#it's funny because READING i'm like. obviously that's a 'wh'

[runawaymarbles]

[becausegraf]

Stolas is not Blitz's first rodeo - the case for Blitz' potential history as a de facto sex worker

(Okay, whoop de doo, here we go, if I sit on this essay any longer I won't get around to having dinner.)

Imagine someone you're into knows you've been struggling to make ends meet, and they approach you with this:

"Hey there, I've been thinking, how about we meet once a week to get giggity and have a good time, and in exchange I'll pay your rent, no strings attached."

Since 'this is hell' and not real life, also try to imagine what for example Moxxie or Millie's reaction might be to something like this. How would you envision this might go?

'What the FUCK' would be a completely sensible response. Even if someone agreed to this, you'd expect some reluctance, unease, nervousness, internal conflict... from most people.

And yet, this is basically what Stolas offered Blitz, and even in a hurry, his reaction wasn't at all shocked or confused. We see no hint of awkwardness in his behaviour around or during his monthly visits, not a lick of it.

There's a simple explanation for this: Blitz has done this before plenty of times.

He's quite literally 'used to it' and accepts this as a fairly routine type of agreement, without even questioning the concept of 'that horny head-in-the-clouds dork of a prince had a good time with me, and wants me to keep servicing him enough to offer me precisely what I want'. Stolas is far from unattractive to him, sure, 'why the fuck not'. Of all the ways this situation could have played out, this is one of the less difficult ones to deal with - satisfying people using his body is pretty much a 'shrug' to him, as opposed to having to come up with some kind of manipulation, or negotiating a different agreement, or keeping the grimoire against Stolas' will and earning himself the wrath of a Goetia.

The premise:

There is a long, long list of clues, many of them hiding in plain sight as 'haha crude jokes oh Blitz u so silly' moments, that Blitz has a history of providing sex as a service.

I also believe this is something most of the fandom already implicitly expects or wouldn't be surprised at all if it were confirmed in the show, but a lot of the implications are entirely invisible, and the effects on Blitz' behaviour are VERY easy to read as 'it's a comedy show, they write him this way because it's supposed to be crude and funny'.

Parts:

1) A hoard of hints

2) How this contributes to the massive disconnect between Blitz and Stolas' understanding of their arrangement

3) Some notes regarding the 'stage persona' of a performer, and recognition of achievements - a connection to his VA and co-writer

1) So, let's look at some contextual evidence first. This list is mostly constrained by my limited capacity to rattle off more examples on the fly, I'm sure you can easily find more of these everywhere you look.

- 'It's your night', and other such flat dismissals

This can be read as him just being cold and apathetic towards Stolas, as obviously 'Blitz is an unempathetic jerk-ass boyfriend'. However, if you read this through the lens of Blitz truly handling this arrangement pretty much like a professional, it makes perfect sense.

'We can do what you want, you're the client here buddy. This isn't about my preferences or wants, my job is to please you and not the other way around.'

- 'You know, I'm not really fussed when stuff like this happens' about Stolas rescheduling

Kind of a funky thing to say about your lover asking you if you have time to meet a bit earlier than originally planned, isn't it? Again, this makes sense if you read this arrangement as Stolas being like a client with a monthly appointment, and Blitz as the accommodating professional. The customer is king, if Stolas wants to move their appointment date (for something Blitz can do during his off-hours that aren't likely to conflict with other plans) then sure, it's not like he's going to charge a damn cancellation fee.

- 'But I thought you like it when I talk all dirty and fucky and shit'

The start of Apology Tour is a rough one, but it reveals a lot about the hidden reasons behind Blitz behaving the way he does with Stolas, and why we shouldn't take everything at face-value.

During their encounters, Blitz is in work-mode: h's very deliberate about how he comports himself and how to play to Stolas' tastes, for as far as he thinks he understands them. Stolas responded well to the aggressive stuff upon their first meeting as adults, and from Stolas' POV he had no real reason to clock that as *not actually really what Blitz' own personal preferred style is*. For as far as the owl knows, Blitz truly is unforcedly, naturally just 'like that' - scathing, dominant, rogueish, confident, bold and brash and adventurous in bed.

I think it's likely that Blitz probably *isn't*, maybe partially but not entirely, but trial and error quickly showed him Stolas is into that so... sure, he can accommodate. Whatever the fancy man wants of him, he can stay 'in-character' in that kind of exaggerated role pretty effortlessly.

Blitz glomming to MnM is a pretty big tip-off that he does have a sense of what true close intimacy is like and he absolutely does have a yearning for that. His 'I'm just here for the sex' bad boy attitude does not truly convey who he is as a person in his entirety.

The rowdy sexy assassin-cowboy-imp is the role he plays for Stolas, under the assumption that that is what he's into, and as a way to shield off his own much more vulnerable and conflicted real feelings. When it seems as if Stolas is no longer satisfied, he tries to 'get his shit together' and dial up the intensity, taking the whole sexually aggressive act to a level where it majorly crosses Stolas' boundaries.

Blitz at that point is just SO confused, so in turmoil with himself, and so terrified of losing the one point of connection he has to Stolas (which at that point really is pretty much their sexual compatibility plus a dollop of mutual je-ne-sais-quoi) he gets frustrated and just slips into a blind defensive rage.

(...yeah, that sure went over well, didn't it. 'God damnit Blitz', thus spoke the entire fandom.)

- Blitz' encounter with Chaz

This is a very interesting one to me. This set of scenes shifts very rapidly from one impression of Blitz to another, a triple pile-up of 'lol gotcha'.

'Oh ok , Blitz gets that it's kinda iffy to bang your friends' shitty ex' immediately gets subverted to

'...welp I guess his weird fixation is enough to disregard that entirely', and shortly after to yet another twist:

'-aaaaand welp, he took advantage of the situation without even blinking, because his instinct made him catch a whiff of something, and he took the first opportunity to poke into it a bit more even if said opportunity is banging the airhead randy shark'.

Blitz 100% uses his body like a tool. Any personal pleasure or bonuses that suit his whims he gets out of it is only part of his motivation. His played-for-laughs fling with Chaz is really much more functionally motivated: diving into bed with someone is just one of the several items on his list of things you can do to slip past someone's guard, shmooze them up, get up-close and even have them dead-asleep to create the perfect moment.

Watching this unfold, I personally very much did have that moment of 'oh dear that's a little concerning', that he made it look like he's 'just kind of a morally questionable ass', so casually making it seem like he was having some fun for his own sake when he was clearly going into this with the plan to slink out as soon as he had the shark where he wanted him.

This example also shows that Blitz clearly understands that sex and intimacy and trust are connected, but for him personally, that's pretty much optional (or even explicitly to be avoided).

- 'I've spent too much of my time, energy and holes on getting us set up', (so maybe don't get lame about this Mills)

File under 'haha Blitz so crude' and the easy interpretation of this as referring ONLY to Stolas. This likely concerns all the work he's done over the many years, starting long before the short time he's had the grimoire at his disposal at the time he says this.

He also does note himself as a) business savvy and b) sexy as fuck as the two major assets he has that he thinks of first in this scene. Blitz knows he's capable of capturing 'that kind' of attention, and he's clearly willing to make use of that.

- Finding out later in the series that he has a whole slew of exes that are still upset with him

This 'reveal' aligns with the general impressions we have of Blitz by that point pretty well. I wasn't surprised at all about that one - 'Oh, of course he does'.

Blitz dodges truly close personal intimacy, but he hardly avoids getting into situations that most people would experience as explicitly intimate, vulnerable and personal. His idea of 'boundaries' are very different from those of most people he deals with, and it's truly no wonder he ended up attracting quite a number of people to him only to ditch out once it became clear they were expecting some kind of romantic commitment.

With his natural charisma and easy charm and his *actual* innate kindness, combined with his well-practiced capacity to flirt and fluster and flatter, people that get to know him may very well be tempted rather quickly. They then easily misread his intentions when he's not one to say no if they make a pass and he's passingly interested. Of course, as soon as they let it show they're falling for him in earnest, *WHAM* goes the door, with no warning and often a sound 'fuck you' to seal the deal and ensure they don't come back.

'Why would he go and get intimate with me, if he didn't want to be with me?!'

The sheer confusion only adds to the offense at that point, and it's that lack of a sensible explanation that contributes to the pattern of people struggling to 'get over it'. We want to know 'why', we need the story to make sense, but Blitz does not give people that closure easily.

'Sorry I have a warped relationship with sex and it doesn't mean to me what it means to you as a baseline, AND I have massive hangups about people getting the feefees for me because everyone who does gets torn to shreds, so if we get giggity that's all you're gonna get from me' isn't really the kind of thing Blitz tells people ahead of time or after the fact.

- I may add more later or in a reblog, I could go on for hours honestly...

2) All this is far, far removed from Stolas' entire world

We all understand pretty well that our beloved well-intentioned dork of an owl has had a pretty sheltered existence (albeit frought with its own problems), and has *very* little experience in the realm of actual sexual activities.

If someone more worldly were to encounter Blitz and regularly interact with him in the way Stolas does, I think it would very quickly begin to raise questions.

You know, if someone so consistently treated your 'sexy date nights' the way Blitz does, I think quite a few of us would start to catch on that maybe he's got some, eh, 'circumstances' that inform his behaviour. Stolas however has nothing to go off off - Blitz is the experienced one, and he certainly acts like everything they do is pretty par for the course. Blitz is the role model, the example Stolas learns from about 'how things work' and what the rules are.

The issue is that Stolas is trying to learn how to have a fulfilling intimate relationship with someone, while Blitz is, in some fashion, actually trying (rather frustratedly at times) to teach him the code of conduct around just-business sex work. Over and over and over we see Blitz try to remind him of these rules, and from our POV, this comes across as Blitz being kind of cruel and mean because he's bluntly brushing off every earnest attempt Stolas makes to forge a connection.

Stolas doesn't understand what's going on under the surface, and for the most part, *neither do we as the audience*. We're here for the fluffy love story, and the hilarious impish shenanigans of our kind-of-a-dick of a protagonist. *Neither we as the audience nor Stolas take Blitz' behaviour and push-back seriously* as we don't get to explicitly view things through his eyes with the full understanding of what the world works like for him. He's either acting like a douche, or being erratic and hilarious, all just meaningless funny bullshit - right up until the moment where he snaps and suddenly it's no longer charming.

Stolas hapless persistence with trying to move past these 'walls', as he truly does desire something very different, eventually leads to Blitz giving up on getting him to cut it out, and it really seems as if he desperately tries to interpret he situation as an unruly spoiled but harmless client getting way too into the 'playing boyfriends' roleplay.

After all, what else could it *possibly* be? Love? Ha ha ha fuck you, of course not. What kind of asshole would even suggest that, that's just hurtful, inconsiderate and stupid - don't play with his feelings like that, it's JUST BUSINESS and Blitz needs to keep his head on straight. He's got a job to do and if he fucks this up and lets himself get attached and it all gets too real holy fucking sh- just drop the sky on him while you're at it, why don't you.

NO.

3) There are some themes here, as per the person who plays a big role in shaping Blitz' character

As 'the sassy crass youtube dude' in reputation I wouldn't be surprised if Brandon Rogers himself might be kinda familiar with the effect of people mistaking your 'on stage persona' for who you really are. People at times approach performers like him under the assumption they're always 'like that', and they tailor their behaviour according to that, too, instead of taking a step back and treating them like a regular person with regular boundaries.

At some point Brandon also said one of the things he relates to the most with Blitz is how much it irks him when people low key look down on what he's achieved.

'Nobody just handed him stuff, he and the team put in a fuckton of hard work into getting to where they are now'

This echoes Blitz' derision towards Fizz as someone who seems as if he's being given privileges, resources and support on a silver platter, just for existing as the person Asmodeus has a special interest in.

I will let that lead into my concluding comment:

I'm pretty damn sure we don't officially know the first damn thing yet about everything Blitz has put himself through to make it out of his twenties alive, just for starters, and to then become successful and reliable enough to provide a stable home for Loona and get his business off the ground.

[ohbother2]

Hi everyone,

I know it's been ages and some of you have probably seen this notification and have hoped that this means the fics on this page will be updating, however, I've got some bad news.

This blog was a joint account between two friends who loved creating silly stories of some of our favourite characters in our free time and gushing over character details with one another. Beyond tragically, my friend, the co-runner of this account, passed away a few months ago. Obviously, I'm keeping the details private, but it was sudden and unexpected.

I know this is a shock to all of you, and not what you were expecting to hear after such a long hiatus. Understandably, I've not been active on tumblr, particularly this account, since. It's felt incredibly wrong to login to this blog and even attempt to re-read some of the stuff posted or your comments/tags, especially without her to talk to about all your lovely messages. She really did love reading them, and we'd call for hours to laugh and talk about your kind messages.

Although I acted as what you'd call the 'face' of this account, actually posting, reblogging, commenting and following others, she was integral to the heart of this account, to the ideas and writing and editing that made this account what it is, and I don't want to continue posting heacannons/one-shots/any kind of creative writing on this blog without her. This was our passion-project, and a massive chunk of it is now missing.

I just wanted to let you guys know what the situation with this blog is and why, and I wanted to give a massive thank you from both of us for being the most supportive, kind-hearted, and tight-knit community we'd ever had or seen on Tumblr before. The fact we even had fan-art made of our writing goes to show how dedicated and incredibly talented this fandom is, how supportive and just genuinely excited everyone is to hype each other up and lift each other and appreciate all our passions. It's genuinely insane, and so rare in modern internet spaces.

Regarding the future of this account, because I don't want to leave unfinished fics floating around the website, and for personal reasons, I will be transferring all fics/one-shots over to AO3, marking them as incomplete, and 'orphaning' them. I've really debated this decision, and I believe it's the one she'd be most happy with. I'm just giving you guys fair warning, I'll wait a few weeks before I actually do anything. I don't know if I'll delete this blog, I'm rather attached, but I won't be active for a while.

Probably most importantly, if anyone wants to take our ideas or our unfinished fics/one-shots and complete them/edit the story/adapt our head-cannons/incorporate them into your own fics, please do. I think it'd be nice to inspire and help other fic writers, and see the ideas carried on in whatever way you guys choose. Everything on this account is effectively 'orphaned' already, so feel free to do whatever you want with it :).

This is getting long, but I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent in requests, funny comments, little anecdotes, and witty one-liners into our messages/asks, both that we did and didn't respond to, especially lately. We planned to do a great return to this blog after our exams responding to them all/clogging up your feeds. Someone even called us their 'favourite niche internet micro celebrity', and we both found it hilarious.

There's no gofundme or anything like that set up. Sometimes, things just don't go as we plan and there's nothing we can do. If I've learnt anything from this godawful situation, it's that you should do whatever you want as soon as possible. Don't wait to join that club. don't wait to take that trip, don't wait to watch that show, don't wait to visit friends or family, don't wait to begin doing a hobby that you think you'll love. Anything can happen, and the only time we know that we have for certain is now. (Master Uguay was right in Kung Fu Panda after all).

I won't be active for a while, but I'll check in to see how this post is doing now and again, and I'll probably post again just before I begin taking things down.

Thank you guys, and I hope you don't dwell on this post too long.

[pseudophan]

some post wad weekend thoughts...

i just wrote all this on the plane and haven't read it through so apologies for any mistakes

first of all, this weekend was incredible. i usually just kinda sit at home doing not much of anything, and this was a much needed break to actually have some fun. london in general always lifts my spirits but i suppose that danisnotonfire guy contributed a little as well.

guys i think i've met more people the past few days than i otherwise have in years. like. holy shit. i started listing people but i'm petrified i'll forget someone so i chickened out, sorry about that. but you all know who you are. i've met friends i've had for years, people i used to know but haven't spoken to in what feels like a decade, newer friends, and a frankly baffling amount of people i didn't know yet but who told me they've followed me for ages. like holy fuck you guys lmao what the hell??? and i mean did the reaction ever get old no of course it didn't. bad for my ego i'm sure but totally worth it. there's something very amusing and incredibly surreal about being chronically lame in most aspects of life and then suddenly finding yourself in an environment where you're kinda cool???? SO fucking fun oh my god, but also i do kinda feel like i've tricked you all? but hey i'll happily let you keep believing i'm cool, that is more than fine with me.

most importantly though everyone was SO lovely. like i said i don't think i've spoken to this many people in such a short amount of time in years and every single person i talked to was awesome. guys did you know phannies are kind of great... don't tell anyone but, lowkey... everyone is so funny and cool and absolutely insane but in a good way (shoutout everyone left at the gates until the very end, we should probably get some help).

and then lastly of course, mr howell himself. i talk about this a lot i feel like but fuck me that man was born to perform. whether you think he's actually funny or not, nobody can argue he doesn't absolutely thrive on a stage. he plays off the audience so well and he's so very obviously having the time of his fucking life. i'd already seen the show twice before this, and i didn't think anything would top the previous london show but man... the first night he came back out after the show having clearly been tearing up backstage, apologising for being an inconsistent absent parent, and i can't lie the "i had daddy issues and THEN i subscribed to dan howell" got me cause yeah no literally dude, you nailed it, exactly, well done. i think something about doing this show again, his magnum opus as he considers it, now after the dapg return was very special to him. he seems genuinely surprised that so many of us were ready to just jump back in like nothing happened, i don't think he was expecting so many people to still be waiting and it's... man. he comes off so grateful for us all and it's so fucking sweet. and then on the last night, i think that was my favourite, when the show ended and he got the standing ovation and people throwing him flowers.. he was so HAPPY. and clearly overwhelmed with emotion which, i gotta say, there is something honestly kinda funny about daniel howell standing in front of you trying not to cry. like no by all means dude go ahead, please, you've made me cry an endless amount of times it's only fair.

ugh. i'm proud of him or whatever. dick. and i'm proud of our ridiculous fucking community. i'm not sure what 14 year old nora would say if you'd told me i'd still be kicking it in the phandom a decade on, but at almost 25 (fml) i'm so so happy to be here still. you know, we get a bad rep, but i genuinely think as far as fanbases go we're pretty solid. and i love you all so much.

i believe i will have to rob a bank or something because the next time dan and/or phil do a tour i think i'll have to just show up at every date like i'm sorry but this was too good of a high we need to do it again immediately

anyway. back to work 💪

(by which i mean giffing dan and phil. i am still very much unemployed. fr though i'm two whole videos behind this has never happened i feel weird. who am i)

[atoriv-art]

What are your thoughts on Sasuke x Gaara

beautiful showstopping saved my life we love you sasugaa <333

ok to actually answer: i think they have a very compelling dynamic! i really really like their chunin exams era with gaara being weirdly obsessed with sasuke because they're both "damaged" to put it in some way!

i wish we got to see sasuke's opinion about it a little more, especially since it comes at a time where he's starting to come around to the idea of using his power to protect and not just kill itachi, but this "i relate to your pain and i need to make sure my pain (and to gaara, therefore my power) is still bigger and more powerful" dynamic is soooo fun to me as an introduction point between them! i find it a lot more compelling than what it got interrupted by 😅

i understand the value of having gaara see someone who is Literally just like him (ie also a jinchuriki), but imo having him deal with someone who he perceives as Emotionally just like him (ie traumatized, angry and lonely) was already excellent...

also!!!!!!!!!! i'm not a fan of how sasuke is characterized in the five kage summit in general (or rather how he's demonized by the framing of it all. i love a good public meltdown. his evil laugh lives in my brain) BUT i looooooooove the scene with gaara confronting him i was NOT expecting it when i was watching it the first time and it was like an angel smiled down upon me.

and and and (guy who gets to bring up the naruto games again) they do a fun reversal of their original dynamic there it in the ninja storm games, with sasuke being the one to flaunt his pain and power against gaara

LIKE SORRY I JUST THINK IT'S FUNNN!!!! they have a lot in common and deal with it similarly but when gaara's at his lowest sasuke's starting to get better, and that gets flipped later on: when gaara's figured himself out it's sasuke who's completely spiraling... hehehehe!

ok ill put the rest in a read-more. jesus

i get why the pairing isn't very popular (sasuke has like, two of the biggest pairings soaking up all of the fandom attention span alkdsmak) but i cannot standddd the weird consensus that they don't like each other 😭 gaara showed in that scene that he does still hold some amount of respect and empathy for sasuke, enough to offer him a helping hand when he was at his lowest, and sasuke himself was engaging in the conversation much as he disagreed with gaara... it's gaara who starts the fighting back up, not sasuke!

imo gaara's words to naruto later on that get twisted into a "girl dump him" speech (😒.) are obviously meant to serve as a warning to manage expectations, because he Knows his friend is still not going to give up on sasuke and might not even particularly want him to, but he's speaking from the kage angle as opposed to what he personally would want

gaara CRIED for sasuke and stopped the fighting specifically to talk to him for fuck's sake he doesn't HATE him, his siblings have to convince him to give up on trying to talk to him and there's a distinction made of what should be done as a kage. and while i have a thousand things to say about how i don't love how the manga handles its kage characters wrt framing them as Generally Good, i do think it's notable that it's this that makes him give it up

"personal feelings" meaning, his siblings can recognize that gaara doesn't fucking want to fight him and would really prefer to talk this out. I think about this a lot sorry KSMDKSMDK so much of the consensus is that gaara, specifically, can't stand sasuke and for WHAT.

and as a sidebar i think their insistence on calling e/o by their full names/titles ("Uchiha Sasuke" / "Gaara Of The Sand") is so fucking funny.

i know what you are. also:

sasuke engaging in battle banter. OPEN YOUR EYES

ANYWAY!

i actually think that of my "quirky" pairings (the sasugaaneji triad that is.) it's the one with the most canon basis and it's not even close. however it's also the one that i notice people engaging the least with ASKJDNSAKD which is obviously fine it's just a little funny to me

[amee-racle-ofmyown]

Hey, Amee!! I hope you’re doing well <3

If by any chance you’re up to it, could you please write a fic about Heist Mark being super jealous of Yancy because he and Y/N clearly seem to be into each other?? I LOVE your art and writings and I couldn’t get this idea out of my head <3 (Obviously no pressure, though!)

I'm so happy to hear you enjoy my work, thank you🥺💖 and thank you for your request! it got me out of a terrible writer's block. on that note, sorry this took quite some time, I've been in a bit of a funk of on and off general creative block, and unable to finish any writing at all for even longer. this was a pretty fun challenge! I myself view Yancy platonically so I wasn't quite sure where to go with this initially, and I had to fight every urge to just make this heist mark x y/n dfsjsjsv. that said, it did end up being more heist mark-centric than maybe you intended? in which case, I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself😔 yancy is there but very briefly haha

Don't you tell me that you never even thought, 'maybe we could run'

2,603 words | Read on AO3

‘We're all gonna be rehearsing tomorrow so youse best get some sleep.’

You nod as you close the gate to yours and Mark's shared cell, stifling a yawn.

‘Goodnight, Yancy.’

You hold each other's gaze for a moment, before he turns and heads off, a tattooed hand over the back of his neck and a sweet smile still on his face. You watch as he disappears into the outer hallway and a guard appears to lock up your cell for the evening.

Your long-time accomplice and friend stands at the edge of your vision, arms folded.

‘Having fun with your new boyfriend, buddy?’ he asks, sounding unimpressed and slightly strained.

‘Oh, shush, Mark,’ you chide, but your stomach flips at the notion.

‘Yeah… Well, while you were busy playing Broadway,’ he glances to either side of the cell outside and continues in a lowered voice, ‘I've been hard at work hatching our escape. And I'm telling you, it's foolproof.’

‘Uh huh. As foolproof as your other three failed plans? I really don't wanna get thrown in solitary again.’

‘Please, that was one time! — and I don't see you bothering to come up with any ideas. Even though you pretty much got us into this mess.’

That accusation ticks you off, but you're quick to retaliate.

‘Are you seriously still hung up on that? How is this my fault? You couldn't fly a helicopter, why would you assume I can? You shouldn't have even presented it as an option!’

Your exclamation earns you a couple looks from other inmates slowly filing into their cells for the night.

‘Nevermind that now,’ Mark says, infuriatingly placatingly, ‘do you wanna hear the plan or not?’

The thread of uncertainty that you've been avoiding coils tight in your chest and you pause, wondering how to bring up what's been nagging at you for days.

‘Um, so, I've been thinking. What if… what if we don't try to escape?’

‘Ha ha. Funny joke, pal.’

‘I'm serious, Mark. We could just… stay here and wait out our sentence, if we play it safe we might even get our time reduced on good behaviour. We could be gone in like a decade. Or a few years! Maybe. Probably. Maybe.’ Wishful thinking, perhaps.

He scoffs, as if the idea isn't even worth considering.

‘There is no way you're genuinely telling me to just wait it out. Maybe you haven't noticed since you've been in la-la land lately, but we're not on vacation, we're in prison,’ Mark spouts, voice growing thick with agitation. ‘What was supposed to be the heist of a lifetime, would've set us up for decades to come, is still on the line! And we're on a bit of a time crunch here — I don't trust that warden guy one bit with the Box, or in general,’ he sneers. ‘I mean what kind of name is Murder-Slaughter? Ugh, do we even know for sure if he still has it?’

‘Yancy mentioned seeing it in his office the last time he was there, which was earlier today, so yeah, probably.’

‘Ugh, there you go again about Yancy. It's always Yancy this, Yancy that, blah blah blah, Yancy!’

‘Wh– I was just answering your question!’

‘Y'know what? I'm sick and tired of being the only one taking this seriously while you act like it's all a big party.’

He places a hand on his hip, the other poking a finger towards you as he speaks. It would be comical, if he wasn't acting like a jerk.

‘What's up with you?’

‘What's up with me? What's up with you? You seriously wanna stay in this— this shithole, ‘cause of what? Some pretty face you've known for all of like, less than two weeks??’

‘Oh my God, Mark, it's not that terrible, and Yancy is actually my friend, he's been nothing but welcoming and kind since we got here, and—’

‘Oh, did you forget that he tried to beat you up when you first met? Real interesting, how you let that little detail slip.’

‘We just got off on the wrong foot, he's really—’

It's then that you see it — something in the slight hunch in his gait, the furrow of his brow, his pursed lips and tense jaw — and you wonder why you hadn't noticed before. It's not just anger and frustration, it's something bitter and personal.

‘Mark… are you jealous?’

Bingo. His eyes only widen a sliver, for a fraction of a second, but you're so used to reading him that even the most imperceptible of reactions on his usually very expressive face have become familiar to you.

‘Psh. I'm not jealous.’

‘You so are jealous! Oh my god, you're super duper jealous,’ you say with a grin, revelling in this new information.

‘Shut up, why would I be jealous?’ he protests, trying to sound nonchalant. But it's too late. You've already seen through it.

‘Is that what this is about?’ you say with a laugh. ‘You just want my attention back or something?’

He stares blankly for a moment.

‘Are you serious right now? You actually think the only reason I'm mad is because some random dude just waltzes in and starts acting all buddy buddy with you and you fall head-over-heels,’ he jeers with his hands either side of his face, fluttering his eyelashes mockingly. ‘Hook, line and sinker.’

‘Mark—’

‘I mean, never mind your partner, right? You know, your best friend who you've known and worked with for years? Who cares what he thinks?!’

‘Mark, I—’

‘In fact, he can get punched through a wall for all you care! You won't even bat an eye, as long as there's a random spontaneous musical number immediately afterwards, it's all in good fun!’

‘Ok, that's not fair,’ you push back. ‘Of course I was worried! But I was also surrounded by violent criminals at the time, we've been over this!’

‘Oh, so they're ���violent criminals” now? But they're simply “hurt, misunderstood souls” when it suits you?!’ he shoots back, making air quotes to emphasise his point.

‘They're people, Mark! They're allowed to be… multi-faceted!’

‘Lights out, everybody,’ comes a guard's voice, ringing through the hallway as it suddenly becomes dark, save for the glow of dim lamplight emanating from one or two of the other cells.

‘Whatever, let's just get some sleep,’ Mark grumbles under his breath.

‘You always do this!’ you whisper harshly, but inadvertently let the volume slip back into your voice as you feel your blood boil. ‘You try to cut things off and act like the “bigger person” just to get out of an argument that, newsflash, YOU'RE LOSING.’

‘Oh, whatever, what-f*cking-ever!’

‘You're being so damn overdramatic, Mark! It's not like I'm trying to break up our team.’

‘Yeah, well– well maybe we should!’

You don't know why it jolts you like a gunshot when he says it, but it does. His words, the force and resentment behind them, pierce you to your core. It stops any quick-fire response you had at the ready in its tracks.

Regret immediately flashes across his face, but he quickly attempts to cover it with a steely, hardened gaze. ‘Clearly, we want different things. So maybe it's for the best.’

‘Hey!’ one of the guards calls out from across the hall. ‘Lights out means quiet, you two. Don't make us separate you into different cells.’

With a frustrated huff, you reluctantly traipse off to bed, yours being the lower half of the bunk while Mark settles above you.

It really is a rather decent bed. The mattress is nothing special, but comfortable, and the soft blanket is accompanied by an oddly luxurious, fluffy pillow. Definitely above what you'd expect is probably average prison standards. Frankly, you don't know what Mark's problem is with this place. It's honestly not half bad. As far as you expect jails go, it surely could be a lot worse.

You lay back and let your breathing even out, trying your best to allow some of the bubbling anger to die down. Eventually, you hear the guards leave.

Time passes, it could be minutes or hours; it's not like the passage of time has felt right at all to you since that last heist.

It's silent, save for the sound of your breaths and Mark's above you. You're still upset with him, but the sound of him breathing nearby has always been oddly comforting. The two of you have had plenty of close calls as a pair — even times when you had to patch each other up after jobs that went particularly badly. If you got injured on a heist, you couldn't simply call an ambulance or show up at a hospital in an emergency and risk having your whole operation blown. That was simply the nature of your line of work.

At the worst of times, as long as you could hear those steady, even breaths, you could tell yourself he would pull through, and things would be fine.

You idly watch the mattress above you, letting the rhythm of your friend's breathing become a gentle white noise, and think.

You think about that heist and the Box. Ancient, coveted, mysterious. Sitting atop its perch in the museum vault, in all its glory and allure, practically asking to be stolen. The gleam of the gem encrusted in its surface. You wonder if the prize held within would be worth all of this, if you managed to get it back.

You think about Yancy, a little rough and a little troubled and not seeing much point in trying to kick old habits; but fun and soft and sensitive and full of remorse. You think about the feeling of your hand in his when you practise a routine with him, how his whole face lights up when he's excited or falls when he's sad or pensive. You think about how he has made this penitentiary into a home, and these inmates into a family.

You think about Mark. Silly, stupid, steadfast Mark, snarky and thoughtful and loyal. Who isn't actually as dumb as he lets on. Who is resourceful and quick-thinking when a plan needs to be formed. Who makes bad puns and trusts you whole-heartedly, and who always lets you decide which course of action to take, no matter how much he disagrees, simply due to his unwavering faith in you. Mark, your co-worker, your friend, your partner in crime. Who is maybe a little enamoured with you, despite you trying to ignore it. Who you half-heartedly agreed to go on a date with, not having it in you to turn him down, nor prepared for the guilt that would be eating away at you now.

You think about one of the first things he told you when you landed yourselves at Happy Trails: About how he doesn't belong here, but maybe you do. What if he were to leave and you were to stay? The thought breaks your heart a little.

Then, a whisper from above into the quiet, gently interrupting your thoughts.

‘Hey, you still awake?’

‘...Yeah.’

You hear his voice, soft-spoken, but clear enough that you can hear the sincerity laced into it.

‘I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so worked up.’

‘Yeah, I'm sorry too,’ you reply, matching his volume.

‘And I didn't mean it,’ he says, and you think you hear the slightest tremble in the statement, almost as if he's fighting tears, and for a second you wish you could see his face, ‘what I said before, about uh, splitting up. I know I joke about that kind of thing all the time, and not coming back for you… But you know I don't really mean it, right?’

You've certainly had your doubts in the past, but those moments seem so far away now; footnotes in a slowly unfolding tale, stepping stones on the journey the pair of you have taken together as you worked your way from theft to theft to get to this point. As much as you'd butt heads over the years, you could always count on each other and you always stuck together.

‘Right?’

‘Yeah, I know…’

‘...And, alright, your lack of interest in breaking out aside, maybe I am kinda jealous.’

‘Ha! I knew it.’

‘Yeah, yeah.’ He sighs. ‘It's just… it took us a while to be like we are now and yet, you're suddenly so close to him when it hasn't even been that long, it just doesn't feel fair. I dunno, it's stupid.’

‘Nah, I get it. I'm sorry if I made you feel left behind.

‘And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel pressured into something you're actually just not all that into.’

You feel a bit of tension leave your chest as a small smile appears on your face. ‘I appreciate that.’

In some ways you're grateful for the small bed separating you and preventing you from being face to face. You think it makes this easier for both of you.

‘I don't want to lose you, y'know? I mean, we're supposed to be partners. Ride or die, remember?’

‘Oh, Mark… You know I still trust you with my life…’ You pause, considering your words. ‘For the first time in ages, things feel a little more complicated than just being about us.’

A beat, then you hear him inhale, and he says your name, foregoing any of his usual nicknames.

‘...Are you… happy here? Does he make you happy?’

‘There's things I miss about freedom, sure, but it's not so bad here. And let's face it, our crimes were probably gonna catch up to us eventually, one way or another, right? And Yancy…’ You let out the smallest huff of laughter, smiling to yourself once again. ‘You're right, it hasn't been very long… There's just something about him, I guess. I know he might be a little much at times but I enjoy being around him, and he honestly seems like he wants to make up for things he's done in the past by being here. Maybe nothing will come of this but even so, in a weird way, he kind of makes me want to do better?’

Mark breathes a good-natured huff of laughter as well, and the two of you take a moment to muse on the irony of that sentiment.

‘I just– I can't handle being stuck here,’ he finally says. ‘But you're right, nothing I've tried so far has worked, anyway.’

‘Y'know… Yancy knows all the ins and outs of this place. He could probably help us if we wanted it.’

‘Do you want it?’

Do you want to leave or stay? The real question beneath it all.

You're quiet again, and it feels as if every possibility is laid out before you, only obscured.

‘I don't know,’ you say eventually. ‘I need more time to think. I just don't want you to think I'm making a choice between you or him, there's so many other things I need to consider. That we need to consider.’

‘That's fair… Just don't take too long, ok? Not like we can pause or rewind time, haha.’

‘Right… In the meantime, could you at least try to get along with Yancy and the others? You might like them if you give them a chance.’

‘... Fine, I'll try,’ he acquiesces.

You raise a hand to your mouth to cover a yawn. A far more comfortable silence falls over the room, and you start to feel sleep overtake you.

‘... Hey, Mark?’

‘Yeah?’

‘We're still partners.’

If nothing else, you hope this will reassure him.

‘...Ok. Sweet dreams, partner.’

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

What makes you know hobie is 18 or above? And not the in the same age range as miles and gwen

Honestly, great question. And the answer is:

I Don't Know Jack Shit. So jot that down.

Additionally, anyone telling you they DO know Jack Shit is a liar. Jot that down too.

[I may go a little Miguel Mode at the end of you know what I mean]

I personally operate under the headcanon that Hobie is over 18.

Why? He says he goes to pubs. You need to be over 18 to do that. The End.

You can headcanon that he has a fake id or simply finds himself in pubs while underage - and that's completely valid. Go ahead. You can headcanon he has a mfing tail. I can't stop you and we haven't seen his ass so maybe he do, who knows.

But my headcanon is just that. And to me - until Hobie's age is clearly displayed and mentioned on screen, then it'll always be a headcanon.

No matter what age you headcanon him as - if you think you KNOW his age, you're probably wrong. And I mean that.

The ATSV describes him as a 'slightly older boy'. Case closed, right? He's a minor then.

Nah, three lines later they say he's MUCH older than Miles....literally contradicting themselves within the same paragraph.

[And the funny thing is - I've seen the artbook used as evidence in the argument multiple times. Even though it literally contradicts itself. And every single time I'm like 'bruh did you even read the full page come on now'.]

Case in point, if you think you KNOW Hobie's age when 1) it's not stated on screen and 2) even the official external material gives conflicting information - you're just wrong. You can't know a theoretical number. And you can't be wrong about a theoretical number.

It's Schrodinger's age.

Example: A character is shown to be in High School. They live in New Jersey where the driving age is 16. If a fanfic writer has the character say "I can't do that, I can't drive yet.", is the fanfic writer canonically wrong? No. Because the character could reasonably be above OR below the driving age, either 14-18. Even if the director mentions the character having a sweet-16 that is never mentioned in the show, it's not screen-canon and the average viewer will not know the character is definitely over 16. Therefore they can reasonable be 15.

"But the director said-"

Don't care. Not weighted canon unless stated on-screen.

Maybe this is a controversial opinion. But if it's not on screen, I can't say it's canon.

Sure, the director may have said in an outside interview that Hobie's conceptually 19-20 -

But a normal person who goes to see the movie, and comes home to write fanfiction isn't going to know what.

They shouldn't have to dig through all conceptual and external content of a specific character in order to be deemed 'acceptable' and knowledgeable enough to write about them.

A person who watches the movie and writes solely based off of what the movie says about Hobie shouldn't be harassed or told they're wrong because they didn't listen to a podcast of a director who's name they don't even know.

There's no pass that says 'Okay you've done enough research about Hobie to write about him, congrats-'

If it's not in the movie, show, book, etc - a fan should not be required to seek out that information to be caught up to speed. External information is supplemental, not a part of the hole.

Also-

If it's not in the movie - It DOESN'T MATTER.

ATSV is a very well written movie. Every line is used for the purpose of telling the story. Especially Hobie's.

They didn't tell us Hobie's age because it didn't matter to the story. And it shouldn't matter to you.

If the writers didn't care enough to take time out to clarify his age, then it makes no sense to spend take arguing about it.

They obviously don't find it important. Because it isn't. It doesn't matter to the story at all.

Hobie's age doesn't matter to the 'love triangle'. Although the film is narrated by Gwen, we largely see it from Miles' point of view. And the 'love triangle' only exists when Mile has no concept of who Hobie is.

Miles doesn't know Hobie. So him questioning a love triangle happens regardless of whether Hobie is an adult or not. Miles doesn't know, neither do we.

The 'Hobie' in the 'love triangle' is an empty-shell of the mystery of who Hobie COULD be. The moment Hobie takes off the mask and we're revealed to the real him - the illusion of who he could've been is shattered for both us and Miles.

Because his age isn't stated, it has no bearing on Miles' perception of him. Miles don't know shit. Neither do we.

Also you people should be fucking grateful GODDAMN WTF

If you deadass beef about this you one ungrateful mfer i swear. Take offense. All offense.

We have a black, attractive, educated, useful, respected character in an animated movie that's available for ANY SHIP with ANY character and what do you people do??? - you argue.

Why? Explain to me why.

You should be happy it's up to interpretation and not definitely stated that you were wrong. At any time the creators could just put it in the next movie and make you look stupid.

You could be out there enjoying any ship of your choosing; with any character you enjoy him with - regardless of age. But no, instead of enjoying the ship that's available to you, you antagonize others.

Sit there and eat your mfing salad you INGRATE

Be grateful we have a character with such free range of shipping. A character that's un-aged and doesn't have a specific gender preference. BE THANKFUL.

You like Gwen x Hobie. Great. You argue with people and harass people who think Hobie's an adult??? - What if Hobie deadass looked in the camera next movie and said "I'm 19 also I'm gay." You'd look dumb as hell.

But they didn't do that. They left it unstated for you to go and enjoy your Hobie x Gwen or Hobie x Miguel or Hobie x whoever the hell.

I'm thankful everyday they didn't say his age because I don't make OCs that go to high school because I'm 24 and hate high school. And guess what, I can do that.

Him and Diane can just hang out on the houseboat all day cause they're grown ass adults with no place to be. Isn't that swell?

Stop playing with me and enjoy the goddamn shipping buffet. Christ almighty

All in all - I don't know shit. You don't know shit. And it's okay to not know shit.

NO UM-AKSCHULLY

Get comfortable with saying "I'm not the authority on this." or better yet "I don't know shit about nothing."

I love him to death, but I am not the authority on Hobie Brown.

For me - I know he said he goes to pubs and I know I wanted to ship him with Diane. Personality wise, Diane is 19. So Hobie is 19.

But I don't know anything about his age. No one does.

I'm just cute and like to share headcanons. Hobie Brown as of right now doesn't have an age. And that's fine. Cause he ain't real.

If you made it this far ummmmmm Here he is. I'm giving you this photo under the condition that you'll act right and enjoy him in a ship of your choosing if you'd like to do that.

Now lets sit here, and eat this ship salad.

[me making sure ur enjoying ur shipping salad]

Bye.

[mangionebabymama]

AYYYYY i saw your comment on my ask to vershuacte (i am typing that from memory bc I’m on my phone so I’m sorry to my girl if I misspelled her url 😭) bro sometimes I feel soooo alone and behind because I’m 23 and have never had a bf. but also i know that having a bf is not necessary to a good life and i am very happy with all my platonic loves!!!! also i was a latchkey kid lmfao so I’m highly independent and just so used to being on my own and doing things on my own. So much so that it has lead to me being overly picky in romance bc if I don’t like everything about a man then I see no need for him in my life bc I’ve obviously been fine alone until now and I know I’ll continue to be fine. Anyways just sharing this in case you have any similar sentiments <3 or to see what your experience is (if you want to talk about it, that is, no pressure!) because sometimes it’s hard to find someone who understands the struggle

Hey twin!!!!

I'd love to talk about my experience here, and fair warning, I'm going to expand on a lot here, as I usually express myself in greater detail. However, if it helps someone who struggles to find others who also understand the struggle, it's all right here for you. Maybe even learn a brand new perspective from someone who has an entirely different experience than you. I'll add the "Keep reading" break so I don't clog up the timeline as people scroll through.

So yeah, I am also 23, soon to turn 24 in July, and like you, I have never had a boyfriend. I've never even been kissed, so all of the other "firsts" stipulations? Totally nonexistent and out the window for me, lol, and believe me, for years, I've always received the same shocked reactions and responses from people.

"omg you've never dated anybody??????"

"But you're so hot/gorgeous/beautiful/pretty!!!!!"

"What do you mean it just hasn't happened to you??????"

I understand that this is coming out of a place of good intentions, as people who tell me this mean generally well in saying that it is surprising for them, at least that I have no dating and romantic experiences because I have qualities in their opinions, that would be suitable and redeemable for someone looking for that in a potential partner, and there would I be there, waiting for them.

Yet, I have thought about posing this question: if you were to come across people that, perhaps, don't align with your idea of beauty standards and ideal of attractability and standards of personality and character, and they tell you that they have had dating experience, would you say it to their face that you wouldn't believe it's happened to them, because how your perception of them does not align with their actual experiences?

You probably wouldn't, because one, it's rude, lol. Second, we always focus on the things that haven't happened and seem lackluster and more important to achieve instead of the things that have actually happened, filled the gaps between, and more often than not, matter more and are the most important to ourselves over anything else.

Growing up, I never had actual instances of crushes on people - not "little innocent ones" on my friends in class, not even celebrities then. My first experience of a crush, to define one in my experience, was when I became a fangirl at the age of 12, and my first celebrity crush/infatuation was Eminem; looking back, I still find it funny how the first person I would ever feel such feelings would be someone who was entirely out of my age range and was the age of a parent (it's the foreshadowing of the daddy issues, but we'll get there).

Even in middle school, I didn't have crushes on people, which also went into high school. Nonetheless, it also probably didn't help when I was the only biracial girl in my grade and, therefore, one of the few only Black girls out of my predominantly small white rural school. I have also been overweight/plus-size/thicker/bigger/more muscular in size and built the majority of my life, and that also didn't help my case when the rest of my friend group were conventionally smaller and thinner than me. Even if my half-Whiteness brings me closer to proximity to white desirability, I am not the prime example of what some people think of what they think of mixed people, you know, the "exotic" fetishized look, but also, if you have a bit of any Black in you among a sea of European beauty standards? Nobody, especially little white boys, and teenagers is gonna look my way; to tell the truth, they didn't. Despite being a star athlete, an honor student, and a commonly well-known person in my community, I was the only one in my social group who went without having my first kiss, crush, boyfriend, and all during my high school experience. If I had a date to a school dance, it was either me going with a group of girlfriends, me going without a date among a group of friends that did, or going with my gay guy best friends as my date. It's also quite funny because, throughout my time at my high school, I was notoriously known to make the dances fun because I loved to dance and could dance well and was the life of the party—so, honestly, who wouldn't want me as their date? Y'all mfs missed out.

Now, do I wish I had that, looking back years later? God, no, because the guys at my high school? I'm good, luv, LOL. I remember then, my family would remind me, "You're intimidating, you're headstrong, boys don't know how to handle that." I get that, but what about people's point about how guys supposedly like confident, not-so-shy girls? Also, looking back, telling how a mixed Black girl is intimidating, assumingly strong, and too tough for guys to handle, specifically white guys? That's kind of a putdown, in a way, because it feeds into the "strong Black woman" trope, where it masculates Black girls and women, making them unapproachable to the opposite sex and defiant of the opposite gender. But typically, isn't it mostly during high school when those experiences start happening to you, as that's how it happens to everyone else in your life, in the movies and shows and in music? But with that, it taught me to live a life without male attention of any form, that I don't need it, and therefore don't want it. I learned how life can be a fulfilling time without garnering an iota of attention and affection from guys - and this is something that I am proud of obtaining because the process of unlearning the importance of male attention is psychologically tricky, especially in the realm of societal expectations and if, during your formative years, you had a bad experience with men of any kind.

So, college rolls around. I am still in college now, as I am going for my second Bachelor's, but this is when I was going for my first one, so this was my actual four-year college experience. I graduated high school in 2019, but I decided to take a gap year after graduating, as I became very ill with mononucleosis and battled the virus all my senior year. I officially started college in 2020; however, it wasn't much of a college experience since it was the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, and college was all online, depriving me of meeting new people and gathering new experiences in real life.

But that next year, when I moved to Arizona, 1400 miles away from home, being the one in my graduating class who went to school the farthest away from our hometown and attended one of the biggest college institutions in the nation by enrollment? I thrived. I made many friends and lifelong connections and found many social spaces and communities that I considered a new sense of home. I even joined multicultural Greek life and thrived even more on a greater level than before, which was more incredible than I could have imagined, in short.

And I did all that, along with other outstanding accomplishments and adventures, without ever meeting someone, having a crush, falling in love, or messing around with someone; meanwhile, this happened to mostly everyone else surrounding me unless these experiences had already happened to them.

So, is it just me that I don't prioritize romantic love, or could I be possibly aromantic or asexual—which I have been questioning for some time every so often since I graduated high school. I didn't know that there were such identities and that they existed on the LGBTQ+ spectrum until I started researching about them and reading about how a person may identify as such. I'll never forget the confirmation and the visibility I felt reading about how others felt not, hardly ever experiencing romantic attraction, let alone thinking and having the propensity to want to be in love and be desired by others and finding themselves crushing on people. Yet, I do experience attraction to people; I love admiring people, not solely for their looks, but for their aura and spirit. My beauty standards, I guess you could call them, are expansive and broad. I find beauty and the aesthetic in a lot of things. I do fantasize and think about sex, so this is where I often wonder if I am on the ace/aro spectrum or not. But also, this is where I still wonder: I may not regularly crush on people in real life, but I have my roster of dream men—my celebrity crushes, and you'll find me simping over them for the life of me, and how I'd do anything and everything to have them put me through a headboard. You get it. But also, if these celebrity crushes were actual people in real life that were attainable for me to talk to and pursue? I honestly doubt that I would even try and shoot my shot with them LMAO.

But in the same breath, I believe it's fuck men and fuck the patriarchy. I don't want male attention and validation. I know that, for a fact, that doesn't define me, and even if I captured it, it still harms me. I don't exist for the male gaze. In the last few years, I have learned to become more confident in myself and my body. I am not afraid to show love for myself - I'm not scared to post my body on my social media, and I like to express my confidence in any kind of clothing and be proud of my assets to encourage others to feel the same way. And when I do this, I do it for the girls, gays, they, and bad bitches—not men in any way. I hope that they don't come across me. And if I do, I'm heading the fuck out the other way.

Here, I think this is where it confuses people the most with how I mention that I've never dated because I possess enough evident sexual confidence and energy about myself as a woman that you would think that someone else would love that about me and that it would entice someone enough to pursue me. I would allow them to do that. But that doesn't always mean something automatically.

Like you, I am also very independent and self-sufficient. I am ambitious and fearless. I love being around people, but I also value my alone time, and I know how to keep myself occupied and entertained. I spend most of my time alone, and I do things alone, too, and I enjoy solitude. As I write this, let this be clear: I love the life I have created myself, the life that I imagine for myself, and I love what I have done in my life and cannot wait for more—all of this without ever being in love. I wish someone would tell me I haven't lived a life worth living because I haven't experienced romance yet. After all, that's far from the truth. And, of course, I have been gratified by many other fantastic forms of love that aren't romantic, and I love the feelings associated with those kinds of love. I am a Cancer, and I am passionate about the many things in my life that I care most about. If I love something, I will show you how hard I love it.

I'll be completely okay If I don't ever experience romance in my lifetime. I joke a lot about how I'll die as the Black Virgin Mary (but absolutely no kids for me, either!) For as long as I can remember, I haven't ever wanted to get married. I don't know if this partially stems from my parents not ever being married, having a problematic relationship, and not having a healthy relationship with my own dad. Still, it also doesn't seem like the prize for me. There are other things at the top of my list. It's not the end of the world if I never have romantic love because, at this rate if I keep living the life I have had so far without an ounce of it? I only hope that it continues for me. Let this fun live on. Yet, it's nagging how society keeps nagging me in my ear about being in love as typical and expected, and that because I haven't shown much interest or pursuit into it, I'm weird for not reaching there. It's alienating and gaslighting to tell me to live the life I want to live but also tell me I haven't lived it yet by doing certain things deemed the most important.

As you said, it can feel lonely and lacking. I don't mind being alone or going my own way. I wish I was not the only one living my truth in solitude and individuality, where it's frowned upon and shameful when it shouldn't be. Living a life reserved for yourself should be celebrated.

This was written in honor of this anon, so if you come across this, I hope this gave you the hug and assurance you deserved to know and feel. For me, this was honestly liberating and therapeutic to write. And anybody who reads all of this, thank you, you're welcome; you know all a big part of my personal life on the Internet LMAOOO (including the feds if they come across this and point to me for supporting an alleged ~terr0rist~).

But all in all, you're not as alone as you think you are. It's okay. Ultimately, it's about you, yourself, and all of you. That's the only person who matters the most. Love that person the most, above all.

[trans-queen-administrator]

Worm Fanfic Recs

No rankings at play here, just my favorite fics that I think other are really good. There are fics I like that aren't listed because I have a bad memory, but everything here is something I really really enjoyed. I have biases obviously, this isn't objective.

The Fics

Our Private Crises - A nailbiting murder mystery with unique and well done POVs from a different character each chapter. The mystery and reveal at the end were stellar, and it got me attached to characters I never thought I'd care for. 29k words. Complete.

It's Cold Out There Every Day - Missy is trapped in a time loop on her birthday. Genuinely stellar characterization, it has the best Missy and Aisha I've ever read and its such a creative and well executed premise. 41k words. Complete.

Tilt - Unpowered homeless girl Taylor fakes a thinker power to get in the Wards and secure housing. She's even more self destructive and self deprecating than in canon. 10/10 characterization for a slew of POV characters including Taylor, every ward but especially Sophia, Rachel, Lisa, and a ton of other characters. Despite not going through all of what canon Taylor went through, this fic nails her character better than pretty much any others. 220k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

Tear Apart, Stitch Together - Taylor triggers with Shatterbird's power and kills thousands. Short and sweet, everything that's there is great and it wraps up well I think. 13k words. Complete

Memories of a Simurgh Victim - The Simurgh attacks Brockton Bay. Has two storylines, one following Taylor and one following Amy and Vicky. Among the most fucked up things this fandom has to offer, a terrifying showcase of the Simurgh and her power. 62k words. Taylor's story is incomplete but the Amy and Victoria story is done.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Pleasures - Cherish altpower Taylor tries to consensually fix Amy's incest fetish. A trainwreck I can't look away from, the worlds first psychological horror romcom. It's so fucked up and so amazingly funny, and has good well written characters. I don't like Pillbug and I'm not a big fan of altpowers, but this fic is still one of my favorites because it's so damn compelling so definitely check it out if you actually like either of those things. 211k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

Roots - The Slaughterhouse Nine attack a small town with a roster of OC capes, but something is very off about the place. POV shifts every chapter, and the OCs are interesting and unique. The S9 are also wonderfully characterized here, I've never had a fic make me sad for Crawler of all people. 67k words at time of posting. Ongoing. Criminally underrated.

Roma Fade - Ciara and Fortuna both try to grow past who they were as capes and find themselves as people in a small town post Gold Morning, having found common ground posing as moms to a recovering Taylor. I'm sure fake dating would never end in real attraction, that would be absurd. Incredibly gay, incredible characterization for everyone, the best post-GM fic around in my opinion. 87k words at time of posting. Ongoing but currently on hiatus.

Case - Lisa and the Simurgh start a detective agency. It's just great humor and a lovely story and wonderful despite being short and deceased. 14k words. Dead.

Silence is not Consent - Taylor intervenes and saves Victoria from Amy and gives her a place to stay, Victoria massively struggles dealing with what happened. Amazing characterization, Victoria's POV is unique and incredibly well done, and her seeing Taylor from an outside perspective is interesting. Be warned that this is a very heavy fic emotionally, but it's really fucking good. 212k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

A Word - Altpower Taylor is obsessed with writing a story. I don''t know how to describe this fic honestly it's hard to do justice, but it has perhaps the best conclusion to Gold Morning I've seen in a fanfic. 11k words. Complete.

Scarab - A fantasy AU where powers are thought to be magic, and the Faerie Queen takes an interest in Taylor. Filled to the brim with creativity and passion, this fic is teeming with fresh ideas and interesting depictions of canon characters. The worldbuilding is great as well, no other fic on this list has a map, so this is clearly a cut above the rest. 139k words at time of posting. Updating consistently.

Swallowtail - Ok I lied this one has a map too. Taylor with an incredibly interesting stranger power joins Faultline's crew. There is a truly astounding amount of AU elements and alternate powers for canon characters, it feels like a new world while still being recognizable and distinctly Worm. Has a large amount of alternate POVs and the first arc can be rough, but it's creative and amazing. 360k words. Ongoing but currently on haitus.

Soliloquy - Ex-Slaughterhouse 9 Taylor is in prison, bitter at the world and herself and especially her clone who saved the multiverse. A heavy fic about someone slowly recovering and becoming a better person when they're convinced it can't be done. Made me cry. 71k words. Complete.

TWNY - Post-GM Taylor finds herself in the world of RWBY with a pair of moth antennae. Multiple POVs, all very interesting despite me knowing nothing of RWBY. Probably the best characterization of Taylor in any post-GM crossover fic, she's heartbreaking in the recent arc, and it feels like the fic has barely scratched the surface of what it'll eventually cover. Also it's very gay. 136k words. Ongoing.

The Great Escape - Eidolon is struggling after his reputation is destroyed and Cauldron is revealed, and then the Birdcage opens. Amazing use of seldom seen characters, great POV with Eidolon, well done and interesting fights, has String Theory. 107k words. Ongoing but currently on haitus.

Happiness Is Inevitable - NSFW. The only damn erotic mind control Simurgh smut in the fandom somehow. Besides the porn (which is a lot of the fic, who woulda thunk it) the story itself is actually pretty interesting and has a lot of creative parts, and it has better characterization than most fics. 29k words. Ongoing?

Oneshots

Break me so that I can be whole - This accursed fandom is tragically bereft of QA / Taylor fics, but this one shot is great, love an eldritch take on shards. Probably fucked up but I'm not actually a good judge of that so be warned. 1.8k words.

Book Worm - Dragon helps teach Taylor how to read and speak and understand language post-GM. Bittersweet and lovely. 2.5k words.

Defiant Didn't Dox Saint For Nothing! - Taylor goes back in time and the first thing she does is kill Saint because he sucks. Cracky but I like it, fun little oneshot. 1.6k words.

Ruling Ash - Glory Girl flees Brockton Bay during the Slaughterhouse Nine and ends up living with Damsel of Distress. Cute, and Starsong before Ward is very interesting. 2.8k words.

My Sunshine - Leviathan goes worse and Brockton Bay is destroyed. Taylor and Victoria survive. Very somber, but well executed. 3.4k words.

Cherry on Top - A character study of Cherie Vasil, showing how she went from running away from Heartbreaker to joining the Nine. Extremely well written, absolutely incredible depiction of her character. It depicts abuse and actions typical of Heartbreaker and Cherie, so be careful reading. It's a lot emotionally. 12.7k words.

Devil in a New Dress - NSFW. Shatterbird / Reader, I'm not explaining myself on this one. Neat Shatterbird characterization, hot, pretty fucked up so be warned. 1.7k words.

[billyvell]

Ok so I've finally finished "Aristotle & Dante Dive into the Waters of the World" (a few days ago now).

I'm gonna start with: I got so fucking scared towards the end when they "broke up" and Dante didn't talk to him for weeks and left. God I think not many stories have ever made me feel like that. I think I actually have a bit of a trauma with one in particular that went like that and, actually followed up on not giving me a happy ending.

I was tired but I wasn't sure how I was gonna sleep with that in my mind, until Ari said he was going to Paris and so I knew I could have some hope.

Tbh I had a few more issues with this one than the first. I talked about it before but I didn't really like how it sort of pushed the idea that you HAD to come out to your friends even if you don't feel ready. I also felt like sometimes there wasn't enough Dante? I like Ari's friends and all, but these books are called Aristotle AND DANTE.

I also feel like, in a way, all the characters are a bit too articulate? Maybe too mature even? In the first book I didn't mind it as much cause it was just Ari and Dante themselves, plus their moms I guess, but here Gina and Susie are more relevant and there's Cassandra and Ari's father talks a lot more and there's more stuff like his mom arguing with other people, and it was just like... Well I guess it would be nice if most people were like that in real life, but they're really not...

That aside though, it was obviously still amazing. One thing I liked was Ari actually being gay and that term being used throughout? I usually don't mind when certain characters are mlm without their specific sexuality being stated, and ofc bi/gay couples are nice too, but I feel like sometimes in fiction it ends up being a bit more rare to have couples with two gay guys even though that's what's more common in real life.

I also love how fucking horny he was at the beginning lol. Like this actually felt realistic, and even though there's no smut or anything, it's not something that's just ignored or pushed aside.

I felt like Dante felt a bit more realistic in this book. He's moody so many times and I think his flaws are more visible and so it feel less like he's just there to be Ari's perfect manic pixie dream girl (though I'll say he's still one, affectionately).

Something I thought when I finished the first book was how cool it would probably be to see their parents reacting to their relationship. And that was indeed really cute. I think Dante's mom is my favorite of them all. And on the topic of the parents, Ari's dad's death? That was a complete shock to me. I wasn't expecting it at all. It came out of nowhere but it was honestly really interesting to have Ari and his mom deal with that grief, and that whole section is probably, in a weird way, one of my favorite parts of the book.

Another interesting thing was how much the AIDS crisis in the backdrop affected the book. I remembered when they flashed to that in the movie and I was confused at how random it seemed, but now I can kinda get why. I thought it was the best they could do by making it matter to the characters even though they probably wouldn't and shouldn't be actually affected. It's kinda funny to me how I decided to read this sometime close to when I watched Fellow Travelers that also featured that into the story, cause it's honestly not something I've thought about as much before.

Something that was really important was the closure between Ari and his brother. I'm not gonna say it bothered me exactly, because it was understandable, but it was just always kind of an ick for me that Ari cared so much about him knowing he was there because he killed someone in a hate crime. So the way their reunion went down was actually perfect for me and gave me a much needed relief just like it did for Ari. I feel like the writer probably felt the need to address it too because of the stuff people were saying about the first book due to this plot point, but even if that was why I still felt like the way things were handled felt natural. Their parents had already given up on him, he was never gonna accept Ari and I didn't want for Ari to stay caring about him by just not telling him or something.

I know the ending is a bit vague and doesn't like reeally explain every little thing, but the message felt clear enough to me, in that it was meant to tell us that things will be alright and that they're not just gonna let their love slip through their fingers or run away from it. Ari coming in with the wedding and honeymoon talk? Got me.

It still feels kinda weird that it's really over because it had honestly become so much of a habit to read these almost every day in bed. These books were probably the easiest thing for me to read and just flowed so naturally. I know people have already said that, but they really do feel like a way to celebrate life despite all the hardships in it and you can feel that love through the pages.

[misc-obeyme]

Oh hey, it's CC, your local fluffy fanfic writer who seems to think they can write theory posts. I really should just stick to what I'm good at, but here we are.

I'm back on my Solomon and Barbatos theories, brought to you by the insanity that was hard Lesson 20. I'm also just thinking a lot about that whole situation, so.

Spoilers below the cut, as always!

Here is my first post about hard Lesson 20.

I went back and read the lessons with Raphael in them because now that I know it's actually Michael pretending to be Raphael, it changed the meaning of everything Raphael was originally saying.

Now obviously Michael is still pretending to be Raphael at this point, so it's hard to say how much of it is Michael saying what he thinks Raphael would say and how much of it is Michael just saying what he wants to say.

There were a few general things I wanted to talk about, specifically that I think Michael is a coward. When he was in the Devildom as Raphael, he kept saying stuff like "Michael wants to send you this message" and "I know about this from Michael" like why didn't he just come on down as himself and own it?

Raphael actually calls him out on this.

I'm seriously starting to love Raphael. He's just like, you're an idiot and I don't have time for your nonsense lol.

But anyway, there were a few things that Michael said as Raphael that I found interesting. Most of the stuff he said to the brothers was very official stuff like "The Celestial Realm has pardoned you" and "do you doubt our Father?"

But when he talks to Simeon and Luke, he's completely different. He showers them in gifts (which is especially funny because he's still pretending to be Raphael, so it's like here is Michael acting like he's Raphael giving gifts to Simeon and Luke that he says are from Michael...) and he tells Luke he might consider being a principality and watching over humans.

Though when Simeon questions whether or not this what He really wants (assuming we're talking about Father/God here), "Raphael" is like are you doubting?? It's like he cares about all these people, but the second they do something he doesn't like, he gets weird about it. He can't just be like okay, I see that you needed to make this decision for yourself and I'm happy for you. No, he's like you are wrong and I'm going to try to convince you of that. So I'm going to do some crazy stuff and stress everybody out.

All of this is to say that I'm not sure how I feel about Michael, but so far I'm not impressed.

OKAY but now on to my Solomon and Barbatos stuff.

My original Solomon theory can be read here.

Basically, I was speculating that we're dealing with two different Solomons, one of which is the past version and one of which is the future version that came back to help us.

However, I'm not sure that's exactly what's going on.

You can read this post about Lesson 17 for a little context on this, but I also talk about Solomon switching outfits a lot. Because he does and he seems to be the only one who does.

So now, I thought this particular exchange was interesting:

Okay, we all remember this line from Diavolo, but I'm interested in Barbatos's "..." that comes after. Why would they include that? And right after Diavolo calls Raphael "Seraph Raphael?"

I think it's because Barbatos knows this isn't really Raphael. Why would they put that in there at all if it didn't have some significance? And I can't imagine what else it could mean, now that we know that wasn't Raphael at all. Does Barbatos know that it's Michael? I'm not sure. Maybe. But it could be that he just knows it ISN'T Raphael.

I also noticed that any time Raphael and Solomon are in the same place, Solomon is wearing his casual sorcerer outfit, the one I think belongs to our original present timeline Solomon.

But after Raphael leaves the first time, Solomon and Barbatos have tea at the Demon Lord's Castle and he's wearing the trench coat.

It's a fascinating conversation. Because if Barbatos can tell when someone is not who they seem, and this Solomon is not our Solomon, then Barbatos is fully aware that this is not Solomon.

However, they keep up the pretense that this is the same Solomon. They even talk about his hangover and stuff.

BUT.

Then they talk about why Barbatos is angry at Solomon and Solomon is very much just like ??? about it.

SO here are my theories.

I think we are dealing with two Solomons, one who wears the casual sorcerer outfit and one who wears the human world trench coat outfit.

The trench coat one is not our original Solomon. He might be a version of Solomon - such as past!Solomon - but now I also think he might be a completely different character disguised as Solomon.

Barbatos knows that MC is from the future, I think. I can't imagine why he wouldn't know. I think he also knows trench coat wearing Solomon is not the original.

And I kinda think it might actually be Michael who's pretending to be Solomon?? But as I mentioned in my original hard Lesson 20 post, that would also mean he made a pact with Asmo and that part doesn't make sense.

But the conversation Barbatos has with Solomon after Raphael makes his ultimatum really makes me feel like they are talking about something else. Without getting into ridiculous amounts of detail, it just sounds like Barbatos is saying I'm mad at you, but he's not saying it to Solomon, he's saying it to whoever is disguised as Solomon. He calls him an imbecile multiple times. And yet, Barbatos always used to say how smart Solomon was, so it just doesn't add up. I can't imagine anything that Solomon himself could have actually done to make Barbatos so angry with him. It makes more sense to me for it to be someone else entirely.

I also think that whoever is disguised as Solomon doesn't know that Barbatos knows that it isn't actually Solomon. Like okay, let's just say it's Michael to make it easy. If it's Michael that Barbatos is really mad at, but Michael doesn't know that Barbatos knows that he's Michael, then Michael would continue to respond to Barbatos as though he was Solomon. So if Barbatos is like I'm mad you (meaning Michael) and Michael is thinking okay what did Solomon do but he just has no idea, it makes sense that he would just have to default to saying I don't know why you're mad.

That's a bit of a convoluted mess, though. So I think it's probably unlikely?

Because I will say that I am really reading into things, though. And with this game, it's hard to say what any of what is said actually means. I just thought of the past/present Solomon theory and now I'm always looking for additional proof of it lol.

In the end, I'm still pretty upset with the way Michael decided to just show up and traumatize our poor boys further by granting them a pardon and telling them they can come back, but with all those strings attached. I don't know if this happened because he's just out of touch with everything and didn't realize how stressful that would be for them or if he's really just selfish. He just wants them back and he has the power to do it, maybe? I don't know, but man just leave them alone already would ya!

As for Solomon, I love him no matter what, so I hope that if my theory is correct, it gets resolved in a normal, non-heartbreaking way, thanks. Honestly, I'd rather be wrong about everything if it means sparing us from painful times with Solomon. He's been through enough, too.

Anyway, I just needed to get all this out of my head so I'd stop thinking about it lol. If you made it this far, thank you for reading the whole thing, I am sending you kisses.

[ilions-end]

okay i for real finished quintus' posthomerica so! FINISHING THOUGHTS:

i wish i'd read it sooner tbh. there was a time i was scrambling trying to find out everything that happened in between the iliad and the odyssey, and just reading wikis didn't really give a sense of scope. even though quintus is a WAY WEAKER storyteller than homer it is the closest surviving thing we have to a full linking narrative

MOST ANNOYING quintus thing, even beyond the simplistic morals, is his need to say "this was WAY MORE [thing] than [event in the iliad] actually!". he keeps doing it! like he says achilles' grief for antilochus is even greater than he felt for patroclus... OBSERVABLY NOT, QUINTUS?? you're not fooling anybody

there is such a thing as too much ekphrasis. we don't need to know what's depicted on EVERY shield (and baldric, and quiver) of note, quintus. please.

funniest "nobody's allowed to be mean to each other" thing is odysseus seeking out philoctetes who tells him like "i can never forgive you for abandoning me, i have suffered unspeakable pains for ten years because of you specifically, you absolute heartless bastard" and odysseus tells him "well don't blame me, blame the fates" and philoctetes goes "oh that's true!" and they hug it out. it's like FIVE lines and they're buddies again.

random and silly observations that didn't warrant their own liveblog posts:

quintus makes all his favourite guys IMMENSELY TALL AND BIG AND MUSCULAR. achilles is HUGE. ajax is HUGE. neoptolemus is HUGE. i'm imagining them running around like great danes among chihuahuas.

i know it's an ancient text but the battles FEEL like cgi slurry. it's always "innumerable" men falling every time one of the heroes swipes a sword. the ground is so covered in bodies they can walk back to camp never treading in the dust. it's fantasy numbers of dead EVERY time and they never run out of guys.

achilles and memnon dueling and getting so close their helmet crests keep brushing against each other? dare i say erotic

it's so funny that quintus fanboys achilles so hard he REFUSES to let paris kill him. NO what do you MEAN the prettyboy trojan gets him in the other versions, only a GOD ALONE can kill PERFECT ACHILLES obviously!! so we get "one day apollo saw achilles on the battlefield and he thought achilles was annoying so he shot him". wow great tension, quintus...!

the description of ajax' immediate shock at hearing odysseus won the arms is so visceral and detailed (the flash of pain in his mind traveling down his spine, temporary loss of balance and vision). it makes it sound like there's a genuine disabling neurological event happening, the onset of his madness as a physiological reaction, it's very impressive as a medical description.

i like that teucer keeps popping up through the epic, we even learn who his friends are (as they die...) that's my boy. i had to laugh at myself when i was surprised at teucer being part of the battle the day after ajax died. as if i thought he'd be granted compassionate leave or something????

the one time quintus actually seems to comment on odysseus' agenda is when they're collecting neoptolemus on skyros and deidamia cries like a bird whose young has been eaten by a serpent. odysseus is the serpent!!

diomedes has to run into odysseus' tent to borrow armour mid-attack. girlfriends 4eva

i love how ambiguous phoinix' feelings are at meeting neoptolemus! he gets so emotional reminded of achilles at that age and he's both so proud and so distraught. and neoptolemus is very polite but obviously awkward about this strange man hugging him and crying and it's. ah it's such an emotionally complicated scene <3

ALSO also when neoptolemus is finally left alone and walks into his father's tent and sees all his things and briseis and the slaves and he cries, thinking of home. little boy, what have you gotten involved innnn.

eurypylus meets neo on the battlefield and demands that he says who he is and also to relate the pedigree of his horses. why is nobody normal in this war.

when they enter the wooden horse quintus takes a big pause to call on the muses again to help him list EVERY MAN who went into the horse. and he says thirty names and then "and many more besides". the muses straight up gave up on him!

quintus is way, way more partial to the greeks than homer is, but the descriptions of the sacking of troy are genuinely horrific. it's horrible slaughter, not just cutting down of the enemy but the panic and chaos of naked trojans killed in their beds or desperately trying to defend themselves with furniture and utensils. parents slay their own children to spare them from torture and slavery. it's definitely not just "yay we beat troy".

menelaus and helen's reunion got me, even though it's one of those where aphrodite makes him so horny he forgives her (at least she doesn't flash her boobs this time). when they talk later they agree there's nothing to forgive and then make love like "grapevine and ivy intertwining". aww.

the final mention of odysseus is when he hauls hecuba towards his ship and there's a simile of a farmer leading squealing, lowing wildstock into a new pen. it's just so dehumanizing and horrible it actually makes me appreciate that this is a version where hecuba gets transformed into a dog.

so! posthomerica: a very mixed bag and intriguingly affected by the moral compass of its writer but BOY is there a lot of stuff happening in it.

[queenofbaws]

😂 and 😍 for the wip askkkk :]

!!! gasp!!! ash, you honor me. ;)c

😂 a funny or crack WIP snippet - names redacted because this is a CREEPs fic i'm not looking to spoil just yet!!! heheh

“I’d kill a man for a Moons Over My Hammy right now. Is that too on the nose, do you think? It’s probably too on the nose. Still want it. Need it, in fact.” “No. Nuh-uh. No way. We’re not stopping anywhere until we’re back home and this is just another awful memory in my bank of…awful…memories.” “You’d deny me my ham?!” “[Character]. I’d deny you oxygen if I wasn’t worried the Scooby-Doo gang over there would find a way to raise you up using the power of friendship or whatever.” “Oooh, that gives me an idea…HAM ZOMBIES!” “Wh—” “Human meat and pork taste crazy similar! I mean…so I’ve been told. Maybe ham is a decent substitute for all those brains. You ever consider that?” “No. No I have not.” “Well I am. Right now! It’s all I can think about, now that I’ve said it. Probably all I’m gonna be thinking about on the drive back.” “Yippee.” “All I’m gonna be talking about too, unless you promise we can stop at—” “Fine! Fine, Jesus! We can stop at Denny’s!” “Yes!”

😍 published lines or a section of a fic that you loved writing? - FUCK this one's hard, because my first impulse is 100% ANY section of the (starve) ending of The (Almost)s...but I'll say this segment in particular!

“Okay, I know this isn’t in the spirit of the game, but obviously none of you fucks are working with a full combo plate in the noggin department right now, so I’ll take pity on you. Why oh why do you think, Sam, the mysterious, grizzled stranger who showed up at the lodge juuust long enough to tell you naughty, naughty teenagers what to be afraid of made a point to tell Cochise you don’t want to kill the nasty things in the snow?” He waggled the fingers of his free hand as though to drive home how spooky a question it was. “Hmm? Did you listen to him at all before Hanners went and—” he drew his thumb in a line across his throat. “—eh? Even for a second? I’m starting to think maybe you didn’t.” She stared at him for a long time even though it made her sick to do so. Ash had been the one to read Fiddler’s journal and Chris had been the one to talk to the guy one-on-one, not her, but still she thought she could remember… Oh no. Oh God no. “No,” Sam said aloud, shaking her head frantically. “No. No. That’s not happening. It’s not.” “Not really an opt-in or opt-out kinda sitch. This is like…you already went and signed that RSVP. Licked the stamp. Dropped it in the mail.”

happy wip wednesday! feel free to ask me about some wips! ;P

[sparklingpax]

THIS JUST IN IVE DISCOVERED THIS THING & IM GOING MAKE YOU ALL AWARE OF THE CHAOS THAT IS THIS PROMOTIONAL POSTER, HOLY SHIT 💀✨

OK FIRST OFF, MY SMALL HEART,

This basically says, either "Our (or actually, given the lack of a possessive particle,) We Are [a] Cybertron[ian] Family!" SO IN SUMMARY, FOUND FAMILY FOR THE FUCKING WIN YALL

Next up, outfits. As in,,,,,WH??? HUH 💀

aside from the fact that he looks so entirely dead inside, shoutout to Cloudburst for pulling the most Cloudburst move ever here, and not wearing something different than his usual outfit lmfaooo 💀

The heads-up in their groupchat from Hawk including like a "pls dress casual but nice" and Cloudburst either doesnt read the text or just straight-up decides it's too much effort to actually put on another outfit sooooooo.....they better be ok with what he's wearing now LOL

Anyways, next up, Waverider & Landmine, starting with Landmine lowkey stealing Waverider's hoodie look ajsdnjssj

It's like the "can I copy ur homework" meme 💀💀💀 But props to him, he did pull it off! the black shirt is a nice combination with that shade of blue 😌👀 meanwhile Waverider:

IT COULD BE A DECENT ALBEIT SLIGHTLY ODD LOOK FOR HIM BUT WHY IS HE DRAWN LIKE THAT. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM 💀 HIS EYES???

"beloved cabbage, i will be gentle with my knife"

Moving on,

..............more coming later on whether I think the sweater (turtleneck??? But like material-wise, kinda same difference idk) he is wearing under this sweater (is it not just me who finds that so extra jdjsjs in the middle of what looks like literally Summer 💀💀) is:

A.) long-sleeve

B.) short-sleeve

C.) sleeveless 🫣

comment now to vote

I will say I really like the idea anyway?? and Hawk wears it well~ those colors compliment him ngl 👀✨😌👏

OH YEA AND WOOO NEW RECORD FOR EVERYINE WEARING NEW OUTFITS WE LOVE TO SEE IT 😭✨

And I cant add another image because stupid image limit, but I wanted to add that it's slightly funny how Shuta always has outfits that are....normal but also weird atst? Not a bad thing, of course but like,,,lmfao *remembers that one time he had a blue fedora and pointy sunglasses over an outfit consisting of blue and white....with a suit and all......odd look sdjdjdsj*

Next up, this blurb here!

-Phoenix (Cloudburst) and "the others" are in an "outside country" and "came to Japan to play" which (perhaps randomly) got me thinking about whether Hawk specifically and in regards to Japan, where he's been for ages at this point (but more all of them I guess)--could be considered a part of the countries they've been stationed in or are considered foreigners no matter what. Legal stuff aside, obviously they're citizens in their countries with all the right paperwork and such; they have jobs and function in normal society, how could they not. But....they are from another planet so it begs the question whether or not they can be considered foreigners or of that country--technically speaking they don't really belong to any nationality too...? I guess that's why the wording of "in an outside country" "came to Japan" was used....and Idk if I'm wording this right but that sentence got me thinking about that. Maybe as a tangent. 👀

It's mainly a description of what's going on, "on a day where the weather is nice, cab is together with the pretenders and the three headmaster jrs in front of his hut," (first sentence) and so I'm only 80% sure of my translation abilities here but I'll point out a couple things anyway:

-"Today is a lovely Sunday" I just like this. They're giving. Today is a good day. Always love that for them 😌

-theyre having a garden party (it literally says "garden party" in katakana). But...in a FOREST? Is it even still a garden party anymore??? Can you have a garden party in a non-garden?? I think I'm missing the point here but uH help?????????? (/j don't take this super seriously dhshsjsj)

-Cab was sent that huge heap of "delicious fruit" from his island, Minerva's cooking her own stuff, I'm wondering if this meant there's two whole dishes being made of if this is a group effort 😹 maybe they're having a cook-off?? For funsies??? 👀

-it is Sunday. The fact that it is Sunday is listed twice on this poster actually, it's also written on the side in yellow, in a caption that reads "Cybertron's Sunday - Shuta's Diary" which in itself is interesting because no I'm wondering what the angle of this is specifically. Is this like, an entry in his diary or?? What is the perspective of this image now I mean sure I guess it's a promotional image that I shouldn't be analyzing to death like this but you don't need to tell me that and I still want answers

Alright next!!!! Another shout-out to the saddest-looking bottle of wine I have ever seen (complete with the crooked cork 😭💀)

-they are peacefully having fun.....literally says like it's a "fun time with the others in the quiet forest" and "a day of peace without fighting" and with an ellipsis AS THEY SHOULD OUHH IM SO HAPPY THEYRE VIBING LIKE THIS AAAA qwq 💗

-I guess I could translate the whole blurb but I think you get the idea: it's describing stuff that's happening, and that they're having a good time together....in their forest garden party.....I'm sorry I will never shut up about this

I--WHAT HAPPENED TO IT??? WHY IS THER AN EVEN SADDER DOODLE OF A WIME GLASS ON IT HJLEP 💀💀💀

"Ah yes, today I'm sharing one of my prized possessions, my favorite brand, "COU[indescribable scribble]" with an equally unreadable one and a half sentence description underneath. enjoy! ^^"

you best believe I didnt forget to notice the striking color of it because as you can see, Hawk is drinking some of it. Why is it SOLID, BRIGHT PINK. WINE DOESNT LOOK LIKE THAT?? I considered the possibility of it being energon, but....the wine bottle....especially looking at how much is gone and how much is in Hawk's glass....and how Landmine has a thing for wine and collecting it.....and also how in previous episodese they are all shown drinking actual alchohol.........yea but anyway, where the hell did this one come from--

///

So. In summary. This poster has a lot going on & it's admittedly kinda weird BUT YK WHAT THIS IS SUCH A RARE FIND AND I'M GONNA GO CRY BECAUSE LOOK AT ALL OF THEM BEING ALL HAPPY N STUFF THEY ARE A FAMILY & THIS IS WHOLESOME AND *loud sobbing* AAAA

Also if you read all of this I love you sm, please understand this was made with the energy from a lot of caffeine and not sleep so once again don't take this too seriously I am a little nuts and well?? Just thank you for caring about my dumbass ramblings while I procrastinate packing for an important thing I'm leaving for in literally a day sdkdsksdk

[roxytonic]

what is the mangoball "cheater cheater" fanfiction? (a personal overview)

hi everyone,

lately a very specific social media AU DreamNotFound fanfiction on Twitter has been making the rounds. i'd like to make an introduction to the work based on my observations--i don't think we've seen anything like it so far, barring highly textual chatfics and the like.

at the time of this writing, i've caught up to entry #108. the author is prolific!

so what is this fanfiction?

the fanfiction is called "Cheater, Cheater" and is written by the ostensibly single author, mangoball (mangobaii in typing). it revolves around George as he breaks up with Sapnap and hits a rebound and potential relationship with Dream. it includes plenty of side characters, including but not limited to, Karl Jacobs, Quackity, Corpse, Wilbur Soot, and Tommyinnit.

you can find it on twitter here, but i highly recommend using the ThreadReaderApp page instead for full-size images:

what works about the fanfiction?

unofficially categorized, the story itself is a comedy-satire slice of life with a few blips of absurdity. off the top of my head, mangoball writes in references to DreamSMP and surrounding MCYT, and there are some fourth wall breaks, which are all framed in an absurd way.

in the story, the side plots corresponding to the side characters are just as vibrant as the one around George's fallout with Sapnap and his later rebound to Dream. not spoiling them, but they're fun. the story events themselves are moderately simple--the bulk of the work is made up of character interactions, which, as we find, range from globally yassified characters to complete divergence from individual personalities.

i think the reason why the mangoball fic works is because it's a nice convergence of comfy things under a very thin, easy-to-read format. if we actually go to the thread, we see that it's 100% composed of phone-sized screenshots of messages. there's not much text with each tweet in the thread, so it's short and digestible.

therefore, both the form and the function of the story work together to create a double-whammy of a very light read.

what does it's potential categorization as a light read pose for it as a work?

i don't think there is any problem with light reads in the fandom. it's optional reading, and if you do wind up reading it, you'll blitz through it easily. stan twitter will obviously take well to it since the characters are yassified, though budding readers might find it accessible too.

however, there are a few flaws i want to point out:

1. it's vaguely formulaic and/or familiar to me. i mean, given enough time and effort, i could deconstruct the humor (absurd claim to another person + agreement from the other person? further OOC-ness?) but generally speaking it's content and tropes don't "feel" new. i don't know what specifically i've read that would cause this familiarity, though. (on the other hand, this means that it's going to be a safe read.)

2. i feel like i have to suspend my disbelief a bit higher. this is more of a personal issue, so you might fare better than i have, but generally i feel like i'm a fly on the wall looking in. i haven't felt that in a while so it took me a few minutes to settle into the groove of it and start rolling.

3. this somewhat ties into point #2: the author needs to be very judicious about how they use the fourth wall break and self-references to absurdity. off-hand jokes are super obvious, because there is such limited text/narrative bandwidth to the individual screenshots. fourth wall jokes can tire out quickly, and at worst, fail to suspend the reader's disbelief.

i remember seeing one character call attention to their collective habit of narrating what they're doing ATM (because there's no italicized text or stage text in the work, it's all dialogue). it's funny for sure, but it drags me out of the story because it's too true. suddenly i'm thinking, "wait. why isn't there flavor text and italicized descriptions and videos of things happening IRL?" (there is some audio and a few pictures but that is not the bulk of the work.) if the characters know their narratological limitations, it becomes uncanny.

4. you're probably not going to find powerful themes and motifs. we have no idea what's intended or not. on the other hand, if you're going by "Death of the Author", then all bets are off.

note that i said "themes and motifs"--things we can extract and synthesize from the text. the wonderful @bothersome-edgar has made some great strides on identifying and categorizing key aspects of the characters, and i highly commend him for doing so. check out his work here: https://bothersome-edgar.tumblr.com/post/669498983742324736/putting-this-here-so-i-know-what-to-write-tomorrow

what other thoughts do i have?

i really love BadBoyHalo and Quackity in this story. i totally relate to BadBoyHalo's awkwardness when interacting with people online (i don't sound like i'm 50 years old though!!!) and his latent craziness, though i'm not violent. Quackity is the anchor that keeps the story and character interactions from flying apart from the absurdity of it. he's realistic, and reacts to the craziness in the story realistically.

Karl is growing on me and George is just really fluttering around. like a moth. and Dream is a lit Ruben's tube matched to dubstep. love is in the air, i suppose :]

[mydearesthrry]

noooo! - p.p.

prompt 12 from fluff : “Am I your lockscreen?” “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

prompt 3 from fluff: “Have you seen my hoodie?” “Noo.” “You’re wearing it, aren’t you?”

warnings: nothing really, just swearing and lots of fluff

side note; also, sorry about all the pet names? there's so many and it starts to get repetitive :(

y/i/n - your initials

a flurry of clothes was thrown around the room as you paced around your room quickly, rummaging through your drawers trying to find something to wear.

"FUCK!" you loudly exclaimed, stubbing your toe on your bedframe. you fell over with a loud thud, and crawled over to your pants drawer.

"you okay honey?" your mom shouted from the kitchen downstairs.

"yeah mom! just hurt myself, sorry!" you yelled back, looking for a pair of black ripped jeans.

"bingo." you said to yourself, seeing a white hoodie with a small black spider embroidered on the left breast area of it. it was pretty cold that day, so you decided to throw on a north face jacket over it. you zipped it up and quickly ran down the stairs, grabbing two waffles, kissed your mom on the cheek. you ran down all the way to the subway, all ready being late.

"FUCK!" you yelled again for the second time that morning, almost losing your balance and slipping.

you met peter on the subway, and sighed in relief, the sight of him already making you feel better. he looked up from his phone and saw you, smiling brightly, and sticking out his arms for you to come into.

"hi angel!" he said to you, squeezing you tightly.

"hi baby boy. i missed you so much." you murmured, breathing in his sweet scent. you looked up, kissing him softly on his lips. you burrowed yourself back into his neck afterwards.

"missed you too, babe. you got anything special happening today?" he let go of you, but grabbing your hand.

"mm, not really, jus' have to study for this stupid test. you can come over, if you want. if you don't wanna, s' okay."

"of course i'll come over! i get to spend more time with my favorite girl."

his comment made you blush profusely, and you hid your face in his chest, and he laughed, fluffing your hair. you two soon arrived to school, and went your separate ways.

"sup mj, where've you been? missed you" you said, a big smile on your face, as you saw your best friend again for the first time in 2 weeks.

"shit, sorry, i didn't get to tell you, i went with my mom to portugal for two weeks. and in fact, i got you something!" she exclaimed, reaching into her bag to grab you something. she pulled out a small little mug with the initials 'p.p. - y/i/n - n.l. - m.j.' written on the inside of the cup.

"mj, i- i don't know what to say,, t-thank you." you reached over the desk and hugged her and she replied with a "you're welcome, dork.". the period ended within a blink of an eye, and next you had science with peter.

you met up with peter while you were on your way to your locker, seeing him there already. you giggled slightly, planning your go up to him to scare him. you creeped up behind him and shouted "BOO!" and hurled over in laughter seeing how much he flinched.

"babyyyyyyy," he said with a pout on his lips. "that wasn't funny!"

"okay, okay, i'm sorry! i saw the opportunity and took it!" you said, running your fingers through his hair to make him feel better.

"i guess it's okay. but you owe me!" he said, tickling your sides. you both walked to class hand in hand and took your respective seats next to eachother.

you placed your phone on your desk along with your books and binders. you saw peter glance over at your phone, and you thought nothing of it, shrugging your shoulders and grabbing more things out of your backpack.

"umm y/n/n? am i your lockscreen?" he asked, looking up at you skeptically.

"noooo! y-you weren't supposed to see that!" you said nervously, snatching your phone and putting it in your jean pocket.

"i don't mind angel, it's cute. own up to it." he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and showing you his lockscreen. it was a picture of you and him from the science trip the class went on, you two attached at the hip, and giving eachother the goofiest smiles imaginable. luckily, betty was able to catch the sight with her phone, taking an amazing photo of you and peter which grew to be his favorite. you could feel the heat rush to your cheeks, and you quickly turned around in your seat.

as soon as you knew it, all of your classes were done, and it was now time to go home. you went to your locker and put everything you needed to in it. you could hear the loud chatter of peter and ned coming towards you, so you closed your locker and faced the direction of the two.

"hey boys." you greeted them, nodding at mj who was behind them. she nodded back to you, looking back to read her book.

"hey, y/n! peter and i were just talking about the new movie that's coming out soon, you know? about the aliens?" he waved his arms around his head, asking you as if you obviously knew what he was talking about. you looked over at peter who gave you a look that said 'just say yes', so you looked back at ned, nodding your head yes.

"cool! does that mean you'll come with me and peter to go see it?" oh gosh. i mean, it's not that you didn't like going to movies with them, but when you've been doing it for so long, it started to get.. boring.

"uhhhhhh, sorry ned, i actually cant, i have to go uh- walk my neighbors dog?" you said questioningly, and after seeing the look on peters face, you quickly yelled a goodbye and ran to the exit.

*:･ﾟtime skip *:･ﾟ

you got back to your house and immediately ran up the stairs. you grabbed everything you needed for your study session, grabbed your led light remote and set the color to a bright yellow, and began working. you turned on some music, and as you were humming to the tune, a loud tap startled you. you looked over to your window, and saw the famous vigilante at the edge of your fire escape. you ran over to it, and unlocked it.

"hi princess." he grunted and jumped into your room.

"hi my love, how was patrolling?" you asked, pulling his mask off his face to give him a soft peck.

"eh, fine. let's get to studying!" he studied your figure, and saw a hoodie that he swore looked like his. he scanned his mind, wondering if he knew where it was, and came to the realization that he didn't.

"hey, y/n, i've been looking for a hoodie that looks exactly like yours. have you seen it?" he asked, not noticing how wide your eyes got.

"wh- what? nooooooo!" you said very unconvincingly.

"you're wearing it, aren't you?" he said, connecting the dots together.

"okay, yes! but only because it smells like you and i like your hoodies more than mine." you whined like a child as you pulled the hood of his hoodie over your head.

"don't stress about it, baby. you look cute in it." he grinned, pulling the drawstrings of the white hoodie towards him, closing the gap between your lips.