#it's got meryl ptsd

[merylstryfestan]

trigun maximum vol 6 really has a bit of everything, and i'm going to make a post about it later.

[lemongogo]

[chuthulhu-reads]

[ID: A page from Trigun Maximum. In the top panel, Vash has his arms outstretched to hold his gun. His right arm, sleeve and all, is distorting and cracking as part of it twists and extends up into a branch that has curled around and caught a bullet in mid-air. Little feathers, like the beginnings of wings, are extending from some of the cracks. Vash is wide-eyed, frantic-looking. The bottom panel shows a closer up image of Vash's face and upper arm, showing that the branch has caught the bullet just inches from his right eye. The bullet is still turning and giving off smoke as it expends its momentum, the thin branch evidently extremely strong to hold it. End ID.]

Not that I don't love a good wingfic/wingart but I think we've got some REAL wasted potential in leaving out how much Vash's extensions are both feathered and resembling leaves, bark and branches. And evidently capable of not just warping his body but the fabric of anything he's wearing. The first time I read this I thought this might have been as much of a surprise to him as it is to the reader--that he's so off his game today that he has a closer call than he has before and reacts with an instinct he didn't know he had. My current read, based on a panel below, is that he did know he could do this, but usually does his damndest not to. He is off his game, not fully in control of his reactions, so he slips and does something he normally avoids at all costs, possibly because he knows what the reaction will be...

[ID: three panels from Trigun Maximum. In the first, Meryl is collapsing, clutching her head in both hands, her mouth open and eyes wide in terror. Milly is throwing her arms around Meryl with a frantic expression, yelling "Ma'am! What's wrong, Meryl?! Hang on!" The second panel is a flashback to Vash's partial angel transformation, focused on the inhuman scream on his face and his right arm transforming into the Angel Arm weapon. The whole panel is overlaid with a staticky filter that makes this dark and chaotic. The third panel is a close-up of Meryl's terrified expression, in a photo-negative style so that her skin is dark and her hair is light. End ID.]

PTSD is a BITCH. Meryl seems to be holding it together after Ryutsu Citadel--she often comes off as the kind of woman who prides herself on being level-headed and keeping her shit together in chaotic situations--but this unanticipated transformation triggers a whole-ass flashback and that throws her into a level of terror we've never seen her experience before, not even when she was actually kidnapped, because that's how PTSD be. All that terror that she would have felt at the time had she not been full of adrenaline and anger and panic, unloading out of nowhere when there's nothing else to interrupt it. I'm glad Milly is there, she seems like she gives good hugs, but GOD this hurts to see--especially since it generates more grief and guilt for Meryl because of how her reaction drives Vash away. She's vibing with Wolfwood on the "this guy is terrifying but he's also the best person I've ever met and I can't help being in love with him" but she's had WAY less time to process knowing what Vash is...

[ID: Four panels from Trigun Maximum. In the first, Vash looks angry and frustrated, his teeth gritted as he looks down, panting, "Sh-shit!" The second panel shows some random generic townspeople looking on with wide-eyed, startled expressions. The third panel has reduced those same townspeople into pitch-black silhouettes, with only their eyes and mouths visible as blank white lines as they say, "Did you see that?", "He's a monster", and "He really does have the power of the devil." The fourth panel shows Meryl, her arms cradling her head and mostly covering her expression, but one eye is visible, wide and crying. She's visibly trembling. End ID.]

With so much Christianity about it's not surprising that some people jump to "he's a witch!" but still, OUCH. Vash's frustrated expression here is what makes me think that maybe he did know he could do this--he has, after all, seen Knives create his blades from his arm--but he really, really, REALLY does not want to and usually avoids it at all costs. He's just that far off-kilter to begin with and accidentally doing this does not help. I have to wonder if he's ever done this before and gotten the "burn the witch!" reaction before... that REALLY wouldn't help his fear/lack of knowledge about his own body as an independent plant if he never actually explored what he can do because he wants so badly to be perceived as human/pass socially among humans. And if showing his non-humanity so deeply terrifies not just strangers but even someone he was getting quite close to like Meryl, why wouldn't he hate and fear himself?

[knave-of-flowers]

Trigun (Polygun) Headcanons

warning: not exactly mature or suggestive content, but lots of discussion of bodies, genitals, etc. in terms of transness.

these aren’t like firm headcanons, just some cool ideas that i would love to use in a fic if i wrote one. this is with the idea of these four all dating each other in a closed t4t4t4t polycule.

Vash

- he/him preferred, they/them okay. technically agender but enjoys being seen as a man, so he identifies as a man.

- plant version of intersex, has both types of genitals (but they have like. petals/different color).

- had very slight boobs but never had to worry about top surgery because he got severe chest injuries and lost both tissue and nipples in the process (he would have rather kept the boobs, honestly, healing is too much work).

- he and knives were both originally raised as girls until they talked to each other about it and told rem they would rather be boys. knives will still refer to vash as his sister to purposefully misgender and aggravate him, as a result vash can’t stand being called sister or sis. in retaliation vash refuses to call knives by his real name.

- attraction confuses him because it doesn’t work the same for him as for humans, but overall doesn’t discriminate based on gender, sex, or anything else for that matter.

- doesn’t have body hair at all, very smooth and wolfwood teases him for it.

- autism + ADHD, PTSD, dissociative amnesia, amputee and usually wears a prosthetic, chronic pain from the scarring but it’s usually fairly mild.

- very pale but pretty much just absorbs sunlight. he doesn’t actually know if he can get energy from the sun but he always gets too hungry before he can find out.

- he’s about 150 but appears around 25.

Wolfwood/Nick/Nico

- he/him only. trans man. usually stealth.

- during the medical experimentation he went through rapid puberty and begged the doctor to “change him into a man.” the cross scar is from top surgery + the other experiments, and he has a second version of the vials that are gel, which serve as pain relief (chronic pain) but are also his testosterone therapy.

- muscular with some fat over so he’s squishy, huge chest muscles that he’s rlly proud of. has excellent sensation in his nipples, the surgery he got was well executed and he heals rapidly, so the grafts stuck easily. hairy chest, overall very hairy.

- no need for bottom surgery because his hormone therapy combined with the experiments mean that he had great success with bottom growth. bathrooms are annoying but most of the time there’s only one anyway in the tiny places he stops at, so it’s not a huge deal, and not worth the surgery to him. he does often wear a packer which usually doubles as an STP.

- actually loves drag and dresses, but thinks he can’t pull them off due to his hair (which he also loves). he’s wrong.

- he definitely doesn’t mind a pretty woman or anyone else, but finds himself attracted to men more often than other genders.

- autism + ADHD, cPTSD, full body chronic pain (mostly from rapid growth in his youth and his rapid healing).

- southern drawl + latino but never got to learn spanish due to being an orphan. wants to learn it but hasn’t found a good teacher yet. tans mostly but has been known to burn on occasion.

- he’s actually 21 but looks to be about 40.

Milly

- she/her only. trans woman and proud of it.

- on estrogen for some time. she’s very buff and loves to arm wrestle with wolfwood. she also shows off by carrying around his punisher. she didn’t really start gaining muscle until she was already on estrogen for a good while, because that’s when she felt comfortable enough to work out regularly.

- BOOBS. she never had top surgery, just a combination of estrogen and being buff. she has on occasion forgotten she can’t take her shirt off in public, and then gotten embarrassed when meryl pointed it out.

- her family is accepting of her, partially because they’re good people and partially because milly has a large stun gun and doesn’t take kindly to being misgendered. she won’t hesitate to shoot it at strangers who bother her either.

- sometimes she’s very loud about personal info due to her not understanding volume control or social cues. this has caused more than a few incidents of the boys + meryl having to deescalate a “why did that woman just say she has a dick” situation. she doesn’t understand why people have a problem with it though.

- she does regularly tuck, but finds it uncomfortable for long distances. in these situations she opts for leggings or compression shorts under her dresses instead.

- takes estrogen in pill form, she has to pack extra before trips and refill at local pharmacies. sometimes she has to get the pills from the black market and deal with outlaws due to lack of supply. she can take care of herself, but wolfwood makes for good scary dog privilege.

- primarily attracted to women, basically the opposite of wolfwood, but pansexual. loves the label sapphic as well, and is often grumpy about being the only woman in the quad. meryl doesn’t mind being her girlfriend for a bit though, usually.

- autistic, ARFID.

- southern accent but less thick than wolfwood. covered in freckles, tans well, has to shave her face because she was hairy before starting estrogen. now her body hair is soft and she likes to stim with it, she doesn’t shave her body hair.

- she’s 28 and the oldest human of the group.

Meryl

- she/he/they + anything used with respect. doesn’t care too much about gender. not really agender, just gender apathetic. most likely would say genderfluid if asked for a specific label due to changing presentation.

- usually gets read as a woman. he has been on a low dose of testosterone and off for years, but can’t stay on consistently due to injection supplies not being easily available. she doesn’t like being off of it because it makes her feel weird and she has bad dysphoria around her voice. it also makes their mood much worse.

- she has major issues with her height and being perceived as a weak, short woman. they carry a megaphone with them and have a deeper voice from the testosterone than they used to. he’s discovered guns and yelling get people’s attention, height aside. he’s become really good at shooting derringers, under the guidance of the other three.

- hasn’t been able to get top surgery yet but does want it, when they can afford the time off work. luckily, she has small boobs so she mostly just wears baggy clothes. sometimes they will wear a binder when they’re dysphoric, but they can’t wear it for long or in the outside heat.

- doesn’t want bottom surgery.

- he used to identify as a lesbian woman due to not liking cis men + past trauma. then they realized they just doesn’t like cis people in general, and is firmly t4t.

- ADHD, OCD, MCAS, was diagnosed with POTS but it has improved quite a bit over time especially with testosterone. she still has episodes every now and then and often has to have one of the others carry her due to lack of desert friendly mobility aids. he has a weak right ankle due to a childhood injury, but no pain. they do have a cane and a foot for it that works on sand for bad days, but that doesn’t always cut it.

- wolfwood is quitting smoking for their sake.

- japanese, pale, and burns very easily.

- 23, second youngest, but usually gets read as the youngest.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

For ship grid ask game: killugon and milly/meryl

My beloveds...

Killugon: I love them, I love their friendship. I did not actually want to ship them, but there is just. Too much there and they completely won me over. I love that we got to see their friendship grow, I love the sheer importance they place on each other, and yes, I do love how it got brutally deconstructed in the later arcs, even though it hurt. They feel like a still-developing, very young first love, but I have to say my favourite aspect to them is that the friendship is what's most important here. Any other feelings naturally develop from what is already a very strong foundation, and it's sweet how they can encourage and protect and challenge each other and also just be silly. I do think we're going to see them reunite eventually, and I'm really excited for that (though I'm enjoying following Kurapika right now - it's been too long since the plot focused on him!).

Merylmilly: Ok, so I don't think there are many "shippy" moments between them in Maximum per se, but they make sense because you can see that they become incredibly close over the course of events. I adore Milly's protectiveness over Meryl and the fact that she was willing to challenge Wolfwood when he tried to tell her to stay behind when Meryl was kidnapped. And then there's the 7-8 months they spent surviving the apocalypse together, where Milly must've helped Meryl with her PTSD and stood by her on her mission to find ways to assist. I work at a speed slower than even a snail but I do have an ongoing fic about this span of time we didn't see - it just compels me so much! They work together well, balance each other, and respect each other. It's fantastic. I think of their teamwork against Keele, or the way Meryl was starting to spiral in Volume 11, and her eyes literally get lighter as Milly shows up at exactly the right moment to interrupt those thoughts and smile at her. They care about each other so much, and that's undeniable. :')

(also the world could always have more yuri)

Hm. I think the themes with these two ships are traveling and devotion...

[weirdcat1213]

YEY THE HORRORS i mean YEY THE BOOKCLUB :D

thoughts on volume 6 (oh boi we're almost halfway someone hold me pls)

chap 1:

-OH MY GOD ITS HIM I FORGOT ABOUT HIM FOR A MOMENT (not in general, ik he's in 98)

-HEY HIS WINGS MAY BE CREEPY BUT THEYRE ALSO BEAUTIFUL TO ME >:[

-HOWEVER i love how yeah they are scared af but also get that vash as a person is not bad and they don't leave his side

-WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR BF LIKE THAT STOP STOP STOOOOOP. IDC THAT HE IS A LITERAL LASER CANON HES STILL JUST A LITTLE GUY

-are we...supposed to notice how bad the state of the gun is or...?

-nono brandon is right, i would also not give good guns to cops

-vash i fucking swear-

-SHUT UP YOU FUCKING COP >:[

-BRO WTF

-YEAH BRANDON CALL HIM OUT

-MY FAVORITE WEIRD CREATURE IS HERE

-ok in my 1st read didnt get that, idk why but i was confused about meryl getting worried for some reason. but she has a (sad) point. will one day the ptsd related to violence and guns be enough to make vash not shoot his gun? shes asking an interesting question. shes literally asking how much can vash take imo.

-wait so...was the replacement gun...the one in stampede??? (i will compare them later)

-DONT LOOK AT ME WITH THOSE GENTLE EYES MAN CMON

-I didnt notice he took the punisher lmao

chap 2:

-:c wolfwood having nightmares its not even a hc, IT IS CANON

-NOT THE FLASHBACK OF VASH CRYING BLOOD OUCH NO PLS NO

-:c im not even mad at wolfwood calling vash a monster cuz it must be fucking TERRIFYING but it still hurts :c

-you could...but youre not gonna

-"so yeah you cant be there for every problem in the pla- HOLD UP WHERE ARE YOU GOING"

-lmao meryl is like me fr

-this time i got most of the fight but i think we can all agree the mpv was the table

chap 3

-YEY LEGATO IN THE.....metal handbag?

-YES ELENDIRA FUCKING READ HIM

-OH MY GOD HES HERE HES HERE OH GOD NO

-i remember i was so confused i didnt realize THATS HIS FUCKING TONGUE

-also did double fang kill trail of death?

chap 4:

-OH I LOVE THIS SCENE SM. i also hate walking in a place with a shit ton of people

-YES IT IS BABY, THATS THE SAME CHILD YOU [so so redacted] WOOOOOOOOO (i love this chapter)

-oh...yeah that...oh

-"we cant survive without her power, neither can you" dude...dont...just dont

-ah yes. the hair. yeap. just a cool artistic decision. yeap.

-also i forgot how fucked up the last run was here

-oh he felt it, i saw that in his eye

-oh so he also went apeshit....ohhhhh. ok so if vash went apeshit cuz of a physical fight or flight reaction (I THINK) did knives go apeshit cuz of hate? the physical need to kill people in revenge? nice

-BRO WDYM "why not just end this crusade?" YOU JUST SAW WHY HE WOULD NEVER END IT

-oh that was his last straw. one thing is him being tricked by a human but that lie affecting his brother? the one thing he's trying to protect (yes ik he's not doing the greatest job at it) from humans? yeah no you gotta die

chap 5:

-NO. NO. NONONONONONON NOT THIS CHAPTER NO

-I HATE THE METAPHOR ALREADY (i love it. i want to yell at nightow my thoughts about it. i will never be normal about it)

-pls no. im begging you. pls dont make me read this again. this is when my sanity starts to break into little raggedy pieces of paper

-i just notices this change happens cuz he got HIS MEMORIES BACK WHAT IF I ENDED IT ALL

-i dont want to read anymore

-its just. so fucking hard. like ik we say hes jesus. but at the same time jesus never felt like that. jesus was born without sin but in vash's eyes he is full of sins and no one can forgive him. bro, honey, god would forgive you anything. you are his favorite im sure. but no matter the arguments for the allegory vash can never be jesus cuz he carries the pain of his "sins" everyday PLUS THE ONES FROM THE HUMANS. idk. im sad and tired. my baby. its ok i forgive you. and im sure rem forgives him. im sure. im sad

-anyway, back to the kinda normal thoughts

-also i think vash thinking he has to forgive himself is kinda flawed. like instead of forgiveness he has to accept what happened and i think those are different things. ofc yeah july was messed up but he never intended to do it. idk

-ANYWAY

-huh, those speakers look like eyes

-cant even swallow in misery in peace anymore lmao

-:c not the day drinking

-i think thats vash talking but yeah....nothing is easy for my guy. hes kinda right, better than crying ig...

-i prefer spike-isms but i will also take needle noggin-isms thank u

-that man can move in such unnatural ways *hears the uncanny vash people cheer at a distance*

-oof, the ptsd got meryl

-also the question is not whether vash was going to take the bullet or not, the real question is how hard does that question makes me cry

- SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP

-OOF, i mean i 100% get meryl but OOF

-also YES THATS WHAT I FUCKING MEAN. AND I READ THIS ON [redacted] A FEW WEEKS AGO. THE BALANCE BETWEEN EXTREMES ITS JUST NULL, ITS NOT A COLOR AT ALL. his love and faith in humanity vs the pain they cause him...that balance creates a colorless emotion and IM SAD ABOUT IT.

-i hate that final page. i fucking hate milly protecting meryl from her memories while comforting her while protecting her from the rocks, i hate the people still insult vash even when he was long gone, i hate to see the children who saw the same thing as their parents try to convince them to stop because they know vash would never hurt people on purpose only to be ignored..and more than anything i hate vash apologizing for something he has no control over.

-ALSO I ALSO FEEL LIKE CRYING VASH-

[let it be on the record that i needed a minute to continue with the volume]

chap 6:

-OH NO IT STARTS

-"how could i have known?" youre telling me you spent years studying yourself and other plants and never saw one with black hair? really? (im not saying its a plot hole, im saying he was too distracted being a dick)

-so that was his imagination im assuming

-TESLA MENTION WE WIN

-OH GOD OH NO PLS GET ME OUT OF HERE NO PLS NOT THIS

-i love her dialogue with the funny glasses lmao, she really was the only mom ever

-oh..here come the tears

-oh right..they used to be like this

-oh...oh god

[yuhi-san]

edit: i was talking about this post by @to-eat-laugh-love-in-peacebut for some reason i made an own post instead of rebloging it. upsie.

This is such a good post and I don’t have anything to add to the points because I could only say it worse, lol

But I do have some things to add because I mulled some of it over for my fic.

Even if meryl got a chance to publish anything, which is doubtful, and people would believe her, there is stuff she couldn’t say. Tell people vash is a 150 year old walking plants? Most people probably don’t even know independents could be a thing. can’t exactly tell people that there is a space ship out there that works to help the planet in the long term. Even if she was believed, that would cause nothing but trouble for luida and brad. same goes for Conrad and his experiments. Who the hell would believe her that?

On that note, fairly sure people wo don’t think meryl is straight up crazy for this will probably think this is some intense ptsd with a big portion of Stockholm syndrome on top (vash the stampede, the good guy?)

It’s a conspiracy and government cover up.

Listen, listen. Again, people don’t know independents are a thing, let alone that vash is one. An entire, giant city was suddenly overrun with giant roots, some kind of crazy energy beam shot into and from the and eradicated the city to the point basically nothing was left.

And then the next biggest city tells you that conveniently that notorious guy who may or may not have a gang of people to help steal plants… did that? Nah, that aint shit any person can do. That screams insane experiment by some government agency. They just don’t want you to dig for the truth? Who are they? Just follow the money!

[hashtagcaneven]

favorite scene in stampede?

Had a PTSD episode the other month (just got sideswiped by it and was unprepared). Coming down from it i rewatched the scene of Meryl trying to commit vehicular manslaughter against Wolfwood several times because it’s so fucking funny to me.

I refuse to write any sort of Wolfwood introduction that doesn’t include him getting smacked around by something

[tropicalfreckles]

Finally started OMITB s3 (i'm behind y'all) spoilers ahead for each ep

Episode one and we have a nepo baby making out with his mom Oliver why are these people producing your show-

"he's gay so i can kiss him like that" it's still weird ma'am

also oh shit maryl streep

Oliver like "I'm your favorite right" lmao I love Mabel loves her favorite 2 old besties

LMAO HE'S ALIVE WHAT?

I still wanna know what's up with Mabel's aunt. I thought she was renovating for her where is she. Did her aunt give her her apartment. Is she dead?

Also Mabel missing her best friends :<

oh her aunt sold the apartment okay-

there we go dead ben lmao

Episode two!

Mabel freaking out about being almost 30 and not having her life together, OMITB don't come after my 31 year old ass-

Also y'all it's okay if you're still not sure what to do in life at 29 man 20s are just for stumbling around I'm going to be honest with you.

I also want Mable's outfit from the funeral please they always give Selena Gomez a great wardrobe

IS OLIVER HAVING A HEART ATTACK NO OLIVER (also mabel and charles in danger on the SECOND EPISODE)

"PTSD check, how we holding up?" "Okay, I already repressed it." "That's good."

Love Oliver's own subconscious using his friends to tell him to chill out and relax about the play and his take away was throwing himself into it to make it a musical.

Episode 3!

Charles enjoys getting insulted by Oliver jkdsfsdds (I guess the constant critiquing makes him act better)

Ma'am please stop kissing your son you're weird.

will mabel make a new friend this season, who knows (I also hope they bring back Theo very highkey cause I think he's funny and I like his actor) (tho I also heard he's not in s3 and if he isn't boo)

Oliver is kicking his own ass this season with his insecurity and narcissism.

I enjoyed the mood Meryl Streep set in the Nanny's song (I also liked kimber's background vocals)

I know omitb always has that one running gag I hate as much as I love this show but I wish this seasons wasn't weird nepo baby relationship kdsfsd

Episode 4! finally catching up

cinda continues to be an eccentric weirdo

"I take offense to that!" "That was my intention." Charles and Oliver continue having great banter lmao

charles mental breakdown black out WHY ARE HIS PANTS OFF

"I know I'm not mentally healthy, but that's okay-" Charles you are relatable but my man get therapy

I need to ask again do the writers to know how people around my age or younger act again

Mabel setting her boundaries good for her Annnnd I'm all caught up! Do I know who the villain is yet? probably not lmao but I got ideas

[be-side-my-self]

Rewatch of ONLY Murders In The Building to prepare for season 4 (VI)

<Part I> // <Part II> // <Part III> // <Part IIII> // <Part V>

Block #OMITBRewatch if you don’t want to read notes that will have spoilers up to seasons 3. Just to make it clear, while quoting, I use M, O, C for the main characters.

Also I’m putting this under a read more because it gets long.

okay, before I start let me just recommend a really good movie, that you'll enjoy if you like "Only Murders In the Building".

"See how they run"

S3 E1

Next season, we get flashbacks.

C: "Once smitten though, then comes the work of classes and training, of speech and technique... honing your craft,"

Aint that true? And I did not even follow any hobby/passion to become my job.

That apartment is so beautiful.

Meryl Streep! Loretta. Got it.

I guess Oliver does understand the monologue on a deep level.

And I love the parallel of him going to the right side of the stage to watch her more closely, just like Loretta did with that acretss in the theater all those years ago.

O: "Where have you been?"

Love that Howard is Olivers assistant.

*Four months ago.*

M: "Well, you know we're all just so busy-busy, and, who are we without a homicide?"

Lmao... there can only be one peacock and that is Oliver.

... no even though he is gay you can't kiss him like that.

Aristotle Brazzos?

Of course the producer of the Brazzos reboot is on harassment charges.

I feel like stopping people who start to quote Ghandi is a meme in itself.

Ben: "But, in the films, I'm just the friendly zoologist who morphs into a 20-foot cobra and helps the cops save the day."

That sounds so trashy... I'd watch it. At least the first movie.

It's weird... she was casted because of her voice and then she tries something else.

It is a bit awkward but it's a first reading.

Shut up, Ben!

Lmao, Oliver is awful and great at giving pep-talks.

O: "You go. I go."

... they mentioned twitter... gosh. I miss twitter.

Uma is great.

Aww, Mabel missed her old guys.

Someone is smitten...

Someone else is smitten too...

"Congratulations! Death Rattle Cast & Crew We killed 'em!"

Amazing, how everyone is now even more awkward after Ben returned.

He is still an asshole.

The renovated apartment looks amazing.

Aw... Mabel needs to leave. :(

Uma: "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

S3 E2

(sorry in before I had a beer and am super tired)

narrating from the point of view of the victim

"Girl Cop" a weird concept that probably would have been a real hit back in the late 90's ealery 00's

"Tight"

C: "Then you're sleuthing?" M: "Obviously."

Charles knows a lot of random things.

Harry Styles is talking at Ben's funeral.

The security guy - Greg - is just a weird stalker fan.

I like Maxine.

Maxine: "I never hold back. And neither should you."

Uh Oh Oliver.

C: "At least we found the killer. And in record time. Usually, it takes us at least eight episodes."

Detective Biswas.

Oh Oliver, having to reduce stress and cut out the dips... impossible!

M: "PTSD check. How are we holding up?" C: "Okay. I've already repressed it."

Olivers hallucinations are always so fascinating.

"Death Rattle Dazzle!"

Oliver instantly feeling stressed when the other two tell him that they will do another podcast.

S3 E3

(two days later, not drunk or tired)

Oliver is such a good composer

And Mabel got Oliver down to a T.

Donna and Cliff's relationship is so awful...

Mabel is banned from Olivers apartment

Tobert: "Sounds perfectly reasonable. And delivered so naturally."

Not sure if there was something between Mabel and Tobert? I remember thinking so...

Also I think I remember one of the big plot points about Dickie and Loretta.

C: "Oliver, how would you feel if I threw you under a bus?" O: "Knock yourself out. I was about to throw myself in front of one."

Mabel and Tobert are locked in a thight, dark space.

And I guess you can get any girl with the story of rescuing a baby elephant.

Lmao, Charles is so bad at trying to fit in.

Loretta is hitting so hard on Oliver.

"The Nanny's Lullaby" is such a good song.

Yes, Cliff get that Musical!

Okay, the Loretta and Oliver romance is really cute...

And it makes sense, that they think Kimber did it.

I really would love to know who all the characters are in Death Rattle and who wrote it.

S3 E4

Gosh, Cinda's new podcast about self-care is so... awful. Smells like bullshit

The apartment Mabel is looking at... is not the best... but also not the worst and it certainly is way too expensive... but then that is everything close to New York... at least that is what I heard.

Joy owns 62 fish... and moved in with Charles.

Joy: "35 years ago, you sat in my makeup chair, and I thought to myself, 'This man dies alone'. And now, look at us. Shacking up."

C: "Do I look like a guy who can rap?"

RIGHT! THE WHITE ROOM!

Lmao, Mabel taking to Howard about sweaters...

Joy is a freak.

Mabel does has old woman energy.

The next person who is the red herring is Joy...

Right, the one person texting Mabel is Cinda!

lmao, Charles trying to sell the omlet making as a choreo...

Mabel teaming up with Cinda would be a good career move for both tbh. But Cinda is a bitch...

Charles, the last time you lived with a woman she broke your heart.

Oliver and Charles are besties!!

... awful that Charles gets into the white room at that moment with Joy...

lmao... Charles thinking "not again!!" and "help me!"

[bookcub]

my favorite romance novels

hold me by courtney milan- low key you've got mail but with more communication and featuring stem nerds. I actually love all of courtney milan's books, but this is the one I reread the most (trans character, bi character, latinx characters, asian characters)

get a life, chloe brown by talia hibbert- this is actually a series about a trio of sisters and I can't choose a favorite. with an emphasis on a happy and strange family, all of these romances have the emotional depth we all crave from literature (black characters, bi character, chronically ill character, autistic characters)

soulless by gail carriger- steampunk fantasy romance, my first romance novel actually, filled with werewolves and vampires. has a more standard plot but still plenty of character and relationship development and a fantastic sense of humor and fashion. also a series (queer characters) (harder to pin rep down in this one as it's been a while since I've read it and historical time periods use different labels)

how to be a normal person by tj klune- a story about feeling out of place and realizing who your family is. borderline satire sometimes and less traditional than the others but a wonderful love story. (ace characters, gay characters)

girl gone viral by alisha rai- a billionaire and bodyguard romance that finally delivers on the trope that has been built up. very sweet and heartwarming. (I maintain the mcs are both aspec but canon does not confirm this) (asian characters, black characters, characters with anxiety and ptsd)

trial by desire by courtney milan- rounding off the list with another courtney milan, historical this time. a husband and wife falling in love after being married and separated. (characters with depression)

honorable mentions: the ex talk by rachel lynn solomon, the kiss quotient by helen hoang, spoiler alert by olivia dade, something to talk about by meryl wilsner, the austen playbook by lucy parker, the truth about love and dukes by laura lee guhrke

[wrightiverse]

Hello and this is me annotating/doing director's commentary for the last chapter of Crowd as a victory lap. There's no indulgence like self-indulgence.

“I’ll just make my hot young boyfriend help me,” Robin teases. “When I’m eighty, you’ll only be sixty-nine.”

I love to take a thing from the beginning of a story/scene and revisit it at the end. In this case, 'hot young boyfriend' is a light callback to 'sexy-ass, significantly younger boyfriend' back at the beginning when Robin was sad about the empty nest situation. This is, I think, the first time we specify their exact age gap. It is also the exact age gap I have with my own partner, because I’m very lazy like that. (None of this was written with any reference to what's gone on in the podcast over the last year or so, which is good because it sounds like the whole aging thing for Glenn could have gotten really confusing. Wrightiverse Glenn came back right after Ravenloft, none of that other stuff happened to him. It's all good. Canon is optional.) * * * * *

It’s not like the men in his family have much luck in that area, anyway; Glenn never met either of his grandfathers, and Bill didn’t make it much past fifty.

I think Meryl actually lived for hundreds of years and is still alive in Faerun and they should totally meet, but Glenn doesn’t know all that. * * * * *

Aesthetics aside, it didn't seem like there was much for Glenn to look forward to in middle age and beyond. Nick would grow up and wouldn’t need his dad anymore, and Glenn would be all alone.

From Glenn’s second chapter in Crowd, when Robin is sad about Connor leaving for college:

“I want him to be independent,” Robin is trying to explain into Glenn’s knee, “but also I don’t want to be all alone.” Glenn flicks his ear reproachfully. “You're not all alone. I’m right here, dumbass.”

Sometimes what seems obvious when we're explaining it to somebody else doesn't feel as obvious when it's our turn. Admittedly, Glenn is coming to this with a different set of experiences than Robin is. More on that later. * * * * *

His career would go to shit, because getting old only works for rock stars if they’re actually bluesmen in disguise, like Keith Richards.

I think I got this theory from something Chuck Klosterman wrote, probably Fargo Rock City. * * * * *

He starts his grounding exercise without even thinking about it. Five things he can see: one, an information sign for the city park. Two, a freshly-painted bike rack. Three, some big public art sculpture that looks like a giant rusty hairbrush…

This particular grounding exercise came up earlier in Crowd. I didn't make it up for the story, it's real and many people find that it works well. Feel free to try it! The exercise he alludes to when they’re on the beach, creating ‘safe spaces’ out of vivid memories with lots of sensory details, is also based on a real thing. Lauren, his therapist, is named after the therapist who worked with me on my own PTSD and taught me that and a lot of other good stuff. At least based on my own experience, I can highly recommend EMDR if you can find a good practitioner. * * * * *

It was a hella sweet gesture from the kid.

Connor’s introduction in Name has to do with him carrying shirts past Glenn, and one of those shirts becomes important later to Robin. Given how big the GC3 actually seems to be, I don’t think Connor did the majority of their merch. I assume they used a regular printer and Connor just did small runs of fun custom stuff when he feels like it, meaning not much changed after Glenn quit. * * * * *

Of course, Robin is the only member of the family wearing the shirt right now, because Robin is the only one who doesn’t care that it isn’t cool to wear merch from the gig at the gig itself.

I have no idea how widespread the ‘no wearing merch from the gig at the gig’ thing is, but that’s the rule I learned. * * * * *

Robin is chatting away about something, but it’s hard to follow with all the noise and distraction around them. Glenn decides to let it ride, and allows himself to zone out and just watch Robin talk.

As requested by my brilliant co-author, this is a callback to when Robin spaces out watching Glenn talk on their first date. Both Robin and Glenn are consistently very prone to tuning out when the other one is talking, but neither of them particularly care. As Glenn says on their dinner date - sometimes a man just wants to think out loud for a while and get a ‘hell yeah’ in response. * * * * *

It's vastly unfair that Robin looks so good in direct sunlight, but he probably pulls it off because he's the one person in Los Angeles who isn't trying to look younger than he actually is.

Glenn should spend less time in WeHo. * * * * *

There’s already more gray in Robin’s hair than when they met, although Glenn will only accept partial blame for that. Either way, the old man’s on track to be a full-on silver fox before he even hits fifty.

It felt necessary to drop a reminder that despite how Glenn talks about him, Robin is not actually that damn old. I mean, I'm sure that sounds very old to some of you, but when you're in your mid-to-late 30s like Glenn, somebody in their late 40s is not unreasonably decrepit. I think it has more to do with their respective energies than actual birthdays. * * * * *

“What is it?” Robin has noticed Glenn’s gaze, and he touches his own face to check if there's something on it.

Glenn grins. "Nothing, just ogling."

This is another callback to their first date:

“Do I have something on my face?” Glenn asks, and rubs at his mouth.

“No, you’re good.” Robin says. “You’re great.”

Because I adore a full-circle moment, that's why. * * * * *

“Your eyes were intense," Robin laughs. "It looked like you were going to start growling redrum at me."

This is my own fault for saying in the last chapter that Glenn was rambling about Kubrick moon landing conspiracies when he comes back from his walk. I tried like seven different ways to get them on the subject. I still don’t know if it feels natural. * * * * *

Glenn stabs an accusatory finger toward Robin. “Did you suggest not doing the show because you knew I’d argue with you and talk myself into doing it?”

Can’t outro this story without at least a little argayment.

Glenn usually finds him in the bathroom at the end of the night, looking grumpy about being up past his bedtime and holding some girl’s hair back while she barfs.

With what we've learned about Robin over the course of Crowd, we now have the context to understand that for Robin, this drunk girl is very much the ghost of Christmas Past. I don't imagine he goes to many of these parties.

* * * * *

It doesn’t bother Glenn a bit. Life isn’t a movie, the cheerleader doesn’t have to put on leather pants and start smoking in order to get her bad boy and her happily ever after.

I know that there’s more going on in Grease than that, but consider: would Glenn know that?

* * * * *

He and Robin are very different people, and they always will be. They don’t make sense on the surface, but they both know who they are, and who they are fits together perfectly.

Circling back to Robin at the end of Name, expressing his anxieties:

Robin rests his forehead on the steering wheel, avoiding Glenn’s eyes. “Like I don’t make sense for you, and everybody can see it.���

Some of the circles that I closed in Crowd were ones that were opened in Crowd, but some went back further. * * * * *

Love bubbles up in Glenn like a shaken-up soda, and he finds himself standing up suddenly and grabbing Robin’s shirt collar to tug him down for a kiss.

I wanted to mirror the ‘Hot Dad surges forward to kiss him, hard’ thing from the beginning, but given the established height difference, Glenn can’t just go for it unannounced unless he’s gonna stand tippy-toe. Thank you @whotaughtyougrammar for this art of what happens when Glenn tries the collar-tug and Robin doesn't notice fast enough.

* * * * *

Robin is caught off guard and stumbles half a step back, managing at the last second not to drop his drink. “One second, sweetheart, just one second. You surprised me. What was that about?”

Glenn gives him a lopsided grin. “Luck?”

“Oh, well, then. For luck.”

Luck and how to change it is a big theme throughout the whole series, both in the sense of ‘good fortune/unearned blessings’ and ‘random, unforeseen chance.’ More later about that. * * * * *

When Glenn presses his tongue forward to slip between Robin’s lips, he tastes lemon and sugar.

Same as the first time they kissed, when he’d been drinking whiskey sours.

* * * * *

“Right, yeah,” Robin breathes, but he doesn’t let Glenn out of his arms quite yet. “You know,” Robin adds, “Nick was telling me earlier that he’s going to sleep over at Grant’s tonight.”

So I'll be there when you arrive / The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive / And when you take me in your arms / And hold me tight / I know it's gonna mean so much tonight * * * * *

She’d found him there, and she'd saved him, like she always did.

We didn’t know Morgan’s name when we first wrote the scene where they discussed her in Name, so we wrote around it as though Glenn was reluctant to name her out loud. We maintained this throughout the rest of Crowd except for the line where Glenn says that he’ll tell Robin about the phone call with Morgan. Felt right. Her presence is very much felt but Glenn, at least, is not in the habit of talking about her unless he has no other option. * * * * *

They ran out of the venue and down the street, hand in hand and giggling like kids playing hooky.

@shrack was the one who began writing our Glenn with very physical methods of showing affection. I liked it a lot as a vibe and carried on with it. He and Morgan are also very young here. Glenn would be 21 or 22 at the oldest, which is barely older than Connor is now. I've always attributed some of his immaturity to the fact that he became a parent pretty young. (Glenn is 36 when Name starts and Nick is 13, meaning Nick was born when Glenn was 23 and probably conceived when Glenn was 22.)

* * * * *

It was like falling in love with every single person in the crowd, all at once. Glenn felt like he would never be lonely again as long as he could have that feeling.

Facing twenty thousand of your friends / how can anyone feel so lonely? * * * * *

By then, the GC3 performed in venues so cavernous that Glenn couldn’t see anything outside his own spotlight. He could hear the audience roar approval at him, making a wall of sound that he could feel like a physical force. It was loud enough to drown out the screaming in his head, loud enough to let him forget that she wasn’t out there among them. It was the closest he could get to forgetting, so Glenn did it as much as he could.

Part of a success that never ends / But I’m thinking about you only... * * * * *

Slowly but surely, he’d been learning how to go through life with his mind and heart focused on someone else’s well-being. It didn’t come naturally: that wasn’t the kind of family either of them knew. Still, they’d promised each other that they could do better than how they were raised.

I am never here for iterations of this dynamic that assume Glenn is the fuck-up and Morgan was the perfect parent. They both became parents at exactly the same moment, you know? The world does not need one more story with an incompetent sitcom dad and his smoking-hot wife who does all the actual parenting. * * * * *

Nick is long since asleep, but Adele fucking Close has stayed up until these sickening hours of the early morning.

Conveniently, Glenn’s brain has overwritten all his memories with the correct name and pronouns for Nick, because writing around it is a pain in the ass otherwise. * * * * *

“Hello, Glenny.”

Bill calling Glenn “Glenny” that time at Ravenloft really stuck with me. I don’t know if they ever revisited that in the actual podcast, but it was so slimy and chilling somehow. * * * * *

“I fucked up,” Glenn says bluntly, and his mother narrows her eyes ever so slightly at his cursing.

Glenn gets in his own head early in Crowd about comparing himself to Penny, and Robin later worries about putting himself on ‘the same level’ as Morgan. Neither of them are quite galaxy-brained enough to realize that there’s more than one person in Glenn’s life who uses a lot of terms of endearment for him, considers themselves old-fashioned, and wishes everybody wouldn’t swear so much. * * * * *

“Thank you, mother,” Glenn grits out. He sounds absolutely nothing like himself, not that she minds. “I appreciate your help.”

I assume that part of the reason Glenn has such a hard time offering genuine apologies is that when he was growing up, too much of his apologizing was forced rather than sincere. * * * * *

“You are out of chances. If you continue to neglect this child, I will get the state involved, and I will take custody myself. I’ve already spoken to the Freemans, and I have their full support.”

Morgan’s parents are not mentioned very often and don’t seem to be a big part of the Close boys’ lives. I imagine that whatever tenuous relationship Glenn had forged with them post-accident was pretty much destroyed by Adele forming this alliance with them and telling Glenn about it. * * * * *

Her patient demeanor is meant to remind him that she's here to clean up his mess again, like she always does, and his proper response is humble and apologetic gratitude.

And that is why Robin being patient can set Glenn off so bad, such as after the bike accident when they were arguing:

Glenn doesn’t really hear most of what Robin’s saying. It’s all just soothing, pointless stuff in that obnoxious tone that means Robin thinks he’s the smart, calm, mature one here and Glenn’s the immature asshole who lost his temper again. He’d never say it, but Glenn can tell what he’s thinking.

I hope it came across clearly in that part that Robin doesn’t actually see the situation that way and isn’t saying or thinking anything to that effect, but Glenn feels like he is because he’s had this somatic/emotional reaction triggered. Spatially he's arguing with Robin, but his body and a lot of his brain thinks he's arguing with his mom. Trauma can be like that. * * * * *

His mother keeps talking like he didn’t say a word. “We can all stay in each others’ lives, Glenny. I’m not trying to cut you out, I’m trying to help you. I know you think I’m a monster, but I’m just trying to do what’s best for my family.”

Sometimes the monster will tell you it's not a monster. * * * * *

From that night forward, Glenn will always know that he’s not a good person, because he almost takes his mother up on the offer.

I don’t think being tempted by this offer means Glenn’s a bad person, but we write Glenn as somebody who wishes he was a good person but is really afraid that he isn’t. He was at a very low point here and he needed help. Feeling drawn to the only help on offer, even if it was from a toxic source, is pretty understandable. * * * * *

"I'll get Nicky ready for school tomorrow and you can sleep in. We’ll finish talking about this when you feel better.”

Man, I hate that abuser thing when they start being sweet as soon as you muster the energy to fight back. You get a little bit of steam built up and then they dodge you like a matador so that it dissipates again. To be clear, Nicky isn't Nick's deadname or anything, it's just the somewhat baby-ish diminutive form that Adele uses for him, like how she calls Glenn "Glenny." * * * * *

“Family is important,” his mother says sadly. Just before she closes the door, she gives him a look that’s an exquisite mix of regret, tender affection, and a tiny spark of hope. Adele would have been a great actress, but Glenn can’t imagine who that particular performance was for.

Performance skills run in the family and Adele comes by her acting chops honestly, although she doesn’t know it. I picture one of those situations where a young woman from a good background gets pregnant by some rakehell actor and her family covers up the scandal by raising the baby as a new sibling. That would mean that as long as Adele’s “older sister” never spilled the beans, nobody in their family at this point knows that they’re related to Meryl. If Nick ever decides to do one of those ancestry DNA tests, things are going to get interesting. * * * * *

He certainly didn’t find it very compelling. Family? All the family he will ever need is sleeping soundly down the hallway, tiny arms wrapped tight around a stuffed plush Babar.

I wanted Nick to have a stuffed animal that was sort of his parallel to Mr. Lion. Robin is drinking with Mr. Lion in the beginning of Crowd when he’s upset about losing Connor to college, and Mr. Lion appears again when Glenn comes in to talk to Nick and Connor after Robin’s accident.

“I… I guess I don’t know.” Nick looks down, avoiding eye contact by staring into the darkness under Connor’s bed. Mr Lion is under there in a clear plastic box, along with some other stuffed animals. Even when Nick first met Connor, the stuffed animals were already banished underneath the bed instead of on top of it. But over the years, Connor’s never thrown them away.

Mr. Lion is one of the various ways we played with the theme that Connor is, as Nick puts it, “somewhere between a kid and an adult.” Connor is a very confident and clever guy, but you don't magically get a giant box of maturity and life experience on your 18th birthday. At various points, he asks both Nick (at the campus concert) and Glenn (after Robin’s accident) to try to understand that he's still growing and figuring stuff out. Nick has definitely been deprived of some chances to be a kid, but in some ways Connor has as well. He started hanging out with Glenn after Penny and Robin split up, and although he and Nick obviously hit it off, Connor was closer to Glenn for a while. In a different universe, that might not have turned out as well - I mean, tell me you wouldn't side-eye that arrangement in real life. I sure would. Robin just sort of flings his hands up at the role Connor plays for the Close boys, but I strongly suspect that shit would not have flown on Penny’s watch.

It’s funny - he thought Connor was so grown-up when they met, but the guy was only 16 when the Wrights moved in next door. He wasn’t much older by the time he was over at the Close place almost every day, helping Nick with homework or cleaning questionable leftovers out of the fridge. It didn’t strike Nick as weird at the time, It was just another thing about his life that wasn’t like anybody else’s. He never questioned what was in it for Connor. Back then, Nick didn’t even realize how lonely he himself was - he wouldn't have figured out why a kid whose parents had just gotten divorced might want to come over to the chaotic Close apartment to get away from the quiet in his own home.

Everybody was doing their best, and everything worked out for the best, but Connor over the course of the stories is sorting out the balance that works for him in terms of responsibility and playfulness. Fortunately, now that he has less responsibility for Nick, he can enjoy Nick more as a friend and brother. In Name, Robin and Glenn both sort of assume Connor will act as a babysitter to Nick while they go off on their first date; by Crowd, Connor is hanging out playing Smash with Nick and Grant as the gents get ready for their dinner date, but he's there socially, as a peer. Him being goofier and more immature also frees up Nick to do the same, since if Connor is cool and Connor is being playful, then "it's not a little kid thing, it's a bro thing" They both get to be kids now in a way that they weren't before, and I love that for them. Anyway, the point of Mr. Lion and why I wanted to give Nick a stuffed animal as well was to draw the parallel between the sons more directly and to anchor the stuffed animal component. So far there hadn't been any moment in which an actual kid was holding an actual stuffed animal.

[groovycatcollector]

The Wonderfully Right, And The Horribly Wrong (Daryl Dixon Love story)

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. implied ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

An: I would love any feedback anyone has (don’t worry about being nice I have thick skin) 

Chapter 7

I wake with a start hearing the baby whimpering next to me, I reach a hand onto his stomach to try comfort him while checking the time on the clock beside the bed: 4:16. Feeding time. 

Sluggishly I get up, lifting the boy over to the chest of drawers, changing his diaper and grimacing at the expected smell. “You hungry little man? I’ll get you a bottle so we can both sleep” I spoke softly to him, supporting his head while I walked us down stairs to get him something to eat. Taking a bottle down from the shelf and yawing as I thought back to my mama, and what she only told me and Sonya.

“Where ever you go, you always try and leave just a little bit of good, no matter how bad they are. You need to try made a little right in a world full of wrong”

She was some woman I thought to myself as I shook the formula on the bottle, testing the temperature on my wrist before easing it into the baby’s mouth. I sighed when he finally stopped wriggling and letting out half cries, shushing and rocking him to help the sleep take over. Suddenly feeling that the inside sitting room was too warm for me, I took myself outside, and sat on the steps of the porch.  

Feeling the cool night air on my shoulder I think about the last few nights, humming to the boy as I got lost in thought. It had only been two or three days since we killed the horde, which I spent mostly in the infirmary helping out Denise, God bless her she was overwhelmed.

My twin was like her, getting anxious and panicking a lot, so I knew how to help her, just soft words and genital encouragement was the most you could do. And I knew a fair bit about dressing wounds and natural remedies so that seemed to take the pressure off of her.

Maggie too, I was with Maggie a lot, after she was reunited with Glenn she told me she was pregnant. I wanted to be happy for her, I really did, just I had this sense of dread in my gut. And I trust my gut. I just had a feeling that something was going to go wrong. But I was gonna help, I had been with Mama and Grandpa whenever they went to a homebirth, just helping out, so I know what to do. Still, having so much to loose in this new world could be dangerous. 

Looking up I could feel the light of the moon agents my skin, lighting up the streets, willing these terrible thoughts away.I closed my eyes and pretended that I was home, that Sonya was inside practicing her walk for the next Pagent with Mary-Grace, Mama was with Grandpa mixing up some herbs to give out for free instead of costing them for medicine. Daddy would probably still be in the shed, working on a bike or some car he found with Beau. Nona would have been cussing Russian to Mae; who didn’t speak a word so she always just sat there nodding saying “Da Baba” (just meaning yes Grandma)

I smiled, turning my chin up to the pale light “Your daddy would have loved you” I whispered to the baby “You would have been so loved by all of us” A mix of nostalgia and grief rose in my chest, knowing that they were probably dead, hoping they could have somehow survived.

Hearing the door creek open I turn to see Daryl with his hair looking shaggier then usual, looking equally as confused as I was as to why the other was awake. “Hi” He said, in a whisper, “what are you doin’ up?” He had become friendlier since I stitched him up, almost like I helped him heal his wounds. I nodded towards the child in my arms “Feeding time” I said, just above a whisper “Want me to clean them stiches while we’re up? I don’t want them getting infected”

I had already handed him the baby, with stern instruction to support his head, before Daryl could even answer. I went back inside and searched the drawers for where I had stashed some disinfectant, I suppose helping with wounds made me feel needed, not that I wasn’t needed with the little ass kicker out there, but this was different. This was something I was good at.

“I’m sorry about your bike, and your crossbow” I offered while cleaning his back, once he had taken my place on the porch with me kneeling behind him “’s okay, I’ll find them, or get new ones” Another guy trying to act tough, or maybe he was just tough “Still though, that’s pretty shit being robbed” Daryl brushed it off.

When I was done I took a seat next to him and offered to take the baby back but he refused “Nah its okay” I looked at him curiously, He looked comfortable, looking down at him, letting my nephew take the bottle. I suppose he was old enough I suppose “You ever have kids?” Daryl looked back up at me “Not that I know of, but I was with Judith a lot when she was born” His voice was horse, like he only woke up a few moments ago.

He with sitting with one leg bent, supporting one arm, and the other handing loosely until his heel reached a step. He nudged my shoulder “I suppose you were around a load of them” He half stated half questioned, I thought for a moment, brows furrowed

“No not really” I answered “I was the youngest, and one of my sisters had kids but she had moved to Atlanta so I only saw them when I was young” The man next to me let out a humph before looking back down at the baby, whose eyes were getting heavy “You’re good with him, he never really cries”

I smiled, that was a godsend “Yeah, he’s a quiet one alright, just like his daddy” I paused for a moment “He’s the image of him too”

We sat in a tranquil state while the baby drifted off in Daryl’s arms, we swapped where we were from and stories of brothers. He opened up about his, Meryl, his sounded like a real asshole. “No offence” I aged when I realized it slipped out of my mouth. He chuckled, first time I think I really saw him smile “No no, he was a suborn fool I’ll give you that” He must have really loved him. I smiled, feeling that same tenderness in my chest, looking up at the sky, seeing the moon almost disappearing as the sky began to lighten welcoming the dawn.

“I better get some sleep” I said with reluctance, it was nice just to swap stories. I took the kid from his arms “If you’re going on a run anytime soon tell me, I think I’m getting too comfortable in here” He nodded at me, “We’re going in a day or two if ya wanna come” his body was twisted now to face me, I smiled pushing open the door. “Wake me when it’s time to go” I called back, before walking up the stairs to sink into bed. 

Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five Part six Part eight

Part nine Part ten Part eleven

Sorry like nothing happened in this chapter

Tags: @buckysjuicyplums

[percival-queen]

Mod I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY because thanks to you the headcanon that Percy has depression has waltzed it's merry little way into my mind, into the control room, and keeps pestering Writer Me and the WORST PART is that her being depressed gives me ENERGY

{So, uh, you’re totally valid and I relate with you on writing that Good Angst, but this Percy doesn’t have depression! She’s got mild PTSD from the almost suicide attempt during the Powerless M!A, but depression is a different mental illness. Depression can be watered down to “periods of depressed or apathetic moods and behavior without any clear external cause,” and that’s not Percy. Yes, I’ve shown her to be depressed and even apathetic on this blog, but there’s always a reason. TL;DR, being depressed is not the same as having depression.}

{Again, your ideas are valid, and you can write about whatever headcanons you want! But I want to clarify for the record that this Percy does not have anxiety or depression. A major part of her character arc is learning to care for others even when she can’t relate: for example, learning to be patient with Meryl, Ramsey, and Zora, who are all drastically different from her and struggle with things she can’t understand on an empathetic level.}

[humboldtfog]

Years of depression has prepared me very well for the current state of affairs which is weird but whatever here’s a list of my faves on netflix, if I’m missing something let me know cause now’s the time, right?

I'm kinda embarrassed by how long this list is but also kinda like fuck that, there have been very long periods of time where it was either sit and watch shows all day or lie down and stare at the wall in silence all day so I chose the former and it adds up and there's nothing wrong with that.

Glow (Badass ladies learn to wrestle, great 80s aesthetics and grrrrl power.)

Our Planet (Netflix version of Planet Earth, beautiful, cute, terrifying that we aren’t doing more to save us all.)

Bojack Horseman (Hilarious and “deep” critique of LA and celebrity culture for people who don’t care about LA or celebrity culture. Also very funny visual jokes about how if animals were also kinda humans, and lots of great jokes about cliches and tropes, puns, and weirdly rhyming and alliteration? I don’t know how to explain it just watch it.)

Father Brown (BBC, based on mystery novels about a priest who always meddles in police business and solves murders in his small English countryside town.)

Pose (The Ball scene in NY in the 80s, poc queer and trans writers and actors bringing their people’s stories to life. So much joy, so much beauty, but also NYC in the 80s so you will cry.)

Paris is Burning (Documentary made during the Ball scene Pose is based on.)

Sex Education (Such empowering representations of all walks of gender and sexuality, and actually very educational, like I would straight up show this in schools because everyone would be very entertained and would learn a lot more than they teach in a lot of schools.)

What Happened Miss Simone (Documentary about Nina Simone’s life, music and the activism the establishment/ government worked to suppress and used to blacklist her.)

Night on Earth (Low light camera technology has gotten hella good and they’re starting to learn stuff about animals’ behaviors at night that they’ve never been able to study before.)

Call the Midwife (Follows stories from the midwives that worked in the East End of London after the war, based on memoirs. Interesting look at the kind of life of poverty people led before there were many large hospitals or birth control, right as the British were implementing their universal healthcare program.)

The Great British Baking Show (Everyone’s so nice and everything looks so good!)

Atypical (Dramady about a high schooler with autism and his family, very funny and great representations of autism and how to be a good dude.)

Parks and Recreation (Just very funny and everyone knows it. Amazing ensemble cast, and they still keeps in touch through a group chat awww doesn’t that say something!)

Kim’s Convenience (Canadian comedy about family of first and second gen Korean immigrants that’s just a really solid funny modern day sitcom.)

Queer Eye (I feel like if everyone in this world could get a life makeover from these guys we just wouldn’t be here right now.)

Obvious Child (Jenny Slate accidentally gets pregnant and gets an abortion. It’s funny and it’s realistic, we’re not all Juno.)

Maria Bamford: the Special Special Special (Rad lady comedian not afraid to talk about her mental health and lack thereof and very vocal about the stigma surrounding mental health problems and I very much relate to. My favorite standup probably ever. I could make a list just for standup so message me if you’d like more suggestions.)

Monty Python (Flying Circus, movies, doc, ect. “The Beatles of comedy” is the cliche but it's true.)

Easy (Very unconventional non-narrative structure and editing, following random people in Chicago in a very real life feeling way. Different story each episode, but sometimes characters show up briefly in each other’s lives or return for a second episode.)

Everything Sucks! (High school nerds and lesbians and theater geeks in the 90s! I’m so sad this only got one season I rewatched it recently and it’s just so solid.)

She’s Gotta Have It (Revival of Spike Lee’s first movie, black girl magic, art world, gentrified New York, lots of sex.)

The Office (Classic, holds up very well, totally solid throughout, worth a rewatch. Also if you're a fan Jenna Ficher and Angela Davis are doing a rewatch podcast jsyk.)

Billy on the Street (Mindless game show for laughs, amazing gay comedian runs around New York yelling questions at them. I watch this with my dad and he can’t help but snort even when it’s “inappropriate” or “juvenile” so you know it’s good.)

Good Girls (Some lower middle class family ladies that are all about to be broke decide to rob the grocery store one of them works at, but they accidentally cross a gang that stored their cash there, so they gotta pay it back, and of course can’t help but get deeper and deeper into it. Very suspenseful like your heart rate will go up and stay up. )

Arrested Development (It’s just funny, as you've probably heard, but I'm telling you it just really is.)

The Laundromat (Tells the stories of a few of the people involved in the panama papers in different ways, explains in an entertaining way how money laundering works in a way that made it mostly make sense even to me. The rich get richer, and Meryl Streep is here to tell them to fuck off and pay their taxes.)

Russian Doll (She keeps dying and coming back to the same moment over and over and can’t figure out how to stop the cycle or why so kinda sci fi, very suspenseful, big cliff hanger ending, or rather no ending, and just found out season two filming is delayed because virus which is very annoying!!)

Dear White People (Show picking up where the movie left off, after a frat hosts a black face party and the ivy league college is forced to deal with racism.)

Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings (Stories based on Dolly songs. Very Hallmark channel, you will cry.)

Episodes (Show about two British writers making a version of their BBC show for American tv. Kind of meta, very funny, Matt LaBlanc plays himself and it's great.)

Dumplin’ (Fat girl grows up with a beauty pageant winning mom and enters one herself with the help of her late aunt’s Dolly Parton drag queen friends.)

Lunatics (Chris Lilley is the best character actor ever, all his shows are just him playing different parts and you seriously forget it’s all one actor, even when he’s playing teenage girls.)

Jane the Virgin (Prime time soap opera about a girl who is engaged and waiting until marrige and is accidentally inseminated with the only sperm sample of a man who’s had cancer so decides to keep the baby, very heavy on the soap opera cliches in a meta way but also that’s what it is. So good at first but after the first three or so seasons it gets too much tbh though.)

Zumbo’s Just Desserts (Australian Bake show but with just sweet stuff and pressure to be avant garde.)

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (Jerry Sienfeld goes out with funny people to coffee and lunch in fancy cars and they have funny conversations.)

One Day at a Time (Very very cheesy laugh track sitcom, like the kind of thing my grandma would watch, but it makes me so happy it’s doing a great job eplaining really woke concepts like queer pronouns and ptsd and addiction and white privilege to people like my grandma!)

Orange is the New Black (Good stories about very diverse characters, I’d say by starting it off about a upper middle class white girl it tricks privileged white people into watching and then encountering the more realistic stories of women who go to prison and how the system treats prisoners. Ending of season two is super solid and you can stop it there, season three is a really great critique of the privatization of prisons. I admit it goes on and on to the point that it’s stressful and after watching it spread out over years I can’t remember/ keep up with all the different story lines, though they’re all good stories to tell.)

Space Jam (Just saw while scrolling for more ideas this was added! One of the greatest sports movies of all time obviously.)

Bonus amazon prime shows, I try to avoid Amazon in general but these are just too good if you know a prime member who you can't convince not to give their money to amazon so they might as well give you their login (like yer dad).

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (A 1950s New York upper class Jewish house wife gets dumped and starts doing stand up, so funny, great actors, and they seriously transform NY back into another era.)

Good Omens (Mini series based off Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s satirical novel about the biblical apocalypse, very funny, very smart, very British, does the book pretty solid justice.)

There are other decent things that aren’t included, I’d say these are solid recs for a general list of genres all over the map without letting it get to a ridiculously unhelpful length. I feel like I’d be good at the “if you like this then you’ll also like…” so let me know if some of these are your favorites too and want personal recs for what to watch next based on a brain instead of an algorithm.

If you want to have a remote date and watch things together on video chat or one of those watch party sites or just tell me what to watch next here’s some stuff on my list I’ve been curious about or not sure about or don’t want to watch alone or have been putting off, and now’s the time right?: Strangers Things, I Am Not Okay With This, Black Panther, The Betty White doc, John Mulaney Snack Lunch Bunch, Dead to Me, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, A Wrinkle in Time, The Little Prince, Maniac, Wet Hot American Summer reboots, and a bunch of different standup specials from comedians I like.

[la-li-lu-le-lol]

this was originally gonna be a comic but...

Early 2006 - Dave and Hal are sitting at their table after lunch on a slow workday. Hal is checking his messages while Dave is reading a book and sipping on coffee. Sandwich crusts lay forgotten on plates pushed towards the center of the table.

Hal purses his lips as a question that’s been bouncing around in his mind for the past week surfaces.

“Hey, Snake?”

“Hmm.”

“Can I ask you a… personal question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He says. Dave glances up from his coffee cup and leans back in his chair, looking at Hal apprehensively.

“Okay?”

“Why did you and Meryl break up? Sorry if the wound is still fresh or anything, I just… was curious.”

“Nahh, that’s not an issue anymore. We just… fought a lot, I guess. Wanted different things in life.” Dave answered.

“Fought a lot?”

“Arguments. Shouting matches, she would also throw shit at me if she was really pissed.” Dave said, smirking to himself. “I do appreciate that she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind though. It’s nice to not have people scared of you for once.”

Hal flinched at that last sentence before Dave flicked a breadcrumb at him.

“Lighten up, Nerd. That wasn’t a jab at you. You’re… different.”

Hal grinned and shook his head. “Different how? You know you can be pretty scary nomatter who youre talking to.”

“Whatever. You’re afraid of everything.” Another breadcrumb hit his arm.

“Meryl always seemed pretty sure of herself to me, at least on the surface,” Hal continued, ignoring him. “Usually people who have more self-confidence tend to be the ones who yell the most while angry.”

“Yeah, you’re right, She was definitely a screamer.”

Hal tried and failed to temper his facial expression but the corners of his mouth definitely twitched.. He looked up to see Dave raising an eyebrow because of course he noticed, noticing small details was his thing. Hal ducked his head back into his laptop to avoid eye contact.

“Ah, Snake, I don’t know if that word means what you think it means.”

“Are you sure?” Hal looked up to see Dave holding his coffee up to his mouth, attempting to hide this gigantic shit-eating grin. There was a pause

“Cause, I’m pretty sure I know what that word me-”

“-STOP. Don’t. I get it.” Hal blurted out, before he thunked his head onto the table in front of him as his face and ears grew hot. He heard David begin to wheeze with laughter while hitting his fist against the table.

“Would it seriously kill you to not think about sex for five seconds?” Hal grumbled as he got up from the table to get as far away from his partner and the accompanying mental images as possible. “Swear you’re in god damn middle school…”

“You were the one who said you ‘wanted to know me better’,” Dave called back in a sing-song tone

“I take it back. Go back to being an untouchable scary legend. Dave is fired, I’m keeping Snake.” Hal said sarcastically, smiling. An entire breadcrust hit the back of his head before he could close his bedroom door.

—

When he fell asleep at his computer that night, he awoke to a still-warm cup of coffee with a notecard leaning against it that read in a nearly illegible all-caps scrawl -

“YOURE DIFFERENT FROM MERYL+OTHERS CUZ YOU DIDNT RUN WHEN YOU SAW BOOZE PTSD DEPRSSN ETC. INSTEAD YOU TRIED TO HELP + ACCEPTED ME. I APPRECIATE THAT.

ALSO SNAPPING NECKS FOR A LIVING AGAIN IS FUN.  -S.”