#it's not enough to keep ke out of pain and misery

[anyu-blue]

Knowing what it is helps.... And yet I will still say

[yacoka]

AMOR FATI

──⊱ aut simul stabunt aut simul cadent

character(s) — akaashi keiji

pairing — akaashi keiji x reader

genre — angst

warning(s) — blood, death, war, mortal wounds

word count — 1700+

beta(s) — @/doughnuts-5ever

Your first meeting was in the midst of battle, the scent of death heavy as red mist sprayed through the air, the sounds of men fighting and dying all around you. You were two soldiers on opposing sides, powerless pawns destined to die for your countries in a senseless war that had waged for years.

You had entered the army with no hope, only the desperation of keeping your family fed. There was no other way to earn money, not in a war-ravaged country barely surviving the failing economy while the rich hid in their castles built on the bodies of slaves. Your weak arms, arms that had never carried a sword before, now swung it robotically. It was an extension of your body, and you had long numbed yourself from the guilt and horror of taking another’s life. You did what you had to, for your family.

It was the same every day. Fight an already lost battle, get injured, get sent back to recover. Pain wasn’t a foreigner anymore, and you learned to tune out the sharp pain into a dull ache. Until him. You felt the it as the sword sliced through his neck, the death blow sending you reeling as you felt his life gushing out with the blood that leaked from his throat.

Terror and shock filled your veins, jolting you from the numb haze clouding your mind. Your hands scrabbled at your untouched throat, coming away dirty, but still blood-free. How can there be no blood? How can that be when you could feel it trickling out of the phantom gash, filling your lungs with its sticky, thin heat. It just didn’t make sense, how did it, how did it, how did it-

Your eyes met his, and the questions died out as you watched the life leave his eyes. A hollow resignation that faded into a look of nothing, and it burned into you as you choked on his blood. That was the first time you died together, in fear, in confusion, in relief.

The darkness seemed endless, and the solidity of the nothingness beneath your feet was disorienting. Every step was so, so heavy, and yet so, so light. You screamed, you cried as you begged whatever power there was to free you from this silent hell. Didn’t you suffer enough? Hasn't life taken too much from you already? Could they not spare you this small mercy of moving on?

You awoke days, weeks later, screaming as you struggled past the dead bodies piled upon you. This was no mercy, you screamed at the heavens, tears streaking through dirt caked upon your face. The only response that came after was a sharp, biting rainstorm that drenched you to the bone, filling you with a chill that lingered long after the storm had stopped.

It was a miracle, they said. A God-given gift to win the war, they proclaimed as they shoved you back into your suffocating armor, stuck a sword in your hand and tossed you back onto the frontlines. Every cut, every slash, you felt them just as strongly as you did years ago, when you were nothing more than a mere novice on the battlefield. And you embraced it, the only thing grounding you from the unsettling emptiness that lay within you.

And so you swung your sword like a dutiful little soldier, cutting down enemies and stealing their lives from them, tucking the memory of the light draining from their eyes at the back of your mind. Brown eyes, black eyes, green eyes, blue-

Gunmetal blue that stared right back at you, shining brightly beneath the grime upon his face. Those unnerving eyes that stared right past your freezing walls and into the dark crevices of your mind. You never broke your gaze once, not even as your swords clashed and you gained new wounds. Even as he laid the killing strike that sent the both of you to your knees, your hands clutching the sword stuck cleanly into your chest.

“Your name,” you gasped, forcing yourself to stay a little longer, blood spilling from your wounds, painting the ornate handle red.

“Akaashi Keiji,” he choked out, his previously calm eyes now panicked. His hands clutched at his chest, broken nails leaving a frenzied trail of red.

“Th-that’s a be-beautiful name, Akaashi Ke-keiji.” A weak smile rested upon your pained face as the darkness claimed you, his name lingering upon your lips.

The third time you met was surprisingly not amidst battle, but in the neutral ground where both sides had called a ceasefire to recover their dead. You had been lifting the body of your fellow fallen soldier, his face mutilated to the point of unrecognizability when Akaashi snuck up behind you, bending down in the guise of inspecting another fallen body near you.

“I didn’t catch your name the last time,” his voice was low, steady despite the horrors laid around you.

There’s a slight pause as you hesitate. Was it safe to give your name when you now knew neither of you could die? What if he used it against you? A glance at the man crouching down beside you had your name slipping out before you could stop it. It was only fair that he knew yours. After all, you had his name too.

He stood then, grunting slightly as he hefted the body across his shoulders, tilting dangerously close to you. “Why does it keep happening?”

You knew exactly what he was referring to, but you didn’t have the answer to that question. How could you explain why you two would always die together, and come back alive once more, just to repeat the vicious cycle? This was a question no mere mortal had the answer to, and you left him there, with a single word.

“Fate.”

You had begun to lose count of the number of times you had died and come back to life, the vicious cycle becoming a mundane routine to you now. And as you performed yet another deadly dance with Akaashi, you picked up from your last conversation, having been cut short by your deaths.

“So what did you want to be, before you got dragged into this war?” You panted, darting back as his sword swiped through the air, narrowly missing your stomach.

“A writer,” he replied, bringing his shield up to block your attack. There’s a resounding clang as your sword crashes against it, and you grunt as you pull back from him.

“I could see it,” you hummed, before letting out a short gasp of pain as his shield knocks into your face. There would be some ugly bruising later on, you think mournfully. “Leave the face out of this, pretty boy.”

“Sorry,” he jumped to avoid the swing you take at his ankles. “What about you?”

There’s a pause in the conversation even as you continue to parry. You never really thought about your dreams before, and the saddening realization deflates you a little. “I don’t know.” You admitted. “I never had any dreams, and I was raised to be a soldier.” You lunged at him, successfully sticking your blade into a chink in his armor.

Your heart twinged as you watched his face screw up in pain, and you fell to the ground with him. The pain may have been mirrored onto your own body, but the sight of his dying hurt more than any mortal wound ever could.

“See-you-next-time-I-guess,” he wheezed out, a bloodied hand reaching out to caress your face with a gentleness you had not yet seen from him. Smiling sadly, you covered his hand with yours, returning the sentiment and faded back into the darkness, awaiting your next encounter.

Somehow, through all the gore and death that hung between you, you had fallen in love with him, and him with you. The first confession escaped through his dying breaths, and you didn’t get the chance to return it until the next duel with a glittering smile and the agonizing knowledge that you wouldn’t be able to hold him in your arms, nor kiss him. Nor live a normal life with him.

A year of killing and watching each other die had passed, but the ache in your chest only grew every time you watched his figure walk up to yours. Every step he took is heavy, and his shoulders are slumped, weighed down by the impending death.

“Why do we keep doing this?” You cried out, tears streaming down your face as you defended yourself.

“Because it’s the only way we’d get to see each other,” came his steady reply, even as his eyes brimmed with tears filled with love and anger and regret. These were tears he’d never let fall, for to do so would mean giving up the tiny shred of hope he had left.

“What if we ran away?” Your voice is filled with desperation, your swings losing their determination.”

Akaashi pressed his lips together tightly, eyes flickering away from yours for a second, almost as if he was considering the possibility. But the words that follow shatter your foolish hope. “They’d only catch us and force us back into this, you know that.”

“But I hate this! I hate having to kill the man I love, over and over again, watching the life drain out of you as we die for a war that will never be won.” It doesn’t matter that the soldiers around you could hear your traitorous proclamations. You’ve been through too much, died too many times to care anymore.

“We don’t have a choice!” He roared back. His hard gaze softened. “I don’t mind dying, for a second with you is worth a thousand deaths.”

With a yell of frustration, you let your guard down and his sword, one that you’ve grown accustomed to over time, ran straight through you.

“See you next time,” you grinned weakly at his horrified face, blood dribbling down your chin.

“You’re an idiot,” he snarled back, wrapping his hand around yours and squeezing tightly. “I’m supposed to take the hits, not you.”

You shook your head at him, and with shaking hands, you yanked him to you, pressing your lips tightly to his. If you were to live a life of death and misery, you deserved to have at least this. This small piece of mercy in a merciless world.

“I can’t always be the reason why we die.” You whispered against his lips.

“And I can’t bear watching you die.”

[lollercakesff]

Home Bound

Survive. Escape. Go home? To what home?

Jyn and Cassian escape from Scarif and settle on a small planet in the outer rim where the traditions are vibrant and the Rebellion barely scratches at their front door. Years pass, they live. But then the scratching at their door gets heavier, and heavier, and soon there’s a knock that calls them back into the service. They go because to say no would go against their very fiber, but when everything they’ve come to know disappears, how do they remember what they’re fighting for?

Survive. Escape. Go home. Right?

A gift for the Rebelcaptain Secret Santa gift exchange for @youareiron-andyouarestrong​!

Read it all on AO3!

Part One:

Step 1: Survive.

Step 2: Get off Scarif

Step 3: Get back to Yavin V

Step 4: …. Step 4?

They make it through steps one through three and he doesn’t understand how exactly it happens. One second he’s on a beach and the sky's alight and the heat is almost unbearable but for her body wrapped around his… Next, he’s tucked in a medbay bed on a ship with his hand wrapped up in Jyn’s, her grip tight despite the soft breaths filling his room. He doesn’t know what’s supposed to come next and for once, maybe he’s okay with that.

And so he pulls her hand closer and ignores the twinge in his spine as he wraps himself around her, unwilling to let the heat from before eat him alive like his mind is convinced it will.

---

They settle on Calabriana, a small planet in the Outer Rim where nobody knows their names. The anonymity was a requirement after Scarif, after the desolation of Yavin V, after Hoth.

Cassian and Jyn had stuck around the Rebellion after Scarif to fight and it had been years of it, endless days of missions that had picked at their open wounds until one day - a day like any other - Cassian had come back to his bunk to find Jyn curled up in his cot, shivering and vacant.

“Jyn?” Cassian breathes, hesitating at his door. It wasn’t that she was here, in his room, which made him pause. Nor was it finding her in his bed, even though they never explicitly talked about that . No, the panic in his chest wasn’t any of those things. It was the look on her face, the way it didn’t flicker to life like it normally would. Something was wrong. “Are you alright?”

She doesn’t respond, not verbally at least. All she does do is close her eyes until her brow furrows and her breathing seems to stop under his inspection. It's enough to bring him to her side, his hand coming to her cheek as he drops to his knees beside her.

“Come back to me,” he whispers softly, the words unfamiliar on his lips.

They had always been her words, murmured into his temple after a bad dream, after a mission went sideways and she had to come find him. Her fingers on his chin, her cheek pressed to his brow so he didn’t have to hide his pained expression.

“Jyn, come back,” he repeats and her eyes blink open, flickering up to meet his. He exhales a shaky breath and slides his thumb along her jaw. “Do you want to talk about it?” She shakes her head and he follows as she pulls him into the bed, her small frame tucking into his chest as though she was set to disappear into him.

An hour passes. Then two. It’s late when she whispers what she needs, the feeling resonating within him like a ricocheted gunshot.

“I can’t be here anymore. I need to leave. Come with me?”

He doesn’t think before he utters his reply: “Yes.”

It’s two days later that they’re boarding their ship, the half-repaired K2SO droid packed away and their small bag of worldly possessions fastened in the hold.

Leia had come to say goodbye, as had Draven and Bodhi and Kes. Their small farewell had gone mostly unannounced. The heroes of Scarif disappeared into the sky, almost as though their lives in the Rebellion after Scarif were but ghosts haunting hallways. Maybe they had been.

---

Life on Calabriana was hard. Not in the sense of working themselves to death or being required to go on high risk missions every day like an endless rotation of pain and misery. No. It was hard in the way that living a quiet life after so much suffering was hard. It was the silence, and the calm way that life moved like a snake in the grass, weaving and slithering through time until it rounded in and tried to consume itself.

At first, Cassian was sure they’d made a mistake. His hours helping build a home were well spent, yes, but the nights were almost unbearable. There was no intel to keep his mind occupied when the nightmares wouldn’t cease, no halls to endlessly walk until he fell asleep on a crate or in a corner hidden from view. On Calabriana, there was only silence and the creak of the floors under his feet, Jyn’s bedroom door always closed as he debated raising his fist and disturbing her sleep. He doesn’t, at least not until one day she pulls it open and reaches for his hand, drawing him into her room and into her bed.

Neither of them say it out loud but every sleepless night from that night on - and even some in between - ends with finding solace in one another’s arms. And then one night, as Cassian hovers in her doorway as she readies for sleep, he straightens and finally pulls himself together.

“I don’t want to sleep in my own bed anymore,” he admits, cautious and low.

“I thought we already gave up on that idea,” Jyn answers evenly, pulling her work top over her head and tugging one of his old shirts from her drawer to use as a nightshirt. The hem hovers mid-thigh and he forces himself not to stare even though his whole body lights with the familiar draw of her.  

“Really?” He counters and she lifts a brow in reply. In another second she’s standing before him, hands on her hips in challenge.

“Really. I asked you to leave the Rebellion with me and you did. I never really understood why you thought you needed to sleep in another room but I wasn’t going to push you. Figured you’d come around eventually.”

“You mean you were already at this point and I’ve been the one holding back?” The thought surprises him, all of the signals for the reality of their arrangement finally falling into place. Oh .

“Maybe,” she smirks and he sighs, reaching for her hips and drawing her close to his chest. The kiss is anything but chaste and in the morning when they wake - wrapped around one another like vines on a lush jungle planet - they don’t talk about how things have changed and what it means, instead choosing to simply share a room like it was a practical merging of resources.

---

Sharing a room becomes sharing a life. They work the fields together, go to town together, and when the nights are particularly cold with the seasonal change they cling and make their own heat together.

Their first few months on Calabriana pass uninterrupted by guests until one night there’s a knock on their door, a stricken look passing over Jyn’s face as Cassian gets up from where he’s settled with a story and his tea. He hesitates at the door, sucking in a breath, before he pulls it open to see a small crowd of humanoid beings huddled outside in elaborate colourful costumes. The sight makes him uneasy until one takes a breath.

And then they start to sing.

It’s maybe only five minutes. Maybe ten. Before the group nods and bids their farewells, walking off into the night as Cassian shuts the door and turns back to face Jyn who looks just as confused.

“Local greeting committee?” Jyn offers with a shrug. Cassian nods and returns to his seat, picking up his reading and trying not to think about the odd encounter.

A few days later and Jyn and Cassian venture to town, their eyes wide as they come upon the village now lit with endless flickering lights and colours all strewn about the streets. All around them people are rushing from shop to shop, arms loaded with bags and bright smiles on their faces.

“What's going on?” He asks the supply clerk nonchalantly, his attention turned towards his chip card as he swipes it across the reader.

“It’s the season of Jule. A time of gathering and well-wishing. Have you never experienced a Calabrianan Jule before?” Cassian shakes his head and glances over to where Jyn is running her fingers along a scarf on display, her lips quirked up in a small smile. “Well, it is a wonderful time to be here. You must attend the feast. Three days from now in the market - bring your partner and gift her that lovely piece she’s admiring - it’s tradition.”

“How much for it?” Cassian asks by way of thanks. The man adds the cost to his bill and promises to wrap the gift up ahead of the festival.

Cassian doesn’t know what he’s promised to attend - was the feast a sacrificial ceremony or truly a happy occasion, he wasn't sure - but he isn’t concerned. None of the research he’d managed to dig up on this planet had talked about ritual sacrifice, so they’d probably be fine.

He hoped, at least.

---

The day of the feast, Cassian has to challenge Jyn to a competition to get her out of the house. She's too busy lounging like a Lothkat, curled up under a blanket as she enjoys her tea and hides away from the chill that has settled outside.

"I'll do the dishes for a week if you win. If I win, you have to come with me to town later," he offers, tweaking her toes with his fingers until she grins and pulls them out of his grip.

"Fine. Get the dice."

He wins by sheer luck, or at least that's what he tells himself as she rolls another snake-eyes. Two hours later and they're back in town, coming upon the small community at dusk. The lights flicker across the growing darkness and Cassian swears he can see stars in Jyn's eyes, her look of awe beautiful and serene and so far from the haunted look she'd worn the day she asked him to leave with her.

"They say there's a feast," Cassian says easily, starting to lead them forward and through the small alleys towards the market. Jyn sticks to his side and keeps her hand curled in the fabric of his pocket, holding on as they weave between groups of people, little families sprawling across swaths of space.

"A feast of what, exactly?" Jyn counters evenly, though there's no harshness to her words.

"Not sure. But the guy at the shop said we should come and I figured… if we're going to settle here we might as well try to follow some of their customs to blend in. Unless - "

"No, you're right. We can keep to ourselves but I think eventually we need to engage a bit. Good call," she adds. Cassian laughs tightly and reaches for her hand, pulling it into his own.

"Don't congratulate me yet, we've still got to survive tonight."

They arrive into the bustle of the market and are stopped short by the sight they come upon. It's like Home Base after a victory, the crowd thriving and music filling the space around the shouts of excitement. A giant tree fills the center of the square, its bows filled with lights and ornaments that sparkle and glint in the changing light. Around them, children chase each other and adults fill tables with food and drink and laughter. It feels foreign to stand on the edge, looking in at a community that wasn't theirs.

"You made it!" The clerk greets, lifting himself from his table and beckoning them over. Cassian clutches tightly to Jyn's hand and seeks her approval with a glance, her returning squeeze urging them forward. "And you've brought your lovely partner. Sit! Join us!"

They're settled into seats at the crowded table and handed cups and a bottle of something tangy. Jyn seems to evaluate the substance before pouring herself some and dipping a finger in for a taste. Cassian watches as she frowns and then softens to an easy smile, eventually lifting to take a sip. With her approval, Cassian pours himself a cup and let's the man - Hinar, as he introduces himself - bring them up to speed on the celebration.

Twelve nights of celebration. Food, family, friends as a theme with occasional gifts given to each other on the last night. An ancient tradition brought from across the universe and combined into one massive festival celebrated around the small planet.

The whole thing awed Cassian, the joy and the brightness and the welcoming nature of everyone around them. He'd never seen Jyn laugh so freely and the lightness of it was contagious, filling him too and loosening his tension for the first time in months. This was a planet still untouched by war, its few resources and minimal population making it unattractive to those looking to bleed a planet dry. They would be safe here, he was sure of it, or at least that's what he told Jyn as they wandered home a bit tipsy and a bit light on their feet.

"I think we could build something here," he murmurs as she leans into his side, the navy scarf he'd gifted her wrapped loosely around her neck.

"What do you mean?" It's not accusatory and he thinks that's good, right?

"If… if you wanted to make something out of the rest of this life. Together. I think we could do it here."

She slows her pace as they linger in the yard, her gaze finding his in the low light.

"Are you asking me to - "

"Yes. Whatever we want it to be. But I want to build it. With you."

Her eyes stay locked onto his, the colours swirling in the low light as she chews the inside of her cheek. The silence is almost deafening and he nearly takes it back, the proposal burning the back of his throat.

But then she lifts up on her toes and reaches her arms around his neck, drawing him down towards her waiting lips.

"Yes," she whispers later into his chest, her body perched over his as he slowly comes down from his release. Her sweaty sticky skin slides across his and she wraps herself around him, their breathing coming into sync. “I want to build something. With you.”

He thinks maybe this was what Step Four was about, all those months ago.

[racheljchen]

story vomit

-hong kong runaway idea reality in mental hospital? mr robot perfect blue -blue hour love "i wanna be scary" heart break shaves eyebrows red lipstick black panther for asians space? dreamjng of home story about learning to let go and putting yourself first story about choosing happiness, prolonged misery JYN AND CASSIAN IMMORTALS her fingers ruffled through soft locks of his hair, and her heart swelled. it was too little and too much all at once, after all the years apart, how could she have ever doubted wanting to be by his side again? Now that he was in her arms the certainty seemed to settle into an unshakable truth, that she and he were meant to return to each other, circling each other, standing by the other's side no matter the circumstances of the rest of the foolish world. the girl from before, who only knew of solitude, of running, looking over shoulder at every turned would have thought this new certainty unthinkable. it might have terrified her or disgusted her, but the Jyn of now was a different woman. his eyes caught her transfixed gaze and crinkled with a smile she knew better than her own. no words needed to break the cozy silence for the understanding to pass between them. there was nothing she wanted more than to crush his body to hers, to hold him gently and never let go again but the feeling overwhelmed her and she could only continue to cradle his head in her lap, stroking a finger down the jawline she loved. mine. mine. her heart said, touching a body that was not her own, this skin which would pierce me to be bruised, these bones which would shatter her to be broken. hours later, after many hushed words had passed between them, describing in few short words the many hard years that had passed for each of them, as the sky began to flush lilac with the rising  sun, they broke apart with much hesitance. after several failed attempts on cassian's part to urge her to the fresher for a much needed shower, she finally relented breaking the connecting touch betwen them. jyn couldnt contain the tiniest childish pout. how could she miss holding him within seconds of relinquishing the contact? annoyed at feeling like a childish teenager but still petulant to let go. "go!" urged cassian, his eyes crinkling with a grin, and then, of course how she resist grabbing his smiling face again and kissing those grinning lips. cassians arms could not help but to circle around her waist but of course he was the one with the greater self restraint and he withdrew them after a few moments, pushing her gently towards the fresher door. under the hot satisfying spray Jyn allower herself the luxury of a quick moment to just enjoy the comforts of a life not based on the next meal, next job, and the overhanging urgency of survival, before she got to work scrubbing off the unholy layers of grime on her body. as she lathered suds into her hair, the fresher door clicked open with a soft hiss, and she peered through the fogged shower door at cassian, who of course smiled at her again, and she marveled at the ease of his surrending unlimited smiles for her when he was a man of few smiles for the rest of the universe. and with that her traitorous heart was off again, squeezing with the overwhelming painful joy of having him by her side again. cassian rinsed his toothbrush, finished with brushing his teeth. with a mischievous grin he peeled of his under shirt and dropped his trousers to the floor. steam poured out of the fresher as he slipped in beside her, putting his rough hands on the soft slick skin of her waist. jyn hooked her arms around his neck and tiptoed up to kiss him, soft sweet and slow, and they stood under the spray, feeling each other up like teenagers until suddenly Jyn shrieked. "Ah! Sorry, sorry, the boiler tank is small, I've been wanting to install a bigger one-" Jyn laughed despite the freezing spray erasing her comfortable warmth by the second. "get out you horn dog i still have to rinse out my hair" one of them gets executed but comes back to life cassian? comes back to find jyn and their child // cassian as a fire breathing bar tender modern au where they're divorced drug cartel AU krennic and galen in the cia/dea jyn smuggles or deals arms or something cassian is an undercover DEA agent cassian riding a horse, wearing a cowboy hat, smoking patron notices cassian is into jyn and 'gives' her to him "you're a lucky guy" thats just a nice way to say i want to fuck your girl jyn if you do this i can't protect you ive known these guys my whole life and you think you can get into this game for a couple months and i need you to protect me from them i dont mean from them cassian joserra jerome antonio anglés andrez after they settle down: oh where did you guys meet jyn: tinder // divorced soulmates when they meet jyn can tell its something special. she's been around the block enough to know that this one wasn't for messing around, that they meant too much to each other. cassian tamed her and she brought him to life and his friends were all supportive of course, relieved he had found some joy at last, that he finally had a reason to leave the office without putting in overtime more days of the week than not, a reason for brief smiles to stsrt escaping his serious outward demeanor. all they saw was cassian hiding a smile in a tumblr of mezcal st the bar with them, watching jyn dance with han and kes, twirling around them with smooth confidence as they tried not to trip on their own feet. how could it be anything but good? jyn knows cassian would never hurt her on purpose so she lets herself fall too easily, then slowly her life revolved around him. he occupied her throughts, her space, and she became nothing more than a part of cassian, his wife, as honoured and respectable as the role was she became suffocated with being introduced as his wife, people telling her what a great man her husband was, and she became defined by him, strangers assuming insight of her. when she leaves she finds herself all alone, realising all the friends she had were gifted to her by cassian, and the thought infuriates her. not at cassian, never at cassian, but at her past self for allowing this to happen, blind to painfully learned lessons to always have an escape route in sight, to rely on herself first and foremost. when she leaves, the pain is unbearable. she cries and she cries herself to sleep, and when she wakes up she's temporarily soothed her mind betraying her with the false sense that all the pain was just a bad dream and she would roll over and see cassian there, soft and warm and comforting and ready to hold her close and kiss the nightmare away. but the realisation came quick and she would be sobbing again. in the end it was only her stubborn pride that saved her the indignity of crawling back to him on her knees begging. or maybe it was the stone pit on her stomach that said you did this. you hurt him like this, and for what? how can you deserve to try and salvage what was perfectly good before you picked it up and smashed it on the ground just to see how the splinters would fall? when the fog of misery starts to fade though, she is relieved. even as she sits in her crappy, hole in the wall apartment, eating left over pizza for a undignified amount of times in a month, she is so relieved to be free. even if the AC keeps crapping out and she's sweating in February and bodhi has been the only other person to visit her apartment she is so relieved. her thoughts were her own again and she was so happy she could cry "jyn you will always be my family. you know that right?" she doesn't deserve it cassian walking barefoot in the shore wash at blue hour this pain wasn't unbearable but it was a unique brand of torturous. knowing exactly what she wanted was right in front of her, seeing it, touching it in soft polite embraces that lingered just on the dangerous end of perfunctory hellos and goodbyes. she's already had a taste of exactly everything she wants (not needs, not anymore, and that made the pain tolerable but a new unique brand of torturous), and she couldn't have it. she threw it all away. no regrets could be had, she would have never made it here without giving it up, but it certainly didnt help when they sat on the opposite ends of the friends spanning a bar counter and her attention still strayed from whatever kes was talking about to start at his lips, soft  from worrying at the glass tumbler in his hand, hearing the memory of the laugh she only watched escape from him in real life as it was lost in the din of the bar. "i forgave you for literally tearing my heart apart the first time, but as much of a masochist as i am, I can't give you permission to do it again. so what is it jyn?" "come on jyn. it doesn't take an idiot to see how much we still care about each other" their scars are the only soft and tender part on them, new and innocent skin next to hard won calluses cassian's ex wife meet first time when cassian gets backup for his mission huge sexual tension competence porn celebrating successful mission, cassian shoots his shot she reveals she used to be in intelligence "understand this captain andor. i have a lot of respect for what you do. it's horrid work but it needs to be done. matter of fact i started in intelligence. but the one thing i know, is the kind of person that can stand that line of work, the kind of person i was back then, thats not the kind of people i want to break bread with" she pulls rank on him despite him being older and more experienced. "in my branch you get promoted fast because you die fast" cassian was being pessimistic/realist sbout expected bad outcome but young recruit is horrified more massive sexual tension at a bar or something, she goes outside to make out with some rando guy, cassian follows her and chases him off and kisses her. not nice and tender, hatefuck in an alleyway but it's so hot doesn't see each other again fuck in a tent, fuck in the showers start to bond, see each other's honour and kindess. after a bad mission she's doubting herself, unable to sleep, cassian takes her to a secret vantage point. "sometimes i think i'm a dispicable person" "not to me" he kisses her "what, really here?" where they're in constant threat of being walked in on "no." they just make out and its tender snd loving and it scares her off and she avoids him for a while cassian gets captured and held in solitary confinement for months, mentally tortured, starved. tries to escape, gets punished. gets fucked up in the head. draven and elkie are the only one pushing to find him and break him out.  after cassian is found and returns to base he's a shell of himself, spooked, makes intense eye contact with elkie as he passes her but no aknowledgement of their signifigance to each other. after medical checks he's left alone and starts to panic, but before he freaks out fully, she comes into his room with shaving kit and a peach. she cuts a few slices for him to enjoy because hes not really allowed fruit, talks to him and shaves him as he heals she arranges for him to be put in a room with a chatty old soldier who keeps telling him old war stories, and visits him whenever she back on base. after a particularly bad mission. she crawls into his hospital bed in the middle of the night. after he's discharged, she sleeps with him whenever she can, calming him down after nightmares. one night he knows she's sleep deprived and needing to wake up early for important things the next day and tells her to stop sacrificing her sleep to help him. she's quiet before she asks if he is making her leave. he says no, so she just snuggles up to him. he realizes she prefers being woken up all night to sleeping without him. one say when cassian's feeling like he cant stand being amongst the people on the base in the mess hall, she brings him back to the vantage point to have lunch. they fuck but it's making love. something in between she gets captured and tortured. breaks leg. cassian rescues her. cassian cares for her in the immediate aftermath, she wakes up to him asleep in the hospital chair after he comes back from his own mission back on base, superiors want to send her off base to recuperate and get better PT, she really doesn't want to go, she knows she might never make it back and lose her nerve and her mind. their sleeping in cassian's bed and she admits this. he says there's desk work she can do on base. "married officers get first choice of postings" she's stunned by the insinuation "i need to know you arent whoring yourself out out of some misplaced need to take care of me. just because you slept with me a couple times doesn't mean i'm your responsibility." "i need to know you aren't... offering... out of convenience. just a loophole to help me out" "i'm not. i can't live without you anymore" they get married, she takes his name. captain andor and captain andor she drops off the grid for an extended period of time, she sees him in a crowd and he thinks she's a hostile, tries to take her down but she takes off her mask and goggles she dies in his arms CASSIAN'S LITTLE SISTER/DAUGHTER cassian's 16 she's 8, he saves her and has to babysit her for a while around rogue one she's 18 starting to do field work as an agent cassian as fulcrum is not nice or friendly but mentors her and takes care of her she just starts acting like a friend even though she has no reason to treat him like one bonds with jyn they go to each other when they're concerned about cassian, jyn tells her about a miscarriage, she tells jyn about PTSD she doesn't want to admit to cassian later as peace becomes more viable and cassian less cold and jaded, he starts to act like her family and at first it scares her off a bit she's hostile, says you don't have any right treating me like a child considering how you treated me in the past CASSIAN JYN F1 bodhi jyn both trained by legendary race strategist galen erso (betrays imperial team and orson krennic?) bodhi was trained to to compete and be great, jyn was thrown in and not expected by others to be a real competitor jyn joins f1 with saw gerrera's partisans, low midfield team, strapped for cash bodhi drives with his brain jyn drives with her gut bodhi tells her she can be truly great when she masters melding the thinking and control with her raw talent jyn podiums once and is over the moon but cassian isnt happy for her and she doesnt understand cassian says she doesnt understand racing yet, put herself on the line for revenge, had no way of knowing she was gonna survive her dirty trick and she only won when almost half the field retired calls her hotheaded and not ready cassian was an excellent ruthless driver, would drive dirty to make the win very good (champion?) gets into bad crash (jyn saves him?) and retires, join rebellion as race strategist cassian suggests jyn as new driver leia backs him up jyn helps cassian with his PT and tells him he doesn't have to put on a mask for her and he allows himself to show that he's in pain jyn falls asleep in cassian's hotel room and when he tucks her in she grabs him and they fall asleep together at a party after a good win jyn's tipsy and grabs cassian and starts singing and dancing in his face and cassian is laughing and loving every moment jyn's championship title comes down to the last race she gets a rough bump that physically takes a toll on her she has a good lead but she blows a tire and limps home (krennic gets on the radio somehow to try and break her confidence?) cassian: "do your best, bring her home. i'm right here jyn, I'm with you to the end. I'm not going anywhere" jyn wins a championship and retires she's proved herself after no one thought she would, defeated vader for a season she knows she doesn't have a strong chance of doing it again and wants to make room for luke and han so they don't join imperial F1 STORY young hotshot female driver gets put into falling from glory ferrari with him he used to be eyed as the next great talent but in a shit car he doesn't have any accomplishments to show and is starting to lose the hype and his drive to win she idolizes him, after a race where she does very well for a rookie and he delivers good but not great results, she goes into his driver's room and congratulates him on a good drive out of a need to assert control he fucks her he's trying to massage his own shoulder, she says here let me help, get close, talking, he turns to catch her eye and realises how close they are and kisses her fucks her on the desk, hot and dirty after their lustful scramble he comes back yo his senses and is a bit ashamed of what he's done kisses her on the forehead and leaves, saying see you tomorrow they keep hooking up throughout her rookie season, and spending time together in the public eye, her sweet genuine humorous personality tempers his steely cold and focussed persona and media and fans eat it up, everyone loves them as old gruff dude and young hotshot jokester duo two seasons like that as they grow closer there's a picture of him as a f1 rookie giving 14yo her a trophy forehead kisses become a meme she tells him what he already knows, he needs to jump ship from the team he loves in order to win he signs with a top three team as she continues to get more experience at their old team throughout the season they continue hooking up and hanging out in winter break they spend a lot of time with each other, to the point it seems like they're dating but theyve never discussed it he wins a world championship, realises the only person he wants to celebrate with is her she gets signed to a title contender team next time they hook up he's being a tender and says something commitment related she freezes up "what did you think this is" "yeah of course anyone would jump at the chance to fuck their idols, that doesn't mean their idols would be a good person to settle down with" "did u think i would fall in love with you just because i look up to you? im not some groupie. as if you weren't just taking advantage of me the first time, cheating on your girlfriend. im smart enough to know I'm not special, if you did it to her you certainly have it in you to do it to me" "i think we should stop doing this" breakup, theyre both heartbroken he feels betrayed, thinking the girl he's in love with just used him she doesn't want to admit she really did fall for him he gets signed to the same team as her the whole world is super excited to see their chemistry again but they're super cold, barely together, barely acknowledge each other press conference she blows off the question of whether she's excited to be teammates again he gets into tabloids rumored to be dating hot celebs they have a bad rivalry on the track fighting for positions gets double retirement and other bad things eventually he realises she only pushed him away out of self preservation and she mist have loved him to have done so much and cared for him the way she did he apologizes and asks her to give them a chance she's shocked but she agrees, but she says they shouldnt be together until the season is over cue sexual tension she misses him too much and he comes into her hotel room to get a fright shes in his bed and they cuddle she wins the championship after 5 years of being together and racing, he retires proposes to her, to the shock of the world

[ifritini]

Ardyn x Reader

No one asked for this except my sorry sick ass who caught whatever this is from a friend (after stealing some of her sunny d). Asked smbd else to choose between Ignis, Ravus, Luna, or Ardyn and here we are with spicy trash man.  Note: A solid 5% of this fic stems from a very nice thought of ‘what if Ardyn has but a small fragment of his former healing powers? Why not incorporate that to a drabble when my brain can barely form coherent thoughts

Words: drabbe 1693

With every move came a backlash from your muscles, punishing you with your illness pricking your flesh with a myriad of tiny needles. On top of that your voice was almost all but gone, accompanied by a sore throat making it only harder to voice your discomfort. Only primal grunts and vague gestures would get you by, but even those were spared for desperate situations lest you coil back in agony from hyper sensitive muscles.

You groaned turning your head to the side. The glass of water stared tauntingly back at your dejected hues, with an equally full jug just behind serving as an additional reminder to your beloved previous words. ‘Drink lots and rest, dear. We wouldn’t want you bedridden all week, now would we?’. Ardyn spoke to you in such a surprisingly soft voice, one so different from his usual theatrics of words drawn from honey that enticed you in the first place. He even treated you to a gentle kiss against your forehead before leaving in a rush. For a moment you felt relief, energy flowing back through your body in an instant and numbing out those previously tender muscles.

Sadly a few minutes after being left in your lonesome you were left with a disaster of a body riddled with germs to keep you (un)pleasant company. At least you made it to the sofa before your body gave up under your own weight.

With a snort - or rather a grunt you swore came out of a dying animal rather than yourself, you turned your body the opposite way staring at the sofa pillows, burrowing back under the covers. Like hell I will, you thought, ignoring the little hint of guilt already welling up at the pit of your stomach. Of course Ardyn only meant well, but the sensation of fire running down your throat from such a mundane task as drinking a simple glass of water was not what one would consider ‘well’.

Several times you closed your eyes, further using either blanket or a second pillow over your face to block out any stray light the blinds failed to block out. Whether poorly timed coughing fits jolting you from the brink of sleep or a horrible discomfort overtaking your entire being no attempt to fall back to slumber seemed to work. Several times you considered wasting the day to watching whatever channel piqued your interest on your lovers millennium old television, and maybe part of your boredom afflicted misery would subside… If the remote wasn’t left carelessly lying on the stand a few feet away. Of course you weren’t being lazy, simply too pained to bother moving.

Hours drag on like days as you twiddled your thumbs undercovers till you picked up on keys jamming through the keyhole, turning the lock to open. With whatever energy you had left, you turned to your back as quickly as possible and sat up with an undignified grunt.

“W-lc-m- h-m-.” You called out in a pathetic whisper, most words lost to your throat protesting in agony the moment you saw Ardyn’s figure appear ‘round the corner.

The pity in his eyes after taking one good look at your arms barely raised above your head in a greeting, trailing from the tip of your fingers to your weary face was nigh comedic. Your hands flopped back down, one unfortunately banging against the table on the way down earning a hiss from you. The asshole had the gaul to chuckle at your misfortune, earning him the best glare you could muster up through half-lidded eyes

“My, my, seems you’ve gotten worse Y/N.”

“I’ll cough on you, smartass.” you strained your voice, hoping your frown conveyed your threat rather than warp your features into the stiffness slowly sinking into your back.

“Biting the hand that feeds you?” He tutted, walking over raising a hand to display a bulky paper bag it was clutching, “Most unwise of you, dear.”

Medicine.

You were quick to soften up on him, dropping any frown (or smile for that matter) down to the neutral face of discomfort. He of course thought it was a fantastic idea to toss you the bag rather than hand it over, earning a second chuckle at your delayed reaction finally registering it was thrown your way just after it resided on your lap. With an equal amount of enthusiasm you opened the bag and peered inside. You were greeted with a variety of syrups, some for coughs others as simple soothers, for flus, just about anything.

You looked back up at your lover already halfway through ridding himself of the coat, unnecessary two scarves, and ridiculous amount of other layers and discarded everything on the couch opposite from you before finally he was left with but a shirt. He carelessly kicked off his shoes to the side and finally walked over to the sofa, taking a seat where you once laid before you could catch up with his intentions.

“H-y…” a grumble left you instead of an actual, human language. “-S my spot…”

“Oh, how rude of me. Here I thought I could treat you a far more exquisite pillow.” his voice mimicked insincere hurt, further letting you picture the smirk plastered on his lips. “If you insist on cold feathers, then your wish is my-”

You swung your hand back as you caught on the cushion beneath you sinking down as he shifted his weight, ready to stand up. You aimlessly reached out to slap Ardyn against his thigh. Your impressive show of strength was displayed by a simple pat. “St-y.”

This time he sank down into the sofa, getting comfortable on your request time time with no intent on leaving your side any time soon. You turned back to the bag before you, rummaging in to take out what you deemed best - cough syrup. You gently placed the bag down on the table mindful of the glass bottles clustered inside. The box for your medicine was however chucked to the side with little care leaving you with the elixir of life. Or something close to it.

Without reading any manuals you assumed a single bottle cap would be enough every… Three times a day. Yeah, that was reasonable enough. Without a second thought (and ignoring the gaze you felt against your back as Ardyn undoubtedly stared inquisitively at you), you popped the cap open and filled it to the bring and drank it all down. The horrible taste hit you almost immediately, earning a violent cough out of you.

“Tastes… l-ke ass…” your nose scrunched up as the taste mercilessly lingered on your tongue.

“The price to pay, dear. I would rather have you take the effective horribly tasting medicine.

“-S if th- t-st-” you were abruptly interrupted by a coughing fit. Fortunately no intelligent speech was lost.

You heard a sigh from Ardyn, almost audibly voicing an eyeroll. “Come here.” he ordered not before placing a hand against your shoulder urging you to lay back down with a tug. You didn’t need to hear the order twice to flop back down, this time having your lover’s thigh substitute a pillow. “Close your eyes.”

If past experiences - from the past few hours no less were any give away the feat would bring little, but you obliged to his words, fully letting your muscles relax and body sink into the couch. You felt fingers gently entwine with your hair, eerily gentle to avoid pulling at any knots in their way as he proceeded to caress you.

“E’rythn huuurts.” you whispered through strained breaths. Only hushing yourself let words come out more or less pain-free, leaving your throat in mild irritation. Sadly the both of you damn well knew a little setback like this won’t stop the string of complaints.

“Then drink water.” he replied, voice flat. “And perhaps next time don’t nick off with bottles other sick people drank from.” There it was, the smugness playing back behind Ardyn’s words. The bastard knew your body was too weak to muster up even a gentle slap against his shoulder, abusing his power for snark while he still could.

Instead of voicing your annoyance this time, you started out with a fake cough in his direction, but it quickly morphed into a genuine fit. Not truly wanting your horrible fate to befall on the poor Chancellor you turned to your side, covering your mouth over with your hands for extra measure.

“Ah, you do care!” his voice was nigh a sing-song, almost enough to have you believing he was genuinely touched from something so silly.

A grunt in response.

No, that didn’t convey your complaint as well as words would. “I’m g-nna slap y- l-ter.”

“Then I suggest resting if you so wish to ‘slap me later’, Y/N.” he mused, leaning back into the pillows behind. “And drink up, as suggested earlier.”

Another grunt only this time showing defiance. No matter the cost, you refuse to endure the pain of swallowing down even a sip of water. You turned your body to your side, facing away from your lover rather than being greeted with a faceful of fabric. You felt the hand brushing through your hair still for a moment, allowing you to get comfortable as needed. You finally stopped shifting around in one spot, letting all tention escape your body along with a single sigh. Once you closed your eyes, nuzzling down against his thigh the petting resumed.

The last you cared to hear out of Ardyn was a content hum, sounding more like a rumble from his chest from your closeness. You were sure he was speaking to you, judging by distant murmurs your mind refused to pick up on. The wisdom of the ever great Chancellor were lost to you, as your mind mercifully decided to embrace sleep. Though through the nearing haze you felt that previous discomfort in your muscles fade away. It still lingered on, but you would happily take even the smallest of victories.

“Rest well, dear.” his last words sounded distant to your ears and your mind finally went blank to the clutches of sleep.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 15.08.17 lb

damn ragini looks realllllllly hotttttt today. if shivaay won’t wife her, i will. 😍😍😍

lmaooooo yiiiikes, the look he gave her when she said anika and vikram look made for each other. i haven’t seen that hostile a look from shivaay in ages! 😬😬😬

oh ragini, why do you want his stupid sada hua shakal in your selfies when you literally look like a goddess today? you look even better than the bride!!!!!!! 😯😯😯

ohhhhh boy. shivaay is MAAAAAAAAAAAD about the press conference stunt and the fact that she’s parading around calling herself his fiancee. 😬😬😬

god, he’s being hella rude to her. i hope at least now she’ll get over her silly crush and realise he sucks. leave him to anika, girl. you deserve so much better. why don’t you try maarofy on fine vikram here? he’s taller and hotter and seems to have no discernible anger management issues. 😌😌😌

ohhhhhhhhhh, he’s also mad coz she misbehaved with ANIKA in front of the press! damn billu. if you care so much about anika, then why don’t you just give up at this stupid game and go tell her that? 😒😒😒

“shukar karo ki main baat kar raha hoon.” 

yeah, as opposed to throwing his phone at you. or threatening to blow samar up. girlllll, you don’t even know the extent of his issues. run while you can. 😐😐😐

god she looks so sad and taken aback. *holds her and hisses at shivaay like a cat to keep him away from my girl, ALL MY GIRLS* 👿👿👿

lolololol his LORD GIVE ME PATIENCE look 😆😆😆: 

daaaaaaamn, ragini bhi koi kachchi khilaaadi nahi hai. i’m so fucking glad she’s letting him have it and calling him out. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

wow. guess he couldn’t have put it any plainer than that. 😗😗😗

meanwhile rudra is here on his ownnnn trip. bitch, keep calm and have faith in chulbul bhaabi! 😒😒😒

there’s more fabric in bhavya’s dupatta than in the lehenga skirt itself. kahin tailor se galti toh nahi hui, and now she’s resorting to carrying the lehenga piece around as dupatta as an ‘accent’? 🤔🤔🤔

lmao omkara just up and fucked off to germany for ‘a workshop’. sure. not at all for a few mental health days away from you crazies. 🙄🙄🙄

but gotta say, bhavya loooooks hot af too today. seriously all the girls look like 🔥🔥🔥 today. 

damn i want some rasna now. (bg mein se “I LOVE YOU RASNA!”) 

lolololol rudra’s eyes just LIGHTING THE FUCK UP at whatever that shady white powder is just amazing. 😊😊😊

abhi yeh pilaana kisko hai? vikram ko? 🤔🤔🤔

o bete ki! ANIKA KO!??! 😧😧😧

oh thank god, gauri’s a chatur chiraiyya who caught these idiots in time!!!!!!! 😰😰😰

raginiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. you so shady, girl. i fucking love it. 😆😆😆

LMAO VIKRAM GETTING STARTLED AT PINKY TOOT-PADOFYING ON HIM HAHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣

oh man, i can actualllllly FEEEEEL vikram’s “main kahaan phas gaya yaaaar 😩😩😩” feelings take on a physical form and start to seep out my screen. 

ragini, what the fuck kinda pic are you gonna get from that angle? it’s just going to be a solid black square of vikram’s shoulder. back up a little, girl.😕😕😕

why isn’t billu here to see these shenanigans and grind his teeth!???? 🤔🤔🤔

OH, RIGHT ON SCHEDULE!!!!!!!! 

OMFG THE WAY HE ACCOSTED VIKRAM’S HAND HAHAHAHA. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

poor vikram, this whole fam is manhandling him like fuckkkkkk today. 😗😗😗

lmaoooo the looks pinky and ragini just exchanged. fucking amazinggggg. 🤣🤣🤣

meanwhile: 

“nagini? humara matlab, RAGINI (kya sunnna tumne?) ” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

hahaha bulbul’s MANIC smile. god, this episode is killing me with everyone’s facial comedy. 😂😂😂

ragini, no!!!!!!!!!! so many empty calories! (and unknown drugs.) BUT ALL THAT SUGAR, GIRL! 😫😫😫

question: who are all these rando guests? like... anika has no one, and vikram ke liye toh this isn’t real, so it can’t be anyone from his side. neither of them are oberois, so it’s not THEIR fam. WHO ARE ALL THESE PPL? 😕😕😕

pfffffft, dulhan is eye fucking her ex hubs. 🙄🙄🙄

“kuch kehna hai anika?”

OMFG SHIVAAY. YOU’RE FUCKING ASKING FOR IT. 😡😡😡

waah, is saal ka filmfare toh bulbul ko hi jaana hai. for such superlative ~~~ACTING~~~ 🙃🙃🙃

OH NOW HE NOTICES THAT SHE’S BEEN WEARING IT. AFTER A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH. FUCKING IDIOT. AANKHEIN HAI YA BUTTON? 😒😒😒

oh shut up ruVya. khud toh kuch kiya nahi jaata, aur gauri ke plan ko anshann kahe jaa rahe ho. 😒😒😒

man, i didn’t know rudra had this gunda side to him. 😗😗😗

waah, is haath pe ddlj waala pentra. 🙄🙄🙄

was this gauri’s big dramatic plan??? girl needs to stop watching so much bollywood. 😣😣😣

lololol shivaay’s sardonic eyebrow raise at rudra’s slip up. 😆😆😆

god, i love bulbul. she’s just too fucking cute. 😍😍😍

god, most overrrrrdramatic saddd song EVER. 😑😑😑

BILLU YOU FUCKING FUCKKKKK I HATE YOU STOP KILLING ME WITH YOUR STUPID FACE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

is he a fucking idiot??? he can see her standing there crying, and he still won’t do anything? that’s how much his zidd means to him. even more than her (and his own!!!!) absolute misery. 😤😤😤

“gauri bhaabi paagal ho gayi hai.” *snort* 😆😆😆

JFC THOSE TACKYASS SSO SHOES. SET THEM ON FUCKING FIRE, LORD. 🤢🤢🤢

bulbul is master of the angst. i fucking love it. 😈😈😈

dadi looks like she might keel over from the pain of all this. 😟😟😟

no point of looking at her all angstily and like you want to die, billu. you brought this upon yourself. 😗😗😗

arre waaaaaah, plan is a gauri - sahil alliance! 😚😚😚

oh no ragini knows! 😯😯😯

ouff naagini, FAINT already!!!!! 😶😶😶

my god, vikram, 5 minuteeeeeeeee ho gayeeeee, abhi tak ring ungli ko choo bhi nahi rahi. aur kitna slow motion mere bhai??? 😑😑😑

waah, sahil is familiar enough with the electrical circuitry of Oberoi Mansion to pull this shit off. 😧😧😧

ok, can’t deny, heart gave twinge at him holding her and whispering “main hoon na. kuch nahi hoga tumhe.”  😣😣😣💔💔💔

“aap nahi hai. aapne mujhe khud se door...” 

aaaaaaaand i’m crying. 😭😭😭😥😥😥😪😪😪😢😢😢

... is this a dream? it feels a little bit like a dream. 😕😕😕

oh. it’s not? okay. 😶😶😶

is that the ring shivaay was holding, or the one vikram was holding? 🤔🤔🤔 

ok i don’t like this weird theme music. it sounds too much like the x files theme song. which is fitting, coz half the shit happening in this show can only be explained by “aliens”, but not in romantic scenes like this, come on. 😒😒😒

i don’t like this weird... editing of this scene. it makes it feel weird and dream sequence like and NOT REAL. 😑😑😑

lmao vikram’s face at bulbul commending him for “andhere mein sagaai”. 🤣🤣🤣

ragini’s more cognizant even after being drugged, than i am sober. 😐😐😐 

nowwww what???? how will they get out of thisssss one???? 😯😯😯

OH HO ANIKA, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HIM??? WOH JO KAR SAKTA THA USNE KIYA, AB TU BHI TU KUCH KAR, MERI MAA !!!! 😫😫😫

“kaisi dheent womaniya hai, gir hi nahi rahi! gir jaa! GIR JAA!” 

lolololol gauriiiiiii. 😂😂😂

is no one else noticing this ex-husband/wife CONSTANTLY STARING AT EACH OTHER????????? LIKE???? 😬😬😬

oufffff issse zyaada slow motion mein bardaasht nahiiiiiiiii kar saktiiiiii. 😫😫😫😫

LMAO RUDRA’S CHUCKLE AT RAGINI FAINTING. 🤣🤣🤣

“achcha hua jo bhi hua.” omfg this petty idiot. i love him. 😂😂😂

vikram, sach sach bol. chakkar kya hai tera ragini ke saath!??? 😟😟😟

OK GAURI HAS TO BE ANIKA’S CHUTKI. PLEASE. SHE EVEN HAS THE “LOGIC” WAALA GESTURE. WHICH ANIKA HAS NEVER EVEN DONE IN FRONT OF HER!!!!! 😫😫😫

also my god, i think i might be in love with shrenu fucking parikh. 💖💖💖

omg i love these two fucking idiots. such hardcore shippers they are. the IF/twitter shivika fandom has nothing on these two. 😊😊😊

billu’s in his room fiddling with his ring again. 😚😚😚

oh looks like anika ka rona dhona quota for day is over. now commences aaj ka badass quota. 😏😏😏

ugh this fucker and his hand sex. fuckkkkkk him. 😯😯😯😳😳😳

andhera ka fayda. god, that too in such a lame PG 7 way. you’re the lamesttttt, billu. at least should have gotten in a kiss or two. 😒😒😒

“sach bata do, and i’ll put an end to all of this.”

one more time i hear this dialogue, i swear, i’m taking a flight to bombay and beating his skinny 4 foot tall ass myself. 😠😠😠

GOD YOU TWO ARE THE FUCKING WORST. THE. ABSOLUTE. WORST. STALE BREAD? BETTER THAN YOU. SOGGY FRENCH FRIES? BETTER THAN YOU. PEOPLE WHO USE TOO MANY HASHTAGS IN THEIR IG CAPTIONS, LIKE #BLESSED #LOVE #BAE #INSTAGOOD #INSTACUTE #INSTADAILY #INSTAPUPPY #THUGLYFE #PHOTOOFTHEDAY #SMILEOFTHEDAY #FOODIE ETC. ARE BETTER THAN YOU. THAT GROSS MALAI THAT FORMS ON TEA/COFFEE YOU LEAVE ALONE FOR LIKE, 5 NANOSECONDS???? BETTER THAN THE TWO OF YOU. 😑😑😑

aaaaand he’s back to sad face fiddling with the ring. and this time she joins him (but in different location.) the couple that cries over their rings like a buncha STUPID fucking assholes together, stays together or whatever, i guess. idek anymore man. just show me what’s up with jhanvi and her creepy ugly boy-man stalker. 😒😒😒

i like how they just keep the shitty tejVi plot for the last 5 minutes, instead of editing it in between the other stuff. this way, the ppl who don’t care can just fucking get done with this in one go. 😊😊😊

“tum yahaan kyun aaye ho?” jhanvi asks man-boy, IN HIS OWN DAMN HOUSE, LOL. 😆😆😆

“tumhaare inkaar mein iqraar se bhi zyaada mazaa hai.” oh right okay, he’s one of THOSE. *sharpens my knife to stab him in his fucking ugly face* 😌😌😌🔪🔪🔪🔪

ok she couldn’t have made it plainer than that. but nope. creepers gotta creep creep creep creep creep. 😊😊😊

oh wait, we’re not done with the oberoi mansion for the day yet! 😯😯😯

god, this bhavya’s boss is just asking to get kicked. he’s so annoying. 😑😑😑

ABHI???? WHO’S GONNA HELP OUT WITH THIS WEDDING AND MIX ILLICIT DRUGS IN THE JUICE THEN? 😣😣😣😥😥😥

ugh no tej don’t leave her aloneeeeeeeeeeeeee. 😫😫😫 

words i NEVER thought i’d say, tbh. 😐😐😐

GOD HE’S SUCHHHHHH A FUCKING CREEP. FUCKING KILL HIM, JHANVI. 😤😤😤

this place is soooo fucking middle class, for the oberois to stay in? like... come on. 🤔🤔🤔

GOD DON’T BE FUCKING STUPID JHANVI. LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR AND STAY INSIDE. 😩😩😩

WHO THE FUCK HAS A CRUSH ON SOMEONE FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS? GET A GODDAMN LIFE, FOOL. 😟😟😟

GOD I HATE MENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 😡😡😡

great more misunderstandings tomorrow thanks to the unholy (&hot!!!!) coupling of vikram + ragini 😒😒😒

aaaaaaaaaaand anika used “faraq nahi padta???” move

so absolutely nothing new happening. for the 12th episode in a row. 🙄🙄🙄

[myjackiejackie01]

“Thwarted” Chapter 47 Review

@perrydowning work is a bitch and i missed lunch writing this and this is late BUT I’LL NEVER MISS D:< 

Work is hectic and I'm running about BUT I did read this before I headed off and I will say this: I don't wake up early to be drowning in nothing but angst and heartbreak, PERRY. *cries over keyboard*

The Kylo Pain Train keeps on chugging and we dunno were it'll end, but I'm enjoying the ride!! HOWEVER, I also miss Galactic Girlfriend so I await the day she returns to us because I miss her and Kylo together being happy and not miserable ;-; BUT I am also enjoying the misery and angst and aaaargh I can't make up my mind.

ANYWAYS.

Seeing my poor Galactic Idiot down in the dumps really is depressing. I can feel his angst through my computer screen. Each time you update, I feel just a little more depressed than I did the previous update... but in a GOOD WAY!! Because it shows just how much of an impact and full of emotion your writing is!! But also at the same time I feel terribly for Kylo. Rey not being there to keep in in check is really biting the rest of the galaxy in the ass.

Where to begin.... Kylo is just in really REALLY bad shape. He started cutting again because he needs to feel SOMETHING other than the constant pain he feels without Rey's love and he's closed the Bond to save himself from the cold that comes from her end of their connection. It's been quite clear just how much Rey means to him as the story progressed, and how much deeper those feelings became when she returned them. And he cemented those feelings in this chapter; he'd ensure that any and all involved in her current state - should she die (though we know she doesn't) - perish and then he'd kill himself, because he'd rather join her in death than even begin to think of a world where Rey isn't in it. He needs Rey like we all need air to breath. His world itself is very much colorless, figuratively speaking, if Rey isn't there to brighten it. 

It's interesting that the possibility of Rey's death kind of "triggers" his transformation back into Kylo Ren. I don't believe he's the same as he was before he captured Rey and their journey from enemies-to-lovers. He was still very much willing to dish out executions on those that didn't agree with his or the FO's agenda, BUT Rey was still able to discuss with him and, in a way, get through to him that that isn't the ONLY way to go about things. Like with the storm trooper program and treating them like people and not faceless drones. Kylo is capable of mercy, but REY plays a big part in that, most definitely. She brings out his "Ben Solo", the part of him he keeps trying to kill but he somehow keeps coming back. But you can't REALLY kill off a part of yourself. He just suppresses it. I see him more of a hybrid, a sort of Kylo Ben when he has Rey with him. But with Rey temporarily out of the picture, the Ben side gets buried again and Kylo fully becomes Kylo Ren and thinks irrationally, and I think that's really interesting and something I noticed over the last few chapters. Just my own observation :)

So many feelings regarding his feelings towards Leia. As I mentioned before, he's acting irrationally BUT he's also growing paranoid. Now I know Leia would NEVER do anything that would harm Rey or put her in harm's way in any shape or form. She loves that girl like a daughter. It just shows where Kylo's mindset is at the moment and it is NOT in its right mind (but when was it ever, really? Except where Rey was concerned and even THAT had its limits). Leia loved her son, loves him still no doubt, but let's face it: she wasn't the best mother. She didn't really understand her incredibly powerful Force-sensitive son and she didn't spend enough time with him as he grew older, and that had negative, lasting effects on him that he STILL carries with him and they burn intensely. I think he's more projecting some of his anger and hatred onto Leia, especially now. The boy is going through a lot and now he's got this paranoia that the Resistance had something to do with the bombings on Eshara. I can understand why he'd think so: they went MIA and are nowhere to be found. But I think this bombing is an isolated incident. But again, it shows just how far off his rational thinking is and he's not really thinking clearly. AND the poor guy has mommy's issues a hundred miles long, so what's one more thing to add onto that list?

I think Kes has a point. I dunno if it would help, but maybe, just maybe it would help if he contacted Leia and see if she could help? She is also a Force-sensitive. It could also help Kylo get through his severe momma issues if he had a lengthy discussion with her; I'm sure she'd be more than willing to listen. At the end of the day, only you know the answer to how Rey will wake up from her coma, so only the next few chapters will tell.

Uh-oh. Kylo is OFFICIALLY en route to Eshara. That doesn't spell out good news for those guilty of the explosion. BUT I think Kylo needs this. All that pent up energy HAS to get out somehow, right? xD

Miscellaneous Comments:

- Preslan!! ;-; He misses his mistress somethin' fierce, I reckon. How cute it was for him and Kylo to kind of put their differences aside (for now) and to get along. I did snicker when he took a swipe at Kylo. He doesn't want some big-eared giant trying to feed him! He wants his pretty brunette mistress! - Can I just say that the storm troopers thanking Kylo for the changes he's making to their program had me DIE FROM THE PRECIOUSNESS?!!? I know Galactic Idiot has a lot on his plate right now and the last thing he probably wants to feel is gratitude though it is appreciated were it a better time, but seeing that they ARE in fact grateful for what he's doing is really very sweet. - Aaah, Rey's mother. Ever the piece of work that she is. I'll be real glad when she's gone out of her life, cuz I don't see her sticking around for very long once our Rey is better (cuz SHE WILL GET BETTER, DAMMIT ;-;) - I feel for Vitok. She has done her best trying to keep Kylo in check but she can only do so much... - How is Hux's blood pressure not through the roof with his impossible boss?! It probably is and he's handling it a lot better than most people would. xD

Awaiting chapter 48, where people will undoubtedly DIE and Kylo falls deeper into the Rey-less Void of Despair!!! Perry, you're killing me here. KILLING ME. WHEN WILL THIS PAIN TRAIN END?!? Not that I'm not enjoying it ;) BUT STILL ;-; Your gorgeous writing will be the death of me, my dear.

Happy writing!!

xx