#it's mr pants

[hardcore-gaming-101]

Top 47K - Weaponlord + It's Mr. Pants

Join the HG101 gang as we discuss and rank the most Rob Liefeld-lookin’ fighting game of all time. Then stick around as we raise awareness of Rare’s forgotten GBA puzzler!

[blanc-ci]

Dr McCoy has diagnosed that Mr Spock needs a prostate massage, and must have it.

- Theodore Sturgeon, for some reason

(more lewd pt 2 under the cut)

Totally normal things to want to include in your sci-fi show, Sturgeon

[wamleather]

Model and influencer Josh Watson in full leather

[yvnziee]

you wouldn’t be anywhere near comprehending my dreams to understand how i got to this point in life—drawing grown warriors—afraid of a platypus—clinging onto princesses

[lesbiradshaw]

Jacob Elordi for TIFF 2024

[vaguely-concerned]

imagine being a rando civilian ds9 resident trapped behind forcefields as the station slowly ratchets up to blow itself to pieces in civil defense and then you look up and see the local tailor powerwalking irritably towards ops while the lockdown parts for him like the red sea before moses. and he's presumably caught in a permanent eye roll over every ATTENTION BAJORAN WORKERS as he goes

[notmusa]

these are turning out to be a lot more relatable than i had anticipated

[henryrussell63]

That’s the last time Toto lets me use the radio!

[ringosmistress]

[catfindr]

[lederfrank66]

Frank K.

Leder66

[electrozeistyking]

Help

[thus-wrote-mrs-zeppeli]

Love your work 😍 tell me what are your headcanons for Johnny, Gyro, Hot Pants, and Diego in a scenario where they learn that their partner has actually been working for Valentine the whole time and some time later sacrificed themselves to atone for their betrayal

Thank you!! Very Sweet (heh) of you to say!

Intriguing request, it gave me some thoughts immediately and we love angst here so yeah~enjoy~

When you say sacrifice themselves I immediately assume you mean reader dies to atone, so that is what we’re going with (with variation of this for Hot Pants and Diego)

-

Genre: Angst

Content, Plz read: reader death, religious (and regular) guilt and themes, canon typical violence, Diego kills reader in his part

Style: micro fic/fic outline, different lengths

Characters: Johnny Joestar, Gyro Zeppeli, Hot Pants, and Diego Brando in:

“My darling, if I hurt you, I’m sorry

Forgive me, and please, say you are mine”

All this time…you’ve been working for the enemy, all this time.

Johnny Joestar: You had Intended in the beginning to obey your simple directive. Retrieve whatever corpse parts Johnny Joestar and Gyro Zeppeli had acquired, and eliminate them if possible. The method was up to you, and as wary as they were of you, there was no way they could know of your true nature. All you had to do was wait for their guard to drop enough for you to make your move.

Getting close to Johnny was all part of the act, initially. Though the admiration you felt for his resolve was genuine…and so was the eventual real affection you found yourself feeling for him in the quiet moments you spent with him during your short periods of rest at night. You told yourself (and the President, in your infrequent status updates) that you’d wait just a little longer before making your move under the pretense that you were aiming to procure more corpse parts. If you waited longer, maybe they’d find more. You’re sure your consistent inaction is what prompted Valentine to call off your mission, and order you return to his side (since Clearly you needed a reminder of your place in all this, and you performed your tasks more successfully when you felt the inherent threat of his presence.)

You had wished Johnny had just shot you right then and there when you obeyed Valentine’s command like the lapdog you were, shamefully returning to him, unwilling to murmur your apologies given how entirely dishonest and empty it would sound now that you’ve thoroughly betrayed him.

Why didn’t he just shoot you…he knew you were the enemy now. You knew Johnny had the resolve to do it. So why didn’t he just kill you himself?

It made your hands quiver with guilt, even more so when it dawned on you why.

He had doubt.

If you were truly his enemy, you had plenty of opportunities where you could have killed him and Gyro in the middle of the night and taken the corpse parts, or taken advantage of an enemy stand attack to quickly dispatch them, or the myriad of other opportunities you had to complete your mission. But you chose not to.

And that is why he hesitated.

You had to atone. You thought about it carefully, with lots of time to consider how you should, since the President also no longer trusted you and kept you on a tight leash by not even giving you anymore tasks to perform. You knew he was just observing you. Waiting for the inevitable betrayal you were planning, but keeping you alive as a potential human shield should Johnny still harbor any affection for you.

You settled on a phrase. A quick string of words you prayed you could say faster than the President could react to. Nothing sappy or sentimental about how you regretted betraying Johnny or that you really loved him and wished the best for him…something practical.

You knew you wouldn’t be capable of harming Valentine physically in your position, not with how powerful his stand was, and especially not with how carefully he was watching you.

So you’d give Johnny a hint. A vital piece of the puzzle. Johnny was smart, even if he couldn’t fully understand the meaning of your words immediately you knew he could still use them. Valentine’s hasty decision to keep you alive and close to him had backfired quite miraculously, because you had come to comprehend (at least to an extent) the new ability the holy corpse blessed him with.

The President had brought you along on that damn train, and so many had pursued.

And as soon as the opportunity presented itself, the moment Johnny was right in front of you, even though you knew you would be slaughtered immediately, you had resolved in your heart to warn Johnny about Love Train.

“The holy corpse redirects misfortune!”

It’s so…vague. Is it too vague? But that’s what it does, that’s the only way you could think to put it. The clearest and only way.

The bullets from Valentine’s revolver tore through your body as soon as the words left your mouth. You wondered why he had to shoot you so many times? He really was “Funny” Valentine…surely only one or two shots from that close would’ve been enough, this was just overkill.

How could you make jokes to yourself at a time like this…?

Because you had already accepted your death? Is it really possible to face something without fear just because you knew it was coming? That couldn’t be it. But maybe it was, for some things, and depending on who you are.

It was all so vague, so unsatisfying, your consciousness, your life, it was all fading so fast but at least you got to see Johnny again. Your vision was blurry and your mind fading but…even when he was looking at the scene unfolding before him with horror and agony, you could still see the subtle, quiet, but ever persistent resolve as even in all the chaos he was trying to piece together the meaning of your words so he would not need to hesitate anymore and waste even a second of your sacrifice.

You had said that for a reason. Willingly sacrificed whatever minuscule chance of survival you might’ve had if you just stayed quiet, to give him the slightest, vaguest advantage in this fight.

…

You too. One more name added to the list of so many people who left him behind. It’s bitter, it’s cold, there’s no silver lining in his mind, not a real one anyways. Did you have to die for Valentine to be defeated? Maybe not. If things had gone a bit differently, maybe you, and Gyro would still be alive right now.

But he can’t keep looking back. Even if all he can do is thank you both for the ways you’ve supported him and helped him grow, and make sure you were returned to your homes and properly buried, he would do all he could to make sure you were given the respect you both deserve. That was the highest way to honor you both. To keep living, since it was your lives that touched his and strengthened his resolve, a crucial push, a guiding hand, a light along his path. To honor you would be to move forward.

Gyro Zeppeli: A spy of the President, sent to observe him, try to figure out everything about him…Everything…age, height, weight, occupation, place of origin, motivation to join the race, real name, abilities, notable personality traits, etc…Most Importantly, you were to look for weaknesses. And if you couldn’t determine any, make one.

He feels so STUPID when he overheard you secretly speaking to someone over the telephone, concluding the call with a very clear “understood, Mr. President”.

He should’ve known better. Of course someone like you wasn’t actually interested in him, he had fallen so easily for your little guise as a spectator to the race. The story had sounded believable enough, but he accepted it quickly because you were skilled at flattering and buttering him up. Of course he wasn’t going to question you, not with how you praised his performance in the race, marveled at his talents, and shyly confessed you found him roguishly charming~

He bought you drinks at checkpoints when he could, and you would smile and ask him “shouldn’t you be resting?” and he’d say yes, but that he didn’t mind sacrificing an hour or so of downtime so he could spend it with you instead.

Well. If he insisted…you wouldn’t object~

It sounded so genuine when you gently placed your hand on his arm and asked him questions about himself.

He liked you a lot, asking you about yourself in turn and kissing you goodbye when it was time for him to leave. He still maintained his guard though, in a manner that implied he had been raised to keep certain things secret no matter what. But even his unwillingness to open up about certain things was information you could use to draw some conclusions.

You had been told Gyro was some dangerous threat, some bad man that you had to do everything in your power to stop. And maybe you had never been the best judge of character given you worked for Funny Valentine, but from your observance of Gyro…he wasn’t some evil force at all.

Your confidence was wavering, and with the way he was already talking eagerly about taking you back with him to his home country, for the first time in your life you were beginning to wonder if the path you were walking was really the right one.

You had intended that telephone conversation to be your last one, only making it because if you didn’t then someone would be sent to check on you. You had meant to come clean, confess to Gyro and Johnny, and try to make amends.

You had never expected when you were given this order directly from the President that you’d be chasing Gyro down and anxiously begging him to hear you out, because you feared losing the man you grew to love.

You know he’s stubborn. And he didn’t listen when he was really upset about something.

He finally looks at you when you actually step in front of him.

You had seen him angry before, but you felt the true weight of that intensity when it was actually fully directed at you.

It’s much worse to hear Gyro loudly tell you to get out of his way, and that he never wanted to see you again. It’s different when he’s yelling at you. You can’t think of anything to say, you have no defense…you tricked him, took advantage of his affection for you, all in the name of literally one of the evilest men currently alive.

Gyro deserved to be furious with you, so you stepped out of his way, your head lowered in shame. You wouldn’t be seeing him again anytime soon, if at all.

But you would attempt to assist him, in any small ways you could. Feeding false information to their enemies, and even silently taking out a few of the President’s hired assassins. You had intended to never run into Gyro again, to respect his wish of never seeing you, but it didn’t take long for the President to catch on to your betrayal. The reports he gave to you became vaguer and vaguer, until all you knew was that there was another stand user assassin waiting in Philadelphia.

True, and an effective trap for you. He could kill Many birds with one stone if he could get rid of you along with everyone else he planned on disposing of.

With no other knowledge of what you were looking for, you were a little late in finding the assassin. D-I-S-C-O was already fighting Gyro, but the silver lining was that he was so preoccupied with Gyro he didn’t notice you sneaking up behind him.

Despite how tough he liked to talk, you saw the momentary relief in Gyro’s eyes at the sight of you still alive.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to see you again,” he huffs, but he didn’t have the same fire in his tone like when he was actually upset at you.

“I just saved your life,” you point out, trying to suppress the urge to melt right into his arms on the spot.

“I had it under control.”

“You’re welcome~”

He gave you a handsome smirk: “I still don’t trust you.”

Now that part is true, even if he’s smiling in the moment he’s not going to just move past what you had done so easily.

Before you could even respond, a flicker of movement behind him caught your eye. Whatever it was, you had only a moment to react, and all you could do was shove Gyro out of the way before it hit him.

So it hits you instead.

Another enemy…that you had missed. Gyro quickly dispatches whoever it was, but the damage from the attack was undoubtedly fatal. A poison, deep in your system and targeting your vital organs. Gyro carried you off to safety, but as soon as he had a chance to properly examine you, he’d know it was too late. Despite never telling you, your observations had led you to conclude Gyro had an expansive medical knowledge. You were too far gone, and he’d see it immediately.

He sets you down as gently as he can muster, propping your back up against the wall of a building.

He places his index and middle finger onto the pulse of your neck, and then places his palm against your forehead, a bit forcefully in his urgency.

He mutters a curse in italian under his breath. Not even the miraculous powers of Gyro Zeppeli can stop an inevitable death.

“Trust me now?” you ask, your strength failing you as you try to reach a hand up to touch his jaw.

“Shut up,” he counters, weaker than you’ve ever heard from him. His shoulders are shaking, his hand clutching yours tightly as he frantically searches for an answer. Medical knowledge couldn’t solve something like this on its own, and he couldn’t even identify what kind of poison you were inflicted by. Some doctor he turned out to be…

He’s just denying that the poison is unique to the stand. Even if he had studied every single poison in the world, he would not be able to identify and treat this one. He couldn’t even expel it with the spin if he didn’t know what it was.

“Maybe there’s a…hospital around here…” he suggests, reaching to pick you up again, his breathing intensifying not from the recent enemy encounters, but from the anxiety shaking his core. To not be able to save someone, especially someone he cares about…it was a type of fear even he couldn’t bear, despite the way he was raised.

“You know better than anyone that it’s too late,” you point out quietly. The feeling of your own body shutting down…it was frightening, but somehow you didn’t feel as scared as you thought you should be.

He’s shushing you again, trying to pick you up. Despite his trembling, Gyro’s hands were still steady when he reached for you.

You use the last bit of your strength to take his hands in yours.

“Huh…” you murmur. “So even you can be gentle sometimes.”

“Course I can.” He musters a smile, squeezing your hand slightly. It soothes you. You like to believe he’s pretty good at being a doctor.

“I feel so calm, even though I know I’m going to die.”

“Might be a symptom of the poison…sedative properties that are making you feel more relaxed…”

“Ha…that’s kinda nice for me…”

“Where is your family?” he changes the subject.

“My family?”

“Yeah. I’ll make sure you make it home.”

You don’t have much time left, stammering out where your family is, and muttering your thank yous as your body gives out.

He catches you, laying your body down gently and placing his cape over you. A temporary arrangement until the situation calms and he can come back for your body.

Just wait on him a moment, he’ll come back for you. He promises.

Hot Pants: Your lover was a guarded woman, but something about your charisma somehow dropped those defenses just enough for even someone like her to open up. At least a bit. Really you’re just using your stand ability: Heart of Glass. It heightens emotions, targeting deep-seated ones. Great for inciting violence, or loosening lips…making you one of President Valentine’s favorite stand users at his disposal. Hot Pants was much too mysterious for his liking, so you were sent to investigate. A worthwhile assignment…even though it took you a good while to learn anything, the discovery that she certainly had a stand was Very Valuable.

You were her companion, a partner to keep the freezing nights a little warmer, and her time in the race less lonely. But despite being the closest person to her, she didn’t open up easily. You really had to work your stand to worm your way into her heart and get past that stoic, distant politeness she used even with you.

It took time, but you got through.

One starry night, as you sat by her side in another comfortable but quiet moment, you finally got it. Like the clicking of a lock when the code has finally been cracked, you had gotten through the barrier of her heart, and you were FINALLY going to get SOMETHING to report back to F.V. He was getting real impatient with your meager reports.

You weren’t used to Hot Pants touching you first, usually it was you initiating any sort of affection. But tonight, she asked your permission to put her head on your shoulder, and you said yes, of course.

Her hair is soft, you intertwine your hand with hers and she actually squeezes your hand, unusual for her.

“I don’t know what it is about tonight…” she sighs. A good sign for you, she doesn’t realize you have a stand. “But…would you let me confess something to you?”

“I’ll always be willing to listen to you,” you smile.

Finally, she opens up. Just about why she has chosen the path of a nun, but it is enough.

Guilt. Guilt. A woman entirely weighed down by soul crushing guilt.

And she expresses how even though she doesn’t show it or say it, your companionship has been a source of comfort for her. She’s distant with you because she has not been absolved of her great sin, it weighs so heavily on her that she cannot allow herself to get too close. It would not be fair, because she can’t give you the attention you deserve while this guilt consumes her.

And now your own guilt is weighing on your mind. You release her heart from the chains of your stand, and she exhales heavily, leaning against you a little more. It must’ve been exhausting, fighting a silent battle with your stand for so long and not even knowing.

“Feeling like a weight has been lifted?” you ask quietly.

She replies with a quick hum. “Somehow…yes. Thank you. For listening.”

Your turn to experience the weight of guilt. This whole time…you’ve been playing her for a fool. You were a liar, and you hadn’t even felt bad about it til right now. If she was a sinner, then you were the devil.

“May I confess something in turn?” you ask.

She’s tired from the impact of your stand, but she nods, responding with a firm: “of course,” and for once you don’t feel like a near invincible retainer to the President, and instead you’re nothing more than a deceptive snake.

“I owe the President a great debt,” you mutter as calmly as you can. But she immediately stiffens and pulls away from you, despite her tiredness her senses sharpen immediately, her hand going to that strange weapon by her side.

Her hand hovered over it, her gaze wary, the trust you had built immediately cracking, one wrong word away from shattering, but she would permit you to speak. “He took me in when I had no one, granted me a new life. I would be free from my debt after…” the words taste bitter on your tongue, but they are accurate: “…this last job.”

Just a job. She was just another job for you to dissect and send back to the President.

She is quiet, back to that stoic visage, but the slight narrowing of her eyebrows gave away how much you have shaken her.

She turns away, staring off at nothing in the distance, but you wouldn’t be able to break through this new guard.

“Then you’d best report back, before your President begins to wonder where you are.”

Her voice is cold, and she cannot disguise how upset she is right now.

You want to confess you’ve even used your stand on her. But it’s better if you just leave. Right now is not the time for words.

…

How long did not matter, this was a fitting punishment for someone like you. The manifestation of your guilt circled around you, unable to reach you from where you had stationed yourself on a pile of discarded items, but waiting for you, eternally.

Hot Pants stood in the entryway of the garbage dump with the appearance of a church.

You had killed Axl RO in your attempt to save Hot Pants, despite knowing to an extent how Civil War functioned.

With the entirety of the specters’ attention on you, Johnny, Gyro, and Hot Pants could leave. Three lives at the cost of yours…that was a sacrifice you were willing to make.

“Go,” is all you said, as firmly as you could, despite the nearly uncontrollable urge to beg her to not leave you like this. This was…terrifying. You wanted to cry and scream and beg her to find some way to save you. But she felt like this every night when she had to relive the cause of her own guilt in her nightmares. If she could act unaffected, then you could too.

From her spot in the doorway, she shuts her eyes, bows her head, and intertwines her fingers. Her lips move. You are too far away to hear what she’s saying, but you know it’s a prayer.

When she opens her eyes, gives you a firm nod, a few stray tears trailing down her face betraying her mask of stoicism. You nod in turn.

She lingers a moment, and you watch her too, having one last silent exchange. One more heart to heart.

She’s forgiven you, but really, she didn’t hate you for your initial betrayal in the first place.

Though she wished you hadn’t been so hasty to pay for your sins. Now she was going to feel even more guilt, leaving you behind like this, but there was no changing your mind on this. And if this eased the weight of your sins, she’d be a hypocrite to try and take that away from you.

It’s hard to be strong when she turns away, so you don’t even try, giving in and burying your mouth in your hands and muffling your own screams for anyone to save you from this hell of your own making. But this is what you chose, and if it gave her another chance at finding what she wanted, you’d do it again.

Diego Brando: He had been Quite furious when you finally told him the President had offered you a very generous sum of money for all the information you had on Diego. Who could blame him for getting mad at you, after all, you could’ve gotten so much more if you had played your cards right! Why betray him if you couldn’t get more out of it? That’s what Really irks him about the mess you’ve made for him.

But it’s okay now. All is about to be forgiven. Your head rests on his lap and your skin loses its color due to the immense amount of blood you were losing from a massive gash from the middle of your chest all the way down to your stomach.

Of course Diego had used your guilt against you, even though you had planned to try and redeem yourself anyways.

You had told him literally everything you had observed during your employment under Funny Valentine, even the details you thought weren’t important; a genius like Dio could use literally anything that you say.

And after having you get on your knees and groveling for his forgiveness for a bit, you have officially exhausted both your usefulness and entertainment value.

Sure, he liked you a lot when you were sweethearts. And SURE he also would’ve betrayed you if there was a worthwhile reward on the line, but the fact of the matter is YOU betrayed HIM. It’s a shame really. He might’ve liked putting a ring on your finger and spoiling you rotten with the money he was going to win from the race. But you had to go and throw it allll away.

Still. He didn’t love the feeling of ripping you apart. Even though he had told himself you were nothing more than a pigeon, apparently all the time he had spent with you actually affected him. He stroked your cheek with a surprising amount of gentleness for what he had just done, watching you die, observing how your lips move…trying to say something to him, even now? Looked like you were trying to say his name, but he couldn’t tell if you were cursing his name or singing his praises in your final moments.

“Hm? I can’t quite understand you,” he sighs, and your eyes tear up and you try again but no sound will come out and for the first time in his life he finds himself looking away as someone dies right in front of him.

It’s so…frustrating. He thought it’d feel satisfying to tie up loose ends by getting rid of you. Instead it’s just a sort of hollow, dull feeling thrumming in his chest. Ugh. That same, disgusting feeling he got in the rare moments he made a mistake.

Mistakes felt terrible, but what he really hated was the regret that came with it.

He could shove it down for now, but he’d regret it later if he just left you like this, so he uses his influence to make sure you’re properly buried somewhere nice. And THEN he shoves it down. You can haunt him later. Right now he had a race to win and a President to defy at every turn.

-

Author’s note: I can’t believe you’ve been secretly working for the President, smh.

The title comes from the song: Return to Me

[buttered-toasty]

Post-Thangorodrim pajamas (bought in Angband tourist shops)

.

Posting this before I vanish into the ether again

[thesummerstorms]

Ok but Mrs. O'Leary gets around primarily through shadow travel. Gotham is like. Capital of weird ass dangerous shadows.

Annabeth Wayne gets cornered by something dangerous, mythological or rogue doesn't matter, while on the streets of Gotham.

The Bats have eyes on her, but they're still working with an ETA, so she's going to have to either stall or get herself out of trouble. And honestly? She could. If needed.

But whoops what happens to be in that massive creepy Gothamite shadow?

Oh nothing. You know. Just a pissed off hell hound that does not appreciate one of her humans being messed with. A very loyal hellhound with very sharp teeth.

Anyway, the problem resolves itself pretty quickly after that although it takes Annabeth's best commanding officer voice to get Mrs. O'Leary to "leave it" when the enemy flees.

Unfortunately, now they have a new problem. The Bats have finally shown up and whatever they're seeing instead of Mrs. O'Leary is absolutely not normal, in fact probably something related to capes. They're understandably weary and already geared up for a fight and Mrs. O'Leary absolutely reads that as hostile intent towards her and her secondary person. Despite Annabeth's protests, Mrs. O'Leary steps over her, growling and showing teeth.

Once again, Annabeth's voice is channeling every single bit of "Athena as a general" when she orders Mrs. O'Leary to leave the Bats alone. Damian watches with interest as Annabeth throws in a few loving pets and Mrs. O'Leary whines in confusion.

The rest of whoever showed up just watch, baffled as the giant [whatever the Mist is going to show a vigilante instead of a hellhound] looks anxiously between Annabeth and the Bats and then, seemingly coming to a decision, just... melts into a puddle of shadows.

The vigilantes don't even get to relax before Annabeth sighs and starts counting down from "thirty Mississippi". A few moments later, the shadows warp again and Mrs. O'Leary reappears, carrying a struggling Percy Jackson by the back of his pajama shirt.

"Mrs. O'Leary what the actual fu- Annabeth!"

Mrs. O'Leary whines again and drops Percy in front of Annabeth, growling softly when one of the Bats attempts to step forward.

Annabeth sighs again. "Sorry. There was a whole- it doesn't matter, actually. But I think my brother scared her. I guess she got confused when I told her to knock it off."

"And what," Percy asks, sparing said brother a glance, "She thought I was going to talk sense into you?"

Annabeth can't help but laugh a little, weirdly soft for the situation. Despite everything, she steps in to give Mrs. O'Leary more scritches. "Apparently."

Slowly, Mrs. O'Leary's tail starts to thump, taking out a few trash bins in the process. She's still crying softly, but apparently the Main Human's lack of reaction is starting to convince her things are okay.

"Well," Percy says, grimacing as he shifts in his now dog-drool covered shirt and then raises a casual hand in the Bats' direction, "uh, hi, I guess. Umm. I'm Percy?"

"What the fuck?" one of the Bats whispers.

Damian has taken Annabeth's nod as encouragement and moves forward to try and pet the Hellhound.

[age-of-moonknight]

Variant cover for Phases of the Moon Knight (Vol. 1/2024), #4 by Moisés Hidalgo.