

So here's the story. Back when I was in college, our admin was... pretty demanding. They didn't give a fuck about us students. Something about the uni brand name got into their heads I guess - they loved reminding us who was in charge.

So they'd call meetings with us on a whim, give us unrealistic deadlines for signing up for courses and stuff, extend or add classes to our schedules last minute, publicly call out students over the smallest issues and even call some of our parents to campus to complain because we didn't stoke their egos fast enough.

You get the gist.

They were assholes, they were in power, and they loved it.

Before my final year started, covid hit. Of course our admin didn't want us to go home. They pretended like it didn't exist and dodged our genuine concerns for our safety. Other campuses had already shut down and sent students home. Ours was one of the last, and they let us go only because someone reported them to the police.

Now fast forward one year. We were taking our classes and exams from home. I learned about manifestation and our second year was coming to an end. Things seemed to be getting better, covid-wise.

And then the bad news came.

We had to go to campus to write our finals. And they were taking no excuses.

I was terrified. Ofc I missed my friends, but writing exams from home had done wonders for my anxiety. It was an open book system and I had enough time to think out my answers and format them well. I was getting great grades.

On the other hand, exams from college... those of you who have attended them, you know how it is. The noise, the stress, and being under the asshole admin's thumb again- I did NOT want that. Not at any cost.

So I created a subliminal playlist (I didn't know about law of assumption then) and listened to it over and over everyday till I felt like it wasn't going to happen. I also scripted that I was giving my exams from home. But still... a part of me wanted to meet my friends one last time. I was also worried about all the clothes and stuff I'd left in my dorm, as I had no idea when I'd be able to go and get them.

Then the day came for me to fly out to my uni.

The email I had been expecting - that exams from campus were cancelled - didn't come.

I got in the car. No email. I got into the plane. No email. I landed in my university city. No email. I took a cab to campus. Still, as you rightly guessed, no email.

My manifestation, which I was so sure would come true, had FAILED.

It was all a big lie. It seemed like I had no control over my reality after all. And man, that heartbreak.. it was on a completely different level.

Still, I managed to pull myself together. I was in college with my friends. The city was relatively safe from covid. I still had 3 days before my exams were supposed to start. Those were three mad busy, amazing days. In which, of course, the email I so desperately wanted did not come.

Writing exams on campus still didn't feel real that Sunday night.

Our admin had called a meeting to smugly announce the timings of our exams and seating arrangements, as well as inform us that we wouldn't be allowed into the hall if we were more than five minutes late. The first exam was supposed to start the very next morning.

In spite of all this, I ended up affirming that I wrote my finals from home. And then I fell asleep.

The next morning we got some news. Some students from our sister campus tested positive for covid. And because of that, our exams had gotten postponed by a day to make quarantine arrangements.

I kept affirming that I'd give my exams from home. I and my friends huddled together in their room, too excited to do any studying. Here they told me the rumor of a few juniors also showing covid symptoms.

Then the news broke that in the past 3 days, covid had been rapidly spreading in the city and it was unsafe to keep university campuses open.

The admin held a private meeting with our student council. No one officially said what it was about, but we all knew that they were debating on whether to continue holding the exams on campus or send us home.

It was a tough fight. We had a friend of a friend as an insider to that meeting, and she reported that the admin did not budge an inch. The exams were going to happen on campus no matter what. Meanwhile our student council was fighting tooth and nail for our safety.

Everyone thought they admin would get their way, as usual.

But I? Oh, I gained hope.

I affirmed like a madwoman. The same sentence, over and over again: we would all be giving our finals from home.

It was the admin against me, and this reality was mine. I would win.

Spoiler alert: I won.

The sister campus shut down and sent everyone home.

I got that email on the fifth day of being on campus.

I knew it before even opening my inbox. Everyone was screaming and running around, hugging each other, just going wild because holy fuck. WE WERE GOING HOME.

And I did :) I got to meet my friends just like I wanted, I got all my stuff from my dorm room, and left with the satisfaction of no more loose ends. I wrote my exams from home, with everyone else, did amazingly well and got my degree.

Basically, manifesting works no matter what!! All you need to do is PERSIST.

[dog-forest-spirit]

It's implied that Kagome took life too seriously before she met Inuyasha, like how she's crazy about her tests, doesn't believe what her grandpa told her as she always tries to be rational, she didn't do much with her life except study before Inuyasha came. When Inuyasha came into her life, she dares to speak her mind, think about more things than her studies, the way Kagome speaks to Inuyasha, she wouldn't talk like that to anyone unless she trusted him. I think it was to parody that Japanese parents want their kids to be too independent too, so she's a little too into it. But it's her first time seeing Kagome speaking up like that in forever.

Maybe when Kagome was a kid, 5 or so, she was like Yuki in Wolf Children. Free, curious, clever, etc. So one day a kid falls and scrapes her knee and starts screaming. Kagome starts collecting herbs and pushes them against the wound and says they'll stop it from stinging. But an adult pushes her away, saying the child needs proper treatment, but when Mrs Higurashi looks at the herbs in an encyclopedia, she realizes that Kagome was right. So she tries encouraging her to keep her gift, but the trauma made her want to be "normal".

And when she grew up, maybe having a boring office job like Aggretsuko, with no goals of her own, maybe marrying Hojo but having a childless marriage where both just work and aren't really happy. Maybe her parents were planning to travel the world when the kids moved out, and now Inuyasha can give Kagome that. So since Kagome is so often away, she never truly knows the dangers she's in, but she gets to travel and enjoy life with the one she loves, doing what she loves. And if that means Kagome is happy, her mother is happy too.

Idt she took life too seriously given the circumstances she’s more of a product of her environment getting into high school and uni is HUGE in japan so most students were like that idk how it was in the 90s but the pressure of going to school and getting a good job is insane idt she anticipated staying in the past long term which is why she didn’t drop out and wanting an education isn’t being too hard on yourself imo it’s what she wanted to do I worked two jobs and went to school to make enough money to see exo in SK before they went on hiatus it was crazy and hard af but it was smth I really wanted I think her determination to get into school while dealing with naraku was one of her better traits and an indication of how smart she really was 😭 and the grandpa thing I took it more as “I’m young and this is stupid” kind of a rebellious thing not like loudly but just “it’s grandpa telling his stories again” she probably got tired of his hard sales and never saw proof (until she went to the past) so he lost his credibity tied with youthful immaturity that you know more than the next person or have everything figured out so maybe that could be her being more based in reason but not objectively but her definition of objective I found her to be an average likable 15 year old (pretty had “friends” was smart well off support system hottest guy in school wanted her etc.) probably so the “chosen one” cliche wasn’t as cliche she just happened to share a soul with kikyo (now the well being outside of her house... convenience)

The speaking her mind thing idk how she really was beforehand since we didn’t see much I always assumed she was always very outspoken she didn’t take Inuyasha’s sht at first which is why they butted heads a lot (then she caught feelings and...she still stood her ground but not as often as I would have liked but manga inukag and anime inukag function on different levels inuyasha wasn’t cheating on kagome like he was in the anime if I remember correctly)

If I’m wrong I’m sorry ! 😭 it’s 5am I just got off from work but this is the only time I’ll have to answer stuff since I have work again then I have to prepare for an interview then work some more (plus I’m having an allergic reaction so I’m just 😭😭😭 not available) if this is in defense of my kagome’s mom hates her thing idt she hates her hates her but I feel the unknown would scare her and the lack of concern is very weird and felt too much of a convenience like in anime the mc’s parents are either dead or overseas so the story doesn’t have to deal with concerned/scared parents maybe my parents are overprotective but if they don’t know what to expect they’re freaking out—oksy not freaking out but uncomfortable they make it seem when you have a child their your 24/7 when I went to SK my parents confessed they were going to talk me out of going b/c they thought I was going to get victimized (I was 22 I was gonna go anyways but still) in uni they said I couldn’t study aboard alone b/c of me getting victimized my mom told me she was afraid and worried abt me when I went away to uni even though I had friends and wasn’t alone so I’m probably projecting a bit here Ik inuyasha had her and kagome knew inuyasha had her but her mom at first didn’t know inuyasha had her she just believed inuyasha despite just meeting him which is crazy as hell to me I’m not saying she needed to strongly object but showing some inkling that she was worried abt her well being and not just being “oop well anyways let’s finish dinner” it could be read her mom trusted kagome which is good but she’s also 15 teenagers aren’t the most rational people also when kagome came back the first time the first thing she did was cry to her grandpa about how she was scared I hope she did the same with her mom or grandpa told her mom so your daughter being terrified abt what happened then being forced back the same day (inuyasha interrupted dinner and tried to pull her away) and your only response is to play with his ears is...Ik it was done in comedy but it also shows a disregard for her daughters safety I feel most ppl would take offense if someone broke into your house then took your daughter away to place that scared tf out of her

I’m sure this came off as me picking your argument apart but your interpretation is still valid! I’m not always right! Feel free to disagree!! This is just my thoughts and reaction to it!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jude

Jac: I know this is probably weird Jac: or just an unwelcome sight, my name in your inbox Jac: but if/when you have some time to spare, I'd like to talk, if you're willing Jude: whatever you heard I didn't do it Jac: We could workshop that but no, that's not what it is Jude: 🗨 about what then? Jac: Um, if I've gotta summarize it in a message Jac: the past 2-ish years? Jude: bit late to start 🗨 now but if you wanna not be 🤐 Jac: That's okay if you want it that way now but I can offer you explanations, if you want that too Jude: 10/10 opener Jac: Thanks Jac: though if you're saying it's as believable as your 'I didn't do it' I take some offence Jude: ⚽️ 🏀 🏈 ⚾️ 🥎 🏐 🏉 in my court is top for novelty value alone Jude: power might go to my head 🤯 Jac: get your kicks where you can, honestly Jude: 😜✌ Jac: You'll let me know then? Jude: [lowkey ages later] Jude: 🗨 if you still wanna Jac: Okay Jac: I appreciate it, hopefully you will too Jac: that's all I want really, so, obviously I'm the one that owes you whatever you need to hear but if you wanna give me an indication of where to start, it might be easier for us both Jude: idk where it even started Jac: for me, I'd say when I started to be friends with Savannah, at the start of transition year, and it really got real at the end of that year Jac: but maybe before I was slacking too, that's definitely possible Jude: it ain't a job Jac: no, I meant that it is work though, maintaining good relationships and being a decent sister, work that I wasn't putting in Jude: I've always been hard work for you, soz like Jac: It certainly wasn't your fault Jac: or what I was trying to allude to Jude: 🗨 or not goes both ways Jac: Okay, you can think that, you don't have a lot to suggest otherwise, I see that Jude: you talk to Jess cos he does your head in less than me, since forever Jac: In general, me and Jess have more in common than we do, I think Jac: but I didn't talk to him for the whole first year either, and I only did at all in the second because he did me a favour in a way I couldn't Jac: but I might have to go back to explain that in a less vague way Jude: go where you wanna, it's your 📖 Jude: I'm 👂 Jac: I'm not telling it for me Jac: but alright, I'll just do it Jac: so, Amelia was in love with me, it wasn't reciprocated, and she couldn't be my friend any longer, I lost her Jac: then what happened to Isabelle happened and I lost her Jac: and also Savannah at the same time Jac: and what happened to Is fucked me up, as well as the shit people were saying about it, about me around it Jac: it all got on top of me, I didn't cope with it, I took that out on a lot of people, you were one of them Jude: nowt I don't already know Jac: Right Jac: well I didn't know you knew that, so I felt I should tell you Jude: everyone knows about the 😍💖 Jude: I missed Sienna too & there's no way what happened to Izzy wouldn't fuck you up Jac: okay Jac: well it was rough, for a time there, and I didn't really have anyone to help me deal so I did some bad and stupid shit that didn't just affect me Jude: yeah Jac: and I'm sorry about that Jac: for however that affected you, at all Jude: alright Jac: and I only talked to Jesse because something really bad happened and he was there so I had no choice, really Jude: what was it? Jac: I don't wanna make you feel bad Jac: just to say how bad it was, like I'm being dramatic or whatever Jude: you can't just drop that something really bad happened & then not tell me ?? Jac: I had to have an abortion Jude: fuck Jac: I know that's a lot Jude: idk what to say Jac: You don't have to say anything Jude: ??! Jude: yeah I do, we can't just leave that there Jac: You don't have to like, try to make me feel better though Jac: I can talk more Jac: it was last christmas time Jac: and yeah Jac: it was the hardest thing I'll probably ever have to do Jude: Christmas Jac: yeah, great timing, right Jude: who was it? do I know him? Jac: no, it was some guy at some party, complete accident Jude: I'm never hooking up with anyone ever Jac: I wasn't being as careful as I could've been Jac: I was on the pill, I am, but I was sick so Jude: if it happened to you, it could definitely happen to me Jac: no, I wasn't being safe at all, I wasn't like me Jac: you wouldn't do that Jac: not like you shouldn't be careful yourself, of course, but I'm not trying to fear monger Jude: why? Jac: because I didn't feel well Jac: or like protecting myself from bad stuff Jac: but it was a wake-up call Jude: are you better now or what? Jac: I'm trying to be Jac: I wasn't trying at all back then Jac: but I am now, and part of that is reaching out, so you really can ask anything Jac: if you want to Jude: I don't think you should go if you're not Jac: I think University will be good for me Jac: I have stopped doing a lot of the things I was already, and I'm trying to do more things that I should again Jac: the fresh start, getting to do what I want to do, that's been keeping me going Jude: but it's really far away Jude: what if Jac: I don't want you to worry about me like that Jac: I'm not about living like that now Jac: if I had to stay here, I'm not saying I would go back, but leaving is a good thing Jude: you were though & you're not gonna have anyone to help you deal there, that's why you said it got bad before Jac: I still don't have friends here Jac: I have a better chance to make new ones when we're all new, you know Jac: but it was all the stuff that was too much that made it all happen Jude: it feels like a 🥉💡 Jac: Why? Jude: cos you said it was the only thing keeping you going so if it goes wrong Jac: but it's not going to go wrong Jac: you know academics have always been where I'm most comfortable Jude: yeah but Jac: I worked really hard for this, and I've always wanted it Jac: I can swap Universities, if I need to do that Jac: and I would, if things weren't working Jude: promise Jac: I promise Jac: I don't know how I'll reassure you on this, apart from getting there, and then checking in Jude: then do that Jac: I will Jude: okay Jac: I'm not going to go back there Jac: I want to be better, and that's half the battle, right Jude: true Jac: I have to get out of here Jac: you'll feel the same when your time comes too Jude: it's not bad for me here Jude: I get why you wanna leave & Jess has gotta for the ⭐dom but I'm all good Jac: you want to see the rest of the world too though Jac: not stay here forever Jude: I'm not gonna 👀 sod all from a lecture hall Jude: & a basic bitch gap year ain't no mood Jac: I'm gonna be in Edinburgh, a whole new city to explore and make home Jac: you have to go somewhere you wanna be Jac: and then you'll have good money to see enough of the world and not have to do it with pretentious gap year people slumming it in hostels Jude: I just don't know where I'd wanna be Jac: you still have time to figure that out Jude: but I won't have my pick like you Jude: not 🤓 enough Jac: you can still pick a city, lots of bigger places have lots of different Unis Jac: even if the Uni isn't like ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Jac: the place can be Jude: you're right, I've slummed it on loads of school trips & it's still been 🥇 Jac: and I'm not calling you stupid, you can get into wherever you wanna, with the work Jude: tah, don't be calling me thick 🤣 Jac: just so you can't call me out later, of course Jude: probs won't be going to Spain though I ain't getting any 🏆 in that class Jac: you usually get a year abroad if you want it Jac: still chance for some sun, sea and sand Jude: 😝 Jude: can't be tamed, the teacher'd be fuming to find out I'm in Barcelona loving the 🎨 Jac: you can fluff your first year Jac: get it out of your system 😏 Jude: yeah? Jude: I thought that was a rumour to 🎣 out dickheads Jac: I think if you totally tanked it, they might wanna get you gone Jac: but I don't know if they technically can Jude: watch me test it 😏 Jac: 🙄 Jac: 🤞 you change your mind in these interim years Jude: they'll be like oi you piss off & I'll be like nah mate!! 😜✌ Jac: 😂 Jac: good luck with that Jude: I've got this Jac: No doubt Jude: you can still have kids later if you want, can't you? Jac: It shouldn't have had any effect, like that Jac: I don't think losing a baby does, usually, unless it goes really badly and that didn't happen Jude: yeah, you're not Amelia's mum Jac: yeah, I'm clearly fertile Jac: so unless the karma is I'm not later Jude: thank god Jac: I don't know if I'll ever want to do it again Jude: idk if I want kids either but we might Jude: like ages from now Jac: yeah Jac: It was just a lot to go through Jude: did they knock you out to do it? Jude: that must've been scary Jac: I took the tablets Jac: did it at home Jude: here Jac: yeah Jude: shit Jac: I told Jess, so he stayed with me Jude: I'm glad Jude: he's the one I'd tell too Jac: Poor him Jude: I do tell him stuff, I'm sure he's gutted about it Jac: I just meant it's a bit rude of us to put it all on him Jac: I'm sure he isn't gutted Jude: yeah but he won't be around for it soon Jac: you can still talk to him Jude: nah, he'll be proper busy 🤠🎤🎵🎸 Jac: you can still blow his phone up Jac: he'll get back to you Jac: beside, you have friends too Jude: I can handle it, I've got mates, mum & dad & obvs me Jude: he's earned a break Jac: yeah Jac: no doubt he'll be grateful Jude: for sure Jac: 👍 Jude: I mean from me, not you Jac: no, I know what you mean Jac: I've put him through enough Jude: nah, I have Jude: you were really going through something Jac: Are you okay? Jude: yeah Jac: Good Jac: like you said, you can handle it Jac: not going to start demanding you tell me things Jude: it was just a weird time Jude: is Jac: yeah Jac: I know Jude: I didn't know what to do & like I always know about myself Jude: things ain't usually confusing Jac: I'm sorry Jac: for making shit harder for you, you didn't need that Jac: a lot of it was too painful to talk about Jac: like, I couldn't Jude: & you don't have to, not to make me feel better Jac: I wasn't intending to make you feel shit Jac: but I also didn't do anything to go out of my way to do the opposite either Jude: you made loads of people feel shit, I'm not special Jude: or probs even top 5 Jac: I did Jac: it was easier Jac: than questions and concern Jac: for me though Jac: not you lot Jude: you can't be selfless all the time Jude: everyone's a selfish dickhead when they're 💔 Jac: I didn't have to be quite so selfish Jac: that's a lie, I did feel like I had to at the time, or I wouldn't have done it Jac: but that doesn't excuse it as alright Jude: it wasn't alright Jude: but none of us are saying it is Jac: it means you get to react how you wanna now Jac: even if that ain't alright either Jude: bit late to 🥊 Jac: you could try it Jac: you needn't think I'm just gonna take it though Jude: I got my own room out of it, if I do a OTT 🚪 slam you'll get the point Jac: you get your own room regardless now Jude: & this time I can actually chuck your shit out without mum or dad having a go at me Jac: if you want Jude: it'll be gone soon as you have 👋 Jac: that's fine Jac: I have the things I need Jude: I won't ask you to help me start the wall mural as a bonding activity, you're alright Jac: would be counterproductive Jude: yeah you'd only fuck up my artistic vision Jac: naturally Jude: if Amelia weren't so in love with you she might've bothered to teach you how to 🖌🎨 instead of being convinced you were 10/10 as you were Jac: I'd hate to steal your thunder Jude: the competition'd be a right laugh Jude: I wouldn't mind it Jude: how you get better anyway Jac: It's one way Jac: I've always been peerless so I wouldn't know but Jude: 🙄😏 Jude: when Sav left, she gave you a 🏃 for your 💰 before that Jude: 🤓🥇🏆 Jac: True Jude: I wonder where she's going Jac: Bath, probably Jac: unless she changed her plans Jac: or got into Oxbridge Jude: that 1st bit don't sound like something she'd do Jude: maybe her Catholic school was top notch though Jac: I doubt her dad was going to risk sending to another shithole Jude: I don't get why he sent her away at all Jude: there's gonna be lads like that at parties a few hours from here just the same Jac: Yeah well, it was a convenient excuse for what he probably wanted to do anyhow Jac: and I doubt she was allowed to go to many parties after that, wherever she was Jude: he's a twat for not caring what Sav & Sienna want, I wouldn't let him tell me nowt Jac: you wouldn't have much choice Jude: 😬 Jac: clearly their mum didn't argue loads for them to stay so Jac: that's that Jude: yeah but he could've stayed closer & still had them live with him Jac: well there's no point pretending he isn't a twat, for the sake of this convo Jac: maybe he had a job offer, I don't know Jude: 🤷🏼 Jac: anyway Jude: ?? Jac: I don't know Jac: is there anything else you wanna know Jude: does it get any worse? Jac: no, that's the worst Jude: then you can tell me if there's anything else Jac: I mean, it wasn't so much what I was doing or did Jac: you know the rest, the drinking and partying and obviously the sex Jude: it was a bit hard to miss Jac: yeah Jac: it was what it was Jude: I don't blame you for wanting to go, you won't get a fresh start here after what all that was Jude: you were my sister before far as the 🗨 went now I'm yours Jac: well, I want to go anyway, always have Jac: I don't care what people think Jude: good job none of us are that bothered, with Jess blowing up an' all Jac: you can't be responsible for what people say about anyone but yourself Jude: I know Jude: dunno if the other two have their heads round that yet though Jac: well I'm sorry for what people might think or say about you because of me Jac: we're all going to have to make changes, because of Jess' lifestyle now Jude: there ain't no might about it, they do 💭 & 🗨 Jac: then I'm sorry Jude: don't bother being, it don't matter if you are & people have always 🗨 bollocks Jude: if it ain't you it's Jess or mum being a model, whatever else there is Jac: well I still am Jude: I can't change your 🧠 Jac: just because people talk, doesn't mean I have to give them more to talk about Jude: you won't be, you'll have pissed off to do your psychology degree, getting to just be you somewhere else Jude: like I'll get to just be me if I go far enough away too Jac: Yeah, that's generally why people do it Jude: even if Jess gets well famous in the next couple of years, still a common enough last name Jude: I should be able to do my own thing Jac: exactly Jac: private profiles, the whole deal, it's just what you'll have to do Jude: not gonna wish he fucks it, that'd be a bit rude Jac: Of course not Jac: it doesn't mean it won't be hard Jac: people already know you're related, you've been at gigs and stuff Jude: something else I can handle Jac: doesn't mean you can't feel a type of way about it Jude: it's what he wants to do Jac: Yeah Jac: but how do you feel about it? Jude: idk nowt's really happened yet Jude: it might get weird Jac: Yeah Jac: I get you Jude: I don't wanna be famous & especially not just for being his little sister Jac: yeah, I'd hate that as well Jac: people speculating 'round here is bad enough Jude: but maybe it'll help with my 🎨 Jude: not being a total unknown Jac: maybe Jac: but you wanna know you earnt recognition for your ability, not who you're related to Jude: all I know is if people start asking for 📷 I'm gonna have to look 11/10 every day Jac: 🙄😂 Jude: even for school! oh my god that'll be knackering Jude: I'll have to get up early Jude: tah for that, Jess Jac: people at school already have loads of embarrassing pictures Jac: at least you'll know where they've come from Jude: my mates won't do that, so yeah I'll know WHO they've come from Jac: you never know Jac: it changes people Jac: and not just the person it happens to Jude: what so I've gotta keep my 👀 on everyone? UGH Jac: I'm not trying to be dramatic Jac: but you hear about it Jac: people selling you out, for their own fame or 💶 Jude: you're not wrong, I'm just not chuffed to have to walk on 🥚 Jude: be a right laugh that will Jude: but whatever I ain't gonna whinge to you Jude: that'd be a bigger pisstake after everything you've just said Jac: can't say I blame you Jac: you can talk about whatever you want Jude: to loads of other people, not you Jac: if that's how you want it Jac: not because you think you can't Jude: it's how it is, you've got a lot on Jac: You can still talk to me Jac: regardless Jude: changing the habit of a lifetime of you telling me to NOT, that's like another fresh start Jude: so nah, not really Jac: that is what I'm trying to do Jude: & I'm here for you if you want but I don't need it from you Jude: like I don't need Jess to rush back from gigging how we said earlier Jac: Alright Jac: that's how we'll go forth then Jude: 👍 Jac: See you later then Jude: 👌✌

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Nancy

Rio: If you wanna head home 'fore nan and granddad are ready, you can always have a lift back with us Nancy: Thanks Nancy: I'm in no rush though Rio: Having a good time then? Nancy: Sure Nancy: It's not a classroom, I'll take it Rio: Yeah, I bet you're buzzing Nancy: You mean you can't tell? Well, that's devastating Nancy: I reckoned on it being so obvious, like Rio: I mean, your poker face ain't all that, babe, if you wanna be real about it Nancy: More of a resting bitch, I know Nancy: The good news must not have sunk in yet Rio: Give it a few Nancy: Yeah Rio: Anyway, can't do anything about it now Rio: May as well enjoy your summer Nancy: Like I said, I already am Nancy: Aside from the prospect of going home Rio: 👍 Rio: How bad can it be Rio: he's taken one for the team Nancy: No, he's made sure exams mean more than they did before Nancy: and made me the focus since he's a less than safe convo topic Rio: Well, your family's inability to communicate is longstanding and not my fault so I'm not gonna take the blame for it, nor is my baby Rio: Sorry, like Nancy: I didn't ask Nancy: It's not my fault that his fall from grace makes me their poster child for success now either, I definitely never asked for that Rio: If you're going to feel so sorry for yourself, don't be surprised when people feel it for you in return Rio: Oddly enough our decision to have a child wasn't exactly about you Nancy: I'm only surprised the pity party isn't full already Nancy: My brother tends to take up a lot of space Rio: Please Rio: We've got no reason to be sorry, either definition Rio: we're happy, if you lot wanna be miserable then the party is all yours Nancy: Does he know that? Does he feel it? 'Cause he sounded like he wanted me to be sorry for him many times over when we last spoke Rio: Like I said, you're all crap at communicating Rio: but thanks Nancy: Yeah, and he's one of the worst Nancy: If I feel sorry for anything, it's for you, for that much, like Rio: Fuck off Rio: I don't need your pity Nancy: Don't tell me to fuck off Rio: Why not? You've seen fit to talk to me how you please Nancy: 'Cause you're judging my communication skills like its your job, for one thing Nancy: And for another, I haven't said anything like that to you, ever Rio: You said in as few words as possible that you don't think Buster really wants our baby, implying that I don't know him and we don't talk, whilst you were at it Rio: but no Rio: the f bomb in response, so much worse, Jesus Nancy: No I haven't Nancy: All I've said to him is that his timing is ridiculous and when was the last time we even spoke, me and you? Before exams probably so Rio: What does it matter to you, or your parents for that matter Rio: He's still going to Uni, he's still doing everything they want Nancy: I don't care what they want Nancy: I care about him and how hard it's gonna be Nancy: I won't be here to help either of you, not even in the same country, so excuse me for being worried Rio: When ain't life? Rio: You can't let that stop you from doing what you want Nancy: You don't need to make it harder on yourself, Jesus Rio: Well that ain't how it's going to be, or how we see it Nancy: It's easy for him to see it that way when he never admits that he needs help or that anything could possibly be a struggle in the slightest Nancy: He's just perfect and everything will be, end of story Rio: I help him Rio: and I know that, I knew that before this even started Nancy: I know you do and you know I love you, yeah? I'm not saying this to be a bitch to you Rio: I know Rio: but I don't get why you can't translate your worry into supporting him, that is literally all he needs from you Rio: instead of the constant barage of questions Nancy: because I'm scared for him and he scares me Nancy: how little he thinks about anything Nancy: He just wants and he gets and I'm the only one who cares if it'll work out or not Nancy: you know that's what he's always been like Rio: It's going to work out Rio: even if you wanna talk worst case scenarios, we have to get divorced, yeah Rio: he'll still have the kid, I'm not that bitch Nancy: I hope it does Nancy: Genuinely Nancy: You know that Rio: I think I do Rio: but you don't always show it Rio: I know it's a lot Rio: but it's hard for him when none of you seem happy for him or even say it's alright, like Rio: why do you think he can't admit he needs help, when has he got it? Nancy: Do you? 'Cause when you got together I had to re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about him and you Nancy: He says he's loved you since he was a kid, I was there, I have almost the same memories Nancy: But I don't Nancy: at all Rio: Why does it matter? We were all kids Nancy: 'Cause all this time he was so unhappy and I didn't know, okay Nancy: I didn't do anything Rio: None of us did Rio: He didn't want you to know, anyone Rio: you can't take blame for it like you wilfully ignored cries for help but he's trying now Rio: he needs you now, okay Nancy: I'm trying too Nancy: I just Nancy: I don't know him, if I ever did Nancy: How am I meant to know what to do? Rio: You did Rio: You were close then, just because you didn't know this one thing doesn't mean you weren't Rio: You wouldn't tell him about every crush you had, especially if you felt shame about being gay or there was another reason you knew he could judge you for it, you know? Rio: Just, try and be nice to each other, simple and as stupid as it sounds Rio: that's all you gotta do in this world though Nancy: You can say wanting to fuck my teacher, that's pretty shameful, babe Nancy: Lord, did you really have to do the one thing that scares me most to test me Nancy: Babies are terrifying Rio: Well you know, I assume you weren't child thirsting after your reception teacher like 👌👌👌 nice cardigan miss Rio: Nah Rio: they're just people Rio: I guess that's kinda the problem though Nancy: Hey, she was cute! And very attentive Nancy: Well, not to be dramatic and turn this into a therapy session but the last time I was properly excited for a baby to be born, he died Nancy: And now we don't talk about him Rio: That isn't going to happen again Rio: and you could talk to Buster about him Rio: he's thinking about him too Nancy: Does he talk about him to you? Rio: Yeah, a little Rio: we're going to give the baby his name as a middle Nancy: Really? Rio: I should say we don't know it's a boy yet, we just think it is Rio: but I won't say 'if not, the next one' and freak you out further, like Nancy: Go ahead, I'm just out here openly crying at the beach Rio: I'm sorry Rio: you can use my ugly dress as a hankie if you wanna Nancy: It's not that bad Rio: It's years old 'cos everything I own now would leave no need to announce this Rio: tempting but probably not Nancy: You should have come to me, my wardrobe runneth over Nancy: Literally, I need to have such a huge clear out before uni starts Rio: You planning to reinvent yourself as a minimalist? 😏 Rio: local charity shops gonna be a goldmine, like Nancy: Reinvent myself, yeah, as that, no Nancy: I get it, not tempting to come over when I'm being a bitch Nancy: I'm sorry you have to suffer that dress as a result, babe Rio: Well you know, or we could say I was giving you space and time Rio: politer Rio: I'm not even sure it was ever mine Rio: maybe it was yours, the ultimately bitchery to get it out of my system Nancy: Not to be that bitch or lesbian stereotype, okay, but what's under it? Can you not just remove it now the secret's out? Nancy: Be you again Rio: 😂 Rio: Still got it, babe Rio: I guess I can now Rio: It's weird Nancy: Do it for my brother if not me Nancy: You think I need to sort my face, look at his right now Rio: Poor boy Rio: at least I didn't straighten my hair, then he'd really be devastated Nancy: 😂 Nancy: I wish you had, I'd have taken so many pics to post and tag him in Rio: 😏 Pure evil, like Nancy: Genetically, sorry Nancy: Not saying you should watch The Omen again or anything but Rio: 😲 How rude Rio: but if I remember correctly that fucker was adopted so it would've been more cutting to come at me with Rosemary's Baby, like Rio: slacking Nancy: Oops, horror movies not really my forte Rio: You should reconsider Rio: yeah the bitch always dies, but she's usually half-naked beforehand, like Nancy: Are you gonna put your arm around me when it gets scary though? I think not Rio: You know I would you just ain't vibing 💔 Nancy: Lies! I just told you to strip Rio: True enough Rio: There's hope yet then Nancy: I'm sorry for being a bitch this whole time Nancy: I've missed you, it feels like exams lasted years Rio: I know, it was stressful and I weren't even taking them so God knows how you lot survived Rio: How do you feel about them, genuinely? Nancy: I know you love him, but how much of a prick was he during his, like 1-10? To make me feel better Nancy: I feel bad but like, I always do about that stuff so Nancy: It doesn't mean anything Rio: Oh, 11, for sure 😏 Rio: no, it was hard though, he was stressed as fuck Rio: you'll have done what you needed to do, I know Nancy: At least you could play the pregnancy card, like DO NOT STRESS ME, BOY Nancy: I basically had to shut myself away to get the same effect Rio: I feel it, Junior looks like this is his first time seeing sunlight in years, he hasn't taken his sunglasses off Rio: know they're prescription but come on Rio: as for the pregnancy card, great for getting out of arguments you've probably caused being a crazy bitch, like Nancy: I don't think he remembers who any of us are 😂 Nancy: It's not too late to have some actual fun today, is it? Nancy: You need it too, Buster said you've been pretty sick Nancy: He's dramatic, but still Rio: Of course not Rio: Someone suggested going to the pub to celebrate but as I'm the one with the baby I can make sure they choose somewhere nice with a decent cocktail list and beer garden, not a grotty old man pub, like Rio: Just morning sickness but it was pretty shitty and lonely when he was at School and so was Indie Rio: but fingers crossed I'm over that now so Nancy: We have to do something about that dress first Nancy: Come with me before we go anywhere else Nancy: I will save you Rio: 🙌 Rio: If you take me near a maternity section, we will brawl Nancy: God no Nancy: I'd burst into flames Rio: 😂 Rio: You remembered suncream today though, yeah? Nancy: Yes, mum Nancy: Maternity clothes are actually disgusting and I'm not letting it happen to you Nancy: Or my niece or nephew, how embarrassing to look back on Rio: It's just not necessary either Rio: do you know how big most clothes go these days like Nancy: Thank you! Like be more creative than that Nancy: If you wear a smock I'm disowning you Nancy: I don't care if you're having twins in a heatwave Rio: You'll be glad to know it ain't, unless one of them was hiding real stealth, but I'd be much bigger, pretty sure Nancy: Yeah, you'd need more than that dress to hide behind, right? Mum was such a ridiculous size with us, the pics are actually like something out of a scary movie Nancy: Say what you like about her, and do, but she always looked good Rio: Honestly, poor bitch Rio: Feel her small girl pain in a way you can never Rio: feeling like a human ball some days and it is just the one Nancy: Why do you think I'm not taking you to a maternity section, they'd think I was the one with a baby on board Nancy: No offense but kill me Rio: Oh bitch no Rio: like, is daddy excited or terrified, Nance? Rio: straight girl bants Nancy: I nearly threw up in my mouth Nancy: Not morning sickness, sorry lads Rio: You keep down your breakfast if you getting in my car, thank you very much Nancy: Such a mum 😏

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Caleb

Ali: Do we know when Carly's funeral is going to be yet? Ali: I need to come back but I don't want to pester her parents...I sent a message but no response Caleb: I did too and got nothing either Caleb: I'm feeling they dont want us to be knowing Ali: Think so too Ali: Which is rich considering Ali: Trying to be understanding but where have they been Ali: I know I was away too but Caleb: you kept in touch Caleb: they haven't met their grandchild yet, have they? That's their vibe Caleb: imma leave them in peace but its not cool Ali: everything is so fucked Ali: how did this happen Caleb: never seen my mum madder Caleb: she's not praying for them saving 'em up for indie & drew Caleb: you gotta make sure you handle your own goodbye Ali: Can't blame her Ali: thank God she and Meena were there or they could both be gone Ali: What the hell is going to happen now Ali: Yeah, I'll have to, I don't think we're getting in to the real funeral but, it won't be her anyway Ali: they don't know her Caleb: I wish I had been, caught my mum crying hard later & that was before all this Caleb: she's down to take her in but I dunno if he'll allow it Caleb: Carly's parents could take her still its mad here rn Ali: I owe her big time, I didn't know what else to do, she wouldn't go to Hospital so I can't be sorry I did it but I am sorry for the fucking trauma of it all Ali: In a way, that might be better for her, but then...they've not done a good job with Carly, have they? Would they let history repeat itself Ali: but Drew, fuck Caleb: it's all good, like nah, but as far as my mum goes Caleb: you did the right thing Caleb: I dunno man they might be feeling like they're getting a second chance with her but will it be? Caleb: you heard from him? Caleb: im blocked Ali: Thanks, I'm doubting everything I did and said now Ali: but I really tried Ali: I truly don't know what's for the best but it will have to be worked out Ali: Poor baby Ali: No, not since this whole...mess Ali: I think he genuinely feels guilt for this one Caleb: You handled shit better than I could. Better than most I think Caleb: Estou orgulhoso de ti, querida. Caleb: yeah my heart's breaking to look at her Caleb: He won't let me help him & truth be that I don't even know where to start Caleb: No idea what he wants, you know Caleb: could be what the kid needs but as easy could not be Ali: You're too nice for your own good Ali: He probably feels like he doesn't deserve it, and rightly so frankly but not going to spite Indie just to prove a point Ali: She's so innocent Ali: Oh God Ali: I'd do it myself but the social would never sign off on that Ali: who am I, like Ali: She's got family Caleb: I ain't feeling it. I'm raging Caleb: I get that I don't get to speak on it, and he's hurting so I'm not going there but I dunno how he could let her go like that Caleb: With the bab there Caleb: Shit's beyond fucked Caleb: We could try. You were Carly's family Caleb: She'd want you looking out for indie Ali: I don't know Ali: It was hard to know how to help her Ali: but he didn't even try Ali: well, from what we can see from our outside perspective Ali: she seemed to think he did but Ali: I don't fucking know Ali: It really is, thank God Indie won't remember any of this Ali: Drew will have to, and that's his punishment Ali: I asked Mum, its pretty much a no go, if she got put in the system, if none of them claimed her, then maybe, but not whilst I'm at Uni and away and I already have too many kids to deal with by standards Ali: especially for a single parent, they wouldn't favour me over a nice, older well-off couple with everything to give Caleb: She wanted to bounce so says my mum, he shoulda let her do what she needed to do, she had to be in shock having her way it went Caleb: gotta keep your babies safe they're defenseless Caleb: anything could've happened them playing at family how they did Caleb: Filho da mãe! Caleb: Okay but hear me out...what if we went at this together? Caleb: You still got your ring, you're still my missus, legal or nah Caleb: se você me tiver eu estou disposto Ali: She did, she had, she told me where she was Ali: I just think its too easy to think over all this now Ali: its plausible he was trying to keep her safe by bringing her back, its not out there Ali: arguably was safer who knows where she would've ended up Ali: its happened regardless of all the what-ifs and woulda coulda shoulda Ali: better focusing on what we can all do now, Drew included Ali: See, too nice Ali: Of course I do Ali: I still don't think it'll happen but of course we can try Ali: if it comes to that Caleb: True Caleb: He was outta his depth, feeling like he could get Carly to turn it all around, let his kid have the ma he never Caleb: It's sad man Caleb: Good Caleb: We can't worry on that yet but I've been stressing over you out there on your own Caleb: Can I hit you with another idea? Ali: Yeah, exactly Ali: Very fucking sad Ali: Oh, I'm fine, like, not right now but, you know Ali: Go for it Caleb: Try not to get vexed at me for sneaking but it's been a while Caleb: I've been hitting up job offers round you and they've said yeah to some part time things Caleb: I wanna come out, help with the kids more than ever now Caleb: What you think? Ali: You're serious? Ali: I think its the best news I've had in a long while Ali: Well done you! Caleb: what happened got me thinking Caleb: and its the only thing that makes sense Caleb: us all together, you feel me? Caleb: It won't be easy but neither is this rn Ali: I've been feeling the same Ali: but I was too scared to put it out there Ali: Family should be all that matters Ali: the rest is just bullshit to deal with Ali: the kids are going to be so excited when are you coming Caleb: my bad for leaving you hanging this long but I didn't wanna mess you around, not only with the job, you know Caleb: but my heart's sure Caleb: I dunno what I'd do if shit happened to you, cos you're my baby mama yeah, but cos you're you too Caleb: I still feel the same, not trying to change it these days Caleb: Gotta help Gus get my cuz ready to do my thing but won't take no time Ali: Not at all, it had to be right Ali: It would be all the more painful and wrong if you came and we couldn't make it work Ali: I love you Caleb: I love you too Caleb: You've been all on my mind since I last saw you and thats how I want it Ali: Wait Ali: before you commit fully I have something to tell you Ali: might change your mind, I don't know so you need to know now before Caleb: You can tell me Caleb: I'm listening Ali: [Sends bump pic] Ali: About 5/6 months Ali: Your Bday, Christmas, remember? Ali: I didn't say because Ali: Last time Ali: I've not told anyone else though, no one Caleb: Shit man! You been dealing on your own Caleb: That's so rough, Ali Caleb: You should've said, hit up your fam if not me Caleb: I get not wanting to say it but I gotta ask, was there anyone else on the scene? Caleb: I know what I think but I need to hear it Ali: It was worst for you but Ali: it wasn't exactly easy to tell them Ali: I know they were all disappointed or disgusted or whatever else valid feelings but it wasn't fun Ali: No, no one else Caleb: We gotta tell them Caleb: Mine too Caleb: What's the story? What's the doctor said? Are you both good? Ali: Yeah, my blood pressure's a bit high but to be expected, I told him I ain't got no time to chill Ali: are you happy? Ali: do you think anyone will be? or have i had one too many to soon to get the congrats now Caleb: I'm gonna make time for you to chill Caleb: Swear down Caleb: Eu nunca estive mais feliz Caleb: And they'll be happy for us too. Trust Ali: That would be nice Ali: don't think I've stopped since I came here Ali: If they aren't, they aren't Ali: Its coming, like Caleb: I'll rush through what I gotta do here, be with you sooner Caleb: More I can do to take care of the bubs the more you can have that you time Caleb: I'm not slipping on you or this baby, you're gonna be all good Caleb: Gus'll throw us a party, he misses you like I do Ali: You don't need to do that, tho no shade to your cuz but some talent you just can't teach Ali: #natural Ali: I miss him too, I miss everyone Ali: Oh shit Ali: Has anyone told Ro? Did she even know Carly was pregnant Ali: We've not spoken much, I've tried to give her space, let her live her Uni dreams Ali: Fuck Caleb: You don't need to hype me but I'll allow it Caleb: yeah no lie I'm a bit scared about heading over gotta be done for my culinary arts tho like, keep the restaurant game fresh for my fam Caleb: Oh damn! Meena maybe? I dunno Caleb: She swerves me & everything happened fast Ali: You're gonna love it Ali: I've found so many amazing places already, I can't wait to show you Ali: Even Junie's trying new things Ali: I'll have to ask her, God I hope so Ali: If not, oddly maybe it'll be best coming from me? Seems wrong but Ali: she knows I was friends with Carly Caleb: That's my boy 💪💚 Caleb: I'm excited too, trust Caleb: yeah we all felt the love Caleb: Hope she didn't hear it from the wrong peeps but it'll be what it is Ali: I dread to think how fast the rumour mill be spinning Ali: Wankers Caleb: Least she got that distance Caleb: You're the furthest and closest Caleb: I hate that it's gotta be this way for you Ali: I'm just glad I got to know her Ali: I was lucky enough, none of them were so Ali: say what they like, they did when she was alive, like Caleb: I should've known her better Caleb: I knew what Drew was doing Ali: We all did Ali: what could we have done? stop him? stop her? Ali: they both made choices, even if they were poor ones, or made not in their best state and mind Caleb: True Caleb: I let him make a lot of bad choices, shit went on too long Caleb: It's not on me to pull him back anymore I got focus elsewhere Ali: You can't blame yourself for him Ali: its his to shoulder Ali: yeah, a lot of bad shit happened to him but, he's made a lot of it happen since Ali: not his excuse of a Ma Ali: she's not been around for a long time Ali: Meena still manages to be good and do the right thing, y'know? Caleb: Exactly Caleb: He's grown now and he needs to act it more than he's been Caleb: There are two kids in this Caleb: Behaving like her isn't what he wants but we can't do the changing for him Caleb: It wasn't on Carly to help me out with that either Ali: Right, though, clearly he won't acknowledge Edie unless I'm dead Ali: Fucked up thing to say but more fucked up that its real Ali: I know Ali: but she loved him, she wanted to Ali: he shoulda treated her so much better, she gave him everything she had and for what? Caleb: over my dead body would he mess that kids head and life up if you weren't here Caleb: it's not right Caleb: I don't feel I know him nowadays Ali: I know Ali: you're a better Dad to her than he could ever be Ali: just the truth Ali: I know Ali: its a shame but you and your fam have done all you can for him Ali: can only wait and see what he does now Caleb: I'd adopt her but I'm hoping against hope he'll wanna be her dad Caleb: But if not now when like? Caleb: Now he's got to take care of Indie alone that's the excuse he needs Caleb: shit man Caleb: he doesn't deserve either of those girls Ali: She'll know Ali: we don't need a piece of paper to make it official Ali: she feels the 💚 Ali: No matter what happens, we have to look after Indie too, okay? Ali: Make sure she's good Ali: Promise Caleb: I promise you Caleb: nothing's gonna happen to any of these kids on my watch Caleb: she'll feel the love too, all we've got Caleb: 5 babies or 15, gonna keep my word Ali: Same Ali: we're not doing a bad job, are we? Ali: I don't want to prove everyone right Caleb: We've been slipping but it'll be all good when we're together again Caleb: Better with you than without Caleb: And we've always done the bubs right no matter what Ali: Yeah Ali: You're right Ali: haters got me trippin' Ali: don't tell Caleb: I'll pick you up on the quiet Caleb: when you going to the doctors again? I'll time my trip so I can be with Ali: its not 'til next month Ali: so that should actually work out reasonably well? Caleb: Fated Ali: if not its only a checkup so its chill Ali: but we can aim for it Caleb: Sooner the better for me Caleb: Don't tell the kids I wanna show up and see them lose their shit like on the vids Ali: That will be too cute for words Caleb: forreal Caleb: Imma try and get Junie on the songs cos I got my girls to help me Caleb: he's already a chatterbox we halfway to it Ali: they've learnt this Malay nursery rhyme Ali: its sick, they're so good at it Ali: I'll let them show you when you come Caleb: they can teach me Caleb: gimme a leg up Ali: Yeah, and Mandarin Ali: like, you'd get along fine with English but its so much more fun and just respectful to try Ali: I want them to learn as much as they can whilst we're here Ali: and wherever else we end up Caleb: I feel that Caleb: I got an app on my phone but with everything that's been going down I haven't tried Caleb: Sampled some fusion cooking tho which'll be sick now I've got more peeps to get stuck into eating it Caleb: Getting a belly here Ali: 😍 Ali: oh I've missed you Caleb: won't have to for much longer 💚 Caleb: i'll be counting down them training days honest Ali: speaking of Ali: gotta run Ali: got class in an hour and best believe i need all this time to get those kids out the door Caleb: oh I be knowing Caleb: go get your genius on Ali: talk soon ✌ Ali: love you Caleb: te amo 💚💙💜