#it's kind of become a problem bcs i'm going to bed so late every fucking night ever since i got really into it

[beauzos]

i was so determined to go to bed at a slightly more reasonable time and then got distracted and have spent literally an hour drafting more fanart of bobby fulbright. maybe tomorrow will be the day i go to bed at not 4-5 am boys

[nathank77]

7/10/24

2:15 p.m Edited/Added to Significantly

I slept, but heavy sedation was required. I took a little more than a 1MG cause tbh quitting time can't be 3 a.m or 2 a.m.

This new schedule is fucking great, yea I can't stay up late but I'm getting shit done. I can make 10 a.m appointments. I can be in the house with dinner in my belly after running fucking errands and making phone calls by 1 p.m. It's dysfunctional in one way, eating dinner at 1 p.m and going to bed at 9 p.m but I mean the dinner part is only related to when I take my pills and my caloric deficiency in order to keep a healthy weight.

The 9 p.m thing isn't that dysfunctional. I mean, tbh I want to wake up at 6 a.m... but that's not in the cards right now if I want to go to bed at a semi regular time aka 9 p.m. I close my eyes around 10:30 every night. 9 p.m is when I start my routine. So it's not really dysfunctional.

I had to stop taking the statin drug bc it's causing muscle spasms. So I stopped that today. I'm just going to take coq10 and see if it's good enough. I have a chlorestoral test coming up soon and I've been on coq10 since like March.

I'm pissed about last night. Quitting time really has to be around 1 a.m. I'm not going backwards. Circadian rhythm issues will never be a fucking problem for me again. I'm making milestones in terms of getting shit done waking up at 8 a.m. I feel more functional and less isolated despite being just as isolated bc I'm awake at the same time as the rest of the world instead of sleeping all day long.

I'm worried about the spasms but they should stop within 3 months. He offered other things like injections, I got to consider side effects and I just want to consider that maybe coq10 can work. Research suggests it can... it isn't causing side effects... so instead of throwing another drug into the mix I'd rather wait. My leg has had several muscle spasms today... but it should stop now that I've stopped the drug as of today.

My heart monitor left a mark after it came off in the shower. It's since gone away so I'm going to reattach it... it won't be a continuous feed unfortunately but it'll still pick up a decent amount of data for the next month if I can wear it at least 10 hours a day. Unless I get rashy...

I'm going to meet the new therapist today but I dont really want to. I just want to cancel. In 1-30 days I'll get the, "it's not a good fit" speil and then I'll feel like I did yesterday, traumatized.

Maybe I shouldn't be open anymore. I really wear my heart on my sleeve and it bites me in the ass when the new therapist gives up on me... problem with this is- if I am more withholding, then once I start to open up in 2 months let's say-they may leave me then instead of 2 weeks in.

I'm truly giving up on therapy. I technically have a therapist I can start with in August but she will leave me too. Who knows if I'll even be alive in August anyways.

If sleep problems persist. I'm commiting suicide hands down. I'm not going to meet the therapist in August. The one I'm meeting with today is the last chance before it becomes just Mike once a week reporting that I still have ocd and psychosis.

It'll just be a checklist kind of thing. Make sure I stay on disability since I can't work bc I'm mentally ill. And I can save myself from the trauma of being seen as a lost cause....

I'm going to look at this new therapist as a bot collecting a paycheck. So when she leaves me hopefully I won't have much of a trauma response. I'm a paycheck. She's a bot performing a task. She will leave me and then I'll just stay with mike.

Tbh having therapy 3 days a week is really important for my mental health but at the same time it fills my schedule making it hard to plan something like grocery shopping or do this task that requires driving out of town...

So it'll free up my schedule and save me from more trauma. She's a bot collecting her paycheck. She doesn't have a name. She's not a human.

I'm not human to these people I'm a paycheck. So she's an automated bot performing a task. You can't hurt me as badly if I strip you of your humanity.

I should have known when Sarah the automated bot was talking about Prime House and Western as resources that she was actually setting the stage to send the, "it's not a good fit," spiel.

It's whatever though. They aren't people, they are just automated bots performing a task for a paycheck. And you can't hurt me if I look at you that way. New therapist is named automated bot. She has no name. She has no identity. She's performing a task. She's unable to traumatize me when she leaves me if I don't see her as human.

99.99% of therapists are bots performing a task for a paycheck that couldn't care If you live or die and I'm done with providing money to these bots when they don't care and I'm done letting them hurt me.

What's important is keeping my disability status and remembering that 99.99% of people are SHIT and that's why I should avoid them at all costs. Everyone leaves. Everyone. EVERYONE. And 99.99% of people don't deserve to know me and I'm going to hide away from the world bc it keeps me safe. You can't leave me if I don't meet you.

[deadcrybabysmut]

took two tabs of acid 12 hours ago and im still reeling. today has been a chaotic rollercoaster of laughter, tears, and anger—so much fucking anger.

i don't know how I would have managed to make it through the day if it weren't for the two people who understand me and see me and resonate with me the most. they grounded me. especially when i couldn't handle my trip going south when their shitty mom came home and fucked up the vibe.

anyway i wanna sort of get out what happened tonight in this post so i can essentially look back on it later 🤸🏽‍♀️

also, every one of our seven cats avoided me like the plague while tripping and that made me so fucking sad, until i realized i was probably freaking them out lmao which is understandable and if I were them I'd have told me to go fuck myself too tbh

ok so when i initially took the tabs, i was already twenty minutes into watching I Am a Hero which I lowkey was expecting to be horrific—boy was I fucking WRONG 🤡🤡🤡 this movie was too fucking funny FOR WHAT?

—had me crying about what I would do if the only foods available during the apocalypse were all the ones I hated (i would simply die bc ain't no way im eating eggs or pork or seafood like what kind of shit is that?? 😵🤮🤮) THEN I started thinking about the mfs who would get bit and not say anything! like BITCH HELLO????? WHY MUST WE SUFFER BC YOU WERE THE WEAK LIIINK???!! but then I was like lol same 🤭 bc fuck you lucky mfs. yeah, im butthurt and y'all ain't gon know until it's too late oop 💁🏽

there was also some weird "i shouldn't be a creep bc she's a high schooler and it's a crime" type moment which led to me giggling about how Hideo really almost became a meal for copping a feel??? idk shit was funny in the moment really and hearing HOW the girl got bit before all that, made it so much funnier (spoiler: it was by some stupid baby lol what a loser. to get turned by someone with six baby teeth lmfaoo couldn't be me. anyway...)

there's only one zombie I have to talk about—THAT FUCKING ATHLETIC ONE. bitch ain't no way mans was training that entire time for that fucking hard, and no one put it together???!?! I saw dude's caved in head and how he would THROW HIMSELF onto his head FOR FUN and I just KNEW we needed to keep an eye on that mf. he killed that shit tbh 🤣🤣

anyway by the end of the movie i had already cried twice about having to eat eggs if zombies were running rampant lmao and i damn near had a stroke laughing at ol girl becoming half a zombie bc of the six baby teeth that scraped the back of her neck. LIKE????? idk. fortunately, 10/10 recommend watching on acid / would do again! maybe! 👉🏼👉🏼

*just gonna throw in here that we started watching Robin Hood Men in Tights immediately after this, and if you've seen that movie, you KNOW that shit was hilarious! throw in an acid trip and it's a fucking masterpiece 💀 unfortunately we didn't get through it all because shitty mom showed up and pissed everyone off bc she refused to eat anything all day and decided it would be everyone's problem! we made her food, she didn't eat it. her husband bought her food, she didn't eat it. instead, she cried about feeling nauseous, picked a fight with her husband over nothing, then told us she was leaving to her mom's house. 😐😐 After reassuring me they were ok, I made my siblings go to bed and spent two hours talking myself down I was so fucking livid. I'm still very much wide awake and functional, but I really don't want to be soo I'm going to force myself to crash I guess???

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Scummy, sleazy!Naoya who’s your next door neighbor and you honestly can’t stand him. He’s stomping his feet and slamming shit 24/7, plays his music or tv loud at all hours of the night and don’t get me started on the banchee screaming women that are in and out almost every night. You tried to be nice, asked him to keep it down a little. I mean, he’s not the only person that lives in the building, right? He should just respect his neighbors but you didn’t know what you started by coming to him at 11 at night, banging on his door to “keep it down asshole people are trying to sleep!” Well now, it seems like you’re not getting any sleep because every night, as soon as you’re tucked in and your head hits the pillow, you hear the wet, sloppy sound of Naoya jerking his cock in his room, that just happens to be next to your room and, what’s that? Is he actually moaning you’re name??!! 👀👀

BABE?? YOUR MIND IS JUST—JUST SO BIG JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Ok, ok, you've forced my hand. I have to write Naoya x chubby fem reader bc my mind is RACING with possibilities

CW: chubby fem reader, misogyny, fatphobia, some bullying, male masturbation, breeding kink, allusions to baby trapping

Jesus christ ok—

Scummy!Naoya is the absolute WORST

Imagine living next door to this bastard as a woman jesus christ

Now let's be clear: Naoya is not a good guy here sksksk he is still an arrogant misogynist who deserves a good kick in the nuts

But... *debby ryan ear tuck* he's still kinda hot sksksk

ANYWAYS yall are neighbors and he's a NIGHTMARE

Always making noise, never listening to your gentle requests to please turn the volume down bc you have to wake up early for work

He just simply doesn't care about you and your stupid problems

I imagine Naoya as this privileged little playboy who lives off daddy's money and has never had to work a day in his life

He doesn't like the apartment he lives in, he thinks it's too cheap and dingy, but again, living off daddy's money so he doesn't really have a say where he lives

He still complains tho sksksk

And he doesn't care for his neighbors

He wishes he could live in a penthouse with a new girl in his bed every night, but nooooooo he has to live in a corner apartment with you as his nextdoor neighbor

Speaking of you: he hates you skskks

He thinks you're so ANNOYING: your smile, your laugh, the baggy clothes you wear when you walk around the apartment complex

He thinks you're a sad excuse for a woman, working and living alone and weighing far more than average

He thinks you're pathetic and he HATES that you love yourself as much as you do

He doesn't go out of his way to speak to you, but if you do interact, he's far less than kind

"You're still single? I'm not surprised, seeing the way you look and the fact that you're as independent as the average man. Maybe if you lost a few pounds and acted like a lady, people would like you more."

He's clearly insecure about himself and just taking it out on you bc you're pretty and nice and sexy and funny and perfect and he can't stand it 🙄💅

But you're unbothered bc you're confident and know your worth and some pencil dick weasel like him can't ruin that 😌

He's still a pain in the ass tho 😒

Always playing his shitty rap music and stupid shows super late and super loud

And then there's the plethora of women who stop by to have screaming matches with him

They wail and cry about how he cheated on them and he always claims that they weren't even dating which makes the screaming WORSE

The sound of slamming doors and thrown objects has become far more common than you would like

One night you've just had enough: you have to be up at 6am and Naoya has been watching TV at full volume for the last two hours and you're DONE

You stomp over to his apartment in your pajamas and bang on his door nonstop until he answers

"What the hell do you—"

"NO," you interrupt, jabbing his chest with your finger. "I'm tired of telling you to quiet down. You're a fucking adult; you need to start acting like one and be respectful of other people. If you don't turn your shit down, I will call the police and get your ass thrown out of this apartment. Don't fucking try me."

You stomp back to your apartment without another word, sending him one last glare before slamming your door shut.

To your surprise, the TV is turned down quite a bit and you're finally able to rest

Naoya can't sleep tho, still shocked by everything that transpired

He's never seen you so angry before, your eyebrows furrowed, lips turned down into the meanest frown he's ever seen, making your pretty plump features look ugly—

Wait

Pretty??

Shit... now that he thought about it, you really were pretty, with your bright eyes and plush frame, looking so soft and delectable. He wondered if you tasted as good as you looked—

WHAT NO WAIT NO HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK OF YOU IN THAT WAY!! You were just some stupid fat woman that lived nextdoor who shouldn't work so much and instead should spend her time lounging around at home eating juicy fruit in the nude and spreading her legs for him when he came home from work—

OKAY HE'S GOTTA STOP

He's just tired and horny, he doesn't actually like you, it's just that he's not in the right mindset to recognize you for who you really are. He'll go to bed and he'll be back to despising you by tomorrow

But... that doesn't happen 🧍‍♂️

Naoya keeps thinking about you, how your tank top and shorts hugged your frame so well, how he could see your nipples hardening beneath your shirt and how he had the sudden urge to suck them into his mouth and bite them...

Sooooo... Naoya may not hate you as much as he originally thought...

He doesn't want to admit it, but he actually finds you incredibly attractive

Yes he's a fatphobic piece of shit and thought that you were a slob at first just bc of your size but now he thinks your wide hips are perfect for child-bearing and that the extra fat would aid you during pregnancy pregnancy kink is off the CHARTS for this asshole

Nah but fr, he's starting to peak glances at your curvy body whenever you're not looking

Every time yall meet at the mailboxes downstairs, he's lagging behind so he can watch you as you walk upstairs, your hips swaying, your ass looking like a perfect round peach

He's started coming over to borrow flour or milk, any excuse to see you and admire the way you look in your casual clothes

One time you answered the door in a towel and he had to hide his boner while you got him a cup of sugar he was so tempted to turn things around and be like "why don't you give me some real sugar, babygirl?" Turn this into some kinda porno but he couldn't speak he was so nervous 😓

He's thinking about bending your body in the craziest positions, your rolls squished together and your tongue lolling out of your mouth as he pounds into you, hearts in your eyes as he fills you up for the nth time that night

He's struggling to fall asleep without jerking off at least once before bed

He's thinking about you, obviously, how your back would arch beautifully as he pushes your head down into his sheets and pounds your fat cunt for hours on end

He's sure you'd be so precious in bed, your mean attitude melting away after creaming on his dick a few times, turning whiny and needy, hooking your ankles around him and making grabbing hands at him, silently begging him to come closer

He can practically hear your cute, breathy moans in his ear as he jerks his cock late at night

"Oh my god, Naoya! Fuck me, fuck me!!"

His imagination runs wild as he fucks his lube-slicked hand, imagining it's your pretty chubby pussy taking him instead

He's so wrapped up in his little fantasy of you that he's not thinking about how loud he's being

"Fuck, Y/N! That's it, fucking take it. So good, so fucking good, shit! Gonna fill you up, gonna get you fucking pregnant. Gonna make you my cute little housewife, keep you safe and well-fed—fuck, you feel so fucking good—"

He cums with a groan of your name, cleaning up after basking in the afterglow for a few minutes

There's a knock at his door 😶

He's confused af bc it's like midnight but he goes to the door anyways and lo and behold look who it is, it's the girl he just jerked off to

He's like "🧍‍♂️ what... what're you doing here?"

"You know I can hear you, right? These walls aren't as thick as you think they are."

His first reaction is embarrassment, but then he sees the outfit you're wearing—an oversized t-shirt that reaches your mid thigh—and suddenly he's glad you heard him

He leans against his doorframe, smirking softly, eyes roaming you as his dick starts to harden once again

"Oh yeah? What're you gonna do about it?"

[breathiingg]

Hey! So I came here from your 707 meme and I've seen your other memes (plus the ones from KS) and I love them so so much~ But! I noticed you didn't have any headcanons or fanfiction published yet so I wanted to be the first to ask for headcanons :3 Can you please do headcanons of the RFA + V & Saeran reacting to finding out that MC has been cutting herself lately because of a relapse caused by overwhelming stress from work? Bring on the angst, I had a shit day anyway :D please & thank you~

first of all, thank you so so much that was such a thoughtful thing to do I’m at such a loss for words (ﾉ∀`♥) but secondly, I’m so so sorry you had a bad day (◕︿◕✿) if you want to, I’m always free to talk about these things or just talk in general, okay? mama’s got youuuu (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

I’ve had a really bad last three months and I’m in a loop I really can’t get out of so this topic is honestly something I can relate to pretty well, but it’s something I have hope for? like I think I can get out of this loop and find my way and it goes for everyone else who’s in that same loop ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ so for that reason, I'm gonna try to make the headcanons happier (i will still try to make it angsty no worries~)

soooooooo~ without further ado… (this is going to be very long btw)

Yoosung

this boy was just casually playing LOL on his pc when you come into the room freaking out

“Yoosung, where are all my long sleeve shirts?”

he looks at you confused

it’s the middle of summer???

why on earth would you need long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer????

he casually points to the laundry basket in the corner

“Sorry, MC, but I think you used up all your long sleeve shirts. Why do you need them anyway?”

your eyes just dart to the ground as you tell him you’re just cold

BOI IS CONFUSED

IT IS THE SUMMER  H O W

he doesn’t say anything though but the boy is worried

so as soon as you left the room, gamer child decides to consult google about the problem

“Why would my girlfriend wear long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer?”

google gives many answers

one of them was “Because she’s Russian”

are you Russian??? gamer child doesn’t know so he ignores it

but then an article about depression catches his attention

he looks through the whole thing about 64 times because you fit all the symptoms and child is now very very worried

but Yoosung knows he can’t just ask you about it so he waits

and that night, when you were both supposed to be sleeping, he sneaks a peek

he sees the scars, old and new, and he just starts trembling

he starts sniffling and then crying, and soon enough, he’s flooding the place

and of course, considering how FUCKING loud this child cries, you wake up

the moment you turn towards him to see what the problem was, he just pulls you into the tightest and wettest hug you’ve ever had

well considering all those shower “incidents” that’s debatable but that’s not the point

“MC, please, please don’t hurt yourself like that. It hurts me so much to see you like this. I love you so so much, don’t you know that?”

well you can’t really lie about the situation so you just mutter a quiet “I’m sorry…” under your breath

y’all just stay like that for the rest of the night, comforting each other as you sobbed in each other’s arms

he repeatedly told you over and over how much he loves you

and you told him everything

ad he understood.

the next few weeks after that, this child gives you all the love he could possibly give in the world

cooks for you, cleans for you, helps you with your work, you name it

he even stopped playing LOL just to give you the love and care you deserve

and you better bet your ass this will go on until you get better

Zen

there’s only one thing this boy loves more than anything (besides you and himself)

and you can bet your dog to the nearest pawnshop owner that it’s taking selfies

so naturally, this boy takes like 398459284 selfies everyday and you can bet your ass that he’ll get pissed every time his phone reminds him that he literally has zero storage left

so one day, he’s pretty much just randomly going through his camera roll, smiling at all the pictures he took of the both of y’all and remembering all the good times

but he notices a pattern

ever since about a few weeks ago, he noticed you wearing more jeans than shorts, and then there was a point where you just completely stopped wearing anything else but jeans

Zen doesn’t really think anything of it except for the fact that he missed seeing those sexyass legs

so guess what he does?

boy whines to you about it nonstop

“Baaaabeeeee, I miss seeing your gorgeous legs~ Why don’t you wear shorts anymoreeeeeee?”

you just shrug and make up some kind of excuse about starting to become conscious of going out in such short shorts

i mean it’s not really true but you can’t really tell him what’s really going on here, right?

 well turns out your lie backfired on you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

he sets your jeans on fire bc you’re a liar lol get it? liar liar jeans on fire? no?

okay no, he doesn’t, but he does convince you to wear shorts for him in the house bc hey, if it’s just the two of y’all, you have no reason to be conscious, right?

good job, MC

so you end up doing it for him, but you wear knee-high socks nonetheless so he won’t see a thing and position yourself so that your hands are always covering your lower thigh area

you make him uber suspicious tho

but he just pouts but he doesn’t say anything

but jokes on you, he ends up seeing them anyway when he walks in on you changing

he sees the scars on your thighs, and his eyes widens

he runs to you in the speed of fast

and this boy starts kissing them

“Zen, what the hell are you doing?”

he just keeps kissing them and nuzzling them until you start giggling bc it’s starting to tickle

“With scars or not, your legs are still gorgeous, babygirl, but that still doesn’t mean this is okay. Don’t do it again, okay? For me, and for you.”

and from then on, he makes you model in shorts for him everyday and kisses your scars after each and every time

this goes on until all your scars heal

Jumin

kink master & sex god

he loves loves l o v e s to buy you lingerie, okay

and he loves doing sexy time with you too

which happens frequently

so obviously, when you stop having sexy time with him as often and then stop altogether, he’ll think something’s up

like you won’t even let him see you naked anymore, not even when you’re just wearing your bra and underwear 

obviously he’ll think something’s up

but this boy.

oh this boy.

he panics.

he thinks you don’t love him anymore.

he thinks he’s going to lose the one person he cares about the most.

jumin s t o p

i’ll have you know that his bff 4 lyfe had to talk to him about this and calm him down

“Just talk to her,” V says, so that’s exactly what he does.

but before that, he goes out and buys you some new lingerie since he hasn’t done that in a while

IT’S BEAUTIFUL OKAY SO ELEGANT AND PRETTY AND I JUST

MMMMMMMMM

but anyways

when you see that he just bought some lingerie for you, you already know what’s up

and you just sigh and give him a tired smile

“Sorry, Jumin…”

NUH UH HE AIN’T HAVING NONE OF THAT

he pulls you in into a sweet, passionate kiss

and just from that kiss alone, you could tell that he missed you

and god did you feel worse

he politely and gently asks for an explanation

but you just didn’t want to tell him, not like this

so you decided to show him

you grab the lingerie that he neatly laid out on the bed and you slowly put it on, your back turned to him

but as soon as you turned around, he saw the scars you traced onto your belly

he closes his eyes sighs

he understands

he understands but i think that’s what hurt him the most

he pulls you in for another kiss

“I’ll love you all night,” he whispered lovingly in your ear

“I’ll love you throughout every single night until you love yourself too, because you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful person that has ever touched my soul, and you are the only one who has ever made me feel like love was a possibility for me. I love you so much…I highly doubt that would ever change. A girl that amazing shouldn’t harm herself like this.”

and with those words, you find yourself crying into his welcoming arms

well, you know what comes after ｡^‿^｡

Jaehee

you love over the shoulder tops

it’s just your thing

it’s what you always wear when you’re working at the cafe

hell, both of y’all even have matching over the shoulder tops you got at Disneyland with those cliche “She’s my Disney Princess” phrases

and y’all would frequently wear those at work and everyone just swwwoooooooonsssss 

you’re the perky, clumsy little girlfriend who practically bounces with excitement everytime she greeted customers and she was the calm responsible one who sat behind the counter and watched her girlfriend with such loving eyes

it’s just always been that way

and then out of nowhere, it stopped.

it was gradual at first

but then it just stopped.

at first, you just seemed like you were tired all the time and you weren’t as excited so Jaehee just assumed that you were tired

but then you stopped wearing over the shoulder tops

or anything that showed even an inch of your shoulders

in fact, you seemed to hate anything that showed your shoulders

and that’s when it started becoming worrying

and let me tell you, anyone who’s been to that cafe at least once is worried af

they love you to death, you better bet your bare ass they’re hella worried about you

well your birthday was coming up so everyone plans a surprise birthday party in order to maybe cheer you up

and well, you didn’t know about it duh

so one day, you decide to wear an over the shoulder top that shows your scars and work on a Saturday so that no one would be at the cafe

BUT GUESS WHAT

“SURPRISE!” screamed practically everyone

and they saw everything

the scars

everything

even Jaehee

you fall to your knees and started sobbing really hard

but surprise again

everyone knew about it already

and boy do they have news for you

everyone comes over with their gifts in their hands and guess what they were

over the shoulder tops

“It’s okay, MC,” Jaehee comforted. So what if you have scars? You’re going through a tough time, aren’t you? We understand that. We’re here to support you through those times, so don’t be afraid to open up to us, okay? If you don’t want to, that’s okay, we’ll understand. But we’re always here for you, remember that.”

and with that, MC practically floods the place

and from then on, she happily wore over the shoulder tops everyday until her scars healed

Saeyoung

he saw you

every cut you slit

every time you tried to hide it

he saw you

he saw everything

and each time he saw it, he broke a little more

he was convinced it was somehow his fault

after all, everyone he loved and cared about always got hurt when they were around him

and this was what he was afraid of

but he tried his best to stay sane for you

you need support right now and he needs to offer it

and you know he knows

it’s not like you can hide anything from him with all the damn cameras around the house

so you showed them freely around him

once he saw that you were comfortable showing them around him, he immediately grabbed your wrists

“This is Wilbert,” he says, pointing to faintest and oldest (yet also deepest) cut. “He’s an old man who hates children on his lawn, meaning…”

He drew a circle around your wrist.

“This is Wilbert’s lawn.” he points to your freshest wound and says, “This is Timmy. He is the youngest.”

He looks up at you to see your reaction, and when he saw that you were giggling, he sat you down on the couch and continued the naming session

everyday, y’all would cuddle on the couch and update the life stories of your scars

everyday, there was a new story for every cut

Emily learned how to ride her bike

Kyle asked out Lily and got rejected big time

Wilbert became best of friends with Timmy

it was the only way he could keep sane

and it helped you stop the self-harm too, which in turn helped keep him sane

and this continued until your scars healed completely

and when they finally healed, he kissed each and every one

“Rest in peace, everyone. Let’s put an end to this story, okay? I care too much about my MC, so it seems like we won’t be able to have a sequel. Sorry.” he smiles faintly and turns to you

he was crying

you were crying

and y’all kiss each other’s tears away

V

you always slept on the right side of the bed

and when you started to cut yourself, this came at an advantage since V was the blindest on his right eye

so whenever you believed he was asleep, that’s when you would do it because unless he turned to completely look at you, he wouldn’t really be able to figure out what you were doing

but one night, while you thought he was asleep, he speaks up

“You know I know what you’re doing, right, MC?”

well fuck

he sits up as you put the blade away

“Come with me.”

he takes your hand and navigates his way to his studio with the other hand

he asks you to take your clothes off and stand right in front of the camera

you were really really confused but you did it anyway

like are we gonna make a sex tape or some shit what’s up

and he goes right behind the camera

well, he pretty much tells you to pose a certain way and takes lots of pictures of you from different angles

all of your scars are showing oh so clearly

and afterwards, he prints the pictures and shows them to you

and for some reason… you were crying?

you didn’t understand why but you wept and wept and wept

“You see,” he says while caressing your scars. “That’s how I feel. Seeing someone so beautiful feel so sad that she does this to her body? It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Rip them up,” he says. “All of them. Tell yourself that this isn’t something you deserve and rip them up.”

and so you did

and god, did you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders

and for the rest of your lives together, whenever you felt like doing it again, he sets up another photo shoot for you to print and rip up more pictures

and it always made you feel so much better

Saeran

you were acting strangely

your eyes were glazed over and the sparkle was no longer there

you weren’t as happy as you normally were

he always said your energy was annoying but he didn’t want this

because in reality, he loved it

he was still in the process of healing and all the positivity you were showing was helping him and making him so so happy

and he feels like this is all his fault because he never told you how he truly felt

he is panicking

but when he couldn’t take it anymore, he pretty much yelled at you in the middle of dinner

“Say something, goddammit! You’ve been acting like a damn zombie and I just can’t figure out what’s going through your fucking mind! Say something…please…I can’t take this anymore.”

the helplessness and desperation in his voice was enough to make a lump form in your throat

“I’m sorry, Saeran…” and that was all you could say

and then he starts crying

and at this point, you couldn’t take it anymore either so you start crying too

and y’all just cry through dinner

by the time y’all have calmed down, you pulled him over to the sofa and showed him your scars

“MC….”

he pulls down his sleeve and shows you his

and when you looked like you were about to cry again, he pulls you in for a hug, and for once, he was honest

“This isn’t right. We need help. I want to be normal again, MC, for you. For us. I want to make you happy…I don’t want to be a burden. I…care about you. You make me happy. And I want you to be happy too. I want both of us to be happy and okay. Together.”

and after that, he starts taking you to therapy with him

and it took a while for him to really open up and be honest

but one day, out of nowhere, he pulls you in for a hug after you made dinner, grabbed your wrist and kissed your scars. “Can I reword what I said to you on the sofa that one night months ago? I’ve been practicing.”

you nodded with a confused look as he pecked your lips.

“Basically…I love you.”

you smile as tears fall down your cheeks

you grab his wrist and kiss his scars just like he did yours

“I love you too.”

(I realized I forgot to make this about work stress…sorry anon;;)