#it's just that my experience with Star Wars books as a kid was my cousin's picture encyclopedias 😂 which I read only when

[atlantic-riona]

I'm endlessly amused by the fact that I'm going through a Star Wars obsession right now

[psychologeek]

Holocaust (and culture appropriation)

(TW: holocaust, death camps, sexual assaults, rape, industrial murder. I will put the graphic shit undercut. Include children death and human experiments).

Sometimes I think about how fucked up it is that for most non-jews (and some jews) "The Holocaust" is Anne Frank and Auschwitz "where they killed people".

I think about the fucking, the goddamn AUDACITY some people have to take our trauma and use it as a tool. As a lesson.

People that for them the holocaust is nothing but a story, a bunch of facts, probably as aware of it as they're aware of the crusaders.

(Once upon a time, in a far away land, there were Troubles)

People who didn't hear about it as children, who didn't grew up with six million and one-and-a-half million and yellow stars and quiet ceremony and Yizkor (remember).

That.

Would look at a pile of hats and bones and wigs and hair and make it about them.

But also

Sometimes I think about how wild it is, that this looks so horrific to them.

(And they never heard about half of it.)

Like.

Dear.

Deary.

We are used to death. We are so used to being murdered, and loosing loved ones by hate, that half of our culture is basically based on it.

I think about how non-jews keep talking about the holocaust, like it's a clean cut, like it's a thing that was, like it's that's all that was - there were people hiding, and there were gas chambers, and that's it.

And I remember being a kid (maybe 10 yo?) reading a kid/ya book that was an autobiography, and I remember the writer (who was a young teen at the time, and pretended to be a Christian German) wrote about someone came into the shower and touched him. (Writer) Panicked, and turned around - and then the other man asked him "wait- are you jewish?"

As a kid, I remember that this is all that was in it.

As an adult, I remember that scene, sometimes. And I can have a pretty clear idea on why the older man didn't tell about the kid.

I remember, several years ago, reading about a therapy group for holocaust survivors that were sexually assaulted.

I remember reading about an old lady, that (70 years later) told about what happened to her when she hide away with her sister, (I think they were two, or three girls?) she was sixteen, or maybe fourteen. I remember

"I did it so they'll share their food with us".

~

I think about people talking about the "death camp" Auschwitz, and how someone said (those who went there, were the lucky ones. When the newbies asked what happened, where are their families? We just pointed at the burning chimneys of Birkenau ,and the smoke.)

~

I remember the HUNDREDS who died once the camps were "freed", because they didn't know the dangers of eating two pieces of bread after a long period of starving.

I remember the massive Jewish community of Poland that was just. Erased. 99% of 3 million population pre-war. Whole communities we only remember and mention as the community's name (and even that is a very long list.)

I remember how people remember it as "German jews" (and some Poland) - but it's not. My grandma had cousins in Debretsen, Hungary. And it's Ukraine and France and Morocco and Greece and Lybia and Lithuania and Latvia and almost everywhere in Europe and North Africa

(except for Denmark. we love Denmark. My grandad's step-grandma survived there. She immigrated to her family in Israel after that.)

~

Idk if Goyim ever heard about Mangele. I wonder, how many of them heard during their childhood about:

The eye experiments, where he injected serums in people's (living) eyes, to see what would happen?

His obsession about twins. The toddlers that got their back skinned, then stitched together in "to see what will happen".

(They died after four days of misery.)

[mysterious-corpse]

📚

📚 favorite book

how could you do this to me /lh

I could never choose so I’m just gonna list some that come to mind

Animorphs (special mention of the Ellimist Chronicles) by KA Applegate

I talk about this one a bunch on my fandom blog @dr-reids-fidget-toy . The author was inspired by Star Trek. Kids book. Child soldiers, war horror, body horror, existential horror, age-appropriate jokes, aliens. Set in the 90s. Series of 50+ books. Many were ghostwritten. POC characters.

All of Us Villains / All of Our Demise by Amanda Foody & Christine Lynn Herman

In this world, magick is real. However, all of the high magick was depleted long ago, except for a stash of it that only 7 families know about. Each generation, a teen from each family has to fight for their life in a Hunger Games-style tournament to determine which family gets control of the high magick for the next 20 years. An anonymous author has recently published a book about this barbaric practice, and this year is the first time the outside world will know about the tournament (media coverage galore!). LGBT+ characters (Queer romance). 2 books. POC characters.

Vicious by VE Schwab (the second book is also very good but the first is my personal fave)

Two college students decide to conduct an experiment after learning of mysterious abilities developed after near-death experiences. The participants? Themselves, of course. Shit goes down. They come back wrong. Has a sequel. LGBT+ character (ace rep!!).

The Mirror Season by Anna-Marie McLemore

TW Sexual Assualt

A girl is sexually assaulted at a party, and returns home to find that her peculiar cooking abilities have vanished. Things around her start turning into mirror shards and breaking into dust. She meets a boy, and they realize they were assaulted at the same party. Buried memories threaten to surface as they become friends, and romance forms. A story about healing from trauma, with a touch of magical realism. (At least, I think it’s magical realism). Queer character. POC characters.

We Were Liars by E Lockhart

Great story with a huge twist. A rich family spends every summer on their private island. The main character is part of this family. After a terrible incident last summer, she cannot remember the event or anything her family has told her about it. She is also plagued by terrible migraines. Now, it’s summer again and her cousins are right where she expected, despite them not contacting her since the accident. POC character.

Foul is Fair by Hannah Capin

TW Sexual Assault

A girl goes to a party and is sexually assaulted by a group of boys. She plots with her 3 best friends and her parents to kill everyone involved. Short summary but trust me, read it. POC characters. LGBT+ characters.

The Gilded Wolves series by Roshani Chokshi

A group of thieves/found family are tricked into agreeing to a dangerous heist. Set in Paris, 1889. Magic is real in the form of Forging - the ability to create and imbue objects with special powers. I can’t say much without giving away the plot. POC characters. Queer characters (including a romance plot). Autistic character. 3 books.

I need to add one for Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao. Don’t let me forget

[6mayhem]

i just miss so many people it's so painful it's like everything i've pushed away pushed down pretended it doesn't exist in order to turn myself into something smooth and perfect is suddenly spilling out of me like grotesque growths and turning me into a hybrid creature of so many different experiences and memories, too many people to fit into one body. i miss my grandpa i miss my dad i miss my stepmom and stepbrother i miss my uncle i miss my brother i miss my grandma i miss my cousin i miss people i never thought i could be capable of missing. i miss people i just met two days ago and people i talked to yesterday and people i barely even remember the faces of. i want to climb into my old body and live another day. i want to get back all the toys and books i sold before i even knew how important they would become. i want to stay up again watch star wars with my brother on that tiny tv in his room, i want to play legos with him, go on walks through the woods lie under the stars smoke and drink. sit on the swings of our favorite childhood playground and talk for hours after my friends ditched me. and i want to be a kid on that playground again, on a picnic blanket up that hill eating those stale cookies my mom packed with my muddy fingers dirt under the nails. i want to be back at my mom's friend's apartment on halloween when she painted my face before we went out. back at elementary school. back at secondary school, the lunch breaks we spent as this huge group cooking instant pasta with a kettle we smuggled in, in summer, sweating in the breakroom and sleeping with our heads on the table after a long exam, in winter, at the ice skating rink and at our friend's apartment afterwards sitting on the carpet eating biscuits while his mom ordered us food. want to go to those big parties again and drink too much. new year's eve when i dragged my brother with me to meet my friends and he hated them. i could go on and on and on there is so much i miss. i want a colorful life again, i want every day to be a new experience again, i want to have fun again. i need antidepressants jesus christ

[darksouls2yuri]

ur making me want to get into halo but I don’t know anything about halo. tell me why I should get into halo

‼️OK DISCLAIMER I WROTE A LOT‼️

ive technically been into halo since i was a little kid. my first experience with it was my older cousins playing halo 2 multiplayer and handing me a controller to terrorize me (they did this with black ops 2 also). that jumpstarted me being captivated by halo. i was really into how the spartans looked i was like. woaaah these dudes are awesome. which is a no brainer bc i also thought clone troopers were awesome as a little kid too (they still are. i love star wars prequels and i really like halo a lot).

anyway. i really think the expanded canon of halo is interesting! theres a lot of stuff to pick through and a lottttt of lore. theres like over 30 books for these games. im only like a chapter into the first one (which its really good so far. im really into fall of reach). the gameplay isnt really anything to write home about to me, but im not a huge fan of shooters in general. i like the COD campaign stories, hate watching the missions. same for Halo. i loveeee the arbiter sections in Halo 2 though. his HUD is purple and you can go stealth mode :)

the story for the original 3 games is really good! and reach and odst are also very good. theyre all solid games. really good dialogue, master chief is short and blunt, cortana is a kind of funny/witty nag, johnson is so so funny. AND MIRANDA. REALLY AWESOME I LIKE HER A LOT. i love 343 guilty spark hes also very funny, a little blue cuck ball type beast. and i love the arbiter hes awesome. verbose and honorful i love him. the graveminds dialogue in 2&3 is just like aaaaaah its so awesome really clever and powerful stuff. the games themselves are also super beautiful, the art direction and sound design are so so good and really make the games come together beautifully.

i think a good place to start would just be to look up a longplay of halo, or maybe an overview video/series of the story. obviously i havent played the games first hand, my beautiful wife is doing all the playing because i dont think i would be able to do that myself.

anyway i really like halo and i love master chief and the arbiter. i want to put master chief in my pocket and let him take a nap while i go to panera bread with thel 'vadam.

[stick-ball]

I got a sudden influx of followers since Nora dropped the news on us, leading to me coming back to the fandom, so I thought I should introduce myself since that seems to be a thing now, and back when I started this account it wasn’t, and only my life-sentence mutuals really know who tf posts all these crappy memes, so without much ado:

Hi, im J, or Y - you can also call me Yasamen or Adam;

I roll with she/her pronouns on the daily even tho im she/they but my native language genders everything so dont worry about how you adress me;

Currently in my mid 20’ (look everyone, we all found those books as teens so.. its been a while);

Infodump: demisexual bisexual. Virgo sun pisces moon. INFJ. 2w1.

I speak polish, english, french and surprisingly good italian. Currently forcing myself to learn german bcs my cousin insists on speaking in only that hell of a language and seriously, it makes me get out the wine bottle some days.

Everyone is welcome here! Kids, teens, adults - I don’t post about anything more hardcore than what’s in the books, so since you’re entering a fandom blog I think you know what you’re getting into;

My inbox is always open, I love discussing stuff and it would give my friends some peace if I did more of it with new people. I’ll just ask you to keep it civil.

Okay I lied there are some people that are not welcome here, and that’s xenophobes, racists, antisemites and islamophobes. If you think “slavs” are a race of slaves you should also run for the fucking hills bcs i will find you and it’s gonna make nathan seem like a nice guy. I’m also a hardcore feminist, so I don’t tolerate outward misogyny (keep that to yourself baby boy).

On the daily I work with fine arts. I also make a lot of art, although of the traditional type I don’t share on here - but im pushing myself to get more comfortable with digi, so your support is much appreciated.

I suffer from ptsd and severe anxiety. I’m neurodivergent. I’m also very light sensitive so please don’t send me any flashing gifs or pattern heavy/optical illusion kind of things unless you want me to block you while throwing up.

I have a lot to say about multiple plot points in the books due to my own experiences with depression, abuse, religion and meds.

Besides aftg major fandoms im into are : the roman empire, batman, star wars, hannibal.

Nice to meet you!

[channel-54]

Okay! AUs! You opened a can of worms, my friends >:)

Edd-Toplasm: Basically a kind of angsty crossover of Eddsworld and Danny Phantom where Danny is Edd's cousin.

PLM: a reverse au... kind of. Matt is the Purple Leader, and had been experimenting on his roommates (Edd, Tom, and Paul) until Tord and Patryck moved in and foiled his plans.

Drawstrings Attached: angsty high schooler au where the new kid Edd has the unknown ability to bring whatever he draw to life.

Discord: I love writing angst lol. This one is an alternate ending to The End. Edd is the only survivor, and is taken in by his neighbors. However, Edd seems to have taken on his old friends personalities.

RED Project: described by others as an SCP au. Everyone is either a monster or someone who takes care of them.

Past Repair: The End au, that a year later when their house is rebuilt, they find letters from Tord. This leads to a chaotic adventure involving clones.

Oddsworld: Eddsworld, but Spiderwick. Matt and Edd move out into the woods due to Matt inheriting a property out there. Magic soon becomes very apparent.

Always the Same: Edd, in a thirst for power and his friends being against him, kidnaps versions of his friends from the multiverse.

Freaks to the Future: Basically Future Edd is actually the bad guy, not Future Tord.

Bookswap: RC9GN x Eddsworld au. Tord and Randy get their books mixed up. Now Tord has the Ninja Nomicon and Randy has the Necronomicon. Both are influenced by their new books, and their friends are trying to swap them back.

Ghosts: Everybody dead. Tord, a teenager, recently died and now he meets faces old and new.

All Out: High school au. Tord discovers Tom is a monster. He decides to help him. However, this backfires, making Tord a monster too.

Until I'm Dead: Hunger Games au. Tord, Tom, and Matt were reaped for the Hunger Games. Edd has lived on the Capitol City train for most of his life to avoid reaping. These four meet and hatch a plan to survive.

Eerie: Edd is basically Dylan Dog, but less responsible and guards a secret with the key around his neck. Tord was sent to take it from him.

Rewind: Edd, Tord, Matt, and Jon are all friends in middle school. They discover something really weird and try to learn about it. Tom, Laurel, Paul, Patryck, Eduardo, and Mark are high school friends. When something happens to one of them, the others try to fix it.

EddsCantina: Star Wars au. Edd runs a cantina that's infamous for having everyone coexist. Violence will be met with his giant beast Rin-Go.

Jurassic Eddsworld: The crew lives in a world where dinosaurs run amok. Edd, Jon, and Tom are honorary dinosaurs.

And that's all of them I think. Hope you enjoyed lol

ok ok, so my favorite have to be Drawstrings Attached (just because it sounds really cool)

Discord (because I think reading about it would make me sad and I love stuff involving the neighbors)

RED project (because I've had several scp fazes and it's so neat)

Past Repair (because clones are awesome and I miss them)

Freaks to the Future (because future Edd is dub and he sucks also I love time shenanigans)

[thebestofoneshots]

About a Girl

Paring: Dean x reader

Prompt: Reader turns into a small kid after a witch puts a spell on her and the boys need to figure out a way to fix it before she grows down into nothing. While Sammy investigates, Dean has to take care of her.

Warnings: none

“Did you hear what she said?” You asked Sam as you walked out of the witch house “before Dean shot her?”

Sam thought about it for a second “I don’t think she said anything...”

“No... no... I’m sure she did! She said something... juvelin? Juven... juven-something... didn’t you hear Dean?” You asked turning towards him, he was rather distraught packing things up on the trunk of the impala.

“Maybe? But I don’t think is anything to worry about (Y/N).”

You were still unconvinced, but the brothers thought it was nothing, and they had more experience with witches than you did so you decided to ignore your uneasiness. “Maybe I’m just tired... We’re going home now, right?”

Dean nodded. You got on the back seat of the impala and the boys got in the front. You hung out with them for a while, sitting on the middle seat and jamming to Dean’s tunes. But sooner than later Dean played one of his soft rock music and even if you loved most of them, they knocked you out since you were a child, since your dad would listen to it while road tripping.

Dean smiled when he saw you soundly asleep as he reached out for a drink from the cooler. Sammy was awake still and the three of you arrived home around 7 pm. Once the impala was on the garage and the boys were about to leave the car Sam called you to wake “Hey (Y/N), we’re at the bunker!”

There was no answer, so he turned to wake you up. His eyes opened wildly when he saw what laid on the back seat. He quickly motioned Dean to turn too. Both of the boys stared for a bit, for where their friend was supposed to lay a little girl was instead.

Dean was about to speak up when the little girl started to open her eyes. She slowly sat and looked at the two boys confused. “Are you dad’s friends? Did he go on a hunting trip again?” She asked as she yawned.

“Yes?” Answered Sam.

The little girl sighed “nice to meet you then, I’m (Y/N). Who are you?”

Dean gave Sam a look. Was this little girl really you turned back in time? It certainly looked like so. “ I am Dean Winchester.”

She giggled “No, you’re not. I know Dean Winchester, he’s about this height,” she said placing her hand at eye height “he’s a year older but I’m taller. Daddy says it’s because I eat all my vegetables and he’s a picky eater, only likes pie.”

Sam snorted from the side and Dean gave him a look before turning back to you.

“All through,” you said standing up and getting close to him “you do look a little like my Dean,” you said after grabbing the sides of his face with your now small hands “especially the eyes,” you stared at his eyes, those definitely looked like Dean’s eyes, you would know, even at five years of age you knew those eyes were special, you quickly separated from him and stood back on the leather chair of the car “are you related to John?”

“Yes,” replied Sam, “he’s uh... our cousin.”

“So you’re Sam and Dean’s uncles. Nice to meet you,” she smiled.

Dean had already gotten out of the car and opened the door for you to come out. “What is your name?” You asked Sam before he came out.

“I’m... I’m Henry Winchester,” he replied. Dean gave him a look and he just shrugged, if he said he was Sam little (Y/N) would think they were messing with her.

“All right (Y/N) time to go in,”

“Where are we?” She asked as she followed the boys through the big concrete walls.

“This is the men of letters bunker. Where we live,”

“I wish I lived in a place like this,” you spoke as you looked in awe all around “maybe one day,” you said hopefully. A small knowing smile grew on Dean as he heard those words, they had invited you in when they bumped into you on a hunt a few years back, you’d been with them ever since, and you always called the bunker your home.

“So... Not-my-Dean-Winchester, what are we going to do?” You wondered “some of dad’s friends just leave me in the corner and tell me to behave, some others are really nice, Bobby once took me to the movies... You guys seem really nice, but also very tired. Did you just finish a hunt? You have that look in your eyes dad has when he finishes a hunt.

Yes, that’s how he remembered you, a very talkative little girl who used to play with him and Sam when you were together. And very clever too, you seemed to always know what the adults were about.

“We are actually getting home from a hunt,” Sam answered. You looked at him expectantly “A witch.”

“Oooo, dad’s never faced a witch before”, she said. “Are they very dangerous?”

“Some are, this one was just... weird, she put a spell on our friend,”

“I’m sorry, are they all right?” You asked with concern.

“She seems to be,” Sam replied “but we need to contact a friend that is a witch to help us. Dean, keep an eye on her while I contact Rowena,”

“But I don’t know how to take care of children,”

“Do what you’d wanted to have when someone took care of us,” Sam shrugged and turned on the corner opposite to where you and Dean did.

“Woah,” you exclaimed excitedly “this place is amazing! Look that table,” you said as you ran to stand on one of the chairs around the war room table “this whole bunker is amazing, you are very lucky to live here,” you told Dean as you admired the whole place. “Are you guys rich?”

“No... we ugh... sort of inherited it.”

“So... will you tell me to shut up and sit in the corner?” You wondered, it wasn’t uncommon and you were used to it “because I can, but I’d be happier if you allowed me to take a book at least, you have plenty of them. I promise I wouldn’t damage it. Just look at the pretty pictures. But if being quite in the corner is the order I’ll take it, sir.”

“Of course not!” He scoffed “I was going to ask you if you wanted to watch a movie,” he asked, “we would make popcorns and stuff.”

“I’d like that a lot,” you nodded excitedly.

Jack entered the room just a few seconds before that and tried to figure out what was happening “who is that?” He questioned.

“Jack, this is (Y/N),” he furrowed his brows, that was (Y/N), she looked just like (Y/N) but at least 25 years younger. “(Y/N), this is Jack... my son...”

“You don’t look old enough to have a son that old,” you said turning your head back and forth between the two of them. Dean had a little smirk drawn on his face, finally someone recognized he wasn’t old,

“I’m actually four,” stated Jack.

You frowned and turned to Dean.

“It’s a long story, magic.” he explained.

“WelI guess it makes sense,” you said as you shrugged “we will still watch a movie right?”

Dean nodded, by then you had already jumped over the table and walked towards Jack, you handed him your small hand “nice to meet you Jack.”

“How did this happen?” He asked Dean as he looked at you.

“Well my dad asked them to take care of me,” you replied.

“A witch,” Dean signed from behind.

“Oh...” acknowledged Jack “maybe I could try?”

“No, we don’t want Chuck noticing anything,”

“Who is Chuck?”

“God,” replied Jack matter of factly.

“What?” You asked confused.

“My granddad, not God, that would ridiculous,” replied Jack.

“It would,” you giggled.

“So, what do you want to watch? I’m sure they must have princess movies or something on Netflix,”

“Netflix?” You shrugged “I was thinking maybe we could watch “The adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad”

Dean licked his lip on that particular way of his “is that the headless horseman movie?”

You nodded energetically “I will hunt him down one day!”

“But the movie terrified you,”

“Before I knew I could take him down like dad does all the time with other monsters, he’s like a superhero.”

Dean smiled, he remembered, way back when, his dad was his superhero too.

“Jack, find the movie, I’ll go make some popcorns with (Y/N),” as the two of you walked in the kitchen Sam was sitting there FaceTiming Rowena.

“Hi, Henry!” You smiled “why are you talking to your computer?”

“That’s her? Wee little thing was adorable,” said the person from the computer.

“Is the computer talking to me?” You asked confused.

“It’s ugh, kinda like a phone call, but with video,” explained Dean.

“Like in Star Trek?” You asked.

“Yeah exactly,” replied Sam.

“Cool, didn’t know that excited. Maybe it’s because you guys are rich.”

Rowena chuckled from the other side of the screen. “I’m sorry darling, but I can’t do anything unless I know the spell they used.”

“On your friend?” You asked turning to Dean.

He nodded and started making the popcorns on the stovetop.

“Hey Henry,” you said to Sam “Do you want to come watch headless horseman with us?”

“He doesn’t like that movie,” Dean replied.

“Do you wanna change it?” You asked Sam, who you thought was called Henry.

“No, don’t worry (Y/N), I have a lot of research to do.”

You shrugged and walked beside Dean. You could barely see the stovetop but it was fun to hear the little kernels pop.

As the popcorns were ready the two of you walked towards the tv room, or Dean Cave as he liked to call it. Jack was already sitting on the sofa and the movie was just a click from starting.

“Your TV looks so weird,” you said trying to find the rest of it, but it seemed to only be a screen “looks like a cinema...”

“Yeah, it works like that,” answered Dean, how would he explain that this wasn’t the same world you remembered. Everything changed so much in a couple of decades it would be hard to explain a little kid such things.

As the darkest scene of the movie approached, right when the horseman followed Ichabot’s through the dark forest you were playing full attention. Taking in everything that happened in the movie and analyzing all the possible outcomes, even as a small 5-year-old your mind was blazing with “what ifs” and “whatnots”. You needed to know, “how could you save Ichabot?”.

“What would you do?” You asked turning to Dean.

“What?” He questioned, right after losing his focus on the film.

“How would you get out of it if you were Ichabot?”

“I’d look for the body, salt and burn.”

“But no one knows where it is, besides the head is somewhere else...”

“I’d do my homework prior, and I’d have Sam, Cas and (Y/N) to cover my back,”

“Me?” You questioned.

“No, a different (Y/N), she’s uh... much older than you,”

“And she would help you hunt down the headless horseman?”

“She’d probably figure out a solution for the problem before we realized we were in trouble.”

“She sounds like a cool person,” you smiled “I’d like to be like her when I grow older, there aren’t many girl hunters out there.”

“Oh, there will be, lot’s of them. You’d be among the best.”

“Well you don’t even know me but thank you Not-My-Dean-Winchester”

As Jack found another movie and clicked play, the three of you continued watching the TV attentively. But halfway through the film, your interest in it had faded and you started paying attention to everything around you. The strange-looking TV, the bright little boxes that Dean checked whenever they would beep, he’d said that it was his phone but it didn’t look like any phone you’d seen. As you kept taking in all the new things you started drifting asleep on the couch.

As the movie finished and Dean and Jack noticed, Dean motion the younger boy to be silent and he lift you up to bring you to your room. Your face was hiding on the crook of his neck and your small arms hugging his neck. Halfway asleep you mumbled, “you know, it’s funny Not-My-DeanWinchester, that you smell exactly like my Dean Winchester”.

He frowned, yes, you had always been close, even as children, but noticing the way someone smelled, you, your adult version had never mentioned anything similar. “I quite like that smell,” was the last thing you said before drifting so deep into sleep that not even when he laid you on the bed a little too abruptly did you notice.

He went back to his room. And did some research on his laptop before sleeping himself. Neither him, not Sam had found the spell yet.

The next morning, as the boys went to check out on you their hearts almost fell to the floor. Instead of a very talkative little 5-year-old, they had a way smaller kid in your room. A version of you that most have been 2 or 3.

“Where’s mom and dad?” You asked. They didn’t know how to respond. You’d grown down at least 2 years in a night, if this kept going you would be unborn in less than a week.

“Hey!” Sam approached you “they went to work, we’ll take care of you today, my name is Sam,” he said pointing at himself, when you were three your mom was still alive and you hadn’t met the Winchesters “that’s Dean,” he pointed at his bother.

You took a deep breath, even kids know when they're in danger, and you felt safe enough to trust these two unknown men “I’m hungry.”

“I’ll uh... let’s make some breakfast all right?” Smiled Dean and he motioned for you follow him. Once you got to the kitchen he sat you on the counter to be able to keep an eye on you while Sam called Rowena again.

“Samuel, you need to stop ringing me whenever you...” she stopped complying as he saw the smaller girl sitting on the counter dangling her feet “oh, don’t tell me that’s (Y/N).”

Sammy nodded.

“Yes I am, thas my name,” you said with a smile, “I’m twhree yeahrs old” you showed your hand, with 4 fingers up.

Dean got close and lowered one of the “three,” he said softly.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“We need to find a cure,”

As the day passed by, the boys got more and more desperate, Rowena had travelled to the bunker to see you in person and try to understand the spell.

“I think I have it!” Said Sam after hours sitting in the library, “(Y/N) said something about juvenile, I found a spell, juvenillis juvinale a puero usque ad senem,” it’s something like form old to young.

“Oh I know this spell,” smiled Rowena “I just need a few things and we’ll be able to fix (Y/N).

“Fix me, why?” You asked Dean as you munched on some cereal.

“A different (Y/N),” he replied absentmindedly.

After the three of them found all the stuff they would need Rowena started with her reversion spell. “a puero usque ad senem, a puero usque ad senem, redde id leve et quod suus 'non est verum” she said, and then threw some dust to a vase, a little explosion made a noise and green smoke came out from it but you were still toddler.

“It didn’t work!” Exclaimed Dean angrily.

“No, it takes time for her to grow up again, she should be back to normal in the morning,” stated Rowena “pleasure to see you boys, but I’ve got business to run, demons to keep in line, all that hell business, so goodbye”.

As Rowena left the bunker after packing her stuff the boys sat back in the library still worried. You were quietly sitting on the main table playing with Dean’s phone. Who would have thought angry birds would keep your three-year-old version entertained for hours.

As Dean took you to bed, you started to be wary of your surroundings, you wanted to see your mom and dad. “I don’t like it here,” you said as he sat you in the bed, “it’s scary I want to see my momma,” you cried shyly.

“I know,” replied Dean in the most understating way “I get it, but it’s all right, you’ll see her soon. The sooner you fall asleep the better.”

As he stood up and walked towards the light switch you stopped him “NO!”

“Lights on?”

“I don’t want to be alone, I never sleep alone, always with mom and dad.”

“But I’d be right next door,” he tried to reason but you only denied with your head.

“Won’t sleep, I will stay awake all night if I’m alone.” Dean drew a deep breath but sat beside you on the bed. “Can you tell me a story?”

“A story?” He questioned.

“Yes! A story before bed,”

“I don’t know any...” he said sadly.

“A song?”

“Can’t sing.”

“Plweeeease?”

“Hey Jude, don't be afraid” he started to mumble the so-known lyrics, “You were made to go out and get her, The minute you let her under your skin, Then you begin to make it better”.

Before either of you realized you were both half asleep. As you opened your eyes in the morning, you felt your bed being occupied by someone. And that someone was cuddling you. You hadn’t been cuddled in years. So naturally, you opened your eyes and jumped backwards when you realized how close Dean’s face was to yours, you even distinguished his small freckles. The bed was small, so that jump led you to the floor. Hitting yourself in the head with the side table in the process.

“Auch,” you complained once on the floor rubbing your head where it had collided with your side table.

Dean’s head popped from the side of the bed, half-sleep at first, but when he saw you, your regular aged self a giant smile grew on his face “You’re back!” He said with content “She’s back!” He screamed so the boys could hear.

“Back? From where?” You asked as you got up from the floor and crawled back inside the bed, yes Dean was there. But it was so cold you didn’t even care, you just wanted your covers on top of you.

“You turned 5, and then 3.”

“Five what?” You asked frowning.

“Years old.”

“I was a kid?”

“Oh, and a very adorable one. You made us watch frozen,”

“Bullshit! I would never! Didn’t even exist when I was a kid.”

He chuckled “Well I guess you do know yourself, we watched the headless horseman animated movie when you were 5, when you were three you basically played angry birds on my phone all day,”

“And why are you in my bed?” you asked after your brain started to process everything Dean was telling you.

“Well, your three-year-old version didn’t want to be alone, threatened to stay awake all night if I didn’t.”

If I’d know that was all it took I would have done it ages ago, you thought to yourself. “Well, then, that sounds like a fever dream, heck maybe I’m still dreaming,” you sad as you dragged Dean from his sitting position to lay back down, “whichever it is, you are now my personal heater”.

“I mean, I knew I was hot but—”

“—Shut up Winchester! I’m trying to sleep,” you mumbled as you cuddled into him. Yes, you were so sure you were dreaming because you only cuddled Dean Winchester in your dreams.

“Hey (Y/N)?” He questioned as he looked at the ceiling and drew small circles on your back.

“Mhm?”

“Why did 5 years old you knew that I smelled like, and I quote, ‘her Dean Winchester’?”

“I’d know it was you no matter my age Dean. I could have been 50 and still recognized you. Besides, you’ve always smelled so nice...” you replied half asleep.

A small smiled appeared on Dean’s face. You thought he smelled nice, and you were cuddling him, even if you were probably still being affected by the spell, he would cherish this moment for as long as it lasted.

Permanent Dean taglist: @akshi8278 @hobby27

Find more Dean fluff here

Feedback is always apreciated ✨

[palimpsessed]

Writerly Ephemera

I was tagged by @amywaterwings @mostlymaudlin @tea-brigade @effing-numpties @captain-aralias @bloodiedpixie . This is so cool, so thanks for sharing yours! ❤️

Per Amy: We add little bits of ourselves to our writing, scattering memories and places and phrases and things into our stories. The game is to find five examples of this, of YOU, in your writing and show everyone.

I don’t really feel like I put much of my own experiences into my fic, probably because I don’t feel like I have a lot of experiences to pull from. (That’s not me being self-deprecating; that’s me never going anywhere or doing anything.) So, let’s see what we come up with!

Going to tag here. I feel like I’ve gotten to this late so I’m not sure who has been tagged. Anyway. No pressure, loves. Just saying hi. 🥰 @theflyingpeach @bazzybelle @otherworldsivelivedin @unseelieseelie @wetheformidables @caitybug @nightimedreamersworld @foolofabookwyrm @stillmadaboutpetra

1. I have put the most of myself into A Man of Letters. I have my degree in English Lit and when I was in college, I was at the height of my Jane Austen obsession. So I sort of built my degree around the development of the English novel. My senior thesis was on a book called Evelina by Frances Burney, who was one of Austen’s greatest literary influences. Evelina is an epistolary novel—told entirely in letters. I love the epistolary form, for the same reason I love dialogue and texting fics. It’s such a fun narrative technique and can reveal so much about individual characters. It’s actually a bit like the way Rainbow Rowell uses multi POV in her books. Anyway, my love of the epistle was on full display in this fic, which is ofc told in letters. —Do I share a passage? That’s like...the whole fic 😅 So, idk. Here’s Simon being a disaster as he meditates on letter writing:

Dear Penny,

As I start this letter, I already know I'm not going to post it. I know I won't be able to bring myself to do it, because of what I have to say to you. I do feel bad. It's not that I don't want to tell you. And you know I'm so much better at writing things down than saying them out loud. It's only that I feel like this would all sound better coming from me in person. I just don't think I'll be able to make you understand in a letter. I'm still trying to understand myself. And writing all of this down helps me with that. Even if I'm only pretending to write to you, it makes me feel better, to think of you on the other end. I promise I really will tell you everything as soon as we're together again.

2. Also for A Man of Letters, my fascination with Regency fashions, in particular the dandy, was a major factor. I did an art book about this, comparing how fashion has changed over time, especially in regard to gender. (I also did an art book based on Evelina, since I’m on the subject. I minored in book art. 😁) I always fancied the look of a Regency dandy, so that was my gift to Baz.

Whoever has been working their magic on Salisbury should in fact be the person to whom I offer my eternal devotion. Alas, I am left to flounder under the burden of lusting after a man who is incapable of dressing himself.

The utter and unmitigated shame.

Salisbury wore a forest green wool frock coat that set off the golden highlights in his brown locks. This was accented with a green and aubergine striped silk waistcoat that was trimmed in white piping and felt much too daring a pattern for the man. (I don't care if he was a soldier; it takes a hardier man than him by half to choose a stripe like that.) His charcoal trousers were enticingly snug, but not so much to prove lethal. His cravat and points left much to be desired, though that likely reflected poorly on his ability to keep himself in order, rather than the ability of his valet. (Good God, maybe the man doesn't even have a valet!)

3. When it came to my countdown fic, To the Manor Borne, I had Shep make a reference to Cluedo, because Pitch Manor would be perfect for a real life game. Behind that, is the fact that my family played a lot of Clue and I watched the movie a whole bunch growing up, to the point where my sister and I used to quote it to each other. This was a way to pay homage to that. He also talks about playing the game Murder in the Dark, which was one I played at Halloween as a kid. One of my cousins was dressed as a ghoul with glow in the dark face paint and we were in my grandma’s creepy upstairs. Perfect vibes.

I’ve seen the kitchen and the dining room and the library and the study and the parlor. Walking through this house is like playing Clue. (They call it Cluedo on this side of the pond, because they like to be difficult.) (That was a whole thing. Do not get me started.)

I keep thinking Colonel Mustard’s going to pop up out of nowhere and brain me with a lead pipe.

And:

What kind of games do you play with magickal friends who don't have magic? Twister? Not with the wings and tail. Cards? Baz and Penny would cheat. Or accuse everyone else of cheating if they didn't win. Murder in the dark? With these people, in this house, I knew it would turn literal fast, and also it was like ten in the morning. Hide and seek? Simon and I would hide and everyone else would ditch. Snowball fight? World War III.

4. I’ve referenced Mozart in my fics a couple of times because when I was first getting into classical music, I was listening to a lot of Mozart. My sister had a CD of some of his early symphonies, and my local classical station does “Mozart in the Mornings” which happened to fit in the exact time slot between two morning classes I had my first year in college. I’d go sit in my car with a cup of tea, and just vibe with Mozart as my soundtrack. I’ve name dropped him in both A Man of Letters and To the Manor Borne. Also, Mozart wrote 12 variations on the melody shared by Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, which is a lovely tie in. (I also had the gang sing/cast The Holly and the Ivy, which is one of my favorite Christmas carols, and by strange coincidence was playing on the radio at the same time I wrote that scene. 🥰)

"It's a songbook," I tell him, like he can't figure that out for himself. "Did you know that Mozart wrote twelve different versions of the same song?"

He's laughing. "Mozart did not write Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Simon."

"You know what I mean."

"He composed twelve variations for solo piano on the French folk melody Ah! Vous dirai-je, maman."

"Sure. Anyway, this is for the violin. For you to play."

He's still laughing, and I'm trying to figure out what's so funny, but then he kisses me again, on the lips this time, so I figure maybe I'm still doing okay.

Only one more to go! What will it be? 👀

5. Therapy! Eheheh...😅 Look, it’s no secret the gang needs it. And tbh, so do I. Haven’t actually managed to get myself to go yet, and I think that’s where a lot of my “send them to therapy” happy endings come from. I did it in Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne. I started Chamber by Chamber with SnowBaz already in therapy, and then structured the whole thing around therapy that they give to each other and to themselves. It didn’t really fit in A Man of Letters, but if it had, I absolutely would have done it. I’ve only shared from two fics so far, and since it could kind of spoil the ending to Use Your Words (tho saying this may be spoiler anyway...), here are two snippets from It’s a Kind of Magic, Part I of Chamber by Chamber.

I've been working on articulating my needs. We both have. Ordinarily, I'd be afraid of pushing him away by making demands when he's on the verge of a spiral, but my therapist insists that I can't go on treating Simon with kid gloves. If I never ask him for anything, he'll think he doesn't have anything to give.

And

When I told that to my therapist, she said that I needed to talk it out of me and she'd help me find ways to work through it all. She said I needed to talk it out with Baz, too, so that he'd know how to help me when things got bad again—that was something else she said, that things would get bad again, and that I'd need to be prepared for that. That I couldn't expect things to be easy, and just go away.

6. BONUS! I think the biggest way I include bits of myself is in the AUs I’ve chosen to write. I have three I’m planning that say a lot about me, so I’m going to talk a bit about them here. There is ofc my Scooby Doo AU, inspired in large part by the fact that I watched it all the time growing up and also, my sister continues to be obsessed with it. When we were young, my parents were doing a lot of work on their house and we’d take family trips to the hardware store. My sister and I hated it, so we’d wait in the car with my mom and she would entertain us with “Scooby Doo stories”. Other AUs I’m planning? Troop Beverly Hills—please tell me someone else out there loved this movie the way I did when I was 5. It was very influential to baby me and I remember wishing for nothing more than being able to dress like Shelley Long. So, I’m going to let Baz do it, because I think he deserves it. 🥰 Lastly, tho it will probably be the first I write, is my Cupid and Psyche AU, from when I was heavy into mythology and religion. Since these are all forthcoming projects, I don’t really have a snippet. Instead, here’s Baz comparing Simon to Eros, which is what started my brain on that particular AU.

I am lost. I barely know anything about Salisbury, but I can't help being drawn in. At one time, I could have comforted myself that I was only so smitten with him because he looks like he was sculpted by Praxiteles. That excuse grows weaker with every encounter. He's the furthest thing from a lifeless tribute to beauty in marble as one can be. There is something deep and dark and feral inside of him and I want to claw it out. I want to see it, to let it free. To taste his wildness and his pain.

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

In a way the whole "Izuku is the Dragonborn" fic would need to leave most of the backstory of Izuku the 4-14 years old dragon slayer on luck or Inko doing all the work while Izuku is, like, put in a position of safety (he still needs to eat dragon souls tho, same for Miraaks... How would that work even?) So I might need to move things around a bit.

Basically here's the backstory on all major shit:

Helgen: Inko and Izuku run away with Hadvar. They are not scheduled for execution because, you know, Hadvar might not go out of his way for a stranger but there is a small kid involved, younger than his cousin dammit, way younger than your usual Stormcloak Child Soldier Conscript from Dawnstar (an actual canon thing believe it or not) so he puts his foot down. In the keep Hadvar does most of the work obviously, even if Inko does, in her desperation, cut down people getting dangerously close to Izuku. She is a better lockpick than she expected, especially with her Quirk, and Izuku in his curiosity ends up pawing off the book and a strange, mysterious ring inside the Mage's cell. They then go to Riverwood with Hadvar, where they are directed to both Farengar and the College for matters regarding magical space travel, so to speak.

Riverwood: However, they are pennyless and alone in a foreign world, so Inko tries first to make money by working at the local lumber mill as she sends a courier to Whiterun for the Dragon Thing. Assume we are playing with my modded version of the game, which means Riverwood is currently the home of one Triss Merigold from the Witcher. She is also spacially displaced as of late, and is searching for Yennefer, Ciri and Geralt, with whom she jumped into this reality before getting lost from them. Dorthe and Frodnar will direct the small Izuku to her, since Dorthe is the one "babysitting" Izuku while his mother works so he's playing with the slightly older kids. Basically, they know she is a mage of some sort since she showed them some sort of light show, and Inko still needs to make money if she wants to leave with the proper equipment so they can't even go to Farengarym yet.

This allows us to 1) Set up the Triss Merigold X Midoriya Inko endgame and NO I AM NOR FUCKING STUTTERING and 2) Give Inko a competent bodyguard of sorts before she actually does get used to the unforgiving land of Skyrim and starts giving people heart attacks with her Quirk.

Of the Major Guilds:

Companions: Inko Joins as a way to make money for Izuku. With the mercenary work she manages to buy the house in Whiterun, so now Izuku can be left in a safe location, with "Aunt" Lydia as his babysitter. Whiterun Shenanigans ensue with Izuku befriending Lucia and Lars. Also Braith but, like, after lots of character development. Lucia is obviously the first to be adopted.

Inko is the one who becomes a werewolf and the Harbinger in the end, Izuku is not involved in this Storyline outside of some encounters with "Aunt" Aela and "Uncles" Vilkas and Farkas. Inko renounces her condition in the end.

College of Winterhold: They move to winterhold together since Farengar can't help them. Izuku is actually a quick study, as exemplified to that one spell book he found in helgen that thought him within seconds how to shoot lightning from his hands, much to his mother's worry. He ends up killing a bandit in self defense that way when he's barely 5. It was either do that or let them get to his mom.

Anyway, Inko is enrolled, but so is Izuku, the two now living on College Grounds. Triss is also there as an honorary lecturer. Anyway, Whe most of the adventuring is still done by Inko, is Izuku who receives the visit of the Psijic Order and, ultimately, he is the one to kill Ancano and close the eye of Magnus. Inko becomes Archmage still, even if she tries her hardest to have Toldfir step up instead.

The way Izuku kills Ancano is actually more based on guile than actual magical prowess. He is the only one not paralyzed in the boss fight, so what he does, is grab one of J'Zargo experimental Scrolls, summon a Skeleton Minion (Oblivion spell he was recently taught so to have someone protecting him in times of crisis), and then run with it against Ancano, too busy as he is being a megalomaniac, suicide bombing himself. He survives, but only thanks to the Restoration Professor quick intervention as Ancano dies and the paralysis falters.

Restoration magic did save the day in the end.

J'Zargo, who is usually aloof and snarky over his experiments, is actually horrified his rival's son almost got killed because of him, so he pledges he will do everything in his power to find a way to help them with their issue. He is a great magician after all, and his class is one of the brightest to date, they can find a way out for them.

Dragon War: Since all they can do now is wait for the College, Inko returns to Whiterun with Izuku and Triss, but on the way the watchtower is attacked, Mirmulmir is slain, and Izuku absorbs his dragon soul. This jumpstarts the events of Skyrim, with Izuku and Inko having to go on a pilgrimage to High Hrothgar to better understand what is happening to her son, who is now terrified of talking least he blew his mother apart with his voice.

A 5 years old kid makes a poor warrior, so the Greybeard offer to train him for his destiny, but Inko refuses. They don't need her son to kill dragons, just to eat their souls, so what she can do, is do the actual dragon slaying, and then have Izuku eat the souls. This still forces her to bring Izuku on her adventures, which isn't ideal, but only the dragon related ones. Izuku still learns the shouts of unrelenting force and whirlwind sprint as well as Dragonrend, but is Inko the one wielding the blade.

As a side note, Paarthurnax, for once not having to deal with a 4th era Nord, can finally give the unadulterated lore of the order rather than the imperialized, akatosh centric one, which leads Izuku to grow interested in Kyne, Warrior-Widow of Shor, for how much she reminds him of his mom.

Anyway, Inko is the one doing most of the stuff, Paarthurnax isn't killed, and Izuku gets two dragon buddies, one a wise and aging mentor war criminal, the other a brash and snarky red dragon he can call with his voice.

Izuku and Inko go both to Sovengarde. Inko meets back Kodlak, but also Ysgramor, who she now recognizes as a war criminal bastard, and she is the one dealing the killing blow on Alduin. Inko, Breath of Kyne, is the one sand in the songs now, the mother of the dragonborn who delivered them from evil.

Thieves Guild: Inko also does it all, but is the start of Izuku's involvement with Daedras. Inko takes the pledge to Nocturnal, so her soul is now bound to her realm, but is her son that catches the Prince's eye. Inko also tries to reform the guild back to its old robin hood ways, with divergent results.

Explorer Guild: This is the Legacy of the Dragonborn Mod. Inko founds the explorers guild and moves to the now bigger home in the Museum in Solitude. Proudspire manor has been bought by Yennefer, now advisor to Queen Elisif, who thanks to her influence has grown more confident. Girlboss helping Girlboss prosper and all that. She lives there with husband and daughter, and there's a reunion with Triss. Usual angst about "is she going to leave me? Are our adventures over?" But Triss stays because she cares about Inko and shit.

Anyway, inko is the one doing most of the stuff here too, but she now has a big enough home to adopt more than just Lucia.

She adopts every orphan, as well as Sissel and Britte in Rorikstead after murdering their abusive father. She then kills Grelod in Riften, so to also be able to adopt the orphans at the orphanage. To do so, she catches the attention of the Dark Brotherhood since she just stolen their contact. She of course adopts Aventus Aretino too.

Dark Brotherhood: All Inko. Unlike thieves guild, Izuku isn't even aware she's doing this, since he's back in Solitude with his new siblings.

Princes:

Izuku does Sheogorath. He's playing in the streets with his siblings and the other Solitude kids, when he finds Sheogorath abandoned follower. So he sneaks in the blue palace, gets to the forbidden wing, and meets Sheogorath, the Hero of Kvatch. Does his quest since it's a pretty easy quest even for a 5 years old kid, and then gets the Wabbajack in exchange.

Inko does Sanguine. The sham marriage is actually to Triss this time, which leads to more angst obviously.

Inko also does Vaermina (destroying the staff), Dagon (Destroying the Razor), Hircine (Gets the Ring), Malacath, Namira (Saves the priest and kills the cannibals), Molag Bal (Just... Never completes his quest and leaves the bastard hanging), Boethia (sacrifices one of the two racist dudes in Windhelm after trucking him into following her), Azura (Uncorrupted Star) and Peryte.

Izuku finds Meridia's Beacon but it's Inko who does the quest.

Izuku is the one meeting Barbas and they have "A boy and his dog" adventures together before he manages to bring him back to Clavicus Vile and convince him to take him back without needing to do his quest. He gets the Mask as a Result, but also a dog in the form of Styx, the spectral wolf, another mod.

Izuku does Mephala, pretty early on too. He befriends Baalgruf's bastard son while still living in Whiterun, who tells him about the whispering door, and after a couple of deceptions he gets the blade. He never charges it tho.

While is Inko the one getting the Ogma Infinium, she can't open it, and is Izuku the one opening it and gaining the boost in knowledge, as well as becoming Herma Mora champion.

Dawnguard and Dragonborn are also done by Inko, but is Midoriya who is sent to Apocrypha when she opens a black book. There he has a odd "Older Sibling trying to murder Younger Sibling" relationship with Miraak, and is ultimately forced to see him get killed by Herma Mora. Aunt Serana becomes a permanent fixture in the house.

Bard College is done by Inko but Izuku is also part of the college now.

Most quests are done by Inko, but the misc quests that require either speech or guile are done by Izuku, especially if they involve children. This includes stuff like paying for Erik the Slayer armor in Rorikstead, or cheering up that girl in Solitude whose uncle was executed for aiding in regicide.

Speaking of which:

Civil War: Inko does it obviously, and she sides with the empire, because 1) Hadvar, 2) Baalgruf, and 3) Elisif.

And also because she went to Windhelm one time to stop a serial killer and gods she couldn't believe how racist those fuckers were.

Modded followers are obviously Inigo, Lucien and Shirley Curry, to name a few.

Forgotten City is done by Inko, Izuku is not even in the time loop. Project AHO is done by Inko and ends with her freeing the slaves and murdering every single slaver in the settlement. Most modded quest mods are done by her honestly.

Izuku obviously keeps himself up to date with his magical studies, which means around 8-10 years old he moves back to winterhold, still waiting for a way home, so J'Zargo can study him to reverse engineer his quirk, and he can learn more spells. Most of his siblings are almost of age by now too, and his mother has started calming down in her worry, since she trusts her old coursemates and teacher to keek Izuku safe...

Ok, no, she trusts Onmund and Toldfir to keep Izuku safe, in this order, but it's still more people she would trust if he started living with any of her other guilds.

Anyway, can't think of much else.

[blouisparadise]

Here are some great bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of May. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Louis Punishments | Mature | 1759 words

Just a bunch of punishments Harry has given to Louis.

2) Hoping To Discover A Certain Kind Of Lover  | Explicit | 2353 words

He knew the basic idea of what was supposed to happen. It was the entire point of the film Zayn was working on. To match up unmated alpha and omega strangers and to film them as they kissed for the first time. The two of them shuffled awkwardly back and forth, unsure of what to do.

Enough was enough. “I’m gonna just go for it, yeah?” Harry suggested, and Louis nodded quickly, already leaning closer to him.

Everything was hesitant at first. Tender lips met, and all of it was soft and new, neither of them wanting to overstep. A little zing of anticipation and something unfamiliar shot down Harry’s spine as he swallowed the tiny sound of surprise Louis made. Neither alpha nor omega were pushing, but that was the point of all of this, wasn’t it? To see what happened when people let go and let themselves be? Harry figured he would try. For the sake of the experiment, of course.

Gently, so, so gently, Harry slid his hand up the side of Louis’s throat, cupping his jaw to hold him as close as he could. Their lips finally, finally, finally parted, and Harry could taste the hint of tea and honey lingering on Louis’s tongue. Suddenly and all at once, he couldn’t get enough.

3) Irresistible | Mature | 2380 words

Louis goes into his first heat at school and no one is able to resist him. Harry - who's been in love with him since forever - fucks and bonds him in the toilets.

4) Signed, No Name | Mature | 4647 words

Harry doesn’t know Blue, he just knows that he leaves random notes in the corners of the books he checks out, and he’s head over heels for him.

5) It Could've Been Worse | Not Rated | 4949 words

The one where a pandemic happens, harry is obssessed and louis hates apps made for 15 years old.

6) Take Me To The Stars | Explicit | 5840 words

Staring at his darling daughter, in the middle of the pasta aisle, Louis found himself on the edge of a neurotic breakdown.

"It’s your birthday tomorrow! And your papa better not do anything to muck it up! Because your dada worked very hard to organise it! And all of your aunties and grannies and granddads and friends will be there!” Louis continued in a sweet sing-song voice that seemed to get increasingly frantic as he continued. “And if your papa is in rut, then what? What’ll we do, honey girl? Your dada will be too busy! And your papa will be too horn-”

“Louis,” Harry interrupted, touching Louis’ arm. “I’ll be okay. It’s probably not even my rut. I can appreciate you… all of you… even when I’m not in rut.”

Louis looked at him skeptically, imagining the shitshow that would be Harry in rut, surrounded by family and friends, at their child’s first birthday party. “I hope you’re right, H.”

7) Kiss Like Fire | Explicit | 9093 words

Harry watches as his uncle's new omega walks around the backyard, serving canapés and drinks to all of the family members gathered. Harry is surrounded by his cousins, all sat together, too young for the adults but too old for the kids and teens. He lifts his beer to his lips and takes a sip when the omega crouches down by one of Harry's younger cousins and hands her a small cracker, sending her off with a sweet smile.

He watches as his uncle comes out of the house, sliding the patio door shut behind him and quickly making his way over to his omega. The omega looks up at him when he wraps an arm around his waist. His pretty lips move with soft-spoken words. Harry has to fight to keep his alpha in check when his dirty old uncle's hand dips down, grabbing at the omega's ass and making him jump.

"Dude," one of his cousins says, "Uncle Darron's new omega is such a milf."

8) Waking Up Alone | Mature | 10060 words

"Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love"

Love shouldn't hurt, loving somebody with everything you have shouldn't make you feel like you're dying. Louis feels like he’s drowning. He should have known where this was going from the start, he should have been prepared. Now he’s waking up in an empty bed, some days he doesn’t want to even wake up again. There's a hole in his heart; it's in the shape of Harry. Nothing he does can fill it. Drugs, alcohol, pouring out his heart into songs that Harry probably won't ever hear. When Louis is with him, he feels like he’s in heaven. Being alone, that's what he feels he deserves, at least Harry can be happier without him.

Maybe if they met at a different time, under different circumstances, he could have saved them. Louis had to do what was best for Harry, but it kills him a little everyday. Louis sees his smile everyday, but he knows it's no longer for him. Someone else makes Harry happier, but Louis wanted it to be him. They could have had forever. Louis would have given Harry everything.

"Forget what I said, it's not what I meant" Harry had tried to say, but Louis knew that wasn't the truth. After everything they’ve been through, Louis still loves him.

9) To The Beat Of My Own Drum | Explicit | 10285 words

A collection of drabbles.

10) Alone Too Long | Explicit | 10371 words

By the time The Temptress finally reached bay, the Captain only had one thing on his mind, and that one thing was Louis Darling.

11) Straight Boy | Explicit | 12251 words

Young, brunette and handsome, Louis attracts unwanted attention in prison. When his cellmate offers him protection, Louis accepts the offer, even though he doesn’t trust the guy. Little does he know how much it will change his life.

When he’s released from prison, Louis finds himself needing and wanting things he shouldn’t want. Louis is straight. He is. He has a girlfriend. What happened in prison stayed in prison—or so Louis tells himself.

Until he meets his former cellmate again. Harry. The guy he hates and craves.

12) Beautiful Crime | Not Rated | 13282 words

Note: This fic contins no explicit smut but since it’s a/b/o we’ve decided to include it in this monthly roundup. 

Louis is keen to defeat the one and only Alpha Harry Styles who has a notorious reputation in the entire country for his ruthlessness but a turn of events brings them on crossroads which deviate from their havens of war.

13) Anticipation | Explicit | 14156 words

Louis' a stripper. Harry's the new club owner. Louis decides he wants to get in his new boss' pants fairly quickly, but it might take more work than he thought to do that.

14) Strong Enough | Explicit | 20787 words

“So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?”

Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

15) Alpha and Omega | Not Rated | 22270 words

Note: There is no smut where someone bottoms in this fic, but it contains omega Louis, so we’ve included it in this monthly roundup. 

Louis finds a new sense of self when the son of the werewolf leader, Harry Styles, comes to town to quell unrest in the Chicago pack and inspires a power in Louis that he never felt before.

Not my own work but rather a reimagination of the book Alpha and Omega with Harry and Louis.

16) Amazing Grace | Mature | 24290 words

Harry’s a dedicated pastor who's happily married, Louis is the troubled youth that stumbles into his life.

17) A Trail Of Honey Through It All | Explicit | 27083 words

The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him.

18) Just a Bit Twisted | Explicit | 30548 words

Professor Harry Styles is hated and feared by all of his students. Strict, reserved and ruthless, he doesn’t tolerate mistakes and has little patience for his students.

Louis Tomlinson is a twenty-year-old struggling to provide for his younger sisters after the death of their parents. On the verge of losing his scholarship, Louis becomes desperate enough to go to Professor Styles.

Everyone says Styles doesn’t have a heart. Everyone says he’s a ruthless bastard. Louis finds out that everyone is right.

He strikes a deal with Styles, but unexpectedly, the deal turns into something so much more.

Something all-consuming and addictive.

Something neither of them wants.

19) Like It's A Game | Explicit | 32223 words

There is little harry hates more than truth or dare.

20) We'll Be the Fine Line | Not Rated | 32474 words

“…Hey, Harry. It’s Louis…… um, yeah. Listened to the album tonight. It’s real good mate. Um, yeah, just real, impressed. I was kinda putting it off, ya’know, didn’t know if I wanted to listen to it. Saw you went on James and, uh, Saturday Night Live. Couldn’t watch you, have a hard time watching you on these things……. Anyway, mate, just thought I would drop a line. Don’t need to call me back. Alright.”

Louis listens to Fine Line, and, drunk, he leaves a voicemail for Harry after months of not speaking. This reminds Harry of a time before everything fell apart, slowly, painfully, a time when the two of them were still in love. And he desperately wants to go back.

21) The Space Between | Explicit | 33074 words

Living in East Verona was a privilege. One Prince Harry only found out when he decided to cross the borders into The Zone looking for entertainment, a temptation, a distraction, anything that would allow him to escape his boring, mundane life of luxury.

But what he found was something he never could have expected - poverty, destruction, chaos, but most importantly, a blue-eyed boy.

Together, they embark on a journey plagued with hazards and risks and twists and turns.

Can these two star-crossed souls fight for their freedom and keep each other safe at the same time?

22) Yes, Daddy, I Will | Not Rated | 33510 words

Where Harry is a dom and Louis is his cute little sub.

23) Last Blues For Bloody Knuckles | Explicit | 34241 words

Styles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake.

He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later.

24) Before We Knew | Explicit | 39593 words

Or Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

25) Hit Me With Your Sweet Love | Explicit | 39690 words

Powerful people only end up with powerful people. The rest are just playthings in their lives. Louis Tomlinson was many things, but he wasn’t anybody’s plaything.

26) Stole My Heart | Mature | 51343 words

Louis doesn't want much. A warm bed, and people who care about him.

Harry has everything he needs, despite his mother insisting he needs a mate. Money, status, and any omega he wants, why lock his heart down.

Until Louis comes along, and steals it.

27) No Going Back | Explicit | 56102 words

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

28) Royal Desires | Mature | 66207 words

When Prince Louis falls into an early heat, his new personal guard Harry Styles is brought in as his heat partner for the time being until Louis finds a suitable royal prince to bond and take the throne with. The only problem is that Harry is everything Louis wants but can't have. Freedom, tattoos, individuality...and quite possibly love.

29) How To Break A Heartbreaker's Heart? | Teen & Up | 67447 words

Harry is straight.

Louis is gay.

Harry happens to be homophobic.

Louis has a dark past.

Harry had a dark childhood.

Will Louis and Harry unite and defy their past? Or will homophobia win for the umpteenth time?

30) Lavender Dreams | Not Rated | 77888 words

Louis is an outgoing person that goes to school for educational psychology and Harry is a biology major who happen to run into each other... a lot.

31) Be My Omega | Mature | 138372 words

It all started when the alpha laid eyes on the short curvy omega and he knew at that moment that his life would never be the same, in a good way of course.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[teenslib]

IT’S FINALLY DONE! Every year, the Rainbow Book List Committee has more books to review, because literature is slowing getting queerer, and children’s and YA lit are at the forefront of that change. This year, our committee of 13 people had to review nearly 500 eligible titles, and 130 (well, 129) were good enough and queer enough to make the list. There were so many terrific books that we got a special dispensation to create TWO Top Ten lists--the first time the committee has done so! The Top Tens are below, and please visit the link above for the full list.

I’m proud of our committee’s focus on diversity--along lines of race, ethnicity, queer identity, and even genre. At least half of the Top Ten Books for Young Readers and seven of the Top Ten for Teen Readers are about characters of color, and most of those were written by authors of color. We also tried to feature as many different letters of the alphabet soup as possible. I’ve noted the racial and LGBTQIA+ rep for the books that I’ve read.

Here are the Top Ten Books for Young Readers:

Ana on the Edge by Sass, A.J. Ages 8 to 12. Sports Fiction/Figure Skating. MC is nonbinary and Jewish-Chinese-American. Ana is a champion figure-skater. She hates her new princess-themed program, but how can she tell her mother that, when it cost so much money? And why does it bother her so much, anyway? When she finds the word ‘nonbinary,’ she realizes why the program doesn’t fit, but she still has a lot of work to do repairing relationships that have suffered in the meantime.

The Deep & Dark Blue by Smith, Niki. Ages 8 to 12. Fantasy. One of 2 MCs is a trans girl, all characters appear to be Southeast Asian. A pair of twins flee after a political coup that puts their lives at risk. They decide to disguise themselves as Hanna and Grayce, two girls living in the Communion of the Blue, an order of weaving women who spin magic like wool. What one twin doesn’t know is that, for the other, being Grayce isn’t a disguise. This is a beautiful story about self-discovery, acceptance, and affirmation.

Drawing on Walls: A Story of Keith Haring by Burgess, Matthew and Josh Cochran (Illustrator). Ages 6 to 14. Biography. MC is a white gay man. This colorful picture-book biography traces the life and art of Keith Haring.

The Every Body Book: LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids about Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families by Simon, Rachel E. and Noah Grigni (Illustrator). Ages 8 to 12. Nonfiction/Health. Various identities and races included. Filled with self-affirming information, The Every Body Book uses inclusive language, illustrations, and facts to cover a number of important topics for young people including consent, relationships, gender, sex, puberty, and hormones.

King and the Dragonflies by Callender, Kacen. Ages 8 to 12. Realistic Fiction. MC is a gay black boy, his best friend is a gay white boy. King’s family–especially his father–have strong opinions about what it means to be a Black man, and they don’t allow for being gay. But King admires his friend Sandy for escaping an abusive home and living his truth no matter what. If King comes out, too, can his father learn to change?

Magic Fish by Nguyen, Trung Le. Ages 12 and up. Realistic Fiction/Fantasy. MC is a gay Vietnamese-American boy. A young Vietnamese-American boy literally can’t find the words to tell his parents that he’s gay, but cross-cultural fairytales help bridge the language barrier in this beautifully-illustrated graphic novel. 

My Maddy by Pitman, Gayle E. and Violet Tobacco (Illustrator). Ages 4-8. Realistic Fiction. MC’s parent is nonbinary, MC and her parent are white. My Maddy is a heartwarming story about a young girl and her parent. Readers learn that not all parents are boys or girls; some parents are just themselves. In this young girl’s case, that parent is her Maddy, a loving, caring parent who lives outside the gender binary.

My Rainbow by Neal, DeShanna, Trinity Neal, and Art Twink (Illustrator). Ages 4-8. Realistic Fiction. MC is an autistic black trans girl. Autistic trans girl Trinity wants to have long hair, but growing it out is too itchy! None of the wigs in the store are quite right, so Mom makes Trinity a special rainbow wig.

Our Subway Baby by Mercurio, Peter and Leo Espinosa (Illustrator). Ages 4 to 8. Adoption Non-fiction. MCs are white gay men, the baby they adopt is Black. Loving illustrations help tell the story of how an infant abandoned in a NYC subway station was adopted by the man who found him and his partner.

Snapdragon by Leyh, Kat. Snapdragon. Ages 10 to 14. Fantasy. Haven’t read this one yet, so I can’t comment on its representation. Snap gets to know the town witch and discovers that she may in fact have real magic and a secret connection to Snap’s family’s past.

And here are the Top Ten Books for Teen Readers:

All Boys Aren’t Blue: A Memoir-Manifesto by Johnson, George M. Ages 14 to 18. Memoir. Author/MC is a gay Black man. “Memoir-manifesto” is a well-chosen label for this book, which relates stories from the author’s childhood and young adulthood and contextualizes them within a queer Black experience. Although the author’s family is loving and supportive, pervasive heteronormativity, queerphobia, and anti-Black racism threaten his mental, emotional, and physical safety.

Camp by Rosen, L.C. Ages 14 and up. Realistic Fiction. MC and his love interest are gay Jewish boys. For Randy, going away to Camp Outland is a breath of fresh air, a time to be exactly who Randy can’t always be at school. But this year will be different. This year, Randy won’t be the flamboyant theater kid, this year Randy will be exactly the type of bro Hudson would want to date. Changing a thing or too will be necessary for Randy to succeed, even if that means leaving some friends behind.

Cemetery Boys by Thomas, Aiden. Ages 13 and up. Paranormal/Romance. MC is a trans Latino, his love interest is a gay Latino. Yadriel accidentally summons the wrong ghost in an attempt to prove himself a real brujo to his family who struggle to accept his gender identity. Though he thinks he is summoning the ghost of his cousin, he actually summons the ghost of Julian Diaz, and finds himself with not one, but two, mysterious deaths to investigate.

Circus Rose by Cornwell, Betsy. Ages 12 and up. Fantasy. One MC is white and one is mixed-race, one is a lesbian and one is questioning. Ivory and Rosie are twins and half-sisters, born to a bearded woman who refused to choose between her lovers, and raised in their mother’s circus. After a long foreign tour, they come home to find themselves under attack by religious zealots. As tragedy follows tragedy, will Ivory be able to save her circus family?

Elatsoe by Little Badger, Darcie  and Rovina Cai (Illustrator). Ages 12 and up. Mystery. MC is an aro/ace Lipan Apache girl. In this OwnVoices novel, Elatsoe is on a mission to discover who killed her beloved cousin, and why. If not for her cousin, then she is doing this for her people, the Indigenous Lipan Apache tribe. Elatsoe has the ability to raise ghosts from the dead, a tradition that has been passed down through generations. On this journey it will take vulnerability, wit, and the legends of her people for Elatsoe to understand all that is hidden in the small town of Willowbee.

I’ll Be the One by Lee, Lyla. Ages 13 and up. Realistic Fiction. MC is a bi Korean-American girl, her love interest is a bi Korean boy. Skye Shin dreams of becoming the world’s first plus-sized K-pop star, and a reality TV competition may just be her chance. To win, she’ll have to deal with fatphobic beauty standards, fierce competition, and intense media scrutiny–as well as unexpected attraction to one of her competitors.

Miss Meteor by Mejia, Tehlor Kay and Anna-Marie McLemore. Ages 14 and up. Magical Realism. (I haven’t read this one, but I think both MCs are WLW Latinas.) Lita is a star – literally. After falling to earth several years ago, she’s now living life as a teenage girl. When the annual Miss Meteor pageant rolls around, Lita decides to enter – but will her ex-best friend Chicky be willing to help her? Will the pageant help her forget about the past and imagine a new future? Lita learns that winning isn’t about being perfect, it’s about showing your true self to the world – even the parts that no one else understands.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Johnson, Leah. Ages 12 and up. Realistic Fiction. MC is a black WLW (woman-loving-woman). In this affectionate rom-com, Liz Lighty finds herself an unlikely candidate for prom queen at her affluent suburban school. Shy, awkward, Black, and low-income, Liz has never felt like she belonged, and she can’t wait to leave for her dream college. But when her scholarship falls through, it seems her last resort is to win prom queen, and the scholarship money that comes with it. Liz’s plan is complicated when new girl Mack decides to run for prom queen also…and ends up running away with Liz’s heart.

War Girls by Onyebuchi, Tochi.  Ages 12 and up. Science Fiction/Afro-Futurism. Both MCs are Nigerian, one is a WLW. In a not-so-distant future, climate change and nuclear disasters have made much of the earth unlivable. In the midst of war in Nigeria, two sisters, Onyii and Ify, are torn apart and face two very different futures. As their lives progress through years of untold violence and political unrest, battles with deadly mechs and cyborg soldiers outfitted with artificial limbs and organs, they are brought together again and again and must come to terms with how the war has impacted their lives.

When We Were Magic by Gailey, Sarah. Ages 14 and up. Contemporary Fantasy. MC is a white bi/questioning girl with gay dads, her friends are racially, ethnically, and queerily diverse. This firecracker of a novel follows a group of friends who attempt to correct the accidental murder of a classmate. When We Were Magic combines magic, friendship, and awkward moments to create a captivating story. Each character brings their own uniqueness to the strong group of friends, but despite their differences, their loyalty remains. Author Sarah Gailey has written another page turning novel, with the quirky strange content to boot.

[imaginesmai]

Peter Parker - Friday Night

This is just fluff. Without any plot, fluff. And steamy make out. But fluff. FluFf.

Plot: you want to have a quiet Friday night, and Peter is just swinging by to make it better.

The microwave was, in your humble opinion, one of the most addictive things in the world. You could spend minutes and minutes just watching the seconds run by, and when the final countdown finished, you would always jump surprised; just like you did in that moment.

You took the hot chocolate out of the machine, hoping the warm milk would cheer you enough to feel like doing anything. Between college, family and things not going your way, you needed time to yourself to relax and not worry about late appointments and missed dates. The house was quiet – thank God the neighbours – and the only sound that you could hear were your socked feet making its way to the living room. Your other three roommates were out of the apartment for the day. One in a rugby game, other having dinner with some friends and the last one out for the night partying. Which left the apartment for yourself.

With a judgemental look, the open laptop stared from the other side of the couch where you were sitting, but you decided to ignore it and take one of the books that you had bought months ago. One knee up on the couch, the other resting under your butt, it was the perfect position to enjoy the warm chocolate and the book.

Until there was a noise in the window of the fire escape, and you felt like screaming your lungs out. With determinated steps, you were ready to throw the kid that had decided to knock on your window as fun to the ground. It wasn’t the first time, and probably wasn’t the last, that your neighbours let their sneaky kids out in the fire escape, and they decided to come and play by your apartment.

The bunch of not so nice words died in your tongue when the window opened, and showed a blushing Peter Parker sneaking in. He was wearing his normal clothes, although you could see the web shooters under his sleeves.

You waited until he had closed the window to talk.

“What are you doing here?” you asked as a greeting.

“Hey” Peter smiled at you, and your anger subsided. “I heard – Cassidy told me you were alone tonight, and I thought that, uh, you could use some company? Unless you were doing something – which is fine! I understand if you’re super busy with –“

“I wasn’t doing anything important” you cut him off.

It was hard to say no to Peter Parker, and you had known that since you had met him in the school’s yard trying to get back the car that some kid had stolen from you. Four year old Peter, in his shortest glory, tried to get it back only to be kicked into the sand by the older kids. In the process, he had broken your car and had thrown you to the ground with him. But then, Peter had apologised and asked if he could play with you.

And you learned that you could never say no to him. Even if your peaceful evening was probably going to be ruined by the talkative boy.

“I thought you were spending the night with Ned?” you raised a brow at him.

“Yeah, I was” he chuckled, shifting into his feet. “But I see him daily, and Cassidy might have told me that you were down? But don’t tell her I’ve said anything, cause she gets really scary when she’s mad. And she told me not to… “

Peter started rambling about your roommate a mile per hour, and you felt yourself relaxing with the sound.

“You want a hot chocolate?” you interrupted Peter.

That was how your relaxing evening took an unexpected turn. You put more milk with cocoa and vanilla in your microwave, listened to Peter talk while it heated and plopped back into the couch with him.

It had been at least two weeks since you had seen him, and now that you thought about it, you had missed Peter like crazy. College was a new experience for both of you, and even if you were close enough to visit each other every day, you were too busy with assignments and exams to talk through the phone. He was living with Ned in a boy’s dorm, while you were living with your cousin and two of her friends. They were nice, and you almost considered them your own friends, but you missed your old life from time to time.

Peter was the image of that. He hadn’t changed, he never did. He still had the same untamed curls and the soft freckles that splashed his cheeks, wore the same baggy nerd t-shirts and talked at the same speed. It felt nice, suddenly, to have something else than just the sound of your socked feet on the ground.

“So, what are your plans for tonight?” you asked once he was over talking.

“Well, since I passed molecular biochemistry with an outstanding” Peter wiggled his brows and you gaped at him. “I thought some Star Wars and Thai?”

“Why haven’t you told me before?!” you half yelled, intending to sound indignant but letting the proudness escape through your words. “I can’t believe it! You said you did it horrible!”

“Yet I nailed it, because I’m a – hey!” Peter tried to protect himself with his hands, but he received a second blow with the yellow cushion you were holding. “Okay, stop! I’m sorry! I wanted it to be a surprise!”

Peter erupted into a fit of giggles that made your stomach turn, and you propped yourself with your knees to keep hitting him with the cushion. The chocolates were forgotten in the coffee table, the milk slowly becoming colder and colder. But you didn’t care, because you had your boyfriend with you and it was the best way of relaxing that you had even met.

In the blink of an eye, the yellow cushion was thrown across the living room and you were pushed forward, until your chest met Peter’s and you were squished into his body, sitting on him. He didn’t give you time to talk, and pressed his lips against yours with the need of a person who needed another to live. He tasted like the chocolate he had sipped from before, and like mint. Your body almost became lax against his, and you responded to the kiss with the same love.

Your hands moved to the back of his head and brushed the skin of his baby hairs, making him shiver slightly. There was no hurry, nothing else to do or to care for, so you let the moment last as long as you could. Peter ended up rocking you against him, moving your hips forth and back and creating pressure against your bodies.

One of his hand fell from your waist to your ass, and started moulding it, while the other sneaked under your t-shirt.

“You know” he said when he broke apart, his lips never leaving your skin, but talking against the border of your lips. “I think we both deserve a reward”

You didn’t bother in answering, but hummed as his lips made it’s way down your neck. He left a slow trail of gossebumps as he carried his lips along your skin. His hot breath made you shiver against his hold as his lips ghosted over your pulse point.

Once more, his lips moved back to yours, until they were locked again. You expected him to kiss you as hard as he had done seconds ago, but Peter’s kiss was as soft as his cheeks and he left you with your mouth parted when he teared away.

“By watching Star Wars and ordering Thai” he finished, with a small teasing smirk on his face. “What did you think, you dirty girl?”

“I can’t believe you did that”

You pouted and slumped against him, until your head was tucked between his shoulder and neck. Peter chuckled and dragged his hand back to your waist, drawing a lazy circle with his hand on your hip.

“You’re a menace” you argued. “I don’t know why I let you inside my house. I’m gonna ban you”

“But if you ban me I won’t be able to do this”

One of the perks of having a superhero boyfriend, was that he could move you around as if you were made of hair. Peter hoisted you up from under your armpits and swayed you over so that both of your legs were hanging from the armchair of the couch, and your head was resting fully on his shoulder. He had you wrapped around his arms, one under your knees and the other behind your back, just below your hips. It reminded you of a way someone cradled a baby, but you didn’t complain.

Peter managed to take his phone from his jacket’s pocket and typed something in the screen while you let the shock of the movement wear off.

Finally, you relaxed in his arms and cuddled closer to him.

“This is nice” you muttered, and closed your eyes. The chocolate drinks were long forgotten in the coffee table, but you felt much more like Thai, movie and Peter.

“I know” he turned his head, and without tearing his eyes from the screen, he kissed your hairline. “Food will be here in twenty minutes according to Just Eat. Any Star Wars preference?”

You didn’t say anything, only moved closer to Peter. And hoped that by any chance the delivery guy could make themselves into the apartment, because you didn’t want to move from there in a really long time.

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[rebelscum-2187]

So after nearly 22 years of life on this planet, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am high functioning autistic. I believe I fell through the cracks of an early diagnosis for the following reasons:

1.) I am Female (I learned how to mask myself very early on)

2.) I have a gifted IQ (above 130) and was classified as such in 4th grade so no one considered that I could be both ASD and intellectually gifted.

I am in the beginning stages of unmasking and am currently seeking an official diagnosis. Right now, I’m trying to write down everything I know about my neurodivergent experience so here’s a list of things I’ve experienced and believe to be relevant. If you can relate or you understand please comment and share! I’m new to this community and it feels so good to finally meet people who understand and can relate. Ok, Here we go.

“So the general population doesn’t memorize scripts to movies or watch the same one every day for a year?”

“People think it’s weird that I prefer to have subtitles on when I watch stuff, even though I don’t have damaged hearing”

“I watch movies with subtitles because I won’t understand what’s said if I don’t read it. I have no hearing issues.”

“I cannot hear/understand someone if I have one ear bud in and one out. Too much sensory input at once.”

“I thought I had a hearing deficit because I literally could not understand people at church or parties or other places with a lot of background noise, and I was so confused when they told me my hearing was normal.”

“I love star wars. Not just love but I could tell you what planet each character is from and what kind of ship they use, what model droid that one is and I will gladly talk about it all day if you let me. Everyone now gets me Star Wars stuff for my birthday and holidays”

“Eye contact is so uncomfortable for me that sometimes it ‘burns’ to maintain it, but then I overcompensate and stare too intensely. Over the years, being female, I’ve forced myself to make eye contact for a certain number of seconds and then look away a certain number of seconds but I’m concentrating so hard on that, that I don’t remember anything that was said to me.”

“Giving me verbal directions is a special kind of hell. I need it written down.”

“I can memorize pictures of things and exactly where every kid sat in my 10th grade US history class as well as my 9th grade geometry class.”

“I never fit in anywhere, in my childhood, most of my adolescence, except the swim team and my new church.”

“Team sports are the worst. I can’t communicate fast enough, I’m bad with hand eye coordination and keeping track of a ball. I excelled in individual sports and fell in love with swimming.”

“I often found it much easier to make friends with older kids because I could have intelligent conversations with them and their good social skills could make up for my lack of social skills.”

“But, I had a few friends that were considerably younger who I could still play imaginatively with dolls when I was 13 and one particular friend was 9. I had a lot of trouble getting a long with her sister who was the same age as me.”

“It physically pains me to hear someone mispronounce a word, spell something wrong, or make a grammatical mistake. I corrected my cousin A LOT when we were kids, she frequently got mad and I couldn’t understand why. My grandma would tell me to stop because correcting people is rude.”

“One of my special interests as a kid was dolphins. I was 5-6 years old and I remember being so excited when my mom let me check out like 10 books from the library and I read them quickly and multiple times.”

“I corrected a teacher one time about dolphins. She said dolphins weren’t whales and I knew FOR A FACT that ‘dolphins were a type of small whale’ because I read it in one of my books. She laughed at me and so did the rest of the class and I felt stupid even though I was right. This led to me suppressing my knowledge and real self and ultimately more masking.”

“As per that last one, my memory is impeccable.”

“I had another special interest in dogs when I got a bit older. My mom bought me a book with every kind of breed of dog, where they came from, their temperament, their size, everything. I can still, to this day, tell you the breed of dog just by looking at it.”

“I always wanted a best friend but never had one. I had groups of friends but never someone who would call me their best friend. When I got a boyfriend in high school, I was so excited because he called me his best friend and he was mine and I finally had that feeling reciprocated. He also had a gifted IQ and dyslexia, ADHD and a few other things so we understood each other quite well.”

“I can’t tell if someone is flirting with me because I can’t read between the lines. I also don’t know how to flirt because if I like a guy too much I get soooo nervous and I stumble over my words and it’s a disaster.”

“When I liked this guy (last year, 2019) I would freeze up so bad when I talked to him that I rehearsed every conversation I wanted to have with him so I wouldn’t mess it up. I would write topics in the notes section of my phone before hanging out with him so I’d remember what to ask him. It made for very awkward and forced conversations and probably drove him away.”

“Sarcasm and jokes almost always go over my head. The boyfriend I had in high school was very funny and outgoing but used a lot of sarcasm and it always caused disagreements because I took him seriously when he was being sarcastic.”

“I talk slowly and very monotone.”

“I have no difficulty reading in my head and can read/comprehend it well, but reading aloud is difficult and I often stumble over words and mess up.”

“I need directions repeated multiple times before I understand.”

“I went to the beach to hang out with some church friends yesterday. They all play spike ball and are so confused as to why I sit there and don’t play. I’ve tried playing spike ball but it involves way too much hand eye coordination and I’m so bad at it that it’s embarrassing. So I don’t play.”

“That same night, a group of them said ‘let’s play uno!’ And I was so happy to play something familiar that didn’t involve a lot of coordination. Then they said ‘we’re playing SPICY uno, right?’ And immediately my heart sank because I knew they were playing a different way that I wasn’t familiar with. Again, receiving verbal directions was hell and I didn’t understand it. I was so bad at it and wasn’t getting it, and in the middle of the game I had the urge to cry. I wanted to cry because I couldn’t even get this right. I suppressed the urge, of course, so they wouldn’t think I was even more weird than the already suspected. Another group of people that I wouldn’t fit in with.”

“Making friends has always been so difficult. Once I make a good friend I hang on to them for as long as possible even if they’re not very nice because I’m scared I’ll have to make a new one if I lose them. And we all know how hard making new friends is for me.”

“I’m a perfectionist. Especially with my art projects. When I took a painting class I realized I do it the wrong way. You’re supposed to paint layer by layer over the entire canvas and focus on small details at the very end. I work on one small area at a time and do small details too soon. I often spend way too much time on small details before I realize that the larger shape of the object isn’t proportionate and then it’s too late.”

“I won’t even attempt tasks if I know I can’t do them perfectly.”

“I have perfect pitch. I don’t know if that has anything to do with autism or that I just started music lessons when I was young. I can tune instruments perfectly without a tuner or reference note and I never understood why my orchestra teacher had me play the A key on the piano over and over again while she walked around and tuned everyone’s instruments when I could do it without any reference. I can hear it in my head.”

“When my parents got me a keyboard at age 7-8, they were impressed because I could sit down, without listening to any song and find the notes of a song I liked by ear. I still do that today but my piano is very out of tune and it bothers me.”

“Autistic boys tend to isolate and not care about concealing their stims or weird behavior but girls don’t. I am a ‘loner’ and always have been but I want so badly to belong and have friends and socialize, but I’ve always been so bad at it that I strike out every time. I often drink at social gatherings because it helps me loosen up and talk more freely. I guess it helps me lose the mask for a while.”

“I HATE people touching me. I’ve always hated it and still hate it to this day unless it’s someone I’m super comfortable with. I’ve been told I have the ‘dead fish hand shake’ and I’m an awkward hugger. My friend picked me up from behind and carried me for a few seconds because we were all goofing off and having fun but afterwards I was so mad at him I got really quiet and didn’t talk for a while. I told him later on the ride home that if he did that again I would slap him. “

“Everyone thinks it’s weird that I don’t like touching people, and some of my friends who also don’t like touching people were abused and I always thought, ‘there had to be a reason, maybe I was abused as a kid and repressed it.’ It’s been so long and I’ve finally realized that maybe it’s just because I have Aspergers or ASD. “

“When I make sarcastic remarks or jokes I often have to clarify because I say them in such a monotone way that people think I’m serious.”

“I’ve always joked that I’m just really clumsy and uncoordinated, and chalked it up to being tall and lanky. That’s why swimming was the perfect sport for me. Little to no risk of injury and not much hand eye coordination needed to be good at it. Just hours of practice, technique and endurance.”

“I also injure myself quite a lot because I’m ‘a klutz.’”

“Stims: I scratch my head and then smell my fingers and I will do this for hours if I am able (I know that one is weird so I only do it at home) popping my knuckles a ridiculous amount of times when I feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to do with my hands. I twirl my hair constantly (that one is pretty socially acceptable so I do it in class nonstop). I tap my foot or bounce my leg, I make weird facial expressions and forget to hide those. People notice but they often think it’s funny because I’ll make a face if someone says something dumb and make an expression that people seem to relate to. I scrunch my nose if I’m uncomfortable or just whenever.”

Special interests: Star Wars, Disney (I know every word to every Disney song and I watch animated Disney movies over and over again, like literally every night) dolphins, the ocean, dogs, theology/the Bible.

“With my art work, and other things, I will get so focused on a painting that I will work non stop for 8-9 hours (all day basically) and not eat because I’m so focused that I forget to eat.”

“I think I slur my words a lot and sometimes my friends will laugh and be like ‘did you just say ____.?!?!’And I’ll clarify and they will continue laughing and say ‘oh it sounded like you said this.’ I hate when that happens.”

“Loud noises really bother me. I jump if I hear an unexpected loud noise and I hate people yelling, even if it’s not directed at me, it makes me want to cry. “

“I loved the color blue so much as a kid (I still do) but my entire wardrobe was basically different shades of blue t-shirts. I also only ever wore baggy t-shirts and baggy cargo shorts (I kinda dressed like a boy) because it was comfortable and I didn’t like getting comments if I looked “cute today”. I hated the attention. I also never ever wore my hair down to school. It always had to be up in a tight pony tail. I still don’t like my hair being in my face to this day and wear it up almost every day.”

“The other day, I was hanging out with a friend and she was trying to tell a story but I kept getting distracted and interrupting her. She said, ‘Emily, you kind of interrupt people a lot.’ At first I was hurt, but then I realized it’s not entirely my fault and it’s an autistic thing.”

“I mask so much that I have rehearsed responses to social interactions and will often get so nervous or start speaking from the script before I realize I’ve said the wrong response. Of course I’ll think about it all day after that and think of ‘well great, so and so thinks I’m weird now.’”

[letterboxd]

Dream Chasers.

Mark Harris and Alicia Malone—two of the hosts of this month’s TCM Film Festival—tell Jack Moulton about Nichols and May, West Side Story, classic lockdown discoveries, and the films that make you feel like everything has changed when you walk out of that cinema.

For a second year in a row due to the Covid-19 pandemic, the TCM Classic Film Festival is being hosted virtually. Its program screens across TCM and HBO Max from May 6 to May 9. The festival, which began in 2010, was held at Grauman’s Chinese Theater and the nearby Egyptian Theater in Hollywood, a move designed to allow classic movie fans to retread the footsteps of glitzy premieres from the glamorous past.

Ahead of Steven Spielberg’s upcoming remake, the festival opens with West Side Story’s 60th anniversary screening, featuring new and exclusive interviews by living legends Rita Moreno, George Chakiris and Russ Tamblyn. The complete festival lineup includes classic programming and talent highlights, from Michael Douglas introducing his Best Picture-winning One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest to Scorsese on Goodfellas, to a comedian-heavy table read of Edward D. Wood Jr.’s infamously bad Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Journalist and author Mark Harris, who published the biography Mike Nichols: A Life earlier this year, is presenting the 1996 American Masters documentary Nichols and May: Take Two, covering the Oscar-winning director’s legendary comic partnership with Elaine May. It features iconic sketches that will recontextualize the way you think about Nichols if you thought his career started with Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and The Graduate.

TCM host, feminist cinema expert, Australian expat and Letterboxd member Alicia Malone is also a presenter at this year’s festival. (She admits she’s slacking on her Letterboxd logging this year, but used it to track her viewings over lockdown, topping over 500 films.) Neither Harris nor Malone have been able to go to the cinema since they closed over a year ago, but both are eager to return to their local arthouses in Maine and the Upper West Side of Manhattan as soon as they’re ready.

We caught up with Harris and Malone shortly before the festival commenced for a classic edition of the Letterboxd Life in Film.

‘The Poseidon Adventure’ (1972).

What’s your fondest memory of seeing a film in the cinema? Mark Harris: This is embarrassing, but for me it’s The Poseidon Adventure. At the time, my parents were a bit stricter than other parents so the other kids were already getting to see so-called ‘adult’ movies. The Poseidon Adventure was the first ‘not-kids’ movie that I ever got to see in a theater and at the age of eight, I immediately thought ‘well, clearly this is the best movie of all-time’. Everything in it was new information to me, such as how adults talked to each other and Stella Stevens playing a prostitute—I had no idea what that was. I found it so scary, I believed everything I saw on the screen. The joy of taking in something I hadn’t seen before has never left me.

Alicia Malone: It would probably be seeing Amélie. I was living in Canberra but my older sister had moved to Sydney, which to me was the big smoke, I really wanted to live there when I grew up. I got to visit her by myself and stay in her flat which she was renting by herself and it seemed so cool. She took me to the local arthouse cinema where Amélie was playing and I was so swept away. I know that film gets a bad rap now for being overly sentimental and quirky, but I just felt like I was being seen. I had such a kinship with the character of Amélie because she’s a dreamer, always in her own head and that’s how I was. I was always comparing my life to movies and playing movie scenes in my head. I remember walking out of that cinema and it felt like everything had changed—the color was brighter, it was special.

MH: We have to talk Turner into an Amélie-Poseidon Adventure double-feature!

AM: What a double! That would be amazing.

John Garfield and Ida Lupino in ‘The Sea Wolf’ (1941).

Which classic films that you discovered during lockdown had a major impact on you? MH: I wanted to dive into some directors that I really didn’t know well so I started watching all the Luchino Visconti movies, because Italian cinema is not my strongest area. That was an incredibly rewarding experience. I also saw the big seven-hour Russian War and Peace, which completely blew my mind. Those were probably my big pandemic discoveries.

AM: Something I really loved was getting to do the TCM Star of the Month for John Garfield because he’s such an interesting character and was a pre-cursor to Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro and those types of method actors. I’d seen him in various films—such as The Postman Always Rings Twice—but I’d never sat down to watch a lot of his filmography and learn more about his personal story. To see films like The Sea Wolf and Body and Soul, I really gained a newfound respect for him as an actor. You can see some of the beginnings of that kind of tough-guy, everyday-man archetype with a brilliant actor putting his emotions right there on his sleeve.

MH: I should also say that the Women Make Movies Festival was huge for me. All those movies are on my DVR and I’m still going through them and discovering them. I recorded everything and that was and continues to be a gigantic education for me.

AM: Yes! Thanks for that reminder. That was such a fulfilling experience to get to be one of the hosts on that with Jacqueline Stewart. What was so brilliant about Mark Cousins’ documentary is that there are so many clips of films that you think how have we not seen this? How are we not studying this film? How do we not know about this particular filmmaker?

Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson in ‘Heartburn’ (1986).

If you could only pick one, which is the most overlooked film by Mike Nichols? MH: The most under-appreciated film to me is Heartburn. That was a real rediscovery when I was working on the book. I remember liking it, but I didn’t remember how sharp the performances were, how funny the comedy was, and the really acute social observations. I was so surprised when I was coming across the reviews—almost all of which were by men—and all of them said some version of “Why is he wasting his time with this? Why would he tell this woman’s story? Why doesn’t he tell the other half of the story?” Surely no-one would leave this character unless she gave him a good reason to leave! It was really shocking to me how dismissive and contemptuous a lot of the critical reaction was. I’m so happy that I’ve gotten to stick Heartburn under a lot of people’s noses because it’s a movie they seem to be really liking once they find it.

AM: I’m obviously not as deep into his filmography as Mark is, but I have to agree that Heartburn is a film that I can’t believe has been so overlooked. I came to that movie through Nora Ephron, who I just adore. [Heartburn is adapted from a semi-autobiographical novel by Ephron.] I rewatched it recently and I was blown away by it. Of course, Meryl Streep is amazing, but just getting to be in those characters’ worlds again and watching it after I had listened to the audiobook—which features the voice of Meryl Streep—about a year ago added a whole new experience. I loved how in her book how she has all these recipes dotted through it that you see in the movie as well.

MH: That’s one of the great audiobook readings of all time. It’s great to listen to [Streep] do that.

John Cassavetes and Peter Falk in ‘Mikey and Nicky’ (1976).

Where do you recommend film lovers start with Elaine May? MH: It’s only a four-movie body of work as a director so I think it’s perfectly fine to go in chronological order. A New Leaf is fantastic and feels 100 percent her. You really get a great deal of her sensibility in that movie. I would just start there and go to The Heartbreak Kid and then to Mikey and Nicky, which is not the place to start but is a fascinating movie, and then you’ll be ready for Ishtar.

AM: See, I would say Mikey and Nicky straight out of the gate.

MH: Really?

AM: I love subverting expectations of what a female director can do and that is such a masculine movie. It’s a film that you wouldn’t expect for a female director to make. I love the back and forth, the rapport between [Cassavetes and Falk]. I find it really compelling and exciting every time I see it. So I say, go hard, go in with Mikey and Nicky then, yeah, A New Leaf and The Heartbreak Kid, but maybe skip Ishtar.

Iconic comedy duo Elaine May and Mike Nichols.

Thinking of Nichols fleeing to New York City from Germany, and Alicia moving to Hollywood from Australia, which ‘American Dream’ film resonates with you the most? AM: This answer is going to sound quite cheesy since it was a recent film: La La Land. I understand all the criticism about it, I agree with it, but I don’t care. I feel like it was made for me as a redhead in Hollywood, chasing her dream, and coming up against all the obstacles. I also love Singin’ in the Rain, which I know is not necessarily strictly about the American Dream but is about Hollywood in general. That is a film that really started the idea of moving to Hollywood as a young kid. It’s the idea of a magical place where you could do anything and make your dreams come true and have dignity—always dignity.

MH: This time I’m going to go hard and dark and say the first title that occurred to me, which is The Godfather: Part II. It’s a great immigrant story, though it’s a strange version of the American Dream. The whole saga is about coming to America, becoming an American, and deciding what American values are.

AM: I should say that during our TCM Film Festival on HBO Max, we have a section on immigrant stories. We have America, America, which is a great one by Elia Kazan, and Stranger Than Paradise, which I would recommend as well. It’s a warped view of the American Dream but I love the way they think they get rich and all their dreams can come true. Also Black Legion, which is a darker version of the immigrant story with Humphrey Bogart going to the darker side of ‘foreigners should not take American jobs’.

MH: I’ll just throw in a plug for another Mike Nichols movie, Working Girl. He really saw that as an immigrant story—the first shot is of the Statue of Liberty, even though they’re [emigrating] from Staten Island! I think Mike thought it was as distant of a land as the old country, I’m not sure he spent a lot of time on Staten Island.

Katharine Hepburn in ‘Woman of the Year’ (1942).

What are some of your other problematic faves? The classics we acknowledge have not aged well, but you love anyway. AM: I think My Fair Lady is one of those. I’m a sucker for make-over movies despite all of their problematic ways of showing how women need to change if you don’t fit into the mold and you should sand down all your edges. But I get worked up in the whole transformation myth and making your life better. Even though it’s got Audrey Hepburn and you want to see Julie Andrews in that role, My Fair Lady is still one that I enjoy and I can see all of the problems with it.

Another one, that we featured during our Reframed series on TCM, was Woman of the Year, which is a great example of one of those women’s pictures that, as Professor Jeanine Basinger has pointed out, is so empowering for most of the movie and then in the last five minutes it undoes everything. It’s still a great film to watch when you want to get ahead of feminism and see Katharine Hepburn in a wonderful role, but you just have to ignore the breakfast scene at the end.

MH: I was just talking the other day to some people about the movie Network, which is one of my all-time favorite movies, but if you look hard at Network, it’s very possible to read that as a story about a woman who can’t be a professional in a workplace without hollowing herself out and becoming sort of less-than-human. [Diana Christensen] is talked about terribly by the other characters and you’re supposed to learn a hard lesson about what a monster an ambitious woman can become and that does not hold up well. It’s also a movie that features some of the wittiest dialogue and some of the greatest performances of any movie of the 1970s and I’m always going to love it for that.

AM: That’s such a trope, isn’t it? The ice-cold career woman.

MH: Right, and whoever did it better than…

AM, MH: Faye Dunaway!

Alicia Malone, Mark Harris.

Which coming-of-age movie character did you find the most relatable? AM: For me, it’s Velvet Brown played by Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet. I watched that over and over as a child when I was obsessed with horses. It was so inspiring as a young girl to see another young girl chasing her dreams—pretending she’s a boy that doesn’t speak English to win the Grand National—particularly at the time when I grew up in the 1980s, when so many of those films for kids were about young boys achieving their dreams.

MH: Haven’t seen it in a long time, but the Peter Yates movie Breaking Away meant a lot to me when I was a kid. The idea of chasing something that means something to you but trying to reconcile what your parents thought about it, and how to balance your own dreams with the expectations other people had for you. I think that’s a really lovely movie.

I still think about those performances by Dennis Christopher, Dennis Quaid, Daniel Stern and Jackie Earl Haley, and of course Barbara Barrie and Paul Dooley as the parents. That movie landed right in my heart the first time I saw it. I’m almost afraid to go back now, I don’t want it to have turned into one of my problematic faves! I want it to be one of my faves.

If we could gift every Letterboxd member two hours of HBO Max to discover one film from this year’s TCM Classic Film Festival lineup, which film would you want it to be? (My pick is Bless Their Little Hearts.) AM: A film that I just adore is Cléo From 5 to 7 by Agnès Varda. She was working in the French New Wave and arguably made the first movie ever in the French New Wave. It’s one of those great movies that is close to real time as possible—it should be Cléo From 5 to 6:30 really, because it’s an hour and a half. It’s so inventively shot and edited. I’ve done the walk that she did in Paris, I’ve tried to map that out and copy Cléo. I want more people to see it and discover it.

MH: My husband [playwright and screenwriter Tony Kushner] recently finished writing a new version of West Side Story for Steven Spielberg that’s going to come out at the end of the year. I think I would like to gift everybody the first version of West Side Story, which opens the festival, because you have to start there. It’s a beautiful movie and I think it’s a really instructive thing to see how this story was told in 1961 versus how it’s going to be told in 2021. Also, it’s two-and-a-half hours so if we’re only gifting people two hours… they’re not going to see the ending and they’re going to have to go to the new one to find out what happens!

Related content

Follow Mark Harris, Alicia Malone and TCM on Twitter for updates on TCM Classic Film Festival 2021

Watch the TCMFF West Side Story cast reunion, May 6 at 6pm ET

A Letterboxd list of all the films mentioned in this interview

Follow Festiville for all Letterboxd festival coverage

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

[dilfdoctordoom]

What do the JL think of Bette? Specifically Barry, Hal, Clark, Arthur, Ollie, and Diana

I very much love that you included two of my favourite characters here.

Barry:

Bette spent many of her formative years in Gotham, so you can bet your ass that this girl is ACAB

Now, I don’t know if you’ve been called a bastard by a thirteen-year-old in a red dress, but Barry Allen has

Life-altering experience

He spends an hour asking Bruce what he did wrong, why does Bat-Girl hate him? He hasn’t even spoken to her yet what could he have done

And Bruce just... the fun explanation that she hates all cops. Instantly. Oh you’re a CSI that must be fun, it doesn’t matter, it’s already on sight for you

Like, okay, in Gotham? Pretty much every cop is dirty. Gordon, Montoya & Bullock are the only ones that Bette knows aren’t & she still doesn’t really trust them

So she’s not gonna be particularly nice to Barry Allen & Bruce literally has to tell her to behave

(Kathy is very amused by it all)

There’s a moment where Barry thinks she just hates speedsters, but then she & Wally seem to be getting on great. Like, Kid Flash is awesome, cool fast guy. Flash is a cop & therefore she cannot trust him

Bat-Girl: I can respect you as a hero but I do not like you as a person

So, yeah, Barry’s, uh, iffy on her. He’s sure she’s a great hero & she seems nice to the others, but he’d really rather not work with her, even when she’s Flamebird/Hawkfire. Especially when she’s Flamebird/Hawkfire, then she’s got tasers & flamethrowers

Hal:

Very different from how she interacts with Barry

Mainly because she first meets Hal after Kathy’s died & she goes to Coast City as part of her whole ‘run away from her emotions’ thing

She’s always loved the beach & Coast is supposed to be so nice. Plus, they’ve got Green Lantern; they’re not gonna need her to suit up, are they?

And then there’s an incident with Manhunters & like, Hal’s got this handled, no doubt about it, but also, Bette is impulsive & has a massive hero complex & yes she does suit up & help out. She does it because it’s right, because she’s angry, just because

But Hal kinda freaks out? Because she’s a kid and yeah, that might fly in Gotham where Batman can keep an eye on her, but oh god, what if he was fighting Sinestro? That’s low key terrifying to him, he doesn’t wanna put a kid in danger

He’s still good with kids. Like, that’s canon, he’s just good with them. So he & Bette do get along & after he gets over the initial ‘please do not fight mass murdering robots you need adult supervision & idk if I qualify for that’, they do actually spend time together!

Mainly because Hal isn’t too comfortable letting a teenage vigilante who just experienced a massive lost be alone & honestly? He’s right. Like, Kathy has just died & Bette threw herself into an extremely dangerous fight... red flags all around, my dudes

So they do work together while she’s in Coast. She only stays a few weeks before she moves on, but she does kinda like Green Lantern?

And the feeling’s mutual. They don’t really keep in contact but Hal keeps an eye on the news to make sure she’s okay & not, uh, dead

They don’t actually meet face to face until a dumb Justice League party years later & then they discover that Bruce finds Hal annoying... he finds the concept of Bette & Hal even being acquaintances annoying... he’s given them the ultimate weapon. Bruce Wayne goes grey earlier and it’s because Hal & Bette spend an entire night pretending that they went on a massive space adventure, full of danger & peril, solely to drive up his blood pressure

Hal doesn’t look into her identity all that much, but thinks she’s fun. Anyone who annoys Bruce for fun is cool in his book

(And I know this is supposed to focus on his feelings about her but consider: Bette meets the Green Lantern of Coast City & he lets her stay in his shitty rundown apartment. Everything that can go wrong for him seems to, but he’s still there, making jokes and saving people and doing the right thing. His willpower keeps him going, even on the darkest of nights and maybe, just maybe, Bette’s stubbornness picked up a little bit of inspiration for somebody along the way)

(And maybe, maybe, she joins the fight against Parallax and realizes just how far her heroes can fall)

Clark:

Um, well, I absolutely headcanon that Clark gave Bette the name Flamebird. Like, told her the story, made a series of not-so-subtle mentions that she should take up the name...

So, yes, Clark knows Bette

She’s Bruce’s cousin, after all, and he’s his best friend. Of course, their paths would cross, especially with how often Clark seemed to work with Batman & Robin when they first started out

He’s worked with her a lot when she’s Bat-Girl & every single time, Bette is starstruck because oh my god, that’s Superman, she’s talking to Superman, she’s working with Superman

He tells her the legend of Nightwing & Flamebird when she’s a kid & she loves the concept of Flamebird. She’s only twelve at the time, but something about it clicks with her

And when she gives up on being Bat-Girl, but is still determined to be a hero, he suggests Flamebird

(Bette absolutely tears up at this)

They don’t really work together when she gets older, except on big, world ending disasters that require the entire Justice League’s attention, but he still sends her one of Ma Kent’s apple pies for the holidays

Clark’s just the cool uncle from when was younger

She stills freaks out a little every time he talks to her, though

She’s never gonna get over knowing Superman

Arthur:

It took me a while to think about this but, yes, Arthur likes Bette

Mainly because Bette is a friend of La’gaan’s. That’s pretty much how he knows her

He doesn’t even know she’s a part of the Batfamily for years, because she’s always seen with the Titans

So, like, he doesn’t really know her that much, but she’s a good friend to one of his sidekicks & La’gaan’s already made passing mentions to crashing at her & Gar’s place, so. Yeah. She got Aquaman’s seal of approval

Though Arthur is always gonna be entertained by how much teasing Flamebird is allowed to get away with. Most of the League may not be aware of her Special Cousin Privilages, he isn’t either, but it’s absolutely hilarious to see her tear into Batman at random

11/10, good friend to La’gaan, very entertaining. Would be better if she could keep a goldfish alive

Ollie:

Okay, so, Ollie is, like, shown to be nicer to the younger heroes, Kyle excluded because he’s dating his son, so she’s gonna be nice to her. Or, at least, Ollie nice. Hm.

He thinks she’s way too small when she first starts out because even when she’s eleven, Bette still looks like she’s nine, but she’s got two heroes looking out for her & with a kid sidekick of his own, he’s not in a place to judge

Aside from one poor team-up between Green Arrow & Speedy and Batwoman & Bat-Girl, where Ollie & Kathy absolutely butted heads, oh my god, they’d hate each other, he didn’t see much of her. He works in Star, she works in Gotham, when are their paths gonna cross

While she works less with most Leaguers the older she gets, she actually ends up working more with Ollie when she’s older

Mainly ‘cause she’s friends with Roy & Cass may be friends with Connor, but that doesn’t mean she can drive so sometimes she’ll get Bette to bring her to Star

Which is honestly what Ollie knows her most as: Batgirl’s older sister who’ll lend a hand whenever she’s in Star

She’s good with kids, efficient & a little showy, but he really can’t judge that last part. Got Roy & Dinah’s stamp of approval, though, & that goes a long way with him

They never, like, exclusively work together, but she’s good to call on in an emergency

He did do a double take when she called Deathstroke ‘uncle’ though because... well, look, at Flamebird. Now look at Deathstroke. Do you see his confusion? It only grows when Slade lets out the most exasperated sigh, mutters something about how he wishes he could kill her without Addie getting mad, and then Bette sticks her tongue out to him & makes some joke about the shitshow he married into

Well. At least his family will never involve Deathstroke

Diana:

Diana gave Bette the shovel talk

This is when DonnaBette is happening & close to figuring out each other’s identities & probably the biggest hint for Bette is Wonder Woman flying down to tell her that if she breaks Wonder Girl’s heart, she’ll have her to answer to

So. Diana’s first impression of Bette is Flamebird having an anerysm on a rooftop in Gotham because she just realized she’s dating Wonder Girl

The absolute dumbassary of DonnaBette, unparalled

Diana likes Bette, thinks she’s probably a great person, but it is her legal job as Donna’s big sister to make it clear that if anything happens to her baby sister, it means war

They end up meeting later, after Donna & Bette have had their mutual break-up, when Diana is working with Kate & Bette is still unable to form a full sentence. Wonder Woman oh my god, oh my god, her brain doesn’t work that’s actual literal Wonder Woman oh my go-

Bruce did later let it slip that after the Maxwell Lord incident, Bette was 100% on Wonder Woman’s side, which she honestly didn’t expect, but eh. Bette’s not as big on the whole no killing as her cousin

Diana mainly knows Bette in the capacity of her being Donna’s girlfriend

Definitely prefers her to some of Donna’s other partners ie Terry because I don’t csre what anyone says, that relationship was trash & I will not pretend that miss Diana Prince was okay with her nineteen-year-old sister dating a divorcee in his thirties that was also her professor