#it's literally my fucking sleeper agent word

[congademoman]

oh for sure man let me just

[qqweebird]

why did cage the elephant write spiderhead about vrisrezi. and also why is eddie vedder by local h the same

[blindbatalex]

I hung out with @k-ky all day and she literally activated the sleeper carraville agent that lives inside my brain at all times. I really and truly do not have time to start on a whole new WIP right now, so please enjoy this little 1k teaser in the meanwhile.

By the time Jamie parked the car and trudged to the house, the front door was already open with Gary looming behind.  Between the dusk falling quietly outside and the hallway light he had not bothered to turn on, the way he would not meet Jamie’s eyes, he resembled a ghost.  Jamie ignored the raw spot the thought touched in his chest—the still too fresh panic a call from the hospital saying that your friend collapsed tends to inspire.

“Traffic was mad.”  He chuckled as he walked in.  It sounded strained and echoed ominously in Gary’s minimalist, unpleasant house.  “I should have honestly taken the train.”

Honestly, if Gary had died and come back as a ghost, he would be a poltergeist.  An annoying, self-righteous, argumentative poltergeist that drives property values down by his sheer potential to drive any people unfortunate enough to buy the house up the wall.  Neither did he bother to so much as crane his neck to look at Jamie as he led them into the bowels of the house.

“Thought you’d changed your mind.”

Jamie rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, well, it was a close thing,” he huffed, and regretted it instantly when Gary’s step faltered.  It was a fucking joke.  After everything they have been through, did he, could he think–

And while he meant no disrespect to the witches, Jamie struggled to understand why they had to drag him into the curse they rightfully wanted to cast upon Gary.  Bloody hell.  “But if you died, who would I rib after every time United bottle yet another game?”

With that they reached the living room.  Gary sat down on the sofa and for the first time since Jamie came in, deigned to meet his eyes.  It wasn’t just the light, he definitely looked haggard.  His ugly face pale and with deep bruises under his eyes.  He wasn’t happy either, judging by the thin line of his mouth.

If anything I am shocked that it took you this long to get yourself cursed, the way you carry on, was what Jamie wanted to say but someone needed to be the adult in the room so he held his tongue, choosing to plop himself down on the sofa next to Gary instead.  He wrapped a firm arm around Gary’s shoulder and popped his feet on the coffee table.

“Get your feet down,” was all the thanks Gary could be bothered to give, alongside a vicious poke at his ankle with his big toe.

“No, you get your feet up.”

“I don’t know how you live in Bootle, but we for one have standards here–”

“No, you idiot, we ought to maximise the surface area, innit?”

“You mean–?”

“Press our legs together, yeah.”

Whatever little colour there was in Gary’s face drained at Jamie’s words.  It was daft—it was so mind-bogglingly daft that Jamie had no words for it—but then again, they were ex-footballers for God’s sake.  They had spent 30-odd years watching their teammates strut around naked in the showers, getting pulled into hugs and shoving and, in Gary’s case, cuddling up with Beckham to watch telly.  Sure the two of them did not hug, and Jamie did not cuddle with blokes, but given they were where they were, neither was there any reason for—this.  To act like petulant children.  Or prisoners on death row.

Jamie glared at him, withdrawing his arm.

“I’m sorry, do you want to die?”

Not really, but I want to cuddle with you even less, the dark look that crossed Gary’s face seemed to say. 

The git. He just had to be so stubborn about everything, make life as difficult as possible for whoever was trying to give him a hand.

Jamie closed his eyes, breathing through his nose to try and get a lid on the anger he felt burning in every cell of his body.  Honestly, who in their right mind would pick an argument for example with a coven of witches on the definition of what constituted witchcraft in the first place?  

But when he explained the curse, and what seemed to keep Gary alive, his mum had smiled and said– he is lucky to have a friend like you then, isn’t he?  And Beckham, who for some reason felt he had the right to give Jamie a call, let alone to order him around, had said– cut him some slack will you, it’s a bit awkward for him.  And yeah, if Jamie put himself in Gary’s shoes, he could see why having to–

“Look,” he said through gritted teeth, his eyes still shut.  “I don’t like this either but you are my friend and I happen to care about you.  You scared the hell out of me, Gary.  And if this is what we have to do to manage until we find a way to break the curse, I’d–” His voice betrayed him, crushed under the weight of a singular truth.  Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked at Gary.  “I’d do anything, alright?  And I think you’d do the same for me, if our places were swapped.  So.”

Gary nodded, very faintly.  Is it so awful, Jamie wondered, having to cuddle with me that you made me say all of that out loud?  Even at the hospital, when he was quite out of it, he had tried to protest, to push him away.  Said, I can’t.  

“Take off your shoes.”

Cut him some slack.  Yeah.

Jamie did as he was told.  Besides, for one of the few times in his life, he wasn’t sure he had any more words in him left.  Gary was already taking off his own.  

When he was done he put his feet up on the coffee table and Jamie followed suit, shifting closer towards him to bring their bodies flush against one another.  With one hand he turned the telly on while the other arm he wrapped around Gary’s shoulder again.  Gary for his part even made a tiny effort to lean into the touch this time, whether from guilt or self-preservation, Jamie could not tell.

All these years they’d known each other—and Jamie could count the number of times they hugged on one hand.  In Valencia, after that defeat, once.  Once when Jamie had been hammered out of his mind in London—though that was more Gary taking on his weight as he half-carried Jamie back to the hotel than anything else.  He’d been warm beside him then, too, like he was now, strong, a little soft, just—good.  

The two of them fit.  There was no use thinking about that.  They certainly did not fit in this way.  He could smell Gary’s aftershave, feel his shoulders rise and fall with each breath.  It felt awful--a force threatening to rip apart the walls of his cells.

No wonder, he thought, no fucking wonder.

Next time, he would make sure to get laid before coming over, so his body would not mistake affection, at once mechanical and friendly, for genuine desire.

For Gary N.eville?

Come on.

[choctalksalot]

If Jake is based on archetype of Strong Female Character then I think he should get Evil Woman arc. Let him snap and go bananas. Sburb is his stage and he is gonna became a star, and break fourth wall and if needed all the walls. I just really want Jake to go batshit. And then better but first batshit. And fight with crockertier! Jane because I think it would help them both to have a proper scream match and some stabbing or two.

admission: i have let this ask stew in my drafts for months because i had exams, and also because i needed to fully process everything in this singular paragraph because it threw a wrench in my jello sack processor

so, in short:

thank you for this ask anon holy shit i love getting asks about this stuff i am full of words about it !! that being said

I AM QUESTIONING THE CLASSIFICATION OF HIM AS STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER. I AM SO VERY QUESTIONING IT

that statement triggered a fucking. sleeper agent in my brain because i disagree so hard so so hard, oh my god i'm. okay technically it's a half disagree. sliver of agreement in there but it's for a very specific scenario that I need TIME to explain (which i now have so Buckle Up)

if you want my aabsolute shortest shorty short response to this ask it's yes, i think jake deserves to go batshit insane, i would like nothing more than to see him be a petty deranged bitch. king shit honestly!! But Not In That Way Slash Manner. okay now WORDS

so, we have the idolization/I Know What You Are he has with lara croft. we have all his big talk about being an adventurer, we have fisticuffs and guns and sparring with a bot, but, as many posts before this have pointed out in much more depth than i can attempt to surmise, jake is not that. motherfucker is a coward, avoids conflict like the plague and plays up an oblivious front to dodge responsibility (god i still can't read the jane confession scene without screaming look at that fucking LIAR)!! a defining aspect of jake's character is his continuous lack of agency throughout the comic too, which is a rabbit hole i'm not going down for the sake of my sanity and your patience [:

point is, in the words of a shitton of other people: he's a hapless bimbo archetype, or at least attempts to embody it!!!!

he wants to be a strong female character, makes an idol out of an example of them (lara), but in the end the narrative itself bends backwards to call him pathetic. point and laugh at the moron in the piss coloured underpants. something something, yet another case of lost potential

there are specific circumstances under which jake does hit as a strong female character. that's getting old i'm gonna shorten that to sfc now. big thanks to tony crazyexdirkfriend for this perspective because the one angle where i can read jake as an sfc is from an extremely meta perspective, in reference to how he's built up to be someone with a lot of importance/skill/competence, while in reality his agency is pretty much moot. it's an empty label, all his "strength" is superficial and falls away once you look any deeper than the upper epidermis. that's neat as hell!!!! i don't think that's the take you were going for, but it is an angle i enjoy and appreciate <:

that being said, even with this and any accurate read of jake really, him having an evil woman arc will have to take place in a specific set of circumstances methinks,, like mfer is probably actively performing an insanity act for Some Reason, an angry tired jake is more likely to revert to sopping wet bawling retreat anger than anything else. letting him snap and go bananas will only work if you character arc his ass enough to change a fundamental part of him!!! and a crockertier scream match is more in jane's favour for. y'know all the years of being a vent box for him. which i don't think is accessible on a count of, y'know, Literal Mind Control

i am the no.2 supporter on the Let Jake Be Batshit train (only second because i know at least four people who'd tie for first) but i don't think he'd seek out attention from beyond the 4th wall. because he can't handle the pressure of being perceived. no walls have ever needed to be broken for jake english to be a star - he's always been performing!! for the people around him, for the narrative, to be the oblivious himbo that never meant to do any wrong. the core of jake english and what drives him to extremes has always been to be liked, and to be safe. maybe those two things are the same to him. it gets suffocating, y'know? and when something gets too much, jake does what he's always done: he runs.

so yeah, no, i don't think so. do let him be a catty bitch tho!! he deserves that [:

[auramgold]

"well she's a pedophile" is always used as the gotcha of transmisogyny, like "oh she's a pedophile now you can't defend her from my lynch mob" and first off that's almost always spread without evidence, don't get me wrong

but even if it was correct, i think we've forgotten what the word "pedophile" actually means. it means someone who's attracted to children, which does not inherently mean someone who's actually sexually abused children, and that is a HUGE distinction to make.

the first one, while a problem, is not a unforgivable moral sin if the pedophile in question does not want to hurt any actual children. that's thoughtcrime, thoughtcrime isn't real.

and the stigma that pedophilia is The Worst Thing To Be makes it harder to get actual therapy to help with unwanted attraction like that, which should be, y'know, the goal in restorative justice. the goal in restorative justice isn't Hunt Down All The Bad People For Sport, it's to help people not hurt others, especially if they haven't even hurt anyone yet!

there's literally an entire subclass of OCD (pOCD) of someone getting into such an obsessive death spiral over if they might be a pedophile that it starts destroying their life, and that's not a good sign of a society that can actually handle that well

and if someone drawing weird fucked up art helps them get out those urges in a way that hurts no one except the paper they're drawing it on? that's a good thing, that's a stable healthy coping mechanism, i don't understand why people act like it's morally equivalent to abusing an actual child.

i cannot for the life of me understand why someone would need to do that, but i'm not burdened by those urges, am i? especially considering a lot of people who get these urges are CSA survivors themselves, at a certain point it's the same lens as "drawing fucked up art about your trauma to cope", which i can understand because i very much have done that.

have some fucking empathy, people. make sure there's not a magic sleeper agent kill trigger word that makes you turn it off instantly.

[moe-broey]

Was there a particular moment where the characters of FEH really sunk their claws in for you?

For me personally was the half a body, half a mind page from the silly little side comic (aka where Robin asks Kiran if Alfonse is their other half and they chose to interpret that very literally). The revelation that Alfonse and Kiran’s dynamic switches who has the braincell in the prince/tactician dynamic was eye opening. And then the follow up of Sharena being fucking gobsmacked that local introvert prince managed to S rank Kiran was beautiful 10/10 makes me both happy and sad. And from then on the brain rot has been STRONG. No thoughts head empty only these lil guys.

Oughgh I'VE. BEEN RUMINATING ON THIS.... (which is. Why it took so long for me to respond to LMFAOO)

BUT.... first of all YOUR INTERPRETATION. OF THE "Half a body, half a mind" bit is HUGE. Like you're so right, there is a lot of symbolism there even if it's silly!!! And esppp Sharena's reaction to Alfonse making a close friend, so easily in her eyes... that absolutely would be a sleeper agent thing for me actually. Like. I wouldn't consider it until Much later, and when I did it just never left my mind.

And I think that's the thing!! I've actually been having a lot of trouble, trying to pinpoint exactly Where each took such a strong hold on me LMFAO. I think, because it's this gradual and constant process of taking in information, noticing something Odd, re-examining, re-contextualizing, and gaining new perspective.

It def happened quicker w Alfonse though, cause he's actually much easier to read. Immediately you can tell his words and actions aren't matching up, and through that you can tell his feelings aren't matching his words either. You also see the clear reason Why he's Like That, on. Several different levels.

I think.... the lines of dialogue that always stick with me. His entire level 40 convo. I'm always thinking about it. I'll often revisit it. And, a lot of his lines to or about the summoner: "Please, remain with us, [summoner]?", "Or... is it that reality has been reshaped by my fear of having lost [summoner]?"

BUT, I think. What really got me was actually his Forging Bonds with Dieck. Like at this point I was already in way too deep LMFAO BUT. Dieck's fucking dialogue fucked me up SO much actually

I AM LITERALLY ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT THIS FUCKING DIALOGUE ‼️‼️‼️‼️It REALLY opened my eyes AND put words to something that was Constantly nagging at me. How Alfonse, from the very start, will say one thing, and then. Directly contradict himself. Not because he's disingenuous -- but because he's so split in two.

AND. AUGHHGH!! THAT'S!!!! You think he's so reserved, and he is. But he wears his heart on his sleeve and will talk openly with anyone who will listen. You think he's the cool and collected type, he OFTEN leaves people with that impression. But SO many times he acts rashly, with little regard for himself. He claims, he can't be driven by emotion because those driven by emotion cannot rule. BUT HE. IS. SUCH A PAINFULLY EMOTIONAL CHARACTER. Almost EVERYTHING he does is driven by his emotions -- I absolutely think so much about how he has a bit of a temper on him, and I think about all the little ways he so clearly and deeply loves Sharena, I think about how much of a mess he is over Bruno, I think about just how quickly he warmed up to the summoner despite insisting upon keeping his distance. Hell, you think he's like. This very serious guy. And he is! Aaand then next thing you know he's dug a ditch and he's thrown himself into it and he's covered in mud. AND. THE WILDEST PART OF THAT. Is the Way he does it, the reason Why, it. Tracks. Like yeah. He would do that. That's actually not out of character for him.

(ALSO as a side his Forging Bonds w f!Alear also live in my head rent free -- another instance of, taking a step back and re-evaluating. It was actually so refreshing in a way? You get used to just how warm he is with the summoner, that you forget just how cold he can be too. That's ALSO something I'm so not normal about. The asshole tendencies. The coldness, and the ruthlessness. It's subtle, but There. He does have a harsher side to him.)

AND ALL OF THIS....... still only feels like the tip of the iceberg. But literally I will never shut up about it LMFAOOO I GOTTA. BECAUSE. SHARENA‼️‼️‼️

I think actually I have an easier time pinning down where I started having Thoughts about her. Because, I made the same mistake a lot of charas in-universe make, even Alfonse, himself. Assuming, that just because she's outgoing and friendly, that she has an easier time making friends. When like. Really, it's been present the whole time actually -- from that FEH comic, to the Paralogues featuring Katarina, like. She doesn't. She struggles just as much, if not more.

But I think, the exact point I actually internalized this was in her Forging Bonds w f!Byleth. Like. Those convos REALLY make it clear, so much so I felt stupid for not even seeing that sooner. And, it helped me re-contextualize her level 40 convo also! When I first got that dialogue, I really didn't know what to make of it. LIKE. ABSOLUTELY she's so sweet and I love her. But. I really had no idea what to make of it! Until like. It became clear to me, ohhhhhhhh I. Fell for the front she puts up as a defense mechanism. You can be cheerful and silly and deeply hurt and have just as many interpersonal issues as someone who like. Shows clearer signs of having those issues. Okay! Got it 🫡 SHKAHSJSHJAJ

And then I think that's when I became just deeply unwell about her too LMFAOOOOOOO

[floortoastie]

I watch Danny’s minecraft streams to fall asleep and he said

“I like to cook a bunch of chicken at once so I have more for the next day”

And I like shot up from my slumber like it was a fucking trigger word sleeper agent like!!! That’s me!! He’s literally me!! I cook lots of chicken at once too :D omg I’m literally Danny!

[missr3n3]

hope u all don't mind me rambling for a bit but i am so so emo rn about cut down the altar and i just need to kinda. word vomit for a moment

so i saw the new scrapped catalyst clip and im just. thinking abt how hard cdta!adam fought to hold onto his humanity. him sitting in front of the mirror while his body tried to tear itself apart for the amusement of the Literal Devil n he just would. not. give. in. no matter how much it hurt. no matter how much agony he could've spared himself given all the brutality he goes through in the following chapters. he was going to be Adam and nothing, not even The Devil from The Bible, was going to take that away from him.

AND ALSO. im low-key working on the prequel fic bc this au has an absolute choke-hold on me n will not let me rest until i get all my ideas out about it. n as i'm fleshing out this au version of jonah n adam's backstories im realizing. adam almost had everything he wanted. he found people who genuinely loved him, who saw him as fully human. everything he turned his back on the alternates for was in his reach.

he almost had it but then, between still feeling like he needed to be someone else to deserve love and alt!gabriel n the gang fucking around in his brain, it all slipped away. jonah's family kicked him out. evelin broke up with him. n then he gets the triple threat of vol. 2, 4, n catalyst all happening one after another.

but even though it would've been easier to give it all up for good, he just couldn't. he can't be anyone other than adam murray, and in the end, everyone close to him sees it. jonah, thatcher, sarah, evelin. they all see the real him at last, and see the humanity with in him despite his new monstrous visage.

and that's to say nothing of what the cut down the altar sequel/mystifying oracle crossover has in store, how that's gonna examine the public's reaction to type 6s/sleeper agents and whether or not they should ~truly~ count as human. still rotating that concept on my mental pottery wheel tbh

[sol-shines]

oc alphabet soup: the letter a?

cam im so fuckin sorry that you had to be this person but you've activated my sleeper agent codes. youve said the magic words

so now you all have to hear a thing about AUDRI MOTHERFUCKIN OPILIO

^comm from the almighty @pysics btw. if you even care. you should. commission jun or die by my sword

ANYWAY she's one of my oldest ocs, part of the group of guys ive been yelling about with the one and only @dreaming-of-stories-and-stars for almost 7 years now. so she's literally the most ever. she's Bisexual Girl Jesus. she's an underground bike racer. she's been in cringefail gay love with her best friend for years and hasn't said shit. she is at all times 2.6 seconds away from an emotional breakdown. her love language is probably biting. she's God's Little Blorbo. she's even transgender.

without giving too much away she basically got handpicked by a god to take on the mantle of savior of the multiverse. very much atlas holding up the world momence. so she hasn't had an opportunity to like construct an identity outside her "divine purpose" since she was like mmmmm 8 years old maybe. she's Fucked ! but now she runs with a bunch of other insane space pirates, and she's in love with half of them. it's great. anyway she's a Very powerful magician this bitch has the nuclear launch codes probably. sometimes it pays to be Jesus 2

im aware this is incoherent. im so sorry. but i love her more than anything i can and will talk about her for hours. she contains multitudes she Cannot be condensed. but thank you for beholding her anyway

[sp-ud]

Results of the Ranboo's other half survey!

[Finally! I kept forgetting about this! Whoops! But it's here now! Yay!]

What do you think is most likely Ranboo's CANONICAL other half?

20% - An Enderman who is just half-white for some reason

17.3% - Dreamon

19.1% - Ghast

0.9% - Axolotl

0.9% - Iron Golem

0.9% - Snow Golem

What theory for Ranboo's other half do you LIKE the most but think is UNLIKELY to be canon?

22% - Dreamon

14.7% - Axolotl

10.1% - Ghast

1.8% - Demon

0.9% - Shulker

What do you think is the FUNNIEST Ranboo's other half theory?

16.5% - An Enderman who is just half-white for some reason

13.8% - Golf Ball

12.8% - Slenderman

0.9% - Rabbit

0.9% - Llama

0.9% - Wolf

Beneath the Readmore is some of the "Other" Answers along with some of the responses to my last question about "Anything else to add?"

What do you think is most likely Ranboo's CANONICAL other half?

"None of the above, something created just for the story"

"ranboo hasn't got a solid idea himself, and its just one of those things that always stays vaguely ambiguous with pieces of evidence pointing to different directions and theories."

"we will never find out cause ranboo decided it’s funnier that way"

"Fucked up Experiment caused him to be *like that*"

What theory for Ranboo's other half do you LIKE the most but think is UNLIKELY to be canon?

"he's just. Other. LITERALLY other. he's some weird red eyed white cryptid"

"Robot"

"I like dragon the most, and I also think it’s likely, so I have nothing to put here :p"

"Uncooked marshmallow"

What do you think is the FUNNIEST Ranboo's other half theory?

"This is Berry Ranboo truther erasure"

"clown. he’s just bad at clown make up and gave up halfway through"

"He accidentally feel in bleach but is too embarrassed to tell anyone because he wants to seem cool"

"you know how if you name a rabbit toast it'll change appearance, and its ai also changes if you name it killer bunny or something along those lines? someone nametagged an enderman as ranboo"

"A white guy. Just a stupidity white guy. So white. Extremally white"

Anything else? [Theres a lot of these]

"SUBSCRIBE TO TECHNOBLADE"

"I like to set my marshmallows on fire when roasting them. I like them charred and crunchy."

"in reality, i got no fuckin clue bro. who knows. maybe hes a catboy, maybe hes just half white guy. maybe hes just an enderman, just looks a lil fucked up. probably gonna tie into the dream shit tho. maybe."

"ÙwÚ"

"Half axolotl ranboo is the best thing to ever happen to society"

"Your bones are delicious"

"i feel like it doesnt make sense for any other mob to be his other half cos like- we see how cc!ranboo puts all this deliberate enderman influence into his character, but hes not doing that with any other mob so like. yeah i think hes just a Very main character type enderman"

"Subscribe to Technoblade"

"but w. where do the horns in the fanart come from"

"you are a funky little tumblr user! thanks for the quiz I’m now reviewing my life choices"

"llama is funnier in the context of the Clarencio death"

"No but like. Hear me out on this. So Ranboo has memory issues, right? So like, what if half of his brain was removed because he died but was brought back by Dream and Dream modified him so he had his Robot side and he also programmed all of Ranboo's old memories and the "lessons" into Ranboo's new computer brain and he just like has a sleeper agent-style switch? I'm never gonna write fic with this as an explanation I just think it's a cool theory."

"i am incredibly homosexual. gay even. i like female"

"I am very tired because I stayed up till 3 am looking for the dumb vod where tubbo and ranboo got married. It took me so long but I have it now and can be happy. I’ve been on an old lore hunt for a while but I forgot that so many people don’t keep records. I am now looking for all of the Manburg Fundy vods. It was one of my favorites storylines."

"It's penis Friday"

"Drink some water bitch"

"U are pogchamp and the world loves you"

"i doubt the fucker will ever tell us"

"He's just a slinky boy"

"i have over a thousand words written in my attempt to figure out why twitter culture is the way it is. send help"

"i legit forgot he was only half enderman for months."

[tigerdrop]

here is a bunch of words about this venom AU b/c i am out of my fucking mind

like ok sorry im about to talk about a venom AU again b/c jesus christ its just frenrey man. the sad, pathetic, cringy sweaty little man with depression and his new best friend, the way-too-powerful alien thing thats always on his back and is always pushing to do things that arent socially acceptable......its the same shit. whatever. am i thinking about that prodromal phase when gordons sweating and heaving and ravenous and trying to eat everything in sight and being jerked around by an alien leaning how to puppet his body? Yes

eating is horny, man. the vore thing is just completing the circuit and closing the loop. his entire fucking physiologys going haywire and his metabolisms in overdrive and eating is always a metaphor for something and i dont know why it shouldnt be a metaphor for being mysteriously, suddenly horny, either. and also its just really hot to see somebody going apeshit on food. Whatever

the dudes who made hannibal get it. food is erotic. food is always about something else

and pulling him around like a puppet especially. LITERALLY leaning how to move gordon around the way he wants to!!! its gotta be just as awkward for the symbiote to learn how to move in a human body as it is for the human to learn how to move in sync with the symbiote. the struggle.........is . its good

hes literally just. a puppet for the symbiote. hes a puppet that can make the symbiotes job a lot easier by playing along and figuring out how to move in sync , but like. hes just getting jerked around effortlessly for the whole fucking movie

and gordons strong enough that he can put up a good fight......but hes not stronger than a fucking alien thats in control of his very muscles and nervous system! lucky for him that he got saddled with a parasite thats developed a real quick fondness for the body that it inhabits or else hed just find himself sharing the same fate as all the other bodies that got colonized and dropped by the wayside

(sigh) and benrey would wanna stick around him b/c hes fun. he reacts good. hes fun to play with. hes easy to bully and cajole into doing what benrey wants, within reason. and unlike mr marvel-mouthpiece-eddie-brock, gordon freeman would fucking delight in getting to chomp on a cop or two. he would relish the opportunity

and like. uhh. that part where venom pins eddie to the wall. Wow

i think it would be. really cool. if uuuhhh if umm uhhh well. like. the symbiote is super strong right. so its basically like having a. uhh. living full body bondage suit that really, really wants to fuck you

if benrey doesnt want him to move then buddy, hes not moving. gordon freeman pinned firmly in place by an amorphous slime monster with sharp, sharp teeth and a lolling tongue that knows, in the most intimate and excruciating detail, just how badly he likes it

literally theres no way gordons not thinking back on so much of this shit later and having the weirdest fucking dreams of his life. i dont even know if he would initially be aware that a lot of this stuff is hitting him in the dick. it feels like a kind of sleeper agent thing

like yeah sure he probably knew he was into bondage. thats not all that weird. but i think it would take a little mental prodding to get him to be like "Oh. benrey did that. to me. and he could probably do it again. if i asked. but im not gonna fucking ask for that"

therein lies the crux of his problem: the symbiote knows literally everything about him. they share the same body and have touched each others minds. benrey Knows

he literally cannot hide a single fucking thing. its plain as day. the only thing stopping benrey from doing anything about it is the fact that gordon wont fucking ask, and more to the point, seems vehemently opposed to the idea of ever acting on it......until suddenly, he isnt

and also its probably really fucking fun to tease him about it. its not like gordons gotta always be consciously aware of the fact that benrey knows Literally Everything About Him. teasing him by cracking jokes about eating him?? weird coincidence, right. ha ha. benrey makes an offhand comment about basically eating him every time they transform and gordon has a psychosexual breakdown bc all his blood leaves his brain

I might be insane

but also i have the very vivid idea of benrey pinning gordon to the wall like that again with the full knowledge that gordons getting off on it, and taunting him to struggle harder b/c its more fun that way. whys he just acting all limp like a ragdoll, huh. (because thats what you normally do when youre being put in bondage! or at least, thats what gordon does! hes not used to the idea of something wanting him to try and struggle b/c its fun to playfight with him, even if its very much just a play fight b/c benreys so much stronger!!!)

look i jsut think his gradual transformation from "normal guy with latent psychosexual issues who is rightly weirded out by killing and blood and things of thast nature" to "problems guy who gets hot in the face when he sees all those teeth and watches benrey chomp on dudes and gets a little hard whenever hes enveloped by his alien bodymate-cum-best friend" is. awesome

the mental journey from "what the fuck is happening this is the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to me. what if i die in here" to "wow this is still anxiety-inducing but im so fucking strong and i can do crazy superhero shit. this is awesome" to "oh no the anxiety is back to an 11 b/c ive started having weird thoughts about it and now im thinking about baseball really hard to try not to get hard"

jesus christ man. gordon stops jerking off entirely b/c he doesnt want the fucking symbiote to see his boner and ask any weird questions but benrey doesnt even care. he just thinks gordons insane for taking so many cold showers. daily fucking slapfighting over the shower knob

he has so much wrong with him but benrey doesnt even CARE. gordon is the only one that cares nearly that much about his weird boner problems and doesnt want benrey to see his dick b/c “what if its weird. what if i make this weird.” meanwhile benrey has been aware of every time gordon has gotten a half chub from benrey transforming. benrey doesnt even think gordons trying to hide it hes doing that bad of a job

gordon doesnt even WANT to have to explain what a stiffy is to this guy!!! he thinks that b/c benreys some kind of alien thing, he wouldnt even know. he wouldnt be familiar with the human boner. but gordon assumes hes gonna have to if he ever pops one so he does everything in his power to neglect his stupid dick. meanwhile benrey absolutely knows how dicks work b/c he was socialized entirely on ps3 multiplayer until he met gordon and you would not believe how much intimate knowledge of the human penis hes acquired by this

(sigh) i think that when gordon realizes he has a weird sentient alien parasite inside of him he would get weird about literally every embarrassing bodily function/necessary display of nudity . and i think he would be bladder shy in front of a brand new audience

i just think. that. he would be freaking out about an alien seeing his dick. and immediately after seeing that benrey is Real and Inside Him for the first time, he would try very, very hard to hold it in so the alien thing doesnt see his dick. progressively antsier.....squirming.......Pacing......gordon gets an alien parasite and decides he can never pee again. ignoring the blatant fact that benrey is little man in his bloodstream and already knows all about his dick

im envisioning this happening shortly before he learns that benrey is In His Head . and also that hes in some pretty serious denial about it a lot of the time

but just b/c gordons ignoring it and pretending like everythings normal (and like HES normal) doesnt mean that either of those things are true. benrey knows exactly whats going through his head. theyre Bonded. and benrey knows that hes a little freak whos got boner problems about this subject specifically. i mean its not like hed even have to read gordons mind to figure that one out, yknow? he canonically cannot fucking stop himself from joking about piss, joking about how much hes been holding it, etc etc. and yknow........benreys just a weird little alien goop with a poor grasp on human social mores. his understanding is that pleasure is something that feels good, so theres no reason why they shouldnt feel good. eating people makes him feel good. being jerked around and controlled makes gordon feel good. whats the problem

and if hes in total control of gordons body......well, maybe the bladder-shyness isnt as bad a problem as gordon thinks. benrey can just control his muscles, yknow? help him out. so he quits freaking the fuck out like a little bitch about how gross and weird this is. (its really not that weird to benrey, okay.) the weirder thing is how neurotic gordons being about the whole thing. and so uhhhh thats how gordon ends up with his skin flushing so badly it makes him dizzy when benrey is just like “okay uh this is stupid can you just deal with it” and puppets him over to the bathroom and makes him. just. do it

also like okay. ping-ponging to another thing here. i have been thinking about the first time gordon actually tries to jerk off after acquiring an Audience

its gotta come up at some point. theres no way it doesnt. having a case of blue balls for that fucking long is probably turning him into the worlds most neurotic little bitch and at some point benrey just asks him point blank "hey. do you ever jerk off" because.....like......he feels what gordon feels for gods sake. hes aware of all the boners gordons been getting and not doing anything about. and "not talking about it" was his way of being polite but now gordons being a nasty deranged little cunt of a man from Dick Too Hard and its getting annoying. and gordons just like "what!!! of course i do, but you, you know what, thats none of your business! im not about to pound my meat with an audience!"

benrey doesnt really get it. gordons horny, he just copped to jerking off on occasion, whats the problem? theyre bros, its cool. he can just, like, play minecraft and not look. gordon thinks this is the stupidest thing hes ever heard. but like......he does miss jacking off. hes a red blooded adult male and its a little harder to pick up girls when he has a flesh eating alien with very poor boundaries sharing his body. so he decides, well, fuck it. hes just negotiating space with a roommate. in a way. its fine. its not that weird

but it is that weird, actually. gordon tries it but he has a really hard time getting it up with the knowledge that hes doing it right next to somebody who isnt even paying attention. it makes him feel like one of those weirdos who jerks off on the bus. benrey notices that hes, like, stopped, and has just kind of tucked his dick back in his underwear and given up. and after some confused discussion and bickering, benreys like, "you uhh......you want a hand?" and that kickstarts gordons heartrate right back up

what im saying, is that, benrey should subsume gordons right hand. envelop it in his own. take control of it. and jerk him off for the first time while panting in his ear and licking his neck and dirty talking the hell out of him. and gordons never came so hard or so fast in his life

and like. this would 100% open the freak floodgates. gordon was trying very hard not to think about it before but now the door is wide open and he cant not think about all the insane things benrey could do to him. WITH him

like. okay. gordon really is just all the way in there . things ive never fully considered before. venoms literally about vore

benrey meat prison. going superhero mode means your cock is grinding on slime the whole fucking time. gordon can be having a minor anxiety meltdown as hes subsumed by slime and can feel benrey going hog wild. bc hes in there......its a bonding thing . and also a vore thing. and a "he cant hide literally any of his reactions so the moment he pops a boner in there benrey is going to know about it" thing

like the logistics are vague but its implied they can see out each others eyes and have a sense of each others bodies. so when benreys fully out gordon can see out his eyes and it kinda feels like the big body is his too, theyre in sync. but i like to think. he can also feel his own body distinctly. he can feel benreys body pressing in around him. he can feel the muscles crush him in place as they move. i think that would be . cool

and like. okay. the thing i dont really care for when it comes to vore is the, like, Everything After. what i think is really cool, and awesome, is the. uh. the mouth stuff. big tongue and teeth and being totally enveloped in something wet and hot and whatever. okay. but i dont actually want the guy to get swallowed okay i think he should just nut and then get spit back out. im not about the internal workings here thats where my boner turns off and i fail to suspend my disbelief

but like. the great thing with venom is that. you dont have to worry about any of that . gordon can just be......totally subsumed by him. that massive alien maw opening wide and licking him all over and enveloping him from the bottom up, nothing but wet-hot pressure wrapping around him . . . sucking at every inch of him and undulating in a way he literally never could have fathomed before. the things that gordon thought about in the back of his mind whenever benrey transformed with him. the things he was convinced benrey wouldnt know about if he thought hard enough about literally anything else while they were out doing their vigilante thing. and then he can nut so hard he goes blind and get spit right back out and full-body cuddled by his symbiote buddy

i think its neat to think about the possible feedback loop from their mental link. like. look i dont know how exactly a symbiote nuts and at this point im too afraid to ask. but like. they dont have naturally occurring dicks. so it seems to me, that the best way to get benrey to nut, here, is for him to get gordon to nut also. the feedback loops

theyre basically one guy, right. gordon-and-benrey. benrey-and-gordon. hes experiencing the world through gordon, feeling what he does, seeing what he sees. benrey having a harder time maintaining a coherent form the more he drives gordon to the edge......hes in gordons head! hes feeling what he feels! and gordons in benreys head, too, seeing himself from the outside......realizing he looks like a total fucked out whore like this and its humiliating and excruciating but all benreys seeing is his person coming apart and theres nothing but extremely positive vibes going on in his head and it makes gordon feel, like.......really hot, actually. hes got that mental image of himself as the pathetic schlubby guy that we all know he kind of is but also hes schlubby in an insanely fuckable way, and benrey knows this. he Knows this

that possessive little throb in the back of his mind b/c benreys looking at him and subsuming his lower half and wrapping around his dick and pushing into him him and all thats on his mind is how this is his person, all his, hes gonna show gordon that he doesnt need other girls anymore. they cant do what he does, because gordon is his and, more to the point, hes gordons

and hes right . literally how is he going to go back to pussy after that. its a metaphor for being gay but also they are literally gay and have insane crazy sex about it. its like symbolic or whatever

anyway i think when benreys fucking him senseless with all those tentacles or whatever gordon should accidentally say “were gonna come” when hes about to nut. b/c its a “we” thing. benreys a symbiote who can only come when gordon does, through their mental link. ok. Bye

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

Bioshock Rebirth Part 1 told in a humorous way

Showed this to @feckinatlas like some of the others. I had this in my draft oh wait. Yeah this is part of my Bioshock Rebirth AU, my reimagining/reboot of the Bioshock franchise. While I don’t wanna write a full on novel because I’m lazy like that. Yet I wanted to make a funny recap. Originally this would of been part 1 and 2. But I decided to keep as 1 right now.

Basically was inspired by stuff like the ByteSize recaps of The Last Of Us. So if you want to know the full story but keep it short. Despite some parts seem long and deep. Yet this is told in a humorous way. Hopefully you enjoy it. Including the night before I am uploading this. I decided to add Booker’s parts because I imagine him as a boss.

Part 1.

Archie: My aircraft was shot down and now it crashed into the ocean near this lighthouse! What the Hell is all this!? Andrew Ryan? An underwater city called Rapture? Weird looking people trying to kill me? Weird diving suit monsters with drills? Little girls holding giant needles? What the Hell is going on down here?

Atlas: Oy lad! My name is Atlas. I’m the leader of the rebellion going against Ryan. He’s an asshole and I made the distress call. We need to take Ryan down and we need your help.

Archie: Okay man who I trust and grow to admire as a father figure who reminds me of myself. Hi two ladies.

Daisy: Hey there I’m Daisy. I’m Atlas’s 2nd in command and....I guess I’m gay with Diane.

Diane: We had a weird history.

Archie: Ah no judgement there. :)

Atlas: Now we need your help rescuing this young girl Ryan has imprisoned. We don’t know why she’s imprisoned but we need to save her.

Later.

Elizabeth: I’m Elizabeth and I want to go Paris! But I’m stuck in this tower. :( But you’re real and that’s so awesome! :D

Archie: Hi Elizabeth! I’m here to rescue you! 

Bluto: Who in the fuck wants her out!?

Archie: AH SHIT HE’S A BIG DIVING SUIT MONSTER! 

*When they get out.*

Elizabeth: Oh my God it’s so great out here!

Archie: Oh crap I’m starting to like her.

*As they explore Rapture more.*

Atlas: Ah crap they’re working like a team! She’s using these small tears to help him out while he shoots stuff!

Elizabeth: I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind and go crazy seeing all this death and unpleasant stuff. :( Especially after meeting that Steinman guy.

Archie: You’re going to be alright. Nothing is gonna hurt you. Don’t become apathetic. We’ll get through this together. :)

Elizabeth: I feel comfortable with you. :)

Atlas: Now since that Big Daddy is dead. Put that Little Sister out of her misery!

Archie: Oh Hell no man! There has to be another way!

Brigid: Do not hurt my little ones. Hello young man and young girl. Use this thing to free them from their torment.

Archie: Ah thanks lady. :)

Atlas: Don’t trust her Arch! She’s responsible for them!

Archie: But she’s trying to help them! :(

Booker: Argh! I work for Ryan’s personal guard! You’re Atlas’s Dog. I’ll send my troopers to get that girl back. Including I’ll wonder if I should capture or kill you!

*After going around unpopulated and some populated parts in Rapture for nearly a week.*

Archie: Ah man Tenenbaum’s safehouse is pretty nice. And these Little Sisters are kids and are great. :) Yet Brigid seems weird around. Especially she looked like I looked familiar. Even Atlas did so too. And sometimes he says these three words sometimes and my head hurts.

Later.

Julie: These are my franken trees.

Archie and Elizabeth: Woah!

Later.

Cohen: I’m Sander Cohen and I’m a weird and disgusting artist guy! 

Archie: Ugh I don’t like him.

Elizabeth: Me neither.

Jasmine: Hi I’m Jasmine and I’m a stripper. :)

Archie: This Jasmine lady is very nice. Glad we were able to rescue her.

Later.

Bluto: Argh! Give me back Elizabeth! I’m trying to protect her! 

Archie: We need to stop the Proto-Daddy! We have to kill him.

Elizabeth: No I can’t kill the closest thing I had to a protective brother.

Archie: I understand that Elizabeth but we have to stop him or he’s gonna cause more death and destruction. I would love if there was another way. Including there’s no turning back if you have to stop him.

Elizabeth: I understand but let me be the one who has to put him down. I’m not going to enjoy this.

*Puts him through a tear that sends him into space as he falls from orbit.*

Bluto: Nooooo! You were my best friend Elizabeth!

Elizabeth: :(

Archie: I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sure he was a great friend. *Hugs her to comfort her.* You’re still a good person.

Booker: Argh! That’s it boy scout let’s fight! Why the Hell aren’t you mutating? Why are you so badass? How are you able to kill so many of my troopers with some what ease! Fight me boy scout! I’ll show you how a real soldier fights!

Archie: Okay gruff old man!

Booker: No you beat me! I just want my daughter back! She’s the only important thing in my life! She deserves better than this. :(

Elizabeth: You’re my father. 

Archie: I’m not gonna kill you because while you’re an asshole. You don’t wanna hurt children and you still love your daughter. Now let’s go Elizabeth. 

Later.

Atlas: Alright Arch we’re close to getting to Ryan. How about you go to Ryan and take him down. Whether you kill him or not. I’ll take care of Tenenbaum and Elizabeth since they trust me a lot. Even though with Tenenbaum she still doesn’t trust me fully.

Archie: Thanks Atlas. You’re a great friend. :) Now excuse me while me and some others go to Ryan. You can take care of the two closest people I’ve known in my life. I’m sure they will be in good hands.

Later.

Archie: It’s over Ryan! 

Ryan: A man chooses. A slave obeys. A broken slave has no purpose. You’re a broken machine who’s entire life was a lie. 

Archie: Bullshit. >:(

Ryan: Would you kindly? Familiar phrase.

Archie: Ah my head hurts AND OH MY GOD ATLAS KEPT USING THAT PHRASE AND I’VE BEEN SEEING WEIRD SHIT LIKE ME WANTING TO KILL YOU!

Ryan: Yes he has and you saw that Fontaine was involved in your process. Now beat me to death with this golf club so you can prove you’re just a slave.

Archie: Hell no old man! >:( *Takes the genetic key and goes back to Atlas.*

Later.

Archie: Atlas how did you know of the WYK plans?

Atlas: I don’t know what you’re talking about boyo? But hey did you know Elizabeth’s lips taste like strawberries? She tried to kiss me you know.

*Atlas gets knocked out by a wrench and Archie finds the two ladies tied up.*

Elizabeth: Oh my God you came back! I found out I was born full of ADAM!

Brigid: Yes he did thank goodness you came back. Atlas terrorized us! 

Archie: I’m here to save you two from Atlas because he’s been lying to me about a lot of stuff. *His radio gets called.* Hello?

Atlas: Code Yellow. >:)

Archie: AHHHHH! I’m slowly dying and it’s more raw now! My life is flashing right before my eyes! 

Elizabeth: Oh no Archie! :(

Brigid: We need help and have to find the stuff to stop him from dying! We owe it to him!

Archie: I’m slowly losing my mind! I’m dying! I’m remembering everything! Andrew Ryan! Frank Fontaine! Yi Suchong! Brigid Tenenbaum! Jasmine Jolene! the Lutece twins! Johnny Topside! What the Hell happened to me!? What is my life!? I’m remembering everyone I met in Rapture! I’m not 23 and actually 5 years old!? My name is Jack Ryan!? What the Hell happened to my life!?

After that he wakes up.

Archie: Brigid knew who I was! I’m angry! >:( She had a hand in ruining my life!

Elizabeth: Archie no! I forgave Brigid! Please don’t hurt her!

Brigid: Ah yes you’re pointing a gun on me that I made sure has no ammo. I think you finally remember everything. :(

Archie: My real name is Jack Ryan. I’m actually 5 years old. I literally was ordered to snap a puppy’s neck by Suchong. Frank was gonna use me to save Elizabeth and kill Ryan! You were one of the people responsible for ruining my life!? And you didn’t tell me when you found out it was me!? I’m not a actual human because of what you, Fontaine, and Suchong did to me! I was supposed to be a slave! What the Hell did Johnny Topside do to me!? >:O

Brigid: Yes I had a hand. But I feel great shame. You were meant to be a sleeper agent. But Johnny discovered you. He couldn’t handle the idea of someone like you going through that. So he kidnapped you, punched Suchong in the face, and he had help reprogramming you. I felt empathy as well. This happened when I realized what I did to the Little Sisters. Me and him changed your life. We gave you the name Archie. While the Lutece twins made sure you were in a place where Fontaine could never find you.

Archie: Johnny did that?

Brigid: Yet due to the experiments done on you. Along with you going through military training. You became stronger than you ever were. Yet it was your own choice to become a soldier.

Archie: Woah.

Brigid: Fontaine used Johnny’s death as propaganda. As if Johnny was the first to rebel against Ryan. In a way he did. But the truth was that all Johnny wanted for you was a normal life. In a way he was practically the real Atlas in a way. Since Atlas was inspired by him. Including some of Johnny’s traits and memories went to you in a different way. He became a slave to give you freedom. And I feel terrible that I couldn’t save him. :( You don’t have to forgive me. 

Archie: I forgive you. ;_; *Breaks down crying as Brigid, Elizabeth, and the Little Sisters hug him. Because before this. He showcased he was more human than he ever was.*

Later.

Archie: We gonna stop Frank! 

Atlas: Oy you fucking mistake! You were the closest thing I had to a son! You were meant to be my Ace In The Hole! Yet you didn’t kill Ryan! You got too close to Mother Goose, the Little Magician, those brats, and anyone else! Johnny Topside ruined everything! Tenenbaum betrayed! So you know what, I’m gonna take the woman you’ve grown to love! She and all the ADAM in this city are gonna make me a lot money! You are gonna die alone because you have everything I didn’t have!

Archie: Johnny Topside was more of a father than you ore Ryan could ever be! >:(

Atlas: That’s it time for the disappointment wrench! >:(

*Hits him with the disappointment wrench.*

Elizabeth: No! ;_;

Atlas: My secret is out! I gonna get the Hell out of this city! Everything’s gone busto!

Archie: We gonna save Elizabeth! He has the genetic key! We need to kill Frank Fontaine!

Daisy: We the remaining rebellion can help you!

Archie: That’s great! But I’m worried we may need some Little Sisters help to free Elizabeth! I don’t want to put them in danger.

Brigid: Don’t worry I’ll trust you and we believe in you. We’ll help however we can.

Later.

Archie: It’s okay Elizabeth! I’m coming! Holy shit Frank is that you!?

Atlas: I’m half transformed by this ADAM and using some power from Elizabeth. Now time to go mano a mano against you.

*Both men just scream battle cries at each other as they fight to the death.*

Atlas: I’m so angry at you! I’m gonna beat you to death! Meaning you can’t save this woman you’ve grown to love! 

*Miranda, Sally, and some Little Sisters free Elizabeth so she can use a tear on him.*

Atlas: Ah crap! 0_0;

*Archie screams a battle cry as he stabs Atlas in the chest with a ADAM syringe and hangs him brutally down a glass ceiling. Resulting in the death of Atlas/Frank Fontaine.*

Archie: Hooray we did it! :)

Elizabeth: Yes we did it! :)

Daisy: Fontaine is dead! Ryan is gone! Let’s make Rapture a place where a community can safely live at. :)

Archie: I’m not alone anymore too. I have a family now! 

*Two months of changing stuff as much as they can. Since there is the scary risk if Rapture is found by the surface.*

During that time, relaxation, relationships developing. Also this.

Jasmine: I’m sorry that I sold you for money. I know you must hate me. 

Archie: I forgive you. :) I understand and you’re my birth mom.

Jasmine: Thank you. ;_; *They just hug each other.* I’m so proud of you.

[benoitblanc]

tagged by @castelllans (ily caroline!!!) to answer some questions!

do you prefer writing with black pen or a blue pen? black 100%

would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? city, but not in a super crowded hectic bit. like near the natural history museum in london. in one of those super expensive row houses. as you can see, i haven’t thought about this at all XD

if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? i’d love to become proficient in italian. or tap dancing

do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? i actually don’t drink coffee at all and not much tea, but on the extremely rare occasions i have english breakfast tea, i take sugar

what was your favorite book as a child? besides harry potter? my love of crime fiction started really early with the a to z mysteries by ron roy. i loved ruth rose so much

do you prefer baths or showers? showers- i never have time for a bath

if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? a phoenix or a dragon!

paper or electronic books? absolutely paper

what are your favorite items of clothing? i have a t-shirt with the entirety of les miserables written on it in tiny text, and another with the entirety of the secret garden. i also love my stage management outfits, which are literally just whatever black clothing i can find the day of, but they always make me feel so badass

do you like your name? would you like to change it? i do, actually! my first name is extremely common and anglican but i think it fits me anyway. my middle name, what i go by on tumblr, is after fucking arwen undomiel- no, i’m not joking, i was legitimately named by my parents after arwen undomiel- so what’s not to like lol

who is a mentor to you? all the more experienced members of my production team are always so helpful and supportive and lovely. i miss them a lot

would you like to be famous? if so, what for? honestly? probably not. i’d like to be well-respected in my field but i don’t think that’s the same thing

are you a restless sleeper? yes, which sucks

do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? i’m a weird mixture of “absolute cynic” and “hopeless romantic” so... i suppose?

which element best describes you? air or fire

who do you want to be closer to? i forgot to answer this question last night- the answer here was copy-pasted from caroline with the rest of the game, sorry caroline- but there are several people i see on a semi-regular basis (during normal times) who i’m sort of friendly with but i’d love to be friends with

do you miss anyone at the moment? i miss all of my friends a ridiculous amount, but especially my idiot actors. (you all have probably heard at least one idiot actor story if you’ve been following me for any length of time.) they all mean the world to me, and i can’t wait until we’re all back in the theatre

tell us about an early childhood memory. when i was really little, like 3-5ish, i would always go to a family friend’s house while my mum worked. the family friend had three kids, one a year above me, one my age, and one two years younger. i have a handful of weirdly specific memories from their house, but my favorite is when the kid my age and i were playing on their swingset and when the mom called us in for lunch, she joked “oh, where are arwen and ben? i think they’ve swung into space! maybe to the moon!” i was maybe like four and i can still remember that she made us macaroni and cheese. it was a good day

what is the strangest thing you’ve eaten? i’m completely blanking on this one. i’ve eaten some weird shit in england but nothing too bizarre. elizabeth sponge, which is basically lavender-flavored victoria sponge, was pretty horrendous though. victoria sponge is such a perfect dessert and then you go and make it taste like perfume??? why???

do you like spicy foods? usually! as long as they aren’t too spicy

have you ever met someone famous? i went to elementary school with one of stephen king’s grandkids, aka joe hill’s son, so i’ve met joe hill. he and my dad would always talk about doctor who while they waited to pick us up. he actually wasn’t as weird as you would expect. my classmate, on the other hand, was exactly as weird as you would think a king would be

do you keep a diary or journal? i have made several attempts to do so and inevitably fail every time

do you prefer to use pen or pencil? depends on the situation

what is your star sign? pisces

do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? in between!

what would you want your legacy to be? that i did something good for the world. i touched someone’s life in some way

do you like reading? what was the last book you read? i adore reading. i would die if i couldn’t read. i’m currently reading my dear hamilton by stephanie dray and laura kamoie, but the last book i finished was a reread of the raven king by maggie stiefvater

how do you show someone you love them? just by being a shoulder to lean or cry on more than anything. also, lots and lots of teasing in a fun, mutual, bestie banter (or straight-up flirting depending on the person) way

do you like ice in your drinks? in water or lemonade, but nothing else

what are you afraid of? wasps and gas masks and failure

what is your favorite scent? the specific mix of evergreen, cold air, woodsmoke, peppermint, stale popcorn, something baking, and snow that you only get at christmastime

do you address older people by their name or surname? depends on how well i know them

if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? in london in one of the aforementioned row houses, doing the things i love and travelling as much as i could

do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? neither. lake supremacy. (i do enjoy pools and the sea, but lakes are best)

what would you do if you found $50 on the ground? attempt to figure out who it belonged to, most likely

have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? i think i’ve seen a couple, but i don’t remember making a wish

what is one thing you would want to teach your children? the boldest thing you can do is just be kind

if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? ...i don’t want tattoos, so nothing

what can you hear now? the hum of my air purifier

where do you feel the safest? my theatre is simultaneously where i feel the safest and where i have the most anxiety attacks. no clue why, although maybe it’s because i feel safe enough there to let myself freak out a little 

what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? i’m making it my goal this summer to overcome my phobia of thunderstorms. i’ve progressed to the point where a calm, rumbly storm actually makes me really happy now, which is great! i’d also love to just... stop having the aforementioned anxiety attacks but not sure how much i can do about that lol

if you could travel back to an era, what would it be? assuming none of the bigoted shit that was inevitably going down in literally any era is applicable, either the 1920s or 1940s

what is your most used emoji? 😂

describe yourself using one word? tenacious

what do you regret the most? i honestly don’t have many regrets, which is wonderful. the one i do have i flipflop between not giving a flying fuck about and going “oh god i really fucked up there!”, so it’s complicated XD

last film you saw? a rewatch of the avengers

last tv show you watched? technically both marvel agent(s) shows because i’m getting clips for giffing purposes- and side note the carter lighting designer owes me money at this point for making me go through this coloring bullshit over and over- but the last show i saw a full ep from was leverage

invent a word and it’s meaning. praecipience (n.)- the feeling of sickening anticipation you get right before something that you know is coming, like a cast list or an episode or opening an acceptance/rejection letter or an execution

tagging anyone who wants to do it :)

[bran-writes]

Farm Boy Blues Ep. 1 “Welcome Home, Sunny” Pt. 3

Sunny’s office on Ventura Way was literally home, and he was sorry he ever left it. Parking his car in its garage, Sunny keyed the door to the familiar chime and made his way in. The blast of automated air conditioner embraced him much in the same way Lacey did shortly before, welcoming him back. The place still smelled like mahogany and looked crisp. The downstairs break area he used for an armory and supply room was still neat and ordered, the lockers lining one wall while maps of Dyson City and the surrounding wastes lined the opposite one. When he crossed through to the carpet of his office, he flicked the light on and tossed his keys onto his desk, glancing around at his license hanging on the wall next to his commendations from the city for bravery and service, as well as pictures with some of his favorite clients. 

Sunny smiled and stood there for a moment, basking in the feeling of safety and familiarity. He’d come close to never seeing this place again and even though his job was naturally dangerous, this brush with death felt closer, more intimate. It was probably because, this time, he’d almost been killed by someone he trusted. He figured that would probably have an affect on someone’s outlook. 

Turning the light back off, Sunny took his shoes off and walked wearily up stairwell behind his desk, anxious to sit down in his chair upstairs. Yet, halfway up the stairs was when he got the feeling that he wasn’t alone. It was a small shuffling that lasted for a few seconds and was barely audible under the air conditioning, but Sunny was sure he heard it. 

There was only one person he knew who could get into his office without leaving a trace. That person wasn’t a threat to him as far as Sunny knew, but just to be sure, he drew his handgun and held it at his side as he walked the rest of the way up. 

The first thing Sunny noticed was that his place wasn’t ransacked or even disturbed. To his right was his living room, where his TV, personal computer desk, couch and favorite chair was. The kitchen was to the right and both the bar counter and wooden island were as clean as he’d left him. His fridge, however, was slightly ajar- enough that the light was still on. Sunny checked the trash can to see one of his empty beer bottles sitting at the bottom when, straight ahead from the direction of his bedroom and bathroom, he heard more noises, someone clearing their throat and a toilet flushing. 

Rolling his eyes and tossing his shoes to the floor, Sunny sighed and leaned against the bar counter. There was the sound of a sink running before that too stopped. 

Special Agent Grafton Ellis walked out of Sunny’s bedroom, waving his hands at his side, air drying them. “You’re out of paper towels in there.”

Sunny gave the man a once over and noticed his expertly pressed and creased pants, clean button-up and crisp tie. “And you’re wearing shoes in my apartment.”

“Yeah, sorry, I forgot. I won’t be long.”

“Good.”

The man hadn’t changed much in the years Sunny knew him. He must have been at least thirty-five by now with reddish brown hair, piercing green eyes accompanied by unflattering dark rings and a crooked smile amidst his perpetual stubble. A long, ragged scar crossed the side of his neck down to his clavicle. The man hadn’t changed much at all. He still looked tired as ever. 

Agent Ellis took a seat at the bar and sighed, clasping his hands together. He looked bored. 

“Y’know, coming to terms with the fact that our new government, and by extension, the Bureau, is gonna have me keeping tabs on you until they’re 100% sure you’re not some sleeper agent for The Commonwealth,” Ellis said in a completely conversational and non-accusatory tone which made Sunny want to throw his shoes at him, “I’ve accepted that I’m in for many a frustrating day. Whether it’s responding to reports of you having gunfights with thieves inside the city wall or trying to find out where the hell you’ve been for the past four months- it’s always something.”

“Gotta mix it up somehow,” Sunny shrugged, holstering his handgun.

“True. I will say you keep things exiting- I suppose I should be grateful.” 

Ellis took a moment to stare around at the apartment, his legs swinging from the bar stool nonchalantly. “What do you want, Ellis?”

“I guess we could start with where you’ve been?”

“Look. I’m hurt, I’m tired and I just want some rest. Can we not fuck around right now? You know where I was. You probably tracked me coming into the city, too.”

Ellis regarded Sunny for a moment while the young man waited for a response. Finally the agent shrugged. “Fine, why were you there?”

Sunny chewed his lip for a moment. He’d known Ellis since he was eleven years old. He met him the day after The Commonwealth fell. It wasn’t that Sunny didn’t trust Agent Ellis- it was that he didn’t feel like going into it at the moment. He was far too close to what happened to discuss it openly, he realized. He just wanted a day or two’s distance before giving the federal agent the debriefing he was sent here for. 

“Was that too direct for you?” Ellis smirked. Sometimes, Sunny wanted to punch him in his face. He unclipped his gun from his belt and placed it on the counter before heading into the kitchen, kicking his fridge all the way closed. He picked through a cabinet for his bottle of whiskey and two glasses. 

“New York or Chicago?” Sunny called over his shoulder. 

“Chicago.”

Sunny nodded, he liked his drinks the same way. Forgoing the chaser in the fridge, Sunny poured whiskey in both glasses then slid one across the bar to Ellis, who nodded thankfully. “I was out there, with Mia, because she asked me to leave with her.”

“Is that right?”

Sunny sat in his chair and sank into the cushions with a sigh. From this seat he could see the city outside through his large window- a perk he’d noticed when he first rented the office. He had a pretty good view of the hills and the beach from here. At night, the street and building lights dotted the window like multi-colored jewels set in a satin cloth. Sunny eyed his glass, lazily tilting the liquid back and forth. 

“Keaton…”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Sunny held back the hurt in his voice, along with the tears he almost lost from his carefully tended reservoir. 

“I just want to know what happened, kid. Give me that, and I’ll write the report and be out of your hair. Hell, at this point they might not even ask for a report.”

“She said she was going straight.”

“Mia?”

“Mmhm.”

“So she showed up promising a new life without the crime?”

“Said that she was ready to just be with me and she didn’t need any of that other stuff. She didn’t need the money or the lavish lifestyle bullshit. She just wanted me,” Sunny took a swig of whiskey and grimaced, the instant warmth cascading down his chest. 

“Shit…”

“Four months in and I find out she’d already made plans to rob the federal reserve transport trucks while they crossed the desert. I told her she was fucking crazy, and all she kept saying was how with this one job we’d be set for life.” Sunny stared at his reflection in his own drink before shrugging and taking another swig. “Stupid me, right?”

“So what, she tried to get you on a job and you just said no?”

Sunny scoffed. “I burned the charges her and her little buddies were planning on using for the roadside bombs. Her crew realized they were gone before I could get out of there, though. She asked if I did it, I said yeah. She put two bullets in my chest and left me on the side of the road.”

Without saying a word, Ellis stood and moved over to sit on the arm of the couch. Sunny unbuttoned the top of his Hawaiian shirt and showed Ellis the stitches, not daring to look down himself just yet.

“Jesus, Keaton…”

“A family on vacation found me and took me to one of the doctors out there. He go the bullets out and had me lay up for a few days before I could move on my own. I just got back to town today.”

Ellis sat back and rubbed his chin for a moment, eying Sunny’s bullet wounds. He took a swig of whiskey and played with the glass between his fingers. The two were quiet for a few, long moments before Ellis cleared his throat. “I don’t suppose you’ll finally wise up, will you?”

Sunny looked at Agent Ellis and hoped the man could see the annoyance in his face. Wise up… What an asshole. “Fuck you.”

Ellis shook his head, “You know, I’m probably going to regret saying this, but I hope this has taught you a little about yourself. And I hope you realize that maybe, just maybe, your life is worth a lot to the people who care about you… Clearly you feel like you’re not worth much at all.”

“How do I know?” Sunny mumbled, almost choking on the words. 

“Know what?”

“That my life is worth a lot. Or anything for that matter…”

“Well, the contrary is usually what happens when our mind starts working against itself. Luckily we have eyes and ears that often give is the hints we need, we just gotta take it for what it is.”

“Easier said than done.”

“For sure. But how about starting here,” Ellis cleared his throat, “What are you more afraid of? Those stitches or the Commonwealth ID number tattooed to your chest.”

Despite himself, Sunny allowed himself the smallest of smiles. “Probably the gunshot wounds.”

“Which means that being a Farm Boy- being the former property of The Commonwealth doesn’t feel as bad as it used to be. It matters less and less. That’s a good a place as any to be, don’t you think?”

Ellis didn’t give him a chance to answer, but stood up and set his tumbler on the bar. “Out of my hair already, eh?”

“I’ll give my superiors the run down,” Ellis shrugged, walking towards the stairwell. “You might have to go let the police take photos of your injuries. You’ll be down at the precinct tomorrow anyways, though.”

“Why’s that?”

Ellis turned around, brows furrowed. “Your contractor recertification…”

“Ah, shit.”

“Hey, luckily you passed your 5th year last time, so it’s just marksmanship certification for the next couple years for you. But you know the rules- to keep getting contracts from the police you’ll need a re-cert every twelve.”

“Maybe I should have just stayed in the desert,” Sunny stood and followed the man to the stairwell. He leaned on the banister as Ellis descended into his office area. 

“I’m sure Detective Dodson would eventually come find you,” Ellis chuckled. 

“What can I say,” Sunny smiled, “We’re madly in love.”

“You do know how to pick ‘em.”

Sunny watched as the man opened the front door and glanced out for a moment before stopping. Ellis looked up at him and took a deep breath. 

“Hey, for the record, I guess… Add me to that list.”

“What list?”

“The list of people that care about you. It’s a no-go for handlers to grow attached to you guys, but I’ve known you since you were a kid, so I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve come a long way since we met… I just don’t want to have to ID your body at the morgue one day.”

“Thanks, Ellis.”

“Just be careful, okay?”

“Will do.”

And just like that- the door was shut and Ellis was gone. The silence folded around Sunny like a suffocating smog. He turned back to his bar counter and downed the rest of the whiskey before shuffling back to his room, the weight of the day and his injuries making every step a trial. 

Sunny’s room was dark and cool when he made it back there- just the way he liked it. He wanted to see his posters and maps and space ship blueprints on the wall. He wanted to see his desk and shelf of keep-sakes. But he also wanted to lay in the dark for a while. 

He chose the latter. 

The moment Sunny laid his head down on his pillow, the tears broke through and poured down the sides of his face. He felt powerless to stop crying, but at this point, he didn’t want to. Best to get it all out. 

Everything bouncing around in his mind assaulted him at once and he was having trouble collating it all, having trouble answering his own questions. 

Why did she do that?

Why can’t I ever get things right?

Why can’t I ever make the right decision?

Hell, why can’t the right decision ever find me for once? 

Why do I have to struggle like this? 

How do I make it stop?

Why do I still have feelings for the person who keeps leaving me in the dust?

Goddammit, Sunny. 

Sunny’s phone vibrating in his pocket shook him out of his downward spiral. He fished it out, planning on ignoring whoever it was before reading the contact name flashing on his screen:

Big Sexy

Sunny was so happy to see that name that he wanted to cry harder, which made him laugh at the ridiculous nature of Collin Talbot’s contact name, but he had no intention of changing it in the near future. 

Without hesitation, Sunny hit accept and put the phone to his ear, waiting with still breath to hear his best friend’s voice.

“Yyyyeelllooww, Sunny? Sun-tzu?”

Sunny smiled, “I’m here, man.”

“Ah, great,” said Collin on the other end. There was a pause before Collin continued. “You okay?”

“No,” Sunny surprised himself, once again, by not choking on his words. Yet, he knew Collin picked up on it. 

“What happened? Where are you?”

“Back home.”

Again, another silence. Collin was trying to figure out what to say or how to ask what happened with Mia. “Do you want me to come to the city?”

Of course he knew what to say.

“I’d like that.”

“Say no more, give me a couple days. Should I get a suite or come to your place?”

“My place is fine…”

“Alright, well I’ll get to you as soon as possible. Like I said, two days at the most. Here’s what I’m thinking, you ready?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll catch a flight, land in Dyson, stop by the grocery store, pick up some food because your sorry ass still can’t cook, and then we’ll eat and drink and you can tell me about what’s going on. Sound good?”

“That sounds fucking beautiful.” 

“My man. Anyways, I’ll let you go cause I have to go wrap up this test flight. I just wanted to check in on you.”

“Thank you, Collin.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Just… Hang on until I get there, okay?”

“Sure thing.”

“Peace out, brotha.”

Collin hung up just as the sounds of a single passenger ship engine flared up in the background. Sunny stared at the phone for a moment before setting it on his night stand. 

That was that. All he had to do was wait for Collin. Maybe Ellis was right, maybe his friends really did see the value that Sunny didn’t. Maybe he’d be okay. Sunny almost kicked himself for the way he’d lost hope in them moments before. He turned over on his side and closed his eyes, ready to sleep and start the next day. 

Contractor recertification.

Pick up TK from the Trey’s shop.

Swing by the coffee shop the next morning to see if his coffee buddy would still be showing up after four months of him being gone. 

And then Collin would be here.

That, Sunny decided, was easy enough. He had a plan. He had a way out of the confusion and pain. He just had to stay focused. He just had to live. It shouldn’t be hard, he thought. He’d been doing it pretty well so far. 

_______________________________________________________________________

@writerinafury @oneleggedflamingo @carmina-solis @anomaly00 @neirawrites

@lnspired-insomniac

[emperorsfoot]

Can we talk about how Kevin has never had a stable Father-Figure

Seriously. 

Kevin Levin has never had a stable or consistent (or even really very positive) father-figure or male role model in his life. Don’t believe me? Lets take a look at his life!

1.

Harvey Hackett

Kevin’s step father. 

Admittedly, very little is known about Harvey since he only appears in one scene in one episode. But what we don’t know of him first hand, we can infer from dialogue. 

In Harvey’s exchange with Kevin in “Ultimate Power Part 2″, we learn that even though Kevin was an 11-year-old child when they lived together, Harvey was afraid of him. Imagine what they must be like, to be a child that young and one of your two main care-givers, one of your parents is afraid of you. That would totally mess with a kid’s head. And -clearly- it did when in the exact same conversation Harvey says that Kevin destroyed the house and ran away from home. And before any of you say “well, doesn’t that just prove Harvey was right to be afraid of Kevin?”, let me remind you that KEVIN WAS A CHILD AT THE TIME! 

He was only 11-years-old (or younger, we don’t know how long he was living on the streets). Children that young need care, understanding, encouragement and support! Especially special needs children. Say what you will, but a pre-pubescent kid with superpowers counts as a “special need” child. Children like that need their adult care-givers to understand them, or if not understand them, then at least make adaptations for them to better thrive. Not only did have clearly NOT do that for Kevin, but he also went one step father to openly admit to rejecting Kevin. 

To a child that young, being fearful of them is indistinguishable from rejecting them. Kevin picked up Harvey’s fear and only saw a parent who didn’t want him. 

So, he had a mental/emotional breakdown, used his unnatural super-powers to destroy their house, and ran away from home. 

Or, from Kevin’s perspective based on what he told Ben in “Kevin 11″ from the Original series, his parents threw him our because they didn’t like having a “freak” for a son. 

Kevin would see Harvey’s fear of him as a rejection and might run away from home imagining they would kick him out anyway. While Harvey would interpret Kevin’s destructive tantrum and running away as Kevin proving how “bad” a child he was instead of the cry for help that it actually was. 

Both characters’ stories are true. 

But that doesn’t change the fact that Harvey was a terrible parent and father-figure to Kevin. 

Now, lets look at his second male role model and father figure. 

2. 

Kwarrel

The inmate whom Kevin met in prison and took him under his wing. 

I could argue that Kwarrel is Kevin’s most positive male role model. Because, honestly, in the short time that they knew each other, Kwarrel did more for Kevin than any other adult figure he ever met. 

When Kevin first met Kwarrel he was newly trapped in the Null Void and newly sentenced to the prison Incarcecon. He was physically deformed by the Omnitrix and -as far as Kevin knew- permanently disfigured. Understandably, Kevin was angry, resentful, even hateful. One of the first scenes in the flashback that introduces Kwarrel is one of Kevin beating the crap out of other inmates and then asking for more. 

Seeing through Kevin’s rage and hostility, Kwarrel approaches him and strikes up a friendship. Through their friendship Kwarrel helps Kevin, not only, let go of his anger, but also helps him learn how to better control and use his powers. 

In the entire franchise, Kwarrel is the ONLY adult who works with Kevin constructively to develop and control his powers. 

We also see that Kwarrel is the one who taught Kevin to absorb matter so that he wouldn’t have to rely on absorbing energy and rest madness, or disfiguring mutation, or both. 

Sadly, Kwarrel was only with Kevin for less than a year before he was shot in the back and killed. 

All of this can be seen in “...Nor Iron Bars a Cage” in the Ultimate Alien arc of the series. I highly recommend you go and give it a rewatch. It is one of my favorite episodes. 

After Kwarrel dies helping Kevin escape from Incarsecon, he ends up running headlong into the path of our next terrible father-figure, and -quite possibly- the most toxic of all...

3.

Proctor Servantis

A power-mad Plumber with much too much influence and privilege compared to moral fiber. 

I could write chapters on this guy. But for this post, I’ll try to be brief.

When Kevin first meeds servants, he’s a ordinary human that’s employed by the Plumbers and stationed on the Null Void. He rescues Kevin from a pack of Vulpimancers that attacked him when he was wandering the Null Void an unknown amount of time after escaping Incarsecon (it could not have been that long since Kevin looks to still be between the ages and 11 and 12). 

Saving Kevin’s life was great and all. I would not like the Ben 10 franchise nearly as much as I do if Kevin stopped being a character after the age of 12. 

But almost immediately after meeting Kevin, Servants started manipulating him and using him. First just using his powers to conduct inhuman experiments on other children and aliens. Using Kevin’s Osmosian powers to graft alien DNA onto the genes of otherwise perfectly ordinary human children. 

That quickly escalated into sending Kevin and the other children on black ops missions that would have been dangerous even for adults. He basically turned Kevin into a child-soldier and used him to make other child-soldiers. 

Then, when Kevin and his team failed in one mission (the mission to kill Ben) Servants threw a juvenile tantrum and used the powers that Kevin gave him to wipe everyone’s memories and then ABANDON them to wander the Null Void alone. 

Oh, but wait, not only did Servants wipe Kevin’s memory and abandon him to the equivalent of a Turkish prison/space Australia, but Servants ALSO created false memories to replace Kevin’s real one. There by erasing part of his past and part of his identity in the process. 

And that leads me into our next weak and inconsistent father-figure...

4.

Devin Levin

Our super-sexy space daddy that I just wanna... uh... 

Anyway...

If you only ever watched Ben 10 up to the end of Ultimate Alien and nothing past it, then you would know Devin as a pure-blood Osmosian from planet Osmos V, whom married a human woman, Mrs. Levin, and had Kevin. And, from all appearances, did manage to live and be present in Kevin’s life for some time.

At least, there is a photo of Kevin with Devin in Kevin’s house. Its always hard to tell cartoon ages since they’re cartoons, but Kevin looks to be about 4 or 5 years old. That’s old enough to have vague memories of his father. 

From the ONE and ONLY flashback we get of Devin, he appears to deeply love his son and wife and is not only willing to die for them, but in fact DOES die for them. He dies protecting Earth from total planetary destruction, and as Devin dies in Max’s arms his last words are to tell his wife and son that he loves them. 

That sounds like a really great father-figure, right?

Except that he died when Kevin was 4. So, its not like he was ever actually present or active in Kevin’s life. 

But worse than that, if you DO watch beyond Ultimate Alien and into Omniverse you will see that they ret-con Devin. They ret-con him OUT!  Now, Devin never existed in the first place. Instead, he was a false memory constructed by Proctor Servants and implanted into the minds of Kevin Levin and Max Tennyson. In Kevin, so that the Osmosian would have a motivation to become a Plumber, team up with Ben and Gwen, and become a sleeper agent poised to spring when Servants reappeared. And, in Max’s mind so that Max would accept Kevin on the team without question and look out for him.

So, not only did Devin die, not only did Devin not exist, but Devin was just some little flourish to further nefarious schemes, a conspiracy, and an assignation plot. 

So... fuck Kevin. Am I right?

But I’m not done. I saved the best for last. Are you ready for number five?

5.

Max Tennyson

That’s right, Max mother-fucking Tennyson! 

Now, before you all get angry and rage replay that I’m just a hater who hates Team Ben, please remember the Original Series. Please remember Max’s backstory. Please remember how they develop Max’s character of the course of the franchise, all the way from the OS, through AF/UA, to the end of Omniverse. 

Max raised two children of his own. He is helping raise three grandchildren. He has LOTS of experience with children. 

Max is a Plumber. He’s a space cop. An alien police. He has lots of experience with people with extraordinary and super-human powers. He knows how to deal with them, how to de-escalate situations with them, how to keep them from using their powers to hurt others. (Or at least, one would assume he knows these things since that’s a Plumber’s fucking job!)

So, what does Max do the first time they meet?

Abandons him! That’s what!

At the end of the episode “Kevin 11″ the first episode where we ever meet Kevin, the fight between Ben and Kevin doesn’t “conclude” so much as it just ENDS. There’s an explosion and -at first- Kevin is buried under a bit of rubble, which gives Ben the opportunity to return to Max’s side. But Kevin craws out pretty quickly after that. He’s conscious and ambulatory. Ben, Gwen, and Max SEE him. He’s just on the other side of the train tracks. Its not like its impossible for anyone to get to him. So, what does Max do?

He takes his own children and WALKS THE FUCK AWAY! He -literally- turns his back on Kevin the first time they met. 

At this point in the franchise, Kevin is a homeless, rejected, unloved child with special needs, that no one in his life has ever tried to understand. 

Max is a grown adult who has experience with both children and people with extraordinary powers. He is the best equipped person (possibly in the world) to be a care-giver to Kevin. But Kevin’s not his, so why the fuck bother!? Right?

Even when Kevin keeps showing up. 

In “Framed” when Kevin is stalking Ben, posing as Ben, and committing crimes to frame Ben (which is, by the way, a cry for help), Max has another opportunity to help Kevin. And he wouldn’t even have to take care of the kid himself. 

In “Framed” there was this other group tracking Kevin. Some kind of SWAT team that specialized in extraordinary cases. All Max had to do was tell those guy that “hey, this monster here is really just a disfigured child, you should take care of him” and then be on his way. But Max didn't even do that! 

Just mentioning to that group which was clearly well funded, well equipped, and well trained, that this one monster they were trying to subdue was an unbalanced child who needed help would have been doing the BARE MINIMUM to help Kevin. Literally, the absolute minimum. 

But Max wouldn’t do even that! 

In fact, Max didn’t begin to give a rat’s ass about Kevin Levin until Proctor Servants had to alter his fucking brain! and give him fake memories of a partner who never existed. 

Even then, Max STILL agreed with Ben when Ben decided it was better to kill Kevin than rehabilitate him during the Ultimate Kevin arc. 

In short, 

ALL OF KEVIN’S FATHER-FIGURES/MALE ROLE MODELS ARE TERRIBLE!

Its actually amazing he managed to become as well adjusted, helpful, constructive and GOOD, a person as he has. 

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

@ninakask You sent it as a Tumblr message instead of an ask, so I can’t reply to it publicly, but here you go all the same! 

Request was Sterek + Nail Polish (technically two words, but I’ll let that pass :P) 

Nail polish.

Derek had no idea how he’d allowed Stiles to talk him into this, but he should’ve known better than to doubt his ability to convince him to do basically anything. It was like a gift.

That, or a spell. Really, Derek wasn’t sure. It could’ve been a spell. Maybe Stiles was magic. Or maybe Derek was one of those sleeper agents who was activated by a code-word and Stiles knew the code-word and it somehow got him to do anything he wanted him to do.

Who knew? Not Derek, that was for sure.

“This is nice. Isn’t this nice?” Stiles turned to grin at him.

Derek just slowly turned to look at him, Stiles beaming at him like ten thousand fucking suns, and then slowly faced forward again because no. No, this wasn’t nice. This was ridiculous. And embarrassing. And a waste of money, actually.

How had Stiles talked him into this again?

Right. In the guise of “we need to relax, Derek!”

After the most recent big bad, Stiles had adamantly insisted that he and Derek needed to go relax, and apparently relaxing in Stiles’ book was booking a spa day. They were literally the only men in the entire damn place, and way too many women had been checking him out on his way from one room to another.

It made him uncomfortable. No one should be looking at him in that way except for Stiles. Who had been looking at him in that way, but that was hardly the point. The point was, other people had been looking at him in that way, and it made him uncomfortable.

But, Stiles was happy, and that was the important thing. They’d gone off to do all the usual spa things, none of which Derek understood. At one point they were in a mud bath.

A literal mud bath.

He’d turned to Stiles while they were lying side by side and had said, “If you wanted me to cover you in mud, I could’ve just thrown you into the dirt back at the Preserve.”

Stiles had just beamed at him and settled back comfortably.

Derek was positive there were places this mud was going that he was never going to be able to clean.

The massage had been—all right. Not great, not appreciated because he wasn’t fond of other people touching him when he didn’t know them, but it had been all right. Tolerable. Some muscles had loosened up, he supposed.

And his skin felt weirdly smooth. He didn’t know that he liked that, because Stiles always commented on how much he loved his rough beard so he assumed Stiles liked his rough skin. But well, something to worry about later. And it wasn’t like their lives weren’t going to bring forth more situations where Derek’s skin would harden up again.

He wouldn’t stay baby smooth forever, thank God.

They were now in the last phase before ‘release.’

‘Freedom,’ more like.

This was probably the most embarrassing by far, though, because they were currently sitting in comfy, plush leather seats, and they each had a woman across from them filing their nails.

Derek had vehemently argued the manicure, because it was ridiculous and pointless for him since he was a fucking Werewolf, and claws just grew at the flick of his wrist, but no. It was part of the package, and Stiles insisted they had to finish it off with the manicure.

So, here Derek was, sitting in the plush leather chair, watching some poor likely underpaid woman file his nails.

Manicures were ridiculous. Why pay someone to cut your nails when you could do that yourself? Derek had nail clippers, he cut his own damn nails when he deemed it necessary. He saw no point in having someone else do this for him when he was perfectly capable of doing it himself.

Thankfully, they were almost done. Almost done with this ridiculous day, and while he was glad Stiles looked so happy, he also was never doing this again. He was going to find that code-word Stiles used on him and he was going to ensure that he stopped it from escaping his boyfriend’s mouth the second it sounded like he was trying to talk him into something unpleasant.

The woman across from him had just put his hand down in the basin, and he was positive she was done, but she pulled out a small bottle of clear nail polish and Derek instantly retreated his hands when she reached for his left one, getting water on his bathrobe.

Yes, he was in a fucking bathrobe.

“I don’t need that,” he informed her.

“It’s nail strengthener,” she explained calmly, having already dealt with his sour expressions and clipped tone for the past few minutes.

“I don’t need that,” he said again.

“Scared of a little nail polish?” Stiles teased from beside him.

Derek turned to glare at him and saw that he already had one hand part of the way done, not a care in the world that the polish was being applied.

“My nails are fine,” he said curtly. Which was true, because his nails turned into claws and he could disembowel Stiles with ease if he wanted to.

Which he didn’t normally, but it was tempting right now with the smirk on his boyfriend’s face.

“Come on, Derek. It’s part of the experience. Don’t be such a sourwolf.”

“Stop calling me that,” Derek replied grumpily. “And no.”

“Come on, Derek.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

Stiles sighed and held up his index finger of his free hand. The woman across from him pulled back and Stiles leaned over closer, lips brushing Derek’s ear when he spoke and voice lowering. Stiles knew Derek could hear him without being this close, so he was obviously just trying to get a rise out of him.

It was working, the fucking asshole.

“It’s part of the experience, Derek,” Stiles breathed hotly against his ear. “If you behave, and stop being such a downer, I’ll blow you on our way home. Might even get you to lose control of the car, I’ll suck you so good.”

Derek’s expression didn’t change, but he felt himself stirring downstairs.

Stiles did not like giving blowjobs. It was something Derek had learned early on in their relationship. He loved sex, and he loved receiving blowjobs, but he did not like giving them. Stiles reserved offering blowjobs for special occasions. Like birthdays, and holidays, and holy-shit-you-almost-died days.

Derek turned to Stiles when his boyfriend pulled away. Stiles wasn’t looking at him, but he had a smarmy little smirk on his face when he put his hands back down for the woman across from him to continue with the coat of polish.

He wasn’t going to let Stiles win. Not like this. It was too easy. He would know he could manipulate him! Derek was not going to put fucking nail polish on, no matter what Stiles said!

Derek slammed one hand down on the table, making the lady across from him jump.

“Just put the damn polish on.”

Fucking Stiles. He was going to be the death of him.

END.