#it's more fun and you'll pick up less wrong information

[sangfielle]

Nadeem's Big Febuary 2024 Next Fest Roundup

I've done these little demo roundups for the past couple of nextfests in a more informal capacity, but I wanted to make this one more of an actual Thing and do something like this going forward, since I tend to play around 70-100 of the demos for each nextfest. This is going to be (hopefully) mostly a list of recommendations, but I also have some ones that I'm not strictly recommending that I think are still worth pointing out. I have over 20 games I wanted to point out from this round of demos, so the meat of this post will be below the cut.

The Best

Cryptmaster is a dungeon crawler typing game. It's genuinely laugh out loud funny, and it was a blast to play through with a person looking over my shoulder and commentating. There's not much to say about it that can't be figured out by picking up the game for a few minutes yourself, and there's no reason not to when it's got a free demo. I would recommend this game to basically anyone, and will be playing it as soon as it comes out. Probably the most across the board appealing game that I played from this collection.

Gatekeeper is just plain good. This was the most immediately fun game I played for this. I grow more and more irritated with rogue-lites every next fest, but Gatekeeper is fresh, fun, and fast-paced enough to get away from any distaste for the subgenre I have. Like basically all of the other optional multiplayer games on this list, GK seems to heavily benefit from a second player, but after my friend kept eating shit and dying I still had a fantastic time with this game by myself. Buy this game.

I don't play as many rhythm games as I do a lot of other genres, so if I'm totally wrong and this is just standard fare slop, you'll have to excuse me, but to my mind ADEN is a very unique and fun experience. A sidescroller rhythm/beat-em-up/bullet hell with charming art and fun music, it feels unlike basically anything I've played before, and it's wormed its way into my heart very quickly (even if I'm not quite as good at any of those types of games as I'd like to be).

The Pretty Good

Rotwood is a co-op roguelike game that's a lot of fun to play with friends. While technically 1-to-4 players, it feels like it's definitely meant to be played with at least a second party. If you do have that second party, the game goes by quickly and feels great to play - our 20 minute runs didn't feel like more than 5 minutes during our time with it. Pick it up if you want a non-PvP co-op game, but make sure at least one of your friends is picking it up too.

Cabernet is a narrative RPG set in eastern Europe in the late 1800s. You're Liza, a newly-turned vampire and a prospective doctor before your death. You don't actually get much more than that in the demo, but it gives you enough time to decide if you're interested in the full game or not. I am - it seems neat, and I'll likely be picking it up upon release, but it's not going to be for everyone. If you're into games where the meat of it is walking around and talking to people, it'll likely be a safe choice for you.

Vellum is a charming, if a little janky, co-op action roguelike where you play as fountain pens who are also wizards. As loathe as I am to compare games to others if they aren't ripoffs, it reminded me of playing Tiny Tina's, which I wasn't expecting, but made it more endearing to me. It seems like it would be less fun to play alone, but like Rotwood, just make sure you're making one of your friends grab it when you do, and it should be a lot of fun.

Dungeonborne is a game that speaks for itself very immediately when you start playing. PvPvE dungeon crawlers aren't the most popular genre, to my knowledge, but this game felt very oddly similar to another PvPvE dungeon crawler that was on display 1 or 2 next fests ago. If you and your friends want to dick around in a dungeon and kill skeletons, this is going to be a game that satisfies, and it's funny to play when you're getting yourself and your friends killed. I don't know how much long term value it'll manage to hold.

Children of the Sun is a very stylish puzzle-shooter that is not for me, but will probably be very good to whoever it is for. I would suggest trying out the demo and seeing how you feel about it. I don't have a lot to say about it beyond that, since it isn't a game I spent a lot of time with, beyond that it's very cool looking.

There is a notable absence of platformers & metroidvanias on my list of games that I played for this next fest, and it's not because there weren't any to play. I'm just very very bad at these games, moreso than any other type of game by a huge margin, and so I do not play them. Ever. There are ones I want to play quite badly, but I pick them up and put them down very quickly because I am worse at them than your average eight year old with an Xbox. I downloaded Tales of Kenzera: ZAU at the behest of a friend without knowing anything about it, and I'm glad I did. Even being as bad at this type of game as I am, I played this demo and had a lot of fun with it. I won't pick up the full game, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. If you're anyone who has a less tragic experience with the genres than I do, you should definitely try this game out.

Love In a Bottle is a refreshing change of pace as far as romance VNs go - there are vanishingly few of them for/about lesbians and bisexual women compared to games for & about straight women & games about gay men (though these are usually also for straight women... which is not the point of this, so I digress). It's very cute! LIaB follows an only-kind-of-succubus as she moves to a new town and flirts with attractive women. I'm not quite the target audience for this, but not every game needs to be for me, and I enjoyed poking around in it regardless.

Alcyone: The Last City is a game that's hard to get much of a handle on from the very short demo alone, but you get just enough to know it's interesting. What I can glean from the game that you get in the demo is about the same as the steam description: a sci-fi interactive novel set at the end of the universe. I love this kind of shit, so I'm pretty sure I'll like Alcyone.

Pacific Drive is a game about driving your car around while some weird shit happens. That's not a dismissive summary, I'm just not sure how else to categorize it. It seems cool if you like this type of game! Unfortunately my distaste for the wretched automobile extends to video games, so this is not quite my speed, but it seems very charming.

TRIBES 3: Rivals is a PvP FPS game that seems like a lot of fun! There's just one problem with it - this type of multiplayer game isn't in the limelight anymore, and won't attract a lot of players who aren't tryharding. I don't like tryharding in multiplayer games, but it felt good enough to play that I'm willing to give it a shot regardless. I'm worried about Tribes 3's ability to survive longterm in this era of gaming, but I'm holding out at least a little hope for it. I think you should help give it a better chance of survival.

TOUCHSTARVED is a "dark romance visual novel" with five romanceable characters that look like they've either come from Dragon Age concept art or from someone's D&D campaign. If you're not into romance VNs, this game will not be for you. If you are, and you're either attracted to men or like to play romance games with them, this one feels actually better than a lot of them. The worldbuilding, though somewhat sparse in the demo, seems interesting, and the game is weirdly actually gay for a VN where the protagonist doesn't have a set gender. There are no women who are characters in this game. That's not surprising, it's just worth noting. Its dialogue is corny and the way the romanceable characters act irritating, but that's par for the course for the genre, so it's probably not going to be a dealbreaker for you if you're already playing this type of game. I'd say give it a shot if that's already the kind of game you're into, otherwise it's really not worth looking at. I doubt this game is going to win over any new fans to the genre.

The Otherwise Noteworthy

Islands of Insight is... A puzzle MMO with very bad puzzles and similarly bad online play. I don't understand why it exists. I don't understand the type of person who they think will play this. I don't understand why it's a MMO? There's no aspect of the puzzles that I saw that would be served by multiplayer, and the multiplayer functionality is so limited as to be worthless anyway. The most possible interaction you can have with another person is following them around and emoting at them while they do their own set of puzzles. This game is obviously fated to die in obscurity. Why is it a Behaviour game?

Case Files: Behind Closed Doors was the only actual FMV game that this next fest had to offer. The FMV tag is the first section of any given next fest that I look at - I'm a big fan of them, and I think they're really underappreciated, especially in today's gaming world. As a consequence, I'm normally much nicer to them than I am to most video games, but this one fell flat on its face for me. There doesn't feel like there's anything there to actually grab the player or to keep their attention, and I found myself bored with it very quickly. It doesn't help that I get more irritated with the inundation of cop games as opposed to literally anything else in the world of FMV games as time goes on, but I think even if I wasn't sick and tired of them, this game wouldn't feel worth the time it asks you to invest. It's a damn shame.

#BLUD is a game that I wanted to check out, but didn't get to actually play, because I didn't realize this demo was going to shut down after nextfest! That's on me. It seems cool, and I'll be checking it out once it's properly available, but I can't say more than that because I missed the window to play it :(.

Longstory 2, similarly, is a VN I couldn't actually play during this fest, but this one isn't my fault - despite steam having a page for the demo, it wasn't ever actually available? This one is just going on the list because I loved the original Longstory when I was 15. I'm excited for the reminder that it exists, and I'll be going back to the original to see if it holds up to my nostalgia. If it does, I'll be picking up the sequel for sure.

Bewitching Sinners is a trashy romantasy VN. There's not that much else to it. If you like trashy romance VNs, it'll be for you, and if you're not, it won't be. It gets a place on this list because there were a lot of VN demos that I opened and then very quickly closed, and I actually played all the way through this one, so it's a cut above the rest in at least its ability to keep the player from immediately ducking out of due to the evidently garbage writing.

Diets & Deities is noteworthy only in that it's the most blatant ripoff of Everhood that I've seen. It's also a significant downgrade. I like the gameplay of Everhood a lot, and I was hoping that even if this game was a ripoff, it would give me more of the same. I wouldn't love it if it did that, but I would have had a little bit of fun with the demo. It's not more of the same. It feels way worse to play, and I don't know why, but I hate it.

Meta-Ghost: The Breaking Show is all style & no substance. It's very good looking, but it offers little beyond graphics that you couldn't get in a less tired package elsewhere (read: in Hades. This game wants to be Hades so bad it overwhelms any other personality it could possibly hope to have). Similarly to Diets & Deities, it fails to improve on the game it's aping's gameplay & feeling & instead makes it worse, though not to the extreme that D&D does. The only real value I can see in this game that you couldn't get with another game is the multiplayer gimmick, but as that wasn't available in the demo, I can't say whether that makes it worth even taking a second glance at.

Serum is a survival horror adventure game that seems really cool, except it's completely fucking unplayable from how shitty the framerate is. I'd love to recommend it, because I really am interested in this game, but it is in desperate need of some fixes before I can play it, much less tell you to buy it.

Mouthwashing is also a horror game that I hesitate to recommend, but it is at least playable. The demo just shows so little of its hand that I can't even tell if it's worth playing. It clocks in at about a 20 minute runtime, and in those 20 minutes, zero things that were scary or even mildly unsettling happened. It showed a little bit of gore at the end? But that's not really much of anything. I'll be keeping an eye on its development, but I have no idea whether it'll release as a gem of the indie horror scene or as a wet fart.

You can kill me for how many VNs I've put on this list and how many I've enjoyed. Beat me, take my blood, whatever. Glam Pursuit is a game about becoming a star in a not-Hollywood fake setting. The dialogue feels like it was ripped out of Life is Strange, it's corny beyond measure, and it's just all around not very good. However... Something about it captivates me. Sifting through the extreme amount of subtitle errors and typos in this game and the painfully awkward interactions with all the characters around you, I feel like there's something of worth to be found, even if I didn't stumble upon it in the demo. Is it going to be worth it for you to pick up this game? I don't know. Do you like eating garbage if it's shiny? I do. I'll play Glam Pursuit when it comes out. I don't know if you should unless there's something wrong with you.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Hi Muffin, I have read your fanfics and think you are a great writer. I was wondering if you had any tips for improving your prose?

Well thank you, I'm glad you like my stuff.

I suppose here's what I've got for you off the top of my head.

Read Great Literature

To learn great prose, the first and easiest thing you can do is look to the best.

Young Adult is not allowed. No, seriously, it's verboten. I can list two, maybe, young adult books that have what I'd consider to be good prose and it's none of the ones people gravitate to on tumblr.

You're going to have to read the classics.

Now, who you pick is up to you, lots of great authors have very different styles and none of them are wrong. Steinbeck, for example, very purposefully writes the way he does and it works brilliantly.

I'm going to suggest two: Kafka and Nabokov. If you can stomach the material, Nabokov has the best prose, hands down, I've ever seen from an author. There are other great authors out there, but what Nabokov does with imagery, with wittiness and puns, with everything is unparalleled. Read any book by Nabokov. Kafka too, has great, surreal, imagery and particularly does extremely well things that shouldn't be natural to describe. He expertly writes scenes where he has to explain what's happening because it would not be intuitive otherwise.

Do a first pass if you're unfamiliar with the work to get the reading the story part out of the way and then go back and try to see what you thought worked, didn't work, and most importantly why it worked.

Why was X section good at a) conveying to you the reader what was happening b) sticking in your brain. Read enough and you'll start to get an idea of what you really like in prose.

Read Shitty Literature

On the other end, once you've read really good things, go and read really really bad things. Yes, I'm serious, because this is where you're going to see people who thought they knew what they were doing fall flat on their face.

Everyone makes fun of My Immortal for going above and beyond describing Ebony's outfits. What they don't mention is that half these people making fun of My Immortal make the same mistake and describe, in excruciating detail, every article of clothing their beautiful character is wearing.

Here you will see what you do not like and, again, ask yourself why it's so bad. What is it about it that just doesn't work.

This will inform you what not to do and, most importantly, that there's no hard and fast rules. I see people claim that there are "never do X", "only do X if you do Y", but I have also seen all of these rules broken masterfully in real literature and clutching to them too tightly results in prose that obviously came from this kind of draconian logic.

Find a Beta Whose Style You Like

Sit down and write something, it may not be good, but that's not important right now. Right something you really want to write, feel passionate about it, then go out and find a beta.

Specifically, find someone whose writing you want to emulate. Not just because they're popular, but because you specifically like the way they write.

Often, I see people with betas who either a) have never written themselves b) have not written much or c) they have betas whose style they don't actually like much. Betas here are great, but their limit is really spellchecking and grammar as well as general sounding board for ideas, they won't be able to help you sound the way you wish to.

With the right beta, they can help walk you through which paragraphs should be rewritten and why, and eventually you'll get an instinctive feel for where more imagery should go, less, what should be expanded on, what shouldn't, etc.

Hope this all helps.

[ltcolonelcarter]

I feel like you've been asked most of these already, so I'm going to go with 19 and 21 please 😊

chaooooooos 💕

19. What is some random info you happen to have that you used in a fic?

I've a pretty decent understanding of chemistry and physics, so for the most part when I'm referencing something of that kind, I'll make it as accurate as possible. that's pretty par for the course, I think. for sixty in a question of time I tried to use feelings of dissociation to show his decline through the loops, the way it affects his thinking and his emotions, but that's less random, I think.

I don't think there's much in the way of random facts I know scattered in my fics - when I was (much) younger and writing I was awful for going off on very long tangents, so I try to avoid digressions. for actual random info, you'll find a lot more hidden information about me in my fics than anything else I think. just small, unnoticeable stuff. habits or preferences or things I like. my favourite colour or time of day. weather I appreciate. that sort of thing.

21. Writer's choice - 10. How do you feel about writing plot, setting/description, inner thoughts, dialogue?

I haven't answered this one, sooooo I'm going to pick it so I can YELL

plot i just LOVE, but I think I enjoy planning it and developing it more than writing it, mostly bc the writing can be SO difficult when you have a very clear idea of what you want and are trying to find a way to make it real. don't get me wrong, I love writing plot stuff, but the (self-imposed) pressure to get it perfect mades it arduous sometimes.

setting i just fucking LOVE. let me walk you around a room and tell you everything about it. I will tell you everything about the place, the people, the mood. I love description for setting a scene, for giving and changing mood with specific word choice. it's usually where I start when writing.

one caveat: I'm pretty uninterested in describing physical appearance in terms of literal features, like eye colour and hair colour, and much prefer to describe them based on vibe, expression, attitude. physical appearance is much less important to me than, say, the way their expression changes when they're surprised, or hiding something. I tend to skip a lot of physical details for that reason. I don't know how annoying that is to read, but I've not had any complaints, and I'd probably carry on as I am regardless bc it suits me and I'm having a ball

inner thoughts are interesting, and I tend to try and pair them with dialogue, I think. I forget to add them sometimes, or maybe try and weave them too much into the narrative depending on the style of prose I'm writing, but they're so useful to present a viewpoint. especially erroneous ones. I love using inner thoughts to contradict something the audience knows to be fact. dramatic irony is a favourite, tbh.

dialogueeeeeeee my LOVE. I really, really love dialogue, even if it's sometimes a NIGHTMARE to write. if it's flowing well and I have a good sense of the 'voice' of the characters I'm writing for, dialogue is one of my favourite things to write. to figure out how characters express themselves! how they interact! how they conceal and reveal themselves!! i'm going to spontaneously combust!!!

I think I'm guilty of spreading out my dialogue a little thinly sometimes, bc I'm often conscious of overusing it... even though, logically, I don't think I come very close to overusing it at all. Plenty of space between for inner thought, perhaps. I love using dialogue a the bridhge between a character's thoughts (who they are to themselves, in their quiet moments) and their actions (how they appear to other people). and it's just so damn exciting to find a character's voice. I know those "they wouldn't fucking say that"/"they WOULD fucking say that" posts circulate regularly, but they're RIGHT. feeling exactly how a character should or should speak, canon or oc, is so much fun.

okay. i'm caught up. i'm off to WRITE SOME MORE.

send me a fanfic ask

[anabolicsteroidssuppliment]

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[ellaenchanting]

Psych student here. I keep hearing a lot about hypnotists using Neuro Linguistic Programming and how it can be used in trancey situations but... From everything I've heard, it's basically pseudoscience. Tumblr doesn't let me link to things in an ask, but there's scholarly articles dating back to the 1980's saying that. (Journal of Counseling Psychology , Vol 32(4), Oct, 1985. pp. 589-596.) (The Wikipedia page also includes a lot of sources debunking claims made by NLP's creators.) [part 1/2]

Is the hypnokink version of NLP somehow different from that? Or is it more a fantasy/role play? Thanks for everything! [part 2/2]

                                  WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH NLP?

Hi! Thank you for your question!

First of all- here is a mandatory psych major announcementfor you:  If you are a sophomore orabove, I heavily encourage you to get in some research experience if youhaven’t already. Even if you don’t decide to get a graduate degree inpsychology, this will really help you if you decide to continue in the field inany way.  

Also- good for you, psychology major, for caring if psychologyideas from hypnokink are evidence-based!* A psychology major who is not askeptic is a poorly-trained psychology major.  You are doing exactly what you’re supposed todo- questioning “common sense” and ideas that are presented to you. In a way,it’s kind of the job of the field to find the holes in “common sense” that noone else is looking for. Good job!

When people in hypnokink talk about neurolinguisticprogramming, they are talking about using a verbal technique (almost a “cheatcode” if you will) as a way of influencing people. This is how salesmen andpick up artists and trainers tend to understand nlp. But nlp actually startedout and was intended to be used as a therapy- often in conjunction withhypnosis. There is no secret,super-effective type of nlp** posted on fetlife somewhere- the nlp we all useis derived from the therapeutic modality.

So- how good is the therapy itself?

If we’re looking to see if a therapy is evidence based, thebest place to look for what is evidence based is the Division 12 website of theAmerican Psychological Association (https://www.div12.org/).(Bookmark this, psychology major!) Under their “psychological treatments” tab,you can search for what are considered the best treatments available forpsychological disorders. You’ll note that nlp is not listed as an evidencebased treatment. (To be fair, nor is hypnotherapy). That’s usually a bad sign.

Let’s move on to litreviews!

If you look further at the few related literature reviews,you’ll see more bad signs. There seems to be very limited evidence basis at allwith more negative than positive results- and the positive results generallyare coming from the lower quality research. I like the one you pointed to anon! Also- This lit review is enjoyably snarky  in the discussion section. This one is more modern and seems more robust.  Either way, the evidence of effectiveness in any of these is pretty scant. (The officialnlp page on Wikipedia, which you mentioned,  is also pretty shady with those damning quotes in the referencesection.)  These lit reviews areprimarily based on nlp as a counseling practice, but there’s also negative information heretoo about individual specialized nlp techniques- like eye accessing and using submodalities.

So- if you want to learn an effective therapeutic intervention,you should probably not put too much time or money into nlp training.

However!

Can knowing nlp can be useful for your casual sexyhypnofetishy hypnotists?

Potentially!

Here are some ways:

1.      It’s a cultural signifier. Since we (and hypnotistsas a community) have decided that nlp is A Useful Thing, knowing about nlpbecomes valuable. Showing that you know nlp (even a little bit) shows that you’vecracked a book/attended a class and you have sought culturally-valuableknowledge. It gives you authority. For example- I usually ask subjects abouttheir modalities (kinesthetic/auditory/visual/some people throw in others). There’ssome mixed evidence on modalities existing but the most and best evidence saysthat the concept and the theories behind it are inaccurate. But! The communitybelieves in modalities. My subject likely believes in modalities- or at least itis a useful thing to have them believe. If I use their preferred modality, itboth shows that I’m listening to them/respecting them and it shows that I knowenough about hypnosis to be trusted. So- I’ll generally still ask about modalities and use them as though they were real.

2.       Theplacebo effect. A lot of what we do as hypnotists is exploit the hell out ofthe placebo effect and people’s pre-existing beliefsabout hypnosis. A spiral, a pocket watch, someone’s eyes- none of these thingshave any power on their own. A bunch of people see my eyes every day andthey’re not hypnotized by them. But they can be very hypnotic when me and mysubject agree that they are! Tricksy language patterns, in my opinion, often worksimilarly to  pocket watches or a spirals. Since I am a hypnotist and I am doinga tricksy language thing, the language thing works- in the same way that myeyes work in the correct circumstances. ***

3.      NLP isn’t entirely ineffective! NLP was designedby Some Bros watching a bunch of good trained counselors and deciding toreplicate their techniques.  Thus, thereis a lot of gently borrowed good counseling technique in nlp! I’ve noticed bothSFBT and ACT tend to teach some ideas that I first saw in nlp- although Isuspect that those may come from a similar parent therapy and not nlp itself.**** Utilizingsomeone’s own language, metaphors, and world concepts (their meta-model, if youwill) when working with them is a good basic therapeutic technique and is utilizedby most evidence- based practices.  Outsideof therapy, there’s very strong scientific basis for ideas like subliminal cuesand priming (although some variations- like subliminal messages- have been debunked).Those ideas are somewhat nlp-connected. 

4.      Feeling like you know a powerful thing is a confidenceboost. Sleezy pick up artists (aka all PUAs) use nlp techniques all the time-some of them successfully. The technique itself may be flimsy, but theconfidence boost of knowing a technique probably boosts their success rate. *****

5.      Increase your punning and hypnotist!joke makingability.

So in conclusion: 

NLP is a big mix of proven counselingtechniques, wild speculation, great marketing, and somewhat outdated linguistictheories all thrown together and pureed in a blender. (It’s kind of like hypnosisin that way- a big mix of scientifically-based phenomenon, artistry,  and bullshit blended together so seamlesslythat it’s hard if not impossible to sort out the active ingredients). There’s afamous book by a therapy skeptic that derides therapy as “the exchange of myths”.  In a similar way, there’s a lot of what we do that could be considered exchanging myths in a similar vein. Brainwashing is amyth. The subsconscious (at least the way a lot of people view it) is a myth.NLP is a myth******. That doesn’t mean that these things aren’t fun or sexy or eveneffective in cases. After all, myths are powerful! 

But yeah- your scientific skepticism here isvery warranted, anon.

Thank you for asking!

———————————————————————————————————-

*Spoiler: No, they are not!*******

**Except the kind I’m selling!

***And yeah- I admit I’m being pretty simplistic here. I think hypnosis is too complicated to just be a large placebo effect (although I definitely used to believe that)- but the placebo effect is a big component. A lot of what we do is really, really cultural.

****One of the criticisms I read of nlp stated that it’sbasically a grab bag of techniques from a bunch of more evidence-basedtherapies. This may be true. However, that’s also how many licensedprofessionals tend to practice counseling.

*****Although, to be fair, there is evidence that some nlp techniques actually harm rapport- such as over-mirroring/matching words. 

******For added discussion- I think a lot of what we do in/with hypnosis is not even something that hypnosis researchers would consider to be actual hypnosis. But- they have no better, more specific and clear descriptions of what hypnosis is and neither do we. It’s a relative experience: If you say that you’re in love, I can’t scientifically validate if you are or are not.

*******OK I kid. But only partially!

[star-anise]

This is what the fight is like

Sooo, apparently the extremely tenuous and recent nature of the LGBTQ+ community's legal right to exist was not actually super widely known to a lot of people on Tumblr?

Which clarifies some stuff in retrospect. I have so often wanted to grab people by their lapels and shout, "Stop picking on someone for not meeting your entry requirements! We need everyone we can get, you asshole! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY HATE US OUT THERE?"

Aaaapparently... no, they did not know. Or they knew and were a conservative psyop preparing the ground for our loss of legal rights. Fun times!

So: Look, it is bad. Shit is scary. They really do hate us out there. You're not wrong.

But: This is what we've always fought. This boat we're in with its antique fittings and strange markings on the floor is a battleship. Work has always been going on in the basements, and when shit gets tough, we clear away clutter and roll out the cannons.

I found this chart a couple weeks ago and hung onto it because it felt like the map to my first 25 years on this earth:

[Image description: A graph titled "Same Sex Marriage: Public Polls since 1988." It is from FiveThirtyEight's NYT column. It records the percentage of US Americans polled who would say yes or no to legalizing same-sex marriage, from 1988 to 2011.

The two lines begin with roughly 10% saying yes in 1988, and 70% saying no; the two lines gradually draw closer over the years, until by 2011, the percent saying finally dips under 50%, and the group saying yes makes a tentative reach for the majority. End of image description.]

After some great social change has happened, when everyone has admitted that gay marriage is very cute and Pride is a colourful parade, hooray, people like to pretend that it was just natural and inevitable and happened on its own. People just became less prejudiced! Courts just decided on a case! Governments just passed a law!

In reality, it was a vicious fucking fight, every fucking time. Every fucking where. There are a lot of people who deeply, sincerely believe that a hundred years ago, society had good rules about sex and gender and intercourse and marriage, and that changing those rules has made the world worse. They don't always agree on the specifics, but they can work together far enough to fight anyone with new ideas.

This is why we are a community. Even when we don't have the same experiences of attraction or identity, even when we don't do the same things, even when we have wildly different ideas of a good time. Because when these groups take aim, we're all under fire, and none of us is responsible for why they hate us.

In some ways I think it's a miracle that there seems to be a generation that did not grow up, as I grew up, constantly glued to news reports about What Percentage of Society Hates Us this month. I can't imagine who I'd be if my brain and heart and soul hadn't been tied up, that whole time, in the political question of whether I'd get to dream of a decent future.

I think that it will give us strength to have people who can imagine a world where no one hates us. Who believe in it so strongly they can taste it. That's my prediction: If you didn't know this was coming, you'll be a boon to us, because we have always needed joy so fiercely, in this fight, to keep us going on. We have needed drag queens and punk bands and "her wife" and safe space stickers. Parade floats and wedding days and little dogs with rainbow collars, badges and banners and meetups, because more than anything else we need to fight our own despair, and our fear that the world will never get any better than this.

It will. We know it will. We can taste it.

Look up to the history, organizations, and people who've got us this far for information on what forms of activism will actually advance our political goals. Look to the side to make sure the comrades within reach are keeping their heads above water, and that you're keeping enough joy going to stay alive. Look back to see who's more vulnerable than you are that you might have forgotten or been tempted to leave behind. Look after each other. Look after yourself.

We can do this.

To your battle stations.

[transbodydreams]

Things transwomen should think about before they start transitioning - clothes edition!

Okay, I'm a month into committing to transitioning, and one of the first things I've had to deal with is building a brand new wardrobe. I had a handful of feminine items, but nothing that was practical and nowhere NEAR enough to actually have something to wear every day! It's been really hit or miss so far - I do now have enough cute, wearable clothes that I could wear something different every day for a week, but that included buying at least as much stuff that didn't fit, was poorly made, or turned out to look terrible on me. I've had to entirely relearn how to shop for clothes and wade through a ton of confusing, contradictory information about sizes, fabrics, styles, and all of the things that make women's clothing so much more fun (and infuriating) than men's. These are a few of the key lessons I've learned that I wanted to share - hopefully someone will see this and not make at least some of the mistakes I made? 😏

Trying to build an entirely new woman's wardrobe all at once is f*cking expensive! Women's clothes cost more than men's in general, and bigger sizes cost more than smaller sizes - sometimes a LOT more, since often the sale prices you see online only apply to the smallest sizes. As a man I could walk into Old Navy or someplace like it and pick up a couple pairs of pants, 2-3 shirts, and some underwear for less than $75, but the equivalent women's basics at a will cost you anywhere from $100 to $200, even if you're shopping at a discount chain like Marshall's. You'll find better deals online, but still expect everyday clothes to cost you at least 25% more for even the most simple items, and don't even get me started on the cost of a really nice dress!

Set a budget and plan your purchases based on what you need, not just what you want. You need to start with basic FUNCTIONAL items like practical, wearable underwear (hose, panties, bras. etc.), season appropriate tops, leggings, skirts, dresses, and if winter's coming, don't forget sweaters and outerwear!

You really do need to know ALL of your measurements before trying to buy clothes - don't guess, you'll get it wrong! There are lots of online resources that tell you what and how to measure. Get yourself a measuring tape and write it all down! Oh, and good luck trying to figure out what a listed "bust" measurement means for a top or dress - does it mean underbust or chest or overbust or bust, because those are all different names for two different measurements 😒

You're going to want to throw out all of your boy clothes, but remember that some female things are just not going to fit you yet, no matter how badly you want them too. Pants are a good example, especially fitted jeans. Unless you're really lucky or you plan on wearing a padded girdle all the time, you probably don't have the butt or hips yet to make most women's jeans work. If you already have some men's slim-fit stretch jeans, for example, very few people will notice the difference from women's low waisted jeans (other than the fly going the wrong way) and they'll look better on you. Plus, some men's items can be repurposed to be worn in a more feminine way, so resist the urge to burn them all!

If you're only wearing your fem clothes at home you can afford to be a little impractical, but if you intend to start wearing them in public remember that you'll need practical stuff that you can wear to do mundane things like grocery shopping or going to work. Don't be that girl in the bodycon mini-dress and 6" platform heels in the produce section!

If there's someplace you feel comfortable going in person, you really should start by trying some things on in a store to get a sense of how things fit and what will work on your body vs what you WISH would work on your body. Online ordering is private and safe and awesome, but there's no telling if what you buy will fit or work for you. If you take the time to try on a bunch of things on for real first, at least you'll have a basic idea of what might work and what definitely won't.

Think about what you want your personal style to be, and try to be realistic about it. Much more than men's clothes, women's clothes are really designed for very specific body types, and no matter how much you wish you could pull off a look, you need to figure out what actually works for your body now. Are you thin enough or young enough to carry off that super cute ultra-stylish street and clubwear, or is it just going to make you look old and fat? Do you really have the hips and butt to pull off those booty shorts? Think about all the times you saw someone dressing inappropriately for their age or body type and cringed, and don't be that person. If your goal is to look good in those styles then figure out what you need to do for it to work for you, but don't waste all of your money buying things that don't look good now and won't fit when you achieve the body you're working toward. Patience, woman! You'll get there!

All that said, if you really feel great wearing things that aren't necessarily "right" for your body, then f*ck anyone who tries to judge you for it. You be you, girl!

Just because it says it's a size 12 doesn't mean it actually IS a size 12. Women's sizes vary a LOT depending on what brand you're buying or where you're buying it from, especially if they only use small/medium/large etc instead of numerical sizes. Find a store or brand that fits you consistently and use that as your gold standard. that way if you buy something from a different brand or store you can get a sense of whether their items are going to trend bigger or smaller.

Finally, a word about wish.com. Someone suggested this site, which is basically the Chinese version of Amazon, as a place to get some stuff really inexpensively, but it is definitely a buyer beware situation. The prices are jaw droppingly low, it's true (seriously, you can find just about anything for under $5!), but it's REALLY hit or miss, like you should expect at least a third of what you buy to be unusable. The sizes are all over the map - some items don't list a size chart at all, and in general everything is a size or two smaller than you would expect it to be, except when it's not. Plus, a lot of the less expensive stuff they have is really poor quality, and their shipping times and costs are RIDICULOUS! I ordered a bunch of cute summery things and not only did the shipping cost more than the items, it's taken so long for them to get here that it's now too cold for me to wear them anywhere except around the apartment with the heat on full blast! I love the site and will probably keep using it (who could resist getting 3 dresses, two tops, two pairs of heels, 2 pairs of leggings, and a couple of cute bras and panties for under $100, even including the exorbitant shipping and the likelihood that at least 4 of those items will be unwearable?) but do your homework and at least read the product info and reviews before purchasing! And remember, it's really easy to get a refund on wish, and given that they only ask you to return items that cost more than $25, all that cheap stuff is basically free to try if you're willing to wait 4-8 weeks for it!

[bbugyu]

of all the views you had seen, there was little that could compare to him.

6.2k | cavalry captain!jeonghan x gn pyro!reader, genshin impact au, fluff, adventure, drinking, so much flirting, mentions of trauma, honestly this is the sweetest i'm ever gonna write jeonghan

happy inazuma release day!!! it's your local kaeya trash, because i predictably fall for gay bastards that lie straight to my face (example: jeonghan), and i'm here to give you a fic i wrote AGES ago and just polished up a bit to celebrate the release of what is likely going to be my FAVORITE region in genshin impact. i'm japanese so 😅 i have a soft spot. if there's any other gaymer carats out there, enjoy this one. if not, sorry! you can actually probably still read this and understand it for the most part, though you might miss a bit of context of the landscape and the lore.

ps. go tell @babiemingoo that wonwoo xinqiu ��

~

your work with the adventurer's guild was always efficient. you received your commissions, you carried them out, then returned for your reward, usually before the sun had even peaked. the rest of your day was generally spent either basking in the eternal sun of mondstadt, feeding cats in inazuma, or enjoying a hard earned meal in liyue, depending on where you decided to stay that week, finding board and paying for it with the commission you had earned that day. your tendency to wander came less from choice and more from nature - you could call yourself a nomad, but generally, you just got bored, and preferred seeing everything teyvat had to offer rather than settling in one place. adventuring was simply what you were meant to do, your mother had told you at a young age.

she, too, had wandered for most of her youth, and didn't stop just because you had come into her life. you remembered getting scooped up because you had wandered off a bit too close to the railing at wangshu inn as a toddler, playing with dogs at the docks of liyue harbor. you remembered the ludi harpastum and the first time you had ever had a sweet honey roast, and the way it made your eyes grow ten times in size before you dug in for more.

when your vision was bestowed upon you, you already knew how to use a sword. it was important, your mother told you, that you knew how to protect yourself. she had a vision as well, younger even than you had, and you had come to recognize the static in the air as a sign that she was angry - whether it was because of an altercation with someone on your journey or because you had secretly eaten the last hashbrown without consulting her first.

she used her vision and a sturdy blade she had owned since before you were born to protect the two of you on the road, but when she felt you were old enough, she taught you how to weild. a two handed weapon that was far too big for you when you were only fourteen, but when your reckless abandon got paired with a spark, you suddenly became far more dangerous than even your own mother. she scolded you for nearly starting a forest fire when you tried to pair the two skills for the first time after receiving your vision, and you both agreed that training was a beach activity from then on.

your mother settled eventually, after you were old and skilled enough to take on the road alone, pulling the many favors she had gathered in her travels to build a home in a small neighborhood south of liyue harbor, nestled in the foothills of mount tianheng, where you visited as often as your wandering allowed.

you had become much better with your vision. more careful but just as hot. quick to scan situations and strategize in the moment, hardly taking a second before jumping into action, slaying hilichurls like you were getting paid. well, you were, you supposed, but you had been doing this long before you had discovered the benefit of joining the guild. you were good at it. you were built for adventure, but revelled in leisure. there was good reason you were able to take afternoons off, and you milked every last second of it.

"you're back in town?"

you grinned, leaning your sword against the wall and dropping your bag off your shoulders before settling at the bar. "for now."

rubin often served you alcohol - when you were in mondstadt, at least, however often that may be - but never questioned you deeply. he would ask how your travels were, and listen to your stories from regions beyond his knowledge, of the cultures that he had only heard of from people like you. he enjoyed them just about as much as any, if not a little more, purely because your tenacious personality brought something more to the table. he wondered, though, how long you intended to keep living day by day, sleeping in different beds every week.

"what's wrong with sleeping in different beds?" you teased, laughing into your wine glass. "if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were shaming me, rube."

rubin simply laughed, knowing your tone by now. "i just wonder if you ever intend on digging in your roots, or if you'll continue travelling forever."

"if i dig roots, you may never see me again. is that what you want?"

"what," he said. "you don't like mondstadt?"

"i love monstadt," you assured him. "but i also love inazuma. and my mother is in liyue, though she might be upset with me if i try to settle too close to her. perhaps natlan would suit me more?" you shrugged finally, the door behind you opening as you finished with "i suppose i'll settle when i've found a reason to love one place more than the rest."

rubin shook his head, a chuckle falling from his lips. "a wanderer through and through." his attention was quickly drawn to the man entering the bar. "ah, captain! the usual?"

"please," the decorated man said, quickly taking a seat beside you despite the rest of the bar being available. "would you like another, wanderer?"

you eyed him cautiously, studying what you could see if his face around the black eyepatch, gaze skimming down his elaborate clothing before looking down at your emptied drink. "sure."

"another for your wandering friend, rubin, on my tab, please." your brain swirled, considering the brief information you had been given and wondered how you had never managed to meet this regular during your past visits. "are you just drinking dandelion wine, or something more fun?"

"more fun?" you asked. "what are you drinking, then?"

"well, a death after noon, of course," he stated. "don't tell me you haven't had one."

you blinked at him. "i haven't."

you turned towards rubin when he laughed at the back and forth. "shall i make two, then?"

"definitely," your new drinking buddy said, then gestured to you. "you trust my taste, right?"

you said nothing, but he accepted your silent smile as an agreeance. "captain," you said finally, thinking of how rubin had addressed him. "of?"

the man turned towards you, his elbow planted on the bar and his cheek on a fist. despite his get up, he had a playful smirk across his lips. "you mean, my reputation doesn't precede me? you really are a wanderer. everyone in mondstadt knows my name."

"everyone but me," you corrected. "as i'm currently in mondstadt."

his teeth shone behind his smirking lips before he sat up straight. "well, allow me to introduce myself." he saluted, his arm extending from his side at an angle - a salute you recognized from the guards around the city. "i am jeonghan, the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius."

"ah, the knights," you smiled briefly, before letting your eyes wander as you thought, crossing your arms over the bar. "i don't see much of a cavalry in the city, though."

he let out an amused exhale. "so i have a bit more free time these days."

"i'm sure the acting grand master is jealous of all your free time," you teased. "poor guy, looks like he's staving off a panic attack every time i see him. you should probably help him more."

"so," he sighed, leaning against the bar again. "you know of the acting grand master but not me?"

"jihoon?" you asked. "of course i know of him. he's all anyone ever talks about around here."

jeonghan nodded once, thanking rubin when he placed two drinks before you. "people talk about me, also, you know."

your lips stuck out in a pout. "jeonghan, you said? doesn't ring a bell."

he rolled his eyes and picked up his drink, holding it out for you to cheers against. you giggled, clinking your glass against his before taking a sip. the golden liquid was sweet, but not like the dandelion wine you had grown to love in this region. it had more depth, a subtle bitterness to it, and a refreshing bubble. you stared after the glass when it left your lips, then looked over to find jeonghan grinning at you.

"i see why it's your usual," you said, taking another sip before placing the glass on the bar. "i could drink too many."

"will you?" he asked.

"not tonight," you replied coolly. "i haven't asked sana to put me up at the guild yet, and if i get there too late, i'll get a cot instead of a bed. unless rubin finally wants to come clean about something?"

the bartender laughed. "how many times do i have to tell you? we don't even have rooms to board."

you squinted at him. "i know there's something upstairs. i'll learn your secrets one day, rube."

"i wouldn't be a very good bartender if i didn't know how to keep them."

"so you're in the guild?" jeonghan asked as rubin attended to another patron. "an adventuring wanderer."

you smiled vaguely at him. "i am. i have to pay for my travels somehow."

he shrugged. "there's other ways to make money. probably more profitable, too."

you eyed his teasing smirk. "i'm not sure i know what you're implying."

"as a captain of the knights of favonius, i assure you, i'm implying nothing at all," he said, exhaling sharply and adjusting on his stool. he leaned over towards you before speaking in a quieter tone. "but as jeonghan, i think you know exactly what i'm implying."

you only laughed, recognizing the thinly veiled attempt to worm a secret out of you. "i outgrew those means a long time ago. besides, when mora gets tight, i can always board up with my mother. i like liyue enough."

jeonghan studied you as you drank again. "liyue's home, is it?'

"for her, yes," you said, looking over to him, but you found yourself looking away again when his steely blue gaze met yours. you thought carefully about how much of yourself you were willing to reveal to this stranger, especially considering how important he was in the rule of the city. "she was a wanderer, too, and ended up falling in love with liyue harbor."

jeonghan made note of the way your face softened as you spoke about your mother. "and what about you?"

you met his intent look again, thinking about how his covered eye somehow made him even more intimidating. perhaps that was its purpose. "what about me?"

"what have you fallen in love with?"

a smile crept onto your lips as you processed his question. "oh, archons, what have i not fallen in love with? the smell of the open ocean in inazuma, the breathtaking temples in sumeru - have you ever been to waterfall city?"

jeonghan merely shook his head at you, the corners of his mouth turning upwards as he put his cheek on a fist again, leaning against the bar. "beautiful?"

you exhaled, eyes wide as you thought of the towering falls and the light mist that covered the city, trying to come up with an apt description. "humbling. there's nothing like it."

he watched your expression, head tilting further. "what a wonderful way to describe a place. tell me more."

your gaze went to him, then away briefly, feeling suddenly shy as you noticed his look. "about waterfall city?"

he shrugged a fur covered shoulder, shaking his head lightly. "about anywhere. describe your world, wanderer. i'd like to hear whatever you have to say."

you wondered if the heat that ran through you was because of the alcohol or the man, but you just took another drink and cleared your throat lightly, thinking of more places you had discovered in your travels. you thought of qingce village, one of your favorite places to visit, because the people are kind and welcoming and the fields are so beautiful. you told him about a tea shop owned by an old man - he insisted you call him pops so fiercely that you weren't even sure you had caught his given name - and it was probably the most relaxing cup of tea you ever had.

"it's been a while since i've gone," you sighed. "i think i'm overdue for a chat with pops and his tea."

jeonghan was smiling when you looked at him again. "the tea in liyue is unmatched," he said, reaching for his drink. before taking another sip, he gestured for you to continue.

so you did. you told him about sakura pond, about celestia city, about the volcanic black beaches. you told him liyue had your favorite people, but inazuma had your favorite food. he clicked his tongue at you.

"what about mondstadt? do we have one of your favorites?"

you smiled, genuinely. "sunsets. the night sky is different here than it is anywhere else. i think mondstadt is the closest we can get to the stars without joining the archons."

jeonghan studied you briefly, his blue eye flicking over your face as you finished your drink. "i think that's an apt observation. it seems your eyes are always wide."

"i travel for the views," you exhaled. "i don't plan on missing any."

he thought a second. "have you been to starsnatch cliff?"

your eyes lit up. "not in years," you said, in complete shock that you could have forgotten such a place. you pushed from the bar slightly, turning towards him, and he noticed the flash of a red gem strapped to your right thigh for the first time. "my mother took me there when i was a kid, but i haven't gone since."

"it never gets old," he said, sipping at the end of his drink. "i've yet to see that view and not be in awe."

"i'll go before i leave mondstadt again," you decided.

he looked to you. "when will that be?"

you sighed. "not sure, yet."

he just chuckled. "would you like another drink?"

"oh, no," you said, standing and stretching your spine. "i should make my leave. i don't like sleeping on cots. i just came by to let my ol' pal rube know i was in town again."

jeonghan watched you pull your pack onto your back, grabbing the handle of your sheathed claymore from where it was leaning against the wall next to the bar. "perhaps i'll see you again tomorrow?"

you looked at him, a vague smile on your lips as you strapped your sword back on. "perhaps you will, captain."

"jeonghan," he corrected. "but i don't believe you ever shared your name?"

"that was by design, captain," you said, and he swore he caught a glint in your eye as you bid rubin a farewell and stepped out of the angel's share.

jeonghan spun back around on his stool, immediately looking to rubin. "do you know their name?"

"no, sir," he said, looking at the closed door. "they've never said."

jeonghan's gaze went to the empty glass you had left behind, thinking about your stories, your sword, and the signifier of your vision on your thigh. "fascinating."

you got lucky - sana had a private room for you, and said you were welcome to rent it for your stay. she said not many people were travelling to mondstadt these days, and that more often than not, the adventurer's barracks in headquarters went unused. ever since the fatui had holed up in the grand goth hotel, it had been harder for you to make extended stays in mondstadt, but it seemed that something was telling you to stick around longer than usual. you laid on the hard mattress - a feeling that was more comforting than most, thanks to your continuous travels - and thought of the charming captain that had made a night of questioning you. you wondered if he really had any interest in anything you had to say, or if he had been hoping for details about something pertinent to an investigation.

you packed a lighter bag in the morning, only bringing along the essentials as you set out for your commissions for the day. that afternoon, you wandered around mondstadt and asked questions. questions about the simultaneously well-discussed and mysterious cavalry captain that had listened to your tales of travel, and answers came easier than expected, though they didn't contain all the details you were looking for. that night, you waited up at the angel's share to brag about your newfound knowledge to the captain that never showed, and you did your best to not let that hurt your ego.

the next day, you made a detour on your way back to the city after completing your commissions, stopping by springvale to enjoy a well deserved lunch and catch up with some locals. you sat in the grass with a skewer of grilled meat, watching the windmills of mondstadt steadily spin in the distance as time passed, thinking about how rubin had asked you if you didn't like it here.

you did, you decided. mondstadt felt different than anywhere else you had been. untouched, almost. wilder. freer. despite being born in inazuma, your first memories being in celestia, or your mother being in liyue, mondstadt felt comfortable. felt like a home. you wondered to yourself what that might mean.

sana greeted you happily when you returned much later than you normally did. she told you to go ahead to the guild and come back, filing away your reports and retrieving your rewards. you dropped off your things in your rented room, quickly, practically galloping back down the steps towards the entrance of the city to continue your conversation with the adventurer guilds' mighty receptionist without your sword weighing you down. you crossed your arms on the counter, comfortably lounging as you chatted with her, having always enjoyed her conversations more than most. like rubin, she was a reason mondstadt always felt comfortable.

"fancy meeting you here," an all too familiar voice said, and you pulled your eyes from sana to find jeonghan leaning his side against the counter next to you.

"good evening, cavalry captain!" sana chirped, placing your reward - your room free already removed - on the counter and bowing politely. "can i help you with anything today?"

his icy gaze flickered from your lightly curved lips towards sana. "oh, no, my dear. i'm just coming back from an investigation near springvale"

"interesting," you said, eyeing him. "i was just there and didn't see you."

"i wouldn't be very good at my job if you did, wanderer," he grinned. "knight business, you wouldn't understand. got the assignment yesterday."

"ah," you shifted to your side to face him, making him eye the vision on your thigh. "is that why you never showed? rubin was worried."

he looked you up and down. "rubin was, huh?"

you rolled your eyes and adjusted your posture to face away from his smirk. sana looked between the two of you twice before clearing her throat as quietly as possible, making jeonghan let out a chuckle before he directed his attention to the guild's receptionist.

"how goes holding the post, sana?"

she looked almost frightened when the attention was directed back to her. "good, captain! in fact, one of our most capable adventurers-" she gestured to you, "-just returned from taking care of some of our more difficult commissions - no one else would take them."

jeonghan looked at you. "why did sana have to tell your secret?"

your eyebrows quirked upwards. "what secret?"

"that you're good at this. shouldn't you be bragging?"

a chuckle spilled from your lips, and jeonghan watched you as you looked away. "i'm not the bragging type."

he studied you a moment. "what type are you, then?"

you considered the question, wondering exactly how to answer. what type were you? if not a teller, than surely you must be a shower, but that didn't seem right either. you exhaled. "the quiet type. see you later, sana."

he laughed, pushing off the counter as you tucked your mora into your waist bag, wishing sana a good evening and following you towards the fountain. "you sure talk a lot for being the quiet type."

a smirk landed itself on your lips as he fell into step beside you. "maybe private is a better description."

"that one i can see," jeonghan said, looking over to you. he thought of how you had spent nearly an hour telling him about the best views in teyvat, yet he still didn't know the most basic information about you. "do you share your name with anyone?"

you thought. "my mother."

he scoffed. "anyone else?"

you looked to the sky. "rubin."

"wrong," he retorted. "he doesn't know your name, either."

you laughed, looking over to him as you came up to the fountain, spinning and sitting back on the ledge. "you asked?"

"of course i asked," he said, planting one foot on the ledge beside you and placing his arms on his knee. "i asked other people, too. almost everyone knows you, but they don't know anything about you. bits and pieces, but never the full picture."

you just smiled up at him from your relaxed posture on the concrete. "what's wrong with a little intrigue?"

he just smiled back at you. "nothing. i tend to keep a bit myself. did you know there's a large number of people in this city that were shocked when i said you wield a claymore?"

you hummed, dipping the tips of your fingers into the fountain. "did you know there's a large number of people in this city that consider you the most eligible bachelor in not only mondstadt, but in all of teyvat?"

his lips parted slightly as you spoke. "so you snooped, too."

"i was bored yesterday. it wasn't hard," you exhaled. you flicked a drop of water towards his foot. "jeonghan yoon, the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius since he was only nineteen. who loves wine and whose adopted brother runs the biggest winery in teyvat, yet they're hardly ever seen speaking. who comes from a far off land on a different continent, but has come to love mondstadt like it was his home. who wears an eyepatch but has never told anyone why."

he chuckled at the assessment and pulled his foot off the ledge to sit beside you. "so when do i get to learn about you?"

"i told you about me yesterday," you said.

"you told me about teyvat," he corrected. "and while i was able to infer some things about your character, i still know close to nothing about you."

you thought for a moment, realizing no one had ever noticed how little you truly shared despite always being willing to tell stories. "sometimes it feels like i am teyvat. it's hard to think of things that are just about me."

"you could start with that vision," he said, nodding at the strap across your thigh. you looked down at it, exhaling.

"what's there to tell? you know what it means, and that's more teyvat than me, too."

he leaned back on a hand, looking you up and down in curiosity. "how old were you."

you chewed your cheek. "fourteen. you?"

his lip quirked upwards. "sixteen."

you bumped his shoulder with yours playfully. "beat you."

he laughed. "how'd it happen?"

you paused. "you go first."

he just chuckled and looked away, watching a dog wander past the general store. "another day, then."

"no fun," you sighed, brushing your hands together as you leaned forward. "what about the eyepatch?"

he met your eyes, mouth slanted in a smirk. "another day."

you clicked your tongue. "if you wanna learn about me, you have to be willing to give up some details, too. i value a fair trade."

"then stop asking questions that you know i won't share the answer to." jeonghan noticed the color of the sky, then suddenly pulled a pocket watch out, checking it quickly to confirm that there was enough time and stood. "come with me?"

you stared up at him. "where?"

he grinned, extending a hand to help you to your feet. "you said mondstadt's sunsets were your favorite, correct?"

you generally weren't prone to following mysterious men into back corridors, but jeonghan easily convinced you with no words at all that sneaking around the sight line of the acting grand master was completely normal behavior, sushing you with a grin as you giggled, taking refuge around a corner after the two of you made it up to the second floor of the favonius headquarters. he tugged your hand with his, pulling you into a steep maintenance staircase behind a door.

"this feels like it's against some rules," you said, climbing the stairs behind him.

"nonsense," he said, looking back at you and grinning. "are you suggesting that a knight of favonius would break rules just to impress a mysterious traveler?"

you laughed quietly, wondering if he really meant that he wanted to impress you. "not most, but maybe this one."

he only thought for a split second. "if anyone asks, we're on official knight business."

he opened the door and you found the sky again, beginning to glow orange as the edge of the sun began to hide behind the cliffs. you stared in awe at the way the few fluffy clouds reflected pink and gold, then readjusted your focus when jeonghan spoke again.

"i hope you aren't afraid of heights," he said, walking over to the parapets that surrounded you. "the best view requires a bit of a climb."

you looked up at the tower, and while it wasn't much higher than where you stood, you also recognized that you were well above most of mondstadt already. "you climb up there?"

he paused, studying you. "we don't have to, we can just sit on a merlon-"

"no, we can climb," you said, walking over to where he was and eyeing the small gap between the parapet and the adjacent roof. "hop over?"

he laughed, stepping over the gap and holding a hand out for you. "watch your step."

and though you didn't need it, you accepted the hand anyways, and it stayed on yours as you walked over the roof to the tower, as if making sure you didn't misstep several stories in the air.

"would you like to go first?" he asked. "i'll catch you if you fall."

you rolled your eyes at him, dropping your hand from his grip. "you go first. i want to see where the handholds are."

he just grinned at you. "very well," he said, tugging on the wrists of his fingerless gloves to make sure they were taught against his skin before taking hold of a brick. you watched him as he took foothold after foothold, and he resisted the urge to show off by speedily scaling the wall in favor of making sure you had the chance to see where he gripped. when he reached the opening in the tower, he pulled himself up and spun around, exhaling with a grin as he seated himself at the ledge with his legs dangling above you.

"your turn."

you adjusted your waist bag as you sighed in amused annoyance, spinning it to be behind you and out of your hips' way to climb the wall. it wasn't much - a couple meters, maybe - and you had definitely climbed further, but jeonghan's presence made you slightly nervous. that nervousness, however, just fueled you to prove yourself.

you scaled the wall easily, making jeonghan whistle and jokingly call you some kind of adventurer, and your only hesitation came when his hand was in your face. despite your initial inclination to ignore it, you put your left hand in his, allowing him to help you pull yourself up on the ledge and sit beside him.

"impressive," he commented.

you laughed, brushing off your hands. "you, too."

"c'mon," he said, gesturing his head over his shoulder before making moves to stand. "the view's on the other side."

you sighed, looking over the view of mondstadt shrouded in golden light as he stood and walked to the other ledge. "never a moment of rest with you."

"if you want to miss the sunset, be my guest."

you leaned back on your hands and laughed, pulling your gaze away from the city to look at where jeonghan had seated himself on the other end of the tower, and subsequently the view of the rolling hills beyond him that were glowing golden in the evening sun. you blinked for a second, realizing you hadn't seen the sunset the night before, and quickly got to your feet to join him before you missed this one, too.

he gave you a soft smile when you sat beside him, and you briefly wondered how many he had in his repertoire. the wind was stronger higher, whipping gently through his hair and alleviating any uncomfortable warmth you may have had from exerting yourself on the way up. you watched the dregs of sunlight skip across the grassy hills and the sky turn deep orange and bright pink, feet swinging lightly over the edge of the tower.

"i was fighting with my brother," he said suddenly, causing you to look at him with a start before you realized he was telling you about his vision. there was a slight smile on his face as he looked out on the fields. "hyungwon. it was bad. he already had his - he's a pyro, like you - and we were both young and stupid and just lost our dad. we were sword fighting and it came to me when i needed it. it probably saved my life, honestly."

you blinked at him. "you think he would have killed you?'

he exhaled, leaning back on his hands. "i think if the roles had been reversed, i would have tried to kill him, too. i'm grateful it didn't go that way, though." he coughed abruptly, clearing his throat. "we're on speaking terms, and i do love him as a brother, but i generally avoid him."

you let that thought ruminate as you watched the sun sink, halfway beyond the horizon. "my father was in a gang in inazuma, but my mom ran away when she found out she was pregnant. didn't want to raise a kid in that world, i guess? we ran into him when i got older and he wasn't very understanding." you paused, remembering the detail too well. "they were going to take her vision. that's what they did to traitors. probably take me, too. they weren't expecting me to start setting fires."

jeonghan's gaze was on you as yours was on the horizon. "just a couple of survivors."

you looked over at him, a smirk on your lips. "a couple?"

he laughed waving at your implication, thinking he would have said the same thing in an attempt to fluster you just as you were to him. "like, more than one and less than four."

you only laughed back. "fortune favors the weak, i suppose. the archons saw we needed help and extended a fig branch."

"is that what it was?" he asked, a laugh on his lips. "we were both fighting people. that's hardly an offer of peace."

"look for the deeper meaning, jeonghan. we were fighting for our lives," you pointed out, and he realized it was the first time you had addressed him by his name rather than his title. "i was fighting for family. for freedom. is that not the greatest pursuit of peace?"

he watched you as you pulled your knees to your chest, putting your feet on the edge of the stonework surface you sat on. he studied the way the golden rays lit your skin and made your eyes sparkle. "i suppose so."

you paused in that moment for a long while, and jeonghan allowed the comfortable silence as the two of you watched the sun disappear beyond the cliffs of mondstadt. the sky was turning a deep shade of purple when you told him your name, and jeonghan thought that it was quite possibly the best news he had ever received, but he kept that joy to himself as he confirmed your name, and you rolled your eyes.

"are you gonna answer my other question now?"

he scoffed. "about the eyepatch? is it really that interesting?"

"not any more interesting than my name," you retorted.

"completely untrue," jeonghan insisted. "i've never been so excited to be told a secret, and i get told a lot of secrets."

you eyed his smile warily. "my name may be unknown, but it's no secret."

he sighed and shook his head lightly. "you really wanna know the reason i wear it? it's probably not as dramatic as you're hoping."

"yet you hide it?"

he laughed. "what's wrong with a little intrigue?"

you looked away, recognizing the parrot of your own words. "whatever you say, captain."

"no!" he whined and grabbed your arm, making you start and look at him with big eyes. "you just started calling me jeonghan, don't go back to captain."

you stared at him, only breaking to laugh, dropping your legs over the edge again. "you won't show me what's under the eyepatch, so i thought we weren't on first name basis."

his hand on your bicep was warm and gentle, but his gaze was piercing as he thought it over for a bit longer. you did your best to hold it, but you felt yourself shrinking when he quietly muttered, "go on, then."

it took you a second to register what he meant, and you reached out slowly, fingers hesitating before they brushed upon his cheekbone. jeonghan closed his eyes, resigning to your touch as you gently lifted the eyepatch. his eyes opened again, slowly, and you thought your heart might have skipped a beat.

"like chocolate," you commented, and a smile spread across his lips.

"that's the kindest reaction i've gotten."

your fingers fell upon his temple, brushing down gently as you inspected his singular brown eye. "since birth?"

he nodded, his eyes flicking down to your lips briefly before he spoke. "heterochromia. it's a characteristic of my family."

you studied his face. "not the one here?"

he sighed. "not the one here."

the icy blue of jeonghan's eye had always struck something in you. it made him mysterious. commanding. it felt like he saw more than you despite having one eye covered. but now, you felt warm. you felt his gentleness. there was comfort hidden away behind that black patch, and you told him that you understood why the cavalry captain had chosen to hide the eye he did.

but to you, he was willing to show anything that would keep you around longer, he said.

"why me?" you asked, studying his expression when he looked away. the sun had retreated behind the hills, leaving the sky a deep blue.

jeonghan didn't respond right away, and you wondered if he himself even knew the answer. "we're birds of a feather, you and i."

you looked out to the view again, watching the subtle movements of the wild hills. "did you travel much before you came here?"

"it was all i knew," he told you. "i was thirteen when my father left me here."

your neck snapped, your eyes on his profile when he leaned back on his hands. "left you?"

he almost laughed, a smile on his lips when his eyes met yours. "i was slowing him down, i suppose. hyungwon's father found me and took me in."

"so you stayed?"

"i didn't always want to," he assured you. "i had the itch to leave for years. as soon as i was able, i always told myself." he paused, eyes dropping. "then father died. then hyungwon turned down his position with the knights. and i was their second choice."

you pursed your lips. "you stayed for a job."

he laughed. "it's not that simple."

you smiled at him, enjoying the warmth of his eyes on yours as the sky cooled. "are you sure we're birds of a feather?"

"listen," he said, getting off his hands and brushing them off on his thighs. "i accepted the job so that i could set the story straight. i didn't want to run from the people that believed that hyungwon tried to kill me to avenge our father."

you studied him. "i'm sorry."

"don't be," he said, nudging your shoulder. "i was still planning on leaving, but then i fell in love."

you looked away, trying to sort out the way your stomach flipped. "are they still around?"

"not with a person," he laughed, then nodded towards the now dark hills. "with the views. besides, i get free reign whenever i leave for missions. i have fun adventuring, and come home to the best sunsets in teyvat. there are worse places to call home."

your eyes scanned the horizon, remembering the brilliant rays of sun you had just seen skip across it. "that is tempting."

"how tempting?" he asked.

you thought on that for a moment. "almost as much as a death after noon right now."

jeonghan laughed, slightly proud that he had hooked you on his favorite drink. "shall we go see rubin, then?"

you hummed, smiling at the captain. "as long as i don't have to sit alone again."

"that's a promise," he told you as he stood, holding out a hand that you took without hesitation, though he withheld his intention to make sure you were never alone again.

[nvvermore]

Angel of Music

Beatrice’s vocal lessons with Amaryllis begin, and the both of them learn much more during these lessons than they’d ever expected to

words: 9k~

Amaryllis’s POV by me/Beatrice’s POV by @juliandev0rak

—

Unfortunately for Amaryllis, Beatrice was a good student.

It sounded like a silly thing to lament over, but it was easy for a good student to sniff out a bad teacher. So, Amaryllis needed to work extra hard to appear as natural as possible in such a position. It didn’t help that yesterday Nadia had also informed them that Beatrice happened to be a teacher herself. Not versed in music, but there had to be a method to these things that it was clear they would be missing.

She’d come prepared, with a journal for notes, water, and even mentioned she took time to practice last night. Despite her outward anxiety, it was clear Beatrice felt excited. But, her attitude didn’t change Amaryllis’s  unpreparedness. So far, they had been improvising, banking on her lack of experience and their charisma to fill in the blanks. They were nothing if not an actor.

Now, the two had finished discussing Beatrice’s experience level, as never having had an instructor meant very little. Amaryllis never had one either and they were doing fine. That detail they left out though. But she was proficient on the piano and had a secure grasp on reading music, and had sung for fun her entire life.

Amaryllis stood from the chaise where the two had been sitting side by side. They held out a hand to Beatrice, whose eyes flashed from their face to the offered hand before taking it. Without thought, their thumb brushed over the back of her hand, her skin soft to the touch. As soon as she was on her feet she pulled away, and Amaryllis mourned the loss.

“An important part of singing is remembering your whole body is the instrument. You need to be mindful of your entire being. It may sound difficult, but with practice it will become second nature.” Amaryllis explains as they watch Beatrice watch them. Her hazel eyes dart away when the two make eye contact.

“First step to a session is to stretch. You want your body to be loose, especially your torso. Follow after me.” Amaryllis raises their arms above their head, stretching their shoulders. “Hold for thirty,” They instruct, looking to Beatrice for understanding. Though instead of stretching, she’s starting again. This time, her gaze is on the hem of their dress, where it’s ridden up due to the stretching. The already risqué length had become even more revealing, pale skin a striking contrast to their dark outfit.

“See something you like?” The taunt snaps Beatrice out of it, and her hands nervously dart to the clasp of her cloak. “That seems a little heavy, perhaps you'd like to take it off?”

“Ah, um, yes! Of course.” her fingers stop their fiddling to undo the clasp, and she slips off the garment and hangs it on the back of a chair. Now, it’s Amaryllis’s turn to stare. Sans-cloak, Beatrice is in a light-colored lace gown. It was modest— especially compared to Amaryllis— but not any less mesmerizing. Beatrice catches them staring and they do nothing to hide that they were, lips quirked into a sly grin. She clears her throat, eager to continue.

“So what exactly is the reasoning for loosening up?”

“Tension in your body puts strain on your muscles, including the ones used in signing. When that happens, your ability and range gets cut a significant amount. Proper posture goes hand in hand with relaxation. One can have the most beautiful voice, but it all falls apart if they’re holding themself wrong.”

Together, they finish up the basic stretches, and Amaryllis retreats to the piano. They finger out a simple scale a few times over, ruby eyes never leaving Beatrice.

“Sing for me.“

An inhale, a shaky exhale, and then she begins to vocalize. She’s very quiet, Amaryllis can hardly hear her over the sound of the piano. But they smile at her and nod, a small push of encouragement. Little by little, she loosens up, growing louder as they go through the scales. Moving up and down in octaves until they pass Beatrice’s range. Her voice is light and airy, ethereal despite the hesitation behind it. An impressive high range, and that was with no breath control practice. When they told her yesterday they'd make her into a prima donna, it had been to tease. But now they’ve heard her, Amaryllis thought it might not be an impossible feat.

Amaryllis ceases their playing. Still watching Beatrice, they could pick up on the subtle tremors that ran through her. She was doing her very best to be discreet in regards to her nerves. They stood from the bench to direct her to sit back down on the chaise, fetching water for her in the process. As she drank it down, Amaryllis fought the impulse to brush her hair back out of her face. The urge to comfort her with any touch. But they didn't know how such a gesture would be received, and the unusual desire to do so brought them discomfort.

“You have a beautiful voice,” their soft complement breaks through the silence. Beatrice looked at them with wide eyes, expression flattered and confused all at once. “It’s true. Right now, your biggest setback is your nerves, and that will fade in time. But the tension you carry because of it can create pitch issues.”

“Oh,” Beatrice whispers, voice trailing off as she takes in the information. Her mouth opens to finish her thought, but loses her words when Amaryllis’s hand is on her chin. They tilt her head up to look at them, the same way they'd done so yesterday.

“You should always accept a compliment as if you truly believe it. That way, one day, you will.”

“I-”

“Your voice is beautiful.” Beatrice looks torn, face flushed and Amaryllis can tell she wants to glance away from them so badly. But she doesn't, and they stand over her patiently while she finds the resolve they know she has.

“Thank you.” Her voice is steady, and while Amaryllis knows it's not likely she believes it yet, it's certainly a good start. Satisfied, their thumb brushes across Beatrice’s jaw before pulling away. They don't watch for any reaction, deciding they've maybe pushed her a bit too much already. Standing across the room now, they decide to get back to the actual vocal lesson.

“Now that I've heard you sing without any corrections, let's go over what exactly we'll work on together.”

The rest of the lesson passes faster than Amaryllis wanted it to. They go over breath control and pitch issues, how to practice and how to work the areas she needed to in particular. Beatrice was attentive, asked careful questions and took detailed notes. The next time Amaryllis had her sing she did so with a little less hesitance. Their own hesitance surrounding teaching faded too. It felt less like they were teacher and student, and more like they were having a conversation. Before they knew it, two hours had passed, and didn’t want to keep Beatrice any longer. Even if a persistent part of their mind said they did.

“Well, It's about time you gave your voice a rest. I‘d consider this first session a great success.” Beatrice stood a few feet away from where Amaryllis sat on the bench. She looked almost disappointed at the concept of the lesson’s conclusion. Glancing around the room, her eyes landed on the grandfather clock in the corner.

“Ah, I suppose you are correct,” her hands darted to where her cloak normally sat. When she found it missing, her fingers faltered. “So how often do you think I should have lessons?”

“Weekly will be best. Much of the progress you're going to make will happen during practice. And as long as you take time to do so each day, you'll see it in little time. But if you have questions or need assistance outside of lessons, you know where to find me.” Amaryllis retrieved their grimoire from the piano lid as Beatrice gathered her things. The green cloak resumed its place on her shoulders, and Amaryllis felt endeared by the quirk. Together, they made for the doors.

“Amaryllis, I,” Beatrice began once they exited the room, “I’d like to thank you. I never thought I'd ever take lessons, let alone ones from you.” The admiration of others rarely phased them, it was another aspect of their everyday. But Beatrice’s gratitude made them feel something unlike any kind they’d received before.

“The pleasure is all mine. You're a very promising student after all.”

“Thank you,” she said with the same conviction as she did after Amaryllis’s complement earlier. Feeling a sense of pride, they smiled at her, genuine.

“Have a good evening, Beatrice.”

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

Beatrice shows up to the next lesson early, notebook and water in hand. She tries the door to the practice room and finds it locked, so she sinks down onto the floor to sit and wait. She’s just pulled her notebook out of her bag and is reviewing her notes from last week when she hears the now familiar sound of Amaryllis’ heels approaching down the hallway. She hurriedly stuffs the notebook back into her bag just as Amaryllis turns the corner. “Well hello,” Amaryllis smiles, offering their hand to help Beatrice up, “Need a hand?”

“Oh, yes thank you,” Beatrice takes their hand, trying not to seem too eager as she reaches for them. She lets go of their hand as soon as she’s up, not wanting to make things awkward by lingering.

“Shall we begin?” Amaryllis says, holding the door open for her. She sets her bag down on the chaise and takes her cloak off, not noticing the way Amaryllis watches her from across the room. Her hands go to her clothes, making sure her blouse is tucked in properly and fluffing the fabric of her skirt to make sure it lays flat. She takes a sip of water, a deep breath, and turns to face Amaryllis.

This lesson starts better than the last. Beatrice is less nervous now that she knows what to expect, now that she knows that Amaryllis is both a good teacher and a kind person. She hadn’t expected ridicule by any means, but hearing genuine compliments from them had made her both slightly giddy and a lot more confident. Beatrice loves to learn and if she simply treats these lessons as just that, a lesson, a chance to learn something, she’ll be fine.

As she sings through a few warm up exercises her eyes follow Amaryllis as they play the piano. They seem to notice her staring at them and look up to meet her eyes, causing Beatrice to falter on the note. She tries to recover from the mistake quickly but Amaryllis stops playing and stands up from the piano bench, taking a step towards her.

“You’re too tense again,” Amaryllis explains, their hands going to her shoulders to gently push them down from where she’d lifted them as she'd sung, “Relax your shoulders, remember what I said about tension and stress?” 

“Yes, I remember,” Beatrice smiles, willing her voice to stay steady and her shoulders not to shake under their touch. Amaryllis returns the smile as their left hand gently moves further down her shoulder. They fiddle with the ruffle on her sleeve briefly before removing both of their hands and taking a step away from her. Beatrice breathes in sharply in response and tries to ignore the feeling of her sleeves pressing against her arms just as Amaryllis’ fingers had been

“You’re doing very well, Beatrice. Just relax,” Amaryllis says as they return to their place at the piano bench. She’s grateful that they’re busy shuffling through sheet music and can’t see the way her cheeks color at the praise. They start to play one of the songs she’d sung last week and nod at her to begin. 

Beatrice makes it through with only minor mistakes but she still can’t seem to focus when Amaryllis looks up from the piano to watch her. She messes up words, sings off key, and even sometimes grows so quiet she can’t be heard until Amaryllis looks away. She struggles to fight against these reactions, deciding to stare at a spot on the wall behind them so that she won’t notice Amaryllis looking at her. It seems to work and the next run through of the song goes more smoothly. 

During a water break Beatrice gives herself a pep talk, reminding herself that this is simply a lesson, something she can learn to excel at if she follows the rules. The reminder gives her some resolve and she’s able to focus her attention on singing rather than her (very distracting) teacher. As she sings she remembers to breathe and relax her shoulders, she tries to tune out everything but the notes from the piano. She hits a note she’d struggled to hit the week before and smiles in surprise. Her eyes float down from their safe spot on the wall to look at Amaryllis, who watches them with an unreadable expression on their face before it fades into something more neutral.

“That was great!” Amaryllis says, “Let’s do that part again to see if you can hit the note twice in a row.”

The lesson moves quickly once she’s able to focus, and before she knows it Beatrice is pulling her cloak back on and preparing to leave. She stands by the door for a moment, watching as Amaryllis gathers their sheet music. Though the sight of them still makes her a bit nervous, the feeling has faded from self consciousness to something else, something she doesn’t quite want to think about yet.

“You’ve improved since last week,” Amaryllis says, turning around to face her. They give her an encouraging smile and Beatrice meets their eyes, for once managing not to blush as they gaze at her.

“You think so?” Beatrice asks, returning the smile.

“You’re a very quick learner when you’re using that brain of yours to focus instead of overthinking,” Amaryllis replies, their smile turning into more of a smirk. Beatrice does blush then, laughing under her breath as she stares down at her boots.

“Yes, well, I’m working on it,” She says, fiddling with the closure on her overstuffed bag, “I’m glad to hear I’m improving.” 

“You really are, just make sure to practice so you can remember everything you’ve learned this week.” Amaryllis holds the door open for her, gesturing for her to walk out before them. She suddenly feels like she should say something else, the lesson had come to a close too quickly.

“Amaryllis,” Beatrice starts, wondering what she should even say. Should she ask them if they’re going to dinner at the palace? Should she suggest going somewhere else together? No. Surely Amaryllis sees her as nothing more than a student, or maybe a friend if she’s lucky. There’s no guarantee Amaryllis would want to spend more time with her than is necessary, so she changes course, “Thanks again.” 

“You’re very welcome. I’ll see you next week, Beatrice,” Amaryllis replies, turning to walk down the hall.

Beatrice watches them go, trying not to let her eyes linger in places they shouldn’t. Amaryllis’ tight dress leaves nothing to the imagination, and if Beatrice is being honest she has been imagining. She clears her throat and turns the other direction, headed back to the safety of the palace proper. It’ll be a long week waiting to see them again.

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

“It’s impressive,” Beatrice comments one day, in the middle of a lesson.

“What’s impressive?” They hadn’t been discussing anything in particular, so it seemed out of place.

“The dedication you have for your craft, all the effort you put into it. And I'm sure I don't even know the half of it.” As she explained, Beatrice sounded composed, but her rosy cheeks gave her away.

Amaryllis blinked, somewhat stunned, though they gave no outward indication of it. They had already recognized that hearing praise from Beatrice felt different somehow. But since their lessons had begun, the flutter they felt when she did so had only grown.

“Please,” Amaryllis waved a dismissive hand, “when you've been at it for as long as I have, it’s hardly any effort at all.”

“You know, I recall you telling me a few weeks ago to, ‘always accept a compliment as if you truly believe it’.”

Beatrice’s words paired with the smug air she said them with caught Amaryllis by surprise. For a split-second, all they could do was stare at her. Being called out for deflection, with their own words, was unexpected from her. As they'd known Beatrice thus far, it was uncharacteristic. And so was their own delight at the notion Beatrice was becoming more comfortable with them. Recovered, they propped their elbows back on the piano, leaning back against it.

All Amaryllis could think of was different ways they'd like to wipe the smirk off her rose-tinted lips. They favored the concept of doing so with their own mouth.

“Do you now?” they mimicked her attitude, cocky expression falling into place as easy as breathing. Easier, even. “I hope you’ve been practicing that part of my lessons too. I’m sure you get enough compliments to do so.” At least, Amaryllis hoped she did, that at least someone was out there taking the time to cherish her. Instead of the bashful reaction they had been hoping for, Beatrice frowned.

“Ah, not usually, no-“

“That’s a shame,” they cut her off, stepping away from the piano to stand before her. Being this close made that flutter Amaryllis was feeling speed up. The last thing they wanted was for Beatrice to frown. And if no one else was taking the time to tell her all the sweet things she should hear, they were more than happy to step up. Accepting compliments built confidence, and confidence was vital to singing. It was simply another part of the lesson, that was all. With a gentle hand, Amaryllis brushed tawny waves out of her face, keeping her from hiding behind them now. “With how lovely you are, I had expected there'd be someone to shower you with sweet words."

Voice low and velvety, they ran their fingers down her cheek. Nails just barely grazing her neck before their hand pulled away. Beatrice wasn't frowning anymore, but was watching them with wide-eyed astonishment. For a moment, Amaryllis's resolve faltered.

They thought about kissing her, it would only take another step, a tilt of her head. But, what actually shocked Amaryllis is that they did not. Instead, as swift as they had approached, they were back against the piano.

Beatrice was their student, and so it would be improper to persue her...

…Which didn’t hold up in the slightest, because never in their life had they cared about what was proper or not. Student or not, under typical circumstances, Amaryllis would have had her in their bed by now. But that was it, wasn’t it? That nothing concerning Beatrice was at all typical. From their opposition to simply seducing her to their reactions to the things that she did. Amaryllis couldn’t recall a time when they’d felt this way before.

They had decided to entertain their intrigue when they offered her lessons. But Amaryllis hadn’t imagined that it would shift in the direction they were afraid it was heading.

“Thank you,” her breathy voice pulled them back into the room. It took them a second to realize she was thanking them for the compliment. Beatrice was biting her lip, watching them with those hazel eyes they couldn’t quite get a read on.

All they could do was turn away from her, but not before they could hide away their smile. Amaryllis tried to stay focused on the lesson, and not on the dangerous territory they were heading into.

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

They’ve done more talking than singing, Beatrice realizes as she looks at the clock. It’s been an hour since the lesson started and they’ve been sitting on the couch talking the entire time, neither realizing how much time has passed. The topics of conversation have ranged, what began as small talk about the rainy weather had evolved into how they’d each come to be employed at the palace. Amaryllis doesn’t give many details, but Beatrice drinks in every piece of their story she can get and tries to ignore the urge to pry.

Over the course of the hour Beatrice has loosened up considerably, her posture is slouched and her legs are tucked under her as she sits criss cross on the couch rather than her usual polite ankle cross. She’s surprised to find how easy it is to talk to Amaryllis, how easily she can let her guard down to talk about herself more than she usually would. When Amaryllis asks a question she finds herself answering without thinking. They seem genuinely interested in her answers, leaning towards her as she speaks and asking follow up questions.

“What made you want to teach?” Amaryllis asks, their voice pulling her gaze back from the clock on the wall.

“Well, I never had a real education as a child, I learned manners and needlepoint and all sorts of useless things like that, but science, literature, history- everything I know I’ve learned on my own,” Beatrice explains, her voice rising in volume as it often does when she’s excited, “Vesuvia doesn’t offer an education for those who can’t afford to pay tutors, and I think that should change.” 

“So you just marched up to the Countess and suggested opening a school?” Amaryllis grins, their eyes trained to Beatrice’s face which is for once free of any hint of anxiety as she smiles proudly at them. The image of Beatrice stomping up the palace steps in her green cloak with a look of determination on her face makes Amaryllis suppress a laugh. 

“Believe it or not, I did! I requested a meeting and left less than an hour later to pick a spot to build the school,” Beatrice laughs, “Nadia wasn’t difficult to convince.”

“I’m sure you can be very convincing when you want to be,” Amaryllis says, reaching to play with the lace trim at the bottom of her dress. Beatrice watches the action closely, not pulling away when their hand briefly brushes against her leg. “Well, I suppose we should get started on the singing lesson, we’ve delayed quite a bit.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Beatrice nearly trips over her dress as she gets up from the chaise.

“You have nothing to apologize for, I very much enjoyed getting to know you better,” Amaryllis replies, smoothing their clothing down as they walk across the room to the piano.

“I enjoyed it too,” Beatrice smiles, “getting to know you.” 

“I should have you play sometime, I remember you being quite proficient during our first lesson,” Amaryllis says as they take their seat at the instrument. 

“Well, I’m afraid I’m not very accomplished anymore. I wish I had more time to practice the piano, but there are only so many hours in a day,” Beatrice replies, taking her usual spot standing next to them.

“Would you like to play something now?” Amaryllis suggests, patting the spot next to them on the piano bench, “I’m sure you’re great.”

“Oh, well, sure if you’d like to hear me play,” Beatrice hesitates for a moment before she takes a seat next to them, trying to smooth her dress down a bit so she doesn’t take up too much room on the bench. Amaryllis smiles and moves a bit closer so that their leg is pressed to hers, she can feel the warmth of their skin through the fabric of her dress and works hard to regain her composure.

“I would love to hear you play,” Amaryllis says directly into her ear, their mouth barely brushing against her skin. She manages to only shiver the tiniest bit as Amaryllis leans away from her again, turning their attention back to the piano. Beatrice takes an only slightly shaky breath and reaches for the keys. Her fingers pluck a familiar tune, one she’d learned when she was younger and forced to sit through hours of lessons every day. She shuts her eyes as she plays it by memory, tuning out Amaryllis next to her and the distracting ticking of the clock on the wall behind her. 

When she finishes the song, a short piece designed more for practice than performance, she pulls her hands back into her lap and looks up at Amaryllis to gauge their reaction. The smile on their face is different than any Beatrice has seen before. It has more emotion behind it, admiration perhaps, and she feels a flutter in her stomach at the thought. 

“That was lovely, Beatrice. I thought you said you were out of practice? That sounded well practiced to me,” Amaryllis laughs, the smile replaced by their usual expression.

“Thank you. I used to hate that song so much, it would get stuck in my head for hours and I’d  find myself playing the notes in the air all the time like some sort of compulsion,” Beatrice sighs, her fingers flexing in her lap at the memory, “But I’m glad the torment payed off.” 

“Well I’ll stop torturing you then,” Amaryllis jokes, bumping Beatrice slightly off the piano bench with their hip, “I think we’ll leave the piano to me for now, let’s begin the lesson.”

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

Amaryllis’s fingers still on the keys of the piano as the song comes to an end. Beatrice’s singing was lovely— as always— but something was off. What, they weren’t exactly sure. The warm up went fine, she didn’t seem stiff or nervous in the slightest, and  minimal issues with her pitch. She’d taken a breath or two at a bad moment, and at one point a whole note became a half, but neither of those were serious.

They realize that they may just be projecting their feelings onto her. A comment of hers from before had been bothering Amaryllis, much more than it should have. Beatrice’s anecdote about having no say in performing a song that she hated had struck close to home. Literally.

Beatrice had never given any indication that she was unhappy with the music they chose for her. But Amaryllis had never directly asked her what she wanted to sing either.

“Amaryllis, is everything alright?” Beatrice spoke up. Suddenly they realized they hadn’t said a word in the time since the song had concluded. There was a nervous edge to her voice, the tone making an unwelcome appearance for the first time in weeks.

“Yes, I apologize,” they stood from the bench, feeling the sudden urge to move.

“Is there, um, a problem?” Her words were hesitant, uneasy. When Amaryllis turned to her, Beatrice's eyes were downcast, focused on the carpet.

“Oh, ma chérie, no. You were wonderful, don’t worry.” The endearment had slipped out without thought. Bringing a hand to her back, Amaryllis ushered her over to sit with them. They felt uneasy, but maintained their composure, focused on how soft the satin of her dress felt.

“Sorry, I-” Amaryllis faltered. Their hand was still at her back, lower now, and as much as they longed to leave it there they knew they shouldn't. Not only was the gesture a little too friendly, but feeling how thin her dress seemed to be was distracting. “I’d like to ask, what kind of music do you want to sing?”

Once Beatrice had taken in their question, she relaxed, taking a moment to consider her answer.

“I suppose whatever kind suits my voice best?” She sounded uncertain, and her hazel eyes flitting back to the ground was a confirmation. Amaryllis was having none of that.

“Ah,” their hand came up to her chin, tilting her gaze back to them, “that’s not how this works.” The two were close, but not quite as close as they had been at the piano bench last week. As Amaryllis looked down at her, the rose-colored lipstick she wore caught their eye. They gave into the temptation to stare, for a little too long.

Amaryllis is back to the same dilemma as they had been weeks ago. They wanted to kiss her, wanted to see the color on her lips smeared and mixed with their own. It was the same conundrum, but it had grown far more complicated than it had been weeks ago.

They dreaded the conclusion of their lessons, and counted the days until the next one. And between lessons they’d started seeing each other much more often during the rest of the week. During court functions and other meetings, Amaryllis had found themself in Beatrice's company. They ran into each other in the halls of the palace— literally, one time— and when on stage they looked for her in the crowd. She was never difficult to spot.

As of late, their compositions reflected their feelings. Even inspiration for the masquerade came easy, knowing she'd be in that crowd too.

Amaryllis wanted her. But now, they wanted far more than a kiss or a single night, and not in the way they were familiar with wanting someone. Wanted to hold her hand, wanted to listen to her ramble, wanted to sing with her. Wanted to know her, and had even contemplated letting her know them in return.

But they couldn’t let themself. It was foolish— to be afraid of the feelings and to have them at all in the first place. In some ways, it felt like something of a betrayal. Beatrice had trusted Amaryllis to instruct her, not to fall for her.

Finally, they avert their gaze, torn to see Beatrice watching them with a similar longing. It would have been far easier to lean into her instead of pulling themself away completely. Even if Amaryllis knew she'd be receptive, they had to have some self-preservation. They knew it wouldn’t be enough to just take what they could get from her. It would be better to let the infatuation fade than feed the fire; it would hurt far less.

“Passion is far more important.” Amaryllis leans back against the chaise. “Doing what’s ‘technically’ correct means nothing if it's not what makes you happy. Singing for the sake of arbitrary rules will only bring you dread.” They're familiar with the way it feels to lose your passion, and the trauma of it was a deep-seated pain. Beatrice’s brow creases as they speak, picking up on what their insistence indicates. “So when I ask you what you’d like to sing, I need you to answer with how you feel.”

“I’d like to sing things that I can find meaning in. The song we’ve been working on, it’s beautiful, but I can’t relate to it no matter how I attempt to interpret it. Coming from me it feels insincere.”

“I may have something in particular you'd like.” The words are out before Amaryllis can even grasp what exactly they were deciding to offer. But they couldn't take it back now, not with the delighted way Beatrice was looking at them.

Without standing, they motion in the air, and their grimoire soars over from where it had placed on the piano. Amaryllis sets the book of music before them. With their hands on the cover, they whisper the incantation that unlocks it.

Beatrice had scooted forward, leaning in, but still far enough for her to pretend she wasn't being nosy. Amaryllis knew she must have a billion questions, and they would happily listen to her voice each one. But, she only asked one.

“What is it about?”

It was a simple question, but not one with a simple answer. That was why Amaryllis had written it into a song after all. Emotions and experiences were too difficult for them to express in a usual manner. If their feelings were to be expressed at all, they had to do so in a different way.

“You’ll see,” they left it at that, casting the projection spell for the piano. Sitting up straight, Amaryllis rolled their shoulders back, and began to sing.

The lyrics they sang painted the picture of a neglected child. The intense sorrow they felt. What they dreamed of to help them through each day. The helplessness that came when they realized the dreams were only that. Dreams, and nothing more.

With a final, shaky note, they looked to Beatrice. She was silent, lips parted and eyes glassy. For a moment, Amaryllis worries they'd upset her, but then she reaches out to rest her hand on their knee.

“Amaryllis, that was beautiful,” she blinks away the tears that had threatened to fall. “You’d trust me to sing that?”

“Of course,” they place their hand over hers.

“Then, I’d love to.”

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

Beatrice wakes up groggily, rolling over in bed only to come face to face with a rabbit staring directly at her. “Oh, good morning, Bramble,” she says, reaching to scratch the rabbit between her ears. She winces at the sound of her voice, it sounds scratchy and her throat hurts a bit when she swallows. She decides to test her voice again, “Shall we get some breakfast?” it’s definitely still scratchy. 

She worries as she goes about her morning routine, wondering if she’ll be able to sing at all later. She’s been practicing in all of her spare moments, and perhaps that’s why she has no voice left for her real practice. Still, work doesn’t stop for a lost voice and she has a meeting with Nadia in an hour so she clasps her cloak, grabs her bag, and starts the trek across town.

When she arrives in Nadia’s parlor, a prompt five minutes early, she realizes how winded she feels. The moment she opens her mouth to greet Nadia she knows she might really be in trouble. 

“Good morning,” She croaks, pasting a cheerful smile on her face in the hopes of distracting the Countess. 

“Oh dear, Beatrice are you feeling alright? You sound quite ill,” Nadia says, looking worried as she stands in the doorway regarding her. 

“I’m fine, just a sore throat,” Beatrice replies, holding back a wince as her throat grates. 

‘You don’t sound fine, I believe you should go home and rest. You’re in no position to give a presentation this morning,” Nadia’s tone of voice brooks no argument and Beatrice hangs her head a bit as she tries to think of a way to convince her. Beatrice doesn’t take days off, certainly not for a sore throat. “I shall have a servant get you a carriage.”

“I’m fine, really! Don’t go to the trouble,” She pleads, but Nadia simply shakes her head and points to the doorway.

“Go home, take some time to rest, Beatrice,” Nadia says kindly. Beatrice sighs and starts to gather her things, there’s no use, Nadia’s right. She can barely make an audible sound, there’s nothing to do but wait for her voice to come back. 

As Beatrice heads to the Palace gates she’s so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t think about her lesson with Amaryllis. She all but forgets about it until she spots a familiar maroon haired figure approaching from across the foyer. 

“Beatrice, you’re here early,” Amaryllis says, looking equal parts bemused and excited to see her. 

“I was just leaving,” Beatrice rasps, “ Lost my voice,” 

“Yes I should say you have,” Amaryllis frowns, putting a hand on Beatrice’s forehead as if to check for a fever. She stares at them wide-eyed as they deliberate and finally pull their hand away. “Does your throat hurt as well?” 

“Yes,” She says, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can sing today.” 

“No, I don’t think you can. You should go home and rest, you’ve been practicing too much,” They reply, they’re still stooped down a bit to meet her eyes and Beatrice finds it hard to focus with them this close to her.

“I’m sorry,” Beatrice manages to say, feeling terrible from the pain and because she’ll be missing out on a lesson.

Beatrice thinks back to their last lesson, the way Amaryllis had opened up to her and allowed her to listen to their music. She doesn’t want to miss another chance at that closeness, both emotional and physical. There had been times over the last few weeks where Beatrice could have sworn Amaryllis might kiss her. They’d stared directly at her lips, only a slight tilt of the head away from meeting her lips with their own. But it hadn't happened, and it never will, Beatrice reminds herself. Amaryllis is her teacher, and though they’ve begun to spend more time together outside of lessons she’s sure it’s out of friendly obligation and nothing more. 

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to your poor vocal chords.” Amaryllis straightens up to their full height and takes a step back from her. They seem to be deep in thought for a moment before almost hesitantly adding, “Go home, I’ll bring you some tea to help with your throat.” 

“Oh, you really don’t have to do that,” Beatrice protests, her face already flushing at the thought of them being so concerned for her.

“Stop talking, you’ll make things worse,” Amaryllis says, “It’s the building on the corner by the hat shop, yes?” Beatrice is a little surprised that Amaryllis remembers where she lives, she’d only mentioned it once in passing a few weeks ago.

“Yes,” Beatrice starts, but at Amaryllis’ stern look she shuts her mouth and nods instead. 

“Now go rest,” They say, red lips pulling into their characteristic smile, “I’ll be by later.” 

When she gets home Beatrice kicks her boots off and changes into something comfortable. She chugs a glass of water but it’s too cold and burns the whole way down. It might just be her throat that hurts, but she finds herself quite tired. She’d refused the carriage ride home, deeming it unnecessary, and the walk back home had taken her longer than usual. She wants to take a nap, but if Amaryllis is coming by later she wants to make sure her house is tidy first.

After a quick speed clean, which she might’ve used some magic to do more quickly, she collapses into bed. What feels like five minutes later there's a knock on the door and she sits up with a start, hurriedly smoothing her hair down as she goes to answer the door. She holds her breath a little as she opens the door, seeing Amaryllis standing in her doorway is not a sight she’d ever expected to see. 

“Hello,” Amaryllis smiles as they take in Beatrice standing before them in her socks and a simple tunic, so different from her usual fancy clothing. She fidgets uncomfortably under their gaze, “Aren’t you going to invite me in?” They raise an eyebrow, and Beatrice rushes to open the door wider for them to enter. 

“You didn’t have to come all this way,” She says hoarsely, watching as Amaryllis looks around her apartment. It’s not large, just the living area and a separate bedroom and bathroom off of a hallway. She’s glad she’d tidied before Amaryllis arrived, they’re used to Palace accommodations, and her little home in Center City certainly isn’t that. 

“I took a carriage, it took no time at all,” Amaryllis replies, taking a small pouch of tea leaves out of their bag. “The coachman said you decided to walk, why would you do that when you were already feeling unwell?” 

The question takes Beatrice off guard and she watches as Amaryllis walks into her kitchen like they live there, filling her kettle with water and setting it to boil. “It was unnecessary,” she responds when they turn around to look at her, “I didn’t need anyone to go to the trouble on my behalf.”

“If someone offers to help you, let them help you,” Amaryllis says, their face gone serious as they work to prepare the tea. “And it’s no trouble to take care of someone who’s always taking care of others.” 

They look a bit taken aback at their own words and immediately turn their back to Beatrice as they pour the tea. Though she wonders at their reaction it gives Beatrice a chance to take a deep breath and rid herself of the blush on her face. When Amaryllis turns around they’re brandishing a teacup, Beatrice’s favorite though they couldn’t have known that. 

“Do you have any honey? It’ll help your throat even more,” They ask. Beatrice nods and goes to the cupboard next to them, reaching on her tiptoes to grab the jar of honey from the back. Amaryllis watches her with a smirk as she manages to reach it and hands the jar to them. 

“What tea is that?” Beatrice asks, taking in the slightly familiar aroma.

“It’s ginger tea, now sit,” They point to the couch in the middle of the room, “And drink.” 

Beatrice takes the cup from them, trying not to react to their fingers brushing hers, and takes a seat. The tea tastes better than she thought it would, and the honey makes it sweet enough for her to actually enjoy. Amaryllis sits on the opposite end of the couch and watches as she sips the tea. She holds back a sigh as the warm beverage soothes her throat.

“I think you need to cut down on how much you’re practicing. You also need to take more frequent vocal breaks to rest, and I’m leaving this tea with you. You should have some after you practice,” Amaryllis says. Beatrice nods and continues to drink her tea, not wanting to interrupt their instruction. Amaryllis moves a bit closer to her and Beatrice turns towards them, nearly losing her grip on the teacup when they reach out to twist their finger around one of the curls that hangs near her face. Though she’s grown more used to their casual touches over time, she still finds herself flustered by how delicately they brush the lock of hair behind her ear.

“You’re making a lot of progress, Beatrice, but you shouldn’t push yourself so hard that you get hurt,” Amaryllis explains, their eyes locked to hers, “You need to take better care of your instrument.” 

“I will,” Beatrice says in assurance. Her voice already sounds a bit better, and it didn’t hurt as much to speak. She smiles at the realization that the tea really had helped, and Amaryllis watches in amusement as Beatrice downs the rest of the cup like one would take a shot of alcohol. 

“I need to get back for a performance tonight, promise me you’ll stay home and rest? If I see you at the Palace next week and you’re still croaking I’ll have to come up with something stronger, and it won’t be sweetened with honey,” Amaryllis threatens, but the smile on their face takes away from the effect.

“I promise,” Beatrice replies, holding her pinky out to theirs to make a pinky promise. Amaryllis stares at her finger for a moment before laughing under their breath and linking their pinky with hers.

“Good,” They stand up to gather their belongings and head towards the door, “Thanks for letting me visit your lovely home, I do hope I can make a return visit someday.” 

“I hope so too,” Beatrice says, meeting their eyes for a moment before her eyes dart away to the bookcase next to them, something safer to stare at, “Thank you for the tea.” 

“My pleasure, anything to help my favorite student,” Amaryllis smiles, dipping into a dramatic bow.

“As far as I know, I’m your only student,” Beatrice laughs, glad that the action didn’t seem to hurt her throat.

“Just take the compliment, Beatrice,” They say, opening the door, “Goodbye.” 

“Goodbye,” She replies, but they’ve already shut the door behind them. 

Beatrice makes herself another cup of ginger tea and considers writing Amaryllis a thank you note, it’s the least she can do. She gets to work, pulling out her special personalized stationery and her favorite golden ink. It takes her nearly fifteen minutes just to write their name, she tries to get the curve of the A just right, the y looped perfectly around the other letters. The actual contents of the note is short. There are lots of things she’d like to say to Amaryllis, and maybe someday she’ll get up the courage to do so, but for today she just says “thank you”.

She’d thought that writing the note might help her clear her head a bit, but when she tries to go to sleep she can’t stop the thoughts of Amaryllis. She thinks about the way Amaryllis had called her ma chérie last week, and how much she wants them to call her that again. She wants to hear more of their words spoken and sung only for her. Before she can help herself, Beatrice thinks about their lips again, bright red and so close to her own. Would it have been a mistake for her to have leaned in? Would Amaryllis have pushed her away or kissed her back? 

She really needs to get over this infatuation. Even if Amaryllis had wanted to kiss her, it doesn’t mean they would want anything more. Just when she thinks Amaryllis is interested they take a step back, or they return to their calm and collected demeanor and the moment passes. Beatrice really doesn’t know what to make of their attention, their casual touches and lingering eye contact. She’s seen them flirt with others in the same way, it seems to be a facet of their personality to be familiar with people, and if that’s the case then what makes her any different? 

Beatrice isn’t used to being treated like this. She’s not used to being told that she’s talented and pretty and full of potential, and though she believes their words to be genuine, she wonders if their time spent together means as much to Amaryllis as it does to her. She hopes it does.

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

“So, what’s going on today that has you so cheerful?” Amaryllis asks as they begin to tidy up the rehearsal room now that the lesson had concluded. They're more than content to linger, packing their bag with little haste.

“I'm usually cheerful,” Beatrice fights a grin, acting coy.

“Especially so today. It certainly reflected in your performance. Now that I think about it, the past few days you’ve seemed so excited.” Amaryllis had been thinking about it, giddy each time they’d run into her and the dazzling smile she had on display.

Beatrice avoided their gaze, eyes mischievous, and Amaryllis expected her to deflect again. “It’s my birthday today!”

“Oh! Happy birthday,” they smile, full of adoration, “are you doing anything to celebrate?”

“I’m staying here for dinner tonight. A gangly birdie let it slip that Nadia may have planned something special for me.”

“I suppose that means I’ll get to see you at dinner.” Beatrice glances up, surprised, and Amaryllis attempts to suppress a laugh. “I usually dine here, I live here after all. Though, I often take meals in my room, but it seems that tonight is a special occasion.”

“Oh, you don’t have to come to dinner just for me, I’m sure you’re busy-“

“I’d like to. That is, if you don’t mind having me there.”

“Amie, of course not!”

For a moment, all is silent, both surprised that she called Amaryllis by a nickname. Beatrice looks like she’s about to rush to apologize, but their smile beats her to it.

“Then I’ll be there." Once the nickname sunk in, their face lit up— despite their attempt to stay neutral— and told her there was no issue. Beatrice nods, her demure smile doing nothing to hide how pleased she really is.

The two say their farewells for now, leaving in different directions. Beatrice, they assume, is off to get ready for a dinner in her honor, and Amaryllis is off to find a fitting last-minute gift.

After an hour, Amaryllis was approaching the dining room. A little late, but dressed for dinner and with a carefully-crafted bouquet in hand. They might have gone overboard with their gift, but Beatrice didn’t need to know. The arrangement they'd selected looked simple, but the meanings each flower held were far from it.

First, they'd started with violets, paired with sprigs of laurel. Individually, violets represented modesty, and laurel was for success. Together, they were for expressing that you were proud of the recipient. And Amaryllis was so proud of Beatrice. Their first real meeting all those months ago she was a ball of nerves, when it came to singing and being around them. But now, she had made leaps and bounds with her singing, and felt comfortable enough to call them ‘Amie’.

Then, the cowslip caught their eye. It was for gracefulness, and they'd decided it was fitting. Beatrice was graceful, even when she tripped over herself or her words, there was a certain charm to it. Even when nervous she always made her best attempt, and the way she lit up when she was successful. To Amaryllis, she was the portrait of grace.

Of course, it spiraled into dangerous territory from there. The buttercups came next, 'you are radiant with charm', they revealed. And when paired with the cowslip, they were often given as tokens of new and blooming affection. Amaryllis couldn't say their affection was new, but it was blooming into something far past a fleeting crush.

Finally, Amaryllis added purple pansies into the mix. They told themself it was simply to balance out the two bunches of yellow flowers, but that was a lie. Pansies confessed ‘you occupy my thoughts’, and gods, did she. So often they thought of her; when composing, when performing, during the day, at night, in bed. It almost felt wrong, how often their mind strayed to her and in the ways that it did.

The blooms had been wrapped together in cream-colored paper and tied with a violet ribbon. Amaryllis hoped the delicate yellows and purples would be to her liking. They also hoped that gifting this bouquet full of secrets would be symbolic. That they'd be handing off their feelings like they were handing off the flowers.

The dining room doors opened, and their worry-free façade fell back into place.

“She’s been taking lessons from a great teacher,” catches Amaryllis’s ear as they enter. To the side is what looks to be the gift table, and they place the bouquet down. It was Portia, with all her enthusiasm that they'd heard. She was at the center of the table, alongside Nadia of course, with Beatrice seated on her other side.

“Ah, well-“

“Gossiping about me?” Amaryllis stopped behind their seats, interrupting and startling Beatrice in the process. Instinctively, they place a hand on her shoulder to steady her, surprised to feel bare skin. When Amaryllis glances down at her, they regret it immediately.

She’s dressed to the nines, cloak nowhere to be seen. All they see is cream lace and tulle that drapes off her shoulders, and the satin corset hugging her frame. They’re at a wonderful angle to witness exactly how flattering it is on her.

Before they could be considered staring, they look away. But as flushed as she is, they doubt Beatrice missed the way their eyes dragged over her body. Her smile is bright, and Amaryllis is a little dizzy at the idea that reaction was for them. They certainly could dream.

“Wait, you’ve been instructing her?” Asra questions from Beatrice’s other side.

“Why are you so surprised?” Amaryllis shrugs, nonchalant, strolling away to their seat. They were well aware this news was about to be the largest scandal in Vesuvian history. Their lessons weren’t a secret, but Amaryllis hadn’t gone out of their way to mention it, and it seemed Beatrice hadn't either.

“I recall bringing up the idea of you taking on students last year. And I recall you declining, claiming you weren’t ‘teacher material’.” Nadia comments as they pass.

Lucio can’t help but join in, complaints ready as Amaryllis takes their seat between him and Julian. “I’ve begged you for lessons, and you always told me no!”

“That’s because you’re tone deaf.”

“Wait, I’m tone deaf, but we sing together all the time?” Julian adds.

“You aren’t tone deaf, you have trouble matching pitch on your own. There’s a difference.”

They aren't close to Beatrice at all, on the complete opposite side of the table, but they can see her trying to listen in.

“So Amaryllis, what prompted your change of heart about teaching?” Nadia asks them.

“There’s been no change of heart, I’m still not interested,” Amaryllis sips their wine.

“Then why is Beatrice taking lessons from you?” Julian butts in from between them.

“She stumbled upon a rehearsal of mine weeks ago, and mentioned lessons. I thought I would offer,” another sip, “I could tell she was special.”

“Is that so?”

Amaryllis makes sure Beatrice is still eavesdropping, her eyes wide and curious. “Beatrice is a very promising student. If it were up to me, I’d have her on the stage by now.”

Nadia turns to her, and the countess begins to ask her about it. Of course, Amaryllis's ability to hear what she has to say is cut off by Lucio and Julian’s bickering.

Dinner as a whole passes with no more awe directed at them for their, admittedly, out of character actions. They were thankful to no longer be in the spotlight for the night, it wasn’t for them after all.

After dessert— Beatrice’s favorite cake, of course— Nadia suggests they all move to the veranda. Amaryllis stands, but takes their time joining everyone else, finishing off their wine. Somehow, they hadn’t noticed Beatrice still in the room until her hand is on their arm. It’s just the two of them now, and her touch is a welcome surprise. Beatrice’s smile is radiant as she looks up at them through long lashes. In her other hand is the bouquet.

“How did you know violets were my favorite?”

“I didn’t, actually,” she glances between the flowers and Amaryllis. “I’m relieved to know that I chose well.” 

“You did. Thank you, Amie. They’re beautiful.”

“They pale in comparison to you,” it’s cliché, and easily passed off as Amaryllis’s typical flirting. Even if now they mean it more than anything. “You look lovely tonight.”

“Thank you,” she’s blushing, but her smile is proud.

“Did you know that violets mean ‘modesty’?”

“They do?” Her eyes light up, always eager to learn about anything. “Do the other flowers mean anything specific?”

“All of them do, and some of them mean something else when paired together. It’s why I picked them.” Beatrice’s brow raises, anticipating that Amaryllis will explain. “I think I’ll leave it for you to figure out on your own.”

“What!” Beatrice pouts, and her grip on their arm tightens. “But it’s my birthday.”

“And you love to learn, so it's the best gift of all.”

“That is a wonderful gift,” she laughs. “Then would you tell me what your favorite is?”

“I like Hemlock.”

“Isn’t that…”

“Highly poisonous? Yes, though it is safe when dried.” She stares for a moment, somewhere between confusion and amusement, then laughs again.

“How am I not surprised?”

“I also like roses. But don’t tell anyone, I wouldn’t want word to get out that I’m just a romantic, it’d ruin my reputation.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” her expression turns pensive, “are you really? A romantic, that is.”

Amaryllis shifts a little closer to Beatrice. The arm that isn’t graced by her touch reaches out, hand on her bare shoulder. They notice a heart-shaped birthmark that they hadn't had the opportunity to see until now. Fingers brush over it before ghosting down her arm, wondering what her reaction would be if it was their lips instead. As they trace her skin, Amaryllis feels her shiver, and it takes every ounce of restraint to not seek that out over and over. They take her hand then, pulling it to their lips to place a soft kiss to the back of it, leaving behind a red lip print.

“I certainly can be, when someone piques my interest enough,” their ruby gaze doesn’t leave her face. Beatrice stifles a gasp, and Amaryllis wonders what to do now, how they could just walk away from this—

And then, they’re interrupted.

“Birthday girl! You’re about to miss your own toast!” Portia leans in  to shout from the doorway. “and you have to lead the song, or else Ilya’s squawking is gonna give me a headache.”

Beatrice intertwines her fingers with Amaryllis's, and then leads them outside hand-in-hand. The walk from the dining room to the veranda is far too short.

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

[valeriethepussycats]

Inside Out

Chapter 7

Pairing- Loki x Reader

Warning-cursing

Your thoughts and other characters are in italics. Flashbacks are in bold.

Back at Thor's meeting with his comrades.

“And what of the All-Father?” Sif asked.

“It is my sworn duty to notify him of crimes against the throne.” Heimdall stated.

Odin visits Heimdall accompanied by some of his guards. “You called me here on an urgent matter. What is it?”

“Treason, my lord.” Heimdall answered.

“Whose?”

“Mine.” Heimdall draws his sword.

At the same time more guards interrupt them. “My King, the mortal has been taken.”

Odin looks at Heimdall as he commands his guards. “Stop Thor, by any means necessary.”

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

As they hear the guards approaching.

“There they are! Take them. On my command.”

“I'll hold them off. Take her.” Sir told Thor

“Thank you.” Thor and Jane go off.

Loki goes to follow them Sif draws her sword and places it under Loki's throat. “Betray him and I'll kill you.”

Loki chuckles. “It's good to see you too, Sif.”

Loki leaves to join Thor and Jane as the guards get closer to Sif.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Back at the original meeting with Thor and his comrades.

“Assuming you can get Loki's help, and you can free this mortal, what good would it do? We'd all be dead the minute we step one foot outside the palace.” Volstagg remarked.

“That, my friend, is where we won't be leaving by foot.” Thor said with a smirk.

Thor, Loki and Jane meet Volstagg and Y/n where Malekith's ship had crashed into the palace.

“I will give you as much time as I can.” Volstagg noted.

“Don’t worry there’s a barrier 5 yards in front of us they won’t be able to get past it until we’re out the palace.” Y/n explained.

“Where’s the fun in that.” Volstagg said with broad grin. “Until, next time my Lady.”

“Until, next time.” Y/n said with a smirk then. Y/n looks up and see Loki. “The handcuffs was a nice touch.”

“You think so?” Thor asked.

“Funny.” Loki chimed in.

Thor and Volstagg do a forearm shake. “Thank you, my friend.”

As they walk towards Malekith's crashed ship, Jane smiles and nods at Volstagg, then as Loki is about to follow Thor and Jane Volstagg stops him

“If you even think about betraying him...”

“You'll kill me? Evidently there will be a line.” Loki told Volstagg.

Volstagg then lets Loki pass as Thor, Y/n , Jane and Loki board Malekith's crashed ship, Thor looks at the controls and starts pressing some button, looking unsure of what he's doing.

“I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.”

“I said, ‘how hard could it be?’”

Meanwhile, the Asgardian guards rush towards the ship. “They're on the ship! They're on the ship!.” Before they can even touch Volstagg they run into the barrier and knock themselves out.

“Like hitting a brick wall.” One of the Asgardian guard said before he passed out.

Back in the ship.

“I’ll put a Force field around the ship.” Y/n opens her hands and a bubble forms around the ship.

“Well, whatever you're doing, brother, I suggest you do it faster.” Loki nagged.

“Shut up, Loki.” Thor continues to frantically press every button to start the ship.

“Loki you’re not helping.” Y/n voiced.

Loki snug his shoulders. “You must have missed something.”

“No, I didn't, I'm pressing every button on this thing.”

“No, don't hit it, just press it gently.” Loki said as he hits the buttons.

“I am pressing it gently. It's not working!” Thor said as suddenly the ship comes to life, Thor laughs.

“Get him! Get him!”

Volstagg starts laughing as they watch the ship start to rise, hitting the columns of the palace.

“I think you missed a column.” Loki informed Thor.

“Shut up!” Finally the ship breaks through the palace walls and takes off.

As they are flying through Asgard. “Look, why don't you let me take over, I'm clearly the better pilot.”

“Is that right? Well, out of the two of us which one can actually fly?” Thor commented.

As they are flying over Asgard suddenly Jane collapses.

“Jane!” Y/n rushes over to help her but when she touches her Y/n gets pulled into her mind. Everything is blood red and dark.

“Hello!” Y/n shouted.

“You have to stop him.”

Y/n turns around fast and see Jane but her eyes are black. “Stop who?”

“It can only be you.” Jane started. “If you don’t millions, billions will die including your friends.”

“Petit?”

Y/n turns around slowly and see Gambit reaching out but he’s turns to dust and Y/n’s eyes are frozen open.

“Y/n?”

Nick,Steve, and Tony they all started to appear and reaching out for Y/n then turns to dust.

“No..no..stop this..stop this. I don’t want to see this.” Y/n exclaimed as black veins appears on her face.

“That’s what’s going to happen if don’t stop him.” Jane stated.

“Calm down...calm down...this isn’t real it’s not real.” Y/n said to herself.

“You saw what is he after.”

Y/n exhale in her best attempt to calm down, she then looks at Jane. “What do I need to do to stop this from happening?”

“Both powers the you were born with and given is endless control it get even stronger then you already are and only then you will stop him.” Jane informed.

Y/n pulls out and moves back.

“Oh, dear. Is she dead?” Loki wondered.

“Jane.” Thor called out.

Jane raises her head, looking weak. “I'm okay.”

“Jane did you see that?” Y/n questioned.

“See, what?” Jane said in a curious way.

“Nothing..” Y/n lied. “I’m gonna freeze the Aether spreading further in your body ok.”

Jane nod ‘yes’ and Y/n holds her hands out over Jane’s arm and freeze the the Aether.

“Better?”

“Much, thank you?”

Y/n sits back looking shocked.

As they continue to fly, the ship hits and breaks off a part of a massive building.

“Not a word.” Thor told Loki.

“Several smaller Asgardian ships start following them.”

“Now they're following us.” Loki commented. The smaller ships start firing at them. “Now they're firing at us!”

“Yeah, thank you for the commentary, Loki! It's not at all distracting!” Thor said sarcastically.

The ship then hits a massive stone monument of King Bor, breaking the head off. “Well done, you just decapitated your grandfather.”

The smaller ships continue follow and fire at them as they fly over Asgard] “You know this is wonderful. This is a tremendous idea. Let's steal the biggest, most obvious ship in the universe and escape in that. Flying around the city, smashing into everything in sight so everyone can see us. It's brilliant, Thor! It's truly brilliant.” Suddenly Thor pushes Loki off the ship.

“Y/n time to go.”

Thor’s voice snaps Y/n out of her shock state. “Ya ya right right.”

Y/n jumps out the ship, Thor then picks up Jane and jumps off the flying ship and lands onto a smaller ship being flown by Fandral, Loki has also fallen onto the ship.

Fandral laughs. “I see your time in the dungeons has made you no less graceful, Loki.”

Loki looks over at Y/n and see empty stare like she’s not even on this Plane. “Y/n, are you alright.”

“Ya. Ya I’m fine.” Y/n lied with a fake smile.

Loki sees right though Y/n lie and can tell that something is the matter.

Maybe she’s still upset with me

“I’m not upset.” Y/n told Loki.

“Then what’s the wrong?” Loki asked.

“I can’t talks about it because I don’t even understand it myself.” Y/n answered.

“You know you could tell me anything when the time is right.”

“Ya, I know.”

The Asgardian ships above them continue to follow and fire at Malekith's ship as they think that Thor is still on there. Thor lays Jane down next to where Y/n is standing.

“You lied to me. I'm impressed.” Loki grinned.

“I'm glad you're pleased. Now, do as you promised. Take us to your secret pathway.” Thor ordered.

Loki smiles and takes over the ship's control, at the same time the Asgardian ships spot them and start firing at them.

“Fandral.”

“Right.” Fandral picks up a rope and steps on to the edge of the ship. “For Asgard.” Suddenly he jumps off the ship and uses the rope to swing onto the Asgardian ship following them. “Nothing personal, boys!” He knocks out the three guards on the ship then looks over to Thor and salutes him. On Fandral's ship Loki flies them towards the mountains.

“Loki!” Y/n and Thor called out.

“If it were easy everyone would do it.” Loki commented.

“Are you mad?” Thor questioned

“Possibly.”

Thor holds on to Jane, Y/n grabs the rim of the ship as Loki heads straight for the wall of the mountain, suddenly they enter right through the mountain and then enter through a portal to Svartalfheim.

“Ta-da!”

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

On their ship, Algrim approaches Malekith. “We must attack now.”

“No. Asgard is not important anymore. The Aether has returned home.” As they fly over Svartalfheim.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Jane continues to lie down and Thor puts a cover over her]

Loki sighs. “What I could do with the power that flows through those veins.”

“It would consume you.” Thor proclaimed.

“She's holding up alright, for now.” Loki disclosed.

“She's strong in ways you'd never even know.” Thor replied.

Y/n walks up in between Loki and Thor. “Can we not do this we have more oppressing matters.”

“Y/n is right I will not fight with you brother.” Thor turns away from Loki.

“Say goodbye.” Loki voiced.

“Not this day.”

“This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing. It's a heart beat. You'll never be ready. The only woman whose love you've prized will be snatched from you.”

“And will that satisfy you?” Thor asked.

“No guys let’s-“

“Satisfaction is not in my nature.” Loki stated.

“Surrender not in mine.” Thor replied.

“The son of Odin.” Loki said dryly.

“No, not just of Odin! You think you alone were loved of mother? You had her tricks, but I had her trust!” Thor shouted.

“Enough!” Y/n yelled. “We have more pressing matters then who had Frigga’s trust you both did. She believed in both of you and she wouldn’t wanting you two to be fighting so can we please table this until Jane Is better.”

Thor walks over to Jane and Loki walks to the other end of the boat.

“Thank you.” Y/n told Loki and Thor.

“I wish I could trust you.” Thor turns his back to Loki.

“Trust my rage.”

[blackssuunn-mandoandyodito]

Tabaco y Brea

A Javier Peña fanfic

Pairing: Javier Peña x reader

Warnings: slight angst, slight fluff, sweating?, swearing, running?, somebody needs to explain this to me please.

Word count: 2.5 k

A/N: alright friends, this is the first chapter of a series I’m working on. As you can see, it’s called Tabaco y Brea. If you have any questions, hit me up. I hope you like this, enjoy!

Chapter 1: Stuffy basement

Bogotá was a sight that you had yet to stop being amazed at. Walking through its streets for the first time all those months ago almost brought tears to your eyes. Growing up in the United States and thinking that you may never get out of there gave you little to no reference in this country's culture, although your father being Mexican helped you master Spanish and he showed your way to dance. Early 1981 was not a great year to be in Colombia, but you were here as a DEA agent after all, not as a tourist. You could feel things getting bigger, and you weren't sure how you'll be able to handle it.

As you kept walking, you asked yourself the same question of your everyday life. Why the fuck did you choose to live so far away from the Embassy? 

(You knew the answer, but it didn’t make mornings easier)

The heat made your clothes cling to you with sweat, your hair even in a ponytail was soaked and the headache was just getting stronger the more you walked through the avenue. 

And you were late, dammit!

Your heels could be heard as you started to run to catch the bus, gripping your purse as if life depended on it. With the amount of money they paid you, you could easily afford a car, but attracting that much attention wasn't a great idea. You still couldn't understand how the narcos hadn't managed to get your information. 

The bus was already at the bus stop when you turned the corner, and you didn't know if you could make it. 

"Ey! Ey! Esperen!" (Hey! Hey! Wait!) You started waving your hand towards it, seeing that the last person in line was hopping on. The driver, thankfully, saw you and waited. You started running faster and finally climbed the stairs. It was packed.

 Well, it seemed that you'd go standing. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

You seriously didn't think you could get more soaked from the heat, sweat even more than you already were.

You were wrong. 

When you got to the Embassy, the entire back of your shirt was plastered to your body. Your thighs were starting to get grazed because of your skirt and your hair was all frizzy and probably resembled a nest of birds. 

You took a deep breath, tried to fix your hair a little bit, and pushed the door. Nobody even glanced at you, and you were glad. If anybody dared to even look at you funny, you were going to lose it.

"Ey compañera. Mala mañana?" (Hey partner. Bad morning?)

Oh, just what you needed.

"¿Qué quieres Peña?" (What do you want Peña?) you rolled your eyes at him. He didn't look much better than you anyway. His pink shirt was sticking to his chest, even though he had several buttons open, letting you see his wet neck. His face was sweaty too, with rosy cheeks and his hair sticking to his forehead. 

You arched your eyebrow. "No tienes mucho mejor aspecto que yo Javier" (You don’t look much better than I do Javier)

He gave a soft laugh, the idiot. You weren't in the best of moods to handle him, so you turned around and walked to your desk, then sat down with a grump.

"Vamos nena, alégrate un poco" (Come on baby, lighten up a little) you glared at him and started reading through the papers you had to check today. It was usually yours and Javier's, that asshole didn't do any of his own paperwork and you were stuck doing both almost all the time. Carina had given you a weird stare the first time you were ranting about it to her, but you were sure you didn't want to know what she was thinking. It was nothing that you didn't know anyways.

Once he realized you were definitely not in the mood for your usual banter, he stopped and sat down in his desk,at the right from yours. Silence (or as much silence as an office can have) settled and the sounds of sheets of paper turning and Javi working with his typewriter slowly calmed you and helped you concentrate with what you were reading. The fan that barely provided you of fresh air at least served as background noise for the amount of stuff that your mind was processing, and it even cooled you down a little bit. The headache was gone and so was the bad mood. After some time had passed and you weren't sweating as much as before, you asked yourself what on Earth was Javi doing if you had his paperwork at your desk.

"Hey Javi, what are you doing? At least have the decency to offer help!" you said as he turned to look at you. He smiled, noticing your mood improvement. Pulling his chair with him, he crossed the little space between your desks and opened the folder that he had been looking at.

"There's the Bera I know" You tried to hide a smile at the nickname. "I got some intel that could help us with this bullshit"

His voice, all business know, gave you a sense of peace. Even if he was a little shit most of the time, he was the only one who had been with you since you arrived back in 1979. He didn't have much more experience than you back then, had only been in Colombia for a couple of months himself, but he knew his way around better than you. He taught you the things you didn't know, and if neither of you did then you figured them out together. 

"And what is that intel, agent Peña?" you teased him. You weren't oblivious to his ways of fishing out info, of course. He smacked you lightly in the arm and showed you the papers.

"A cottage on the outside of Cali seems to be a type of safehouse for Escobar's merca," he says while pointing at the pictures that were inside the folder "if this is true, we need to do a raid soon, but we have to make sure the intel is right before we take that risk"

The cottage was small, nobody would pay attention to it if they were walking past. It looked like an abandoned house, and you knew that was exactly what Escobar's men were hoping for. Although you were surprised they were stupid enough to have something even remotely close to a city, that didn't sound right.

You nod, "so that means...?"

He looks at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"That means we need to stay for a few days in Cali, nena"

You have to grip your chair to physically restrain yourself from jumping of happiness. You loved Cali, the very few occasions you had free time you took a bus there (9 hours and all) and spent the nights in the dancing clubs. Cali gave you a sense of love and alleviated the homesick feeling that had been nagging you for years. It reminded you of your father even if this wasn't his country. 

"Are you serious? Don't play with me Javi" he nodded.

"You know I don't play with this shit", his voice sounded serious, almost offended.

He knew how much you enjoyed being there, but you also knew he took his work very seriously. In both cases, you doubted he would joke about something like that, but it was almost too good to be true to believe it that easily.

You started to plan things in your head. Where would you stay? Close to the cottage? Close to downtown Cali? Would you have any free time to enjoy the pleasures of Cali nights? You hoped so because if not you were going to explode.

"So when do we leave then?" you look him in the eyes, a grin spread big on your face. 

"It depends", your smile fell. "We have to welcome the new gringo, remember?"

Ugh, yes. You forgot about that. 

"So when does he arrive?" 

Javi shrugged. "I'm not sure, but it will be this or the next week."

You weren't sure if bringing someone else to this shitshow was a good idea. Enough lives have been lost to this war, and you didn't see the point of putting at risk another one.

"Will we take him with us?"

 “He's not very good with Spanish"

Your smile returned, this time for entirely different reasons. "So we're gonna have some fun with him?"

Javi looked at you, amusement in his eyes. He shook his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea muñeca, he's coming with his wife" (doll)

You got the message, even if he didn't say it out loud. He has a family, something to lose. You don't, not really. Besides your own lives, that is. If you want to play Russian roulette with them, it's your problem. But the new guy had someone to come back to.

So, helping the gringo it was.

"What's his name again?" you ask. You had read about him a few weeks back when they told you he was coming. But you didn't even remember he was coming, much less were you going to remember his name.

"Steve Murphy" Oh yeah, it sounded familiar now. "He did his training directly at Quantico, so he must be good"

That you remembered. He was one of those guys who spent the 18 weeks (although you knew they were only 13 if you did it there) of DEA training in Quantico, inside the U.S. Marine Corps Base and next to the FBI academy. They weren't common here, you and Javi had done it elsewhere. 

"So after we pick him up, we plan this shit out, right?"

Javi nodded. "I hope so"

He went back to his desk and you kept going through the paperwork. It was not an easy task, but that one time you made Javier do his own, he had taken so much time to do it that you passed the deadline and the boss ripped you both a new one. After that, you did a silent agreement where you did it all, Javier providing all info necessary and taking the blame if anything was wrong, even if it didn't happen frequently. He'd bring you Colombian coffee when the weather wasn't as hot as now, he knew you didn't like the one at the office and thought it "tasted like dirt", he would listen to you rant about certain reports and say whatever he thought you needed to hear in those moments.

You enjoyed spending your time with him, even if most of it you were arguing about something. 

The day passed rather quickly, with so much to do you didn't even have time to glance at your watch or even the clock hanging in the opposite wall.

Soon, it was time to leave again, but you hadn't finished your work and it was due to a couple of days. You hated doing things just before delivery time, so you decided you were going to stay and work some more. It wasn't like someone was waiting for you anyways.

Half of the work was done, so you weren't going to stay much. Just enough so you could go back and finish tomorrow.

"Ey compañera, hora de irnos" (Hey partner, time to go) Javier sounded tired, and you figured trying to find leads and speaking all day with your superiors was exhausting too. You hated doing the calls, so he took that one for both of you. 

"No me iré Javi, debo avanzar un poco con esto"  (I won’t leave Javi, I need to get ahead with this) He frowned at you, with his beige jacket already in his hands. You figured you looked tired too, all day reading was doing an impact in your eyes.

"What do you mean you're not leaving? You just spent 12 hours doing paperwork, you need to rest"

You sighed. He was right, you knew that, but you wouldn't be able to finish if you didn't stay. 

Seeing he wasn't going to get an answer because you were stubborn and ignored him if you had already made a decision, he hung up his jacket again and pulled his chair close to your desk. Then, glaring at you, he sat down and propped his elbows in the table, letting his face fall between his hands.

A few minutes passed, and you were starting to get uneasy under the power of his stare.

"Javi? What are you doing?"

He didn't answer.

"What?" you asked, defensively. "Do I have something on my face?" 

He shook his head, still not saying anything. 

"Javier!"

He started laughing at your bothered yell, finally releasing you from the pinned look he was giving you. You let out a frustrated sigh, understanding what were his intentions.

"You're gonna glare me into leaving, aren't you?"

His nod was your only answer, accompanied by a grin spread across his face.

The thing about your relationship was that even if you fought almost every day for the stupidest things, he took care of you. He made sure you got rest, ate decent food, got home safe. He protected you in the raids, even if you weren't his main focus. And you did your best to take care of him too, but he wouldn't let you.

At least not like you wanted. 

He would go almost every weekend to search for the love you were so willing to provide for him in other women, in his so-called informants. And it hurt you, more than anything else. 

You smiled at him.

"Let's go"

He smiled too, standing up. You saved your files in one of the drawers, took your coat, and rounded your desk.

Out of the office, everything was silent. The sun had already set, leaving you at the darkness of the night. You checked your watch. It was...11 PM already, damn. You didn't know it was that late.

"I'll drop you off at your home", his voice was soft.

You nodded, not trusting your voice. Everything with Javi was difficult at night. You were looser because of the tiredness, fed up with everything. You wished to be between his arms, it was the only thing you asked for. But you knew you couldn't.

Both of you climbed into his Jeep, and he drove off to your apartment. 

"Why did you choose to live far from the Embassy anyways?"

He had asked the same question a thousand times before, and it was always the same answer. He never looked at you when he said it, his attention straight out the windshield. You couldn't figure out why he kept doing it, no matter how much you tried, no matter how much time you spent thinking about it.

"I wanted to get to know Colombia, not just the stuffy low-rise bunker in the basement of the U.S. embassy."

Once you got to the apartment complex, he parked his car and stretched to open your door. 

"Good night compañera" (partner)

You smiled in response, took your purse and jumped out of the car. Feeling his stare boring into your back as you walked to the door, you got out your keys and turned around. 

Once you waved him goodbye, he bowed his head and turned on the engine leaving with a creak of tires.

"Good night Javi"

-

Tag list: @dynphomaniac

[realityshiftingandblogging]

Dreaming, An Explanation

Okay before I start, I had this posted on Amino a while back so if you go "hey I've seen this on Amino-" that's because it's my post. If you need further proof I'll log in and screenshot XD

I wanted to make this to show others valuable information and maybe clear up how the dream process works! Before anyone asks - yes I did write this. These are my NOTES from the book I was reading. You can find it here: https://books.google.com/books/about/500_Dreams_Interpreted.html?id=g-TqtgAACAAJ

Obviously I do not claim to have a scientific discovery on any bit of this information (lol), it's public information.

I've collected, gathered, and put into my own words. If I had to copy it word for word I have "quotations" and things like "(from the book.)" Also, you'll see me say "quote on unquote." If anything wasn't quoted, I sincerely apologize in advance. I hope you get any answers you have needed, and that this isn't too boring! The whole point of this was to give information on dreams and how make the most of them. I never really understood (until a few years back) why we lucid dream and how it works. Why does it do this and is there anything that triggers it? So here is what I learned and what I also got from the book! (I really hope you find answers because this took....8 hours? To write?) So in other words, I hope this clears things up for you!

Side note: The images are sort of like borders?? I hope they don't bother you. And there are a lot of grammar errors so 🧍🏻‍♀️

Introduction

Dreams can be used to communicate and discover important things about yourself. The process happens when the deepest part of your subconscious, that processes the dream state, sends messages to you - which can be symbols, actions, people, or images. What happens in a dream is usually not meaningless, but it can be confusing at times! These messages are meant to help you evaluate and discover what you are doing right and wrong.

Dreams can consist of personal experiences which are why when your subconscious messages you, it can consist of things that are personal to you. (Such as memories, beliefs, and other things like fantasies and expectations.) This is why if you learn the meanings of your dreams and discover how to use them, you can become better at what you do and achieve a higher level of inspiration and encouragement.

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“When you go to sleep, where do you really go?”    ― Brian Lovestar

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The way to unlock the meanings of your dreams is to realize that

¹ They are not a one-way experience in which your dream self bombards you with information.

² Dreams are not lectures, they are dialogues between your conscious and subconscious minds. The dialogue is created from your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Your dream self then uses this information to create visual pictures to show you what you feel and how you perceive things.

Once you begin to interpret your dreams you will recognize attributes that may not be serving you in the best way possible/positive way. Once you interpret your dreams and learn - you’ll find it easier to face fears and overcome personal challenges. With more practice, you can learn to program and/or “incubate” your dreams to address a very specific problem. Because dreams generally have multiple levels of meaning, the more work, and effort you do, the better.

Why do we dream?

This has no definitive answer, though as far as speculation goes - it's to rejuvenate and repair the body. Others say it’s purely phycological; to review the daily events, relieve the mind, and to release emotions. Here are a few explanations...

Compensation

Carl Jung, a psychologist, believes that we dream to compensate for underdeveloped personalities. His reason is it may explain why the dreaming behavior of some is obviously different from the ‘them’ they personify while awake.

Processing

This suggests that dreams organize and process the conscious and unconscious mind that it received during the day. In other words “refreshing the mind.” And again, in other words, “rebooting/turning it off and on again.”

Coping

Ernest Hartmann, a psychiatry professor, suggests that dreams are projected by certain emotions. The new material is “weaved” into the memory of said dreamer in ways to help cope. In ways such as stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, etc.

Activation Synthesis

In this theory, Allan Hobson and Robert McCarley say that dreams are due to “sensory-motor signals.” These areas activate small parts of the brain that affect memory, emotions, and physical feelings. In this, it creates dreams in relation to the sensations and signals sent.

Resolution

Some scientists believe in this theory: the theory that dreaming is a problem-solving use. They suggest that when we sleep, our brain continues to process all issues of concern that we deal with in our waking hours. In this, it makes up solutions.

So what does happen when we sleep? That we know of?

When you go to bed at night you are alert. The reason is that your brain is still producing a small signal - a beta wave. As you begin to fall asleep these waves slow down and become ‘Alpha Waves.’ When this happens you might experience what’s called “Hypnagogia.” This is the experience of auditory and visual hallucinations that make it hard for you to fall into a “deep sleep.” As others may know it, it can cause Sleep Paralysis and Lucid Dreaming! As Google says: “Hypnagogia is the experience of the transitional state between wakefulness and sleep in humans: the hypnagogic state of consciousness, during the onset of sleep. Mental phenomena that occur during this “threshold consciousness” phase include lucid thought, lucid dreaming, hallucinations, and sleep paralysis.” During the process of attempting this...some people reported hearing their name called, seeing random patterns, and body jerks (which are called myoclonic jerks.) When you’re in this stage it’s as if you’re fighting to stay awake. But actually, this is the first step of sleep.

Every night your body switches between a cycle of REM and NREM states. This happens around every 90 minutes or so, you switch between light sleep and deep sleep and the cycle continues. It supposedly happens around 6 times a night (but varies depending on how long you sleep at night.) The changes between REM and NREM are found by the change of your heart rate, brain activity, muscle tension, and body temperature.

NREM Sleep

State one: In this stage, you should begin to drift off. Your muscles relax, your body temp and blood pressure decrease, and you breathe slowly. As the production of Alpha waves begin to slow, your awareness noise, light, and feeling begin to zone out. Your eyes would exhibit slow movements and this is an easy state to awake you from.

State two: If stage one is undisturbed, state two will enter the stage. In this, you will feel a deeper sense of relaxation and like before… All blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and temp decrease. Your brain produces slower theta waves which will soon introduce “sleep spindles.” Sleep spindles are higher forms of activity. This process usually lasts 10-20 minutes.

State three: This is a deeper form of sleep. You couldn’t be awakened very easily from this state. Yet again temp, blood, and heart rate decrease. Your brain should still be producing theta waves, which gradually change to lower and larger delta waves.

State four: State four is when you are sleeping deeply now but not dreaming. In this stage, it’s difficult to be awoken due to your body’s sensitivity level. In this stage, most of your brain waves are delta waves now.

Back To Rem

Around 20 minutes after being in stage 4 of NREM, your cycle goes back to states 2 and 3. But you won't return to stage one and wake up. Instead, you will just go to REM sleep. This is called “prime dream mode.” The electrical waves/movements in your brain put you in a state similar to being awake. Your eyes will move from behind the lids. Research says this is because your mind is focusing on the dreams. During this, your heart rate speeds up, oxygen increases and so does your temp. After this REM is induced and what is commonly referred to as Sleep Paralysis will begin. This is when all muscles in the body are immobilized. As far as we know - it’s believed to prevent us from “acting out” in our dreams and hurting ourselves.

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Side Note

This happens multiple times a night. The more time you enter State 4 sleep, the more rejuvenation you receive. The more time you spend in sleep, the less time that 3 and 4 will happen and gives you more time to spend in REM/dreaming stage. Also, from the reading, they say early morning dreams are more vivid and happen longer.

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End of the dreaming

When you begin to wake up, you’ll experience “hypnopompia.” This is very similar to hypnagogia, This stage leaves you disoriented and makes you feel “loopy.” It could make you feel like there is pressure on your chest and sometimes causes you to feel, see, and hear things. Such as someone walking into your room and standing there. This process can be described as your mind waking up before your body does. Many times this does happen, but we have no memory of it ever happening. But when people do remember they describe it as frightening or disturbing. If you do happen to experience this, it’s said to remain calm and your body will eventually wake up.

How can you recall your dreams?

The first good step is to keep the visual fresh in your mind! As well, try to remember as many details as possible. Despite whether you only remember fragments or “none at all.” There are a few fun activities you can do!

Window of Opportunity

This method is intended to improve your observational skills, which does improve dream recall. Pick a comfortable spot to sit in, specifically near a window. You need the window. Take a few moments to unwind and relax. Just let your gaze look wherever you like - as long as you're looking at what’s out there. Notice as much detail as you can while being focused. BUT do not feel stressed by it. Don’t “worry” about it either. Just focus on the details. Take in as much as you can like… what color is the sky? Are the trees yellow and brown or green? Are there people? If so, what do they look like? What are they wearing? Once you are done with the scene and you feel comfortable, bring out a notebook and write down every bit of information you remember. It doesn’t matter the order and neither does it if you don’t remember something specific. It can be general things if that’s all you remember. Also, note the emotions you felt as you looked at certain things. Were you tired? Happy? Wanting this to be over? Write that down. If you’re artistic, you may sketch it! Sometimes sketching the scene may help you remember things you didn’t recall before.

Dream it up a bit

After this exercise, you might want to do better/enhance the skill. When you do, you should try being “more creative.” How so? Make it more “dreamier.” Pretend you are actually there in the scene. Strolling a path, smelling the roses, looking at the lake, etc. Once you’re done, jot it down. Remember to do this in the present tense. Write the details of what you saw and then implement yourself into it - just as you imagined.

Rewrite

If gazing out of a window is not something you want to do. There is another way! To do so you need to recall an event that happened in your day and pretend like it was a dream! Write it down in the present tense. Here’s an example: You went to eat lunch. Since you did you need to ask these questions:

•What time do I leave and arrive?

•What am I wearing?

•What’s the weather like?

•What day of the week is it?

•How am I feeling?

•Do I speak to someone?

•How do I travel?

•Am I alone?

You can do this for however long you’d like. Recalling all of these details as if they were a dream helps your mind remember said dreams.

Suggestion/Affirmations

Yep! Suggestion! This is effective and simple. All you have to do is, very often, suggest to yourself that you WILL remember your dreams. You can post reminders on your phone, ask someone to say “hey you're going to remember your dreams” every so often, or even use a “suggestion trigger.” A suggestion trigger is something to remind you to repeat your phrase. A good “suggestion trigger” is whenever you check the time!

Dream Journals and Sleep

Dream journals are your own personal journal and there is no “right or wrong” way to keep one. It’s made based on what you observe from your dreams. Simply put. The most important part of keeping one is that you feel comfortable with it. Here are a few small suggestions before going to bed:

Pick one that suits you.

Yes, it may be nice to buy one of those fancy dream journals that are marketed as such. But you may get it and spend money on something you really didn’t like. So go with what suits you and makes you comfortable.

Prepare yourself and your place.

Avoid anything strenuous before bed and avoid anything that might disrupt your sleep cycle. If you are a tidy type and need a clean room, then tidy before bed. Be sure the room is the right temperature for you and get into something cozy. You may be too lazy to do so but this will help your sleep and your remembrance of detail. It will also make sure you won’t be distracted by small annoying things.

Place the journal near you when you sleep.

Also, keep a pen! If you wake up at night you can write it ASAP.

Before going to bed, open to a new page.

Note where you are and where you live, the date, the time, etc. Leave a space at the top so you can title it later depending on the dream you had. Summarize all events of that day you can think of and write down your reminder phrase! It is optional if you want to include your mood and your health state. Before going to bed, repeat your reminder phrase

Upon Waking Up

Set your clock 15 minutes earlier than your normal wake time. This gives you more time to write your details. If possible, wake up to classical music or radio. Alarms cause sudden noises and sudden noises have been proven to make you forget dream memory upon waking up. As you begin to wake up, lie down, and keep your eyes shut. This will help “cement” the details into your subconscious. (Supposedly.) Without trying to change or manipulate any thoughts, try to recall the details of your dream When you feel comfortable enough, start writing anything you remember. Write in the present tense. Try to relive the dream as you write it. You can start anywhere in the dream, even go backward. The more important aspect is keeping somewhere to relive. Once you finished you should write the time you woke up and choose a title. Assigning a title and table of contents will help your mind's ability to make connections.

Dreamwork during the day

If you couldn’t recall your dream, take some time (when you can) to write about what your day as if it were a dream. Just like what we mentioned above. To “enhanced” this exercise you can imagine that you really did recall something. For example (come from the book): “I awake with a vague feeling of having been in a sunny place. There are brightness and warmth.”

Dream Incubation. What is it? And how do I use it?

Around the world there are places called “Dream temples” These temples were made in the honor of Asklepios, the god of healing. Snakes were allowed to move freely around these temples because it was believed they were secret symbols to evoke the powers of gods. As you may know, there is a popular symbol of snakes. The Caduceus! It’s two snakes wrapped around a staff. This is mainly based on the symbolism that snakes are “healers.” Both emotional and physical. Dream temples were most often placed in a rural area away from loud places. Many people would travel, even from long distances, to stay in these places to receive answers or enlightenment. These temples had a set intention for visitors/seekers to clarify the outcome they wanted. Because of the focus and encouragement received from the temples, it’s said it’s not unusual to receive the specific message they looked for. Not all cultures and places had these temples, but it didn’t stop them from Dream Incubation. (More on that in a minute). The Egyptians wrote the questions they wanted on linen and tied it around the wrist while meditating. Some soaked it in oil and burned it with incense while praying. Then they went to sleep, expecting the answer.

As you know, these days you can’t go to your local supermarket and pass by a dream temple. But, dream incubation is still widely practiced. People still to this day to "program" their dreams.

Your Temple

When trying to induce your routine to practice dream incubation, it can be simple or complex. Whatever you find comfortable. The temple of yours can be anywhere you find comfortable and where you are willing to practice the routine. (Such as writing, scripting, daydreaming, etc). But the main idea is to focus on your desired message.

Here are a few steps:

•Choose your phrase

•Form a clear intention

•Prepare your mind

•Get comfy

•Relax

•Visualize your dream’s solution (Ex: reading it, having the advice handed to you, seeing the answer played out in your very own personal “dream drama.”)

•Think about your reaction to the answer

Incubating dreams

When incubating your dreams you need a pre-set idea. Where do you want to be? In what way do you want your answer given? What symbols represent this? Afterward, start daydreaming about it, try to feel whatever it is that would be around you. Choose phrases that will affirm that it’s what you will dream of. Repeat that as many times possible. Often reflect on how it would feel being there and when you wake up and log as usual. But because you are programming this yourself - there may be nothing to interpret. But it will induce what you wanted to see. (A/N. As I’m reading this book and typing these notes I'm realizing how close they were to figuring out the shifting process. I-. Bye-). But take this moment to think through what happened, there may have been a messaged slipped in.

Lucid Dreams (Fun Fact!)

Believe it or not, the earliest record of lucid dreaming was recorded in the 4th century B.C. This happened when Aristotle, himself, was writing his work ‘On Dreams.’ He said quote on quote “For often when one is asleep, there is something in consciousness which declares that what then presents itself is but a dream.” In 1867 Hervey de Saint-Denys wrote “Dreams and How to Guide Them.” This book was intended to show you the techniques he used to achieve a state of realization.

To Lucid Dream

When you lucid dream, you can do anything you please when you realize it is nothing but a dream. So how can you tell if it's a lucid dream? How do you lucid dream? Well, there are multiple ways.

Record it.

Record what you remember. Like we talked about with a dream journal.

Power of suggestion.

Even a simple phrase that “I am aware I am dreaming.” Is simple enough! Repeat this during the day and at night.

Checking your reality.

A commonly favored thing is “reality checks.” This requires you to test your surroundings and ask if they are real or not. If you notice something is off, it’s possible you once played it off. But if you looked closer, it was a dream.

Look for inconsistencies.

It’s found that a few things do not remain consistent in a dream. For example lights, watches, the time, sounds, etc. Because these changes are not normal, you know it’s just a dream.

Now that there are tips to know if you’re in a dream; Here are some to help you practice lucid dreaming/become in the state.

Visualize your everyday life (when awake) like a dream! Convince yourself as every small thing is just a dream. Whenever you’re doing something, take a look around and think of it as a dream. Believe that everything you do can be changed because you will it. Daydreaming the small things have changed will help as well. The tree outside? It’s not dead. It’s in full bloom! These practices are intended to help you make conscious and unconscious choices.

[thirsttrapholland]

Yeah I'd like to request an imagine. And don't worry about how it comes out, all I have is an idea lol. I know you'll interpret it amazingly. Can you write an imagine about Tom overhearing a conversation between Y/N and her friends (black) and hearing them tell her that her and Tom don't look right together and Tom gets all upset and sad and a little insecure, but Y/N reassures him that she loves him? It doesn't have to perfect, I'd just love to see how you would write it

I don’t know if this is exactly what you wanted but i hope you like it anyway.  It was actually fun for me to write something from a concept I didn’t think of myself.  Things like that help you grow as a writer.  Also, I apparently can’t write anything that’s less than a thousand words. Let me know if you liked it, anon.

You had beennervous about introducing Tom to your friends Leslie and Sidney and judging byhow the day had gone so far, you were right to have been hesitant.   This lunchhad turned out to be one of the longest, most uncomfortable meals of your life.

While yourfriends hadn’t been blatantly rude to Tom, the reception they gave him wasdefinitely on the chilly side.  They askedmore questions than the FBI interrogating a suspect and didn’t seem particularlyimpressed with any of his answers.  Ontop of that they kept exchanging weird, knowing glances with each other when theythought you and Tom weren’t looking.

Probablypicking up on the unfriendly vibe in the room and wanting to escape the thirddegree, Tom wasted no time in finding an excuse to leave the table as soon asthe last bite of the meal had been taken. “I know you probably want to talk so I’m gonna leave you guys alone.”

“Are yousure?”  

“Yeah.  I’ve got some work I need to catch up on anyway.”  Tom gave both of your friends polite pecks onthe cheek before excusing himself from the room.  “It was nice meeting you.”  

You waiteduntil you heard the bedroom door close before addressing your friends.  “Okay, y’all have been acting funny allday.  What’s up?”

They exchangedyet another couple of looks, neither wanting to bring up what was obviouslygoing to be something you didn’t want to hear. After a moment of awkward silence, Sidney spoke.  “Listen girl, don’t take this the wrong waybut are you for real right now?”

Confusiontook over your features as you had absolutely no idea what she was referringto. “Am I for real about what?”

Leslie lookedover her shoulder, obviously checking to make sure that Tom was nowhere aroundbefore she spoke.  “What Sid means is,are you sure about this guy?”

“First ofall, he’s not ‘this guy’, his name is Tom. Second, what are y’all trying to say? Do you not like him?  Did he do orsay something to offend you while I was out of the room?”

“It’s nothinglike that,” Leslie said while shaking her head.   “He actually seems really sweet.”

“Then I don’tget it.  What’s the problem?”

Sidney hadnever been one to hold her tongue for long. “I’m just gonna say it; he’s white.”

“Oh my god,Sid.”  You gasped in fake shock.  “Thanks so much for telling me.  I might not have ever found out otherwise.”

“Okay, ifyou’re gonna have an attitude, forget I said anything.”

“I don’t havean attitude.  I just truly don’t know wherey’all are going with this.  I know thatTom is white.  So what?”

Leslie, everthe peacekeeper in your friendship, chimed in next.  “We’re not trying to be mean or get in yourbusiness, but don’t you feel weird dating somebody like him?”

You crossedyour arms over your chest as you could feel the attitude you had been accusedof having start to rise.  “And bysomebody like him, what you really mean is somebody white, right?  Do you two hear what you sound like right now?”

“Listen, heseems like a nice guy and he’s cute but—.”

Sidney abruptlycut Leslie off.  “Y’all just don’t lookgood together.  Something about it justisn’t right and we think you could do better.”

“You think Icould do better than a kind, attractive man that treats me well?  That makes no sense at all.”

Sidney leanedin closer to you and lowered her voice.  “Areyou going through something?”

“Somethinglike what exactly?”

“Is thissome sort of a phase and you just want to see what dating a white guy islike?  I mean you must know that this isn’tgoing to work out long term.  Have yourfun or whatever but somebody like him is never going to understand you.  You know that, right?”  

And on that note,you were officially over this conversation. “Okay, we’re done here.”  Youstood and walked to the door.  “It wasgreat seeing y’all and I appreciate your concerns, but I think it’s time foryou two to go.”

“We onlywant the best for you and you’re throwing us out for voicing our opinions?”  

“You’reentitled to your opinion but what you’re not gonna do is disrespect myrelationship in my own house.  So no, I’mnot throwing you out.”  You opened thedoor.  “I’m just saying its time for youto go.”

Leslie leftwith a regretful look on her face and a promise to call you later.  Sidney followed behind her in an indignant huff.  “I’ll try not to say I told you so when this relationship falls apart.”

You let thedoor fall closed behind them and started to clear your dishes from the table.  

As soon asyou turned the corner into the kitchen you saw Tom leaning against the counter.  The expression on his face a clear indicatorthat he’d heard at least some of the conversation that had taken place.  “So, they really did not like me at all, huh?”

“They don’tknow you.”

“Seemed likethey knew all they needed to.  I’m white.”

“And again,I am shocked by this brand-new information,” you deadpanned.  “How long did you think you could keep that fromme?”

“It’s notfunny.”

“I’m sorry.”  You put the dishes in the sink and went tostand beside Tom.  “You know I tell jokeswhen I’m uncomfortable.”

“I know.”  Tom let his hand fall next to yours andlinked your pinky fingers together.  “Ialso know that those are two of your oldest friends and their opinions mustmean a lot to you.”

“Both ofthose things are true and they are entitled to their opinions.  But you have to know that what they thinkdoesn’t have any effect on how I feel.”

“I know thatbut maybe they had a point.”

“What point?”

“Don’t youever worry that maybe we are too different for this to work out in the longrun?  I love you but I’m never going totruly understand what you go through or what the world is really like throughyour eyes.”

“I don’tknow what the world looks like through your eyes either.”

“That’sdifferent though.”

“Okay.  Obviously, you can’t possibly ever know whatit’s like to be a black woman but one of the things that I love most about you isthat you always try.  You listen.  You empathize.  That’s all I could ever ask of anybody.”

“So, you’renot just gonna dump me because your friends hate me?”

“First ofall, they do not hate you.  They just don’tknow you well enough yet to trust you. They’ll come around.”  You shruggedyour shoulders.  “Or they won’t.  Either way it doesn’t have anything to dowith me and the way I feel about you.”  Yourested your head against Tom’s shoulder. “I might dump you however if you don’t wash these dishes.”

Tom let outa loud sigh.  “I’ve had a veryemotionally trying day and I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to takecare of the dishes.”

“Nice trybabe, but it’s your turn.”

“Damn.”  You started to walk away but Tom pulled youback and locked you into a tight embrace. He buried his face against your shoulder.  “I love you.”

“I love youtoo.  You still gotta do those dishesthough.”

“Well, itwas worth a try.”

[itoshit]

'We only caught her friend. The bitch is hiding'

'Not my fucking problem. Find her, hell dig whole Japan if needed. Call our hackers, we'll send her a cute video of her friend with us'

'What are you up to Mikey?'

Throwing a glance at Sanzu I could see him flinch. It was all his fault after all.

'Send our men to ask her some questions'

'Any limits?'

'No rape. We're not fucking weirdos. Put the cameras on too, I want to see everything'

Sitting comfortably on the sofa I turned the TV on and linked it to the security cameras.

Pouring some whisky in my glass I extended my feet on the coffee table.

'Let me see what you got Vee'

And here you were. Attached on a chair, gagged. Dry tears on your cheeks mixed with smeared mascara, you looked pitiful.

'Girly, you know why you're here right? Yes you know. We're gonna ask some questions, you'll answer. Understood?'

Not answering I could see you eyes scanning my men and the room frenetically.

Not satisfied with the lack of answer Yuki strolled to the table and picked up a knife.

Sighting I was stunned by their stupidity.

Using the speaker settled in the room I turned it on, my voice ringing through the walls surrounding you.

'Yuki bud, she's still gagged. Don't torture someone if they can't even answer your questions'

'Huh..? Oh! Yes fuck sorry boss!!'

I'll have to take care of him later. I didn't need useless men like him. A bullet in his brain would do.

The problem was, you kept saying you didn't know anything.

'Your friend- Grace or Jackie or whatever name she was called. The blonde one, rings any bell?'

Yes it did. Could see it in your eyes.

'Grace? Jackie...? What?'

Confusion plastered on your face, you looked lost.

'Don't play dumb with us bitch. You took advantage of our boss and Bonten never lets traitors escape!'

And that's when it started. I personally didn't like torturing people with knives. Shooting them was way more fun.

Sliding the blade on your leg he pressed it harder and skin opening, blood was pouring from your wound.

I could hear your cries. Very different from the ones you produced when you were below me back then.

But that's what you get with playing with Bonten.

'Eika, film her with her phone and send it to her friend. Her name is Natalie, the information just arrived'

'Understood boss!'

Such a shame really, you were such a good fuck. But guess you even planned that, being the sly fox you were.

Hearing your plea didn't disturb me nor my men. We all were used to blood and violence and vixens too. How many women we killed in that room? Dozens probably.

Having a nice pussy wouldn't help you from the hell we put you in.

Gashes over your tighs didn't convince you to talk as you kept saying you were innocent.

Turning the microphone on again I addressed myself to you directly.

'Really Vee? Not really convincing baby. You sure do look pathetic right now. I advise you to speak, better for you.'

But you kept sobbing struggling to free yourself.

'Boss, her friend answered, she's coming. But she asks us to free her in exchange'

Fingers tipping my chin I analysed the situation.

Her friend was clearly involved, but I wasn't so sure about Vee anymore.

'Am gonna check something real quick. Stop the torture for now, wait for me. Understood?'

'Yes!'

Turning the TV off I stood up gun in my hand.

Strolling through the corridors until reaching the door giving me access to you, I could hear muffled screams from the other side.

What the..?

Opening it quickly, the sight made my blood turns cold.

'Are you fucking kidding me?? I think I asked personally to not rape nor touch her ??'

Yuki had his hands on your breasts almost tearing your tee shirt open while Eika was filming.

'You sick bastards. Bonten isn't dealing with that type of behavior'

'Wait boss we're sorry we thought-'

Not even giving him time to answer, I pressed the trigger, crumbles of his brain splashing the wall behind you.

Shooting Eika in the knee I approached him.

Crouching at his level I tilted his chin and forcefully shoving my gun inside his mouth, I could see his eyes widening his fear.

Struggling to escape from his inevitable fate, his cries muffled by the barrel, I didn't hesitate and body falling limply at my feet, I wiped the blood off my gun on his jacket.

'Fuckers'

Not even paying you attention I took your phone and dialed your friend's number.

-Mikey

Hope it wasn't too much??

it wasn’t too much, mod i was biting my FIST??!! HELPEKDKS. this is so good??

My ears won’t stop ringing. I could feel the gunshots reverberating through my body even though my brain knew they had long passed. The sight of crimson bubbling up from my leg dizzies me. So does the sight of him.

Mikey. Never would I have imagined we’d be having a reunion, especially under these circumstances.

I don’t dare cast a glance to the corpses below my feet, even when the blood trickling from their bodies inches closer and closer to my full sight from my peripheral. I feel filthy where they touched me. Almost like their hands were on fire and every where their fingers traveled left bubbling scars and burnt flesh.

None of this makes any sense to me. He wanted Natalie, but they called her Grace. Jackie. Neither of them were names Natalie went by. In that room, surrounded by two dead bodies, the only living one threatening and very well capable of making me the third one, I can’t stop the tears flowing from my eyes.

What kind of shit was Natalie and Mikey into? Why I am involved?

Speak of the devil, Natalie’s voice comes through the speakerphone firm, hard and emotionless, nothing like the blubbering thing she was hours ago; Mikey must’ve called her with my phone. I want to see her.

I don’t trust her, can’t bring myself to after something like this happened to me because of whatever she had done to wrong him, but I trust Mikey far less.

She’s safe, Mikey replies, bending down to look over me. Swiping his thumb beneath my eyes, he catches a few tears before I yank my head back, mustering the most hateful glare I can manage in my pitiful state.

I need proof.

He sighs, pulling the phone away from his ear to rest on mine.

Vee? Venus, are you okay? Natalie calls out to me.

I’m hysterical in seconds, sobbing my eyes out at the familiarity of her voice in a room where everything was so foreign to me. Nat, what’s going on? I-I wanna go home. At the nickname, I see Mikey’s rigid attitude towards me soften, realizing then that I wasn’t lying to him about knowing who ‘Grace’ or ‘Jackie’ was. My blonde carried a different name.

Listen to me, alright? She hushes me down, speaks when my sobs devolve into sniffles. It’s going to be okay, Vee. I—

Mikey snatches the phone away abruptly. Don’t give her empty promises. Bring your ass here in an hour, like you told my men you would or else I can’t promise Vee here’ll be… intact whenever you do decide to grace us with your presence. He casts a glance at me, showcasing his empty black eyes and my body wracks with sobs of Natalie’s name as he hangs up the phone, what might’ve been my last conversation as a living person gone forever.

I should’ve never gone to see her.

[garagnon-gallery]

Written by the MasterClass staff

photos by pexel photography

How to Dress for a Cocktail Party

What Is Cocktail Attire?

Cocktail attire, also known as semi-formal attire, is the style of clothing you'll wear at evening events like fundraisers and weddings. For women, cocktail attire is typically a cocktail dress: a knee-length dress designed for just such an occasion.

, cocktail attire generally entails a suit that is less formal than a tuxedo.

When to Wear Cocktail Attire

Wear cocktail attire to parties with a festive atmosphere that require you to dress up—these can include weddings, reunions, engagement parties, graduation parties, and holiday parties. Cocktail parties generally take place in the evening. Consider the setting—outdoor or indoor, business event or wedding—to determine the correct cocktail party attire. For more formal events, you may want to wear a more conservative cocktail outfit. For more casual or outdoor events—or cocktail events scheduled for the daytime—you might choose something lighter in color and more comfortable.

Guide to Cocktail Attire for Women

Cocktail dresses typically hit around the knee and come in a variety of colors, the most classic of which is the little black dress. As a general rule, stay away from both maxi and mini dresses and opt for something in between. You don't have to wear a cocktail dress to a cocktail party, though—jumpsuits, pantsuits, blazers, and blouses in fine materials are all great alternatives. For fancier cocktail events, like New Year's Eve parties, break out the flashier pieces, like sequins and beaded items. Finish your look with dress shoes like high heels or nice flats.

Have you ever received an invitation only to be stumped by the dress code? We don’t blame you! Navigating the difference between dressy casual, smart casual, black tie and black tie optional can seem like an impossible nightmare. Luckily, we’re here to make occasion dressing a dream rather than a disaster. Here is our guide to women’s dress codes for all occasions and what to wear for each of them.

Casual/Informal Dress Code

is essentially an open invitation to dress in what you feel most comfortable. Whether you like to wear jeans and a T-shirt or a skirt, shirt, and sneakers, you’ll be okay with this style code. There’s no need to wear heels or overdo the accessories, just wear something that is relaxed and your style. Short of wearing your gym gear or pajamas, you really can’t go wrong

Dressy Casual Dress Code

Dressy casual, also known as casual chic, is an invitation to wear that cute weekend look that you love. Slightly more dressed-up than your most casual look, this form of attire is asking you to show off your style. Choose cute separates, such as a skirt and short-sleeve, button-up shirt, and add all kinds of accessories, from jewelry and scarves to quirky sandals and hats. Still stuck? Nice jeans paired with heels is also a winning look.

Smart Casual Dress Code

Smart casual is a dress code that can often confuse. It sits a notch above dressy casual and a notch below business casual. While jeans are no longer appropriate for women, there are still a lot of options for what to wear. A simple way to pick an outfit is to dress as if you’re heading to a lovely brunch with friends or an ultra-funky workplace. A pencil skirt, top and a cute jacket in pop color is always a great option. Just choose between heels or dressy flats to complete your look.

Business Casual Dress Code

Business casual is a standard dress code for offices. While the term can vary depending on your workplace, it generally refers to office-appropriate clothes that are done-up without being overly formal. Aim to look polished with a few more relaxed, fashion-forward touches. A great option for dressing business casual is to wear cropped black trousers, a fun blouse, and some light jewelry.

Country Club Casual Dress Code

is precisely what you think it is. Men in white shirts, polo tops, and tan chinos and women in simple blouses, fitted trousers, tennis skirts, and beautiful dresses. Light colors are always preferable for this preppy look, as are lightweight fabrics, such as cotton and linen. To complete your look, add minimal accessories and comfortable shoes that are appropriate for outdoor wear.

Beach Formal / Dressy Resort Dress Code

Planning an outfit for a beach formal or dressy resort dress code is all about wearing the right outfit for the location. Generally reserved for summer weddings and outdoor social events, this dress code calls for a mixture of comfort and style. Your safest option is a flowing maxi dress in a fashionable print or a dressy full-length jumpsuit. Keep jewelry minimal and hair and makeup polished to elevate the look. Pair with wedges for grassy occasions and flats for anything on the beach.

Cocktail Attire Dress Code

Cocktail attire calls for at or above-the-knee dress and high heels. A standard dress code for parties, your cocktail dress should appear appropriate yet fun at the same time. When deciding what to wear, choose a playful yet polished party dress that isn’t too revealing. Interesting colors, embellishments, and cut-outs are all great, as long as they stay sophisticated. If you’re still feeling unsure, a little black dress will work as well.

Festive Dress Code

Festive is a dress code most often seen on invitations throughout the holiday period. Events that specify this dress code calls for cocktail attire with a holiday-appropriate twist. Choose a cocktail dress with an added bang for a night filled with fun and dancing. Think sequins, jewels, tartan and festive colors, like red and green. Just remember to keep it chic. No reindeer jumpers, please!

Lounge Dress Code

The best way to dress for lounge attire is to wear a lovely dress that is appropriate for a nice brunch or afternoon tea. Choose one that finishes at or slightly above the knee and that is not too low-cut or sparkly. Think cute and flirty, not like you’re heading for a night on the town. If you think that the dress you chose might be a bit revealing, consider adding a jacket or blazer to make the completed outfit more demure.

Business Formal Dress Code

Business formal is a dress code that is often suggested for daytime, semi-formal events, such as work lunches and conferences. The idea behind this dress code is to wear something that is essentially a dressed-up version of your best office wear. For women, this can mean anything from a tailored dress to a pantsuit worn with high heels. Keep the color palette mostly neutral to maintain an air of seriousness.

Semi-Formal Dress Code

. Think of it as just a notch below black tie optional and slightly above cocktail attire. A little black dress is a quick and easy way to nail this code. Choose at or above-the-knee dress that is polished and sleek with just a little bit of spice. Remember to make sure that the hem finishes no shorter than two inches above the knee.

Black Tie

While most people have heard of a black tie dress code, many still feel unsure as to what exactly it means. While men have strict requirements for their suits, the dress code for women is more lenient. To dress for black tie a floor-length dress or gown is the ideal outfit. While you can get away with formal cocktail attire, a long dress is more elevated for the occasion. Choose a sophisticated look with a simple and feminine silhouette in an elegant color.

Black Tie Optional

Black tie optional is more done-up than semi-formal while being a little more open and relaxed than the traditional black tie. Essentially, to choose an outfit for this dress code, you want to look formal without looking like you are on your way to the Oscars. Choose between a long dress or a formal, cocktail look to nail this dress code. A great option is to wear an ankle-grazing dress and statement jewelry.

Creative Black Tie

Creative, black tie is one of the more fun dress codes that you can experience. Think of it as a more contemporary and fashionable version of black tie. Don’t be afraid to get creative go slightly more avant-garde with this dress code. Choose a formal gown with stand-out details, such as interesting shape or drape, unique embellishments or applique, or unusual fabric. You may also see this dress code pop up for theme parties, at which it is appropriate to dress in black tie with outfit accents that suit the theme.

Warm Weather Black Tie

Warm weather, black tie is a dress code often called on for formal events held outdoors. You may see it on invitations for prestigious occasions on cruise lines, country club dinners, outdoor formal weddings, and galas. The traditional style of dress for this code includes a lightweight, long gown, white gloves, and minimal jewelry. However, if you prefer not to wear gloves, long sleeves can be an excellent alternative

White Tie Dress Code

White tie is the highest level of dress code, so if you receive an invitation with it on, you better be ready to dress to the nines. A full-length ball gown is completely essential for this glamorous occasion. Traditionally, long gloves have also been worn with this dress code. However, today they are more optional than essential. If you do wear gloves, keep them on while drinking and dancing and take them off for dinner.

What is meant by a dress code?

A dress code is a set of standards and rules for what type of clothing and outfits are considered appropriate for specific occasions. These rules are important for developing a particular image and sending a message. It’s also a way of creating a cohesive community and feeling of belongingness.

The dress code you choose will depend on the occasion, venue, time of day, and menu. White tie is reserved for exceptionally formal events with multi-course dinners served by staff. Meanwhile, black tie and its variations are also very formal and suit significant events such as galas, large weddings, or landmark birthdays. Early evening occasions fit semi-formal and cocktail styles well and generally feature canapes and drinks. Business formal is appropriate for power lunches and workplaces, while business casual is great for dress-down Fridays. Lastly, smart casual is best for barbecue lunches, while casual, clean attire suits all other social occasions.

[ratthewrodent]

An old coworker told me an story about an accident that totaled his truck a while ago. He went through a greenlight, and a lady ran a red and t-boned him, totaling his truck. She paid off a witness at the bus stop and it was basically those two against his word. Fortunately, the bus was coming behind and caught the accident on it's cam. He tracked the bus down, and was able to get the footage from the bus and saved himself from jacked up premiums.Here's some advice on picking a dash cam, and towards the bottom there will be some helpful advice on installing a dash cam legally. You heard that, there's a legal and illegal way of installing a dash cam. I don't know everything there is to know about dash cams, but I'm sure at least a handful of people might benefit from this. If you don't have a dash cam, start looking for one after you're done reading.Picking a dash camHere are some must have features when picking a dash cam:Find your price range- I'll be honest, right now isn't a great time to be spending money, but if you don't have a dash cam, you should seriously invest in one (when you can). That's right, this is an INVESTMENT. You're investing money into this in hopes that your insurance company won't jack your rates out the wazoo if you get in a car accident and the other driver pays off witnesses. There are some decent dash cams out there for $50, but I recommend spending at least $100 on one. I won't link or suggest a specific dash cam in order to protect the integrity of this post, but you get what you pay for, unless you get that $50-60 dash cam that I'm thinking of. There are some steals out there. Also, make sure that you get a good micro SD card as well. You can pick one up from Best Buy for less than $10.Automatic overlapping- Make sure it has "loop" recording so that it'll automatically replace old videos. If you have this, you'll just install it and it'll pretty much take care of itself until it breaks down, but checking to make sure that it's recording every time you put on your seatbelt isn't a bad idea (just do a quick glance at it to check that it's actively recording- usually indicates by a blinking red dot). Odds are, if you have loop recording, you'll have the ability to lock a video so it doesn't get overwritten as the card gets full.Automatic recording- Another must have for a dash cam is automatic on and off. Dash cams will usually plug into your cigarette lighter and most will turn on and off automatically based on whether the key is in the on/ off position. Don't get some cheapo one where you'll have to manually press a button to turn it on every time you get in your car... This is the equivalent of getting a major in Art History and a minor in computer science.Camera quality- Make sure that your dash cam has a reasonably clear camera. With dash cams, if you're able to make out the make and model of another car, you're good to go. As long as it's better than a gas station security camera, you're good to go for the most part. Unless you're able to shell out for something upwards of $150, then it probably won't be able to read the license plate of the car in front of you. I usually aim for 1080p or above just so that it'll look less like a pixelated mess on a computer screen in the event that you need to send the footage to somebody. You can always try to say enhance like they do on TV and watch as it magically unpixelates itself, but this has a lower chance of occurring than an entrepreneur major in college landing that sweet 6-digit salary job.Night time recording- This goes along with number 4, but don't buy a dash cam that suffers from astigmatism and can't record anything at night. With your headlights on, it'll blind the dash cam and everything that's seen in the light will just be washed out due to the contrast in light. Watch dash cam footage from both day and night. Amazon usually has users footage from that specific dash cam. Be the judge and decide whether or not you're okay with the quality, and if the footage is useful. If you're a cameraphile/ videophile, can you pretty please drop a comment describing what to look for in regards of camera specs?Audio recording- What? You'll only capture your three-year-old screaming at the top of their lungs for more goldfish crackers. Wrong. This feature can be completely useful or utterly useless. If it records audio, then it's gonna be up to YOU to use it if you get into a vehicular incident. If you're able to read off the license plate of the car that swiped you, cut you off, and ran for it, then this will be valuable for tracking it down and confirming the identity of the driver if it comes to that. Like I said, most dash cams will have a tough time capturing license plates, but if you're able to read of the license plate of a car, you’ll have an easy time identifying the car and driver that ran off.These are just the "must haves" for me. If I'm missing anything that you feel is a must, then feel free to mention it below and I'll edit it in later. Here are some features that aren't necessary, but can definitely be nice to have. You can skip this section and go down to the next oneTemperature resistance- If you live somewhere sunny, this is a must for you. The inside of your car get hotter than Satan's asscrack on a sunny day, and you'll want a camera that can hold up against that temperature, so check what it's rated for. Edit, u/mattisstillhere mentioned dash cams with super capacitors. These super capacitors are able to hold onto electricity for a longer period of time, and do a lot better in hot conditions, so check these out if you live somewhere with a lot of sun.Gravity sensor- This is just a sensor that looks for a sudden change in g-force. Cameras that have these advertised usually come with a lithium battery that can begin recording if it feels a sudden jolt while the car's off. I've personally never been able to validate this feature, so take this one with a grain of salt.Wide angle view- A wide angle will capture more information at the cost of detail. Honestly this is more of a preference. I'd personally recommend a wide angle just because it'll capture more of what you’re seeing as opposed to just capturing what's directly in front of the lens.GPS/ Speed logger- Mine definitely doesn't have this feature. You'll only see it in higher end dash cams that cost upwards of $150. This might be useful if you're trying to prove that you weren't speeding, but once again, take this feature with a grain of salt. Save your money and be reasonable when picking a dash cam. Don't be that elitist that brags about their $350 dash cam.WiFi Data Transfer- Some dash cams advertise that this feature. What it does is it allows you to connect your phone to the dash cam and be able to load videos on your phone with it. I've had little success with mine, but if you have fast cellular data, this might be useful during a police report (hopefully you won't ever have an accident that's serious enough for a police report), but once again, this feature has proved gimmicky for me, and transferring video files can take a few long minutes.10ft cable- My dash cam came with a 10ft cable that's made the dash look a lot nicer. Most dash cams use a micro-usb cable, so it wouldn't be too hard to find a cable this size, but it's nice if your dash cam came with one. Use it correctly, more on that below.Rearview/ passenger cam- Some dash cams have cameras in both the front and the rear. This is definitely another useless feature unless you're a rideshare driver/ have an extremely clear view of the rear and happen to get rear ended. Even then, if you get rear ended, a regular dash cam and damage to your vehicle will be more than enough prove that you were stopped.Advice for installing and using a Dash CamI'm kind of happy that you've made it this far. Typing something other than college essays has been fun. I get to use my voice and type informally. I hope I've made this dull topic a little bit more fun to read. Honestly if I read my own post, I would've clicked out 500 words ago, so thank you for sticking around. I hope you install decide to install a dash cam if you haven't already.Read the manual and learn the buttons and what they do. Seriously, read the manuals for everything, your car, your fridge, everything. They all have valuable information that make using the product a lot easier and more intuitive.In some states, it's illegal for your dash cam (or anything for that matter) to be obstructing your view of the road. Make sure that the spot that you mount your dash cam is compliant with local laws. Don't let the other insurance company sucker punch you and use this as a reason to not pay out your claim.If your dash cam came with an extra long cable, use it. Loop it around the passenger side of the vehicle and gently push it between where the windshield meets the roofliner, and run it under your glovebox. Use some clear tape or adhesive clips to (discreetly) secure it to your windshield.Buy a high quality micro SD card. I recommend the ones that are advertised as "high endurance", as these are meant to withstand the constant recording and deleting of large files. The size of the micro SD card doesn't really matter, but a 32GB once is what I recommend. It should hold about 2 hours (don't quote me on this) worth of video at 1080p. If you get in a wreck, your micro SD card will have the footage on it, and you can upload it into a computer to save that footage.If you get into a car accident and you know you're at fault, you're not legally obligated to give footage to the other driver or a cop unless there's probable cause that you committed a crime, or if they have a search warrant. Once again, I’m writing this post from the US so check your country’s laws.Edit: Added spacing for a few walls of text. Fixed some grammar stuff too.I hope you won't ever need to use the dash cam, but 77% of drivers will be in an accident during their lifetime. That's the majority of us, and the average driver will be involved in 3 to 4 accidents in their life. Get a dash cam. Cover your butt and capture other drivers doing stupid things. Make an idiot driver compilation. Hopefully you aren't driving anywhere non-essential during these times, but if you are, take care and be careful. Stay healthy, and drive safe. via /r/LifeProTips