#it's just very funny to me okay. I have a horrendous sense of humour

[malachitezmeyka]

I'm sorry I know it's not funny but I can't help but crack up at the face this one guy makes when Hürrem starts traumadumping 😅😂

[mylifewasamazinguntiliwasborn]

So why do I think Dual Destinies is a dogshit game @elzux?

It all boils down to one very simple thing - almost nothing about the game feels like Ace Attorney.

I think the first important thing to note here is that by the time Dual Destinies came out, Ace Attorney had been my special interest for over 5 years. I was extremely familiar with the original trilogy, as well as Apollo Justice and both Investigations games. At that point I didn't dislike any of the games I had played, Apollo Justice was my least favourite but I still loved the game a lot.

Now to the meat. Why doesn't Dual Destinies feel like Ace Attorney? Let's break it down.

The dialogue - lacks the usual humour and snark. The game can't keep me focused on the dialogue. In a game where reading the dialogue is required to play the game. The dialogue is so, so boring and often nonsensical that I found myself skipping huge blocks of text, just because I either couldn't or didn't want to read what was going on. It's a massive drop in quality in a series that is known for its top tier dialogue, which usually effectively furthers both the plot and the characters. Here we instead have dialogue that feels like someone who only knew Phoenix Wright through early 2010s Youtube memes had written it. My favourite example is from DD-1 where Phoenix's inner dialogue reads (Noooo, come back my beautiful contradiction!). First glance, it's okay. Maybe even funny. Second glance, hold up. Phoenix would never think that. He might have used this as a punchline after 4-6 text boxes of lamenting, not just as a single one sentence reaction to one Objection by Payne, of all people.

The characters - closely tied to the dialogue. The returning characters don't act like themselves. The new characters are paper thin and without agency. The side characters are so boring I still barely remember anyone's names. Phoenix is stupid. Why is he stupid? Phoenix is goofy, yeah. He's a silly little guy. Sometimes he's slow, although his literal character arc of the first 3 games is becoming The Best Attorney Ever. He can't be stupid 10+ years into his career. Especially remembering that he JUST tried to reinvent the entire court system in his country (more on this later). That's simply not something an idiot or an incapable lawyer fucking does. Apollo isn't Apollo. He's given three new backstories here and in result, Apollo Justice ceased to exist. He was kind even if a little sarcastic, he was unsure about himself, and he was so willing to learn. And here? Here he's just a mean prick and a know-it-all. Yeah okay he's traumatised yadda yadda then why is he like that in DD-2 as well? You know, BEFORE his bEsT fRiEnD died? Also what fucking best friend? How about you talk about his mother instead? Why turn his cute speech patterns into some traumatic goddamn mess? Literally no one asked for that. Athena is an awful character for the first half of the game, then gets some meat, and is then devolved back to 0 by giving all her agency to Simon Blackquill. Amazing. THIS is the game series praised for its strong female characters? Give me a break. I don't know anything about Athena except that she's a polyglot and has PTSD. That's not a character, that's a plot device. Simon Blackquill is kinda okay but he's also the first major overstepping a line Ace Attorney does. His character is too ridiculous. Why is a death row convict a prosecutor. Even within the AA universe it just doesn't make sense. He's just too much. Bobby Fulbright/Phantom is the 3rd worst character of the entire series. Where is Klavier Gavin. And let's talk about character designs while we're here! They're awful! Not only are the 3D models ass, but Pearl Fey's aged up design is fucking horrendous! Also this is the first game that really feels like it was made for cosplayers. The characters don't feel like characters anymore. This is an anime convention in a courtroom, now.

The plot - again closely tied to the dialogue as dialogue is the main device used to move the plot along in Ace Attorney. It fucking sucks. The cases don't make sense. It's a trend started by AJ, but DD takes it a step or a hundred further. Every case is so deeply uninteresting that even after having now freshly played the first 2 cases, I couldn't really summarise their plots for you. Where's the motivation, or the motive for that matter? Who cares? Who are these people? The only interesting case is the last one, and it's only interesting because of the last half of it. That's where the game peaks, I'll admit it's even good for a moment there. Then it's of course brought down by the whole Phantom thing (refer to section "The characters"). It's so one-dimensional, something Ace Attorney has barely ever been before. It's like Berry Big Circus: The Game. I'm miserable writing this thinking about how I still have four more cases of this to go. But most importantly: WHY give Apollo all these fucking backstories? And WHY erase everything Phoenix did in AJ? Where's the jury? Why was it buried? What happened? What? Where's Klavier Gavin?

The game mechanics - this is huge. First off, let me go back to the beginning where I said by the time DD came out, I had already made Ace Attorney my entire personality. I knew those games through and through. There's this very specific Ace Attorney logic that one either has/learns along the way or doesn't. Like when you're cross examining and you can Just Tell what to press, or what to present, even if you're not entirely sure why. The games are intuitive, so to speak. Well, not DD! DD remains the only game in the series beside PLvsAA where I have to look up stuff in a guide or save scam to save my ass. DD diverts from the AA logic so much that playing it doesn't feel like Ace Attorney. I can excuse PLvsAA, it was a PL game to begin with so I can understand why sometimes the writing would be lacking, but the 5th installment of the main series!? No way. Also, the mood matrix is easy and stupid and comparable to how Pokémon for the past 10 years has tried to one up itself with each generation when there was no need. Mega evolution was great, why would we need all that other shit. Magatama was great, we don't need Perceive or Moods or Seances. Fuck you. Sorry I'm getting really riled up now. And finally, of course, the elephant in the room. Why. Why can you not examine each location? What? What the fuck? That's where the best dialogue happens. That's where you build the characters you fucking morons. In the background. That's why we have the entire stepladder thing. You can't just take that out. The moment I realised they had done this I lost all hope for the game and haven't seen it since. But Unski, there must be something you like about Dual Destinies, right? It can't all be that bad, right? Right?

Correct. Here's an exhaustive list of all the things I liked about Dual Destinies. -The OST was only the 3rd worst in the series. This isn't entirely on the composer though, it's also that while I like the orchestral arrangements well enough, they just don't quite hit the intensity I fell Ace Attorney deserves. Yes this includes DGS. -Speaking of OST, probably the best Truth theme of the series, and also some of the best Reminiscences are here. -Aura Blackquill is a solid good character with an interesting backstory and her own agenda. She is easily my favourite character in this game, and A tier in the over all series as well. -Phenomenal, haunting artwork. If you've played the game, you probably know which one I'm talking about. -Sometimes the cutscenes weren't entirely awful. -They brought back the black Psyche-Locks. If only they could have done that on someone more meaningful.

[bforbookslut]

ARC Review: Piglettes by Clementine Beauvais

This book was provided to me by the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review. This review edition is an ARC and may differ from the printed edition.

I have given this book ☆☆☆☆☆.  It belongs to the Young Adult Contemporary genre. Pushkin Children's Books publishes it. It will be published August 8, 2017.

The blurb reads: “Awarded the Gold, Silver and Bronze trotters after a vote by their classmates on Facebook, Mireille, Astrid and Hakima are officially the three ugliest girls in their school, but does that mean they’re going to sit around crying about it?

Well…yes, a bit, but not for long! Climbing aboard their bikes, the trio set off on a summer roadtrip to Paris, their goal: a garden party with the French president. As news of their trip spreads they become stars of social media and television. With the eyes of the nation upon them the girls find fame, friendship and happiness, and still have time to consume an enormous amount of food along the way.”

“I don’t know. Maybe ugliness makes you wiser.”

Verdict:

If only this book existed during a time when I was struggling constantly with my identity, particularly my “lack of beauty” and overall fat-ness, it would have helped me understand that it’s not all about being beautiful or skinny no matter how much you’re bullied.

Perhaps, Piglettes is the best example of what a YA contemporary novel about coming-of-age should be like. It was first published in 2014 as Les Petites Reines and has won the 2016 Prix Sorcières, the biggest French prize for children’s books! So, you can imagine how phenomenal this book is. In fact, as Edelweiss informs me, film rights have already been sold.

It is funny and witty in the way only a French novel can be. As they say, French humour is strange. But it’s also evocative and along the way, you really root for these three girls. And it’s more than just about the competition. Mireille struggles with her relationship to her mother and step-father, fixated on her birth father’s identity. Astrid is the quintessential teenager, obsessed with meeting her favourite band and introducing everyone to them. Hakima and her brother, Klaus are politically-inclined. While bullying plays only a small role in the book, its influence is massive. It’s exactly what bullying is like. It seems inconsequential, brushed off but it has a massive impact. Piglettes describes and paints it in a positive way, how victims can reclaim themselves.

Without giving away too much, it’s about puberty, realising your place in this world and embracing yourself in every way possible. It is about the power of social media and how you can control your voice in the press. It’s about feminism and challenging patriarchy. It’s about falling in love, how the right person can help you become your best self. It’s about sacrifice and leadership. It’s about freedom, the ability to be and express yourself. It is about the hardiness of youth and how powerful the young can be.

[may contain spoilers]

You can tell how much I loved Piglettes.

Long story short, Piglettes is about three girls, Mireille, Astrid and Hakima who are ranked in the top three in a vicious and humiliating competition for the ugliest girls in their high school. The girls are ranked based on their looks and weight, two things that everyone struggles with particularly in school. The top three are called Pigs/Piglettes.

While Mireille is a repeat winner, both Astrid and Hakima are new to the high school and have never won before. Driven by a strange compulsion to make sure the two new girls are okay after this horrendous ranking as she herself was broken down over it when she was first ranked gold, Mireille makes it a mission to visit both Astrid and Hakima, particularly the latter as she is the youngest at thirteen. Driven by their own individual reasons, the three young piglettes make a plan to invade the heart of Paris and a very important party for very important people. With Mireille as the most confident and most outspoken one and Hakima’s brother acting as chaperone, they plan to cycle across France, hitched to a trailer and selling sausages as a way to fund their trip. Get it, they’re piglettes so they sell sausages. Along the way, they meet very colourful people who help them. And, the press gets wind of the journey.

The Bad:

I felt that Hakima was a token POC character because certain things Mireille says that I won’t repeat seem to poke fun at Middle Eastern people. But, again, French humour and all that.

Nope. I don’t have any other gripes with this.

The Good:

1. Piglettes really addressed coming of age in three different stages.

Hakima represents the ones who are just stepping into maturity. There is even a whole entire section dedicated to Hakima and the first time she has her period, how the older girls teach her about hygiene and take care that she probably has religious rituals when it comes to periods.

Astrid represents those girls who are just on the cusp of turning seventeen and eighteen, the time just right before you get responsible. It’s a time when you’re no longer a fresh teen but you’re not just an adult either. There’s a sense of carefreeness to how Astrid is written. It’s as if she’s just absorbing the world.

And Mireille represents the older girls, the ones who are moving on from their high school years. She’s confident in her own skin, extremely vocal and unapologetic for whom she is. She’s learnt how to transgress her bullies and the trash talking. She’s learning to be a leader and to care for those under her wing.

2. Whoever who did the English translation has kept the magic and lyricism in Beauvais’ writing. I’ve never read anything French nor do I know the French language but there’s always this pervasive idea that the French are more romantic in their writing. It shows through.

Here are some gems. They may be different in the printed and final edition:

“Astrid pushes me and I walk into the flat, breathing in deeply, since I’ve just fallen in love, after all, with the number one star in our solar system.”

“What’s magicial about a bike is that it’s a broomstick—a flying broomstick that punches holes through the air, obeying your merest thoughts; it responds to your fingers, your feet, your groin, you don’t need to tell a bike where to go, it knows—it’s a flying broomstick.

What’s magical about a bike is that it’s also a horse. A proud, athletic horse—that hurts its hooves sometimes, that whinnies and grinds its teeth when it stumbles into a pothole; you have to stroke a bike and talk to it. You really must—it’s a horse.

What’s magical about a bike is that it’s a clickety, metallic machine, a mechanical wonder; look at its gears and marvel.”

Conclusion:

Piglettes is a phenomenal read about coming of age and social issues. It seems like just another contemporary YA novel but Clementine Beauvais is a genius in how she has weaved so many complex issues about identity, feminism, family, adulthood and teenagers into one very entertaining, very well-paced novel that every girl should have in her arsenal and shelf.