#it's like that average joe's sign

[roses-and-revolutions]

After retiring from being a hero, Danny moves to Gotham and opens a little mechanic workshop. He doesn't only fix cars though. Bring anything broken to him and he'll fix it. Upgrade it a bit as well if you're nice.

He's a good guy, much better than your average Joe on the street. But there was something about him that was just... unsettling about him. Maybe it was the way he smiled? It did look a bit weird when you stared at it for too long. Or was it because he was always happy? No one was ever always that happy. No one but...

Anyway, it didn't matter. When people came to him it was to get a job done and to leave. They didn't do much chatting which he didn't seem to mind, he was just happy to do his job. Always happy.

One day Danny closed up shop early. That was unusual. He was open pretty much 24/7. Some people were pretty sure he didn't even sleep. They watched as Danny walked. They noticed that Danny wasn't smiling. He wasn't happy... well fuck.

There's a new psychologist in Arkham Asylum, and apparently, she's very good at her job. Joker has already heard a lot about her. Like how she's tall, very tall. With fiery red hair that falls to her knees, and sparkling blue eyes that speak to your soul. She was a hot commodity around the Asylum. A very pretty doll that he just couldn't wait to break.

He knew that he didn't have to wait long. People like her were cocky. They get bored after figuring out a few crazies and decide that they need a bigger challenge. They think they need to break him.

They never do though. They all either quit the profession after a few weeks or fall into his trap. In the end, they all end back up here and become just like the people they were trying to help.

He couldn't wait to do it. To corrupt her mind and watch her spiral into a web of insanity of their making. What? You didn't think he did it by himself, did you? Both parties were willing participants, he spoke and they wanted to listen. It was an equal exchange. An exchange that never came.

He waited, for days and weeks. He waited for months, and there was no sign of the red-head that plagued his thoughts. He waited for almost a year... she wasn't coming to him, was she? It was a bit strange, insulting really. Was she not intrigued by him? Wasn't his case the least bit interesting? What if it was that... she found him... well... boring? The thought pissed him off a bit. That couldn't be the case, could it? Well, he wasn't going to know like this. She wouldn't come to him so he'd just had to go to her, didn't he?

It was quite easy to find out where she lived. She was with the Robin he killed. And wouldn't it be a cruel twist of fate if your girl were to die the same way you did? Who knows, maybe she'd come back wrong too?

[thoughtfulfiction]

Operation: Den Prep

Author’s note: I feel like Joe is very dramatic about things he can’t control and impending parenthood is definitely chaotic. Hope you enjoy this fluffy piece!

All you wanted to do was take a nap. You weren't asking for much. Just an hour, maybe an hour and a half of uninterrupted sleep.

But no. That would be too easy.

The cars that lined the driveway couldn't be a sign of anything good. Joe wasn't really one to throw parties, and with exactly four weeks before the baby's due date he wasn't exactly the most chill or relaxed man in America. If anything, the cars were a sign that you wouldn't be getting that nap in any time soon.

A gigantic sigh leaves your body when you walk in the door. There are people—strangers— in your home, scrubbing every square inch of the place.

"Joe?" You call out, attempting to scoot past the people dusting the vents.

"He's upstairs in his office," a woman responds kindly, in the midst of scrubbing baseboards. Your friend Nikki, who was with you all day, stares at everyone in shock before helping you up the stairs.

You caught your breath a little while running your hand over your baby bump, feeling like you climbed Everest. Nikki knocks on the door and waits for Joe's voice, telling you two to come in. Your husband was seated at his desk, highlighting sections of The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be, surrounded by several other parenting books.

"Joseph..." Nikki begins since you still can't breathe. “What the hell is going on here?"

"Language," Joe says without looking up from his book, "he can hear you."

Nikki turns to look at you and you shake your head, not wanting to get in the middle of it right now. Your eyes were telling her to just focus on one problem at a time, the biggest issue at hand being the cleaning crew taking over the house. She seems to agree. "Okay, let me try that again," he nods, finally looking up, a disinterested look on his face. “Don't know if you know this but, there are people downstairs treating your home like it's a warzone on germs."

"I know. I hired them to do exactly that. Because it is." He says in a matter of fact tone. “I want everything to be perfect when the baby comes home. The house needs to be as clean as possible so he has a safe environment.”

“Joe, this isn’t prepping for the end of days. You realize babies don’t come out demanding hospital-grade cleanliness, right?” Nikki jokes, leaning against the doorframe.

Joe doesn't find it funny. “Do you even know how many germs are in the average house? I read it’s millions. Millions, Nicole. I’m not risking it.”

You sigh, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. He was adorable when he got like this—focused, determined, and completely over the top. It was endearing, but you could already tell you'd have to reel him in before he booked a hazmat team to inspect the nursery. “Joe, I appreciate what you’re doing. I really do. But we’re supposed to be relaxing these last few weeks, not running ourselves into the ground.”

“You’re the one who should be relaxing,” Joe said, standing and gently guiding you to sit in his chair. “You’re growing a human being. That’s a full-time job. I can handle everything else.”

You let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. “Joe, I don’t need you to handle everything. We’re a team, remember? And besides, I don’t want you burning yourself out before he even gets here.”

“I’m fine,” Joe insisted, his tone firm but caring. "I promise. I just...want everything to be right for him. He’s going to depend on us for everything, you know?”

Nikki sat down on the couch in the corner of the office, still grinning. “I’m not gonna lie, this is kind of impressive. Most dads just install the car seat and call it a day. But you? You’re basically turning this place into a baby-friendly, germ-free utopia."

Joe shot her a look but didn’t argue as you let out a yawn. "Are you tired?" He rushes out, "they should be done in our room, you can go take a nap if you need it. I was serious about you getting some rest."

"And so was I about you getting some rest. We won't be sleeping as much when he gets here so getting a head start on sleepless nights isn't the wisest business decision."

"Okay," Joe folds the corner of the page that he's on and stands up, kissing you on the side of the head. "What if...we kick Nikki and the cleaners out and we go take a nap?"

"Um hello?" Nikki waves her hand in the air, "still here, in the room, with both of you. I can hear everything you're saying."

Joe doesn’t bother acknowledging her, his eyes focused on you as you nod with a laugh. “I love you, Nik, but he’s right. I need to lie down before I collapse.”

Nikki smirks, standing and brushing imaginary dust off her jeans. “You’re so lucky you’re carrying my baby, Y/N. Go take your little nap, I’ll see myself out.” She pokes Joe in the chest as she passes. “Joe, co-parenting with you is going to suck, but I gotta admit—you’re going to be a killer dad. You just don’t need to stress yourself into a heart attack to prove it.”

Joe rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "For the last time, it's OUR baby. Not yours. There is no co-parenting."

"Sure," Nikki smiles, patting him on the back, "sure buddy. Whatever helps you sleep at night. By the way, good luck kicking out the cleaners. I'm pretty sure one of them is power-washing your oven.”

She’s gone before Joe can reply, leaving you shaking with laughter as he mutters, “I’m changing the locks tomorrow.”

When you woke up from your nap, Joe was gone. You found him downstairs, scrolling through the notes on his iPad, intense focus that you'd really only seen when he was going over film. It was heartwarming to see that he was taking impending fatherhood as seriously as he took his job. In a way, being a dad was like taking on another job. With endless hours, no days off and no pay. But the rewards? They were going to be worth everything.

Sinking into the spot next to him, you leaned your head against his shoulder. “What are you up to?”

"Going over the checklist," he replied, his hand automatically resting on your belly, absentmindedly tracing small circles with his thumb. "We've got a bunch of deliveries coming tomorrow to get the nursery done which will probably take a couple days. Then we need to start getting the fridge stocked and pack our hospital bags. I was also thinking we do a trial run to the birth center."

"A trial run? Why?"

“I need to time it,” he said, his fingers still drumming softly against your bump. “Traffic could be bad, you’ll be in pain, and I’d rather not have to deliver a baby in the car. I mean, I can learn how to, but I’d rather not.”

You couldn’t help but smile as his focus shifted momentarily, his hand now lightly tapping your belly like he was sending a secret code. “Joe, we’ll be fine. We’ll get there when we get there. Not everything is gonna go to plan so let’s not waste time but trying to plan out every detail.”

“I hear you and I get what you’re saying but I’d rather be overprepared than caught off guard,” he muttered, flipping to a new note with his free hand. His other stayed firmly planted on your stomach, as though he could steady the world by keeping a connection to the little life inside. “Oh, and dinner with our parents tomorrow…that’s going to be something.”

"Be nice. They mean well," you reminded him, nudging his arm.

“Sure, but last week my dad said something about bourbon on baby gums helping with teething. I had to pretend to choke so I wouldn’t laugh in his face,” Joe said with a soft laugh of his own. Then, without thinking, he leaned down and whispered against your belly, “Just ignore your grandpa, buddy. We’ll do teething the right way.”

Your heart swelled at the gesture, and you reached out to thread your fingers through his hair. “Joe, you’re already such a good dad, you know that?”

His eyes softened as he looked up at you, his hand still cradling your bump. “I just want to get it right, for him… and for you.”

"You will. And you know how I know?" He shakes his head, his eyes locked in on you, searching for your answer. "Because once you put your mind to something, you don't let anything or anyone stop you."

For a moment, he’s quiet, his gaze softening before he speaks. “You’re gonna be a great mom, you know that?” He reiterates your words, his voice is barely above a whisper as he leans in, sneaking a kiss.

Your laugh is light, but your heart swells as he places his lips on yours one more time. “Kid’s pretty lucky,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours as he pulls back. “And he doesn’t even know it yet.”

The rest of the evening is spent ironing out some minor details of Joe's fool proof baby plans.

Your husband is not the handiest person in the world. He's more of a "I'll hire someone who's more qualified" kind of guy. Exhibit A? Full time chef so he doesn't have to cook. Exhibit B? Full time cleaning staff. To be honest, he probably doesn't know how to change a tire. But he also probably has access to triple A and one phone call from Joe Burrow might actually have everyone working that day rushing out to answer the call. With all that being said, you assumed that putting together furniture would not be something he'd be inclined to do. And then a few weeks ago he, Jimmy and your dad spent three hours building a custom Bellini crib. Now that he had a taste of satisfaction in knowing that he put it together with his own hands, he wanted to build everything in the baby's nursery.

Today's project consisted of your dad, Jimmy and Joe putting together a bunch of things that were delivered while you, your mom and Robin sorted through baby clothes and collected freshly washed laundry to place in his closet. Every tiny sock and little hat sent butterflies in your stomach at the thought of your own tiny person wearing these clothes in just a few short weeks. It was both daunting and exciting.

Throughout the day, more people were walking into the house, Ja'Marr came in first since he pretty much lived next door. Sam showed up 30 minutes later, a tool-kit in hand. A few high school friends even drove from Athens to help.

"Guess Joe called in the calvary." Robin says with a laugh, putting the onesies she just pulled out of the dryer in neat stacks to count and fold.

A few hours later, the three of you took a look at the inventory laid out before you. Your son probably had enough clothes to last him through four outfit changes a day for the next few months. You mentally reminded yourself to cut everyone off from buying any more articles of clothing until further notice.

The doorbell rang and Joe magically appeared downstairs to answer it, his Jeff Ruby's catering order had arrived. A few staff members carried in all the food and Joe thanked them on their way out. Before you could even ask, he said "you don't think they're all working for free do you? Had to give them a few incentives." You simply shook your head, a smile forming on your lips as he disappeared upstairs again.

When the guys were finally done, everyone gathered downstairs to eat dinner, casually chatting about life, Ja'Marr giving a recap of his offseason so far and what trips he had planned. Everything was actually normal until your mom spoke up.

"So, who are you guys gonna have in the delivery room with you?"

Joe nudged you under the table with his knee, giving you a look like "here we go."

"Um...we're still finalizing details of the birth plan. I was just thinking me and Joe for now, the less people seeing me at my worst, the better," you joke, trying to keep it light.

"Well what about visitors?" Robin chimes in. “How soon after are we going to be able to meet the little one?"

"We were thinking the next day. Gives us time to settle in, get some sleep and then have you guys meet him," Joe says casually. That seems to satisfy all parties, your parents nod in understanding and you breathe out a sigh of relief that the conversation doesn't go any further.

Pretty soon after dinner, most of the guests are gone and Joe asks if you want to see the nursery. You immediately hold out your arms and let him lift you to your feet, keeping a hand on the small of your back until you reach the room. Before he opens the door he covers your eyes with his other hand. "You ready?"

"Yes," you let out a small laugh, the anticipation eating away at you, "you've been hyping up these packages for weeks let's see what you’ve done."

"Alright," you hear him open the door and he guides you inside by the hand, still keeping your eyes covered. "3...2...1."

Some of the big things had already been put together. The walls had been painted, the closet space was set up, Joe had brought an LED starry-night ceiling projector (on top of the chandelier that was already in the room) and a sleek, modern changing table with a with several gadgets you weren’t ready to mess with. Yes it was too much. No, he wasn't going to return any of it.

Your eyes scanned the room: a plush, white rug that looked too soft to step on without socks, a glider that seemed to have more tech features than your car, and a Dyson purifier glowing faintly in the corner. You couldn’t help but smile at the thought of all the hands that had come together to make it perfect. “He’s not even here yet, and he’s already so loved,” you said, your voice catching slightly.

"He definitely is," Joe says happily, knowing he and his team nailed it. "Come on, I'll give you a tour." He gestures toward the window, "blackout curtains. I read that they can help babies and toddlers sleep better. They can also help regulate the temperature and reduce noise. For temperature though, I got a Dyson obviously, it's supposed to be the best.” He walks you over to the next spot. “Over here we have the changing table."

"Does this...have a built in warming pad for wipes?"

"Yeah isn't it great?” He beams, “so his little butt is warm when we change him in the middle of the night."

You let out a soft laugh at how much of a softie he already is for someone he hasn’t met yet. "He's gonna be mad we're changing him either way, warm wipes or not. But I know you’ll be using it so it’s fine.”

He opens the top drawer of the changing table, "I put some miscellaneous stuff in here. All organic. Silk-blend crib sheets, swaddles, and burp cloths that I washed yesterday so they're ready to use. Over here is the feeding station and the mini fridge, which I'm really excited about."

"Why do we need a mini fridge in the nursery?"

"Think about this. I'm on overnight baby duty and you're catching up on sleep. Our baby is sobbing because he's hungry. Instead of making him wait while I go downstairs and grab a bottle, we just have the bottles in here. And then this little compartment on this side is a freezer so we can have milk storage bags in here too since the bottle warmer is right there. And watch this,” Joe said, pressing a button on the bottle warmer. “It’s like a Formula 1 pit stop but for babies. Two minutes tops, and he’s good to go.” You raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh at his comparison.

"You know what? I'm not mad at it. Keep going."

"Right next to the fridge is the actual feeding station so we've got a couple pillows here next to the chair, burp clothes and then a little table in case whoever is in here needs water or to set something down. White noise machine is over here. You gotta play with the setting there's like 100 sound options and custom settings. The baby monitor is cool too, it has HD video, two-way audio, sleep analytics, the whole nine.” Joe pick up the expensive contraption. “Here, let me show you some of the noise machine settings."

He was too excited for you to decline, so you motioned for him to go ahead. "This one is ocean waves," he said, hitting a button. A soft crash of waves echoed through the room. "And this is rainforest sounds. Oh, and this one—"

"OW!" you yelped, clutching your belly and bending forward slightly.

Joe froze mid-button press, the sound of chirping birds now filling the nursery. "What? What happened? Is it happening?" His voice rose an octave as he practically leapt across the room to you.

You couldn’t help but laugh through the sharp jolt of pain, waving him off with one hand. "Relax, Joe. It’s not labor. It’s uh...lightning crotch."

"Lightning what?" His panicked expression turned to utter confusion, and he blinked at you like you’d just spoken a foreign language.

"It’s this sharp, sudden pain down there," you explained, gesturing vaguely toward your lower half. "Totally normal. Just your kid punching my nerves like one of those UFC fighters you're obsessed with."

Joe stared at you, wide-eyed. "That’s a thing? That’s allowed? Why does no one tell dads about this stuff?"

You shrugged, still giggling as you slowly straightened up. "Welcome to pregnancy. Every day’s a surprise," you reassure him, patting him on the back.

Joe ran a hand through his hair, looking genuinely rattled. "Okay, so let me get this straight. So far, there’s morning sickness, swollen ankles, back pain, weird cravings, and now lightning crotch? What’s next? Spontaneous combustion?"

"Would you calm down?" you teased, reaching for his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. "It’s not that bad. Just part of the process."

Joe let out a dramatic sigh, muttering, "You’re making a whole person, and I can’t even keep up with the symptoms."

"You’re doing great, babe," you said with a smirk. "Now, are you gonna show me what’s in the next drawer, or should I add 'Joe having a meltdown' to my list of pregnancy side effects?"

That earned a laugh from him, and he shook his head, pulling himself together. "Fine. But I’m looking this lightning crotch thing up later," he said, giving you a playful glare before opening the next drawer.

Joe is going through the various assortment of baby blankets but what catches your eye is the bookcase. You step closer to it, running your fingers over the leather-bound spines. "Are these…first editions of Goodnight Moon and Oh the Places You’ll Go?"

"Collector's editions," Joe corrected with a sheepish shrug. "My mom used to read these to me,” Joe explained, his voice soft. “I figured…maybe I could do the same for him. Only with the fanciest versions, of course.”

"Of course,” you affirm. “You're adorable. This place is...a lot. But it's genuinely perfect Joe, you guys did an amazing job, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, I should be thanking you. You're making us parents soon."

"I know. Being in here and seeing it finished makes it feel more real. There's gonna be an actual person using this stuff. That's insane."

He grabs your hand and leads you out of the room, "it is insane. And I can't wait. I wonder what he's gonna look like."

"I hope he looks like you, that would be so adorable. Having a tiny version of you would be a dream."

Joe chuckled, a soft, boyish sound that made your heart flutter. "You’re setting the bar pretty high for this kid," he teased, then paused, his expression turning serious for a moment. "But really, no matter what he looks like I know he'll be perfect."

The two of you stood there in the quiet of the hallway, the soft hum of the mini fridge in the nursery the only sound. For a moment, everything felt perfectly still—just the two of you, on the edge of an adventure that would change your lives forever.

You said goodbye to the last of your visitors and you turned around to Joe standing in the middle of the living room holding a notepad and a pen. "Where did you even get that, weren’t you just hugging your mom?"

"I had it on the coffee table. We’re supposed to watch the video for our prenatal class, remember?"

"Right now?" You ask, looking at your phone. It was only 9pm but it felt like at least one in the morning. You felt like Joe with his strict bedtime during the season.

He nods, already reaching for the remote. "I have big plans for us tomorrow so yeah, now is the perfect time."

"Alright, put it on." You relax into him, grabbing your blanket. "You're really gonna take notes?"

"Yeah. This is for educational purposes, I need any helpful tips I can get."

"You're sure you're gonna be able to watch and write things down? I don't want to scare you but, it might be intense."

"Babe, I get chased by grown men who want to take my head off for a living. Intense is my middle name," he places the notebook on the table and ditches the writing utensil, lazily placing his arm around you before starting the video. "You know what? I might not even take notes this time, I'll probably watch it again in my office in a few weeks when we get closer to the due date and take notes then."

You shrug, letting him do his thing. "Whatever you say, babe."

Joe's relaxed posture slowly turned a bit more tense as the video went on, the graphic image of the baby crowning was unfortunately going to be engrained in his memory for a long time. You had to stifle a laugh as his usual cool, calm, and collected demeanor cracked like a fine china plate dropped onto tile.

"Is...is that what we're gonna go through? What you're gonna go through?" His voice was shaky, as though he’d seen a ghost.

"Yup," you emphasized the ‘p’ sound. "That right there is the beauty of childbirth Joseph." You could practically feel his discomfort radiating off him.

"Oh my god." Joe muttered, his eyes wide in disbelief as he tried to mentally recover.

You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. "You know, it’s not all that bad. It's just...well, it’s a lot. And it’s very messy.”

He blinked at the screen, still not sure how to process what he’d just witnessed. "Right, sure, a lot. Just—" He exhaled dramatically, trying to find words. "I need a drink. I don't even like alcohol. Or we should maybe just call it a night and go to sleep. I need maybe a small...break from the miracle of life."

You chuckled, wrapping yourself up in the blanket and snuggling into his side. "Welcome to parenthood, Joe. Just wait until you're actually in the room. This was just the trailer."

Joe leaned back, a hand on his forehead as he processed the visual overload. "Little man needs to stay in there a little longer. I'm not ready to watch that horror film."

After declaring that the two of you needed a break from baby stuff, you and Joe took it easy the next day, diving into a true crime marathon after he came home from his morning workout. It was the perfect distraction from all the overwhelming baby prep. But today, he was back at it—better than ever.

"Did you know that newborns don’t have kneecaps? They have cartilage where they should be. They don’t get kneecaps until later."

"Wait what?" you ask, clearly confused.

"Yeah, I read it this morning, it's crazy. He isn't gonna have knees for weeks. I could've used that trick in 2020," Joe adds nonchalantly, his tone as casual as ever as he brushes off his knee injury from years ago. The way he brings it up so easily makes you laugh.

"What else did you learn?" you ask, your curiosity piqued.

Joe glances over at you, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "I read that dads who are involved early on in caregiving—like diaper changes and feedings—bond with their babies faster and more strongly. So I’m all in on that."

"Baby?" you ask, tilting your head to the side as you look over at him.

Joe pipes up, looking away from his hospital bag, still gathering his things. "Yeah?"

"You didn't have a choice on that one. You were gonna feed him and change his diapers whether you liked it or not," you laugh and easily catch the t-shirt he tosses at you. It just happened to be your favorite one you liked to steal and it smelled just like him. That was definitely coming with you to the hospital.

You stand up from your spot on the floor, checking everything off your list. You had comfy clothes, fuzzy socks, four outfits (just in case), a phone charger, a portable charger, a water bottle and a robe which you'd never worn before but Joe insisted you bring it because what if this was the one time that you actually needed it. "What's in your bag?"

Joe opened the Nike duffel and let you take a look. "Why do you have your backup iPad in here?" you ask, a little puzzled.

"OTAs start two weeks after he's born. I need to glance through stuff and make sure I'm ready," he explains, glancing at you with a shrug.

You roll your eyes playfully. "Fine, but what are these doing in here?" You pull out his Bose noise-canceling headphones. "Are you gonna tune me out while I'm in labor?"

Joe looks at you with wide eyes, practically dropping the headphones in surprise. "What? No!" He quickly pulls out another pair, a sheepish smile on his face. "I brought some for you too, just in case you want to listen to music and, you know, maybe tune me out a little."

"You're really thinking ahead, huh?" you tease, a grin tugging at your lips.

Joe shrugs, his smile growing. "I try."

You nod, crossing your arms. "I mean, I guess we’ll see if those headphones get a workout during the labor part."

Joe gives you a playful look, his tone still light-hearted but his eyes full of genuine excitement. "I’m just saying, if you need a little escape from my endless rambling during contractions, at least you have options."

"Oh Joey, I love you."

“I love you,” he sighs, pulling you into a tight hug, feeling steady kicks against his stomach. "And I love you too, baby boy. Kid can't stand not having the attention on him," he smiles, his voice soft but filled with affection.

"Taking after his dad already?" you tease, the corners of your mouth lifting into a grin.

Joe pulls back slightly, raising an eyebrow with a mock-serious expression. "Now you know that’s just not true."

You chuckle softly, resting your head against his chest. "I guess we’ll see, huh?"

He lets you go and the two of you go through all three bags one more time before Joe announces the next task. "Are you ready for our hospital trial run?"

"I still think it's ridiculous but if it'll make you feel more comfortable then I'm in."

Joe carries all the bags down the stairs, tossing them by the door and has the stopwatch open on his phone. "Okay, here we go." He presses 'start' and grabs the keys and the bags while you stand in the kitchen, taking a sip of water as you waddle to the car.

"Babe, why are you going so slow? We're on a time crunch here."

"Well if you must know, your son is crushing all of my internal organs and grinding my hip bones together. If I walk too fast I’ll pee. And then you'll have to get me new clothes and I'll have to change. That'd be really bad for your time crunch."

He drops it immediately. "Okay you're right, take your time."

Once he helps you in the car he rushes around to the driver's side and buckles in, opening the garage door and pulling out of the driveway. You're holding the phone, watching his time as he drives carefully but efficiently, weaving through the streets like a man on a mission. "What if there's traffic that day?" You ask.

"Then I'll figure it out. I just need ballpark range how long it'll take us to get there." He checks the stopwatch again, the third time in the last five minutes.

"Joe, you don't have to treat this like you’re at the two-minute warning during the Super Bowl when you’re down one score."

His grip tightens on the steering wheel despite your words, his jaw clenching as he glances at you, "better to be safe than sorry."

You shrug, reclining in your seat to take some pressure off your back.

"You good?" He asks gently, his hand finding its way to your leg. "How’s the baby doing?" Joe asks, glancing at you between turns, a hint of concern in his voice. "Should we pull over so you can stretch?"

"No, I'm fine," you sigh, a smile tugging at your lips as you settle in more comfortably. "I could really go for some ice cream right now though."

"We'll get some on the way home," he laughs, a relieved chuckle escaping him. "Call it a reward for a successful trial run."

He pulls into the parking lot of the birth center with a sigh of relief, glancing at his phone in your hand. "13 minutes, not bad at all," he says with a sense of accomplishment.

"Yeah, that's great," you smile, a playful glint in your eyes. "I want a scoop of rocky road and a scoop of raspberry sorbet. In a bowl."

"Together?" he asks, his eyebrows raised in mock disbelief.

"Yes," you reply, grinning.

Joe pulls out of the parking lot, a proud smile on his face as if he just completed an Olympic event. "Mission accomplished. Ice cream in five minutes."

A week later, Joe was going over a food list with his chef Morgan. "For quick snacks, I was thinking Greek yogurt with granola and fruit, hard-boiled eggs—she'll need the protein. Maybe some string cheese or cheese cubes, nut butter with apples or bananas. We’ll definitely need to stock up on protein bars," he lists off items, looking through the fridge and cabinets.

"What‘a going on in here?" You walk into the kitchen and spot Morgan jotting down every word Joe is saying.

Joe looks up and smiles at you but then pauses for a moment, his eyes tracking your every movement as you waddle over to the counter. He raises an eyebrow. "You alright? You're walking like you just got off a horse."

You roll your eyes playfully but feel a grin spread across your face. "Nice to see you’re paying attention."

"Seriously," Joe says, now focused on you with concern. He steps closer, his hands resting lightly on your shoulders as he watches you shuffle around. "That’s a pretty pronounced waddle. You okay?"

"Yup, just one of the perks of carrying a tiny human in there." You shrug, trying to act casual about it, but it's hard to ignore how much effort it takes to move these days.

Morgan, glancing between the two of you, stifles a laugh. "It’s the baby," he explains with a knowing look. "The weight shifts, and her body’s getting ready for the big day."

Joe doesn’t look entirely convinced. "I don’t know, babe," he says, lightly tapping your belly. "Maybe we need to get you some support or something. You shouldn’t have to waddle all over the place. Like one of those belly belt things to help take the weight off your hips.”

You smirk. "Trust me, I’ve got it covered. But thanks for noticing."

Joe looks at you, giving you a soft smile that says he’s both amused and a little concerned. "Yeah, no problem. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable."

"Thanks, Joe," you tease, giving him a playful nudge before you turn to Morgan, who’s still scribbling on his notepad as Joe turns his away again. "So, what do you have so far?"

Morgan lists off everything he’s written, "Trail mix, chia pudding, pumpkin or sunflower seeds—"

"We never have those in the house," you note, crossing your arms. "Why now?"

"They're high in zinc and other nutrients that support lactation," Joe says simply, not looking up from the fridge.

"That's helpful but I really will probably need fruit, veggie sticks and hummus since you're interesting in me increasing my protein intake, maybe some avocado toast and smoothies too? Keep it simple, Morgan. I’ll also need the lactation cookies I sent you."

"Noted." Morgan says, catching Joe’s shake of his head as you laugh.

"Just get her whatever she wants," Joe sighs, exasperated, but with a fond smile. "I’m actually glad you brought up the cookies, Y/N, because I wanted to run something by you. Both of you, actually."

You sigh, already dreading the conversation, and the chef looks up from his list. "What’s up?"

Joe pulls out a folder from one of the kitchen drawers, showing Morgan the list of the “best” lactation cookie and energy bite recipes he could find.

"Babe," you groan, "I told you that you're overthinking the cookies. They’re just cookies."

“Lactation cookies,” he corrected, already flipping to another recipe. “These are important. They’re, like, your fuel.”

"My apologies your honor," you laugh again, "carry on."

Morgan laughs too and Joe playfully glares at him. "Yeah—yeah, laugh it up guys." He gestures toward the folder, "I highlighted the key ingredients on each recipe.”

The chef raised an eyebrow at the sheer number of recipes. “You want me to make all of these?”

You stand up and take a peak at the extensive list, "you don't have to do that Morgan, just make a few batches of chocolate chip and call it a day," you sense Joe tensing next to you and you rub his back a little, "you're doing that thing again. Where you're freaking out instead of relaxing. You need to relax," you say with a small smile, guiding him back to calm.

You take your eyes off of Joe and focus your attention back on Morgan. "Thank you for never flinching at his insane requests, but if these cookies don’t work out, you can just order some. As long as they have oats, flaxseed, and brewer’s yeast to support milk production, then I should be fine."

Morgan nods, jotting a few more things down before he leaves to head to the grocery store. Joe looks at you, his expression softening. You nod at him, offering a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, you’re not the only one who’s done their research,” you say, nodding your head as his lips twitch into a smile.

"I’m impressed.” He gives you tiny claps, the playful gesture breaking the moment of seriousness. “Speaking of research...I may have one more surprise for you."

"I don't think I can handle anymore surprises," you groan, "can you just tell me what it is?"

"I don't think you know what a surprise is," he laughs rubbing your back, "let me just show you and then I'll leave you alone for the rest of the day."

"That's a lie,” you reply flatly, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Okay, fine. It’s definitely a lie," he admits with a sheepish grin, shrugging like he’s caught red-handed.

Joe takes you to the most unlikely place to reveal a surprise. "Joe...why are we in the bathroom?"

"This is the surprise. Do you see anything different?"

You look around, not sensing anything extremely out of place. Until you see it and tears start pooling in your eyes. "How did you—when did you do this?"

"It's just a little something I put together to make things easier for you when we're home. There's another one in the closet downstairs. I'll move it out so you have easy access when it's time." He pauses, taking a second to collect his thoughts. "I just want to make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be. I know this is going to be tough on you, and I...I want to feel like I’m helping, even if it’s in a small way."

A postpartum station, not the most glamorous gift in the world, but it was one of the most meaningful things he'd ever done for you. Imagining him sitting in his office or sitting up in bed at night doing all this research to ensure you were comfortable made you want to cry. You never thought the sight of adult diapers, nipple cream, and a portable stool could bring you to tears, but here you were, overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness behind it all.

Joe gently wipes at a tear that slips down your cheek, his expression softening as he says, ‘hey, don’t cry. I want you to have everything you need. You deserve it."

You blink back the new tears threatening to spill over, shaking your head in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe you thought of all this. Thank you, Joe.

"Pretty much," he shrugs, giving you kiss on the side of the head. "Just one more thing to check off the list."

"And what's that?"

"Bringing him home and having him here, physically with us."

You laugh, resting a hand on your lower belly, on top of Joe's hand. "Oh yeah...that one minor detail."

“Minor detail?!” Joe grins, his eyes bright with amusement. “I think that’s the main event, babe. Let’s hope I don’t need a stopwatch for that one.”

His thumb brushes over your knuckles, grounding you in the moment, “Thank you, Joe. For this…for thinking of everything. If you’re this amazing now, I can’t wait to see you as a dad.”

His expression softens, his gaze dropping to your belly as if imagining the tiny life inside. “I just want to make sure you both have everything you need,” he says quietly. He spoke with such quiet certainty that it left no room for doubt—this wasn’t just a job to him; it was everything.

The lump in your throat returns, but this time you let it linger, because this—his quiet devotion, his unwavering effort—is why you fell in love with him. “You’re already doing it,” you whisper, your voice thick with emotion. “And you’re doing it perfectly.”

Joe smiles, brushing a kiss to your temple. “Good. Now let’s get through the rest of this list before he gets here and turns everything upside down.”

Your laugh echoes through the bathroom, the two of you standing there in the glow of anticipation, knowing your lives were about to change in the most beautiful way.

[luveline]

could you please write something where maybe bombshell!reader hears one of the team members teasing about how she’s torturing spencer and she kinda backs off with the flirting and maybe it’s his turn to hold her hand and call her cute names because even though he always says he doesn’t mind, maybe he does and he just doesn’t want to tell her

tysm for requesting, 1k

Spencer's hair is brown silk in the sun. You bite your tongue to hold in a compliment rearing to come out, saccharine and completely true. Looking sweet, Spence. 

You love to compliment him and especially while Hotch is out of earshot. He and Derek play pairs against two agents from a different unit, their tennis racquets a shiny FBI navy. You start to speak and bite it back —a memory flashes, a shouting stop sign. 

You'd been teasing Spencer as he left the room, something about his indecisive hair. He's cut it shorter but left his curls without product, and you love it. 

Poor guy, Emily'd murmured, lips set against the rim of her coffee cup. 

What's the matter with him? you asked, perplexed. 

Nothing, just that he spins into a total meltdown every time you guys are within ten feet of each other. He must be exhausted.

She was joking and you know that, but something deep down worries she's right. It's not fair for you to keep winding him up… Especially when Spencer might be going along with you because he isn't sure how to say no. 

What if you're forcing yourself on him? 

You're sitting together on a small blanket in the grass with Anderson and a few of the other less competitive BAU agents. You bring your bottled iced tea to your forehead to cool down, condensation wetting your hot skin. The top of your head feels as though it has the full concentration of the sun beating against it. 

Spencer looks up at your movement. He's been reading a book for pleasure, or so he says, so he isn't going a mile a minute but he's still way faster than the average Joe. "Do you want to go find some shade?" he asks. 

"You look comfortable," you say, putting your iced tea aside.

Which is to say, I don't want you to come with me, it would disrupt you. Spencer nods and turns to the brown leather of his familiar satchel, popping the buckle open to dig around inside. 

"Do you think this would be okay?" he asks, bringing out his baseball cap. 

The fabric is starchy and the brim stiff as you accept it and wedge it over your head. You don't immediately cool, but your heart spins strange loops. "Thank you," you say. Thank you, handsome, gorgeous, baby, all beg to be said. 

Spencer stays looking at you for longer than normal. 

"Do I have something on my face?" you ask, swatting self consciously at your cheeks. 

"Nothing. You look really pretty," he says. 

"Thank you." Another loop. You point at his book, fingertip hitting a creamy page with a small thud. "Is this any good?" 

"I think you'd really like it, it feels like that last book I borrowed from you, and you loved that. They're very similar. I can lend it to you when I'm done." 

"Don't rush it for my sake."

Spencer gives you a private smile. "I won't. Just because you could watch a movie at two times speed doesn't mean you should." 

Your returning smile isn't half as nice. No shared lightness, no bright eyes. You're feeling awkward and unhappy —you really like Spencer. Like, you think you could be happy together for a long long time sort of like. He's charming and sweet and no one is ever as kind to him as he deserves, which is why you're trying to be kind now by putting distance between you.

You'll be brash forever. You can't change that, and Spencer doesn't need the stress of dealing with you, not on top of everything else. 

His smile fades as yours does. Quiet, without fuss, he scoots back on the picnic blanket, putting you knee to knee. The subtle muscle of his arm presses to yours and his hand wraps gently around your wrist as he dips his head down, his cheek touching briefly to your shoulder. 

"I know it's nice, but if the heat is getting to you we should go inside," he says, his fingers sliding across your palm to slot between your own. He squeezes your hand. "Heat stroke isn't obvious at first. Do you feel woozy?"

You stare at your twined fingers. He surprises you again, being this soft with you, and being uncharacteristically forward. Or maybe not uncharacteristic at all; Spencer won't let something like timidity stop him from comforting someone that needs it. 

"Spence," you murmur, closing your eyes, face angled down. 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry if I… If I've been messing you around. But I don't think this is a good idea." 

"What's not a good idea?" 

You can't make yourself say it. Instead, you rub the back of his hand, more for your own comfort than his, your tongue like a useless lump in your mouth. 

"You're sorry? Are you sure you're okay?" Spencer asks, no heed to the people sitting with you as he lets go of your hand to put his arm behind your shoulder like a shield. 

"I don't want to torture you," you say. 

Your friends love that word. You torture Spencer with your flirting and your easy affection. 

Spencer makes a face, eyes squinting and nose wrinkled. "They're just kidding when they say that. Emily, Morgan, they like making fun of me, it's like, sibling bonding or something. They don't say it because there's actually something to feel sorry about." He lowers his voice, bashful but sincere at once, "If you're torturing me, I guess I'm a masochist." 

You laugh without thinking, a breathless, girlish sound you'd regret if you had the wherewithal. "You're a masochist?" you ask. 

He takes the brim of your borrowed hat and pushes it up to unobstruct the view of your eyes. 

"If that's what it takes," he says. A hint of wryness creeps into his otherwise smooth tone. 

Despite his brave talk and his steady eye contact, his face has started to blush. A rosy hue kisses the tops of his cheeks and his nose, a dusting of pink splodges stark against his paleness. The curve of his lips seems extra tantalising now. He's very, very pretty. 

And he doesn't mind stepping in to take the reins when you're unsure of things. 

"We really should sit in the shade for a bit," he says. "Let's get drinks from the gazebo. Yeah?" 

You're halfway through a nod when he kisses your cheek too quickly for you to respond. You follow him to the gazebo without any more reluctance, weaselling your hand back into his, and attempt to pull another kiss from him.

[savage-daughter-of-nikitie]

D. Earl Stephens, retired managing editor of the military's daily newspaper, Stars and Stripes, issues a warning, not only to the average citizen of the U.S. but, I believe, to rank and file military personnel at home and around the world.

He's exhorting them to consider if they will follow the orders of a madman hell bent on destroying the U.S. or follow the U.S. Constitution. I suspect tens of thousands of troops will disobey orders rather than invade Canada (less so with Greenland or Panama, I suspect). Those will be the first shots of the civil war.

I'm posting the entire text of his piece here and will link to the article in comments.

@followers @highlight

---

“It would be helpful if we stopped pretending this terrible chapter in American history won’t close without bloodshed …

It would be helpful if Americans, and our feeble Democratic politicians in particular, stopped implying by their comatose actions that Democracy is some damn American right and has no end date.

America very well might be arriving at hers, because, yes, it really is that bad right now.

Rather than bringing Ping-Pong paddles and groovy, little signs to a fascist hate-fest disguised as a State of the Union speech, it would be helpful if our meek, out-of-touch Democratic politicians at least pretended they understood the perilous moment we are standing in right now.

We are in deep, deep trouble, and now would be a wonderful, necessary time to step in front of your favorite mirror and honestly ask yourself what you are willing to do to fight for our country’s survival.

We are but six-plus weeks into the repulsive, wannabe-king’s second term and the damage he and his party are causing are already at catastrophic levels.

Our air, water, earned benefits, peace, public safety, civil rights, and human rights are all under immediate threat. Worse? This is only the first course of many that will be served by the vindictive, orange madman, and his pathetic party of supplicants.

The insults, the attacks, endless provocations, and thrashing of our Constitution will continue daily. All this carefully planned evil will be aimed at exactly one thing: breaking us.

Everything he is doing is designed to pound us into submission, and he’s having a grand damn doing it.

This was entirely his aim when he and his pet mutt, JD Vance, double-teamed Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy at the behest of Boss Putin in the Oval Office on Friday. The idea was to publicly humiliate the man who has done more to defend America’s interests across the globe than any Republican in memory.

Because Zelenskyy has tasted gun powder and breathed the odious smell of death on the battlefield, he wasn't about to be pushed around by some morbidly obese, 78-year-old yacht club bully and his toady, who think swinging a sand wedge to free a golf ball from some bunker is dangerous business.

Zelenskyy punched back and wasn't having it. He told the truth, and didn't back down. The future of his country is on the line right now, and he acted like it.

And therein lies the playbook for dealing with this sadistic bastard — if only the cautious, too-clever Democratic Party and their weak leaders, Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries, bothered paying attention.

While Rome burns, they dither.

They act as if we have all the time in the world, when time is something that is not guaranteed right now. They seem to somehow have no idea how bad things are about to get, or most certainly will be when elections they seem to be pinning their hopes on roll around next year.

Everything changed on November 5th, but by the looks of it, very little has changed in the Democratic Party.

This country will never be the same, and the sooner we come to grips with that, and start acting accordingly the better.

What would you do if everything you had and everyone you loved was threatened? Would you act like Zelenskyy or Schumer?

One of the big mistakes of Joe Biden’s presidency was this notion that everything was going to be OK, and that his idea of America matched the actual circumstances of America.

If I had a dollar for every time he said this, I’d fold up shop and move to Tahiti:

“We are the United States of America – there's nothing we can't do if we do it together. We just have to remember who we are.”

It was a noble statement and magical thinking that would have worked great pre-2016, when we could still believe without being laughed at that our two parties could work together in a crisis to protect America.

When we were attacked by the terrible human being who is now somehow leading us January 6, 2021, that magical thinking needed to go out the nearest window.

Instead, our Justice Department twiddled its thumbs and allowed the America-attacker to build himself back up, so that WE would have to deal with him AGAIN.

I seethe just thinking about this, but it is where we are right now, and the sooner we all understand this the better.

The clock is ticking. The bomb is in place.

Which brings me back around to my original premise: At some point, he will do something so heinous … so anti-America … so dangerous … that the people who truly love our country will be forced into the streets to take a life-or-death stand. Sadly, this is actually the best-case scenario, because the worst case is we just go quietly into the dark, gloomy night and become an authoritarian country, where we have zero rights or say in how we are governed.

Yesterday under the cover of his blankets, the America-attacker shared this with us:

Now read the First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; OR THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE PEACEABLY TO ASSEMBLE, AND TO PETITION THE GOVERNMENT FOR A REDRESS OF GRIEVANCES."

He is telling us what he thinks of America and silly things like the Constitution. Kings don’t pay attention to that kind worthless drivel.

And, really, end of the day, it not him who we have most to fear. It’s the stupid, goddam Republicans who are stubbornly in all of our lives. These are the people who have illustrated there is no known pain or sacrifice to our civil liberties or pocketbooks that they won’t absorb just for the satisfaction of watching some poor kid of color going without something they didn’t think she should have.

So the choice is yours: You can continue thinking there is some magical way out of this, or you can begin to take the threat to everything you hold dear seriously, and ACT accordingly.”

— D. Earl Stephens, author of “Toxic Tales: A Caustic Collection of Donald J. Trump’s Very Important Letters” and finished up a 30-year career in journalism as the Managing Editor of Stars and Stripes.

[issdisgrace]

Hi!! For the request thing I hope it isn't too much of a hassle but could you do Bruce Wayne x Just Some Guy Reader

Like Bruce is obviously like the guy ever, Rich, Handsome what have you. But he falls for this Average Joe kind of guy, there's nothing special about him other than being compassionate and kind Ig?? He isn't some rich or famous person, just a guy working a normal job.

And maybe can you put a little bit of Alfred being happy for Bruce?? Idk if it isn't too much of a bother sorry 😭

WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET

WARNINGS: None, written during writers block

“Alfred, I would like for you to meet my boyfriend.”

“Finally, I thought you would never ask me to meet him.”

“Wait, how did you know I was seeing someone?”

“Well, the fact that your mood has improved, you’re more talkative, not that it’s a bad thing. You’re also spending a little less time as Batman, along with a couple other small things first tipped me off that you were seeing someone. Then my suspicion was confirmed when I found a sweatshirt that wasn’t one of yours that smelt of cigarettes, whiskey, and pine. And unless you had recently taken up smoking and drinking cheap whiskey, the sweatshirt did not belong to you Master Bruce.”

“I did that bad of a job at hiding it?”

“Yes, Master Bruce, yes you did. Anyhow, I want to know about boyfriend of yours.”

“His name is Y/n. He’s tall, nice, handsome and the owner of Bucky’s bar and grill.”

“Interesting. How did you meet him?”

“Met him through Selina. He’s a friend of hers.”

“Why am I not surprised? Anything else I should know about him?”

“No, not really.”

“Ok, when am I supposed to meet him?”

“Saturday at 7pm. We’re going to meet him at the bar and then go have dinner somewhere.”

“Alright, sounds good, Master Bruce.”

A couple of nights later, like Bruce said, he and Alfred were on the way to Bucky’s. Alfred took note of the fact that the bar was located in the East End of Gotham as Bruce drove. It felt odd to be the one sitting in the passenger seat. Alfred was so used to being the one driving, but Bruce insisted on driving since they had taken the ‘63 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray. They were about a couple of minutes outside of Crime Alley when Bruce pulled off to the side of the road in front of a place that had a glowing sign that read Bucky’s bar and grill. 

“We’re here.”

“Thank you for pointing that out Master Bruce. I couldn’t tell.”

“Just making sure you’re not getting senile on me.”

“You don’t have to worry about that anytime soon. Now shall we go in?”

“Yeah, he’s probably wondering where we are.”

The two then get out of the car and headed inside. As they entered the bar, the smell of beer and food hit their nose. Alfred scrunched his nose in displeasure at the scent as he looked around. The bar was large and surprisingly nice especially for the place in which it was located. The two made their way to an open spot at the bar. Bruce leaned over the bar and got the bartender’s attention. The bartender made he’s way over and Alfred thought that this must be Bruce’s boyfriend. Until Bruce said.

“Hey Clay, where’s Y/n?”

“He’s in the office. He’s waiting for you and your dad.” 

“Alright, thanks Clay.”

Bruce pushed off the bar and lead the pair to the back of the bar where two swinging door where. The doors lead into the kitchen as they made their way through the kitchen. There was choir of hi and hellos followed by Bruce’s name.

“It seems you’re quite popular here.”

“I guess.” Bruce shrugs as he stops in front of a red door labeled office. Alfred gives a nod of acknowledgement as Bruce goes to open the door. 

As the door open it reveals a decent sized room with a dark oak desk in the middle of the room where a man sits, two chair sitting in front of the desk facing it, a filing cabinet and snack/drink bar off to one side of the room, and to the other side a black couch with a matching armchair and coffee table. The man at the desk looked up from his paperwork a smile spreading on his face as he saw Bruce. Alfred quietly closed the door behind himself as Bruce stepped further in. 

“You’re finally here. I was beginning to think you bailed on me.” You said as you got up. 

“Sorry about that. But l brought Alfred like I said I was going to,” Bruce says, gesturing to the man beside.

“Yes, sorry didn’t mean to be rude. I’m Y/n, Y/n L/n. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.” You say as you walk closer to give Alfred a handshake. Alfred gives it a shake before saying, 

“Alfred Pennyworth, it’s nice to finally meet the man that has captured Master Bruce’s heart. Also, I must say this is a lovely place you have.”  

“Thank you. I put a lot into this bar. It has been my whole life, grew up here and I’m still here so.” 

“You grew up here?” Alfred asked.

“Yep this was grandpa’s place. He was the one who raised me, so I’ve spent basically every day here since I was a baby.”

“This must have been an interesting place to grow up.” 

“It was, it definitely was.”

You guy stood around chatting for a little, so you and Alfred could get to know each other a bit more before heading out for dinner. As you three chatted away, Bruce felt his heat warm. He was happy to see that you guys were getting along. You two were the most important people in his life, so it would have sucked if you two didn’t get along. Anyway, after 30/45 minutes of chatting with you.

asked,

“So, where are we going to go for dinner?”

“Romero’s.” Bruce responds.

“Alright, sounds good. I got to wrap up here quickly, so why don’t you guys head out and I’ll meet you out there in a couple of minutes, then we can head over to Romero’s together.” 

“Ok, don’t take too long.”

“I would never Brucie.” You say, giving him a quick kiss. 

With that, Alfred and Bruce head outside to wait for you to finish up. As they step into the outdoors, Bruce asks,

“What do you think of him?”

“He seems nice, genuine, kind. Doesn’t seem like he’s after your money or your status either, which is good. But if I’m being honest with you Master Bruce, I don’t think my opinion matters all that much. I think what matters is yours and what you think of him. So what do you think of him, Master Bruce?”

“I think he’s the best thing to happen to me, Alfred.”

“See that matters, Master Bruce.”

[joeybsversion]

Contract

Joe Burrow x Reader

Joe and reader sign a dating contract

“Should I even ask how you got in here?” You sigh, crossing your arms across your chest.

“Did you read this yet?” Joe hands a stack of papers to you.

“I saw it in my dressing room.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” He forces the papers towards you again.

“What is this?” You look up at him.

“Our dating contract.”

“Why is it pink?”

He rolls his eyes, “Someone left it in the copy machine and I didn’t know how to change it.”

Your contagious laughter fills the room. “Remind me why we’re doing this again?” You take the paper from his hands.

“Publicity.” He says, almost as if he’s asking a question. “Both of our managers agreed. It’ll be a good story line for the NFL, especially as I head into the play offs.”

“And I’ll benefit how?” You ask, flipping through the pages.

“Don’t you have a movie coming out or something?” He furrows his brows.

“No I live on this set full time.” You roll your eyes at his stupidity.

“They said it’ll bring more attention to you and the movie I guess.” He nervously paces across the room. “Can you just sign it so I can get out of here?”

“I’ll think about it.” You say with a smirk.

A few hours later your cuddled up on the couch with a glass of wine after a long day on set. The constant buzz from your phone pulls your attention ration away from the TV screen in front of you.

“What do you need?” Your voice is rough as you answer the phone.

“Did you check your schedule? We have another fake date planned for tonight.”

“A fake date.” Your lips curl at the idea.

“Correct. Party to celebrate making it to the play offs.” The line is quiet for a minute. “I’ll be there in 20 minutes to get you.”

“See you soon, babe.” You tease. If you’re going to be a fake couple, you better act like it.

“Wow.” Joe says as you climb into his car.

For the first time, you don’t sense a tone of disgust in his voice. “Not so bad yourself.” You pull your seatbelt across your lap and admire Joes outfit.

After a silent card ride to the private downtown party, you climb out of the car, cameras flashing and paparazzi yelling in your direction. Joe comes around to your side of the car and wraps an arm around your waste to pull you close. You feel your heart skip a beat and butterflies fill your stomach with a warm sensation. Joe leads you into the restaurant and towards his group of friends.

“You can let go now.” You try to pull away from his grip.

“We have to act like a couple.” He reminds you and pulls you back to him.

“Right.” You flash a fake smile.

Joe makes his rounds, introducing you to the rest of the team. For the first time, you felt like a normal person. People weren’t asking for pictures, or hounding you with questions about your next big role and security wasn’t needed. For the first time in a long time, you forgot you were a celebrity.

Drinks were flowing, the music was loud, and sweaty bodies continued to crash into each other. Taking advantage of the fact that you felt like an average person, you continued to let people bring you drinks.

You could feel Joe’s eyes on you all night. Everyone once in a while he’d come over and check in on you, his hands would find your hips and his eyes would lock on your. “Doing ok?” He brushed his sweaty hair off of his forehead, the curls falling back into place perfectly.

“Yeah. I hate to admit it but I’m having fun. I think I could get use to this.” You press your drink to your lips. “I feel free here.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” He smiled.

Joe really was a good guy. While you weren’t fond of the whole contract situation, you were glad it was him. It could be so much worse.

“Burrow!!” One of Joes teammates calls from across the bar before the handsome quarterback disappears back into the crowd.

You find yourself at the bar again, ordering another drink and slowly swaying to the music before you feel a hand pressed to the small of your back. You turn to meet a handsome, tall man.

“Hi.” You smile, the same butterflies you felt with Joe explode in your stomach again.

“Hey. I’m Sam. One of Burrows teammates.” He places his large hand out and shakes yours.

“Nice to meet you, Sam.” You smile, leaving your hand locked in his.

“So, how’d Joe get so lucky?”

You blush, looking down nervously. “You’re not so bad yourself.” You smile back at Sam.

Sam, much like Joe and the rest of the team, was very easy to talk to. You felt yourself getting lost in his eyes and laughing at all of his jokes.

Across the room, you can feel Joe staring at you. His eyes burning a hole in the back of Sam’s head. His jaw tightened when another silvery pearl of laughter over from the bar. You had been talking to Sam for the past several minutes. Not just talking, you were laughing and giggling like he was a comedian when Joe knew for a fact he wasn’t that damn funny. Irritation raged through his body as Sam leaned closer to you, causing you to laugh again. You’d never laughed that much with him. And he was your fake boyfriend.

Joe tried to pull your attention away from Sam multiple times. Now that you were finally able to relax and feel ‘free’ as you had told him before, you were flirting with Sam Hubbard.

Joe stormed over to you and Sam and practically ran Sam over. Up until this point, Sam had been one of his best friends but now he wanted to rip his hands off for touching you like that. Like you could possibly belong to Sam when you so clearly were dating Joe. Or fake dating that is, Joe thought to himself.

Sam’s eyebrows shot up as Joe stepped in front of him. “Excuse me.” Joe rudely interrupted, “I need a second with her.” He took you by the hand and led you to a quiet corner.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Joe stammered.

“I’m having fun.” You smiled back in Sam’s direction, his eyes were still locked on you. “I’m leaving with a guy at the end of the night.”

“Have you lost your mind?” His eyes go wide. “Do you remember what we’re doing here? You can’t leave with him!”

“You can’t stop me.”

Joe smiles suspiciously, “You’re right, you are leaving with a guy tonight. Me.”

You laughed. “No I’m not!” You slurred.

Joe leaned in close enough that you could taste the alcohol on his breath. “You have two options.” He whispered. “You can walk out of hand in hand with me, like an adult.” His leaned in closer if that was even possible, you could feel his lips as they whispered against yours. “Or I can carry you out of here over my shoulder. What will it be babe?” Your eyes meet his as he finally closes the gap between both of you.

Complying with his order, you take Joe by the hand, say your goodbyes, and leave the party. Outside you’re met by another crowd of rowdy photographers and fans.

“Stay close.” Joe leads you through the crowd.

As both of you had been drinking and were unable to drive, Joe ordered a car to pick you up. You climbed in quickly behind him, climbing into his lap and clinging to him as if he was your only sense of security.

“I know this is supposed to be fake, but I’ve been having a lot of fun with you. And it makes me so jealous to see having fun with other guys.” Joe slurs, his grip tightening around you. “I’ll give you anything you want if you give me the chance to make you happy. No more of this fake dating shit. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to give it a shot with you. Take it or leave it because I’m not open to negotiations. You’re mine.” Joe crashes your lips together again.

“Only you could make asking me to be your girlfriend sound like a business deal.” You giggle.

“Please be my girlfriend.” He whispers, pressing his forehead to yours.

“I am.”

“My real girlfriend. No more contract. No more fake dates. No expectation.” He kisses you again. “Be mine.”

[plusvanity]

What’s your take on Pelle wanting a romantic relationship irl? Do you think it’s something he would’ve wanted? Or was he afraid that he was too odd for someone to accept him? (I don’t know if that sounds harsh). Since you think that he was sensitive.

Btw I love your analysis girl 🫶

I'm not so sure about relationships, but I firmly believe that he wanted to connect to someone, somehow.

In terms of friendships, I think Øystein was the closest friend he had (at least during his time in Norway), but even so, Pelle didn't open up much for various reasons that include the environment in which he was at that time and most probably trust issues. Talking at some point with Old Mayhem, she described an 'invisible wall' between Pelle and his friends/ the world and I couldn't agree more. It feels like Pelle would've wanted this meaningful connection with someone, anyone, but unfortunately, he didn't manage to form it. I genuinely think this had a massive contribution to why he took his own life.

I don't know if he would've wanted a relationship because a relationship comes with a lot of stress and pressure for being in a commitment, attending someone else's needs, etc, but he definitely felt alone and forgotten in this world. After all, he wrote in his last lyrics 'No one will ever miss you'. He longed to be seen, to be given attention and importance. There are a lot of signs of emotional neglect in how he developed, but I will try to keep it short. I consider him as being in the autism spectrum and a relationship would most likely feel overwhelming, especially since he would lack experience, confidence, etc. But if I have to imagine him in a relationship, I can only imagine him being with someone patient and calm.

People with strong trauma responses, PTSD and those who suffer from personality disorders need a partner who is a bit more mentally equipped to manage stressful situations than your average Joe. To see improvement in Pelle's mental health, he would need a very patient and mature partner.

Love can heal a broken heart. I am one of those people who believe that no matter how broken you are, if you find someone to love you for who you are, someone who is willing to accept you with all of your inner demons, with the the good and the ugly, you can start to heal. Currently, I'm following this process myself. The human brain can be programmed and re-programmed. We are very adaptable to our environments and if we make our senses realize we're not in danger anymore, we can finally allow ourselves inner peace. This is why I believe that Pelle could've been saved.

Hypothetically speaking, Pelle would have a hard time adjusting to a relationship. He was quite rigid, stubborn and unwilling to change for others. To make a relationship work, you need to make some compromises. Another aspect that I want to point out is that Pelle had outbursts or 'episodes' of impulsive behavior when he was living. That would be a serious problem. Øystein (and Metalion, if I remember correctly) had to literally hold Pelle down when he suddenly wanted to 'go to Transylvania'. The question is: Would someone be able (and willing) to deal with this again and again? He would definitely need psychiatric treatment, but would he accept that? There are so many factors that would make dating Pelle a real challenge. I also believe that he was suffering some sort of perceptual delusion. I won't call it Cotard's syndrome since it is not recognized in the DSM and since we have very little information about it, but my honest opinion is that he might have had something more that just depression and I'm kind of pointing towards Major Depression with Psychotic Features. If you believe something else, that's fine. Everyone does their own research and reaches their own conclusions.

I do think he was sensitive and there would've been room in him to grow positive feelings towards someone, to form a meaningful connection and learn to trust again. In the end, it doesn't matter if he would've had a romantic partner or a best friend, he would've liked to form a bond with another soul, someone who understands him, respects him and is there to stay.

I imagine him as being very honest, capable of showing tenderness, being mindful, quiet, contemplative and trustworthy in a meaningful relationship.

Sorry for my late response, I had an awful weekend.

[jooba]

wolfman x reader

"Imagine getting the great news that you're one of a million civilians chosen to go to a distant planet, to intermingle with the local aliens. Unfortunately, your online friend doesn't exactly seem to like that idea."

TW: MDNI, reader referred to as 'girl', sexual desires, anxiety, neurodivergent reader, reader big dumb, licking, 'virgin' reader, hand appreciation

wordcount: 2,388

Three words: Civilian Space Program. The most incredible opportunity of a lifetime (for an average Joe like you).

One word: Congratulations! The letter you held in your shaking hands almost didn’t seem real. It was glossy, professional, and signed by someone so important that it was a 100% probability that you would never breathe the same air as them. Congratulations! But it was real, and your life would never be the same. You were going to space. To meet aliens. Your poor little heart almost couldn’t take it. Breath labored, you quickly snapped a picture of the letter before posting it to all of your socials. Quickly, friends and family bombarded you with questions and excitement, just as in disbelief as you are. Several phone calls later, and plenty of assurances to those with concerns, you fell back onto your couch, still clutching the letter. In just a month, you would be boarding a vessel with 14 other civilians, shipped off to the planet Geron 6GI, and left there for 3 years to “create relations” and ��cultivate a human lifestyle”. Whatever that means. All you knew was that you… were a monsterfucker… and… well… aliens are sort of like monsters too. 

In your elation, you nearly missed the newest comment on your Instagram post. It was Peter, an online friend whom you had known for years. It simply said, “call me.” Peter knew about the program and how badly you wanted to be in it, but he was pretty adamant that your chances were too low. Smiling, you dialed his number. He answered on the first ring, speaking before you had a chance to.

“This is serious? You’re serious?” 

“Of course! I’m freaking out, Peter. I’m going to SPACE. I’m going to fuck so many aliens, you don't even know. Well, you do know, but-”

“You’re leaving in a month?” He asked. You kicked your legs in glee, squealing. 

“Yep! 3 years in space and depending on how the program goes it might go on for longer. God, should I bring my toys? Do you think they’ll even be allowed on the flight? But what if the aliens have toys that I can buy…” Your breath hitched just at the thought. There was silence on his end for a few moments.

“You’re a virgin.” Cheeks turning red, you scoffed into your phone.

“So what?” 

“So you’re giving yourself away to some random alien?” He hissed the word lowly, talking in a manner you had never heard from him before. You take a second to collect your thoughts, not understanding where his aggression is coming from.

“Peter… we live in the 21st century. Virginity is a stupid construct. Besides, I uh... I’m not really a virgin, you know.” 

“What?” 

“Ugh, can we not talk about this? So embarrassing…” You mumble, turning to a more comfortable position on the couch. There was silence as both of you struggled with what to say next. It wasn’t like you were actually embarrassed talking about sexual things, but Peter had a way of making your stomach flutter. It was awful having a mini crush on someone online, and even worse when he insisted on hearing all the details of your life. All the details. 

“I’m going to come see you.” He said, sighing into the phone. You froze, blinking in surprise. The two of you had never met in real life before, you’ve never even seen a picture of him! Sometimes, you would discuss meeting, but he lived a long flight away and schedules never seemed to work out. Over time, the thought of seeing him in person became too daunting, and you always shot him down. What if he thought you were too ugly to be friends with? What if the two of you couldn’t get along in person, and he lost interest? 

“A-are you sure, Peter?” You could hear the smile in his voice as he responded. 

“Of course.”

You stood nervously in the airport, shifting back and forth. People kept glancing at you, giving you curious glances. Avoiding eyes with an old troll whose beard desperately needed maintenance, you wiped the sweat from your face with your sleeve. Maybe you’d be less nervous if you had brought a friend with you to pick up Peter… Your phone buzzed with a text. 

landing now

You watch as the terminal quickly fills up with tired travelers. Eyes swiping back and forth from person to person, you attempt to pick out a man to match Peter’s description of himself. But his description was so vague, all you really knew was that apparently he was tall and had brown hair. 

Someone bumps into you, and your phone clatters to the ground. They quickly apologize but scurry away too quickly for you to get a good look at them. Grumbling, you bend down to pick up your phone, dusting it off and checking for cracks. When your eyes lift, your heart explodes in surprise at the wolfman standing before you. Hot! Inner you squeals. Standing nearly two heads taller than you, he’s lean and dressed very cleanly. Chestnut-colored fur streaks around his cheeks and neck, speckled with darker colors around his hairline and dipping underneath his shirt. Black eyes peer at you, squinting slightly.

“Oh, um. Hi!” You laugh nervously, tugging at your hair. “Just dropped my phone.” You wave your phone in front of you, but then quickly tuck it away when you realize how dumb you probably looked. The wolfman’s mouth slowly curls up into a predatory smile, top lip slightly gaped to allow for pointy fangs to peek through. 

“You’re cute,” he says quietly, eyes appraising your figure. You have to desperately ignore the urge to cover yourself from his evaluating gaze. You laugh weakly.

“T-thanks.” You give him a small smile. The two of you stare at each other for a moment. He hikes his backpack up over his shoulders, raising one eyebrow at you. Does he want something from you…? Oh god. Despite his good looks, it’s not the best time to be flirting with someone: not when you’re waiting for Peter. 

“I’m sorry. I’m.. uh… picking up a friend. Sorry.” You glance away from him, pretending to search the crowd for Peter. Why is he taking so long?

The wolfman grumbles with quiet laughter, almost a mixture of a purr and low-pitched whine. It's a rather charming sound. Suddenly, his clawed hand is on your scalp, rubbing against your hair to mess it up. He tugs certain strands this way and that, causing an absolute mess. You gasp, pulling away, quickly attempting to fix the mess he just made. 

“You’re even denser in person than I thought you would be,” he says, looking extremely satisfied at your misery. His ears twitch slightly. You pause, squinting up at him in irritation.

“Well, that’s rude. And please don’t touch my hair, I don’t know you.” You take a step back away from him in caution just to be safe. 

The wolfman huffs, rolling his eyes slowly. “That’s the thing. You do know me.” He pulls his phone out, and types onto it quickly, before looking at you expectantly. Your phone buzzes. A message from Peter. 

right in front of you. so dense.

You can’t quiet the gasp that leaves your mouth in time. You gape up at him, astonished.

“You never told me you were a wolfman!?!” 

Heart racing, you bring your knuckle up to your mouth and light chew on a finger. All these years, all the calls and long talks and he never thought to mention his species?! Oh god, you have said so many embarrassing things to him: things you would never say to a non-human. Things about giant monster cocks and clawed hands and fluffy sensitive ears and oh my GOD. You swear heat is steaming out of your ears with how embarrassed you are. 

“Didn’t think it mattered,” he shrugs. He reaches up to lightly scratch at one fluffy ear, maintaining eye contact with you. It twitches at his touch, apparently sensitive. You want to coo and squeal at how cute it is, but you restrain, just barely. Gnawing on your finger, you avert your eyes. You must not look at the handsome wolfman. Must resist. Must get Peter home without drowning in your drool…

One car ride home, hours of gentle ribbing and teasing, a desperate call to the nearest fast food joint, and a change into pajamas later, you find yourself sitting on your couch, a bowl of popcorn in hand, waiting patiently for Peter to join you. He’s taking a long time in the bathroom, but you’re not too worried. It seemed your apartment was a bit too small for him, and he was constantly ducking his head and squeezing past your furniture. Admittedly, it was really charming. You can’t help but shovel popcorn into your face as you wait. You can’t wait too long, otherwise the popcorn will get stale! In the middle of licking your fingers free from butter and salt, Peter plops down next to you. You slide down the couch and end up sitting right against you. He wraps an arm around you on the couch, hands already playing with your hair. He’s dressed in loose pajama pants and a t-shirt that says ‘You are fang-tastic!’ in faded letters.

“Really couldn’t wait for me, huh.” You smile in embarrassment, pulling your fingers out of your mouth. His dark eyes quickly zero in on your glistening fingers. Grimacing, you go to wipe them on your pants, but his hand wraps around your wrist before you can. You immediately notice how much bigger his hand is than yours, and how fur wraps around his knuckles but his fingers and palm are bare. 

“Let me,” he purrs, eyes drooping into half lids. He opens his mouth and a long, pink tongue rolls out. It’s rounded at the end and fades into a slight purple the further back it gets. You’re instantly drawn to it and watch in stunned silence as he brings your fingers up to his mouth. He licks a long stripe up your fingers before twisting and turning them to lap at every inch. Quickly, your fingers become drenched in hot saliva. You clench your thighs, wishing he would put that tongue somewhere else… A soft noise leaves you, and he meets your eyes again. You mentally berate yourself for having dirty thoughts about your friend. He nips gently at your pointer finger. You squeak and pull your hand away, face certainly red. You hold your hand to your chest limply, now drenched in saliva. You blink at him, words caught in your throat.

“Mmm… tastes good.” Right. Good popcorn. Ha ha… ha… The TV blares and the two of you startle at the noise. Peter is quick to grab the remote and mute it. He watches the quiet television for a moment, throat bobbing.

“Let’s talk for a moment, space girl.” His voice is almost... uncertain. You grin unabashedly at the nickname, pleased. It immediately calms you down and you find yourself relaxing.

“Sure!” You place the popcorn down and turn on the couch, facing him directly. He turns to face you as well, one leg crossing over the other. The arm around the back of the couch begins to tap on the cushion.

“Just let me talk for a moment, no interruptions, okay?” He raises an eyebrow when you open your mouth to respond, and you huff, but stay quiet.

“Honestly, I thought I was being pretty straightforward with you all this time, but with this space fiasco, I knew you weren’t exactly getting the message. Had to talk to you face-to-face. I’ll make this short and sweet, easy to understand. I don’t want you going to space.” He raises one hand when you look like you are about to object. Breathing deeply, he continues.

“Don’t go to space. Stay here. I’ll give you all the monster cock you want, promise… I’m not usually one to wait so long, but I knew during our first call I would have to take it slow with you. I’ve been biding my time all these years, slowly getting to know you, waiting for my chance. And then I saw your post. When I saw that, it left me ‘peterified’.” He chuffs at his joke, pleased. 

“So yeah, I’ve got feelings for you. And a lot of them revolve around ramming my cock down your throat. Or god, knotting you,” he sighs wistfully as he speaks. He looks like he wants to say more, but stops himself. 

.

.

.

Ho….ly…. SHIT! You’re frozen on the spot, mind racing with a thousand dirty thoughts. You’ve dreamt of this moment, dreamt of a monster desiring you. And now…now you’re presented with an opportunity. 

“F-forget space! Oh my god. Peter? Peter!” You’re squealing now, your body shaking with excitement. You stand up and begin pacing, not even really aware of what you’re doing. Peter relaxes on the couch, mouth tilted up in a sly smile.

“This is crazy. Are you serious? He’s serious. I-I need to shave! And prep! Oh god, I don’t know if I’m ready for this…” You bite at your finger nervously, the beginnings of nausea twisting your stomach. Who knew that aching and wanting something for so long would have you feeling so sick?

Peter tugs at your hand, slowing your pacing. 

“You’re getting ahead of yourself, you nut. Just breathe.” He breathes in deeply, and you copy him instinctually. He guides your breath into something much slower, much more manageable. You smile at him gratefully, falling onto the couch. 

“Sorry, this is just… a lot,” you sigh out. He shakes his head. 

“Not at all. Just take it easy.” He nudges your knee with his. “Just think about it, yeah?” You nudge him back, eyes twinkling.

“So, all this time you’ve…” you question. He simply nods his head.

“But you didn’t even know what I looked like?” You're surprised when his face starts to turn a gentle shade of red. He coughs into his fist, looking away. He speaks, in a cool tone that doesn’t match his cheeks, “Yeah, I knew right from the start. Your looks are just a plus.” 

Aaand now you’re looking away, embarrassed. 

“Oh, okay,” you mumble. 

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

Stephen was the above average joe. Muscular. Huge package. Standing at 6’4”. When he walked into a room people stopped and stared looking a the muscled specimen that heaved the room. And with large size 16 feet you could hear him coming too.

Stephen had a perfect life but where someone is so perfect there has to be a downfall. Stephen’s was that he always took advantage of those close to him. He was able to be so muscular and hot spending all his time in the gym and never once helping his boyfriend, Matt, pay for rent. He was a leach. Every night he would come home dripping sweat. Kick off his massive shoes leaving them where they fell. He would drop his dirty sweat clothes in the hall way and never clean after himself. Then while still dropping sweat, flop down on the couch. Staining even more than what he already has. But it was time. And his boyfriend had had enough.

While Stephen fell asleep like he always did on the couch, his boyfriend still in front of him with a menacing glance. Holding the book he had from his family he began to chant the spell to make Stephen change.

Stephen was dreaming about plowing the hot gym bunny. Bending him over the sink and thrusting himself in. And all the while began to scream while he was having sex …

“….and this vessel must change to meet this new form!” His boy friend finished reading. And then he seen the fine print,,, there had to be an agreement from the one the spell was going to effect. He began to panic. How would he get Stephen to agree to…”YES YES ! FUCK ME !!!” Matt’s mouth dropped. How could this have happened in a more perfect moment. Stepping back slowly he hid the book. Now. Watching as his boyfriend began to change.

Soon Stephen’s well defined abs began to push outwards. His legs began to get fuller and he also began to shrink in height. His pecs quickly lost all definition as they were hidden under a thick layer of fat and his stomach continued to balloon out warden. Hair began to sprout from ever office of his body giving him in a thick coat of fur. His feet got shorter becoming a size of extremely wide and thick size 11s. He had little sausage toes now while his fingers fattened up. His butt began to inflate and sag as it widened and his back began to grow wide to match. A thick unkempt beard began to grow out of his face while he started balding. What was once a hunk before now looked like an out of shape 45 year old man. Matt smiled at his creation. Knowing that there was more to come.

Matt woke up to screams from the living room. Walking in he seen Stephen looking at his phone and trembling. “What the fuck has happened to me !!” Matt asked him. What he was talking about. All a part of his plan to make Stephen lose his mind. He was going to treat Stephen like the fat older man he was now. Even though he was the only other person in the world now that would remember what he is really supposed to be like. “Phen. You need to stop acting weird. It’s time for you to go to work. I wasn’t able to wash your janitor uniform though. “ Stephen just looked at him. Whatever happened seemed to have changed reality he thought. He had to get out of there. And sadly. It seems as though the dirty uniform was the only thing that would fit him. Before he left the apartment Matt handed him some pills “don’t forget your pills Phen. You know you need your heart meds and that cholesterol needs to come down. Try not to eat those 4 double cheeseburger for lunch again” he said as he kissed Stephen’s fatter face.

Work was hard for Stephen. He found that at his new size and short let height he was screed on all aspects of life now. He was the lowly janitor of the gym he worked at ! And people would just throw dirty clothes on him and expect him to always be at their whim for cleaning. During his lunch break he wanted to find a way to fix this. He had to get his old body back ! But then he caught glimpse of it. The burger signs. And drawn by an impossible force he walked over. Walking through the doors he was greeted by the cashier. Working his wallet out of his pocket with his meaty hands he paid for his food. 5 double cheeseburgers. And he ate ever bite. Licking the grease from the wrappers and his fingers. He was forced by some unseen force to be the fat animal he looked like. Walking back home he could help but feel winded. His lunch should have. Been enough to make him feel full for days but his stomach was growling like an angry bear. He felt so tired. As he walked through the apartment door he shuffled his wide feet down the hallway and looking in the mirror began to cry.

Somehow during the day he had gotten older. And much bigger. What little muscle definition he had was completely gone. Now his stomach was rock hard and protruding in an impossible beach ball stomach. Completely bald with white facial hair. Matt came around the corner and Stephen cried. He pleaded for Matt to remember him. “Phen. Are you ok? I know you’re jealous of my youth. But we’ve talked about this. You’re a 61 year old man. You have to come to terms with that!” And he walked off. That number reverberated in Stephen’s head.

Walking around the beach no was no longer fun for Stephen. He was getting looks now but not for his hot young body. It was for the massive beach ball he carried. He had been stuck like this for a whole month at this point. Continuing to try to find a way to change back there just has to be one. Matt came walking up to him with food. “You know one day. I’m going to stop giving into her hunger. We gotta find someway to get you. Lose weight Phen”. Phen aggressively at the multiple cheese burgers, fries and shake that Matt had brought him. Matt watched his creation. Everything from that night with spell had come true. An intense appetite that never went away, old age, massive bloated stomach with no muscle definition, and all the pains that would come with his body being like this. He knew that Phen was trying to find a way back. To get his old body back so he could be happy. But little did he know, that the Matt altered the working of the spell. “And when you agree to this the changes will be permanent”.

[mpbbychoice]

I had always been proud of my thick, flowing hair. It was one of the few things that made me stand out from the crowd, and I liked it that way. But here I was, standing in front of the mirror in my boyfriend Joe's apartment, staring at my balding head with a mix of horror and fascination. Joe was a strong, hirsute, bald man with visible muscles. He liked to wear muscle shirts and had a manly musk that I found strangely intoxicating. I, on the other hand, was an average man who took pride in his hair. But Joe wanted me to become more like him, and as much as I hated to admit it, his constant badgering was starting to get to me. It all started with a simple haircut. Joe hated my long hair and convinced me to get a buzzcut. I hated it at first, but I didn't complain. I figured it was just a small change, and I could always grow it back. But then I found myself in Joe's bathroom, staring at his epilator. For some reason, I felt compelled to use it on my head. The pain was intense, but so was the pleasure. I couldn't stop myself from tearing out my hair. When I went back to bed, Joe looked at me with surprise and admiration. 'I don't know what happened, but you look sexier than ever!' he exclaimed. He grabbed me and fucked me harder than he ever had before. I had the best orgasm of my life, and from that moment on, I was hooked. I began using the epilator regularly, and each time, Joe would join in, using it to thin out my hair even more. I hated the pain of having my hair ripped out, but I loved the attention from Joe. He shaved my head weekly to keep my hair short, and I continued to use the epilator, even as a bald spot formed on my head. Joe loved my baldness, and I have to admit, I did too. There was something strangely empowering about it. I felt stronger, more masculine. I was becoming more like Joe, and it turned me on. But then one day, after a particularly intense epilation session, I realized that I had gone bald. Not just balding, but completely bald. I was horrified. This was not what I had signed up for. I wanted to stop, to go back to the way things were, but I couldn't. I was addicted to the pain, the pleasure, and most of all, the attention from Joe. Joe, however, loved it. He loved my bald head, and he loved the fact that I had become more like him. He told me that I had never looked sexier, and he fucked me with a passion that I had never experienced before. I couldn't deny that it felt good, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I had lost myself in the process. In the end, I realized that I had let Joe's desires consume me. I had destroyed the man I used to be, all in the name of becoming more like the man I loved. And even though I hated what I had become, I couldn't deny the intense arousal I felt every time I looked in the mirror and saw my bald head staring back at me. Joe and I continued our relationship, with him shaving my head regularly to keep it short. I still used the epilator, and the baldness became permanent. I had become a bald man, just like Joe. And even though I had lost myself in the process, I couldn't deny that I loved the man I had become.

[matt0044]

What we can learn from “The Jaune Arc Discourse” (TM).

Well, to start with, people are really resistant to being corrected on lies at worst or overstatements at best.

Like if nothing else, the Does RWBY Like Women poll was illuminating in how it showed me that a veeeeeery weird myth about Jaune Arc has persisted beyond its true relevancy.

Volume 1 of RWBY features Jaune Arc in the spotlight for… what? Four episodes? The minutes of each adding up to roughly twenty minutes, the length of an average TV episode?

While he was featured in the previous storyline where we are given an eight episode arc introducing us to our eight main protagonists, he was a lot more… ancillary as comic relief. A discount Lavernius Tucker with Felix’s voice if you will.

He's Vomit Boy in episode one. Episode two has him introduced more formally as somebody who helps up Ruby after a bad first impression on Weiss. He later appears more prominently pining over Weiss and catching Pyrrha's attention before falling to bracing himself in being catapulted into the Emerald Forest.

He's bailed out by Pyrrha and it's set up that he's in over his head by not knowing what Aura is or at least wanting to know how it works. An exposition sponge as I heard on fan call it. I could go on but the point is that all signs pointed to a Butt Monkey Ron Stoppable sort who was likely there for cheap laughs.

Amusing enough but I worried if that's all he'd be personally. Lord knows that some movies give the Comic Relief character too much comic relief and, well, not enough character. But after Ruby and Weiss have their leader/lance headbutting, the four episodes that followed reassured me that there'd be more to Jaune than meets the eyes.

But to circle back to the main thesis, it's actually fascinating that the myth of Jaune hijacking the narrative for himself is this pervasive when the offending story in question... is very much a self-contained character piece. It's way less about the wider story involving Ozpin, Roman Torchwick (at the time) and the White Fang.

It has relevance in how Pyrrha starts mentoring Jaune after he deals with Cardin and gets over himself (for now) which trickles down into future stories. Even then, the next story arc right back with Team RWBY with nary a sign of the everyman in question. A story arc that does deal with elements of the main plot, leading directly into Volume 2.

And in Volume 2, Jaune trying to woo Weiss and being ignorant to Pyyrha's advancements was just a subplot scattered in the first half of the story. It very much piggybacks off of Team RWBY's whole deal.

Volume 3 has what I consider to be a reversal of what's been known as Trinity Syndrome.

Namely the sort where a male character goes off the square off with the main villain mano-e-mano after shoving the female character/his love interest away so she won't get hurt. An egrigious example being when the love interest CAN FIGHT and back him up.

However, Pyyrha instead shoves Jaune out of the way after kissing him and goes off to face Cinder in a very fatal battle. It was honestly a brilliant (as much as the term may be disliked these days) subversion of the cliche.

And it’s Ruby who sees her death and gets the trauma induced power up. Jaune only has a scene of angst before that and was the one to call Ruby to have her try and back up the one he just realized he loved.

Jaune from that point on is an Everyman Protagonist who is forced to remember that he’s not THE protagonist. Yet the myth persistently proclaims that he hijacks the narrative from the titular Team RWBY despite only four episodes being wholly dedicated to him and his head space.

How did we get here?

Well… there’s the fact that not everyone finished Volume 1 and that not everybody, well, watched RWBY. And that would be fine on its own. You gave it a shot and it wasn’t your cuppa joe. You saw the trailer but clicked on something else.

I get it. That’s fine. Contrary to popular belief, nobody in the FNDM will really fault you for it. Less fine is when you spread faulty readings of RWBY and from those heavily biased against it no less.

It cannot be emphasized enough that tearing into RWBY is a cottage industry on YouTube. Hbomberguy might have the biggest platform but you’ll find multiple channels with lengthy series on “RWBY bad, here why.” And they are actually amongst the FNDM. They know how the YT Algorithm game is played, how it rewards engagement above all else. And sadly, negativity and rage pay more bills.

It’s why there are few positive videos or at least few that are pushed into the recommendations. Many often borrow the same points from each other born from the V1 days, namely that Jaune is allegedly given favoritism by the writers while we somehow “don’t know who the main girls are.”

From four episodes.

I also think it’s also to do with how it’s not that he actually did steal screentime… so much as many anticipated he would. A lot of shows and movies I grew up with would have strong female characters but any potential they had was hindered by the male lead and his hero’s journey. See the above Trinity Syndrome I referenced.

But Jaune didn’t do that. Even when he was central to an event like his semblance being awakened, it’s a healing/power boost that he gives to others. Weiss getting skewered might’ve brought it out but it lead to her getting back into the fray while he was largely to the sides.

Seems more like he shares screentime if anything.

People cling to these myths despite legit fans actually pointing out, “Hey, that’s not true actually and here’s why,” because that hate being told they are wrong more than being wrong. And because there are many around these who reinforce this “truth,” they feel content with it. No need to challenge it when it “feels” right.

So Jaune Arc stole screentime. Because that’s what “everyone else” is saying. By you need to question popular opinions. You need to realize that sometimes… a fan community is based on lies.

”Trust me, bro” is not the gotcha you think it is.

[sentient-stove]

Miranda said to stay put, keep his phone on him and wait for help. Unluckily for Danny, he had not stayed put, kept his phone on him and if help came in the form of a meta-disliking vigilante, he’d rather find his way to the police himself. Not that he was a meta- he was dead- but apparently freaky kidnappers from pharmaceutical companies didn’t care about the distinction if you could heal quicker than the average joe.

Right now, he really only had two goals in mind. The first was to get the fuck out of the sewers, hopefully via a manhole since his powers were completely out of reach due to the new collar that had been clamped around his neck when they’d removed the cuff. And the second goal was to avoid getting caught again. The internship leads had stressed the importance of setting small, attainable goals, and Danny liked to think that in a fucked up sort of way, he could manage to set goals in the style recommended.

Look at him go. Learning. Weren’t internships just the best?

Danny glanced back when a roar echoed through the tunnel he was casually jogging down, good hand on the wall to keep as a point of reference while he navigated in the dark without night vision to help. It sounded close, but that could’ve been anything, and didn’t have to be the same guys after him. Still was a not great sign though. Just because they weren’t Danny’s problem didn’t mean he wanted to add them to his already embarrassing list of issues.

[frozenjokes]

The Reasonable Next Step (Cannibalism)

Cub did not understand. Never for a second did he think he was wrong, nor did he doubt himself now, but if he wasn’t wrong (which he wasn’t), then why did Mumbo say no?

It did not make sense. (and his feelings were a little bit hurt) It did not make sense.

Mumbo had always been a bit of an oddity, and Cub used to attribute this to the fact that he was just so.. normal? Mumbo was jumpy, yes, he’d always been on the edgier side, but other than that, he was just human, just doing his own thing, standing out only because of how painfully ordinary he was minus perhaps the height and the gaunt figure.

Cub wondered if Mumbo had looked more haggard lately, in the past few years maybe, or if that was just his mind playing tricks on him. Those eyebags, whew. Cub had truly never seen anyone get so little sleep.

But Mumbo was not normal. Mumbo was not even the slightest bit ordinary, however Cub had only started noticing in season eight.

Maybe that’s when Mumbo started losing his grip, Cub didn’t know, but two events over the course of those months stood out to him as particularly insane, those being the stealing of Grian’s soul and the sacrifice of Bdubs to ‘appease the moon,’ which was a perfectly on brand thing for Scar to do, but Mumbo? ‘Peace, love, and plants’ Mumbo?

That’s what had gotten Cub’s attention in the first place actually; Mumbo had always been famously uncomfortable around blood and gore, uninterested in murder on a good day, even as part of a game, but he had seemed particularly unwell then, not only because he was so damn skinny that a small gust of wind could’ve knocked him clean over, but the insistence on only eating certain foods, bordering on not eating at all; it had worried Cub, to be frank. He and Mumbo were never close, but he remembered stopping by once or twice to check in, and generally hanging around to make sure he was okay. Mumbo always insisted he was just fine. And then Cub heard he threw Grian into a meat grinder and was a tad more concerned.

Technically Mumbo had not been the one to put Grian into his killing machine, but he may as well have been, tricking Grian into signing a contract than leading him to his own gratuitously violent death- Now all of this Cub heard from Scar, so perhaps there was a bit of hyperbole going on, but Cub had checked out the machine, and even compared to Cub’s own violent history it looked.. intense.

Maybe not intense coming from some other hermits, but out of pocket from Mumbo.

Now, with the moon growing large and crashing into the server, it was safe to say everyone was a tiny bit off their rocker, but Mumbo didn’t sleep well on a normal day, so Cub wasn’t sure he believed the whole idea of the Boatem Mooners as they were called, making a pact not to sleep, which, inevitably, drove the whole lot of them off the deep end. But Mumbo lived like that normally; Cub couldn’t recall more than two times he’d actually seen Mumbo asleep over a period of years, and in his passive observation, it felt like something was off about Mumbo’s behavior in the Mooner cult. It felt.. like an excuse. And maybe that was just a hunch, it’s not like Cub had any real evidence, but participating in a ritual sacrifice seemed severely unlike Mumbo, even if he only hauled Bdubs up to the pyre in the first place and Scar was the one who set the flame.

Cub didn’t care of course. What Mumbo did with his time was his own business, and Cub certainly wasn’t judgemental but.. well, he was interested. It was like your reliable average joe experiences a short burst of pure unbridled mania, then goes back to normal the next day pretending none of it happened. Cub just had a feeling there was more there, more to him, and god if he didn’t want to know what it was.

He considered stalking to be a strong word. What he did was not stalking.

However, if Mumbo was around, or Cub caught a passing glance of him sneaking off by himself, he may have followed, never revealing his presence. And that- in the back half of season eight and the start of season nine. Cub had seen some things. He had certainly seen some things.

Now, Cub was no stranger to rituals. In general vex and their counterparts were ritualistic creatures, drawn to performance and sacrifice and dance. He was always drawn to violence, as was Scar, and they had shared more than a couple vile displays of lust and brutality. It was indulgence, it was a show, and in truth, the only reason the sacrifice of animals was not a more common occurrence is because Scar shied away from it, preferring to use their own flesh and blood. It did not bother Cub either way. If the treatment of animals was among his top concerns, he’d have quite a few issues with some of the other inhabitants of the server.

All of this preface to say that the things Cub witnessed Mumbo doing to animals was enough to make him think that pigs and chickens had orphaned him, stolen all his most precious possessions, burned down his childhood home, then ate all his children and cursed his bloodline, because seriously, what the hell?

Cub was not someone who was easily disturbed, but watching Mumbo set animals from various farms loose, chase and maim them for literal hours (sometimes whole nights) leave them with horrific injuries, then only when they couldn’t stand to run any longer, eat them alive- It was a deeply fascinating, deeply unnerving display, coupled by.. whatever the fuck Mumbo was. It sure as hell wasn’t human, something Cub was relieved to figure out quickly.

Mumbo was tall, but even then, he was too fast. There were moments when parts of him were too long, a leg or fingers, and sometimes too sharp- From a distance, Cub didn’t know how Mumbo was inflicting such brutal lacerations, and even with a spyglass, Cub couldn’t quite tell, but he had to be changing, his body had to be adapting to his physical needs. Mumbo was too strong as well; this was something Cub had witnessed in places other than remote locations thousands of blocks from spawn, but it was true! No one that skinny, bordering on emaciated, had enough muscle to sustain activities like this, much less break bones with a snap of a hand and restrain terrified animals twice his size.

All of this was inhuman, however, most of these things could also be explained away as tricks of the light, or misunderstandings of human anatomy. Unlikely, yes, but possible.

Cub really knew when he saw Mumbo eat for the first time.

And when he said the first time, he meant the first time; even when Mumbo had made eating potatoes his whole identity, Cub had never actually seen him eat anything. When he asked Scar before this whole ordeal, the thought had never occurred to Scar before, but when he asked Grian, he had only told Cub that Mumbo was private with his meals, too anxious to eat in front of others. Honestly, Cub had thought Mumbo had some kind of eating disorder. Given the state of him, it wasn’t a poor assumption, and Cub got the sense Grian felt similarly, though he wouldn’t give any more information other than ‘Mumbo is anxious,’ stubbornly close-lipped. Cub got the sense Grian knew a little more than he was letting on, and given how nosy he was, Cub found himself wondering if Grian had seen Mumbo eat before, really eat.

After pressing, majorly pissing Grian off in the process, Cub was a little more sure, though, Grian getting pissed off could just as easily be a symptom of Cub being an asshole and nothing more. Sometimes Cub didn’t know when to stop, but Scar had a pretty good system of letting him know. (“Cub, you’re being an asshole.” to which he would respond “Oh, okay.” For some reason people avoided telling Cub to shut the fuck up even when they really wanted to, but it would make his life a lot easier if they did.)

But yes, it was quite clear that Mumbo was not human when the hunt was over and he finally started to eat.

Mumbo didn’t.. Cub wasn’t exactly sure if he chewed, rather than just.. swallowing. A lot. Too much at a time. Mumbo’s body seemed to accommodate him more than a human body ever should- he had teeth, Cub knew he had teeth, but it seemed instead he preferred to eat as much as he could whole.

Snakes could unhinge their jaws, striking, then positioning their prey so they could eat it head first, killing it faster, reducing the chance they may get scratched or bit.

Mumbo did not do this. Perhaps he did unhinge his jaw, but a human mouth, even broken in every sense of the word, could not possible take as much as Mumbo did at once, his body distorting and bubbling in ways that couldn’t be anything less than painful, bones and muscles rearranging, skin stretching, it was horrible, but Mumbo didn’t even take his prey head first.

It made no sense. Why would he start at the back, where he could be kicked, scratched, where it was easier for whatever he was consuming to bend over and bite him, hurt him. Is that why he tired his prey out so completely? Waited until they were completely exhausted? But even then, they still fought. Nothing being eaten alive like this could simply let it happen, the will to live was too strong, regardless of the inevitable hopelessness.

Cub wondered if Mumbo wanted to be hurt. If Mumbo thought he should be hurt by kicking feet and flailing jaws, larger animals struggling so fiercely that they would snap his entire face out of shape, a sight so particularly horrific, Cub found himself flinching, though he never looked away. Mumbo seemed like the type of person that wanted to punish himself, not that Cub knew him particularly well, but he was so weird, so oddly puritan when it came to standards set for himself, it made sense.

Or maybe he just wanted them to struggle. He wanted them to live longer, draw out suffering, just as he’d been doing for hours prior. Mumbo never flinched, even when he’d been bit or scratched particularly badly. Cub never saw blood or injury. And he was looking for it. He was watching closely. That first night, he slept just as little as Mumbo did, though both of them seemed not to need it.

Cub didn’t think he’d sleep ever again. He had to know more.

But Cub was a busy man, he had his own projects to work on, and he didn’t make a habit of following Mumbo around, but he did keep tabs. He was curious, but that curiosity started shifting to concern, especially after the switch from season eight to season nine.

Mumbo was visibly deteriorating, those lonely acts of violence feeling a lot more like desperation than real cruelty. Maybe it had always been desperate. Or maybe Cub was mistaken. He was not the best at reading other people.

But you didn’t have to be good at reading people to know that Mumbo was losing his grip. Mumbo was jumpy on a good day, but after the first weeks of season nine, he didn’t react to anything at all. He hardly even looked up when Grian approached him, trying his best to cheer Mumbo up, which Cub knew because Grian told Scar, and Scar could never help himself but tell Cub, just as Cub could never help but keep anything from Scar.

Scar knew about Mumbo the morning after Cub witnessed the hunt on the first night, Cub not even sleeping before he shook Scar awake at 7:00 AM, relaying everything he’d seen. Bafflingly, Scar could not have given less of a fuck.

“I knew something was wrong with him,” he’d said, mildly amused, and then closed his eyes, settling down to go back to sleep. Cub did not understand. It just did not make any sense that Scar did not care because this was one of the wildest things Cub had ever witnessed. He had so many questions! How could Scar not have any questions? Why did Mumbo keep this a secret? What was the point of drawing out his hunts? What was Mumbo? He had teeth, why didn’t he use them?

“Cub.” Scar said stiffly, eyelids fighting against Cub’s claws as he tried to pry them back open and make Scar listen, “You’re being an asshole.”

Scar still had no interest in answering any of the questions that kept Cub awake at night, but he did humor Cub when he theorized for hours, trailing Scar while he worked on his base, landscaping, was stuck sick in bed- Cub was more anxious when Scar was sick, worried he was boring him with chatter he knew Scar cared little about, but Scar insisted otherwise, engaging far more than he ever did when he had something else to do. Alien. Alien. Mumbo’s an alien. Alien. He’s an alien. He’s from the void. He’s an alien. Scar’s theories were not often rooted in sense, but it was fun to listen to him regardless.

But Scar cared in season nine. He cared because anyone close to Mumbo could see how poorly he was doing, and Scar would do anything to ease that pain. Cub would have approached Mumbo himself, asked about his excursions directly, but Scar had insisted that was the wrong way to go about it, not when Mumbo was so frail and already so depressed. Mumbo would accept help easier from someone closer to him, and Scar knew how to be subtle.

Scar came back to their shared tree home later that day wearing a grimace and a hand stuck permanently running through his hair.

“It, uh.. I may not have handled that as well as I could have. He may be upset. I dunno.. I didn’t think it was that bad, but Grian really chewed me out when it was just the two of us.”

“What happened? What did you say?” Cub’s tone may have been too harsh, a bad habit he struggled to shake when he was so invested. “I’m sorry-“ he snuck the words through when Scar winced, speaking before he could, “I don’t think you’ve done anything, I just want to know what happened.”

“I know,” Scar said, and Cub knew he did, no one knew him as wholly as Scar did, but Cub knew him in the same way, and knew he was sensitive after plans turned sour. Regardless, Scar continued, “So I meet up with Mumbo and Grian, right? We were just hanging out, talking about blueprints, nothing too crazy, but I wanted us all to get together anyway, since Mumbo’s been so down. He’s always a little more relaxed when Grian’s around, I don’t know what it is about those two, they’re like each other’s emotional support cats.”

“That’s true,” Cub nodded, trying to engage but antsy in the fluff of Scar’s story.

“So I bring us all together, you know how it is, and I suggest we have a little party, the three of us! None of us really have any birthdays coming up, but in my mind we can’t really afford to wait, so I suggested we do one now! Grian was teasing me, saying something like ‘Is it really a party if there’s only three of us?’ But I think so, and I said I think we could all use a bit of a pick me up, and Mumbo agreed with me, he said he thought it was a good idea! So I went on, I said we needed to have a themed party, because unthemed parties are no good, just as joyless as an unthemed amusement park, not awful, better than nothing maybe, but come on! You have to have a theme!”

“You have to have a theme,” Cub agreed, solemnly serious.

“So I told them it should be cannibalism themed!” Scar threw up his arms grandly, just like he’d probably done for Mumbo and Grian, but here the gesture was more frustrated, “And I didn’t want to get shut down right away, so I just kept talking about the details; maybe we could hire another hermit to be our lamb, y’know? Or we could just take turns with each other, or even just drain some blood, y’know, throw it around- and this, I still think this is genius- we could put blood in water guns and shoot each other with it! Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

“Gruesome,” Cub said, not disagreeing, but more amused than anything.

“Maybe a little bit,” Scar snickered, good natured, but he straightened, looking awkward, “But uh.. Mumbo did not like that idea. I could see him not liking it, so I kind of panicked y’know? Anyone would! So I just kept talking, hoping I could convince him before Grian bit my head off, but Grian was trying really hard to do that, and I just kept interrupting him, kept talking, and I know Mumbo isn’t squeamish, he can’t be given everything you’ve told me, but you would have thought it, and in fairness, I may have gone a little too far..” Scar slowed down, shrinking in on himself in his guilt, “I just want him to feel better. He was so- so distressed. I just want him to feel better. He- he fell when he was trying to get away from me. I wasn’t keeping him anywhere, but he was just so upset he fell and.. I don’t know. He’s just so frail. I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to get up again.” Scar rubbed the back of his neck. “He did. I mean, of course he did. He didn’t even have any trouble. He didn’t stumble. He just looks that way.”

Cub nodded slowly, sympathetic. A small silence lingered as Cub thought, opening his eyes when he was done. “I think a cannibalism party is a great idea. We should gather up a bunch of hermits and airdrop the lot of us in the woods with Ren on the full moon. He wins if he kills all of us by the morning.” Cub paused, “Well, maybe that’s not really a cannibalism party. Tangential cannibalism party.”

Scar snorted, mood ever so slightly lifting, “I think that’s fantastic. Better than my idea.”

“I don’t know about that.”

Scar shrugged, “I think your mind is beautiful.”

Cub wasn’t sure what to do with that, quietly flustered, but he must have made some kind of face because Scar laughed, wrapping Cub in a tight hug that made him squeak, shaking him in the same way a dog might shake a chew toy, though less violent given they were sitting down, just an expression of Scar’s restless energy. Cub was no good at comfort, they both knew this about him, but somehow Scar managed to find it anyway, wrestling it out of him when Cub couldn’t dig it up himself.

He did not think about Mumbo for a little while, resting instead with Scar, listening to him mumble rambled nonsense for the next thirty minutes until he fell asleep.

Cub did not interact much with Mumbo in the following weeks, not wanting to push when he was clearly so sensitive (and the two of them weren’t much more than strangers), but from what he heard from Scar, things weren’t getting any better. Grian was doing his damned best effort to cheer Mumbo up in his own way, Mumbo creating a vault for Grian to ‘break in to,’ and Cub heard from Scar that Mumbo sat out there for hours watching Grian (literally) bash his head against a wall, so at least Mumbo wasn’t alone.

And then Mumbo announced he was leaving. That he didn’t know for how long, or even where he was going, but that he just needed a break, he needed to go. Burnt out, was the reason he gave. He was burnt out. Anyone with eyes could see through the lie, and Cub wondered how many hermits were noticing for the first time just how bad of shape Mumbo was in. But no one said anything. No one stopped him. And if anyone had more in depth concerns, they weren’t brought up to the group as a whole, kept between whispers and close friends.

But Mumbo said he would be back. The words left him grimly, almost as if against his will, but he was firm, certain. A tone that said his return would not be a good thing, but it was inevitable, and he was resigned to the knowledge of that future.

So easily it could have been mistaken for apathy. For sadness that he was leaving behind friends, that it would be awhile before he saw everyone again. But Cub saw through. He wondered if Scar did too, Grian, maybe Iskall.

Cub thought Mumbo might have looked at him then, seconds before his departure. Their eyes met, and for a long moment Cub was sure Mumbo saw something in his; knowledge, intent. And then Mumbo looked away, and the moment passed. And then Mumbo was gone.

“You look like you’re seconds away from killing someone, you okay?” Tango elbowed him, and the gesture was playful, but all the same there was that underlying concern, the kind that told Cub plainly that Tango was telling the truth.

Whoops.

It was possible Mumbo was staring at him because Cub looked like he wanted him dead.

“I’m alright,” Cub shrugged, and he was, “Just sad to see him go. Don’t like losing anyone, you know how it is.”

“Yeah,” Tango mused, shaking Cub’s shoulder in a gentle gesture of encouragement, “But he’ll be back. Honestly, I bet he won’t be more than a month, he just needs some space to get those creative juices back in action. Can’t imagine him functioning without Grian at his hip for much longer than that,” Tango laughed, and Cub joined him, though the chuckle was somewhat joyless.

Mumbo was gone for a hell of a lot longer than one month. Nine months actually, he was gone, to the point where most hermits were pretty worried, some wondering if he was really returning at all (thoughts never expressed when Grian was around).

But Mumbo did come back. And when he did, he looked great. Truly great, Cub couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Mumbo looking so genuinely healthy and happy; still skinny as a stick, but more filled out, less gaunt. He looked strong, and even his eye bags had lightened a little, though whatever he’d been doing, it clearly hadn’t fixed his insomnia; that being an observation Scar said to him in jest.

But it was good. It was good.

Honestly, Cub had expected his mild obsession with Mumbo to flare up again the second he stepped foot back on the server, but almost the opposite happened, where everything Cub had previously felt; the curiosity, the intrigue.. it all simmered down. Mumbo was healthy, he was high energy, and Cub found that he didn’t care all that much what was going on with him so long as he stayed that way. He’d had nine months to burn himself out on theorizing anyway, he’d moved on to other interests.

But Mumbo did not stay healthy.

Cub was too busy on the back end of season nine to notice, not keeping tabs on Mumbo hardly at all by then, but at the start of season ten, when everyone was together, Cub saw it right away.

The difference between the Mumbo returning home from his break and the Mumbo at the start of season ten was stark, at least to Cub, since no one else seemed to notice, or at least didn’t say so. It wasn’t like Mumbo was deteriorating as severely as he had been before traveling, but Cub was sure he had lost weight, and something was just wrong; maybe he was a little too neurotic, a little too snappy. It was almost nothing! Hardly noticeable, honestly, to the point Cub thought he might be going crazy, but really. What would happen if the problem escalated to the point of season nine, Mumbo so miserable that just the mere suggestion of violence was enough to do him in completely. Whatever Mumbo was doing now, it wasn’t sustainable!

Cub waited a couple months, partially to see what would happen, but admittedly, he wasn’t too thrilled about the idea of confronting him directly. He didn’t want to tell Scar this time, he wanted to do this himself, but working up the nerve was a beast within itself.

But it was fine. It was going to be fine, because Mumbo had literally no reason to say no. If Mumbo needed to eat, however convoluted the way he had to do it, he should just do it, and Cub became so convinced of this that he was certain Mumbo would see it too. So he approached him, not accusatory of course, not even questioning Mumbo’s thinly veiled humanity, but simply giving him an out. Scar would be more than thrilled to have Mumbo drag him around by his innards or whatever the fuck Mumbo would come up with. He would not say no.

(He said no.)

This was going to be a tough case. Cub really hadn’t anticipated this going wrong in any way, because put simply, it made no sense for Mumbo to refuse, but regardless, this was fine because Cub was not going to give up. He would not let this get as bad as it had before. He’d go for a more subtle approach instead, and not the Scar kind of subtle either, real subtle, not even mention eating people at all. Cub was going to make this work.

He was going to seduce Mumbo.

[talkingbl]

Thai BL Companies: A Brief Guide

My guide to the major Thai BL companies for the BL newbie. I've not included defunct companies (Nadao Bangkok, Studio Wabi Sabi), companies that produce BLs but don't sign actors or companies I'm not as familiar with (Copy A Bangkok, Dee Hup House, iQiyi).

Be On Cloud (BOC)

Production Value: A- | Talent: B+ | Story Variety: C | Writing: B

Notable Series: KinnPorsche (2022), The Hidden Character (2023 Reality TV Series), Dead Friend Forever (2023), 4Minutes (2024)

Notable Actors: Apo Nattawin, Bas Asavapatr, Bible Wichapas, Fuaiz Thanawat, Jes Jespipat, Mile Phakphum

My Thoughts: As a heads up, I did not finish Dead Friend Forever ("DFF"), so please take this into account when reading my thoughts below.

BOC is the place to go for decently high production values, heavier themes, and acting that's a slight cut above the rest. BOC will bring lots of action and sex, with stories that tend to explore the more base sides of humanity.

The company's flagship series, KinnPorsche, is often cited as a good starting point into Thai BL for the average joe, however, I actually think 4Minutes is a better starting point as it takes all of the better qualities of BOC and leaves out the camp you get with KinnPorsche, which I believe is more of an acquired taste for folks who are new to Thai BL. I also think that KinnPorsche, while decent for a first production for a company, has lots of questionable directing/acting/and even writing choices that are largely eliminated in 4Minutes.

To me, the biggest issue for BOC from an artistic standpoint is the way some of their series tend to meander for awhile before getting to the point. KinnPorsche suffers from this in the middle of the series, and DFF also has this problem after the first 2 or 3 episodes. 4Minutes has sort of the opposite problem where it moves a little too quickly because of its short 8-episode run. Still, BOC's storytelling is made more interesting because of the subject matter of its series (KinnPorsche's mafia-bodyguard trope, DFF's...whatever the fuck they were doing in that scary ass show..., 4Minutes' psychological-sci-fi thriller elements).

Business-wise, BOC is a bit controversial to say the least. Their talent pool has been a bit of a mess what with Build Jakapan being forced out after being outed as the worst type of asshole and Barcode Tinnasit leaving for somewhat mysterious reasons, some of the company's key writers and producers turning out to be on a constant power trip, and even controversies surrounding the talent that haven't even had their first roles yet.

Additionally, their promotion tactics have likewise been polarizing. While they don't go full-throttle with their shipped-pair promotions, they do put on these elaborate events complete with fansigns, meet and greets, actor performances, etc. At first, it was a little flimsy (KinnPorsche cast humping the air and singing offkey in front of thousands of people), but I do think it's improving (4Minutes cast actually getting into character to perform songs (still offkey) like a stage musical of sorts, instead of singing/dancing as themselves). So, if you're wanting to get into Thai BL fandom culture, I'd say BOC has more opportunities for you to be part of that community in a way that doesn't ship you straight into delulu land.

Lastly, while I think BOC has a bright future ahead given the success of literally everything they do, I feel like a lot will ride on if they're able to keep Jes Jespipat (who was a known actor in the Thai lakorn scene before joining BOC) and attract more big-name talent. Barcode jumping over to GMMTV after alluding that he didn't want to be signed to a company again after leaving BOC is a bit of a bad look to me and I can imagine other industry talent is keeping an eye on things like that.

Change2561 (Change)

Production Value: C | Talent: C | Story Variety: B- | Writing: C

Notable Series: PitBabe (2023), This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (2024)

Notable Actors: Nut Supanut, Pavel Naret, Pooh Krittin, Pon Thanapon, Sailub Hemmawich

My Thoughts: Before you read the below, I've only watched about half of PitBabe and clips of This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans ("TLDHLB"), so many of my thoughts are colored by brief experiences.

Change is one of the newer companies to pop up on the Thai Queer Love scene. So far, their productions have been received relatively well and their upcoming series have garnered overwhelming support. Because Change is so new and both of their leading BL productions are so different, it's difficult to really point in the direction of a true identity. That said, there is an inkling that Change will be more of a novel adaptation company rather than an original content company. Additionally, Change has adapted/is adapting books that have hooks to them (Pitbabe with the omegaverse theme, their upcoming series The Most Beautiful Count and its strong identity/politics themes, etc.).

I can't really recommend a series for Change since I haven't finished the ones I've started from the company. I do think that Pitbabe is much riskier than TLDHLB, given that it does have an omegaverse element and it switches the typical seme/uke dynamic on its head.

Artistically, Change's direction looks promising, but I do warn that, likely because the company is so new, the talent pool is a bit shallow (same few actors star in each series) and the production quality varies drastically from work to work.

Business-wise, Change seems to be doing the typical Thai BL promotion tactics of fansigns, brand events, and social media fanservice, with their pairs having slightly more distance between them than shipped pairs from other companies.

Overall, I think if Change delivers on the lineup it announced in 2024, it has the potential to shake up the top players in the industry.

Domundi/Mandee (DMD)

Production Value: B+ | Talent: C | Story Variety: B | Writing: C

Notable Series: Why R U? (2020), Cutie Pie (2022), DMD Friendship The Reality (2023-, Reality TV Series), Bed Friend (2023), Your Sky (2024)

Notable Actors: Kong Kongpob, Max Kornthas, Nat Natasit, Nunew Chawarin, Thomas Teetut, Zee Pruk

My Thoughts: Warning that I have never finished a DMD show lmao (but Your Sky looks promising).

Ah, DMD...the long-touted GMMTV dethroner. DMD is a go-to for slice-of-life series that have NC elements but not at the level of BOC. Most of the series produced at DMD are straight up romantic comedies with no other themes explored at all. But within the romantic comedy genre, DMD series explore many common romance tropes (Cutie Pie with arranged marriage trope, Bed Friend with enemies to lovers trope, Your Sky with fake dating trope, etc.). Even with its upcoming series like The Next Prince and Love Upon A Time, we're getting a european royalty AU and period piece. It's truly like if AO3 had its own BL production company.

The company's flagship series is probably Cutie Pie. Though some might argue Why R U? put DMD/Mandee on the map (a la SOTUS and GMMTV). But, really, Cutie Pie was like the 2gether of DMD. It launched the company and its shipped pair, ZeeNunew, into the GMMTV-competitor conversation. That said, Your Sky is the best show I've seen from DMD and it's not even finished yet lol.

Artistically, DMD suffers from incoherent storytelling and mid-acting syndrome. Like Cutie Pie started off okay but I couldn't move past the terribly uninspired acting and all over the place plot. That said, a lot of their actors fit perfectly into established character tropes (tall/older confident and masculine seme/top, shorter/younger shy and feminine uke/bottom), which I think is a huge draw for lots of people. This is not something that affects my viewing experience, however, so I don't count this as a plus.

Business-wise DMD is a shipper's paradise. A lot of the shipped pairs act like real couples even outside of their shows, with some even being suspected of actually dating. They have all the typical shipped pair events but combine it with content out of the ass of the actors flirting, etc. DMD actors seem to have a much more international reach than, say, Idol Factory actors. While both have similar outreach in Asia, I think DMD tries to get their actors and works in western markets, which is a huge plus for western BL newbies. Additionally, DMD actors tend to not really be actors... I mean, they act, but most of them actually want to sing (and some can). This means that shipped couple birthday events are just concerts, fansigns are just concerts, extra video content is just music videos, etc. So, you will not run out of opportunities to see your favorite actors in the flesh in a manner that's (arguably) worth the money if you go down the DMD actor stan rabbithole.

Still, DMD is slightly controversial with allegations of sexism from its actors (stemming from a video released some years ago) and inappropriate pairings. With the rising conversations surrounding age gaps in pairings lately, DMD has come under fire for MaxNat in particular. For those who don't know, Max and Nat have been paired together since Nat was 17 (Max was 26 at that time). Though they were first paired before joining DMD, so most of their critics don't call out DMD for that. Still, some feel that even though Nat is now 22, DMD is wrong for keeping him in a pair with an actor 9 years his senior. The conversation is similar with ZeeNunew. Zee has been under particular scrutiny because of a comment he made about wanting to be paired with Nunew since Nunew first joined DMD at age 19 (Zee would've been 28 at the time).

Personally, I think DMD can't be blamed from MaxNat's pairing before they joined DMD. I also don't think it was necessarily wrong to keep them paired after they joined since, by then, Nat was a grown man. While MaxNat are not my cup of tea, at this point, Nat is 22, and I'm not in the business of trying to tell a grown man what to do with his career. Same with ZeeNunew. I like Nunew a lot and feel he is one of the most talented singers who also acts in BLs. But I never felt like he was showing signs of being exploited. At this point, as long as Nat and Nunew feel safe, that's all that matters to me. Additionally, new DMD pairings do not have these problems, so it's hard for me to call it a company issue.

Ultimately, DMD will likely continue to be successful for as long as ZeeNunew have stans lmao. But, on a serious note, I think the smartest thing this company ever did was DMD Friendship The Reality because it was a great way to introduce fans to new acting talent, build fanbases for the shipped pairs that came out of the show, and get money in the process. Now, ZeeNunew and MaxNat have pairs like ThomasKong and KengNamping who have skyrocketed in popularity to pass the torch to.

GMMTV

Production Value: B- | Talent: B+ | Story Variety: A | Writing: B-

Notable Series: SOTUS (2016), The Gifted (2018), Dark Blue Kiss (2019), Theory of Love (2019), 2gether (2020), A Tale of a Thousand Stars (2021), Not Me (2021), Bad Buddy (2021), My School President (2022), Only Friends (2023), High School Frenemy (2024)

Notable Actors: Barcode Tinnasit, Est Supha, First Kanaphan, Fourth Nattawat, Gun Atthaphan, Inn Sarin, Jennie Panhan, Krist Perawat, Mark Pakin, Mix Sahaphap, Nani Hirunkit, Ohm Pawat, Perth Thanapon, Sky Wongravee, Tay Tawan, Tu Tontawan, William Jakarapatr, Win Metawin

My Thoughts: GMMTV is probably the most prolific production company in Thailand when it comes to producing BL series. They have the most series, the most actors, the most events, the most money, etc. The company's identity is rooted in the schoolboy BL. Regardless of if we're talking high school boys or university men, get used to Thai uniforms if you're going to watch damn near any GMMTV BL produced before 2021, thanks to the SOTUS effect. It's not until the company enters the BL stratosphere in 2020 that we start getting a significant uptick in BLs that don't revolve around doing everything in a school building except learning.

Beyond the school settings, GMMTV is known for romantic comedies, slice of life stories, camp elements, terrible audio quality, empty sets, and 'we definitely shot this on a $2 budget' aesthetics. In fact, it wasn't until about 2021 that GMMTV production quality shot up after the explosion in popularity of 2gether. Suddenly, post-2020, Never Let Me Go was being shot in 4K, ThamePo had boom mics that worked and not just wireless mics that brushed up against the actors' clothes and picked up every sound but the actors' voices, and Sky Wongravee was signing to this broke ass company!!! And at this point, GMMTV's identity is less in its art and more in its business.

But first, the art. GMMTV, by far, has the most variety in its BL lineup. And while they don't push the envelope as much as, say, BOC, they're starting to add in mature themes at a reasonable pace. GMMTV's talent pool has shifted dramatically with so many basement dwellers leaving and very well-known actors signing (Sky, Barcode, Boun, Prem, etc.). This means that while you will occasionally see some of the most struggle acting you've ever seen from Dunk Natachai (love u, Dunk), you will see some of the most moving performances from your Gun Atthaphans. It's honestly a somewhat strange thing to experience in real-time.

Additionally, GMMTV's stories are largely adaptations of popular Thai and Japanese works (think SOTUS, Cherry Magic TH, etc.). But occasionally you will get original series that hit just right (Moonlight Chicken).

Artistically, the biggest issues with GMMTV include the weakest actors getting the most work and the most interesting stories, the inconsistent production quality, the clear favoritism, the focus on money over art, the way many of the most popular pairs clearly hate kissing boys lmfao, and, most starkly, the episode 5 drop off.

The episode 5 drop off is a series KILLER. What this refers to is how GMMTV series are almost always good, sometimes even GREAT for the first 4ish episodes. But by the time episode 5/6 comes around (or whenever the couple actually gets together in the series), we go from really good storytelling to leaning on the shittiest cliches you can imagine, the characters becoming straight up stupid, or random things happening for literally no reason with no context at all and a resolution that comes out of actual nowhere. Like there will legit be episodes of a series where one of our leading men gets shot or hit by a car or whatever, his boyfriend is like super scared and worried he's going to die and it's this big traumatic event. No less than 15 minutes later and it's like nothing happened. The shooting/car accident was literally just there to artificially raise the stakes and waste your damn time. This happens in almost EVERY GMMTV BL. Either that or the characters fake-out kiss like 30 times after they get together until there's 2 minutes left in the season finale when they finally kiss.

Regarding the other points, for example, the company treats Gen 2 (in particular, JoongDunk, PondPhuwin, ForceBook) like they are untouchable gods despite most of the talent residing with the pillars, company-switchers, het series actors, and even Gen 3 actors. Don't get me wrong, I understand those 3 pairs are stan attractors, but I feel like GMMTV is not taken super seriously as a company because the actors in these pairs get like 2-3 series per year while some of the company's best actors don't see the light of day.

Business-wise, if you're a kpop or jpop fan or otherwise into idol culture, GMMTV is probably the most comfortable transition for you. GMMTV treats its "artists" like idols (complete with "triple threat" allegations (LMFAO)); every actor getting their own song that they also struggle to dance to; every pair getting their own official mascot, logo, fandom name, and lightstick; concerts; shipped pair reality shows; etc. Hell, even the non-BL pairs get some of these things so long as they look good together and have chemistry (looking at you, Sky-Nani imina). It's like a fanservice paradise over there (except it's not billed as the pairs are actually dating, but that they're all in the will they-won't they, phi-nong, more than friends but less than lovers, stage). And if you pay close enough attention to the GMMTV pairs, you will notice common trends of how they interact/promote that will quickly unravel any delulu thoughts that you might have at the outset of seeing them together.

But to me, the best parts about GMMTV's business strategy, however, are their international focus and the novelty in their company promotions.

As for their international focus, most of their content is freely available on YouTube and subbed in English. Many of their artists are bilingual. And they're starting to produce events overseas at a high clip (e.g., TayNew recently in Rome, JimmySea in LA last year, GMMTV Fan Fest 2025 in Japan, etc.).

Novelty-wise, they've got several things going for them. They're the ones that started the annual lineup shows where they drop trailers for series coming out in the next year, have performances from their in-house T-Pop groups, and interview the casts and crews of upcoming series. They also have unique events like GMMTV Starlympics (if you're a kpop fan, it's like ISAC but only one company's idols participate against each other and there's musical performances), and GMMTV Company Outing (which is their annual company trip and isn't officially televised, but the artists and their managers always upload videos in real time of the shenanigans that occur at these outings). GMMTV even spearheaded the shipped-pair variety show content mill with mainstay pairs getting their own shows themed after either the actors' names (think EarthMix Space) or their interests (think TayNew Meal Date). These are all pioneering promotional tactics that make GMMTV series and shipped pairs even more entertaining.

Besides the money-making genius at GMMTV, however, there have been so many scandals with this company's actors it's hard to keep track. Everything from misogyny allegations, to homophobia, to people criticizing them for largely platforming straight-presenting (?) actors over out actors, to racism, to abuse (Pawin Thanik, Foei Pattara), to inappropriate behavior with children (think Prom Teepakron), etc.

Despite the scandals above, GMMTV is going nowhere. Having so many artists signed to one company, content where there's something for everyone, and an international focus with a parasocial lens is helping GMMTV maintain its status as the premier producer of BL content in Thailand.

Idol Factory (IDF)

Production Value: A- | Talent: B- | Story Variety: B- | Writing: B

Notable Series: Secret Crush on You (2022), GAP (2022), The Sign (2024)

Notable Actors: Babe Tanatat, Becky Rebecca, Freen Sarocha

My Thoughts: Disclaimer: I've only watched Secret Crush on You (SCOY) from Idol Factory.

IDF is the first company to be spearheaded by a former BL actor (Saint Suppapong). It's a newer company with an uncertain identity as of yet (though, I'd say that they're wanting to be known as an all-things queer love (QL) company rather than one focused on BLs or het dramas).

I don't have much to say about IDF artistically except that it's being well-received by BL audiences. Most of the people who like their dramas like the chemistry between the shipped pairs as well as how seriously the company takes queer stories. At IDF, you'll not only find BLs and GLs, but also stories involving trans characters seeking acceptance (see SCOY), for example.

Business-wise, there's a risk here. While the pairs in these shows are lauded for their chemistry, there's not a lot of variety and some pairs have been entrenched in controversy regarding their offscreen activities. Personally, I don't agree with all the folks making a big deal out of some of the actors dating each other in heterosexual relationships. I just hope it doesn't affect IDF's ability to thrive as a company since they're one of the few taking real chances in their content. Additionally, it's not lost on me that more of their stans hate the fact that the actors are in straight relationships than the fact that Billy Patchanon (leading man in The Sign and SCOY) unabashedly said the n-word...

I think that if IDF can expand its talent pool, it'll continue to find success in the BL world.

Jinloe

Production Value: F | Talent: C | Story Variety: D | Writing: F

Notable Series: Hit, Bite, Love (2023), Addicted Heroin TH (2024)

Notable Actors: August Vachiravit, Jur Vasin, Newyear Nawaphat

My Thoughts: Didn't watch Hit, Bite, Love (HBL) (actually dropped the trailer like 2 seconds in lmao) nor did I have any interest in Addicted Heroin TH (though I've seen many clips on the internet).

Jinloe should probably close and all its actors sign to Tia51. Their company identity is making people as uncomfortable as humanly possible by casting children to do questionable things on TV. I don't think that company is a safe place for kids and I think the content they produce is targeted toward...a specific kind of reprehensible person. If you want to see what I mean, just take a gander at the MDL pages for HBL and Addicted Heroin TH.

I can't really speak on their art because I don't watch their shows.

Business-wise, they seem to make dumb decision after dumb decision. From casting a 15 year old to play the love interest of a 27 year old, to NC scenes involving minors, to not even attempting to build out their repertoire of dramas, this company has no vision nor any direction. They're trying to market NewyearJur as a shipped pair with music videos together and social media posts (since those two are the only ones who seemingly have age-appropriate interactions in Jinloe series), but it's all failing miserably since: 1) people familiar with Jinloe's shady business run when they see that name; 2) neither Jur nor Newyear are particularly talented in a sea of similarly-aged actors actually showing potential; and 3) neither Jur nor Newyear have the clout of others in their age range since they started with Jinloe (as opposed to, say, Mick Metas at GMMTV who got clout from being related to Win Metawin).

Jinloe will probably be the next company to close but I also don't doubt that creeps will keep them open.

MeMindY

Production Value: D | Talent: C | Story Variety: D- | Writing: D

Notable Series: Love By Chance (2018), TharnType (2019), Don't Say No (2021), Love In The Air (2022), Love Sea (2024)

Notable Actors: Boss Chaikamon, Fort Thitipong, Noeul Nuttarat, Peat Wasuthorn

My Thoughts: MeMindY is known for its CEO (?), Mame. Anyone who is familiar with Mame's work knows they're going to get dicey romance stories often centering around university students with at least one scene of romanticized abuse for good measure. Now, I do think the abuse stuff is changing (Love In The Air (LITA) didn't really have any of that), but I can understand why MeMindY has that reputation. Either way, every MeMindY show will have engineering/med school/architecture/some other type of professional school students, actors folks consider conventionally attractive, reluctant bottoms that don't know they're gay, somewhat aggressive tops who are always physically bigger than the bottoms, strict heteronormative dynamics, and sometimes literally insane plot elements (like the Tor plotline that came up in TharnType (TTTS))...

Artistically, MeMindY needs to take a step away from university BLs. While TTTS and LITA kept my interest for a bit, I do think Don't Say No (DSN) felt a bit stale. But I'd say it's likely because DSN didn't have the best acting and its episodic structure made it difficult for me to connect with the underlying story. Particularly, the episodic structure in DSN didn't work as well as it does in GMMTV's ThamePo. Still, I appreciate the fact that MeMindY picks actors that do not seem bothered at all about kissing and portraying sex with other men. It's what makes MeMindY series more dynamic than series from other companies despite the laundry list of issues they tend to have.

Business-wise, MeMindY leans HEAVILY into the shipped-pair dynamic. It's less commercial than GMMTV and, these days, less 'we're actually dating' than DMD, but somehow it comes off as just as in-your-face as DMD and GMMTV. I'd even say that I consider MeMindY a peer company to DMD and GMMTV based on the popularity of its shipped pairs alone. Like MewGulf (RIP), BossNoeul, and FortPeat are all booked and busy. MewGulf did for Mew Suppasit and Gulf Kanawut what BrightWin did for Bright Vachirawit and Win Metawin. Mew and Gulf never have to act in BLs ever again to have success and can solely focus on their het careers and terrible singing. I'd even go as far as to say MewGulf is often considered the blueprint for what a shipped couple can be with folks (not me--zonzons leave me alone) often comparing ZeeNunew and the like to MewGulf. BossNoeul is similar to a JoongDunk/PondPhuwin level of noteriety without nearly the same level of dramas to their name, which speaks volumes.

Because MeMindY can produce 1-2 series per year with the same 4 actors and have people shipping them to the high heavens, I think we can consider it an established company that will continue to thrive barring bankruptcy lol.

Open Label

Production Value: C- | Talent: B | Story Variety: -- | Writing: B

Notable Series: Century of Love (2024)

Notable Actors: Daou Pittaya, Offroad Kantapon

My Thoughts: Open Label is the new company on the block. From my understanding, Daou and Offroad actually formed the company themselves (a la YinWar with YWPB or Saint with IDF). Open Label does not have an established identity because they've produced approximately one show. BUT, they did tell us about DaouOffroad's new series The Wicked Game, which looks to be a bodyguard romance that takes on some of the more mature themes we typically see at BOC.

Artistically, all I can say is that they're off to a great start with story selection. Century of Love (COL) was a good first entry as it has a fantasy/supernatural element that blends Thai folklore and religious practices with its romance. There's also the level of comfortability and chemistry between its key actors (Daou and Offroad) that is hard to come by. Hopefully as the company produces more successful series, budgets can increase and they can attract even more talent.

Business-wise, there is no business. There is only DaouOffroad and a slew of pretty faces we have yet to see in anything. This is a good starting point for any company, however, so we shall see how things continue to progress from here.

Ultimately, I'm optimistic that Open Label will see success.

Tia51

Production Value: C- | Talent: C+ | Story Variety: D | Writing: C-

Notable Series: My Universe (2023), LoveSick 2024 (2024)

Notable Actors: Almond Poomsuwan, Bew Busaya, Krit Ngamtanakijja, NJ Deeprompt, Progress Passawich, Shane Thanatpong, Sky Phasith, Toto Thayawat, Yeepun Purichaya

My Thoughts: I've only watched LoveSick 2024.

Tia51 is not exactly new but, from what I know, they've only produced 2 series. Because of this, they don't have an identity yet.

Artistically, so far, so good. It's definitely interesting to have one of your first series be a remake of an iconic series, and it seems to have been a genius decision by the folks over at Tia51. But, because the flagship series is a remake, the only thing to discuss artistically is the talent pool. The directing in Love Sick 2024 was, at times, very inspired. The actors were nearly all rookies and a good 75% of the cast were under 18 at the time of filming--2 things which do come through quite a bit in the finished product. Still, I found that the lead role was very strong, all things considered, and the changes made from the original to this remake seemingly made a lot of sense. Going forward, it's really just about staying at this level of quality or better.

Now, out of all the companies in this space, Tia51 is the only one I have personal experience with when it comes to the business/fan side of things. While in Thailand, I stumbled upon the premiere of LoveSick 2024. While the event itself could've used a little more logistics planning (though part of the problem here is that my Thai isn't very advanced so I had a little more difficulty getting around the venue), it was overall pretty well-organized, which left a good impression on me.

Additionally, the actors are all hella clouted in Thailand (from my understanding, many of the actors cast in the show actually had fanbases through things like music and social media prior to being cast), which adds to the business potential of Tia51. It also helps that, from my experience meeting the crew and cast, they are all very charismatic and are quickly learning how to be good entertainers. Because of this, I think the business of Tia51 has potential to expand. They just need to not waste Progress's acting talent, Chok and Toto's singing talent, and the rest of the cast's social media clout in order to succeed. This means picking tasteful stories to tell and actually nurturing their musical talent in a natural way (unlike GMMTV platforming non-singers).

Conclusion

If you're coming from western media, I'd say the best place to start is either BOC (they have the more serious vibes you get in western media with few quirks) or GMMTV (they're the most accessible).

If you're coming from eastern media (particularly kpop), GMMTV is probably the best place to start, closely followed by DMD. The fandom experience that is a huge part of kpop, is very similar here. In fact, for kpop fans, it might even be helpful to think of the BL companies in kpop company terms. GMMTV/DMD/BOC = SM Entertainment/JYP Entertainment/YG Entertainment, respectively. MeMindY & IDF are like the smaller companies that still have popular groups like WakeOne and KQ Entertainment.

If you're coming from other BL industries (Taiwan, Japan, Korea), I'd say start with Change or DMD for Taiwan and Tia51 or BOC for Korea. If you're coming from Japanese BL, I don't know what to tell you because jbl stans almost always think jbl is superior to everything else and won't given] anything else a chance. Plus, production quality-wise, jbl productions are very dissimilar to Thai productions in almost every conceivable way lmao so I can't really make any good comparisons.

[worriedvision]

You're the third wheel in the relationship - Wriothesley and Neuvilette.

Gender neutral reader, reader is a businessperson who has to travel outside of Fontaine, which leads to them being with their lovers less often than they see each other. No happy ending.

--

When you were dating Neuvilette, he introduced you to Wriothesley before the prospect of dating had crossed your minds. He was gentlemanly, and rather professional. Over time, you had found yourself pairing the two of them together in your mind, and when the two of them told you at the same time that they wish for Wriothesley to join the relationship, it was difficult to ignore the twinge of unease in your chest.

To your surprise, Wriothesley keeps sending you invites to spend time with him personally, and you find yourself being the 'link' between the two of them. Although you spent more time with the both of them than they did, you heard people whisper about how out of place you looked. According to people, your job being different from theirs was concerning, and it didn't help that you were considered the ugly ducking of the poly relationship.

But still, when these comments grew in size, your boyfriends would shower you with love, so much more than you usually had, and you thought they felt bad for you. They chastise you when you bring this up, however, saying that they simply wanted you to know how much they loved you.

It was all fine, all things considered, until you travelled to Liyue for work. At the time, both of your boyfriends were preoccupied - the two of them working on paperwork, and you know better than to interrupt them when they had to focus. Hearing whispers once again, you brush it off as you begin your travels.

-

How did you manage to get into this position, you think to yourself.

Speaking to Zhongli, a representative for a Funeral Parlor, regarding Fontaine Flora for oil. The man excelled in his knowedge of Liyue, however he seemed to know a few things. You land up taking the conversation to dinner, where he asks you about your life in Fontaine. That's how he finds out you are in a poly relationship. After admitting you have two boyfriends, you fear he's going to assume you're either very easy or very toxic to be around. To your surprise, he smiles.

-

"It is lovely to share feelings in a group. I am in no position to judge, as a single man," Zhongli chuckles, you smiling into your cup as you take a sip of the tea Zhongli recommended.

'Eww...wait, that's...'

'Wriothesley and Neuvilette are into that average joe?'

'They don't deserve Wriothesley and Neuvilette, travelling while they're in Fontaine,'

'Maybe that's why the two look so happy, now that they don't have to be awkward around _...'

-

That...surely that wasn't true, right?

Now that you thought about it, it starts to dawn on you. You hadn't spent time with them as a duo, only being able to have time with one of them at a time due to work...according to them...

Perhaps they were lying, and you couldn't take the hint that you were a simple release for them when they couldn't spend time together. You were likely now a third wheel in the relationship, and you were simply too stupid to realise it.

But why would they reassure you so hard? Was that to keep you as a pawn for them when they wanted to hug each other but couldn't?

"Are you alright?" Zhongli asks, touching your shoulder with a concerned glint in his eye. "I've been calling your name, but you must have zoned out."

"Sorry, just personal issues." You brush off, Zhongli not buying this for one second. "Now, regarding violetgrass..."

You didn't want your time in Liyue to be ruined by the realisation you were not in a relationship with your boyfriends, they simply had you around as a stress toy.

--

Upon your return to Fontaine, contract signed for a flower exchange, you return to your flat to put your bags away before officially breaking things off with your boyfriends.

Seeing the letters they sent you really made you realise that you were just for their own work. They refer to their own workplace, mentioning you but not the third person, and putting heavy emphasis on how you were 'useful' to them when they had nothing better to do.

Realising you do not have the boldness nor the confidence to break things off in person, you decide to break things off by writing letters to them. It's not like you had enough time to meet them individually, after all you were going to have to make several trips to Liyue for the flower exchange.

[phoenixyfriend]

I've been thinking about how it might be useful, if not necessarily entirely fulfilling for whatever it is that I need out of them, to ask politicians how they would define a healthy economy, as opposed to just asking them how they would try to ensure a healthy economy.

President Joe Biden took to the White House lectern Friday to tout the healthy economy – strong job creation, lowering inflation and increased workforce participation and job satisfaction. - US News, Sep. 1, 2023

And

"I think we will see a big pickup in growth. We may not see it in the winter quarter...but I’m hopeful that we’ll see it in the spring,” Larry Kudlow, head of the National Economic Council, said on Fox Business. “It’s a fundamentally healthy economy,” he said, touting the 3.5 percent unemployment rate and “tremendous wage gains.” - The Washington Post, Jan. 30, 2020

In both cases they are offering a few signs of a healthy economy, the things that are quantified and measured as indicators, like unemployment, inflation, and wages.

But... wouldn't 'the ability to buy or rent a living space, and food security, for as many people as possible' make more sense?

Yeah, low inflation is the sign of a good economy, but what is the healthy economy actually doing? The jobs being created, are they actually full time and paying a living wage?

Fuck knows how many times a person at the podium has referenced the stock market as a signifier of the economy's health, and we all know that's barely relevant to the lives of us normal people.

I guess the question I'd want to ask politicians is "if the economy's health were measured in percentage of people who are able to afford housing, food, and other essentials on a full-time job with no government assistance, is the economy actually healthy?"

Low inflation means jackshit if the minimum wage is still no inflation. Job creation means something, but not if it's so far from your home that you spend most of your paycheck commuting. 'Tremendous wage gains' don't mean much if you're looking at an average that includes the CEOs and allows their paychecks to skew the data upwards.

How many of your citizens can afford housing, groceries, and medical care on a full-time wage, without government assistance?