#it's not MY fault that warrior cats h[IS SHOT]

[crimson-roots]

Sausage of Gobland still finds the idea of alternate universes and timelines to be fun, even if he doesn't have any personal experiences with that kind of thing. This has made his conversations with Oli, isekai'd godly figure who is also Just Some Guy, and Fwhip, man with many visions who is Terrified of Sausage and may or may not have avoided confrontation and stalked the guy from a distance, to both have... very normal conversations with Sausage despite how wild other worlds may seem to other people.

He also made wild theories about the possibilities of the Scottpearl situation when Scott kept coming over to explain each little bit of it before concretely talking to anyone about alternate dimensions but that was his way of getting grander and wilder with his assumptions as the situation kept getting weirder while also keeping it as what may be the most reasonable explanation. In his eyes, at the very least. Joey did not help with making this more reasonable and he may need to eventually casually ask Pearl if she's some sort of powerful dimension-hopping witch (or other kind of magic user!) now.

everything he learns about the situation means more details get added. Most people seem to just listen to try and ignore the Sausage embellishments if they want to find out anything about Pearl from him

god...... fucking girlboss. jesus agkfdjs

choosing to headcanon that there's a cave hidden, somewhere in the systems of gobland, with a flat, smooth quartz stone in the middle of its oddly circular floor. and when sausage walks inside, he is struck by the echoes of the room; it is almost like a million sets of footsteps, washing over each other like waves in a rockpool. if he squints in the milky white quartz, his face distorts. warps to something... odd. something weird. (something familiar.)

sausage is one for the drama, but this place is.. different. solemn, almost, the air thick and silent every time he stands still. it is not something he shares; this room is his alone.

ALSO. when it DOES leak that he has some weird dimension portal room. sausage tells everyone all about his evil villain mirror self who has SCARS and COOL HAIR and a SWORD and is a BILLION FEET TALL <- he is lying <3

[frogmanwritings]

Loyal and Loving | A Thrushpelt and Bluestar one-shot

I tried to stick to canon with this, with Bluestar not truly loving Thrushpelt, but I may have strayed some lol. Let me know what you think, kinda went outside my comfort zone to make a one-shot.

Alternative reading links: Fanfiction AO3

Bluestar always wanted to be leader. To be the face of her clan, to lead through thick and thin. And going through the thick, it was glorious. It was painful at times, to remember what she had given up to do it, but being able to stand up on the Highrock, to look down at her allies, her warriors, her friends... it was comfortable, everything she had ever dreamed of. But going through the thin right now? It was agonizing. This leafbare was the most brutal one that she had ever experienced, with prey being extremely scarce and sickness ravaging the camp. And tales with the elders only confirmed, this one was the worst they had ever seen as well.

The conditions for kits was unbearable, and Robinwing's most recent litter had already lost two kits within a moon of their birth, while a third, named Ravenkit, was fighting greencough. Elders were starving, with Windflight's body unable to hold up with the lessened food, and passed on just a few nights ago. Adderfang, stubborn as a badger, refused to rest in brutal conditions, and eventually died of illness as well. Even Rosetail, her friend for most of her life, lost her entire litter to illness, and was ravaged so badly by greencough that she had to retire to the elder's den, her lungs too far damaged to keep up with a warrior's life anymore.

As much as she tried to remain strong, it was appearing near impossible with death and suffering was clawing its way through her Clan, intent on claiming every life within it. And sitting in her den, Bluestar tried to calm her breathing. They would get through these moons, to get to newleaf, where the snow melted, illness passed, and prey became plentiful again, but it was at a snail's pace, and how many more cats would they have to lose to get there?

"Bluestar?"

The voice of Spottedleaf made the leader blink, looking upward towards the beautiful dappled medicine cat. Usually, in any other condition, the presence of the tortoiseshell was comforting, her mood and intelligence always lightening the mood. But in times like these, it just made Bluestar's stomach tighten, with news of another cat dying or falling ill coming her way. And with the look of sorrow in her eyes, she suspected no different. But even so, she kept her face as straight as she could, her fur only bristling just a bit.

"It's.. Thrushpelt." That sweet voice meowed, and Bluestar let a shiver run through her fur. Thrushpelt was a... special cat. Not because he was extraordinary at anything, he was just generally.. good at everything, but he was a welcoming spirit to the Clan, his kindness never leaving him and his warm green eyes promising comfort. But also, he was her mate. Or at least, that's what they had the Clan believe.

Bluestar foolishly engaged with Riverclan's Oakheart when she was younger. Her heart would always belong with him, but she ended up pregnant with his kits, and in order to cover for herself, she needed a tom within the Clan to be her mate. And Thrushpelt, he was infatuated with her, and agreed without any further question. Which made it all the worse that she had to then give away her kits to Oakheart later, when the Clan needed a new deputy, and Thistleclaw would bring Thunderclan to ruins under his reign.

"Is he sick too?" Bluestar carefully asked, knowing that another sick warrior was the last thing they needed now, already being short on paws. And yet the sorrow-filled eyes of Spottedleaf only turned darker. "He's dying."

"What?" That made the leader jolt up to her paws, her body suddenly rigid after having been slumped over before. "H-How? He just went out on patrol, was there-" "There was no attack. Redtail and Lionheart had to drag him back to camp, he collapsed after a heavy coughing fit. I'm not sure if it's greencough, but.."

Bluestar blinked, her pelt suddenly feeling hot, the tips of her ears and tail burning, yet this warmth during leafbare was something she did not desire. She'd rather be cold and shivering than.. this. "He wants to see you, Bluestar. I've given him some medicine and some poppy seeds to ease his suffering, but.. it won't be much longer." Spottedleaf went on, and her tone went low as she explained, ears flattening just a bit.

There was almost no time for the leader to process all of this. Just a few seconds of thought, of realization, before she nodded to her medicine cat. "You did the right thing, Spottedleaf." Bluestar mewed, hoping her tone didn't sound too shrivel and was comforting enough as she began to pad past, out to the snow-filled camp. Apprentices were making fortifications to the camp, warriors were constantly on the move, measly morsels of prey in their mouths before they went right back out, elders and queens camped away in their dens. When the leader was spotted exiting her den, she could see a few cats dip their heads away, while others looked to her for guidance, for words of encouragement.

But there was nothing she could tell them now. Another cat was dying to this forsaken season, and she had to be there for his last moments. Leaping down from her den, she quickly padded over to Spottedleaf's den. "Bluestar, I-" Darkstripe began to speak up to her, but a hiss from the trailing medicine cat quieted him. The young warrior's words would have to wait, their leader was needed for a cat's final moments. And this one had to be the most bitter for her yet.

"Thrushpelt?" Bluestar called out gently, dipping her head into the den, the smell of herbs instantly hitting her in the face, but her tired eyes eventually caught the sight of the pale brown fur of the warrior, huddled up in a den of moss. "Bluestar..?" She could hear him call out in return, but it was practically a croak, and she quietly hissed. That was how Windflight sounded before he passed. How did this happen so quickly...

"I'm here, Thrushpelt, I'm here.." She meowed, walking forward and immersing herself fully into the den, seeing those light green eyes, like the grass of newleaf, open up and meet her gaze. Maybe in another life, she could find herself tantalized by that gaze, to fall in love with it. He was certainly a handsome tom, charming in his own way, and if he hadn't been so infatuated with her, he would've surely found himself a mate. But instead, he acted as hers, to keep her secret safe. He was loyal to a fault, and Bluestar could never thank him enough for it.

And now, at his side, Bluestar could see the extent of his illness. Green mucus was splattered on the ground next to the moss, his nose running and chin damp with drool. The brightness in his gaze had dimmed, and even while under the influence of those poppy seeds, his flank was still raising quickly, as though desperately sucking in air for damaged lungs. He was very sick, and the leader could hardly bare it. "Bluestar.. I'm sorry."

Thrushpelt apologized, and this time, the leader made sure her hiss was heard. "Don't apologize." She practically ordered him, and yet he continued to meow in a shriveled tone. "I knew I was sick... but I couldn't just stop. I couldn't bear to hear Robinwing's kits whine. The elders.. begging for prey. Apprentices working up frostbite. So.. I hid it."

"You acted valiantly, Thrushpelt, it's ok." Bluestar responded, laying her body down close to his, one of her paws pressing down over his. Her ears could pick up Spottedleaf gently backing out of the den, as though to give the two their final moments together. "Starclan will honor you. I promise."

A harsh cough then escaped from Thrushpelt's mouth, more green spit flying out, though thankfully the warrior had enough mind to turn his head away. As much as Bluestar wanted to be there for her warrior, she couldn't afford to get sick when she needed to be the beacon for the Clan. Though it still made her ears flatten to hear, her heart aching for the tom.

"I'm.. I'm not scared, Bluestar. I'm.. happy." He mewed softly, turning back to her once he wiped his muzzle with the moss of his bedding. "I get to see our kits again..." His eyes lit up just briefly at that, meeting Bluestar's gaze, and her heart sank. Guilt had always raked her heart over giving away her kits, not just because she was losing them, but because Thrushpelt was too.

He knew that they weren't his, and that he was merely to keep her secret affair with Oakheart safe. And yet he loved them, with all of his heart. She thought back to how her father treated her and Snowkit, when they were kits, and he almost never took enough time out of the day to truly see them. Bluestar loved her father and understood that he put his duties first, like she did in a way, but it was something heartwarming to see how good a father could be, with Thrushpelt. One could've never guessed that her kits wasn't his, with how much he loved them.

Anytime she needed a break, be it to stretch her legs and walk or just needing to relax after having three kits prod their growing claws against her belly, he was there. If they wanted to topple a fox, he played the biggest and baddest one. If Stonekit was the valiant leader, he was the most loyal warrior, ready to take any command.

And when she gave them away... when she had to tell Thrushpelt the lie, that a predator had scooped them away, it almost made her break, and tell him the truth instead, though she knew she couldn't. He looked, and looked, and looked. No other cat, not even Bluestar herself, looked as badly as he did. She could still remember the look of absolute sorrow in his eyes as he began to realize that they'd never find them. Just thinking of it made her gulp down any sound of sorrow.

And that was why she couldn't tell him now. As much as she wanted to, Bluestar knew that him passing would be far easier if he thought their kits were waiting for him, and she could only hope that he wouldn't be angry once he realized, even if he had all the right. At the very least, he'd have Mosskit, and she could only hope that that would satisfy him when he went. "Take good care of them... for us." She meowed, dipping her head close to his flank.

Did she love him? Well, she loved all of her clanmates, happily ready to sacrifice herself for any of them. But there was no denying that Thrushpelt.. he was special. Perhaps she wasn't in love with him, perhaps he wasn't truly the one for her, but she also couldn't deny that there was some semblance there. Acting as mates together, there had to be some level of acting in order to keep appearances. They'd join patrols together, eat prey together, share tongues, and he'd never ask for anything more. Perhaps in another life..

"I'll tell them.. all the tales of their mother." Thrushpelt croaked, ending his sentence with a sigh, as though it was difficult for him to let out. His time was coming closer, and Bluestar pushed her nose against his flank. To comfort him, to feel his breaths... to be close to him as Starclan began to take him.

"Oh. I can feel it.." He mewed, his body slowly beginning to tingle and shake, his mouth gaping and eyes widening. Starclan was coming to take him now, and Bluestar could only murmur sadly. As to bring him anymore comfort, to make his journey any easier, it was the least that she could do for him, for any of her cats who were dying in front of her.

"I'll miss you, Thrushpelt." She uttered. Just outside of him being the former father to her kits, he was a great warrior. His jaws always swelling with prey, his claws always meeting their mark, a kind soul that looked out for others and a stern face when there needed to be one. Thunderclan would certainly miss his presence, and getting through leafbare would be even more difficult without him, though her mind didn't linger on that at the moment. Right now, in Spottedleaf's den, it was just the two of them, in his final moments, with everything else outside not existing. Just for these minutes.

"Bl-Bluestar.." His voice had lowered even quieter, but Bluestar could just hear it, turning her head to see his gaze on her, green and blue eyes mingling together. "Get the clan.. through this.. I know you will.." He rasped, the emotion in those eyes unmistakable, even with his body weakening. "I'll.. always love you." He whispered in a hush, that adoration gleaming in his eyes, and she heard it loud and clear. Her heart tightened, and the leader stepped forward to push her muzzle against his forehead, her paw pressing down over his and a comforting rumble in her throat building next to his ears. "Rest.." She could only murmur, as to speak any louder would allow the crack of grief to be audible in her tone.

Silence filled the den for the next seconds, almost as though it were abandoned, before finally, Bluestar could feel that last shutter run through Thrushpelt, a mild gasp acting as his final breath, and his body finally still. Thrushpelt had passed. And the leader took the time to drag her tongue over his head, to take in his scent one last time, to groom him one last time. She'd give him this moment, to show him that she truly cared as he ascended to Silverpelt.

And when Spottedleaf peaked in, she only nodded her head to Bluestar, in a quiet understanding that.. Bluestar just wanted these few more minutes before they took out to the center of camp. To Spottedleaf and the rest of the clan, their leader would grieve for him as a mate. But for her, and for him, it'd be because of a deep bond that never turned romantic, but it was someone that Bluestar could never, and would never want to replace. He was there when she needed him, went far and beyond what she asked of him, and never faltered in his loyalty.

That was just the type of cat Thrushpelt was. Loyal and loving.

[boobachu]

The T.C. rambles while watching a force awakes

Re-watching star wars 7 to see if out of the 3D headache IMAX theatre, if it’s any better.

I still hate parody Han Solo guy, like he reminds me of post-Black Knight Sonic the Hedgehog. Just really unfunny and trying way too hard to be hip and internet savvy or something.

I don’t think anything will change my opinion that he shoulda been a bit character.

I’ve decided to commentate the whole fucking movie so read on if you dare.

Rey’s making space bread. It’s very gross.

I doubt anything will change my opinion that she’s the best star wars character.

Oh God BB-8

HBomberguy ruined BB-8 for me. Whenever I see him all I hear is

L I T T L E   W H I T E   C U C K - B A L L L L L L

I guess Rey doesn’t like him either, I forgot this part.

I wish they got rid of the Dorito Destroyer.

Oh boy Darth Helmet is interrogating Lone Star.

Kylo Ren has the stupidest helmet.

There’s subtitles on this so I learned the guy’s name is Poe

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like Kylo Ren is really badass in the first half I remember this, like he stops a God damn laser blast.

Would you sell BB-8 for 60 meals?

Oh hey

Ugh what’s his name... the storm trooper’s gonna take Poe outta here.

You need a pilot. LOL

I guess Poe is alright, just his first impression was very dumb.

Oh snap it’s hooked down. What kinda name is Hux that’s stupid.

Ha hah shootin’ em down just like Annie in ep 1.

Get fucked command center.

Why do they still have Twin Ion Engine fighters?

I guess we still drive cars so eh...

Ah his name is Finn now, I guess he is a clone? or something?

Maybe they have multiple types of clones. I wonder if they still use Jango Fett...

Fucking proton torpedos!!!

Ah yeah I forgot Finn just wants to GTFO

Trailer shot. Nice.

Oh wait I can turn off subtitles. Good that was disorienting me.

And Poe dies... a great fake-out you thought parody han solo was a protag, but no this is the story of Finn, the storm trooper defecting from nazi hell-space to find his own life on Jakku or wherever.

He keeps Poe’s jacket for cover, very poetic. HAH

POE-ETIC God why did I hate this movie again?

If there’s a Kylo Ren, where is Kylo Stimpy?

Oh God Finn no don’t ugh drank the slop water ugh no why ugh

Finn goes to save Rey cuz white knight trope. Rey can handle herself like a ‘90s chick. Hey she’s a pit chick she’s got a staff.

RUN FINN RUN

Rey fuck taser what

Finn’s having a lousy life.

Poor basketball’s friend died. I feel like the story is rushing.

Like I expected more of a build-up not “SPIT OUT THE EXPOSITION FUCKIN”

Ah, storm troopers...

Rey doesn’t want your cooties, Finn.

Fucking TIE fighters fuck

Is Finn dead? No he just nappin’

Everything exploding!

THE GARBAGE’LL DO

God damn Millenium cheeseburger.

I can do this I can do this

HOW DO YOU FLY A CHEESEBURGER

Fucking karma’s a cheeseburger, that’s what you get for callin’ the SS you loser

The action scenes are choice

Ah Dorito ruins.

Oh I remember this part just

TIE DOWN

oh no Finn down

here it comes

G E T  R E A D Y

fucking engine exhaust TIOGHT

HARD RIGHT

WOOOOOO

Takin’ the shot yeah

Space

CHUCK A  SHIT

ohp

Kylo is Mado

NERD RAGE

AAAAAAAAAA

Kylo is such a 12 year old in 2003.

GIRL?! THERE WAS A WOM?!?!?!?!? XDDD fucking loser

pweese BB-8 help I dunno what I do

fucking lighter thumbs up

Damn Finn what a nerd. “Got a boyfriends? a boyfriend?”

oh no they got garbage dayed

come on Rey gas them gas them all

oh great it’s Han Solo and Chewie

oh wait he used to be Han Solo

What is he now Han Oriana? Whatever Leia’s last name was I never could spell it.

Damn buncha everything happens

Oh great it’s big eyed billy joe armstrong and his O-nauts

WE WUNT OR MUNEY BAEK NAU

oh boy more losers.

It’s all over for Solo.

Ah shit just unleashed things.

There goes the neighborhood just fucking angry meatballs of death AND HE FEEDS THAT DUDE TO IT

oh shit it quiet

Rey is allalone...

Fucking Finn I turn my head a sexond and the meatball caught him.

Get to da cheeseborger

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it”

Just lightspeed dashed I swear he looks like british billie joe armstrong.

Damn giant fish thing on planet deadly pokeball.

Who is supreme leader he is stupid ugly stupid.

Oh his dad’s Han Solo wow way to blow it spoiler alert fucking why didn’t they save that for the end who wrote this crap oh he was a hologram.

Damn babuy chewie

Ah the new hope plot.

I dunno they twist it enough to make it feel fresh so eh.

Ah a planet of islands... the scenery reminds me of ep 2

“Did you just call me ‘Solo’?”

Women always figure out the truth, always.

There needs to be a han solo inspirational poster that says that.

A job? The fabled... job? You offer job?

Rey has a home? I thought she was just a wayfarer.

Don’t stare “At what?” any of it XDDDDD

Yeah this story feels like it’s going too fast like what’s going on.

HAAAN S O L O

Wait she’s hot for Chewbakka?

Man this band sucks.

Oh great fucking droid nark NARK

Weird lady narks NARKS EVERYTHWIER

Oh boy Darth Helmet is brooding.

Fucking Darth Vader. Kylo Ren is such a fanfiction.

Like, the idea of a warrior of light choosing darkness is something you seldom see done, but... eh... I guess? IRL kids no like most nazis are privilidged and a decade ago would be seen as nerds.

what’s this

what are you doing

The eyes of a man who wants to run

Finn need go bye-bye

Oh wait storm troopers are stolen, not bred. That’s worse like

Finn is really shiny there who does his makeup?

Rey sure didn’t care he was a storm trooper LOL

The screams... they becon me...

Finally a fresh feeling scene.

WHAT’S IN DA BOX

fucking lightsaber

T R I G G E R E D

Is she clairvoyant? I dond’t remember this part.

Is this special edition?

FUTURE

I like specs. She cool.

FUCK D A FORCE

Oh boy nazis

Fucking screamy bitch XDDD

FIST UP why are the nazis doing the fist up this is upsetting.

PEW

How does the laser split up into shit and what is this planet?

Like this is supposed to be dramatic but... you literally don’t know any of those people or any of those planets. This should have been episode 8 or 9 after establishing those planets.

 W H A T    A    W A S T E

oH BOY  Finn got da lightsabah

BEASTS

There goes that dump, way to go Rey it’s your fault I guess BLANKS

Way to kill that soldier

MURDER SPREE

Oh boy Kylo Ren, what a hoot that guy.

wait is this the part?

Han Solo so has the force like if his force3 ghost isn’t in the movie

YOU HAAAVE ONE

Han Solo what a goof

TRAITOR

M E L E E   B A T T L E

Fucking just like in Empire except it’s not Yoda hallucination probably.

Caughted

THE RESISTIES

The x-wing is still the coolest thing like Sonic knew that.

Damn Finn calm down it’s just a pilot.

Rey is in weird jungle o no

She just got godlike and Ren is gonna break that killstreak

MELEE OP

Fucking using cheater force

Kylo you sound like such a dork

That cross saber is still stupid where’s the minorah saber

Nooo Rey!!!

C’mon Finn melee them

fucking lightsaber the whole first order you can do it

just

throw it at the ship

just

throw

and the bad guys win

C-3P0 you mother fucker

Changed your hair

Same Jacket

I can’t believe Carrie Fisher is dead.

The resisties are kinda boring looking.

Oh look it’s Poe, he’s alive somehow.

Maybe the second time I’ll get the good explanation.

Oh no, there’s no good explanation he just wasn’t there.

L A A A A A A A A A A M M M E.

Okay we’re past a new hope kinda in empire strikes back territory and the ending is the last jedi. Like I totally get people being upset that this is basically the original trilogy in a nutshell.

Damn dead R2-D2

Wait C-3P0 has a red arm why

I wonder how many parents relate to Han and Leia because their son turned into a nazi.

Fucking Snoke. What kinda name is that. Solid Snoke.

Was Kylo Ren just staring at Rey’s unconscious body for the past hour?

I’m sorry he’s just not intimidating he looks like a cheap halloween darth vader

Then the dramatic reveal like remember when Darth Vader was so disfigured from burning alive?

Kylo’s just ugly. Like that’s it that’s the reveal. Kylo is ugly.

Rey/Kylo is like whenever a 4chan boy tries to hit on a hot youtube girl like your face just melds into the chair to escape his grasp like a cat that doesn’t want to be pet.

I dunno this scene is just so stupid cuz they both look dorky like this is happening at otakon

You. You’re afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader

BITCH GOT TOOOLLLLLLD

Kylo has a huge nose. Like he’s Lois Griffin triangle sandwitch nose

I like how Rey tries to Luke Skywalker the storm trooper and he’s like “Serious?”

LOL fucking just left

T A N T R U M   T I M E

and the storm troopers just turn around LOL

Okay I love this weapon like, it’s a combination of the star crusher and a vaccum cleaner from Luigi’s mansion. It destroys the star, but in the way that it uses it to destroy things.

“So it’s big”

Disable the shields... there better be Ewoks on that planet.

Seriously, what does Poe add to the story after the escape?

Damn leila and han... dum

Hey a woman stormtrooper, like just a white gal. I didn’t notice that.

Damn lightspeed their way in.

Hooooh what a landing.

...Han Solo...

That‘s not how the force works!!!

LOL

Finn just wants Rey. I can see why people would think he’s horny for her since that boyfriend line, but that was the last horny thing he said.

Fucking mad with Power, calm down Finn then again we all wanna tell off our boss.

Rey is gonna escappeeeee damn hang on the side of the wall is that a switch what

Rey just climbing that wall like a monkey.

S H I E L D S   D O W N

Fucking Han... is there a trash compactor? You dirty bastard

And here comes the interesting part of Jedi Returns SHOOTY TIME

A T T A C K   T H E   S C P H I N C T E R (that’s how you spell it right)

Oh I love the sun thing like, it’s a great way of showing the timer without a clock.

Oh look it’s Rey, go on and almost get shot to death

H U G

Escape now, hug later.

The cinematography is good I like the dog fights.

LET”S BLOW SHIT UP

I dunno this just really isn’t dramatic at all

Placing bombs, just like in Jedi.

Here comes Kylo

At least he keeps the mask on, like too many movies rely on faces.

oh light’s almost gone.

M A H   B O Y

Ah the stupid part

Wait is his name Finn too?

Like this woulda been way more dramatic if you didn’t know Kylo was Han’s boy.

There’s no music making this awkward and gut-wrenching which you don’t see modern mvoies do.

I’m being torn apart ;w;

What a bitch

Knowing what happens these lines are hilarious

Will you help me

L I G H T S   O U T

red

STAB, STAB, STAB~

AHHHHHH HOOO HOO HOO HOOOIIEEEEE

I dunno like, you’d think Han Solo being stabbed to death with his son would feel more heavy but that was just... nothing.

A S P L O D E

Fucking Kylo TEEF

Night time, being chased by a crazy dork in the woods.

oh here it comes

TRAILER FUEL

YEUR A MUNSTAH

REY DOWN

C’mon Finn

TRAAAIIITOOORRRR

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT

Fucking melee battle

Just fueled by the rage of his fallen friend, the desparation of the sun dissolving he fights for his life against a wounded lunatic.

Okay so maybe that cross saber has a use.

FINN DOWN

grabby time

oh no

REY GRABBED THE SABER

ROUND TWO, DARTH LOSER

This is unbearably xcool

Time to shoot the hole... like in new hope.

This ending is just all three original endinds with new stuff

30 seconds

SNEAKED IN SHOOT EM UP WOOOOOOOO

JUST LIKE ANNIE IN EP 1

only cooler

KA BLOOOOIIEEEE

fuckin’ A

this battle is just like in empire strikes back

fucking planet’s falling apart so it’s better

A tempting offer

Who wants kylo ren to be a teacher like he’d be like a nun

W 0 0 T

it’s the comeback

don’t give the hero a dramatic pause to focus

B E A T   D O W N

the struggle is real

K-O

Take that loser

there seems to be something between us, Ren

Welp the planet is collapsing woo

Finn don’t you die, Poe is a loser you’re cool Finn

Ah it’s Chewie in the Churger

oh yeah han died like I thought it was han but no he died XDDDDD

GTFO

Here comes the sun doot de doo doot~

Epic

Now for the final scene of congrats.

“Sorry General, your boyfriend was stabbed by his son and then the planet exploded”

H U G

Poor Chewie.

Fucking Artoo what are you doing here.

Like, this shoulda been episode 8 here, it feels like it shoulda ended with han’s funeral and the map was the start of the next movie aunno.

And Finn’s tale of a freedom slave blowing up the nazi death planet comes to a close.

Wait is she leaving?

I thought there was a funeral.

Nothing?

Not even an F?

Yeah then se see’s Luke’s hairy ass and it ends so awkwardly like this movie felt like two movies and THIS SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SEQUEL WHAT

Whoever wrote this is an idiot, whoever directed is even worse.

ANyways my conclusion is that the movie isn’t horrible, but... I dunno it’s about as bad as ep2 tho that movie’s crime was being boring, this one was too much story crammed into a short period and ruined opportunities.

I might watch ep 8 but I just am not invested like

HAN SOLO DYING MEANT NOTHING

Like fucking handing him a lightsaber what kinda ending is that

R O G U E   O N E   W A S   B E T T E R.

The end.