#it's kinda good to know that I'll be getting a pretty doll soon. idk man. it fucking sucks but I CAN'T work on this right now and none of my

[running-in-the-dark]

I had another idea to fix my fucked up sleep schedule: maybe sleeping on the couch would work. on purpose, I mean. I nap there (accidentally) all the time.

it worked! I managed to fall asleep, and because there's huge windows there, the sun woke me up before noon. I got up and everything!

and then I spent all day in that same spot on the couch, watching YouTube and playing Timberborn. I woke up at 10.. and now it's 6 and I'm obviously still awake. my brain is so awake. I can't stop thinking. it's not even anything bad, I just have so much energy right now.

[wolverineluvr]

Birthday..catboy?

Content Warning ⛈️: fluff, gn reader, catboy Scaramouche.

Summary🔎: It's your companions birthday!!

So, you've established that your cat you named Kunikuzushi can turn into a human with ears and tail. And it's his birthday soon! So you have to celebrate of course.

"Kuni? Where are you?" You say walking into your house. You then see a dark indigo haired cat trot out of its house. "There you are, the birthday boy!" You say picking him up and kissing his head. You place him down and walk to your room. You unlock the door and walk inside to change and Kunikuzushi comes in too.

You pick him up and place him in front of the door closing it on him, then lock it. You changed into more comfortable clothes then opened the door and saw a man with a black shirt and (idk what kinda pants srry) pants, and of course the ears and tail. "You locked me out." He said with his ears down and his tail swishing back and forth.

You pet in-between his ears. "I was Changing Kuni." You say. "Oh." He said. "Yea, but can you help me take my groceries out of my car?" You ask. "Fine." He says in an annoyed tone. Its his birthday you should be spending better time with him. He thought.

After bringing in the groceries you tell him "Go to your room and wait while I unpack the bags." He groans at this but complies. "Thank you!" You yell to him.

After unpacking you bring out a vanilla cake (I think he'd like vanilla or red velvet but you can change it to what you want) with strawberry frosting and dollops of vanilla frosting on top. You bring out some blue candles and put them on top. "Kuni! Can you come here here please?" You yell. He walks to you and asks. "What's the cake for?" "For you, it's your birthday!" You respond. "Why." He says. "Its just something humans do." You say and smile at him. "Okay..." He responds. "Do you want any cake? If not it's good I can eat it all." You say. "Sure I'll have some, I guess.." He says and you cut the cake. You take out a plate and a fork and put a piece on it. "Try some!" You say and smile while handing him the fork. He takes a little piece off and eats it. He chews, and swallows. "It's not, that bad.." He says.

"Good, but if you want something different for your next birthday please tell me." You say and then a huge smile forms on your face. "Now it's time for presents!" You walk into your room and get 5 present boxes. "Here, open them!" You say. Kunikuzushi hesitantly walks to them. He uses his sharp nails to cut through the wrapping and then the box. He looks inside and sees a Nintendo switch. "Hm.." He hums. "What's this?" He asks. "It's a gaming console, (I'm pretty sure) you download and play games on it!" You respond. "Okay." He says. "Is the box a gift as well?" "If you want!" You say and he smiles evily wanting this box for his collection.

Time Skip to the last gift cus I only have like 5 minutes left to write this and I'm coming up with it on the spot.

He finally starts to open the last box he cuts the wrapping paper and takes it off. Then he cuts through the box and looks in and sees two dolls. Kunikuzushi picks them up and realizes one looks like you, and the other one looks like him. He slightly smiles. "So you wanna watch TV now? You can choose what we watch." You say and he say "Yea." You both walk to the couch and sit on it. You hand him the remote and pet his hair.

"So what was your favorite part about this?" You ask the movie playing in the background. "The presents." He says almost immediately and you smile. You lay on his shoulder and close your eyes. Once Kunikuzushi knows you've done this he smiles and lays his head on yours, he couldn't let you see him smiling, right?

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

non-navigational maps

y/n's new to the giant busy crowds of new york so she wanted to ask someone for help

pairing: peter x fem!reader

status: strangerz

Warning: shy reader (idk if this is a warning but just in case)

y/n's POV

new york sure is loud, like really really loud. but thankfully i found a park or something so i can relax a bit and really look at my map. i couldnt understand a thing. seriously how do people use a thousand subways just to get to one place?

after a few minutes i gave up and tried to ask someone for help which isn't very fun for me considering i barely talk to strangers...too shy for all of that but my familly will murder me if i wasnt home by 6 and most importantly im STARVING. hmm lets see, a mom and her toddler? nah shes probably busy as it is trying to stop her little boys tantrum, the old man in the bench infront of me? yeah why not- nope his ice cream just spilled on his shirt poor thing. i wanted to help him out but someone already did, a boy i think wait no he looks older maybe my age?  i dont know, i can only see his back, his hair looked cute though soft, brown, light, did I mention soft?- ok y/n stop it.

"Damn it!" The old man cursed "should've gon for the vanilla" he shook his head, I laughed his comment, he 'should've' gotten vanilla coz his t-shirt was white and it wouldn't stain that much *laughing* ugh so wholesome

I heard another voice, a much younger voice. I looked up from my god damn map to meet the back of the boy who's helping the guy out, laughing at what he said. His laugh is cute too

"But chocolate tastes better sir, I think you made a great choice" he wiped the excess now I know chocolate ice cream off the old mans shirt

"I always make the right choices kid, the names Stan" the once grumbled old man, smiled just from an act of kindness by a boy my age, he held his hand for him to shake

"Peter, Peter Parker sir" he shook his hand and smiled he said something to Stan which made him laugh. I giggled from their interaction just happy from what I've witnessed. for some reason I find guys my age helping others attractive it really shows me how good of a person this guy is, it makes me feel like not all boys my age are bad, I don't know hopefully I'll see him soon

*A/N: YES IM PUTTING A STAN LEE CAMEO IN HERE, if you didn't ask...The old guy I'm talking abt is Stan lee ;)*

After looking at my map a billion more times to try and not talk to people I gave up again and kept looking around, since there wasn't anyone else in this side of the park I decided to walk, if I'm staying for a while might as well get some exercise am I right?

I walked for a few minutes until I found a group of benches again so I looked for someone unoccupied, not sketchy, and hopefully is in a good mood, till i found a beautiful woman probably in her 40s or something ( but she looked amazing though)

she seemed nice as well, she just had that vibe to her so i decided to ask her, yayy can you feel the sarcasm?? I'm TERRIFIED

she was sitting on the bench, lifting her glasses every once in a while to read the book she had in her hand. i slowly walked up to her, nervous. what should i tell her? that im new to the area and if i couldnt find a Mcdonalds soon ill turn into the next hulk? the nerves seemend to fade away once we we locked eyes, she had brown welcoming eyes, a smile ill probably never forget plastered on her face.

"hello sweetie, what can i do for you?" her voice was like honey sweet, and calming as well.

"oh uhm sorry to bother you but i- i am kinda lost and i-i cant find a burger place kind near the are-" i was a stuttering mess! But thankfully i got interrupted from humiliating myself...by the- who is this guy? Oh wait! That's the guy that helped the old man! Peter? Yeah Peter, Peter Parker

"sorry i took a while aunt may, theres this old guy named stan, he spilled his ice cream all over his shirt so i decided to help him and i bought him a new one! should we go..." the boy trailed off, he looked cute not gonna lie, he had the same features as the woman infront of me, brown eyes, soft brown hair, and a kind spirit definitely. "s-sorry was i interrupting something?" he rubbed the back of his neck embarrassed

"no its okay peter, this lovely lady right here is just lost would you be a doll and help her? im bad at maps as it is" she laughed pointing at me. the second he looked at me blood rushed to my cheeks, he really was cute. i gave him a small wave and a barely audible 'hi' but luckily he picked it up and replied with a 'hey'

"i-im"

"Peter, yeah I know. Kinda heard saw helping the guy out. That's really sweet of you...what you did" I blushed "a-a-anyways I'm y/n" I wiped my clammy hands on my jeans to take the sweat off quickly before he shook them.

"Uh nice to meet you too?" he fiddled with his hands his smile growing bigger with every second he looked at me "y-you needed help?" He asked blushing and also eyeing may like he's frustrated from her or something, I laughed at his face and opened the map in my hands

"Uhm, well i-I'm supposed to go to the 21st street 3rd Avenue or somethig by 6 coz my parents will kill me if I was late since were new here, but I think there's enough time to go find some burger place or something since I'm starving and there should be a Macdonalds around the corner right? Oh my god I'm so sorry I'm rambling...I do that a lot when I'm frustrated.....and hungry haha" I nervously laughed mentally kicking myself for being such an idiot to a boy I potentially liked

"Oh no no, I don't mind. So uh you live in queens?" He started off smiling a bit, I was scared for a second since i didn't tell him about that part how would he know that?

"Oh uhm, I'm from queens and the 21st street 3rd Avenue is in queens" he probably got nervous since he saw my slightly frightened face, but it softened once I knew that he wasn't a creepy stalker or some shit

"Y-yeah yeah queens, sorry" why the the fuck am I apologizing?

"No it's fine, you don't need to worry. You probably couldn't find the 21st because you held the map upside down?" he chuckled flipping the map and I just died in embarrassment like can the floor eat me or something?

"I'm such an idiot oh my god" I face palmed and laughed a little the world has something against me I am sure of it

"No you're not, you're new to the busy subways and noisy streets it's fine" he assured me and continued on chuckling, can this day get any worse? "well ironically there isn't a burger place near this area" well great "but t-theres this deli sandwich shop that I always g-go to, uhm I don't know if you'd like that but it's uh really good" he squeaked red swarming to his cheeks and the tip of his ears

"He can show you, if you want? Since you're new and everything he'll be happy to help" the woman buts in smirking, turns out she's been listening to our conversation than reading her book. She sent Peter a wink and packed her stuff

"But what about the library may, you said you wante-"

"It's ok Peter, just come home before 7 and be safe!" She patted his shoulder and gave me a smile. It all happened so fast but I smiled back. Guess I'm gonna go eat with a handsome stranger?

"Well uhm sorry about my aunt" he cleared his throat "wanna g-go grab a sandwich? It's like 10 minutes away and uh we have like" he checked his watch " 3 hours before it turns 6 so plenty of time..." he trailed off, I could either decline and not explore with a cute boy and get lost again? Or risk it and potentially get kidnapped....yeah the answer is pretty obvious

"..uhm yeah sure, let's go" I ushered him taking the map and stuffing it in my bag "well, after you"

I'm thinking of doing a part 2 idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

Have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

[saintjane]

"The Six Wives" by a couple of mentally exhausted high school kids with horrid senses of humour

Henry: I NEED the two s’s in life: sex and sons

Catherine: HARK - arthur died and i’m a little caesar’s pizza

H: wanna fuck???

C: *subtle nodding*

*still births and miscarriages*

Squire: IT’S A BOY-

H: ah heck yEAH

S: Wait nevermind it’s dead. IT’S A G-no dead. ANOTHER BO-another death, dang okay

C: hey i’m pregnant again

H: will it work this time?

C: *gives birth to daughter Mary* We’ll name her Mary

H: It didn’t work smh

Anne 1: *sultry-model walk-by with a flirty lil wink* aye bb you know you want this

H: *wolf whistles* you heckin bet i do

C: *awkwardly raises hand to slap him but then remembers you can’t hit a king & deep breath*

A1: sorry henny. i will only hop on that dick if it makes me queen, otherwise imma just lead you on

H: in that case, imma hit up ma main man the pope

H: Yo, popey, my wife is broken. Please fix her. The bible says I shouldn’t have married her ‘cause she did the dirty with my bro. I want sons that don’t die. Send help

Pope: your bro has to be alive, dinkis. And your wife is, like, related to the totally not German emperor cause Germany isn’t a thing yet lol, soooooo I’m not gonna cross her. You also told me they didn’t do the dirty you fracken liar. Find a better waste of my time you fukin weeaboo. P.S. what kind of loser looks for really obscure bible verses? Get a life, ginger

H: But what if I give you money?

P: Then I’ll have money and you’ll still have a wife. are u dense????

H: what am I going to do?

A1: here, read this

H: what is it?

A1: 95 Reasons Why Fuck The Church by Martin Luther

H: this is solid. hey popey screw you i’ll create my own church

P: You can’t do that

H: Watch me. *walks to catherine and hands her a paper* it’s not me, it’s you. you’re broken. enjoy a musty dusty crusty castle and don’t ever try to talk to your daughter

C: *runs out hiding her face*

H: hey Anne wanna fuck

A1: heckin yeah

A1: *births elizabeth*

H: *unamused* what is this

A1: a daughter

H: well you definitely had it because of incest and adultery and not at all because i’m in love with Jayne Seymour

H: I King Henry VIII order Anne Boleyn to be executed on the date of May 19th and on Tower Hill. An expert swordsman from Calais will be coming in to do the execution. He slices and dices heads like its nothing.

*leaves to go hunting anne walks on stage gets on knees before executioner*

Executioner: any last words, cause imma slice you up anyway

A1: the king is a total 10/10. everyone should fuck him. very fair and kind lover. also, it’s a good thing I have a long ass neck because then i know for a damn fact you won't botch this

E: cool *slices off head*

H: *pops up out of thin air* She dead yet?

E: Totes

H: hey Jayne wanna fuck

Jayne: *shrugs* why not

J: *births Edward*

J: I give to thee a son

H: good lord finally someone who isn’t broken

J: *dies*

H: *laying on the floor in a ball rocking* oh,,, ok

H: I need a rebound

Squire: *holds up painting* how bout this hottie?

H: yeah sure

Anne 2: sup

H: ehhhhhhhhhhhhh wanna fuck or whatever

A2: I mean yeah we’re supposed to

H: idk i’m just not in the mood though tbh

Kathryn: *exists and breathes near the king*

H: oh dang

A2: k, i’ll just leave since we didn’t do the dirty and I’m pretty sure I never broke up with my last hubby

H: k, imma just call you “King’s Sister” ‘cause that’s not weird at all

A2: k cool bye

K1: hey

H: wanna fuck

K1: that’s kinda forward but yeah ok. Can i fuck everyone else too

H: no, that's my thing

K1: sucks *winks*

H: I don’t get it

K1: oh you will just not from me

H: wait a diddly darn minute *dramatic pause*

H: I think she’s cheating on me

S: Noooo. You don’t say

H: somebody Anne Boleyn her

E: you rang?

H: I, still King Henry VIII, once again sentence my wife to death cause this one is a jerk, guys. Okay? She just *sighs* she just isn’t loyal. These girls ain’t loyal. So kill her. Please.

E: any last words? The last girl was uber lame

K1: sorry he just couldn’t get it up and sex was so boring. 3/10. couldn’t do it anymore. I have needs and they have to be met, you know?

E: understandable. have a nice day *sword goes ching*

E: lmao. I love this job

H: now what?

Katherine: Hey big boy

H: flustered oh dang

K: my hubby died and I can’t marry your dead wife’s brother soooo, wanna fuck?

H: oh cool

K: btw, I’m named after your first wife. I’m basically an infant but let’s not talk about that

H: Whatevs

K: I find your reformation of the church mildly attractive

H: thanks I guess

K: so ummm, when are you gonna die?

H: Right now *drops dead*

K: Yay I’m free to marry that Thomas guy. Btw, do you want help with your whole regency thing Eddie?

Edward: get out don’t call me eddie, you swine

Mary: what about me?

E: no

M: Yes

E: ok. *dies*

M: yay, now to undo my father’s work *kills protestants with fire*

Elizabeth: can I be queen when you die?

M: no

E: please

M: no

E: fine, jerk

M: imma die now, just don’t let my sister become queen *dies*

E: ha ha. Get wrecked cunt. imma redo my father’s work and never marry cause guys are dumb and also HA looks like i'm getting the last huzzah enjoy your tomb in the protestant church bitch. soon i'll be buried on top on you maybe you should have played dolls with me more when we were children lololol

THE END