#it's just....it's so humiliating. and upsetting knowing they would kiss the ass of a system that actively has harmed so many people

[cinnamonest]

gaahhhh imagine gf reader trying to calm delinquent childe and get him to NOT traumatize and scar new boys coming to their school or later when in college when they need to interact with others more by being as nice and sweet as possible and giving him want he wants (attention, pussy and love). And they almost get like this bartering system and it doesn't help when childe slowly gets a hint that she might be trying to protect these guys- in which case, comes the step of trying to placate him again and convince him this is for his sake and not theirs after getting her own ass beaten by him and fucked to the point she thinks of amping the Pill intake or smthng

(Follow-up to this post)

I’ve been thinking about that AU again for a while, hear me out

Because, see, once you become “official,” he somehow gets worse, something you wouldn’t have even thought possible.

Your life doesn't actually change that much, it’s more that his presence just becomes so utterly and completely inescapable. You used to at least be able to retreat to the comfort of home after school, now you don’t even have that — he’s either forcing his way into your house or dragging you back to his, depending on which has the parents gone, so you can do stuff… or if neither works, he’ll drive you off to some of the nearby abandoned, empty parking lots instead.

He's very vocal about what he now perceives as an “official” relationship. Very touchy in public, even in a school setting. His actual behaviors don't change much — he still steals your things and dangles them over your head, startles you with loud noises, taunts you and humiliates you at every opportunity… now he just does it with extra enthusiasm, like it makes him even more excited than it did before. And you like it, he knows you do. And at this point you've given up on getting the cigarette stench out of everything you own — your clothes, your bed, your car, even your hair. Ugh.

But he becomes so very on-edge, far more aggressive than ever before towards the rest of the male student populace. He’s definitely got a major cheating paranoia, like so many young guys, where he’s so ready to jump to that conclusion over everything. You didn’t respond to him for a while, what were you doing? Why are you smiling at your phone, who are you talking to?

Before, he was a source of frustration and anger and misery, but you never really felt scared the way he often makes you feel now. He was mean, a bully, but he was smiley and clearly deriving amusement from it — a contrast to the sudden serious glare and cold, dark tone and expression when he gets mad, when he grabs you so hard you can’t pull away and demands a minute-by-minute play of the day for the duration of time he couldn’t be glued to your side. It takes an alarming amount of reassurance to calm him down.

You do essentially end up bartering with sex. If you’re lucky, and he’s not too upset, you can just distract him from whatever is making him mad with kisses and smiles and a few reassuring words. But in most cases, you’ll at least have to take your clothes off to really appease him and calm him down, and usually have to spend the rest of the day giving him your completely undivided attention. Giving him lots of cuddles and kisses and pussy and head and affection and all that, just for him, to prove you really only care about him, no interruptions. Even answering texts from your friends and family will have him scowling and sulking again. Why are they more important to you than he is? Do you really even care about him at all, when you’re so easily distracted?

And oh, the moment you try and defend some poor boy, have the audacity to try and get him to not hurt someone, it’s over for you. Nothing sets him off faster.

Rather, it comes in stages — he gets mad, hauls you off somewhere alone if you’re in front of people, holds you by the jaw as you struggle and writhe and asks in some mixture of bewilderment and frustration why you’re doing that. Why would you be upset that he’s protecting you? Why are you mad at him for beating them up? Do you care about them? If you don’t like them, why concern yourself with what happens to them?

If you keep reassuring him, he’ll calm down, but if you keep insisting that he can’t be violent, he gets whiny, petulant, grumbly… and most importantly, he just ignores you and does what he wants anyway. Even if it upsets you, it’s not like that's going to stop him. He just blows off anything you say, completely inconsiderate of your feelings on things.

Even then, sometimes, the situation gets bad. Times where you can’t just calm him down, because you did something exceptionally bad — you fell asleep and didn’t answer him for hours, or you very clearly talked to that guy, he knows, he heard the whole thing, or someone told him (at this point, some of the other students have started telling him they saw you talking to someone or hugging some guy or something to set him off for their own amusement).

Those incidents are the worst — late-night explosive episodes where you’re interrogated on why you spoke with someone or the texts on your phone, as you flail and whimper and claw at the hand on your neck while you desperately try to defend yourself. Those are the times where you genuinely start to feel scared. But even then, with enough effort and appeasing and sex, it’s resolvable... though you may end up with some bruises across your body, or in a few cases, your neck and face... you can just both skip school and stay in bed all day until it's gone. Other people would get the wrong idea if they saw it, they wouldn't understand. As long as you comply with what he wants, it's easily resolved.

Until, one day, you cross a line.

You're just so sick of it all, deep into yet another long argument over him really badly hurting some poor kid who did nothing wrong, and in the frustration of the moment, the words come out of your mouth.

You say you’re leaving him. That you want to break up.

You regret your words, of course, the second they leave your mouth. Even before you see the stages of reaction play out on his face — a second or two of blinking in dumbfounded, blank shock, and the way his expression turns dark — you feel your gut twist in panic.

And you try to sputter out some apology, to backtrack, to say you didn’t mean it, but your feet have already left the ground, you’re already flailing and grasping at the hand wrapped around your throat and hoisting you into the air, before you can even get a full sentence out.

You don’t get to do that to me.

His grip gets tighter with those words. It’s quiet and cold — you’re pretty sure it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him speak quietly, for that matter, but you're too preoccupied with panic to reflect on that.

But you don’t mean it. He knows that. You just said something stupid because you wanted to make him mad. You just wanted to get his attention. You’re being manipulative, trying to control him with threats. You’re being a really bad girlfriend.

You don’t mean it. You’re not being serious. You just said it to get a reaction.

Right?

And see, you nod so vigorously, and you even have tears streaming down your face as you choke and gag. You must feel guilty for saying something so mean. Everyone says things they regret in arguments, right? Just the heat of the moment makes people say stupid things. But as long as you feel guilty, he can forgive you.

You crumple forward on shaky legs when you’re dropped down, more of less falling into him, hands grasping at his shirt — how cute, you’re trying to get reassurance now. You stiffen and shiver at the embrace you’re enveloped by, the arms that wrap around your frame.

...You know, you'll need to figure out something for your neck. It’s already starting to bruise, and it’s very clearly marks from fingers wrapped around… you’ll have to cover it up, you wouldn’t want your parents thinking he’s a bad person or anything.

But’s okay. He’s mature enough to forgive you and move on. And so long as you give him more attention and makeup sex all night, he’ll pretend it didn’t happen… for his own sake too. Just never ever ever say something like that again, and he won't hurt you... not too badly, at least.

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Sharing (1/2)

Mammon x poly gn!MC x Leviathan

Words - 2924

Content warnings - angst, with lots of cuddles, two dick Levi is mentioned, no smut

Prompt/Inspiration - none

Summary - You, Mammon, and Levi are busy making plans for a group date when Mammon decides he’s had enough of this “sharing” business.

AO3 | Part 2

“Yeah well, bet ya didn’t know Levi had two dicks.”

You stared at Mammon, horrified at what had just come out of his mouth.

It wasn’t that you didn’t know about Levi. You knew it very well, having recently taken that step in your relationship.

But Mammon hadn’t realized that yet. So when he brought up this...unique...feature of Levi’s it was for one reason and one reason only - to humiliate him.

“Mammon...why would you say something like that…?”

You reached behind you, grabbing hold of Levi’s hand as you kept your eyes laser focused on Mammon. You could feel Levi shaking, and you knew his face was a million shades of red. Even if this was something you already knew, it still was a bit of an insecurity for him, and not something he liked to talk about. Especially in situations like this where it’s only being mentioned as a way to upset him.

“Well it’s true! He definitely ain’t normal down there. And…”

“I know,” you replied, your voice loud and firm.

“Wha?”

“I said I know. I’m asking why you felt the need to share that personal information just now.”

“You...you…” Mammon stuttered, his eyes darting back and forth between you and Levi. He had honestly never seen you look so angry before, and he was certain that if it wasn’t for you standing how you were, that Levi would have launched himself at him awhile ago in an attempt to strangle him.

And if he was being honest, he didn’t quite know why he said it either.

You all had been discussing your plans for your date that evening, and Mammon just became progressively more jealous the longer the conversation went on. It didn’t matter that he was going on the date too. It didn’t matter that the location was actually his idea in the first place. All he could think about was how he just didn’t want to share you anymore and he had enough of Levi always being a factor in your decisions. You were supposed to be his .

And before he even knew what happened, he had opened his mouth and said the one thing he knew his brother was more embarrassed about than anything. The thing that made him different in a way that he couldn’t do anything about. There wasn’t an internet support group for awkward guys with serpent dicks. It had been something Levi had been terrified about you finding out about too, because he knew just how different it would be compared to any other human partners you may have had previously, or even yourself.

All Mammon had thought about in that moment was how much he wanted to hurt Levi, and how much he wanted to keep you to himself. Maybe if you knew the truth, then you’d be disgusted and would want nothing to do with Levi? Or maybe Levi would be so humiliated he wouldn’t want anything to do with you either, just out of shame? It didn’t quite make sense, his train of thought, and if Mammon had stopped to think for a moment he would have realized just how little sense it made.

But he didn’t. He instead acted impulsively. And he could feel his face heating up as he struggled to get his words out and form any coherent thoughts. There was no way he could explain his reasoning. It wouldn’t matter either.

So, instead of a reply, he grunted, before spinning on his heel and slamming the door behind him as he left Levi’s room.

———————

You stared at the door for a moment, it still shaking slightly on its hinges. But soon you turned around to face Levi who couldn’t seem to decide between crying and anger, as he gritted his teeth and stared at the floor. Gently, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug, as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

“You ok?” you asked.

“...yeah,” he mumbled. If Mammon had lashed out like that even a week ago he probably wouldn’t have been though. But since this was something he had now, thankfully, discussed with you, it was much less humiliating than it could have been.

“You know I love you right?”

“Even the snakey bits?”

“Especially the snakey bits,” you chuckled.

“Mmmm,” Levi hummed in reply. He felt his cheeks heating up, as you started stroking the nape of his neck, kissing whatever skin you could reach, right where his scales would be in his demon form. He tightened his grip around your waist, causing you to let out another small laugh.

“I guess it’s just us tonight, huh?” you said, as you loosened your grip on Levi. The thought made your heart ache. You wanted to go after Mammon, to see what the hell was going through his mind. But it just didn’t seem right to leave since Levi was the “victim” in all this.

Levi could see the hesitation on your face, even as you tried to mask it and force a smile. He poked your cheek, and you jumped a little in surprise, having become lost in your own thoughts.

“You should probably go talk to him.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah,” Levi sighed, “I doubt he’d listen to me, and he’s just going to sulk if you don’t. Even if he is a pain...I know you care about him.”

Your eyes scanned Levi’s face, trying to determine how sincere he was being, but you didn’t see any deception there. Just genuine concern, probably more so for you than for Mammon, but concern nonetheless. You smiled at him before placing a hand on either side of his face, and guiding him into a soft kiss.

“I really do love you, you know that?”

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, lowering his head so he could hide his face somewhat behind his bangs as you looked at him.

“I’ll let you know how it goes, ok?”

Levi nodded, pressing a quick peck to your cheek, the same one he had poked earlier. You gave him another hug, before leaving to find Mammon.

——————

Mammon was laying in his bed, his face buried into a pillow as he muffled his own screaming and cursing. He was so angry with himself right now. He should have been more subtle. He should have restrained himself and planned things out better so it wouldn’t look like it was his fault. Instead, he had just ruined everything. He doubted you or Levi would want anything to do with him after this. The only two beings in the entire three realms that actually seemed to enjoy spending time with him on a regular basis. Now, doubtless, hated him.

You stood in the doorway to Mammon’s room, watching as he occasionally kicked at his bed, while he shouted into his pillow. You had intended to knock on his door so that he could send you away, but when you heard all the noise from inside you threw open the door out of concern. You were shocked to find him like that, but quickly regained your composure and closed the door behind you.

“Mammon?” you tried calling out to him, as you walked over to where he laid on his bed.

Mammon froze when he heard your voice, pressing his face further into his pillow and hoping that maybe he could smother himself so he wouldn’t have to talk to you and face his humiliation.

“Can we talk?” you asked, sitting on the edge of Mammon’s bed. When he didn’t respond right away, you placed your hand on his lower back, and asked him again.

He flinched at the gentleness of your touch. He couldn’t fathom why you were being nice to him right now. Probably because you were going to dump his idiotic ass and just wanted to soften the blow.

“I just want to talk, please.”

Finally Mammon shifted slightly, rotating his head just enough that he could look at you out of the corner of his eye and so that his voice wouldn’t be muffled when he spoke.

“...fine. Whatever,” he grumbled, still trying to play it cool despite the fact that he honestly wanted nothing more than to curl up in your lap as you ran your fingers through his hair, while he cried. It was better for you to think he was doing all this intentionally, he thought. Much less embarrassing than begging for you to take him back and forgive him.

“So, what’s going on?”

“Nothin’.”

“Ok, well you and I both know that’s bullshit. I just walked in on you screaming into your pillow.”

“...jus’ felt like doin’ it.”

“Mammon.”

“What?” he asked, turning a little further to meet your gaze. You were staring at him with that look of yours that you were oh so fond of using when you knew he was trying (and failing) to lie. He couldn’t help but blush as you continued to stare. It felt like you could see right through him, and the thought was more embarrassment than he was prepared to deal with right now.

“You’re just gonna dump me, ain’t ya? So just get it over with,” he said as he buried his head back into his pillow, tears starting to gather in his eyes.

“Hey, why would you think that?” you lowered your voice, taking on a much gentler tone. You were mad at him sure, maybe even furious at one point, but it never crossed your mind to dump him. You had simply assumed he had some axe to grind with Levi, about who only knows what, and all you’d have to do is play mediator so the two could work things out.

You started rubbing soothing circles on his back, trying to encourage him to talk, when Mammon’s shoulders began to shake slightly as he fought off the first sob. You immediately crawled in bed beside him, wrapping your arm around his shoulders as you stroked his hair. Every now and then you’d lean forward and press a kiss to the top of his head, while you let him get it all out of his system.

He really wanted to go back in time and punch his past self. Punch them for not locking the door. Punch them for opening his mouth earlier. Punch them for ever thinking it was a good idea to let you bring Levi into your relationship.

“Come here,” you said, coaxing and tugging Mammon towards you so you could pull his head to your chest. It didn’t take much for you to get him to turn on his side to face you, as he snuggled up against your neck, clutching at your shirt with the same frustration he had been gripping at his pillow.

“...I don’t wanna share anymore...you’re supposed to be mine.”

You gently ran your fingers through Mammon’s hair as he continued talking.

“I don’t wanna leave ya. Please don’t leave me. Please…”

“I’m not going anywhere, Mammon.”

“But ya will. You’ll go see him. And you’ll laugh and smile and those are s’pose to be for me,” he replied, with a sniffle, no longer crying so heavily.

“But Mammon, even if Levi wasn’t in the picture you wouldn’t be able to be with me all the time.”

“...I could…” he said weakly.

“...this isn’t really about Levi, is it?”

“...”

“What’s really bothering you, babe?” you asked, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“...I just wanna spend time with ya…” he mumbled into your neck, tightening his grip around your waist.

“Then just ask. That’s all you have to do,” you pressed another kiss to his head, while you tried to get a look at his face, but Mammon only pulled you closer.

“But we have the schedule and…”

“So? You can still ask sweetheart. This is the sort of thing we have to talk about.”

“...I don’t want ya mad at me…”

“Mammon, I wouldn’t get mad at you for that. You’re allowed to want to spend time with me. And you’re allowed to not want Levi around too. It’s ok. You can tell me those things,” you replied, giving him a reassuring squeeze, and resting your cheek against his head.

“...ya mean that?”

“Yeah babe, I mean that.”

You had started gently scratching Mammon’s back and felt him begin to relax into your touch. A smile spread across your face as you continued to cuddle with him, every now and then giving him another kiss on his head, with him occasionally leaving small pecks on your skin where he had his face pressed up against your neck.

“But Mammon, what happened today can’t happen again. You know that, right?”

You felt him nod against you, and you continued, “I’m used to you guys bickering and pranking each other, but this wasn’t like that. It was malicious. And you need to talk to me long before it gets to that point. Or I guess you could talk to Levi too, if it’s something that you can work out between yourselves.”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You should probably apologize to him too, you know. And tell him why.”

Mammon groaned. Talking to you was all well and good, but having to have this conversation with his brother? Once Levi realized he had been jealous of him? He was going to be insufferable after that. Maybe he really should try to smother himself with his own pillow again. Mammon heard you chuckle beside him and he wondered briefly if maybe he had spoken his thoughts out loud.

“...I can ask for anythin’, right?”

“Yeah, and we can talk about it,” you said as you pulled Mammon’s legs closer to you with your own.

“Do ya think we could stay home tonight? I know we had plans but…”

“Just don’t feel like going out?”

“Yeah…”

“What about Levi?”

“He can come too, I guess,” Mammon said, giving you another squeeze. You had hit the nail on the head when you had asked if the problem was really with Levi. It really wasn’t, and it never had been. He wouldn’t go so far as to say he didn’t care at all what you did when he wasn’t around, but you spending time with Levi wasn’t so bad. He knew Levi would take care of you, and he knew you would look out for Levi.

What he had really wanted though was just some more quality time with you. Things had been kinda hectic the past few weeks with everything going on at RAD. And it had left Mammon just feeling drained. He needed to recharge his cuddle batteries, so to speak, but had been too afraid of just asking for what he wanted outright, worried that you might take that as him having an inability to share and follow the rules you all had agreed to.

Before Levi had entered the picture, it had been a simple matter of just pulling you aside whenever he wanted, only needing to concern himself with your own plans. But now, there was an additional factor at play, and that complicated things in a way Mammon hadn’t been sure how to handle. Being open and honest about his feelings had never been his strong suit, and that definitely didn’t help things as he got more and more frustrated.

Now that everything was finally out in the open, Mammon was feeling much more relaxed and like his usual self. And if you wanted to snuggle up to Levi, while Mammon rested his head in your lap, that was quite alright with him, so long as you continued to run your fingers through his hair.

“Then I guess that’ll be ok. We can all meet in my room then?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’ll go talk to Levi, while I get some snacks?”

Mammon groaned. Right. He still had to talk to Levi. He supposed it couldn’t be helped though, he had kinda been an ass earlier. And the sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could snuggle with you again and move on with his life.

“...fine…” he grumbled reluctantly in response, forcing himself to sit up. Before he could go very far though, you reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Hey, I love you, you know that?” you offered Mammon a gentle smile as you pulled yourself up to a sitting position next to him. A light blush dusted his cheeks, which only made your smile broaden. Wanting to tease him a little further, you leaned forward and gave him a sweet kiss, smiling once more as you pulled back and examined the now, much darker, tint to his tanned skin.

He stared at you for a moment, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks as you grinned at him. You just looked so...beautiful...right then. There really wasn’t another way to describe it. The tender look in your eye as you gazed at him, the way your lips parted just so, the light laughter that rang in his ears. It was all so perfect. And you were his. He knew he had to share you with Levi of course, but, there was a part of you that really was all his. A part of your heart that belonged to him and him alone. And right now, sitting with you like this, just the two of you, really drove that point home.

Mammon returned your smile with one of his own, before reaching out and wrapping you up in a tight hug.

“Yeah, I love ya too.”

CONTINUED IN PART TWO

[jawnjendes]

try new things! | 3. confident

Ashton talks you into having a threesome with each band member.

AN: im gonna be deadass here. i published the masterlist on accident and it got notes, as well as the 2 previous chapters. so now here i am again, 3 years after the last chapter was posted. enjoy it fuckos.

previous | next

It was much easier getting in the mood next time around. Ashton invited the guys over for video games, pizza, and beer. Calum gave me a friendly wink and looked at me for longer than usual throughout the night. The stolen glances were a little exciting, given that some of the heat was still lingering. Calum's time was up, though. It was only one guy for one night and that was it. However, it did feel like the threesome thing was the elephant in the room, even when we were all distracted by Super Smash Bros. They all knew it was going to happen at one point, I just wished I knew how eager Michael and Luke were, if either of them were thinking about it and getting excited butterflies.

That thought was answered very fast that night.

“What was it like, Calum?” asked Michael at one point when the alcohol was seeping into our systems. Tipsy or sober, I did sort of expect that from him.

“Doing what?”

Michael pointed at me as he slouched in his seat, clearly at ease.

Calum’s eyes went to Ashton’s. It was like before, when he was silently asking for permission to defile me. Ashton, who had his arm firmly around me, quirked an eyebrow before speaking.

"Ask her, not me."

And so brown eyes locked onto mine. I nodded once, trying to be as stone faced as Ashton and failing at it.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Calum finally replied as he turned back to Michael, grinning like he was in on the biggest secret.

He sighed. “I wanna know!”

“Why don’t you ask her, then?” Luke suggested.

“Yeah, Michael,” I egged on, feeling confident thanks to the liquid courage. “Or better yet, why don’t you come find out for yourself?”

Ashton suddenly placed his free hand on my upper arm, making me look at him. “You sure you wanna do this now?”

I nodded, looking him dead in the eye. I was inebriated to the point where I felt like I could take charge and not care about the repercussions from the guy who was always in charge. I was definitely looking forward to the during and after of it all. How often does a boyfriend of mine have hot friends that I can consensually fuck?

I looked back at Michael, who was now sitting up straight, eyes wide with anticipation. Didn’t have to ask him twice.

“When am I gonna get fucked, though?” Luke whined, breaking the tension in the room.

That little moment where he sighed and slouched distracted me for a moment. I looked at Luke, but he was looking up at the ceiling. Was he just horny or did he actually want me? Did he have an awkward-but-not-really dream about me too?

“We’ll get to you,” Ashton suddenly replied, squeezing my upper arm. “Trust me, she’s not going to let me forget about you.”

If I wasn’t reeled back in by my boyfriend, I would have been blushing redder than a tomato. Instead, Luke did it for me, which was endearing.

“Well,” I said, standing up. “Shall we?”

Michael was quicker than Ashton. He walked over and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the bedroom, my boyfriend quickly following after us. Once the door was shut, they both got their hands on me, Ashton behind me and Michael in front of me.

“Couldn’t be patient, could you?” Ashton growled in my ear, his big hands running up my shirt.

I bit down on my lip at his words. I reached towards Michael’s collar, unbuttoning his flannel while he began feeling under my skirt. He had a smirk on his face as he closed the gap between us, while Ashton kept talking in my ear.

"You were supposed to wait until our guests left, baby," he sternly told me. "But you couldn't keep your legs closed, huh? Michael, you wanna take her to the bed?"

The man in question had his fingers hooked around my panties, but paused his actions upon the command. It was odd in the sense that two out of the three friends seemed to comply with Ashton's needs in a situation like this. Almost like they had done this before. Was Luke going to be the same way?

I didn't think about it much as Michael's gentle hand took mine and walked me over to the king size bed. I was already dazed, I didn’t even take a second glance at the armchair where Calum and I fucked the week before, and I did that a lot since that event.

Also, it made sense why Ashton got us a king size bed not too long ago. If he hasn't had a threesome before dating me, then he's definitely thought about it and wanted to be prepared for it.

"I'll be right back," Ashton said. "Don't have too much fun without me." He stepped out, but then ducked his head back in the room. "And don't kiss each other."

As soon as the door closed, the tension heightened. It seems as though I was the only one to feel it. Michael was sat on the bed and pulling me towards him, hands around my wrists and then the backs of my thighs as I got closer.

"You nervous?" he asked me like he wasn't groping my ass.

"No," I replied a little too quietly. I really wasn't. Most of the nerves were let out the first time I had sex with a different man while my boyfriend watched.

Michael seemed to like my docile tone, smiling and leaning in. For a hot second, I thought he was about to do what Ashton said not to, but his nose just ran along my jawline instead. Then, he scooted back on the bed, beckoning me to follow. I practically crawled over him as he moved back, and then I was properly straddling him.

"Think you can handle being on top?" he teased.

"Think you can handle me?" I replied, gently pushing his chest so he was laying back.

My little burst of confidence quickly dissipated as the door opened. I jumped, somehow forgetting that there was someone else who was supposed to be here. I looked back and saw Ashton entering the room again, and I smiled timidly.

Michael chuckled at my reaction, his hands moving up my thighs. He took my dress with him, lifting it up. Ashton crawled onto the bed behind me, reaching over to take my dress off the rest of the way.

I was left half naked while the two men with me were still fully clothed. It left my core leaky and hot for more. Just the fact that I was sitting on Michael's crotch, eager to make him hard was adding to it.

"I had to make our guests leave early," Ashton told me as his hands went on my shoulders. "All because your naughty pussy couldn't wait another day."

His breath touched my neck, making a chill go down my spine. I looked to the side, knowing Michael was looking up at me with a smug grin. Just a minute ago, I was so confident and ready to ride him into oblivion. Now I was being put into my place because I was horny via tequila.

"You wanna do the honors, Michael?" Ashton said as he grabbed the back end of my panties and pulled them down.

Then, he was pushing me forward, so I was lying on top of Michael completely. Still, I had the least amount of power here. My bare ass was out, and Michael didn't even hesitate to slap the cheek.

I didn't know what to do but hide my face in his neck. It was only going to get more deliciously painful from here.

Ashton and Michael took turns spanking me. With each one I was digging my nails deeper into Michael's shoulders, almost tearing at his shirt. I groaned and bit into the crook of his neck, which made his hips buck up into mine. He did it once, and then I was lurching forward every time a spank landed, keeping the friction going. I could feel his erection growing the longer we kept at it, and all I wanted to do was ride him until my legs gave out.

"Have you had enough?" Ashton asked when I was whimpering. His hands were groping the curve of my ass, almost like he was soothing the sting.

"Mhm," I mumbled from the crook of Michael's neck.

"Don't think he heard you," Michael cooed, gently nudging me to sit up.

So I did. I pushed myself up on my arms, only to be pulled back further by my ponytail. Then, Ashton's hot breath was on my neck.

"I asked you a question," he growled while his free hand went for the clasp on my bra. "And I expect you to use your words."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, humiliated but so turned on at the same time.

"Yeah, I bet you are." His large hand moved to my stomach, trailing up to grab a breast. "You gonna give my friend here what he came here for?"

"Yes," I replied. "Yes, I want to."

"Good girl. You know what to do."

My ponytail was released so I could look down and undo Michael's jeans. I could feel his eyes on me as I felt his hard cock rubbing between my legs. It was just as thrilling as last time, being watched as I fucked another man.

Ashton helped move my panties to the side as I sat up on my knees. Michael's breathing quickened as he met my core, and we both sighed when I sank down on him. We sat like that for a moment, while Ashton got his mouth on my neck. It was the push I needed to start moving slowly.

But I couldn't do it sitting up straight, as much as I wish I had that talent. I shrugged Ashton away to lean forward, planting my hands down on either side of Michael's body, and I went to town.

"Fuck," Michael breathed out, then he picked his head up to plant his face in my chest. He got his mouth around a nipple, and it set my entire body on fire.

How I wanted to look back and watch Ashton's face. Was he upset that I pushed him away? Was he turned on by my little bursts of boldness? Surely, he had to be getting off on what was happening in front of him.

"Mm," I groaned, as I found the right spot. I went slow at first, enjoying the sensation.

The feeling was fleeting, as always, because someone always had to be in control. Suddenly, I was flying backwards, losing my rhythm as a hand went around my neck.

Yeah, Ashton didn't like being challenged.

"You dirty fucking girl," he growled in my ear. "Did I say you could move? Did I say you could fuck my friend the way you wanted?"

"I'm sorry," I choked out, my hand frantically going for his wrist.

Ashton quickly deflected the movement. "Nope. Michael, grab her hands."

Then, my hands were being held down on Michael's abdomen. His grip was just as tight as Ashton's. I couldn't move at all. I might as well have been tied up.

"Think you can fuck her like this?"

"Fuck yeah."

I whined as I was filled up again, it wasn't as slow or as mind blowing as when I was in control. I couldn't look around to see Michael's face, nor Ashton's. Still, it was hot as fuck, being held down and used, and I wanted more of it. I gave an experimental tug at Michael's grip, just to see.

"Mm, no you don't," he chastised, tugging back twice as hard.

"How cute, you think you can break free," Ashton mumbled in my ear. His free hand reached down to pinch my ass cheek, followed by a harsh spank. "Not here, babygirl. You need to earn it."

I whimpered once again. I didn't even try to wiggle my hips, the only thing I was able to move. Ashton still had his hand on my ass, which meant he was very close to physically restraining me even more. I moaned quietly, while Ashton and Michael were filling up the room with their noises. Ashton wasn't even fucking me, he just got off on restraining me while one of his friends did the fucking.

But I knew, once this part was over, Ashton was going to be insatiable. Just like last time.

"Okay, let her go," he ordered after a while. Then, he took my waist. "Here babygirl, face me."

I was pulsating between my legs as I removed myself. My heart pounded when my eyes met Ashton's once again. He watched me as I grabbed Michael by the base and sank down on him again.

"Michael, hold onto her," my boyfriend said darkly. "And let her fucking have it."

There was no time to breathe, as his cock pounded into me. I let out a loud moan and squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself on the mattress, until Ashton took my hands and placed them on his shoulders.

My eyes opened, and I saw the look on his face change. I could barely process it before he was leaning in to kiss me. It was tender, a complete turn from the harsh front he usually put on in the bedroom. The sudden softness almost made me forget that there was a third person in the room.

"Baby," Ashton mumbled, cupping my face.

His thumb rubbed my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth and gently suckled on the tip. Then, Michael thrusted in a particularly intense way, and I groaned against the digit, almost biting into it.

And just like that, the soft moment was over. Ashton's hand was around my neck again, and Michael was growling as he got closer to his end. He grabbed my ass, nails digging into the flesh while Ashton brought his lips down to my nipples, only driving me more wild. I keened and moaned, my thighs shaking the more I tried to clench them together. My toes curled, feeling the coil in my body tighten every second.

"Fuck, oh fuck," Michael growled. "I'm gonna come…"

"Okay, okay, stop moving," Ashton told him.

Michael stilled and pulled out, his breath heavy and shaky. I felt the same way, except I was not as close to orgasm as he was.

Next thing I knew, I was deepthroating his cock, with Ashton holding the back of my head to make sure I didn't move. I choked around the girth so much that my eyes teared up, I wasn't sure I'd be able to see it through.

But Michael certainly did.

"Oh, oh fuck!" he cried out, his hips moving erratically. He let out long, guttural moans while he spilled down my throat. "Aahh, fuck yeah. Fucking take it all."

I moaned around his cock, trying to lap up what I could. However, once I was let go, I was drooling his cum, and Ashton saw it.

He just scooped up whatever he could with his finger and got back into my mouth. "We'll try that again in a minute."

At first, I thought he meant that I was going to have another go with Michael. Then, I realized my ass was pressed up against Ashton's crotch. He was still rock hard, and only the first half of the night was done.

[kdramacrybaby]

No but I am actually (and irrationally) upset about this drama right now, so I need to get it out of my system

I don’t even know where to start, but like what the hell was that?

This drama started out so cute and innocent with high school drama and what not, and while it wasn’t my fave drama ever, it was decent enough that I would finish - I even made my predictions all cocky like I had figured this whole drama out only for the drama to turn around and go SIKE BITCH YOU THOUGHT!

For 17 episodes it was a normal, coherent high school drama where we followed the young people through a year or so (maybe more idk but point is that time skips were natural and never felt jarring)

But suddenly they decide to start skipping ahead in time by YEARS - and not just once, sometimes they skipped several times in a single episode THAT IS ONLY 20 MIN LONG! They would show a scene, skip a year or two, show a scene, and then SKIP AHEAD A YEAR MORE! SEVERAL TIMES! What kind of writing is that??

I was actually trying to pay some attention but I could not tell you how, when and where the fuck they ended up in the last episode. Hold old are they? How long did any of this take? What even is time at this point?? Sol-i got long hair… that’s basically it. Suddenly we found ourselves in a melodrama idk how it happened?

If they had set the drama up to be sort of fast-paced and skipping around time (maybe done something where we saw the “now” and would sometimes skip to the high school years to explain how they all met or something) that would have made everything so much more coherent. Like… it felt like two completely different dramas - we went straight from Sol-i’s biggest problem being Heon and his moody ass to a hard cut to the future and her getting assaulted by her mentor and Heon losing a patient in the hospital.

- also speaking of the assault we NEVER HEAR ABOUT IT AGAIN (Jin-hwan does sort of accidentally mention it to Heon once but nothing ever comes of that) like what was the point?

And what was up with the drama loving to abuse Dae-sung? Why was the scene with his grandmother necessary? So we could see him suffer just for fun? She was never mentioned before or after that (I’m pretty sure) SO WHY - also was his “career-ending” shoulder injury suddenly just fine again? Didn’t the doctor say “never swim again”?!

I came home from a long week at work, expecting to finish up this cute little love drama or whatever but my mind is blown at how much they just turned it on it’s head and ruined it.

Can we talk about the kiss scenes too? The first two times we see them actually kiss Sol-i is DRUNK! And neither of those times are they actually together. Does she even remember the first time? How is this okay to put in a drama? Is is just me? HOW IS IT ROMANTIC I DONT UNDERSTAND!?

Heon straight up calls Sol-i a loser to her FACE after she was humiliated in front of the entire school, he never apologizes (that last episode video diary is bullshit and Heon propaganda and I refuse to accept it) and she still forgives him. He gets together with her, makes plans to the US WITHOUT TELLING HER AND THEN JUST EXPECTS HER TO FOLLOW ONLY TO *shocked pikachu* when she RIGHTFULLY DUMPS HIS ASS. And then she goes and marries him… no thanks I hate it.

I’m gonna go watch Sh**ting Stars again… I suddenly miss them a lot…

[spideyxchelle]

ok idk if its a little too early for a Halloween themed headcanon but maybe,,,,? MJ dresses up as Spiderman for Halloween (to mock him) Peter not ok™

HALLOWEEN SPIDEYCHELLE. high school group costumes are fun, right?? cool. that’s what we get here.

peter isn’t sure how he’s suddenly a senior. like, it seems like yesterday he was a gangly freshman getting pushed and pulled through the halls like a ragdoll to his next class.

but its official. he’s finishing high school. and senior year peter is way different than freshman year peter.

for starters, he has friends that are more than Ned. he’s got Abe and Cindy and Sally and, sometimes, even Flash. and his best friend circle has expanded, too. instead of Peter and Ned its now Peter, Ned AND MJ.

plus he’s a superhero. which, like, as a freshman wasn’t even conceivable. but he is. he’s THE spider-man. no matter what Falcon and Bucky say. spider-MAN. not spider-BOY. man.

and life is good.

so good that he knows he’s got that entitled, cool senior air about him. and cool seniors do halloween hard. meaning group themes.

they all put it to a vote and Ned is in for Star Wars. MJ vetoes it when Flash leers at her and suggests she be the slave Leia of the group. which peter feels REALLY ashamed of himself for being disappointed about. because, well, just the THOUGHT of MJ in that costume is doing something to his teen boy brain.

Sally wants to do Harry Potter. its generic. they could just be their houses. and its still a theme. but Cindy doesn’t want to be mistaken as Cho Chang because she’s asian. and Ned is having an existential crisis about his house and so he can’t commit to Potter.

then, MJ smirks at Peter across the lunch table and says, “how about the Avengers?” Peter’s face pales and Ned, beside him, chokes on his lunch. no one notices their reactions but he KNOWS MJ doesn’t care. that reaction was all for her. and peter wants to veto it. but the whole group seems hella excited.

Cindy is dying to be Black Widow, Sally wants to be Scarlet Witch, Abe is all for Black Panther, Flash wants to be Thor. even Ned is about this group costume. he shyly admits he wants to be the Hulk. and peter knows its because Doctor Banner is the only guy upstate that ever takes the time to talk to Ned. there is a bit of hero worship there.

but Peter is so anti-Avengers for Halloween he can’t stand it. because if anyone upstate gets a hold of these pictures that’s instant humiliation for the next seven years. literally. which is why he assumes MJ suggests it. because only Ned and MJ know about Spider-man things.

everyone turns to Peter and he shrugs lamely, “I could be Iron-Man?” and MJ snorts, “no way, boy scout. you’re all Cap.” and PETER IS OFFENDED BECAUSE EXCUSE YOU MISS JONES, “I-I am not.” Abe laughs into his hand, “yea, you are, Peter.” Peter blushes, “fine. what are YOU gonna be MJ?” she shrugs, “I dunno..probably Iron-Man.”

and god damn it, he hates her sometimes.

only sometimes. most days her smile gets his insides all fucked up. which should probably be evaluated at some point. but he’s knee deep in denial about his feelings for her. so he’s gonna NOT look too closely at that.

and just before the end of the lunch he remembers, “HEY. why didn’t anyone pick spider-man??” Sally tosses her trash, “because he’s not a real Avenger.”

and y i k e s, that stings. because he is a real Avenger. he fought in the Infinity Stone Wars. HE IS. hmph.

after lunch, MJ seems to sense how upset he is, because she kisses his cheek and tells him to, “get over it grump gus.” and wow that kiss works. which is something he doesn’t wanna deal with atm. MJ. and feelings. nuh uh.

the homecoming game comes and goes and peter and his friends decide to go as a group and senior year feels like its in full swing. so he basically forgets about halloween. because he’s got a shit ton of avenging to do (because he’s a real avengrer. hmph.) and homework is also a thing. so is applying to college. why are college apps, so long?

tony likes to hype peter up, tell him that he’s gonna get in MIT, he’s a straight up genius. but prototype dads are supposed to say nice stuff like that.

and then, somehow, its october 29th and peter is SHOOK. because how the hell did it become halloween so fast? he doesn’t have a costume, he doesn’t have anything together. and halloween is on friday and all of his friends are going dressed up to school and he’s gonna be the one guy that lets them all down.

so, he knows its cheating, but he makes a phone call. Steve answers after three rings. his voice is bright, “Peter, hey kid, how can I help ya?” peter swallows, “hey, uh, steve…..i’m gonna…..look, this is….embarrassing….but can I, uh, borrow one of your uniforms?” he tosses all pride out of the window at that question. steve chuckles, “sure. can I ask why?” peter mumbles, “Halloween.” there is a beat of silence before Steve says, “you’re being me?” Peter nods before he realizes Steve can’t see him, “yea…is that…is that okay?” Steve’s voice is raked with emotion, “yep. i’ll have Sam drop it off. he’s gonna be in Manhattan tomorrow.” “NO!” Peter yelps. the LAST thing he needs is the Falcon reading him to filth over whatever he’s gonna make fun of peter about this time. Sam loves to just give it to peter whenever he can. and its embarrassing. he’s easily embarrassed. he takes a deep breath, trying not to be rude and amends his outburst, “no, that’s, uh, that’s fine.”

real talk? its not fine. when Peter opens his door on the 30th and Sam is standing there with a box and a shit eating grin…Peter almost closes the door. but Sam stops it with a foot in the door. “got your dress up order here, parker.” “okay,” peter rolls his eyes, “get it all out now.” Sam smirks and shakes his head, “nah…..i’m gonna wait. you get all twitchy when you don’t know what’s coming.” “i do not,” peter’s voice breaks. “sure you do,” he smiles and shoves the box in peter’s hands. “see ya.”

and peter is thankful it was short. but then it hits him. it is almost worse. now that he doesn’t know when Sam is gonna tease him about it. so much worse.

but he sucks it up and tries on Steve’s suit.

it’s a little baggy in certain areas. and he has to roll the pants up because he’s short, but it’ll work. he just needs a shield. which he fashions out of some scrap medal he had after a mission. its uneven, barely a circle, but he paints it and it’ll work. again, he’s doing the best he can. and there is a sort of thrill knowing this is one of steve’s ACTUAL suits. which, uh, who else on his friend group can say that?

the next morning, he gets dressed, sweeps his hair off to one side, and goes to school. when he arrives all of his friends look about as put together as he does. it’s a SOLID effort. they’re not the real avengers (well, sort of….peter excluded) but for halloween they look rad.

Ned painted his face green and is wearing some tattered old shorts and a ripped shirt and green sneakers. Flash is wearing a velvet red cape and peter doesn’t want to address the amount of bling on his person, nope. cindy is a kickass black widow even if her costume looks like a recycled catwoman suit. Sally’s scarlet witch is borderline cosplay level impressive. he makes a note to show it to wanda. and Abe’s costume is a piecemeal costume like Ned’s. the whole group will make for some fun pictures.

“holy shit…MJ!” Cindy says looking just behind peter. and he realizes he didn’t see MJ. he turns around and his heart freakin’ stops.

she’s spider-man.

no. not only is she spider-man….she’s wearing his old suit. before he upgraded to the iron-spider, his first high-tech suit. the one he keeps in a locked box in his closet. and….it forms to her body like he knows his suit always does. tight and snug for optimal flexibility.

his first thought is…how the hell did she get his suit out of the case? his second is…..holy hell. what a look.

his jaw must be hanging open. actually open. because Flash snorts and comments, “like something you see, parker?” he blindly throws an arm behind him to nudge Flash. he misses and hits Abe. “sorry, man.”

MJ puts her hands on her hips, which, oh man, he’s going to have a heart attack. teenage boys should not be able to see girls they find attractive in spandex suits. nope.

then she smirks at him because she’s not wearing his mask. he supposes if she wore a high tech mask people would ask some questions. the actual suit part of his suit looks innocuous enough. could be store bought. high quality, but store bought. and so her curly hair tumbles out over her shoulders.

and he has a crazy thought. if he reached forward and touched the spider in the center of his suit, it would fall away from her and pool at her knees.

DAMN IT PARKER KEEP IT TOGETHER.

he shakes his head and, thankfully, the bell rings. so their friend group starts to part. peter catches up to MJ and whispers under his breath, “where’d you get that?” “the password shouldn’t be your birthday, loser.” he groans, “what about iron-man?” “why would I spend money on halloween? I had access to an avenger’s suit.” “my suit.” “details.”

he steps in front of her so she’ll stop walking. and he STARES into her eyes. because he won’t look down. no sir. “i want that back, MJ.” she blows a curl out of her eyes and whispers, “you’re gonna have to take it off, then.”

and his eyes BLOW WIDE. he’s broken. his systems are down. he needs IT. the peter parker is absolutely broken. she laughs and walks away while he reboots.

he tries not to stare at her legs all day. and fails. and, uh, holy crap. her legs are so long. and her ass is also great. does that make him not feminist if he thinks so?? he’s not sure. but it is a great ass.

after school, they gather outside of midtown and get some poor freshman to take their group picture. MJ slides in next to peter and throws an arm around him. while everyone gets situated, she whispers in his ear, “does cap know you have that suit, Parker?” he turns his head and she’s so close their noses accidentally brush. he sputters. “uh, yea.” she rolls her eyes and turns her head back to the camera.

they take, like, a hundred pictures. because Flash wants them to take glamour shots, action shots, he also needs his best side represented. it’s a whole mess.

and in the last shot, MJ turns Peter’s face toward hers and kisses him full on the mouth. when the camera snaps….his eyes are HUGE.

but he doesn’t stop kissing her. like, the picture may be done but he sure as hell isn’t. he turns more squarely into her mouth and sweeps her up off of her feet to kiss her better. in front of all of their friends. outside of the high school. in broad daylight.

she laughs against his lips and wraps her legs around his waist.

when all of their friends realize what’s happening. they immediately start groaning. like WTF GUYS?!?

Ned squees. but he’s excited. he’s been waiting for this.

when MJ is contented to be done kissing, she climbs down and wipes the back of her mouth. “really?” she laughs, “the suit is what did it?”

he blushes beat red. “I like it.” and he knows she can tell that he means he likes her in his clothes. but that’s just between them.

the next year at halloween, with her at Harvard and him at MIT, they go out partying in Cambridge as Han Solo and Leia. not slave leia tho. well, ahem, not slave leia in public. what happens later in her dorm room isn’t anybody’s business, frankly.

[fapangel]

where the fuck does trump thinks he gets off fucking disrespecting australia like that? what a fucking disrespect to our country, talking over our fucking prime minister, refusing to listen to explanations, and then lying about it later. what a fucking cunt. you americans think the world fucking owes you, well it fucking doesn't. we bled for you. we fucking bleed for you on your fucking orders, and this is how you pay us back? you fucking pack of mongrels.

So I read the transcript of Trump’s chat with Turnbull myself, and I didn’t notice Trump “refusing to listen to explanations,” nor did I note him “talking over” your “fucking Prime Minister.” What I did note was Turnbull claiming that the refugees they were arguing about were no security threat, but Australia couldn’t accept them because they had to uphold their political promise - and Trump saying he couldn’t take them because of his political promises. So apparently it’s impossible for Australia/Turnbull to walk back their own “no refugees” ultimatum, but it’s okay for Trump? As Trump said, asking him to betray his #1 campaign promise in his first week in office is asking a hell of a lot. 

“The world owes us?” Turnbull was acting like Trump and America owe him. Furthermore, Trump was perfectly polite at the beginning of the call, and only got upset after Turnbull consistently ignored his point that going back on his promises would be political suicide. Furthermore, I don’t buy his assertion that those refugees are “no problem.” A lot of the problem doesn’t come from “if they’re terrorists,” but from their cultural programming. Turnbull said the refugees were from “Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan.” Iran - much like Syria is (or was) heavily westernized before the Shah was overthrown, but Afghanis and Pakistanis are a different matter - most of the crimes committed by Arab refugees in Europe are being done by Afghans. And given that most refugees from Pakistan are likely to be from the still-chaotic Pakistani-Afghani border, those refugees aren’t much better. And you demand that we take them, when you won’t? As Trump said, just because someone else made a “deal” to do something fucking stupid, doesn’t mean we should honor it. Should we also honor the Iran nuclear deal even as the Iranians are openly flaunting it? Should we stand around while Israel prepares a desperate airstrike on Iranian nuclear facilities, risking further upset in an already high-tension time - perhaps triggering a huge regional war - because we promised? 

And furthermore, this was a private phone call. It was private so both leaders could be direct and frank. Trump didn’t publicly humiliate Turnbull, nor insult him, nor say anything about him in public that hasn’t been positive or polite. He didn’t stroll up to him and cockslap him in public, did he? So what’s your fucking bitchfit about?

“Bleed for us on our orders?” You havin a fuckin giggle, mate? Australia commits its military to joint ops because they align with their interests. Just look at the map of Australian peacekeeping deployments - funny how the vast majority are either in your own backyard, near the South China sea, or bordering the Indian Ocean, isn’t it? You’re also okay with playing world police when you find it beneficial to your interests. And that’s not the first time you’ve dicked about in Africa. Your military alliance with the United States is also for your own benefit, not ours, considering your historical policy of “forward defense.” which you’re currently returning to. Even your Middle Eastern deployments against ISIS further your own interests, as evidenced by the 2,000 Iranian, Pakistani and Afghani refugees that you’re trying to unload on us - to say nothing of ISIS’s presence on Mindanao, in your own backyard. I was unaware that Australia was showing America any great charity or subservience by participating in operations that further your own interests. 

In fact, it’s rather the opposite. By working closely with us you’ve earned the trust required to buy weapons systems from us, like the F-35, letting you wield the most advanced weapons on earth without paying a dime towards the painful and long R&D process. The USAF - just the USAF - is going to buy 1,763 of those jets, so Australia’s purchase of 75 isn’t a big contribution to the pot, you know? You also operate 59 M1A1 Abrams tanks, 54 M777 howitzers, 20 UH-60s, 10 Chinooks, 12 Kiowas, 18 RQ-7s, ScanEagles, M4 carbines with your spec-ops, Barret M82s, LAWs, Javelin ATGMs, 15 P-3 Orions, 3 P-8 Poseidons with 12 more on order, 8 C-17 Globemasters, 12 C-130Js, 6 E-7A Wedgetails (built specifically for an Australian government contract,) 12 EA-18G Growlers, 69 Hornets, 24 Super Hornets - and then there’s the weapons; AIM-9 Sidewinders, AMRAAMs, (Bs and Cs with the latest greatest D model on order,) AGM-158 JASSM’s, AGM-88 HARMs, Harpoons, AGM-154 JSOWS, the full Mark 8X dumb bomb family with the accompanying array of JDAM and Paveway guidance kits for them, and the Small Diameter Bomb. Even your Navy uses our shit - the Adelaide frigates are modified Perry-class frigates and four of them were built in America - and all of your ships use American weapons; Mark 41 VLS systems, Harpoons, 5′’/54 Mk 45 guns, Seahawk helicopters, Mark 48 torpedoes, Mk 46 ASW torpedoes and the SM-2 and the ESSM. Some of that equipment, like the Mk 48 CBASS, are being jointly developed between American and Australian teams, even - which keeps some of that money inside your own economy, enriches your own domestic defense technology industry with experience and knowledge, and gives you a chance to customize the final weapon more towards your own unique operational needs. 

In sum, Australia’s security is heavily supported by your ability to field the best weapons technology on the planet - i.e. American. This isn’t counting the operational benefits of your alliance - being able to exercise and train with US forces, for instance. You don’t just get access to the arms shows, you get access to our intel network via membership in a very exclusive little club of close and trusted allies, to say nothing of access to the “inner circle” of discussion and communication where doctrinal theory is formed, challenged, tested and refined. I’d say Australia has benefited handsomely from your alliance with the United States. 

So where the fuck do you get off acting like we owe you shit? Here’s a news flash for you, chucklefuck - we don’t need you. You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. If that damages your national pride or threatens your e-peen, well, that’s too fucking bad. We’ve got bases in Japan, Okinawa, South Korea and Guam, as well as strong alliances with the Philippines, Singapore, and most if not all of your own regional buddies. We don’t even need you for Five Eyes - we can do just fucking fine without Australia and your zero satellites. The most important thing we have tied to Australia is Pine Gap - the United States appreciates you letting us rent a patch of barren fucking desert in the middle of Fuck-All Nowhere, Australia, but I don’t see why we need to suck your dicks over it. Nor do I see why Trump has to bow and scrape and kiss Turnbull’s ass when Turnbull’s asking him to chug a shit smoothie. Australia’s a strong independent country doesn’t need no America, right? Last time I checked, Australia’s a democracy where your own elected representatives make your own fucking choices, thereby expressing the will of your own people, whom form your own sovereign state. You don’t “bleed on our orders.” You choose to work with us because it benefits you.

So if you really, really think that Trump refusing to expose my countrymen to people your government won’t expose your countrymen to is such a horrific insult, if you really feel that Australia’s owed so much consideration and favor from America for your hitherto uncompensated contributions to our alliance, then you go ahead and vote for an anti-American party next election. See if you don’t get more respect from the French, or the Russians, or whoever you decide to buy your weapons from instead of us. See how well you do against China without America backing up your interests. Go ahead and ditch us, and we’ll see just who gets the most benefit from our relationship. 

Either way, I can’t say that I give a fuck. 

[khalix-hyetology]

9 reasons why

                                                              1

Hi This is Tony Padilla.  

You can adjust whatever sound system or format you are listening this to. And by “you” I think I only mean one person.

Don’t worry Clay.

This isn’t like the first set.

I am not trying to be disrespectful.

I think Hannah gave me the courage to do a lot of things.

Mainly, she made me realise I wanna be honest. Honesty matters but so does the truth.

If she could pour her heart out

I wanna as well

these are the 9 reasons why to...well, you will hear it at the end of the tape. Don’t worry. I am not doing anything.

This won’t be like last time

I chose 9 because of Cloud 9

I wanna get that out of the way because then you will understand that this is about me being happy. I am happy right now.

I am also happy knowing you are hearing these tapes. 

I am happy because I wanna see you after you hear these tapes

I am pretty psyched in a way

I want you to know that talking with you — even when you were upset and angry — made me happy. At times, obviously I was frustrated. I was frustrated when you would glare at me obscenely. When you would drag me into your meltdowns. When you would misconstrue things.

But, you still talked with me. 

I loved that.

That we didn’t necessarily need a communication class.

That we could talk (but communication class probably would have helped a lot too if I could you comments — or, well it did help you elucidate more what you wanted). 

I got angry that you had meltdowns and I could just watch.

That I couldn’t do anything.

I wanted to hug you then

Tell you things would be fine

but truthfully how fucking fine would they be?

I felt your pain too

I just didn’t have panic attacks probably because I felt numbed by it

I went through the motions and did things eagerly as well

but I saw you and realised that I should try to be firmer

because if I lost it then I felt you would seriously just cry

and cry

and seeing you crying too much would just break me

There were times when I just wanted to hold you tightly and let you just bawl down

When we climbed and screamed and yelled I felt happy knowing at least I could do that for you

I wanted to hold your hand then but then again...I had to tell you I was gay afterwards and you seemed surprised

Of course, I loved Hannah. I always will. But she is my friend. I think I loved Hannah more because she meant so much to you as a person and love that I wanted to love her alongside you as well. So, that I could carry the burden of loving her that you carried in some small way.

I thought that would be enough

that was optimistic of me and pretty juvenile

because obviously it was not enough

it could never be

even if she was still around

and she and you were together I think I would love Hannah the same way

but it wouldn’t be enough because it wouldn’t help bridge the gap between you two

you have an inability to not look at broader strokes of the picture

Hannah’s irritability and her so called mood swings happened because she was genuine living in world that valued falsehood

and you didn’t see that

so she would struggle to tell you about it

and you would think she would be doing drama

but, that is why I wanted to love her with you — for you — so that if there were gaps in you life I could fulfil them and make you love better

I wanted you to be happy with her

because that is what you wanted

look at me I said this wouldn’t be like Hannah but I am talking about her

because we talked so much about her

I feel we can only talk about her recently

but that is not really the truth

The truth is that we always can talk about things

when we don’t talk we glare

or watch at each other

we are always exchanging our own languages and getting by

so I think I talked about Hannah and your love for her because it was the easiest way to expreess my first reason

carrying you

carrying you made me happy because it felt empowering and felt also vulnerable

you make me feel paradoxical things

but it make me feel balanced

when I challenged the jocks for you with my car

it felt I was going beyond what queer means labels and just being myself

so carrying you makes me be myself

helping you love is also carrying you

and so reason one to why, in these nine reasons, is carrying you

I always wanna keep on carrying you

                                                               2

This is tape 2.

If you are still here maybe I am doing something right. Also, these aren’t like Hannah’s tapes. There is no precondition to listen to them. There are no penalties. There are no feelings of wrongdoing.

I wanna just say stuff and I hope our friendship is enough to make you listen.

I think you have had enough excitement of a thriller and suspense for like some years to come. I don’t wanna add to that burden.

Remember what I said.

I like carrying your burdens with you.

Be that you being socially awkward or crying about Hannah

I wanna be there for you — be by your side.

I know you wouldn’t mind being by mine

You can get in my car and know I won’t betray you. Well, don’t always let your guard down. Not even around me. You don’t. But you do trust me enough and that’s good. I wouldn’t betray that trust. I will work to at least further it a bit. Not too much.

Because, I don’t want you to lose your edge. Your intimate and primordial nature to be a bit deflective and suspicious. It makes you human and protects you.

I want you to be protected and feel strong in your ability to make fast decisions.

As your friend, I respect you as a human first as well.  

Or, naturally, you are curious and will listen to the tapes. That’s human too. Though, I have seen you with Hannah’s tapes. You are like, well, pretty flighty at times. Though, I think that is only normal. Actually, it is not normal —

Scratch that

It is an idealised form of normal but rare to see

Yeah, people give up, but not always for the right reasons

You, on the other hand, came back, come back

I think that is important — the coming back part.

Well, for some things.

It just is for some things.

Not all things though.

Adults, even teens, don’t know what to leave behind and what to come back for.

You and I have been guilty of it.

So, has Hannah.

Think about how Hannah should have confronted Justin. Or, played a big trick on him.

I would have helped her humiliate him.

I am sure you would too.

I am surprised that Jessica and Alex didn’t even offer.

You know that’s one way of knowing who your real friends are.

It always is. Someone who can’t fucking hold an umbrella under you on a rainy day doesn’t deserve your company.

After all, I never found Jessica to be that attractive. Yeah, she is beautiful. She has great hips, curvaceous sort of bod that doesn’t happen to all women or well look great on everyone, she has long legs and she has a firm ass. She wears great clothes. I gotta say I find her sense of style attractive. I don’t like her personality. I have to say that is why I find her a bit unattractive.

Yeah, I may be gay but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand about people.

Being queer doesn’t mean that I don’t understand people or understand what attractive is for both sexes.

Do I need to trust convention? No. I don’t.

I think I didn’t need Hannah’s tape to know she wasn’t lying.

Jessica seemed insecure. She also seemed jealous of Hannah.

Think of the guys she dated. Both of them are in some way in tangent with Hannah and dissed her in some way. Like, she only could date Alex and Justin. There were so many guys she could date but she dated them. In fact, she ruined the friendship she had with Hannah and what Hannah had with Alex to be with Alex. I would say that is what is being a user is. Not what Hannah’s accusations were.

It was just like a typical cheerleader to feel the need to feel empowered. Like Jocks. I guess in the end Jessica should have been a better friend and better person for herself as well. I think I like Sherri because her personality is better.

Don’t judge Sherri too harshly because well, she is just a kid like us, trying to do the right things but getting stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I think she genuinely loves you and has feelings for you

But like any person, adult or teen, she is not letting her ego take a step back. It happens. Justin did it. Alex did it. Courtney did it. Zach did it. Tyler did. Marcus did it. So, did Jessica. Far greater extent than she did.

So, yeah, those people didn’t easily come back

I will say that Zach and Sherri tried to though —

—    maybe, they were unsuccessful at the moment you approached them but perhaps we are working on it.

All I am saying is that we be a bit kinder to people

From what I learned about from Hannah is that we should try to be kinder

Even if we are not always good on it or successful about it

It’s good to try

You tried

You cared

You made more than necessary effort

I respect you for that

I don’t always respect the actions of people

I am nice to people but I am not stupid or blind

I am not deaf either

My kindness is my choice not my ignorance

Because kindness can explore dimensions that violence can’t

Though aggression has its uses

And not the classical male aggression.

We see what that entails. Justin trying to make a kiss more than it is so that he can feel secure in himself. To be honest, he acted like a slut. It’s almost akin to what we wanna believe sluts do. So, did what Alex did. Sluts are people we condemn for being sexual. In actually, sluts are supposed to be sadomasochistic people who have unhealthy exhibitionism towards trivial points of life.

The fact they are male does not give them this grand pardon to not be sluts. In fact, as gay man I can say that many sluts are male. We just wanna overlook the ugly truth about it.

Yet, you still cared

You understood what was wrong

It took you time

Obviously, I think you get academics perfectly but not well emotions

That’s okay though

We don’t always get it right

Well, guys are told not to get emotions right.

You know that’s wrong

I am recording these tapes and I feel pretty happy letting my emotions out

I may be gay but that doesn’t mean I don’t have to buy to machismo

Being a male means you are fed that crap every single day and it does hurt obviously

I wanted out from it. Being gay as I said doesn’t automatically make you get a get out of jail free card. In fact, I think sometimes it pressurises gay men to act more “masculine” the need to show others they are still male.

After all, think of positions, top and bottom.

Always respect for the top

Bottom pretty much means “woman” or “female” or “feminised” — I don’t think women can ever real be bottoms in the way people fetishize them too.

Their anatomy is well — it’s complex. They have erections too if you know what I mean so…the binary is not well placed.

I am veering away a bit sorry

My bad

It’s just I feel I can talk a lot with you

And maybe you were my tutor you would probably rebuke me like you did Jeff. Tell me to stay on topic. Don’t use run on sentences. Don’t well speculate too much. Structure your essay.

I guess this is a free form essay

Think of it as a form of prosaic poetry

Though not totally that

So, yeah, you care

There is something about that as I said

Being caring and even allowing others to care about you is not easy

But you cared about everyone

Even me

Let me care about you; care for you

I loved that

It made me feel secure in my ability as a male, in my masculinity, but also in my ability to be a confident individual

To know it is okay to care, be cared about, cared for —

You did the same for me

Getting mad at me for beating up others

I know it was you nit-picking

But I can see where it was coming from

You see me with high expectations

Look, guy, I am only human

And that’s the best thing about me

I am no paragon of goodness and kindness

But…I felt you sometimes treat me like that

Like I am this paragon of goodness and kindness

That you have high hopes for me

I feel that I have high hopes for you too

Can we easily say that to everyone

That we have high hopes about them?

That we feel something really awesome about them?

I don’t think we can and you know what? I feel it’s awesome we can have that for each other.

It made feel secure in myself. I am sure it did the same for you as well. To know there is someone, like you, reaching out to you and being reached by me.

It makes sense

It is a bit complex but we should love it like that

People wanna make categories because it’s simple

They wanna be ignorant, apathetic and unaware because it is simple

When I think of you I don’t think simple as in reductionism simple

I think of as simple as a zephyr or a summer morning

Or a spring flower

Simple to look at but also complex to know

I think you feel the same way about me

But don’t know how to say it (God Bless Communication Class am I right?)

But yes, the caring part is important

The kindness part is important

I think being kind and caring is underrated

It’s taken as a sign for stupidity

I think it can be but not always

Being mean and apathetic is also stupidity

It takes a certain form of intuition and intelligence to be kind and caring

And it is not innate.

People believe that many things are innate

They are not

We learned that that being sad and lonely is not innate

Look at Hannah

We can also say the same for jealousy and pettiness

Look at Justin, Alex, Jessica, Courtney, Marcus, Zach, Taylor and even Sherri and you can see that

Look at me commenting on them. That is not innate either. It can be a form of pettiness too.

So, caring about people. Being kind and thoughtful. I think our world of GPAs, colleges and hierarchies have pretty much shifted some of the things we need as human beings.

To be kind and thoughtful to an extent is a life achievement.

I seriously believe that

To an extent, though —

Aggression to an extent is a life achievement too.

You need it you know.

Everything in moderation.

No excess that breeds pathology.

You weren’t kind and thoughtful when you needed to be with Hannah. And, you weren’t aggressively truthful when you needed to be.

Well, neither was Hannah.

Girls need to be aggressive too.

If she was aggressive to Tyler he would have probably realised who he was fucking with. Seriously, you were right — what he did was criminal. Even afterwards, how he fucked up by messing with Courtney and Hannah. Just because Hannah didn’t wanna hang. I wanted to bust his lip. I had the urge trust me. Guys like him piss me off.

We teach girls and women to be kind and thoughtful and boys and men to be aggressive. We created an inequality that no socio-economics can solve because we have put in the bullshit math of it.

So, caring when it’s right. Especially, for a guy. Is important.

Being kind too.

And it matters.

So, the second reason to why is that you care.

Simple and complex

Just like that

                                                              3

Well, this is Tape 3.

I only recorded the A sides of the tapes.

I don’t know why.

I was thinking if you wanted to record anything you could on the B sides.

Even if they are not exactly nice I would get it.

You could even give your version of events or things you experienced.

I mean, my 9 reasons are my own, but — this involves you.

I said we have our own language. I meant it

I am not going back on that and not allowing you to speak will seem disingenuous.

And, you don’t have to give me 9 reasons

You can give me 5 or 4 or none

I will accept the B sides are blank

And it would make sense to me

Because sometimes a good answer is no answer

And, it doesn’t have to construed negatively

It can just be and I will be okay about it

So, what is the third reason to my 9 reasons?

I don’t think I can say this without some history, some context

However, it goes back to our conversation

When I said to you I was gay

I saw you genuinely confused and surprised

Like, that was a possibility you couldn’t think of

That you felt that the only reason I could have been doing so much for Hannah is because I loved her.

Of course, I did. I admitted that in these tapes. But, my love for Hannah is not the love you expected.

I think you genuinely was nervous hearing I was gay

But not for any reasons that was stupid or selfish or bigoted

You just felt, was there any signs that you missed — I could understand

Why do I feel you are always trying to overcompensate for something too?

Straight guys try to act out their straightness

Gay guys too try to act out their gayness

One thing about men, that seems socially acceptable, is that we can act out

It’s not always positive

Think about Hannah’s tapes.

Does any of the acting out mattered in the end?

They all made people look like shits and made Hannah sad and lonely

I think Hannah was wrong. Guys can be assholes and girls can be evil. She probably said this because of betrayal issues. But I think girls can equally be assholes and guys can equally be evil.

I don’t think the acts done by Justin, Tyler, Marcus or even Ryan are any less evil with what Courtney did. In fact, I felt Courtney was put in a bad spot so she acted out. If Montgomery did not come up at her trying to get his threesome maybe Courtney would have stayed quiet and chill. Though, it doesn’t excuse her it gives a context.

This goes back to acting out. Straight men feel they need to have a threesome to show their branded level of straightness. It’s like two girls means more straightness or something. Obviously, if girls wanna do this with two guys they are not considered straight. They are considered slutty or wrong.

Though it is pretty normal for women, queer or otherwise, to enjoy seeing two women have sex or two men. Women aren’t allowed their own sexual range. The two girls’ thing is only acceptable when there is a guy involved. Like being a straight man has to have this rule of threesome, this unwritten rule, but girls wanting similar treatment is denied.

In my opinion, realistically to me, a threesome with two guys and a girl is more compatible than the other model. I just feel a guy may get annoyed in a threesome with two girls, or even disappointed, knowing he can’t keep long at it as the girls. This sort of problem may not happen with two guys and a girl.

Yet, girls who cannot express this desire because of social quirks is obviously for sexism or misogyny. Males fear women’s sexuality a lot because there is a lot to female sexuality. I may be gay but I am not uninformed Clay. I like to read up on the other sex too. It is good to know about different sexes and genders.

Anyways, males do not necessarily fear queer males. They may dislike them but because it is male sexuality they seem open to it. As if, slightly, they understand it, the allure of it and all. I think they picture it as such.

Males fear queer women but they definitely don’t like female sexuality and fear even straight females. Female dissatisfaction usually runs on these things.

Female sexuality, or sexuality in general, is not always about acting out.

It never has been.

We just used the labels because they were easy

You once said to Hannah that girls may not make lists like boys.

You were wrong

Girls may use the oral tradition to pass on what they feel

They don’t always need written evidence because we live in a slut shaming, hypocritical world but it happens.

But, Hannah did make a list of people who have hurt her

Think about it Clay

She eloquently made a list and she felt better

So, the need to make such lists, to act out as such, is also a female thing as a male one

We just don’t want to look it at this way

I talk about female sexuality, about acting out, about threesomes, because it comes also to a queer context and history I wish to share with you

You were confused on being gay

Frankly, so was I

I like with my Dad who is pretty traditional and I said simple. My Mom pretty much is too. They love each other but you can see some orthodox notions of life even in your parents. I think my Dad knows I am gay and hasn’t really said much because I am not well you know the gay stereotype. I help with cars. Beat up guys who mess with my sis.

In other ways, I ascribe to what hetero males do and are supposed to do

So, you being in the not know made me realise that it took some time for me to realise I was gay

Though my first kiss was when I was around 10 and it was with a boy

Many people have different stories. To them some of their first kisses are with people of opposite sex or same sex but the first kiss doesn’t always determine anything about their sexuality. I was lucky mine helped a bit.

I remember kissing this boy from our neighbourhood and we both really enjoyed it and made it a bit of habit for like three or four years. The thing is he is pretty straight. He got a bit mad later on when he wanted to stop and I didn’t necessarily but we are chill. And, he is happy, secretly, that I was his first kiss.

The thing is for him this was just growing up and moving on to the mainstay of his affection for the ladies. For me this was who I was, right? I kissed a girl too, once. People who wanna continue on kissing the opposite sex will eventually know. Me, I am just happy kissing Brad now. When I say, I am gay I don’t use it as this label in a way that Ryan would.

You see this is the reason Ryan and I are not friends.

Ryan is pretty intelligent but he is also emotionally detached and mean. There is a classic form of cruelty in him. I despise that in him. Like, a lot.

But, when you desire men, as you Clay, who desire women, sometimes you overlook things because you are young and stupid. I overlooked Ryan’s meanness because I craved sex like you may overlook somethings to move on in life. I wasn’t proud of desiring Ryan. But, I think we all have, to an extent, that person. It just happens because we are lonely and frustrated.

Think about me as a gay man navigating the High School. And, in some ways not having the “gay vibes” of Ryan Shaver. Pretty understandable on why it would be a problem — obviously, just sex doesn’t really work. Ryan and I are not alike. We aren’t each other kismesis either. We don’t work well together. He is a sensationalist and I am an emotionally pragmatic person.

You know Ryan would be better with that lousy rat of a fuck Tyler Down. I wouldn’t say he would be totally antithetical to that prospect. Maybe, staying with each other would give both of them a commentary on how fucked they are and pretty much learn to behave.

So, Clay.

I am giving you a history of acting out and not acting out

The secret lines to sexuality

About me

You didn’t think I wasn’t gay because of my ability to be myself

It made me feel a bit happy

It’s nice to be me

Not be gay guy Tony

Just me

And you gave me that by not guessing my sexuality

Made me feel happy that I could have a default

That my default was queer and it was a part of me like your sexuality is your essential part too but we were not making it a sensational thing. A spectacle. It existed. But so did the other sides of me.

When I said, we could talk in languages I meant this. That you saw other sides of me.

I was able to show off that side when I challenged the jocks with my car. Two of them. Just me and my muscle, and muscle car.

It must have dented their heterosexist minds that me, a queer man, could challenge them as such. You helped me further pushing out the labels related to being gay. They knew that too. By making me fight for you, I was also fighting for myself.

It is a great feeling.

I don’t think everyone can have that

I don’t think everyone knows that they may need it

Context matters. So, does the history.

We can rewrite or make a new history. We can also reshape future contexts to an extent.

We have that power even if it is liminal it need not be limited.

So, yes, kissing guys and acting out. And, then not doing anything.

But, you didn’t act out either

I am thankful you didn’t

That you didn’t feel that well, you needed to act out

What I mean is when you felt I loved Hannah romantically

You didn’t necessarily hate me for it

You saw it as normal and pretty unjaded.

This is not how you saw the others

You thought there were shortcomings in their love or affections.

Obviously, there was

There was obviously something wrong with them

In the sense, how they were like to Hannah

Even as people they haven’t learned to be responsible or understand their flaws

Maybe, they will get there

Hopefully, we will see some day

I am not hopeful about the rapist though. That jock will probably rot in jail. What he did was not a mistake. It was a something he actually lived by. For him there was no consent aside his own. When I knew what that bitch did I wanted to kill him.

I may be male but rape is something you can understand can happen to anyone. Even a male. Knowing that rape will happen to anyone because of things they can’t control and of people they meet they can’t control. It hurts.

Just that, you did not seem to hate me for loving Hannah. Obviously, I did love her. She was my friend. I loved her intensely as you. But not romantically as you. For a long time, however, you were okay with me loving her as romantically as you. As if I was okay enough to love her. Something tells me if Hannah dated me you wouldn’t be angry that I was dating her and that you wouldn’t get upset over it as much as the Justin Foley thing.

I feel it’s just how you viewed me. As I mentioned once. A paragon of kindness and wisdom. It seemed you were okay if Hannah dated me because you felt I would treat her with love.

You seemed to have valued my love

And then you didn’t think I was gay

When I said it, it was like ‘Wow, Tony is gay, he doesn’t look like or feel gay’

But you accepted it and wanted to apologise for any misunderstandings between Brad and me. Hoping that nothing happened with Brad and me so that you will feel guiltier.

It was kinda nice to know you didn’t think I was gay for I felt that you just didn’t make it a big issue. You accepted it with loads of sincerity. Like, any other sincere thing.

So, you have this innocence.

Your mind is still open and you find being open to things beyond labels to be good.

I can’t say that for many people

We have a bad habit, as a species, to categorise things. It sometimes works but it also fails a lot.

You didn’t categorise me.

You just took me as you did

And for that I Thank You

So, without much delay

This is reason number 3

Your innocence to labels

And, there are more, we have to get to 9, don’t we?

Yeah, I know I do

[sherrybaby14]

Negan’s Lost and Found Part 3

Summary:  You return to The Sanctuary.  Don’t have to read the first two, but if you want to they’re here Part 1 and Part 2 

Words:  2500 (shorter than the other 2!) 

Warnings:  Kinky, exhibitionist, NSFW, Smut

Question:  New to Tumblr,  can someone please explain Negan’s Thirst Squad???  Also, still want to write at least 2 more sections, so if anyone has a request let me know! 

@marauderice

@negansmutweek

@negans-network

@kellyn1604

@megandrawsspace

Your world feels like it is in a fog.  Negan is still buried inside of you and his fingers are dancing on your most sensitive spot.  The constant attention alternates between pain and unwanted pleasure, blurring the line between the two.  You’ve lost count of how many orgasms you’ve had and are unsure if they count as separate or just an elongated single spiral.  

                 At some point you’ve done a 180 and are now facing him with your face buried in his neck. You’re griping on to his leather jacket so tight it surprises you he hasn’t knocked your hands away for fear of ruining the thing.  Negan presses harder and another shudder goes through your body, you can’t even tell if it’s a new orgasm or a spike in the pleasure.  As soon as it passes the raw pain returns and you let out another sob.

                 Things seem to have stilled and there is a slight ringing in your ears.  Negan pulls his hands away from your body and you let out a strange gasp, grateful and at the same time upset he stopped.  

 Hesitantly you lift your head and see that you’re at The Sanctuary. It looks bigger than you remember, with more people on the outside grounds too.  The idea of anyone seeing you in this state makes your face burn and you bury your head back into Negan’s shoulder.

                 The front door of the car opens and you imagine Dwight has jumped out, leaving the two of you alone.  You don’t dare move without instructions.  

                 “I’m sure Dwight is about to have the best fist pumping session of his life.”  Negan laughs. He grips the back of your hair and pulls, making you face him. “Why did I punish you?”

               “I came after you told me not to.” The words are shaky, and tears are still running down your face.

                 “Good girl.” Negan smiles. “Did you enjoy your punishment?”

                 Your lips starts to tremble and you pause, unsure if he wants a yes or the truth.  Then the fact that the truth is yes dawns on you and you flood with humiliation.  Negan’s cock pulses inside of you, reminding you how turned on he gets to see you so submissive.  

                 “There’s nothing wrong with being who you are Y/N.” He tugs your hair harder. “I hope you didn’t forget that during your time away.”

                 “Yes,” you whisper.

                 “Yes what?” Negan is not smiling.

                 “Yes I enjoyed my punishment.”  Your clit throbs at the admission, but it is so oversensitive the result is more pain than pleasure.  

                 “God I missed you.”  Negan lets go of your hair and kisses your forehead hard.  

                 You’ve missed him too, but saying so will anger him more, since you’re the one who left.  You’re so tired, with puffy red eyes, stinking of sex, with messed up hair in a crumpled dress shirt.  Having Negan’s dick still inside you reminds you you’re probably not going to be taking a nap yet.  

                 “I hate to see you cry, but when this is the cause it makes you look fucking gorgeous.” Negan wipes a tear away.  “You look like a fucking sex kitten and it is making it very difficult to not roll you over and ram into your repeatedly for the rest of eternity.”

                 His words make your body shake and you can’t help but buck your hips forward, sending a burning sensation through your core. Before you can do it again his hands are on your sides.

                 “We’re not finished darling.”  He undoes one of the buttons on your shirt, not enough to see your chest, but enough to draw more attention to your neck. “I have to punish you for something else.  What would that be?”

                 “Running away.” Even though you’re scared you don’t want to drag this out any longer than it has to be.  

                 “That’s right.”  Negan pulsed inside of you again, making you wince with want and discomfort. “Normally when someone runs away from me they get the iron or a post on the fence.”

                 You knew about the fence, it was always his idea to surround this place with the undead, but you didn’t know what the iron meant.  

                 “That was before your time.” Negan smacked you ass, making you lean forward against him.  “Trust me when I say you don’t want that either.”

                 “Please don’t.” You try and push yourself closer towards him.

                 “Well you are my Queen, so I can give you some special treatment.”  Negan ran his hands through your hair, loosening it and making it crazier. “But I have to show the subjects that the King is still in charge.”  

                 “You are.”  You nod your head against his chest.  

                 He makes a fist in your hair and pulls your head up.  

                 “Do you want to be my good girl again?”  His eyes bear into yours.

                 “Yes.” You start to tear up at the thought that you’re not his good girl right now.

                 “Then no complaints, keep your head up and show your face. Wrap yourself around me tight and don’t hold back, no matter what.” Negan nods his head.  

                 You repeat the gesture, right now wanting nothing more than to please him.  You don’t even try and guess what he is talking about.  His hand is on the door handle and you realize he is not going to take you off his cock.  You start to scramble to pull yourself off of him but he pauses and puts his hand on your hip, holding you in place.

                 “Y/N.”  Negan’s voice is calm. “This is part of your punishment.  If you act out or don’t take it properly I am going to be forced to prove myself to these people and you will like that option far less than this. Do not question my decisions.”

                 All these strangers are about to see you, half naked, sexed up, and filled with cock.  You can’t think an iron would be worse than this and struggle a little. Your struggle does nothing since Negan is holding you in place, except make his pole feel longer and harder inside of you.  

                 “Get this out of your system now.”  Negan’s voice has a wicked tone. “You know you deserve this. Be my good girl and take your penance.”  

                 You take a few breaths to calm down, missing the orgasmic haze that vanished.  Negan reaches out and places his hand over your heart.  He flexes his muscles and you open your mouth with a light moan as he moves slightly deeper in you.  You don’t understand how, but you’re still craving sex with the man even after the car ride.  

                 Before you can object again he grabs the door handle and steps out of the car.  You wrap your legs around him, both holding his pants up and forcing yourself down on his cock.  Your arms are wrapped around his neck and his hands are on your butt.  The shirt you have on is long enough you start to think maybe people won’t realize that he is inside you.  Every step he takes makes his cock rub against your inside and you start to squirm.  Your channel is feeling neglected and you start to grow wetter.

                 “I knew you were going to enjoy this you dirty girl.” Negan squeezes your ass. “Remember, I want everyone to see your face.”

                 It takes a lot of self-control, but as you approach the first group of people you do not hide in his shoulder in shame. The first group you walk passed drops to their knees.  You squirm against Negan, not wanting them at this angle,  if any of them look up there will be no doubt he is stuffing you with his cock in public.

                 “You’re definitely enjoying this too much.” Negan pulls one hand away and then brings it back with a SMACK.

                 The people on their knees looks up as you bounce upwards on him.  You see the shock in their eyes and have never felt like more of a slut.  Negan squeezes the cheek he just spanked and you let out a whine.  He continues passed the group and opens the door to The Sanctuary.  It feels like all eyes are on you as every person you pass drops to the floor. Negan does not say a word and you wish you could hide from the looks of the people you pass.

                 Some of them are looking at you with pity which only makes you want to lower your face more, but even as your chin trembles you don’t dare defy Negan.  You need to escape the eyes on you and start to retreat into your own head.  His warning repeats itself:

                 “This is part of your punishment.  If you act out or don’t take it properly I am going to be forced to prove myself to these people and you will like that option far less than this.  Do not question my decisions.”

                 You imagine bucking yourself off of him and running.  He would catch you in no time and pin you to the floor in front of whoever was around. You imagine him ripping away your shirt and fucking you in front of the entire Sanctuary.  You would want to struggle to get away, but you’ve been such a bad girl you know you deserve it.  

                 The fantasy makes a moan escape your lips and you grow even wetter.  You start to work your muscles against his cock, wanting to feel some friction against your g-spot.  

                 “Maybe I need to re-think this as a punishment doll.” Negan lets out a laugh.

                 Another wave of humiliation washes over you and you start to dip your head to hide from the faces.  

                 “I wouldn’t do that.”  Negan reminds you.

                 With a shake you raise your face.  You know what he wants.  These people to understand he has complete domination over you.  Your messed up hair, your tear stained face, the obvious scent of arousal pouring off of you, your purple neck, and of course, the fact that you are stuffed with his cock.  Your breath starts to increase, because he is absolutely right. He is dominating you, and you want that more than anything else in the world.  

                 You’re getting so turned on again that it’s hard not to rock your hips against him.  Given the position you’re in you actually have more control than he does. You start with small movements as he climbs the stairs, hoping he doesn’t notice.

                 “Easy baby.” Negan’s voice has a slight shake. “We’re almost to the room.”

                 You let out a whimper, hoping that he increases the speed.  A heat is working its way through your body.  You feel your nipples harden and clit throb.  You can’t stand the feeling of having him still inside you.  You want him moving in and out and any other way he pleases as long as it’s creating a reaction in your body.  The flush passes and another moan breaks free.

                 “I should have rethought this.” Negan starts to walk faster. “I think I’m punishing myself just as bad.”

                 Your back slams against something and Negan’s mouth is on yours.  It’s the first kiss you’ve had since you left him.  His lips are more perfect than you remember.  You open your mouth greedily letting his tongue probe yours.  You pull yourself closer to him and can’t believe you would ever give this up.  

                 The wall behind your back moves and you realize it was the door to his room.  He breaks the kiss and throws you on the bed.  For the first time in at least half an hour his cock is not inside you and you feel so empty it almost hurts.  

                 “Don’t worry baby.” Negan leans over you and grabs your shirt.  

 With both hands he yanks it open, sending little buttons flying all over his room.  You quickly strip the garment off and he is on top of you again.  His mouth finds yours in an instant.  There is no hesitation as he slides right inside your soaking wet pussy.   You let out a gasp, unsure how he can feel so large after having been inside you for so long.  He wastes no time hammering in and out of you and you throw your head back.

                 “Please, can I cum?”  You’re not even sure that you’re forming the words properly.  

                 You’re barely doing anything as Negan continues to flex his hips in and out of you.  You bring your hands up and hate that he still has his clothes on.   Knowing that you’re completely naked and he is not only reminds you of how much control he has over you and it feels like the intensity of his pumps has increased.

                 “Please?”  You know if he says no you won’t, not after that car ride, but right now you don’t want to think about that, you just want the pleasure only he can give you.

                 “Cum,” Negan says between grunts. “Y/N cum right now for me.  I want to see your face.”

                 With his permission your whole body erupts in pleasure.  You close your eyes and throw your head back.  No moans or whimpers escape your throat because you’re pretty sure you’re not taking in any air at the moment.  A black haze starts to settle over your vision and nothing but euphoria is working its way through your body.  

                 “Y/N.”  Even with the movement you can feel Negan blow inside of you.  

                 The sensation elongates what you’re already feeling, the need to know that you are making Negan happy is too great and this type of acknowledgment makes your glow with pride.  He starts to slow down his thrusts and you’re both breathing heavy. You know you’re spent and are surprised the orgasm didn’t make you lose consciousness.  

               As your body goes limp Negan doesn’t pull out of you, instead he grabs you and rolls over, pulling you against his chest.  

                 You lay sprawled out on top of him, knowing that he is softening and will pull out soon you decided to enjoy the fullness while you can.  Tiny tremors move around your limbs and the sore and raw feeling is starting to return.

                 Negan places his arm around your back and kisses the top of your head.

                 “Don’t worry Y/N.  You will be my good girl again soon.”

                 His comment reassures you.  You want that more than anything. You belong to Negan, you always have, running away didn’t change that.  You allow no logic into your brain and refuse to think of anything else. You will prove to Negan you are his good girl at any cost.  It is your last thought before  sleep takes you under.

[fendergirl87-blog]

Biography of a women with PTSD and bi polar

The child's short-term response to abuse: For instance, an elevated heart rate post-abuse has been documented as increasing the likelihood that the victim will be later suffer from PTSD.

When aspen was 6 years old, Back when her and her twin sister still shared a room, one of her earliest childhood memories were sitting on her bedroom floor Being so confused and lost about her existence. She didn't understand why she was alive.

Tho her child was full of heart felt memories with her siblings and grandparents, but her own parents hardly played a part in that picture.

Her mom as emotionally unavailable. And her dad was physical and emotionally abusive. And not the little kind. He had spurts of anger that became physical and verbal attacks. Only to apologize for it shortly after or sometimes not. You never knew when it would happen. One of the first memories- being 6 years old running down the hallway, with my dad kicking her ass with his logging boot because they were running late.

His control was humiliating.

Being drug out to the car in the middle of church to be spanked and punished for being to rambunctious. As aspen got older the abused got worse and her mother turned a blind eye. When aspen was 9 she got in trouble for pulling razor blades off of pencil sharpeners and collecting them. She never hurt herself but her and her friend Leif would make pretend weapons with them. Not knowing how dangerous they were. She caught the attention of her teacher and was sent to the principal.

Aspen started going to art therapy because of it. she made cool crafts and drank soda with the art teacher. The only thing that she remembers about them talking about was about how her brother ran away and that she would never see him again.

The abuse of aspens father worsened by age. By 11 or 12 it became her fathers constant behavior. His moods worsened, his rules were stricter, and his physical abuse more prominent. My families denial worsened too. She was viewed as disrespectful, mouthy, and moody.

The blur of memories, the constant walking on egg shells and the rebellion of aspen worsened with age.

When aspens dad got mean and started to yell, didn't even have to say a word and he would either slap her across the face or her would threatened and belittle her.

He flew off the handle and the drop of a hat. It was a cycle.

I was walking in egg shells, trying to keep, the peace then it would happen. He would freak out. He would slap me across the face, pin me to the ground. punch me. Shove me. Threaten to break my bones.

The it would be over. Sometimes he would act like I asked for it. And that it was my fault for being disrespectful. And sometimes he say that he was proud of me for standing up for myself. Then everything would be ok for awhile. He would be kind and nice. But it only last for a little while.

The it would happen again. Sometimes not for a few days. Sometimes not for a week. But it always happened.

Over and over.

The fist fights the screaming. The name calling. The constant belittlment. And my constantly feeling of feeling bad started.

The first time aspen cut herself wasn't because of her father. Aspen started sexually experimenting with boys at 12 when she had her first boyfriend. It all started innocent like a first kiss but then she let her boyfriend do things to her. She like the attention. The worse time was probably when they were in band class together and they were sitting behind the piano. Off to the side of the room while the music teacher lead the class. Her boyfriend stuck his down her pants right in the middle of class. No one could tell with them both sitting behind a piano and her with a guitar in her lap. It didn't last for a few seconds. It was several minutes.

This groping thing became a new thing with aspens bf. they didn't see each other outside of school so they didn't have sex yet. They dated for a year.

I can't remember why we broke up tho. All this can remember is everything time aspen tried to break up with him he would say that he was going to hurt himself and finally after the 8th time of finally trying to break up with him she did. And he cut himself over it. Bad. Really bad. And that's where Aspen's battle with self harm started. She was 14 now. Interested in a new boy. One that like the things that she liked and was even in the school band with her. She started sneeking see him. He didn't live very far away.

The last time that she snuck out to see him she got naked for the first time in front of a boy. It all felt very awkward and uncomfortable. They didn't have sex but he touched her and tried to finger her. It felt painful and dry. Something like off a porno. Luckily she was able to make up an excuse to go home.

She really liked this boy but he didnt hardly talk to her except when he was horny. It broke her heart to feel so abandoned and unwanted.

That's when it happened. She was in the bathroom with a pair of scissors. She was so upset over this boy that she decided to try cutting herself. It something her ex bf did.

The panic feeling, the unbearable pain, the kind that makes your heart hurt and you can't breathe, well it all went away when she opened the scissors up and used one blade slice her forearm.

It was like everything went away.

The physical pain was so overpowering that I couldn't feel the heart ache. I could see and feel was the blood pouring. And it felt relieving.

Start cut more more as the fights got worse. My mother, she was never there for me she would go in the other roomand pretend to make cookies or she heard my dad screaming and hurting me. I cut the escape. I cut because it hurt too bad. I cut too feel numb.

It's not like I didn't have religion in my life I did have a big support system but I could never believe in God like everybody else and never spoke to me it never came I pushed and pushed it was never there. But neither was my identity.

At an early age i began to seek comfort in women, mostly people that were close to me or related to me. My mom did show me affection. She would hardly even hug me. She wouldn't talk to me about the hard stuff. She wouldn't talk to me at all. I found abandonment in the person that was suppose to protect and nurture me. So I improvised, a lot of my friends were older. My 7th grade teacher was one of my best friends and helped me through a really hard time in my life.

i thought it was obsession.wantiing to be close to them, seeking the comfort i was missing in my life from my own mom. My 4th grade teacher was the first person than i went to to seek comfort and love. She was an identical twin too, so she made it a point to always talk to me. One day, i found myself in the girl bathroom. I was only 9 at the time, i remembering pulling my sweatshirt hood over my head and feeling so alone but seeking comfort. The kind that they confuse with borderline personality disorder,

It didnt make sense. How all these feeling stuck with me. they never went away, all i every felt way alone. When i was in middle school,Ms shanahan became the person i went to for comfort, i even kept in contact with her until shortly after highschool. I cant explain our relationship. she was my teacher but she also felt like a person that no matter i could go to. So i did, and middle school was the best years. full of memories and support. When i entered highschool. Shas still there but not completely. I was withdrawn, Everything hurt too bad, I searched for the closeness that i could never reach. I nurturing and protectence.

how could i be surrounded by people and feel this way,

i never told anyone about these feelings. the obessiveness. To me it was just me, creepy and uncomfortable, well thats atleast how i felt.

I went through highschool. With near perfect grades and with a lot of athletic activities. I was involved in band and played the guitar which was a way to help me cope. But most of the time. The hurt was so bad, I could hardly breathe with my head above water. In 9th grade my heart started to race and my blood pressure was high all of the time. I remember getti a physical exam, which was required to compete in volleyball and the doctor that examined me pulled me in a room with us and asked me a million different times and in a million different ways if I was using illegal drugs like meth because my heart rate and blood pressure was so elevated. When I was in the 9th grade. My doctor put my on a high blood pressure medicine that is meant for old people and I was on a a hearty dose of Zoloft. All I ever wanted to be was numb.

Highschool was probably the worst time in my life and parts of it are really hard to remember. I was barely keeping myself alive between the extreme physically abuse of my father and the emtional burder that I had been carrying my whole life of never really feeling whole as a person. With all the broke and missing feelings. I kept myself alive by staying numb. And I began to start cutting alot. My left forarm became the main spot that I would cut myself that I would wear long sleeves to cover it up. Everything is such a blur.

I began pto feel differently. My attraction to women began to surface more clearly and I began to become interested in some of the girls in my school.

The cuts started small. But I began to cut everytime I became stressed. Then I became psychotic. It was anything to calm me down. To stop the overwhelming and feelings. The hatred towards myself started to build. I was trying to be a good daughter a good Mormon. While subconsciously dealing with a fight with my sexuality that I didn't realize until years later. I hated the way I looked even tho I was thin and muscular had great boobs.but all I ever felt inside for myself extreme disappointment and hatred. I cut to numb the pain of never feeling good enough. Never being a good enough person for the Mormon religion . Fighting feelings of attraction towards women. It was really confusing because I hadn't thought of myself as being born a lesbian. Things that like didn't happen in the Mormon faith. It didn't exist.

I felt different. Out of place. Days where I was struggling to survive. I've always wondered if it was this hard for everyone else? I never opened up to anyone. I had no close friends but mutal friends in chior. There was no one my age where I could tell anything to. I was stuck inside my walls. Inside my shell. The one person who I considered a special person that has greatly impacted my life was my techer mrs noland. She was my English teacher starting in the 9th grade. She was a person I clung to because of her nurturing personality. The things i lacked. She has become a very important person in my life because she was the only one there when I had absolutely no one. The only one for several years. When I was 10 or 11th grade. I took her poetry class and it became a way for me too write my feelings down inside. All the nasty thougts. It's kind of parculiar though because when I was in highschool I kept a huge binder of my poems in it. And some pretty detailed graphic ones about my fathers abused and magically I haven't been able to find that binder for years. It's like my parents found it and through it away because they didn't want anyone to know. There was things written in there that were so descriptive, it went into the wrong hands. I wish I could just read it. The proof of child hood abused leading to life time problems like complex ptsd.

To be continued.