#it's not my fault that you won't buy things I'll eat or things i can cook

[advisorsage]

Getting real pissed at my family

[wearehea]

Fever dream

Hey everyone. I'm down with the sickness. The "I love Han Jisung more than my life" sickness. No but for real, I just wanted to write pure fluff involving a flu-stricken, slightly delirious Hannie. If that sounds like your thing go right ahead!

Fluff. Light mentions of kissing. sick!Han Jisung. Bestfriend!Seo Changbin

"Ha! I win again!" You throw your arms in the air, triumphant. Across the couch, Changbin pretends to throw his controller at your face.

"It's not my fault! You picked the best kart!" he pouts.

You poke him with your foot teasingly. "Okay then, rematch. I'll let you pick any kart you want."

He chickens out faster than lightning, flashing you a defeated smile. "Congratulations on your victory."

You both laugh—loudly. Changbin puts a finger to his lips. "Shhh!"

You hit his bicep. "What? You laughed the loudest!"

"Jisung is still sleeping," he whispers, nodding toward the hallway.

"Oh." Now that you think about it, Changbin did mention his roommate feeling under the weather when he invited you to play Mario Kart. But that was already a few days ago.

"He's still sick?"

"Yeah," Changbin sighs. "Sounds nasty, like the flu or something. I feel bad for him, but he's also being super annoying about it."

You snort. You've known Changbin since childhood. He's a total drama queen most of the time, especially when he's sick. You met Jisung sometime last year, so you can't say for sure, but you have a feeling nobody can be more dramatic than flu-stricken Changbin. Still, a part of you feels slightly... off. Must be a bad flu if he hasn't left his room for days. Shouldn't he go to a clinic? Shouldn't Changbin buy medicine? And why are you so worried about it?

You start a solo round while Changbin scrolls on his phone. Your legs rest on his. It's comfortable, easy. Normal. The perfect opposite to how it feels when Jisung is in the same room as you. Your mind pretends nothing is going on, but your body can't. Everything feels… electric. Every look he gives you makes your heart pump faster, and it ripples through you like waves. Those big, bright brown eyes of his. He has no idea, of course. Twenty-three years of social anxiety taught you how to hide your feelings—especially the ones that make you feel like this. Feelings you don’t quite understand.

Your thoughts are interrupted by Changbin's phone vibrating. "Hello? Oh, hi, Hyung. Yes. Yes. WHAT?!" he shouts.

"Shhhh!" You throw a pillow in his general direction, your eyes focused on a tricky looping.

"Sorry... Yeah. Okay, I'll be there!" He hangs up, looks sheepish for a second, then bursts out laughing when you finally pause your game and turn towards him.

"I forgot my computer at the company."

You roll your eyes. "Changbin..."

"I know, I know. God, how did I leave without it?" he says, standing up and tossing the pillow back at you. "Anyway, I have to go get it. I need to prep for a meeting tomorrow."

You put the controller down. "It's okay, Binnie. We'll have a rematch soon."

You try to get up from the couch, but two big palms push you back down.

"Yup. Right after I come back. Come on, I haven't seen you in weeks. I won't be long. I'll pick up something to eat on the way back, okay?"

"But you take forever when you're alone..." You whine. He does. Changbin is not exactly a pro at solo errands.

"I'll try to be quick. Bye, Y/N!" he says, slamming the front door behind him.

You wince. If Jisung wasn't awake, he definitely is by now. Should you go and apologize? Maybe offer to make some tea? It's not like you miss the sound of his voice or anything. You’re just being polite. You get up slowly, quietly making your way through the hallway to his bedroom door. You stop, let out a shaky breath. Why is your heart already about to explode just from looking at his door?  Your knock is shaky too, a faint sound in the chaos of your thoughts.

"Jisung?"

No answer. You wait a minute. Then two. Then, guided by both curiosity and a bit of worry, you open the door slightly.

The room is dimly lit, but you can distinguish a classic case of sickness-induced disarray. Clothes are scattered on the floor, curtains drawn shut, a hot pack and a pile of syrup bottles layed on the bedside table. It smells like peppermint, camphor, and... him. You spot a head of tousled curls peeking out from the comforter and smile. Quietly, you shut the door behind you and take a few step in.

"Jisung..."

Still no movement from the human-sized squirrel. You clear your throat.

"Hmmpf... Changbin, why are you so loud? You should work at the fish market, not sing," he grumbles, turning away from you in the bed.

"It's me," you whisper, trying hard not to laugh.

He sits up so fast you jump. His hair looks like a bird's nest, his cheeks are flushed, and his eyes shine even brighter than usual—probably the fever, you think. He doesn’t look bad, but you suddenly realize he could have been... less presentable. You didn't think this through. Luckily, he's fully dressed in a plain white t-shirt and gray sweatpants.

"Hi." He gulps.

"Hi. I..." You stop, feeling cold all of a sudden. Why did you do this? What did you expect to happen? Not only did you basically trespass into his personal space, but you woke him from what seemed like a deep slumber, and he might not get back to sleep easily. "I... Changbin said you were sick, and I thought... you might need some tea or something," you mumble to your socks.

"Oh. I'm good. Thanks. I'm just so glad you're here."

"What?" you croak, hoping he doesn't notice the heat creeping up your face. If he does, he doesn't show it, plopping back down and pulling the covers up to his chin.

"I was having the worst nightmare. You shook me out of it."

It's impossible to hold his gaze for long, especially when he looks so sleepy and adorable. The flu seems to have dimmed down his shyness, too, which you find weirdly enticing. Jisung is your friend, but your relationship always felt a bit awkward. In a crowd, he could be loud and sassy, but when it was just the two of you, he'd quiet down. His voice would lower, his gaze would soften. Was it because he tried to match your introverted nature? Did he know how often you replayed those moments, alone in your room, over and over?

You swallow hard. As if drawn by a magnet, you step closer until you're sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What was it about? Your nightmare."

His brows furrow as he grabs a pillow and hugs it tight against his chest. "Ah, Y/N, it was awful. This guy I know was trying to teach me 'High and Dry' on the guitar, but I couldn't feel my hands! He made me do it over and over. Ugh, it was the WORST!" His throat barely allows more than a whisper, and he ends up coughing and flailing dramatically, squirming like a worm.

You can't help but laugh at his antics. He glares at you, pouting.

"Sorry, sorry. Who was the guy?"

"Godzilla."

That's it—you lose it. Laughter spills out of you uncontrollably. By the time you compose yourself, your stomach hurts. You glance at him, worried he might feel mocked, but he's grinning ear to ear, giggling softly.

"You're so pretty when you laugh."

What? Did you hear that right? Oh god. This boy is going to be the death of you.

"Jisung... I think your fever's worse than I thought," you mumble, sure your face looks like a traffic light.

"I don't have a fever."

You roll your eyes. Are he and Changbin secretly brothers?

"Right."

Instinctively, your hand reaches for his forehead, checking for heat. Except now you're the one feeling like you’re on fire. Your palm rests on his skin, and you realize you don't want to move it. Ever. You're acutely aware of how close you are—inches—and how he's looking at you with devotion, like you're an angel, a goddess, or a unicorn.

He murmurs something so softly you can't catch it. Reluctantly, you pull your hand away.

"You're burning up." You're not sure if you're talking about him or yourself.

You avert your eyes, searching his bedside table for medicine or anything helpful. Without warning, you feel his hand grab your wrist.

"Don't go."

You turn back to him. He’s wide-eyed, almost scared. His thumb presses lightly against your pulse, and somehow, this feels like the most intimate thing in the world. It sets your whole body alight, and that’s when you realize.

You want him. All of him. His lips, his body, his heart. You want to bury your hands in his hair. You want his tongue on your throat, your name on his lips. You want all of him, and you have since the beginning. Tentatively, you bring a shaky hand to his temple and stroke his cheek lightly. He leans into your touch, practically melting, his head sinking back into the pillow. His grip on your wrist loosens, but he keeps his hand in yours, mirroring the soft circles you trace on his skin.

You don't know what this all means. You'll figure it out later. For now, all you know is this feels like heaven.

"Should I sing for you?" he murmurs after a moment. You chuckle softly.

"You're the patient, Mr. Jisung. If anything, I should be the one singing you to sleep."

"Then please do. Hurry up, I'm dying here," he jokes, though his eyes are already half-closed.

"What should I sing?"

"Not Radiohead."

You smile, watching as his eyes close completely. His hand still holds yours, fingers occasionally brushing over your arm, your wrist, then back to your palm. The tender motion almost makes you want to cry.

You start humming a tune absent-mindedly, your mind focused on capturing every detail of this magical moment, for later. When your song is over, you look at Jisung. He's completely knocked out, lips slightly parted, his breathing deep and steady. You smile, hoping his dreams don’t involve musically gifted lizards.

Maybe, just maybe, they involve you.

A huge crash echoes from the living room, followed by a booming voice.

"HEY! Y/N! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I BROUGHT CHICKEN!"

[agvstdr]

new bodies, different Sam and Dean.

it's a morning like any other but as soon as sam and dean start talking, i realize that something is wrong.

"you're weird." i point out looking at them

they both shake their heads, it's clear that they're hiding something from me.

i pretend nothing's happening, maybe sooner or later they'll tell me what's happening to them, in the meantime i try to take care of some hunting.

"sam did you check if there's any cases?" i ask while i drink the coffee they made for me

i look at sam, but dean answers me:

"i think i found something." as soon as dean answers me, sam clears his throat

"did you do the research?" i ask dean surprised as he always leaves this job to sam

"no, i meant that sam found something, right sammy?"

"uhm yeah sure."

it's all too weird, but i can't understand what's going on.

"what are you hiding from me?"

"nothing." I reply at the same time

"if I find out that something happened and you're hiding it from me, I'll be really pissed off."

when it's lunch time, I decide to go out to buy something.

when I come back, I find them sitting around the table, ready to have lunch.

"cheeseburger for dean and salad for sam." I say putting their usual dishes in front of them

their reaction is strange, however, because they look at the dishes almost disgusted.

"did I get the orders wrong?"

"no no." replies dean starting to eat his cheeseburger but he does it with a grimace, and it's very strange because dean always compliments them on how good it is.

"something is happening here and you are not telling me anything."

the day goes by like this: the winchesters continue to act strange but they do not tell me anything.

in the evening, i go to dean's room and i find him intent on reading a book... dean winchester reading a book, this is stranger than all the things that happened today. dean and i do not have a relationship, but it happens that in the evening i find myself in his room or he in mine: sometimes we talk, other times it happens that we remain in silence in each other's company while other times it happens that we have sex, tonight this is exactly what i want.

"what are you reading?"

dean looks at me and is surprised to see me in the room, as if it was the last thing he expected.

"uhm i found it in sam's room and i took it."

once again everything is weird but i don't ask for explanations because i know i won't get one.

i sit on the bed next to him and i feel him stiffen.

"are you okay?"

"yeah why wouldn't i?" he's lying, he never reacts like this

"do you want to be alone?"

"no stay."

i smile and give him a light kiss on the lips and as soon as i pull away, his eyes are wide with surprise.

"okay what's going on? you never react like this. i want to know the truth, now."

my tone is unapologetic and so dean tells me the truth.

"you mean you're sam and dean is in your body?"

"exactly."

all that was missing was for someone to switch the bodies of the two brothers.

"do you know who did it?"

dean or rather sam shakes his head.

"tomorrow we'll call rowena to help us."

"that's the best thing."

we remain silent, an awkward silence because i kissed him and so now sam knows about me and dean.

"sorry for before i didn't know it was you."

"no problem, i'll pretend nothing happened."

i give sam a smile and after wishing him goodnight, i go to sam's room, to talk to dean.

"dean are you awake? can we talk?"

i hear noises in the room and then after a few seconds the door opens, revealing sam who is actually dean.

"you're in the wrong room."

"no, i know about the body swap, let me in."

"i knew sam would talk." he says rolling his eyes and I feel like laughing

"he had to, I kissed him and he reacted badly."

"you kissed him?"

"are you deaf? yes I kissed him. I wanted to kiss you but you didn't have the courage to tell me what was happening! so it's your fault."

"i didn't mean to worry you."

"so it's better that i kissed sam?"

"you kissed me, sam is just passing by."

i can't help but laugh, at what he just said but also at the whole situation.

"you should have seen his expression, he didn't know how to say that he didn't want me to come near without getting into trouble."

"typical sam."

"what does it feel like to be in the body of the more handsome brother?" i ask just to tease him

"if you find him more handsome why do you come to my room almost every night?" i see him smirk satisfied with his answer

"you're right, i think that from tomorrow you'll find me here in the company of sam."

"don't you dare."

we both laugh, because we know that this is something that will never happen, sam really is like my brother to me.

the next day, rowena shows up at our place, because sam called her explaining the situation, the witch after having a good laugh at the expense of the winchester brothers, with a spell, simple as she says, brings things back to normal.

dean returns to his body and sam to hers.

"so everything is okay?" sam asks rowena to accept herself

"my work is done, bye guys."

"well now we want to talk about the fact that you are together?"

OOPS.

[raethereptile]

It's been a year now since I started my first job (and moved to a second one) and I want to share some of the things with yall

Interviews are a two way street. They are seeing if they like you. But you need to decide if you like them. Ask questions and don't be afraid to listen to your gut.

There are two types of questions you should ask at an interview: to get more knowledge about the company, and to make yourself look good. The ones that make you look good are more important.

Buy a notebook. Make notes every day. You'll thank me.

Manage your pain. Take the god damn painkiller.

Set "yes but" goals. "This is my goal for this period of time but if something happens I will do this instead." " This is my goal for the year but if something happens before then I'll do this."

Don't be afraid to leave. Seriously. It's not worth it.

If they say they want to extend your probation period/training period, start looking for another job. They might be doing you a kindness and actually mean to help you, but if they're not and are only trying to cover their own skin you want to get out of there before they hurt you.

There will always be people who cannot admit fault and or will try to blame you for things you haven't done. Handle it however you please but accept that this is a universal truth.

Your colleagues are not your friends. They may become friends in time, but they are your colleagues first. Remember this. It may protect you one day.

"if you love what you do you'll never work a day in your life" is mostly true. It should still feel like work, but if you can find a job that you love, don't waste it. Your lucky.

If you stop loving it, it's a sign of a bigger problem.

If you stop doing the things you love because work has made you mentally/emotionally/physically incapable, don't be afraid to reassess.

If your place of work doesn't have a wellbeing and or disability support system, it's not for you. Even if you're able bodied, neural typical, and in peak mental and physical health.

Be a team player, but not at the expense of yourself.

You can be professional and still be the little freak that you really are. Just remembered when to wear which face, ok?

Eat some fucking fruit.

Work is just work. If you find it fulfilling, fantastic. But you need more that just work. Friends, family, hobby's, join a club, get a pet, start a project, take a class, go to the theatre, bake a cake, anything. But have something

Never stop learning. Either on the job or outside of it. But especially on the job. If your place of employment won't encourage you to keep learning and progressing, find a new job.

Comfortable, practical shoes. That is all.

Health and safety is your friend. I know. Everyone's least favourite department. But they are there to protect you. Go to them if you have concerns. If you don't have a h&s department and or your concerns are ignored, leave. No job is worth your life.

[snowywolf1005]

JURASSIC WORLD CHAOS THEORY X READER

Note- you and darius are dating. You two found out brooklyn death. And something gonna turn your world upside down.

You're cleaning the dishes, cleaning up the house, then you hear a phone ring. "Hello?" You ask, "Oh! (Y/N)! Is darius here?" It was brand, darius older brother.

"No, he went shopping to buy some food, I bet he's after the allosaurus. He won't stop talking about," you said, "well, how's he doing?"

"He's good, but he's not. He's working through some things"

"Okay, that honest, maybe it would help to talk to the camp fam? Kenji, maybe?"

"Kenji doesn't wanna hear anything what he says. I try to make him talk kenji, but it seems he doesn't want to."

"Oh, boy. Alright, look, my mom would kill me if I didn't ask darius this stuff. Is he eating?"

"Yep."

"Not junk food, right?"

"Mhmm..."

"Is he staying out of trouble?"

"Yes."

"Okay... sigh, we're just worried about him"

"Yeah, I know, I'll handle this"

"Thanks (Y/N), if you see darius, tell him to take care and tell him that i love him"

"Okay, bye."

"Bye"

You end the call, and the dishes are all clean. Then you saw the truck, you unlock door, darius came with groceries. "Hey, darius, your brother calls mak-"

"Hey, honey! Talk to you in sec" darius get supplies, "um, darius, what are you doing?" You said watching him looking at his computer.

Darius went outside, "what happened to the truck tires?" Darius got another tire, but it was flat. He took a deep "why!" He shouts, you watch him walk away and try to hit the flat tire, but he fell.

Darius went back inside and saw you with your crossed, "you were saying." He said, "I got a call from your brother, asking me how you're doing," you said.

Darius sighs, you look down at the groceries, "do you want to me help put back the groceries?" You ask, "yes, please."

You two finsh put the groceries away, and watch old recording of when you, darius and the campers returned to the mainland. You guys have pretty fun vacation.

Later, at the middle night, you and darius were woken up by phone ringing, "I got it," you said. You pick up the phone, "Hello? Hello?" No call.

"Who is it?" Darius asks, "no clue." Then you heard a jingle, someone or something is at the cabin. "Stay back," said Darius as he grabbed the taser and proceeded to open it while attempting to attack whoever was at the door.

"Woah!" Someone grab the taser, it was ben, "Darius, (Y/N), you are home." He said, "Ben?! What are you doing here?" You ask, then you saw how tall ben is.

"I'm never gonna get used to this." Said Darius, "yeah, me neither." Said ben, you guys hug. "It so great to see you. Uh, how's college?" Darius question.

"Um, actually, I'm taking a little break." He said, get inside the cabin, "Hey, would you look at this place? This is really, wow, great staff, guys. " Ben turns off the lights.

"Uh, thanks? Look, we know we haven't been in touch with you or, well, anyone lately, but I-" "I remember the view here's just... breathtaking"

"Well, it is when it's not the middle of the night," you said, turning on the latturn, but ben turn it off. "You get rain fall?" He asks, "Ben, we've been knowing each other for a long time, and it time to tell us what you're doing here." Said Darius.

"Uh, I kinda wanted to ease into it," said ben, "yeah, I'd say that ship has sailed," you said. "Right, okay, okay, um... here it goes. Try not to freak out. So, that night, that awful night that... the allosaurus..."

"The allosaurus! That's what this is about. You're tracking the allosaurus, too." Said Darius, "what?" You and ben said.

"I saw it today. I'm heading after it in the morning. You can come with us! We're gonna need more supplies. I almost had it. I was so close. I even called Brooklyn-"

"What?" You said, darius, stop and look at you two. "Darius... brooklyn is dead." Said ben, "I know. Of course, I know that..."

"Darius, it wasn't your fault," you said, "we both know it wasn't true if I met her at night. Like I said, I would, then she might-"

"No. That why I'm here. It wouldn't have mattered. Brooklyn death was no accident. She was targeted. That allosaurus-"

"Was a wild animal, ben. A mindless killer. When I finally got there, when I saw-, it was a random dinosaur attack. Happens way too often these days." "It wasn't random!" Ben shouted.

"What do you mean?" You ask, "There's too much coincidence. What was Brooklyn even doing there at night? She never told you, did she? And how did she and the allosaurus end up at the same place at the same time? How did the DPW truck respond so quickly? Why wasn't her phone recovered from the scene?"

"Wow! That is a lot of questions, ben. Is something wrong?" You question, ben look at you, "somethings off. I've been reading some stuff on dark jurassic -" you cut of ben "wait, dark jurassic?" You ask.

"That website where all those randos share their weird dinosaur conspiracy theories?" Darius question, "we're actually an online community of like-minded individuals who-"

"Ben." You said, "some of those theories are a lot more sane than you think. Come see." Ben, open up the computer, "I was reading all about allosaurus migration patterns and looking at leaked crime scene photos. Suddenly, someone anonymously starts asking me. If I was a number of the nublar six."

"Nublar of six?" You said, "I figured it was a goof, but then I started getting DMs, hostile DMs asking why I was so interested in the night Brooklyn died. Look!" Ben shows the inbox, but there's nothing there.

"What?! They're not here. Someone must have deleted them." Ben, try to search it up, but no use. "Look, ben. It's been through on all of us since we got back."

"Don't patronize me, darius! Something is on!" Said ben, turning off the lights, "Okay, why do you keep turning off the lights?" You ask.

"Because we're being haunted!" You and darius were shocked, "those messages I got, they were threats. Whoever killed Brooklyn is coming after the rest of us, too. You, me, Yaz, Sammy, and kenji. We're all in danger."

"We have to find out why, and who's after us, before it's too late." Darius was so sick of it. "How do you know? Where's the proof?" He said, turning the light on. "I... don't have any." He said, "So you show up here, prank call us, then go on and on-"

"I didn't prank call you guys. I didn't call you two at all." Ben said, "So it wasn't you, then who?" You said then Darius looked at windows and turned off the lights.

You and ben turnaround to see atrociraptors shadow window. You guys didn't make a sound. "Random dinosaur?" Darius asks, "Why didn't your fence alarm go off? I closed the gate behind-"

"If we stay quiet, they'll just move on and -" but the atrociraptors crash inside, breaking the windows. Darius saw the taser and went to grab it. The atrociraptors charge at Darius but miss and get by the book shelf.

Then another atrociraptors comes through the window at the kitchen. You grab your gun from your waist, "(Y/N), you have a gun?!" Ben shouts, "of course I do, I have all of them!" You said.

You shot the atrociraptor, but Miss, you and ben went to the stairs. The atrociraptor jumps the stairs, and you and ben jump off the stairs.

Ben grabbed the table. The atrociraptor broke the table in a hole, but its head got stuck. Darius toss the tesar to ben, and he grabs the net. Darius shot the net atrociraptor, and ben tese the atrociraptor face.

You, darius, and ben went outside. Catching your breath, then you heard something, another atrociraptor. "Aw crad." You said.

Then the atrociraptor outside of the cabin, and it lunges at you guys.

Part 2 is coming soon!

[juleshollow]

Reese/Dr. Kelly decision

(Episode 4 Spoilers)

This one is pretty straight-forward for me, but the choice I feel is "right" still leaves a guilty, sad aftertaste.

I give Dr. Kelly the tranquilizers.

I see it like this: when Reese starts to transform and Wayne arrives, you find yourself in the middle of a crazy dangerous situation that keeps getting worse. Unless you are Hot, you're powerless to stop it from escalating.

I was presented two bad options: help Dr. Kelly imprison her son again or let Reese murder his mother. I felt helpless because I didn't want any of those outcomes, so how could I make the most out of a situation that was so out of my control? By thinking ahead and picking the alternative that didn't have irreversible consequences.

I want Reese to be free AND happy. There are some things you can't go back from, and killing and eating your mom is one of them (seriously, he didn't need to devour her). No matter how awful Dr. Kelly's parenting was, that's something irredeemable that would clearly hurt Reese as well. Do you think Kaneeka and Stella would treat Reese as if nothing happened? Or that Reese wouldn't carry the guilt with him for the rest of his life? Would he internalize that murder is an acceptable solution to his problems, and weaponize his power again in the future? Reese transforms into something supernatural, but what he does with that power is what can make him a monster.

This turning moment makes me think of how all of Reese's story is about choice. Joan knew her son was different and she tells us that she had no choice but to keep him restrained for everyone's safety. But of course she had a choice. She couldn't know that he would harm anyone, she just feared it. It's the suffering that she inflicts to her son that makes Reese despise her in the end. I love that the game actually gives you the chance to call her out on that ("don't you think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy?").

She absolutely could have done things differently. She could have been honest with Reese about his nature (and how little they knew about it) and educate him to accept and control it. It's her fault that she didn't even consider it. Can you imagine having a super strong gym bro son and making him sick because "he could hurt someone with his powerful build"? That's basically what she does. She imprisons her son on the grounds of possibility, for a crime he hasn't committed and might never commit. She never trusted Reese, never gave him a chance. If she did, Reese could have been a fully functional Jersey Devil (or whatever kind of goblin he is) that used his powers for harmless purposes.

But Dr. Kelly's fear makes her narrow-minded when it comes to Reese. And in Episode 4 she tries to make us buy into her black&white philosophy - she frames the crisis as a situation with only two possible outcomes: either she tranquilizes Reese and locks him up, keeping everyone safe, or Reese kills her and rampages free to terrorize the town. NICE DICHOTOMY IDIOT, WHAT LIES OUTSIDE IT??

As I said, I want a different outcome and I won't let Dr. Kelly trick me into thinking that's impossible. So, despite being powerless to get my way in that moment, I focus on what I can do after. I cannot bring Dr. Kelly back from the dead. I can absolutely break out Reese later, and that's what I intend to do.

Reese transforms and becomes a bit insane PROBABLY because of the influence of the carving (so a bit my fault 😬 sorry I brought unearthly despair to your household, I'm a Scarlet). I hope that it will pass and I'll be able to reason with him when he calms down. I wasn't hot enough to appease you before, pal, I'll give it another try after your nap!

So my intention is to free Reese and maintain his innocence. Let's disrupt the self-fulfilling prophecy before it self-fulfills! There is a better way to do things and it's about time the Kellys hear about it.

I'm determined to do that, but it still feels awful to know that Reese thinks I betrayed him. I barely said a word to Dr. Kelly when she walked me out of the house, because she acted like we were sort of on the same page while all I could think was "you're still wrong and I'm going to get your son out of here as soon as I can, I just didn't want him to gobble you up".

[iwontheidgafwar]

Fifteen Years From Now

Fifteen years from now, I wonder if we will look back and remember how cruel we became during this time. Fifteen days ago I had a conversation with a cousin of mine about the time we find ourselves in. He is a nut-job. Centrist rambler who would not shut up about dopamine cycles and how he had cut out sugar... all while finishing five pieces of nicotine gum. He has a funny man-way of being right. In pretending I'm dumb by intentionally misunderstanding me, he was better able to label me an idiot. Same thing my dad does. It is a fruitful weapon.

I think a lot of our cruelty comes from these dopamine cycles that are a byproduct of the capitalist hell we live in. He agreed with me on this. Maybe that says something about the point I made. Anyways, I made the point that we are essentially mind-fucked beyond belief, in the sense that we believe the state we live in is the only state there is to live in. Specifically, Americans believe this—that capitalism is the only true form of society.

In consumerist America, buying is equated to living. Experience is buying. You share beautiful experiences over the third shitty t-shirt you bought off of the backs of exploited children. Quickly, too. All in an instant. Earn, buy buy buy, grieve, earn... So that you can buy again. I buy these clothes, therefore I am. I buy this book to read, to have, therefore I am. I buy, therefore, I am. Our phones are just another gear in the production of a material self that will cease to exist, along with your favorite vinyl and the ironic sweater you "had to buy" at the thrift store.

Our phones are capital in a sense. My time is money, attention and content are products, and this exchange seems to contribute to our faulty sense of self in the same way products do. I receive this acclaim, therefore I am. I view this type of content, therefore I am. I jack off to this type of porn, therefore I am. This subsection of people hates me (and I hate them), therefore I am; but, I won't always be.

We will never except this though. Who would? So, in place of our fear of death, we turn to "living." Reactionary beliefs. Hatred. Obsession. Irony.

Irony is the cruelest thing of all. It is the monolithic testament to our minds melting away to consumerism. It says "I am so afraid of death, I would rather not live so I wouldn't miss it." Irony is fear. Irony is a bid for acclaim. Irony helps you spiral further into the nothing burger of material possession. And it is too fun. It is too easy. It makes you feel smart, does it not? To be in on the winning side of the joke, holding all the cards in a game of cards where the cards are nothing and nothing can be won and you aren't actually ever playing. You're being played.

It's not like I am not ironic all the time. I am. And I hate it. Throw my phone into the river. Throw everything that fuels this fear of life away and embrace living. I think we will look back in fifteen years and remember this period as everyone being cruel; because, in a sense, we are still primal beings compared to what we could be. Everyone talks about being addicted to dopamine, but no one talks enough about its implications in our social landscape. As primal, consumerist beings (not really our fault...) we eat up and shit out anything that stimulates us. Eat up infamy, shit out regret. Eat up righteousness, shit out regret. Everything is single-use nowadays, and so we treat each other in the same way. The immense cruelty we see as a byproduct will pass when we are no longer exploited. I'll check back in fifteen years.

30/10/24

[thedawningofthehour]

Oh. my. god, seriously, every time a chapter comes out my hands start shaking, I was shocked to wake up to see that the chapter had not been posted, only for it to be posted a couple of hours later, and for the record I woke up at 8 am and there is only like a couple of hours difference between US and where I live! Woman! Do you even sleep?

My mom gets furious if I go to bed at 12 pm and I'm a 22 year old grown woman!

Uhhhhhhhh~ it looks like the 'Galois discovers the truth' arc is already taking it's first steps, I want to see the faces of the Draxum squadron when they see the wanted posters, especially when they realize they used a picture of Donatello for 'Galois'!

The guy's reaction when Annie told him about his family, one of the things I'd like to see in the recovery arc is how the humans will adapt to the Yokai, I love Worldbuilding stories.

So while they won't sentence Donnie to death there's still a chance he'll be lynched? Yikes, I hope Bella and Leo's testimonies help with their public opinion, again, it's all Draxum's fault, the guy had the kid for a year and already has like four 🎯 in his head, Splinter was right to take the kids.

Oh, my mother bothers me too if she thinks I'm up too late. But she's usually asleep by then, and I try to get to bed before she gets up for her middle of the night smoke.

Just part of living with your parents as an adult, I guess. Today she drove me crazy going through every item in the kitchen and playing twenty questions with me about it to make room for Thanksgiving supplies. Is this yours? When did you buy it? Is it still good? What kind of cheese is it? When do you eat this? Are you sure I can throw it out? But are you actually going to eat it? (she does this when she goes through anything, it drives me nuts) I literally did a fridge purge less than a month ago too, all the old stuff was hers.

But our rent's been the same since 2013 and our landlords are actually cool people, so fuck if I'm moving out and paying more for a shittier place to live.

It's pretty unrealistic, the Hidden City as a whole places a lot of value on children (so many of them have trouble having bio-kids) and their life stages all scale upwards, so 15-16 is so very very young for them. So the idea that they'd condemn someone so young goes against much of the overarching culture there.

However, Hueso's seen bullshit before. He knows emotions run much higher than reason in times of strife, and he worries about the dehumanization of mutants and the effects that will have. If Yokai see mutants as scary 'Others' who just exist to destroy their way of life, then they'd have no qualms about killing people like Leo or even the kiddos like Fatimah and Jenny-because they're not really people to them. And they would be furious at one of those 'Others' who played a direct part in their hardship.

To be fair, some of it probably would have happened anyway. People like Big Mama (if she was an actual crime boss and not a cartoon version of what a kid thinks a crime boss is) and other rich weirdos would have taken one look at him and been like "sweet! You work for me now. Say no and I'll cripple your legs so you can't run away. :)" Draxum's reputation and being legally his son does protect him somewhat.

[thefoxtrot008]

Dialogue Prompts

Here is part 5 of the prompts! Again, we have more storyline creations, but apparently, we're jumping ship, when we have another idea. Anyone else do this? Even though, I generally don't categorize my prompts, this one is more of a fantasy prompt. Anyways, let's go!

"I thought your kind didn't exist." "Yea, you and everyone else."

"I did not come here to babysit!" "Then what did you come here for?"

"You worked for them? Yea, well now you work for me."

"I'm here to train you on everything you don't know." "What makes you think I don't know anything, huh?"

"Shut up and pick up the sword."

"He's going to eat you for lunch."

"Because it is your duty." "Well, fuck that!"

"You have a real chance at making things better than they are right now and you're refusing to take it!"

"You're not a child anymore."

"These are my brothers." "You bring someone like him here?"

"Didn't have much of a choice now did I?!"

"It's a very safe location, no one knows where it is. Except for us of course."

"If your'e going to talk the whole way there, I might just have to find a way to shut you up."

"Don't touch my horse."

"I'm glad to see you. Didn't think that you'd make it through the winter!" "Do you really have such little faith in me?"

"Take a drink."

"And what do they call you exactly?"

"You've gone soft."

"They are not ready for that!" "Don't interfere. Let them figure it out."

"What is the matter with you two?! He is not prepared for the trials!" "Whose fault is that?! If you would stop babying him, he'd get further in with his training!" "If we do it your way, he''ll be dead before he is crowned king!" "Do nothing, watch."

"Don't give me that cliche crap."

"Can you hand me my bag?"

"I'd like to re-register within the system, please."

"You can't make a scene. You're too good."

"Alright, alright. You've made your case, she is one the fourth floor."

"That is not a fair observation!" "And neither is your request!"

"Your butler wouldn't let me in."

"I have to do something big." "You don't have to do anything!"

"Oh dear. You don't know about the policy? The new policy?"

"What makes you think I can fit in that?!"

"You're engaged to the man, not me." "God, don't remind me."

"It would never work."

"Mmm... so close."

"That won't go over well."

"So, you're the brains of this operation. What do you suggest I do?"

"Go! I'll buy us sometime!"

"Yes, well, nobody seems to care about what I want!"

"We're... we're even now. Okay?!"

"More evaluating?! You do realize that I have a life right? I can't wait that long-" "A life that you abandoned, let's not forget. A life that you just started to pursue, only due to certain circumstances."

"I was wondering when I might see you again."

"Packing? Packing for what?!"

"I'm leaving first thing in the morning."

"Hide! In the closet!"

"Not by choice, remind you."

"Do you know who this is?"

"No, they can't do that! Not while I'm around."

"What do I need to do to get this cleared?"

"I'd like to make an appointment." "State your business here, sign and date on the bottom right here."

"isn't there a faster way to get this done?"

"Wait outside will you?"

_____________________________________________________________

And... that's it! This one is a bit shorter than the others... but that's okay though! Enjoy! :)

[evereinefaust]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 ࿐ྂ

Pairing: Iceland (Emil Steilsson) X afab!Reader

Trigger Warning: Character death, bullying, physical abuse, self-harm, suicide, profanities

Sypnosis: Tired of the abuse, lack of love, and overall hellish life, MC decided to let go of everything and finally have her well-deserved rest... Though, regrettably, her decision will break his heart apart.

Word Count: 2,425

"It's another perfect day for me" I stated bluntly while walking my way to my hell house.

Greetings, my name is [Name] [Surname], I am 16 years old and having the perfect day of my life. Well, when I was in grade school, my life was a lot better than now. When I first attended high school, I was happy that I made many friends. But when I turned 16, my father died and left me with my mother alone. Due to depression, Mom treated me like trash, saying that this is all my fault every day she would see me. What she didn't know was that it is originally her fault that it happened.

My parents very much hated each other, my mother always spend dad's money on unimportant things like going to bars and becoming drunk. She sometimes spends it on expensive dresses and would go home with a lot of shopping bags, and if she doesn't like the dresses anymore, she would throw it in the trash. Sometimes, she would invite her friends and treat them to dinner.

Sometimes, she got mad at Dad if she didn't receive money from him. That's why they always bicker. And if mom's angry, she won't prepare food for us. That's why Dad always sacrifices just to prepare me food every morning. And since mom didn't make me my lunch, dad will give me money to buy lunch at school. But if Mom sees this, she would snatch the money from me and spend it on something else. That's why I am very thin and malnutrition.

But this time, after all those years of pain, Dad and I finally know the truth. Mom already had another boyfriend and treated him in a restaurant for dinner, using Dad's money. It happened when Dad and I visited a bookstore to buy me a new storybook that I requested. When we are going to return home, we passed by the restaurant where Mom and her new boyfriend were eating. Dad was angry by this, then he barged inside and Mom noticed him.

"Dad! What are you doing?" I asked him and tried to convince him to go home. "Who the hell are you?" Dad asked the male. "I'm Brian, [mom's name]'s girlfriend. And who the hell are you?" The male replied in a disrespectful way and then asked Dad back. Dad was mad at the males' disrespect to him. "I am her husband!" He replied in a stern voice, his teeth were gritted and Mom didn't seem to be bothered by the commotion.

"And you! How dare you did this to me!" Dad took Mom by her arms. "What the fuck are you doing?! Let me go!" Mom commanded him and struggled to get out of Dad's grip as Dad took Mom outside, I followed them but sent Brian a dark glare before I followed them. "I said let me go!" Mom was forced to retreat her arms and Dad released her. "What the fuck?!" Mom yelled at Dad. "What are you doing with that man?! Huh? So that's the reason why you spend my money, on him! You would arrive back home late every day because of him. And you would forget our daughter! How could you!" Dad yelled at her.

Mom just crossed her arms and then rolled her arms. "Why? Can't I use your money? We are spouses, after all. And I can do whatever I want, you can't order me around" Mom retorted back. "So you replaced me with another man? Huh? Because I never lend you money? And you also don't care about our daughter!" Dad said he was now mad. "Yeah... And I don't care about [Name], that girl is useless anyways. Why would I care?" Mom replied then rolled her eyes once again. I felt very hurt by her words, mom never loved me or dad. She only married Dad because of money, and she treat me like a lowly servant to do the chores.

"Fine! If that's what you then I'll grant it!" Dad said then walked away. "Already! Leave! I don't need you now anyways! You're just a fucking useless man!" Mom yelled at him then still stood there. "Dad! Dad!" I called my father as I followed him walking away from the restaurant. When he already crossed the streets, I tried to follow him. But then, there was a truck that is heading towards me at a blazing speed.

I stopped right in my tracks when I saw the large vehicle, then I covered my head and waited for the impact. But then someone pushed me aside then I fell on the ground. It was Dad, he took the impact instead of me. I saw his dead body on the street, the truck was stopped as the driver ran away. I came to his side with tear-filled eyes. "Dad! Dad!" I shouted then held his head high. His face is bloody now, I cried loudly.

Everyone who saw the incident called the ambulance and then took Dad to the hospital. After that incident, Dad died and didn't survive. Mom was very depressed because Dad died, it wasn't because of love, it is because she needed money. Every day, she would shout at me that I am the reason why Dad died. But I always got irritated and try to yell at her back, but then, she would cut my skin with a knife.

Once I entered the house, Mom greeted me by her yelling. "Where the fuck you've been?! I told you to go home early, right?! Look at the time! It's already 5! You should obey your mother or I will fucking kill you!" She said while holding a cigarette. Yes, after Dad died, Mom started to use cigarettes and buy beers. If she don't have enough money from her new boyfriend, she would order me to steal. Sometimes, I was caught, but because the people pitied me, they released me. I just wondered what would happen if I did it again.

I didn't bother to listen to Mom by her yelling, my hearing is slowly breaking, after all. I mean, who won't break their hearing if every day, someone yells at you? No one, right? I will be delighted if I don't have any sense of hearing cause I am sick of Mom's yelling. I went upstairs and then to my room, I placed my bag on the floor as I closed and locked the door. I fell to my knees as the pain worsened. "What should I do to become free from the pain...?" I muttered to myself as I held my injured arm.

After Dad died, Mom would treat me like trash and torture me. Then at school, my classmates would bully me. I regret having them after all, knowing that I am rich, they would befriend me. And now that Dad is dead, they would also treat me like trash, they only want me because of money. I had no one to protect me, everyone would just torture me. Yes, every day, my classmates would beat me up or even cut my arms. But luckily, I wore long sleeves to hide the injuries.

If I would tell this to me teacher, they threaten me that will beat me up again, so I didn't say. It's always been like this. Sometimes, I wanted to commit suicide. Giving up on life is a better way to become free from the pain, right? I already planned my suicide, that will be tonight. No one can stop me, no one actually cares. Why would they? They are just bitches and bastards anyways, especially Mom. "Heh..." I smiled at myself and then laughed like an idiot.

When midnight came, I got up from the bed then quietly exited the room then went down. I noticed that Mom was fast asleep on the couch with the cigarette still in her hands. I tiptoed to the kitchen and then opened the lights. I searched through the cabinets and got out the sharpest knife yet, the one that Mom used to cut the skin on my legs. I found the knife then grabbed it and headed outside. I went to the bridge where I always go when I'm lonely.

Once I got there, I got the knife and then cut my wounds again. "Ouch!" I flinched at the pain but continued cutting myself. I am getting numb, after all. So I can bear the pain, I'll just gonna wait a little bit more. "There, all done. The last thing I have to do is to jump off this bridge" I said then threw away the knife. "Oh sweet darkness, my new friend. You always welcome me..." I said as I neared the end of the bridge.

"[Name]!" Someone called my name and earned my attention. I looked to the source the saw Emil, my Icelandic friend. I was shocked to see him here, in this place. He was panting and sweat covered his whole face. "[Name], please don't do this," He said then walked towards me. "Stop! Don't!" I shouted then he stopped walking. "No... Please... Just let me go..." I cried. Emil was my best friend since grade school. He is the one I care much about, he is the one with who I can share my pain, happiness, and loneliness. But after dad died, we because apart.

I always hide from him, afraid of what he might think of me, just like my other classmates. And I am afraid that he might see my injured body, I am the one who stayed away from him. I don't want to get involved in my problem, I just want him to be happy. Seeing him smile and laugh together with his new friends made me happy. That's why I don't want him to know my pain. Now that I plan to disappear from this world, I only want him to be happy without me. To live life without me.

"[Name], please don't do this... I need you, you don't need to die" He said then extend his hand to me. "I already knew your pain, even when you avoid me back then. You don't have to do this, please..." He begged. I teared up more to hear him say that. I felt really guilty for bringing him into this mess. "Sorry, Emil. But I have to go, just don't forget, I love you..." I said my final goodbye then let the gravity pull me down to my new friends.

"I am coming, my friends..." I muttered then closed my eyes and waited for the impact of the cold water. When it did, the water prickled my injured skin and pain surged inside my body. The pain was so strong that I opened my mouth and struggled in the water. After a while, the water choked me, and didn't move.

"[Name]!" The Icelander shouted the girl's name who fell on the cold water. He tried to reach for her but he didn't. He already knew the pain the girl he loved goes through, but he do anything to help her. She was being bullied by her classmates and her mother tortured her every time she went home, yet, he didn't do anything to help. He didn't hesitate to jump off the bridge to save her, once he was in the water, he grabbed the girl then placed her on his back.

He went to the metal ladder located at the side of the bridge, and he climbed up with the girl still on his back. After he reached the ground, he ran towards the nearest hospital in town. "Anyone! Please help!" Emil slammed the door of the hospital open with the girl still on his back. 

Then, several nurses came to his aid with a gurney then placed the girl on it. They hurried to the emergency room then Emil sat on a chair outside the room with a blanket over his body. "[Name], I'm sorry. Please don't leave me..." He muttered to himself as he fall asleep.

"It's too late, she already lost a lot of blood. We can't save her now..." The doctor said in pity for the girl. Even though they can replace her lost blood, her body is full of open wounds that the blood might be wasted. The girl is pale like a ghost, and the beeping sound of the machine indicates the girl's life, in a moment, the beep became long, announcing that the girl already died.

On the next day, Emil woke up early then the nurse gave him hot coffee. After that, they gave him spare clothes for him to wear and change into a new ones, since his clothes were wet and he might catch a cold. After he changed his clothes, he went back to his seat then the door of the emergency room opened. "How is she, doc?" Emil asked the doctor, the doctor just looked at him with pity and then looked back.

Emil's heart pounded as sadness went inside his body. He went inside the room and saw the girl peacefully sleeping on the bed. He touched her cold face and he noticed that a smile is plastered on her face. "I'm sorry that I didn't save you before. I'm so sorry..." He muttered as he cried silently, his eyes closed and his teeth were gritted. "I'm sorry for your loss, sir" The doctor apologized then placed a hand on Emil's shoulder. "No, it's fine. At least she is safe where she is now" He replied then tried to smile.

After [Name]'s death, Emil and his family buried the girl. He would visit her grave every day and would send her flowers and offer a small prayer. "But you know, [Name]. It is really hard to fix a broken heart..." A certain Icelander said to the grave of the girl he loved.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Advice or I think I just need to vent.

I live with my family (20yrs) and I'll be honest the house can feel cluttered a lot of the time. My room isn't relaxing if anything I just feel like a lazy slob in my own bed. My sister and I have shared rooms our whole lives and I have a cat who stays in my room as well. It's tight, cramped, and every bit of space has to be shared.

I don't eat meat or dairy and often times when I try to be healthy or I guess just, find what's good to eat the fridge and cupboards are filled of chips and snacks and meats and everything else. So sometimes being in the kitchen feels useless. Of course I buy my own groceries but I don't know. I guess I could be being unfair on that bit.

I just feel so lazy and unsure of what to do with myself. I'm twenty years old, not in school, and I still live at home. I still share a bed and a closet and bathrooms and brushes and face washes. I don't feel like an adult or as someone who can create my own space.

Awhile back my father fixed up the back shed to be hung out in but it's hardly liveable as it is despite both my parents thinking otherwise. Spiders constantly get in, rats, dust and cobwebs. The door is made of rotten wood and the walls have dents too.

My parents always talk about moving they have for years about getting out of here and I know it's not their fault but everytime they do I know it's just an empty wish. There's over 9 people in this house, both my parents had some health scares, and the side bedroom roof just collapsed in. There is no 'new house' coming. It didn't 9 years ago and it won't now. My younger siblings don't even have their own rooms they have to share with my parent's. The only one who's ever had his own room is my brother.

I just want to have my own room and my own things and my own goddamn fridge! I want to cook when I want to and watch what I want to and hell even be comfortable in my own clothes when I want to without having to worry about everyone else.

I recently got a job as a barista, the pay is nice and I enjoy making the coffee, but I just genuinely want out of this house. I don't want to live with my parents and brothers and sisters and family dog anymore. I just want to pack up me and my cat and find the first apartment I like. No roommate. No one. Just me and my own space.

I don't have enough to move out and rent is so expensive these days but I just feel like I'm in a constant state of suppression. Only when the sun has gone down and everyone is asleep do I really feel comfortable. But it's also not reasonable for me to feel so huffy either.

I want to be on my own but not alone if that makes sense. I know I sound like a child but I don't know how else to put how I feel.

- Olivia

Hi Olivia,

It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with your living situation. You've been going through a lot. It's understandable that you want your own space and privacy, and it's okay to feel that way.

If you'd like some advice, there are some suggestions on how you can approach this situation. The first could be to start saving money. If you want to move out, you'll need to start saving up for a deposit and rent. Create a budget and see how much you can realistically save each month. Looking for affordable housing options could also help. Keep an eye out for affordable housing options in your area. You can also look into roommate situations or shared living spaces if you're open to it.

It may also help to communicate with your family, and talk to your family about how you're feeling. Let them know that you want your own space and that you're working towards saving up to move out. They may be more understanding and willing to help you out.

It could also help to create your own space. Even if you can't move out right now, you can create your own space within your room. Try decluttering and organizing your space to make it feel more relaxing. You can also add some decor or plants to make it feel more personalized. Additionally, you could consider finding ways to have privacy. If you can't have your own room, some alternative could be having designated times where you can be in the living room or kitchen to yourself. You can also try going for walks or finding other places outside of the house where you can be alone.

Remember, it's okay to want your own space and independence. Take small steps towards achieving that goal and don't be too hard on yourself. If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[ivory-lamps]

A11: The Mouse That Can't Fit In

Characters: Yodaka, Nagi, Toi & Renga Location: Hama Summary: The protagonist has something to say to Nagi and visits Nagi and Yodaka’s room. Nagi is not in and they ask Yodaka when Nagi will return, but Yodaka struggles with an answer… Proofreader: Shay

ㅤ

Momiji / Kaede: Hello, sorry for barging in.

Yodaka: Welcome to mine and Nagi’s room, “A Wet Rat, Dries”.

Momiji / Kaede: The names of the rooms always surprise me no matter how many times I hear them. Like Toi-kun and Netaro-kun’s “Boar Priest”. Wouldn’t you have preferred a different room?

Yodaka: It’s fine. Nagi was insistent on wanting this room…

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ📍 Flashback

Nagi: I want “A Wet Rat, Dries”.

Yodaka: There are others like “Sheep of the Same Flock” an–

Nagi: I want “A Wet Rat, Dries”.

Yodaka: I asked him about it afterwards, but it’s apparently similar to the radio alias he uses.

Momiji / Kaede: Oh, Nagi-kun suits that sort of radio thing. He looks like the sort of person to listen to late-night radio shows…! Like Every Night JPN! I think that’s where his unique preferences are from!

Does he listen to celebrity radio shows at night?

Yodaka: Hm. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to see him do so. By the way, what are you doing here?

Momiji / Kaede: Oh, right. I have some business with Nagi-kun…

Yodaka: He left for work just now.

Momiji / Kaede: Oh… I see. I wanted to discuss the destination for the Night Group’s research trip.

And… there’s also this.

Yodaka: That’s a box of sweets from a Western dessert store.

Momiji / Kaede: It is. Nagi-kun missed out on the cake during last week’s party. I cut out a piece and left it for him but…

It seems Akuta-kun found it the next day and I just found out today that he accidentally ate it.

Yodaka: Haha. It was inevitable since he’s a growing high school student.

Momiji / Kaede: We went to buy him another one as an apology earlier. 

What time does Nagi-kun usually come back?

Yodaka: Hmm… ……

…I’ll tell him about the research trip and the cake when he’s back.

Momiji / Kaede: Thank you. That would be great.

(Hmm, Yodaka-san took a while to reply.)

(It doesn’t look like he won’t know when Nagi-kun comes back, but it feels like he’s beating around the bush or something.)

(Did something happen…? Like this lifestyle itself doesn’t fit well with Nagi-kun…? Maybe I’m overthinking it.)

Yodaka: ……

Momiji / Kaede: Um, I’ll leave the cake in the fridge downstairs. I'll add a note with Nagi-kun's name on it so others won't eat it! I’ll be going, then…

Yodaka: Wait.

Momiji / Kaede: Y–Yes? What is it?

Yodaka: Why are you asking about Nagi-kun? Is there something on your mind?

Momiji / Kaede: Ahaha… Could you tell by my face? I’m just a bit worried.

I was the one who asked him to come here, so I’m worried if I’m forcing him to do something he’s not used to.

Yodaka: …I see.

…To tell the truth, I’m quite shy as well. It takes a while for me to get used to a new environment.

That’s what happens when you get so used to living alone. The space you allow for others vanishes in a blink of an eye.

You’re prying it open so it’s not easy. I’m sure it’ll be necessary to abandon some things too, but it should be a good thing.

Momiji / Kaede: Right…

Yodaka: I have a feeling we’re similar.

It’s no one’s fault. It’s just because that’s been our lifestyle for a long time. There is nothing you need to worry about, Manager.

Momiji / Kaede: (Yodaka-san is reassuring me. He’s so kind…)

You’re right. Thank you so much! I’ll do my best to help him out until he gets used to the place, so that he can enjoy his time here!

Yodaka: Right. Please do so.

Nagi: Alrighty…

(I’ve left the store to Sonia, so I’ll have a bath, grab a change of clothes, go back to the store and sleep there tonight again…)

Hm?

Toi: ……

Nagi: (Toi is on the balcony. It looks like he’s staring at me but…)

(We’ve already locked eyes. If I pass by him without saying anything, then it’ll look like I’m ignoring him. But he might just be lost in thought, so is it okay for me to bother him?)

(I must make a difficult decision. This is even harder than seeing someone you know on the train. What would be the correct reaction here?)

(In the meantime, no ignoring. I’ll look him in the eyes to show him I’ve noticed him… by blinking.)

Toi: ……

Nagi: (...No response. But I can’t turn back now. Someone might see me and Toi like this – the show must go on.)

Heey…

Toi: ……

(Toi leaves)

Nagi: ……

(He completely ignored me. Oh, well… I guess?)

Nagi: Ah…

Renga: O–Oh… Is my face that much of a shock…?

Nagi: …I didn’t think you would be here. So…

Renga: The bath is communal so you’re bound to see other people here. There are 10 people in here when it’s crowded, you know?

Nagi: I see. Sorry.

Renga: It’s not something you have to apologise for. Anyway, you don’t have to be so reserved.

We’re literally living under the same roof and we’ve been through a lot together… so we’re like friends, right?

Nagi: …Friends.

Renga: Yeah. W–We’re… friends…

Come on! Stop standing there in a daze – hurry up and get changed so we can go in.

Nagi: …Together?

Renga: Huh? Well, yeah, you happen to be here, so… Of course, we’re gonna sit in the bath together.

Nagi: Oh, right. Sorr–

Renga: You’re a weird one…

Nagi: …… Sorr–

Renga: …………

Uh, where is the clothes basket…?

Nagi: Here, use this.

Renga: Huh? …Thanks. But one’s fine. I don’t need five.

Nagi: Right. It’s too many. There’s still one extra if you use one basket for your shirt, pants, underwear and socks, huh.

Renga: ……

Nagi: ……

*Renga and Nagi get changed*

Renga: A–Alright, I’ll have a cup of water before the bath… Huh?

There isn’t a lot of water left in the dispenser.

Nagi: I’ll bring a new container right away. Wait here.

Renga: Huh!? Wait, that’s not something you have to do.

Nagi: Oh.

Renga: ……

Okay, time for a bath…

*Nagi opens the door for Renga*

Nagi: Please, after you.

Renga: …You finished taking your clothes off before me, so you should’ve gone in first. What’re you trying to do by being an automatic door for me?

Besides, aren’t you being way too considerate?

Nagi: ……

Renga: You even brought out a hair dryer and brush for me, too…

Are you planning on being a servant for everyone you see here every day?

Nagi: I’ll apologise if it felt unpleasant.

Renga: N–No… it wasn’t unpleasant at all! I appreciate you doing all this stuff for me… but!

Doing that every time will tire you out, right?

Nagi: Not really.

Renga: Uh, no, that’s not what I’m trying to say… You don’t have to do all this, you know…?

Nagi: Have to?

Renga: Uh, that’s not quite right, huh. How should I put this…

Nagi: ……

Renga: Um… damn it, I can’t find the right words. If only Liguang was here… The things he says tend to be pretty useful at times like these…

Nagi: ……

I think I get it. I’ll be careful in the future.

Nagi: Sigh…

(I don’t have to do that, huh.)

(I know it’s just words but Renga looked really troubled.)

(I troubled him. …I knew it.)

(I knew this would be too much for me. Being a ward mayor and living with other people…)

It’s all too heavy for me. It was impossible from the very beginning…

(But do I say no at this point in time? I even shamelessly participated in the party and had all that food.)

…Hm?

A note from Yodaka-san?

…… A discussion about the research trip and…

……

The cake wasn’t a big deal.

……

“You might have been busy with work so I chose not to send you a message on PeChat. Have a talk with the manager when you’re back” …huh.

……

Momiji / Kaede: Nagi-kun, welcome! Good job working today!

Nagi: You, too.

Toi: Oh… Nagi-san~...

Nagi: (Toi’s here too. Come to think of it, he ignored me on the balcony…)

(No. That was an appropriate response. Toi didn’t do anything wrong. Everyone finds it lazy to react back – it happens all the time.)

(Him ignoring me is nothing weird. So… I’m totally fine.)

Sorry for intruding.

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[hurryupmerlin]

There's a lot going on in my life and today has been hard, cos I spent all day fighting a mental breakdown. I mean, it was just a question of time, really. I've felt it coming for weeks. But I still wish I could feel something else.

So here's a diary entry in hopes of someday reading it and thinking "man, things have be shit but it turned out just fine after all."

In January I posted my to do list for 2024 here. More than half a year has passed since then and unfortunately nothing from this list is checked off and there has been gradually less good news to report with each new month.

All my life I have never had the stamina to learn an instrument. When I stumbled across Handpans, the opportunity arose to change that. I've since been to two beginner workshops and the organizer was gracious enough to lend me a handpan for a month. I was really motivated to follow through with his 17-days-challenge because I knew if I could manage to play every day, even if it was just a few minutes, I had a real chance of forming a habit and finally fulfilling my dream of mastering an instrument. But my days were long. I set up the handpan a few times at ten o'clock at night or even later, completely exhausted. And then came the executive dysfunction. Every day I see her standing there. Every day I want to play it. Every day something in my head blocks me of setting it up. The fear of having to explain to Pierre that I've only played it 5 times this month eats away at me. I want to play. But I can't. And in four days, the month will be over and I'll have to give it back. He'll then ask me if Handpan isn't for me after all. And I'll say: "Yes, it is. It makes me happy. It's fun. It's healing something inside of me. I can let go of the world when I'm just playing for myself. But my broken ADHD brain won't let me and I don't have the money to buy my own and stash it in the closet for the few times a year that I have the strenght to set it up and play." It feels like losing. Like I missed my one chance for something great, that could've changed me for the better.

When I moved into the house, I had these fantasies of sitting at my desk in my tidy, light-filled beautiful room. Drawing digitally, writing, singing. Painting on canvas and composing music. But my aunt interfered in my life and the building site has been frozen ever since. I live between masking film and plaster dust. I've been incapacitated and feel so powerless and helpless. I want progress. And I want my art back.

And then there's the matter of the dog. That goddamn dog Kröte. My colleague told me there's a technical term for when you make a terribly bad financial decision and then cling to it, pouring more and more money and resources into it in the desperate hope of turning it around. She couldn't remember the term, tho. I could be so happy with just my own dog, but instead I've brought this beast into the house. Because of which my own dog has to spend every day alone at home and because of which my neighbors hate me. Because of which my house stinks of piss and because of which my ears are ringing with barking.

My car has been giving me problems since September last year. I've lost track of how many thousands of euros I've spent trying to get the recurring fault fixed. Something between 4500-6000 euros. Most recently it was in the workshop for a month. What's more, after every repair, another new fault occurs. I can't take any more. Emotionally and financially. My aunt's friend is urging me to take it back to his garage. But I thought I'd made myself clear when I said "if it's not fixed this time, I'll keep driving it until the engine fails and I break down." I was supposed to bring my car over today. Which of course I wasn't told directly again, but via the old game of wisper down the lane. Which I said before I will not accept any longer. I put my cell phone on airplane mode afterwards. I can't do it anymore. It's Saturday and I finally needed a day off. I've been borrowing spoons from the future for days - my body told me very clearly that I had overspent.

Things aren't going well at work either. It's not news that we're bankrupt. But the way our bosses and colleagues treat us graphic designers is now unacceptably disrespectful. I am the only employee left who is still interested in contributing her own ideas in order to offer the company advantages and new opportunities. That makes me stand out - in a negative way. Because thinking along might officially be required, but since it also shows where the problems lie, it's actually unwanted. The very real fear of losing my job while being in debt so badly is gnawing on me every day. I am on the hit list. They just need me to finish a few projects first.

Despite all this I cling to hope.

[casspurrjoybell-19]

Does it Matter? - Chapter 54 - Part 3

*Warning: Adult Content*   

Wakefulness came slow and struggling the next morning, memories a confusing haze.

Nothing made sense in Bug's head.

He remembered being captured with Dara.

He remembered running away in the rain and... had they taken shelter in a cave?

And now... now he felt warm and bundled up and not nearly as hungry and thirsty as he should have been and... and he remembered Brayan holding him, helping him eat and drink and... a dog?

None of it made any sense.

He forced his eyes open and he wasn't in a cave, he was in a tent.

A tent he remembered from his hazy memories of the previous night but did that mean...?

Bug turned his head and looked up and there was Brayan, sitting next to him and looking down at him.

"How...?" Bug asked.

"Farah."

"Oh. She went back to you?"

"Hmm. Nearly broke down a door. Are you hungry?"

Bug nodded.

He tried to push himself up but gave up before he got very far.

"Sorry. I'm very tired."

"You almost died, Bug... again. Stay there and I'll bring you food."

Bug shut his eyes.

He'd almost drifted back to sleep again by the time Brayan returned.

"Sorry," Bug said again as Brayan carefully lifted him up.

"I'm so useless."

"Shh. You have limited energy right now. Don't waste it on talk like that."

Bug settled back against Brayan's chest.

"Thank you."

"That's better than sorry."

"Lord Nolen liked 'sorry.'"

"I'm many things, not all of them admirable but I'm not him."

"I know."

Bug accepted a mouthful of porridge sweetened with copious amounts of honey.

"Where's Dara? Is he okay?"

"Of course he's okay, he's unkillable. He's outside with Maric."

"Okay."

Another mouthful of porridge.

"I think he saved my life... and you.. you saved my life as well, didn't you? Again..."

"Eat your porridge and get strong. Once you can no longer be killed by a strong breeze, there will be less need for you to be saved."

"Why are you looking after me?"

"Because I care about you."

"Oh."

"Is that okay?"

Bug found a handful of Brayan's shirt and clutched onto it.

"Hmm."

"I don't know..." Brayan let out a quiet breath.

"I don't know much of anything, really but I know that much, that I care. When I thought you were dead, it just... it hurt, Buagh."

"Sorry. I should have known it was going to rain and if I had we wouldn't even have been there to get caught. It was my fault."

"No, it was the fault of those men who took you."

"Well... I don't know. I won't let us get caught out by the weather again, anyway."

"Good. Maric has put forward thoughts of us perhaps going with you."

"Going with us? You mean... across the border? Into Ticia?"

"Hmm."

Brayan brushed Bug's hair away from his face.

"He thinks that's what those visions of yours want us to do. Where they've been leading us."

"What do you think?"

"Hmm."

Brayan was silent for a long moment.

"In these circumstances, it's difficult to judge what's wise. The prospect seems extremely dangerous but it really depends on what's guiding us and why but... safety and wisdom and even mystical guidance aside, I think I'd like to go with you. I'd like to see you safely delivered back to your family, see where you grew up. I don't know what happens after that but how could I just send you off again after this, never knowing if you reached your destination safely?"

"Thank you," Bug whispered.

"Sure. If we do end up doing this, you will be absolutely vital. Every single one of us, including Dara, speaks with a dangerous accent. You're the only one who can pass as a native of Ticia. Do you think you can shoulder the responsibility of speaking for us?"

"Yes. I... I think so. If nobody knows Maric is a prince, I suppose it wouldn't be... well, it would just be things like buying supplies and asking for directions or information, wouldn't it?"

"That's right."

"I can do that. I did do that all the time before I was taken. That's just... being a person."

"Good. No need to worry about any of that right now, though. Your task for this morning is to eat this porridge."

Brayan offered Bug another spoonful.

"And you're almost done."

By the time Bug had finished his porridge he was tired again but he didn't want to go back to sleep so soon.

"Brayan?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think it would be okay if I went and sat outside in the sun for a little while?"

"You're not a slave, Bug... not anymore. You don't have to ask my permission to go outside."

"Well, I'm not sure I can walk, so..."

"Okay. I'll carry you."

[hyuccubus]

A podcast ruined my life

I'm exaggerating, pulling the familiar con of sensationalism to draw you in. But this is a heavy one. Look how personable I'm being now, though, so humble and effacing. I put the "personal" in "personal stories"!

But seriously, a podcast fucked me up mentally. It wasn't even something immediately triggering; a true crime oddity that hit a little too close to home, but nothing with the typical American bent; no blood, no guts, no repurposed farm tools sticking out of the trash bins, buzzing with more flies than usual for this time of year.

It was an episode of Stuff You Should Know about, and this is where I would recommend anyone with anxiety disorder either prepare yourselves or stop reading, I mean it, just let this one go.

Going once.

Going twice.

The Tylenol Murders. I won't bring up the specifics, it involves poison, a lack of leads, and needless death. The thing of interest, beyond the rubber-necking into human suffering the eternally connected consumer is all too happy to indulge in, was that it changed so much of how medications make it to the shelves.

There's a few layers of irony here. The hosts certainly didn't mean to scare anyone; this happened once and has never happened again, some have tried to cover up their murdered spouses by blaming a copycat, some even causing irreparable harm to folks caught in the crossfire, but nothing like the initial case. For one thing, the copycats were caught.

Another irony; I was listening to the podcast at work to keep myself from driving myself up the wall from anxiety, thinking too much about things I shouldn't be thinking about. I even thought maybe I should skip that episode, for my own sake. But no, I decided, I am not a slave to my anxiety. I will not let it dictate what I do and not do. And it proceeded to drive me up a wall.

What's funny is, it didn't immediately destroy me. The idea was like a spore, taking root in my brain, biding its time. I got to thinking about how many hands touch the things that go into my body. The lack of control. The possibility. The agony of a body's death when it cannot process oxygen. The fear, the animal desire to breathe, and nothing can help you, no one can save you, and your family will see the sheet pulled back, and cover their mouths, tears budding in the ducts of their eyes, and say yes, that's you, or it was you, and all it takes is a pinch of powder.

It doesn't matter that it doesn't happen, that it's nigh impossible, you'd win the lottery ten times over before then... it could. It just could.

And it controlled me. I had trouble eating anything, I had to convince myself I would be okay, wait until I was around people I trusted and blindfold myself with the comfort that they wouldn't let anything happen to me. And I fucking hate it. I still won't take tylenol. I still have trouble taking anything unless I myself buy the bottle, open it, break the seal, and inspect the pills. I can't go back. I can't take the information out of my head.

I'm getting there. I'm realizing I'd be able to taste the poison at that dose, that manufacturers very very much do not want such a thing in their products, that microbes don't escape their purview, how could cyanide? But I'll more likely than not always have the twinge of fear. Every time I feel a headache, I don't think about allergies or hormonal periods, I think about what I ate, or drank. Could it have been spiked?

"No, of course not", says my rational brain.

"You can't prove that," says the fear.

But I'm still here. And I need to eat, and I really want medicine, and I'll have to find a way to deal with it. It's nobody's fault but mine. I'm getting to a point where I'm more afraid of what the stress will do to me than the idea of death by cyanide. I can't live my life by "what if"s, after all.

That's all the moral I have for you. If you think you should stay away from something, listen to it. You're not stronger for exposing yourself to things you don't want. Understanding your limits is a kind of strength all its own.

[cagenewman]

That's the real reason you want to move into the house, is because of all the hardwood floors and how much noise you can make while you're walking around. Listen, it's not like my shoes are cheap, but I also tend to buy a pair and wear them until they can't be worn anymore, so I don't spend as much. The kids go through theirs so fast, with how much they grow, and you… well, you have good taste, I can't fault you for that. Speaking of your parents, I know this probably isn't the best time to bring up this conversation, but since you mentioned them. Do you think … I mean, it's one hundred percent up to you, and I will support you no matter what, but when the time comes, do you want to let them know you're getting married? Yes. But it's less the air going frigid and more a case of me feeling every hair at the back of my neck standing up. And then I start down the path of wondering what I did wrong, or if I left dishes in the sink or boxers on the floor. I think so. Spring, summer, hopefully? We might have to share bathroom space and I can't guarantee everyone's bedrooms will be done, but I feel like if we can cook, eat at a table, watch TV as a family, shower and sleep, that's the base line of what we need, right? And to be honest, why pay double for everything -- triple if you include the fact that I'm still paying for my house, which I do really need to clean out and see if going the rental route is the best option. God, being an adult is so much. That's what I hope, I just want them to be comfortable and happy, both kids. But Colton does really love the room you built for him, too, so you don't have to worry about that. I have an Amazon order coming tomorrow with party supplies, by the way. Maybe if we focus on planning a party, we won't focus on the fact that she's going to be three and we're basically ancient…? She'll be great, she'll be perfect, she'll be the best three year-old ever, you watch. … okay, alright, I'll try to stay awake, just remember that I was working very hard on your dream kitchen today, okay? Don't get ideas. Yeah? We can look through them, if you want. I know we haven't really talked a lot about the whens and whereas and all the details yet, but I don't want you to think the wedding has to take a backseat to the house, it's still the most important thing on my mind. Always.

Well, I do know that, but sometimes I like to make it extra fancy with my heels, the clicking on the floor makes me feel powerful, what can I say. Pretty much that would be a good idea, just let people know those are the things to keep your family in good shoes. Either way it'll be going to good use, between Rosalyn, Colton, or myself! Weird huh finally not being the one with all the expensive things. Not that I need a bunch of expensive things but a splurge item such as a nice pair of heels or bag... definitely a treat in my books since those were always the items I think I miss the most from my parents. They did like to keep up with the trends as far as that. Oh you can sense a change in the air when I'm mad? Does it go all frigid and you realize hell is slowly freezing over and are starting to work on your reason for a thing you may or may not have even done? Oh? You're planning end of spring? That's good to know because I'm going to have to at least tell Rafael so that they can make sure the family that owns this house can start lining up people to rent the home. I don't want them put out too much because we're going to be making the switch over to the new home by end of spring too rough on them either since they've all been wonderful. It's crazy that we are planning to be in the house in a few short months... doesn't really seem possible. Which makes sense but if a good portion of the home is done I don't see why we couldn't be living in it and I'm sure Colton will love having his little living area since it's more space than he has now. Not that he's suffering by any means but he definitely will have the prime real estate at the new house. Five short days and there's a three year old in the house, and I'm absolutely not ready. For the party, yeah sure, but to have a three year old? Absolutely not. It's the Prison Confessions of Gypsy Rose Blanchard... Absolutely will jab you in the ribs because I watched The Act but now I want to hear what was and wasn't true or exaggerated and see more of her story. See how I feel hearing it from that kind of perspective. So that means you're stuck. While the idea of a runaway Willie and sled seems amusing, a terrified Rosalyn afterwards not so much so good thing we didn't try that one. The girls at work absolutely want the details, already asked if I've gone ahead and gotten an appointment to look at dresses yet. May have picked up a good few wedding magazine after work today though.