#it's fine it makes sense. would explain why i have a visual rolodex of every piece of music i've ever listened to with intent
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*head in my hands* god i need to talk to my therapist. lmao
#it's not bad!#but i was talking to a friend yesterday about autistic traits yesterday evening and today i spent all day taking diagnostic tests.#uh.#so.#each and every one of those tests indicated that i am at/above the mean score for autism.#i uh. hm. yeah. so.#i was talking about having food sensitivities bc i have So Many of them. to texture and flavor. but mostly texture.#and we started talking about the fact that i have so much audio sensitivity much of the time#and he linked me to a bunch of tests. and i just took. like 4 or 5 of them today.#and all of them. all of them. indicated that i was at/above the mean score. help#i mean. that would explain so much about my life. but also. jesus christ.#it's fine i just ugh#it's fine it makes sense. would explain why i have a visual rolodex of every piece of music i've ever listened to with intent#and can match the sound with the album/band in like 10 or fewer seconds#also it would explain why i shut down when things get to be Too Much#and why when i start to like. feel like i'm panicking i just get really really overwhelmed and cry. and when i can't calm down#i start smacking myself.#told my therapist about that and he went 'yeah that's not the kind of self harm we're talking about' and moved on.#kinda surprised he didn't. say anything. about that.#considering that i don't think that's. typical.#and that would explain why i have such persistent social anxiety. like it actively resists treatment with cognitive behavioral therapy#so. much to think about. much to talk about. an informative day today it was.#also the fact that i have been Obsessed with soundtracks for my entire life uhhhh Suddenly Tracks.#like i know these tests are not diagnostic but. all of them............................................. seems to indicate something.......#i took the raad-r test twice and got 128 and 131 each time. like. hm. uh oh besties. uh oh.
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