#it's like vomiting. i need the poison out of me. i don't want to guilt trip you‚ i don't want you to feel worse. but my body does.

[derealizes]

wow you really don't care do you? you're so fucking selfish. i'm doing everything i fucking can to keep it together and i'm failing but look at you, relaxing and being happy and taking all those slivers of joys for yourself. it's like you dont even fucking care about me isn't it. you wont comfort me right because you don't love me enough do you? I'm just convenient for you . your stupid fucking pack mule your slave your permanent c*ret*ker just so you can tell me to take my baggage somewhere else huh. well i loved you. i still love you . don't you care??? how can you be so fucking heartless while looking so cute? or do you. i love you. now love me back. care. care about me. fucking give a shit. for once. love me. love me. love me.

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Rehabilitation

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reade

WORD COUNT | 3.1K

SUMMARY | When the mission doesn't go according to plan, you can't help but feel like it's your fault. You start drinking the pain and guilt away, not able to deal with it. When you almost get into an accident, Bucky can't take it anymore and states an intervention to get you the help you desperately need.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Angst, traumatic events during a mission, dissociation, mention of panic attacks, heavy drinking, alcohol poisoning [collapsing, unconsciousness, heavy vomiting, seizures ], attempted suicide, rehab, swearing.

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

The mission started like most of the others, nothing out of the ordinary. You were supposed to evacuate innocent people out of the building before it would be too late, but you couldn't get to them all, the building collapsed before you could get everyone out. The worst of all is that you saw how a small girl got crushed by the huge pieces of rubble falling on her, you were completely helpless at that moment. ''NO, WATCH OUT!'' is all you could get out before it was too late and you got pulled back when you started to run in the child's direction. ''It isn't safe, doll, go back to the jet!'' Bucky ordered, but you didn't listen, you wanted to save everyone, even if it meant that you might lose your own life.

''Bucky's right, Y/N. It isn't safe, so come back now. That's an order.'' Steve said in your earpiece, and when you heard it, you collapsed on the ground, you couldn't move and started sobbing uncontrollably. ''N-no,'' is all you could croak out in between sobs, and Bucky picked you up by sliding one hand underneath your knees, and wrapping the other around your waist. ''It's okay, I got you now, you're safe now,'' he whispered in your ear, giving you a small kiss on your temple to calm you down. Instinctively you wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face in his neck and letting the tears go, although the sobs are getting a little softer and further apart. ''I've got you, doll, you're okay, I'm with you,'' he said when he walked into the jet.

He wanted to set you down on one of the chairs, but you only gripped onto him tighter, you couldn't let go of him yet, everything that happened is finally catching up with you, and you're reliving it all over again. When you went completely quiet, Bucky thought you'd fallen asleep at first, but when he wiped the hair out of your face to kiss you on the forehead, he saw your eyes were open and fixated on nothing. You weren't seeing anything, your brain went completely numb and just shut off. The pain, the guilt of it all was too much for you to bear, and it was catching up with you now. ''Doll...?'' Bucky asked, but he didn't get a response. ''Y/N? Please come back to me, you're okay now,'' he tried, again without a response.

''Guys, she's not doing okay, she's not reacting to anything. She's just staring ahead,'' he said and Steve immediately got worried, he's seen it countless times before during the war and he had hoped to never see it again. ''Do you think it might be shell shock?'' Steve asked Bucky, but he couldn't be sure. ''I don't know, to be honest, she's just completely zoned out, but whenever I try to put her down, she grips on tighter,'' he said and demonstrated. He got up and tried to put you down on a chair again, but you shut your eyes hard and only gripped him tighter around his neck, not being able to be alone right now. ''Christ, it took a toll on her...'' Steve whispered to himself.

When the team gets back to the Compound, Tony immediately calls for a psychological evaluation, which will be done immediately, he can't have one of his best agents out of it like this. ''Doll, they're going to take you for now, and they're going to see what is going on. Everyone is worried about you, but you're going to be okay. I love you,'' he whispered in your ear, and even though you heard what he said, it never fully registered with you. It was like your head was full of cotton balls, you can't think and it doesn't even feel like you're in your own body anymore. Life just goes on in front of you, but it doesn't register for you. All you know is that you're in the arms of the one you love, and you never want him to let go.

''I have to put you down, doll,'' Bucky said softly, but when he tried you again held on tighter, you didn't want to leave the safety en comfort of his grip on you. He was getting pretty sore due to holding you into this position for several hours now, but he didn't care, he didn't even acknowledge it. You needed help, and all he could do is be there for you in whichever way that may be. ''It's okay, you can stay with her for now, but if this last too long we do need to help her by medicating her, although that is never our priority,'' the doctor told him, and he was relieved and worried at the same time. After a lot of tests and questions - all of them answered by Bucky - they have a diagnosis for both of you. ''She's currently going through the process of dissociation,'' they said. Everything after that was lost in the air since neither you nor Bucky listened to it.

~ 2 months later ~

You're sitting in a bar that is close to the compound, nursing your drink, you don't even know how many you've had at this point, but you honestly couldn't care less. Not when the guilt is still trying to tug at your heartstrings, and it is doing a damn good job of it. The panic attacks that come over you every night are getting worse each time, so you turned to drinking, trying to drink the pain away. In the beginning, it was very easy to forget after a few drinks, but the more time went by the harder it was. The pain, guilt, and stress combined with the panic attacks and recurring nightmares were harder to push away, resulting in you drinking more and more every single time. But that can only go well for so long, tonight you reached your breaking point.

You were walking back to the Compound, which wasn't easy seeing how you could barely stand on your feet, let alone take a step. Somehow you manage to do it and open the door, but it won't budge. ''The fuck!'' is all you can slur out and try again, ''Need in,'' you say to the door, but it won't budge even for a second. You try once more but your body can't take it anymore, and you temporarily slip out of consciousness, collapsing onto the ground in front of the door. JARVIS immediately warns both Bucky and Tony that you're collapsed on the pavement, currently unconscious. ''Sergeant Barnes, Mr. Stark, it appears Agent Y/L/N is unconscious outside of the front door,'' he said and before he could finish his sentence, they both practically barged down every door they encountered on their way.

''Fucking hell, doll, what did you do to yourself?!'' Bucky said as he saw you lying there. You had gotten back into consciousness again, but as soon as you did you started vomiting uncontrollably. Bucky held the hair out of your face when you started hurling, and everything you ate and drank today came out in an unrecognizable sludge on the pavement. ''It's okay doll, get it out of your system,'' Bucky said, but he couldn't look at you without starting to gag himself. Tony had called up to the medbay in the meantime and there were 2 nurses and a doctor on their way with a gurney, so they could treat you right away. They arrived soon after and you had stopped vomiting by now, sometimes just retching. They lift you onto the gurney and soon after you started seizing. ''What's going on with her?!'' Bucky asked worried but didn't get an answer as they were trying to get it under control.

They pushed some medicine and you started to calm down, but you weren't conscious at this point. ''We assume she is suffering from alcohol poisoning. That may be what caused the collapse, vomiting, and seizing right now,'' the doctor explained slowly. Bucky had noticed you started drinking more than usual, but he wasn't aware it had gotten this bad. ''We're going to keep an eye on her for now, but I don't know how she will come out of this, the consequences can be really bad, and I need you to prepare for that,'' the doctor said before letting the nurses move you to the room you'll be staying at overnight. ''I don't know how long I can keep doing this,'' Bucky said to no one in particular, but Tony answered him regardless. ''She needs help, she does, but we both know she won't get it herself,'' and they both knew he was right.

You are as stubborn as a person can be, but it has gone on for far too long now. Last night, you hit your breaking point and today you feel like absolute shit. ''Hey doll, how are you feeling?'' Bucky says as he pushes a few loose strands of hair behind your ear. Even though you're happy to see him, it doesn't change the way you feel, the guilt is just as bad as yesterday, the day before, and all the days before that. ''Like shit, Buck. I feel like absolute shit,'' you say with a snarky tone and your head starts throbbing, the hangover hitting you in full force. You wish you could drink the pain away, go out and buy a few bottles to get you through the week, but you can't. Not when you're locked in this room. ''I know doll, I'm sorry you feel that way,'' giving you a small smile of reassurance.

You're allowed to go home the next day, but you don't want to. Going home means facing everything all over again, the nightmares, panic attacks, everything that is going to make your life unbearable again. ''I don't want to go home, Bucky,'' you say in such a soft voice you're certain he didn't hear it, but he did. ''Why not, doll? Being home is much nicer than being here, and if you want to, I can stay with you,'' he offers and you nod softly, but you had made another plan in your head. 'I might as well walk into traffic, no one is going to miss me now' you think to yourself, and there is nothing that will keep you from doing it. When you walk out of the building and you're waiting at a traffic light with Bucky, you suddenly rush forward when the cars come rushing by. You're waiting for it all to end, but that never comes.

''Jesus Y/N, what the fuck do you think you're doing?!'' Bucky yells when he ran after you and quickly grabbed you out of the way, right before being hit by a passing bus. ''You were going to get yourself killed!'' and he sounded mad, which in all honesty, he truly was. He didn't want to see you kill yourself, he didn't want to lose you. ''Maybe that was the point,'' you mutter under your breath. ''The point? Please tell me you're fucking kidding me? Humor me, doll, why the fuck would you ever do that to yourself?'' he sneered at you, and you got tears in your eyes, he has never raised your voice at you, let alone talk like this. ''I can't do this anymore, Bucky. It's not worth living if my life has to be one huge shitshow!'' you yell back at him, and you sink on your knees, sobbing uncontrollably with your face in your hands. Bucky sits down on his knees next to you.

''I don't think that is true at all, doll. I understand that it is really hard what you're going through, and I can tell you that the guilt will always be there, but this isn't the way to go about it. You need professional help doll, that's the only way this will get better,'' he said. ''Can you please look at me?'' he asked, but you were still crying, not wanting to face him. ''Doll, please. I need you to look at me. I know you're not going to like what I have to say, but I need you to hear it,'' he said with a certain sternness in his voice. You look up with tear-filled eyes and Bucky's heart shatters right then and there, the desperation dripping off of you. ''I think it is best if you go to rehab. This isn't healthy for you, you're killing yourself, and I can't lose you. Please, you need help, so let me help you by getting you into rehab,'' he said.

~ 1 week later ~

You're standing in front of the door, not ready to enter quite yet. All of the Avengers are there to say goodbye, but only one of them is allowed to go in with you. Everyone agreed it had to be Bucky since the two of you are the closest out of all of them combined. Most of them gave you a big hug, and there were some tears shed here and there, but when it was time to say goodbye to Steve, you almost broke right then and there. You adored him, and it did hurt you to leave him behind, but it would be ten times worse to have to let go of Bucky. ''You're gonna do great in there, I know you will. And we will have our daily dose of sunshine back before we know it. I'm so proud of you doing this, Sunshine,'' he said, your head pressed against his chest when you let out small, quiet sobs. ''Gonna miss you, Steve,'' you say softly and he squeezes just a little harder, and kisses you on the top of your head.

When it's finally time to go in, you grab your suitcase and Bucky picks up your duffle bag, holding the door open for you. ''I love you, guys. I'll see you in 12 weeks,'' you said, the sadness still visible on your face and in your voice. You turned around, leaving them behind. Bucky put his hand around your waist to ground you a little bit, and it worked. You were still scared out of your mind, but you also knew you couldn't keep going like this. '''M gonna miss them,'' you say to Bucky, and a small smile creeps onto his face. ''We're gonna miss you too, doll. As Steve said, we can't wait to have our sunshine back after this,'' and he placed a kiss on your temple when you arrive at the check-in desk.

''Good morning, my name is Y/N Y/L/N, I'm supposed to check in for my rehab treatment today,'' you say with a shaking voice, the fear creeping into it. Bucky hears it and holds onto you just a little tighter. ''Ah, welcome! I have a few forms for you to fill in, and when that's done we will show you to your room. You also need to do a mandatory drug- and alcohol test before we'll officially welcome you in our program,'' the young woman said with a cheery voice, a bit too cheery for your liking. The forms you had to fill in were mostly about why you're here, medical information, and personal information and they were filled in in no time. ''Thank you, I will show you to your room. Did you want to come, too?'' she asked Bucky and he gladly accepted, wanting to spend every last second he could with you. ''Yes, please,'' he said and you grabbed his hand, lacing your fingers in his.

''This is where you will be staying for the next twelve weeks. There are some ground rules which are on the door, and tomorrow you will start your official treatment, so you can get used to everything for today,'' she said before taking both the alcohol and drug test. ''Thank you,'' you said when she was done, and you sat down on your bed next to Bucky. With a deep sigh, you lean your head against his shoulder, and he wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer. ''I'm so proud of you, doll. I'm proud of you for doing this, I know it will be a tough road, but I am allowed to come to visit you in 6 weeks when you're halfway through the treatment. How does that sound?'' he asked. ''Like it's way too long for you to be gone,'' you say with a chuckle, sitting upright.

You and Bucky talk for a little bit longer before he has to go, and he gives you a big hug, tears streaming down both your faces, you're letting out small sobs at the thought of him leaving here without you. ''I'll call you as soon as I can, okay?'' you told him, and he nodded. ''I know, doll, I'm so proud of you right now, and I'm already counting down the days before I can hold you in my arms again,'' placing a kiss on your forehead before getting one last good look at your face. He places his hands on your cheeks and rubs your cheek with this thumb, looking into your eyes. ''I love you doll,'' he said and he leaned down to place a soft kiss on your lips, making you melt into his touch. He pulls back and can see the love all over your face, he's going to remember this moment forever. ''I love you too, Buck,'' you say before one last hug, opening the door for him.

He walks through it and at the end of the hallway, he turns around and waves to you again, you blow him a kiss and he does the same. ''I love you!'' you say loud to him, ''I love you too, doll!'' he says before turning around and leaving the rehab center. Everyone is still waiting outside for him, they couldn't leave without him. ''She's gonna be okay when she comes back, she's stronger than she thinks,'' Bucky said to the rest of them, and they turned around. You walked to the window to enjoy the view and when you saw everyone, you knocked loudly on the window, and they all turned around. You waved at all of them, having a big smile on your face. They wave back and you sent Bucky one more kiss before they turn around again. ''I can't wait to have our sunshine back,'' he said, with a lovesick grin on his face. ''Neither can we, Buck, neither can we,''.

[shy-urban-hobbit]

The first thing that Aiden was aware of was that he was no longer lying on the hard ground (although the matress he was currently on wasn't much of an upgrade). The second thing was that he was alone if the lack of any additional heartbeats was an indication. He took a moment to catalogue the various aches and pains whilst wishing painful and embarassing venereal diseases on any and all Mages.

It wasn't bad enough that they'd walked straight into a trap (although to be fair this one was using children as bait, what else could they do?). Oh no, he'd decided to do the whole 'one of you drink from the mystery chalice and I'll let the other one go' thing, not even trying to disguise its contents. Aiden hadn't thought twice about knocking it back before the Mage had even finished monologuing, shooting a smirk at Lambert before collapsing to the ground in pain as his guts tried to claw their way out of his body.

Speaking of, the door opening accompanied by Lambert's unique scent informed him that his fellow Witcher had returned. Aiden started counting down from five in his head, knowing that his heart rate would give away the fact that he was awake, even if he wanted to avoid opening his eyes for a little longer. He got to three before he felt a fist clench in the front of his shirt, pulling him upwards and into a solid chest.

"You fucking twat!"

Aiden winced, "Indoor voice please, Love." He said hoarsly, burying his nose in Lambert's collar bone, "Loud noise bad right now."

Lambert adjusted his hold so he was now cradling Aiden against his chest, "You stupid fucking Cat." He whispered, "What were you thinking?"

"That I'd rather chug poison than carry on listening to that arsehole."

"I'm serious, Aiden." Lambert tightened his hold, "I had to watch you basically commit suicide and fucking smile about it?!" His voice was getting louder again, but he was too angry to care, "You absolute prick! I had to watch you writhing on the floor in agony whilst I tried to force an antidote into you which I wasn't even sure would work, and then I had to practically sprint back to the inn with you, praying the entire fucking time that I wouldn't have to listen to your heart stop. I was...you..."

Aiden felt guilt start to gnaw at him. Lambert didn't need to say any more for Aiden to know he'd scared him, and scared him badly.

"I'm sorry Lam." He reached up to run fingers through his Wolf's hair, purring low in his chest in an attempt to both comfort and self soothe. Lambert allowed the gesture withought complaint.

"I know this doesn't make it right but, for what it's worth, I was never going to die."

Lambert snorted, "Don't talk shit. We could both smell what was in it. That stuff's fatal when combined with mutagens."

"When combined with wolf mutagens."

"The fuck are you talking about?"

"The initial reaction is the same but, for Cat Witchers," Aiden shrugged, "After that wears off. For us, it just feels like a really bad White Gull hangover. On that note."

Aiden pulled back and proceeded to puke on the floor, luckily avoiding Lambert's boot.

"You deserve that." Lambert said dryly, wiping Aiden's mouth with his sleeve.

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"For not telling me that sooner, scaring me half to death or puking on the floor of the room we're sharing?"

"All three. I swear I would've told you about the poison thing if I'd had the chance. Only there wasn't a lot of time between downing it and, you know..."

Lambert couldn't smell any trace of a lie through the guilt and misery.

"As soon as you're well you're giving me a fucking crash course in Cat mutagens." He said, moving to lie on the bed and pulling Aiden on top of him., "You're also cleaning that by the way." He gestured with his head to the puddle of vomit.

"Be nice to me, I'm sick!"

[momentsofamber]

Under a read more because I don't want to accidentally trigger anyone or anything but cw for talk of accidental and in no way fore-planned animal poisoning. If this topic is upsetting to you, please do not click the read more out of guilt or any moral obligation, we will be okay! I just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere. Please keep yourselves safe and with the knowledge that as of me typing this up the animal is still acting like his normal healthy self and has been looked over by someone with some vet training.

This is about our 3 year old cat, we'll call him Kol. ( I don't want to use his real name because my main blog has his name on it and that blog unfortunately has stalkers who could potentially find this blog and harass me if they connected the two because they have a history of finding new ways to harass me even when I turn anon off or hide my blogs. )

My partner has several plants in the house, gardening is a SpIn for him. In the fall he took any plants that had a chance of coming back in the next spring inside in pots and put them on his window sill. Up until today Kol has shown no interest in trying to get at his Dad's plants.

This morning around 6:30AM shortly before my partner woke up Kol climbed up on the windowsill and took a chomp out of a plant we believe to be an orange Day-lily. ( Originally we thought it was a Tiger Lily; we do not know for certain because it was one my partner transplanted into a pot from the side of our apartment complex towards the end of this past spring. But from googling the leaves they appear to be Day-lily leaves which look more like giant grass strands. )

Presumably Kol thought it was cat grass, because he loves grass ( he was a stray we took in and will still excitedly eat grass when taken outside on his leash ), and because his Dad does grow cat grass in the exact same pots downstairs in our kitchen. ( He has never been fed a pot of cat grass anywhere in the home except in the kitchen next to his dry food source. )

We are both more than aware that lilies are highly toxic to cats. I woke up a little after 8AM to my partner already trying to find ways to induce vomiting because we can't afford a huge vet bill. This was a no-go so we started making phone calls instead.

We called animal poison control. They took money from me for a phone consult, and then they advised us to take him to his vet. We called his vet, they said he'd need 48 hour care and supervision and they do not provide care past 6PM, so we should call a vet ER.

We do not have the funds to take him to ER (if you google it, lily poisoning treatment is upwards of 1K), we called animal poison control back, they basically said 'well call your vet and have them call us and we'll explain your situation', my partner called the vet back and the lady said the same thing, 'we can't treat the cat here, so I can't speak with that person, you need to take him to the ER.'

So now not only did I waste a payment of limited funds I already didn't have on calling poison control for advice I couldn't follow, we have no answers as to whether or not our cat is poisoned because he's not behaving strangely. He's still eating and drinking, interacting normally, he's not hiding from us. In fact he just keeps looking at us in confusion because of how panicked we are about him.

We did get a family friend with basic vet training to look at him. ( Not a licensed vet, but she took classes back in Poland before coming here on visa and becoming an RNA. She knows enough that she could be a vet assistant. ) She seemed to think he would be find as long as he made it past 12 hours without showing any severe symptoms because he was completely interactive with her, he responded promptly to her tests of his response time, he's still walking and jumping normally, and she felt around his stomach.

So right now it's just a waiting game. I've got delta wave music playing out my speakers because Kol LOVES delta wave and binaural music just as much as I do to help relax, and he's napping on my bed like he usually does during the day.

I'm just so scared. If anything happens to Kol, my partner is never going to forgive himself for keeping a lily in the house with a cat. And the whole reason he kept this plant was because I said Tiger Lilies are my favorite flower ...

My partner has already trashed the plant in frustration ( since I had already taken pics of it for poison control ) and removed all of the rest of his plants from his room altogether where Kol cannot reach them. If we lose our cat I'm afraid he'll never garden again.

Please, please, please, let our son be okay ... we cannot lose this cat ...

[itspvg]

I sometimes dunno how to put this into words that makes sense or doesn't sound selfish. But living alone, while I need this space. I need to know there's no one about to invade my area. A place in which my space is in my control. No interuptions I don't want. But it means I have to come to terms with being lonely. And while there's a wonderfully pure and comforting feeling in that like I have mentioned earlier. It's a two slided sword.

It means I don't have the comfort of knowing that there's someone sort of expected voice or noise close to me that is natural to the enviroment. Or is there for me to seek out without aprehension when the stillness of the air and the deafing silence becomes too much. When the reality of being truly alone sets in. And that's hard. It's harder than I could ever imagine.

It's not to say there's not solutions to this loneliness. There are friends that I find solace in and their presence brings comfort. But friends as much as I adore them (love them to pieces) and as much happiness they bring, can't always been there. This is not their faults. Far from it. We as humans all lead life's that demand off us more than we can seldom afford to offer others, never mind ourselfs. And nor do I wish to demand such.

It's the part I always worry about talking so openly about my loneliness. There's a guilt that builds in me. That courses through my every thought and feeling. I never wish to put this weight on others. Never to make them feel as if my needs are more important than the realities of what they face day to day or most importantly their own needs. Needs that are valid and I would always encourage for them to pursue. Be it personal or professional.

But as I said before. To even remotely suggest I am lonely makes me feel selfish. Makes me feel awful to say to folks. It makes me worry that saying this makes me a bad person, a selfish person. A person that only considers his own needs and be damned what ever anyone else needs. The reality of saying it would make someone feel as if they had done wrong by not affording me their time or space. That guilt makes me want to vomit. It's a poison than flows through me. The fears of creating resentment for me then festers and suddenly what can I do? All I can do is weap. Weap and hope that the things my brain tells me are not true and that the fear is not reality.

In a way I used to find solace in streaming to do that. To bridge the gaps of destitution in isolation. But at this time, I can't even bare the idea of being on a camera or a microphone alone to an audience. The mere thought terrorifies me for some reason. For years I would be able to sit there and just throw my self into the ether, hoping that the voices coming back would lend me some sort of strength in their presence. But my will power has been robbed of that as of late. I feel no strength in me to will myself into the screen. To find the voice. To search for strength in an ever growing shadow of loneliness that doesn't seem to let up.

So weeks I have been sitting here. Through a period of time were the loneliness grips and takes hold harder than normal and what can I do? My secret weapon, no longer a tool to evade these thoughts. My strength gone. So when the loneliness takes hold, starts to deafen me with silence. I find myself weaping. Hoping for the feeling to pass. Knowing that I can't do anything about it. If/when I openingly say something. I run a risk. I openly invite people to validate their resentment toward me. Even if this isn't the case. My brain won't make it easy for me to invalidate that. It's poisoned.

As I go to hit "post now". I know that I do exactly what my brain is warning me about. I am being selfish. I am exposing people to my toxicity. I am inviting condemnation for my poor behaviour. I don't invite the tears though. They arrived weeks ago and have been a guest since...

[coonhoundcat]

A Fuller Picture | Villain x Hero Snippet

"You're vile-" Hero stepped forward, disgust oozing from their eyes, their mouth, dripping from their very stance. "-just the worst kind of scum. I'm locking you in a cage- this time forever. Like the sick, blood-thirsty animal you are-"

Villain snapped. They lifted the gun. Every rule had already been broken-- let the reporters watch this too. They pulled the trigger.

---

3, 2, 1.....

And.... Hero jolted awake, immediately thrashing at their restraints before collapsing back with a cry of pain. They were bandaged well enough, but they'd be out of the game for a while.

Villain watched politely as Hero gasped on the medical bed, hands clenching and unclenching again at the sheets. They couldn't help the bitter smirk, when those wild eyes finally settled on their bedside guest.

"You... you actually shot me?"

Villain raised an eyebrow, "I'm wracked with guilt."

"You fucking monster."

"And that, actually, is why you're here."

Villain leant over, fussing pointlessly with the sheets. "Dear," it tasted like poison. Villain stood abruptly, beginning to pace. They tried again, "I don't care that you won't touch me," arms clasped tightly behind their back, "I don't care that you can't look at me without looking like you're going to vomit." They stopped by the carefully fluffed pillows- "I need-" Villain slammed a fist down beside Hero's head, "- you to acknowledge that I am a PERSON."

Villain could see Hero seething. They retreated a step, forcing out a frustrated sigh.

"OKAY, I get it. You don't care about the fights, the goddamn teasing- you're not interested anymore, and that's fine." They ran a hand through their hair, fingers still shaky and stiff.

"But THIS-" they gestured wildly, "-when did you decide I wasn't HUMAN? When did you decide to scream it to the fucking PRESS, to the WORLD?!"

Hero's glower was murderous. "A villain like you-"

"I have a name, not that you'd ever know it." Villain glared right back, soaking in the hatred bubbling between them. Their arms dropped to their sides. "... But that's not the point."

Villain's hands drifted to a large tome sitting on the bedside table. "I thought... Maybe I could show you, that I'm-" They lifted the book gingerly, carefully flipping through the first pages. They could feel the hero's eyes still on them, burning into their flesh, but a heavy discomfort was also creeping into the room, oozing into the silent spaces between them.

With a bite to their inner cheek, Villain settled beside Hero, propping up the old volume for them both to see. "I had to borrow these... I don't usually keep sentimental things. But if a few family photos are enough to prove some humanity..."

Hero looked unsettled, and positively ill. Villain didn't know if it was an improvement, but the pictures were already kicking up memories.

"That's me, on the left, just a child- Oh, look at me go! And this is when-"

Hero turned their head determinedly away, and Villain wanted to break their bloody neck. "Just LOOK."

"I don't need to see a SNAKE in with the mice." Hero snapped contemptuously, again meeting Villain's eyes. So angry. "You can put on whatever mask you want. You've never been anything more than a fucking hyena, and you'll NEVER be anything more.

"All of this-" Hero snarled at the photo album, "-is tainted with Sidekick's blood.

"Murderer." Hero's shoulders fell, exhaustion mixing with the venom in their face.

"Oh. Oh." Villain doubled over, high laughter ripping through their chest. They clutched desperately at the bed frame, shaking violently. How could one be so accurate, and yet-

Villain gasped, looking up with near tears in their eyes. "Is that what Superhero told you?"

[plan-d-to-i]

You might have answered this already but what do you think about JC staying quiet at the end of the novel?

Obviously it doesn’t change the fact that JC is still a little bitch haha, but when I first read the novel I remember being genuinely surprised that he didn’t open his mouth to try to “one-up” WWX on the sacrifice thing.

It kind of made me happy, but more for WWX who would never have to hear that and feel indebted to JC again.

I don't see how it would have mattered if he said anything. jc couldn't "one-up" WWX on the sacrifice. That's the point. WWX like one hundred upped him. jc just tried to distract some soldiers, got his ass caught, had to be rescued, got his core back right away, but still held everything against WWX forever, abandoned him when he needed support, led a siege against him, tried to kill him again for 13 years to make sure he would never come back, tried to banish him the moment he was back, used his knowledge of his greatest fear to torture him, was just another threat that LWJ had to protect him from, said the most poisonous shit back at Lotus Pier, almost struck him and LWJ w Zidian when they were leaving, and just word vomited some more poison now in the Guanyin temple. He would just look like a clown. All of jc's actions following that one moment canceled out any meaning it might have held. WWX already paid jc back for trying to distract the soldiers. He saved him from them. He had him treated. He gave him his core. He secure his revenge against the Wens who actually hurt his family. Then he tried to pay back the ppl jc owed a life debt to. And he died.

jc already tried to guilt WWX in the temple w the Two Prides thing and WWX was like: it's in the past little buddy. Stop trying to make Two Prides happen. It's not going to happen.

Like I think if jc thought there was a chance he could force WWX back it's possible he might have said something:

"Lan SiZhui finally snapped out of it. He gave Chenqing back to Wei WuXian with both hands again, “Senior Wei.”

Wei WuXian took the flute. Remembering that Jiang Cheng was the one who brought it, he turned over there and commented casually, “Thanks.” He waved Chenqing, “I’ll… be keeping this?”

Jiang Cheng glanced at him, “It was yours in the first place.”

After a moment of hesitation, his lips moved slightly, as though he wanted to say something else. However, Wei WuXian had already turned to Lan WangJi. Seeing this, Jiang Cheng remained silent." (110).

After that even jc is not thick enough to miss that WWX is done. And jc hasn't changed in any way that matters. His and WWX world views are still completely at odds. That's what ultimately made any lasting relationship between them impossible in the past, and certainly impossible in the present when WWX has found someone on his level who he shares all of that with.

[angellesword]

EUPHORIA | JJK

It’s Sunday. Jeongguk was supposed to be at the gym, serving looks. You were supposed to be at the church, serving the Lord. But you two were at the mall, looking for baby toys. You guessed this was your punishment for letting him stick his dick inside of you instead of just using an adult toy.

Alternatively:

“We share the same painful views. Won’t you please stay in my dreams.”

word count: 2.6k (one-shot) PART OF INTRO SERIES

pairing: husband!Jungkook x wife!reader

genre and content warnings: established relationship, angst, fluff, married au, (forced marriage) mention of premarital sex, pregnancy, abortion, Catholic guilt, death, and mental illness.

Sunday was church day.

This was what your whole family made you believe ever since you were young. They were firm believers of God. In fact, your first word wasn't like what most babies said.

Jesus. This was your first word and your mom wasn't even complaining. She loved to brag about it to other lectors and commentators. Your father, a lay minister, also took pride sharing the same story over and over again.

Frankly speaking, you were getting tired of it.

Don't get it twisted. You loved Jesus and you believed that he was your savior. You even sang worship songs at the church every Sunday. You were the head of the choir; every church goer knew you—well, not only church goers.

Literally everyone around you knew you.

You were also popular at school. People referred to you as the good girl who had it all.

You were pretty, smart, and your boyfriend was none other than Jeon Jeongguk.

The man you were dating was a jock. He made it clear that he didn't like studying, but he still wanted to go to a university and apply for scholarship. You had no doubt that he would get what he wanted.

Jeongguk was a star football player after all.

"Babe, what do you think of this?" You showed Jeongguk a stuffed animal. It was a rabbit.

"Cute," he grinned at you. Jeongguk wasn't sure what he found cute. Was it you or was it the stuffed toy?

You and Jeongguk were currently at the mall, buying toys for Haneul, your son who was turning one this month.

"We'll buy this next time.”

The smile Jeongguk was sporting turned into a scowl when you put the toy back to the shelf.

"Next time?" He furrowed his brow, reaching for the rabbit. "Why can't we buy it now?"

"Guk," you let out a sigh. He was feigning innocence but you knew better.

You knew you couldn't afford this kind of toy. Why did you even ask him to go here? It was obvious that you didn't belong here.

Years ago, you and Jeongguk had plans. He wanted to be a famous football player while you decided to major in Marketing; however, your dreams had been shattered when you found out that you were pregnant with his baby.

You didn't know what to do that time. You just graduated high school. Actually, you were supposed to take the college entrance exam at Seoul University.

The test didn't happen because you felt sick that day. You had been vomiting non-stop and everything smelt awful.

You still took a test, though. It wasn't the kind of test you were expecting. You woke up that day to chase you dream, but instead you ended up chasing your breath as you cried and cried and cried.

You took a pregnancy test and the numbing slap of your mother was enough for you to know that you were a disgrace.

A disgrace, a disappointment, an animal, a disrespectful child, and a....

sinner.

You accepted it all. You didn't mind that your whole family was insulting you inside and out.

You didn't blame them—couldn't blame them.

How could you do that when you saw yourself the same way they saw you?

Your mind was poisoning you. You were blaming yourself. You were blaming Jeongguk. He did this to you.

He did this to you because you let him.

So basically, this was your fault.

You ruined your future and the only way to restore everything back to normal was to have an abortion.

Of course you considered abortion. You were young and so, so scared. How could you take care of a child when you couldn't even take care of yourself?

And what about Jeongguk? He didn't deserve this shit. He was young too. He deserved the world, not a punishment.

You considered your child as a punishment. Why didn't you just stick to dildo? Or a fucking vibrator?

There were so many options. Why did you have to trust that stupid condom? You knew it didn't work all the time.

Nothing worked according to your plan.

"You are going to marry Jeon Jeongguk." Your father's words screamed authority.

Everyone in your family was aware that once your father demanded something, it should be followed without any questions. He rarely spoke, but when he did, it was absolute.

"But—" despite knowing the end of this discussion, you still tried to reason out.

You were only able to utter one word before you felt another deafening slap from your mother.

Or was it your father?

You had no idea.

All you knew was that everyone was either physically hurting you or emotionally manipulating you.

"No buts! My decision is final! You are going to marry that Jeon boy!"

Ah, that Jeon boy.

Poor Jeon Jeongguk. He had no idea what was about to happen to him. God. He didn't even know that you were carrying his child.

"We won't allow you to live like a slut anymore," your auntie crossed her arms.

This was the thing about your family. Everyone had a say, even your relative could discipline you. According to them, elders should always be respected. You had to follow what they said because apparently, they knew better than you.

Maybe they did. But still, you didn't want to force Jeongguk to marry you.

Sure, you two had been dating for three years now, but that wasn't enough. What if the love he felt for you wasn't the kind of love that you and your kid needed?

Perhaps you should have thought of that before giving into lust. The tiny voice inside your head sneered at you.

You could only sob.

It seemed like crying was all you could do.

You cried when you found out that you were pregnant, you cried when your parents found out that you were pregnant, and you cried when Jeongguk found out that you were pregnant.

All of this was happening because you were pregnant.

Except one thing:

Jeongguk wanted to marry you not because you were pregnant but because he loved you.

"You don't have to force me.” Jeongguk gritted his teeth when your whole family barged in his house.

Of course the Jeons were surprised. They weren't close to your family even though you lived two houses away from one another.

Your family didn’t want to associate themselves with the Jeons. The latter didn't really believe in the Lord, or even if they did, they were still far from religious.

They raised Jeongguk to be a sinner.

Your family firmly believed that you only got pregnant because Jeongguk forced you.

It wasn't true. You both wanted it to happen. You were consenting adults. Besides, your boyfriend asked you thousands of times if you truly wanted to do it.

He didn't force you. He respected you.

"I will marry her." Jeongguk said with confidence. He was looking at your father as if he was ready to knock him down.

"Jeongguk," his mother called softly. She was crying. She was broken. She was ashamed. She was sorry.

"It's alright, mom." The look Jeongguk gave his mother was the opposite of the glare he threw at your father.

Jeongguk was a sweet boy. He loved his parents so much.

"Shall we talk about the wedding, then?" Your father raised a brow.

Everything happened fast after that. Your family and Jeongguk's parents arranged the matrimony that was about to happen.

The Jeons offered to pay for the wedding expenses. Your family agreed. They didn't really care about the details. They only demanded a church wedding. They also wanted to marry you off as soon as possible.

They said it would be a shame if your baby bump appeared before the white event.

Since the preparation was short, you didn't have a choice but to wear a simple dress. Your mother insisted that you add veil as an accessory.

It was a hypocritical move, really. Veils symbolized innocence and purity.

You were neither.

You were a sinner and guilt was consuming your whole being.

Guilt for disappointing your family.

Guilt for breaking your promise to the Lord.

And guilt for taking something away from Jeongguk.

You took his freedom away.

The small apartment where you two now lived was not enough to showcase what he got. This abode was small, suffocating and confining his talents.

It was also too small to cater your unending tears.

You felt like you were drowning.

"Babe..." Your husband whispered, yet his voice still startled you.

You didn't answer—didn't have the energy to do so. You were drowning, remember? It didn't help that you feel suffocated too. The stupid dress you were wearing was too tight.

"You okay?" Jeongguk enquired, sighing.

He was worried about you. The two of you got married today. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days for brides, but why weren't you happy?

Why did you look...dejected?

"Yeah," you tried to offer him a smile. "I just feel hot."

You weren't lying. You didn't like the ambiance of your house. It felt like a vacation place, like you were a stranger, like you didn't belong.

It was because your mother and sisters were the ones who decorated this place.

"You think you can join me outside?" Your husband rubbed circled on your palm. "Let's have some fresh air?"

You nodded in a heartbeat.

You were tired, but you didn't want to be stuck in this room. You wanted...out.

"Okay.” Jeongguk helped you get on your feet. He was acting as though you were an expensive figurine ever since he learned that you were pregnant.

Your husband led you to the small garden of your home. You didn't know that your family decided to buy a place like this.

You were grateful though. The inside of your home was suffocating, but the garden appeared...magical.

"Jeongguk," your eyes widened in shock. "W-What's all this?"

Your hand was shaking as your eyes scanned the garden. There were fairy lights wrapped around the trees. The place was also decorated with different ornaments and pretty flowers.

Your favorite flowers.

"Do you like it?" Your husband was grinning at you. His eyes were shining brighter than the lights.

"Of course," you cupped his cheeks. "This is sweet, Kookie. Thank you.”

"Anything for you," he brought your hands closer to his mouth, kissing it.

"You deserve everything, baby." And with that, Jeongguk dropped on one knee.

"W-What are you doing!?" You panicked, eyes dilating once again.

"I know everything happened so fast." He started, licking his bottom lip. "We didn't have time to process everything. Our family decided what they think is good for us and trust me, I appreciate it."

You knew he was implying that he wanted this to happen.

"But I want to do something that I want.”  He fished a small box out of the pocket of his slacks.

You gasped.

"They told me to marry you." He opened the velvet box.

There was a ring.

"But they didn't give me the chance to do this," he raised the ring in the air.

"Baby," Jeongguk called, looking at your face with so much fondness. "You deserve a better proposal."

You were sobbing.

"You deserve a man dropping down on one knee. A man who will show you that he is serious about this marriage.”

He took your left hand.

"And I want to be that man. I want to be the man you deserved and not the boy your father coerced,"

You laughed, heart hammering through your chest. Jeongguk was so beautiful.

"I love you..." He confessed as he called your name. "Will you marry me?"

The yes that came out of your mouth was instant. You didn't hesitate. You didn't feel guilty. You just felt....happy.

Jeongguk put the ring on your finger. He kissed your stomach before standing up to crash his lips against yours.

Jeongguk no longer tasted like regret.

He tasted like forever.

Forever...

You swore you would stay with him forever. You felt silly for doubting him.

Jeongguk was a good man.

Your house no longer felt suffocating. It was loaded with love and laughter and it made your heart swell with joy.

Your family didn't bother your life anymore. You were on your own. They stopped supporting you. They said you made a choice—a choice to be a mother.

A mother was a provider, a natural giver.

You provided for your new family. You worked harder. You had two jobs: a waitress and elementary tutor.

Jeongguk continued studying. He was a student in the morning and a delivery boy at night.

You two worked in the same restaurant. Jeongguk tried to cover your shift as much as possible. He was basically doing your job.

He was scared. What if you overworked yourself? He didn't want you to work but you said you had to.

Raising a baby was expensive.

But you did it.

Haneul was turning one year old this month. He was a bright kid and he looked exactly like his father. They had the same brown eyes, so innocent and wide.

You knew you would do anything for your baby—well—except for one.

You wouldn't buy this stuffed toy for him. It's not like you didn't want to. It was more like you couldn't.

You couldn't afford it.

You couldn't, but Jeongguk could.

"Let's buy it...” He repeated. "I have money. I worked overtime last night.”

Your husband was still a delivery boy. You, on the other hand, quit your job so that you could look after your baby.

"Are you sure? This is expensive, Kook." You bit your lower lip.

Jeongguk smiled at you.

"But Haneul will like it.”

His reason was enough for you to just give in.

Of course.

Anything for your little Jeon. You would die for your son.

"Haneul, we're home!" You cooed loudly.

You were excited to see your baby. Jeongguk told you to give Haneul the stuffed toy while he go and express his gratitude to your neighbor for looking after baby Haneul.

Little did you know, Jeongguk was lying.

There was no neighbor to talk to.

It was only an excuse so that he could stare at you through the window as you rocked the empty crib in your room.

You were singing.

"You are the sunlight that rose again in my life..." Your voice was sweet that Jeongguk couldn't help but cry a little.

For you, Haneul was light. He shed light when you felt like giving up.

"You are the cause of my euphoria," your child was also the cause of your happiness.

Without him, you would be lost.

Jeongguk knew it.

Haneul.

This was the name you chose for your kid. It meant heaven.

For you, Haneul was God sent.

But Jeongguk was wondering.

If Haneul was God sent, then why did the Lord take him immediately?

Why did your Lord take him away from you and Jeongguk?

"Close the door now..." You continued to sing.

Jeongguk's heart clenched.

He watched you every day, so he already knew the next line of the song.

He sang with you.

"When I'm with you I'm in utopia..."

Utopia was a special place. A fantasy world. A world where everything was possible.

In Utopia, Haneul was still alive.

Jeongguk wasn't crazy.

He knew you needed help.

You were in denial. Too caught up in fantasy that you refused to believe that your son was already dead the moment he was born.

Haneul died in your womb.

He tried telling you, but you didn't want to acknowledge it.

You became hysterical when the words dead and Haneul were mentioned in the same sentence.

Jeongguk avoided using those words. It had been months now, almost a year actually.

He wondered if he could still continue pretending.

Looking at you hurt.

He guessed it was time to let go.

Not now, but soon.

For today, he just wanted to believe that utopia was real.

It should be fine, right?

more JJK FICS: Your Eyes Tell or check Masterlist

[bill-y]

INURE

Peeta Mellark x male reader

[ We all know who Katniss Everdeen is, but what if Primrose hadn’t been chosen but another boy from another unfortunate family? YOUR family. ]

Info: This is basically a reader insert and I’ve changed a few rules, not ground breaking though. The reader is a bit bland for now but I plan for his actions to be different. Because he has different moral grounds from Katniss and such. Would appreciate feedback! FEEL FREE TO POINT OUT TYPOS. GRAMMARLY SOMETIMES DOESN’T DO MY DYSLEXIC ASS JUSTICE

Part five: Click here, butters, elpacho, last meheecan.

Part six: You're here, dumb!

Part seven: Finally here!

Wattpad account: L0calxDumbass

Peeta and I end up helping Haymitch to his compartment, the reek of vomit and alcohol wasn't exactly pleasant.  Since we couldn't set him down the bed, we ended up hauling him to the bathtub, setting the shower on him. 

Peeta gave me an odd look when I laughed awhile ago; there was no humour in the situation after all. Forming a good impression wasn't really on my agenda. "It's alright; I can take it from here," he said.

I nodded, "Okay," I nodded, putting my lips together. "Do you—need me to call those Capitol people?" I asked, stumbling over my words. My confidence seemed to have been drained at some point.

He shook his head "No, I don't want them," he responded. I nod for the last time and head to my own room, relieved that I don't have to wash putrid vomit off Haymitch's chest hair, or something. Though it would be the perfect "revenge" for the people working here, I get why he doesn't want to see them. 

I wonder, why does he want to help such a wreck? Was he simply kind like the time he gave me bread? Or was he using this to gain Haymitch's favour? A feeling of nervousness bubbled up within me, a kind Peeta Mellark was way more dangerous than an unkind one. Not everyone in the district can afford to be kind, so kind people make such a mark on me.

I looked at the packet of cookies at the table beside the fancy bed—a lump formed in my throat. Kindness would've been nice, but not in this situation. I sighed, taking my attention to the window instead. 

There stood a lonely yellow flower, a dandelion. It took me back to the schoolyard, all those years ago. My eyes had just left Peeta's bruised face when I saw that dandelion; hope rose within me that moment, I plucked it gently from the ground and hurried home. I grabbed a small, broken bucket and grabbed Nal's hand and headed to a meadow. It was filled with the same flowers.

It was the first moment where Nal smiled after our Father's death. He loved the way the flowers smelled and looked. However, he was quite upset because we had to eat them, with the rest of the bakery bread. My father loved his plants, maybe a bit too much. 

I remember countless hours we spent in the woods looking for a specific type of plant, whether for eating or for medicine. He had me memorize them by heart, which took a couple of years because I got distracted halfway through. 

The next day, we were off to school. I hung around the edge of the meadow after, contemplating whether I should jump the fence. My mother couldn't get a job, well, she didn't want to. She thought the whole District would shame her the moment she stepped out of our crumbling home. It made no sense to me; we had nothing to lose anymore.

Which is exactly why I went under the fence, retrieved the old, leather-bound daggers my father made from scraps and wood. It was pretty frail, but if you handle it carefully and throw it properly, it won't break—most of the time.

I didn't go beyond twenty yards that day; I didn't feel confident enough to go deeper, fearing I'd get lost in the forest. I took home a small rabbit that day, we hadn't had meat for months, so it honestly looked like a full course meal, like the one we were served in the tribute train.

My mother isn't the greatest cook, so she burnt a couple of bits, mainly the thighs. But it still filled us. The woods became my second home, escaping the sad atmosphere my mother gave off and the pressure the Peacekeepers would regularly make us feel. 

The hunting started slow, but each time I went under, I went deeper. I stole eggs from nests, jumped from tree to tree and managed to shoot a squirrel or two down. I struggled with the fish; my father would always throw his dagger to the fish with little to no effort. Whenever I'd throw mine, it would miss. It took me a couple of times to figure out the water distorts my vision.

The plants were no effort; I knew which one to pick, which ones were poisonous. The signs of danger used to terrify me back to the fence until I gathered enough courage to climb the tall trees, then I stuck with it, not liking the feeling of being chased. The wild dogs would always leave me alone after a while.

On July 15th, I finally signed up for the tesserae, carrying the first batch of grains and oils in the same broken bucket I used to gather those dandelions. I patched it up with some scrap bark. On the 15th of every month, I would put my name once again. I still had to hunt; grains weren't enough. We still needed soap, milk, thread and many more things we used to have. I began to trade in the hob, learning how to hold my tongue in the process. My father used to trade there as well; he used to do all the talking while I watched, stayed silent. 

And so I simply tossed the game I had to their tables. They caught on fairly quick; I'd only speak up when it came to bargaining or when I'd change what'd I'd buy. Or when I would insult wild dog soup. My father was a charismatic man, always able to persuade people to buy whatever. Not me, though, I was like a sore thumb. Painful, to talk to at least.

My mother wasn't very enthralled with the fact that I had been hunting, too much like my father, she said. That's when we argued, "Don't be stupid like your father!" she shouted. I remember my face contorting to anger, how my fists clenched as she continued to scream. 

I finally exploded, "Why don't you go out and get a job if you don't want me hunting, then? You'd rather we starve?!" I said, slamming the table. "I won't die, I won't end up like father! I won't be Capitol's pig, neither was he!" 

"But if you do die?" She argued back, tears flowing down her cheeks as she gripped both my shoulders. "I'm only thinking of you, Y/n!"

I scoffed, glaring at her, "If you're thinking of us so much, then why aren't you helping us?! If I don't die being accused of rebellion, then I'll die because of those stupid games because of you!"

"Don't blame me for this! It was your father's fault for being brash—" She reasoned, but I cut her off by pushing her off me. I stared at her as if she grew three heads. "They asked you," I whispered, "All you did was nod, you could've lied."

Her green eyes shook at my words, "Lie to the Peacekeepers? The Capitol? And get us killed as well?! I only what your father wanted," 

"They didn't have anything on father! It was your voice that gave it away! It's your fault that he's dead, now we're over here starving because you can't get over yourself—"

Then there was a sting on my cheek. She had slapped me. My eyes landed on a crying Kunal; guilt surged through me, so I ran. I ran to the woods and slept on top of a tree, humming a soft tune to the mockingjays next to me. They listened and sung back. I fell asleep to their lullaby, surprisingly, not falling off.

I found my hand on the same cheek my mother slapped that day. I was going to die the same way I said, how ironic. I won't be able to apologize or tell my mother I loved her anymore. A sigh left my lips as I continued to stare out the window. 

I clenched my fists, punching the wall as my breath hitched. I let out a groan, holding the stinging part of my hand. I glared at the wall, grumbling under my breath before I decided to fall asleep, not wanting to think of my regrets and what I could've done. As I closed my eyes, I only hoped my dreams would be pleasant. 

"Up! Up! Up! It's a big big day!"

Effie Trinket's voice awoke me from my dreamless slumber. I groaned, muttering profanities as she left my compartment. I tried to imagine what it was like in that stupid wig--- well--- head of hers, it made my head hurt.

I had fallen asleep in the green shirt, causing it to become wrinkled, the. Not that I cared, there will be some stylist stripping me anyways. I shuddered at the thought of Capitol people touching me, what a nightmare. My eyes landed on the packet of cookies on my bedside table. I decided to grab it.

I entered the dining compartment, still half-lidded and yawning. Effie Trinket brushes me with a cup of black coffee. She was muttering obscenities, probably because of Haymitch. Peeta held a roll, looking somewhat embarrassed  "Sit down! Sit down!" Haymitch said.

Peeta flashed me a smile, amused by how dishevelled I look. To be fair, I wasn't a morning person, I find waking up to be a tiring task. I rubbed my eyes, the packet of cookies still in my hands as I slid down the chair.

They served an enormous platter of food. I'd hate to admit it, but I was starving. So for the first time, I decided to stab it with the fork, not sure what to do with the cookies so I pocketed them. I figured I'd eat them much. . . much later.

I chewed slowly, glare on my face as my eyes struggled to remain open. I didn't even notice the orange juice next to me because of it. Peeta nudged me, handing me a cup of brown, rich liquid. It was quite warm. "They call it hot chocolate," he said. "It's quite good,"

My green eyes moved from him to the cup, then back to him. As if asking for permission. I sniffed, muttering a "thank you," before I took the cup from him. The moment the hot chocolate touched my lips I felt awake.

Not only was it hot, but it was also amazing. I've never tasted anything like this before. Coffee was a luxury, this I cannot even fathom. After I've drained my cup, I put it down and muster a sheepish smile. "Is there more?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

Effie seemed to be excited by my sudden interest. "Glad you're finally appreciating the finer things," she quipped as another cup was passed to me. "Right," I responded, gripping the cup tightly.

I stopped eating when I felt somewhat full, only asking for more hot chocolate. Peeta is still eating, breaking off bits of roll and dipping them in his hot chocolate.

Haymitch hasn’t paid much attention to his platter, but he’s knocking back a glass of red juice that he keeps thinning with a clear liquid from a bottle. Judging by the fumes, it’s some kind of spirit. I don’t know Haymitch, but I’ve seen him often enough in the Hob, tossing handfuls of money on the counter of the woman who sells white liquor. He’ll be a mess again by the time we reach the Capitol.

"So, you're supposed to give us advice," I said, taking a sip of the hot liquid. He grinned, "Here's some advice, stay alive," then he burst out laughing.

My brows furrowed, "Ha. Ha." I let out, unamused. I glanced to Peeta, surprised to see Hardness in his eyes. Usually, he looked mild. "That's very funny," he said as if adding to my remark. He suddenly lashed out at the glass in Haymitch's hands. It shattered, spilling the blood-red liquid on the floor. "Only not to us,"

Haymitch took this opportunity to punch Peeta straight in the jaw, knocking the boy out of his chair before turning around to reach for more spirits. I stopped him, driving a knife into the table, between his hand and the bottle, barely missing his fingers.

I expected some sort of retaliation, but that didn't come. "Oh, well what is this?" he said. "Did I actually get a pair of fighters this year?"

Peeta rose from the floor and scoops up a handful of ice from under the fruit tureen. He started to raise it to the red mark on his jaw.

"No," Haymitch stopped him. "Let the bruise show. The audience will think you’ve mixed it up with another tribute before you’ve even made it to the arena."

"That’s against the rules," said Peeta. "Only if they catch you. That bruise will say you fought, you weren’t caught, even better," said Haymitch. He turns to me. “Can you hit anything other than the table?"

I shrugged, pulling the knife off the table. "Your head or. . ." I said, before tossing the knife in between the seams of two panels. If I was confident at one thing, it's my aim. But not so much with a bow.

"Stand over here. Both of you," ordered Haymitch, nodding to the middle of the room. We obey and he circles us, prodding us like animals at times, checking our muscles, examining our faces. “Well, you’re not entirely hopeless. Seem fit. And once the stylists get hold of you, you’ll be attractive enough.”

Peeta and I don’t question this. The Hunger Games aren’t a beauty contest, but the best-looking tributes always seem to pull more sponsors. Though I do enjoy the fact that the stylists are likely going to have a hard time styling me.

"All right, I’ll make a deal with you. You don’t interfere with my drinking, and I’ll stay sober enough to help you," said Haymitch. "But you have to do everything I say,"

Of course, there's a catch. "Fine," Peeta said while I shrugged carelessly, sipping on my hot chocolate. "In a few minutes, we’ll be pulling into the station. You’ll be put in the hands of your stylists. You’re not going to like what they do to you. But no matter what it is, don’t resist," Instructed Haymitch

Oh, well there goes my plan on being a general nuisance. Damn you, Haymitch.

He takes the bottle of spirits from the table and leaves the car. As the door swings shut behind him, the car goes dark. There are still a few lights inside, but outside it’s as if night has fallen again. I realize we must be in the tunnel that runs up through the mountains into the Capitol. The mountains form a natural barrier between the Capitol and the eastern districts. It is almost impossible to enter from the east except through the tunnels. This geographical advantage was a major factor in the districts losing the war that led to my being a tribute today. Since the rebels had to scale the mountains made them easy targets for the Capitol's air forces.

Peeta and I stood in silence. My finger raised, mouth opening but I decided it wasn't worth it and awkwardly shuffled to one of the windows. He seemed to have caught on, however. "Nice view, isn't it?" he joked.

"I guess if you're blind," I answered dryly, raising the warm cup to my lips. "Sophisticated darkness, my favourite type," I finished.

He chuckled, walking next to me, the train slowing on cue. My muscles tensed as the sunlight entered the compartment. It was blinding. After my eyes adjusted I finally saw the Capitol.

I would be lying if I said it wasn't beautiful. Rainbow hued buildings that tower to the sky, possibly beyond. Shiny cars rolling on the fancy, clean pavement streets. The cameras failed to capture its beauty. It would've been perfect if not for the fact that the oddly dressed colours, wearing blizzard wigs and painted faces exist.

They looked painfully artificial. I much prefer the natural tones of district 12. "Eugh, how do they look at themselves?" I muttered, catching the attention of Peeta, who chuckled at my comment.

Huh, I forgot that he was there.

The same disgusting people began to point at us, enthralled. I was sickened, they couldn't wait to watch us kill each other like wild wolves. I suppose that's better than ending up at soup.

I stepped back, a scowl on my face. No longer able to stand the obnoxious attires and the mocking smiles of scums. Peeta held his ground, smiling and waving at them.

He only stopped when the train stopped at the station, blocking up from their view. "Who knows?" he said. "Some of them may be rich."

My body seemed to freeze as I took one last sip of the now-luke warm hot chocolate. That's when I realized, I had misjudged him. Not that I can read people well.

Which made sense, if I could I would've known that his father visiting me, offering to help Haymitch only to challenge him and now, waving and smiling at those slugs. He had a plan in mind.

He hasn't accepted his death yet. Peeta Mellark, the boy who gave me bread was fighting hard.

And that terrified me.

word count: 2.8k

Hey guys! sorry for the long wait! Had to take a break!

tags;

@nin3s

[watermelonlovershigh]

You get Drunk at the BRITs & Harry Takes Care of You

Things to help you picture the story better:

(You're married/2020 BRIT awards/Accidently get drunk)

Harry invited you to come with him to the BRITs where he would be preforming his new song Falling and is nominated for several awards. Of course you agreed to come with him because you always tried to find ways to support your husband. Before you left the house, you promised him that you would not be drinking too much because you knew this was his night and you didn't want to ruin it by getting drunk and him taking care of you. But when you got there and seen all the drinks on the tables, you had to have a few glasses. There was champagne and white wine, as well as some vodka. By the time the award show is almost over, you look down to see that you accidently drank way to much alcohol and you begin to feel dizzy. Harry hadn't even noticed your current state because he was to busy being interviewed for the cameras and being on stage preforming. When they announce the show is over you stand up from your chair and almost fall over. You now feel the alcohol in full affect. You're also a light weight so alcohol hits you twice as hard compared to most.

"Y/N woah. Are you alright love?" Harry says concerned.

"Yep just think I drank too much and I'm feeling a little dizzy." you say grabbing your head.

"Here, grab onto my arm for support."

You do as Harry told you and you take his arm as he leads you out the doors of the huge building. You knew there was a after party that both of you were supposed to attend, so you assumed that's where he was going. Harry leads you to his black range rover and helps you up into the passengers seat. Then he walks around and hopes into the drivers seat. You sit there in your seat with your head in your hands because all that alcohol has your head reeling.

Harry looks over at you and says, "Just lay the seat back and get some rest. We will be home in a few minutes."

You sit up with a confused look on your face and reply, "I thought we were going to the after party?"

"We were but it looks like you had a little to many drinks and I need to get you home and take care of you." he says in a calmly manner.

You feel yourself getting emotional because you realize he is missing out on the after party just to look after you and its all your fought. You promised him that you would not be getting drunk tonight and that's exactly what you did.

"I'm so sorry Harrryyy. I didn't realize how much alcohol I had consumed until it was to late." you say with tears running down both cheeks.

"It's alright love. There will always be a after party next year. My main focus is on you." he states with a half smile.

On the way back home all you did was cry. The guilt getting to you as well as the sloshing of alcohol in your stomach making you feel slightly sick. Harry finally pulls up to your house and gets out the car to carry you inside.

"Here Y/N. Just wrap your legs around my waist and arms around my neck."

"Harry I don't feel good." you mumble into the crook of his neck.

Harry starts speed walking into the house and to the bathroom so you don't have any accidents on his Gucci suit.

"Hold on my love. We are almost there."

He finally reaches the bathroom and sets you in front of the toilet on the floor. He grabs a elastic band from the counter and places your hair into a messy bun.

"My stomach really hurts Harry!"

"Shhh I know love. Just relax and let it out".

Harry has seen you drunk too many times to know how you act. You usually sit in front of the toilet for hours trying to be sick because you always had trouble being sick on your own. Which was sometimes dangerous. Especially when you had consumed a lot of alcohol, because alcohol is basically poisoning to the body. While you have your head in the toilet mumbling words, Harry is quickly taking off his bright yellow suit so he's more comfortable for bed and is ready to take care of you. Leaving him in only his black boxers. Then he walks up behind you and slowly unzips your dress.

"Y/N, I'm gonna take your dress off okay?"

All you can do is nod for consent because you're unsure how to even speak properly at the moment. Harry slips the dress off of you and takes it to your shared closet to hang it up. Then he walks back into the backroom to sit on the floor behind you.

"Y/N, I need you to be sick darling. You will feel so much better" he says whispering in your ear and rubbing your almost bare back besides your bra.

"I can't. It won't come out."

"Do you need me to help you baby?"

You begin to close your eyes because you're so tired and Harry notices. So he does the only thing he can think of to help you throw up the fastest so you can get to bed and sleep. He knows if you go to sleep with this much alcohol in your stomach, your hangover is gonna be terrible in the morning, so puking right now is the best option. So Harry sits directly behind you and places a hand on your belly. Then he slowly lifts your head up with his right hand.

"I'm going to have to force you to be sick love so just bare with me and breath."

He knows what he's doing for the most part because he has had to do it many of times on himself as well as his mates when they would get drunk and needed relief from their horrid stomach aches.

"Open your mouth Y/N."

You slowly open your mouth and he slips two fingers into it until they reach the back of your throat. Then he wiggles them around until you gag around his fingers.

"That's it. Come on. Throw up for me. Then you can go to bed."

He keeps his right hand fingers in your mouth while his left hand is pressing on your bare stomach. You gag hard again and this time you puke right on his fingers and into the toilet. He removes his fingers but still presses your tummy. Now you can throw up on your own with out his fingers down your throat. So you puke and puke and puke some more until vomit is running out of your nose. Harry is now rubbing your back with his clean hand and reaches for some toilet paper with his other one. He tares a piece and brings it up to your nose to wipe the dripping puke.

"There you go. That's it. I bet you feel better now yeah?" Harry coos.

"Much." you reply back with a semi cleared mind.

Harry reaches forward to flush the puke filled toilet and helps you stand to your feet. Then he picks you up and walks to the bedroom to set you on the bed.

"Sit right there. I'm going to get you a glass of water from the kitchen."

You sit patiently on the edge of the bed while Harry gets you some water. When he returns, you chug the whole glass down and lay back on the bed. Harry pulls the covers back and tucks you in. That's when he realized you still had makeup on your face. Being the kind human he is, he goes into the bathroom and grabs one of your face wipes. Returning, he notices you have already fallen asleep but that doesn't stop him from removing your makeup anyways. You're dead to the world anyways now so you didn't even budge. Once he has successfully removed your makeup, he goes around to turn off all the lights and crawls into bed beside you. He scoots your body closer to his so that your face is on his shoulder. Then he closes his eyes and drifts off in to dream land.

MASTERLIST

[bloommelon]

Everything Is Blue

WARNINGS: severe angst, suicidal themes, suggestive sexual content, eventual suicide, mental illnesses, eventual character death, unhappy ending, suicidal content, graphic suicide

A/N: please don't read if you're depressed, this is a very sad story but im proud of it because I actually finished something for ONCE. NONE of this is based on real life, it's all fiction. Jaehyun just fit my idea of this character, and I hope no one gets the wrong idea that I tried to glamorize suicide. And also, I do not feel suicidal and I am not depressed because of writing this, i simply got this idea while thinking I should try and write angst. On another note, I hope whoever reads this likes it or at least it makes you feel some type of emotion. Thank you. *i did not proofread at all btw*

Song: Colors by Halsey

✖✖✖✖

August 3rd

Jaehyun and I sat in a field of Nemophila by the river, the sun shining and clouds floating above us eating strawberries and our laughter filling the hot summer air. Jaehyun had taken me to the museum to see his favorite painting an hour beforehand, telling me it reminded him of me. It was a simple painting, blue sky with fluffy white clouds on a sunny day. I'd almost stayed home that day, not wanting to go anywhere due to a flurry of sudden panic attacks that week. "When you're feeling anxious, come here and call me and I'll come as quick as I can." At that moment, I'd been filled with happiness due to Jaehyun's caring nature but I should have been the one making sure he had somewhere to go when he was upset, but his feelings of sadness weren't noticeable back then. Giving him a hug wasn't enough to stop the pain he felt daily just from living. Laughter hurt, and so did seeing me smile making guilt rush through him at the fact that I brought him some happiness, but not enough for him to change his mind.

September 19th

Jaehyun wrote poetry about clouds and sunshine and the color blue. He would have  painted himself blue if it was socially exceptable. Most of the poems he let me read brought tears to my eyes, ruining my mascara. He always wiped the mascara off, then he'd kiss all my tears away telling me that's how poetry should make me feel. I told him many times how intense it felt, the emotions brought out by the poems he wrote and he'd stare at me and say" that's how i feel about you." Intense. Wildly. Airy. Bright and warm like sunshine shining down through clouds. Most people tell you to write when you're feeling blue to get whatever you're feeling out of your system so that you can feel yellow and bright again,but he still wished for the sun to poison him. He wished for dehydration and shock to take him away instead of writing useless poems.

October 13th

Friday the thirteenth. Bad omens were shown, I just didn't recognize them. I look back now and something had been off about Jaehyun that day. His smile wasn't the same. It was crooked in a way that it was almost a frown, but to outsiders it passed as a normal expression of happiness. He painted sometimes just like writing, and his paintings left me feeling blue just like the blue sky in august, like the painting in the museum, like the color of the walls in his room. It wasnt even a sad painting-he'd painted a red rose in a field of baby blue eyes by a river at night. It wasn't even sad, but when i touched the paper after it dried, I just wanted to cry. He'd held me telling me about the meaning behind it. "It's supposed to make you appreciate things and people that are different, but still appreciate the normal things and people too. No one should be left out. That everyone and everything is more than meets the eye, you just have to look deeper." The way he talked made me want to cry, and he could sense something was wrong, but the fact that I couldn't look deeper to notice his sadness made me tell him everything was fine. I pretended I was fine and I pretended he was fine, so that in the moment, I could feel like everything was fine when nothing about that day was fine. That night he'd went home and cried himself to sleep, and he'd almost done something heartwrenching but I couldn't ask him a simple 'are you okay?'. He would have lied anyways, but maybe if i would have pushed him to answer he wouldn't have cried alone that night or almost took a razor to his skin.

November 7th

Jaehyun and I would sit in my room for hours in comfortable silence, him drawing while i read books. He'd been noticeably upset on this day. To the point where I kept asking him what was wrong and was everything okay. He started rambling about death and blood to the point where fear bubbled up inside of me, spilling out into the world and when he noticed I was terrified, he had cried and apologized repeatedly. He'd thrown his drawing pad in the middle of all of this, it getting lost behind my bed. I'd held him for hours after that, hoping he would feel better and calm down. It worked on the outside, and I foolishly believed I'd helped him on the inside as well. He wasn't okay, and the way he had talked about blood and death so freely spoke volumes about what he thought of daily. If only I'd tried to look deeper. Most of us take what we see on the outside and assume that there's nothing more to see and we should look away as to not disturb the normalcy of the world.

December 25th

Christmas day was snowy and beautiful, the sun fighting it's way through the clouds to shine down on everything to try and melt the snow, but the snow was relentless and the roads icy. The gifts didnt matter that day as everyone was together and that made Jaehyun filled to the brim with happiness, which mattered a lot more. That night we lay together wrapped in nothing but the warmest blue blanket we could find, the snow falling against the window and the christmas lights above us in my room shining down us painting our faces in green and red. He was happy, but that didn't mean the pain had suddnely disappeared and that family made the bad thoughts run away, he was just hiding them. That night he whispered how much he loved me , lips against my temple. He told me I was the only gift he needed. He didnt know that he was the only gift I needed, and that him staying could have been so much better. Maybe that's selfish. On Christmas some people expect everything they want to be given but give nothing to others. That year, I was sadly part of the people who expect and was given everything I wanted but I gave nothing.

February 14th

Jaehyun's birthday. I had thrown him a surprise party that he loved, wearing a blue dress with pink hearts on it since it was also Valentine's day. Once he opened his gifts, which was a copy of the painting with the clouds on a sunny day that he absolutely adored and a necklace with my name on it in the shape of a cloud. His dimples stayed out all day, like I wish they would have stayed for life. As a Valentine's gift he gave me a blue rose and a painting of me by the river sitting in the field of Nemophila. That night I ended up in only his blue flannel with marks of his love on my skin the next morning,his whispers of "i love you more than anything" ingrained in my thoughts forever. I'd told him the same, but it didnt count as much since he said it first, and knowing now that that wasn't enough for him to stay breaks my heart all over again.

March 2nd

We spent the day walking around despite him being vocal of not feeling like getting out of bed, and he was a bit angry with me until I got him laughing by singing embarrassing 80's songs and dancing awkwardly. We both danced until we got tired, our legs exhausted and breathing was a difficult feat. I told him that he didn't deserve to be sad and he told me "i deserve whatever the world throws at me" which made me worry about him for weeks. I didnt tell him that, although maybe I should have. I just didn't want to make him feel bad when i started having panic attacks again because of it. He didn't know and didn't mean to, he just was in so much pain.

April 20th

He'd cooked for me on this day, telling me he felt a lot better. He appeared completely calm and peaceful like how some people get after doing things they love. Which he was good at cooking and enjoyed it, so I was extremely happy. He hadn't cooked in months-not like this. He was also baking. He wouldn't let me go in his kitchen. "It's a surprise, darling. Just be patient" Although he acted normal enough, whatever normal means, i sensed sadness coming from his being. After we ate, I felt nauseous. He turned into a concerning boyfriend rather than a happy one which made me upset since I knew he was keeping his sadness a secret. While he went to clean the kitchen after throwing a blanket on my cold body, I felt even more nauseous and after contemplating on whether or not to run to the bathroom my body decided for me. Vomiting isn't something anyone is fond of, and Jaehyun was even more concerned when he found me lying on the floor against the bathtub. He threw all the food away after that and blamed himself for me getting sick, though It was just a case of me eating way too much. Once in his bed, he kept apologizing and ended up crying but I held him and told him everything was okay. He didn't tell me that every small thing affected him so horribly it'd leave him wishing he'd never been born. He didn't know that those small things were things he couldn't help, but his brain told him that he ruined everything.

May 27th

Sitting in the field of Baby blue eyes with him felt different this time. More peaceful. We laid down side by side watching the clouds, he always said he wanted to float in the clouds but not anything about how he wanted to be buried like the roots of the nemophila we laid on. He didn't tell me he didnt want to grow anymore, not by himself and not with me-not with anyone. Instead he told me how much he loved me, that he'd die for me and told me it all day. He wouldn't let his hands off of me, never letting go of my hand or arm or hips. He wouldn't let go. He asked me to stay the night and keot me in his arms until I had to work the next day, getting upset when I left. He didn't tell me I'd only have a week or two left of this. Left of being in love, left of seeing his pretty smile and those dimples he was known for showing almost all the time. He didn't tell me he was looking for reasons to stay, trying so hard not to give up.

June 16th

When I'd woken up, a feeling of dread left me near tears all day. I hadn't seen Jaehyun in three days and it'd gotten late in the day without a word from him which was unusual. I pushed the uncomfortable feeling to the side until I'd decided to leave to go see him after calling him and texting him repeatedly. While walking out the door I remembered that day when he'd terified me with that talk of blood and death and him throwing his drawing pad. Worry filled my being, making me feel sick as I pushed my bed onto the side to find his blue drawing pad.

Tears stream down my face at the drawing I found. In my hands was the reason for all his weird behavior,all his guilt and all of his pain. He wanted to die. My Jaehyun wanted to disappear from this world forever. I throw the drawing pad in a random direction and run. I call all of our friends and his family, wanting to know if they had seen him. None of them had. I didn't want it to be true.

My legs carried me to the field of baby blue eyes by the streaming river, the sun shining down so brightly and the clouds reminding me of the painting Jaehyun loved so much.

My legs were already cramping but I pushed through that pain to find the love of my life laying in a field of nemophila, his wrists slit so terribly blood is all you could see. Flowing from his wrists to drip onto the plants under him, it was so red and gory I stopped breathing, running over to him to begin screaming while on the phone with one of his best friends. Johnny knew something was wrong, his voice got further away as he told Mark to call someone. To call 911, to get help.

In Jaehyun's hand was a a razor blade and I grabbed it, throwing the wretched thing far from us. I kept shaking him and screaming at him to get up. Nothing worked. Around his neck was the cloud necklace, and despite the horror I could see, he looked extremely peaceful, his eyes shut permanently. My Jaehyun was gone, and he'd died where he loved, but he'd felt so unloved to come to this place.

I'd never enjoy bright sunny days or museums again. I couldn't, not when I couldn't see Jaehyun's dimples or hold his warm hand. As much as he wanted to burn, he'd left the world cold. The sun still shined so brightly down on us as if nothing had ever happened in this place.

🌹

[reddie-steady-go]

Hi! For the prompt thing do you think you could do 24 and 30 for reddie? As much as I love angst do you think it could have a happy ending? I wanna suffer but I don't wanna die lmao. Thank you so much:)

This is soooooo beyond late I’m actually so so sorry please forgive me. But uh..yeah here it FINALLY is! Thank you soo much for the request! You’re speaking my language here because I can’t for the life of me write angst with a sad ending. In any case, I got really carried away and added a little platonic Eddie x Beverly because I think they would be amazing friends! Also yeah this is really cliche and cheesy but I think Eddie would get real cheesy for Richie. In any case, I realllllly hope you like it! I almost split it in two parts but ended up not. promise its got a happy ending! The only warning is swearing, but there’s not too much. @reddie-to-go thank you for helping me brainstorm!!!! And @stnbrough, you were super awesome and helpful too, so thank you!!

@thecastlebyers, @fucking-reddie, @booksmusiclaughsandsadness, tagged as requested! If you wanna be tagged let me know and I’ll be sure to do it!

without further ado, I present Made To Be Together!!!

24: You need to leave, 30: So that’s it, its over?

The rational side of Eddie’s brainknew that he had no reason to be jealous. The rational side of Eddie knew thatRichie loved him. Every kiss, every night spent wrapped up together in Eddie’s too-small bed, every afternoonspent holding hands, every note left in his locker, and every dance held in hisroom to music only they could hear, was confirmation of this.

But the way she talked to Richie, gaze lingering too long onhis boy’s lips, the way she battedher eyelashes, the way she laughed at all of Richie’s stupid jokes, the way she smiled at him, bright andalluring, nagged at the back of his mind, sharp and painful like a dozen shardsof glass. And the way he laughed back! God, the way he laughed back set emberssmouldering within him. Embers that roared into a blaze when she would lean sovery close and ask him to do his Voices. A blaze that consumed him when heshrugged and complied. The rational side of Eddie’s brainknew that he had no reason to be jealous.

But it wasn’t therational side that was winning out.

-–-

Eddie sat on Richie’shaphazardly made bed, trying his hardest to make his displeasure apparent.Richie rambled rapidly to his right, infuriatingly oblivious of Eddie’s anger. It only made Eddie angrier.Richie had been spending a lot of time talking to a girl from their Englishclass named Sarah, and Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn’t bothered by it. She was obviously flirting with him. And to makematters worse, he seemed to be flirting back! Today the two had seemedespecially flirtatious. It made Eddie’s bloodboil.

“Its weird, don’t you think, Eds?” Richie’svoice, now directly addressing him, yanked Eddie out of his stewing thoughts.

“My name isn’t Eds,” hemumbled irritably, refusing to look at Richie.

“But don’t you think its weird, how much Mr.Thayer talks with Maggie?” Richiecontinued, his apparent dismissal of Eddie’sirritation causing him to bristle.

“Why don’t you ask Sarah. I’m sure she’d love to hearall about it,” Eddie hissed, willing everyounce of his frustration to poison his words. He knew as soon as he said itthat he was starting a fight. But he didn’t care.A part of him wanted the fight. Andanother part needed the fight. All his frustration, all his insecurity, it satuneasily within him like a rock, weighing him down. He needed to get it out.

“What? Why would I tell Sarahabout this?” Richie gave Eddie a puzzledlook, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Are you serious?!” Eddie almost wanted to laugh.Almost. “Maybe because she can’t stop flirting with you? Maybebecause you can’t seem to stop yourself fromflirting back?” A humourless sneer stretchedacross Eddie’s face, dripping with anger.

“Eds I am not flirting with Sarah, she’s justa fun person to talk to,” Richieshrugged nonchalantly.

“Well, she’d definitely flirting with you, andit looks a lot like you flirt with her,” Eddiegrumbled. The rational part of his mind knew he was being ridiculous;unfortunately, the rational part wasn’t incontrol.

“Eddie spaghetti, you’re jealous. Well, I can promise youthat you don’t have to worry about Sarah.Or any girl. Except for your mom, of course,” Richietossed his head back and laughed, his messy curls flying through the air.

Eddie’s eyesblazed to life. Did Richie really justlaugh?! Could he not tell how obviously upset he was?! Eddie’s cheeks flushed crimson, his facecontorting into a mask of rage.

“Richiejust shut up! Shut up! Glad you thinkthat the way I feel is funny!” Eddiespat venomously, jumping off Richie’s bedto stand in front of his stunned boyfriend, his frame taut with outrage.

“Eds, I’m sorry, just chill out a bit I didn’t –”Richie didn’t get far before Eddie’s voice cut through his own.

“Don’t tell me to chill out!” Eddie cried, his voice shrill andindignant. “I tried to tell you how Ifeel, and you laughed at me! Obviously, you don’t care!” Richie’s eyeshardened as Eddie spoke, regarding him angrily.

“That isso unfair, of course I care!” Richieyanked himself off his bed, his voice combative. “It’s not my fault you were beingridiculous!”

“Oh, sonow I’m the one being ridiculous?!Well at least I’m not an annoying asshole whocan’t take anything seriously! I swearsometimes I can’t stand you!” It wassomething Eddie would have never even thought about Richie. Let alone say to him. Yet here he was, shouting it atthe person he loved most, not even stopping to think how deep his words mightcut.

“Whatthe fuck, Eddie,” Richie hissed softly, hisvoice raw and thick with hurt. It was all he could seem to say. His headreeled, filled with a mix of outrage, disbelief, and above it all, hurt. Itwould sting coming from anybody. But to hear that from Eddie? From his Eddie? Richie wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so much pain.

“Fuck,Richie –” Eddie began, the harshnessof his words becoming suddenly apparent to him with garish clarity.

“No, youknow what, get out,” Richie interrupted, fixing asteely gaze on Eddie. His heart pounded rhythmically in his ears, the sound ofit almost jarring. He was sure Eddie could hear the thumping. If he could, hemade no indication

“Wait –”

“I said GETOUT!” Richie’s voice thundered through the room,making Eddie jolt involuntarily. He jabbed a finger savagely in the directionof the door. “And you know what? Don’t bother coming back! I guess now Iknow how you really see me! So, I won’t annoy you anymore. We’re through!”

Eddie’s blood turned to ice in his veins. “You can’t meanthat.” His heart skipped severalbeats.

“You maythink I don’t take anything seriously,but this time I am. I’m done.We’re done. You need to leave,” Richiespoke softly, his chest feeling hollow.

“So that’s it? It’s over?” Eddie fumbled over his words,feeling suddenly unsteady. Unconsciously, he found himself reaching for hisaspirator. Richie turned away, blinking back tears he hoped to God wouldn’t come spilling out now.

Eddie had no such luck. Tearsflowed freely from his eyes, staining his cheeks and falling to the ground inthick droplets. He stumbled for the door, his body feeling weightless andsurreal.

Richie held his composure untilhe heard dull thud of his front door. Then he all but fell apart. He sank tothe ground, back against his bed, and let his tears cascade freely from hiseyes. His breath came in hot, ragged heaves that seemed to force themselvesfrom his body. He ran his fingers roughly through his hair, the action almostmanic with it’s repetition. In his head,the same phrase echoed, playing like a scratched record, haunting, tormentinghim. I’m done. We’redone. He could almost feel the weight of the words, heavy and oppressive asthey settled on him. They were the last words he heard before drifting into acomfortless and uneasy sleep.

-–-

Eddie woke the next morning tofind himself no better off than the day before. In fact, he felt worse. It tookevery ounce of his strength to pull himself from his bed. He shuffled into hisbathroom and looked into the mirror above his sink, groaning at the figure thatstared back. His eyes were red and puffy, and dark bags hung low under them,despite the excessive amount of sleep he had gotten the night before.

His less-than-ideal appearancehowever, was little more than a shallow reflection of the way Eddie felt inside.Pangs of guilt shot through him second-by-second like jolts of electricity,each one seemingly stronger than the last. The horrible things he had said thenight before ran through his head; he felt like vomiting. He hadn’t really said that, had he? Hegroaned again and turned on the shower that stood in one end of his bathroom.

Once ready, he stepped in and letthe nearly scalding water wash over his exposed skin, hissing slightly at thesudden change in temperature. He watched the excess water stream across theshower floor before swirling down the drain that waited at the end; a part ofhim wished that he could be whisked away so effortlessly. How was he supposedto go to school and face any of the losers? How was he supposed to face Richie,especially after what he had said? He didn’t blameRichie for ending things with him; the more he thought about it, the more hewas sure he deserved it. Eddie felt fresh tears well in his eyes beforeescaping to mingle with the water that rained down onto his face from theshowerhead above. This was not going to be an easy day.

-–-

“Kaspbrak,what the absolute hell happened lastnight?” Beverly’s face was etched with equal partsirritation and concern. She walked resolutely beside Eddie, cornering him onhis walk home despite his tireless efforts to avoid all the losers. Thankfully,or maybe not so thankfully, Richie hadn’t shownup today. Eddie found himself relieved that he didn’t yet have to face him, but his heart panged with alonging to just be with Richie again.

“What doyou mean?” Eddie tried feebly, kickinga pebble with one sneakered foot as he walked.

“Don’t even try that with me, Eddie.Richie called me last night. He was crying so hard I could barely understandanything he said. He just kept saying something about him being too annoyingfor you,” Eddie flinched, the pit ofguilt in him deepening further. Beverly stared down at Eddie with knowing eyesthat welled with a surprising glint of concern. She reached out, placing onering laden hand on Eddie’sshoulder.

“He andI, we uh,” Eddie paused. We broke up, his mind screamed at him. “We had a fight,” Eddie sighed, unable to speak thehideous truth that glared in his head. For maybe the fifteenth time that day,Eddie felt tears welling in his eyes again. Beverly felt a sinking feeling inher chest, a knowing dread that began to creep icily around her heart.

“It wasmore than just a fight, wasn’t it?” Beverly said softly, her handgripping Eddie’s shoulder more tightly.Eddie’s mouth hung open, unable tofind any words to speak.

“We broke up, Bev. I said terrible thingsand we broke up,” Eddie sobbed freely, unableto hold himself back any longer. His breath came in choked heaves, tearsflowing hotly down his freckle-spattered cheeks.

“Oh,Eddie,” Beverly halted Eddie andwrapped him in a tight hug. Eddie pressed his face wordlessly against thefabric of her blouse, weeping steadily into her shoulder. The unconventionalduo stood along the sidewalk, Beverly wrapping her arms almost protectivelyaround Eddie until he regained his composure enough to speak.

“Bev, Isaid horrible things I was jealous,and I was awful. He was right to end things with me. He deserves better thanme, but it still hurts so much,” Eddie sniffled, a few rogue tearsrolling down his cheek. Beverly gazed down at Eddie, her face etched withsympathy.

“Eddie,listen to me. Richie loves you. And you love him. Everybody fights but you canfix it,” Beverly put on her mostreassuring smile, hoping that it would have some effect on Eddie.

“You don’t understand. How could I even facehim after what I said? He probably hates me. He should hate me,” Eddie mumbled, his shoulders saggingunder the unseen weight of his guilt.

“AlrightKaspbrak, listen up. You fucked up. Everybody does. But I promise Richie willnever hate you. If his phone call last night is any indication, he’s every bit as torn up as you are. Doyou love him?” Beverly spoke caringly yetfirmly, her face a bizarre mixture of compassion and directness.

“Yeah,of course I do. More than anything,” Eddielooked up at Beverly taken aback by her sudden directness. “But –”

Beverly silenced Eddie with afinger. “No buts. You said it yourselfyou love him more than anything. So, don’t letthis get in your way. Yeah, you fucked up and said some shitty things, but weboth know you didn’t mean it. Go tell him.Richie loves you to an almost scary degree I promise he’ll forgive you. You can fix this. Go win your boy back,”

The corners of Eddie’s mouth lifted into the barest hintof a smile. Slowly, Eddie began to feel some hopeful warmth within him. It didn’t banish the weight of his guilt. No,that was something he would have to do himself. But it did lessen it.

“Youreally think I can?” Eddie looked hopefully atBeverly, his voice soft and fragile

“Definitely.I swear, it’s ridiculous that neither ofyou realise how in love you are,”Beverly snorted, laying two reassuring hands on Eddie’s slender shoulders.

“I havean idea,” Eddie said suddenly,throwing his arms around Beverly in a thank-you hug before turning andsprinting towards his house. “Thankyou, Beverly! So much!”

Beverly watched Eddie’s small frame barrel it’s way towards his house at adeceptively fast speed, chuckling to herself. It was ridiculous that they didn’t realise how in love they were, butit was sweet too.

-–-

Almost a full hour later, Eddiefound himself barrelling towards Richie’shouse, the weight of the boombox that poked awkwardly out of his backpack doingnothing to diminish his speed. He buzzed with nervous energy, feeling as if hemight start vibrating at any moment. In his pocket two cassette tapes clatterednoisily with each bounding step, help in the pocket only by Eddie’s hand.

“I’m coming, Richie,” He huffed to himself. He only hopedhe wasn’t too late.

-–-

The only reason that Richie hadeven gotten dressed today was because his mother had insisted. If it had beenup to him he would have spent the next three weeks hiding under his bedcoversin his boxers. As it was, he draped himself across the top of his bed,absentmindedly flicking through comics, several of which sported blotted tearstains. It seemed the only reason he was not crying now was because he had nomore tears to shed. He should never have broken up with Eddie. He may have beenpissed at him but he didn’tactually want to break up with him!

Suddenly, he became aware ofmusic being played. It sounded like it was coming…fromoutside his window? Unable to suppress his curiosity, he shuffled to thewindow, hunting for the source of the music. The image that greeted him wasalmost enough to convince himself he was dreaming.

There, in the middle of theTozier yard, boombox beside him, stood a wild-eyed Eddie Kaspbrak.

Richie’s head spun with a mixture of elation, confusion, andwariness. Gingerly, Richie pushed open his window, leaning out to see Eddiebetter.

“RichieTozier, I love you more than anything in the world, And I want you to know thatI am so sorry!” Eddie shouted over theblaring notes of Air Supply’s All Out of Love. “I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me!”

“Eds –” Richie began, a wide grin spreadingacross his face, before he was interrupted.

“I’M ALL OUT OF LOVE, I’M SO LOST WITHOUT YOUUUUU!” Eddie wailed awkwardly along withthe song that thundered from his boombox, his cheeks blazing crimson. “I CAN’T BETOO LATE TO SAY I WAS SOOO WRONG!”

Despite everything, Richie foundhimself laughing. “Jesus Eds you’re going to shatter my windows! I’ll be right out!” Richie whirled around and sprinteddown his stairs to his front lawn, neglecting shoes as he beelined for the boywho waited outside. He stopped a few feet from him, giggling as he realisedwhat song Eddie had switched to while he had made his way outside.

“IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAYFROM YOUUUUUUUUUUU! THERE’SNOTHING THAT A HUNDRED MEN OR MORE COULD EVER DOOOOOOOO!!” Eddie’s faceglowed red, his eyes shut tightly as he haphazardly belted lyrics into the air.

“Holyshit Eds, the whole neighbourhood can hear you,” Richiecouldn’t help but chuckle. Eddiestopped singing and regarded the boy nervously.

“That’s kind of the point,” he said sheepishly. “I wanted everyone to know how much Iscrewed up and how much I love you.” Richieface turned a light shade of pink, his stomach fluttering as Eddie spoke.

“Eds I –”

“RichieI’m so so sorry. Please I never meantany of what I said I was being stupid and jealous and I’m so sorry and I understand if you can’t forgive me and you want to staybroken up, but I just want you to know you’venever been annoying to me, and you deserve so much better than me. I’m so sorry,” Eddie spilled out the words he had rehearsed again andagain on his way here, his heart pounding in his chest.

Richie stood silently for whatfelt like an eternity. Eddie began shifting from foot to foot, searchingdesperately for some response.

“Chee, I–” Eddie’s wordscame to a muffled halt as Richie crashed his lips passionately against Eddie’s. Richie’s body thrummed with energy, his skin tingling and hotwherever he and Eddie came into contact. Slowly, Eddie wrapped his arms aroundRichie’s neck, deepening the kiss.Richie leaned farther into the kiss, causing Eddie to bend slightly backwardsto accommodate. He could feel Eddie melt into the kiss, until soon the onlything that kept Eddie from falling flat on his back was Richie, his armscradling Eddie passionately.

“Ishouldn’t have broken up with you,” Richie spoke when they finallyseparated. “I was mad, but now I justwant you back,”

“I wantyou back too,” Eddie grinned up at Richie,fighting the urge to kiss him again as the sun glinted off his perfectly messychocolate curls. Instead, he settled on a hug, throwing his arms around Richieand clinging onto him as if he might disappear at any second. “I should never have gotten so jealousit was so stupid, I was being such an idiot,”

“Yeah,it was, and yeah, you were,” Richiechuckled, and pressed a kiss to Eddie’scheek. “But you’re my idiot, and I wouldn’t trade that for a million dollars,” Eddie’s mouthlifted into a wide grin, his eyes shining with elation.

“So, we’re not broken up?” Eddie asked hopefully.

“Ofcourse not,” Richie wrapped his armsaround Eddie, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. “We weremade to be together,”

Eddie closed his eyes, a sense ofperfect calm washing over him as he felt Richie’s heartbeating in time with his own. Eddie seemed to fit perfectly in Richie’s arms, as if that is where he was meantto be. In that moment, wrapped up in Richie, the two boys swaying gently out inthe yard for the world to see, a forgotten boombox still playing behind them, Eddieknew the truth: he and Richie were made to be together.

And he would never take that forgranted again.