#it's extremely hard to carve out a little space of peace for yourself when your only private space is 99 square feet of house

[finrays]

I am not going to survive the next four years solely because my roommate has no idea how to read my energy levels and treat me accordingly.

I am currently recovering from an illness. I am also short on sleep because I'm dealing with a compressed nerve in my left arm and the awkward brace keeps me up all night because it moves in ways it shouldn't and digs into my arm. I'm currently seeking a second opinion on treatment for that. I'm house-hunting and working full time. And a series of costly and/or extremely unfortunate events that have happened in my personal life since mid-November have left me absolutely drained. I'm fucking exhausted all the time.

And she still dumps all of her political anxiety on me every time she sees me. I am hoarse and coughing and I have huge bags under my eyes and she'll just yap at me indignantly and demand my attention, even if she sees my hands filled with something I'm currently taking care of.

I have absolutely NOTHING left to give right now. I REALLY need to recharge and get my shit together. But I am not being given a chance, because she cannot see past the end of her own nose. Doesn't help that I'm the same age as her own kids, either. I'm sure that has a lot to do with her being more or less comfortable with pushing into my spaces.

I'm not gonna make it unless I can get away from her, friends.

Pray that the townhouse listings are in my favor.

[lune-hime]

Garden of Tulips (Levi/Reader) Chapter 7

~Click me for more chapters~

“What did it look like?”

“Hmm?” Levi looked up from his place next to your sleeping form. “The titan that tried to snack on my darling granddaughter.” “Ugly as fuck.” “Aren’t they all?”

Levi recounts memories of the reader and their shared life together while she recovers from a serious injury.

!!WARNINGS!! - Violence, gore, smut, wholesome content ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tulipa esperanto ~ A tulip whose flaming petals sprout from a lush green base, signaling growth and the washing away of lingering burdens.

↞↠↞↠↞↠

“Thank you both for waiting! I’m just about done.” Felicia chimed from the stove as Levi entered the house. The pleasant smell of fried bread and pork mingled with the freshness of the tulips to create a scent he could only describe as being homey.

“We had no choice but to be occupied.” Oma grumbled from the dining room, one of the spaces Levi had yet to explore. He wandered into the kitchen after removing his shoes and observed Felicia’s bustling and extremely organized methodology. The pan bopped to the rhythm of her wrist while the kettle whistled in melodic time.

“It’s a shame we didn’t have time for tea. We’ll do it after we eat, then.” Oma called, leaning on the doorway that connected the kitchen to the dining room. Levi nodded and clasped his hands behind his back as he awkwardly lingered on the sidelines of the culinary bustle. His languid gaze drifted to the many framed photos that hung on the only wall not covered with ornate gold trinkets or the weaving vines of plants. His eyebrows furrowed as he observed a common theme.

So many of these photos of you were with that hard headed, horse-faced pain in the ass. From what you had told Levi, you had no memory of life without Jean. That he, Oma, and Felicia had been the only constant presences in your life since you were a child. Why did he feel a pang of jealousy? That was a petty emotion.

Oma had placed delicate plaques at the bottom of each frame that accompanied the memory. Levi wouldn’t have pegged her as someone so sentimental.

First Day of Kindergarten

“We’re going to be late, mommy!!” You wailed as your legs jittered like an excited shore bird. Jean stood beside you and rolled his eyes as your anticipation made your connected arms wiggle like a cooked noodle.

“Yes, yes I know. If I could just get this thing-okay, all set, smile big cuties!” Your mother’s gentle voice sang as she clicked the shutter. Jean immediately got over his minor annoyance and the two of you beamed at the camera.

“Lumine, the school bell’s ringing.” Oma chided lightly at her daughter in law.

Levi adored how your wide grin looked too big to be contained by your tiny cheeks.

Noel

“Jean are you even eating in the corps? You look like a twig when you need to be looking like a sturdy branch.” Oma chided as she shuttled more spaetzle onto Jean’s plate. Jean breathed a nervous laugh at her blunt comment.

“Well their food isn’t as good as yours is, Oma.” Jean replied as he gratefully took the plate. You shuffled past the two of them in the busy kitchen to pour yourself a glass of spiced wine.

“Get on my level, noodle-boy.” You teased, bringing your free arm up and flexing your defined muscles as the other held the ladle of wine. Jean threw an arm around your shoulder and squeezed, demonstrating that his noodle arms held more power than they let on.

Felicia had clicked the shutter just as laughter bloomed on your faces and your glass looked dangerously close to spilling over in festive happiness.

Apple Picking

“Freyr, move a little over to the left.” Oma instructed her son. Freyr took a step sideways and bounced, causing you to fly upwards in glee from your resting place on his shoulders. You grasped the sides of his chin as you both grinned at the camera. Crows flew from the canopy of the lush apple orchard behind you.

Levi drank in the features of your father as if he was studying a work of art. He was very tall, strongly built, and had a charisma about him that Levi wagered is why he was so popular in the capital. He resembled more of a lumberjack than a government official. His jawline was hard, like it was curvetted by a steel knife. But his eyes held a softness just like your own.

When Levi’s eyes drifted to the last photo in the row, the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He gulped as he let the contents of the picturesque scene sink in. The four individuals looked lively and ecstatic as they proudly showed off their record breaking salmon catch. Your father, Freyr, stood on the far right holding the fish’s head with a confident smirk. You, having to be around 12, stood next to him inwards. Your weak grip was feigning your support of the giant creature’s weight. To the far left your uncle Rall stood perched with the tail held to his chest as he wore a more modest smile than his brother-in-law. Levi felt his arteries clench around his throbbing heart when he gazed upon the girl only a few years older than you at your side. The sweetness of her expression poured icy flames onto Levi’s conscience.

Petra and Y/N’s Catch

Levi felt as if he were the fish in your hands; milky eyed and cold scaled. He was momentarily sent spiraling into his guilt.

“Jean has grown quite handsome now hasn’t he...” Felicia chirped. Levi blinked at the proximity of her bubbly comment as it punched him from his daze. She appeared at his side with their shoulders centimeters from touching.

“You’ve always liked younger men, haven't you?” Oma snickered as she rummaged through the cupboard.

“Hey! I’m not that old Frau Vogel.” Felicia justified with a playful pout. She turned on her heels to grab the dishes from Oma’s hold but was gently slapped away by the determined old woman.

“Yes but you’ve known the boy since he was fresh out of diapers.” Oma quipped back. “Now if you’re done viewing the art gallery of my life, we have dinner to eat.”

The dining room seemed to glow amber. The walls were dressed with a deep cherry wood, carved with grand scenes of folklore that Levi wasn’t familiar with. The table and chairs were no less intricately carved and were birthed of that same rich wood. The table was fit for a family of high standing, its length providing the space to entertain many guests.

Felicia had set the table so that the three of you were sitting close together, leaving a vast empty space for ghosts to join. Levi wondered what kinds of people used to sit there. He let his mind be tempted with that notion as he gradually checked out of the conversation.

If she used to sit there.

After their meal, Levi was left with that satisfactory warmth he felt the day before. He gave his shoulder a good stretch when Oma returned from clearing the dishes.

“How about sitting down with an old woman for tea now?” She said with a small smile.

“Sure.” Levi responded softly. Oma hummed and faded back into the kitchen.

“Felicia went to go check on Y/N and insisted on doing housework.” Oma explained as she gathered the tea time materials.

“So we have a bit of peace-and-quiet time.” She added as she placed two cups of beautiful ivory china on the tea tray next to the tin of Queen Mary leaves.

Oma led the way to the living room which, to his fading surprise, was just as intricately decorated as the rest of the house. Arched windows that stretched from the floor to the ceiling displayed the forest to the back of the estate while a grand fireplace framed with pale brick lay in front of the opposite wall. Artwork, photos, and momentos painted all the walls to give it a cozy atmosphere that Levi was still getting used to. Oma placed the tea tray on the coffee table and sat down on one of the long, plush settees. She patted the cushion and Levi joined her, taking a seat on the other end of the couch.

An arid silence passed by them as Oma delicately poured the tea into each cup. He was hyper aware now of his past choice during that expedition. Whether it was a mistake or not. He was painfully cognizant of his absence. Sure Levi was curt, at times off putting, and cautiously intense with people. But his immense guilt for what happened to his squad was an underlying and consistent fuel for his awkwardness around your grandmother. It remained attached to him like a fifth limb, a presence that was always lurking even at the smallest intensities. Your love helped, eventually filling the gaping hole that had been carved there. But a hole is still a hole, forever a crevasse that would be a permanent addition to his soul.

He was deeply afraid to bring it up. Afraid of digging into old wounds, afraid of facing more of her family, afraid that your grandmother would deem him unfit to protect you. To call it an elephant in the room was a severe understatement. The unspoken truth was more the size of a beached whale. He had stopped seeing their ghosts in his own shadow. But even now seeing the familial resemblance of her in Oma he suddenly couldn’t bear to meet her eyes.

“I don’t blame you, Levi.” She said as softly as the clank of the teapot returning to the tray. Levi’s insides seized but he maintained his composure. She leaned back into the cushions with a sigh. When she craned her head to meet his eyes, his gaze remained fixed on the lone tea cup on the tray.

“For Petra.” Her name fell off Oma’s lips with a delicateness that made Levi’s throat itch with impending shame. “I saw you looking at her photo.”

The itch expanded to an inflation that embedded his incoming breath into the folds of his esophagus.

↞♞♘↠

Your body shivered in the remnants of your hysterical cries. You wished the sadness could have been swept up in the powerful current of your tears but it clung to you like a jagged rock resting just under the rippling water’s surface. Her absence felt like a vital organ had been forcibly taken from your body and the thief hadn’t bothered to stitch you up properly.

“Levi-” You breathed, voice heavy with the aftermath of your latest breakdown. It felt like a tiring journey from the empty bedroom to his office.

Earlier you had held each other, wept with one another, and began grieving together. But as the hours grew on Levi had drawn more reclusive. He had evicted himself from the bed in your fatigue and had resigned to his office chair. The form that occupied the space you almost didn't recognize. He sat deeply reclined in the chair and allowed the material to swallow him. His head dangled limply off his right shoulder, clouded eyes looking at nothing and everything at once. The only sign of vitality in this lifeless shell was the small puffs of air that left his nose.

It was fresh. Painfully fresh. Like a band aid that had ripped off multiple layers of skin. But you needed him right now and you knew he needed you too. The sudden loss of Petra was boring into you. You couldn’t imagine that loss times three that he was experiencing.

“Please we need to talk.” You whimpered as you slowly padded towards his crumpled stature. His swollen eyes and bloodshot whites betrayed his marbled features. He was hesitant to reach for you, to hold you, to touch you. He was sure a part of you must have despised him. Through his own pulsations of pain he could see your own distress. He desperately wanted to be there for you, to wipe away all that ailed you. But how could he do that when he couldn’t even wipe the pain from himself? Especially when he had a hand in inflicting such devastation onto you.

He could never forgive himself for that. For what he did to any of you.

Yet when you unfurled his limbs, climbed into his lap, and encircled yourself into his embrace he exhaled and held you right back.

“Don’t hide from me.” You said with an insatiable quiver. You felt Levi’s arms loosen and begin to pull away as you rested your head in the crook of his neck.

“Please...don’t.” You pleaded, desperate for his comfort. You quickly grabbed his wrists and placed them back along your spine. Levi breathed in frustration but didn’t move to withdraw himself again.

“There’s nothing I can do to bring them back.” He stated with a hopeless gravel.

“I know.” You replied weakly. Levi’s shoulder tingled with fresh tears. He squeezed his eyes shut in self disdain when he began to feel your shaking.

“You must deteste me.” He hummed dryly as the obsessive images of his fallen squad drew more tears from him once more. Each time he thought he was done crying their lifeless bodies bombarded him with more waterworks.

“Levi-” You cried as a sob raked your body.

“How could you even stand to be around me after what I did?” Levi bitterly pushed out as he tasted the salty flow of droplets.

“Shut up!” You coughed, sitting straight up in his lap to look him in the eyes. Your emotions were short circuiting and your patience was running thin for his blame but you hadn’t intended for your reply to come out so aggressive.

Your hands pushed down on his chest as your eyes fluttered shut. You took a moment to take in a deep, albeit ragged, breath. When your eyes opened Levi was fixated on the floor. You grasped his head between your hands and rectified his deflated body.

Your movement forced him to look at you, the two of you exchanging expressions beaten-down by sadness and frustration.

Thinking of the words you were about to formulate spurred more pressure behind your eyes before you articulated them. What was left of Levi's composure fractured as he began to drown in your sorrowful orbs.

You brushed his cheek to keep the both of you from floating away like paper lanterns. You could have lost each other out there today as well as your many comrades and the smoothness of his skin against your thumb kept you in this reality.

This was not the time for conversation, you had already had that. Already had assured him that their passing wasn’t his fault. That, sure if he was there maybe things would have been different but that his actions didn’t dictate their deaths. Telling him again would only be beating a dead horse and cause you both more anguish. The two of you were too weak for that right now.

“You trust me.” You uttered those words as a statement without a hint of question.

Levi nodded instantly. The motion was anamatronic-esque as he struggled to stay afloat.

“I’m here.” You stated softly, taking his hand and placing it directly over your overworked heart. A wave of calm washed over him as he watched his palm move with the deep rhythm of your breathing.

“You’re here.” You continued with a sniffle. You placed your hand on his chest, sighing in comfort as he breathed life into your palm.

“And if we focus on the what if’s we’re going to be hopeless forever.” You spoke the words with vulnerability that betrayed their prowess.

That shattered him.

You watched as his face scrunched with all the emotion he had hid this morning. His brow sloped into his quivering lip and he let out a helpless yelp. He was always trying to not feel. But he could only feign numbness until it embedded itself into everything he did. The void he was carrying now overflowed with singeing emotion that he needed to feel.

For them.

For you.

For himself.

Seeing him so broken caused you to crack too. But for Levi, the gruesome scenes that were replaying on a brutal loop were dulled by the warmth of your hand on his chest, the welcome pressure of your thighs against his, and perhaps the most by your beautiful eyes that despite being ravaged by tears were like a shining beacon in the turbulent storm.

He removed your hand from his chest and took them into his own. He raised your hands to his lips and pressed salted kisses to them.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He croaked and intertwined his fingers with yours with such a force that his knuckles grew white. He begged for your forgiveness, bathed in your light to douse his sinful acts. For you must have been a saint to not have casted him out by now.

He kept apologizing because there was nothing else he could do. He lamented that he wasn’t quick enough. That their last moments were spent in agony and terror. That their deaths not only affected him but you as well.

Your limbs were entangled and foreheads were buried in shoulders for an uncountable amount of time. The two of you slowly dragged one another out of the suffocating mud of the expedition and into the present moment. When tears had dried and embraces grown less feverous, you spoke up.  

“Erwin is allowing me to go home for a few days.” You announced with a sad smile.

Levi hummed weakly as he ghosted his fingers along your scalp.

“Do you want to come with me?” Your invite hung on the air as Levi contemplated. He felt bad denying you but there was no way he would be able to face your family right now. That may have been selfish of him, but he just couldn’t.

He bit the inside of his cheek as you craned your neck to regard him. You understood his silence and nuzzled into his shoulder.

“Okay.” You kissed at the spot where his neck met his collarbone.

↞♞♘↠

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Was all that Levi could manage to say. He didn’t know how to make any apology enough for her grandchild’s absence. He felt disgust rise like bile in this throat all over again.

Oma nodded at his condolences and hid her lingering sadness behind seasoned professionalism.

“Thank you. I’m sorry to you too. You lost her just like the rest of us.” She responded with a mature kindness that made Levi want to poke his eyes out with self-loathing. If the loss hurt him beyond belief, he would never be able to know the extent of Oma’s pain, your pain, and Petra’s parents’ pain.

“I can see that you blame yourself.” Oma inferred with a caring tone. Levi’s hardened gaze remained on the table.

“I know what it’s like to lead a squadron. I know the helpless feeling of someone slipping through your fingers too quickly to catch them.” Oma consoled with a genuine seriousness that made Levi’s eyes flick up to hers. She sighed and placed her tea cup down.

Levi didn’t move as she scooched closer to place a hand over his. His fingers twitched at the calloused pads of her withered hand encircled his.

“It was one year into my promotion to a unit captain. I remember that day so vividly; the bitter smell of the canon smoke mixing with Hannes’ ripe gin, the way the wind gently rocked the trees just over wall Maria, the remnants of my throbbing hangover from the previous night’s excursions."

“I had ordered my unit to scale along the wall and raise the new cannons that had been provided the day prior while I joined Pixis at the guard post. We were having our daily banter when a thunderous quaking assaulted our ears and gave us whiplash with how fast we turned towards the wall. A hoard of titans, many of them abnormals, were rushing towards Wall Maria.”

“We had never experienced an attack so fierce, so alarmingly abrupt. My legs couldn’t carry me quickly enough to my unit before the fuckers started hurling themselves at the wall. The clash of skulls against the structure was deafening. Some of my soldiers decided to ascend, to fight them atop the wall and blast their brains out with the cannons. Others decided to take their chances at slashing their necks. However, the ladder couldn’t compete with the assault and soon their screams morphed into stains on stone.”

“After the attack, I too bashed my skull with guilt and regret. If only I had just waited to assign them to that job. What if instead, I told them to take care of the already positioned cannons. But would it have really made any difference? I’ve come to realize I couldn’t have ever anticipated a horror like that.” Oma’s eyes glazed over in sour memory.

“My point is, you can’t dwell on the what-ifs because that’s not how life went or ever will. You have to live with what life gives-and takes-from you.” Oma continued, holding Levi’s stare with one elderly compassion.

“You led them and inspired them to take action. Their sacrifices were just that; sacrifices they were willing to take for something they believed in.”

As she spoke, acute darts dripped in his squad’s long dried blood threatened to pierce the shield he had built up to their intrusions. But her kind words warded them off almost immediately and Levi felt more relieved than he could ever express to hear her sympathy.

“I’m sure you know it never truly goes away. But forgiving yourself for something that was out of your control dulls the sharpness of that blade.” She smiled flatly with soft eyes.

Listening to her story and feeling her presence sparked an understanding in Levi so deep that it felt foreign to him. It wasn’t the surface level sympathy usually set unto him by his comrades. Nor the solace and empathy you provided him. With Oma it was raw, unaltered. She had seemed to mine his soul and recover a luminous diamond out of the charcoal.

She brewed this sensation within him that peeled away the murky veil of his role of a steely captain. Underneath resided a more youthful soldier who still had much to conquer and learn. He realized he wasn’t actually as aged as he was required to act.

The hectic scenarios that had wracked his mind since he arrived at her doorstep were blown away with the gentle breath of her rapport. He squeezed her hand, instantly feeling her squeeze back.

“Thank you. That...means a lot.” He said as the ice on his brow melted. Oma grinned at his instant brightness, clearly pleased that she had managed to crack through his shell.

“What is it?” She asked with a wispy chuckle as she observed Levi’s minute crescent smile.

“Y/N gave me similar advice after it happened.” He confessed, feeling lighter than he had in years.

“Well, good. Means I raised her well.” Oma smirked fondly. She let go of his hand to uptake her tea cup once again.

“I would never let anything happen to Y/N.” Levi professed as he finally grabbed his tea as well. His grip tightened on his cup as if holding it sturdily cemented his promise. Oma’s grin widened at his dedication as they locked eyes once more.

“We are all responsible for ourselves, and all we can do for others is try our best to protect them. You have done just that, son.” She said after a hearty swig of her drink.

“You’ve been so good to both my girls, whether you see it or not. That’s all I could ever dream of in a superior officer, a friend, and a partner.”

Her heartwarming comment did exactly that to Levi. Except instead of blanketing him with a gentle heat it burned his chest all at once. The fire was so powerful that Levi couldn’t subdue the genuine smile that infiltrated his features. It widened his cheeks and parted his chapped lips in a beautiful display of appreciation.

Oma’s eyes widened and she coughed as her sip of tea almost slid down the wrong pipe.

“It’s a shame Y/N only gets to see those smiles.” Her wheeze was followed by a cackle. Her teasing made him roll his eyes but his smile didn’t diminish.

“Don’t tell her or she’ll think I’ve gone soft.” He chuckled himself as rich as the umber liquid in his cup. Oma winked as she took another sip.

“You know, I would have liked to have met you at Petra’s funeral but there wasn’t one. Her mother insisted on keeping things private.” Oma explained with a long exhale. Levi did recall you talking to him about that. Petra’s parents lived quite a distance away from you and Oma and became more private as the two of you grew up.

Levi nodded and pursed his lips. He definitely wouldn’t have been in the right mental space for that. Oma noted his silence and as if afraid he was going to creep back into his iron guard, sighed in contentment.

“I was so proud that she joined your squad.” She was basked in a lovely nostalgic glow as she mused.

“She looked delicate and slight but Petra had a fire in her like I’ve never seen in anyone else.”

“She did.” Levi agreed. His eyes fell to the fireplace as he traced his finger along the ivory rim of his cup. “She was one of the most skilled soldiers I’ve known.”

Oma hummed in agreement.

“Petra spoke so highly of you, you were truly her role model. She was ecstatic when you and Y/N got together. Couldn’t think of a better person for her little cousin.” Oma praised with the enthusiasm of a proud relative.

Levi let out an awkward huff and shook his head lightly as he brought his cup to his lips.

“You know she’s the reason Y/N wanted to join the corps?”

↞♞♘↠

The sun hung low in the sky when Levi’s squad found themselves lazily lounging at one of the picnic tables that framed the sparring area.  

“The cadets are going to arrive next week.” Gunther commented idly.

“Yes! My younger cousin is going to be joining the 104th class.” Petra beamed, clearly proud of her relative.

“Another cadet with your same beautiful genes? I can’t wait.” Oluo winked and Petra pursed her lips in unamusement.

“Keep it in your pants, Oluo. Or are you hitting on girls you haven’t even met yet?” Eld chided with a smirk.

“How do you feel about her joining, Petra?” Eld asked more seriously.  

“While I’m a bit bittersweet about it, I couldn’t think of another person more capable to be a new recruit.” Petra smiled sadly yet her eyes held excitement at being reunited with her kin.

“Hm, seems like the military runs in your family.” Levi commented, rolling his head against his shoulders to offer a loud crack.

“Yeah, Oma hated it when I joined so I bet she despised it when Y/N decided to fly the nest too.” Petra giggled with the lightness of a sparrow taking flight. A boisterous boom followed by an aggressive order caused the party to direct their attention to the arena.

“And so the hellscape is raised once again.” Gunther nodded to where Shadis was noisily instructing soldiers on where to place the cadet training equipment.

“The stick that’s within his ass imbeds itself deeper each year.” Eld yawned and stretched.

“I’ll be there to fight for her if he takes it too far.” Petra boasted in determination. Her declaration was fiery but her delicate features softened the promise. The special operations squad knew all too well, though, not to underestimate the strength that resided under that cute exterior.

“Hazing is part of the cadet experience.” Gunther shrugged.

“Need to get the nerves burning hot somehow.” Eld added.

“Oh come on, you guys are horrible!” Petra huffed.  

“I’ll make sure she’s well taken care of-” Oluo passionately interjected.

“That’s not necessary.” Petra cut him off with a jab to the ribs.

“You’ll back me up, right Levi?” She looked to their captain expectantly while Oluo's groans grew in pitch.

Levi shrugged in indifference. However the way Petra’s eyes glinted with eagerness made him more inclined to agree.

“If she’s not a brat.”

Petra threw him a pout as the crew’s light-hearted jokes floated up to meet the chromatic tendrils of the evening sky.

[abraxos-is-toothless]

Undercover- Throne of Glass AU (5)

This one starts with a bit of Manon’s POV from last chapter when she and Dorian goes upstairs.

WARNINGS: Manon speaks about things such as suicide, rape, abuse and human trafficking. It’s nothing that’s in detail, it’s just mentioned. If I have missed a warning, please do let me know so I can change this!!

Full Masterlist.

Undercover Masterlist.

-------

Manon knew Dorian was in the room with her, he would always be by her side when she got like this, but still, part of her felt alone, cold, empty and dead. She was sitting at the foot of their bed and was vaguely aware that he’d come to crouch between her knees to clean off her hands, but she didn’t want to look at him, she didn’t want him to see what was going on inside of her head.

They’d met about a year and a half ago on Tower Bridge. It was the anniversary of her Thirteen’s- her best friends in life, the ones who had always been there -death and she'd been ready to jump that night until he’d showed up. It wasn’t particularly busy considering it was around three in the morning, only a few cars passing her. Of course they’d passed though, she was half dressed and stumbling all over the place, a bottle of vodka in hand as she stood on that ledge. The jump may not have killed her she knew, but it was extremely cold that night and that freezing water would have. People probably thought she was a drug addicted prostitute that deserved what she was about to do. It was almost true, she wasn’t drug addicted but was most definitely a prostitute but after all of this time, she’d accepted that what happened wasn’t her fault and dying wouldn’t change anything. One car had stopped though, very suddenly, sometimes she could still hear the tyres screeching. There was a woman’s voice, shouting, telling someone to get back in the car and then there was a soft, melodic voice saying “Ma’am? It’s quite cold out tonight, how about we get you down and somewhere warm, huh?”

His voice sounded like heaven and she’d found herself turning towards it, her foot slipping on the edge slightly causing her to lose her balance. Much of it was a blur after that and hard to piece together, but she remembered crying out and having arms wrapped around her. Dorian, or mystery man as he was, looked beautiful back dropped by fuzzy streetlights and she couldn’t help the words that had dropped from her mouth. “Are you my Prince Charming?” And then she’d blacked out, waking up hours later with a dreadful hangover and a woman telling her that she could have a home if she wanted it, she could have a purpose. It would have been dumb to say no, considering her circumstances if she had, and the rest was history.

They had never really talked about that night, not really, but the prince thing was an ongoing joke between them. Dorian brought it up whenever she wasn’t feeling the best, saying that ‘her prince had come to save her.’ He was ridiculously dramatic, loving and sweet, she hadn’t realised she’d fallen in love with him until it had crept up behind her.

Manon was brought out of her reverie when there were three gentle taps to her knee, and then Dorian had pushed himself up onto his knees so that his face was directly in front of hers. She tried to look away, but his hand cupped her cheek, pulling her back until her gold eyes met his blue ones and he started speaking in soft tones. “Don’t do that. We stopped hiding from one another long ago, sweetheart. Let me in Manon, let me help.”

She took several deep breaths before pushing forward a little and pressing her forehead against his, linking their fingers together and taking her comfort from the feel of his skin on hers.

“They knew they were about to die and so I think they were taunting me, hoping that somehow I’d end their lives fast. It didn’t work; it just made me go slower. I took out the one Aelin carved up first, he was the rapist. He said things, horrible things about the girls he’d...” She didn’t want to talk about it, but she had to, had to tell him or the thoughts would eat her alive. His face hadn’t changed, still the soft and loving expression he’d worn since she’d come home. “It reminded me of the things those bastards would whisper into my ear, about what they’d do to Asterin, to the others if I kept fighting them.” Her breathing turned ragged and her hands shook a little; she hated talking about what was done to them.

“Hey, shh. It’s alright, I’ve got you, I’m right here.” He whispered the words into the space between their lips and Manon wanted nothing more to fall into his arms, just letting him hold her close but she had to push forward.

“I took out the trafficker next. He sold girls and boys off to whomever paid the highest price. Fucking prick sold them. How can you do that? They were children.” She could feel the tears building behind her eyelids but she blinked them away. “The last one, the one who gave Aelin the information, he was an abusive bastard. He said that women like me held too much power, that we should be beaten into submission. That all men need women for was to use them as some broodmare for breeding.”

She really did start crying then, at the onslaught of memories the pieces of shits had brought back. The sound of her friends’ screams and the sound of Asterin’s final words to her before she’d pushed Manon through that door. We will meet again, in a better world.

Dorian’s arms wrapped around her as he leaned back, pulling her down and onto his lap, cradling her against his chest and tucking her head into his neck. She cried, cried, cried until they turned into broken sobs and from there, just small, hiccupping sniffles. The whole time he just rocked back and forth, murmuring soothing words into her ear whilst he rubbed a hand up and down her back. They stayed together in the peaceful quiet of their room Dorian occasionally mumbling how much he loved her, until a voice, Chaol, called out from downstairs.

“Manon! Dor! Boss wants everyone downstairs.”

She pulled back from Dorian’s neck, staring up into bright blue eyes as he tucked a strand of her white hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to come down love, I’m sure she’d understand if you want to stay up here. You could shower and sleep, it would do you good.”

Manon shook her head before reaching up and holding his hand to her cheek, revelling in the warmth it gave her. “No, I’ll come down, it could be something important.”

He nodded and leaned in to brush their lips together, a soft whisper of a kiss that held promises of what later would bring when they were finally alone. Dorian stood, holding his hands out to help her up and she tangled their fingers and tugged gently, unable to stop herself from saying, “Let’s go then, my Prince.”

She would savour the chuckle he let out as they walked through the door until her last dying breath.

oOoOo

Aelin waited until everyone was inside of her office until she finally answered the phone. Elide, Lys and Lorcan had finally gotten back, Elide saying she’d fill her in on everything later. Manon seemed to be in better spirits, her face no longer dead and blank. As for Rowan, she didn’t know what to think of him. Visibly he looked better when he stepped through the doors, but she knew that was just what he was showing on the surface. Their moment in the garden had done something to her and she couldn’t quite figure out what. He’d basically pulled his heart from his chest and handed it to her. She wasn’t meant to get attached to people like this and yet, deep down inside of her, she knew it was inevitable that she would.

As soon as she tapped accept on the call, she gestured for Elide to start tracing it, everyone holding their breaths as she said, “Sardothien. What do you want?”

There was a slow, lazy drawl from the other end of the line and it made Aelin’s spine go taut. She could see that Lysandra was just the same; neither of them had heard that voice in years. “Now, now, is that anyway to speak to an old friend?”

“We were never friends, Arobynn, we were never anything. Now tell me what you want.”

He laughed gently, as a lover would, making her blood turn cold. Aelin met pine green eyes from across the room, and watched as they went hard and unfeeling at the sound.

“You know what I want, what I’ve always wanted. We could have everything, if only you let yourself realise what you truly want in life.” She couldn’t help the sneer that settled over her face, hands clenched into fists. Aedion received a glare when he moved as if to comfort her; she didn’t need that right now.

“I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again. I will not be your Queen,” she spat the word out, tasting like ash on her tongue, “I will not give you heirs. There will be no us.”

There was more laughter and it made her want to stab something.

“You will come to see that it is what’s best soon enough. How’s the pregnant one by the way? I heard my men were unsuccessful but no matter, I left you a present, hoping you might come around. If not, you know I’m not above forcing you to come home, Aelin.” Son of a fucking bitch. Everyone’s eyes widened around the room, the newbies clearly confused by the name, but she couldn’t focus on that right now, she’d deal with it later.

“What present?” She forced the words through gritted teeth, knowing it was most likely a trap for something but she had to know.

“Out in your dingy little apartment in Poplar, yes I know about that one, I left it there. I do hope it’ll persuade you to change your mind. All of my love.” And then the line went dead. She turned her head sharply to look at Elide, the other woman shaking her head saying that she couldn’t trace it. She upturned her desk, sending its contents flying and making a few of the others to let out sounds of shock.

“I thought I was fucking done with that pile of shit! It’ll get worse now, if I accept this ‘gift’ and don’t go home. He’ll say I’m being ungrateful and go after all of you.” Aelin sighed and rubbed her hand across her forehead, wishing for the headache that was now brewing would just fuck off. She looked up when Lysandra spoke from the other side of the room, voice steady and determined.

“You aren’t going back to that hell hole, Ace, you aren’t going back to him. We’ll go see if there’s actually anything at the apartment and then we’ll deal with everything else. Do you understand me?”

She sighed and nodded at her friend, wanting to get this over with so they could finally sleep. Her plans and schemes were better after she rested and she could think rationally. Slipping into their boss, their leader, she ordered, “Blackbeak, Havilliard, Salvaterre and Whitehorn. You’re all coming with me. We move out in ten minutes so get all of your gear together fast. We have to be prepared for everything.” They all nodded in consent and everyone began filing out of the room but not before added on, “Keep your wits about you, just in case he knows about this place too.”

Aelin went to start cleaning up and jumped slightly, realising that Rowan was still in the room. He was looking at her weirdly, but she didn’t have time to think about it before the look disappeared and he walked over to stand in front of her. Tentatively, he brought his hand up in front over her face, hesitating a little and searching her eyes for an answer. Words weren’t working for her and she could feel the heat of him in the space between them, and so she simply leaned into his hand. Rowan let out what seemed to be a sigh of relief, cupping her jaw and rubbing a thumb along her cheekbone. “Are you alright? What he said, what he was asking for, that was...”

He trailed off knowing that what Arobynn had said could only be taken one way. “I’m alright, I promise. You didn’t have to stay, you know, I won’t break.”

His smile was soft, happy and his eyes were full of something she couldn’t place, looking as though they sparkled a little in the dim lights of her office. “I don’t think anyone could break you, Aelin. What’s up with that anyway?”

She rolled her eyes at him, raising a hand to hold his wrist, squeezing lightly. “I’ll tell you, but later, we have things to do. Now go.”

The backs of his fingers stroked down her cheek, sending shivers down her spine before he pulled away. Her eyes fluttered closed at the touch but when she opened them again he was gone. Gods, he was making her feel things she’d never felt before, not even those days with Sam had made her feel like this. Aelin shook her head to clear it of the thoughts of silver hair and green eyes. She would deal with all of that another time.

Right now, she had to go deal with the wannabe King’s bullshit. By the end, she’d make him pay for every last atrocity he’d committed, and then revel in the aftermath.

------

Oooo Arobynn his being a little fucker... If you want to be added/removed from the tags then just give me a shout! I’m not sure iff all of the tags are working so if not I’ll keep trying to fix it:) More insight on the boys next week!!

Tags: @bryaxisthefaceofnightmares @fancyclodpaintercookie @empress-sei @acourtofterrasenandvelaris @tswaney17 @queen-of-glass @thesirenwashere @awkward-avocado-s @b00kworm @http-itsrebecca @eatmysandwiches @poisonous00 @flowersinvegas @julemmaes @mu-si-ca-l @spyofthenightcourt  @sis-it-dont-add-up  @mad-madeline-ace @df3ndyr  @jesstargaryenqueen @notyournymphetish @carbconnoisseur @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln

@superspiritfestival

[personnages]

FIVE AESTHETICS TAG

EMOTIONS  /  FEELINGS

joy.  --  it is the small things that make your heart sing. snowfall in winter on your fingertips, the stars glittering above, the first green buds of spring. the sound of a kanklės and the laughter of those you love. no matter where you go, you try to breathe these things in.

loneliness.  --  an only child, then a girl with no mother, then a princess without a father. you must stand apart from all the courtiers, so you have always had few friends. it may ease into solitude over time, but it never really goes away.

faith.  --  the goddesses have chosen you, and you must play your part without flinching. din, nayru, farore, hylia: they are more than what your mortal brain can comprehend, and that surrender is comforting. nothing is dark to them. this story has been told before. that is also a comfort.

courage.  --  to give into despair is always useless. hope lets you go on; courage lets you fight against the darkness. you will learn to stare into the fear and let it stare back.

guilt.  --  what you do is never enough. every victory is missing something. you will atone for your decisions for a lifetime. it still will not be enough. 

COLORS

mauve.  --  softer than regal purple, but evocative of the same thing. what your mother often wore.

cream.  --  easier to bear than pure white. the courtiers still see hylia’s blood running through you, but for you, it is a choice you have made for yourself.

green.  --  your favorite color. the signs of spring, the life in summer. 

gold.  --  circlet, pauldrons, gorget: the symbols of your station. it is woven into your ceremonial apron, the wings of hylia rising, the triforce shining.

grey.  --  a serene winter morning, peaceful and quiet, your favorite season. the color of your eyes.

SCENTS

lavender.  --  you have always scented your rooms with sprigs of lavender. it is pressed between your clothes in your wardrobe and chests, it is in the water when you bathe. it’s something that’s yours.

frost.  --  hyrule castle is cold, as all castles are. though the rooms are warmly lit, it clings to your hair and form in the corridors, that sharpness of cool air.

tea.  --  your tea of choice comes from near kakariko. it is warming and smokey, layered through with bergamot. you have a cup in the morning, a pot over the course of the afternoon, and another pot if you anticipate a busy evening. (the kitchens have grown used to sending up the second pot regularly.)

vanilla.  --  your mother used to wear this scent in her hair. the loss has faded into memory, but you wear it in yours now to honor her.

greenery.  --  when you have the time, you like to walk in the castle gardens. (if those times are fewer than you like... that is another part of your duty.)

CLOTHING

hair jewelry.  --  long brown hair, pulled partially back with a comb and a circlet set into it. two long sections are wrapped and taped with ribbon in front, while in the back it is let to hang until it is gathered at the bottom with a thick braid and a metal hair ornament, tied off with more ribbon. 

long skirts.  --  stopping at just above your toes.

white boots for formal occasions; brown boots or leather slippers for every day. 

white gloves.  --  stopping just above your elbow. the embroidery is fine and is almost entirely your handiwork; you learned how to embroider at age seven. two of the pairs are your mother’s. one was your grandmother’s. the oldest pair, which you rarely wear due to its age, was your great-grandmother’s.

earrings.  --  you have a piercing in each earlobe and another piercing in each ear, right below the tips of your ears. 

OBJECTS

harp.  --  your kanklės has a sweet tone and its soundboard is beautifully carved. you play it in private, sometimes when you can’t sleep, sometimes simply when you want to take a break and lose yourself in music. sometimes you play it when you are frustrated and let your worries melt away, for a moment.

books.  --  you know the castle library very, very, very well. 

sword.  --  the sword of state you carry on formal occasions is beautiful, but it is also functional. you’ve been training with rapiers like it since you were a little girl.

paperwork.  --  there is always paperwork. every day, there are reports to be read, figures to look at, messages to receive. if your desk was ever clear, it would, frankly, be suspicious.

saddle.  --  on tarann, your horse, there is always the temptation to run free and wild, as far away as you can go, but you always resist. yours is a sidesaddle, but you can go as fast as your stallion’s hooves can take you on it. it is embossed with designs of flowers and birds.

VICES  /  BAD HABITS

stubbornness.  --  when you have truly decided on something, it is near impossible to change your mind or sway you from your course.

reticence.  --  you have developed a habit of keeping to yourself, but it keeps you aloof, which can be useful when people are constantly trying to curry your favor. even in the face of sincere offers of friendship, however, it takes time and patience for you to let your walls down. and even then, there is still a deep, hidden part of yourself that you keep locked shut.

self-sacrificing.  --  there are several roles that you must play, wrapped up in a sense of duty that blots out all else. whatever hyrule demands, you give. whatever the goddesses decided to take, you would hand it to them without a second thought. you as a person are second to your duty as ruler and as the goddesses’ chosen; if the price is your life, you will give it. (and you did.)

workaholic.  --  “a king’s job is never done,” your father said once, and you took it to heart. it is your duty to hyrule, to serve them as best you can, and there are always demands. you regularly work late nights, and most of your socializing is left for formal court events. your work is your life: there is little else.

compartmentalization.  --  if you let yourself feel your stresses, your personal anxieties, your grief, your loneliness, you would implode. so each feeling must be packed away, to be dealt with in later and in private, if at all, so that you can continue to serve hyrule as it needs you to. it can make you seem emotionless, but it is better than the alternative.

BODY LANGUAGE

a hand held up to your mouth to cover your wide smiles or, in extreme cases, your laughter. you are well practiced at hiding these feelings, but sometimes they inch through despite yourself.

straight posture, no matter whether you are sitting or standing. “princesses do not slouch,” your mother used to say, before smiling and bending over to kiss the air above your head, her kiss meeting your hair when you’d sit up straight. 

an analytical gaze, your grey eyes studying those speaking to you. (your expression is naturally somewhat severe, but you have worked hard to soften it to neutral, vague pleasantness when working.) it is a habit picked up from your father, of doing a study and then monitoring further reactions. it reminds the speakers that you are paying close attention, as well, and that they should think before they speak. 

a set jaw and slightly dropped chin when you are particularly angry. your eyes blaze, even if you say nothing. there is steel in you, and sometimes the veil lifts to reveal it. older courtiers can remember that same look on king uralph’s face, when hyrule was threatened.

deep breaths, taken in and out through the nose when you feel the need to calm yourself. it gives you a space to best form what you want to say, and grounds you for a moment.

AESTHETICS

guards standing at attention, their gazes purposefully aimed at the middle distance so they do not stare at you.

donning a heavy cloak, pulling the hood low against the screeching in the tower hallway and the sticky cold rising through the air in dark patches. you sleep uneasily that night.

coolness lapping against feet when you step into the spring. the light is blinding but when you blink, it has softened into its own plane of existence, and you are not alone. the light shimmers through your veins with a tickle.

long brown hair, falling free in a river down your back, past your hips, before it is gathered up again.

the cold traces your face as you step out onto the castle ramparts, blanketed as they are with snow. the winter clouds do not hide the stars completely, and you look up even as the flakes fall onto your cheeks and eyelashes, melting as you blink.

tagged by: @pcachlovc (thank you!! <3)

tagging: @glimpseofwonder (Eiluned), @spiritmaiden / @loruleheiress (either one! or both!), @walkingshcdow (Finnegan), @heartlosttravelers​ (Sharon), @fitzhrbrt, @somnium-led, @sunlilted (Zamir), @kcmorebi​, and whoever else that would like to~ This is very long, though, so no pressure or obligation if you don’t want to do it!!

[anathemafiction]

When‌ ‌Memory‌ ‌Weights‌

Commission made by the wonderful @steph-writing

Alain comforts you after a nightmare.

Slight NSFW

You're falling. 

You can't tell up from down, hell from heaven, but you can feel how your body twists and turns, somersaults in the empty, cruel air. Wind rushes by your ears, wind carves bloody lines along your skin. Wind pulls on your hair so violently, you almost feel it tearing away from your scalp. 

There are screams in the air. 

They come from your bloodied throat. You can't keep your eyes open, but you also can't seem to close your mouth. Even as the stench is so intense, you almost retch. Pungent, decaying smell. You have your arms out, reaching desperately, grasping. But your frantic fingers find nothing to hold. And you keep falling from impossible heights. 

You're falling so fast, your whole being is reduced to your senses. Reduced only to your fear. Your heart is thunder but between its beating, you hear it. Rushing, booming water from down below. 

You feel its echo speeding up at you. It mingles with the sound of your screams. You wish you could stop screaming. 

But you're falling. 

And there's nothing you can do to stop it. 

- - - 

Alain wakes up with a foot on his side. 

A very forceful foot, bare and elegant, but strong enough to kick his ribs so hard it pulls him straight from sleep to sitting up in bed. His eyes are wide open, body ready for whatever may come, even as confusion makes his mind as sluggish as if he had drunk a whole jar of wine. "What..." his side stings, and his hand rubs the sore spot as Alain blinks wearily. 

His room is pitch black, the heavy draperies on the windows firmly closed, and the oppressive quiet of the night settles in between the four walls. Alain brushes back his mane of curls from his eyes as he tries to make sense of his thoughts. And then the same foot kicks him squarely on the back. 

"Oof," he grunts, body jerking forward. His brows pinch together and he turns around with a dark frown aimed at the only possible culprit in the room. Asuna. By now, his eyes have adjusted to the gloom, and Alain can make out your faint silhouette on the spot next to him. He had gone to sleep with your head on his chest and now wakes with your foot in his ribs. 

"Quite hot and cold, little sparrow," Alain's grin is back as he settles quietly beside you. He props his back to the headboard and leans closer to you. You are sleeping on your side, long hair covering most of your face, but he can see your hands clenching and unclenching on the sheet. And there goes that dangerous foot again, kicking at the mercifully empty space. 

Alain's grin grows until it no longer resembles one. But something else. Something that matches the curious little pressure on his chest. 

Must be the aching ribs. 

But the night is dark enough, and the peace deep enough, and Alain doesn't care for much besides the charming pout he can see on the lines of your lips. He swallows a chuckle. "Even dreaming you can't keep still," he murmurs, his voice quiet not to disturb you. He moves his fingers to your cheek to carefully brush back the hairs away from your face. 

Alain cocks his head as he tucks the strands behind your ear, letting his fingertips lightly trace your jaw. He peers down with a smile at your face, now almost visible in the gloom. What a pretty face. 

But then his fingers freeze on your skin. And the smile vanishes from his lips. 

You have your eyes tightly closed, your whole face spelling emotion. It's not a pleasant one. It can't be, not as your brows scrunch together and your lips aren't pouting but squeezed instead, and he can feel the muscles working under your jaw. Hard, unrelenting tension mars every inch of your pale skin. You look panicked. 

Your hands shoot out to grab his, and Alain would have grunted with the pain of it if he wasn't so shocked. Your fingers twist, nails digging into his palm. Like claws looking desperately to grab onto something. Your foot trashes again, but he can't take his eyes away from your face. 

You look terrified. 

"Bloody..." Alain's first instinct is to shake you awake, to grab your face between his hands, but as he moves to do just that, he suddenly stops. Body awkwardly balancing above you. He's read somewhere that one should never interrupt a nightmare. Something about God's lessons and the importance to hear them. Alain can't remember, but he does remember the listed horrible effects. 

Apathy and convulsions and in the most extreme cases, forgotten memory. 

His eyes are glued to your face, to your eyes as they shift frantically from left to right behind your eyelids. Your lips move around soundless words and your hands still clutch his as if you'll die if you let go. Alain passes a hand through his hair, uncertain... I don't want you to forget anything.

"Damned it all," he growls and disentangles himself away from you. He throws back the covers and leaps out of bed in a frustrated march. He can't wake you, but Alain is sure you must be near wakefulness. You have to be if the nightmare is as strong as it seems.

So he's going to make sure that when you do wake, he has something to offer you. He hastily puts on a pair of breeches and opens the curtains next to your side of the bed just the slightest bit. 

Moonlight slides in immediately, like water pooling from a dam that finally breaks. Thirsty, ravenous, it invades his bedchamber and bathes you in a pool of clear, cold light. Alain stops for just a moment, watching the moonlight slide over your hair... like a long cascade of gold. 

Beautiful. 

But then you trash again, a soft little cry leaving your lips that pulls at the rotten strings of his useless heart, and Alain springs to motion. There's a small round table at the corner where his servants are always sure to leave a jar of wine. Alain quickly walks across the carpeted floor, goosebumps rising along his skin from the chill of the night. The bed covers had been heavenly warm, it seems as if he was pulled from paradise. 

But it doesn't matter. With shaky fingers, which Alain tells himself is due to the cold and not your gasps from behind, he grabs hold of the jug and pours the red, dark wine into a large goblet. The wine is not as warm as it once was, but he can still feel it warming his chilled skin. He takes a step away and then pauses. 

"I think I need some encouragement too, Asuna," he speaks, wanting to break the terrible silence, wanting to stop the shaky breaths and wavering sighs he hears from you. So Alain pours himself a generous amount into another goblet and then hastily walks back to you. 

He stands uselessly beside you, looking down at your sleeping form. You had curled into yourself, a pitiful thing shaking beneath the covers. Alain takes a long gulp of his wine, and then his legs cannot stand still. He starts to pace up and down the length of his bed. His eyes glancing at you, and then glancing away. 

Guilt twisting his stomach. Bloody, infernal hell. 

Your cup is clenched tight on his left hand, lukewarm wine on his tongue, fingers tugging on his curls. 

Asuna, my sparrow. Please, wake up. 

- - - 

The impact left you breathless. 

Frigid, cold water presses all around you, so strong you feel it dragging you to its depths. You lost all the air from your lungs, and now when your mouth opens, all it swallows is putrid water. Your nose is filled, and even if you can't smell, you know its scent. But you can finally open your eyes. 

To see nothing but oppressive darkness. 

You're sure you're crying, but the tears are washed away in the current. And you're sure you're yelling, but nothing beats the rushing of an underground river. And you're sure you're praying, but it's not God's name that your lips shape. 

Your chest feels about to cave in, your throat so tight, you're sure it's broken. Shattered. Just like yourself, into a thousand little pieces. Rocks smash against you, or you smash into rocks, but the pain is excruciating all the same. You try to swim up, try to break the surface. 

You need air as you've never needed anything before. You need him too. 

But as much as your trash and kick. As much as you try to cling to the last light of life. Of warmth. A cold so cold it freezes your bones settle in, carrying darkness with it. And you're alone. You're alone. 

You are alone. 

- - - 

Your body jerks on the bed, so sudden that Alain jumps and spills some of your wine.

(…)

Here is a sneak peek!  The full commission is available on Ko-fi for supporters!

The Commission.

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[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Hey guys! I was wondering if any of you could offer me some tips on calming yourself down or lessening stress? Because of my contamination fears and the fact that I live in the U.S. everything has been piling up. My family doesn’t rlly take me or anything seriously either. So I’ve been falling into fits of “I’m not going to be able to leave the house in years, what’s the point in being here” and general other bad thoughts so I wonder if anything you known could help calm me down? Thanks!

Hey there Anon,

TP here. I'm so sorry you're struggling like this, and especially that your family can't/won't provide you with the support you need.

I'm going to try to collect some general advice and some healthy coping techniques, maybe you can find something here that can relieve your stress. I don't know enough about your lifestyle, specific issues and circumstances to tailor the list to your needs too much, but I'll try to bring up some varied points so maybe there is something you'll find useful.

There are things you can do in the moment to relieve stress and then there are things that are more preventive or work over a longer period, I'll try to cover both categories.

Let's start with in the moment relief:

Grounding. The same way grounding techniques can help with dissociative symptoms, they are also a great tool for stress relief. If you can take a moment to collect yourself, it can help you avoid blowing up or imploding into a depressive mess. There are great breathing exercises geared towards stress relief, but you can also do some physical practices, like putting your hands together in front of you like you were praying, and pressing your palms together as hard as you can, for as long as you can. This will release the physical tension in your body and with that, some of the emotional charge will dissipate too.

Depending on whether your stress manifests as anger, you can also do anger relief exercises, such as trying to rip a piece of cardboard in as many pieces as you can, or, my personal favourite, taking an old pair of sneakers and throwing them against the ground or an outdoor wall, because that won't harm either the wall or the shoes, and it's loads better than turning that anger on yourself or another person. Of course if you can manage your anger without having to act on it, all the better, but if you feel like you're about to explode, blowing off the steam in a non-dangerous way that still allows you to express your destructive urges can work.

This is extreme, but if you have the environment (e.g. you can go to a place away from humanity), you can even try to just scream as loudly as you can. I've never tried this method, but some people swear by it.

Remove yourself from the situation/environment. I know it can be super hard during the pandemic, but if you have the chance, just taking a walk, especially if you can go somewhere devoid of people in nature, is one of the best ways to clear your head and give yourself the space you need to calm down. What I often do is, I get on my bike and take a long ride on some abandoned back roads, which of course is a very special privilege most people don't have, but if you can carve out a little space for yourself somewhere, that can do wonders.

If you can't leave the house because of your fear of contamination or any other reason, I would advise you put on a pair of headphones, if you have noise cancelling ones, those are the best, but basically any pair will do, lie down on your bed and listen to music or nature sounds for a while. I live listening to the sea, or forest noises. There are several free apps you can download that let you create your own sound scapes from different sound elements, so you can tailor your experience to your specific tastes. If lying still is too hard or distracting, you can also try pacing while listening, just make sure you keep to a slow and steady stroll so you won't end up accidentally winding yourself up even more.

You can try doing some yoga, workout or sport. There are a lot of exercises you can also do indoors and generally, moving your body is a wonderful thing, it relieves stress, releases some happy chemicals and tires you out so you won't feel anxious anymore. Basically how this works is, emotions have physical "symptoms" and they work both ways. If you're experiencing the bodily sensation, you'll get the emotion as well, which also means, if you can stop the physical symptom, the emotion will go away too. For example, if you make yourself smile even though you're in a bad mood, you'll soon start feeling better, or the thing when people get anxious or angry because they are hungry and they can feel a knot in their stomach... It works just like that with anxiety/stress as well, if you can relieve the tension from your body, you'll also feel less stressed.

You can try stim toys or other equipment that's geared towards people with sensory integration issues. These tools were developed for people who get easily overwhelmed, so they are extremely efficient for relieving stress. There are tons of different kinds, so you can experiment with what feels right for you. Maybe it's a squishy toy, maybe a weighted blanket, or something you can bite into or a logic puzzle to stimulate your brain. As I said, there are loads of resources out there, and I'm positive there is something you could benefit from, and well, these tools are there for anybody who needs them, so feel free to experiment with them!

Okay, so let's take a look at the longer term things.

Meditation is one of the most awesome things ever. If you're not into spirituality, or if you think it's bullshit, rest assured, that's where I came from too... Until I've tried it. It helped me so much with my insomnia and other stress related issues, and well, it's not like I'm suddenly a hardcore Buddhist or something (not that there is anything wrong with that either, meditation and spirituality/any religion can absolutely go hand in hand), because in the end I like being my weird pragmatic self, but even so, meditation is something I love doing, it gives me peace and teaches me how to relax and come closer to understanding what my body needs and how to pay attention to it. There are also very cool resources for that, both apps and podcasts/YouTube channels that have guided meditation materials or that teach you different techniques.

If you have the spoons, please, do exercise! It is so damn helpful and important, but I also know it's something that can be super hard and I also struggle with it a lot, but whenever I actually manage to move around just for a few minutes, I feel so accomplished and so well physically and mentally.

Try to express your emotions in different ways. Create awesome vent art (your skill level doesn't matter, you can literally be scribbling on a piece of paper, or squishing a block of clay into a shapeless lump, it's not about artistic quality)! Experiment with different media and techniques, write, draw, sculpt, make collages out of magazine cuttings, press flowers, knit emotional sweaters, whatever your preferred method is, creating is a truly healing experience. It allows you to collect your thoughts and emotions and express them in a way that engages your brain in a different way than just thinking about it does, and it turns the negative emotions into positive experiences of creation and relaxation.

Ask someone to give you a massage. Again, back to the whole body and mind influence each other thing, not to mention that massages feel awesome and if it's a friend or loved one giving it, it also creates intimacy and a shared good moment which in and of itself can help a lot.

Talk about it! Seriously, fuck those people who tell you it's somehow wrong to talk about your issues or that you're being a burden. YOU'RE NOT! If you're in distress or you just feel like you need a talk, just do it! If you have noone to talk to, just get back to me, I'll be happy to listen if that means you're feeling better. There will ALWAYS be people who would happily listen to your venting if that would make you feel relief.

Finally, if this is something that's an option for you, consider talking to a therapist or your healthcare provider. They might be able to point you in the direction of some resources or talk about the possibility of temporary medicinal treatment until the pandemic blows over.

I hope this helps a little bit, and of course, if you have any follow-up questions, I'll be happy to elaborate on any of the points. I'm sorry for not including specific links or resources, but I'm a disabled weirdo and right now typing this out is all I have in me. But if you can't find something, or would like specific recommendations, get back to me and I'll look into the specifics for you.

Best of luck,

TP

[miss-olive47]

When I left atlanta to move back home to Los Angeles, I was probably at one of my all time lows. There was nothing but dirt here when I moved in. Kinda reflected how I felt about my life and myself. My career had been sabotaged by a curator who told others I was lazy and hard to work with, I’d escaped an extremely abusive relationship, and I felt like nothing. So I started planting this garden, slowly and used it as my escape from all those feelings that made me feel worthless. As the garden grew and the plants developed and changed, so did I. I recognized the peace and clarity working with the plants brought me and made it a sanctuary. Most mornings, I sit here and drink my coffee or tea and listen to the birds and carve out a little time for me just to be before the outside world starts intruding. These days I feel a bit better about myself. I’m obviously still a work in progress, but that’s ok. I want to make these spaces for others. Safe spaces, sacred spaces, spaces to learn to love yourself again and spaces to share with others. So today, let the rain wash away those things that bind you and look for all that is beautiful in your life. Count your blessings and be grateful for the life we are given. . . . . #streetartnews #losangeles #streetarteverywere #losangelesartdistrict #murals #art #streetart #flowers #nature #bees #life #cycles #hive #london #berlin #barcelona #amsterdam #paintforyourlife #colour #nature #succulents #cacti #sanpedro . . . (And a p.s. to the curator: you may have apologized to me in private, but it means nothing because you didn’t set things straight to others. But I do forgive you.) (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxhy6MIgFHy/?igshid=1tteye813i07q

[shivamidesign]

Room Designs to turn your home into a relaxation island

Room Designs to turn your home into a relaxation island : Cannot take time for a vacation due to a busy life? Worry not. Follow these tips and see the magic. 

Tips to transform your home into a relaxation island: 

Let your entrance be free of clutter 

Experiment with colours 

Make your feet feel good 

Keep the electronics concealed 

Incorporate indoor plants into your space 

Windows 

Your home is your escapade from all the stress, anxiety and exhaustion that is inflicted by work and all that socialising. Your home can either be your safe haven and nurture you or expend your energy and leave you feeling knackered. In today’s fast-paced world, it is important to carve a calm and relaxing niche in your home that allows you to rejuvenate. Creating a tranquil space for yourself can work wonders and promote your overall well-being and mood and refresh you for the next day. The appearance of your space is not the only important aspect. 

We have some simple yet efficacious tips for you to turn your space into a tranquil dwelling. Continue reading to know more: 

1. Let your entrance be free of clutter:

The entrance or the foyer is the first space that we see when you enter your home. The impression that it bestows upon you is what you carry into the home. We often clutter the entrance with mail, umbrellas, keys, shoes, newspapers, and whatnot! That very havoc makes us feel overwhelmed and has a foreboding sense of things to do. It is better to keep the entrance clutter-free, to eliminate these stressful feelings. 

You can invest in a dainty console table and keep all these things in an organised array. This will make you feel a little relaxed. Other than this, you can buy pretty baskets or Chesters to store your daily knick-knacks. It is preferable to store shoes and footwear in special cabinets. A showpiece cum key holder can be bought to hang keys. 

2. Experiment with colours:

Warm colours and soft tones can prompt a pinch of calmness and peace in your space. Infuse tints of grey, white, beige to create an appealing hue. Earthy colours are extremely versatile and can complement any theme. They are calming and

create a zen effect on the inhabitants of the house. You can also infuse rich tints and tones of chocolate brown colour with other earthy tones. 

A simple colour can greatly influence your mood. Go for an eccentric colour palette if you want to feel cheerful instantly. And, choose neutral shades if you want to soothe yourself. 

3. Make your feet feel good: 

We often overlook flooring. Always aim to have flooring that gives your feet pleasure t and makes you feel comfortable. Your floor should be the epitome of comfort. Go for 

softer options such as resin floors and avoid parquet. We spend a substantial time pacing our homes, to feel relaxed, it is important for the floor to not be hard and uncomfortable. 

You can also invest in carpets that are fluffy and feather-soft. A soft carpet will compel you to get up from your bed on mornings when you do not feel like getting up and doing anything. 

4. Keep the electronics concealed:

Replace the electronic items present in your home with simpler components. Create a niche for the television set in your bedroom so that you can conceal it whenever the 

need arises. Have a provision to hide your wires. Make use of candles to create a serene space. Candles can really help amp your relaxation space. They flood your space with a warm glow, pacify your thoughts, and ultimately help you relax. 

5. Incorporate indoor plants into your space:

Plants impart a soothing aura anywhere they are placed. Place indoor plants near your windows, on your balcony, and so on to create a soothing space. You can also buy flowers that can bloom indoors to make your space look a little colourful and lively. 

6. Windows:

Regularly open your windows to throw out all the negativity and stagnant 

atmosphere. Good ventilation and light can make you feel substantially better.  These were quite effortless ways of making your house soothing and relaxing when you come home from work or a trip. You do not need a spa to relax when you can turn your space into a serene abode with these ideas.

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[donkillha]

10 mental health tips to keep in mind in the quarantine

Social isolation isn't ideal for our overall wellness. Most humans are wont to some kind of social interaction a day, regardless of how small it's going to be. However, social distancing amid the COVID-19 pandemic means we've to limit those social interactions, which are often hard on both our bodies and our minds. Whether you're quarantined alone or with friends and family, these psychological state quarantine tips from therapists will assist you to remain healthy and sane during this adversity. And for more ways to form it through social distancing, inspect these 9 recommendations on the way to Stay Calm During the Quarantine.

1.Limit what proportion you complain to the people you're quarantined with. teenage daughter sitting and complaining to oldsters A lot of individuals are confined to a little space with friends or relations for the nonce. And while it's going to be easy to spend some time complaining to and with those people, which will take a toll on both you and them, creating a hostile environment within the home.

"We're all tired, our nervous systems are taxed, and we're a touch short on patience," says Robyn D'Angelo, LMFT, founding father of The Wild Grace Collective. "This may need you thinking [the people with you] are the sole ones you'll vent to. they are not and that they should not be. Call a lover. Text your neighbor, if you recognize them. Or hunt down a therapist."

2.Make time for love. A mother and her daughter are sitting on her bed whilst she curls her daughter's hair. They both look happy to be bonding and sharing this moment. Just because you're stuck inside with someone for many of the day doesn't suggest you're allocating time to spend with them. D'Angelo recommends creating moments within the day to precise your love for your loved ones.

"Carve out little moments for hugs, making someone's favorite meal, complimenting your partner on their finest call pajama pants, or simply telling someone you're keen on and appreciate them—especially while things are really tough and scary," she says. "Just make time to point out those that are nearest to you that you simply love them. Every single day, in some form."

3.But also put aside alone time. Senior man old sitting and Reading a book at the retirement home with a cup of tea in hand At an equivalent time, however, being stuck inside with people can make it hard to desire you ever have time to yourself—and most humans need some amount of alone time every so often. Whether there's tension within the house otherwise you just like the people you're quarantined with and just need a flash, psychotherapist Carla Marie Manly says it's "absolutely acceptable to require time-outs" from them. Take the space to concentrate on music, read a book, or watch some videos by yourself. And for more ways to spend time alone immediately, here are 17 Things to try to by Yourself While You're Social Distancing.

4.Focus on the fundamentals of self-care. High angle shot of a beautiful girl sleeping with a mask on her face in her bedroom reception Many people have fallen behind on acts of self-care during this point because it's going to seem pointless. However, nobody is asking you to throw on a mask or make a bath only for the fun of it. Instead, Dallas-based licensed psychotherapist George Ball, PsyD, says you ought to confirm you are still that specialize in the fundamentals of self-care.

"This means you would like to be shooting for eight hours of sleep per night, eat as clean as you'll, given the circumstances, and exercise a minimum of three to fourfold per week," he says. Throwing in some things to pamper or treat yourself—like a mask or bubble bath—may be helpful, too, but if that seems too daunting, confirm you are a least covering the fundamentals for the nonce.

5.Stay connected virtually. Young women connecting with her family during the quarantine. She's employing a smartphone to call her family in Coronavirus COVID-19 time. In a time where most of the people are experiencing the "same anxiety and fear," licensed therapist Marcy Melvin with Meadows psychological state Policy Institute, says it is vital to remain "visually and verbally" connected with friends and family. After all, a replacement Kaiser Health report shows that almost half the people within the U.S. feel that their psychological state is being harmed thanks to the coronavirus pandemic. Use FaceTime, Skype, or Zoom to permit for that extra visual interaction when checking in with loved ones during adversity. And for more recommendations on keeping in-tuned immediately, learn 7 Easy Ways to remain Social While in Isolation, consistent with Experts.

6.Maintain a way of normalcy. man cooking within the kitchen Patricia Celan, MD, a psychiatry resident at Dalhousie University in Canada, says "maintaining a way of normalcy" is a crucial part of managing your psychological state immediately.

"Go through the motions the way you'd if this wasn't happening, by awakening, working, eating, and exercising at an equivalent time, with adjustments made for restrictions in going out," she says. "Focus on the items you'll control in your life at this point, instead of obsessing about the uncontrollable state of the pandemic."

7.And find ways to securely keep plans you already made. woman enjoying a glass of wine over video chat And that sense of normalcy means keeping as many plans as you'll that you simply made before social isolation. Raleigh-based licensed clinical psychological state counselor Latoya Nelson says this may assist you "stay connected with relationships and friendships you had" outside of quarantine.

"If you had a cheerful hour with friends every Friday night, still do this virtually. Have everyone show up with their favorite beverage and therefore the recipe to share," she says. "And move group conversations to group text messages. this is often important because the drastic change of very engaging socialization to isolation can cause a shock to the system and feelings of hysteria or depression."

8.Set small goals for yourself. Shot of an unrecognizable woman writing during a book with a pen on a dining table reception Set up small goals a day that you simply can reward yourself for, says psychotherapist Kathryn Smerling. and zip is just too small to be considered a "goal." it's going to be "cleaning your bathroom, calling someone you haven't spoken with during a year, or maybe baking a replacement recipe," she says. The rewards you give yourself for these small goals can assist you have something positive to seem forward to, while still maintaining a way of accomplishment within the routine day-to-day of quarantine. And if you're look to shake up that routine, try these 9 Genius Ways to combine Up Your Daily Routine During Quarantine.

9.Limit your access to the news. Online news in mobile. pack up of the smartphone screen. Man reading articles in the application. Hand holding smart device. Mockup website. Newspaper and portal on the internet. The news is particularly grim lately because the coronavirus pandemic looms over everyone's heads. thanks to this, Nelson says it's extremely important to limit what proportion news you're taking in a day.

"Limit your access to the news to only twice each day, max," she recommends. "This is vital to decrease the mood swings that negative news can cause. it is vital to know that you simply won't miss anything, but you'll gain peace of mind knowing that you simply aren't always rising and down supported what you hear from the news outlets."

10.Create work life and residential life boundaries. Cropped shot of a handsome young businessman performing on his laptop within the office reception It's also important you set boundaries between your work and your home life if you're performing from home, says Nelson. She recommends fixing a "designated area" to figure, and only doing work there during your mandatory work hours. And if you normally have commute time after work, she suggests walking during that point or engaging in "some activity which will mimic the transition." albeit you're receiving, you continue to need that point to decompress after work. And for more recommendations on making WFH easier, discover 7 Genius headquarters Hacks That'll Make performing from Home Way Better.

[bookedsuccess]

DAY FORTY

The Book “Rules for a Knight” in Three Sentences

Summary by James Clear

This book contains a number of “rules for a knight,” which are lessons on how to live better. For example, 1) never announce that you are a knight, simply behave as one and 2) the only intelligent response to the ongoing gift of life is gratitude, and 3) how a knight lives is what is important, not on which particular afternoon he was born or on which specific morning he might die. Along with many other insights.

Rules for a Knight summary

This is my book summary of Rules for a Knight by Ethan Hawke. My notes are informal and often contain quotes from the book as well as my own thoughts. This summary includes key lessons and important passages from the book.

If I return safely home from tomorrow’s battle, all the better; but should I not, then turn to these pages whenever you might look for my voice in guidance. I do not want you children to use my untimely death, or any setback that life may deliver, as an excuse not to take responsibility for yourselves.

I decided to seek out the wisest man I could find and ask him to tell me how to live.

Am I weak or am I strong? Am I kind or cruel? I have been all these things! I don’t even truly understand the difference between right and wrong. Just and unjust. And what does any of it matter, since in no time at all everybody I know will be rotting in the ground feeding worms?”

The first thing you must understand is that you need not have gone anywhere. You are always in the right place at exactly the right time, and you always have been.”

Create time alone with yourself. When seeking the wisdom and clarity of your own mind, silence is a helpful tool. The voice of our spirit is gentle and cannot be heard when it has to compete with others. Just as it is impossible to see your reflection in troubled water, so too is it with the soul.

He said, “While I teach you about the ways of war, I want you to know that the real struggle is between the two wolves that live inside each of us.” “Two wolves?” I asked, seated on an old log near the fire. My eyes were transfixed by the flames twisting uncomfortably in the night air. “One wolf is evil,” he continued. “It is anger, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, deceit, false pride.” He paused, poking the embers of our fire with a long stick he’d been carving. “The other is good. It is joy, love, hope, serenity, humility, loving-kindness, forgiveness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, faith.” I considered that for a minute, then tentatively asked, “Which wolf will win?” Sparks danced towards the stars as the old man stared into the glare of the flames and replied: “Whichever one you feed.”

Never announce that you are a knight, simply behave as one. You are better than no one, and no one is better than you.

All living things rely on each other. If there were no earthworms, the soil would be depleted, grow no food, and we would die. Understanding that he relies on all that surrounds him, a knight is kind above all. He knows he will need many friends. Proper manners are not trivial. Being polite is part of our daily meditation on the equality of mankind.

Humility is the ability to see yourself in the context of a much larger world.

“Be humble or get humbled,” Grandfather would say. “A knight is never so arrogant as to think he has nothing left to learn.”

“Expect nothing, and you will enjoy everything!”

The only intelligent response to the ongoing gift of life is gratitude.

The simple joys are the great ones. Pleasure is not complicated.

Never pretend you are not a knight or attempt to diminish yourself because you deem it will make others more comfortable. We show others the most respect by offering the best of ourselves.

We all see the world through the prism of our identity.

A knight is the best kind of servant, leaving every space he enters brighter and cleaner than when he arrived. His surroundings reflect his state of mind.

“Shoot for nothing. When an archer shoots for a prize, he gets tight.”

“When you shoot to impress, your eyes divide. You see two targets,”

We must live and work together as brothers or perish together as fools.

I learned that evening that rain falls equally on all things.

There are only two possible outcomes whenever you compare yourself to another, vanity or bitterness, and both are without value.

The quality of your life will, to a large extent, be decided by with whom you elect to spend your time.

Remember, a friend does not need you to impress him. A friend loves you because you are true to yourself, not because you agree with him. Beware of grand gestures; the real mettle of friendship is forged in life’s daily workings.

It’s difficult to explain, but in some ways it can be easy to be supportive when your friend is hurt or sad. You may find it is more challenging to be wholeheartedly supportive when extreme good fortune befalls a friend and not you.

Those who cannot easily forgive will not collect many friends. Look for the best in others and yourself.

Every great knight has weaknesses. You will be no different.

Like a dead branch falling from a tree, which then decomposes and nourishes the soil, your disappointments can transform into the elements of change and growth.

We do not need a “perfect” family or the “ideal” community. The one we have is good enough with which to begin our work.

To head north, a knight may use the North Star to guide him, but he will not arrive at the North Star. A knight’s duty is only to proceed in that direction.

Don’t fear suffering. The strongest steel is forged in the hottest fire.

Without a little agony, none of us would bother to learn a thing.

Anything that gives light must endure burning.

Courage is our ability and willingness to overcome our fear.

Horsemanship—virtually every task I can think of is aided by an awareness of breath. It is the connective tissue of the universe, binding all living creatures together. By focusing on our breath, we are able to more adeptly inhabit our bodies and function on instinct.

Every task I can think of is aided by an awareness of breath. It is the connective tissue of the universe, binding all living creatures together. By focusing on our breath, we are able to more adeptly inhabit our bodies and function on instinct.

Pay attention: what you need to know is usually in front of you. There are no secrets, just things people choose not to notice.

Later he told me when he was younger he learned the secret to performing under pressure: don’t do it for yourself. Do it for someone else. “I know your grandfather always tells us to think of nothing. But when I get scared I just think of someone I love.”

Grace is the ability to accept change. Be open and supple; the brittle break.

Habit, routine, and too much consistency numb our minds and pave the road for us to sleepwalk through our lives.

But to live well, sometimes you will need to hold two seemingly opposing truths, one in each hand, and carry them both comfortably. Nature creates its balance with opposites. We need the sun and the rain, the glacier and the desert.

Young people, women and men, often use the possession of beauty or wealth as permission to be uninteresting, undisciplined, and ill-informed.

As you grow into maturity, do not concern yourself with aging. A rose is striking in full bloom only because it will never be so again, but a budding rose is also stunning, as are the dark petals of autumn.

As you grow into maturity, do not concern yourself with aging. A rose is striking in full bloom only because it will never be so again, but a budding rose is also stunning, as are the dark petals of autumn. It is the fact that time is passing that creates its preciousness.

There is no such thing as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

There is a moment for action, and with a clear mind that moment is obvious.

There is only one thing for which a knight has no patience: injustice. Every true knight fights for human dignity at all times.

A knight sets out to illuminate the darkness in society, not from its leaves but from its roots. This is how justice will be realized. Find the source.

You were born owning nothing and with nothing you will pass out of this life. Be frugal and you can be generous.

There have always been two ways to be rich: by accumulating vast sums or by needing very little.

The peregrine falcon is the swiftest, most adept animal I have ever seen. It is worth noting that, like many birds, the falcon’s bones are hollow. Travel light.

“A hearty laugh is the telltale sign of good health.”

“Sometimes I think that the more wealth people accumulate, the less they laugh.”

“I am happy where I am,” he confided to me. “I have friends. I’m good at what I do. And that is enough.”

In the field of battle, as in all things, you will perform as you practice; so practice hard.

The better a knight prepares, the less willing he will be to surrender.

Oddly, with discipline, structure, and order, you will find there is freedom.

Often we imagine that we will work hard until we arrive at some distant goal, and then we will be happy. This is a delusion. Happiness is the result of a life lived with purpose. Happiness is not an objective.

Seek pleasure and you will quickly discover the shortest path to suffering.

Your life is your responsibility, and you always have the choice to do your best.

Do not be overconcerned with avoiding pain or seeking pleasure. If you are concentrating on the results of your actions, you are not dedicated to your task.

You are not fragile. Engage.

“There are only two things worth hating: an easy life and too much success.”

Ordinary effort, ordinary result.

Everyone wants to be a knight; wanting is no great accomplishment.

You must not wait for the inevitable storms of life before you ready your mind. Thought precedes action. How we handle times of peace and calm will determine our behavior in moments of crisis.

Do not speak ill of others. A knight does not spread news that he does not know to be certain, or condemn things that he does not understand.

Disparaging yourself in order to rouse compassion in others is not humility.

A knight does not whine. He concerns himself with affecting change, not burdening the world with his grievances.

Never make a big decision without first walking a mile.

In matters of great importance, trust your own gut. Don’t be fooled, and don’t be hurried. There is plenty of time to make mistakes.

Every knight holds human equality as an unwavering truth. A knight is never present when men or women are being degraded or compromised in any way, because if a knight were present, those committing the hurtful acts or words would be made to stop.

Love is the end goal. It is the music of our lives. There is no obstacle that enough love cannot move.

Confrontation is always preferable to dishonesty, or injustice.

Do the good you have the power to do.

Life is a long series of farewells; only the circumstances should surprise us.

How a knight lives is what is important, not on which particular afternoon he was born or on which specific morning he might die.

One thing he had learned in his long life was that if he understood something, things were just as they were, and if he did not understand something, things were still simply just as they were.

[brittanyyoungblog]

When a Trial Separation Is the Best Thing for Your Marriage

Relationships aren’t easy, which is a huge understatement. It can be extremely difficult to maintain a loving, trustworthy relationship throughout your entire life. When two people choose to marry one another, it adds an entirely new layer of commitment. Marriage is exciting, special, and ideally forever, but from time to time, space is necessary. If you’ve reached the point where your marriage may need a trial separation, try to head into it with a clear head and an open mind.

Trial separations aren’t the best thing for every single marriage, but there are a few reasons you may want to consider it.

Do you feel stuck? Complacency is an unsettling feeling. If you and your partner are both starting to feel stuck in your relationship, it may be worth having a conversation. Regardless if you’ve been together for 10 years or 40, that feeling of stiffness, boredom, or a lack of passion is not fair to either of you. If these feelings are ones you can relate to, a trial separation may help boost your relationship. You may be feeling stuck because you’re ready to move on from this marriage, or you may be feeling stuck because you simply need the chance to go experience something on your own, without your partner. A trial separation will provide you with at least a slight amount of clarity.

Are you arguing constantly? When is the last time you and your spouse went a week or two without fighting? What about a whole day? There’s so much to argue about—finances, errands, the kids, weekend plans—that there’s certainly nothing unnatural about arguing from time to time with your spouse. (Everyone does it.) But if it’s starting to grate on you that you and your husband or wife are always fighting, it may be time to allow yourself some space from one another. It’s okay to ask for time if you can’t stop bickering over every little thing. It’s not healthy for either of you, nor for your relationship, to feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

A trial separation may allow each of you to see the bigger picture and realize that arguing about the little things shouldn’t matter. Or you may realize that what you argue about is irreconcilable. Either way, space to figure things out can give you some perspective.

Do you have time for yourself? A loss of identity is something so many of us experience throughout our lives, at various times. Within the terms of your marriage, however, losing sight of who you are and what’s important to you is an issue. It’s easy to lose yourself in a marriage, especially if you have children, but as the dust settles, it’s important for you to look inward and find yourself all over again. If you feel like your marriage is one of the reasons you’re experiencing a loss of identity, it may benefit you to look into a trial separation. During the trial separation, you may realize that you can easily make time for yourself in your marriage. Or you may discover that your marriage is holding you back from who you truly are. Either way, it’s important for you to get to the root of the issue.

Do you make time for each other? It may seem backward to try a trial separation if your main issue is spending time together, but it really can give you perspective. If you and your husband or wife haven’t been spending quality time with one another, it may be part of a bigger issue within your relationship. Everyone’s lives can get too busy to carve out time for their loved ones, but if neither of you is bothered by the lack of time together, that’s a real problem. If your relationship has turned into something you’re not an active participant in, it’s worth taking some time to evaluate what you are and are not missing. A trial separation may provide you with the chance to actively miss your spouse—something that may be hard to do while you are sharing a home and a bed. 

A trial separation sounds scary, and it honestly can be. But it can save your marriage and potentially the rest of your life. If you and your spouse have been together for a very long time, you may need to hit the refresh button or look at things from a different angle, without the charge of emotions involved when you live with someone day in and day out.

By taking some time apart, you’ll learn new things about yourself, your partner, and your priorities. Before you head into your separation, set boundaries, guidelines, and a game plan to come back together and talk about what each of you have learned and experienced. Your trial separation may end in a permanent split, but it may also end in a marriage that’s stronger than ever. Whatever the result, it will give you peace in the long run.

The post When a Trial Separation Is the Best Thing for Your Marriage appeared first on The Date Mix.

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[kittyklaws-blog1]

13 Tactics to Research in your house Without Going Crazy and also to be successful

The day had begun so nicely. While you rolled from bed and donned your favourite hoodie, you held substantial hopes for that day. “Today will probably be the day I lastly possess the breakthrough I demand to finish calculus,” you proclaim. You smile to your self while you pour coffee into your oversized mug. 3 hrs later on, you are staring out the window and understand you haven’t completed something. Properly, that is not totally genuine. You have refilled your coffee twice, answered the mobile phone, checked Facebook 3 times, and last but not least replaced that light bulb within your closet. Sighing sadly, you flip open your textbook for your millionth time. While you discover the proper chapter, you hear your Labrador barking frantically on the back door. Though it is not effortless, its totally doable to review from property with out going crazy.

one. Set up a schedule

Possess a set time for you to wake up, consume breakfast, get dressed and commence learning. In the event you really do not set a program for on your own, you could locate your breakfast break stretch into… lunch. A schedule gives a framework to acquire items accomplished, preserve the small issues (like sleeping and showering) from falling as a result of the cracks, and frees you to strategy for instances to not research too.

two. Get dressed

It is tempting to put on pajamas all day, or neglect brushing your hair for 15 days inside a row if you happen to really don't approach to depart the home. On the other hand, you will truly feel far better about daily life along with your research while you make it a level to have dressed, brush your hair, and search presentable day by day.

three. Adjust your place

Learn an excellent coffee store (and master to such as the household brew), grab a blanket and consider your books outside, or scope out your area library to supply a alter of scenery when hitting the books. Even moving to a fresh place in your house can job wonders.

four. Switch your routine

For those who have a set schedule, but acquire by yourself inside a rut, switch your routine about a little. Regularly, somewhat of assortment is all it requires to restore enthusiasm. For those who typically keep up later on and get up somewhat later on, try out an early to bed/early to rise program to get a bit. Maybe slipping in the handful of hrs of examine just before any person else inside your home is up will transform your examine approach. Or, if you are a evening owl, check out taking a longer break during the morning or mid afternoon and obtaining some hrs of function achieved during the night once the rest of the household is asleep. If you are making an attempt to obtain four hrs of learning in daily, try out functioning inside a four hour block with only quick breaks, or 4 one hour sprints at diverse factors through the day. There aren't any difficult and swift research principles - combine it up and see what functions perfect for you personally.

five. Shut down your laptop just about every evening

Shutting down your pc gives you a sense of “closure” for your day. Set a “quitting time” to your day, and get far from the display. Consider a while to perform a board game together with your household, go through a fantastic guide, or get a stroll. By shutting down your home pc, you will assure your function is saved, your pc will run quicker, so you will not really feel like you're in eternal research mode. Seeing that you could possibly not automatically adjust spots when your research day ends, it is critical to possess a sense of closure and “ending” for your scientific studies every day.

six. Maintain your examine room clean

This 1 is far more very important than you’d assume. 1st, a clean area aids you consider plainly and target, but that is not all. When your examine area is clean, you will discover the supplies you would like, once you demand them. Nothing at all derails a review session like paying 15 minutes interested in that pencil you realize you noticed someplace yesterday…

seven. Obtain a Beta fish

Random, I understand, but getting a minimal upkeep “study buddy” might be a pleasurable approach to perk up your research area. If fish are not your factor, get some approach to make your examine location enjoyable and exciting. Look at a lava lamp, silly putty, a Rubik’s Cube, a coloring guide and crayons, or even a strain ball to aid you remain centered or challenge your brain even though at your desk.

eight. Invest inside a fantastic headset

Irrespective of how exceptional your emphasis, if you ever review at your home it could be almost extremely hard to tune out the noise all around you. Canines, younger siblings, and ringing phones are all really distracting and tough to prevent. A fantastic noise canceling headset are going to be a tremendous support within this regard! You are going to manage to protect your sanity and enjoy for all those close to you.

9. Possess a superior chair

If you are not at ease although you are functioning, it's going to be hard to remain targeted over the Battle of Waterloo, or that challenging statistics difficulty. Invest inside a chair which is relaxed and promotes fantastic posture. You will be capable of emphasis additional and be more healthy along the way in which!

ten. Really do not deliver the results out of your bed

Your bed is comfy, the pillow WILL beckon for you, and if you are rest deprived, the temptation just could possibly be as well a good deal to bear. But that is only one of the worries. Sitting in your bed will advertise bad posture - that will reduce your target and lead to long-term health and fitness complications. Eventually, crawling into bed during the night won't give exactly the same sense of restful relief if you have been working with your bed like a review station all day.

eleven. Resist the snack assault

The elegance of learning in your house is… you've got a kitchen and fridge at your disposal. The downside of learning in the home is… you've got a kitchen and fridge at your disposal. Resist the urge to snack each of the time, even though foods is plenteous (as well as your mom’s peanut butter chocolate chip cookies are legendary). Go simple about the snacks, and you will really feel more healthy and keep clear of the dreaded “freshman 15.” Make sure to stock some nutritious snacks - carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes, nuts, and hummus for some alternatives that should preserve you from reaching to the Oreos.

twelve. Have acquaintances

Retain your relationships when you are doing work in your degree. This will likely demand creativity and and energy, but very good friendships are well worth the investment. Allot time for 15 minute calls to catch up, and routine the occasional coffee date. By carving out time from the routine now, you happen to be solidifying lifelong friendships.

13. Be considerate

Needless to say, you will really need to block out time for you to review, and also you will not manage to take part in all household pursuits. You will likely desire to kick a sibling from your area on occasion for some peace and quiet. Your loved ones is building sacrifices to permit you to become profitable - so present them exactly the same consideration you'd probably to obtain. For those who have been learning to get a number of hrs, as well as your sister requires the area for making a private mobile phone phone, give oneself a examine break and allow her make use of the space for any bit. Assist with home chores when achievable, and do very little elements for making each and every family members member really feel particular. They are producing sacrifices to assist you be successful, so really don't fail to remember to thank them on occasion! Learning for the degree does not should equate hrs of thoughts numbing solitude! Give several of those options a test after which see what tips you may include to your record.

como começar a estudar para concurso público

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When a Trial Separation Is the Best Thing for Your Marriage

Relationships aren’t easy, which is a huge understatement. It can be extremely difficult to maintain a loving, trustworthy relationship throughout your entire life. When two people choose to marry one another, it adds an entirely new layer of commitment. Marriage is exciting, special, and ideally forever, but from time to time, space is necessary. If you’ve reached the point where your marriage may need a trial separation, try to head into it with a clear head and an open mind.

Trial separations aren’t the best thing for every single marriage, but there are a few reasons you may want to consider it.

Do you feel stuck? Complacency is an unsettling feeling. If you and your partner are both starting to feel stuck in your relationship, it may be worth having a conversation. Regardless if you’ve been together for 10 years or 40, that feeling of stiffness, boredom, or a lack of passion is not fair to either of you. If these feelings are ones you can relate to, a trial separation may help boost your relationship. You may be feeling stuck because you’re ready to move on from this marriage, or you may be feeling stuck because you simply need the chance to go experience something on your own, without your partner. A trial separation will provide you with at least a slight amount of clarity.

Are you arguing constantly? When is the last time you and your spouse went a week or two without fighting? What about a whole day? There’s so much to argue about—finances, errands, the kids, weekend plans—that there’s certainly nothing unnatural about arguing from time to time with your spouse. (Everyone does it.) But if it’s starting to grate on you that you and your husband or wife are always fighting, it may be time to allow yourself some space from one another. It’s okay to ask for time if you can’t stop bickering over every little thing. It’s not healthy for either of you, nor for your relationship, to feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

A trial separation may allow each of you to see the bigger picture and realize that arguing about the little things shouldn’t matter. Or you may realize that what you argue about is irreconcilable. Either way, space to figure things out can give you some perspective.

Do you have time for yourself? A loss of identity is something so many of us experience throughout our lives, at various times. Within the terms of your marriage, however, losing sight of who you are and what’s important to you is an issue. It’s easy to lose yourself in a marriage, especially if you have children, but as the dust settles, it’s important for you to look inward and find yourself all over again. If you feel like your marriage is one of the reasons you’re experiencing a loss of identity, it may benefit you to look into a trial separation. During the trial separation, you may realize that you can easily make time for yourself in your marriage. Or you may discover that your marriage is holding you back from who you truly are. Either way, it’s important for you to get to the root of the issue.

Do you make time for each other? It may seem backward to try a trial separation if your main issue is spending time together, but it really can give you perspective. If you and your husband or wife haven’t been spending quality time with one another, it may be part of a bigger issue within your relationship. Everyone’s lives can get too busy to carve out time for their loved ones, but if neither of you is bothered by the lack of time together, that’s a real problem. If your relationship has turned into something you’re not an active participant in, it’s worth taking some time to evaluate what you are and are not missing. A trial separation may provide you with the chance to actively miss your spouse—something that may be hard to do while you are sharing a home and a bed. 

A trial separation sounds scary, and it honestly can be. But it can save your marriage and potentially the rest of your life. If you and your spouse have been together for a very long time, you may need to hit the refresh button or look at things from a different angle, without the charge of emotions involved when you live with someone day in and day out.

By taking some time apart, you’ll learn new things about yourself, your partner, and your priorities. Before you head into your separation, set boundaries, guidelines, and a game plan to come back together and talk about what each of you have learned and experienced. Your trial separation may end in a permanent split, but it may also end in a marriage that’s stronger than ever. Whatever the result, it will give you peace in the long run.

The post When a Trial Separation Is the Best Thing for Your Marriage appeared first on The Date Mix.

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