#it's ok to be shy u can stay anon forever

[fisheito]

WOOOUUGHGHHHHH HI ITS ME. THE ANON WHO SENT YOU SO MANY WORDS ABOUT BABY YAK AND THE AAAARRRRTTTTT!!!!!!! THE ART!!!!!!! oh my god the big baby cheeks the silly gulp GRANDPAS FACE!!!!!!! WAAAIIILLLSSS!!!!!! god i am bouncing off the walls, i have been poking at a longfic of the Baby Yakumo Acquisition that essentially would be the album full of from mostly snake to less snake more human but i am very easily distracted LOL. i almost sent you some in the initial enthusiasm burst but it was 1) pretty decently body horror heavy and I am not about to just send someone i don't know potentially squicky and/or triggering asks and 2) absolutely got tired and distracted and then forgot completely to do anything lmao. BUT BUT BUT!!!!! WAUGHH!!!!!! absolutely absolutely floored you did art, zooming with inspiration that i will try and unleash upon The Word Document ;w; also i know it's a little bit of many hoops to jump through w me being anon all the time, i'm mega shy and really appreciate the interaction and the sillies and THE WHOLE BEAUTIFUL ART......... going to get it printed as wallpaper and spend the rest of my life staring at the egg wall

truly, a very Considerate Etiquette nod to you for being mindful of what an internet stranger may be squicked by but 1) LUCKILY, I'M INTO THAT SHIT i meannN. i do not know what counts as body HORROR? like, waht would it take to horrify me? the body is already quite freaky in its mundane operations. what's a lil contortion and species mixing and differing structural anatomy between yokai :^).............

2) we tired out here. absolutely understandable. i will always support creators creatin' at their own wild whims

gotta say !!the way you wrote all those yaku snippets felt like . what my brain wants to see. BUT, written more concisely?? as in... if i tried to write out what u did, i feel like my words end up full of fillers and ermahuummmmms so idk i liked the way u formed ur words even tho they were in Casualish Ask mode. can't imagine how powerful they'd be in Edited Fic form 🤔

[digitalcockroach]

yall remember not that long ago when i was doing ask games and posting about kink (ik thats always stay with me) and some anon thought it was ok to send smth to the effect of "oh so you're a bad little girl who wants to get raped by her uncle" and then argued with me for Not being chill with that? i just think it captures so many fucked up little nuances bc ok lets go thru this

the misgendering which they fully admitted they saw i was trans and just assumed transfem

the assuming someone (a woman) into rape and incest kinks would necessarily want to be in the submissive role

the audacity to anonymously try to engage someone in trauma-related kinks without knowing the above (gender, role) let alone their triggers, limits, etc??? and furthermore this is smth that's pissed me forever bc it happens so much

taking any conversation about sex and kink as an invitation to try to sext/roleplay/turn someone on (and then of course acting like the person is being ridiculous for bringing up sex and then not wanting to fuck you)

that last one happens SO MUCH especially in DMs and its never as slick or smooth or subtle as they think they're being like no i can very clearly see what you're implying with your awkward dating sim flirtations and no im not being adorably oblivious or shy im ignoring u bc u have incel vibes

[leejeongz]

cix as your boyfriend

requested: yes, by anon

bx: (i don’t not need i do not need i do not need 🥲🥲🥲 ok maybe i need🥲🥲🥲)

♡ his favourite date- late night drive + music

♡ he’s the dj and the driver. you can just sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery. he likes the privacy that you two have without being locked away in a room. you two can talk for hours while he just drives, with no real plan on where you’re going.

♡ skinship- he’s annoying ASF, he just wants to be by you all the time. most skinship comes after teasing, to show you that he was just joking. he loves holding hands, wrapping his arm around you and linking arms in public, back hugging and resting his head on your shoulder sometimes too. at home, there is no limit. there is no skinship that he wouldn’t partake in with you.

♡ his love language- quality time. when you’re together, you’re not getting a word in edge ways. he tells you anything and everything, everything he’s seen, everything he’s eaten, EVERYTHING. but it’s only because he wants to share his life with you, even the moments you don’t see. he loves seeing you laugh at his stories and how your eyes light up when he’s around. but even when no one is talking, he’s content and doesn’t want the moment to end.

♡ kisses- he likes catching you off guard, pressing kisses onto any exposed skin at any time. he loves placing kisses onto your jaw line and then pulling away and looking at you expectedly with a grin on his face. he’s very proud whenever he gets to kiss you. deeper kisses are rare and usually lead to something more, but he’s not apprehensive to initiate them.

♡ uses pet names ironically, to tease you, especially in front of your friends. he has no shame and isn’t afraid to call you his flower anywhere he wants.

♡ he can sense when somethings upsetting you or you’re being off and he’s straight there to comfort you with whatever you need, hugs, a bath, even just a conversation. he’s NOT letting you be upset or down when you deserve to be happy :((

♡ the type of guy to want to stay home with you rather than go out. especially if you’re more on the introverted side. he just doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable and thinks it’s more intimate.

♡ if he’s not getting all of your attention, he’s gonna be hella jealous. when he’s jealous, he can either get real mad or real pouty, but it’s usually something that you can reassure him on with some extra loving that day.

seunghun:

♡ his favourite date- escape room

♡ even if you never manage to escape because brain cells???? he still loves watching you try and helping you where he can. honestly, he’s no help at all because he’s too busy watching you, but you’re so captivating while at work like that hehe, can you blame him?

♡ skinship- his hand is always engulfing yours. he quite often gives you back hugs too. he prefers back hugs to normal hugs since he thinks they’re more innocent and sweet. he loves having you tucked under his arm when you’re sitting next to him, even if it’s in public. this boy does not care, skinship is the same at home or in public.

♡ his love language- quality time. when he’s not working, he’s with you. you do everything together, he values your company over anyone else’s. he knows you must miss him, because he misses you the moment you say goodbye. he wants to be the centre of your attention the whole time and he’ll do anything to make sure that he is.

♡ kisses- first of all he loves when you kiss his neck!! but your lips actually meet regularly. he likes to kiss you when you’re both tucked up in bed, he thinks it actually helps you both sleep better. he’s forever giving you pecks on your cheek too, but he knows when to stop so that it doesn’t become annoying.

♡ you first held hands after he asked you to compare hand sizes. he always thought of the moment beforehand and that your hands are probably a lot smaller than his, but the reality was they were only like 1cm smaller. but he thought it makes it easier to hold your hand so he prefers it this way ><.

♡ he will do anything to make you laugh or to make you smile. he’s hates seeing you upset or down, even if it is over the tiniest thing, so he’ll be EXTRA goofy and jokey with you until you’re happy.

♡ it doesn’t matter where you’re going, who you’re going with, what you’re gonna do, he’s gonna be there. and you can’t get sick of his presence so he doesn’t have to worry about that either

yonghee:

♡ his favourite date- thrifting together

♡ first of all he is NOT gonna get bored while shopping with you and is actually prepared to take an active boyfie role. he’ll help you pick out clothes that he thinks look good on you that you may have not picked out for yourself. when you come out wearing them from the changing room he smiles at you brightly while his heart is just going CRAZY.

♡ skinship- he strokes and pats your hair a lot, he thinks it’s endearing and it always makes you smile and blush, so he does it all the more. he’s a little shy when it comes to skinship, even when you two are in private. he’d rather tell you how much he loves you and show you through his acts of service. that being said, he does love placing tiny kisses on your forehead wherever you are.

♡ his love language- words of affirmation. sometimes all he needs is a little chat with you to make him do that little better. he wants to make you proud, especially since you go out of your way to help him. he often thinks about how lucky he is to have someone like you who gives him that boost of confidence without even realising what you do.

♡ kisses- very romantic. long, passionate kisses are rare but when they do happen, they take your breath away. when you two kiss, it takes away any struggles or any worry that you had for that brief moment. playful kisses are more frequent. he smiles into them and when he pulls away, he covers his mouth because he’s gone all shy 🥺

♡ he still gets a little bit shocked when you ask to do things with him. he’s like “what? me? why?” (his subconscious constantly wanting confirmation? we’ve all been there bby) and when you reply “because you’re my boyfriend” he gets EXTRA FLUSTERED

♡ the pet names he has for you 🥺 make you blush a whole lot 🥺 he hasn’t gone a day since you pair got together without calling you “honey” or “darling”, but he’s also created some more that suit your personality 😭😭

♡ definitely prefers calling you over texting you, or leaving you little voice notes. he likes leaving voice notes for you to wake up to when he’s not there and imagines your cute reaction when you listen to them.

♡ knows exactly what to say and when to say it. he can be flirtatious in a jokey way, but hidden under the laughter there’s sincerity and you know it

jinyoung:

♡ his favourite date- art museum

♡ as well as being able to giggle with you at all the suggestive 😼 art, he also likes having deep conversations with you about how you’re interpreting the art. he likes learning about how you think and how you feel. plus it’s an excuse for you to both dress up nicely and maybe even a little bit… matching.

♡ skinship- there’s not much pda, if any at all. i think he’s someone that would want to keep his relationship private, so not even hand holding in public. he’s that guy who waits for you to fall asleep just so he can wrap his arms around you or place a kiss on your nose. he likes resting his head on your shoulder while you watch movies together, sometimes he even falls asleep like that 😭😭

♡ his love language- acts of service. he really appreciates even the tiniest things that you do for him. when you cook for him, or collect his mail, or clean up while he’s resting after a busy day. he feels a little guilty since he knows that you have a life too though, so he’s never expecting you to do anything for him, which is why it’s even more lovely when you do.

♡ kisses- HOT AND PASSIONATE, DEEP KISSES. they always leave you flustered, but to make things even worse, he’ll then place his cold hands on your cheeks and laugh at how hot it made you. expect tiny kisses throughout the day on your hand or on your shoulder (but you cannot expect the surprise ones ofc which are even more frequent)

♡ his gift giving skills are out of this world. he remembers every date that he should and gives you something he knows that you’ll like, as well as the cliché but still nice things like flowers and chocolate. he gets so giggly when he gives them to you aww babyyyy

♡ gets so whiny when you say no to him 😭 it will be like 2am and he wants to come over but ur like “can’t you wait until tomorrow?” and then he ends up just coming over anyway to complain about you saying no

♡ uses his cuteness against you. either you love it and can’t resist it, or you hate it and give in just to make him stop.

♡ he likes fun but what he likes more is seeing you have fun. catching you smiling when you’re doing something or seeing you on pictures with a massive grin on your face makes him so happy.

hyunsuk:

♡ his favourite date- bowling

♡ seeing u in those shoes is enough. but fr he likes how light hearted it is and how fun it ALWAYS is with you. he almost always lets you win and when he does he pays for your drinks and food while you’re there. he does get a kick out of you getting it down the gutter 3 times in a row, even if it happens every time.

♡ skinship- not much for pda, maybe a little bit of handholding and a discreet back hug while you’re waiting in line. he loves being near to you though. at home, he’s more of a playful boyfriend. there’s lots of tiny little scraps on the sofa about who’s feet get the rest on the other’si laps, and who gets to sleep on the other’s chest in bed.

♡ his love language- receiving gifts. given that he can’t spend much time with you, he thinks about you a whole lot more than he does anyone else, and receiving gifts from you shows him that you do the same. more so than the gifts, he gets excited when he sees how excited you are to give him something. it’s endearing 🥺

♡ kisses- longer kisses are giggly but still full of passion and love. he can’t wait to put his lips on yours and soon becomes more and more comfortable with making the first move. he’s not one for giving little pecks, those are rare, but he loves when you surprise him with them.

♡ even though he always wants to make you flustered, he usually gets wayyy more flustered than you in his attempts to do so. his cheeks burn up and his hands come up to cover his face.

♡ okay this boy LOVES listening to you talk. looking into your eyes while you talk about everything and anything, just admiring everything about you.

♡ sings for you. all the time. even if you don’t request it he’s gonna be belting out a romantic song to you.

♡ sometimes he doesn’t even realise he’s done it, but he’ll drop something really sweet and romantic into a conversation and your heart will be thumping immediately and he’ll panic thinking he said something wrong.

[jasperwhitcock]

equinox | chapter 07 –– “a cruel god, a wrathful goddess”

here is chapter six of my bella as a vampire and edward as a human fanfic inspired by an au that @bellasredchevy​​ posted. you can read the new chapter on AO3 or here. i post updates on AO3 or on tumblr using the #equinoxjw tag. but it seems 10/10 times my tag does not work, so that is a fun mystery for me to solve.

oof... sometimes u get distracted and then ur sister gets married and then u get unmotivated & d*pressed and forget to update ur fanfic for over three months... my bad y'all... sorry for the wait hehe. i hope it is worth it. again, i'm so thankful for the comments & i read them all. i get too shy to respond, but i WILL. i just need to talk myself up first. i love u. thank u. hehe. ♡♡♡ merry christmas/happy holidays if i fail u again before the 25th. i WANT to update more frequently. my catchphrase these days is "i'm trying my best," so... i'm trying my best.

this is for the sweet anons who slide into my ask box & ask me questions abt my fanfic. and for taryn, who consistently reminds me that there are people wanting to read this seeing as she is one of those people, kim, who i am so desperate to impress that i began working on a new chapter once she started to read my fanfic, and kae, because without her, this fanfic would never have existed in the first place. i love how i'm writing this as though it's the intro to an actual book when it's literally just chapter seven. ok, i will shut up now so u can read. love u. again.

07 A CRUEL GOD, A WRATHFUL GODDESS

In great contrast to the noisy ambience of the other students in the hallway, we were silent on our walk to our shared biology class. I wondered how conscious Edward was of the stares and whispers focused on our proximity to one another, but my guess was that he was very much conscious of it. I intentionally ignored glancing in any direction that I sensed one of my siblings’ presence, although I figured it was mostly paranoia driving me to feel as though we were about to cross paths. Holding my breath to more easily walk beside Edward left my senses impaired to the ability to pinpoint their location. 

I was lucky that for the majority of my immortal life, I’d managed to escape unwanted attention. But now, it seemed that precious luck had finally run out. Maybe embarrassment had been creeping up on me, maliciously building itself up all these years, waiting until just the right moment to rear its ugly head and exact revenge that immorality had stolen its favorite object of humiliation to torment. But here it was, ensuring that I was finally catching up on feeling awkward and out of step, a feeling I experienced for what seemed like the entirety of my human life. I thought once I’d been changed, I’d never feel this way again, but becoming misaligned with my family made me feel bashful to parade my defiance in their faces. I had operated better under no scrutiny as a mortal and was surprised to realize that that still held true as an immortal as well. Because though there was now never a struggle of staying upright or a risk of tripping over my own feet, that didn’t prevent me from feeling self-conscious as I walked beside Edward. Although for different reasons –– it was too mortifying to consider what my family might make of what my actions suggested about my feelings towards Edward.

And yet still, I would put up with the ridicule and disapproval of my siblings if it meant I could listen to Edward speak his silly philosophical theology, his questioning of god and existence, for just a few more hours. If I were going to be teased over Alice’s visions regardless, I might as well find out what I can about this pretentious boy before I leave him alone forever. If only to understand why his moving to this small town threatened to warp my own future so much. In losing night and in losing death, there were so very little anomalies in the endless amount of time I’d been given. So what would it hurt to allow myself to fixate on this minuscule difference in my life for just awhile?

It could hurt Edward, a more selfless part of myself reminded me. If indulging myself was playing with fire, I was being justly punished with the way flames were efflorescing the inside of my dry, burning throat.

If a god did exist, why would it make sense for such a being to craft someone like Edward with his perceptivity, and send him off to this small town, home to a secret such as ours? If a god did exist, why it would be fair for such a being to craft someone like Edward, someone who tempted me both in bloodlust and in curiosity, and send him off to this small town, home to the very vampire who desperately wished to kill him most? If a god did exist, if our kind had fallen short of heaven, I could understand why sending Edward into our path –– and more specifically, my path –– could be some kind of punishment. But what I couldn’t understand is why a god would allow someone as innocent as Edward to be endangered for the sake of bringing a sinful, undead creature to justice. It seemed the only reasonable explanation would be that a god probably did not exist. 

And how could there be? I was on the precipice of falling into temptation with every step further in the hallway and every question he asked and answered. I could never not be very much aware of the fact –– especially now with his body merely inches from my side and his sweet fragrance blooming both deliciously and relentlessly in the air. And even as I impossibly withstood the lure of his blood, how was I meant to ignore the irresistibility of his mind and how inexplicably concerned I was to understand it? It seemed like a very cruel experiment of free will and knowledge –– far too cruel to allow much room for the kind of god Edward hoped for.

I frowned as I realized that this experiment wasn’t that of a cruel god’s but that of a cruel vampire, and I felt very much like a vampire as the sound of his heartbeat was so appealing that it made my mouth water.

“Do the stares bother you?” Edward spoke quietly to me as we weaved throughout the hallway. Easily distracted, his question was able to pull the more civilized parts of myself together, though this was probably also in thanks to my choosing not to utilize my sense of smell. I found it funny that at least one of his thoughts had been in a similar vicinity. But of course, the rest of his thoughts were probably free of all consuming agony and struggle. For all his curiosity about morality, to inflict this existence upon him would probably devour him in misery. At least as a human, despite whatever conclusions he may come to, there was still some hope to be had for an afterlife. This thought should have been dark and depressing, but because it made Alice’s vision seem like a complete hoax, I almost found it funny. How would Edward ever end up like me?

“Oh, no,” I swallowed the venom in my mouth. “I live for attention.” I watched from the corner of my eyes as his gaze flickered over to me, the ever present half smile appearing on his face at my joke. My answer came out so comfortably as though I was used to this, when in reality, the student body for the most part had grown accustomed to ignoring me. And, of course, there was nothing comfortable about the demanding, aching dryness in my mouth or the burning in my nostrils. “How about you?”

“Likewise,” he joked, laughing. “This is interesting –– their fascination. I understood their interest on my first day because I’d guess a new addition to the student body in a town this small is something of a rarity, but today, walking by your side is garnering even more attention. Is it a once in a lifetime opportunity to have Bella Cullen walk you to class?”

“You’re just so observant, aren’t you?” I rolled my eyes, though the corners of my mouths pulled up despite myself. “And I’m not walking you to class. I’m walking to a class I just so happen to share with you, so don’t get the wrong idea. I think they’re just surprised because they’re probably under the impression that I don’t play nice with others.”

“And do you?”

“You tell me,” I replied, pausing to face him beside a wall of lockers next to the entrance of our biology classroom. As he stopped beside me, a gust of air from a passing student walking hastily down the hallway sent his scent reeling into me at an unfortunate moment where I’d chosen to breathe in. My muscles tensed to spring, and I desperately anchored myself to the floor as my mind fell into disarray.

“Nicely enough,” Edward winked naturally as though we’d been the best of friends since his first day. The demanding thirst was intruding on my awareness, and the desperation for something wet and hot and delicious in my desiccated throat was so dizzying that his voice sounded as though it were underwater. With an effort as though I were swimming through drying cement, I resurfaced, just barely proving my dominion over the desire. I focused on his voice so that it’d become clearer, forcing myself to take another excruciating breath in and exhale the fire out. “I will say I am honored to be the exception –– to be plucked from the masses by the renowned, reclusive Bella Cullen.”

With torturous effort, I snorted as though I wasn’t fighting everything within me to keep him alive. I breathed in again heavily, allowing my body to become a pyre so that I could speak. “Alright, that’s enough. Stop saying my name like that. And you’ve lost the privilege. I am never walking you to class again,” I rolled my eyes even though my joke could very much be the truth. The bunching of my muscles, the twitching of my hands, and the fierce pain in my throat reminded me of the fact. Before he could point out the contradiction of what I’d previously clarified, I sighed. “Let’s take this quiz.”

His pretty green eyes were alive with mischief and enlightened with what must be more answers to questions he hadn’t outright asked me as he turned to enter the classroom. I followed behind him towards our shared table.

Air from the vent rushed out, thrusting the scent of his blood wafting into my face again. I paused for an indistinguishable moment as I battled agony, murderousness, monstrosity. Holy fuck. What was I trying to prove! Was it really worth this? Swallowing hard, I sat beside him as though nothing happened. My suffering was so great that Emmett could have brutally ripped my arm off, he could have beat me with it, and I wouldn’t have noticed nor felt a thing. I could have been set on fire, and it’d feel like sinking into a cool pool of water on an even cooler day. I was already burning alive, my body acting as a furnace, and I was imprisoned inside it.

Without intending to, I sighed aloud, exhaling as though it would smother the flames. It was a stupid, attention seeking thing to do. Humans sighed to expel air or express some sadness or relief or exhaustion, so when my family emitted an audible breath, we did so as a means of blending in. But to breath out in a way to clue Edward into the fact something was plaguing me… it was a stupid invitation for more questions. And these were questions I had no intention of sharing the answers to. I felt his eyes on me, but before he could say anything, Mr. Molina began passing out quizzes face down on our lab tables as students continued to pile in from lunch.

“Alright, class. Today we have a pop quiz–– oh, come on, guys, don’t groan. You will have the opportunity to make corrections after these have been graded. This is just an assessment of what you’ve retained from this unit so far. You will have the entire period to complete–– thanks for joining us, Mr. Patterson, glad you could fit my class into your busy schedule. Why don’t you take your seat? –– You will have the entire period to complete your quiz. If you finish early, feel free to get a head start on this weekend’s homework! I’ve written the reading down on the board. Aw, I’m sure you’re all moaning because you’re disappointed at how light of an assignment it is because I just know how very excited you all are to continue your passionate pursuit of studying biology. Alright, now that everyone’s settled–– wait a minute––”  Mr. Molina paused, raising his pointer finger in the air, his eyes squinted in anticipation. Three seconds later, the bell signaled the beginning of class. “Begin!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward reluctantly turn away from me. In an elegant script, he wrote his name at the top of the paper and began his quiz. I turned away from him to look at my own paper, preparing myself to uncomfortably hold my breath for the next hour. The difference this made in my thirst was almost insignificant, but enough so that it gave me a tiny more leverage in my control. I smoothed out the pucker on my forehead with the eraser from my pencil, accidentally snapping the rubber off against my face. 

Absentmindedly, I began to breeze through the assessment, circling the correct answers, but my mind was more absorbed in the warmth of sitting beside Edward. Aside from the affliction of doing so, it was too pleasurable to have sat beside him so often and for so long today. I enjoyed the toastiness like a lizard basking in the sun. It made me recall the muddy human memory of laying out on a blanket in my backyard beneath my beloved blue Arizona sky, hiding beneath the small shade of a book. Not the blistering heat of a summertime Phoenix sun, but the warmth of the first day of spring. But the heat of Edward’s body alone was enough to fill my mouth with venom, so I tried to refocus my attention onto my quiz.

When I turned to the last page of questions, a motion beside me diverted my concentration once again. I peeked over, turning my head slightly in Edward’s direction to see what it was. As he thought over one of the questions, his right hand was moving peculiarly as he lifted and dropped down his long fingers almost as though he were impatiently tapping each digit one by one along the tabletop. Except the movement was more exact and calculatingly random. Engrossed, I watched as his his soft, fragile skin rippled over the muscle, the tendons appearing and disappearing with every bizarre movement. It took me a moment to make the connection between the large grand piano in his home and the motion of his hands. I realized he was miming piano movements while he thought through his answers. There was something both weird, funny, and endearing about this. I smiled to myself, not having the required oxygen to quietly laugh.

I felt his curious eyes flicker over to me and watched peripherally as he raised his eyebrows. I shook my head, biting down on my lip to unsuccessfully fight the smile, and returned to completing my quiz.

I finished a moment later and impatiently waited another ten minutes or so before I could turn in my work. I tried to ignore Edward for this small period of time at least, mentally reading myself the opening chapter to Wuthering Heights. Even though the words were committed to my memory, it was still never as good as actually reading from the book itself.

Once I’d decided an appropriate enough time had passed, I stood up to walk my quiz to the completed basket on Mr. Molina’s desk. Even having waited, I was still the first to finish the examination.

“Thank you,” the teacher whispered without breaking his focus away from the crossword puzzle he peered through his glasses at. I breathed in now that I’d placed some distance between myself and Edward, gladly facing the cool, fresh air from the vent.

“Neophyte,” I whispered back now that I’d replenished my oxygen supply.

“Excuse me?” He glanced up, his slightly aged face confused.

“Neophyte,” I repeated. “Eight across, two down.”

I took in one last clean breath and walked back to my seat as he tapped his pen across the squares of the space, mouthing his count of the letters to check if the word fit.

As soon as I took my place in my seat again, Edward stood up to walk his own quiz to the basket.

I wanted to watch him, but instead I forced myself to unzip my backpack and retrieve the biology textbook.

Busying myself with the assigned chapters, deciding to actually read them so as to not feed into my invasive Edward obsession, I couldn’t help but listen as Edward too placed his own textbook on the countertop.

I heard the scribble of pen on paper as he began to write what I imagined were notes until his large hand slid the paper over to me beneath the wall of my hair spilling over the desk. Well, I wouldn’t ignore him if he was the one deciding to bother me.

You know I’m pretty certain that cheating is a violation of the student handbook, but I’ll let you get away with it just this once.

I turned to glance at his face to see if he were serious. His eyes were warm and inviting, his mouth in the same crooked smile.

I took the piece of paper and looked around for my writing utensil that had gone missing somehow. My eyes zeroed in on a suspicious, tiny pile of wood dust on my side of the desk. When had I brutalized my pencil? He held his hand out to offer his own pen, and I accepted it, carefully plucking it from his fingers without making contact.

I wasn’t cheating. You were doing something funny. And what do you know about the student handbook? You’re new.

I slid the paper and pen back to him and watched as he combed a hand through his bronze hair, reading my response. The smile grew wider as he construed the biting tone of my note. 

Can I be let in on the joke? Edward wrote, turning to look at me once he was done. Again I was prisoner, though this time not to my own body. I was momentarily held hostage by the beauty and warmth of his light green eyes. I was understanding more and more the attraction the other students had for him. If I had a soul, it was as though he were staring straight into it.

I recovered, placing my hand atop the desk and then wiggling my fingers as though I were weaving my way through a very complicated piano piece.

Oh, Edward mouthed, immediately understanding. He silently laughed and placed his left hand to his forehead briefly as if to hide his face in mock embarrassment. The ink from the pen spilled onto the paper as he began to write again.

In my defense, there’s research that supports classical music puts students in a heightened emotional state, making them more receptive to information and helping them focus.

That’s very nerdy of you. I scribbled back, the corners of my lips pulled upwards.

I know. As I read the words on the notebook paper, we both laughed a little too loudly for the quietness of the room.

“Please remain silent for your classmates still working,” Mr. Molina stage-whispered from his desk, his eyes still fixated on the crossword puzzle.

It’s a bad habit. Edward tacked on to his message. I beamed. I knew a thing or two about bad habits today. I was appreciative of this silent conversation on paper; it made it easier to be beside him without needing to breathe to speak aloud.

What were you playing? I scrawled.

Clair de Lune. Edward wrote back. His thick eyebrows raised as my eyes lit up, and he continued writing. You know Debussy?

My mother used to play a lot of classical music around the house. It was one of my favorites.

It’s one of my favorites, too. Edward’s eyes were a little sad and lost in thought, and he smiled softly.

I was shocked by the change in expression and weirdly desperate to return the brightness back to his eyes. The burn in my throat was almost forgettable in the face of my concern. Almost, but not quite. He turned his head down to write on the paper again.

You said Rosalie played piano. You never learned? He turned to look at me, his expression curious. I shook my head and shrugged, reaching for the pen.

I didn’t think I had the coordination for it. While this was true for the time I was human, it wasn’t true now. Still, even though my days stretched into endless nights, I hadn’t yet devoted time to any instrument as an immortal.

Edward read the paper, his long pointer finger tracing the line beneath the words as he did so. He held his large hand out, and I dropped the pen into it.

I’ll show you sometime. Edward half smiled at me, his eyes sweet and earnest.

Knowing I shouldn’t be allowing him to think making a plans with me was an option, I reached for the pen to tell him that it was alright, but I froze as he suddenly moved to drop the pen and take my hand. Though he should have been the one hesitant and cautious as though approaching a dangerous, wounded animal, I held perfectly still as though he were the danger, and I needed to play dead for protection. You can’t play dead if you are dead, I thought to myself. 

My body tensed as my hand was enveloped in the heat of his much larger palm, uncertain as to what he was doing. My muscles screamed at me as I clenched my free hand into a tight fist, terrified of myself.

A shiver rippled through him as he felt the chill of my frozen fingers, and I twitched the hand in his possession, wanting to yank it away to protect him from the iciness but not wanting to alert him with the swiftness of the motion.

He smiled mysteriously at the spasm as though he somehow expected it. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking but didn’t want to risk breathing. My control could too easily be lost. Besides, I was scared that if I were to open my mouth, I’d end up screaming.

I felt him push slightly and realized he wished for me to curl my fingers, so with great concentration and the acute awareness of his fragility, I moved my stony hand into the shape he directed, my fingers curved slightly beneath his like a relaxed talon. I didn’t like the shape; it was odd and inhuman and made me think of the violence I could cause.

But it wasn’t a claw. Because once my hand was positioned the way he wanted, he began to slowly place pressure on my fingers, and I dipped and rose them accordingly to carefully move with his. I watched as the two of our hands together played what I imagined must be the opening chords to Clair de Lune.

The disconcerting emptiness in my chest soared at the bizarre pleasure of this touch, and a weird sensation tickled my scalp, moving swiftly down my spine to my entire body. 

My muscles tightened violently and then relaxed, sending a shiver to ripple through me. It was too much pleasure and too much pain as my throat ached and I leaned into the warmth.

Embarrassed and not wanting to push my luck, I cautiously pulled my hand slowly away. He lifted his hand to allow me to escape as though I couldn’t just break his hand to do so, a half-smile pulling on his lips. I pretended not to notice the goosebumps on his arms.

See? he mouthed before deciding to whisper. “You could do it.”

I forced myself to smile and then turned away for the rest of the hour, trying to keep from doing anything stupid like looking at him or killing him. I’d completely forgotten where we were.

When the bell finally rung, I collected my things atop the desk hastily. Edward reached for my backpack and held it up for me.

“Thanks,” I murmured as I dumped my books into the bag. Before I could take it from him, he slid it onto his back and nodded his head once for me to go forward.

Feeling awkward, I turned and allowed him to follow me to the door. I was lucky to walk in front of him, taking the opportunity to breath again as the vent blew out in front of my face.

Exiting the classroom, I paused for a second when I saw Emmett waiting for me across the hallway rather than his typical spot beside the wall of lockers next to our shared Spanish classroom. Even though I was well aware of the fact I’d been dangling my irresponsibility in their faces all day, I still felt as though I was being caught in the act.

Emmett’s eyebrows raised as his golden eyes watched Edward follow behind me, carrying my backpack. I crossed the hallway reluctantly towards my big brother.

“Hello,” I greeted him, avoiding his eyes. I felt smaller than ever beside him with my head down, and yet not small enough as I wished to disappear.

“Hey, little sis,” Emmett began uncertainly, though I glanced up to see his full lips were beginning to stretch into a smile that I didn’t like. “Who’s that with you?”

“Uh…”

“I’m Edward Masen,” the lanky human boy introduced himself confidently as he stopped beside me. “And you must be––”

“Emmett,” my brother interrupted, grinning as though he always so comfortably interacted with humans. This was all too weird, but he looked to be enjoying it far too much. His desire to mess with me and his confidence in Alice’s visions seemed to override the abnormality of speaking to a student so amicably. I watched as he breathed in and shot me a meaningful look. I grimaced.

I opened my mouth to put an end to this torturously awkward interaction, but Emmett interrupted again.

“It’s nice to see you made a friend,” he began, an evil glint in his eyes as he watched my face. I was confused as to where he was going with this because our entire family would come across as misanthropic to the rest of the school, so why should it matter to him. He turned his attention to look at Edward who was closer in height to him. “You know, we worry about her––”

“Okay, let’s go to Spanish,” I cut him off quickly. “Edward, can I have my bag, please?”

Without looking at him, I reached for my backpack as he offered it and threw it over my shoulder, heading down the hallway. It was a massive relief to put some distance between myself and Edward. My thoughts were clearer, and I could breathe freely.

Emmett burst into laughter, his guffaws booming in the hallway. Several students paused in fear making me concerned about Edward’s reaction to my giant of a sibling, but I relaxed when I heard Edward chuckling along with him.

“Um, see you,” Emmett said to Edward before his steady, near silent footfall followed after me.

Even moving at a lethargic human pace, he caught up to me quickly.

“That wasn’t funny,” I grumbled.

“What the hell are you doing?” Emmett chuckled, ignoring my question.

“What the hell are you doing? What was that back there?”

“I don’t know. That was weird, but not as weird as you playing with your food.”

I hissed quietly.

“Damn, I’m kidding, Bells. But seriously, what are you doing? What happened to your high and noble speech about doing the right thing and staying away from the kid? I thought Esme was about to produce real tears. It even softened Rose.”

“Ugh, don’t talk to me about Rosalie right now. She’s been giving me dirty looks all day. It makes me feel awful. I already feel bad!”

“Well, I don’t really care what you do either way so––” I looked at him questionably. “I mean, sure, I want you to do the right thing, whatever that means. I don’t want you to feel miserable. But on one end, I didn’t really mind so much what happened to me.”

“Rosalie did,” I countered.

“Yeah, Rose did,” he acquiesced quietly.

“Anyways, I’m not having that conversation. I wasn’t talking to him today to test whether or not he’s worth it. That’s… unethical.”

“So what were you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I groaned in answer.

Emmett laughed.

“You’re weird these days, Bella.”

“You’re weird everyday,” I quipped back before sighing. “I don’t know. He’s weird, too. I guess… I’m not making any decisions, at all, but if Alice told you what she told me… wouldn’t you be curious?”

Emmett thought it over. “Yeah, I think so. But I also don’t think I’d have even made it to this point,” he admitted. I winced.

“It’s kind of unfair for me to care more about satiating my curiosity and dance with the devil this way, right?”

“Well…he may not know it, but isn’t it more so that Edward’s the one dancing with the devil?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, frowning as we walked into our Spanish class. “I guess it is.”

I made the decision to avoid thinking of Edward for the remaining hour of school. I paid very little attention in Spanish, returning to the familiar mind-numbing boredom that classes had been prior to the last few days. Now that it was in stark contrast to the sudden life breathed into my time at Forks High School by my fixation with Edward, the tedium was no longer something dealt with indifferently and sluggishly. Now, it left me feeling restless, and it almost pained me how laborious it was to sit through a life I wasn’t an active participant in. It was nowhere near the pain of dealing with the excruciating thirst I had around my bronze-haired lab partner, but it almost tampered with my thoughts more knowing I’d feel less miserable if I spent this time analyzing every word Edward shared with me, every fluctuation of his tone, every glint in his perceptive eyes, every expression on his pretty face… But I was becoming too obsessive. The same hunger for adventure that made me fall in love with reading must be what was leading me to so treacherously, so impetuously dive into exploring this insignificant and yet cataclysmic difference in my life.

As though it had a personal vendetta against me, time moved even more lethargically than it ever had before, but finally, the bell signaling the end of school rang. Emmett’s eyes shot a concerned look at me as I rose from my seat too quickly, and I immediately felt embarrassed again. The cautious reminder in his expression made me feel childish as Emmett was never one to care much about bending the rules. 

“See you at home, I guess,” he shook his head, giving me one last look that seemed to suggest I’d lost it.

“See you,” I mumbled, slinging my bag over my shoulder. Leaving Emmett behind to wait for Rosalie, I weaved through the crowded hallway and out to the parking lot. Students were bundling together and squealing at the chilling air as tiny, fluffy snowflakes fluttered down from the overcast sky. The floor of the parking lot was almost as glassy as yesterday as the rain from this afternoon had melted into a thin layer of icy mush. Though there was hardly enough snow for a decent snowball fight, some of the rowdier students were bundling up a pitiful pile of snow to form pathetic snowballs in their fists.

I nearly skipped to the pearly white vehicle parked beside Rosalie’s overly conspicuous crimson car which was forming a small crowd of admirers. Leaning against the trunk of the car, I watched the front doors of the school to look for Edward.

The tangle of reddish-brown hair was easy to spot because of its strange metallic tint as he strolled out of the building with Naomi, the student who’d provided him with the information about my family on his first day. He had his coat folded over his arm, revealing how form fitting his light tan turtleneck was. He truly was a very attractive boy. It was odd that I hadn’t really paid much attention initially. With his dazzling face and tall, lean frame, Edward was pretty enough that for the vampires who searched for exquisitely beautiful humans to create into even more stunning immortals, he could probably be a contender for someone to collect.

Thinking of how Emmett questioned my motives today, I quickly banished the idea of Edward as an immortal from my mind, even if it was only a hypothetical inspired by my observation.

Edward paused, asking Naomi if she could hold on to his backpack for a moment. When she grabbed it, he pulled on his long black coat, and fiddled with the collar. Recollecting his backpack, he slid it onto one shoulder, then rubbed his hands together, blowing the warm air from his mouth to heat them up. Thinking of the sweetness of the smell of his breath made me remember to take in swallows of fresh air before he made his way over to me.

As he was distracted momentarily, I watched as a stray snowball flew towards Edward’s head. I was overcome with the urge to intercept it in the event it may hit him too harshly and knock him to the pavement, but flying across the parking lot inhumanly fast twice in one week was probably not the way to go about correcting my mistakes.

The soggy snowball crashed into Edward’s hair, exploding into shards of ice and water that slid down his prominent cheekbone. I laughed aloud at his shocked expression as the curtain bangs framing his face were immediately drenched, darkening his hair into a brown color. Once he’d realized what happened, his face broke into a good-humored smile.

“Holy shit! Sorry, Edward!” The classmate who had thrown the snowball with poor aim called out.

“No worries!” Edward called back. He shook his head, chuckling as he wiped the water from his face. As he laughed, his eyes found the space where I waited and brightened seeing that I, too, was enjoying the moment.

“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told Naomi, who was too beside herself in tears of laughter to reply.

Edward sauntered over towards me, and I inhaled deeply as a fortuitous whisper of wind blew from the tree line. I held onto the notes of crisp eucalyptus, fresh snow, and cedar wood, trying to distract my mind from the offensively mouthwatering scents approaching me.

Edward was a coordinated human, but even he lost his footing on the icy pavement. His body slid forward for a moment, but I stepped towards him to close the space between us and caught him by the elbow.

He looked up from his boots against the frozen parking lot into my eyes, startled momentarily at the swiftness in which I had appeared. Then, his full lips lifted into a crooked smile that creased his astonishing green eyes into half moons. I let go immediately and took a big step back to ensure a safer distance between myself and the warmth of his fragile body. It had been a risky movement, but somehow in comparison to yesterday, it didn’t seem to matter as much. I figured our classmates were too involved in their gawking at the details of my sister’s car or their feeble, slushy snowball fight to notice, and oddly, I didn’t care that Edward had seen. It was beginning to feel too late to keep up certain pretenses.

Although, it wasn’t too late, and it shouldn’t feel that way. I reminded myself I still had every intention of leaving Edward alone once I’d figured out what was so compelling about our paths crossing that had Alice’s visions spiraling in a confusing jumble. I took another step back slowly.

“Thank you,” Edward said, his eyes humored with another secret he didn’t seem willing to share. “You keep saving me.”

“Well, let’s not make this damsel in distress thing habitual,” I snorted, turning so that he couldn’t see the smile forming on my face. I felt shy about showcasing any comfort or happiness in his presence now that I was reminded of how fleeting this experimental friendship was, but I wondered if subconsciously I wanted him to catch me in my misery and ask me to explain, though I wasn’t certain why I wanted to sabotage myself like that. I opened my door and turned to look at him again. “You coming?”

Before he could answer, I dipped into the driver’s seat, and breathed in one last time. Well, once this was all over, I could finally stop inhaling dramatically as though they were truly my last, dying breaths. The air was mostly clean of his scent, but I knew that regardless, the heat of his body would be enough to disrupt my comfort and control. As the thought crossed my mind, I painfully swallowed back the venom pooling beneath my tongue.

Edward swerved through the crowd obsessing over Rosalie’s car and opened the passenger door, sliding into his seat. As he placed his backpack on the floor and fiddled with his seatbelt, I made sure to adjust the air conditioning so that the heat could warm Edward from the frigid Forks air. Though for me, just being in his presence made the intimate interior of the car feel as though I were again sitting by his fireplace.

“That’s a beautiful car,” he murmured. “Is it an M8?”

“Uh, it’s a BMW?” I asked uncertainly as though he’d spoken another language.

Edward grinned as though he wanted to laugh but didn’t want to make me angry. Rosalie would have loved to answer all his questions if he too had an interest in cars. Would have loved to, if she wasn’t deeply offended by my actions or if I had any intention of Edward meeting any more of my family members.

“Ready?” I bit my lip as I forced out any inconsiderate plots of murder that threatened to distract me from being a defensive driver.

“Mhm,” Edward answered.

I reversed out of the parking slot slowly, but as I looked in the rearview once I’d straightened out, I saw the fleeting image of Rosalie’s exquisitely beautiful and exceptionally angry face. I quickly readjusted the mirror to remove my sister’s reflection and sped out of the parking lot in a way that could have taken out a few unlucky students if I didn’t have above average years of driving experience.

Peripherally, I watched as Edward’s thick eyebrows raised, but he decided not to question me. Once we’d reached the main road, I slowed my speed so as not to rush through this time, even though I knew for his safety and my sanity, I should. As I drove, his right hand moved in odd shapes again against the arm rest of the passenger side door as though he were playing piano once more.

I decided to bite and use up some of my limited air supply.

“What are you playing?”

“Clair de Lune again,” he replied. Then, he began to hum the melody aloud for me as he moved his hand.

I thought to offer to play the song for him through the speakers, but I decided against it as I listened to Edward’s soft, velvety voice hum beautifully through the song, breaking the silence.

The ugly, slush-like falling of snow transformed into a falling of rainwater, and Edward’s voice was orchestrated by a lovely symphony of raindrops.

Before his voice could weave into the more involved moments of the piece, Edward stopped.

I looked over at him, curious for the reason as to why. His face was turned away from me so that all I could see was his untidy bronze hair as he gazed out the window. I pulled in front of his driveway and parked against the curb.

Miraculously, I’d made it again. Carefully, I inhaled through my nose to experiment with my control. The sweet bouquet of the boy’s blood was potent and even more mouthwatering than usual from the snow turned rain that’d wet his hair. I hadn’t considered the possibility that he could smell better than before, and I kept myself from groaning aloud as I dug my nails into my own palms. The tingling sensation in my nose was as though I’d sniffed some powerful chemical, the burning sensation in my throat as though I’d taken a long drag of a cigarette. But more painful. More demanding. Desire, need flew from my core out towards my extremities, and the beating of his heart pumping the blood through his body drummed loudly in my ears. It seemed to move through me, my frigid body almost twitching with every pulse, ready to lunge forward and crush his neck to my lips.

“What was your mother like?” He asked me suddenly, his voice soft. Edward turned from the window to face me, and I was bewildered by the intensity of his expression. His eyes were light and beautiful against the gloomy grey of the sky, and they squinted slightly as though studying my face like this information was absolutely essential. But this was not what stunned me, as I’d already seen the severity of this expression before in our ephemeral time together. It was the unexpected vulnerability of his stunning face. The more time I spent looking at him, the more I realized how beautiful this human boy really was. And it seemed a great tragedy for this beautiful boy to harbor such devastation in his eyes.

Whereas previously in his presence, my thoughts had become incoherent due to a lapse in control, now my thoughts were incoherent in distress and desperation to understand what had gone wrong and how I could fix it. I was momentarily dumbfounded, but I pulled myself together after the soft sound of a few droplets of rain against the roof reminded me that he was waiting for an answer.

“Well, she looked a lot like me, but prettier,” I began stupidly. He raised his eyebrows. “Or at least, she used to look a lot like me, and I used to look a lot like her. I don’t so much anymore.” It’d been so long since I’d really spoken about my mom, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. I knew I should have made some comment about whether or not she looked like Esme or Emmett since our story made us siblings, but I didn’t want to taint the rarity of sharing who she was with a lie.

“She was more outgoing than I am,” I continued, thinking through the foggy memories I held onto from my human life.

“That’s difficult to believe,” Edward teased quietly, his lips curving into a half smile.

I laughed, listening to the melodic sound of it, thinking of how it symbolized how very much different I was now from the human girl my mother knew.

“I was always very shy,” I smiled, before speaking up again, caught in the echoes of my past. “She was brave and irresponsible and slightly eccentric. And she was a very unpredictable cook!”

I laughed aloud again thinking of some minor explosions in our tiny kitchen and some questionable dishes. Edward laughed too, but when our laughter faded into the falling of the rain, my smile faded.

“She wasn’t perfect,” I admitted. “I think I recognize now that she was very fallible. I worshipped her when I was younger, but when I think back, I do see how in some of the ways she raised me, I was done a disservice… I grew up too fast. When she died––“ I sighed, feeling insincere and guilty about perpetuating this lie when I really should have said when I died, “––Esme became more of a mother to me, and even Rosalie’s been more traditionally nurturing than my mom ever was… But still, she was my best friend.”

“You miss her,” he murmured simply. I met his gentle eyes.

“Yes,” I bit my lip.

“How old are you, Bella?” Edward asked. “And not the formulaic, theorized version where you were born in your thirties. How old are you really?”

I tensed, wondering if he was asking this again because he’d taken note of how I didn’t directly answer this question the last time he asked.

“Seventeen,” I answered automatically.

“You don’t seem seventeen,” he responded, reproachful.

The tension left my body at the tone of his voice. I smiled again easily.

“Sorry?” I asked, biting my lip to hide the smile, unsure of how to respond.

Edward chuckled and the subtle crinkles by his eyes lit up his face. “Well, I wish you’d been given a happier, normal childhood.”

“I’m fine,” I shrugged, brushing it off. “I hardly remember most of it, and what I do remember reminds me that I probably didn’t have much chance at a normal childhood to begin with. I was terribly shy, remember.

“I did do girl scouts, though….Oh, and ballet briefly,” I admitted, unsure as to why I was volunteering so much information about myself. Wasn’t the purpose of me sitting here to uncover information about him?

“Why does that make you… embarrassed?” Edward’s eyebrows pulled up.

For an odd moment, I felt betrayed by the flush of my cheeks before I realized there was no blood rushing to my face. I blinked, bewildered by the peculiarity of this long buried instinct to become frustrated with my easy blushes when I hadn’t blushed for years. I felt self conscious as I wondered what Edward saw reading my expression to so perfectly decipher my feelings.

“I was very uncoordinated,” I dismissed his question as I fought the urge for my hand to flutter to touch my cool cheek.

“Now that truly is difficult to believe,” Edward half-smiled. “I can’t imagine I’ve seen anyone as graceful as you.”

I laughed aloud at his compliment, though I didn’t doubt his sincerity. I knew this was true of myself. It was true of all of our kind to appear fluid and effortless, but still, no one had ever applied the word to me. My vampiric poise was irrelevant and unimpressive to my family, and the very few humans brave enough to overcome their nerves to compliment me typically found their words to fail them.

“You’re very odd,” I beamed.

“What do you mean?” The bronze-haired boy asked, again wanting to be let in on the secret. While I had an insatiable thirst, it seemed he had an insatiable curiosity.

“How old are you really? Your word choice is bizarre for someone your age, you know.”

“Oh,” he laughed easily. “Well, I’m actually not seventeen. I’m eighteen. But I’ll try to strictly adhere to a more teenage vernacular, so I can compliment you in a more acceptable way from now on.”

I looked out at the dim light of the brewing storm, my smile fading as I decided that I should probably allow him to escape me before I did something I’d regret. But I knew I wasn’t resolved enough to completely leave him alone. He made me monopolize too much of the conversation, and I wasn’t satisfied with what I knew about him yet.

I sighed aloud, and Edward, too, looked out at the rain darkened sky.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked hopefully, making the assumption that our conversation was coming to an end.

“Yes,” I promised reluctantly. My eyes flickered back over to his pretty face, studying the lines of his strong jaw, his chiseled cheekbones, his full lips, committing this inconsequential face to memory as I silently resolved that this should be –– and would be –– one of the last times I’d allow myself to be this close to him. Tomorrow may well be the very last.

Likewise, as though his thoughts were in the same vein, his beautiful green eyes studied my face as well, though he did so in that mysterious way of his where he looked at me as though hoping to read my mind.

He sighed, then collected his backpack. Edward opened the door, stepping out into the bitterly cold weather. A shiver ran through his lanky body, making my body tense with perverse excitement. I cringed away from the deadly instinct and swallowed against the dryness of my yearning throat.

Edward’s tall, lean frame leaned down to peek into the car.

“Goodnight, Bella,” he spoke softly.

“Goodnight, Edward,” I almost whispered, gazing into the beauty of his dazzling green eyes.

Edward smiled his half smile, and closed the door, escaping into the building torrent of rain.

I gasped in relief at his absence, then stiffened realizing how the cab of the car was still heavily perfumed with his scent. I took in another deep breath, forcing myself to confront the burning thirst again, willing myself to manage it. I sighed as I hit the gas, making Edward disappear behind me.

  Both my control and the rain pour strengthened significantly as I turned onto the long drive leading to my house. I grimaced as I wondered how I’d face my family and explain the complete reversal of what I’d promised to do. I didn’t have time to consider for much longer as suddenly, a figure appeared instantaneously in the drive. I slammed my foot on the brake immediately in shock at its appearance, not wanting to total yet another car against one of my siblings.

I peered through the windshield, unable to see through the complete downpour that submerged my vehicle as though it were underwater. It was annoying for my perfect sight to be obstructed by anything, rainwater or even the transparent windshield because of my eyes’ desire to focus on the microscopic scratches.

The car violently screeched against the muddy pavement, and it looked as though we would have to bid this car goodbye until the figure hidden by the storm placed their hands out on the car roughly and forced it to a stop. The tires screamed in protest, and the metal groaned as it warped into the shape of the palms. I listened as it unnaturally bent again in a piercing moan as the figure fixed the indentions they’d created.

My windshield wipers swatted away a flood of water. Finally, I could make out my sister Rosalie, her hair dripping wet down her back like a supermodel who’d just emerged from a pool on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Her exquisite face was absolutely furious.

I gulped, feeling like a child who’d just been discovered sneaking home past curfew.

I felt uncertain as to what to do and why she’d chosen to stop me here. Surely she could wait for us to be under the cover of the garage before she chastised me. Not wanting to be drenched by the rain, I revved the engine to ask her to move aside, but the car didn’t inch forward against her strength. Beginning to feel annoyed, I revved the engine again loudly and for longer, but still, she didn’t move.

“Rose,” I hissed as I hit the brake again so that the car could roar viciously in the storm, only to be cut off by the voice of my adopted mother.

“Girls!” I couldn’t see Esme through the obscured glass behind the downpour, but even with the barrage of the rain, I could hear her lithe steps run furiously to the front porch. “Please!”

Rose’s head snapped up to look in Esme’s direction before turning to glance unhappily back at me. She stepped aside, and I sped into the garage, parking the car hastily.

I exited immediately and went to expect the damage to the front of the hood. It was only a minuscule bend from having been pushed and prodded back and forth, and I was positive Rosalie could make it look like new, though why it had been necessary to punish the car was beyond me. It wasn’t even mine.

I wheeled around once I’d heard the near-silent steps of her run, a wave of anger making me forget my guilt.

“Are you insane?!” I demanded.

“I could ask the same of you, Bella!” Now free from the obscurity of the rain, I could see in perfect detail the stunning fury of her glorious face. Her golden hair had been darkened by the rain, and it was slicked back effortlessly, like a glittering waterfall down to the middle of her back. She looked like a wrathful god, but I couldn’t find it in my stubbornness to care about how valid her anger may be.

“Okay, but did you have to take it out on the car? What did it ever do to you! You couldn’t have waited another twenty seconds to confront me? Well, you have my attention now, Rosalie, so say whatever it is you want to say!”

“You’re just unbelievable, Bella!”

“He’s not going to say anything, Rose! We already talked about this yesterday. You heard Alice! He’s not a threat to you and Emmett, so I don’t understand why you’re taking this so personally.”

“Exactly, Bella. I heard Alice. Which is precisely why I fail to understand as to why you wouldn’t understand why I’d take it so personally. After all these years of sisterhood, how can you not understand how I feel about this?”

I frowned, my forehead puckering, but still, I retained my anger. She huffed, continuing.

“If it was an inevitability, I’d understand. However, it hurts me deeply that you recognize the choice that you have. The choice that Edward has. And still, you’re willing to play with his mortality as though it were a game, when I never had that choice.”

I froze, the realization dawning on me that she was right. No matter the ways in which I tried to justify my actions or spin my intentions, she was right. Another part of my mind acknowledged that while I was aware of right and wrong, I wasn’t certain that what was right would be enough to keep me away anymore.

We stared each other down much like we had yesterday. Only today, rather than anger, her face was contorted in hurt, and mine was contorted in hopelessness.

“But… you found Emmett when he was still human…” I weakly protested, selfishly trying to highlight the irony, though I knew it was pointless as I wasn’t advocating for Edward to be changed either. That was too complicated a thought to wrap my mind around. But whatever may happen –– and I was still very much aware of the worst of possibilities –– I didn’t want my sister to hate me for it.

“He was dying, Bella,” Rosalie whispered. The anger on her face had completely faded, and in its place, pain marked her eyebrows, her full lips, her golden, sad eyes. In her sadness, she looked like a work of art, like one of those paintings of a weeping saint. “It’s not the same.”

I didn’t have a response to that, and I felt as though I was at an impasse, both with myself and with Rosalie. Because I knew the promises I’d made and broken, but I knew the promise I’d made to Edward today, and I had no willpower, no desire, and no intention to break that promise.

“You may not feel anything for him now,” Rosalie began, her eyes intently fierce as they bore into mine to warn me. Only this warning felt significantly more horrible than I’d imagined it may be, because it wasn’t made in anger, but in desperation and love. “But if Alice is right, you will. And it seems to me a horrible way to repay someone you love to steal their life, their future, their soul from them. You should leave him alone now while you still can, because once you love him… it’ll only hurt more one way or another. And you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your existence. I know I have.”

And with that, Rose turned, her face cold and sad, and she left the garage.

[foreverbeingthunderbuddy]

Feeling Hot

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request: “Would i be able to request a one shot (ok this will sound so cliche but) with bucky and they're forced to stay in a room together at a hotel (ALSO can u make them have to share a bed???) , but they hate each other (i'm a sucker for angst) and the ac stoped working so it's super hot and the complains about it forever and bucky presses her to the mattress and says "if you don't stop going on about how hot it is, i'll give you a reason to feel hot" if u don't wanna its cool tho!!!” by anonymous

Warnings: ummmm,,,,,,,,, mention of nsfw I guess, fluff, slight nsfw, reader wants to get some :)

A/N: this … is one hot request anon bless | gif by @sebuttianstans

Masterlist

There are several reasons why you are pissed off today. Let’s start with number one.

Pepper and Tony are getting married. That alone should be a reason to leap in the air for joy. And it is, you were beyond yourself when you found out and you jumped around the room, squeaking and clapping in a pretty girlie-girl way. It dampened your reputation as a serious, badass IT-girl slash super hacker slash threat to anything that has anything to do with technology but you didn’t care.

Pepper is one of your best friends and you’ve been like a cat on hot bricks waiting for Tony to finally propose to her. She never admitted it but you knew she was, too. The day came, they told you, you broke out into rejoicing, planning of one of the most extravagant weddings in America began, and everything that came with it.

The wedding will take place in Pepper’s city, New Haven, Connecticut, where she grew up.

You are one of the bridesmaids. You are supposed to sleep in the fanciest and over-the-top hotel Connecticut has to offer, sipping Champaign and taking a rose-petal-bubble-bath in candlelight while listening to Adele sing about lost love. Instead you are shipped into a different hotel nearby, accompanied by the last person on Earth you would want to be alone with.

There was a mistake in the booking and due to the wedding being such a huge event, the original hotel was booked out. You and he who must not be named both failed to check in into your rooms and are now standing at the reception of the other hotel, eager not to look at each other or acknowledge each other’s existence in any way.

So, list of reasons why today sucks.

Reason One: You got turned away from Pepper’s hotel. Only for a night, tomorrow the room will be free but still. You feel like you’re missing out. Your friends are probably all sitting at the hotel bar right now, drinking cocktails and laughing at stupid stories that are being told. It’s too late in the evening to drive over there and join them. You’re pissed.

Reason Two: Bucky motherfucking Barnes is the only other person that got denied access to his room and is now standing next to you. You can’t help but throw a quick glance at him, subtly, to see if he is up to something. Bucky, to say it plainly, looks even more pissed than you feel and if you’re right, he is about to take it out on the poor receptionist who is more and more desperately trying to get you two a room the longer Bucky stares at her.

He wears a dark blue baseball cap on backwards and a tight red, long-sleeve shirt and he looks intimidating as fuck with his narrowed, ice-blue eyes, slightly knitted eyebrows and tense mouth. He must have felt your gaze and his eyes cut to you, so you quickly turn your head and watch the woman behind the desk rummage around in a pile of papers. You pull in your lips and ignore Bucky’s stares.

He did that a lot lately. Instead of paying as little attention as possible to you, you catch him watching you quite often nowadays. From a safe distance but still. You don’t know what to make of that, so you decide to push it away to the back of your mind to not make anything of it.

“Okay … it looks like, um, we do have … we have a free room for you. The couple that booked it, cancelled earlier and I can offer you that one” The woman suddenly says and you sigh internally. Thank god. You were afraid you would have to drive out of town to find another hotel with free rooms.

You notice Bucky tense beside you. “A room? Just one?”

You freeze. Oh. No.

The woman smiles insecurely at his tone and looks at the computer screen in front of her.

“Yes. Just one. It’s the last one available. Is that a problem?”

Yes, it is. It’s a hell of a problem.

“Yes” Bucky says and his face, if possible, grows even more serious.

“We’re not together” You add, “We barely know each other.” Okay, that’s a lie but she doesn’t have to know that. The woman looks unsure of what to do now and her eyes jump between the two of you.

“Um … We only have that room. The rest is completely booked out … I, um … I can’t offer you anything else, I’m very sorry.”

Well, ain’t that just the worst. You’re not going to share a room with Bucky Barnes – he hates you. You hate him. That’s your thing, you can’t sleep in the same bed, what kind of enemies do that?

“Listen. I know you said you are booked out but is there really no other option? Maybe a storage room or something like that?” Bucky asks in a low voice and leans forward, hands on the counter, face dipped down to her.

A storage room? Is he fucking serious right now?? He’d rather sleep in a storage room than be in the same hotel room as you – you never considered him to be a Prince Charming but this really hits a new low.

Reason Three: Bucky is an asshole.

Judging by the way the receptionist looks at Bucky’s desperate attempt to get away from you, she seems to agree with you. Then she hesitantly shakes her head. Smart. Bucky looks beyond pissed off, better not irritate him too much.

“No, I’m afraid there isn’t. I’m sorry, sir” She says quietly and looks at the papers in her hand, “Do you, um, do you want the room or not?”

You lean forward and Bucky retreats a little to avoid touching you.

“Yes. I take it” You quickly say, trying to sound overly polite to make up for Bucky’s rudeness. You also want to snatch the room away under his fingers, you will definitely not drive to another hotel. If he really wants to sleep between storage shelves rather than sleep in a room with you, he can piss off and look elsewhere.

You hear him sigh. “Okay … fine.”

Confused, you turn to look at him. “Fine what?”

His eyes have a look of defeat in them that you don’t like. He meets yours and tugs a strand of dark hair behind his ears under the cap. “Fine, we’ll take it.”

“Excuse me?!”

You almost miss the dangerous narrowing of his eyes that follows your little outburst.

“We’ll take it. There’s only one room, you heard it. We don’t really have another option” He says like he just announced he’s going to sacrifice himself to save humanity. You don’t think so.

“We do have another option. I take the room – I called dibs first – and you leave and look for a different hotel. It’s actually quite simple, James. We both don’t want this.”

His eyes get a little harder at that but you don’t shy away – as much as he scares you - and wait for him to agree.

“You don’t know what I want, Y/N. And you can’t just call dibs on it, it’s-“ He starts but suddenly turns to the receptionist who’s watching this exchange with big eyes, “How far away is the next hotel excluding the Jade Lion Resort?"

The woman takes a moment to think and you beg all the gods that it’s not far, so Bucky can fuck off. Please, please, please.

“Um, a little over an hour, I think.”

Shit.

Bucky turns back to you and you can see an almost devious little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He may be pissed he will have to spend the night with you but the bastard seems to be enjoying the fact that he can ruin said night for you in the process.

Reason four: It looks like you and Bucky will have to share the same fucking room. This is unbelievable.

****

Reason five: This may be a pretty hotel and the bed is admittedly very comfy but the AC stopped working about five seconds after you both entered the room.

It is relatively late in the evening but Connecticut’s been having quite a warm front these past weeks, according to a news site on the internet, so the temperatures are still around 80°. You’re sweating. You feel gross and want to take a shower. Is this too much to ask?

Bucky thinks so.

The minute you both step across the threshold, he dumps his two bags on the bed, turns and disappears in the bathroom. A couple of seconds later you hear the rush of water. He’s taking a shower. You sigh. That could be you right now. Why haven’t you been faster to occupy the bathroom before him? Now you have to wait.

Feeling tired, you let yourself fall back onto the bed, arms extended left and right, and stare at the ceiling while listening to Bucky seemingly rubbing it into your face how privileged he is at this moment. You try not to think about the fact that he is completely naked in the room right next to you, separated by only a door.

The thing is. You hate him. But that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the attractive outside of James Buchanan Barnes. You’re not made out of stone, at least you think you’re not. And that man that is so shamelessly taking his time in the shower is one beautiful eye candy, let’s be real. Even you can’t deny it.

And if you’re on it, there’s no shame admitting that sometimes, just sometimes, you think you’re sensing some kind of sexual tension between you and him. You know it sounds crazy, considering how you stand to each other, but there are moments where your hands start sweating, your heart starts beating faster and you feel a weird flutter in your belly.

Those moments mostly being when you and him are fighting, of course. Those are the only times – with a couple of exceptions – where he graces you with his unshared attention and also doesn’t refrain from being all up in your face, making it easy for you to take in all of his features, staring into his piercing blue eyes, noticing dark spots in the blue …

You roll your eyes. It’s happening again. The day has been exhausting and now your mind is going to strange places that should be marked with Access Forbidden.

Pepper has described this ‘phenomenon’ – Hrmpf, her words – as the Han Solo effect. See, she thinks she is a great observer. She thinks she has figured you out (you told her everything, so there’s not much to figure out) and she thinks she has figured Bucky out, too. And after ‘massive research, data collection and thorough analysis’ she has come to the conclusion that both you and Bucky secretly like each other and none of you want to admit it.

Which is, quite frankly, the insult of the century.

She named it the Han Solo effect because she couldn’t think of a cooler title that would create the illusion that her hypothesis has any sort of footing, so she dodged the plot-hole-stones you would throw at her by quoting Han Solo in A New Hope talking about Princess Leia, “Wonderful girl! Either I'm gonna kill her, or I'm beginning to like her!"

She calls it proof, “The way I see it, he will give you this I-hate-you-to-death look for another two weeks before turning straight to bedroom eyes. I know it”. You call bullshit.

You’re not Princess Leia and he’s no good-looking Corellian smuggler with a short-tempered Wookie best friend – even though he is good-looking. The Winter Soldier, not Chewbacca. Let’s not even go there.

You sigh again. You’re pretty sure Bucky hates you, as in hate-hates you, and not in a I-will-kiss-her-to-stop-her-from-yelling-at-me way. Also, you shouldn’t think of Bucky kissing you. Like, ever. That’s the exact wrong thing to do.

You hate him, Y/N, get your head sorted out!

You get pulled out of your thoughts when you hear the water stop. Oh, thank god. Lord Barnes has decided to clear the space for his subject. You mean it’s not like it’s almost midnight and you’re tired as shit, pissed-off and also missing out on your friend’s group fun in the noble five-star spa hotel that you were originally supposed to be at right now!

He stays in there for another minute and then finally opens the door, leaves the bathroom and walks over to his bag that is still lying on the bed next to you. You try not to stare at his wet hair that he pulled back behind his ears or at his metal arm that is very visible due to the tank top or the pair of sweatpants that are loosely hanging from his hips.

You really shouldn’t stare at all that.

He appears at the bed a foot next to you, bends over and rummages around in his bag and he hasn’t even looked at you since you two entered the hotel room. He seems a little uncomfortable. Which is why you refuse to take your eyes off him – anything to annoy him is a good plan.

You turn your head and watch his serious face grow more and more serious the longer you keep your gaze on him, and because it’s been a really long day and you deserve something sweet, you let your eyes wander over his face, to his neck, collar bone, shoulder and down his arm that is the closest to you. Seeing the muscles in his bicep and forearm flex and work with every move, does things to you that would completely contradict your earlier thoughts about not liking Bucky, “no way, nada, forget it”.

Yeah. So much about that.

You notice his body froze, so your eyes cut back to his face and are met with an undefinable look, almost as if he is trying to estimate you. You can see something work rapidly behind his eyes.

“What?” You snap to cover up your shameless checking him out. Are you hallucinating or is his mouth twitching a little bit?

“The bathroom is free now” He says and stares at you for another two seconds before breaking eye contact and straightening up.  You turn your head away, sit up and grab your bag from your feet before jumping to your feet.

“I thought I would never hear those words from you.”

You hear a sarcastic “Hm” as an answer but don’t turn around and escape into the bathroom while trying not to make it look like you’re escaping. The face in the mirror looks tired and sweaty, and you wish you wouldn’t have to show yourself like this to him. You two have a feud but you still want to bring you’re A-game when he’s around, to show him how much better you are than him. At least that’s what you’re telling yourself.

What’s that about?

You take a cool shower, wash your hair and feel your muscles relax a little under the water. Just don’t think about the fact that two minutes ago Bucky stood right here, naked, wet, muscly and you’ll be fine. Just don’t think about it. Just don’t. Don’t.

You sigh, turn off the water, step out of the shower and grab a towel. What is going on with you? You’ve never been this needy around him, maybe it’s the hot weather. Maybe you stood in the sun too long, maybe letting Tony order you and the others around to get the perfect group picture in the middle of an open field with direct sunlight from hell was a mistake. Sunstroke?

You put on your pyjamas, red velvet shorts and a tight, white top. You don’t own nightgowns but suddenly you wish you would have bought one when Pepper took you shopping two weeks ago. The shorts and top don’t really make that much of a statement and a nightie would have … been sexy.

Shut up! Stop that right there, who cares if you don’t look sexy right now, who cares what he thinks?

You quickly pack your things back into your bag and are about to exit the bathroom when you suddenly halt and stare at the handle. A thought just hit you.

There is only one bed.

One. For you and him.

Reason Six: You will have to share not only a room but also a bed with Bucky. Um. The thing is, you’re not sure if that is a reason to get pissed, though. Your belly has a different message for you than your Why-I’m-pissed list.

Ummmm.

It’s too late to back out now and besides, you’re a badass mamma jamma, remember? This doesn’t faze you, so get yourself together! No big deal sharing a bed with Bucky Barnes, who gives a shit. The man has gone to war and probably had worse sleep situations there, so this shouldn’t be a problem for him. Or you.

Even if he hates you.

You take a breath, continue your inner motivational speech and open the door. You dare a glance at Bucky and see him lying in bed, tank top still on (Yay or nay?) and sheets pulled up to his waist. His arms are crossed behind his head and his eyes are staring at the ceiling. When you come into sight, his eyes cut to you for a second, take you in from head to toe and then, as if nothing happened, he goes back to examining the ceiling again.

Mister Unfazed. Two can play that game.

Without hesitation you walk up to the bed, drop the bag on the floor and get under the covers. He keeps ignoring you. You roll to your back and wait for a moment, then you stretch and turn off the lamp on your nightstand. The only light source in the room is Bucky’s lamp.

He doesn’t make a move to turn it off and you allow that pettiness for three minutes before turning to him and giving his side profile a scowl.

“Bucky.”

He tries to keep his face blank but you can see his mouth twitch again which only deepens the scowl on your own face.

“Bucky” You repeat, more urgent this time.

“Hm?”

“Turn off the fucking lamp.” Not going to lie, it does tick you off a little that he doesn’t even look at you.

“Hm. Tired?” He asks, his voice sounding low but you think you can hear a hint of teasing. It takes all of your willpower not to roll your eyes at him.

“Yes.”

He doesn’t really react to this, all he gives you is a nod that says “Ah”, a sign he heard you but that’s it. He continues to stare straight ahead. Hrmpf.

You count down from ten, just for good measure, and try to shoot daggers out of your eyes at him. Mister Unfazed stays unfazed. Mister Unfazed also seems to enjoy this.

“Bucky.”

Short silence.

“Bucky.”

“Hm?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” You hiss, sit up and turn to the side. You put one hand next to his ribs and bend your torso over him, stretching the other arm to reach the light switch on his nightstand. This brings you into very close proximity – we’re talking a couple of inches – to his face which is something you try to ignore by turning your face to the side as if that would make it any better.

With a wildly beating heart you realize that your arm’s not long enough to actually reach the switch, so you get closer to him and try harder. You feel his eyes burn into your face but he doesn’t move. His hands stay behind his head.

You could kiss him now if you wanted. You just have to turn your face and bend down minimally, and you could press your lips on his. Of course, you don’t. He would throw you out of this room faster than you could say Sunstroke.

Eventually, you manage to turn the switch, the light goes out, the room turns dark. Quickly, you retreat and roll back to your own side, pulse running fast, belly doing all kinds of things, one of which is flutter. Stupid body. These reactions are so unnecessary.

You lie on your back and try to calm down, all the while listening into the dark, wondering whether Bucky will react to this or not. He makes you wait fifteen seconds (yes, you counted).

“Well, that was-“

“I don’t want to hear it” You quickly intervene, not ready for another insult.

He hesitates, and instead of starting another attempt he lets out another “Hm”, but it sounds more like a grunt. So much about that, you guess.

You close your eyes and pretend you’re at home, lying in your soft, comfy king size bed with extra pillows and a working AC. Being delusional doesn’t help this time, though, mostly because this room is so fucking hot, the absence of the AC lies like a ton of bricks in the room. Or on your chest. You can feel sweat like a thin layer on your skin everywhere, everywhere, so taking a shower earlier was a waste of time and water apparently.

Someone shoot me please or I’m going to die from heatstroke! All you wanted was to be there for Pepper’s big day but it looks like you’re not going to make it that far.

“God, this is hot” You sigh before you can stop yourself. There is silence for a second and you start to think Bucky’s already asleep but then you hear his deep voice beside you.

“Um, I don’t re-“

“The room, I mean. The fucking AC isn’t working and I feel like I’m going to sweat to death.”

Yikes. You shouldn’t have mentioned the sweat, that’s gross. Now he’s probably going to avoid touching you under all circumstances, which he would have done anyway, but this is worse. You clench your teeth and stare into the darkness, wishing you knew what’s going on in his head right now.

“Ever been to Russia? This is vacation. Everything’s better than freezing to death” Bucky returns in his usual scolding tone and as things normally go between you and him, you feel pissed almost immediately.

“I’m feeling so much better now, thank you, James. Your sensitive nature gets me everytime” You clap back and roll your eyes.

“If you want sweet talk, call Steve.”

“You think he would answer his phone at this time?” You ask, pretending to be hopeful and hear Bucky groan.

“Just sleep.”

“It’s too hot.”

“Sleep.”

“I can’t, I’m dy-“

“Sleep!”

You turn quiet and grin into the blackness around you. You give him half a minute before turning to face him, without actually being able to see him.

“Do you think they would do anything about the AC situation if we called the reception?”

Bucky sighs.

“It’s around midnight, I doubt anyone will fix anything right now.”

“I can’t sleep like this and I’m not just saying this to annoy you, it’s too hot to sleep. I will probably lie awake most of the night and look horrible. They have a photographer for tomorrow, the bachelorette party is tomorrow! I can’t handle all of that on two hours of sleep, James” You ramble, and even though you said you’re not telling him all of this to annoy him, you’re telling all of this to annoy him. Simple as that.

He was rude to you when you checked in and now is payback time.

“I don’t give a fuck about the photographer or the bachelorette party. I can handle all of that without getting any sleep, so this isn’t my problem. Do me a favour and be quiet, so I can at least pretend you’re not here with me.”

Hrmpf. Asshole.

“Oh and also, stop calling me James” He adds and you hear rustling, as if he put his hands away from under his head and lay them on the sheets.

“I can’t, James.”

Silence.

“James, I’m serious. I can’t sleep, James. Tomorrow is important for Pepper and for me, James, you know that. I can’t look like a racoon … James.”

He stays silent and is likely trying to hold on to that last straw of patience he still has. You grin.

“I’m too hot, I can’t sleep for shit, I don-“ You start again but suddenly there’s light in the room, making you blink and then there are two strong hands grabbing your wrists and pinning them next to your head. Heavy weight presses your upper body down into the mattress and prevents you from turning away.

Your heart takes this opportunity to jump into a marathon and your eyes grow big as you take in Bucky’s face hovering inches above yours, his eyes look intense and stormy and don’t allow any kind of backtalk. You don’t dare to say anything.

“If you don't stop going on about how hot it is, I'll give you a reason to feel hot” He growls in a tone that you have never heard from him before. Deep and coarse, and slightly threatening.

You don’t know what to say to that, so you don’t. You just stare at him and try to figure out what kind of parallel universe you entered to have this happening. Being this close to and this intimate with Bucky Barnes – and why the hell do you not mind it? At all?? Why is it the exact opposite right now??

He keeps silent and simply watches you, maybe waits for you to say anything, maybe expects you to utter your agreement and promise you won’t ever bother him again. That wouldn’t sound like you, though.

“Um … but it is hot. I’m not making this up” You mutter, not being able to speak any louder, too transfixed on his lips that seem so incredibly close that you feel like you can just raise your head a little and touch them.

Something in his eyes settles and that’s when his head comes down towards yours. All that’s left for you to do is watch, enthralled and freaking out. Your heart skips from its marathon into overdrive and you feel a belly flutter so strong it has to be off the charts. When his face is only an inch from yours, he says, his deep voice silky, “Do you ever listen to me?”

“No” You mumble breathlessly and wait in anticipation. So much about the Han Solo effect not being true. Maybe you shouldn’t give in – are you too easy?

His mouth comes down on yours. Your body tenses and you try hard not to react, but the kiss is nice. Very, very nice. Too nice to handle. You like his hands on you, even though they’re holding you down and you especially like his heat. And to think you just complained about the heat a minute ago. Crazy.

Then his tongue touches your lips and you feel a strong, pleasant tingle between your legs. You open your mouth to say something, maybe lie and protest you wouldn’t give in to him under different circumstances but his tongue slides inside. He tilts his head and the kiss gets serious.

You aren’t super experienced, but you can tell he is really good at, mainly because your whole body melts. Your lips fit themselves to his and you kiss him back. Who could blame you?

His mouth disengages from yours, only for a millisecond and he keeps pressing kisses onto your lips, softly, lightly. “How are you feeling?” He asks raspily against your mouth. You can’t help but smile at that question.

“Pretty hot.”

“Hm. We can do better than that” He says, lets go of your wrists and goes in for another mind-dazzling kiss. Instantly, you wrap your hands around his neck and press him further down to you if that’s even possible. Bucky seems to have gotten the clue because he slides his entire body over to you and carefully puts his knee on your thighs. Without hesitation you open them for him and the next seconds he’s lying on top of you, touching you everywhere and his hips settle between your legs.

Your body reacts instantly, softening, melting itself to him, and one of your hands goes under his tank top, your fingers tracing the hard muscle and soft feel of his back above the waistband of his shorts, brushing over slightly wet skin that makes you think he’s feeling just as hot as you are, then they slide up the indentation of his spine…

Suddenly, there’s a rumbling noise coming from above the door, causing you and him to interrupt the kiss and lift your heads. A second later, you hear a quiet buzz and then there’s cold air on your heated skin. The AC started working again.

---

Forever Tags:  @izzy-the-teawitch @wowpeterparker @brightcolorsoffendme @strangequakson @rosegoldquintis @thirdwheelchurchill  @hazel-eyed-bi @goldenkillmonger @yourwonderbelle @hawaiiantozier @irondadandspidersoncute @thirtiethnovember @fancyfangirl-style @appalo0 @lionheo04

[luffysmeat]

OH MY GOD I JUST READ YOUR LAW HEADCANNONS & JUST IMAGINE. HIM & HIS SO ARE IN THE VERY BEGINNING OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP & HE LAYS HIS HEAD IN HER LAP FOR THE FIRST TIME BC LIKE U SAID HE LOOOVES THAT THIGHS & SHE JUST STARTS FONDLING HIS SCALP WITHOUT KNOWING IT HAS SUCH A MEANING TO HIM ok right in the feels I'm dying

Here's your extremely cheesy Law scenario (this is not an scenario), this is proooobably too oc, tbh. BUT I hope you enjoy it. Anon, here it is. Now kill me because I shouldn't be doing this, help.

Words: 1, 718 (I'm adding a read more because I don't want to spam anyone)

---

"Law, look at this new book I bought", there's a soft chuckle coming from him as she entered the room without permission. It was not something weird, 'I sleep here too, why do I have to knock? It's like asking permission to enter my own home', he was not sure if he was amused by her way of thinking or happy because she compared this little room to a home, perhaps, he should feel scared for feeling both.

He lets out a sigh and looks back at her. "It looks very interesting", he smirked when he saw the unfaced expression in her features.

"You are not funny", she says and takes the book out of a paper bag. "It is a tale", she says and he hums when she shove it to his face. Law takes it between his hands and gets a bit surprised when she suddenly sweeps her warm fingertips against his cold knuckles, he shivers due to the contrast of tempetures and quickly looks through the pages of the book.

"It looks very interesting", he repeats and she rolls her eyes, taking the book back.

"You are not funny," she repeats. "Can I read it hear?", she's already sitting on the bed before he gives her an answer. "Ah, I already sat, what a shame"

"You're not funny either", she giggles and Law quietly growls when he feels a warm feeling swirling on his stomach. He comes back to his work when she opens the book and starts to read.

For how long have they been together? Two months? Five? Regardless, Law has always felt this strange sensation on his chest.

At first he accepted to be her partner because she confesed to him. It's true that she is gorgeous and her legs are just seriously perfect, but he was not especially interesting in her. Or interesting on dating in general. But he said yes, and looking at her happy expression he somehow knew he did something good.

But as time passes and they keep spending time together, he's not sure if this decision was good for him. About two weeks after oficially starting this relationship, he started to notice the little things about her. The little habits she has and the faces she makes when she's happy, sad or worried. She worries a lot, about the crew and about him and sometimes it makes him feel sick how worried she gets.

He noticed the things she likes and dislikes, the things that make her smile and laugh and pout and even cry. He noticed her smile and laugh and deep inside him he wanted to keep her smiling forever. He always feels the need to destroy the world when tears fall down her pink cheeks.

He noticed the way she thinks and speaks and the way she is. Fearless, direct, rarely shy and a little shit when she wants to be. He noticed how he liked her to tease him back and how stupid it makes him feel when she wins one of their little fights, and yet, he wants her to win all the time.

He noticed the way she sleeps and how she wakes up. Always so tender and warm in the mornings, kissing his face until he's awake, greeting him with a good morning and a blinding smile.

He also noticed his body, as a woman. Her legs were fantastic, a bit more rounded and meaty then other girls and they always turned him on quite a bit. He also noticed his butt and breasts and just everything and it kinda makes him feel embarrased.

He started to look at her more than just any girl, he started to look at her as his girlfriend, his partner, his companion. And it started to scare him. It scared him how he unconsciously was starting to open up to her, letting her see his softer sides; it scared him how every day he wanted to stay in bed with her, kissing her face and holding her between his arms. It scared him how he felt safe to let her know about his sadness and how he always finds refuge between her arms when it's getting too much.

For how long have they been dating? Eight months? A year?

"Six months, if I recall correctly", even though he spoke the question out loud expecting her answer, he shivered hearing her voice.

"I see", he mumbles and he can sense the smirk on her mouth. "Erase that smirk off your face, [Name]", she giggles and he wants to ask her to leave the room, but he can't because he doesn't want that.

He knows he doesn't want that. He found he doesn't want that. He has tried to push her away, but she was always patient and she always waited for him to calm down. She always understood when he needed time and didn't blame him about it nor asked for explanations.

He can hear her breathing changing depending on what was happening in the book. She said it was a tale, what is it about?

"It's about a King that has his heart filled with pain and the shadows of the past torment him at night. One day, though, he goes around the woods and finds this lady, beautiful as the first morning beams and fire on her eyes.

The king falls in love with her and feels that with her, he's going to forget about his past. He wants her so desperately, so he comes back to his castle and order his soilders to bring the lady to him. He keeps her in a room of his big castle and is happy when she doesn't say anything against him, but as day passes by, the fire on her eyes starts to die and the color of her cheeks starts to fade. So he knows he's hurting her..."

"And then?"

"Well I haven't finished it yet", she says and Law gulps on the glass of water at his side.

"He's gonna let her free and then come back to be alone", he mumbles as he scribbles on his notes.

"Hmm, who knows, a tale is a tale after all, there's magic everywhere, everything can happen"

Law hums and tries not to mind too much about it. But he does, that story was obviously they both. Law was the lonely and sad King and she was the beautiful lady of the woods. He's been taking her life just to his own good, and even though he keeps telling to himself that he didn't want this, he did want this deep inside him. To have someone, to hold someone.

"Stressed?", her eyes are glued to the book in her hands, but he knows that question was directed to him.

"A bit", he replies, not wanting to make a big deal about it.

"You know it is just a tale, right?", he had to chuckle, was he really that transparent? Perhaps she only notices when he's having internal problems.

"I know", he says and letting out a long sigh, he pushes the chair off the desk and gets up, walking to where she's sitting in the bed with her back against the wall. "May I?", he points at her thighs and she looks at him incredulously, but nods anyway.

He lays his head against her thighs and he sighs, sinking into her warm flesh. So comfortable, so soft. It make him want to sleep and stay like this forever. Feeling the movements of her belly with each breath and hearing the soft mumbles she lets out every now and then as she reads.

So comfortable, so soft.

"Feeling better?", he feels his inside tightening as soon as she starts doing that. "Law?"

Her soft fingers sinking on his messy hair, her fingertips scratching ever so lightly on his scalp, making him shiver and goosebumps appear on his skin. Fingers brushing his hair softly and lovingly, and she's even humming some kind of lullaby.

"Shit", he mumbles and his arm takes a place across his face, covering his eyes. But he knows she saw, because her fingers are suddenly stopping and she's withdrawing her hand.

"Does it hurt?", he nods and takes a shaky breath. "Where?"

"In my chest. In my memories. In my heart"

"Should I stop?", there was a universe behind her words. Should I stop what I'm doing right now? Should I stop being around? Should I stop wanting to be at your side? Should I stop this relationship? Should I stop loving you?

Yes, stop.

"No", he says, his voice breaking just a bit. "Don't stop. Never stop", he's begging and he hates himself for that, but her fingers are back caressing his scalp and he can't help a tremble of his body as a quiet sob rips through him.

She lets him be as he grits his teeth and try to hold in the tears starting to pour our of his eyes, but is too late and he can't stop them anymore, not while she's here and she keeps loving him.

Maybe this tears will drain the pain and the darkness of his heart to let her in completely.

--

"So, how did that book of yours end?", she gave him one of her widest smiles ever and he felt a tug of happiness in his heart.

"She saw through him, past his sadness and fell in love with him when they first encountered in the woods, and even though he selfishly took her for his own, she forgave him and helped him get out of the bottomless hole of his soul.

So they end up together, their kingdom going pass the woods, the life returning to both of them"

He hums and presses a soft kiss on her forehead, his hand grabbing her by the waist.

"Lucky King", he says with a smirk.

"You are also a lucky king", she says and he's still not that used to that melting sensation on his chest when she wraps her arms around his waist, but he grew to love it.

"Am I? I haven't found a beautiful lady, though", he laughed a bit when she punched him in the back.

"You are not funny at all"

He was, in fact, a very lucky king.

[drunkjaked]

OMG SAX IM DONE W MY ASSIGNMENTS

AHHH i’ve missed you sm it feels like forever since i’ve talked w you. first off, how are you? how have you been? i hope your well.

it felt so weird and annoying to be stressed on my bday but i felt so blessed from your wishes and five days later im free from school for a whole two weeks!

ugh i hate uni already. but i also kinda like it? it’s weird. maybe bcs one of my degrees (i’m doing a double degree) is creative writing?

i’ve been obsessed w creating writing since i was five yrs old so every class just feels like chilling and free time for me. loving it. my other degree however is IT and…just kill me now, please.

also… i won’t delve into the situation w your anon community that happened a few days ago? i can’t remember lost track of time. but i just wanna let you know that i love you sm sax and i appreciate how you try and make everyone that comes to your blog feel welcome.

yes, i feel insecure as well sometimes. esp bcs i know i’m a great writer but i’m too shy to do anything abt it but then i read over all out little talks and just the feeling of genuineness that i get from you, it warms my heart so thank you.

i might actually open a blog or two in the future for my own writing abt my ults (if i’m bothered and brave enough)

anyway, i was just wondering what course are you doing in uni? kinda curious.

also, i requested to add you as a friend on discord, so if you feel like talking in priv, hmu anytime

ily babes, so glad to have free time now so we can catch up

-🧚‍♀️ anon

HEYYYYY 🧚‍♀️ im so glad to hear from u 🥳 and yes it feels like years but i'm happy to hear that ur assignments r done, how did they go?

im doing alright, i've been hanging out a lot with my irls i think i was out like 5 times this week 😭 which is a lot even for the whole month so i think i'll be spending some time alone for a little while 🤞 social battery def feeling kinda dead and im for sure a little anxious but other than that i'm doing gooooood <3 i hope the same for u!

im sorry to hear that u weren't feeling too good on ur bday but im glad that my message lifted ur spirits even if temporarily ! and omg 2 whole weeks.. u r livin the D R E A M 🧚‍♀️, truly

uni is so 😵‍💫 (derogatory) but im just so glad im gonna finish relatively soon - not feeling so glad about having to write a dissertation next year tho.. i am really happy to hear that you're liking it even if just a bit bc it's so hard to stay motivated when it makes u want to take a fork to the eye ☺️

that's really cool actually and i hope to get to read some of ur writing in the future!! but agh 🧚‍♀️ i'm so jealous of you i wish i was studying writing rboarnoaj im gonna weep but i graduate next summer so i plan to do a postgrad in journalism or something of the sort so i can actually do something with my life that i'll enjoy..

i'm studying architectural technology which is essentially like domestic (mainly) architecture with some civil engineering involved #WomenInStem and it's killing me 😭😭😭 i really loved physics in school so i don't mind doing that but omds the maths is gonna put me in the grave im so bad at maths i can't deal..

tysm for saying so it makes me happy to hear that u feel that way and i hope u know that i love you also <333 i'll always be here for u, so i hope u don't forget that or ever feel alone / like u have nobody

that's so exciting and i hope that if u do, u lmk what ur url is so i can read ur stuff <33

okay yes of course and please remember the same extends to u & feel free to hit me on disc to talk about anything u need, ok??

i love u tooooo and yes me too this catch up has been really nice <3 talk soon, i hope 💌🫀

[bangtanata-blog]

Misha’s 100+ followers’ follow forever thing ft. Gudetama, a lazy ass 2 min edit done with shaking hands, suggested by Jenny and actually done after a pep talk with Heena.

I can’t really talk about how happy I’ve become after knowing about BTS and actually becoming their fan, bc some of their songs do... help, in a way. Like, 21st Century Girls, So Far Away, 4 O’Clock, Miss Right, etc--they have.... helped me, in going through some days. I just had a bad week, month, whatever, and I was a bit stupid today bc I researched some stuff that probably shouldn’t be researched... So I thought that maybe doing a positive thing will help today after hours of listening to music proven unsuccessful.

So... here it is, a list of people, both mutuals and non-mutuals. I’m sorry if my mention annoys you or bothers you, especially if we’re not mutuals. But I just want to let you know that by making these mentions, I wanna voice out how your presence in my dash actually help me a whole lot, and that is why I’m still upset that Indonesia has tumblr blocked.

bold - mutuals / normal - non mutuals / the list is not in alphabetical orders. i will mention mutuals first. / all mentioned people have something written for them. i’m sorry if some are too long or too short. jsyk i love you all.

@clairelions​ 💜 chiara 💜 thank you for following me back that day, it made me scream internally and eternally; i was really happy when i found out about it. i really look up to you! not only bc you’re older, but you’re also nice and sweet, not to mention polite, and i really aspire to be as kind as you someday. sometimes i still laugh at my mistake in sending that anon message without clicking the anon button, but it’s really sweet over how you take it so calmly and even still accepts my anonymous messages when you know that it’s me. i love your edits, i love your jikook aus, your hogwarts aus (the hogwarts aus have a special place in my heart... i haven’t forgotten that i want to write a fic for it someday!) and many others. i hope your redbubble stuffs get more purchases, and that you’ll have a great day, don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated. ilu 💜

@yoonkia​ - So, this is the nice thing I was talking about. I like making people happy, so this is okay, I guess. The gudetama was made in a spur of moment and tbh Gudetama is a Huge Mood but anyway, thank you so much for messaging me. I didn’t think anyone would, and I didn’t even know why I made that post. I only realized I was shaking when I saw your message, thank you. (Also, I’m more eloquent now. This is actually how I talk usually!! dhklslshd i’m sorry you had to see that strange me). I actually really like seeing you on my dash, and I’m??? always happy to know we’re mutuals even tho we barely talked dshjkfjd I hope that we can talk more;; you need to know that i’m usually funny //hEH. again, thank you 💜

@jvnckles - jENNY HAHAHAHAHA I DIDNT END UP USING MY SKETCH OF TAEHYUNG IM SORRY BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE THE GUDETAMA ANYWAY WWWW 💜 Jenny jenny jenny ilu it’s such a happy coincidence when i saw you on Fahreen’s blog and when I found out you’re Indonesian I just have to follow you bc!!!! aaaa!!!! I don’t regret it one bit you’re such an angel and ilu and dont let mean pouty anons get in your way, you’re amazing and lovely and you deserve a lot of good things in this world hun 💜 i wish you the best of luck with the upcoming college days lmao i hope you dont suffer like i do 💜💜 ilu nak stay strong yah wwww

@jungcock - miaAAAAaaaa we don’t talk much but youre!! such!! a blessing!! in my dash your tags are funny your text posts are funny and your fic is great ilu even tho im worried about your health bc you’re high sometimes when i see you on my dash (it’s mostlikely a culture shock-- since we don’t really get high here. it’s basically illegal anyway) but you do you, buddy, just stay healthy and safe ok?? your writing gets me motivated to do some actual writing myself lmao i hope my weakass self can actually update something soon. ilu 💜

@kookieholic - i dont see u a lot in my dash... it’s probably a timezone thing :c but you’re a sweet sweet person and ilu and thank you for existing i hope we can be friends someday 💜

@cyphertaehyungie / @kikiwho - !!!!!! i’m still amazed that you’re... following me, tbh. I love your edits, i love your posts, you sound like such a sweet person and hdsshk yeHA thank you! 💜

@hosehok - 💜💜💜 We havent talked in a few but I always get pleasantly surprised whenever I see you back on my dash. Thank you for existing, I love you.

@kimtaehyungl - You’re a constant presence in my dash; it would seem weird for me if you’re suddenly not there, tbh. I love your posts, I love your contents and your tags and honestly thank you for brightening my day, every day 💜

@taegayhyung - I don’t see you a lot too :c A timezone thing? Mostlikely. I’m sorry we never really talk, but I’m sure you’re a gr8 person 💜

@faenam - I screamed when you followed me back, still scream when I see you on my dash. You’re so... chill sometimes and actually cool but also you’re??/ cute? I don’t know how to say this properly? Am I being creepy??? dhslsgjdks anYWAY thank you for being on my dash, I love you and your contents and I hope we can be friends 💜

@taehyungtrsh - bABY (i dont know why I said that, but oh well?) thank you for following me back and thank you for interacting with me whenever we’re able to! I’m too shy to really send anything else other than asks but you’re honestly very kind and fun and just!!! thank you, you made me feel at home and at ease when I first started this blog and you made me feel like I’ve made friends in this fandom. Thank you 💜

@hobisuki - 💜💜💜 First of all, I wish you the best of luck in your upcoming college years. I’m sure that whatever path you choose you can find something good out of it and that you’ll flourish; it’s okay even if it’s not your first choice, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your path to a bright future. There are other pathways you can take and it’ll lead you there nevertheless. Tbh wow I can quote something from So Far Away right about now lmao but yeHA goodluck bb i’m sure you can do it!! Thank you for following me and thank you for brightening my dash, ilu 💜

NON-MUTUALS MENTION START HERE

@booptaegi - Hello! First of all, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything; I just want to tell you that I love seeing you on my dash, your contents make me smile and sometimes your tags make me laugh. I love.. the taegi contents..... (I just love all ot7 dynamics but dsjkhd shhhh ilu) I hope that you’ll have an amazing day today; please don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated, don’t forget to eat! 💜

@jhsmixtape - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that sometimes i come in the form of an anon I love seeing you on my dash. You’re funny and your interactions with your mutuals and anons make me laugh everytime! Your tags and your text posts and others are so funny as well, so thank you, thank you, for making me laugh 💜

@yoonseok - hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that I love seeing you on my dash. Your gifs and contents are top notch, and you’re actually nice and p relatable dsjkdfj I’ve seen some mean anons bothering you before, and I want to tell you that whatever they may say about you, please know that I do appreciate you and like seeing you on my dash, and that although you seem awkward and super blunt, you’re actually p sweet :’) Please don’t let the anons drag you down. You’re a kind person and you deserve many good things. Please don’t forget to eat healthy and stay hydrated (as a side note though... make sure never to take too much water again :’D), I hope you’ll have an amazing day!

@jimiyoong - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothers you! I want to let you know that you’re a sweet sweet person esp whenever I see your interactions with the anons, how patient and mature you are, etc. I love seeing you on my dash, and as I mentioned above, your presence actually makes me happy sometimes. Thank you 💜 I hope you’ll have a nice day, please don’t forget to stay hydrated!

@vanillalattaes - 💜💜💜💜 Okay you probably already know who I am thanks to my name HJDSGHKSJD aNYWAY yeah I can’t believe this is the Grand Reveal but hey at least it’s not a stray message like how it happened with Chiara dhsklsk Hello, it’s me, Cappuccino, and no pressure over finally knowing who I am (as in you don’t have to follow me back if you don’t want to!!!!). I’m sorry if this mention bothers you, but I just wanna let you know that I’m really really happy to have you as my friend, Fahreen. I can’t stress this enough, I’m so happy to see you on my dash, mostly it’s bc I know then that you’re healthy and safe 💜Thank you for listening to my rants whether that one time on the rabbit site or through the anonymous messages. You’re a genuinely kind person and I’m happy to have you as my friend 💜 You make me happy and feel loved and honestly you’re one of the reasons why I’m so content in staying in this bts blog and in this fandom overall. I love that we both love spicy foods, I love that we can bond over cake. You’re a sweet, sweet person and I hope that you’ll have a nice day. Please don’t forget to eat and stay hydrated! Thank you Fahreen, you’re appreciated!!!

[mygnolia]

hello ren! i saw your post esrlier and i just wanted to say that you're not 'conceited' to feel that way :( i know the mentality about accomplishing high number of notes may not seem like the best one to have, hell it even makes people feel like a narcissist when you think about it :(

but personally? i think it's normal to feel that way. i think the feeling of not having enough happens to even the best of us — and that's okay! you are not a narcissist for feeling these things, it's perfectly normal!

i know sometimes you just can't help but feel that way, you know? it feels as if the amount of notes count as validation that your works are good and worth-reading. and at certain times and when you see the difference between you and other writers, you feel like you're not doing enough.

although i don't think it's about you not being enough (bcuz your works are literally so??? fine??? WHY CAN'T I SPAM MY FAVORITE POST WITH LOVE?? TUMBLR HUH), there are many other factors like exposure and different interests in fandoms or types of works (hcs, series, smaus, etc) because ain't no way people aren't reading your works because it's bad quality or smth?? LIARS ALL OF YOU 🤥 so i don't think the inadequacy is within you, i just think all readers have different types of preferences BUT that doesn't change that i've been following you for a while and i think it'll stay that way forever :D

but all i wanna say is that please don't let these things discourage you! and also that the way you feel is normal and valid, you are a human being just like the rest of us and we have times where we feel low :( but just know for those who have read your works and left a note, your works are THE ABSOLUTE WORLD for us. even though we may not seem many in your eyes BUT MAN I LOVE IT WHEN YOU POST!!

i am one but many, i can only count as one note/few notes but your works really do mean the world to me... and i feel a bit sad that you are feeling this way. like you're not doing enough... but for me, i think you are. you are doing enough.

maybe it'll take a little bit more time until you finally feel at peace with where you're standing and until that happens, take your time. write for you, write so you feel happy rambling about it, write so you can scream about it with your friends/mooties, write for your happiness. i don't want you to write for your readers — but instead, write for yourself and you feel willing to share it with us! i think that's how writers work; they write for themselves and they share this idea with other people who might or might not like it! and that's ok, we can't please everyone but still it means that there are people who love your works, right? how about we focus on them then! i hope that makes sense :(

don't let mere notes define why you're here, you have readers and even moots who are willing to support you at the drop of a pin! and i know there's not that many of us, but you sure are everything to us ❤️

- weird sappy anon who loves you (really sry for rambling but i just want you to know... you don't have to answer this ask! as long as you read it, then i'm happy :D /gen)

ARGH im going to tear up :( i will answer the rest of this under a read more so it's not too long and personal

HONESTLY it sucks to sit here and look at how well a post is doing bc sometimes yknow i just wanna see if ppl like it or if they want more and stuff so yeah it does make me feel bad or conceited in a way when i look at it

i do wanna try and get rid of it and whether it means being more content with what im putting out to be able to not pay attention to notes, or just not getting affected by it, i just wanna get a better mentality and i never rlly equated it to 'being enough' so that opened a window for me

yeah u basically said it- notes do feel like validation and when i see ppl get hundreds of notes i wonder what i do wrong a LOT urgh :(

also bls im SHY im glad u like my writing AHH yeah i understand that more popular fandoms or members will get more notes or people who have been here longer might do better

and readers have different preferences too! I understand that as i myself enjoy longfics and on enhablr those can be a bit hard to come across

honestly looking at reblogs or comments where people say even little things like "I loved this" or "this was rlly nice to read" or things about the characters GAHH it rlly makes me happy yknow- and u mean the absolute world to me too anonnie :(( you enjoying what i put out and sending me this ask just rlly made my day argh i need tissues BYE

[onlygotafewdollas]

Ahhhh thank you!! I have 1000+ songs in my kpop playlist and I like a mix of different types of songs so anything could have come up. OMG THE PLAYLIST!!! I'm listening to it now, I already love it since you added so many songs that are my faves! Like June! Omg, he makes such good music! P.L.T are so good! And you put Noah!! This was one of my absolute favourite songs last year! I completely fell in love with it when I first heard it. And I love Ab6ix!! I'm Youngmin biased lol -carat anon 1/?

YOU INCLUDED WOODZ!!! OMG. The loml tbh. He's so fricking amazing and talented and just ugh I could go on for days about how much I love that dude! I'm so happy he's debuting in x1. Did you watch pdx101?? What's your opinion on those types of shows? I totally understand what you're saying about the caratbongs, I think that's why I like the 1st one better, bc it's softer. Personally I won't be buying either so I certainly wouldn't consider buying both lol and unless you happen to be rich or something, I'd suggest you choose one even tho I know that's gonna be really hard for you since you're so indecisive haha. Omg I totally get what you mean when you say you see bits of yourself in all of them! I feel the same way! As for who I'm most like, maybe Jun? We're both shy around strangers, but when we're comfortable we can be really playful and kinda weird, but he's WAY more chaotic than me lmao. I'm also super introverted and quiet most of the time and would prefer to stay in than go out so I guess I'm kinda like Wonwoo and Woozi maybe. Vernon would be so down for trying something new and then like having those deep life chats. Yeah! I agree, Soonyoung could probably make simple things like going food shopping or filling your car up with petrol fun. Omg cooking and going on a picnic with Mingyu would be so cute!! I think it would also be fun to take a cooking class with him, like learning how to make chocolate or something.

I hope these are all the parts, I only saw 5 but you seemed to have it be out of 7??? So idk??? But I’ll go ahead and answer these parts LOL

I’m so glad you liked the playlist!!! Those songs have been in my recent rotation; I’ve always really loved R&B-like songs with a strong funky beat, which is honestly why I absolutely fell in love with SHINee back in the day :’) Also wow 1000+ is,,,a lot of songs LOL I have a playlist called “Bops Only” and it’s only just past 100 right now because it’s literally the only playlist I listen to other than the svt discography lol  and I’ll get sick of hearing the same songs over and over again so I frequently go through and delete/add new songs! I may just try adding more instead of taking them away and hopefully that’ll solve my problem but who knows lol and yES GO WOODZ WOW

But no, I haven’t watched pdx101! I did watch most of Under 19 though and I liked it but then Ji Jin Seok had to leave for his health problems and that’s kinda when I stopped watching bc he really blew me away with his vocals and was definitely my fav hahaha. I guess the thing I don’t like about shows like these is that I think people find them boring if there’s no drama but I don’t really like drama and “evil editing” so they kind of end up not being my favorite thing,,, 

I do really love shows like Immortal Songs though! Have you seen that? Seventeen was on a few episodes and I loved their cover of 단발머리 because they made it sound so Seventeen and cute and summery ahhhhhh

Also ok. U got me, I’m the most indecisive person in the world LOL in all honesty it would take me forever to decide on which one to get and I’m def not loaded enough to get both so....I guess we’ll see BUT I did read somewhere that the new carat bong works on a different version of bluetooth and so the original might not work as well in stadiums at concerts??? Which is kind of lame and would probably make me lean towards getting the second one or tbh the first bc when am I ever gonna get to see svt live I CRI 

I think I could see you being like Jun haha now that we’ve opened up to each other we’ve been talking a lot more hehehehe I like it!! 

PHEW ok I think I hit everything??? I hope you’re still living after the MV teaser my dude, I don’t think my body is ready for this comeback ahhh

OH BUT ALSO. If you haven’t already heard it, go listen to It’s Raining by Vincent Blue bc that song SLAPS and I cannot stop listening to it lol. It’s more chilled out than the songs on the playlist I made for you but I’ve been recommending it to literally everyone bc I love it so much lol.

Ok I’m done now heh

[khakikyrie]

i'm happy i could made u feel happy too, hehe, i still like it but i haven't been in the fandom for a while, no ok maybe a lot, it has been a lot since last time i knew smth about it,now i'm kinda into sport animes, like all of them, but i haven't been on here for a while now so yes, i was happy to see a familiar icon hehe, good to know u are doing good, hope everything is going good too, thanks ♥

(pt 2/2)“i’m really shy, i know you are really nice but i can’t come to send u a msg off anon tbh, i think some of the msgs i sent u before where those like "send an icon” and i always sent the one that said “wanna talk to you/be your friend but i’m too shy”, and even after all that time i couldn’t so maybe i’ll stay forever on anon"

AhhHh it’s been for e ver since I’ve watched spn like, a solid two years XD Sports anime is totally what dragged me away from it so I feel that! I’m glad I could be a familiar face for u to log back onto! I’m glad I don’t change my url too much that probably makes it easier lol. AhhHh but seriously thank u so much!!!! 💛💛💛💛

Also it’s ok!!!! I’m rlly awkward and shy so I get being nervous! You don’t have to if you don’t want to! But if you ever feel like it I’d love to! You can also just keep messaging on anon whatever makes u most confortable, I’m just happy to talk ^^ I’m gonna head to bed now cause it’s late here, but srsly thank u again so much for the messages! You’re very very sweet! I hope you have a great day! ^^