#it's like the telltale heart but i didnt do anything wrong

[polygondotcomvideoproducer]

I fear that the squirrel in my attic is going to turn me into a cartoon villain

[tskumoyuuma]

I FINALLY got around to playing thru the villain joker route in telltale, and despite it taking me this long to actually complete it, I already knew going in that I was going to like it a lot more than the vigilante route.

now, dont get me wrong, I still like the vigilante route, but more in a "this is what I'd/want/ to happen more" way for johns fate.

but the thing is, for a route dedicated to the joker vigilante who wants to help batman and be his partner fighting crime .... he hardly interacts with batman at all. the focus is on Waller and what shes done w the agency, and what shes done and going to do to him and people like him. I understand and can appreciate this kind of plot and why vigilante joker would focus so hard on it, but.. it makes the route overall feel so. impersonal.

meanwhile the villain route is nothing but personal. it almost entirely focuses on Bruce wayne and joker. anything Walker did or was going to do pales in the face of what Bruce did when he didnt fully trust john and he realized just how much bruce had been using him. the whole plot is purposefully set up as a "bad breakup" between joker and Bruce, and the whole reason joker is doing any of this is to make bruce watch and suffer, suffer in the same way he did. and because it's so much more personal, the emotions are so much more heightened as well, culminating in a final battle that really rips at your heart, if you let it. it's why I knew from the moment I understood what the two routes would really entail that I would personally prefer the villain route over the vigilante one.

that's not to say that I think the vigilante one serves no purpose. in fact, I really love the dichotomy between the two, which includes the fact that one is more personal than the other. batman vs bruce. the agency's coldheartedness vs intimate betrayal. a vigilante who kills people vs a villain who just wont kill his enemy. and yet theyr united by one key thing: love, and how it can get twisted and turned into something wrong, no matter the true intentions.

it's there, it's always there, no matter how you play. love is always there.

and it's always wrong

[piximiplays]

Take Us Back “Review” ig

Wow that episode was just... wow 😭 That was actually a really good ending (at least the one I got, I'm not sure about any other endings there might be) to an amazing series 😭😭

Also, if you haven’t blocked the twdg spoilers tag, I’ll put a break here but if you haven’t played the episode and/or don’t want major spoilers for Take Us Back, don’t read the rest of this long ass post. You have been warned. (That sounded super serious sksksksks 😂)

Ok so I’m just gonna start off with the beginning when AJ voiced the “last time on The Walking Dead” like damn that entire sequence put my anxiety (which was already super high because I was literally freaking out about possibly getting Clem or anyone else killed) through the roof. He was listing all the things I’ve taught him in the past and that shit honestly gave me ten different types of anxiety.

So, I got James killed in the last episode so I have no idea what he says in this episode or anything like that, but I’ve heard that it’s not great sksksksk

Anyway, the fact that we literally saw James as a walker broke me so much I was literally crying at that point.

And then when AJ said he wanted to be a firefighter damn that shit was lowkey kinda cute. At that point I was a little more relaxed because we were somewhat safe in the cave.

But then shit went so south when we left the cave and after we met up with Violet.

Of course I had to mention the tree house and omg I almost cried again just thinking back to season 1 when we met Clementine in her tree house 😭 (Even though I’m pretty sure she said she hated her tree house in season 2 abgsfhj)

And of course I had to rename Ericsons to Castle Violet who do you think I am

But the bridge OOF

Fuckign Minerva akajsfkjh I’m wondering if there was a way where she could have lived I highly doubt it but damn I wasn’t expecting her just die like that wow I was lowkey kinda hoping maybe she would get some kind of redemption but wow that whole dragged out death was so gruesome but not necessarily in a bad way, at least not for this series sksksksks

And damn Minnie just had to fucking slice Clem’s leg that shit looked like it hurt askdjashdg

AND THEN TENN FUCKIGN DIED WHAT THE FUCK

I think if I hadn’t told AJ to make the tough calls then he wouldn’t have shot Tenn, and Violet probably would have died instead (or Louis if you saved him at the end of episode 2) Fucking hell

And when we split up and Vi went back to the school goddamnit that scared me because I had a feeling something was gonna go wrong  AND I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

At this point I was fucking crying my goddamn eyes out because CLEM GOT FUCKING BIT WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT JFHJKSGHJGF

I was such a mess at this point there was honestly no saving me

The entire time I was shouting at Clem to just chop her leg off at that point because there was no way that Clem was gonna die in such a stupid way like damn. wait fuck that's how Lee died AKSFJKG IM SORRY LEE I DIDNT MEAN TO DISRESPECT YOU LIKE THAT FUCK

Anyway

And then when I got that fucking achievement after that at that point like, first of all fuck you game, second of all fuck you. But seriously, I was genuinely wondering if there was any way to avoid her getting bitten but idk at this point it’s almost 1am I have school in the morning and I am way too tired to replay the entire episode even though it was a lot shorter than I thought it was gonna be tbh probably because I didn’t look around for collectibles as much and because I probably didn’t pause the episode as much as I usually do while making hard decisions sksksks

And then when we made it to the barn and we fucking started playing as AJ I was freaking out at this point

But when Clem was literally dying I was sobbing the entire time and just fuck, the parallels between that and season 1 when Lee died goddamn that shit hurted

I literally had to pause the game at this point because AJ was crying right in my ears and I couldn’t focus because I was also crying and only one of us can cry at a time buddy

Originally in episode 3 I told AJ to leave Clem if she ever got bit but fuck I didn’t think it was actually gonna happen so I changed my mind and told AJ to kill her because god damn I’m not gonna let her turn into a walker fuck that (even though that’s exactly what I did with Lee fuck) (Also I just looked and I’ve literally used the word fuck in this post like 23 times so far sksksksksks 😂)

And when it cut to black after that, literally all that was left was the sound of my sobs goddamn. And the achievement “final lesson” that shit just made me cry even harder

And the fucking ranch flashback right after goddamnit I was still mourning Clem you can’t just have me play as her again like that, shit. Also damn poor AJ 😭😭

And then when AJ was fishing and Rosie showed up damn she actually put a smile on my face somehow. I didn’t think that was possible at that point

Clem’s hatttt 😭 I was so scared I wouldn’t get it because I kept missing the quick time events but then Rosie got it thank god

And omg when we got back to the school and Take Us Back started playing I was even more of a mess I thought the episode was gonna end there but boy am I glad it didn’t

Also omg Ruby and Aasim holding hands damn that shit was adorable

When the music faded out and shit, I was like ok I think there’s still a little more to the episode but then FUCKING CLEM STARTED TALKING AND AT FIRST I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IS AJ IMAGINING THIS BUT NO CLEM WAS ALIVE AND OH MY GOD I LITERALLY STARTED CRYING AGAIN BUT THIS TIME THEY WERE HAPPY TEARS AJHAFSGF

I was so fucking glad that Clementine was alive I didn’t even care about the fact that she was missing a leg I was just so glad to see her oh my god I really thought she was dead

And they all lived happily ever after

Jk except for Tenn GODDAMNIT HE DESERVED BETTER

But seriously, I was so glad Clem wasn’t dead and that mostly everyone was alive I seriously thought I was gonna get a shitty ending (But I’m also a little confused on how Clem survived the bite. I know she obviously cut her leg off and she did say something to AJ about she was glad he didn’t listen to her in the barn which I’m assuming was referring to when she told him to kill her, but if that was where Clem had her leg chopped off, I feel like the bite would already have spread to the rest of her system at that point? Idk I’m not gonna question it I’m just extremely glad she’s not dead)

And the very ending where we walked through the hallway and it showed all the names from the Still Not Bitten Team damn I loved that so much

And omg when we went into the room and were able to look at Disco Broccoli and his friends, I noticed that the option to look at Disco Broccoli kept popping up so I kept selecting it and ALKHASDFJKG I FELT LIKE I ENTERED ANOTHER DIMENSION WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT I don’t wanna spoil it but y’all need to see that if you haven’t already skskskkssk whether you replay the episode and see yourself or if someone makes a video of it on YouTube (which I feel like someone will eventually)

But omg the very ending with the “thank you for playing” that shit hurted 😭 I literally started crying again but not nearly as much as I thought I would tbh I thought I would be bawling my eyes out for hours but at this point I just feel kinda numb 😂 Like it hasn’t really set in that The Walking Dead just ended. Maybe because I can immortalize it forever in my Steam library and replay it however many times I want (and by reading fanfiction sksksksksks) 

(Also this post is gonna be put into my queue until more people play the episode so it probably won’t be posted until later tomorrow. So just know that this post was made at 1 in the morning a few hours after the release of episode 4 and I have to go to school tomorrow morning. Wish me luck)

Long story short, that entire episode was amazing (even if it did fuck with my head a little and was a little emotionally scarring sksksks) and I am so glad I was basically able to grow up with Clementine and this entire series

Also here are some screenshots because why not 😂

sksksksk AJ’s face 😭😂

This shit hurted 😭 (But it’s also a really pretty picture and I highkey want this framed on my wall or at least as my wallpaper on my phone or some shit)

What the fuck when did I ever say it was okay to try and kill someone if they try to steal from you alskhjags (Update: I just realized that this was referring to when I attacked Abel aksjdhkhg AJ THATS NOT WHAT I WANTED YOU TO TAKE AWAY FROM THAT)

This was actually really cool and even though it made me feel a little guilty because some of these choices I made weren’t the best, oh well

And here are my choices because why not 😂

And lastly, I want to thank Skybound from the bottom of my heart for saving this incredible game. If it wasn’t for this company these last two episodes wouldn’t have ever come out and Clementine and AJ’s story wouldn’t have gotten a proper ending. So thank you so much Telltale for starting and creating this amazing game and thank you to Skybound for giving it a proper sendoff.

[squadlessgeek]

4, 16, 60 :)

4. “you haven’t even touched your food. what’s going on?” (this screamed Virgil so that’s what i went with)

Virgil still wasn’t used to all the changes. He usually viewed change, inherently, as a bad thing, and though he knew the other sides were only doing their best to help him feel included and cared about, it was still weird.So Patton’s sudden question and worried stare definitely caught him off guard.“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”They didn’t usually eat together; usually Virgil wouldn’t even realize he hasnt eaten until his stomach coaxed him awake in the early hours. Logan would normally wander into the kitchen at exactly five o'clock for a small, yet healthy meal. Patton always cooked for Roman and himself. But tonight Patton had made dinner for all of them, and Virgil was forced to socialize with the rest of them. He’d been picking at his food with his fork, moving things around but never actually lifting them to his mouth.There wasn’t anything wrong, not particularly, so his response to the moral side’s question was simple: a shrug, a weak smile. Patton didn’t buy it. He set his fork down and did what Virgil called the “Dad Pose.” Elbows on the table, arms crossed over one another, fingers splayed. “Come on, kiddo, we’ve been over this. Talk to us.”Logan was also quick to turn his attention to Virgil, while Roman’s heart was still set on his steak. The silverware on the table rattled as Logan not-so-subtly elbowed the creative side in order to alter the subject of his concentration. “Um…” Virgil started, cheeks growing warm at all the sudden attention. “Nothing’s going on. I’m just… Not used to…” He cleared his throat, eyes moving to address Logan. “Why is he looking at me like that?” He asked, referring to Patton’s extremely fixated gaze. His eyes were wide and almost doe-like, his expression showing way too much concern. Logan snapped his fingers in front of the father figure’s face, and he blinked in confusion.“Morality. Stop that.”“Stop what?”“Being so… emotional. Virgil says there is nothing wrong, so evidently, there is nothing wrong. Perhaps he simply dislikes your cooking.”Patton slapped a hand to his own chest as if he had just been impaled.“No! No, no it’s not that,” Virgil quickly said, and the bickering ceased as the attention was brought back to him. “Like I was saying, I’m just not used to doing stuff with you guys. And I don’t usually eat this early, anyway.”Roman cut in to the conversation for the first time. “It’s nearly eight o'clock, how late do you eat?”Virgil pursed his lips and shrugged. “Not til, like, the middle of the night. I just don’t really think about it.”Logan gasped sharply, and now it seemed as if he was the one being impaled. “Virgil that is so unhealthy.”“Yeah, I know.”“Then why do you do it?!”A shrug was all the logical side got in response. Patton sighed and shook his head.“Well,” he began. “You don’t have to eat with us, I just thought a change might be nice-”“He doesn’t like change,” Roman muttered before stuffing his mouth with broccoli, and then immediately realizing his mistake and cringing at the taste of the vegetable.Virgil pointed at Roman to acknowledge the statement. “Yeah. That.”Logan frowned. “I don’t see how broccoli has anything to do with-”“No, the- the change thing.”Now Patton was frowning, almost as if he was disappointed in himself. “Oh. Right.”Virgil’s chest ached. He hated seeing Patton upset, especially when it was his fault. He felt his hands begin to shake, and took a deep breath before speaking again.“But I want to put in effort for you guys, just like you’ve all been putting effort in for me. Even Princey.” He picked up his fork, stabbed it into a piece of steak (Patton had cut all of the meat into small cubes) and guided it into his mouth. “Oh. Oh that’s really good,” he murmured, shoveling more into his mouth. Only now did he realize how hungry he actually was. “Don’t speak with your mouth full,” Logan sighed.

-

16. “Stop it! It tickles!” (More Virgil stuff yayy)

“Are you sure this is going to turn out the way you wish?” Logan asked from his seat, eyes never raising from the novel in his hands.“Oh, pssh! He’ll love it!” Patton waved away Logan’s question and positioned himself against the wall in such a way that if one were coming down the stairs, there was no way they would see him. He’d heard the telltale sounds of shifting and groans coming from upstairs that meant Virgil was finally emerging from his bed, and was likely going to come downstairs at any moment.Just as predicted, Patton heard a door opening and closing as well as shuffling footsteps. He waved his arms in excitement and pressed a finger to his lips, though Logan was the only other side in the room and he hadn’t said a word other than his initial question.Patton waited patiently, though his legs were starting to cramp in this crouched position. He finally heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and as soon as they grew close enough, he pounced. A screaming Virgil went down as Patton attacked, his fingers tickling any sensitive spot they could find. Virgil’s screams soon turned to laughter, his arms flailing in a desperate attempt to swat Patton’s hands away.“S-stop it!” He wheezed, barely able to speak between spasms of laughter. “It tickles!”Logan spoke again: “I believe that is the point.”“Get him- Ah! Off of me!”“I don’t understand, the sounds you’re making suggest that you are enjoying yourself.”Virgil was unable to reply as he gasped for air, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. At that point Patton finally granted mercy and moved off of Virgil, laughing and feeling very proud of himself.Virgil took a few moments to catch his breath before sitting up, clasping his chest and glaring at the moral side.“I’ll get you back for that.”

-

60. “They didnt just find out! They already knew!” (I made this Prinxiety and im not even  ashamed)

“Aww, you guys are adorable,” Patton cooed as he entered the room, casually plopping himself down onto one end of the couch. On the other end, Virgil and Roman had been cuddling together while watching The Nightmare Before Christmas, Virgil practically sitting on the prince’s lap. At the sight of Patton, the anxious side quickly scrambled away from Roman and sat with his arms crossed and his cheeks bright red. “What are you taking about?” He muttered. “I-I don’t… We’re not-”“Oh, please,” Logan added, suddenly materializing seemingly out of nowhere and straightening his tie. “You two could not be any more obvious.”Roman paused the movie, sitting up straight and looking incredulously at the other sides. “But- but we’ve been so careful, how did you-?”Virgil cut in, rubbing at his face with one hand and grimacing, “They didnt just find out. They already knew!”“Correct,” Logan grinned.“How?!”Patton giggled, shaking his head. “Come on. We’re all different aspects of Thomas’s personality. We may not know what all of the others are doing or feeling constantly, but it’s pretty darn easy to tell when something’s up. And you two are definitely up.”Logan looked at Patton with something in his eyes that seemed to resemble respect. “That was… Actually a very accurate response, Patton.”The moral side shrugged. “Aw, thanks-”“Not very articulate, though.”“Ah, well. Next time.”

[letsimagineitall]

choose your battles iv

i rewrote it. i didn’t like the other one. we will pretend from here on out that the other one didnt exist. this is part iv.

STUFF HAPPENS. FADE TO BLACK.

warnings: medical emergency, pain, blood, profanity?, descriptions of an abusive relationship, angst. please stay safe.

if you are a victim of domestic violence,  1−800−799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/ are at your disposal. i believe you.

word count: 4.8 k

previous parts: i ii iii

tag list:  @bobbdylan, @tomorraw @marvel-music-books @deeper-in-my-mind  @iamthemaskhewears​ @redroomproperty

You’d moved into the compound officially almost 2 months ago and nothing had ever felt so natural. You moved into a rhythm that had you, Becca, and everyone who worked with you, happy.  All that needed to get done, was finished, and everyone felt safe confiding in you in medical situation and even personal situations.

Admittedly, your situation was a little different than most of the other employees at the compound seeing as the team had taken you in almost immediately, but you still worked hard for the respect of those around you and it was paying off.

Your keys jingled as you flipped them around your finger, echoing as you walked down the hallway and into the common room. As soon as you stepped foot in the common room, you were immediately barraged by questions. Tony, Sam, Natasha, and Wanda were clearly in the midst of some sort of debate.

“Okay hold on, one of you at a time. I’m capable of a lot of things but you all bickering over each other doesn’t lead to easy comprehension.” you sat in one of the chairs congregated in the middle of the room and set to work at tying your shoe. No one mentions how damn difficult it is to tie your shoes when you’re pregnant. Even 5 months along, bending at the waist gets tricky. The best way to go about it seemed to be to sit in a chair and lean back a little and pull your foot onto the seat with you and just have blind faith in your ability to tie a shoe.

“Settle a debate for Sam and Tony, please..” Natasha piped up. You looked up at the two men looking a little guilty now that you’d been dragged into the most likely idiotic debate.

The two stayed quiet. Uncommon for either of them.

“Do I have to ask to be brought into the loop or am I better off just walking away now. I was planning on going to the grocery store but I can go tomorrow if this is going to take a while.” Shoe tied. Small victories. The men looked timid.

“Is it something stupid? Is that what’s holding this up?”  you looked to Natasha hoping for some guidance.

Wanda was the one to chime in. “They’re debating about which one of them Rebecca likes more.” she had a telling smile on her face; she knew how this was going to end.

“You’re arguing for my daughter’s affection? That’s a little weird. It’s cute, don’t get me wrong, but the answer would be neither of you.” you stated matter of factly. Wanda nodded and Natasha shrugged, the same smile forming on her face.

“What?” the men cried out in tandem.

“Neither of you could beat Steve in that competition.” you set out to find your wallet in your purse.

“Just between me, the beloved Uncle Tony, and birdbreath here. Which one of us?”

“Yeah she’d choose Steve. Doesn’t matter if there are specific parameters, Steve is her favorite. Pretty sure she’d choose him over me at this point.”

Natasha and Wanda had the satisfaction they wanted from this conversation and went back to their respective tasks.

“You want me to prove it? She and Steve are on their way here now. You can ask her for yourself.” you shrugged as you heard Becca’s telltale peals of laughter as she and Steve ‘raced’ down the hall.

Everyone looked to the doorway as she tumbled through it, losing her footing and ending up on her back on the stained concrete flooring. You saw Tony’s arm reach out to catch her, but could only get ahold of her upper arm, keeping her from hitting the ground face first at full impact.

Despite efforts on Tony’s part, you still could see almost in slow motion as the back of her head hit the ground. The way she landed luckily kept her from hitting her face, but it still couldn’t have felt good and you were almost immediately out of your chair and by her side. As you helped her sit up, you could already see the tears pooling in her eyes and you didn’t hesitate to pull her into your arms.

No matter how many times she managed to get herself hurt, it didn’t seem to dull the ache in your heart to see your baby cry. Bright red face and thick tears, the concrete didn’t treat her well. You pulled her onto your hip and stood up so you could sway back and forth and try to quell the mostly fear induced meltdown. You had learned when Becca first came along that most times when children cry, it’s because they don’t understand what happened, not necessarily that they’re hurt. Clint was the only one in the compound that had really grasped that completely, but everyone else was on their way.

“I’m so sorry, I swear I tried to grab her, but she went down too fast.” Tony looked like a deer in the headlights.

“S’okay, Tony. You didn’t know she was gonna hit the ground and you kept her from going down on her face.” you tried to console him.

Becca’s tears had devolved to tears running down her face and quiet whimpers as you pulled her as close to your body as you could, her face nuzzled in the crook of your neck.

Everyone in the room tried to find something to do, ending up flipping from channel to channel, and you moved to the kitchen to try to finish off the grocery list.

“You still want to go to the grocery store with us?” you didn’t even look up as you asked Steve as he came in the common room. He hesitated slightly at the door when he saw Becca hiding in your arms, but came around and ended up standing behind you, reading the grocery list you were putting together, a hand on your lower back. It was the innocent ‘I’m just letting you know I’m near you’ touches that set your friendship with Steve apart from any relationship you’d ever had, platonic or romantic.

“Which one are you going to?”

“I was thinking about driving out to Syracuse and seeing what’s there in the way of groceries but I could go anywhere.” you were still swaying side to side and could tell Becca was falling asleep so you kept your voice low.

Becca raised her head and reached out for Steve.

“Why’re you teary-eyed, princess?” he asked, his free hand moving to her face to wipe her tears away.

“I fell.” she sniffled, soaking up the attention Steve was giving her.

“Little miss learned why mama’s been saying you can’t run in socks on this floor. Total wipeout.”

She held out her little arms to Steve, begging to be carried by him. “Oh I see how it is. Leave mama for the big guy. That’s fine.” you joked, yielding to Steve to pick her up if he wanted to. He always wanted to.

“Think you have enough room for some stragglers on your grocery adventure?” Sam asked, butting into the conversation.

“If you can fit in my car, you’re welcome to tag along. You may have to deal with grocery bags in your lap but you’re always welcome.” the offer was always extended to the team but no one ever really seemed to take it seriously.

There was a general consensus was that they never got to leave the compound except for work, and going out and doing something before helping you go grocery shopping might be fun, you you ended up with Steve, Sam, Natasha, Wanda, and Tony all trying to pile into your car. This was one of those times that you thanked past you for buying a minivan regardless of the frequency with which Tony, albeit lovingly, called you ‘soccer mom’.

Steve buckled Becca into her carseat, somehow you hadn’t even noticed that she’d fallen asleep in his arms but him putting her in the carseat didn’t cause her to stir. He even explained briefly how to get her out to Tony and Sam who idiotically took the two seats with the least space, leaving the back row to Wanda and Natasha, and he took shotgun.

The first hour of the car ride was quiet. Traffic was minimal and everyone was absorbed in their own activities. Wanda and Natasha were absorbed in a conversation, Sam and Tony were watching something on Tony’s phone, and Steve was looking out the window, pointing interesting things out to you as you drove.

You still had a 15 minute drive to the store when Becca woke up, slightly disoriented.

“Mama?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“We goin home to see Papa?”

It felt like the air had been pulled from your lungs as you processed the question. You weren’t expecting her to forget her father, or even for her to not mention him, but she hadn’t mentioned him since the two of you first moved to the compound. She threw a fit every night for the first 2 weeks or so, wanting her Papa desperately, but you couldn’t do anything to help her and she eventually stopped asking.

“Uhh- No baby, no we aren’t going to go see Papa. We’re gonna go shopping. Do you want some goldfish?” you tried desperately to fill the deafening silence but even the mere mention of Becca’s father made your heart hurt and your eyes water.

Remembering how you were so easily manipulated into thinking he was your one true love, into thinking fighting that hard to be loved was how love was supposed to work, it was just too much. It made you want to scream, just thinking how much you endured while letting him convince you that he loved you

He never really did. He put on a good game face though. Made it seem real for awhile.

“Yes please Mama.” she seemed pleased with your response, not dwelling on her Papa’s absence any longer. You handed her a package of goldfish that you kept in your center console and turned on the radio and pressed play on the Disney playlist you knew would have her babbling along in an instant.

You could tell Steve was looking at you. He always looked at you with that stupid doe eyed expression when you were upset. Begging you to let him in. You took a deep breath and wiped the rogue tears from your face and got ready to exit the interstate and navigate Syracuse.

“Where to first?” you opened the debate back up. It was only 11am so you had the rest of the day to wander Syracuse.

There was a little bit of discussion before it was determined that you’d go to the Destiny USA mall and get groceries on the way back to the compound. Becca had never been to such a big mall before, so you were excited to let her wander around and wear herself out so sleep tonight would be easy.

As you pulled into the parking garage, Becca squealed at the sudden darkness, Natasha woke Wanda up from her apparent nap, Sam moved to start unbuckling Becca, and Steve turned the radio off. You knew he was going to try to talk to you about what your daughter had said, he knew a little about your dissolved marriage.

You found a parking spot pretty quickly. “Why don’t you guys go ahead and go on in. I need to find something and Becca will lose it if I make her wait any longer.” There was a general consensus that everyone wanted to be out of the van and they all filed out and made their way into the Macy’s attached to the parking garage. Except Steve.

Steve saw right through your excuses and stayed put. You couldn’t figure out if you hated or adored that about him. He couldn’t just leave well enough alone.

“You wanna talk about it?” there it was.

“I hate malls.”

“That’s not what I’m asking about but we can talk about that if you want.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. The two of you just sat in silence. At some point he took your hand in his, trying to comfort you.

“You have no idea what that marriage was like.” your voice sounded small. Like a little person who could fit on your shoulder and give you advice could sound bigger than you. “I thought I was doing the right thing by staying. I thought I was overreacting when I thought about leaving. He didn’t do this or that so I obviously didn’t have any reason to leave.”

“After I had Becca, my doctors weren’t sure if it would be safe for me to have another kid. I was okay with that. I’d always wanted to adopt. Things were going to be okay. Then when Becca turned 1 and I finished my application to become a foster parent, he started-” your throat was so tight you could barely speak.

“He started telling me that if I didn’t have another kid with him, I didn’t really love him, and I would have done anything to prove to him that I loved him. Anything. I tried until just before we got divorced. I started thinking that maybe I just couldn’t conceive again. Maybe what the doctors meant by unsafe to have another kid was really incapable of having another kid.”

“He hated me for that. This pregnancy, me carrying another child, it’s a miracle. Not even a miracle, it’s science, it’s months of IVF treatments and doing everything to make my body as healthy as possible.”

“I never wanted to be a mom on my own. I guess he wanted that for me though. Soon as I told him that I was pregnant, he was on the phone talking to divorce lawyers.”

“I thought I was going to break in two when Becca asked about her dad. She’s never gonna have a dad in the way that she’s going to want.” you sniffled and wiped the tears from your face again.

“You don’t have to be a mom on your own.” Steve offered. His voice was soft, as if he was trying to keep from scaring this suddenly incredibly vulnerable side of you away from him. “Not for as long as you live at the compound. Everyone you see there thinks the world of Rebecca and I swear it’ll be the same with the next one. No one is going to make you do any of this alone. Not if you don’t want to be alone.”

That didn’t help the waterworks at all.

“Oh god if we keep talking I’m gonna drown us in this car with all my tears.” you giggled slightly at the image you conjured up in your head and found a pack of tissues in your car to aide your problem.

You took a deep breath and opened your car door as Steve did the same. He was the epitome of a gentleman and came around to your door to help you out. You had accepted that it wasn’t worth it to reject help from any of the team. It just wasn’t worth the effort. Take the helping hand and thank them graciously. They only mean well by it.

You shut the door behind you and started towards the entrance that the others had taken almost 30 minutes ago.

About halfway between your car and the door you slowed your pace and stopped altogether.

“Hey Steve?” you managed to catch his hand as he walked.

“Mm?”

“Thank you for that. Y’know. Listening? I haven’t really talked to anyone about everything and I’m sorry for dumping so much on you, but thank you for listening. It means a lot.” you offered him a small smile.

“I’m always around to listen. And hey, don’t worry about her not having a dad. She has plenty of male influence in the compound. Even if she didn’t have that, she’d have you and that’s more than she could ever possibly ask for. She’s got a whole team willing to go to bat for her. You shouldn’t worry about her.” you couldn’t help but stare at the man in front of you.

Since day one, he’d held his heart on his sleeve when it came to you and your daughter. He was relentless in his desire to protect the two of you. You tried to ignore it time and time again, you need more time to heal or you were misinterpreting the signs, but there was an undeniable magnetism between the two of you.

You’d never in your life been the one to make the first move. You’d been told it was unattractive for a woman to know what she wanted, you’d always thought it was bullshit but you still heeded the warnings. Now? Now felt like one of those times where none of those rules that had kept you from being happy for so long mattered anymore. You weren’t trying to impress someone, you weren’t trying to prove your worthiness. You were just standing in front of a man who had allowed for you to fall head over heels for him.

And you made the first move this time.

It was almost in slow motion. You reached up and put your hand on his cheek, his involuntary reaction being to seek out the comforting action. It wasn’t something you had to over think, or really even think about at all. You just leaned in and he met you in the middle.

If someone asked you to describe the kiss, you wouldn’t be able to. You’d draw a blank. As soon as your eyes slid shut, all you could focus on was the way his arm wrapped gently around your waist and pulled you close to him. The way his lips moved against yours. The way it all ended faster than it should have when someone laid out on their horn and the two of you broke apart.

No one was honking at you, it was a man across the garage, but it still had the two of you in a giggling fit in the middle of the parking garage.

“We should go inside and catch up with the others.” how he could hear you when you almost didn’t want him to hear you being the voice of reason was beyond you. Well, not really. Super soldier and all.

He nodded and hesitantly moved away from you. On the walk to meet up with the rest of the group, the two of you determined that you should wait until you can talk about the implications of the kiss before you start performing PDA or anything like that. No matter how much the two of you just wanted to explore this new avenue of your previously strictly platonic relationship.

The walk to the agreed upon rendezvous point wasn’t all that strenuous but you were unusually winded. You didn’t take much note of it.

When you made it to the rest of the group, everyone was carrying at least one bag and Becca was wearing a completely different outfit to the one you dressed her in this morning.

“How did you guys do so much damage in so little time?” you couldn’t help but laugh. Turns out Tony had conspired with the rest of the team to get Becca a completely new wardrobe. Your question of “why” had been met with “The hour long drive here was boring. Needed something to do.” and a couple shrugs. Everything they had wanted to buy had been set aside ahead of time by store clerks (‘money gets things done’ as Tony so eloquently stated) and they had split up to pick everything up before you met up with them. Your unscheduled stay in the car had just been luck.

The next few hours were easily wasted wandering the mall. Becca stayed on Steve’s shoulders for the majority of the adventure and no one walked out empty handed. The entirety of the afternoon was filled with endless laughter and you were almost sad to have to go back to reality soon, but groceries still needed to be purchased and there was a team returning from a mission tomorrow and you needed to be there.

Becca waved to everyone you passed on your way back to the car and was clearly spent when you got to the car. She was grumpy and now had to make it through a grocery trip.

Before you got in the car, you caught Steve’s arm.

“Do you think you can drive? Or get someone else to drive?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah yeah I’m just fine, I’m just a little dizzy and I don’t want to drive while dizzy.” you tried to pass your uneasiness off as genuine cheeriness. You weren’t sure if it worked, but he convinced Nat to drive, and you took the passenger seat.

You sat with your legs pulled up as close to your chest as you could get and put your head on your knees, trying to focus on anything but the pervasive dizziness. Everyone could tell something was off, but they kept the attention off of you and started playing I, Spy with Becca.

The drive to the supermarket was luckily uneventful aside from the dull ache in your lower back and the drive from the supermarket to the compound would only be 45 minutes.

You got out of the car, thanking Nat again for driving and pulling Becca from her seat and sliding her into the child seat in the cart that Tony pushed in front of you. You were probably a confusing bunch of people to see walking into a suburban grocery store, but only a couple people had recognized anyone in your pack so far.

The grocery list was pretty straightforward. Milk, eggs, bread, sandwich fixings, pasta, fruit, veggies, canned veggies, rice, cereal, beans, so on and so forth except everything was purchased in a more extreme quantity.

“We don’t need 8 loaves of bread.”

“You’ve seen Bucky and Steve eat, right?”

“That’s fair.”

You’d broken off from the group with Sam to find the right kind of coffee creamer when you started feeling like you couldn’t breathe because of the pain in your stomach. Stabbing aching unmistakeable pain.

Sam must have heard you gasp because he turned to face you and reached out to see if you were okay. You didn’t even think about it, you just grabbed onto his arm to try to steady yourself. His arms went to steady you as you tried to keep from crying out.

“Need to sit down. Please. Need to sit.” you couldn’t make your voice sound more than a whimper, but he understood and led you to a miraculously placed bench a few feet away, helping you sit down and kneeling in front of you.

You tried to thank him but the pain hit again. The first bout of pain hadn’t dissipated but it started again. You couldn’t think about anything other than the pain. You tried. Tried to think about literally anything and focus on it, but you couldn’t.

Sam called out Steve’s name and redirected your grasp on him to his hand instead of his upper arm.

It took maybe 45 seconds for Steve to appear in front of you, sensing the panic in Sam’s voice, he jogged to find the two of you.

There were tears rolling down your cheeks and Sam tried his best to explain to Steve exactly what happened but it wasn’t all that clear to Sam what exactly had happened. Tony soon joined the congregation. You looked a mess, on the verge of panting, holding your stomach, head leaned against the wall as you cried.

You knew they were talking to you or maybe about you? You could hear your name, but it sounded like you were underwater, listening to someone on shore speak.

After a few minutes, the pain started subsiding. Sam was clearly grateful for the use of his hand back, but the three men in front of you looked plagued by worry.

“Where’s Rebecca?” you managed as Steve sat down next to you and let you lean into him.

“She’s with Nat and Wanda. They’re finishing up what’s left of the shopping list and they’re gonna check out soon.”

“That didn’t take long”

“Sweetheart, you’ve been sitting here for half an hour. We’ve been in the store for almost 3 hours. We have almost 2 full carts of groceries. We’ve gotten all we can get here.”

You could just nod as the pain waxed and waned.

It was almost tolerable, but it was still far more pain than you should be in.

“Hey kiddo, I need you to answer a question for me.” Tony asked, you nodded. “Do we need to call 911?” you shook your head vigorously. “No. No no call Helen. Ask her what to do.” he looked hesitant to take your word but Steve pulled his phone out and dialed Helen.

The conversation didn’t last long; you couldn’t really hear her but you could hear the increasingly panicked tone in his voice as he tried to explain the situation to her. He adjusted his hold on you as he hung up the call.

“Helen says that you need to go to the emergency room. She wants us to call 911.” Steve didn’t go into specifics, he just handed off his phone to Tony who you assumed walked away to make the call.

You nodded, cradling your stomach harder as the pain returned in full force.

The next 25 minutes were the longest of your life. Waiting for an ambulance to arrive was torture. Not wanting the ambulance to arrive because you didn’t want to need their services but being in pain unlike you’d ever experienced was an odd war to wage in your head but no one stopped you. Steve kept you close, leaning against his body. Sam sat in the floor in front of you, and Tony went to the front of the store to tell the girls what was happening and to lead the paramedics to you.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Just a little longer.

Eventually, they made it to the back of the store where you had taken refuge.

“Ma’am can you answer a few questions for us so we can figure out where we need to take you?” you nodded at the short paramedic who was talking to you. He seemed to be in charge.

“Can you tell me what your pain level is on a 1-10?” his voice was calming.

“Maybe a 7. Sometimes it gets to be a 9 or so.”

“Okay. Have you been experiencing any dizziness or lightheadedness?” you nodded.

“Sore muscles or maybe a backache? Headaches?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay ma’am. We are going to put you up on this stretcher and get you in the ambulance so we can take you to the hospital. Can you stand or do we need to lift you?” you were going to say that you could stand when Steve piped up.

“She’s already putting all her weight on me. I can lift her onto the stretcher if you need me to.” the paramedic looked a little concerned at first until he realized who Steve was.

“Oh yes, of course, Mr. America you can put her right on that gurney.” Not the weirdest thing to happen but Steve couldn’t help but shake his head at the silly name as he lifted you effortlessly onto the gurney. Super soldier.

You felt ridiculous for it but all you wanted to do was reach out and take his hand. He seemed to sense your trepidation and took your hand, easily keeping up with the gurney as it was wheeled to the ambulance.

“Sir are you going to be accompanying her to the hospital?” another paramedic asked.

He looked unsure of whether or not he should.

“Please come with me. I’m scared.” you croaked through tears. He nodded to you and to the paramedic immediately.

“Of course. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. Becca is going with Natasha and Wanda, they’re gonna take the car back to the compound, okay?” he spoke, trying to keep your attention as they loaded you into the ambulance and the paramedics started to assess the problem.

An oxygen mask was placed over your face as everyone seemed to need a piece of you to do something medical with. You should know what they’re doing, you’re a nurse for God’s sake, but all you could manage to focus on was Steve’s hold on your hand.

Your head was getting fuzzy and you were having trouble making out voices. As your vision started to go black, all you could make out was the shorter paramedic speaking up again.

“She’s bleeding. There’s a definite bleed.”

And everything faded to black.

[this-ginger-has-no-soul]

Sleepless nights

(A/N):THIS REQUEST HAS GOT ME FUCKED UP

Request: Could I request a reader x Steve where reader is suffering from ptsd from a near death experience and the best way Steve could help is by staying up at night in front of her door when she's up at nights crying. The reason he does it because he tried to wake them but they are violent in their sleep. Then one night they find his asleep against the wall and so they joins him thinking he does it because something is bothering him.

Warnings: swearing, PTSD, PTSD attacks

Tags: @mcuimxgine, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @saradi1018, @holland-toms, @superwholockian309, @fly-f0rever, @capbuckthor, @livandlilah, @callmeoncette

   Another night of (Y/N) crying, another hopeless night of sleep for Steve as he listened to their heartbreaking cries. He couldn't do anything else, the last time he tried to actually wake them up they damn near slit his throat in surprise, needless to say he'd been staying outside of their room from then on out. 

   The nightmares, the crying, the sleepless nights all began 4 months ago when a particular mission turned out to be the worst failure of any mission ever completed. They lost two agents that day and nearly lost (Y/N). It had been a simple enough mission, get some intel, take out the bad guys but little did anyone know that the enemies had backup, and lost of it too. On the spot (Y/N)'s partners were killed, shot in the head as soon as they set foot within the base. (Y/N) on the other hand had been taken within the deeper halls of the base, locked inside a room, and tortured mercilessly.

    Fury had tried to tell Steve about what they had done to (Y/N) but he couldn't stand to think about it, everytime he'd turn away, leave the room, plug his ears, anything to never know what (Y/N) had been through. For precautionary measures (Y/n) was placed on Steve's floor so he could keep a constant eye on them, make sure their state of mind didnt get worse, just to be there if they ever needed it. But having (Y/N) on his floor also meant having to hear them scream and cry every night and not be able to do a damn thing about it.

    Every night Steve sat at their door, tears of his own sliding down his cheeks as he listened to (Y/N) sobbing for help but he knew better than to go in, going in was far too dangerous to risk, even for him. So that's what Steve was doing now, just like every other night, sitting at (Y/N)'s door as they cried and he was absolutely helpless. 

   Tears of frustration slid down his cheek, collecting on his tank top. He didn't ask for fucking much in this world, just a chance to make people safe and happy so why the hell couldn't he help (Y/N)? God- he could just punch something or cry more. Yeah...crying more sounded better. 

   Eventually the tears began to subside, not only his own but (Y/N)'s too, they fell silent, meaning that for now they were getting a good rest.

    Steve had fallen asleep ages ago, his own exhaustion and frustration getting the better of him. Usually he'd leave before (Y/N) could find him in the mornings but that night he'd been too tired. So now he was camped out beside their door, snoring softly. 

   (Y/N)'s door creaked open slightly and they stepped out into the dim lighted hallway. Their eyes were more than swollen and puffy, their voice was incredibly hoarse, and they felt sick to their stomach but a soft snoring from outside their door convinced them to walk outside. They looked around, stopping when their eyes landed upon Steve, sleeping soundly right beside their door. (Y/N)'s brows furrow in confusion, after all, Steve had his own bedroom to stay in, why was he parked outside their door sleeping? Was their something wrong with his room? Maybe he was lonely? Maybe he was having nightmares again? 

   Occasionally Steve's own PTSD would flare up and he'd have vivid nightmares. His screams would forever be ringing in (Y/N)'s ears, his cries forever etched into their mind. But (Y/N) hadn't heard screaming at all that night, which debunked the PTSD theory. Perhaps he just needed some company, someone to talk to when the sun came up?

     (Y/N) yawns softly as they trudge back into their room, retrieving a blanket and pillow from their bed before slipping back outside, closing their door behind them. They situated themself beside Steve, laying beside him. They draped the blanket over his body and theirs, meaning they had to sit more than close together. (Y/N) set the pillow up against the wall and leaned their hea back against it, sighing softly. It actually wasn't too uncomfortable. Steve's warmth invaded their own, plus the pillow and blanket made the floor much more bearable. In fact, (Y/N) was starting to think it was so much more bearable than sleeping all alone in their bed. They'd take Steve, a blanket and pillow, and the floor over a bed any day. 

   (Y/N) turned their head a bit, resting one portion of it on Steve's shoulder. 

   "Night Stevie," (Y/N) whispers, their eyes already slipping closed.

    The next day Steve woke to the feeling of something pressed into his side, there was a pair of arms wrapped around him tightly and he didn't feel as cold as he had the previous night. 

   He blearily opened his eyes to look around but his gaze stopped when it landed on (Y/N) sitting next to him, curled into him as close as possible. Their mouth was open slightly, soft little snores falling past their lips. Their eyes were swollen and red but at least they weren't crying now, that's all that mattered to Steve. In fact- he didn't think he had heard them cry at all after he fell asleep...what had happened when he was out? 

   Just as though he had spoke to soon (Y/N) began to whimper in their sleep, the telltale signs of an oncoming fit. Steve knew he should get away, after all, what if they tried to joke him this time? But instead he found himself wrapping his arms around (Y/N) gently, being cautious not to wake them. 

    "Shhh," Steve whispers to them, his lips pressed against their hairline. "It's okay (Y/N), nobody's gonna hurt you, your safe with me," He knew he was treading on thin ice here but he couldn't stand to listen to another one of (Y/N)'s heart breaking attacks. "I've got you, I'm not gonna let anyone touch you," (Y/N) slowly seems to settle back down, their whimpering ceasing and their body going limp against him. Whatever he had just done worked out, he had finally gotten (Y/N) to calm down during one of their attacks. 

    Steve can't help but smile in relief; it was music to his ears not to have (Y/N) crying and screaming out, his heart couldn't stand another minute of it.

     With a soft sigh Steve reclines his head against the wall, staring up at the ceiling as he slowly traced soothing circles into (Y/N)'s arm, still being cautious not to wake them. Steve's breathing started to even out, his eyes slipped closed, and he could barely feel himself falling asleep when he could have sworn he heard a soft whisper, 

   "Thank you Stevie,"

[cassidycollective]

Batman for the fandom thing

tysm for this, 

the first character i ever fell in love with: well, i mean, batman but also jo.ker? j/oke/r was like big fave and batman was big crush fjvnkfma character that i used to love/like, but now do not: uhmm it kinda just depends on the source!a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: uhh dont have one that i dont now, but i will say when i was a tiny child i didnt like dick x kori bc i wanted starfire to be MY girlfriend, but now i do!my ultimate favorite character™: Jo.ker, i know, shocking fjvnfprettiest character: uhm, depends! twojar riddler is very pretty, but telltale bruce is also very pretty, ya know? so just depends on source! most harleys and selinas r supr pretty! my most hated character: not a fan of the cops, not a fan of most talias bc of the whole ab/se thing, uhhhh hate all the arkham staff including hugo strange and that one crackhead guard in the animated series….. most bastards, can fuck offmy OTP: ok im a simple man, i have a lot of joker based ships for continuities i like fjvnkfm so b/at/j.oke.s, rid/dle/jo.ke/s, kill/erjoke/s, and even a few le/xjo/ke/s ngl fjvnkmf (from primarily crisis on two earths so technically its lex x jester)my NOTP: FUCK OFF IF YOU LIKE MA/D L/O.VE  DONT COME NEAR ME AT ALL. In no continuity is it healthy, and i prefer j.ok.er and harley being pals like in the lego movie, even in telltale its gross bc harley is abusive and manipulative to the joker which is equally as bad as the usually reversed dynamic. i also dont rlly like selina x bats or selina x harvey, its just…weird n selina has such gay energiesfavorite episode: ill turn this into series instead, bc ya know, its expansive, im fond of telltale, lego, l’il gotham, The Batman (2003), and a few others! but telltale does have a soft spot in my heart. im also a big clown so the new j/oker movie is [chef kis]saddest death: jester in crisis on two earths makes me :cfavorite season: gonna go back to series i like and say telltale and the new j man movie!least favorite season: not a big fan of the animated series ngl! i know most fans consider it classic ™ and i love mark hamil but its just not my thing, also really REALLY dont like th/e kil/ling j.oke its pretty gross and wack and i just dont like it or personally ascribe to that continuity and anything that involves that continuity is usually not something im super into and i feel like so many ppl choose to build off that as if its some be all end all but its really not!! its boring and stupid and edgy and i really dont like itcharacter that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: certain jok.ers and twojar riddler! also arkham series riddler some too fjvnfmmy ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: certain bat mans and jo.kers!my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: none babby! ive no shame over my ships because theyre not nasty or weird depending on the continuities and im VERY outspoken over which continuities i like and support certain things in!

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: uuhmm im sure theres something but  icant place it atm, ngl so, may come back later fvjnfkm

[galaxyofherown-blog]

@rascality

“I’ll fucking KILL them. I’ll fucking kill every last one of them!” He’s full of murderous rage, so full that it’s overflowing, streaming down his face and ripping from his throat in dry sobs. It’s a side of Sirius that no one’s ever really seen, not even his boys. The side that cares about family, the side that feels just as hurt by their betrayal as they are by his, the side that died today. The wound is fresh, still angry and red and bleeding, but Sirius doesn’t know how to handle pain, only anger, so that is what he lets flow.

“They killed him, Andromeda, they finally killed him. I kept telling him if he didnt get his dumb ass out of that fucking house, they would be the death of him.�� When he first heard, he didn’t believe it, sat, dumbfounded in shock, and took a shot of firewhiskey to clear his head. Then, he took another shot because it clicked and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to deal with it sober. He’d gotten on his bike, then, and started towards the house he’d once called home until his vision got too blurry and he had to stop. There was no traffic in the sky, but it became immediately evident that he could not show up on his parents’ doorstep like this. And more so, even as he drove over, he had no idea what his reaction would be.

The normal reaction, of course, would be to fall into his mother’s arms and she could tell him that everything would be alright. That even the time they got to spend with Regulus was worth the pain he was feeling now. He would see his father cry from the first time in his life and maybe even get a hug or a comforting pat on the back, a touch from his father that Sirius could remember fondly. But his family was anything but normal, and if they saw Sirius on their doorstep, even in their own grief, which they must be feeling, they would probably laugh right in his face. He supposed he was going over there to hurt them, to demand they tell him why they couldn’t protect their only son, why they’d let him get mixed up in something that would kill him. Maybe he’d even kill them, or they’d kill him, it seemed more and more like the only possible ending to that chapter of Sirius’s life.

But they weren’t the only family that he had. He started his bike up again and stuck to the road as he made his way to his cousin’s. It was rude, to barge in unannounced; she had a new family now, one she had built with sweat and tears and love and he knew he had a welcome place in it, but did all of his emotional baggage? Andromeda had to care too, she’d been more of a mother to Sirius and Regulus than Walburga had ever tried and he thought seeing her would trigger the proper reaction, but Sirius has never had a proper reaction a day in his life. He lets her pull him into her arms, even as he’s still yelling, not at her, not at anyone in particular. It takes her arms, her soothing voice and her hand, running calmly through his hair for the anger to recede enough for him to realize what’s happened. He’s just lost his brother.

He sobs into her shoulder again, more broken and hopeless than his angry crying. There had been a time when he was convinced he wouldn’t cry for his brother’s death, he hadn’t cried for their father’s. Maybe, if the situation had been different, if he’d been killed fighting alongside the filth that would murder his best friends without thought. But his brother had given up everything, for a cause he didn’t even seem to believe in.  “It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one to die, not him.”

The blood from Andromeda’s head to her toes ran cold the second she read the news. It wasn’t long before her entirely body felt as though it had been submerged in ice water, numbing every single one of her senses and forming a lead weight in her stomach. The world had stopped around her and all she could do was read the owl over and over looking for any way that it could be a mistake or a practical joke. Flashes of Regulus at Nymphadora’s age and of Dora at Regulus’ age. The hard grip of panic kept her cemented to her seat.

Regulus was like her child, she had been there from nearly the second he had been born. Even after she left they had maintained contact at great risk to both of them. Andromeda was one of the few people he could trust, one of the few he could voice his doubts to that would just listen to him. He knew that Andromeda had no stake in the war other than keeping her family safe, she would guide him and but not tell him what to do or what side to go with. 

Now as she sat there reading that piece of parchment she wondered if maybe she had done wrong. Maybe she should have tried harder to convince him to leave, even if it meant just living with  her. Andromeda couldn’t help the guilt that was shredding through her. The pain was so strong she couldn’t cry, it was as if her entire body had turned to stone from the sheer agony. 

How long she had sat in that chair she would never know. The next thing she remembered was hearing the telltale sound of a motorcycle, Sirius’ motorcycle.

Her heart seemed to crumple in on itself knowning that he was there. She sprang up from her chair, tears finally threatening to fall and ran out to meet him. 

Just as he crashed into her arms Andromeda started to cry in earnest too, she wrapped her arms around Sirius and carded her fingers through his hair. 

“I’m right here. I’m so sorry Sirius. I’m so sorry.” she tried her best to comfort him and remind him of how valid his loss was. But they both knew that Regulus meant as much to Andromeda as Sirius did and as much as he meant to Sirius. 

“No, it was not supposed to be you. Regulus’ heart would break if he heard you say that just as it breaks mine. You deserve to be here and so did he. No one is to blame but our famil!” Andromeda said the last part with a spark of anger she had never before shown, it stunned her but she didn’t take it back. 

“They forced him, a child, into something that he was unprepared for. They forced him into a war, Sirius. One they weren’t prepared to fight for themselves.” Andromeda held him tighter to her and sobbed.

“It should have been them not either of you. Not my boys.”