#it's obvious i am tired and my surroundings (and this time of the year) are draining me

[mxxnlightwriting]

reminder that more often than not, it's important to take breaks from writing instead of forcing yourself through it. listen to your body and intuition.

i say this as someone who writes almost every day. sometimes, that isn't sustainable. sometimes, you need to take breaks from your projects because you're tired from working on them. i have to admit that understanding when to stop and take a break is a skill in itself, but with time, you will master it. you've got this. if not today, then tomorrow.

today, you rest. tomorrow, if you feel like writing, great! if not, rest a bit more. you know yourself better than anyone else. so trust yourself to know when to get back into writing. and don't punish yourself for not doing it.

[randomminty]

2022 art summary!!! Very boringly designed bc im Lazy lol (i did it based off when i made the art, so some of them dont match when i posted it um. Just ignore that)

And then just for fun, a lil comparison to the past 4 years

This year ive been feeling meh about my art and that im not improving as quickly as i want to, but seeing my art slowly changing over only 4 years is definitely helping with that! And apparently i drew a champion iris at least once evey year which is neat (rosa too but she got cropped out of 2021)

And also, heres 4 years worth of yellow bday art. i plan to keep this trend going until i forget

[innocent-cat]

Hello darling! Is it okay to request a Vax x F!Reader x Percy (love triangle) one-shot? Where the reader is a human sorcereress from a noble family and somehow ends up with Vox Machina, only for Percy and Vax to develop feelings for her (or them, if you are more comfortable) a year later and become rivals and try to impress her.

I hope this isn't too weird! And it's fine if you don't want to do it! Have a wonderful day/night! Stay safe! 🤗💖

OH MY GOD YESSSSSSSSS i actually love this idea so much

Sorceress and noble????? OF COURSE SHE HAS TIESSS WITH THE DE ROLOSSS AND THATS WHY SHE JOINSNSMNNSNS

It's awesome you clarified gender! i only do non-b pronouns when someone doesn't specify the gender. Otherwise I am happy to write for male or female!

sorry im getting excited

Vax'ildan x Reader x Percival

Warnings - idk probably gonna lean towards my bbg percy, not so obvious love triangle, swearing, im literally gonna be using f/n and shit, I'm literally rewatching to remember how to write them as I write this so good luck reading my poor memory of characters, I will use she/her, FUCK I HAD TO USE [name] IM SO SORRY, timeskip because oh my god this is so long,

"Vox Machina's (least) favorite Sorcerer.", Vax x Reader x Percy

.·:*¨༺༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺༻

[F/N] - Family Name

Lady Mystra - Goddess of magic/The weave

[Name] - I was too embarrassed to use y/n

Envonium - The name of the city you are a noble to (Sorry, couldn’t avoid it)

Twinned spell - A sorcery thing that allows a sorcerer to make one spell turn into two to attack two targets, never the same one twice in a row.

You come from a very rich cultured, religious, well mannered, prestigious and otherwise very dependent on magic kingdom. It only makes sense for such a huge part of the culture surrounding the beautiful city known as "The city of the weave", purely for its well known prestigious academies of magic, to have a generally magical culture. Many everyday tasks require magic, or it is commonly frowned upon to do some actions without it.

As a noble sorcerer yourself, your parents couldn't help themselves but give you the education you needed to become stronger as a magic wielder. They began your education at a young age, which proved a struggle for you to connect with companions and school partners who surrounded you. You were always disconnected from the reality of the lives of non-nobles. Other students seemed to feel the same way, and instead of adapting for you or explaining culture to you, they excluded you, making you an outcast in your own kingdom.

Lucky for you, your parents had many allies and peace treaties with those they were more powerful than or equal to, which happened to include the de Rolos. Once they learned of their children, one of which happened to be your age, Percy, they urged them to allow you, their only daughter, to meet Percival and his siblings.

Sadly, your exclusion in school made you awkward around him, and the two of you had trouble holding conversation for a very long time during your visit to Whitestone. It wasn't until your parents mentioned to Lady and Lord de Rolo the education they put you through so you could become a stronger sorcerer, that Percy warmed up to you and began to ramble about sorcery and wizardry, of which you knew much of both.

His curious personality led to conversations that lasted hours only asking the weave, which was tiring. When you began asking him questions back, he could not help himself but go on rants about science, history, and anything he remembered learning, which was a lot. The two of you had a rivaled education.

"That's... not really how the weave works. Where did you even hear that? That's absurd." You'd quip back at his stupid questions(At least, to you, they were stupid.), that you assumed were common knowledge.

"Well- in this book- it speaks of manipulating and changing the weave to cast spells." He was always defensive, quoting books directly and going as far as showing you the page.

With a sigh, "That book is decades old. You don't manipulate the weave, you pull it. Not even pull! It is a very delicate process." You knew it would be hard to explain, because you didn't quite understand it yourself yet.

Every summer, you would visit Whitestone until they suddenly stopped responding to letters, in which your parents cautiously chose to cut ties with the kingdom, without telling you. Whenever you'd ask about it, they'd hush you or change the topic. It confused you, but deep down, you knew they knew something about it.

Of course, this lets you down. You had begun to develop feelings for the boy who showed you kindness and bonded with you over something you were very prideful in. However, you eventually had to give up asking your parents questions about this, and continued your education in the weave.

Of course, your demanding parents practically begged you to practice your magic in real world experiences so you could be truly prepared. When you showed hesitation in doing such a thing, they only pushed harder- in fact, they packed your bags for you. They gave you a lot of gold for the road, a magic bag to hold everything needed, a change of clothes, food for a few days(Bread, cheese, water.), and a map. Not much, but they knew you were more than capable of making due.

Obviously, being a noble of the [F/N] family gave you a target on your back, but it wasn't much of a problem. It seems people underestimate you because you aren't armed with anything but a quarterstaff, but it takes no less than a chromatic orb or a fireball to kill them within seconds.

With background check over, you sit in a tavern.. :3

A group of loud, drunken, lowly mercenaries are shouting across the bar and asking for trouble with several strong looking city dwellers. You can tell they have no real experience in fighting other than bullying people for their money based on their muscles and lack of scars.

You try to ignore the banter, trying to get lost in a pint of beer as you sip on it, the woozy drunk feeling freeing you from an emotional state you get late into the night when left alone to think of your family, your people, and more importantly, all the books you had to leave behind to come here.

You're brought out of your thoughts as a table goes flying over your head, followed by a mug that hits your head, wetting you with the remaining alcoholic liquid left in the cup.

You quickly snap around, rubbing your now pounding head. You ready yourself to cast a spell strong enough to rival the sun against the dirty drunken party, but you realize it was one of the burly men who like to pretend to be tough who threw the table at you. You quickly change the direction of your twinned spell, making quick work of both of them as they fall stunned to the floor. The bar fight ensues as you knock the two of them out, an elf with dark and long hair defends you as another drunken man swings at you with a makeshift weapon. It seemed like it was a leg to a chair, but you couldn't tell in the blur of the quick paced fighting.

Once the quick turned fight ends, a female ranger announces to the barkeeper that 'Vox Machina' will pay back their tab in due time. You roll your eyes, and with a groan, you begrudgingly hand up a small bag of gold to cover their tab and look at the elven woman with an extremely annoyed face. She looks back, surprised you paid their tab, and even more so surprised you have the audacity to look at her with such a face.

A white haired, taller man looks at you with extreme shock. His face is familiar, but you know better than to stare, something he must have forgotten. Your face shifts into a less disgruntled face as the barkeeper speaks to you, thanking you for kindly paying the group's tab.

With the showy smile you were taught, you give him a soft and polite 'You're very welcome. Thank you for your hospitality.'

Your conversation with the barkeeper is cut short when the brunette, elven woman loudly asks you "And who the fuck are you?"

It sounded much more like actual curiosity than impoliteness, so you choose to not respond with the same tone, instead introducing yourself.

"[Name] [F/N]." (Guys im actually so sorry for having to do that, it feels taboo bc no one likes it) One side of you hoped they knew your family name for the sake of fear or authority, but the other hoped they didn't for the sake of having new beginnings.

Their gnome cleric seemed to be working your name out, familiarity reading on her face. You can tell it clicks when she looks up at you thinking of what to say, but she instead introduces herself and the rest of the party.

"Hi.. I'm Pike, this is Grog, the two similar looking elves are twins, Vex and Vax. The druid is Keyleth, and.. Scanlan is the guy pissing on the sign right now." As she speaks you can hear the encouraging smile on her face in her voice, her friendly introduction and personality persuading you to not judge or speak ill of Vox Machina.

You smile at all of them as she introduces them, except for Scanlan, your face rests in disgust watching the half nude gnome piss on a sign, then accidentally piss on a guard of the kingdom.

You turn expectantly to the one Pike seemingly forgot to introduce, the look of disgust still on your face. He seems startled you gave him the sour face, and you quickly fix it. You wave a beckoning motion at him to introduce himself.

"My name is Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III'' You finally realize who he is, and your face contorts to curiosity, but there's a small amount of disgust evident in it as well.

You have no clue what his family might have done to your’s for them to cut ties with his, but it couldn't have been good. Your mother always fought your father to keep as many allies as possible, and it was very rare for them to both agree on cutting ties.

Rolling your eyes at his long introduction, you cross your arms. The wisp of cold night wind swishes through your hair, as you feel it on your neck. You look up at him like scum under your foot, standing a distance of around 4 feet away from him.

"Do.. you guys know each other?" Pike asks you awkwardly, the rest of the party staring at the two of you awkwardly as well, noticing your repulsed face and Percy's face of surprise.

You scoff. "Know each other? No no.. we're only childhood best friends of neighboring kingdoms." Your voice seethes in sarcasm, your gaze not leaving Percy.

A new voice enters the awkward situation, the elven rogue, Vax, who protected you earlier.

"Yeah, you two really seem to be bonded to the core." His sarcasm matches your's, and you laugh softly, finally turning away from the silent Percy.

Walking towards him to converse, your face changes to a more smug than angry expression, your eyebrows still turned downward. The two of you banter for a moment before Scanlan awkwardly reveals a request for mercenaries.

"You guys wouldn't mind if I joined you, right? It's been a long while since I've been part of a party, and even longer since I’ve seen Percy." You ask Pike, who you assume is the leader of the party as she seems most responsible.

"It never hurts to have a few extra hands!" You can tell she's still dwelling on your interaction with Percy, as her tone is sensitive and her words practically dance around what just happened.

(Timeskip because theres literally a gap in writing in the show BECAUSE I DONT FUKCING KNOW WHAT TO DO HELP)

Waking up in the morning and climbing the stairs up to the ruler of Emon was a struggle, and you couldn't help but cast an ice spell to soothe the headache you currently had. Percy had tried to talk to you a few times, but you had shrugged him off at every opportunity. He opted to walk in the front of the group, conversing lightly with Vex and Keyleth.

It was nice talking to Vax so casually, as it wasn't an opportunity given to you often to speak informally. He gave you a few confused glances whenever you slipped up and started speaking formally, and you'd let out an awkward laugh and wave your hand in front of your face to try and get him to ignore it.

"So- what brings you to Emon?"

"My mother and father pushed me out of the kingg..domm.. I just want to practice my sorcery. I haven't really used it outside of learning it in practice." You trail off, when he gives you a weird look after mentioning your home.

"Oh. Really? That sounds.. wonderful. You seem a truly powerful sorcerer." He replies to you with an awkward smile on his face, trying to keep the conversation flowing with you as best as possible.

Once the party reaches the doors, Trinket, Vex's pet bear, stays on the outside of the doors with the guards. The party all make an awkward introduction, and you attempt to quip that you aren’t part of Vox Machina perse, but Scanlan quickly spoke over you in song, and went over you quite quickly, introducing you as “The sorcerer princess of the city of the weave!” And honestly? You had to admit it was better than anything you were expecting him to say about you, even if he had gotten some facts wrong.

A ‘punch in the gut’ feeling washed over you as you remember that you are a high status noble walking among a group of barfing, hungover mercenaries, and you look just as hungover as the rest of them. You quickly straighten yourself out and push around Vax with a soft ‘Sorry..’ and stand next to Percy, hoping to look better next to him, another noble. He seems surprised but ignores it, letting Scanlan bullshit you guys through the ‘meeting’ you had interrupted by walking in. Eventually, Emon’s ruler and a few advisers approve of your group saving the kingdom, in exchange for a very large box presumably full of gold coins.

You all quickly board the boat like aircraft, shuffling to stand near the railing, you find yourself standing next to Percy after not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on between Vex and Vax, opting to not seem rude or nosy. You of course, keep your space between you and him, and lean on the rail, debating on starting the conversation.

And you do.

“So.. what could the de Rolos have done to have angered the [F/N]s?” You ask, sarcastically, but genuinely curious.

Percy turns and looks at you with a face of bewilderment. “What did we do? What are you talking about?” Percy’s voice has anger lacing through it, and he wasn’t trying to hide it, but it’s not like he was trying to show it either.

“I mean, what did you guys do? Lord de Rolo stopped responding to my mother’s letters, and one day both mother and father refused to speak of Whitestone. It was like you guys did some horrible offense against lady Mystra, or, I don’t know, maybe betrayed one of our stronger alliances?” You dig deeper under his skin unknowingly, your face only showing confusion.

Percy’s stance changed, and he turned his body to face you. “My father stopped responding to your mother’s letters because he was murdered. They.. were all murdered. I ran from my kingdom, barely escaping my attackers, and I assumed you did your’s?”

Your mouth drops ever so slightly in shock, but you quickly close it. “I’m so sorry, Percy. I had no clue. I wish I could have convinced my parents to do something.. And no, I didn’t run from Evonium. My parents sent me away to become stronger.. I finally graduated from my academy.” Your eyes are glossy, as if hurt for Percy for what happened to his family. Your expression was soft, and pitiful. It almost completely contrasted the look you gave him at the bar, if it weren’t for that same pitiful look that knitted in your eyebrows as the wind blew against your face.

He turns away, unwilling to think about the look you had given him. He sighs. “It’s quite alright. I don’t blame you for assuming our families crossed one another. If I was in your position I would have done the same.”

You scoot closer to him, but leave room to breathe. You felt selfish for wanting to heal your relationship so fast, so you would let him choose when the wound was closed.

You felt eyes burning into the back of your head, but you tried ignoring it. Unaware it was Vax, you choose not to turn, and hope it was nothing. It seems he doesn’t want the wound to close at all, and he has a face that reads jealousy. He turns back to Vex, continuing their conversation and trying to shake off the feeling he had about you and Percy.

The ship shakes, and quickly levitates to the ground, a small wooden town ahead of you. The tents were torn, and burns were evident in the wood that kept the cloth up. It didn’t look like the work of a reckless wizard or sorcerer, and it seemed like it came haphazardly from above. You slowly walk down the aircraft beside Percy in silence. Scanlan makes some kind of sexual comment to the woman who brought us here, to which she ignores and promptly leaves without a word. You can’t help but roll your eyes at him.

You and Percy walk awkwardly behind everyone else, as Vax walks beside Keyleth, Pike next to Grog, and Vex next to Scanlan, which she was visibly upset about. However, she didn’t seem too upset as the two bantered sarcastically back and forth. The trail to the tents begins to go down hill, the path muddy and slippery. You try to hold onto Percy’s shoulder as you walk down, in which he drapes an arm around your waist in response to, trying to help support you, but it only brings you flashes of your childhood crush on him, and you fail to pay attention to the floor, despite having a staring contest with it.

You slip, falling backwards for only moments before Percy’s hand grips your hip, his arm already behind your back to support you, and pulls you back up. It was a pull with quick strength that was more of a reflex than an action, and it pulls you nearly face to face. You blush, and mutter a quick ‘Thanks, Percy.’, and he looks away with a quickly spoken, flustered, “Yeah! Yes. Of course.” as if he was trying to pull himself together. You pull away, but keep your hand on Percy’s shoulder until fully down the slope.

Vax turns around to look at the commotion, and he catches a glimpse of you blushing at Percy. He can’t help but scoff at it, and turns back around to talk to Keyleth, only really half talking to her, and her only really half talking to him.

[octocharger]

ok i'm sorry this show is what i'm reviving this account for real quick but i've been turning this over in my head and i kinda gotta get it out real quick so uh. spoilers for Lost and Founder's Day, Battle of the Dimmsonian, Lost in Fairy World and Operation Birthday Takeback under the cut? we ball

Peri is kind of... giving me slight gifted kid right now?

i mean, watching this show i've noticed that he's got a lot more anxiety than i've seen people point out, lemme try to explain in Lost and Founder's Day, he starts off all suave and cool, which is honestly incredibly different from what we've seen of him *besides* when he explains to Dev why he can't go to Fairy World in Lost in Fairy World, and i'd argue the end of Operation Birthday Takeback, where he's trying to cheer Dev up with a wish. the latter of them seems like this more so, but i think it's painfully obvious that in all 3 of these occasions he was putting on a more confident act, that same showman-like personality he started with but, frankly, most of the time, he seems anxious or tired and exasperated, mostly to do with Dev probably. for the record, i do NOT think he hates Dev AT ALL. it's kind of a complicated relationship between the two that i love but i'm not gonna get into here ok, so Peri puts on a showman personality when he's not that, so what? yeah, in A New Wish alone i don't really have much to go off of yet, and i could just be entirely wrong, but there's some details i wanna take note of to at least potentially back me up here: - He was Timmy's godbrother as a baby - He was the most popular kid *ever* in spellementary school and a pretty smart one at that

for the first point, i bring Timmy up because. he was a notorious menace. like i don't think i need to get into that, and i think for the fact that Peri managed to deal with him growing up, people might compare him now to how he was back then, even younger than Peri can genuinely remember

for the second point, we don't know much about Peri's academic life that i can say for certain, but i think it's entirely possible that he was revered as gifted as far as we know, which could lead to him constantly trying to exceed himself on that last note, i wanna bring up how he acts in Lost in Fairy World, where he constantly tries to assure his parents that he's got everything under control (when he clearly doesn't)

i feel like these are all a bunch of scattered thoughts that i wanna let other people try and connect the dots with me with this idea... anyway, it might also be worth mentioning that, again, he's the first fairy baby in thousands of years. assuming he went to the Fairy Academy to become a fairy godparent there's a good chance he was surrounded by classmates who are like. thousands of years older than him. reminder that Peri is like. 20? 30? he's like a fetus to these guys. he might be getting compared to with people with thousands of years of experience with life that he doesn't have he also mentions, albeit in an offhanded comment, that fairy godparenting is a family business...

anyways these are all a bunch of random 6 AM thoughts that i have been turning over n all that in my head since last night's episode

btw not related but i feel like adding on, i'm pretty sure Peri's still Dev's godparent, he didn't wish for him to STOP being his godparent, just to leave him alone

[flemingsjersey]

Sous le ciel de Paris

Warnings : none this is just fluff

A/N: I tried to describe the places I talked about as best as I can as an ex Parisian but since it was sometimes ago I might have gotten some stuffs wrong . Once again excuse my poor English as I am not a native English speaker . Feel free to send in requests , I’ll get to them asap next week

The sun was high and the weather was warm . I stared around the Parc des Champions as athletes who had won medals in the previous days made their way on stage and were cheered on by everyone .

I clapped my hands at each one and laughed when some of them even started dancing or hyping the crowd .

I stared at my left as I heard Jessie laugh too .

It was only five days after Canada’s loss in the quarter finals . Five days after I I saw them lose and everything that had happened prior with the drone and Jessie���s injury .At first , I thought that it would be better to cancel our small trip we had planned to Paris for when Canada finished their play in the Olympics. I remember telling Jessie about it , thinking that she would be upset to stay here after everything but she insisted we still kept up with our initial plans so here we were .

Even if she seemed happy to be here it was pretty obvious that Jessie still seemed a bit down from seeing people celebrate their medals while she and the team couldn’t . I stared at the athletes on stage one last time and looked at Jessie .

« Should we head somewhere else ? We could go see Notre-Dame or just go visit The Louvre . What do you think ? We aren’t here for long so it might be better to directly get to visiting » I said softly , Jessie thought for a moment before agreeing .

It wasn’t long before we were on the parvis of Notre-Dame . Jessie was taking pictures of the cathedral and other buildings we came across as we made our way here . Notre-Dame was a good spot to start our trip , not too far from the Louvre by walking and the Seine surrounding the area .

« You know , it’s a bit sad it’s still closed for renovations, I would have liked to take pictures of the inside to add to the ones I took there some years ago when I came with the team » said Jessie as she took a specific shot of the cathedral . I nodded as I looked at her camera to see the picture « I agree , sadly back when it was still open I never went to Paris so I never really got to see the inside . It must be really cool to see it from up close »

We continued our way alongside the Seine towards the Louvre . It was pretty packed , not because of the museum in itself , no . But because of the Olympic flame being shown not far from the main building in the back gardens of the Louvre . I heard Jessie sigh behind me as we saw just how long the line to see it up close was .

« Guess we’ll just have to stick to the museum » shrugged Jessie as we made our way down the stairs of the main area before entering the museum .

We made our way across the statues galerie , the museum was far bigger than I remembered and walking all around it was getting tiring . Apparently it was the opposite for Jessie who only seemed to get happier the more we came across different statues or old relics . As we made our way to the art galleries I saw Jessie take pictures of some statues and the Crown Jewels in the French royal history part of the gallerie that was right before the art one .

Thanks to Jessie having managed to get us a specific badge it was possible for us to take a picture of the Joconde up close which seemed to overjoy the freckled Canadian .

When we made our way out of the museum it was already late evening . I gasped when I saw Phryge , the Olympic mascot for Paris , near the entrance .

« Babe look !! » I exclaimed as I pointed to Phryge « We need to take a picture with Phryge before we leave » . I led Jessie to the mascot who greeted us both with a hand sign . Jessie chuckled as she waved back at Phryge . She went up to someone near and handed them her phone , asking them if they could take a picture of us . The three of us posed while the person took the photo . We said our goodbyes to the mascot as Jessie picked up her phone and thanked them for the photo .

That night we had dinner at a fancy restaurant before we made our way to bed in our hotel room . Jessie cuddled into my side as we both looked through her camera at all the pictures she had taken today . I blushed slightly as I saw she also took pictures of me without me knowing . We both chuckled when we saw the ones of us and Phryge .

It wasn’t long before both of us fell asleep , cuddled up to each other . I couldn’t wait for tomorrow , being able to continue exploring the city of love once again .

[eunseoksimp]

Omg can you please write part 2 on infatuation where a third person get involved and wonbin losing his shit , you can end it however you like , I love your writing and i am always looking forward to your post, and also no pressure at all🫶🏻

hi anon, sorry this is so late (it was literally sitting in my drafts for three months). at first i had no intentions of writing a part two tbh, but i thoroughly enjoyed writing this up, as you can tell by the wc!

Pairing:Toxic! Park Wonbin x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warning: wonbin is possibly the worst human being alive, reader may be slightly irritating with how flaky her emotions are, manipulation, gaslighting, strong language, wc is somehow 17.5k.

read part 1 here.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the cafe hummed with the gentle murmur of conversation, a soothing backdrop against the backdrop of your melancholy. you sat alone at a small corner table, your presence subdued amidst the vibrant surroundings. outside, the soft drizzle of rain painted intricate patterns on the windowpane, mirroring the intricate turmoil of your emotions.

yunjin arrived, her footsteps light but purposeful as she navigated through the cosy cafe. her eyes immediately sought out yours, a flicker of concern crossing her features at the sight of her friend's solemn demeanour.

‘you look like shit,’ yunjin deadpanned as she slid into the seat across from you. although you couldn’t quite blame her for her bluntness.

the bags under your eyes ran deep, a hollow emptiness emboldening your irises. your skin was pale, and cuts lined your lips from the sheer amount of time spent biting them.

you were a shell of your former self. soulless, vacant, moving around without purpose. you had lost your will to continue on, all because you had lost the man you loved.

it was pathetic really, how much your heart ached for him, how he was the one you called out for in the middle of the night when you awoke from your nightmare.

his heart belonged elsewhere now, to someone who wasn’t you. and nothing in the world could have prepared you for how gut wrenching it would be.

tired of your moping, and your lack of responses to her texts, yunjin had invited you out for an informal hangout, something more chill, just to get you to stop wallowing in despair and inhaling fresh air.

‘has that bastard called you?’ she spoke up again after a bit, acrylics tapping on the wooden table, eyes narrowing.

you shook your head, unable to articulate your reality. that maybe wonbin really was gone now. it had been two weeks since that day, the day your spirit was crushed, the day your love was harshly rejected.

despite all of this, you desperately wanted him to reach out to you again, just to hear his voice, to be able to smell him again, to have him in your arms, fingers tangled in his hair.

it was torturous, agonising, like a cruel joke that you were the only one not in on. how did things change so suddenly?

‘i swear if i see him i’ll kill him for you. i’ll cut his dick off and make him eat it,’ your friend was visibly upset for you, but a sick part of yourself worried for wonbin, not wanting anything bad to happen.

‘don’t,’ you say softly, picking at your nails, the familiar feeling of your throat tightening quick to accompany your already somber mood.

‘you still love him?’ yunjin sighs, reaching forward to take your hands in hers and giving it a squeeze. there were no traces of judgement in her voice, just pity.

it was a pathetic situation. a guy had strung you along for a year, told you sweet lies, pressed kisses across your face and looked you directly in the eyes as he said over and over again that he loved you.

you were blinded, unable to see the obvious red flags. it wasn’t normal to continue to stay with someone who gets a new girl. you must be stupid.

but what made things worse, was the fact that you still loved him. you yearned for him, a part of yourself still within his clutches.

you didn’t even realise you were crying until yunjin leaned forward, thumbs swiping at the tears.

‘you deserve more than him love. someone who will cherish you, and only you. he used you, like a prick, none of this is your fault,’ she had moved her chair next to yours now, cradling you in her arms as she patted your shoulder.

what could be more than park wonbin? what would be more radiant, more daring, more intoxicating than he was?

‘i just want him,’ you sob, and she soothes you by rubbing circles on your back whilst you try to stop hiccuping.

‘it’ll get better, i’ll make sure of it.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

2 weeks has slowly morphed into a month. 28 days without wonbin’s touch, without his presence in your life.

you wish you could say that things had gotten easier, but time was not a healer of your broken heart. the more the days went by, the more you suffered. every night you chewed your lip as you stared at his contact information, willing him to finally call you.

to do something. to not treat you like you no longer existed. to go back to being the one that you had fallen in love with.

but no matter how much you sobbed, or you suffered through your days with a weight on your chest, he wouldn’t return to you.

‘we’re going out. to a party,’ yunjin announces as she waltzes into your room, giving you a kiss on the crown of your head before she settles into the spot next to you on your bed.

‘party? yujin i-‘

‘oh no you don’t get a say. you’re coming, that’s final,’ she cuts you off, and you sigh in defeat, knowing that she was too stubborn for you to be able to win this battle.

seeing as it was already decided that your evening would be spent surrounded by sweaty bodies and excessive levels of alcohol consumption, you mourned the night you had planned of having, consisting of cheesy romantic comedies and various tubs of ice cream.

it was silent, yunjin busy tapping away on her phone, fingers moving furiously as she quietly spoke out what she wanted to type, sometimes pausing to think about her response.

‘that guy i was telling you about last week, you know mark lee-‘ she starts talking, but her eyes were still glued to her phone, and another buzz of her phone let you know that she was clearly still in the middle of texting.

‘sorry love,’ she apologises, eventually putting her phone down and now giving you her undivided attention, turning so her body was now facing yours.

‘anyways you remember mark lee right? the one i’m talking to. his best friend is having a party tonight and i thought it would be good for you to come.’

‘you really like him?’ you take note of the way her face lights up just by mentioning his name, suppressing the smile creeping on her lips, eyes looking down at the hands folded in her lap.

you wondered if this was what you looked like to others whenever you talked about wonbin.

‘i like him, and i have a good feeling he likes me too.’

‘then that’s all i need to hear. let’s go to that stupid party,’ you’ve barely got your words out before she’s squealing, flinging her arms around your neck and climbing onto your lap, pressing wet kisses all over your cheeks.

‘i promise you won’t regret it. he has this one friend, donghyuck, and i need you to meet him asap,’ she pressed one last kiss to your head, before sliding off of your legs and returning back to her spot on the bed.

‘i don’t want anyone other than wonbin.’

‘i’m not asking you to date him silly. he’s just a really good guy and i think he’s the energy you need right now.’

you hum in response, a question at the tip of your tongue, but it’s like you’re too scared to utter it. and so you go back and forth in your mind, wondering if it’s worth mentioning it.

‘spill it. you look like you’re putting yourself through torture,’ your best friend knows you too well, spotting the telltale signs that you were anxious, down to the chewing of your bottom lip and the twiddling of the ring on your finger.

‘do you think- um- do you think that, you know-‘ it’s hard to get the words out, with the way your heart was pounding ridiculously in your chest, thoughts racing at a million miles a minute.

yunjin scoots a bit closer, putting her hand on your knee, clearly able to see that what you wanted to ask was troubling you. 

‘go on babe, you can say it,’ she encourages you, patting your knee.

‘um- do you think wonbin will be there?’

her face softens, a look of sympathy flashing across her face at your question. 

‘i don’t think so.’

you’re not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. there was nothing that could prepare you to come face to face with park wonbin again without breaking down. but there was still that fleeting feeling; you wanted him back.

‘let’s forget about park wonbin tonight,’ yunjin says as she pats your knee twice, before standing up and heading towards your closet to look for your outfit for the night.

forget about park wonbin. could you do that?

the question continued to circulate in your mind, even as yunjin pulls you into the chair in front of your mirror to start your makeup, clearly not a novice as she primed, and patted and set your face. even as she managed to convince you that the black mini dress that she shoved into your arms was ‘the perfect length’, and that you were too young to be worrying about modesty.

‘you look amazing. fuck park wonbin,’ she spins you around to face your vanity mirror and you blink twice, taking aback by the person staring back at you. It had been months since you had even bothered to care about your appearance, your self confidence depleting to dangerously low levels, as you wished that you lived in an alternate world, where your beauty, just like ning ning’s was enough to keep wonbin from walking away.

but for the first time in a while you felt a surge of confidence, a newfound poise about who you were, about what you could be.

‘you deserve to have fun tonight. to remember what it feels like to be happy.”

she finishes your look with a pair of silver earrings which you’re sure you’ve only seen her wear once due to how precious she regarded it to be. yet here she was, without a thought, handing them to you.

‘thank you, yunjin,” you murmur, your heart swelling with gratitude. ‘i don’t know what I’d do without you.’

she grinned in response, pulling you into a quick hug. ‘that’s what best friends are for. now, let’s go show the world just how fabulous you are.’

you make your way to the front door, the sounds of the night already beckoning. grabbing your clutch, taking one last glance in the hallway mirror, the woman staring back at you looked poised, ready, but inside, you knew you were teetering on the edge of something unknown.

stepping out into the cool evening air, yunjin linked arms with you, a gesture of solidarity.

‘just remember, tonight is about you. about having fun and forgetting all the bad stuff. you’ve got this.’

you nod, taking strength from your friend’s unwavering confidence. together, you head towards the car, the promise of the party ahead a beacon of hope. as the engine roared to life, you let yourself believe, if only for a moment, that tonight could be the beginning of something new, a step towards healing and rediscovery.

the city lights blurred past as yunjin drove, chatting animatedly about the party, filling the silence with her infectious enthusiasm. by the time you arrived, a flicker of excitement sparkled within you, a small flame of anticipation amidst the shadows of her past.

turning off the engine, your friend takes one more good look at you.

‘fuck park wonbin.’

‘yeah, fuck him.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

forgetting park wonbin seemed to be a more difficult task than you had thought. all through the night your eyes were busy, sifting through the crowds, vigilant and curious as you swept over every single corner of the party you were in, in order to see if he would turn up.

it wasn’t like you were doing it on purpose, you were sure that the amount of time spent in the car reassuring and psyching yourself up were done through your genuine attempts of bravely moving on. but, as predicted, you no longer belonged to yourself. a part of you was still with wonbin, and your being desperately ached to feel whole again, with him.

‘having fun?’ you almost topple over as yunjin flings herself onto you, her arms latching around your neck as she presses kisses up your neck. you knew she wanted to be by your side the whole night, yet seeing the way her and mark were exchanging extremely intense eye contact from across the room, you pushed her towards the equally shy male and told her to enjoy yourself.

now she had returned, with a few unfamiliar faces with her, each of them waiting to be introduced as they watched the interaction between you and your best friend.

‘hey, i’m mark lee. it’s really nice to meet you,’ he’s the first to extend his hand towards you when yunjin pulls away, a bashful but nevertheless bright smile on his face as you greet him back with a firm grasp of his own hands.

‘it’s nice to meet you too. trust me, i’ve heard quite a bit about you too.’ you’re both laughing as yunjin turns red, reaching forward to playfully hit your shoulder.

‘this is my best friend donghyuck. super annoying and popular but he’s a great guy.’

a boy a couple inches taller than you steps forward, till the both of you are a few inches apart and you almost forget your composure as you stared at him. his honey kissed skin appeared ethereal, illuminated by the dim light cascading around the space you were in, beauty spots littering the expanse of his face. jet black strands fell elegantly in soft waves over his forehead, styled to perfection but still looking so effortless. his eyes were deep and warm, a shade of brown that held a quiet intensity, drawing you in.

the  jacket he had on was immediately slipped off and delicately placed around your own shoulders. how did he know you were feeling cold?

‘nice to meet you, i’m donghyuck.’

there was a charm that he possessed, one that captivated you and made you want to pay attention to whatever he was saying. such beauty was paired with genuine geniality, and you wondered how you had never come across him before. he was clearly popular, judging by the looks thrown at him by multiple different girls parading past him, but he never gave them much acknowledgement or seemed smug about it.

‘thanks for the jacket by the way,’ you express your gratitude towards him, offering him a small smile which he returns, all while yunjin shoots you a wink, pushing mark towards the middle of the dance floor and leaving you two alone.

‘it’s my pleasure. i couldn’t have you freezing to death at my party,’ you both laugh at his comment and you admire the way he is able to slip into the space next to you with ease, a wide grin on his face as he nudges you slightly.

maybe it was the small sips of alcohol you had taken, or the way the music seemed to surround you, the bass of the speakers vibrating in a steady rhythm that mimicked your heartbeat, or how the lights had paled to a vibrant blue and dancing across the walls, casting a kaleidoscope of hues over the mingling guests, but something about this atmosphere made you feel alive. your blood was pumping, everything moving in slow motion as if it was a scene in a movie.

‘this is good,’ you tilt your head back slightly, revelling in the moment, and exhale as if you were letting go of all of the problems you had prior to this. you hear a low chuckle, not needing to open your eyes to know that it was donghyuck.

‘glad you’re enjoying yourself. you look even prettier when you’re relaxed,’ your eyes flash open, trying to decipher what it was he was trying to do. but there was no ulterior motive detected by him, simply sipping from the beer can in his left hand, observing other partygoers.

as you begin to talk you notice how good of a listener he is, attentive to every word spoken, his whole body turned to face you as a show of his concentration. oddly enough, you feel safe, like you could say anything and he would take it all in. he had a way of making you feel at ease, his laughter infectious, and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, making her heart warm.

‘to be honest i wasn’t that excited to come tonight. life hasn’t been the kindest to me and i would have preferred to curl into a ball and watch 10 things i hate about you. however, it’s nice being here, forgetting about things for a while.’

‘it’s always a good idea to escape the mind. being stuck there for too long makes it like a prison that will trap you in the same darkness till you can break free.’

you nod in agreement, slowly digesting his words. you were not a stranger to being stuck in your own mind, the past two months being a testament to it.

it’s silent for a while, but nothing about it is uncomfortable. there is a serene sense of contentment, two people who feel they’re in the right place at the right time.

‘there’s something about you,’ he says after a while, that intense stare trained back on you, and you fight the urge to cower away from it.

‘is that a good something? or a bad one?’

the question is left unanswered for a time, hanging in the air and over your figures. time didn’t stop for anyone, but tonight it appeared to slow its momentum, just for you.

‘good, of course.’

you chuckle, holding your hand out for a sip of the beer he seemed to be glued to. but he just shakes his head, disappearing from your side for a second just to get you a fresh one from the cooler. when he emerges again he’s gotten rid of his empty bottle and replaced it with a new one which he sets down on the counter as he works to get yours open first.

you thank him, raising the glass to your lips, the cool liquid slipping down your throat with ease. you gulp almost half of its content down, the taste slightly bitter and tingling your tastebuds but you push through.

donghyuck laughs at the way your face scrunches, your lips pursed as you swallow your last drop. ‘not the biggest fan of beer?’

‘it’s sour and lowkey gross. i prefer cocktails.’

‘your wish is my command,’ he makes a show out of giving you a quite dramatic bow, his left hand folding to his shoulder, and then he straightens up his posture and gestures towards a corner of the kitchen that you hadn’t noticed at first, a cupboard line with a few different types of bottles.

‘there’s tequila, smirnoff, ooh thought i finished that bottle of malibu. take your pick,’ he steps aside as you ponder over what type of drink you felt like having before settling for a passionfruit martini.

‘good choice,’ he tells you, taking you a bit by surprise when he asks for your permission to lift you up to the countertop to watch him make your drink. it’s more comfortable than it looks, and you happily swing your legs back and forth, finally feeling the effects of the beer you had chugged a couple minutes prior, a lot more talkative.

you find yourself enjoying his company a lot more than you thought you would and make a mental note to thank yunjin for pushing to make this all happen. it had been a while since you had taken a step out of your wonbin-centred universe and enjoyed conversation that had nothing to do with him.

for a moment, the shadow of park wonbin faded, replaced by the brightness of this new connection. donghyuck’s presence was like a balm, soothing the raw edges of your heart. the party continued around you, but in that corner, it felt like you were both in your own little world.

as the night wore on you both found yourself  outside on the balcony, the cool night air a refreshing contrast to the hellish warmth generated from all of the other bodies packed together.

the stars above sparkled like distant promises, and the city lights swindled like a million unspoken dreams. you close your eyes for a moment, soaking in the serenity of the night.

‘you know,’ donghyuck said after a while, his eyes fixed on the skyline, ‘there’s something special about nights like this. it’s like the word slows down and for a moment, everything just… makes sense.’

he’s about to vocalise your thoughts perfectly, and you nod in agreement. ‘yeah, i think i know what you mean.’

‘can i ask you something,’ donghyuck’s voice cut through the gentle murmur of the night, his tone carrying a weight of earnestness that shifted the atmosphere around you. his words hung in the air, a quiet intensity that demanded your attention, drawing your gaze to his face illuminated by the ambient light of the balcony.

you turn to him, curious and slightly apprehensive, yet undeniably intrigued by the change in his demeanour.

‘can i have your number?’

donghyuck sees the way your mouth opens, shock painted on your features, knowing enough to sense a rejection and he interjects, sensing your hesitation.

‘i’m not asking you out or anything, trust me. i just think we would be good friends. i like talking to you,’ he reassures you and you see sincerity in his eyes, a genuine desire to connect without any ulterior motives.

he was a great guy, and you were sure that in an alternative universe where both the name and sight of park wonbin had no sort of effect on you, the possibility of him having any sort of romantic feelings towards the end of the night wouldn’t have scared you as much. but this was the real world and your heart and mind were far too broken to entertain the idea of someone else taking over your life again.

‘yeah,’ you finally managed, your voice betraying a moment of vulnerability. ‘i’d like that too.’

relief washes over donghyuck’s face, a small smile tugging on his lips.

‘i don’t just give my phone number out to anyone you know. consider yourself lucky,’ you joke, in an attempt to ease the small amount of tension that had found itself between the two of you since you had met, hoping he wouldn’t take too much offence to your reaction and taking the unlocked mobile device out of his hands to fill out the contact information.

‘i’m sure i am.’

‘how are you getting home?’ he asks when his phone is finally back in his possession, saving the information on his phone before putting it down and turning his attention back to you, awaiting an answer to his question.

‘eager to get rid of me are we?’ you quip, raising an eyebrow in false disbelief and even making a show of crossing your arms across your chest and pushing off of the railing you were leaning on so you could be standing directly in front of him. he mirrors your body language, shaking his head, rapidly trying to reassure you.

‘i just want to make sure you get home safely.’

although this task proves to be quite difficult, given that yunjin has retreated to mark’s room for the night due to her less than sober state, and every other person that was around had also been drinking a sizeable amount. even trying to get a taxi at this time was in vain, given that it was quite late and nobody was around the area.

donghyuck has his eyes glued to his phone screen, bottom lip caught between his teeth. he raises his hand just to scratch the back of his head and you can see the cogs in his head turning, figuring out a way to approach the situation.

‘i mean you could stay over. i can take the couch and you would be able to sleep in my bed,’ he offers, and you feel bad because as much as you would like for him to get some good rest after the chaos of hosting a party all night, it was the only viable option.

he searches your face for confirmation and can tell how torn you are, ‘it’s fine, i promise.’ 

‘it’s fine,’ he repeats.

so even though it kills you to see him have to take refuge on the semi-hard couch in the middle of the living room that still had remnants of the party that was going on not even two hours before, you follow him up the stairs as he leads you to his room, checking to see that you’re behind him before opening the door.

‘got some spare clothes for you to change into here. um the bathroom is free for you to use too, i’m sure there’s some cleanser in the top cabinet to wipe off your makeup. anything else?’ your heart warms at how accommodating he’s being, giving you his clothes, allowing you to use his things, and even taking his bed.

‘i’ll leave you to get changed.’

‘wait, hyuck,’ you stop him just as he’s about to leave and he turns around, leaning his body onto the now half opened door. ‘thanks, for everything.’

‘my pleasure, sleep well princess,’ he flashes you a smile and then he’s gone and you can hear the soft thuds of him descending down the stairs, talking to who you assume is one of his housemates.

you hate to appear nosy but curiosity takes over you as you examine the things in his room. michael jackson vinyls, posters of a few indie bands, tame impala being the one that caught your eye first, an impressive collection of accessories. everything was just like he was, cool, chic, and a little playful.

his clothes are a little big for you, but you find comfort in the way it swamps around your frame, and it smells just like him. you’re surprised at how clean his bathroom is, a questionable amount of both feminine hygiene products as well as makeup wipes, micellar water and even some cleansing wipes.

‘charming,’ you thought to yourself, picking out the things you need, noting how a lot of it was fairly unused, before starting your bedtime routine.

discarding the used cotton pads and closing the lid of the bottle of the micellar solution, you close the tap, doing a quick once over of yourself in the mirror. the hand towels laid out neatly on the side are used to dry your damp hands and fold it neatly before walking back into his room.

it was gratifying, slipping into some clean sheets, basking in the warmth it provided you as you sank further and further under. but, as you expected, it was hard for you to actually fall asleep. you lay on your back, staring at the ceiling willing yourself to cave in to the restlessness you were feeling. yet try as you might it just didn’t work.

sighing, you turn over to look at the time on your phone that was charging on the bedside table. 3:02am and there were still failed attempts of getting you to sleep. groaning, you decide that perhaps some chamomile tea, or maybe even some warm milk could aid you.

it’s dead silent and you’re afraid of waking anyone up so you result in creeping down the stairs, on your tiptoes to make the minimal amount of noise you possibly could. apart from a couple of creaks in the floorboards it was relatively easy.

‘are you alright?’ donghyuck’s voice startles you, even though he’s only whispering and your hand automatically flies to your mouth to stifle a scream.

the lights in the living room are dim, the tv on albeit low in volume, but it’s not hard to tell that despite all of this he’s not comfortable. the spare sheets he was using were tossed to the side, and the constant rolling of his neck indicated that, as you thought, sleeping in that position was unpleasant.

‘can’t sleep?’ you ask him, and he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits up a little straighter. he reaches for his glasses, something you weren’t aware he wore and he perches it onto the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his hair.

‘i knew i shouldn’t have listened to jaemin about getting the cheaper couch. the expensive ones are pricey for a reason i guess,’ he jokes, but all you can do is feel bad. you can tell he wants to lighten the mood, to try as much as he can to not let it weigh on your conscience, but all it does is make you feel worse.

‘sleep with me,’ the words are out before you can even consider how it could be construed in the wrong way and the way his mouth hangs open makes you want to die of embarrassment.

‘not- no i meant- not like that,’ you’re stuttering, stumbling over your words, trying to correct your minor mistake.

‘i just meant i can see how uncomfortable it is sleeping out here, your room is big enough for the both of us to share.’

‘oh no, i don’t want to-’

‘hyuck please. you’re not making me uneasy in any way i promise. it’s your room anyway,’ you cut him off because you know exactly what he was going to say. from the small amount of time you spent with him you could gauge how much of a gentleman he was, and his efforts of being as respectable as possible didn’t go unnoticed.

‘please.’

he’s quick to give in, partially because he was eager to be able to ease the tension forming in the back of his neck, but also because he knew you wouldn’t give in until he listened.

‘fine, if you’re sure.’

he’s extremely cautious, letting you lead the way even though it was his own room, debating whether closing the door after him would make things seem a little too intimate. he opts for closing it, mainly because the light in the hallway was too distracting, but he still hovers over the bed, not really knowing what to do with himself.

‘what are you doing?’ you question him, slipping back under the covers before watching him from the position on the bed. judging by the things in his bathroom you were fairly certain this wasn’t the first time he’d shared a room with a girl. and it wasn’t like either of you had any other intentions.

‘don’t make this weird hyuck.’

it wasn’t your goal to make him laugh, but seeing the rigidity ease out of his form, you’re happy regardless as the right side of the bed dips slightly underneath his weight

he offers you a shy smile, his eyes warm and reassuring. ‘i’ll sleep on the edge, promise,” he said lightly, trying to ease any lingering awkwardness.

you chuckle softly, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “it’s fine, really,” you reply, feeling an unexpected sense of ease.

at first you lay on your side, facing away from him, but the space between the both of you was filled with a comforting presence. the room was dark, but the moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow.

your eyelids drooped, heavy with weariness as the weight of the whole day's activities fall upon your body, weighing you down. as you close your eyes, you feel the warmth of donghyuck’s body close to yours, a steady and calming presence. his breathing was a soothing rhythm, a lullaby that began to chase away the lingering thoughts about wonbin. there was a safety in the silence, a peace you hadn’t felt in a while.

donghyuck’s voice, soft and low, broke the quiet. “if you need anything, just wake me up,” he murmured, his tone filled with genuine care.

you nod, though you doubted you’d need to. for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt truly safe. the weight of the past seemed lighter, the shadows receding as you nestled into the comfort of the present. with donghyuck beside you, the world outside faded, leaving only the tranquillity of the moment.

sleep came easily,  your last thoughts a whisper of gratitude for the unexpected connection that had brought you peace.  maybe it was the small amount of alcohol still buzzing in your system, or the familiarity of your body next to another, that made you scoot just a little bit closer, body heat radiating off of one another as you let yourself be wrapped in the arms of another man.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the first thing you noticed when your eyes fluttered open slowly was the small but constant pounding settled in your temple. it made you wince, fingers rushing to massage the sore spot as you turned over in your space.

your hands reach out for something, but it’s empty and you frown. memories of the night before come flooding in bit by bit, and you sigh as the back of your head meets the pillow.

the sound of footsteps makes you sit up on your elbows, attempting to not look half asleep to donghyuck. instead you were met with the face of your suspiciously cheerful best friend, bounding through the doorway and flopping down on the bed right next to you.

‘morning sleeping beauty,’ she greets you, planting a sloppy kiss on your cheek and giggling at the way you pretend to be disgusted by it.

‘why are you so happy so early in the morning?’ you’re still feeling a little bit groggy, hair sticking up all over the place and you were sure you had a lot less to drink than yunjin did. so it made you wonder how she looked to be in a better position than you.

‘mark asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday.’

‘yunjin are you serious? that’s amazing.’

‘i know, i know, i’ll tell you all about it later. hyuck sent me upstairs to get you for breakfast,’ you’re both clearly excited, squealing like little girls, but it’s hard to ignore the low growl erupting from your stomach.

‘fine, you have to tell me every little detail later.’

you scramble out of bed, only now noticing the neat pile of clothes that donghyuck had folded for you to wear this morning. pulling the hoodie over your head and the basketball shorts up your thighs, you’re making your way downstairs, yunjin right by your side.

‘hey, you’re awake,’ donghyuck is the first one to spot you as you trail behind yunjin, suddenly feeling a little self conscious in the middle of the unfamiliar faces dotted around the kitchen.

he’s right in front of the stove, cracked egg shells in the palm of his hands as he mixes some batter for pancakes. gesturing for you to move closer, you can’t help but keep your gaze trained on the floor as you weave through the crowd that was starting to form.  his roommates, the ones you had briefly met last night, scattered around the table, turning their heads in unison, grinning mischievously as you approached.

you know what it looks like, coming out of donghyuck’s room, drowning in his clothes, and now he’s messing with the strings, pulling you in closer to mess with your hair. you can hear them whispering, teasing, the not so subtle whistling, it makes you feel even more shy as you try to move out of donghyuck’s reach and next to yunjin, even though all of her attention was focused on mark.

one of his roomates leaned back in his chair, a sly grin spreading across his face. ‘i hope his bed wasn’t too uncomfortable,’ he says, winking at you.

donghyuck rolled his eyes, but there was a lightness to his expression as he glanced at you.

‘hyuck’s never made food for the girls he brings over. it must be a miracle,’ a guy whose hair is a platinum blonde speaks up smirking, but his jokes seem to be directed more at hyuck than you.

‘cut it out guys. we just slept, nothing else,’ he points the spatula right at him, understanding what he was implying as  the boy raising his hands in defeat.

‘oh, just slept ,huh?’ another boy chimes in, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘you two seemed pretty cosy when we peeked in this morning.’

your blush deepend, and you can feel hyuck’s embarrassment matching yours.

‘seriously, guys, give it a rest,” he said, setting a plate of pancakes on the table with a mock glare.

you shuffle awkwardly on your feet, praying that the focal point shifts away from you. one of the guys, you believe he introduced himself as jaemin, is the first to apologise, letting you know that he meant no harm.

‘our entire friendship is built on the foundation of embarrassing hyuck as much as possible.’

 jeno, the cute guy who started the teasing, follows suit, ‘i was just messing with him, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.’

you knew it was all just friendly banter, and it wasn’t exactly their fault that you weren’t the most sociable in front of new people so you let them know you weren’t offended or anything.

‘i think i’ve seen you around somewhere,’ jaemin tells you, pulling out a chair that surrounded the kitchen island so you could hop up first, all whilst hyuck was finishing flipping some pancakes.

‘me? from where?’

‘oh yeah, aren’t you wonbin’s friend? park wonbin.’

the mention of his name made your stomach drop. anxious, blinking back tears. everything came flooding back, all of your emotions going haywire and you have to turn away from them so you don’t give yourself away. the pain is excruciating, enough to make you light headed and your throat instantly tightens.

‘um- i wouldn’t exactly- um- call us friends,’ your grip on the kitchen counter increases, but the way your voice wavers makes donghyuck turn around, barely catching the stray tear that starts sliding down your cheek before you hastily wipe it away.

‘leave her alone and go about your day,’ he scolds his friend, motioning towards the door.

‘i thought the pancakes were for all of us?’

‘out. leave us alone.’

you’re both left alone in a comfortable silence and you’re grateful for donghyuck’s help in getting them to drop it. ‘hyuck,’ you call out to him, wanting to thank him.

‘we don’t have to talk about it. for now, we eat.’

a stack of pancakes are placed in front of you, syrup spread in a smiley face, mirroring the one on his face, and your shoulders relax, exhaling in relief.

‘let’s eat.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

your mind wanders back to the past two months and the unexpected bond that had formed between you and donghyuck. your conversations had become a daily comfort, his easy laughter and genuine concern a balm to your still-healing heart. 

he had been more than a distraction—he had been a true friend. from the late-night talks about your hopes and fears to the impromptu outings that filled you with a sense of normalcy, donghyuck had been there, steadfast and supportive.

his presence was a reminder that not all connections needed to be painful, that new friendships could be forged in the wake of old heartaches.

park wonbin was slowly but surely phasing out of your daily life and you were beginning to get back to your former self- more sociable, less self conscious, no longer weighed down by anxiety and dark thoughts.

your phone buzzes on the table in front of you, lighting up momentarily and displaying donghyuck’s name, and a string of messages he had just sent you.

hey picasso

how’s the art project going?

i’m hungry, are you free for lunch?

please say yes i don’t want to sit by myself :(

you chuckle quietly, your fingers moving to reply to his message to tell him that you would eat with him before setting your phone down.

almost immediately, his reply came through.

it’s my treat <3

you chuckled, shaking your head at another one of donghyuck’s little gestures, always finding ways to make you feel special. putting your phone down again, you feel a wave of gratitude wash over you. donghyuck had been a beacon of light in your life, guiding you through the darkness of your breakup with wonbin. spending time with him was always a joy, and he had quickly become a safe harbour, a place where you could simply be yourself.

packing up your art supplies, the soft chime of your phone stops you in your tracks, and you temporarily place your bag on the floor to glance at the screen, a new message from hyuck sending you the address of the restaurant as well as the name.

the name of the restaurant, ‘arang’, jumps out at you and your breath hitches as memories surge forward, unbidden. you hadn’t been there in almost a year, not since the last time with wonbin. the thought of him made your chest tighten as you close your eyes, letting yourself be momentarily swept away by the flood of recollections.

the first time you visited arang, it was a chilly winter evening. snowflakes gently drifted down, settling on your hair as wonbin laughed and brushed them away. you remembered the warm, inviting glow of the restaurant's facade, the way the soft lighting inside bathed everything in a cozy, golden light. you had sat by the window, watching the snowfall outside, your fingers intertwined over the table. the homely aroma of korean cuisine, the clinking of glasses, and the soft murmur of conversation had created a cocoon of intimacy around you both.

you shake your head, trying to dispel the vivid images. the past was in the past, there was no use of dwelling on it. plus the possibility of this day being the one that he also decides he wants to visit is slim, and you’re not even sure he would be around today, given that thursdays he usually didn’t have any classes and he would use this day for basketball practice.

you become akin to a robot, repeating this over and over again in your head, trying to convince your body- which has started to go into panic mode- that everything was fine and you were just overthinking.

stepping out of the school building after a visit to your locker you make your way to the restaurant. the familiar streets passed by in a blur, each step bringing you closer to a place filled with both joy and sorrow. it’s only when you see hyuck bounding towards you, arms outstretched, that your anxiety dissolves and you allow him to pull you into a bone-crushing hug, muttering something about how everyone but you had abandoned him.

‘i thought i was going to have to eat alone, nobody else wanted to come with me,’ is the first thing he tells you, clearly happy that you were here.

‘so you’re saying i was your last choice?’

‘no no no. i’m saying you’re my saviour,’ he loops his arms with your own, dragging you inside with him just as a couple is walking out. you let donghyuck go ahead whilst you kindly let them come out first.

‘hey -,’ the familiar voice calling your name makes you freeze, all limbs in your body stuck, rooted in the spot you were standing. donghyuck notices how you’re no longer beside him and turns around but is distracted by the waiter approaching him.

your mouth is dry, ominous thoughts squirming in the back of your mind as what felt like cold spider like fingers raced up and down your spine. you wanted to speak, to seem totally unbothered and unaffected like you thought you were. yet you couldn’t get words to come out.

the familiar figure of wonbin emerged from the sea of faces, his presence like a sharp pang to your chest. he stood tall and confident, his fingers laced between ning ning’s, her face practically glowing as she beams up at him, his eyes flickering to yours for a split second before landing on hers, leaning down, his touch gentle as he presses a kiss onto her cheek.

the feeling of a shard in your gut encompasses you, taking over all sensory input, comparable to death and bereavement as it washes over you like gruelling waves, choking the breath from your body and short circuiting your mind.

wonbin’s eyes met yours, a smug tugging at the corner of his lips because even though you haven’t said a word yet, he knows your body, how it reacts when you’re nervous, or when you had been disappointed by something he had did. you weren’t over him yet, and that was all he needed from you, blind devotion- just like it had always been.

his gaze was a calculated blend of charm and cruelty, a silent reminder of the control he had once exerted over your heart.

ning ning looks at you, sincere concern etched onto her features at the fact that you had not spoken, your skin paling and hands trembling.

‘are you alright?’ 

your throat is burning, eyes blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay, but you push through the pain and struggle to answer.

‘i-i’m fine, enjoy your day,’ you don’t give them a chance to reply as you turn and dart away from them, neck craning to try and find donghyuck.

you spot him at a table towards the back of the restaurant, waving to get your attention and sprint over, practically collapsing in your seat.

‘was that.. park wonbin?’ he’s careful, aware of the many times your body would stiffen up at the mention of him, or how you avoided talking about him as much as possible whenever he was brought up in conversation. he didn’t want to pry into something that clearly made you uncomfortable.

you nod in confirmation, debating whether or not you should tell him the full story. it was humiliating just thinking about how he would react when he heard how a simple boy had the ability to turn your whole life upside down. how suffocating it was just to see him in the vicinity of other girls, or how much grief it caused you to specifically see ning ning, when she was the one he chose and not you. 

despite all of this, donghyuck had been an amazing friend to you, and you felt that now was the right time to tell him the full truth. and that’s what you told him, starting from the day you first met, the addition of ning ning in the both of your lives and even how you continued to stay with him.

you expected him to look at you with disgust, or to judge you or even be disappointed. but donghuck was quiet, listening to every word you had to say, not once giving his own input.

‘pathetic right? i wouldn’t know what to say either.’

‘no that’s not it. i just thought about how upsetting it must have been. pouring your heart out for someone and getting nothing in return from them.’

‘he loved me. i guess he just- i must have done something to make him stop,’ it’s a habit of yours, rushing to wonbin’s defence whenever anything unfavourable is said about him. you don’t want him to be the bad guy in the story.

he frowns at your words, reaching out for your hand, ‘ please don’t take this the wrong way. you’re not the problem, he is.’

‘what do you mean?’

‘he was using you. using your kindness, your devotion to him, the way you loved him. and he was using that for his own gain, to feel good about himself. and then when you tried to push the boundary he put you in, he abandoned you,’ he explains, and although they were words you had heard before, namely from an extremely infuriated yunjin, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept it, to accept that park wonbin was not good.

‘that’s not true, he didn’t use me.’

‘it’s hard to hear, i understand. regardless, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing that you did that can explain why he’s acting like that,’ donghyuck pities you, seeing how reluctant you are to think badly of him. to love excessively is to be blind to all of the ugly parts of the person, shielding yourself away from it.

‘but-’

‘i’m speaking from experience, trust me. i know all about giving your everything to someone, loving them earnestly, thinking that they felt the same, only for them to throw it back in your face,’ it’s the first time you’re hearing about this, seeing a normally cheerful donghyuck change into a forlorn figure, appearing uncharacteristically apprehensive.

‘she left me, all alone when i needed her the most. it hit me so hard, i was sure that i would never be able to feel again. that i would just be numb and broken forever,’ he feels willing to share his own story, to offer you a beacon of light to what you felt was a hopeless situation.

‘that’s why i was so interested in you that night. that calibre of heartbreak, i recognised myself in the sadness of your eyes, feeling uneasy and restless, i understood it all before you even had to tell me your story,’ suddenly that night made more sense to you, why he was so attentive, unwilling to let you out of his sight, going the extra mile just to make you feel comfortable.

‘i see my old self in you, that’s why. we’ve got to build that self confidence all the way up.’

‘everyone deserves love- well not everyone- but you definitely do. you’re a good girl- not in the kinky sense, wow i have got to stop-‘

‘hyuck,’ you cut him off before he can ramble on any further, a habit of his you had picked up on due to his overactive sense of imagination and his inability to multitask.

‘sorry. what i’m trying to say is you’re pretty, a good person, funny and you’re smart as fuck. any guy would be lucky to have you.’

‘you’re just saying that.’

‘i mean it though,’ his face softens, and it’s the most sincere look you’ve seen from hyuck since the first time you met him.

‘you might not believe it now, but trust me. that’s what i’m here for, project mend your heart and make you confident.’

‘and who else but the sexiest man alive to be of assistance.’

you’re laughing, genuine laughter which was something that seemed to become more common when with donghyuck.

‘jeno would beg to differ,’ you tease him mindlessly, a throw away comment that didn’t have much meaning to it. but in true hyuck fashion, everything had to be dramatic.

‘i knew it. i knew you wanted to fuck him,’ he points at you, shouting louder than he should have been in a restaurant, and you sink further into your seat in embarrassment, whilst he mouths quick apologies and bows his head to the few curious customers that turned in your direction.

‘i never said i wanted to fuck him, where did you get that from?,’ your voice is hushed, cheeks flushed as you fight the urge to reach over the table putting a distance between you two and throttle him.

‘well you just inadvertently said you thought he was sexy. what’s the next step from that? begging him to fuck.’

you crinkle your nose in disgust, donghyuck acting like he had uncovered some kind of dirty secret, looking rather smug as he folded his arms over his chest.

‘maybe in a teen fiction book. that’s not how things work in the real world stupid. 

‘of course it does. people who are attracted to other people normally end up having sex,’ he states as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world, backed by scientific evidence.

‘not true. i think you’re sexy too but i’d rather keel over and die than be sexually intimate with you.’

but you instantly regret saying that when you see how his eyebrow quirks, his smile becomes a smirk and he leans in towards you.

‘so what i’m hearing is-‘

‘no, you’re not hearing anything. shut up and eat,’ you’re shoving cooked chicken into his mouth before he can have another outburst and bring more shame to your table.

giving up, he takes the tongs out of your hands to put some in your own bowl, placing the pork belly on the grill next.

you both eat in relative silence, enjoying the food, with occasional comments about how good the food is.

‘so-‘ donghyuck speaks up after almost five minutes of no conversation.

you can already tell he’s going to say something stupid by the way he’s raised his eyebrow, leaning forward on his elbows.

‘you think i’m sexy huh?’

‘i’m starting to regret meeting you for lunch.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

it was becoming a regular occurrence for you to be dragged out of whatever comfortable position you were in on a saturday evening, yanked out from under the comfort of your duvet by your friends just so you could hang out. tonight was not any different, only this time you were struggling to understand why you were even called out.

‘i don’t know why you invited me and hyuck on a double date, we’re not in a relationship,’ you tell yunjin who pretends like she can’t hear you, allowing herself to be swept away into the arms of her boyfriend, only turning around to stick her tongue out at you and you huff at her childishness.

it had been such a long week and as much as you loved hanging out with these three, another episode of it’s okay to not be okay was calling your name. well, more like another hour of drooling over kim soohyun but that's besides the point.

‘yeah, even though she wants to be with me so badly,’ donghyuck appears beside you, arm lazily hung over your shoulder as he teases you, even going as far as puckering his lips, pretending to ask for a kiss.

you shove him, and he narrowly misses the gigantic pole a few cm away from his face. turning towards you with narrow eyes he lunges forward, successfully grabbing you by the sleeve of your jacket and tugging you closer to him.

‘let me go lee donghyuck, i swear to god,’ your pleas fall on deaf ears, as he’s too busy tickling you to care for your empty threats, enjoying how you’re squirming in his hold and using one arm to hold you up by the waist so you don’t fall.

‘cant hear you over the sound of your squeals.’

‘you two act like this and then wonder why so many people think you’re together,’ the couple who were once further ahead realised that both of you were no longer beside them, and turned around to see you in the predicament you were currently in. yunjin crosses her arm as she stands in place, but contrary to her posture she’s smiling. mark adorns a similar look, content that the two of you got along so well. he remembered how distressed yunjin was whenever they met up four months ago, before they started dating, worried about you, wondering when you would be happy again.

meanwhile you freeze in his hold, and donghyuck stops, looking down to see your face.

‘do people really think that? that me and donghyuck are dating?’ panic is evident in your tone, by the way your voice shakes.

‘donghyuck can’t be that bad,’ mark jokes, not gauging the way the atmosphere had changed a little bit.

‘it’s not that. it’s just- do you think wonbin will think that too,’ you ask to no-one in particular. you vowed to stop talking about him, figuring your friends were tired of hearing you speak about him time and time again. the words became forbidden from spilling from your lips, and it felt almost foreign for you to say it again.

‘fuck wonbin. who cares what he thinks. he has no right to have any opinion on who you are or aren’t dating,’ there’s a fire in yunjin’s eye, one that tells you she means every word she says and you bow your head, choosing to focus on your shoes instead of meeting the eyes of the three standing in front of you.

mark seemed to be the only one unaware of the whole situation, and looks to donghyuck, thinking they were in the same position. but when he tells you he agrees with yunjin, and rubs your shoulder, he realises he’s the only one. you had seen mark quite a lot in the past three months, but he knew it was probably something you didn’t want to talk about for now, especially because although you had developed a decent friendship, you weren’t exactly best friends. although he did have to wonder how donghyuck found out.

‘we should get going, we’re going to be late,’ your desire to change the subject causes you to shift the focus on to something else, namely the restaurant that you had planned to go to. you know that yunjin wouldn’t easily forget this conversation, that within this week you would end up having a serious talk about your feelings for he who shall not be named. but for now she shows you mercy, pulling mark along with her to lead the way.

in a matter of minutes you arrive at your destination, a dimly lit pan-asian restaurant, decorated with japanese kanji on the walls and various references to koi fish. you’re immediately greeted by a server, leading you to a table for four almost in the middle of the restaurant.

donghyuck, being the gentleman he is, helps you slip out of the thin cardigan you were wearing before pulling your chair out for you and pushing it closer to the table once you were sat, whilst mark mirrored those same actions.

hyuck was animatedly recounting a funny story from his high school days, his expressive gestures making you all laugh. he always added the right amount of exaggeration to achieve the art of storytelling. the conversation was flowing smoothly, laughter erupting here and there, so much so that you almost didn’t notice the figure approaching your table.

‘mark? hyuck? fancy seeing you guys here,’ it’s ning ning in all of her beauty, and you curse yourself for falling into a trance, admiring how perfectly her hair was styled, and the way the dress she wore fit her body like a glove. a leather trench coat was draped around her shoulders underneath the black dior saddle bag, matching with the pumps that clothed her feet. anyone with eyes could see that ning ning was alluring, the words pretty or cute would be lost on someone as perfectly crafted as her.

your instincts cause you to fearfully scan the room, half expecting wonbin to be not too far behind just like last time, but instead you could see the group of girls waiting at the table she had just left, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

‘hey ning ning, it’s been a while.’ you’re surprised that she even knows mark, until you’re told about the music class they share and small flashes of them sharing a stage for the school's summer festival flash in your mind. her energy is enthralling, captivating the attention of everyone at the table, drawing them in with her kind smile and envy courses through your blood at the quality you’re unable to share with her, your personality paling in comparison to hers.

you’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t even hear her asking a question, until everyone turns towards you, and you’re met with four sets of eyes on you.

‘i’m sorry i didn’t hear what you said, i think it’s the noise in here,’ you blame it on the music that plays fairly softly in the background, and the small bustle of conversations surrounding you, but if she had picked up on your poor attempt of an excuse, she didn’t seem to show it.

‘i was just asking if you were feeling better. last time i saw you i was quite worried.’

it’s frustrating, how much you would prefer for her to be a bitch, so you could justify any sort of hatred aimed towards her, and spend your time speaking ill of her just to satisfy the dull ache in your chest. instead she was lovely, extremely compassionate and totally unaware of the despair that her mere presence brought you.

‘i’m fine now,’ you don’t mean to sound so cold but it’s hard for you to muster up the strength to push aside your feelings, so you offer her a tight-lipped smile, one that has the corner of your lips quivering from how hard you force it to stay up.

‘that’s good to hear, you definitely look a lot better.’

‘oh i’m sorry, is this a double date?’ she asks, as if the revelation had just dawned on her that two boys and two girls sat together at a restaurant on saturday evening, dressed a bit more fancily for it to be a simple hangout.

you wanted to correct her, to protest her statement but you feel donghyuck pinching your knee under the table  and he answers for you, ‘yes we actually are.’

you’re perplexed, unsure of what reason he would need to lie, but you figure he would explain things to you after she left.

‘aww that’s so cute, i’ve always wanted to go on one of those,’ more small talk is made, but you’re stuck staring at hyuck’s face, trying to decipher his thoughts but failing miserably.

‘i’ll leave you guys to it, enjoy your night,’ ning ning finally departs from your table, calling out over her shoulder as the rest of her friends also rise to their feets, signalling their exits. you wait till you see the last girl push past the swinging doors before you lightly hit donghyuck on his shoulder.

‘why didn’t you tell her we’re not dating? this is definitely not a double date and you know that.’

he shrugs his shoulders in response, like it wasn’t a big deal before he answers. ‘because what good would it do her if she knew.’

you’re even more confused now by what he’s saying. does he mean that both of you should pretend to be in a relationship like the main characters of a romance novel?

‘so are you saying we should fake date?’

‘is this another one of your schemes to get me to fall in love with you?’ he jokes, and you realise that you seem to be taking this a lot more seriously than he is.

‘hyuck,’ you warn him.

‘i’m just saying if people think we are, do we really need to keep on explaining. it’s nobody’s business and it doesn’t hurt to look unavailable when you’re clearly not interested in dating at the moment.’

‘that’s true, it’s not like you’re going around telling people. plus if people think you two are dating they’ll stop with their stupid questions,’ yunjin agrees with his sentiment, and you pick up on a further ulterior motive, one which involves preventing wonbin from trying to swoop back in and sweep you off of your feet when he feels like it. she doesn’t say this out loud, but the look she shares with donghyuck speaks for itself.

‘whatever, all of this talk about dating makes me nauseous,’ it was meant to be received as a joke, but your voice, tinged with a mixture of bitterness and sadness, causes hyuck and yunjin to exchange concerned glances.

ning ning had just left the table after a cordial exchange, yet the atmosphere felt heavy, laden with unsaid words and unspoken truths, the lively hum of conversations from other diners providing a comforting backdrop for the lingering tension in the air.

mark looks around, blinking slowly, sensing the change but seemingly the only one unaware of its cause.

‘something tells me you all know something i don’t.’

you take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as you feel dongyuck’s reassuring presence besides you, his hands gently resting on your shoulder.

‘ning ning is…. well, she’s dating my ex-boyfriend, wonbin,’ you began, your voice steady but laced with an undercurrent of pain. ‘it’s a long story, and not a very happy one.’

mark’s expression softened, and he leaned in slightly, giving you his full attention. ‘you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. but I’m here to listen if you want to share.”

you nod, appreciating his sensitivity. “thanks, mark. i think it’s time you knew,’ taking another deep breath you continued.

‘when i was with wonbin everything was perfect, he was charming, attentive, and made me feel special. i thought i had finally found the one.’

you pause, the memories swirling in your mind as you take a big gulp. yunjin reached across the table, taking your hand in a comforting grip and you drew strength from her touch.

‘he told me that he didn’t like ning ning, and that he was dating her only in public just for appearances. it sounds stupid now but i really wanted to believe it, and i did. eventually i got tired of everything, i wanted to be the only one, to make things public and that’s when he got upset and told me he didn’t love me. he left me for her, ning ning.’

mark’s eyes widened with shock and sympathy. ‘that’s awful, i’m so sorry you went through that.’

his expressions were open and earnest, and you felt relief that he didn’t judge you and instead showed genuine sympathy. 

‘i can’t imagine how tough that must be. but you’re incredibly strong for getting through it and for sharing this with us. you don’t have to face it alone.”

yunjin squeezes your hand tighter. ‘we’re all here for you. you don’t have to carry this burden by yourself.’

‘and we’ll make sure to keep things light and fun. like, i can always offer to trip wonbin if he ever shows his face around us again,’ you couldn’t help but laugh, the tension easing slightly as mark also chuckles, the mood lifting with shared laughter.

as the evening progressed, the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the supportive presence of your friends helping to ease the pain of the past. though the memories of your relationship with wonbin still lingered, you knew you weren’t alone, surrounded by friends who cared deeply for you.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the next day ning ning joins wonbin in his room after a long day of classes, looking to relax in his presence. instead she’s met with the sight of him slouching in his gaming chair, his hair a fluffy mess, wearing only a black tank top and basketball shorts, making her feel out of place in her pleated skirt and corset top. kicking off her shoes she settles for the edge of his bed, settling into relative silence as she’s left to scroll on her phone. a picture she had taken at the dinner last night reminding her of who she saw.

‘i saw that friend of yours, the one at the game and at the bbq place too. she was at the same restaurant as we were.’

‘oh really?’ wonbin is uninterested, eyes focused on the game, cursing under his breath at the death of one of his teammates, furiously manoeuvring the buttons on his controller, almost forgetting that his girlfriend was in the vicinity.

‘she was on a date. well a double date actually,’ ning ning continues, choosing to move as closely to him as was possible despite his lack of focus on her.

unknowingly the controller slips from his hands, and he freezes, sure that he had misheard what she had said.

‘a date?’ he repeats in disbelief. the person that he knew you as wouldn’t even be able to bring herself to have romantic feelings for another guy, let alone boldly accepting a date with one.

‘yeah. why is that so shocking?’ she kneels down to pick up the console and hand it to him and he has to fight to conceal how he truly feels, just so that she doesn’t suspect anything.

‘no reason, she's just- you know pretty shy and stuff. didn’t think she would be the type,’ the lie easily falls out of his mouth, and he almost applauds himself for how convincing it sounds as ning ning hums and nods her head, aware of the few times she had encountered her how little she spoke.

‘she seemed super extraverted when i saw her. and her and donghyuck, they look so cute together,’ unaware of the change in wonbin’s expression ning ning continues to talk about last night, all whilst wonbin is left to think.

he’s unsure how the two of you even became acquainted, given that he was one of the most popular people in school. the thought of you moving on was one he had never factored in, so sure that no matter how he played it you would always be putty in his arms, dancing to whatever tune he set. 

was it all a lie when you begged for him, telling him it was impossible for you to move on? he’s not sure what the emotion he’s feeling is called, but it burns inside of him and he’s not feeling good about it.

a flash of anger crossed wonbin’s face, but he quickly masked it with a tight smile. ‘i see. so, she’s dating donghyuck now?’

ning ning shrugged, not sensing the shift in his demeanor. ‘it seemed like it. they were really sweet together. anyway, how have you been? I missed you.’

wonbin’s mind raced, anger and jealousy twisting inside him. how dare she move on so easily? he had always controlled the narrative, made her feel insignificant, and now she was out there, smiling and happy without him. the thought infuriated him.

‘i’ve been fine,’ he replied curtly, his tone betraying his inner turmoil. ‘tell me more about this double date. what were they doing?

still unaware of his growing anger, ning ning began recounting the evening. wonbin’s grip on the armrest tightened, his knuckles turning white. ‘it sounds like everyone had a good time,’ he said through gritted teeth.

finally noticing the tension in his voice, she stopped and looked at him with concern. ‘wonbin, are you okay? you seem upset.”

he forced a smile, shaking his head. ‘i’m fine. just a bit tired, that’s all.’ she reaches out, touching his hand gently. ‘if something's bothering you, you can tell me. you know that, right?’

‘i know, thanks babe. it’s just been a long day. let’s not talk about the double dates anymore.

ning ning nodded, sensing that it was best to let the topic drop. she shifted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘alright. let’s just relax and enjoy the evening together.’

as she snuggled against him, wonbin wrapped an arm around her, his thoughts still fixated on you. he couldn’t stand the idea of you being happy without him, and he resolved to find a way to regain control over the situation.

it prompts him to decide to ask about it the next day at school, desperate to find out more. wonbin’s features twisted into a determined scowl, last night’s revelation still echoing in his mind, fueling a mix of jealousy and indignation. you, the one he was so sure he would always have a hold one, had moved on with donghyuck. the thought gnawed at him, stirring a toxic concoction of anger and resentment.

he spotted shotaro, known for his sunny disposition and extensive network of friends, intercepting him near his lockers, his voice clipped with urgency. ‘shorato, i need to ask you something, i heard a rumour yesterday.

‘sure, wonbin, what’s up?’ shotaro, always obliging, nodded and adjusted his backpack.

‘i heard that donghuck has a new girlfriend,’ he puts effort into appearing nonchalant, scrolling on his phone as if he had better things to do, and as if it was just insignificant gossip he had heard in passing.

‘yeah it seems so, i think you know the girl too, the one at your basketball game. they’re together all the time now. i’ve seen them come into school together too a few times,’ shotaro is none the wiser, easily dishing out the gossip, all whilst wonbin fights hard to control the way his jaw now tics, rage pulsing through his veins as he felt a flash of irritation.

it was clear that the time apart between you two had done more harm than good. but park wonbin was not a nice guy, or someone often graced with rational thoughts. to him, in some sick and twisted way, you were cheating on him. you had betrayed his trust and he refused to let this go on any longer.

a flicker of rage crossed wonbin’s face, quickly masked by a cold smile. ‘interesting. and what else have you heard?’

shotaro frowned, sensing the tension in wonbin’s demeanour. ‘well, there’s also talk about donghyuck hosting a party this weekend. he’s invited a lot of people already but it seems like anyone could come.’

wonbin’s mind raced with possibilities. a party meant an opportunity to see you, to confront you in a social setting where he could exert his influence. he nodded slowly, his plan forming with each passing second. ‘thanks, shotaro. see you around.’

with that, he turned on his heel and strode down the hallway, his mind focused on the upcoming party. he needed to regain control, to remind you of your past and what you both once shared. wonbin was determined to break you down, to manipulate your emotions.

throughout the day, wonbin’s thoughts remained fixed on his plan. he knew exactly what he needed to do at donghyuck’s party. he would corner you, slowly chipping away at your resolve until you saw that being with him was where you truly belonged.

making his way through the crowded halls, wonbin’s outward appearance was calm and collected, but inside, a storm of determination raged. he would stop at nothing to win you back, even if it meant using manipulation and deceit to achieve his goal. the party was just the beginning of his calculated scheme to reclaim what he believed was rightfully his.

perhaps it was narcissistic, the sense of entitlement that he felt that created the need for admiration, but your naivety and how easy it was to get you to fall at his knees at his every word meant that he would not let go of you.

 not until he wanted to.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

‘home sweet home,’ you kick off your shoes, barely getting your jacket past your waist until you flop onto donghyuck’s bed. it was his birthday today, meaning you had been on your feet all day, making sure his cake was ready, or that the cocktails ordered were the right flavours amongst other last minute things.

as tired as you were though, it didn’t bother you as much. hyuck had been a good friend to you, someone you cherished dearly, so giving up a few hours on his special day was not much of a hassle. you had just gotten back from picking up the birthday cake and cupcakes from the bakery with yunjin and mark, and decided to get what little rest you could before you had to get ready for the party.

‘move over,’ yunjin is motioning with her hands for you to leave some space for her, and as soon as you do she’s lying down besides you whilst mark watches at the doorway, arms folded with a smile on his face.

‘what’s got you smiling?’

‘i’m just thinking about how happy i am for hyuck. he’s got a girl that finally cares about him,’ you sit up at those words so suddenly that you’re sure your vision shifts for a couple of seconds.

‘they’re not in love with each other mark, give it up babe,’ yunjin speaks up for you, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. it wasn’t a secret that mark heavily advocated for the two of you to be together, given that hyuck was his bestfriend and the two of you were getting closer. he believed that your shared experiences of getting your heart broken and being taken advantage of due to loving too hard would work in your favour if you became a couple.

it was a thought that weighed heavily on your mind during this week. you were certain that if you were to be in a relationship with him, your worries of not being loved, or being abandoned, or being treated poorly like the rest of your exes would no longer be a concern. he was the sweetest boy you had ever met, and he always had your best interests at heart.

‘do you really not see hyuck in that way?’ mark turns the question to you, and it makes you pause and think. in an ideal world he would be the perfect partner for you, the one that you needed. but it was impossible to fill a wonbin shaped hole in your heart with someone that wasn’t him.

‘i wish i did,’ you confess truthfully, and to yunjin’s surprise, a little sadly. it makes her also now sit up, bringing her arms around your shoulders to bring you into a hug.

‘it’s alright if you don’t. you’re allowed to take as much time as you need to heal, there’s no time limit for that.’

her words comfort you and she gives you a small squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before she’s up on her feet again.

‘we have two hours before people start arriving and i need at least thirty minutes for my eyeliner alone.’

you’re left in hyuck’s room by yourself, deciding on also getting ready, even though it was a bit too early for you. a part of you felt bad for the mess you were sure to make in his room, your makeup products and brushes laid all over the table, outfit on his bed and a couple pairs of heels by the foot of his bed.

music played softly in the background as you sat at donghyuck’s vanity, your reflection framed by the ornate mirror adorned with fairy lights that you had convinced him to hang up. you ran your fingers through your hair, contemplating how to style it for the evening ahead.

it was nice to have a moment to yourself, leisurely taking your time to get ready. however, it meant that you were also left alone with your thoughts, which were anything but peaceful.

maybe you had healed. maybe all you needed to be completely over wonbin would be to allow yourself to be with someone else. it might help the thoughts of him that would momentarily flash in your mind, or the part of you that you felt still blindly loved him. it was time to let park wonbin go. for good.

just as you finished styling your hair into loose waves, there was a gentle knock on the door and before you could respond, mark and yunjin poked their heads into the room.

‘hey,’ mark greeted, leaning against the doorframe. ‘how’s it going in here?’

yunjin steps inside, her eyes bright with excitement as she waltzes into the room, mark in tow. ‘you look gorgeous my love. are you almost ready?’

you chuckle softly at their excitement, ‘almost, just finishing up. thanks for letting me borrow donghyuck’s room, mark.

mark nodded, his expression kind. ‘of course. take your time, everyone’s still doing one thing or another.’ 

‘someone would think that you were the birthday girl,’ mark joked as he admired his girlfriend parading around the room, a second pair of heels in her clutches.

‘looking good doesn’t need an occasion my love.’

you weren’t too far off either, your hair curled beautifully, cascading down to your back, and the black glittery two piece you wore clung to your body. you would have settled for a simple dress or even some jeans, but yunjin profusely objected, threatening to disown you.

according to her, as his closest friends they had a duty to look equally as good as donghyuck, although you were sure it was just an excuse for her to get all dressed up, like she loved to do.

‘whatever you say princess.’

the soft murmur of conversation fills donghyuck’s room as you all lounged comfortably on his bed, basking in the calm before the storm of his birthday party. you were taking refuge here after helping set up downstairs, enjoying a brief respite before the festivities began in earnest.

yunjin pulls out her phone, noting the time. ‘i think the first guests should be arriving soon,’ she remarked, glancing at you and mark.

‘yeah hyuck said they’d start showing up around this time. we should probably head downstairs.’

you all descend the stairs together, the llively chatter and laughter from downstairs growing louder as you approached the front door. you swung it open first, just as the doorbell chimed, revealing a group of donghyuck’s friends eagerly waiting to join the celebration.

‘hey, come on in!’ you greet them warmly, stepping aside to let the guests enter.

mark and yunjin followed suit, exchanging greetings and directing everyone towards the living room where the party was unfolding. upstairs, the boys were still in full swing, pre-gaming and engaging in last-minute preparations and games. donghyuck’s voice echoed down the stairs as he rallied his friends for the night ahead.

meanwhile, you busied herself ensuring everything was running smoothly. you checked the food and drinks, adjusting a few decorations here and there to perfectionist standards. the cake was laid out carefully on the kitchen table, surrounded by the mini cupcakes, and drinks were lined up with three hired bartenders. the decorations were just as you had imagined, and the presents that his friends were bringing for him were in place.

‘you could totally become an event planner,’ donghyuck’s voice causes you to turn around and you gasp at the sight of him as he leans against the counter casually. he’s always been attractive, that was non-disputable, but tonight it seemed like he had exceeded those plain terms. it reminded you of the night you first met, his dark tresses providing a flawless contrast with his skin, golden and clear, dotted with the beauty marks you loved to stare at so much.

the leather jacket he wore seemed to fit him well, and you wondered if all the time he had recently been spending in the gym was finally paying off by the way his white shirt clung to his body. but it was the faint traces of eyeliner circling his hooded eyes that left you awestruck, complimenting his eyes.

‘is this your way of telling me i look good?’ he bites his lip before a smirk graces his lips, playfulness emboldening his irises as he steps closer and closer, until you can smell the cologne that lingers on his shirt.

‘you do,’ you’re straightforward with your answer because it’s the truth.

‘i’ve got nothing on you though. thought an angel temporarily came down to visit,’ he says jokingly, but something about the look in his eye makes you feel that he means his words. 

the space between you becomes non-existent, and slowly you feel him brush a stray piece of hair away from your eyes, his fingers lingering around your face for longer than it usually would.

your eyes meet, a silent conversation unfolding between you if you were suspended in a moment outside of time. the air in the kitchen crackled with an electric tension, the proximity intoxicating, the space between you charged with a magentic pull.

you’re about to reply but you’re interrupted by jeno and jaemin, a bottle in each hand, hollering about taking shots for the birthday boy. tension that you weren’t sure was even possible to feel with donghyuck dissipates, and you feel him go back to his old self as he allows the boys to drag him out to the middle of the dance floor.

‘what was that all about?’ yunjin asks, and you failed to notice her standing behind jeno’s bigger frame, causing you to jump a little. she looks at you suspiciously, as if you had done something and gotten caught.

‘nothing,’ your reply is too quick, voice far too squeaky for her to believe you, and she had known you for too long to be deceived so easily.

‘so that means there was something. it looked like he was about to kiss you.’

you knew that, you were aware that the way his eyes would flicker down to your lips, or the way his second hand came and held you at the small of your back. you’d been kissed before, and it wasn’t hard to miss the signs. but something else shocked you, and you snap out of your daze to look your friend in the eye.

‘i know, and i think i would have let him.’

yunjin’s jaw drops dramatically before her hands fly to her mouth. ‘you mean-’

‘yes.’

‘i need some more alcohol.’

half of the night is spent inside your own mind, replaying the scene with donghyuck over and over again. he was going to kiss you, and if you hadn’t been stopped by jeno’s loud voice it would have happened. did this mean you were over wonbin? was it just because it had been such a long time since you had been kissed and you missed it? did you like hyuck as more than a friend?

the memory replayed in your mind like a haunting melody, a glimpse of what could have been. but each time you closed your eyes to savour the moment, flashes of park wonbin intruded upon your thoughts. his smile, his touch, his whispered promises- the memories of your tumultuous relationship resurfaced with unsettling clarity.

doubt gnawed at your resolve, casting shadows over the budding attraction you believed you felt for donghyuck. in this fleeting moments of introspection, you confronted the harsh truth. you were not over wonbin.

as the night wore on and the party reached its crescendo of laughter and music, you found yourself slipping deeper into a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. despite the outward revelry, an internal storm brewed within you. you drifted through the crowd with a plastic smile, deflecting conversations and laughter as though they were merely obstacles in your path. 

but behind your façade, a maelstrom of doubt and regret churned relentlessly. you had come so far in your journey of healing, painstakingly unravelling the tendrils of love and manipulation that wonbin had woven around your heart. yet, tonight, his ghost haunted you once more.

in a moment of weakness, you found yourself standing at the makeshift bar, fingers gripping a drink with more force than necessary. the amber liquid swirled in the glass, its scent sharp and intoxicating. without hesitation, you raised it to your lips, welcoming the burn that seared down your throat.

the alcohol offered a fleeting reprieve—a temporary numbing of the pain that threatened to overwhelm you. with each sip, you hoped to drown out the memories, to silence the doubts that clawed at your resolve. but with every passing moment, the thoughts of wonbin persisted, stubbornly refusing to be subdued.

disappointment settled heavily in your chest, mingling with self-recrimination. you had worked tirelessly to banish wonbin from your thoughts, to rebuild yourself without the weight of his presence. yet here you were, succumbing to the allure of temporary oblivion.

so you found yourself turning to alcohol with increasing desperation. each drink became a lifeline, a means to drown out the relentless thoughts of park wonbin that plagued your mind.

the burn in your throat was now a distant sensation. with each sip, you felt yourself slipping further from reality, the chaotic noise of the party fading into a dull hum. you didn’t want to think anymore tonight. and eventually it worked its magic. in this intoxicated state, you were free from the torment of memories, free from the disappointment in yourself from succumbing to old wounds.

the dance floor pulsed with energy, the bass vibrating through the floor and up into your bones. the dim, colourful lights spun in dizzying patterns, casting fleeting shadows on the faces of your friends and strangers alike, all moving to the beat. you throw your head back and laugh, the alcohol buzzing warmly in your veins, making everything feel brighter, louder, more intense.

your drink sloshed in its glass as you swayed to the rhythm, the liquid gleaming under the flashing lights. you take another sip, the sweetness masking the burn of the alcohol. your movements become more fluid and uninhibited with every passing moment, the night was a blur of sound and colour, and for once, you felt free.

but then you heard it- ‘who the fuck invited park wonbin?’

your heart lurched, the sound slicing through the haze of joy and alcohol like a knife. involuntarily, you stop moving, your  eyes wide and unfocused as you scan the crowd. the music seemed to fade into the background, replaced by the rush of blood in your ears.

the world seems to pause as those two words register in your head and you freeze. hyuck, who is just as oblivious to the situation as you were a couple of seconds ago, feels you stop dancing and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

you see his lips move, and you’re sure he’s talking to you, but you can’t hear anything. as if you’re wearing noise cancelling headphones, the voices around you sound muffled. worried at your lack of response you feel the palms of his hand coming to the side of your face to bring you out of your trance.

 park wonbin is all you can see. you’re enthralled by the way his hair seems even longer than it was last time, beautifully falling just a few inches above his shoulders. he easily looked the best out of all the boys there, comparable to an angel with the way his delicate features are a distinction from his dark clothes, or his jet black hair that he lets fall freely. that was the man you had fallen in love with, the one who had the ability to render you speechless. the man who had wrapped your heart in a barbed wire of lies and control. a shiver runs down your spine, skin prickling with the memory of his touch, his words. he was here.

‘how is wonbin’s here,’ someone said again, closer this time, making you sure it was yunjin, who was far from pleased, but the damage was already done. he stood at the edge of the dance floor, his gaze locked onto you with the same intensity that had once made you feel special, desired. now, it only filled you with dread, his presence a dark cloud, threatening to consume your light and drag you back into the shadows.

he looks down to your fingers that are laced together with hyuck’s, a sight that ignited a surge of possessiveness within him but you’re unable to tell at first how he’s feeling except for the quirk of his eyebrow. then you notice the way his jaw clenched tightly before he unclenched it and you know what that meant- wonbin was pissed.

panic surged through you, a cold wave that washed away the warmth of the alcohol. you couldn’t handle this. you couldn’t handle him. not here, not now. fear and confusion twisted inside you, making it hard to breathe. the room seems to close in on you, stomach twisting and you quickly excuse yourself, your aim to make it away from his prying eyes.

you turn on your heel, pushing through the crowd, your movements frantic and desperate, too focused on stabilising yourself. the faces around you blurred, their laughter and conversations fading into a distant hum.

you burst into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind you with a loud thud. the room was starkly lit, the harsh fluorescent lights a jarring contrast to the dim, colourful glow outside.

the bathroom was a sanctuary of shadows, the dim light casting long, wavering reflections on the tiled walls. you stood at the sink, gripping its edge with such fervour that your knuckles turned white, your heart a drumbeat of anxiety, pounding in your chest as you stared into the mirror, trying to calm your racing thoughts.

the door creaked open behind you, and  a chill crawled up you spine. you didn’t need to turn around to know who had entered. 

park wonbin’s presence filled the small space like a dark cloud, heavy and oppressive. he moved with the grace of a predator, his footsteps barely making a sound as he approached you.

‘having fun?’ his voice startles you, heart racing as you accidentally hit the sink, shaking your head like a fool as your heart squeezes in your chest.

you feel bile rise rapidly to your throat, head pounding as the room starts to spin, but seemingly only for you. wonbin looks at you with pure disgust, as if you’re covered in filth, not worthy of being in his presence.

you hated the idea of him being annoyed or disappointed in you and soon tears started to streak down your face, the dam breaking before you could even attempt to hold it in, lip quivering as you blinked rapidly to stop the droplets of water from obstructing your vision.

‘wonbin please-’

‘lee donghyuck? really?’ he barely gives you a chance to speak, his actions contradicting the harsh words he spews as he gently uses his thumb to wipe away a few tears. you’re a whimpering mess, body shaking like a leaf as you try hard to stabilise yourself.

no matter how much time passed, no matter how much you willed yourself to, you couldn’t get over park wonbin. you loved him to a fault, you loved him to the point that it hurt. your love was like a rose, appearing beautiful from the red petals and buds, but stinging like the thorns that weaved up the stem.

‘you have no right to care about who i am or am not dating,’ you echo the words of hyuck, trying to seem bold and brave, pushing his hand away from you.

wonbin stops, his eyes trailing down and stopping at your feet, hair falling in front of his eyes and for a few seconds he doesn’t move. then you see his shoulders move up and down, slowly at first but they increase in speed. you know you shouldn’t be but in worry of him crying you hastily lift his head in your hands. only his face is dry, void of any tears and you see that he’s laughing instead.

‘i don’t-’

‘you’re so fucking stupid, he obviously just wants to use you.’

you’re taken aback by how harsh his words are, realising it was a mistake for you to have even said anything in the first place.you want to leave, to turn away from this suffocating situation to somewhere you can finally breathe but you’re trapped, his hands gripping your wrist, holding you against the wall.

that’s not fair wonbin. you left me,’ your voice is small, almost incomprehensible but he catches on to what you’re saying. he had you right where he wanted you, still stupidly in love with him, and he didn’t know whether to feel pity for your naivety or rejoice.

‘do you know how it felt to hear from other people that you moved on? you hurt me,’ it’s become wonbin’s second nature to turn accusations around and throw the blame on you. to make you feel like the bad guy, like you were the one in the wrong.

it was the final blow to your heart, and you feel yourself about to heave, moving past him with a shove to grip the sink, head dangerously close to the faucet as you try to steady your breathing. but he doesn’t stop there, he won’t be finished till he leaves you a mess on the bathroom floor, broken and unable to move on from him.

‘you know how hard it was for me, and you couldn’t even be patient, you tried to replace me so fast. did you even love me?’

‘stop-‘ you can barely breathe, the room closing in as you try to steady yourself, eyes shut as you pray for a miracle, for something to pull you out of this nightmare.

‘but that’s a stupid question, because i know the answer. you love me to a fault, you love me to the point it hurts you, but like a fool you keep coming back. want to know why? it’s because that’s what love is,’ he’s so close, close enough for you to smell that familiar scent of mint and cedarwood that you loved so much. it’s suffocating, making you lightheaded, and yet just like him you can’t get enough.

‘it’s not like the flowery shit you read in your books. nobody can give you that but me. no one can truly love you but me,’ he continues, not caring for how pale you turn, or how you slowly sink down to your knees, the pain of being so close to him making it unbearable for you to even stand on your own two feet.

he watches as you curl into a ball, despair coursing through your blood and a numbness clouding your eyes. your worst fears had been vocalised- maybe wonbin was the only one who would be able to love you. it made sense that he was the only one to ignite the flame of passion that you felt in the pits of your stomach. it made sense that only he held the ability to temper with your emotions to such an extreme extent. true love, that was what that feeling was.

you shrink back down into your own hollow body, lost, lacking and defeated. you sigh as you see him crouch down till he is eye level with you. you let him use his thumb to tenderly wipe away the tears that he caused as you saturate yourself in dreaded affliction.

he leaned in closer, his voice low but smooth. ‘you know, without me, you would still be just the sad broken girl, unable to love again. i’m the reason that you changed. i’ve helped you become the person you are today.’

his words wrapped around you like a silken noose, tightening with each sentence. you wanted to protest, to assert your own worth independent of his influence, but his presence was overpowering.

 every time you had tried to move on, to forget him, you were reminded of the times he had been there for you, the vulnerabilities only he had witnessed, the secrets you both held dear to your hearts. his manipulation was an art form, carefully crafted over time, making her doubt her own feelings and rely more on his.

‘remember when you said you couldn’t imagine your life without me?’ wonbin’s voice was a soft whisper now, his eyes locking onto yours.

‘i know you felt it too. we’re meant to be together.’ 

your heart ached under the weight of his words, the lines between love and control blurring in the fog of your emotions. you nod slowly, the fight within you dwindling as his grip tightened, pulling you deeper into the web he had spun so expertly around your heart.

‘don’t run away from the truth.’

his words wrapped around you like tendrils of smoke, suffocating and inescapable. you wanted to pull away, to escape the web he was spinning, but you felt rooted to the spot.

‘what truth?’

‘the truth that you have never stopped loving me, you were with donghyuck just to make me mad, to lie to yourself that you could move on from me when we both know that’s not possible,’ he murmured, his voice a silken thread of deceit. 

his hand moved from your shoulder to your cheek, a mockery of tenderness. you close your eyes, trying to block out the sensations, but his words kept seeping into your mind, eroding your defences like waves against a crumbling cliff.

‘come with me,’ he coaxed, his voice now a siren’s call. ‘leave this party, leave these people who don’t understand you. let’s find our own way, just the two of us, like it’s supposed to be.’

his manipulation was a masterful dance, each step designed to pull you closer, to break down your will. your eyes open again, your resolve slipping through your fingers like sand. you saw the satisfaction in his eyes, the gleam of triumph that he couldn’t quite hide, but it was too late.

your heart twisted, a mix of fear and the old, dangerous comfort of his words stirring within you.

‘wonbin, i… i don’t know.’

‘come with me, please. let’s leave this place. you know we’re meant to be together. no one will ever love you like i do,’ he reiterated. his manipulation was subtle, insidious, and your defences, worn thin by the weight of your history together, crumbled. 

‘okay,’ you whispered, the word barely escaping your lips, your willpower drained.

wonbin smiled, a wolf’s smile, and took your hand. he led you out of the bathroom, his grip firm and possessive. the music thumped through the walls, relentless rhythm that seemed to sync with your racing heart. as you descended down the stairs and walked through the crowded room, your head hung low, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. 

the party was in full swing, vibrant laughter and animated conversations filling the room. fairy lights now twinkled overhead, casting a warm glow over the crowded space, yet you felt a chill as you moved towards the door, your ex-boyfriend’s hand firm around your wrist.

yunjin and mark stood near the doorway, their expressions a mirror of the others. yunjin’s eyes were filled with tears, her hand clutching mark’s arm in a silent plea for comfort. mark’s jaw was set, his frustration barely contained as he watched you leave with wonbin.

‘i can’t believe he’s taking her again. after all we’ve done,’ yunjin’s grip on mark’s arm intensifies, her voice trembling out of frustration.

she had seen it all unfold- the sudden arrival of park wonbin, like a dark storm cloud interrupting the starry night. she witnessed your hesitation, your inevitable retreat into the bathroom, and how his figure stalked after yours not long after.

her eyes reflect a mixture of sadness and frustration as she turns to her boyfriend, ‘mark he’s ruined everything. she was so close….’

mark nods in understanding, his own brow furrowed with empathy.

‘she doesn’t deserve this. not after everything he put her through. i was there, mark. he broke her, i was so scared i would lose her.’

you had come so far since breaking free from wonbin’s manipulative grasp. you had found joy and laughter again, surrounded only by people who loved and cherished you, like it was supposed to be. and now, in one swift and calculated move, wonbin had disrupted it all.

 it was donghyuck’s face that stung the most though, his normally cheerful and bright expression now a canvas of hurt and confusion. he had hoped that tonight would be a turning point, a chance for you to find happiness away from the shadows of your past, away from wonbin and in his arms instead. now, he watched helplessly as you were led back into the darkness, both physically and metaphorically.

outside, the night air was cool and crisp, hitting you both as you stepped outside, a stark contrast to the heavy atmosphere inside.  the noise of the party is muffled behind the closed door. wonbin’s smile widened, the satisfaction of his victory warming him from within. he had you back, ensnared once more in his web of lies and manipulation, pulling you back into his orbit and away from the support and love of your friends.

you walk beside him, heart heavy with regret and self-doubt. the night stretched out before you, a labyrinth of choices and consequences, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were walking deeper into the maze, farther away from the light. the feeling of eyes watching you from behind following you.

but for now, wonbin’s grip was unyielding, and you followed him into the darkness, hoping desperately that you might one day find your way out.

[aiko0invalid]

Oct.1-Sun-2:30 am

Wrote this while super tired and delirious 😎

TW: Pet names, Omega Fem!reader, human/civilian Bang Chan, slight breeding kink?, P.I.V, intentional un-protected sex, slight blindfold kink, scent kink

☆

I can just imagine his dick inside you, pressing against the soft ridges of your gummy walls feverishly.

His hips not stopping for a moment as he snaps them against your ass like an animal. He’s a little peeved by your moans being muffled by the pillow that your face is currently stuffed into, your tears soaking the fabric that covered your eyes.

“What’s that baby?” He grunts, teasing you with a grin as you moaned loudly again. “Huh? Speak princess.” He mocked as his hand left one of your hips and gathered your hair into a low ponytail.

Swiftly, he tugged on your hair which forcefully lifted your head from the pillow. It was like you were a dog, being pulled by your hair as if it was a leash.

His thrusts didn’t falter one bit as he pounded into you relentlessly. “Come on baby, tell me how good you feel.” He cooed, an obvious smirk in his tone you could imagine even though you couldn’t see him.

“S-so… mh-hm…” you could barely get the words out, whimpering and moaning at the sheer impact of his thrusts meeting your core. You swore you would feel his tip bruising the entrance of your cervix.

He hummed again, feigning annoyance at your lack of words. “Speak.” He commanded, playing into the fantasy of you just being a needy omega. A damn mutt for him to play with.

Your mind was clouded, the omega in you bursting with happiness and pleasure as she felt her needs be met by the mer human that had saved you all those years ago.

You were also grateful for Chan, of course you were. Saving you from that illegal omega breeding ring was the best day of your life, but the day he finally helped you with your heat quickly topped it.

And that day was today. After 3 hopeless years of begging every time your heat came he finally caved in and decided to help you. Now you could stop that pathetic act of humping his pillows, of surrounding yourself of his scent despite him not even being an alpha.

All humans had scents, and thanks to your heightened senses during heats you could smell it more clearly.

Usually only an alpha’s scent could satisfy the need of an omega, atleast enough to not make him/her/them crazy. But for some reason Chans was enough, it was always more than enough but also almost not enough if that made sense.

It was enough to stop her from clawing her way out the house and looking for someone to fuck her like an actual dog in heat, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy the ache in her core.

Again, usually only an alpha’s or beta’s cock could satisfy her hungry need of being filled up and used.

Chan somehow, did even more than that. It made her stupid, it made her so stupid she was drunk off of the feeling of him inside her.

With each delicious thrust she was only growing nearer to her release.

“C-Channie..” she moaned, chest heaving as she felt a bead of sweat trickle down her face. He knew she wanted something, she had a question but he wasn’t going to go easy on her.

“Spit it out puppy.” I whispered, kissing the shell of her ear while continuing his merciless pounding into her.

She whined and moaned, breath faltering a bit as she babbled on her words. “B-back, on my back!” She pleaded, wanted to face him before she had her first ever orgasm with him.

He graciously gave her what she wanted and pulled out slowly to flip her on her back. “Is that all baby?” He asked, a loving tone replacing the teasing one he was using just a few minutes ago.

“See you, I want to see you!” She begged, asking him if her blindfold could come off.

He chuckled a little bit before uttering the word ‘cute’ and slowly untying the fabric that was covering her eyes.

She stared up at him with glossy eyes that were a bit red from the tears of pleasure that was rippling through her a few moments ago.

He gave her a few cheek and temple kisses as she adjusted to the red LED’s lighting up the room.

Her nose instinctively buried into his neck where his scent was the strongest and she let out a groan at the smell she grew to love oh so much.

“Ready darling?” Chan whispered softly, his hands sliding down to grip onto her hips. She nodded slowly and with that he began pushing in.

His mushroom top of a dick provided an amazing stretch to her core and she let out a few pants at the feeling she wished she could have every day.

She could hear his soft chuckles of delight as he looked down at her flushed and fuck-out expression on her face.

Inch by inch, he slowly eased in despite not having to because she was dripping with slick and she was already stretched out by his delicious fat cock.

“M-move.” She squeaked, her hands already making a move to grip onto his shoulders and nails into his shoulder blades. “Shit baby, do I make you feel good? Huh? Omega’s happy?” He grunted, nose scrunching at the feeling of her tight walls squeezing his length and nails digging into his skin.

“Yes! Yes!” She squealed, head thrown back to the pillow as he finally bottomed out again. “What do you want sweetheart? Rough or sweet?” He questioned with a grin, knowing the fact he wasn’t moving at all was irking her a tiny bit.

She whined a little at the question, her brain not being able to pick and just wanting him to move. “R-rough, I don’t care!” She whimpered, one hand cupping the back of his neck as the other reached farther down his back to claw at the soft, smooth, skin.

He grunted again before chuckling darkly at the feeling of her lips colliding with his when she pulled him down.

“You asked for it~” He whispered against the soft, pillowy, pink lips of his precious omega.

Without a second to waste he leaned back a bit to slowly pull out. It made your eyes open wide at the alarming thought of his filling pulling out. “Chan-!” You’re cut off before you get the chance to beg him to not pull out when he slams back in.

Your eyes rolled back into your head as he picks up the speed from before, effortlessly pounding into you over and over again.

The familiar feeling of his tip pushing against your cervix made you clench around him in awe. He was just so big and long to be able to do that.

Your little whimpers and moans mixed with his groans and grunt filled the room along with the sound of skin on skin compact and the smell of sex.

The atmosphere was just right, it was perfect in fact. This was your 6th heat since living with Chan, you get 2 annual heats per year. One at the beginning and one at the end. Only now were you able to properly get through one of your heats.

You had imagined it to be sweeter, all cozy and soft, maybe not even during the night but afternoon, an hour before the sun even sets.

You imagined the soft golden glow encapsulating you and your alpha as he spoiled you rotten with his love.

That was what you imagined before you met Chan, before you were kidnapped at the age of 17 and shipped country to country for the idea of using you as a breeding omega. It was the same year you had discovered your secondary gender.

You had only told your close family and a few ‘trusted friends’. It was during the time when omegas were getting kidnapped left and right so you had a good reason to not want to tell many people.

Obviously someone let it slip and that’s when you were ambushed on your way home from school, beaten half to death and dragged to a van.

They made sure to cut your hair short, dying it and giving you a tattoo in the symbol of a star, trying their best to make you like the exact opposite of what you looked like so you weren’t recognizable if someone were to see you.

You were chained every day and fed sloppy seconds as they tried to beat you into submission.

They tried to brainwash you, make you think this was all good. They were only making your job easier for you, you wouldn’t have to look anymore to find someone to ease your omega’s desires.

You had fought back at every guy that had bought you, clawing and not letting them get anywhere near your panties.

They often gave up quickly, not wanting to deal with a hardheaded omega and returning you back to the illegal omega breeding ring.

Right when you turned 24 was when cops found out about the ring, finding the hideout quickly and catch everyone that was involved. Every omega got transferred to their family’s, to any family they could find at least.

But yours? Somehow the guys that kidnapped you were able to wipe you off of the face of the earth.

No family, no medical records, No high school or middle school registration, not even elementary school!

You were nothing, you had nothing.

But than Chan found you, he had heard the news of the illegal omega breeding ring being busted and founded out and went down to the police station where they were asking for volunteers to help house any omegas that didn’t have any family to go back to.

The idea was to help them until they had a stable job to have their own life.

There were other people in that day, majority of them being A/O/B, all but Chan.

He was the only human that cared enough to help, and maybe that’s why you walked over and tried your best to catch his scent.

It had shocked him really, you were so tiny, visibly shaking as you tried your best to walk.

Your eyes were wide and as soon as you made eye contact with his brown eyes you melted.

It was like any other omega meeting a kind alpha. Expect, Chan wasn’t an Alpha and he didn’t even think about anything romantic towards you for a while.

It was only during this last year did he start to see you in a different light.

At first when you begged him to help with your heat he was so shocked and horrified that he panicked and freaked out.

That wasn’t ethical at all, I mean, what kind of person would he be to sleep with an omega who just came out of a breeding ring?

Obviously it was just her omega talking, she didn’t know what was happening and she was completely controlled by the wolf inside her.

He would never take advantage of her. The second year was far worse, that was the year he suggested he stayed out of the house during her heats so she wouldn’t be tempted to try and sleep with him.

She was too embarrassed to disagree with him and instead just nodded, letting him do as he pleased. During the first annual heat he stayed over at a friend’s house like he said and it completely ruined her.

Yes, it was hard having his constant scent around her, almost teasing her and mocking the fact she couldn’t be railed by him.

But the lack of scent drove her absolutely insane. Only the faint scent of him on his sheets and clothes were able to ground her even though she felt like ripping the whole house to shreds.

She was going absolutely feral without him and she made sure to express that when he got home after her heat.

“Please don’t leave ever again! It was torture.” She pouted the second he walked through their door.

He was confused and surprised by it before she jumped into his arms, face nuzzling into his neck.

Thankfully he stayed during her second annual heat of that year and she did much better.

Now it’s the 3rd year, it’s currently her first annual heat and she’s in utter bliss.

She only explained her feelings for him after he made another suggestion.

“What if I find you an alpha to help you through your heats? I have a few friends that could help, obviously it would be consensual but maybe that would help you?” He asked, they were on the topic of her heat since it was scheduled to start in a week.

If it was any other situation, if he was any other person, she would probably agree with him. Tell him to ask around, reassure him they would be using the alpha’s house so he wouldn’t have to hear this animalistic breeding sounds.

But this was Chan, this was the human the single handily made her hot and slicked up without it even being her heat. Without even knowing and trying to arouse her.

She felt so loved and protected by him, his sweet side making her want to see him in a different light.

Wanting to see just how rough he could be, how commanding he would be in the bedroom. The fantasy of having a soft and loving first time changed into an erotic and dirty first time with the one and only Bang Christoper Chan.

“No.” She pouted, leaning against the kitchen island as he was on the opposite side with a mug of tea in hand.

“What?” He questioned, a bit surprised by her curt and serious tone as she answered. “I don’t want my want my heat with someone else, I want you.” She lightly whined, continuing to pout as his cheeks flared up.

She wasn’t under the influence of her omega right now, she was still in a stable mind so he couldn’t make an excuse of saying it was only her omega talking.

“Chan.” She started, walking around the kitchen island to stand in front of him, resting both her hands over the top of his. “I need you. My omega doesn’t crave just anybody to scratch her desires, she craves the man that has mine and her’s full trust. Our full heart.

She tried her best to explained, she wasn’t attracted to him because he was the closets male to her, that reason wasn’t even on the list.

He was shocked at first, breath hitched at the confession.

Is that why she was more brazen lately? Only wearing one of his shirts and those thin navy blue panties around the house.

Or a pair of super-short athletic shorts and matching white sports bra.

She no longer locked the door when taking a bath, even barging in to use the toilet whenever he was using taking a shower.

She was getting more comfortable around him and he noticed it quickly, thinking it was her way of playing the long run and getting him to finally fuck her through her heat.

“But- I-I’m no alpha..” he said, stuttering a bit as she grew closer to him. “I know, it’s weird and confusing to me too. But your scent.”

She paused, her mouth watering and she had to suppress a groan once catching a whiff of his scent. “Your scent drives me crazy, it makes my omega scream to be bred, to have you pump me full of pups.”

He could hear the whine on her voice, the utter thirst she has for him and he felt slightly dizzy.

He would be straight up lying to say he didn’t find her attractive, she was the definition of beauty in his eyes. Her hair was at the perfect length that frames her face, eyes always doe like whenever in heat, pupils blown up 3x their regular size.

She was so tempting, and he felt so bad about it. He felt like he was taking advantage of her, or her primal instincts whenever she was in heat. Maybe this was her preheat, yeah, that had to be it.

It was unheard of an omega wanting a human. That wasn’t possible, it wasn’t in her nature.

“Chan.” She said again, more timely as she gazed up at him with a pleasing look in her eyes.

“Please Chan, trust my words. I’m telling the truth.” She whispered, hands gripping the fabric of his shirt into little balled up fists.

Her insides churned with nervousness, it would absolutely break her if he rejected her again, she would probably cry and hide away in the nest she already built on her bed.

The same nest she wanted him in, to cuddle and cradle her to sleep, she wished the nest was on his bed instead.

“Ok..” his soft voice drew her out of her thought, her head snapping back up to meet his slightly less guilty looking eyes. “Ok darling, I’ll help. But this is totally consensual right? I will never do this again if you regret it in the slightest.”

She nodded her head vigorously, a huge smile gracing her feature. “Thank you Channie!” She squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck and using the position to sneakily catch a whiff of his scent.

“Can we move my nest then?” She asked, smiling a bit more shyly with redden cheeks.

“To where?” His eyebrows furrowed, he hadn’t even seen it yet, making sure to stay clear of her room because he had read that omegas are very strict about who gets to enter their nest. He just didn’t expect to be the lucky one to be accepted into it.

“Your bed, please.” She slightly whined despite Chan not doing anything to detest to her question. “Ok, I guess… if that’ll help with your heat. Do you need help moving it?”

She nodded her head again and dragged him to her room, opening the door as his eyes widened at the sight.

He felt crazy every day because it seemed like his clothes were slowly going missing, he was sure the washing machine was eating them up.

Instead it was his omega, his omega who needed his scent more than anything.

The nest was huge, seemingly too big for even his bed that was a California king.

Still, they moved it slowly but surely into his room, the omega rearranging it many times until it felt good enough for her likings. Despite Chan not having the same instincts as her he still tried his best to help her out and rearrange anything that she told him to.

His pillows created support to her head as she laid in the middle of the nest, softly panting.

She was growing dizzy at how much of his scent she was able to have on her, her brain short-circuiting.

“C-Chan.” She whined, eyes shooting up before sitting up. “Help.” she whined, alreayd rubbing her thighs together as she felt a throbbing ache in her core.

“But, but- your heat isn’t for another week.” He said, shocked that she was already begging for him. “Early.” She simply answered, her chest heaving as she crawled over to him and clutched onto his shirt like in the kitchen. “Early Chan, it came early.” She further explained and he silently cursed.

He felt like she needed more time, more time to think it over but now she was clouded by her needs. “Are you sure? 100%-“

She cut him off with a long whine, pulling him into her while falling back and into the bed. “Please Chan! I need you to mate me, I need you to fill me up and make me go dumb. I want to cry on your cock and arch my back off the bed, I want to be so lost in the feeling that I shake like crazy!!”

She begged and begged and he couldn’t let it go for any longer. He finally caved in, and he finally decided to strip his and hers clothes off so he could satisfy all her needs and desires.

Now they were on round 3, with each round growing more brave with the positions, with the kisses and pet names.

Each time Chan edged her, not quite letting her cum and even pulling out to spill himself on her tummy. Each time she whined and begged for him to let her cum, or to at least not pull out when he finishes.

“Eyes on me gorgeous.” His rough voice said, her eyes immediately snapping toward him as they grew foggy with tears. “Awh, poor baby.”

He cooed, grinning while leaning down lightly to kiss her cheeks while simultaneously wiping away the few tears that fell.

His hips never faltered, almost like a pistol that fires off every second. Her mind was incredibly clouded with lust, moans erupting from her at every slight shift he made.

“Close! S-so close~” she whined, her nails digging into his back which created shallow scratch marks that burned his skin. Maybe he was a bit of a masochist? Because he absolutely loved the feeling.

“Close? Gonna cum? Am I going to let my princess cum?” He mocked, a sob emitting from her as she cries out in pleasure. “Please Chan!!” She begged, nails digging in harder and her eyes widened as he only went faster.

He was silently giving into her cries, this time he was going to let her cum, finally.

She babbled out, chanting his name over and over again that only fueled him more. He dipped his head, biting into her shoulder as a means to ground himself which only made her moan louder.

Her legs shook, and her back arched off the mattress as the white hot coil in her lower abdomen snapped and she came all of him. His hips faltered a bit before also cumming, his semen shooting into her like a rocket and painting her wall white.

She huffed and whined at the feeling of finally being filled up, her core sore and felt like it was bruised from the powerful thrusts of him inside.

“Thank you Channie.” You whispered softly, finally feeling your omega within calm down.

Chan only grunted in reply, his muscles relaxing as he slowly laid on top of you, his hands sliding up from your hips and around your waist. “Did such a good job baby, took me so well.” He praised, whispering softly into her ear which only made her smile brighter.

She couldn’t help but purr in satisfaction, wrapping her arms around his neck and scent him once again.

“Round 4?”

[superbat-lmao]

Bruce is off world and Cass snaps.

She cuts the feed to the cave, traps each of them in a separate holding cell, and truth serums them.

She is sick and tired of them lying to each other, lying to themselves.

Once and for all, she wants them to just talk to each other.

Jason is the easiest one to start talking, he’s been the only one talking about anything close to honest the whole time. Sure, usually it’s yelling about it on a rooftop but now it’s yelling about it in the cave. He fights talking about the good memories because they hurt more than the bad ones.

Damian has the fewest grievances. He hasn’t been around long enough to have years worth of issues, and most of it stems from the same problem.

Dick and Tim are actually the biggest problems.

Tim has the most to talk about. He’s angry with all of them. Jason and Damian are the most obvious, but he has just as many grievances with Dick if not more. They have all hurt him, not accepted him, rejected him. He isolates rather than talking to any of them about this because every time he objects to how he’s treated it’s like he’s breaking the family. He should be thankful Jason’s back at all or that Damian isn’t trying to kill him. If he says anything it sends them both into spirals that makes them avoid the family and then it’s his fault, so he leaves as much as he can.

Dick is the most brutal. They all look up to him, even if they don’t want to admit it. He proved it could be done. And every single one of them got a Bruce that already used him as a practice run of having kids. He is expected to handle it, to leash his anger, to be more open than Bruce. And he does it, but the level to which it’s a performance? Only Cass and Bruce have a real inkling to how much he’s acting. Jason saw more of it than he should have before he died, but even he wasn’t actually prepared for Dick’s honest thoughts on all of them.

Jason: Dick never wanted me here, Tim picked up the mantle as though nothing had changed, and Damian is the most judgmental and least experienced. I no longer have the innocence I did as Robin because the world has proven that morality doesn’t protect you. I cannot give up my ideologies for emotional vulnerability with people who do not care, it got me killed once and it’ll kill me again.

Damian: I was told my worth here was based on my sole existence. To have to unlearn my upbringing while surrounded by others that challenge my worth and place in this family is a level of vulnerability I will do anything to avoid.

Tim: Jason tried to kill me, Damian tried to kill me, and Dick doesn’t care. Every single thing I have accomplished has been in spite of my supposed brothers, who have only distrusted or hurt me. If I point this out, it is my fault for driving them away no matter how much they hurt me.

Dick: Jason died, Tim asked me to be Robin, took it for himself, Jason tried to kill Tim and Bruce, and Damian lashes out at every available opportunity and somehow this is my fucking problem. I did not sign up to be a parent or even a brother. I am not responsible for their decisions. I agreed to be responsible for teammates and missions, not the emotional vulnerability of a family I never asked for. I handle myself and they should be capable of dealing with their own problems without dragging me into them. They aren’t. I was an only child and had the responsibility of being a parent thrust on me when I never agreed to it. I have my own life and my own problems that take a back burner to anything else in this godforsaken family. I moved away and am still fucking here.

But even talking to each other like this can’t solve everything. Because for as upset as they are with each other, it’s Bruce that they’re actually upset with.

[litrumi]

“Just a Hangout Sesh” (DayNap Unannounced AU Short Story)

-

*This little short story IS based on an AU I literally have somewhat planned but am not yet ready to release out into the wild. It’s a work in progress so all things are subject to change anyway. Regardless…

The only details you need FOR NOW: Dogday and Catnap are in their early 20s. They live in a big city. Dogday’s working at a bakery. Catnap is a gang leader. Dogday is about 5’6” (167 cm), Catnap is 6’4” (193 cm).

This short story’s being told from Catnap’s perspective, but the main AU story is most likely gonna be told through Dogday’s. If I ever get around to this.

Enjoy!

Related music/track for reading: Danganronpa V3 - Becoming Friends

-

Another slow day, another reason to see him.

I think to myself as I walk down the pavement. The sounds of the running engines of cars and buses, driving on by, fills the streets. It’s morning, after all. People have places to be.

I look up to the sky for a moment in all of its smoggy, city glory. Smells like urban life alright…

Step after step, I find myself in front of a quaint but clean shop. Its colors are so vibrant and pink that it almost looks like it’s lit up and bright, but that’s just because it’s surrounded by other drab apartment buildings and the like.

I blink at the sign up top, reading “Pick-A-Treat”. A local bakery that’s been here for a couple years by now. I never really paid attention to it until recently. But I suppose that’s how it goes when someone you’re interested in suddenly starts working there.

A small thought crosses my mind, but I quickly dismiss it after remembering how he yelled at me for even bringing in a cigarette to the shop. I hadn’t even lit it yet and he still got on my case the second he realized I was holding one. That aggressive and yet non-threatening, scolding tone… I can’t help but chuckle to myself when I think back on it.

I brush the moment aside and open the door, stepping in. I’m immediately affronted by a warm atmosphere and aromatically relaxed by the scent of fresh baked goods.

“Welcome!” I hear the familiar voice say as the door closes and rings the bell atop it that signals a new visitor entering the premises.

I look in the direction of the counter and see him. That shorty. The busy pup, with a pink apron over the front of his light pink work shirt and sporting a small, pink chef’s hat on his head, is fixing up the display shelves and making sure everything is in its proper place. Geez, so much pink with this place… At least he has dark black pants.

Finally, he turns to me, and his bright, welcoming smile… changes to that of a quick realization and an expression that wants to sigh with disappointment. “Oh, it’s just you…” He looks at me with a tinge of annoyance.

“Thanks for the warm welcome,” I reply with a smile of my own. I walk over to the small seating area they have against the wall for customers who either are waiting for their order or may want to enjoy their little treat here in the meantime.

“Do you really have to sit? I just cleaned those seats before we opened for the day,” he tells me, unamused.

“I get tired just like anyone else, Shortbread,” I smirk. “I could use a break from walking over here. Besides, I’m not dirty. I showered just this morning,” I say as I fix up the collar of my black, leather jacket and rest my hands in my black jeans pockets.

Completely ignoring what I said, and only focusing on the nickname I used, he gets angry. “Don’t call me that,” the dog pouts in reference to the jab I took at him. “Also stop referring to my height! I’ve still got time to grow! And if I grow an extra foot, I’ll be taller than you!”

Yeah, by two inches… I think to myself.

“Forget about that, I’m older than you!” He retorts.

By a month… I think again.

“Anyway, what do you want, thug?” He scoffs.

“I’m here to see you,” I smile. “Isn’t that obvious?”

He blinks at me, not swayed by my flirting. “Well, hello. You can see me,” he waves. “Now can you leave? What if a patron comes by and gets intimidated by your… edginess,” he motions to me.

“I won’t be a bother to anyone,” I answer confidently. “I’ll sit here quietly and mind my own business.”

“Really?” He asks, unsure. “You won’t bother anyone?”

“Anyone but you, Biscuits,” I wink.

He glares with his hands on his hips. “…I’m two steps away from the sharp and blunt kitchen utensils. Watch yourself, Mugshot.”

I put my hands up in the air, with a smug grin. “Guilty as charged. I surrender,” I laugh. What a cute nickname he’s picked out for me. After teasing him for the millionth time, I look around the shop and notice something. He’s the only one working right now, huh? “Hey, Dogday, where’s your boss and shy co-worker?”

“Huh? Oh,” he realizes that I’ve noticed him working all alone. “They’re running some emergency errands,” he says while kneading some dough. “Picky’s got a lot of other things she needs to take care of today, and Crafty, well…” Dogday rubs the back of his head. “She could use the day off.” He’s immediately thinking about the fact that the poor unicorn is having trouble with finishing up other things in her life that require her to speak up for herself. There’s always the chance she’s caught herself up in a whirlwind of things she can’t say no to, as well. “Anyway, it is what it is,” the pup says.

“You’re really going to handle the shop today, all by yourself?” I wonder.

“Heh,” he just chuckles. He tightens his apron and feels challenged. “What? You think I don’t have what it takes? Oh, Catnap…” he clicks his tongue and wags his finger. “I could run this place with my eyes closed!” He announces proudly.

I eye him, up and down. “Bold statement, coming from you,” I remark. Three, two, one…

He sees how I glanced at him and his face heats up. “I- I’ll show you, you good for nothing delinquent! Just sit back and watch this canine run the whole show! Flawlessly!” He gets fired up.

There we go. Much better. I didn’t even have to convince him to let me stay.

Sooner rather than later, customers do come in eventually. Dogday’s demeanor switches up instantaneously to a cheery and enthusiastic worker with a principle for customer satisfaction. That part of him seems very effortless and easy to do. Maybe he just takes all work given to him seriously… I begin to wonder.

With me, he’d certainly rather shout at me or ignore me. But he’s pretty professional and upbeat when he’s not talking to me. I like that about him… Not many have what it takes to yell at the leader of the number one gang in the city.

But I guess he should know by now that I wouldn’t let anyone other than him act this way around me. I relax back more into the chair and rest the back of my head against my arms, behind me. I could never be mad at him�� Not after what he did. I owe him that much.

When the most recent customer leaves and we have a moment to chat again, Dogday wipes some sweat from his forehead and relaxes a bit. As soon as I see him ready to take a small break, I decide to flip the switch back to playful mode.

“So nice to every customer in here…” I sigh as if I’m sad. “Everyone but me…”

He looks at me with slight irritation. “Tell me, when was the last time you bought anything here?”

“You gave me those tasty cookies just the other day!”

“For free!” He crosses his arms. “Just so you would shut up about wanting to try some of our baked treats!”

I hum and muse on the argument. “Aww,” I tease. “You do care. I didn’t know they were free,” I grin.

“I’m ready to change my mind about that,” his eyebrow twitches.

“Sure, I can arrange some quick cash,” I comply. “Just let me go find some money for ya and I’ll be back in five minutes,” I tell him.

“No blood money!” He scolds me. “I’m not letting you pay us with your filthy, gang obtained riches! Work hard and earn it the right way!”

I let out a sigh. “Alright, fine,” I concede. “Then I’ll pay ya back in a couple of weeks or something.” A stickler for the rules…

“Thank you,” he nods, satisfied with the terms of the agreement.

“Who baked them, anyway?” I decide to ask.

But once I ask that question, his behavior changes a little bit. He looks off to the ground, then to the side, before looking back at me with a shy but trying to look tough expression. A little redness is ever so present on his cheeks. “…Someone here at the bakery, obviously…” Was all he said on the matter.

Someone, huh? I feel a little warmth in my chest.

“Anyway, you almost done? I’ve been waiting for hours now,” I inform him.

“Huh?” He looks confused. “Actually… wait a sec, you really have been here for a while. What gives? Do you need something?” He begins to tidy up some of the supplies around him.

“Duh,” I roll my eyes. “I’m waiting for your shift to be over.” I then put on a charming smile for him. “We’re going on a date when you’re done.”

The room is silent for all of three seconds.

The dog takes in the information and then suddenly it was like a steaming kettle set off. “A- A date?!” He spouts out, flabbergasted. “What date?! W- Who said anything about a date?!”

I look around and see that no one else is here. “I did, about five seconds ago,” I point to myself.

“B- But who agreed to that?!?! I certainly didn’t!” He’s super red in the face now.

I put a finger to my chin for a moment and ponder. “Hmm… Oh,” I remember. “Must’ve forgot to tell you yesterday, my bad,” I grin.

“How convenient!” He groans, sweating bullets.

I smirk, enjoying the spectacle he’s putting on.

“Seriously, a date…” the pup begins to quietly talk to himself to sort out the situation. “Of all the…” He huffs under his breath.

Why is it so much fun to mess with him?

“Well?” I shrug. “We gonna go on that date after your shift or do you wanna go on it tomorrow?”

“Why are those my only two options?!” He sighs.

He turns his back to me and seems like he’s thinking really hard about it. He’s mulling it over so much that I just look at him, feeling pleased and entertained a little. But really… I’m kind of happy that he’s genuinely thinking so hard about this.

Eventually, he turns back around, takes a deep breath, and looks at me seriously. “Ugh… Fine. We can hangout after I finish work, but that’s all! We’re just hanging out!” He tacks on that disclaimer, flustered. “And please don’t do anything that’ll draw attention to us.”

I salute to him with a stupid look on my face. “Whatever you say, Shortstack.”

Immediately, he throws an oven mitt at me. “I’ll make you part of the next recipe, Thugzilla! Don’t patronize me!”

What a feisty pup…

No wonder he’s so cute. I feel my heartbeat quicken a little.

Time goes by, and more customers come in, get their orders, and leave. All I can do is stare at the clock on the wall, listen to its ticking noises, and watch Dogday work out of the corner of my eye.

What exactly should we do? I start to consider. There’s really nowhere we can’t go. No one has enough of a lack of brain cells to say no to me. But that’s not the real issue, I guess. What… does he like? I know what I like, but I honestly don’t know that much more about him. And if we just do the things I want, there’s no way he’d enjoy it.

Running through a million different things in my head, I can’t really pick anything in particular.

I glance over to him and see that he’s not busy chatting with any customers again. “Say, what kind of things do you like?” I ask him outright.

He stops what he’s doing to look at me. “Huh? What… I like?” He rests his head in the palm of his hand and looks up at the ceiling. “Kind of a tough question, but let me think…” His eyes just wander around as they please.

As I watch him turn the wheels in his head, I try to think how someone as normal as him might feel.

“Well, I guess I don’t mind the occasional stroll in the park or… a movie or… stargazing and stuff…” He answers.

“Those are your favorite things?” I question.

“No, not my… favorite, per se,” he rubs the back of his head. “To be honest, I just don’t have a favorite anything. I’m pretty okay with whatever.” He nods.

“Whatever, huh?” I repeat. “So… you wanna go start a fight with the other local territories and get back some stuff they stole from random people?”

He gives me a deadpan expression and doesn’t bother saying a single word.

“I’m just kidding,” I chuckle. “Well, if it’s totally up to me then…” I adjust my position in the chair and face him fully. “The train station.”

“What?” He curiously asks.

“The train station. Let’s just sit at the train platform and stick around until the sun sets,” it was an easy answer for me all along.

“That’s… the big plan you have for us hanging out?” He crosses his arms.

“C’mon, it’ll be a calm and peaceful time. Just watching the train pull up and leave with people. And when the train leaves, you get to see nothing but some nice open background scenery. Pretty cool stuff, if you ask me,” I tell him.

“You’re not suggesting this because of what I think you mean, right…?” He wonders, a little sadly.

“And if I am?” I reply.

He looks at me with a little unease and worry. He then looks down at the ground for a moment. “You don’t… need to keep thinking about that moment, you know? It’s not that big of a deal, really…”

“It was and still is a big deal to me,” I state. “I hear you loud and clear. But the truth is, it’s more important than you think. So do this little thing for me, ‘kay?” I smile. “I just want to spend some time with you.”

He’s silent because he just doesn’t know how to process it all. He’s not mad or upset at anything, but I can tell he’s a little taken back by remembering that moment. Our first time meeting. Something like that was just a passing moment to him, but for me, it was so much more.

“A- Alright,” he doesn’t put up a fuss. He just agrees and holds his arm.

I can tell that he feels a little tense. The atmosphere did drop a bit there, after all. But I feel a small weight lift off my shoulders from being able to tell him that much. I’m glad you’re here, Dogday…

“Now enough mush,” I interrupt to bring back the regular mood. “Can I get some more cookies or what?”

He looks up at me and quickly gets back to his old self. “Depends,” he starts. “Where’s the payment for the last batch?”

“I’ll take an advance on the cookies and you’ll see the money in a few weeks,” I slyly reply.

“Not how it works…” The dog sighs.

The routine continues on with me teasing him and him getting annoyed at my presence. But finally, his work day begins to come to a close. He cleans up and checks that everything is as it should be. I just stay out of the way, since I know he’d appreciate that.

“Hey, I just need a few minutes when we leave,” he tells me. “I just wanna run home, change, and then we can go. Won’t take long.”

“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow. “Do I finally get to see the inside of your apartment?” I cheekily ask.

He’s totally done with me at this point. “Absolutely not,” he says with his teeth gritted.

“Fair enough,” I laugh.

Somebody stop him. He’s too adorable.

With that, we leave the bakery as he turns off the lights and remembers to lock up the shop.

I tell him that I’ll wait right here while he goes and pampers himself up for the date. Being the good guy that he is, I can still tell he’s restraining himself from using a rude gesture as he sprints off to get ready.

Now I’m left here waiting, with just me and my thoughts.

I find myself looking up at the still smoggy skies again.

Things are turning out better than I thought…

But I know it’s not because of anything special that I’m doing.

That’s just what it’s like having someone like him by your side. Hard to believe he moved here only about a month ago, now. I can only be thankful that I ever ran into him in the first place.

In fact, it’s nothing short of a miracle…

A miracle… for us both.

I just know it.

—

I needed some practice to get out of this writing funk I’m in. Being sick for a month sure drains motivation. So honestly I definitely had to use this.

Still, I was actually thinking that this could potentially be a two parter. I did “somewhat” feel like writing the other half of this or basically the actual “hanging out” portion too, but I dunno. Just gonna be a moment of intrigue. We’ll see.

Anyway, it also was a little preview of some other AU stuff I got in the brain. That’s all!

Take careeee!

-

[donnerpartyofone]

The little pink brain surrounded by stars and flowers at the end of my computer search bar tells me that it is World Brain Health Day, which is insane but maybe that's appropriate. This was a great year to get my ADHD diagnosis and prescription considering the Very Complicated Things that are happening (mostly fine, just A LOT). I have also become aware that the dose of medical meth that I'm on is helping to manage my severe chronic depression, which is pretty awesome since I have tried what feels like "everything" and nothing really works without some gruesome side effect. The main side effect in this case turns up because I'm working a (roughly) 4 days on, 3 days off schedule as recommended by my doctor to avoid building up a tolerance, and I have begun to notice that on the 2nd-or-so day off I have a bit of a snap-back effect that plunges me into a pit of infinite darkness. It helps to remember that when unmedicated I am OFTEN plunging into a pit of infinite darkness, so this is essentially normal. The most positive version of being unmedicated is that I'm at least "pretty depressed" most of the time, and probably not getting as much done, just schlorping around in a general malaise. Just the getting things done is good for my self-esteem anyway. Work helps too, oddly; when I am completely consumed by a big urgent project, it is hard to find the time and energy to fantasize about being dead. Of course obsessive work causes other kinds of wear and tear, but their negativity is less immediately obvious.

Today I am doing the Extremely Complicated training process to write for this pop culture website you have probably heard of. When I was picked to do this I thought, "This is probably too much work for not enough money," and now I'm realizing that it is actually WAY too much work for not NEARLY enough money. But it's good for someone like me while I still don't have a real job, so I'm coping with this ordeal of doing the online training, thinking I'm done, doing my first assignment, realizing there was way more of the online training but I just didn't click the right button or something, revising my assignment, submitting it, realizing there's still MORE stuff I should have fixed and racing through the assignment making little changes and clicking Save after every single one of them never knowing when somebody's is going to start evaluating it, and just praying for death the best. Then at the same time I heard back from an event organizer who totally refused to communicate with me for the last two months so I just cancelled on them like two weeks ago, and now they're telling me they're so sorry and can we please do the event, and I have to have an annoying back-and-forth with the tricky third party this is dependent on, and do all this other stuff I'm suddenly too tired to describe. And THEN AT THE SAME TIME AS THAT I got invited to write more writing for the super awesome company that sometimes publishes me, also for not enough money on the hour but they're apologetic about that and the writing matters to me (and so does the company). And this is all great but my stomach has turned into a rock and my back muscles are fossilizing and I'm in breathe-on-purpose mode and I'm regretting how much coffee I drank and I wish I could calm down with a beer or even a joint or something, but the beer will actually increase my meth uptake and the joint will add to my anxiety in this state, and so I just have to grind my teeth through this until the day is done. I wish I could play for you guys the earsplitting power tool sound from right next door that has been echoing through the neighborhood since 8 o'clock this morning, just as like the OST to this whole experience, but you'll just have to imagine it! I also meant to apply for Real Jobs today, but now it seems clear that that's not going to happen until tomorrow. The End...FOR NOW.

[hannahbarberra162]

Can't Fix Fix A Broken Heart Chapter 12

on Ao3

18+ MDNI

All chapters

Chapter 12 - Night night

If you were nervous about dinner, that was nothing compared to your anxiety around bedtime. There were so many variables you were just thinking in loops. You didn’t know if you were supposed to be…intimate together? And you were really worried about the sleeping arrangements. Sure, you slept in a bed once today. But you were exhausted then, and you were just regular tired now so what were you going to do? What if Thatch got mad at you for doing something in your sleep? What if you moved too much or had a nightmare or woke up in the night? You had a feeling this was going to end badly for you, you just didn’t know how yet. 

You went back to the women’s quarters to get a change of clothes for the night and next day. When you entered, you saw some of the nurses you had become friendly with. You went to your belongings and started to take a few things out.

“Hey, Y/N! You finally gonna sleep here tonight? We’d love to have your company.”

“Ah, no. I have to - to go somewhere else.”

“Ooh, cheeky girl. Well, have your fun - we all do from time to time. There’s no shame in that!”

You went red, grabbed the rest of your things and turned to leave. Tate caught your attention and motioned you over to her. Approaching her with your bundle, she brought you over to her area. Her lips were pressed into a thin line.

“Y/N, are you ok?”

“Of course I am, why would I be not ok?”

She gave you an uneasy look and continued “I’ve been on the Moby for a few years now. I love Whitebeard and I love being here. That said, some men on board can be intense in their affections. Do you know what I’m saying?”

“I…uh..think I do?”

“Just let me know if it ever becomes too overwhelming. I can always help you figure something out.”

You nodded. You really appreciated Tate putting herself out there for you. But you weren’t sure there was anything she could realistically do. You were under the thumb of three incredibly powerful men, and they had been helping you in some ways. But you’d keep her offer in mind for the future. 

You left the women’s quarters and headed over to Thatch’s cabin with your clothes. You didn’t want to go find him with everything in your hands, it was obvious you were bringing clothes for an “overnight stay.” You opted to wait for him there. You didn’t have to wait long before he came down the hallway, freshly showered and in a towel. You were staring at him - he was incredibly attractive. He wasn’t one to keep his shirt unbuttoned like most on the ship. He was well muscled, with a hairy chest and a Whitebeard tattoo on one pec. He looked different with his hair down - it was long and clearly well taken care of. You liked both looks on him, but this made him look a little softer. He seemed to be caught unaware that you would be there, but he smiled at you nonetheless.

“Eager to begin our night mami?”

You grimaced and entered in front of him as he held out the door. Your main worry was the expectations surrounding the night. But now you had an additional fear arise as you realized you would have to change into your clothes - and so would he. You turned and faced the wall, still holding your things. You hoped he would get dressed with your back turned.

“Feeling shy?” he laughed softly. He walked up behind you and touched you on your shoulder, which startled you. “Mija, this is literal. We are just sleeping together in the bed. No need for sex, or any funny business, nothing but sleeping. I’m going to get dressed. Feel free to stay turned that way.” He kissed the top of your head and walked over to his dresser. You heard the sound of Thatch rummaging through his clothes. 

You felt better in some ways. Now you knew that it was just a sleeping arrangement, no other expectations. You waited until you stopped hearing clothing sounds and peeked over your shoulder. Thatch was now lounging in his bed with some loose fitting pants. 

“Ah, can I change too?”

“Be my guest. Well, I guess you are my guest.”

“Could you, um, turn around?”

“No.”

“W-wait I thought you said no funny business!” you were getting worked up quickly.

“It’s my room, I’m not turning around. I’ll tell you what, I’ll close my eyes.”

“How do I know you won’t look?”

“You don’t, you’ll have to trust me.”

It was better than nothing. He could have just denied you all together. You huffed and said “fine.”

“So, the gatita is feeling feisty. That’s alright, I can take it.” 

“OK, close your eyes. Keep them closed until I tell you.”

“On my honor as a pirate.”

You still turned your back to him anyway to change. You wouldn’t be able to see if he was watching from your angle, but you’d rather have this part over with. You quickly shucked your dirty day clothes and changed into an oversized linen shirt you’d found onboard somewhere. It went all the way down to your knees, like a nightgown.

“Ok, I’m ready.”

Thatch opened his eyes and gave you a quick once over. “You look lovely. Now come to bed.”

You were nervous as you perched yourself on the edge of the bed. You put your legs up and laid down as far over to the side as you could. Thatch blew out the lamp and laid down near the middle of the bed.

“Ah, ah. Not like that.” He reached out his large hairy arm, grabbed you around the middle and pulled you until your back was snugly against his front. He kept his arm around you, securing you to him. He nestled deeper into you and yawned again.

“H-hey wait! That’s not fair! You just said I only had to sleep here!”

“Mmm…complain to the captain, mija.”

Thatch POV

On his honor as a pirate? Please. Of course he watched you change. He wanted to see what your body looked like under the loose clothes you wore all the time. And, he also wanted to see what Marco had told them about. Marco hadn’t been exaggerating, your back looked gut wrenchingly awful. Your beautiful skin had been marred not once, but twice, resulting in the painful looking scars. Thatch supported Ace and Marco torturing those Marines. He should actually encourage them more, he thought. Your back didn’t bother him at all, looks wise- hell, he had a facial scar - but it did make him feel bad for you. Especially since Marco told them that the scars caused you pain.

But he was done feeling sorry for you when he saw your luscious little body. All curves and lines with the perfect tiny features. You were a petite treat, hiding yourself away under those baggy work clothes. He liked that no one else besides his brothers got to see what your body really looked like. You were a present only they could unwrap. He knew he would be spooning with you ever since they hatched this plan - he wanted you right next to him through the whole night. And it’s not like you could protest - you couldn’t move his arm if you tried.

He started thinking about the dinner you had together. It was nearly his perfect dream. Just the two of you, with you on his lap, being fed by his hand. You meekly accepting his food into your lush mouth, plush lips closing in on the fork. You allowing his touch as he cared for you intimately. Your tiny body dwarfed by his, his little doll he could care for. You were so compliant and pliable he couldn’t wait to get you into bed. He had been so turned on and painfully hard, he wanted to throw you on the table and feast on you right there. But, patience would get him farther in the long run.

He really wasn’t going to try any sexual activity with you tonight. He knew you had sleeping issues and it might be a difficult night for you. He figured today was a lot already, so many changes to your life. He knew trying anything would set him back further in your trust. No, you needed to see that Thatch would help you, protect you, always be a source of strength for you. So he would content himself with holding you through the night. For now.

Y/N POV

You couldn’t sleep. You were really troubled by the lack of light in the room. You felt OK, since you knew Thatch could (would?) protect you against whatever bumped in the night. But the darkness was closing in on you. You didn’t think Thatch was asleep yet, so you tapped his arm with a finger.

“Thatch?”

“Mm..?” 

“It’s dark.”

“It's dark every night.”

“Can you open the shades to let in the moonlight?”

“S’a new moon. No moonlight.”

“OK.”

You started fidgeting, you couldn’t help it. You were pinching your fingers and wiggling your toes to try to calm yourself down. It was just so dark and you wished you were somewhere secure  but you were in an unfamiliar bed and and and and

Thatch’s hand covered yours. He picked up his head and looked down at you, his long hair draping on your shoulders. “Querida what’s going on?”

“I don’t like the dark.”

“I can tell. I can’t keep a lamp lit while we sleep, it’s too dangerous. How can I help you? Why don’t you like the dark? Maybe if we talk about it, we can figure something out.”

You turned so you were now facing towards him. He laid flat on his back and you laid your head on his chest. If you were going to talk, might as well do it facing each other. 

“Oh, um, well. When I was with the Marines -”

“Imprisoned by the Marines”

“Right, imprisoned by the Marines, they used to sometimes seal me into a crate.”

“Why?” Thatch’s voice was quiet and calm. He started gently running his fingers up and down your back.

“Well, since I never changed ships or captains, the Lieutenants who did the inspections didn’t change either. They were worried that if the Lieutenants saw me year after year on the ship, they would get suspicious about why I was still on the ship and not on a Marine base or in jail. So when they knew that someone was coming or there was an inspection they’d seal me into a crate so that no one would see me. They had a special one for me that had no gaps, which didn’t allow for any light either.”

“I see. How long would you be there?”

“Depends. Sometimes as short as a few hours. Sometimes about a day. I think they forgot about me once and I was there almost three days. It was hard to tell time. So, that’s why I don’t like the dark.”

“That would be understandable,” Thatch said, still moving his fingers delicately and stroking your skin. But his tone was tense and strained.

“Are you mad? It’s OK, it’s part of the reason I survived. I was in my crate when the storm hit, so when the ship was destroyed I washed ashore. Then Vista’s brothers found me, and well…you know the rest.”

“I’m not mad at you mami. It just makes me upset to hear that such terrible things happened to you. But no part of this was OK.” 

He thought for a moment and said “I’m going to light the lamp and you go to sleep. I’ll stay awake and blow it out once you’re sleeping.”

You frowned and said “but that’s not right, you were working all day too. I don’t want you to have to wait up for me.”

“Mija, that’s what’s happening. Soon the moon will be back and the problem will solve itself.”

He reached up, lit a match, and relit the lamp. He settled you back down onto him the way you had been previously, with your head on his chest. 

“Thank you Thatch.”

“Goodnight mi amor.”

“G’night Thatch.”

You had been nervous you wouldn’t sleep. But Thatch was so warm, smelled so nice, and you could hear his heart beating steadily. His hand was still drawing patterns on your skin, you could feel him take regular breaths. It was comforting and comfortable and you were so tired. Before you knew it, you were drifting off to sleep in his embrace.

[thehopelessexception]

is it just me?

i've been observing a tendency surrounding women —mostly between 20 and 26— where we can't find anything close to love (from men). women are not dating, nor living a normal life, developing a femcel-like point of view. and im saying this because i want to be loved just like anyone else, but are we the problem? or is there something wrong with boys? i mean, ofc there's something wrong with boys; but every year pass by and every time is harder and harder to find someone willing to put the effort to make you feel loved and understood. was it like this 50 years ago? 100 years ago? i am very much aware that our mothers and grandmothers suffered in the world they lived in, generally with sexist husbands and mandatory tradwife lifestyle. but i am also sure that there was some exceptions, way too many more than today.

and we tend to romanticize the past, probably there's something to do with our generation. nor millennials or gen z, the ones in the middle. the girls who grew up with enough technology but not so much. the ones that went crazy over boybands and fanfiction and hung up posters in our walls. the ones that went crazy in 2018-2020 with deranged feminism just to realise, later on, nobody really cared and it maybe was a little over the top. the ones that filled our beds with stuffed animals repeatedly every time we woke up just to throw them on the floor at night so we could sleep. the girls who spent their teenage years on tumblr writing code (before men took that away from us) and making playlists of marina lana and the 1975 so everyone on the internet could see how cool we wanted to look like. probably the ones that suffered some kind of bullying in highschool or some health problem related to how we didn't fit in or how bad we looked at ourselves in the mirror (yk what i mean). we weren't the cool kids in real life or it was just me?

now i'm observing how hard it is to adapt that teenager to adult years. and maybe it's me but i don't feel like an adult. i am a tiny ball of anxiety. i suffer too much stress. i am trying to finish my degree but i don't know if im worthy of anything because i dont have money, and i don't have time to work and study at the same time because i spend too many time thinking about it and feeling a fraud and a failure.

i don't know how to talk to boys either —nor girls, in that way—. and until some days ago i was quite sure i was willing and capable of spending my whole life alone. i've given up to anything because i felt it imposible to be loved. but lately my mind goes up and down with that scene of jo monologue in little women by gretta gerwig. and it also goes with the hot priest monologue of fleabag. and today i rewatched the classic he's just not that into you. are we condemned to be the tedious rule? am i?

i've seen all of my girlfriends suffering the same mysery. and i've seen the extremes. women giving up the love they deserve —because they accepted the fate of being the rule— by dating a jerk just because they are afraid of loneliness. and i've also seen women giving up everything else just because they are not willing to give up love. those are us. hopeless romantics who watched way too many romantic comedies and somehow still expect to find someone willing to die for us just like dicaprio in romeo + juliet. —or at least a patrick verona—.

what i've never seen was actual love. all the couples i met... they don't look happy. they don't look in love. they don't look like they enjoy their own company even. they look exactly like a picture of instagram. they exist just to make us feel miserable even when it's obvious they are not gonna last. i've seen couples of what? 7 years? gone. broken up. they grew tired of each other and of course they never looked like they had anything close to sparkles in their eyes. chemistry? none. and maybe it is my anxiety speaking but i don't want that. i refuse to have that. i want all or nothing. i want always and forever. i want everyone to look at us and think "if i don't have that i'll kms". i want family —even tho im not sure i want to get pregnant, what am i a childbride?—. i don't want to change anything to fit in with the standards of a boy. i want marriage even tho im not sure i want to be legally married. i want the posibility, the future. i want the emotions surpassing myself. i want to not know me anymore and then knowing me again. i want to doubt myself. i want my heart beating so fast i could kill someone for them. i want to believe god exists. i want to laugh of happiness without they making a joke. i want my sundays to not be deppresing because i can hang out with the love of my life and have fun. i want to be the "and yet" of someone willingly enough to fall for me every single day even if i am kinda insane all the time. i want someone who cares. someone who fantasizes with spending the rest of their lives with me and is going to put the effort to get to know every single thing about me and stay because he's blown away. and aparently that's setting the bar "too high" because we are the rule and not the exception.

people always assume that by being a romantic i expect flowers every day and cheesy comments about how beautiful i look; and that would actually make me want to puke because i can do that myself. i am confortable with myself, i like myself, i love myself, i have the ego. i am not really asking for that much i just want someone to love me with every single thing that's probably wrong with me. what i want is someone curious and smart. someone who pays enough attention or wants to. i want the chemistry off the roof.

and contrary to anyone's beliefs the bar is too low about everything else. every single girl probably wants the same thing. is it that hard for men to understand that women want to feel loved?

lately —worldwide— it's all a competition of genres as if humanity doesn't need us to interact to survive. it's a loop that opened up in 2013? with the tumblr-4chan gate and right now got translated to the real world because pick-mes are back and being a man is cool. and suddenly that's how nature works!! because apparently women are boring and just a hole. maybe they all need to go all alexander the great. but it's getting boring. and we as women deserve love as much as respect.

[plscallmeeren]

C A U S E F O R A H O W L E R

Hermione Jean Granger x Reader

Request: yes @JulzLovDraco4Eva

Summary: you've been friends with the trio since first year (You, being Draco's twin sister, sorted into Gryffindor...... ouch) and obvs ur parents don't approve. You've been hiding the fact that you've been dating Hermione for two years now. It's the day before battling Voldemort lol

Warnings: Swearing; allusions to sex; family disowns child

Word Count: 1.9K+

You stared at Draco, groaning when he wouldn't back down. "Oh, come on!"

"Father said I should keep an eye on you, so I will."

"Well, since you like taking his words literally so much - he said an eye. Not both, at all times, relentlessly and to the point of murder with motive."

"You're so dramatic," he scoffed, crossing his legs formerly on the bench opposite you. Beside him, Blaise snickered, nibbling absently on his jacket potato.

"Priss," you spat back. "Don't know why father thinks your 'keeping an eye on me' will do any good, anyway..."

"I don't know, to protect you?" he deadpanned, as if this were blatantly obvious.

"You're a pussy, Draco. And I'm three times as good as you at Charms and DADA."

"That, my dear friend, is definitely true," Blaise added helpfully, smiling at Draco as he glared.

"Okay, well, on that note, I'm off," you announced, standing up briskly.

"Well, I suppose that means I'm off, too," your twin replied, trying to stuff as many beans down his throat as possible before he had to go.

"Don't be stupid. You're not finished, and I need to go to the bathroom, anyway."

"Yeah, but-"

"What are you gonna do? Guard the door? Or are you going to join me? We can go to the haunted one, if you want. I know Myrtle loves you-"

"Fine! Okay! I'll meet you at the courtyard after, alright?" he retracted quickly, throwing up his hands.

You only grinned, taking even prouder strides when you heard him mutter 'I'm never finding her again, am I?' to Blaise.

Walking the corridors, you could feel your shoulders sagging, your fingers fidgeting with the fabric of your robe. It had been a long week. A long month. Maybe a long year. You felt like crashing into bed, Hermione in your arms, doing nothing for days and only really getting up to cook something for her.

You could picture it perfectly: A bed the size of a small room, the two of you surrounded by books that you'd read to each other as the record player lazily hums 'San Tropez' by Pink Floyd. A week spent fucking, eating home-cooked, Mediterranean food, reading, talking, fucking again.

But that was a dream for another life. Maybe there was still hope for it sometime else - a time far removed from war, from exams, from your goddamn father.

"Password?" the fat lady asked coldly.

"Flobberworm," you murmured, stepping through the round door immediately after she swung open.

"There you are!" Harry's voice surprised you inside. "We were wondering whether you had relocated to the dungeons for good now, given Malfoy's insistence on-"

"Oh, shut up," Ron interrupted, slapping his shoulder. "She's tryna get away from him, not meet his fan club."

"Right. Glad to have you back."

"I've missed you," Hermione said sweetly, throwing a leg over your own as soon as you sat down.

"Get a room," Ron complained, grimacing. He had dealt a deck of Exploding Snap and was looking very unhappy about his own cards.

"And here I was thinking you'd turned over a new leaf of empathy," you sighed, wrapping an arm around Hermione's shoulders.

"Yeah, right. Ever since Hermione called me a teaspoon, I thought I'd give up."

"Room for improvement is no reason to forgo emotion entirely. In fact, I'd argue the fact that it bothers you shows that you already have."

He scowled, making a ridiculously bad move to top things off. Harry grinned, giving you a thumbs up.

"Hey, you okay?" your girlfriend asked after a moment, in which your sprightly face must have slacked. "You look a bit... worse for wear."

"I'm fine. Just tired of my bodyguard, that's all. Pretty sure he has less muscle mass than me, though, so I should probably come up with a new title."

"'Tis true," she agreed. "But still... you wanna go for a walk? Just the two of us? We can steal Harry's cloak until we're out of your brother's way?"

"You can what?" Harry piped up, failing glaring at you because of how miserable he was making Ron.

"Well, can't we?" Hermione asked testily, looking unimpressed.

"Of course, I just wish you'd ask first."

"Well, here I am, asking."

"Yes, you're welcome to take the sole material inheritance I have received from my father, also my insurance for survival should one Dark Lord choose to search for me this fine afternoon-"

"In that case," Hermione smiled, "I'll be glad to take it off your hands." The two friends stared at each other momentarily before she took your hand, dragging you up to the boys' dormitories.

Twenty minutes later you were walking by the lake, feet dangerously close to the dark water.

"So, what is it?"

"What's what?"

"Whatever is ruining your mood."

"Oh, so you're saying I'm not delightful? Uncalled for, that is."

"Oh, come on, just tell me," she said impatiently, glaring at you.

You smiled, swinging your arms restlessly. "Well, as I said, I'm not too chuffed my brother is following me around everywhere, making me live in fear."

Hermione only stared at you, unimpressed, waiting.

"Yeah, I guess I just feel guilty still, in a weird way. Not that there's anything remotely wrong with dating you, it's just... it's our two-year anniversary and all I could think about while planning was how to celebrate incognito. It's kinda... tiring, I suppose." You looked back at her, chewing on your tongue. "Sorry, I'm rambling."

"No, I understand. And there's nothing to feel guilty about. If my family were so district, if they would disown me if I told them who I loved, I know I would... well, I don't know what I'd do, but I know it would be hard to handle." She smiled at you, the kind that made the skin around her eyes crinkle and her freckles catch a different ray of sunlight. "Let's just make today special."

"I wholeheartedly agree," you said firmly, placing a hand on her waist and stopping her. "Which is why I'd like to give you this."

You pulled out a small, indeterminate box with a ribbon around it. The size and shape didn't hint at what was within, so that you could watch as Hermione's brow furrowed, clever eyes searching for clues.

"Can I open it?" she asked timidly, quickly untying the ribbon when you nodded. Inside lay a multitude of things: A necklace with 'Hermione' spelt in Japanese characters (へみおね), a small line drawing you had created of the two of you, and a folded list of book recommendations, each addressed to a certain aspect of her. (For example, to her expression when she is in 'survival mode': The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. To her fast-paced wit and love of puzzles: The Collected Stories of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.)

"(Y/n), I-"

Before she could thank you, you slid off one of your rings from your index finger, one that you wore every day, placing it on her middle finger instead. She stared at it, as if it were a legendary artifact that might still surprise her.

Hermione looked around then, but there was no one. No one to stop her kissing you like her life depended on it.

"Hermione," you murmured, detaching herself from her mouth, ignoring the surprising turn, "you sure you wanna do this here..."

"Thank you," she whispered instead, slinging herself against you. "Thank you so, so, so much."

"I'm glad you like it, darling," you managed between kisses, lips colliding in waves. Your other hand leaped to her waist, holding her impossibly close to your body. Hers travelled the muscles of your back, reaching for the plane of your nape where her fingers surpassed your hairline.

"'Mione," you groaned, hardly gaining her attention.

"Dorm?" she managed.

"Yeah," you panted, reluctantly breaking away.

"Right."

The way up to and through the castle under the cloak was hard, even while walking past your brother. Hermione kept whispering 'thank you's and 'you're perfect's and kissing you, anywhere, everywhere, and it took a ridiculous amount of willpower not to rail her next to the Hogswatch team.

Your shared dorm was mercifully empty, and the cloak was quickly discarded. You pulled her down onto the bed by her hips, groaning as she grinded against your lap, face connected to yours.

She slipped off her jacket with the box inside the front pocket, followed by her jumper, the heat within you now deafening.

"Are you sure?" she asked, pained to have jeopardized the mood. "I know we haven't done anything since your brother's been following you around and I understand if you're worried he'll find out somehow-"

"I'm sure. I have you, don't I?"

Hermione's lips were on yours again, hungry, insatiable, moaning your name-

A sharp cry emanated from the door, some sort of terrified surprise.

You jumped up, one hand still on your girlfriend's thigh, but Draco was already leaving, running away - his job was done, and it had not been to protect. You loved your brother, but you knew just as well that he would do anything to feel more secure in his own home.

You knew that that home would no longer be yours.

"I can see him in the Owlery right now, trying to understand how this could've happened under his watch," You laughed dryly, staring at the open door. Hermione stepped before you, closing it.

"I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

And yet, mere hours later your father's owl arrived - a grey one, shivers of green down the spines of his feathers. The letter was easy to remove from his leg and you knew before opening it that it would be loud. Hermione cast a silencing charm on the room wordlessly, because even she knew.

And the letter lived up to its namesake, a howling cacophony of your father's disappointment. It tore itself apart with the knowledge that it had forbidden you from returning to your childhood home. You did not move to clean the remnants away. You didn't dare look at Hermione, who you could picture with a hand over her mouth and a look of pity in her eyes that made you want to disappear completely.

"You have me," Hermione said eventually, meekly, as if she wasn't sure how much that was worth. "You can stay with me and my family. You know you'll never be alone. I mean, if you want to. I know so far I've already been cause for a howler."

"Yeah," you whispered. You didn't know whether you could manage more in that moment.

"Yes?" she asked, seeking confirmation, but you didn't miss the hint of betrayal in her voice.

"Yeah, that would be great," you stuttered, trying to sound sure of yourself. "Merlyn knows I'll need a new bodyguard with less muscle than me."

She smiled, even though it was watery, and gently leaned in for another kiss.

You knew you had chosen right. You knew this might someday lead to heaven on earth. You knew Hermione was forever for you.

[ruhorih4ra]

Hiii!! I love love Looovveee your recent obey me post. Its so?? How do I say this, unique in a way. I lovee the way you wrote it and the concept you used! Could u pls make a part 2? I am wayy too invested

Even if you don't make one, thank u for making such a great story😊😊😊

Hii! I'm so sorry for the late reply! I wanted to answer you with the part 2 hahaha. Thank you for your words (they are very much appreciated ♡), I'm glad you like it (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ) 💕

I already wrote the entire thing, sadly I'm really slow when it comes to edit it.

Part 1. ಠ⁠‿⁠ಠ

Last time I forgot to clarify something, I decided that the new exchange student will be "Sc" since one time in some Fanfic the exchange student had my name (She stole the brothers and also my name, the audacity JAJAJA). If your name is Sc I'm deeply sorry, I know that identity theft Is not a joke

Get out of my way 🌈

You woke up drowsy and tired but your finger was perfect. “Looks like I'm fucking amazing.” even though your mouth was dry and you could feel a growing headache, the satisfaction of healing such a horrible wound was all you needed to regain your good humor. At least that's what you’d like to say, but it wasn't entirely true, you lacked something essential: revenge.

“Oooh, mini Little D! Yoo-hoo!” you looked at every corner of your room but there was no hint of said demon. “Did I imagine it?” no, that would mean not only that you are delusional, but your well-deserved achievement would disappear too.

You headed to the dining room, wary of your surroundings, trying to spot a black shadow. You were so distracted by the mission at hand that you missed how the room suddenly went quiet, how everyone tensed.

“Good morning, Mc.” Lucifer was the first to speak, in response, you simply nodded. It seemed to everyone that you were mad and distant, but in reality you were too absorbed in your own thoughts. “There must be a way to prove what happened yesterday.” you started to chewing the food on your plate, not even caring for what it was.

“M-Mc! Today we're planning to do a movie night again.” Being in your own world, the brothers’ chatter became background noise and thus you missed the fact that Levi's voice sounded nervous and somehow guilty. In the two years you had been in the Devildom, never before you had seen or heard about those mini Little D.'s

“We should see that movie you wanted to see.” Satan said, feigning indifference, trying hard to hide the fact that he was dying to know what had happened yesterday. Were you okay? Are you mad at him? He can feel the wrath inside you. You haven’t read with him in a while and now you don’t even meet his eyes, he was not angry but anxious.

What if you’ve gone crazy? Oh god, this is the last thing you need. No, no, it's obvious that it happened. There must be information in somewhere, you can always ask Solomon too. “Lucifer promised that he will come too!” Sc added.

“Mc? You'll come, right? I'll lend you my pillow, this special time.” Until that moment you hadn't notice they were talking, what is worse, they had been talking to you. Why would you want Belphie's pillow? “Uhh... No, I don't need your pillow Belphie, thanks?” “But you will come to the movie night?” Another movie night? They must have really enjoyed last night if they want to repeat it, however, you have other concerns. “Hmm, no thank you Levi-”

Suddenly, it had been for a brief moment, but you had seen a black shadow moving behind Levi. With your mouth still open and narrowing your eyes, you kept looking for the shadow. “-ahhh...” you noticed the gazes of each person at the table and quickly regain your composure. “aahh-than, Leviathan. Hahaha…haha… ha.” You smiled, a curious contrast to Levi, whose face visibly dropped.

The dining room grew tremendously silent, you knew it was your fault but you'll apologize later. For now, you wanted to talk with Solomon as fast as you could and so you started eating faster.

Moments later, Mammon began talking, he blushed and a frown appeared too (his useless attempt to hide his embarrassment). Sc just laughed and rolled her eyes, not without shooting quick glances at you. Everything was normal, but then you saw a black shadow behind Mammon. You tried to move so you could have a better look, but Mammon moved too. You moved again and so did Mammon. You frowned and moved once more, but the Avatar of Greed stood in your way again. “Mc, are ya even listening?!” “Fuck, Mammon! Could you please move?!” you pushed him aside but the Little D. was gone.

Everyone seemed surprised, you’d never use that tone with Mammon before, the white-haired demon saddened almost immediately, averted your eyes and muttered a weak “sorry”. You cleared your throat, suddenly very aware that everyone was looking at you. “Mc, are you okay?” Lucifer asked you.

“No! A Little D. Wants to eat my soul!” But you can’t tell him that. The worry on his features was growing, why cannot you tell him? It's actually what you should do, right? “Mc?”

“I...” The moment you spoke, a perfect copy of Lucifer appeared behind the demon, it was Lucifer but completely black, his clothes, his eyes, his teeth, everything. Of course, it was a Little D. But not so little.

“I can't lie, I'm surprised by the new exchange student’s grades.” The copy of Lucifer imitated him, his voice was identical. You knew what he was going to say next, after all, you had this same conversation with Lucifer some weeks ago.

“Yes! She's pretty clever. She even helped me with some council work.” you thought it wouldn't be a big deal but Lucifer proved you wrong. “That's supposed to be your responsibility, Mc.” “Maybe she should be the council officer, right?” You said, trying to downplay the matter in hopes of avoiding the lecture. “She’d do a better job.” ouch.

“Hey! Don’t be mean!” you elbowed him in a friendly way, it was a feeble attempt to hiding your hurt while asking for an apology. “I should ask for her help instead of yours, looking how you enjoy slacking off.” You rolled your eyes. “Sure.” “Don’t come to my office tonight, then.” You stopped, his face was emotionless, as if he were talking about the weather.

Since when Lucifer treat you like this?

No, you don't need a pompous peacock. You could do this alone. You saw the brothers, they looked worried, but where have they been these last few weeks? The growing frustration inside you led you to believe that maybe you needed some time to cool off.

The copy of Lucifer smirked, satisfied. Did he think you fell into his trap? That only made you angrier, you'll erase that smile.

“Mc?” Lucifer asked again, frowning. The look in your eyes was cold, he tried to reach you but you looked at his hand in disgust. Were you repulsed by his touch? That cannot be true, right? But you backed away. He saw wrath in your eyes, were you mad at him? Understandable, he knew that his attitude had been inexcusable but- “I'm fine.” you whispered but you weren't hungry anymore. You got up and handed your half full plate to Beelzebub. Excusing yourself, you headed to RAD.

“They didn't even notice that I made their favorite food.” Mammon looked so miserable that his brothers decided not to tease at all. “They called me by my full name.” Levi mumbled, surely overthinking that small detail. Lucifer’s gaze was on his hands, he didn’t know what to do with them.

You, on the other hand, were practically running towards RAD, only a thought in your mind. You were definitely going to kick that Little D. ass.

Part 3. ಠ⁠‿⁠ಠ

Thanks for reading! (⁠ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ⁠)⁠━⁠☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･⁠｡ﾟ

[frvnkcastles]

I WILL TRY TO HOLD YOU ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: Frank knows PTSD all too well, so when you struggle with nightmares and insomnia, he’s there to carry you through the hopelessness.

Warnings: PTSD, implied suicide ideation, nightmares

Word count: 2.6k

Author’s note: This is yet another very self-indulgent piece, I have C-PTSD and it really sucks but imagining Frank being there for me through it has helped majorly. I have some fics I’ve already posted on AO3 and will share here, but then I’m up to taking requests!

He almost walked past. He almost decided that it wasn’t his responsibility — he didn’t need to play hero, because in reality, he wasn’t one. He could just keep walking, go home and… then what? Lie awake, thinking about you sitting alone in that diner at 3 AM, a half-empty cup of tea in front of you while you stared blankly at the quiet surroundings, guilt in his heart?

You really weren’t his responsibility. He only knew you because of Red and Karen and the third one — whatever his name was — and because your best friend was Matt’s girlfriend and inevitably you had crossed paths with the murderer your friend’s lover was trying to defend in court. That whole situation had been years ago, and ever since then, he had seen you occasionally; your best friend’s birthday party, coincidentally the same bar, one time you even stitched up his back and he had returned the kindness by getting rid of the guy who had been showing up at the school you worked to harass you. It had been small interactions, not enough to make you friends but enough for Frank to sigh in defeat and retrace his steps to the door of the 24/7 diner.

Considering it was late — or early? — it was dead silent and deserted in the diner, and so, the ring of the small bell got the attention of the single waitress as well as you. You didn’t turn around, though, but Frank didn’t miss the obvious flinch in your figure as you snapped out of your thoughts and rubbed your hand across your face tiredly.

His boots stomped against the floortiles as he made his way to you, and trying to seem as unthreatening as possible, he sank onto the seat across from yours. You seemed alarmed at first, but at the sight of his familiar, albeit rough features, your eyes softened and the look crossing your face was almost relieved. He couldn’t deny his heart flipped at that.

”Hey, sweetheart”, he rasped, tilting his head at you, ”kinda late, ain’t it?” You knew that was his way of giving you a chance to talk about what was troubling you, but you politely rejected with a soft smile.

”Can’t sleep”, you stated simply before inhaling and rubbing your eyes and then nodding at the peek of his vest underneath his heavy jacket. ”Busy night?”

He got the hint — you wanted to change the subject.

Licking his lips, he nodded back at you before shifting his jacket over the Kevlar that no one else but you was allowed to see right now. ”Could say that”, he chuckled, but when he saw your tired eyes scanning his body, he gave you a look, ”’m fine, though.” At that, you looked back at his face, stifling a nervous smile.

”Sorry”, you whispered, ”force of habit.”

He laughed quietly at that, signalling for the waitress to head over, which made your stomach churn — he was staying, then. ”Can’t help but feel a lil’ guilty that a school teacher’s made a habit of stitching up my sorry ass”, he noted half-jokingly once he had politely asked for a cup of black coffee, and you returned the chuckle. That made him feel like he had achieved something; if he couldn’t make all your troubles go away, at least he had made you laugh. And that smile? Worth a million bucks, if you asked him.

”It’s my pleasure, really. Seriously, if you’re ever in need of a fixing-up at some ungodly hour…”, you clicked your tongue and gestured at yourself, ”I’m your person.” And Frank… he quite liked the sound of that.

”Sorry ya can’t sleep”, he offered quietly, a sigh slipping from his mouth. ”Not sayin’ we in the same situation, but I do know it can be hell. You don’t deserve that, sweetheart”, he continued, and with a quiet smile, you nodded.

”I appreciate that”, you whispered before smiling at the waitress who brought Frank his coffee. ”At least I got this diner.”

Frank took those words seriously.

He quickly made a habit of walking past the place whenever he was out and about, and sometimes, he’d find you there and other times your booth was empty. On those nights he hoped it was because you had managed to sleep, but after catching up the next time, he’d soon find out you were just trying to save some money or feeling too attached to your mattress to go every night.

He never asked too many questions, though. He gave you the opportunity to share, but he didn’t dig too deep. He respected your boundaries.

Then, on one January night, he willingly crossed that boundary just to make sure you weren’t in any immediate danger.

He couldn’t believe how giddy he felt strolling up to your table, a crooked smirk dancing on his lips until he sat down and saw the bruised eye on you, accompanied by a haphazardly applied band-aid on the bleeding corner of your eyebrow.

”What the fuck happened?” his breath hitched, ”someone do this to you?” He was more than ready to pull his guns out, but the defeated sigh and shake of your head calmed him at least a bit.

”It’s stupid… it’s so stupid—I—I woke up from a nightmare and I—I, uh, flinched so hard that I hit my face into my nightstand”, you explained quietly, fighting back tears that you made sure to wipe from your eyes before chuckling wryly. ”Go ahead, laugh”, you encouraged, waiting for the amusement to spread out on Frank’s face, but it never did.

”Hey, sweetheart… Shit, I’d never. You need me to look at that?” he offered, concern visible in his eyes, although he was less inclined to turn to violence, now.

You waved your hand at him to dismiss the idea. ”It’s okay, I’ll… I’ll manage”, you reassured before sniffling and taking a sip of your tea — full of sugar and honey, just how you liked it.

”Aight, well, ya wanna talk about the nightmare, hm?” Frank tilted his head at you, attentive and gentle as he narrowed his eyes and inspected the sadness written all over you. The sheer, bone-deep exhaustion.

You shook your head. ”It’s just…”, you took in a deep breath before your smile turned upside down and you inevitably started to cry. ”That’s PTSD for you, I guess.”

Those words, heavy as they were, set something right in Frank’s chest. He would have never insisted he knew exactly what you were going through, and he would have never wanted you to tell him the same. But at the end of the day, it was the same disorder haunting your minds and bodies, the same disorder making your life Hell whether you were awake or asleep.

”I just really hate that I can’t escape my problems by going to sleep. If anything, sleeping makes me feel less safe than being awake. And I hate that nighttime has to be a trigger for me, ’cause guess what, it comes around every single day. There’s no escape and I—”, you rambled on before sighing in defeat and letting your head fall between your arms. ”I am so tired of fighting. I just want to—”

”Give up?” Frank interrupted with his raspy voice, and you immediately looked up. Instead of judgment, his face was full of understanding, and you found the courage to nod in agreement. ”Look, I, uh, I get it. PTSD… ’s no easy feat. You’re a fuckin’ badass for takin’ on it every day. I mean it. I know what it’s like to have nothin’ to wake up for. Wonderin’ if it’d be better to just check out and end the pain yourself. But the fact that you still haven’t, that makes you stronger than any disorder”, he went on. Somehow, hearing those words come from him… it meant something. More than coming from a shrink or a doctor. He understood you.

That realization was what broke you. You had felt so alone for so long, navigating this tragic mess of gray days blending into each other, and here he was — hardly an angel, hardly a bright light, but he still radiated hope and courage to you. You burst into tears, first a loud sob but once the embarrassment kicked at your heart, you stifled the cries with your hand clasped against your mouth and squeezed your eyes shut.

Frank didn’t hesitate. He got up from his seat and scooched in next to you, muttering a low hey, hey, hey as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and let your head fall against his chest. He hushed you gently, fingertips instinctively caressing your hair while letting you cry it out. He fought the urge to tear up himself, wondering what exactly he had stopped you from doing by showing up, and thanking God — if there was any — for letting him intervene.

”Hey, you listen to me, sweetheart. Whenever ya up, can’t sleep, you call me. I’m there. Aight? Don’t want you all alone thinkin’ these things”, he spoke quietly, his voice like gravel as his lips brushed against your ear. ”Promise me, huh? You ain’t gonna do anythin’ rash?” he insisted, and wiping your eyes, you gave him a nod.

”I promise.”

It took you three days to get the courage to dial in the phone number he had scribbled on a napkin for you. You hadn’t been sleeping the entire week, but it was far too easy for you to overthink and convince yourself that Frank had just been a decent person who had seen someone in a crisis. Would it really be okay to call him up at 3 AM, beg for him to spend the night with you so you could have a momentary feeling of safety and peace?

Fuck it, you decided eventually. You had tried literally everything else, from breathing exercises to actual exercise, from drinking to quitting everything. Insomnia was simply your worst enemy and if there was anyone you trusted to defend you, it was Frank.

”Everythin’ OK?” The sound of his curt voice across the speaker made your muscles tense with anxiety — but you tried to remind yourself, that’s what he always sounded like. He wasn’t mad at you.

No, he was concerned.

”You said I could call”, you blurted out, twisting your pillow between your arms while sitting on your bed. ”I—I can’t sleep. Can you stop by?” you whispered, almost ashamed of how fragile you sounded, pleading for him.

The momentary silence that followed made you sick to your stomach. Eventually, he spoke up. ”I’ll be there in 20. Hang in there for me, sweetheart.” With that, the call ended, and you dropped your phone on the mattress to bury your face in your hands and groan.

God, this would have been so much easier if your heart could rest easy near him, or even at the mention of him. You weren’t supposed to go catching feelings for him, but how could you not? He was everything, and above all, right now he was the only person who even remotely understood what you were going through and what you needed.

Truthfully, Frank had begun to feel the same way. Your pasts couldn’t be compared, they weren’t the same and your pains weren’t equal, but for the first time in forever, he felt… seen. Heard. He felt like he had found someone who could handle him the way he was, someone who he wanted to help deal, in return. He didn’t feel so out of place by your side, if anything, he felt at peace. Like his head could quiet down and his soul began to heal.

The knock on your door came sooner than you had expected, and you rushed with your fuzzy socks sliding across the floorboards. You felt so small when you opened the door and his towering frame swallowed you whole, bringing a new warmth into your tiny apartment as he stepped in.

”Hey, you good?” he inspected you head to toe, his hands in his pockets like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

No fuckin’ kiddin’. Maybe he was old-fashioned, but being allowed in your space felt like an honor. Intimate, even. It required a specific amount of trust, and even though it wasn’t the first time he had paid a visit, it was the first time under these conditions. There was no bleeding wound to stitch, just the monsters in your bed.

”You can take your jacket off”, you gestured at him, ”unless, uh, you need to get going soon. I really don’t want to—”

”Respectfully, sweetheart, I’mma lose it if you tell me you’re a burden. I’m here, ’cause I wanna be. Got that?” he spoke, his voice stern but the look in his eyes soft, just like the slight curve on his lips. It made you chuckle and relax a little, your shoulders rolling as you nodded and thanked him.

”I’m really tired”, you laughed weakly, rubbing your eye for emphasis. ”I—I don’t know how this works”, you stuttered, at which Frank chuckled quietly.

”There ain’t a rulebook. We can stay up and talk shit if you’d prefer. But if you wanna sleep…”, he nodded towards the bedroom, and with a shaky exhale, you repeated his nod.

”I’m scared of the nightmares”, you admitted. You paused, then, not sure where Frank was going to draw the line, but it seemed he was all in — so you took the plunge. ”Can I ask you to lay with me?” you queried, and without a second’s hesitance, he nodded and shrugged his jacket off of his shoulders. He didn’t say anything, just proceeded to hang it up and kick off his boots, and supposing that was your cue, you shuffled to the bedroom.

It was late, and you had already been trying to sleep, so you were all dressed in your PJs and the covers were undone, ready for you to slip in. The mattress had gone cold in your absence, but that wasn’t the only reason why you shivered when you got under the covers and watched Frank stride into the room. He made sure to flick off all lights in his path, before sitting on the edge of the bed and fluffing the pillow on what seemed to be his side, now.

He sat up against the headboard, his big figure instantly making you feel safe. You took a beat to look at how the moonlight illuminated his jawline, the bruises around his face seeming almost beautiful in their different shades and sizes. When he turned to you and you were caught staring, you ducked your gaze, and Frank snorted at the lack of covertness.

”C’mere”, he muttered, widening an arm for you. You took a second to realize what he was offering, but you quickly scooted into his side, letting him envelope you in a comforting embrace. You let the softness of his sweater lull you towards sleep, concentrating on the even rise and fall of his chest with your fingertips draped over his stomach.

”’M right here, okay? Anythin’ happens, I gotchu. Any nightmares, we’ll breathe through ’em together”, he promised quietly, his voice reverbrating against the top of your head as he exhaled long and slow. ”I won’t let anythin’ happen to you.”

And fuck, you believed every word. You almost didn’t even recognize the feeling in your heart, but it was safety, making its return after all these months. You felt safe with him, knowing that even if nightmares would still haunt you, he’d be right there to guide you through it. That was all you needed. He was all you needed.

Holding you tight, Frank closed his own eyes and breathed. It was no easy thought to accept, but he knew it was the same for himself — you were all he needed.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

im so confused about that taekook pic. is jimin trolling? it's like he's toying with us? pls plss plss don't forget this ask bpp. pls answer my asks. i don't get why everything feels fake about jikook, tkk, jimin. is he even happy? it's like hybe is pulling the strings and trying to confuse jimin stans to frustrate us.

*

Ask 2:

At this point I just feel like we're getting played with lol. By who and for what? I don't know. But I've felt this way ever since we got photos/video that jimin did in fact get a cake for his solo and I'm sure big hit saw what the fandom was saying about him not getting one and they still waited to announce that he did.

BTS just isn't fun anymore for me rn. There's just this tension surrounding everything. And not just with shipping. It's fandom wide blatant favoritism. Shifting confusing narratives from the guys themselves (Jungkook claiming he's not trying to shy away from the maknae image when that's all he's been saying for months now???). Tae doing whatever it is that he's doing (bless his heart chile). Namjoon seems to be a mess rn, I wanna give him a hug, he speaks like life is kicking his ass. And our jiminie, I can't get a read on but he seems happy. And the other 3 being in the army so they're not causing trouble lol.

These taekook pics from jimin, hmmm idk, maybe it's his way of telling people he doesn't care about the backlash, and tae bringing jungkook up constantly, and we should back off.

It's all a mess. I never thought I'd long for the day we'd get a real break lol. I WANT to miss them.

I don't hate them. This is just exhausting. It's like them and the company are trying to be strategic with everything and it feels a bit disingenuous? Idk if that's the word. Maybe disconnected is more the word. And I know they've always been strategic in the things they do, so idk why this feels different to me.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble in your inbox lol

*

Ask 3:

Something feels wrong about suchwita. It feels forced. Am I the only one who feels Hybe is doing damage control with jikook to contain the fallout from Golden? BPP I'd like to hear what you think about vminkook's date, suchwita revealing the travel variety in context of all the controversies that happened lately. Does Jimin just not care about taekooker hate? He might be kind but he's still human.

*

Ask 4:

I give up on Jimin. Tired of stanning a grown man letting himself get played for a fool. Hybe, you won. Gloat away BPP. You and the rest of the OT7 cows win.

*

Ask 5:

BPP your asks about that RM - FACE credits controversy from Pjms reminded me of one debate I saw btw flat earthers and scientists. It's the most fascinating thing I've ever seen. The part that made me think of you is how flatearthers called the scientists uneducated, said they did their own calculations and made their own observations to arrive at fringe theories that disputed the wider consensus. I found it so strange how both scientists and flat earthers could observe the same thing but reach widely different conclusions. I know you've been going over and over with solos for some months so I hope this can make you laugh a bit BPP.

https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=Q7yvvq-9ytE

***

Hi Anon(s),

Lol, Anons in asks 1 through 4, why are you letting your minds torment you over things that should be obvious? Anon in ask 5, you sent me that ask last week, but it feels apt to post it now given the sort of asks I've gotten in the last few hours.

How many times can we go over the sort of conspiratorial thinking that plagues people who eventually become akgaes, thought patterns that have been shown several times this year to be completely misguided? If the only conclusion you can reach after everything we've seen in the last 10 months, after seeing Jikook, Taekook, Yoonmin, Vmin, and Yoonkook's conversations recently, is that 'someone' must be trying to pull a fast one on you, then maybe you should take a step back.

Honestly, in my opinion, you all fit the profile of people who should engage with k-pop very sparingly. Most times, I've observed these sort of views (also in the case of flat-earthers) are caused by gaps in foundational knowledge about the subject coupled with personal implicit biases. I see this happen all the time, and it's unfortunately the sorts of people who think like this who only get further sucked in, to the point they lose any semblance of a reference point. If you're still at the point you're asking these questions, especially Anon in ask 1, 2 and 3, there's still a chance. I'd suggest a clean break, a detox period, and very limited exposure going forward but starting from scratch and actually watching official content from the early years. A lot of people who joined the fandom post-2020 have only seen compilations and selected clips of BTS's formative years, and so they lack the background to better interpret everything that's happening in Chapter 2 - from why HYBE wouldn't respond to akgaes whining about cakes by posting it right away, to how vminkook have behaved throughout Chapter 2.

Listen to how you feel and please step back.

With flat earthers it's funny because in a bid to be skeptical, to 'question everything' so they aren't "played as a fool", they end up becoming just that. For most other people there's no joke, but for them the joke is always on them.

*

Thanks for the video, Anon in ask 5. But rather than make me laugh, it did the opposite. The conclusion of the video is that no flat-earther, not one, changed their minds after debating with the scientists. I had a theory that the people who end up as akgaes were always going to be that regardless of any arguments that run contrary to their beliefs, because at the heart of it, it's not about the arguments but about them. But I hoped I could be wrong. Extrapolating the conclusion of this video to my theory, the suggested implication is bleak as hell.

Anyway, stream Golden and enjoy jikook jikooking. Sounds like we're about to get a full calendar of content.