#it's just. that appointment at the bank really wasn't fun

[morningmask27]

honestly, I'd want all my problems to be beaten out of me. i'm genuinely feeling like shit, but I have to keep going until i've finished my one class of the day, then i'll be allowed to crash.

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo...Sunday. Yeah, this is a lot later than I really wanted it to be. Friday kind of really sucked and was frustrating for a lot of reasons and it carried over well into when I'm typing this.

Chronic illness sucks.

It wasn't just chronic illness of course. It was some system error with the bank that led to me being like two hours late for a doctor's appointment. But it became my illness as soon as I got back from my really fun trip. And I hate that those good times get ruined.

I hate how I /dwell/ on it for so long, but it weighs on me so much that it just can't not. And then other stressful things happen and it all culminates in a time I enjoyed no longer being so as it cascades through my life.

And it's dumb, but I felt 'guilty' for not having done this sooner? So much so that it just made it so this happened further than it could have, which just made me feel even worse.

This isn't the first time it's happened either of course.

But it is the first time where it took me /this/ long to finally do the fun thing I enjoy doing. And that sucks.

And I think it will keep sucking, so long as it keeps happening and I do nothing about it. Lots of things interfere with my life.

Being able to deal with them is very important. So for now on...I think I'll start going on these trips earlier in the week. Like on Wednesday or Thursday perhaps. And then give myself a whole day to decompress and write up these adventures I have on Friday.

I think it would be better for me to manage my time in that way. I feel sort of dumb for not thinking to do so earlier, but now that I have it is something I will do going forward.

I cannot avoid stressful things forever. How I deal with them matters.

And so does not turning things that aren't stressful—things that have been alleviating my stress—into something that is. These trips and the little journal I make out of them (And stories. Sorry I haven't written one in awhile) are for fun. They should stay that way.

I will be going back to this region of my city next week. It's old and has a lot of history. In fact, this bar is VERY 'old style'. It's filled with a lot of history and taking a closer look at it would be fun.

And that's the important thing. Having fun with this. More than anything turning going outside like this—something that is still filling me with anxiety—into something fun helps me so much.

And everything after is fun too. When I'm not all up in my head about it.

So with all of that out of the way, I might go back and retroactively write some stories (Like of this trip) and post them somewhere. Because a lot of these are really funny and I want to. And it's as simple as that.

I love you all, I hope you have a great day!

[aelaer]

🔫

Another whump icon prompt filled! And this is the last of my pre-written fics before my first poll, so now I *have* to work on figuring out how to write Loki...

Also a fill for @badthingshappenbingo! The bad thing happening to the protagonist is pretty light, *but* it's still a not-terribly-fun thing, so I figure it works out.

I was trying to write something else for this for ages (read: almost 3 years), but it never came out the way I wanted it to, and I still had this ancient prompt to fill so I figured I'd try not to make a huge story out of it and just do some writing exercises to get back into it. And the normal stuff wasn't working so I flipped the angst on its head to something a bit more BAMFy. Still a bad thing happening though. 

The MacGuffin here is pretty simple but hey, it works.

Lightning Before The Thunder Rating: Gen No pairings

On occasion, Doctor Strange still had to do mundane, normal-people things. He still needed to buy food and even magic wasn't quite as effective as the dry cleaners two blocks away for his suit, whenever he needed to wear it for whatever occasion presented itself.

Today it was the bank. The New York Sanctum still sat in the city it was named after, which meant that every year property taxes were due. And sometime between the Blip and now, the automatic payment to the city on the Sanctum's bank account stopped going through despite nothing changing, which meant Stephen had to go talk to someone to get it fixed. He figured it'd be easier to do it in person than try to navigate the menus in the bank's phone system and never ending hold times that characterized every customer service center after the Blip.

Despite his rather unfortunate infamy that came with his involvement with the Infinity Stones and the last battle against Thanos, he wasn't recognized nearly as often as, say, Tony Stark or Steve Rogers once were. In casual wear people rarely recognized him, and it was only once he gave his name that recognition lit up in stranger's eyes. He was thankful for the relative anonymity.

Stephen wasn't sure if said anonymity was a blessing or a curse when four armed robbers stormed the bank five minutes into his appointment. On one hand, they may have shot him for it if they thought he was a threat.

On the other hand, maybe that would have meant that the security guard wouldn't have been shot.

Each second of calculation felt like a minute. He could go immediately on the offensive and attack them, but their guns were pointed at clerks and patrons as they shouted for everyone to get down. They had already shot someone and the man was bleeding heavily.

He had a life to save first. He needed to play doctor—and hostage—before he could do anything else.

Stephen crawled to the security guard even as the robbers shouted orders across the building. He shed his outer shirt and pressed it against the security guard's bleeding shoulder. When he cried out in pain, one of the gunmen turned to him. 

"The fuck you doing? Get on the ground!" He turned the barrel at him. 

"I'm a doctor," Stephen said, voice even. He'd certainly faced worse, though he was really regretting not bringing the Cloak with him. "Let me help him."

The man hesitated, but another spoke up as he addressed the majority of the people by the counters. "Stay on the fucking ground and y'all live, right? Just stay there. No phones!"

That seemed to be enough for the gunman focused on Stephen. "Stay there," he ordered.

Stephen complied. Underneath his blood-soaked dress shirt he silently applied subtle healing magic to constrict blood flow from the wound, the glow barely going through the cloth. The security guard frowned at what would have been an unusual, warm feeling.

"What…"

"I'm a doctor," Stephen repeated. The blood flow was slowing down. He glanced over his shoulder to gauge the situation. Once he heard sirens outside and the gunmen were separated, he could act.

The security guard winced. "Is it—supposed to feel like that?" He glanced at his shoulder with a grimace that twisted into a confused frown as he caught some of the glow from underneath Stephen's shirt. "What the—"

"My name," he cut him off, words soft yet sharp, "is Doctor Stephen Strange. Do you understand?"

The man's eyes lit up in recognition. His gaze went beyond him to the action in the background. "Can you—can you help—"

"Everything will be fine," Stephen reassured him. "Just concentrate on breathing."

"Hey! No talking!" It seemed one of the robbers noticed their whispers. Stephen glanced up to see a gun being waved in his general direction, which was more annoying than frightening if he was to be entirely honest. Then again, his line of work had rather desensitized him, perhaps to a rather alarming degree. He wouldn't be able to get a shield out fast enough to stop a bullet.

Hmm. Were there spells out there that could? Probably. It was physical damage, so those that held against that may hold up.

His silence seemed to appease the gunman enough to get him to back off—or maybe it was the sirens finally at the building. Good. It would take a couple minutes for them to set up a perimeter, then he would act.

Stephen's chance came soon enough. The gunmen were split now with only two in the main foyer, and one of the two was wandering to the far end of the room to peek down the halls. Great.

He moved the security guard's hand to his wounded shoulder. "Press as hard as you can," he muttered. When the man did so, Stephen slipped his sling ring out of his pocket.

The first gunman was out in a blink. With one gesture Stephen tore the gun from the man's hands, scattering it to the other side of the bank. In the next the man fell through a portal that deposited him on the stairs of the building outside with barely a second to shout.

Still, his buddy heard the brief commotion, which worked perfectly for Stephen. He came from around the corner at a quick walk. "Jerry?"

That gunman suffered the same fate as Jerry. 

The bank employees and clients were staring at him now, naturally. With the other two robbers in the back room, Stephen felt it was safe enough for him to stand without anyone else getting hurt.

"Stay there," he told the other hostages. "I'll be right back." He strolled his way into the back where the other two robbers were.

They weren't even facing him when he approached. Disarming them and placing a portal under them almost felt like cheating. So it wasn't even two minutes later that Stephen was back in the front of the building. "All four of them have been deposited outside," he said to the person that looked like she was a manager. "Call the authorities and let them know it's only civilians within the building now, and that we need an ambulance." 

At her startled nod, he went back to the wounded security guard to see how he was holding up. "Medics will be here soon," he told him. "You'll be just fine."

"Thank—thank you."

"Don't mention it."

As he heard the front doors open a few minutes later, Stephen realized that he probably couldn't just slip away as he would have preferred to after giving the paramedics a summary. The civilians would definitely point his way, which meant he'd have to talk to the police.

Ugh. There went the rest of his day.

[lauryn-order]

You are not the worst for having life happen and losing an ask for a couple of days. I am the last person right now who's going to judge for Life happening it's just how it goes sometimes.

I do have some more updates apparently it is really weird to get diagnosed with MS as fast as I did cuz like it was under 3 weeks overall which is low-key really terrifying just because and not terrifying necessarily in a bad way but terrifying because like I don't know how to explain why because just that it is.

But I've ended up with optical neuritis in both eyes in under a month, and I'm hopefully going to start medication within the next month or so which should help prevent symptoms from popping up, I really hope it does because it's not fun. I'm not allowed back at work via doctor's orders until at least the end of August which is going to be a little rough for us cuz I was the main source of income for our household but we'll manage, we've got a good support network that can be a safety net if need be. And we've been real on top of talking to like the bank and stuff about "hey payments might be a little wonky for a bit cuz work isn't happening because you know it's kind of dangerous to work with heavy machinery when you can't see what the fuck you're doing." Though I definitely didn't phrase it that way while we were talking to the bank. 🤣

But even with how overwhelming and how much everything has been and the fact that I am bored out of my mind because I'm one of those people who just goes constantly and I can't do that anymore, at least not right now. I think we're going to be okay, I think it's going to be okay in the end. it'll take a while but I'll get there, I started therapy Monday which I like her all right so far it's only been one appointment but yeah I think I'll be okay.

I really hope that things start looking up for you soon as well I'm sorry that things have been so rough for you lately sending hugs and best wishes 💖

That's crazy you got it diagnosed so quickly, but I'm so glad you did and that it wasn't drawn out. I'm also glad your doctors are taking it seriously and listening to your symptoms instead of just blowing you off so it takes longer.

I'm so sorry about your eyes! That sounds awful! And I'm sorry to hear about your work/income. Trust me, I know how awful it is to not be able to work. I'm thankful you have a support system and SO proud of you for staying on top of everything. With everything you have going on, it would be so understandable to not be on the ball, but you're doing it and that's so fucking badass.

I hope your therapy goes well! It's hard to tell after just one appointment, but it's a good sign that it was a positive vibe so far so my fingers are crossed that it keeps getting even better as you develop a rapport.

I love your positive attitude and outlook and you are an absolute inspiration. Keep being you, little rockstar! You've got this.

[pbandjesse]

Welp James got hit by another vehicle. Thankfully this time they were just a bit banged up. But Jesus Christ. I am so upset. Their bike is a little bent up and the person didn't even say sorry. They doored them and knocked them down. And honestly it could have been so much worse!! I hate that this happened again. My heart hurts so much because I am so worried for my husband.

Today wasn't a bad day before this though. I was just tired. I got to sleep a little longer which helped me feel a little more out together.

I got dressed and had a bagel. I felt pretty positive for the day.

I left here and went to the museum. I got there a little early to load in the leftover boxes from from outreach yesterday. A man in the parking lot told me he liked my bird collection, referring to my molcars. And he laughed when I told him they were actually hamsters.

It was a good day though. I was training the new Jess. And we had a city builder program and a neighborhood tour. And we ended up with an excellent teacher who had a great handle on the kids.

So it made it really easy. And I really had fun with them. They were 2nd graders, which is the oldest that do these programs (and the youngest that will do a regular tour and cannery) so you never know where they are going to be at. But they were awesome. We did finish each program a little early but that was fine. We would look around the galleries and they were sweet kids.

They were just a little embarrassed to wear the costumes. But I think they got into it by the end. They loved buying things and spending tokens and getting paid at their little jobs. It was super cute.

The bank actually went super well. I didn't need the extra time I built in. So once I got everyone finished their bank books and collected their costumes I took them to the car to play and take pictures.

We had about 10 minutes there. So me and Jess went and reset the galleries and got the costumes. And by then it was time to go to lunch.

During lunch I had the dumplings I brought and reset the costumes. Got everything on hangers. I started getting a little lightheaded so I would sit down and take a break.

And then it was time to take them to the movies. I grabbed my crochet to take to the front desk, gave them a five minute warning and went to make sure the dvd was working.

Someone turned off the DVD player which was annoying but James fixed it and everything was fine.

I dropped them off at the theater and sat with James and crocheted. They went to heat up their lunch. I helped a few guests. Found out that our event person doesn't like when we answer any questions about events. Which is ridiculous because they aren't even in this building 80% of the time so what would you like us to do? It's the polite thing to try to help guests, and like yeah if I don't know I'll direct them to you but if you aren't answering your phone you don't get to be mad. Whatever. I honestly don't care if they are mad I just think it's wild that that is something they are mad about.

I enjoyed sitting with James though. And once the video was over I got the kids to their coats and on the bus. It was nice to be done.

I had to call my rheumatologist because they had called me. They had to reschedule my appointment to Thursday. Not shocking I thought it was weird they were making appointments for MLK day.

And I made plans with Callie to have a late lunch tomorrow. I was feeling good.

But I was very tired. I would reset the rest of the costumes that got used today. And then went to sit with James until I could leave.

I decided to go walk around the second chance, the big furniture thrift store.

And I had fun looking but man we're the prices outrageous. Some stuff was normal. $20 or $30 bookshelves. A few I considered but decided not to get in the end. But some stuff that didn't need to be was hundreds of dollars!! Like at one point I found a dirty bean bag chair for $200???? I was so confused.

There were a few things I was seriously considering. One was a beautiful painted dresser but if it was tomorrow it would be a reasonable price (because every few weeks the ticket price drops) and so I decided it wasn't meant to be. Maybe if I go back next week and it's still there.

I got very very tired all of a sudden. And I really wanted to be home.

So I did just that. I went home and I curled up on the couch. I worked on my crochet. I would finish 5 squares today. I read a little. I made an early dinner of oven fries and veggie chicken nuggets. Our oven was not working well and I was getting frustrated but it was fine in the end and eating made me feel better.

When James got home they were really angry and upset. Half way home a driver doored them. Knocked them down. Bent their handlebars. Broke their phone mount. And they didn't even say sorry. I wish they got their info but they were to shaken up. Worried about their collarbone. Which thankfully seems fine. They say their wrist and elbow and hip hurt. Their emotions probably hurt the most. It's scary and I am so frustrated that it has happened again.

James was really upset though and so they went for a walk to cool down. And I tried not to cry. When James got home I just held them on the couch for a long time.

We would hang out. Work on our own stuff. I got in bed. Watched videos. Tried to just be calm.

I just got a shower and me and James have been talking and trying to process. The scary feelings. I am just really worried for them you know?

But now we will sleep. Tomorrow James has the engineering event at the museum. They are going to try to see if the bike shop can help the bend in their bike handle and realign their tires. And I have my second workshop at the national guard. I am nervous but this project was super popular this summer so I have high hopes.

I am trying to not be super upset but it is hard. Send us some good vibes. Be safe and watch out for bikers.

Goodnight everyone. Sleep good.

[thatonepunkkid]

Back to school stress, stress, and more stress | Punkie's Diary

Tomorrow I'm going back to school. Today is my last day of reading week and I'm really sad about that. Mainly because my reading week sucked. I didn't get time to relax at all.

This whole week was just work for me. The only "fun" part about it was recording some of my own things without worrying about noise complaints. That was the best part. Everything else on the other hand? Trips to the bank that ended with nothing, dentist appointments, trips to the orthodontics, which by the way, I unfortunately have braces on again. Yeah. So that freaking sucks. And I don't even have a break after this. This was my last break of the year. Now everything else is just school work and preparing for my recital, which I originally wasn't shitting my pants over, but now that I have braces on my face I'm kinda worried. I tried singing my set with these on and it did not go great. And sure, they're fresh and I'm not used to them fully yet, but it's not a great confidence booster when you have a recital coming up in less than two months now and you have something on your teeth that makes it hard to sing.

I can't eat much right now because it hurts to chew, I've been on a diet of soup and sunny-side-up eggs and rice. That's it. I haven't been getting a lot of comfort these past few days. Everything just feels like a total drag and I do not feel rested at all. If anything I just feel more stressed.

It just sucks, yknow? Like I was so looking forward to just sleeping in and finally feel like I could take a breather for once, but then so many things happened this week and I feel burnt out. Like I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted and I'm so freaking tired. My mouth hurts from the pressure the braces put on my teeth, and I'm generally not really happy. I really hope this feeling will change but overall I'm just really disappointed with how this "break" turned out.

[intolerancecare]

Employee Grade

Grading is company based right? Employment and appointment are greatly affected by preference. What I don't like is for my capability to be equated or to be deemed less than their preferences. That's why I am nagging them of their incapabilities and laziness. Lack of initiative. See... who would respect me? I make mistake that's true, because I was obliged to do so many different things. It was difficult to revert.

We were all still banking at the student level of capacity when we worked, meaning most of us are new in the field. My reference of capability would be closest to student achievements. Supervisor? really?

Mine would be validated by Carissa. If Tim yap's, theory my family and my barkada (group of friends). And my colleagues from my first job.

They left me because the only thing that I know is right? Right, they don't understand the leftist trainer. At least I'm a trainer the others are neither right nor left.

I told this to a zup before, she asked me if my work is fun. I said I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. Just thinking Go figure. I had a different team, when they started leaving, I searched for the Job description again. Just imagine my yes, extreme anger after knowing that there is a JD in my files. I don't remember receiving and I know that it wasn't the JD that I knew. I tried to stay at the training department a few times. The answer is always no. Only when they summon. But the officer does not have a system. No ICT. A proof that he has created a training plan. Materials, tools. He only had a programme for tours. Applicable for visitors only. Not customized for new joiners. Quality? Where? delivering the ICT sent by the brand? I was a participant. Who had it next? 10 folds of staff can join that training maybe I'm wrong, if it's for the supervisor level, two batches maybe. Why once only? Same as the company? The trainings there are not brand base. They are assessment, CS, Selling, training, supervisory and managerial training. Participants can be chosen randomly. And most of them are repeated right? Quality? better than us in the till? I saw his performance rating 100. How many times did he try? not sure if once or twice. Yes, the doubtful me will say twice. You know what's the issue? He jumped off at us. the trainers and the Amb. With lack of experience the quality lies on his talent. Output would be for the experienced. The position that he got is for experienced trainer. If not, he is just our secretary. Who is his boss? just Imagine my alarm whenever I see a new part timer on the floor. Not oriented or maybe they did but what was told to them? Anything impromptu is informal. How to formalize? Visual aids. Without that we are just like ordinary employees asked to passed info to their colleagues. They don't want to validate us? I am also not satisfied with my performance. But what to do yani? I was busy working on the floor then he'll call me to meet a trainee. How can you change character in split seconds? Because this is a routine? of who? The CS? The Zup? The SA? The Trainer? The Training officer? The Internal Customer? Even the labor management task has been part of my job. I am a nuisance? Can you compare my performance on my first 6 months or 1 year to your preferences? First 3 months can be too. I am very particular with my performance. My skepticism arises from the fact that I really have a high standard. Something that at times hard for me to do. What to do? I've been with smart people. Kindly remove my trainees.

I failed during my first hosting stint at the brand's first promotional campaign? I was waiting for a programme. What comes next after introducing the roles? Someone can take over the stage if it was plainly my stupidity. Mina delivered it better? He spoke in their language. He probably talked 5 minutes longer than I did. That's it. What happened next? Nothing. Did they forget that my audience were kids with special needs? How can there be interaction when a song was not even prepared to be played, so some can sing along and the mascots can dance. I took the bullet. Sorry, you might know this, but this is my most infamous mistake if you'll remove what happened after I left.

You've seen what happened when I organized a program right? I hosted. I briefed Kuya Antonio and he briefed Amiedel. I think we even write it down. The script was easy because it was a parody of a popular show. The plan was executed. I had a small glitch with the content, but I think it's permissible or to simply describe, It happens.

You didn't watch right? You should have seen the reaction of the devil. Such insensitivity. He is effing skill less compared to me. That reaction was claiming territory, right? to what? Anything that is not his. Not even belittling me, he has no right.

Choosing templates and slides, sound effects, animation, programme...

First 3 months, my mileages if I need to be compared. H&M really? ates and kuyas?

I was wrong for not directly asking for a certificate.

Only one per family? So, I am really bound to be a dependent? Do you know that Philippines is greatly influenced by America? Worse, poverty line here is bigger. We don't have inheritance.

BTW did somebody gave away paperless copy of scripts? One of my delusions.

[rainbowbarnacle]

Mmh, so, it's been a little while, I thought I'd do a little catchup post for the past couple years.

Good Things:

Still in a LDR with @mercurialmalcontent. Hi, darling, I love your whole face.

Bea is 10 as of this year and continues to be terrifying and adorable and terrifyingly adorable.

She did have some vet incidents this year--along with her check-up, she had to get her teeth cleaned. If you've never had a cat's teeth cleaned before, this means she had to get konked out, and oh boy she wasn't happy with me when she woke back up again, but all is well. It turns out she really likes the dental chicken treats!

Also at some point my poor baby got an ingrown toenail. It was easily fixable, at least, and they gave her a cute sheep bandage that matched her eyes:

But all that aside, my murderpuff has a clean bill of health, and thanks to some savings, it didn't entirely gouge my bank.

I have been gleefully absorbing myself in various shows here and there. The Owl House and Our Flag Means Death and What We Do in the Shadows are the most recent fandomy things. I had a lot of fun with The Witcher! (although I still need to catch up on season 2) Luka played Witcher 3 at some point and wow that game is amazing--the stories, the graphics, the music, the monsters, the voice acting, all of it A+++. Still glomming my eyeballs all over One Piece and Mob Psycho and Heaven's Design Team.

I've also been catching up on horror movies! These are often things I avoided like the plague because when I was little I used to think that if I watched things like The Exorcist or Scream or Hellraiser or Evil Dead, MY SENSITIVE SUGARSPUN SOUL WOULD BE TRAUMATIZED FOREVER, but I am continually surprised at how good these stories end up being. I even managed to get through Poltergeist, which I hadn't seen since my mother made me watch it when I was nine. Lots of women helping each other, and familial love, and all kinds of really interesting themes mixed in with it that I was too traumatized to really notice when I was a wee kidlet trying not to bodily expire at the sight of that FREAKIN CLOWN DOLL

As for videogames, I primarily live in FFXIV these days. (I still dip a toe in Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, The Secret World, and Minecraft sometimes though.) The Shadowbringer and Endwalker expansions absolutely blew me away, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

I have been devouring lots of comics. Current favorites include: Kill Six Billion Demons, Everything is Fine, Unsounded, The Sea in You, Sink Your Hookteeth, Castle Swimmer, Shot & Chaser, Path to Timbala, Solivaga, Mias and Elle, and Feral Gentry. Got any recommendations? GIMMIE. :D

Things are mostly uneventful on the writing front. Still writing, still editing people's projects, but mostly I'm just sort of over here in my little corner chipping away at a few original stories as well as a pile of fics for ao3. It's slow going, but it's going.

Crappy Things:

I got a type 2 diabetes diagnosis sometime in May of 2019. I've been handling it pretty okay--my a1c is down to 5.8 as of my last doctor appointment! It's also been a weirdly fun opportunity to learn some new recipes and figure out how low glycemic foods work, so there's that.

I'm still struggling with CFS. Bleeeeh. No huge changes there--big wonky weather changes still make me feel like god is personally wadding me up into a ball, post-exertional malaise continues to be pretty miserable. I do my best to move around when I can--I even got a tiny exercise bike for when it's too icy/humid/miserable for walking, and this also means that if I feel like I'm overdoing it I can just stop instead of having to stagger all the way back home.

Still estranged from 99% of my relatives. No big changes there--I talk to my grandma about once a week, but that's about it.

Still struggling with mental health stuff--deperession, anxiety, PTSD, bad dreams, all that stuff. The one good thing about crappy brainweather is that I can kind of wait it out and something will change, though, so I've just kind of been taking it a day at a time.

I've been pretty freakin' lucky with COVID-19. I've had all my shots, and I'm continuing to mask up and handwash and all that stuff.

Sooo, that's what I've been up to mostly! :D Is that everything? I think that's everything.

Oh, we've also been having some rad thunderstorms:

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

So I broke 2 molars about a month back. (Shout out to Indie the Chaos Demon's fat head.) I went to an emergency dentist because my jaw swelled & I could barely talk. The first dentist I saw there was a prick who was really condescending about the fact that these needed root canals & crowns ages ago, basically indicating that it's my own fault they broke. Then he saw my cane & said "What's that for? Are you under the care of a doctor?" Well yeah I just got done telling you about a genetic condition I have that fucks up my bones so I think that answers both questions here. I flat told him I couldn't afford the work & just need them extracted. He sneered & refused. The techs & office/billing ladies who had chit chatted with me before my exam were aware of my situation (genetic condition ruins structural integrity of teeth & left me disabled raising a kid on a little more than $900 a month). They came in to give me the info the doctor told them to, then got close to me & whispered that they were sending some antibiotics to my pharmacy & the other provider would be in the next day, so call in the morning & come in. (It's worth noting that I'm always very clearly embarrassed about the state of my teeth due to all those factors & am very upfront & apologetic about the whole thing with anyone involved. Sucks since I take immaculate care of them.)

The other provider with them was AMAZING. He looked at my xrays & chart & the notes about the situation at hand. Super lovely & understanding. However, after 8 cartridges of local anesthetic I still wasn't numb, aside from a little of my lip/cheek (which wore off within an hour). He was extremely apologetic about not being able to get it done & referred me to an oral surgeon. Bonus: he said the words "after looking at your medical history, I'd probably guess that the EDS is messing up how you're effected by lidocaine." What's annoying is that 3 years ago I had a crumbling molar removed & 2 hrs of them drilling infected jawbone out with just lidocaine so... that's fucking dumb.

The oral surgeon couldn't see me in the office closest until a week from today, so I set that up because with the antibiotics it didn't really hurt if I was careful.

Then yesterday Bailey got upset & hit me in the jaw with her fat paws. I've slept 2 hours, but not consecutively, had ice on my face since about midnight, and am genuinely wondering if I can just rip them out myself & what the consequences of that would be. So I called to see if they had any sooner appointments at literally any fucking office. At 130 pm I will be going under to get these taken from my head since apparently lidocaine doesn't work properly anymore.

Super fun fact: all of this is being financed via the bank of dad (which I hate doing) but overall cost is lower than I expected given that I need to be put under.

and AND 2 days after I initially scheduled with the oral surgeon, the back molar on the other side crumbled. It's missing the entire back half, but getting it out at the same time is an extra $525 that I just don't have the ability to conjure from any source right now. So this is just my life now. My teeth constantly breaking & me scrambling to sort it out. I also have a few front ones that are getting... sketch

[heulevescant]

Okay as someone who's gotten their name changed in America You Need To Get Social Security Switched First!!!!!!

This typically involves filling out a form and mailing it in with your ID and a copy of your court order for your name change (important!!! Order multiple official copies when you have the first opportunity!!) You might be able to schedule an appointment so you won't need to mail things in but I wasn't able to do so when I changed my name.

While you're waiting on social security to get updated start emailing/calling places you have accounts to. Have a PetSmart account? Call them. Library? Bring in a copy of the court order. I've found emailing a lot of places will get my name changed over pretty easily.

Do you have a hair salon you go to? Change it. Do Not Worry About Your Doctor's Office Yet!!!!!!! If possible change things that don't require official documentation but go through the mail! You will probably need this later for the DMV!

Once you get the updated card from social security that's when the real fun starts. First get things updated for your ID/License with the DMV. Check what your state requires. I had to bring a piece of mail with my updated name, my birth certificate (I didn't get this changed over so idk about that process) and the court order.

You really want an updated ID for a lot of the next steps. You can usually update your work's HR with just the updated social security card. IF YOU GET YOUR BENEFITS THROUGH YOUR WORK THEY WILL CHANGE THINGS OVER ON YOUR INSURANCE. YOU MAY NEED TO REQUEST AN UPDATED INSURANCE CARD. Once things are changed in your insurance you can change things over with the doctors offices (usually they're nice and let you change it with the updated ID and court order) but you super need things to be updated with insurance first!!!

Honestly with Paypal and stuff along that line it's a lot of sending copies of documents in, the bank is super easy to change things over with. You'll probably have to pester the credit agencies to update things.

But yea, focus on Social Security first, change the things that don't need updated social then do DMV and your work

things to update after a legal name change!

Social security card

Driver’s license

Passport

Birth certificate

Employer HR

Bank account

Credit card company

Car insurance

Health insurance

Utilities

Cell phone account

Voter registration

Your school

Professional organizations (for nursing, bar, teaching, etc.)

Doctor’s office & other health specialists

TV & internet

Paypal

*Please add to this list if you can think of anything else!!!

[booksloth91]

Day 72 10/16/18

Tuesday

Mon Amour stayed home again. I had a hard time getting up because I didn't feel good. I went to work though.

Work was fine, it was really exciting at the beginning because I was on the hunt for a check with my boss, then it was a few easier tasks. I know I was getting sick because I was a little dazed at my desk, and trying to figure out what to do next when my boss asked me if I was okay. I told I think I am getting sick. He was joking sort of "no, don't get sick". I told him I would try not to and went home a couple minutes early.

When I got home I felt terrible. Mon Amour said I looked terrible. I started coughing more, my throat hurt, I had a fever, and I hurt. I cried trying to get out of my leggings and into pjs.

Mon Amour fixed up the couch, I ate leftovers of my Chinese food. I also had a glass of orange juice. Mon Amour played Skyrim, he also did clean-up chores. It was really great of him to do all that. I am so thankful to him, he does so much, and it means so much.

The Kid went to school and came back. Mon Amour was feeling beeter than me.

He and the Kid went to the bank to cash the Kid's birthday money and go to a psych appointment.

I mostly stayed on the couch. I did some nonprofit research for my friend who was looking for ethics and best practice and other information and sent it to her.

Another research project was not as fun. I am still not sure how I feel but my feelings did get hurt.

One of the guys in my DND group had an idea for a Southern Gothic campaign set in the deep South with all the magical races and everything. He considered setting it in Lousianna, which is all well and good until he brought up Vodou. He wanted to use it as part of the campaign, and the introduction.

I made a point of saying, that's not a really good idea, it's a form of appropriation. Vodou gets a bad rep, has struggles being seen as legitimate and gets sensationalized in media, including rpgs, it might be best to avoid usong that in your game, and can be seen as disrespectful.

I did say this in group chat, and the guy in question is white bread white.

The weird thing was the others being upset by my mentioning it. Or stating that this could be disrespectful to a living religion. Saying things like "it's just a game", or "I am religious too, but..." Or the "historical accuracy" arguments.And others telling me to chill, when I was being pretty chill. I wasn't attacking I was literally just stating that Vodou is a living religion and to use it in an rpg for ambiance is a form,of appropriation and not cool to do. Or my favorite that came from someone "Isn’t it up to these groups what they are and aren’t ok with this or not? If we care that much, it’s not ok to just assume that this isn’t ok with people who practice this". This statement here is super offensive. 1. I am a part of a witchcraft religion and find this to be super disrespectful to another Craft religion. 2. I know Vodou practitioners and they would find this offensive. 3. I am a religious studies major and I studied religious theory and polytheistic religions including indigenous and know that Vodou is a closed religion. 4. You are saying that out of respect, you don't want to assume what you are doing is disrespectful, because you want these groups to speak for themselves. This is a super convoluted thought and the logic is so twisted so that you doing the thing you want to do isn't disrespectful (even when it is), it smacks of white priveldge and ignorance. And super NOT COOL. 5. Its appropriation without my credentials and is still super not cool.

The DM stepped in on the chat but I did feel ganged up on. The group has been presented as rather open minded and rather progressive. This conversation made me really uncomfortable.

For the record, our DM used Wicca as part of her game, it wasn't done to add ambience or exoticism. In the world we are playing in there is a whole city-state that Wicca is the major religion. Which is cool. She wanted us to be arriving at the city during a major festival, Spring Equinox. She wanted to be respectful. She reached out to me and asked how Ostara is celebrated, asked about the holiday. And she and I talked in detail and at length about what it would look like and what would be legitimate and not sensationalism. I even found DND deities that might be worshipped at that time of year by the magical folks in that world. How a city wide festival might look. She did not describe a ritual but she described an altar accurately, and described what would be used in decorations accurately. And did so with respect, showing what it would look like in a dystopian world that Wicca became a majority religion. Part of the reason, she asked me if it would be okay in the first place as a person who has knowledge and practices if it would be okay to use it, and she took the time to listen to me about the holiday and incorporated the beliefs into the game without making it an exotic big deal.

The guy with the Vodou idea, was not doing any of this and was quite rude when presented with the information.

After Superwoman DM stepped into the conversation, I sent her why I was saying what I was saying, I wasn't angry, I was just perturbed. I wanted my acquaintance to not be a disrespectful person. She suggested I tell him what Ibtold her in the way I told her.

I sent him in detail why I was concerned and why I chose to approach him. He had the gall to say he will make a decision once he has consulted "official resources". I still wanting to be helpful offered him a resource list I had, because I have read quite a lot about Vodou, and wanted to give him non-sensationalist and accurate academic resources. He was a jerk, but I sent them to him anyway.

I am still upset and feeling uncomfortable with what happened.

Mon Amour came home from taking the Kid to the Kid's mom, and doctor's appointment.

Mon Amour said the doctor thinks the Kid could use more structure. He told me I should feel vindicated and gave me a little time to be so. I took the moment to say "I told you so." I was mostly joking. However, I have been saying structure is needed for 3 years.

After, we talked a bit about some of the ways Mon Amour wants to introduce structure. I asked how the Kid was going to buy in or follow the rules. I want to know how the rules will be kept consistent, because inconsistency with rules makes them useless. We also discussed negative consequences, he feels it's too late to introduce them, I am worried about the struggle the Kid will have if he doesn't learn to negotiate them before he enters the adult world. Mon Amour said he wasn't sure and asked to not talk about these things right now, as the conversation wasn't going where he thought it would. I agreed. And we changed the subject.

We chatted about some other things like the evening's plan and about a gym membership, and what Mon Amour wants to do with theatre right now. We also talked about his taking better self-care Him time.

We had a knock on the door for a campaigner for the November ballot. And not long after Sunshine came over, Mon Amour gave her the cupcakes that we had for her and her sister. It was good to see her, Mon Amour qalked Sunshine to her car, and came back in.

We talked a few more minutes about desires for the house, and his decision on Theatre for the time being. And about adjusting the schedule.

After we were done talking we snuggled on the couch and watched more Hilda. The Kid came home while Mon Amour was getting food (leftovers) for us to eat.

The Kid was wanting to share things about his gecko, and food supply, and wanted Mon Amour's attention and was grumpy when reminded that it was date night. Mon Amour and I ate and cuddled and watched more Hilda, the Kid interrupted a couple times after being told it was date night. I paused the show, but was frustrated by the interruption, because the Kid had been told this is our date night. It wasn't very respectful of him. I try really hard not to interrupt his time one on one with his dad, it feels like he doesn't even think or consider before walking in interrupting, and expecting us to listen to him when Mon Amour and I are having one on one time. I wish he wouldn't act so rudely.

Anyway, Mon Amour and I did very much enjoy watching Hilda. He is just as delighted with the show as I am. We both really like the music, and the art style. Representation in the show is also fantastic. We talked about what we really liked.

After Hilda, Mon Amour read me Winnie The Pooh A.A. Milne. We read Piglet Sees A Heffalump. It is always nice to have Mon Amour read aloud. I like Pooh Bear when I am feeling sick.

After, Mon Amour helped the Kid with ordering items with birthday money, and went to the grocery store for bunny food. He finished up a couple chores again of which I am so grateful. I fed the bunnies, and got ready for bed.

Mon Amour gave me sexual touch before bed at my request and I was very satisfied. I was totally ready for sleep.

He got into bed, and we fell asleep snuggled close.

I had dreams last night. They were dreams where I was upset. I was a teenager? Early 20s? again, and I was going somewhere,with my mom and friends. I think an Island off the coast of Greece. We were having a good time but Mom and I argued, I had a cold in the dream, my HPS also showed in the dream and asked for essential oils for a cold, I said lavender and lemon. It then changed to a boarding school? And I was a teen? but the boy I was sitting next to was being a sexist jerk, and had assaulted me. I was angry and yelling. The dream changed again but I was still upset. Gracie cat was there, but then she went missing?

I woke up with the alarms, the dreams didn't make a lot of sense.

[pbandjesse]

I'm feeling kind of low tonight. The bruise on my leg has spread and become one giant bruise. So I had to call the doctor. I actually did it on the app and spoke to a nurse. And send a picture. And they told me to call. And I did. And they said I should come in. So I'm going to the doctor on Thursday. Everyone is very excited. Because they've been telling me all day today and all day yesterday to go to the doctor and I was being stubborn. Mostly I was being scared. But it's getting too bad.

Honestly I just feel very tired. Today was a long day. I slept okay last night and I woke up what's my alarm. I got dressed and had a bowl of cereal. And then I went to the museum. I was a couple minutes early and check the tour route. It was kind of a annoying day because the schools were early and that through off the tour is and then no one seemed to know where people were supposed to be and I was listening to my manager and other people weren't it was a whole thing. I don't know why everything got so confused but it was fine. Just obnoxious to kind of have to Vamp when there's that many tours happening.

But I survived. I collected more of the cardboard squares from upstairs and put them in a box and jam to the box in my bike basket and went to the bus.

While I was on the bus I got to do a survey from the Metro about how the service is. And I told them that my biggest complaint is sometimes three buses will come all next to each other. And what should happen when the buses but up against each other like that is that everyone should get off the other two boxes onto one. The other two buses should wait. And then get themselves back on schedule. Because right now they're not running on any schedule at all it seems and even the app doesn't know when they're coming. That's ridiculous.

Then I got to school only a couple of minutes late. It was all good. I had my pizza that I picked up at 7-Eleven and went to find Chelsea. We talked about what we were going to do that day and made some plans. It was all good. We were both kind of sad that we're not going to Six Flags on Friday anymore but it'll still be a fun day with the little kids.

In general today was a good day. We got our students and it was a small class. Everybody came upstairs and got right into their working. We went outside it's beautiful. Al is brought these very strange four wheeled skates that were wheeled in the front, two 9n the sides, and one in the back. But like me she felt that the basketball court was the safest and flattest place that she could do it. So I rode around on my skateboard and she worked on her roller skates. And it was a lot of fun.

We had dinner and cleaned up and then Chelsea went to the classroom to kind of set up stations for art making. The boys worked on mosaics. Specifically they wanted to make tiny laptops. Which was very cute. Damien made a puppet. Couple of the girls worked on mosaics again with the stones and the beads. Everyone was so excited about how many squares I brought. Literally a thousand. And then Dallas was running a marbling paper station.

I had never marble paper before. So I told Dow she was going to be in charge of this project. And it first that was fine. They each had containers they put Smokes on that use the shaving cream and food coloring to create patterns and then there's paper in it. But then about a half way through the class they all just started making foam color. That's fine. Make some sensory art. I don't care. What a dick Carol was when they started pouring it into each other's containers. Because then it started getting on the floor. And then start getting on all of them. Somehow they used an entire gallon of paint. She was wild how much paint they use. It didn't go horribly but it was a huge mess at the end and I kept telling Dallas that this was her project and so she was responsible. And she kept saying but it wasn't me. And I kept trying to explain to her that even if it wasn't her she was responsible because it was her project. So she got them off and she mop the ground. China helped. And everyone work together as best we could but it was hard because so many people are getting picked up early. We did our best but it took almost 40 minutes to clean the classroom.

I got upset though because while we're cleaning I am losing steam. My leg was hurting and my arm was hurting. During the art time I had called the nurse to make the appointment so I was kind of emotionally drained from that as well. And then two of my kids come back in because their grandmother was upset that they had paint on them. And that she was saying I had to do their laundry. And that how dare I let them get so dirty and stained. Are you serious question mark this is an art class! Like why would you sign up your kids to be in our class and be upset that they have paint on them. Everyone is going to have paint on them it's going to happen it's our class. If you don't want to let them get dirty put them in aftercare. It made me so incensed that after all the kids were gone I stayed behind with chelsi that we can have a meeting with Tiffany. She told me not to worry about it and that she agreed it was a ridiculous comment and she was not happy about it either. That made me feel listen to at least. And then I told her the story of what happened with my accident because my bruise has gotten so bad and Chelsea kept yelling at me because I hadn't gone to the doctor. And Tiffany was shocked that I didn't go as well. She said that I should have stayed home. And honestly I don't disagree but I also feel like yesterday it wasn't that bad. I was sore and stiff but the bruise wasn't as outrageous as it is today. James really thinks that I have some kind of hematoma but I'm very concerned because there is a hard lump next to the impact point now and I am having weird numbness in my leg. It really is the craziest bruise I've ever seen on my body. And that's fairly upsetting but I'm trying not to be too upset.

Because I was leaving later than normal I texted James to see if we're going to have dinner and he wanted to go and get a burger at the marketplace. So I'm going to get the bus and as I'm crossing the street Marcus and Miss Elaine honk their horn at me and they gave me a ride back to my neighborhood. Just as we were getting to Rite Aid James was walking up the street and so they were yelling out the car at him and waving. It was very cute. It was good to see him.

I did feel in better spirits today. But I think I'm emotionally I'm dealing with a lot and that's hard. We walk to my apartment and stopped for a few minutes to feed sleepy. And then we went to Mount Vernon Marketplace for dinner. We got burgers and we shared fries. He told me about his interview which apparently went really well. I have very high hopes but we keep everything realistic just in case. It would be so good for him. And I really want him to feel happy and secure. All I ever want it's for him to feel that way.

But we had a really nice dinner and then we came back here. I kind of had it anxiety Spike about moving because there's not a ton we can move right now. A lot of the stuff in the apartment is things that I just need to feel happy and comfortable here. He did bring one bag over and my piggy bank. So at least something got moved in the trip wasn't wasted and that's really what I was upset about. We also made a list of what things are going to his place what things are going to his parents place and what things are coming back to my parents place. That helped a lot.

He went home and I took a shower. And now I'm just laying in bed watching videos. I'm going to go get an ice pack and try to get some rest. My arm is hurting me and tomorrow's going to be another long day. The plan for tomorrow is Museum in the morning then hopefully I get to the school and have time to do some cleaning and organizing. I really want to get a lot of the stuff that's on the cart off the cart so that we don't have to think about it on Thursday and Friday. And then rest. That's all I want.

I hope you guys all have a good night. Send me some good vibes because I feel sad. And stressed. Good night everyone

[themuselesswriter]

The Beginning of the Run

Characters: Troy Otto, Nick Clark, Jake Otto, Alicia Clark, Original characters, Madison Clark

Summary: Nick and Troy left the mental institution a while ago and they've moved on with their siblings somewhere new and nice, they were finally getting a hold of their lives again, well, until they didn't.

Part two of Two Broken Souls, it’s advised to read the first part To The Troubled for more clarity but it can be read individually.

Word count: 11124

Warnings: mental health issues, child abuse, drugs, alcoholism, death

A/N: none

Credits: viking - polarr filter by me, photos from Pinterest

————————————Teaser——————————-

“Nick! I’m going!” Alicia shouted as she made her way to the kitchen where her brother was having a cup of coffee, she took his cup and took a sip then gave it back “already? You just woke up!” she nodded “I know! And I’m already late!” she groaned “need a ride?” she shook her head “Troy’s driving me, he wanted to check out the college’s biology program, see if they can squeeze him in for next year, you sure you don’t want to reapply? We can always have a students loan”

The boy scoffed, sipping his coffee “yeah… cause all banks are so eager to give money to a recovering addict who already had a chance but decided to be a dropout” she rolled her eyes “it’s too early for your sarcasm” she placed a kiss on his cheek “be good-”, “I know the drill, text you every hour, don’t get into troubles, and fix whatever shit that needs to be fixed or done, you’ll be back at 4, and I better be home at 4 too” she nodded and looked at him suspiciously this was too perfect.

She gave him one last look then rushed to 4D, knocking on the door so hard that the entire building was shaking, at least it was in Nick’s head, Troy opened the door quickly, all ready to go “you’re two minutes late” he said unimpressed, she rolled her eyes “now I get why Nick was obsessed with numbers out of the sudden” he smiled proudly of the statement “come on, I have an appointment, don’t wanna be late” then he dragged her out of the apartment before she could even greet Jake, cause if those two meet it pretty much means they’d talk forever.

Next Jake walked into 4C, all dressed up and in a rush “morning to you too” Nick shouted at him, it wasn't uncommon for the Ottos to just walk in or vice versa, they bonded after the mental institution, the other jumped as if it’s the first time he notices someone else was sitting there “Nick!” He said startled, halfway making coffee “you’re the coffee thief now?” He joked, Jake poured himself a cup of coffee, taking a sip before he would even consider answering “the coffee shop on my to work is pretty full by the time I reach it which would make me late from my morning meetings! And I’m coming home way too late, can’t find any grocery shops open, and Troy’s… I still think he needs more time before he could hit the road by himself, our place is almost empty!” He said quickly, finishing half of his coffee already.

“What do you need? I’ll go shopping for us today, I can pick you up few things if you want” Nick suggested “really?” He nodded “yeah, helps keep my mind off things” Jake placed the cup in the sink then almost hugged the younger one but stopped once he saw him close his eyes “sorry, you’re a lifesaver!” Nick gave him a weak smile “it’s okay, we’ll get there one day” Jake nodded “if it’s worth anything, I think you’re doing great” nick nodded and gave him another smile, this time more genuine “okay so I’ll email you the groceries list and PayPal the amount, you’re going someplace on my drive? I can give you a ride” the shaggy-haired shook his head negatively “it’s a few blocks away east, I could use the walk” Jake nodded “okay, take care, be good!” He pointed a finger at him “jeez mom! I will” Nick groaned “don’t make me send you to the corner!” Jake shouted on his way out, both laughed.

The ride wasn’t fun for either Troy or Alicia, it was a constant battle of picking songs, Troy wanting rock and metal music while Alicia wanted pop and techno, but they managed to get there on time “okay, you have a meeting at the dean’s office? I can take you there before I head to my lectures, I get off at 3;20 you can wait in the library or the cafeteria” she said as both of them walked in the direction of the dean’s office, Troy being extremely mesmerized by everything “can I get your library card? I want to borrow few books, I’ve already returned the old ones and I have no reading material” she nodded and reached into her bag, she pulled out her library id then gave it to him “if you lose it I’ll sacrifice you, Vikings style!”

Alicia helped Troy get into the dean’s waiting room, once he was all settled, she left for her classes, it took half an hour before the assistant called his name, he walked into the dean’s office, the woman greeted him with a smile and offered him a seat, he was nervous and it showed “hello Mr Otto” she greeted “Troy” he corrected, leaving the woman confused “Mr Otto’s my dad… I’m just Troy” she squinted her eyes slightly, humming “well, Troy, I’m Mrs Jensen and I’m the dean, your application says here you want to study biology! Tell me more about that”

Troy took a second before answering “uh… yeah, figuring out how living creatures do the simplest tasks’s always been a fascination of mine, and I’m very curious, about the reasons why everything works the way it does” she wrote something down in her notebook, it was as if he was at the therapist’s clinic, only this was a new therapist and it made him slightly nervous “was it your favourite subject at school?” Troy blinked at her “I… didn’t exactly go to school… homeschooled, well, not really, my dad pulled me out of school when I was 10 and I took my GED a couple of months ago” the woman wrote more, he definitely wasn’t feeling any comfortable.

“Why do you want to attend this college?” Troy sighed, repeating what Alicia taught him “this is a great college with an amazing program and plenty of accomplishments and-“, “Troy, right?” He nodded “can I be honest with you here ?” He nodded again “look, you’re a wild card, it says here that you’ve never had a proper education, that you recently left a mental institution, you have behavioural issues and violent tendencies, no work experience and no I'm assuming no life experience, and let alone the fact that your name is linked to hate speeches, things aren’t looking good for you, so I need you to tell me, why on earth would I take a chance on you?”

Continue reading

To The Troubled

Characters: Troy Otto, Nick Clark, Jake Otto, Alicia Clark, Madison Clark and a hint of Travis Manawa

Summary: Nick was doing his best to recover at the new institution, from his addiction and his family life, things were not looking so promising until a handsome stranger named Troy walks into the room and now Nick can think beyond tomorrow.

Word count: 14259

Warnings: drugs abuse, implied suicide, implied sexual harassments, child abuse.

A/N: this story is part of a series but can be read individually.

Credits: viking - polarr filter by me, photos from Pinterest

—————————————Teaser——————————

He doesn’t remember when he came to the institution first, it’s been a while, and they had a strict rule about not bothering the patients with dates and periods, not that he minded though, Nick was glad for what the institution offered, safety, food, a good bed and the best part is his mother has to keep up her good act whenever she visits him.

Every day was the same, he’d wake up in the morning, get breakfast, have an hour for daily reading where Nick usually picks a book about chemistry or herbs, sometimes novels if he's in the mood, he enjoyed reading and that's an obvious fact, then he’d go to a private session of therapy where the shrink would keep telling him that he must stay strong, that his mother did him wrong and that it wasn’t his fault that his father died, he was used to it by now.

Next, they’d watch TV and have an hour to socialize which he spends looking out of the window unless someone talks to him, Nick used to be such an extrovert before his mother started drinking like crazy! When the abuse started he closed to himself, he’s trying to get that part of him back though, later comes lunch and then it’s group therapy where they talk about what they thought of their private sessions and their current thoughts, there’s a group for each; children of abusive households, addicts- Nick was in both, and many others.

Later it’s a free period until dinner time, they’d do whatever they want to do, Nick would usually finish reading his book, maybe listen to music or talk to Gloria, she was kind of his friend, she’s bipolar though, sometimes she liked to hang out with him and fill his life with the most interesting stories about her super-rich parents and their adventures, but when she isn’t then he’s all alone, she found a way around taking her meds, so the second part happens more than Nick would like.

This place is different, it’s not like any institution he’s ever been, apparently, it’s for rich people and those who the government failed, it was quite difficult for Nick to get in, Travis’s ex-wife had to pull some strings to get him a spot, they didn’t believe in days so he had no idea when he came and how long he’s been there, he stopped counting, part of him didn't want to get out, he didn’t want to be with his mother anymore.

He sat quietly in the group therapy, listening to everyone go through their stories as if it was something new, he memorized each story by heart now, Joe who’s dad hit him once for yelling at his mother, silent Eddie who never speaks in meetings, cool Linda who had similar struggles to his and lastly, Suzie who goes on and on about her life and thoughts, he zoned out of the meeting quicker than the therapist said “hello everyone” he thought of the visits day, he thought of seeing Alicia, his little sister who looks at him as if he’s nothing but a pathetic loser - which he was or so he thinks.

Alicia used to think of him as her hero once, adapting to the change of their dynamic was all he could do now, he knew it will never be the same between them, then he had his mother and Travis, Travis was cool, he was nice to him, often supported him, he even believed that Nick can actually recover from his addiction, he was clueless to why he started getting high, and his mother would never hit him in front of him, even her drinking habits changed when he was there, Chris sometimes visits, Chris is his stepbrother, they aren’t close but they bonded over their dislike of their family.

It was his mother who he worried about so much, their relationship was so toxic, she’s the reason why he started using to reduce the stress, they had a little game though, where she’d kick him out of the house when she finds drugs in his room, next she would go search for him a week later, she’d beg and cry so he’s left with no choice but return home, she’d send him to a rehab and he’d recover, for a bit, then she’d start making him feel like shit for wasting her money until he starts using again, and lastly, it’s the shouting and the beating until she kicks him out again, and the circle goes on and on.

“Nick?” he heard the feminine voice call him, one that he recognized so well, Dr Winston, the group therapist, he snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her blinking “hm?” Suzie groaned “of course you don’t know what’s going on! You always do that! oh my god, it’s like you don’t even care about what we have to say!” Nick rolled his eyes “Jesus Susan, chill a bit, I’m not the boyfriend who dumped you in the middle of the night and kicked you out! Give me a break” he clapped back, and just when she was about to start again the therapist cleared her throat.

“Guys, we can’t have this every meeting! Each has a turn to speak, and if the others choose to listen or think about something it’s up to them” the older woman said tiredly, Suzie glared at him and never said a word after, well, besides the fake coughed asshole she did, causing both Nick and Dr Winston to share a look “anyway… how’s your session today? Do you have anything to share?” he shrugged, taking a moment to think “I… heard my therapist say that I was doing well, I think he will release me soon” he said, his hands moving everywhere as if it would somehow make him less stressed.

“And how’s that making you feel?” he laughed, terrified, anxious, disconcerted, nervous? He didn’t know the right feeling exactly, it was too much “uh… scared? I just… I’ve done it for so long, I only see two ways how that would go, and both lead to the same shit” he groaned, Dr Winston was saying something when a new man walked in, who looked like a lost dog, Nick guessed he was new to this, they all have the same frightened look on their face, he saw it almost on everyone who walked here, it wasn’t the case with him though Gloria said he looked like he’s so done when he walked through the door.

He must’ve been staring for a while because when he turned his attention back to the group they were all staring at the 6 feet something white boy, the blond looked around terrified until Dr Winston raised her hand for him, he walked to the group and quietly sat on the empty seat “guys, this is Troy, he’s new here, Troy those are Eddie, Joe, Nick, Suzie and Linda, Nick was just telling us about his session earlier” she gave him the friendliest smile.

They all turned their attention back to Nick “what makes you scared the most?” he pouted, uneased, he wasn’t expecting a new guy, and now he’s supposed to share his life with him while he knows nothing about him, besides that he’s messed up somehow “my mom… I don’t want to go back to her but the rules say I must stay with a relative and my dad’s gone so…” he swallowed thickly, looking at both hands.

Dr Winston was about to say something when Suzie raised her hand, the woman sighed “yes Suzie?” the perky blond girl with pixie hair cut smiled “I just felt something about an old memory that I want to share” the doctor leaned further into her chair “you had your turn, Suzie, now it’s Nick’s” but the woman protested, Nick whoever interrupted “it’s fine, I have nothing to say anymore” He lied, or maybe he didn’t, he just didn’t feel like talking anymore and for the first time, Nick was thankful for Suzie being Suzie.

Suzie beamed in excitement, she started talking about the one time her dad refused to give her money to buy a new iPhone so she got upset and slept with his best friend after drugging him as payback, and how her father slapped her for it, Nick disliked Suzie, she always claimed that she was a child of abuse but the more she talks the more he pities her parents, who’d drug a 50 something years old man and fuck him then get upset when their dad reacts the way he did?

And his dislike of her grew when he learned that those sessions weren’t mandatory for her like the rest of them, she and Joe signed up for it, and they both like to pretend that they’ve been abused while Joe was barely slapped once lightly to be brought back to his senses and Suzie, she only does what she does to seem more interesting, people like that are the reason why no one believes abuse victims anymore, both were spoiled rotten and had no business being in the group besides wasting everyone's time, or so the recovering drugs addict thought.

Her little story was interrupted by the sound of rising sobs, they all shared a confused look until they realized it came from the new one “see? New guy gets it!” Suzie threw her arms in the air victoriously “shut up Susan” Nick mumbled, Dr Winston told them to stay calm and give him some space, she calmly explained that Troy sometimes has uncontrollable breakdowns and it’s not because of something they did or said.

It’s been ten minutes and the crying only worsened, Nick was too frustrated, he wasn’t going to sit and watched anymore, he got up from his chair and knelt in front of Troy “Troy, right?” He asked, the blond nodded, this was good, he was responsive, aware of his surroundings “do you wanna get the fuck out of here? There’s a pretty garden outside, you can catch a breath” Troy nodded again, His tears streaming down his cheek like waterfalls.

The brunette got up and offered him a hand which he took after too much time spent freaking out about it “Nick…” Dr Winston said “it’s okay, I’ve dealt with it with Alicia” he assured her, she sighed and gave him an approving look before the two disappeared, they gave them weird looks as they walked to the garden, Troy isn’t being shy about crying, and it was obvious that he was struggling with keeping it down.

They sat on a bench far from the others, the blond almost instantly curled into himself and cried his eyes out “I lied, I never dealt with it with Alicia, I just didn’t want to listen to Suzie anymore” Nick spoke after a while, well, Alicia used to cry a lot when their dad passed away but she stopped after a while though it was nothing like Troy “I guess I wanted a break and I thought you could use one too” he added but he earned no response in return, he sighed “how can I help?” He whispered once he finally gave up.

“You can’t” the other mumbled between the sobs, even though the tears stopped but he was still heaving and shaking, Nick just waited it out until Troy finally calmed down, it took him almost an hour, he hid his face into his knees, too embarrassed to look “I’m Nick Clark” He started again “Troy Otto” the blond whispered drained, Nick nodded “do you want to go back inside?” He slowly shook his head “is it-“ he gasped “is it okay if we just talk?” Nick nodded.

Continue reading

[darkshrimpemotions]

Actual truth: the internet as we knew it circa say, 1995 was more or less cobbled together by a big group of fuckin' nerds and treated like a public playground for geeks for the first 20 years of its life. Everybody and their goddamn octogenarian aunt had a web page. Not a great web page, mind, but a web page.

And all the while it was treated by the vast majority of people like a novelty or a luxury, and a fad that would fade in a year or two. A shiny toy, basically.

And let's face it...selling toys is a simple matter of making it as shiny as possible or, in lieu of that, cheap as fuck. You don't slap ridiculous upcharges on a toy that nobody is convinced they really need.

Like damn, I remember when phone companies were bending over backwards to get people to buy into the internet. Would you like to add dial-up to your land line today, Mrs. Harper? Why it's only $15 a month to add it on, and you can email all your friends!

Mrs. Harper remained unconvinced quite often at first.

As @irreverentcatalyst pointed out to me, it's similar in some ways to both air travel and cell phones. Not a perfect metaphor in either case, but close. Things that were once luxuries or fun gadgets that no one really needed....which over time became economized and ubiquitous.

(Granted, plenty of people still go their whole lives without flying in an airplane, but it is often the fastest, safest, and most economical way to travel any long distance.)

And at least in the U.S., almost everyone has a cell phone. Because a phone is considered a necessity, and a cell phone is often cheaper and easier than a land line. Almost no one has a land line anymore.

The internet is like both these things. It started out as fun and luxury. Now it's the fastest and easiest way to do a massive number of mundane things that are requirements of modern life.

People pay their bills, do their taxes, get directions, plan vacations, research for school, look for jobs and apartments, make appointments, and communicate with friends and family online. They keep family photo albums and trees online. They buy and sell everything from car parts to handmade soap online. They find out who serves the best pizza or where to go for an honest mechanic who really knows transmissions.

The average American doesn't use land lines, phone books, tax accountants, wanted pages, paper bills, brick and mortar banks, or travel agents anymore. A lot of companies only accept online job applications. Accessing the latest research for a paper without the internet is nigh impossible.

For better or worse, the internet is now essential to modern American life. That is, people's lives are not just made easier with it...they're made more difficult without it.

It was a toy until it wasn't. And once that switch flipped, of course the way companies treated it changed. Because the corporate world is driven by ever-increasing profits, and there are only three ways, really, to keep increasing profits on something everyone already buys:

1. Increase your market share, aka get more people to buy your version of the thing instead of someone else's version of the thing.

2. Increase the price of the thing periodically.

3. Upsell add-ons and features for the thing to existing clients.

So for the first point, no one company has a complete monopoly. Yet. But a very small number do have large local monopolies. In my area, for instance, your only option is Comcast.

I have friends in the southern U.S. whose only options are AT&T or Verizon...sometimes only one of those depending on the neighborhood. So if you live there and want internet, you have to buy from them. That's strategy one sewn up.

The second strategy is why your wireless bill goes up every year even though you're buying the same damn thing.

But when it came time for the third strategy...the internet didn't really have special features or add-ons. It had always been largely open and unregulated in the U.S. What could you possibly add on? I mean sure, you could sell faster speeds, but even that had limited potential. Not everyone needs or wants gaming-speed internet enough to shell out the bucks.

So of course, you get companies starting to turn toward ideas like charging users more for access to certain types of content, or charging content creators more to provide their sites with faster speeds (costs which eventually get passed on to the user anyway).

And by now they need to be able to access this or that for work or school or business or personal finance or whatever, and they can't just go to another provider because local monopoly, so...they'll pay. Oh, they will pay.

So said the head of the evil capitalist shadow cabal amid his cohorts' maniacal laughter (I jest...sort of. Mostly).

So of course that is very bad for consumers. Thus net neutrality laws to protect individual consumers (and also any internet-based businesses) from such price gauging.

So TL;DR: The internet started life as a toy and was sold as such, ALL THIS FUN FOR ONE LOW LOW PRICE FOLKS. But now that it's a necessity more money can be made by throttling sites that don't pay for speed and charging extra admittance to all the best rides on top of the cover charge.

And that is why, like most other necessary utilities (gas, electricity, water), the internet should be provided through the state and/or local government, either by offering them directly, or by contracting with local companies and holding them to certain pricing and quality standards in order to keep those contracts.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

36,000 for a tweet

[ali3npotato-blog]

I don't write, but this seemed kinda fun so...

I sit up on my bed, and turn the lamp on. I can't sleep. It was Febuary 5 today, meaning tomorrow I turn 21. I sigh, turning on the tv across the bedroom. Unsurprisingly, there was another bank robbery taking place. Obviously done with powers. That they were given. By the government.

"Ugh." I roll my eyes and change the channel.

Terrorist attack,

Killer on the loose,

Any channel I changed it to had bad news. I shivered. This didn't make me feel any better about my choosing tomorrow. Stupid government. Stupid rules. I don't want to get powers. I don't want to be like them. I pull my legs up amd curl into a ball. I close my eyes for a few seconds.

My eyes jerk open when i hear my alarm going off.

"Nonono..." I say when I realise I fell asleep. Sunlight was seeping through the window. I haven't even decided what my powers will be! Crap, this is bad. My phone beeps once, twice. Two messages. One from my best friend, Kyle, saying happy birthday, and good luck.

The other one from the local courthouse. It showed the time I should get there. 8:30. I looked at the clock on my night-stand. It read 8:25. Five minutes. I looked down to see I was still in my pjs. There was no way I was going to make it in time.

I quickly dress and rush out the door, my heart breaking at the thought of not getting any breakfast. I reach the parking lot only to realise I left my hover keys on the table. Great. I wasn't about to go back up three flights, so I run instead.

Maybe I'll choose super-speed. I would really appreciate that right now. My phone beeps again. I just know it's from them, telling me I'm late. Like i didnt already know.

I finally reached the courthouse to see two women dressed in suits waiting for me. I stumble to stop, putting my hands on my knees.

"Ms. Nelson-" I held up a finger, stopping her.

"Just... give me...a second" I panted out. They waited patiently while I wheezed. When my breathing stablized a bit, the lady continued.

"You are late," she stated. "It now 8:47."

"No kidding."

"You're appointment started on 8:30."

"Yup. I know."

Pause.

"Follow me."

I frowned. That's it? I followed her in, while the other one stayed outside.

We walked into a room. Inside was shelves with vials and titles. I heard the door behind me click, and turned around to realise the lady was gone. Suddenly I heard her voice echoing through the room.

"Citizen no.2315 has showed. You can all begin you're choosing. You have fifteen hours and ten minutes."

Sigh.

"Let's do this."

I walked up to the shelf titled 'cool'. There were vials titled 'Ice-manupilation', and 'Ice-projection'. Underneath the titles were numbers. I assumed that was how many people had chosen that specific power. One read 671.

I go from vial to vial, carefully examining each one. None of them really attract me. I try to pick one up, but it's impossible. It's like it's fused with the shelf.

Minutes stretch out to hours. By the time i reach the last shelf, I'm exuasted.

"Why are there so many?" I whined. "Why?"

No one answers.

I skim over the last couple of vials. Nothing I haven't seen before. I was about to turn around to go over my top five, when something caught my eyes. All the vials i've seen so far had these colored liquid thingies of some sort, but this one was compeletly empty. I looked at it's title.

Ability to fill things up.

I laughed at the bad joke. Then stopped, staring at the number below. 4. Only four people had chosen this. Ever.

Huh. Well then.

I think i just found my new power.

I instinctively reach out and grab the small glass bottle. This time i can pick it up.

The door opens, and the lady walks in with a sryinge.

Kyle told me about this part. I hand over the vial, and shut my eyes. Pulling up my sleeve, I raise my arm. I feel the needle piercing my skin, then it was over.

I open my eyes. I don't feel any different. Maybe i chose wrong.

Or maybe this was all a dream, and i was still 16 and in bed... which was highly unlikely.

The lady was saying something, but i ignored her and ran out the building. The sudden change in lighting almost blinds me (stupid sun) but i ignore that too.

I go to the nearest fast food place, and grab an empty cup. Concentrate, I tell myself. I think of some nice refreshing lemonade.

Come on...

Suddenly the cup gets heavier, liquid slowly filling it up.

"Yes!" I yell, and throw down the cup of lemoade in excitement.

People stop what they're doing and stare at me.

"I just turned 21" i explain.

They nod like: Ah, I see. They go back to ignoring me.

I look down at my hands, suddenly feeling powerful.

I will never run out of cheetos again.

Is this what everyone feels like after 21?

I realise thanks to that tiny little empty vial I won't have to charge my phone again. I can fill my bath-tub or my shampoo bottle or the lungs of my enemies with blood. I find myself giggling at the thought, then immediatley slam my fist into my face.

No. You may not fill you're enemies lungs with blood. Well maybe just one...NO.

I shake the thoughts off and head home, where I know Kyle would be waiting with a surprise birthday/ you-finally-got-your-powers party.

It’s 2138, and at the age of 21 everyone can select just one super power granted by the government. Now 21, You go to your local courthouse to select your superpower and discover in the records, one power everyone has completely overlooked.