#it's clear that y'all were three when she was being a shit human Out Loud

[i-do-not-fangirl-i-fanwoman]

.

[joaquinwhorres]

gazes (joaquín torres x reader)

SUMMARY ››››› It's become increasingly apparent to Sam and Bucky that you and Joaquin cannot take your eyes off each other. Unfortunately for them, you two have decided to be Professionals and that means keeping your eyes, hands, and lips to yourselves. No matter how difficult it is.

WORD COUNT ››››› 3,716

WARNINGS ››››› sexy times implied

A/N ››››› Ok so these headcanons y'all have been sending me are incredible. I read these two back to back and I just had to write something connecting them.

The kid had no tact.

Sam wasn't exactly sure why he expected more from the guy who'd led into his theory that Steve was on the moon by referencing vague internet rumors, but even despite that, he'd assumed Joaquin possessed some sense of subtlety.

Instead he was over at the leg press trying and failing not to stare at Y/N as she bent over at the middle to help Bucky push deeper into the stretch.

"You know she could hit you with a harassment claim for staring at her like that."

Joaquin jumped, the weights dropping suddenly with a loud clang. Across the gym, Bucky laughed as Y/N whipped around to face the two men. "Everything ok?" Her voice sounded genuinely concerned, and Sam couldn't help but smirk as Joaquin turned towards her, giving a little wave.

"Foot slipped," he answered, and she nodded, turning back to Bucky quickly.

"Foot slipped," Sam mocked.

"Dude, you scared the shit out of me."

"If you paid half the amount of attention you give to Y/N to your surroundings, you'd have known I'd been standing here for three minutes."

Joaquin gave a defensive scoff. "I wasn't staring at her--I was just--" he stopped, searching for an excuse, and Sam raised his eyebrows.

When it was clear Joaquin couldn't find a convincing enough lie to end the sentence, Sam shook his head. "You know, if you talk to her, she might actually let you take her out."

"I talk to her," Joaquin protested.

Sam shook his head, uncrossing his arms. "No, I mean talk to her. Chat her up. You've gotta have some game, right?"

"I've got game..." His sentence trailed off as he turned to look in her direction, finding her standing over Bucky's feet with her hands on her hips. "But like, we're co-workers, you know? I don't want to make things awkward around the gym or the compound or anything."

"Joaquin," Sam said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "You're already making things awkward."

"He's staring at your ass again."

"And you're trying to get out of stretching again," you quipped, moving Bucky's leg closer to his chest. The super soldier tilted his head as if to acknowledge the legitimacy of your accusation.

"Doesn't change the fact that I think you're about to give him a heart attack."

"I highly doubt he's worried in the slightest about my ass. He's probably zoned out."

"He's definitely focused in...on--"

"On my ass," you finished, shaking your head. You might have given Bucky's claim a little more credence if it weren't for the fact that Joaquin Torres had been anything but the consummate professional towards you. He was friendly and upbeat and welcoming, and one of the few genuinely good guys you'd ever had the pleasure of working with.

You'd never caught him staring once, and it's not like the boy was exactly known for subtlety. Last time Bucky had asked him to cover for him so you couldn't come down and teach him the right way to train his body, he'd told you that Bucky had left the compound to get you a thank you gift for all of your hard work. All while staring at the gym door.

The heavy sound of weights falling against each other echoed throughout the gym, and you spun around to face the sound. Sam hovered over Joaquin's shoulder, the latter no longer working the leg press but instead looking as if he'd just received the scare of his life.

Bucky broke into laughter, and you smacked at his leg.

"Everything ok?" you called out, and Joaquin smiled, giving a sheepish little wave at you. "Foot slipped."

"It's a good thing he wasn't at the bench press. You might have killed him."

Your head snapped back to Bucky who was giving you a shit eating grin.

"You're an asshole."

"I'm right."

"Do you think if I ask nicely Wakanda will take you back?"

"So you know I'm right."

You chanced a glance back at Joaquin who was still talking to Sam before turning back around and placing your hands on your hips. "I'm calling Ayo."

You were running early.

Not to any event in particular, but just for the general course of your day. It was rare for you to wake up to your first alarm so completely refreshed, and with a fully awake brain, you found it much easier to navigate the morning. You were able to get dressed without crawling back in bed for a few more minutes, and didn't have to battle with sleepy indecision when choosing what you wanted to eat for breakfast.

One thing after another just continued to roll your way, leading you to the gym much earlier than usual.

And that's where the luck stopped.

Or maybe it didn't stop. But it definitely took a turn. Because while you fully expected someone else to be in the gym already, you hadn't expected just one person to be in the gym. And even if you had, you wouldn't have guessed that that one person would be Joaquin. And if, for some reason, you'd had the foresight to sense that, you definitely never would have pictured him to be running on the treadmill shirtless.

You stopped in your tracks, eyes falling to the bouncing dog tags on his chest and then lower to the well defined abs you'd somehow never seen before.

It felt like you'd seen just about every man in this compound shirtless. At some point, they all seemed to strip in the gym or during one of your group training classes you ran for those who weren't field agents. Bucky was shirtless half the time you worked together. It was so normal, you hardly even blinked an eye anymore. Seeing Sam without a shirt was more rare and quite the sight, but it'd never caught your breath quite like seeing Joaquin. Joaquin, who had never so much as worn a tank top in the gym, Joaquin.

And now here he was, chest bare and heaving, feet pounding rhythmically against the treadmill, hair still messy from his pillow and sweat. Your brain couldn't seem to function correctly, offering you images of the sight before you, only closer. Much closer. Hovering inches over your stretched out body as the headboard behind you rammed into the wall with the force of each thrust--

"Hey," Joaquin greeted, noticing you standing off to the side. You blinked, heat rushing to your face as he turned the treadmill down to a more leisurely pace. "Something wrong with my form?"

It was tempting to lie and offer to "help him fix it." Or to be completely honest and tell him you'd never seen a human form as perfect as his.

But neither of those responses were professional or even appropriate, and you needed this job.

You swallowed, shaking your head. "No, I was just wondering why you were wearing those," you said, gesturing to his dog tags, and allowing your eyes to fall to his chest once more. You followed a bead of sweat as it rolled down his body, heading to the waistband of his shorts. Joaquin reached to touch his tags, causing them to jingle together once more and pull your attention up to him.

"It's hard to let them go," he smiled, ruefully, hitting the button so the belt slowed even more. "I'd say it's a habit, putting them on, but at this point they're just like a part of me."

You nodded, wishing you'd taken this conversation anywhere but to the idea of dog tags and what they stood for. It wasn't so much a mood killer but a guilt inducer because instead of you feeling embarrassed and somber, all you wanted to do was grab them and pull him closer to you.

He must have read the conflict on your face because he gave a crooked smile. "Yeah, sorry, it's kinda morbid."

"No," you shook your head, clearing it of the daydream induced fog. "I probably shouldn't have asked."

"No, nah, it's cool," his smile grew into grin, as the belt came to a stop. He leaned his forearms against the console, staring at you as if waiting for you to continue the conversation. Which you were not equipped to do with a smiling and shirtless and sweaty Joaquin Torres right before you.

"Well, thanks for being cool about it," you said with a nod.

My God, something was wrong with you. They were just abs. And sure, maybe the abs belonged to the man who not only found the time to moonlight as a superhero but star in your increasingly dirty dreams of late, but it was just a body party that you'd seen a million times.

But never on Joaquin.

You blamed everything your brain was doing to you on Bucky and all of his stupid comments about Joaquin's supposed fixation on your ass. You wondered what he would say if he could see you now. "And I thought I was half machine. I could practically see your brain short circuiting." or "If that's what you're like when you see him half-naked, how are you ever going to--"

"Yeah, of course," Joaquin said, still smiling, his eyes lifting up over your shoulder as the other door to the gym opened and Sam came in. "Hey," he greeted with a jerk of his chin.

"Hey," Sam said, drawing closer, his eyes on you. You forced a smile on to your own face, and lifted a hand, not trusting anything that was coming out of your mouth.

"You're here early," the other man said, stepping onto the treadmill next to Joaquin's, and putting his water bottle down next to the machine.

Both of them were looking at you now, and it's not like you could handle staying in this gym any longer. "I came down looking for my water bottle. I think I left it here yesterday."

Sam raised his eyebrows glancing around the gym, and Joaquin stepped down off of the machine. "Do you want help looking for it?" he asked, and your whole body seemed to tense up at the idea, your brain transporting you to a future scenario where the two of you wandered around the room, Joaquin next to you or behind you, so close you could feel the heat radiating off of him, all the while searching for a water bottle that was sitting on your dresser.

"No." Your voice came out too high, but you tried to play it off, shaking your head. "I've already interrupted your workout enough. It's either by the weights or not in here."

"Alright," he nodded. "If you need any help looking around the compound though, let me know."

"Thanks," you said. And then you gave another stupid wave and beelined it for the weight racks because you had to get out of here.

You made a show of looking next to each section of weights, even bending over to check underneath of them as if it could have been knocked under somewhere. After you felt an appropriate amount of time had passed to be convincing, you straightened up, empty handed. You turned back to Joaquin and Sam, both watching you rather than continuing their workouts as you might have hoped.

"Not here," you called back with a shrug and then left the gym and headed straight up to your shower.

He was nothing if not predictable.

The minute Y/N bent over to check behind the weight rack, his eyes were glued to her. Or perhaps more accurately, the bright teal spandex shorts she wore. As she pulled herself back up from searching for her water bottle and turned to them, Joaquin quickly looked to Sam as if the two had been talking the whole time and then "casually" returned to her.

"Not here!" she said, shrugging and then walking out of the gym, her footsteps quick and purposeful as she left through the door Sam had just entered by.

"So, what'd I interrupt?"

Joaquin looked up at Sam as if remembering he was there. "What?"

"You know, when the two of you were sitting by this machine making eyes at each other? Did you actually say anything to her or….?"

Joaquin shook his head. "No, she just came in and, uh, we chatted for a second, and then…" he trailed off, as if not fully remembering any of the past ten, twenty, however many minutes.

"You just chatted," Sam repeated, the disbelief on his face edging into his voice.

"Yeah," Joaquin nodded.

"Anywhere in this chat you finally ask her out?"

"Nah, it didn't feel right."

"It didn't--she was practically taking off the other half of your clothes with her eyes," Sam sputtered, gesturing to Joaquin's shorts.

The kid laughed and shook his head as if Sam didn't know what he was talking about. Joaquin moved to exit the gym as well. "I'll see you later, man," he said, leaving a very exasperated Sam behind.

Bucky Barnes was a motherfucking liar.

"Let's grab a drink on Friday," he said.

"Consider it me making it up to you for being such a pain in your ass," he said.

"I'll buy," he said.

Mothefucker.

This wasn't just you and your favorite co-worker getting a drink. This was a goddamn set up. Because one hour and three mojitos into the night, Sam and Joaquin walked in the front door.

"I fucking hate you," you said, glaring up at his stupid smug face.

"Well, what a surprise, he grinned, as you shook a finger up at him.

"I told you in confidence I'm a flirty drunk."

He snorted, giving you a look out the side of his eyes. "You told me you were a flirty drunk after you sent me several highly inappropriate drunk text messages about what you wanted to do to a certain Lieutenant, who," the self-satisfied smile was back on Bucky's face. "Is making his way over to us right now."

"When I get home, I swear to God, I'm buying you a ticket to Wakanda."

Bucky quirked an eyebrow. "You're not going to do it now?"

"I didn't bring my credit card because you said you were paying," you huffed.

Before Bucky could respond, Sam and Joaquin were next to the two of you, greeting Bucky with hand slaps and one armed hugs. Sam came around and wrapped an arm around you first before sliding into the seat next to Bucky, and Joaquin came forward, giving you a quick hug.

Which was a first.

More than the feeling of his back underneath your palm, or the way he seemed to emanate warmth, you were done in by how absolutely incredible he smelled. But before you could fully identify whether it was his shampoo, a cologne, or just him, he pulled away and took the only other available seat near the group--the one next to you.

"I see you started without us," Sam said, raising his eyebrows at the assortment of glasses that sat before you. Most of them were Bucky's as he downed beers faster than should have been humanly possible.

"Hard drinker, huh Y/N," Joaquin teased, shooting you a smile.

"Pfft," you dismissed. "Only three are mine."

"Three?" Sam asked, leaning forward to better look at you. "How long have you been here?"

"An hour," you said, completely unnecessarily leaning forward too.

Bucky shrugged. "I got the time wrong."

"Guess we better catch up then," Joaquin said, and you sank back into your chair, narrowing your eyes at him in challenge.

"If you can."

They did.

You were outpaced fairly quickly against the two soldiers and one super soldier. The rum-induced fuzziness around the edges of your brain was compounded by having Joaquin so close to you. At some point he'd pulled his chair a bit closer to yours so that he could better hear the conversation, and you don't remember when it happened, but his arm had also slid around the back of your chair. To your relief neither Bucky nor Sam seemed to acknowledge this. In fact, Bucky was positively quiet and normal all things considered. Everything was going better than you could have expected.

Until the music kicked up.

Sam was the first to be dragged onto the dance floor. He was Captain America. Of course he'd been targeted by the stunning girl in the red dress who'd only had to come up and ask "Does Captain America dance?" to succeed in pulling him off to the dance floor.

Bucky was next. Although he wasn't tugged onto the dance floor by his hand the way Sam was. It was the sight of the person in the tight black number that did him in, luring him away to the dance as if drawn by a magnet.

And then it was you and Joaquin, sitting at the bar. Alone. Together.

You looked up from your drink, pushing the straw down into the ice to stir up the clinking sounds, and he took a swig of his beer before putting the bottle back down on the bar.

"Alright, let's dance," he said, nodding with his head towards the crowd, and you let out a disbelieving snort.

"I don't know how to dance. I mean, I can dance," you attempted to clarify, although you had a feeling words were failing you at the moment. "But that's real dancing, and I can't do that."

"I guess you're lucky you have a really good teacher asking you to dance then," Joaquin grinned, holding out a hand. You looked down at his open palm, hesitating only for a second before you slid your hand into his and jumped down from your chair.

He led you out through the moving bodies expertly, dodging couples who were clearly more into the dancing than each other and couples where the complete opposite was true. The small bit of space he found you was closer to the center of the dance floor than you'd usually feel comfortable with, but when he turned towards you with that look on his face, any of your residual anxiety had vanished.

"Ok, come close," he said, and you took a small step closer to him, causing him to laugh. "Closer." He gestured, and you moved forward some more, Joaquin's hands finding their way to your hips and pulling you even closer. His hands rose, one finding its way to your mid-back, pushing your elbow up to rest on his, as the other took your hand and placed it over shoulder.

"This ok?" he asked, eyebrows raised, and you nodded, trying to keep your attention on him, his instructions and his words, and not the way that you could feel just about every part of him from the way he was angled against you. His right side was flush against your left, and his knee pushed between yours.

"Just follow me," he said, his head bent close to yours. Before you could even respond, he started to move, pulling you along with him through the dance. It was smooth and rolling and you'd never seen a guy able to roll his hips like Joaquin. He seemed to know exactly how to guide you, moving his body to push and pull yours along whenever you hesitated or felt lost, coaxing waves and movements out of you that you didn't know you could do. Each success was met with a small word of praise and a brilliant smile, as his hands shifted to hold you closer, and you wrapped your own hand around his neck to better feel and predict his movements.

It felt as if a fog had rolled in over the dancefloor, obstructing all else from view so it was just you and Joaquin, eyes locked to each other as you moved together, occupying the same space.

The song faded into the next one, and Joaquin stopped. You went to move backwards, to give him space and have him move on as many other of the more skilled dancing couples seemed to do, switching partners amongst each other. But he kept you close to him, hand sliding down to your waist.

"Now you can really dance," he teased, his eyes shining as they stared into yours.

"Only with you." It was supposed to be a self-deprecating joke, but it came out too quiet and earnest. Joaquin licked his lips, and your eyes followed the gesture, flickering between his mouth and his eyes.

You don't remember making the decision. You only remember, moving even further into his arms, and pushing yourself up to reach his lips with your own. He bent down to meet you, pulling you even closer and pressing his hard body into yours. His lips moved as slowly and sensually as his hips had, drawing you in and guiding you through a careful rhythm that promised much, much more.

Sam sat with Bucky at the bar. Joaquin and Y/N had disappeared somewhere amongst the dance floor, hidden amongst the crowd.

"You think it worked?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow at Sam.

"If it didn't we're screwed," Sam shook his head, taking a swig from his drink.

As if on cue, the two emerged from the swaying bodies, hand in hand, sweaty and much happier than they had been when Sam had left them at the bar.

"We're gonna head back to the compound," Joaquin said with practiced casualness.

"Yeah?" Bucky asked, and Sam swore there was mischief literally glinting in his eyes.

"Yeah," Joaquin nodded too fast and too many times. "Yeah, Y/N forgot about something there…"

"What'd you forget?" Bucky asked, turning to Y/N with a wolfish smile.

"Nothing. We're going to have sex," Y/N said, flatly, causing Sam to nearly spit out his drink. "And if you say one more word, I know a pilot who will fly you to Wakanda himself. No ticket needed."

Bucky mimicked zippering his lips into a smug look, and she rolled her eyes before tugging Joaquin out of the bar by his hand. And he followed. Eyes glued to her ass.

[rudemaidenswrite]

Don't Belong Here

Part 1

Fandom: Bright

OC Fogteeth Orc x Reader

By: @pusantheamazonian​

You're dragged to one of the monthly Fogteeth party's against your will. For once it doesn't end up a bad night for you.

The music's too loud, there's too many people and now this. You’re staring up at the orc, and he’s standing in front of you mumbling something.

"Sorry but you're going to have to speak up. Bad hearing." Tapping your right ear, you scoot over on the couch. Allowing him to sit down.

"You don't belong here." Huffing he leans over before sitting.

Chuckling, you already knew that. A packed house party with strobe lights, mosh pit  and dubious activities is not your idea of a fun time. You'd rather be at home under a mound of blankets with all the food watching Gravity Falls.

Why not amuse him. It's not like you're going to come to another one of these ever again and he'll probably be with someone else by the end of the night.

"Flaming red asshole hair." Pointing at the bar. "My sister and her girlfriend. They are the ones who dragged me here."

"Yeah they've been here before." Nodding he takes a drink.

"Said I was a bad night shifter and needed to socialize. So this." Gesturing at yourself. You had purposely worn an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. Sat in the back corner away from everyone. So that people would avoid talking to you but not this guy. Apparently he didn't get the memo.

“Sitting in the corner is not socializing.” Teasing he gives you a lopsided grin.

“Eh, close enough.” Waving your hand you dismiss that accusation.

The more you look at him, he's kinda cute and not entirely threatening looking. You know orcs have quite a bit of range on them. From looking terrifying to absolutely adorable. He's chunky but it works for him, honestly it's doing it for you.

God this not what you are supposed to be doing. So what if he's your type. Stop oolging. The Fogteeth jersey he's wearing means he's bad news.

"Name's Ronnie."

"Y/N." You quickly scan the crowd to make sure you haven't lost your two hooligans. Cause those bitches would leave you for a dirty alley quickie. And you’ve lost them. "Is it always this loud?"

"The barbeque is a lot quieter."

"I would hope so." You don't know why but you find yourself smiling and laughing. The more you talk to him the less grumpy you are about being here. His humor is out there but he's very pleasant to talk to.

God. He doesn't know what's going on. You smell faintly of blackberries. He keeps getting a whiff every time you lean in to hear him. Most humans run away in disgust from him, especially women. But you're still here.

You don't know how long it's been, hours you imagine but you're ripped from peace very suddenly.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!" Your sister is screaming at the top of her lungs.

"What Charlie?" Panicked, you immediately stand up.

"Come on! You're up next. You can't miss your turn!" She’s jumping excitedly.

"Turn for what?" Confused, you look at Ronnie hoping he might know. He shakes his head no. You haven't seen anyone playing games that would require turns.

"You'll see." Giving you a suspicious smile and pulling your arm.

As she starts to drag you away, you instantly grab a hold of Ronnie. Dragging him with you through the sea of people. You know her suspicious smiles never lead to anything good. It’s best to have another witness or at least someone on your side.

To his surprise he lets you drag him along. Your warm hand tightly interlocked with his. Whatever your sister has planned can't be that bad.

He was wrong.

"You got to be kidding me."  Horrified you let go of everybody and back away. Charlie has led you to a back room where it is fight club night.

"Nope!" Olivia is squealing, suddenly appearing on your left. Trying not to shake in excitement or else she'll spill the contents in her arms. "Three shots of Everclear and a can of Fat Orc."

"Are you serious? This the real reason you brought me?"  This is so uncalled for and obviously something that they have planned. They've been doing shit like this a lot lately.

"No we did want you to socialize but then we found this and everything else was thrown to the side." Olivia rambles on.

"I hate y'all so much." So offended you can't process what’s really happening.

"Awe come on you can do it." Charlie tries to pep talk you further into it.

"No I'm not! I'm not thunderdome-ing it so y'all can win some money. This-" In processing of telling them off you're interrupted by an asshole.

"Yes run on home girl. This is a man's room. Don't want you to hurt yourself." Sneering he leaves just as quickly as he appeared.

"That's your opponent." Olivia whispers.

"How much Charlie?" Glaring you watch him disappear back into the crowd. Fuck it. Eye twitching, inner alpha bitch activated.

"$100." She knows you're hooked now.

"Give it." Still staring off into the direction he went, you hold a waiting hand out. Grinning wickedly Charlie tosses the Fat Orc at you. Cracking it open, you chug the entire thing in one go. With the boiling rage inside of you, the can is crushed with one hand. Everything else can wait. This asshole needs to be taught a lesson.

The current fight ends and the orc ring leader is yelling out different things. The bookie next to him is frowning. Apparently he betted on the wrong guy.

"Give me your sweatshirt and finish the shots.” Olivia giggles.

"Hold your horses." Grumbling with a grimace you downed the last shot. Somehow your sweatshirt’s already off and Charlie's pushing into the ring. It's a stupid makeshift ring. Just a circle outlined in chalk.

"Place your bets!" The ringleader shouts.

"Oh you going to stay?" He smugly questions.

"To beat your sexist ass? I wouldn't miss it." Snapping back you're fueled with liquor and hatred. Dude looks like a unsanitary version of fuck boy. Which just further fuels the fire.

He can’t believe what he's seeing, you have transformed into a completely different person. The quiet girl who didn't even want to be here is now a feral animal.

A crowd is gathering. Often it's human men that enter the ring on these nights. Testing how long they can last against an orc or other humans. Rare is it that a woman enters, even rarer that they win. Causing this much uproar has reached the top of the command chain. Seeing Dorghu enter the room. Everything has escalated and Dorghu happens to stand next to him.

"With the house cut, she'll get over $900 if she wins." Craft informs.

“Who is she?” Dorghu demands, not many capture his interest.

“She came in with Ronnie.” Craft grins at him.

"Ronnie?" Dorghu turns in surprise.

"We were talking then her sister brought her back here.” Nodding at Charlie. “He made a sexist comment and she flipped. Did three shots, a can of Fat Orc and got in. She’s been drinking water all night."

“Interesting.” Dorghu turns back to the match to watch you counter a punch and punch him in the middle of the throat. With a kick to the stomach you knock him to the ground.

"The winner!" An orc yells to a sea of angry groans, briefly holding your arm up. Exhausted everything is spinning, ears are ringing and the liquor burps start.

"Give me my stuff." Slurring you almost lose your balance looking for Charlie and Olivia. Staggering a few steps you make it safely to them. You have forgotten everything about Ronnie and exactly where you are. It's too hot in this room and you need a nap. You are going to regret everything in the morning. Tugging your hoodie back on you doesn't bother zipping it.

The bookie appears as you're putting everything back into your pockets. Of course you have to be the one to collect the money.

"$936 all yours." Smiling he hands you the cash. You see his eyes dip for a second before leaving to collect money for the next round.

"Thanks." Great, he just got an eye full down your shirt. What a pervert. Spinning back to the hooligans, it is time for their punishment. "Ten for you and ten for you. Two four six eight for me."

"Come on-" Whining Charlie starts pouting.

"Zip it! It's whatcha get for signing me up without my permission." You whip around determined to give it back to the bookie.

You visibly pause when you make eye contact with Dorghu. You're not stupid you vaguely know what he looks like. Change of plans. Drunk you who is still pissed has decided on a new dumb plan. You march straight to Dorghu, maintaining eye contact. Everyone watching you is confused.

Out of sheer intoxicated boldness you grab his hand and put the winnings in it.

"Keep it. Fun party. It was nice talking to someone besides Ronnie's kinda cute. So do what you do."  

The room freezes. You can feel the tension but could care less about it. Clear as day you touched the leader like it was nothing then spoke perfect Bodzvokhan to him. Before toddling off complaining about getting fresh air and water.

~

Your sister said you were probably at the car cooling off. He checked the parking lot twice. No sign of you. That's until he gets a whiff of you.

After making it outside you disappeared down an alley by the car. Much quieter, no people and the breeze is nice. Sitting on the ground you can feel yourself nodding off.

"Ah!" Jumping from the sudden cold against your neck. It's Ronnie holding a water bottle. "Dang it Ronnie you scared the bejeezus out of me." You accept the water bottle.

At this position you can really see how tall and massive he is. Sort of reminds you of the Strongman Champion Brian Shaw. Your mind drifts, wondering how he would taste and feel in your hand. Your insides quiver from the thought. What the fuck? Trying your hardest you focus on the bottle.

"You shouldn't be trying to sleep in the alley then."

"Fair point. Thank you for the water." Struggling for a second you finally open the water.

"You speak Orc?" From this angle he can see straight down your shirt. He can see that you were hiding a great set under that hoodie.

"Learned it in high school trying to impress a boy. Some of my co-workers are orcs so it works out." Shrugging speaking Orc isn't a big deal, anyone can learn it.

"You didn't say you could fight."

"Honestly, it's like some drunken boxing Kung Fu shit but the more intoxicated I am. The more berserker I get when fighting." Taking a swig of water. "I don't usually drink or purposely get into fights."

"Damn baby." Taking the risk, you have been an enjoyable companion tonight. Why not see what the limit is.

"Don't call me baby." You aggressively glare at him to make a point.

"Whatever you say, Sprinkles." Putting his hands up in surrender, he needs to change the subject quickly.

"Sprinkles? That…that's different but okay." Weird name to choose but he seems to get the point.

"How's your hearing?" Lowering himself, he sits down beside you. He has no plans for tonight.

"Much better. I can clearly hear you and not have to be all up on you just to listen."

You see his ears twitch at that comment. Maybe he does like being close to you.

"Brave move you did. Handing the money directly to Dorghu."

"Yeah. But it's the only way I knew how. The money would make it back for the next party. Does that make sense?"

"I get your point."

"I don't need the money and it's payback for them setting the fight up in the first place." You give him a mischievous eyebrow wiggle.

"So you think I'm cute?" Blurting out the question was not the smoothest thing he had planned but it’s the easiest way.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Your face gets a little warmer and you stare at the opposite wall. Hard. You forgot he could speak orc.

"Don't worry I think you're cute too."

"What?" Surprised and suspicious. You can't help but to stare at him like he’s crazy as you feel your heart rate speed up. "Are you sure it's not because I just kicked someone's ass?"

"About 90% sure." Teasing he gives you a genuine smile.

"Y/N!" Charlie yells.

"Y/N! We're ready to go!" Olivia is screaming.

"Y/N! Where - oops sorry for interrupting." Charlie yells louder, now walking down the alley. Until she sees you two.

"You two could wake the neighborhood." Groaning, you're still annoyed with them. It's going to be a long car ride home.

"Rude! Not my fault you're deaf." Charlie scoffs.

"Wait by the car!" You fling a rock in their direction and they scamper away.

“Oh I'm going to end up snapping one day and killing them.” Groaning you heave yourself off the ground. Ronnie does the same while trying not to laugh.

"Sprinkles, you get more interesting by the second. How about I get your number so I can stay up-to-date?" In bold fashion he holds his phone out.

"Really?" Stunned, no one’s asked for your number before.

"Yes." Nodding in reassurance.

"I guess since you're so adamant." Pretending to be exasperated, you enter your number under the name Sprinkles. Turns out socializing for once wasn't that bad.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I A VENOMOUS INTERLUDE

Did y'all know symbrock is canon? Well, now you do. Reader's favourite deadbeat surrogate uncle is in town and he brought a... Friend. No warnings, just a boatload of crack and fluff, as usual. Reader being mouthy. Takes place a little bit into the future - around after chapter 32: spoiler alert is useless because we already know a tonybrucestrange/reader quartet is the endgame. 💖💝✨

"What," I had to pause for a second for my brain to catch up with my eyes. "The fuck?!"

It was truly a miracle I could say anything out loud, at all. Words weren't valid enough to describe my shock and confusion. The scene unfolding in front of me resembled and unholy cross between a B-rated horror movies about demonic possession and some deep-sea Eldritch monstrosity.

The eight-feet tall black, oozing dude in front of me? Yes, you, with the teeth. Ctulhu called, he wants his tentacles back.

The creature honest to god rippled, like some nightmare-fuel goth Jell-O, rapidly shrinking in size within seconds. As more of the black tar-like substance receded, a much more human form started to appear under it. Worn jeans, leather jacket, ungroomed beard and the look of a biker gang member coming off a serious bender.

"Uh, Princess?"

"Eddie. Fucking. Brock. Uncle Idiot." I punctuated each word with an increasing widening of my eyes. The world was fucking nuts. Two and two did not compute - Eddie might have looked threatening to some people - like white suburban Karens - even without the... Gooey squid-on-steroids thing he had going on. The man was built like a fucking brick shithouse, but I knew him way too well. Eddie couldn't be that badass to save a life.

"You two know each other?" Tony shrieked indignantly, a coarseness in his voice that indicated only one thing: my boo was well into his third drink. Hell, I didn't blame him - that gaping toothy maw was fucking gnarly.

Hands on my hips, I caught myself slipping into a mute rage, storming over to the 200lbs worth of pure dumbass and knocking him right in the face. "You! Didn't tell! ME!" A black tendril wrapped around my wrist, carefully but firmly securing it and preventing me from causing my non-related uncle any more physical damage. Although I must admit, my knuckles probably were more affected than his jaw. "You! Are! A MUTANT!!! HOW COULD YOU?! How could you NOT tell ME?"

I trusted the man with my soul and most embarrassing drinking stories. Hell, I called Eddie in a stoned haze the very same night I lost my v-card. I just thought we were bros, you know? I saw his whole fucking life implode more than once and personally flew to California to ice his injuries and his hurt ego countless times. I was done dirty in the worst way.

"I'm not-" Eddie's sigh was long-suffering. "I, uh, I have a parasite..." He sounded meek, in the same way he used to describe his drunkenly misconduct when I made our family driver bail out his ass outta jail in the morning.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" A deep gravelly voice thundered, seemingly coming out of his chest?

"Okay, okay," Eddie smiled. It was strangely soft and un-eddie-like. The only person he smiled like that was... used to be Anne. "This is Venom. They're an alien and we're, uh, a thing. It's a recent development." The tentacle unwrapped itself from me as I took an involuntary step back.

Even barring the fact that Eddie was dating an alien, this was way too fucking weird for 3 o'clock on a Sunday. I always knew the reporter was, for the lack of a better word, a little weird but he really took it to new heights. With Thor and Loki looking... Like that, I could see a human dating some sort of a hot alien. But with Ctulhu looking the way he did just minutes ago? Did Eddie seriously let all of those teeth in close proximity of his dick?

I had a "ERROR 404, common sense not found" hanging over me for the longest time. The others were quiet behind me, too, even Tony - one of my boyfriends, the most likely to cause utter chaos, was hanging back and expecting me to do something.

"Venom," I clarified, just to fill the silence with some noise while my brain processors re-synced.

"WE ARE VENOM." The tentacle that was sleek and black now had two completely white eyes and a smaller-scale version of the toothy grin that had drooled all over the common room carpet. Their voice had an interesting effect: it was so deep, the air around them vibrated slightly when they spoke.

I tilted my head examining the appendage. It was considerably less terrifying when it wasn't five times my size. "What are you?" And most importantly, are you a threat to my favourite non-related family member? I left that statement unspoken although it was obvious I was ready to fight it? Them? If need be.

"A SYMBIOTE," They replied, swaying the head-tentacle slowly. "WE LOVE EDDIE AND KEEP HIM ALIVE AND HEALTHY." So, they understood the actual question.

"Which is fucked up because Klyntar usually behave in the opposite way." Hearing Thor swear was, perhaps, even more unsettling than finding out about the symbiote-alien-boyfriend thing my uncle had going on. The thunderer himself was nursing a jug of golden liquid. The good Asgardian stuff, he must've been really fucking bamboozled.

"Okay. So anybody wanna fill me on the details before I beat up my favourite idiot?" I sighed, pointedly looking at Tony.

"I thought I was your favourite idiot!" He immediately retorted, hurt, but nonetheless opened his arms to give me a grounding embrace. We may have sucked face for a few seconds, because why the hell not, Tony was an amazing kisser and his tongue down my throat was very calming.

"Hold up, what the fuck?" Now it was Eddie's turn to act all offended. "Aren't you a little too young for him?"

"You and your most likely carnivorous goth space pudding can fuck right off if you're not going to be supportive of my very inappropriate, very polyamorous relationship with three incredibly hot boomers," I shot back, slipping into some resemblance of normalcy. Me and Eddie go way, way back and shitting on each other's bad life decisions was the founding stone of our bromance. Hell, he was the guy who showed me the wonders of sarcasm at an early age! Wonderbaum!

"There's three of them?" Eddie's voice pitched and he gaped, palming his face.

"SHE HAS A POINT, EDDIE. WE EAT PEOPLE. BEING UNSUPPORTIVE WOULD MAKE US LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE." Eddie's buddy stated, sounding almost fed up. So, they were sentient enough to recognize how much of a pain in the ass Eddie could be. I could work with that, disregarding the cannibalism comment, of course. What the fuck was up with that?

"Yes, Eddie, I also periodically bump uglies and trade disgustingly sweet text messages with the Hulk and a badass wizard," I rolled my eyes at the reporter's following gasp and angry muttering. "Venom, I like you."

"WE RETURN THE SENTIMENT. YOUR CHOICE IN MATES IS VERY WISE, CONSIDERING YOU ARE A WEAK MORSEL. THEY CAN PROTECT YOU."

"Shut up, Squid. I'll still kick your motherfucking ass if you hurt Eddie."

The emo space goo laughed, a terse scratching noise, showing way, way too many teeth for me to feel comfortable but I allowed myself to be placed on the couch between Tony and Eddie nonetheless. The initial shock of seeing a talking octopod with fangs passed quickly - I've seen Stephen's "trophies" he brought from his otherworldly journeys and Lovecraftian horrors were, honestly, pretty low on the gross/creepy scale.

"Both of you, explain. For the love of fuck," Tony sighed, emotionally exhausted and drained of his usual bravado.

"Eddie was my dad's friend until he moved to Cali, I've know him for fifteen years, give or take. He taught me how to ride a bike and bake the best pot brownies," I shrugged. There wasn't much to say. "I visited him whenever I could but you know, with school and then you guys, there wasn't that much time to iron out the details." I have Eddie a death glare, pointing to Venom's floaty head with my eyes.

Eddie nodded. "What she said..." And then launched an elaborate tale about some company called Life Foundation, some evil dude named Drake and his own alien pudding named Carnage, who was one ugly motherfucker judging by Eddie's and Venom's combined "ew" face, their aching need for human brains to survive and other, more trivial things, like mental breakdowns in a lobster tank and getting dumped by a fiancé and eating their way through a HYDRA base after being captured and tortured. What a wild fucking ride.

"Sounds like you had a rough year," Everybody's dumbfounded silence was ended by Tony who took a slow swig of his whiskey before speaking.

"Yeah, no shit," Eddie muttered, twisting his black coated fingers in elaborate but frankly pretty shapes. His alien wrapped around his neck like a tube scarf and additional tentacles appeared between Eddie's hands, gently prying them open and enveloping them in a sort of a hug? It was hard to compute, the black mass appeared to be totally amorphous.

"How's your anxiety?" I asked, damn well knowing Eddie's mind tended to run like Tony's: zero to sixty in point five with no clear destination. Having an alien inside of him must've really thrown Eddie for a loop.

"It's, uh, better. Venom helps," The reporter admitted, still staring at his hands but the crease between his brows had disappeared and the expression he wore was kind of fond.

"Good. You know, Venom," I thoughtfully addressed the definitely sentient creature. "Eddie is a bigger dumbass than me, which is saying something. You ought to keep a really close eye on him. If not for me, he'd probably be dead from alcohol poisoning, like, years ago."

"WE ARE AWARE. WE CAN ACCESS EDDIE'S MEMORIES." A head manifested itself on a thicker tentacle, floating over to look me in the face but maintaining a respectful distance and staying out of my personal space bubble. "AND WE ARE THANKFUL. EDDIE IS THE PERFECT HOST. WE LOVE EDDIE."

I felt the corner of my mouth tilt upwards at the alien's proclamation. It was child-like in its blunt honesty but carried a certain weight with it. It told me whoever tries to separate those two in any way would get eaten faster than they could say "SIKE!". And honestly? I would help Venom hide the evidence.

"I literally had you for thirty minutes but I would kill everybody and then myself if you two got hurt. This is too soft, I can't." I snorted, extending a curious hand towards Venom. They looked so shiny. I had to touch them.

And they let me. Venom butted their head into my palm and let me gently run my fingers over their slightly cool, slippery flesh. It felt like putting my hands on a surprisingly sturdy yet bouncy piece of flubber. I purposely avoided the small maw and the endless rows of sharp teeth but managed to accidentally brush against something rough and scratchy - as it turned out, the Symbiote had a very long, very dexterous tongue. And didn't that give me a bunch of interesting mental images.

"Oh my God, NO!" Wanda moaned from somewhere, the voice mortified and disgusted.

"Why are you touching the people-eating alien?" Bruce yelped, entering the room with several people in tow. The scientist looked worried, a little bit green around the edges. The tablet in his hands beeped periodically, signifying the ongoing sciencing bender he was in process of.

"WE WOULD NOT EAT THIS HUMAN. WE ARE FOND OF THE MORSEL." Venom defended, well, venomously. Eddie wisely choose to stay silent, trading a knowing look with Tony.

Stephen Strange sighed, briefly closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose with a jagged movement. "One day, Princess, one day you will stop collecting people that are obviously bad for your health and your future. That, or space in the tower will simply run out." With a deeper, calmer sigh, the sorcerer landed in front of me on the floor, sitting cross-legged and subtly begging for a head scratch. Which meant just placing his always neatly trimmed curls under my free hand. His jealousy was about as subtle as a foot in the face.

"I'll just ask Tony to build more floors, duh," I rolled my eyes with force at the obvious solution, giving into Steph's demands, beginning to card through his hair. It was calming both of us, really.

Bruce came over to give me a kiss and my other boyfriends didn't even grumble about the scientist placing himself in my lap, crawling over both Tony and Stephen to get comfortable.

Our dynamic was unconventional and more than a little weird, but it worked for us and the rest of the team most certainly didn't complain about the vast decrease in conflict that came with the territory. Come to think of it, all of us were more tactile than just a group of friends sharing a house and I was very much on board with that. None of us except select few (looking at you, mister doctor) were hugged enough as children and we were making up for it in spades right fucking now.

"Girl has a type," Wanda remarked, like the messy little shit she was. I stuck out my tongue in retaliation.

The Avengers' brain trust began talking about Venom's slightly inconvenient diet that directly resulted in multiple felonies for one Edward Brock, and as much as I tried to follow the flow and make my own, however feeble, contributions to the scientific side of the conversation, the new life form was much more interesting. I asked Venom several questions and they deemed them acceptable enough to answer - which evolved on both of us absolutely geeking out over the differences in our physiology. The space pudding didn't hold back one bit, insulting the inferior human biology with gleeful gusto.

"They need a chemical called phenethylamine," Bruce sighed, having deduced it through discussion since Venom and Eddie both protested aggressively against any kind of invasive testing. "I can synthesize it. No more head-chomping, no more murder."

It made perfect sense. Except it didn't. "Brucie-bear, you're a brilliant fucking scientist but a shit psychologist." I interrupted whatever came next. "Venom is a person, like me and you and, yes, even Hulk. Tell me this: if you found a way to get rid of Hulk, would you stop sciencing in the gamma radiation field?" I looked my boyfriend straight in the eyes, hoping for a spark of common sense. "Do you see my point? You science, Tony engineers, Steve draws and Clint bakes. Venom hunts. It's who they are, you can't give them a pill to make it go away."

The weight of my word landed in the room like lead, heavy. The only source of sound was the TV, playing the news quietly in the background for the longest time. Those few minutes felt like hours until Thor expectantly turned towards Eddie/Venom.

"IT IS SO. WE ARE AFRAID WE CANNOT INFLUENCE OUR INSTINCT TO HUNT PREY. KLYNTAR ARE APEX PREDATORS." The little black goop sounded almost apologetic. It was hard to hear undertones with their voice being so deep and grating. "BUT WE CAN TRY." Okay, I could totally hear the hope. Finding out the Eldritch horror could make puppy eyes was... Terrifying, to be honest, because they fucking worked.

"Got any better ideas?" Tony asked me sarcastically.

"I do, actually." I leveled a look with Natasha. She understood. "HYDRA goons. The aliens that, for some reason, keep invading New York every month or so. Stephen's adventures in Hell. Do I need to continue?"

"Wait, hold on," Steve raised his palms. "We don't kill HYDRA, we deposit them in SHIELD custody."

I snorted at the naïve Captain. "And what do you think happens to them there? Did you honestly think they just let torturing, murdering, world-domination planning psychos back on the streets?"

Steve frowned in confusion. "They go to prison?"

Natasha choose that moment to step up. "It's not uncommon for them to possess certain enhancements to be deemed too dangerous to be released back into society. Some of them are low-tier mutants and inhumans. Trust me, Steve, the lethal injection is a much more humane treatment than solitary life imprisonment in a ultra-high security prison." Romanoff stated with a trace of compassion. "And some mutants, we can't contain for prolonged periods of time." She added quietly, looking away.

Rogers was staring blankly into the wall, mulling over the information in his head. His intensive thought process was plainly visible on his face. I heard about some kind of fiasco with HYDRA agents suicide-bombing a city in Europe few years ago and Steve was there, along with Wanda and Sam.

"Venom is a whole person, and even if they look like they could be the main character in Call of Ctulhu video game, we can't just disregard them like they are some kind of badly behaving pet. They're my honorary uncle's boyf-sorry-significant other, for fuck's sake," I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "Y'all should know I don't fuck with people who give shit to one of my own. Don't disappoint me like that." I finished, feeling more tired than I had in months. I didn't regret giving into the found family dynamic, however I didn't exactly sign up for hard choices like them vs my long lost uncle, y'know?

Great, now I had a headache and three very concerned boyfriends glaring at me for unknown reasons. The urge to pace always manifested strongly within me as the emotional atmosphere rose in the room. With Bruce dangling off my lap, I couldn't do even that and I felt the restlessness blossom into irritation more and more with each passing second of my existence.

Eddie remained silent, looking down. Venom had mostly receded into the reporter's body, save for a few tentacles tightly wrapped around Eddie's palm.

"Alright," Steve suddenly said. "We can work with that."

"Princess, you look like you're either going to cry or yell any second," Bruce said softly, squeezing my shoulder and pulling me closer.

I immediately hid my face in his chest, taking several deep, shaky breaths. "Eddie is family. Y'all are family. It's terrifying to have to choose between the two." I said, after a brief moment of hesitation.

The reporter made some sort of a choked gasp, quickly masking it with a cough - I knew him way too well to miss the way he was fighting back tears of his own. Bruce understood, he really did understand me - hopped off my lap and let me hug Eddie properly, my happy-sad tears soaking through the collar of his tee.

"You're, uh, welcome to stay. I'll have a guest room prepared." Tony cleared his throat, passing his half-finished glass to Stephen who swallowed the liquid in one gulp. My boyfriends were so fucking emotionally illiterate. Disaster humans.

Huh, I really did have a type.

Later that night, I made the mistake of barging into Eddie's room with a bottle of really fancy whiskey I liberated from Tony's overstocked liquor cabinet. Visiting my uncle and boozing and smoking on the balcony, for old times sake, was my plan and...

I failed the mission successfully.

I didn't bother knocking. As soon as I saw a pair of bare feet, my eyes traveled further up on the couch on their own volition. There were so many tentacles, a writhing, oozing silky black mass and Eddie was making sounds, unmistakable noises-

"UNSEE. UNSEE. OH MY GOD, UNSEE, UNSEE." I stumbled back into the common room shivering.

"What happened, is everything okay?" Bucky stood up as soon as he saw me enter the doorway with my face scrunched in a grimace of regret. I felt like I've gone through the five stages of grief in the shortest time possible for a human being.

Somwhere, I heard Wanda's sudden moan full of pain and misery. "Please, stop THINKING about it!"

"Brain bleach, oh my God," I cringed. "Where's the Clorox?! I have decided I don't need my eyeballs-"

"Oooh," Tony's proverbial lightbulb lit up. The engineer sounded like he was about five seconds away from building a space ship and permanently moving to another planet. "They're together-together..." Tony intercepted me nonetheless, doing the most effective thing to make me stop speaking and thinking bullshit. He kissed me. With lots of tongue.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95

[bearwithegg]

EVERYTHING ABOUT US || Joel Miller x OC || Part 1

I had this idea for a hot minute and thought I'd share this with y'all 🥺 this is a SUPER SUPER fckn slow burn so y'all have been warned 👀👀👀

Lots of words! Gore and language!

PART 2

THEY weren’t sure what they had expected, the last thing they did expect was for her to run the way she did. A woman covered head to toe with blood, as if a bucket full of it had been dumped over her in some sick practical joke — she had her arms raised ready to give them what they wanted in an instantly recognisable sign of surrender, but at the last second she bolted. They had almost mistaken her for infected, the skin that wasn’t covered with viscus blood was stained red, her hair was no doubt already a darker colour but no one could tell with the amount of blood soaked through it.

As nimble as she may be, avoiding the gunshots, they would track her down eventually. She had scuttled away, like a wounded animal trying to avoid the inevitable cycle of life that would catch up to her. 

Gunshots drew unwanted attention through the abandoned town, attracting a variety of infected like a moth to a flame. As intelligent as hunters may be, they didn’t think this one through once they had been swarmed by a horde of runners and the odd clicker. 

It appeared that the cycle wouldn’t catch up to the woman as quickly as they anticipated, by them, anyway. No doubt she would make a tasty treat to the numerous infected lurking around the town — that is if other hunters hadn’t got to her first. That likelihood dwindled as she slowed her pace down, now hearing the shouts and rounds of fire through just a mere echo.

Fucking idiots.  

The thought crossed through her mind, reminding herself why she had long abandoned firearms many years ago. It drew too much attention by both parties, those parties being Infected and Hunters of course. Both terrifying and formidable enemies in the current state of the world, but nothing was more terrifying than coming up against groups of people .

At least Cordyceps had the decency to regress a person down to their most primal instinctual need to kill, scavenge and survive. People did what they did, because they were bored or they just wanted fun and the world they lived in provided those sick individuals opportunistically. 

This wasn’t going to be her final fight, throwing down with a bunch of Hunters while they pulled her apart for supplies, fun or meat. A person alone was terrifying, but nothing compared to a person who had nothing left to lose but one bittersweet and potentially fatal final wish. 

“Oh, fuck me.” She hissed, ducking low behind the cover of a dumpster upon catching sight of more Hunters scrounging through the abandoned town. The location had been optimal for her, it wasn’t too far away from her own residence and had more than enough supplies for her to scour through. Of course, situations change.

Vastly outnumbered on both accounts, the pressure increased on her to find a way out by doing the least amount of work. Exhaustion had already set its course through her after a tiring altercation with several runners and a clicker, the last thing she needed was to misstep and be gunned down by a group of Hunters for the sake of it. 

Five hunters… Three eastbound by the post office… Two preoccupied with a horde…

She drew a heavy breath, knowing her perpetually insulting luck there were bound to be more around the wooded area in the treetops. It wasn’t her first run in with snipers, and it would be an incredibly stupid oversight to not at least anticipate the possibility of them. Cornered in a dingy alleyway behind a dumpster, she needed to think fast, hard and smart about her next movements or she might as well die right here on the spot. 

Backdoor access through the bakery and out onto the main strip would leave me vulnerable if deadshots saw me… rooftop would give me an advantage on grounders…

The window of opportunity was getting slimmer by the second, weighing out all potential options took time and time was of the essence. She was patient. Her family had always been patient. Rushing things made larger room for mistake and mistakes led to an untimely death, something she considered not too long ago but wouldn’t let it happen. Not here . 

Reaching over her shoulder, she drew her crossbow, quickly and carefully counting her dwindling number of bolts left. Six . They weren’t all that difficult to make, no — but supplies had been thin for her and as if timing hadn’t been anymore… Taunting… Her trusted carpenters knife had long exceeded its lifespan after numerous skulls it cut through and crossbow bolts whittled.

It was now a matter of a simple waiting game, she had boxed herself into this corner and by god if she wasn’t going to make the best out of a shit time. The distant gunfire had since ceased, now the atmosphere merely filled with ambience and the occasional humane shout.

Today had been a shit show for everyone it seemed, not just for her - who was always prepared for the worst - but also for the Hunters, who didn’t anticipate one woman causing them so much trouble. 

Regardless how grim it was panning out, she kept her eyes on all her openings as she crept forward in the alley, edging out just before hitting the street. Her head very cautiously poked around the corner, catching a glance at a target as they stopped in front of the bakery. Hand cupped to the window to get a better look at what contents remained behind closed doors. 

She took her opening, raising the crossbow like it was muscle memory and firing off a bolt. The sound of it piercing through his skull still made her grimace, no matter how many times she heard it beforehand, the inherent action of killing someone in self defence or not was enough to add yet another internal weight on her already heavy shoulders. 

As swift as the death was, she was even quicker crouching by the newly made corpse and retrieved her bolt. The over hanging rooftop of the bakery provided her enough cover if there were anyone in the trees close by, but what lie ahead was a naked street that screamed ‘risky’. It was a gamble, but not one she was willing to bet her life on. 

That was until she heard more gunfire.

Her ears piqued at the sound, instead of the rain of bullets being followed up by the sound of the infected and inevitable blood curdling screams of their victims. These gunshots had been echoed by more, which meant she wasn’t the only person in town they were after. 

East… They’re firing east of town… That should clear up the western area.

One glance up at the sky, noting the position of the now rapidly setting sun and a momentary pause in thought was enough for her to get her bearings. The least ideal situation would be if she were stuck here, at night time and twice — now three times the threat. 

There had been no indication of heavy set bullets being fired which meant her initial concern of snipers was completely futile, providing ill comfort for the dire situation. Just because one threat was out of the way didn’t mean she would get careless as she attentively crossed through town, keeping to the store fronts and near cover at any turn. 

Nearing what was presumably a bar before the outbreak, footsteps were heavy across what sounded like old wooden floorboards. She peered in, seeing yet another target searching through the already empty ruins of the bar, much like the one beforehand, she dealt with him quickly. 

His body landed with a decent thud onto an old table which looked as if it would break after years of wood rot and negligence. Unsurprisingly, the sheer weight crippled the furniture and with it, a rather loud noise. No doubt attracting nearby infected if they weren’t already at the gun show across town. 

Not willing to die over one crossbow bolt, she continues her journey through town as the sun had now begun disappearing behind the surrounding tree line. If she didn’t get the fuck out of dodge soon, she’d be giving herself a one way ticket to an early death. 

Keep calm… deep breaths…

She reminded herself, pushing back the overwhelming sense of anxiety that filled her. Stay calm, stay patient. Those two things alone are what got her this far into the end of the world, she’d be lying if she said that it didn’t at least provide comfort and some semblance of attachment to her family. 

Pressing forward was a must, she was losing light and fast. Ideally she’d be out of town by dark but then again… patience was also a must. If she had to stay in the town then so be it, regardless if she wanted to do so or not, which seemed to be the most likely outcome as she crosses an open street with care. 

It was hard to imagine what the street was like prior to the outbreak, of course there were some leftover remnants of what was, but it was still hard to think about life prior to the outbreak. She barely had any memories of living in normalcy, not being able to comprehend a life that was any different than patience, travel, adaptation and survive. 

With yet another wary glance up at the sky, she made the executive decision to hole herself up in what appeared to have been a laundromat. Coming across these had been commonplace when travelling across the country as much as she had — that and it was the only building in town that had fortification, even if the wear and tear of the boarded windows indicated it’s been up since early in the Outbreak. 

It wasn’t much, but it was better than waiting out the night in the middle of the street, there was one entrance and exit and she had no desire to rest until she was home safe. 

‘home’

Sure, as much as a vacant house isolated in the forest could be home. No, home for her was not here.

She loaded a bolt into her weapon, placing it right beside her as she retrieved a small amount of food from her bag. Her eyes never flickered away from the entrance, similarly to how her ears never stop listening to the sounds outside of the building. 

No more gunshots… lets hope they all killed each other .

A grimly optimistic thought, the less people alive the better for her considering she didn’t want to deal with it. As far as food went, whatever she cooked last tasted like shit yet didn’t deter the aggressively grumbling stomach from taking it and using it as essential sustenance. 

Oh how she missed the finer things, what she’d do to kill for at least one can of soup. Minestrone to be more precise. Every grocery store, convenience store, abandoned market turned up nothing while she scoured each place top to bottom for one fucking can of Minestrone soup. Nada. Every. Single. Time.

A grimace pulled at her face, the incredibly chewy meat tasted bland and by the time she had bitten through down to the bone it was more fat than actual protein. She pondered on the way her food tasted like shit when a loud bang kick-started her adrenaline once again. 

She crouched low behind the cover of a dilapidated washing machine, crossbow in hand as two sets of footsteps entered, followed by pained grunts that remained on the opposite side of the room. 

“Think any more of them sons-of-bitches will come?” 

It was a male voice, gruff sounding and exasperated. She could gather two things; he was injured and on the older side of life. 

“Not likely… said they was after a woman, might be out lookin’ for her.” 

Another male voice, younger sounding — both had accents, then again to her everyone had accents and she wasn’t keeping track. She had bigger problems at hand than to worry about accents and a complete comprehensive guide to what people sounded like from whatever part of this Country they resided in. 

“Here’s hopin’ she don’t get caught then.” 

With that she rose from her cover, crossbow raised. At least she was confident these two must have been the source of the secondary set of gunfire she heard not too long ago. Her sudden presence startled the two men, the non-injured and visibly younger of the two drew his pistol.

No words were said, but tension was high. She had an up on the two men, knowing that it was dark and more quiet than usual it wouldn’t be beneficial to either party if a loud gunshot alerted infected. Maybe if the other hadn’t been injured, it might’ve been different. 

She wasn’t one for talking, not to people she didn’t know anyway— so that ruled out every person she had encountered in this apocalyptic hellscape. Despite this, she felt her intentions were conveyed clear enough through the stand off between her and the man before her. 

“‘lright, you’re not gonna hurt us.” He was the first to break away, her intentions had been heard loud and clear even without the presence of words. He held his hands up, placing his pistol on top of a washing machine but never breaking eye contact with her. A remarkably unusual move on his behalf, that was made known by his injured companion.

“Tommy what the fuck are you doin’?” he hissed, clearly unnerved by his choice to drop his arms in the presence of a complete stranger who they’d never seen before. 

Even though she was certain that the two men were much like her, seeking refuge for the night, she just couldn’t be too sure. She backed up until she was flush up against a machine and sat on top of it, weapon still raised, her eyes watching the too men like a hawk — more so now that she got a better look at the injured companion. 

She was surprised at just how old he was, long grey hair and a beard adorning his face, he must at least be in his sixties… seventies maybe… poor old bastard…

“She ain’t gonna hurt us, Eugene…Reckon she’s just glad we ain’t hunters.” Tommy reassured, kneeling down to tend to the older man's leg wounds. He was indeed correct, she was most definitely grateful that they weren’t hunters but that didn’t mean she trusted them wholeheartedly.

Quinn didn’t trust anybody. 

[thinkyoureholy]

Soul Eater [6]

[A/n: Aahh I'm posting a day early but I didn't want to leave y'all with nothing for 3 weeks. I'll be going on a short break since my finals start in 2ish weeks and I need to really study for these test to not tank the class. Soul Eater will be back December 15th!]

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Pairing : Jung Yunho / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Demon! AU

Words : 2.6k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9.

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

-Yunho’s P.O.V-

I paced in front of her door, my thoughts running at a million miles per second. It had been almost two weeks since the last time I saw her and I was worried sick. I tried to stay away, knowing that she told me not to contact her until she was fully healed but I couldn’t keep my mind off of her. The image of her injured body flashed in my mind every time I closed my eyes but what really had me on edge were the last few words she said to me before leaving to her apartment

“I'd hate to have to see you turn into a demon, you alone are meant for salvation ...not damnation.”

I figured selling my soul to a demon would send me straight to Hell but I didn’t know it would also make me a demon after I died. Truth be told after hearing that I regretted selling my soul in the first place but that regret didn’t last long. It scared me to think about turning into a demon but that fear vanished when I realized...Y/N would be there with me. We’d be able to spend hundreds of years together. But the fact that I'm okay with being a demon if that meant still being able to see her...it was a telltale sign of what I felt towards her.

"Are you going to just pace in front of my door all day or are you going to come in?"

I was snapped out of my thoughts the moment I heard her voice, my mind going blank the moment I saw her face. The claw marks...they were gone...not even so much as a scar was left behind. Without thinking I reached out and cupped her face in my hands, moving her head from side to side as I took a closer look. Again, without much thought I grabbed her arms, pulling up her sleeves to see that the crumbling effect her left arm  had was all but gone, the gash on her right bicep also gone. I looked back up into her eyes, shocked with how quickly she’s healed.

“You know this could also be a form of harassment you know? Touching me without my consent.” She deadpanned, the look in her eyes as guarded as ever.

I quickly took my hands off her, taking a step back, “Sorry...I just...I can’t believe it. I didn’t think you would be able to heal this quickly. I mean in those three days I watched over you...it…” I trailed off, at a loss for words.

She smiled softly, but it wasn’t one that had my heart racing...it was a sad one, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach.

“I’m not human remember? The wounds were just deep so I was having trouble healing on my own but...I had some help from an old friend.”

“You have friends?” I blurted out without thinking.

Shit...I really gotta stop doing that. Before I knew it she had punched me straight in the chest. It wasn’t particularly hard but there was a small throbbing sensation that still spread out over my chest. I winced as I rubbed over the spot her fist made contact with.

“You’re lucky I didn’t punch through your sternum. And I have friends! Or rather...one friend. He’s annoying but he’s the only other demon I can stand and trust.” She snapped, her voice falling in volume to longer she spoke.

Without another word she then turned on her heel and made her way into her apartment. I half expected her to slam the door in my face like she had done so many times before but she left it wide open, her invitation to come in replaying in my mind. I smiled to myself as I stepped inside her apartment, closing the door behind me and following her to the living room. I couldn’t help but look around, seeing that her place didn’t have much but the necessities. She had a couch, a coffee table, a book shelf stocked full with books, and that’s about it. She didn’t have a tv or any other decorations put up.

“You don’t even have a tv? What do you do in your free time then?” I asked as I sat down on the couch.

“I don’t really have much free time...well until now actually. It’s been awhile since I’ve been directly involved in a deal like this so I have more time to myself than I did before.” She explained, heading into the kitchen.

“You don’t know how to work a tv do you?”

I don’t know what led me to ask that question but I kind of wanted to keep the conversation going. This is one of the first times I’ve gotten to talk to her for so long without her being hostile with me. She seems more relaxed than usual so I thought this could be my chance to finally get to know her and start breaking down the many walls she had surrounded herself with.

“I know how to work a tv...I’m not an idiot.” She retorted with a scoff, turning on her heel to face me, “I might have been raised in an entirely different century but I’ve had to keep up with technology as its come out. Speaking of which you humans just keep coming out with new things every year, I’m surprised you haven’t figured out how to clone yourselves yet. I guess that’s a good thing since you’ll be playing God at that point.”

I watched her intently as she rambled on. I don’t think she realized that she was just saying whatever came to mind. This is the first time she’s ever done this around me, I couldn’t help but let a smile tug at my lips as I listened to her. I’m guessing she’s just comfortable enough around me to ramble on the way she was, this was a good sign. But the smile I had on my face fell the moment I saw her wince ever so slightly, her hand resting over her side...right where her ribs were. That action reminded me of her injuries and why I had come up here in the first place.

“Y/N?”

She hummed, waiting for me to continue, leaning against the counter as she continued to hold onto her side.

"Are you really alright?" I asked, hoping she'd tell me the truth.

"I told you already. I'm as good as new. I just needed that extra push and a little bit of rest and poof, back to indestructible demon once more." She rambled animatedly.

I couldn't help but smile at seeing this, even though I knew she was lying through her teeth. It warmed and broke my heart at the same time to know she was lying for my sake...but she didn't really have to. She then went on to talk about something completely different, rambling once more. As I listened to her talk I was reminded by her words the other day...once again they rang loud in my mind.

"Y'know...to me at least...being a demon doesn't sound like such a bad idea…" I mumbled to myself, or at least I thought I did.

Y/N heard every word, the hint of a smile that had been on her face all but vanished the moment she heard me. A look I had never seen before fell over her eyes. Truth be told I was starting to feel a little bit scared the longer she looked at me like that. Just when I thought she'd just continue to stare at me with that deadly look in her eyes she spoke.

"You--you have no idea what it's like so don't go saying that ever again, am I clear?" She said through her teeth, the look in her eyes intensifying.

"But...it--it doesn't seem all that bad. I mean you get to live for hundreds and hundreds of years, you're basically immortal and-"

She cut me off by slamming her fist on the countertop, the tile covering it shattered into pieces. Her eyes had shifted entirely, her demonic eyes staring straight into my soul.

"It doesn't seem all that bad? Really?" She questioned rhetorically, the look on her face making my whole body tremble in fear, "You have absolutely no idea what they do to you down there the first twenty years. They break you in every which way; emotionally, physically, psychologically, spiritually, any way they can find to break you they'll do it and do it ten times over. By the end of it you'll be begging for them to just kill you, anything to get the pain to stop. And once your twenty years are up your transformation finally begins. The pain of your body changing is of course nothing compared to the pain you endured for twenty years."

She took calm collective steps towards me, towering over me as I stayed glued to the couch, too frightened to move, "And when they send you up to Earth?" She paused to chuckle dryly, staring down at her clawed hand, "You go on a murder spree. Seeing humans so carefree makes something in you snap. You think to yourself, 'Why do they get to smile? Why do they get to laugh like that? How come they get to be oblivious to the pains of the world? Why? Why me? Why did I have to endure so much, in both my human and demon life, why?' And that's when you kill your first human. And no, oh no it doesn't just end with one. By the time you come to your senses you've killed hundreds, their blood running down your fingers and staining your skin for all of eternity."

She leaned down, resting a hand on the back of the couch behind me, our faces mere inches apart. She stared at me silently for a moment before she sprouted her wings, the appendages hanging over me menacingly. I cowered back into the couch, trying to create some space between the two of us but she wasn't having it. She reached out and grabbed my collar, keeping me in place as she leaned in closer.

"You have no idea what it's like so don't go casually saying shit like that. The way we're made is not something to be taken lightly, especially not by a worthless human who has had everything handed to him his entire life." She spat out, reaching up to forcefully grab my chin with her fingers, "I've been patient with you, I was even willing to risk everything to cancel our deal but now? Now you can forget about it. I'm not about to save a human who takes demons so lightly, I don't care how clean and pure your soul is. If you don't see anything wrong with being a demon then you deserve to burn."

With that she shoved my face away from her, straightening back out. She turned on her heel and gave me her back to me.

"Get out before I hurt you."

I stared at the back of her head, stunned at her words but then I swallowed down the fear that had been bubbling up inside me since the moment this whole conversation started. I stood up from the couch, refusing to collapse even though my legs felt like they would give out any second. I reached out tentatively, placing my hand on her shoulder as gently as I could.

"You're not gonna hurt me. If--if you really wanted to you would have already. Look, I'm sorry about what I said. I know I was wrong now. I...I should have never said anything because you're right, I have no idea what it's like and--and I'm sorry." I paused, feeling a lump in my throat the moment I felt her shoulders start to shake, "But please, don't--don't shut me out. I won't bring it up ever again please just...just let me stay by your side."

She jumped at those words, returning back to normal, her demonic side hiding under the surface once more, "You don't know what you're asking, Yunho. I'm not someone that can-"

"I don't care about any of that! I don't care! I…I can't stand to be pushed away...not anymore...not by you."

-? P.O.V-

"She's really gone soft hasn't she?" I asked, disgusted with what I was watching.

I scoffed as I watched her stare at the ground, almost gagging at the look she had in her eyes. He and I shared a look, a smirk making its way onto his face.

"We should toughen her back up don't you think?" 

The smirk he wore grew into a grin, mischief shining in his eyes. I simply smiled back, a devilish look creeping into my eyes.

"That's the best I idea you've ever had. I think it's time we pay Y/N and her pet a little visit in the human realm."

…...

-Y/N's P.O.V-

I closed the door, leaning my back against it. It took awhile to get Yunho to leave. He kept insisting that he wouldn't move a muscle until he was convinced I was no longer angry with him. After ten minutes of tell him that I wasn't mad he finally left, saying he'd be back tomorrow. I let my eyes close for a moment, sighing heavily as I replayed all the events from the night, a particular sentence I uttered rang louder than the others.

"If you don't see anything wrong with being a demon then you deserve to burn."

Ah...now I've done it. Now how am I supposed to bring up the cancellation of the deal? I basically told him he's on his own and-- I groaned, cutting my thoughts off, rubbing my hands over my face.

"I can't believe just how far you've actually fallen."

That voice! I shifted immediately, getting into a fighting stance but I wasn't quick enough. I struggled against his grip, my internal wound still not completely healed, my movements slowed by them. I clawed at the hand he had around my throat, glaring down at him as he lifted me up high into the air, my feet dangling.

"Ceri," I spat out, the anger in my eyes intensifying the moment I saw him smirk, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"

His smirk turned into a grin, our surroundings changing in the blink of an eye, "I'm just following orders, I'm sure you don't mind...right? This very important person wanted to see you and I just couldn't find it in me to refuse her."

My ears perked up as he spoke, hearing the sound of footsteps approaching us. It didn't take me very long to figure out who this "her" was. There's only one bitch in hell that has Ceri at her beck and call and has the gall to do something like this. She stepped out of the shadows, her violet colored eyes glowing as the moonlight reflected off of them. I dug my claws into Ceri's wrists the moment my eyes met hers, twisting the bones in his arm seconds later. He let out a cry of pain, letting me go to cradle his arm close to his chest. I landed on my feet, shaking Ceri's blood off my fingers. Rolling my shoulders I felt my wings extend, my rage unmatched about being summoned to a place like this by a cunt like her.

"Pride...you have a lot of fucking guts doing this. I take it you finally want to die today, huh?" I asked with a growl, seeing her eyes waver at the sight of me but she stood her ground.

Fine. If it's a fight she wants it's a fight she's gonna get.

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Tags : @chanyeolol​

[kyliwrites]

the exit's the other way

ship: davekat (no quadrant/all quadrants; established relationship)

prompt: "you know what!? fuck you. i'm out of here."

"*name.*"

"WHAT?!"

"the exit's the other way."

setting: earth c (canon universe/post-canon, no epilogues)

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are just the absolute god damned best at riling loud, insufferable aliens up to the brink of delirious rage. Because the way their gray cheeks flush and their eyes darken is so perfectly entertaining, you take it upon yourself to annoy them into paradox space and back.

Karkat, for example. All it takes is the bare minimum of poking and prodding at his favorite romcom actor and SHABAM. Little guy's all fuming and everything; you can see the puffs of smoke coming out his ears and the attractive way his fangs slide out over his lips. He's glaring in that wide-eyed furious way of his, anger hot enough to brand you right on the asscheek like a motherfucking cow. Moo, bitch.

You hardly insulted him, but Karkat's like that: hypersensitive, petty, an asshole, totally adorable when he's mad. He's got his flaws (who doesn't?), but with you, he doesn't try so hard to cover them up. You love him all the more for that.

Presently, he's ranting about the flaws and inaccuracies of some human film you alchemized into existence for him, and he's been doing so for approximately four minutes and twenty-seven seconds. You haven't been paying much attention, if you're being honest, because you've been too busy mentally recounting everything else about those four minutes and twenty-seven seconds. Why? Narrative reasons, yo.

You tune in at the last second and catch his metaphorical hands instead of the hilariously unironic picking apart of whichever movie you picked for him (you can't even remember at this point; you've spent all three years since the game ended finding progressively shittier films, if only so you can experience the pleasure that is Karkat's ranting).

"-and are you even FUCKING listening, douchenozzle!?" Comes Karkat's infuriated, raspy interjection. It throws you bodily from your thoughts, and you blink from behind your shades in an effort to clear your head.

"Nah," you answer honestly once you've regained your bearing. "Shit got more boring than watching American football with the boys on a rainy Saturday night. Dude goes in for a tackle and skids across the field tragically. Eight jocks in a row go flying and it's like a god damn bowling alley up in this bitch. The boys start swearing like some motherfuckers, but you, a renowned Football Connoisseur, shake your head solemnly rather than go batshit insane over the slip-n-slide conga line like, you know, a normal person. Football people, bro. No humor. No sense of irony."

"I understood approximately FUCKALL OF THAT, asshole. Speak English or Alternian, thanks a whole fucking lot. What gog damn language was that!?" Karkat looks you up and down with a scrunched up expression, as if deciding where to maim you first. You straighten involuntarily underneath his gaze.

"...S'called Texan, m'dude."

He recoils melodramatically. "Texan!? Is that a joke or some bullshit? Some kind of dead language you somehow learned? Where the fuck is the TEXAN and who came up with a name that hideous and disgusting?"

"No, Karks," you wheeze. "Texas. The people from Texas are Texans."

"Why do I care about your overcomplicated alien linguistics!? Answer my question, Strider," he demands, crossing his arms. His nails, bitten down yet still sharp and threatening, dig into his sweater.

"I'm from Texas, dude. You know how there were, like, different dialects on y'all's murderplanet? English is kind of like that. Texans have huge accents and are famous for being racists, people from Jersey are famous for being the shittiest people, Alabamians marry their relatives, etcetera etcetera."

After a moment of thought, Karkat nods seriously and says, "That explains why you're such a xenophobe."

You choke. Of all the things you'd been expecting him to say, it definitely wasn't that. You reply eloquently:

"W-what!?"

"You heard me. You fucking space racist."

"Oh my jesus shit, rude," you protest vehemently. "I am not space racist." Not anymore, at least.

Karkat flashes a rare fanged grin at you, his eyebrows lifted, and you realize he's only joking. The smile is gone as soon as it came, one of those blink-and-you-miss-it gifts. "Space racist." He nudges you with one elbow. You nudge him back.

"Dude," you say, "don't make this a thing."

He pushes you forcefully, hard enough for you to have to grip the arm of the sofa you're sitting atop to remain seated, in response. Oh, it is on.

You tackle him and he lets out a paralyzed squawk when you roll off the couch and into the floor. He lands on his back with an "oof," and you pin him down by the shoulders. He bares his teeth, but the smile breaking out over his face ruins the effect.

"Get off me, asshat, I'll fucking kneecap you," he barks, still grinning like an idiot.

"You won't." You're grinning like an idiot, too, to be fair, except yours is more fond than shit-eating. Dave Strider, maximum sap. Whod've thunk.

He surges forward suddenly, without warning, and uses his legs to flip you onto your back; it knocks all the air out of you, but you manage a cackle and a "fuck you" anyway. He pins your arms above your head and sits on your chest.

"Say fucking uncle, Strider."

"That's not how that game works!" You wheeze. "You don't even know what an uncle is!" He smirks—the sight makes your heart flutter like the cat getting showered in affection meme. The thought distracts you and you briefly ponder making a Karkat version, but you aren't given the reins to think very long because he flicks your nose.

"Ow! Dickhead, that hurt—"

"Dickhead yourself! Your fucking bony ribs are digging into my ass!" He wrinkles his nose and shifts, trying to find a more comfortable way to sit.

"What ass?" You demand in jest, which is the worst thing someone pinned beneath the person they are making fun of could possibly say. He narrows his eyes and you manage a "shit wait no" before he snatches his hands away.

You've lived together for all of three years, four months, and seventeen days. He knows your weaknesses as well as he knows his own, your fears, your discomforts. He knows what you like, love, and hate. He knows when to push and when not to push. He gets you better than anyone, even your own psychoanalytic twin sister (you'll have to blame that one on the fact that she and her wife don't leave their house unless they're going to the alien procreation cave).

So, that's why he decides to tickle you. Because he knows you throw an absolute shitfit when it comes to being tickled.

You hunch your shoulders when his hands descend upon you and try to roll yourself into a tight, impenetrable ball to escape his fingers, but he's fucking relentless. He knows how sensitive you are; it's the perfect revenge.

In between your wheezing laughs, you can barely manage words, but you cough out a "dude," "bro," and "dudebro," then, finally, "Karkat," before he pauses, rasps, "You did this to yourself," and raises his hands threateningly again.

You blurt, "Uncle! I'll say uncle just don't do it please dude I have never done anything wrong ever you know this right? I—"

He leans forward, silencing you. "Take that bullshit you said first back, Strider, or your plea to your human familial figure is null."

"Fine! Fine, I take it back. Listen, bro. You definitely don't not have an ass. Like, in fact, that ass is so ripe I can't believe anyone would ever accuse you of not having one. That's so fucking disrespectful. How dare those blind motherfuckers? I'm waving my fists at them right now. I will singlehandedly smite all Karkat's assphobes, my man. I'll raise my assphobe smiting trident and pulverize all these thotass sons of bitches right here, right now. I'll do it, I will. I'm no coward. I'll protect that magnificent rear with everything I have, dude. Those glorious buns. The assnihilator—"

"Shut the fuck up oh my gog I can't believe I fucking brought this upon myself." Karkat rolls off of you and clutches said glorious buns. Apparently your ribs really did hurt his ass. Huh.

"You did bring it upon yourself," you agree. And then, because you still aren't done pushing his buttons and want to be an insufferable piece of shit, "So, you didn't say what you thought of the movie."

He opens his mouth, clamps it shut hard enough for his teeth to clank together, repeats the motion a couple of times. "I—Dave—You fucking—No. You know what? Fuck you. I'm out of here."

You burst into the horrid laughter of a hyena when he scrambles to his feet in one furious motion; he's back to grumpy scowling and cussing you out in the amount of time it takes for the underpaid McDonald's employee working the back of the store to flip a shitty one hundred percent not-beef burger patty.

He stomps heavily away—in the direction of the kitchen, you note, which only makes you cackle harder when you realize he didn't do it on purpose.

"Oh my fucking jesus god. Karkat!"

"WHAT!?" He yells without facing you.

"The exit's the other way."

He comes to an abrupt halt, slowly turns around, and begins marching back, in the right direction this time.

You're too busy flailing on the couch (you can't even remember pulling yourself back onto it) to give a shit when he throws himself down beside you. You do, however, give tons of shits when he pulls you into a very exasperated smooch that simply screams "shut the FUCK up you absolute godless heathen of a space monkey."

You are not opposed to "shut the FUCK up you absolute godless heathen of a space monkey" smooches.

He draws back and rolls his eyes. "Are you done yet, bulgemuncher?"

You are, as established many times, an insufferable piece of shit, so you say, "Dunno. Do I get to kiss you again?"

"Not with that attitude you don't."

You kiss him anyway, because god dammit he's your boyfriend and you demand kissing rights. He doesn't protest; instead, he wraps his arms around your neck and relaxes, just a little.

You could stay in his arms forever, you think.

[thechurchofv]

Binding with Briars Chapter 1

Slow burn, flirting, Canon Divergence, V is only V, NSFW will be included.

“Hey! Rise and shine there, sleeping beauty!”

You made a weak attempt to shield yourself from the blinding sun as Nico yanked open the van's small curtains, and gave a groan. You buried your face in your pillow.

“Nico, didn't Nero say something about how I'm supposed to be 'recovering’?” Your voice was muffled as you made a bolder attempt to reclaim sleep.

Your head abruptly smacked against the bench you had been sleeping on as Nico yanked your pillow out from under you. You bolted upright.

“What the fuck--” Your pillow came back at you, hitting you square in the face. You tossed it aside to see the mechanic already dressed, her dark hair pulled back into a pony tail, a hand on her hip and brows knitted together.

“Nah ah, don't you give me none of this 'recovering’ nonsense, you've been layin’ about for the better part of three days.” Nico handed you jeans and a plain shirt, and as you struggled to move your arms above your head to put the shirt on her stern expression softened.

As you finally stood you heard, “Look, girlie, we're all real sorry about what's happened to ya and all, what with being stuck in that hellhole for a few days, losin’ your family to that damned houseplant”.

You winced at both the pain in your arms and at the mention of Redgrave City. You didn't want to think too hard about what you had seen and the people you loved and lost when the Qliphoth emerged. You tugged on your jeans and stood, tiny jolts of pain running up your arms from where the injuries to your joints were still on the mend. You tried to remind yourself you were lucky just to be alive, but somehow it still wasn't very cheering.

Nico sighed, moving back to the makeshift kitchen to pull together a cup of coffee. She turned back to you, setting her mug down on the counter with a thump.

“But cha gotta get up at some point, gotta get back at it! That bastard demon tree that caused all this ain't gonna kill itself, and you got a stake in this here fight now too”. She gave you a firm nod and waved her coffee cup at you. “The sooner ya start back at it, the better.”

“How can I even help? I didn't do much of anything while I was in Redgrave but run and scream.” You were more than a little embarrassed that you hadn't risen to the occasion as a hero, and instead scrambled wildly for survival. You grabbed a cup of coffee from the pot, savoring the first hot thing you've had to drink since you were rescued.

Nico shrugged. “Well shit, those buildings you were hidin’ out in were basically mazes, and even without a whole lotta fightin’ you made it out alive. I'd say that makes you our resident strategist.” Nico nodded to herself, proud of her own leap in logic.

You sputtered as you choked on your coffee, gasping as it scalded your tongue and splashed down your shirt. “A strategist? Nico, just because I found an escape route for me doesn't mean I can find one for 3 or more people.” You shook your head as you attempted to wipe your shirt clean “it's just too much for one person.” Your head spun at the overload of information.

Nico rolled her eyes, shook her head, and moved past you toward the front of the RV. “Quit your whinin’, it's already been decided, Nero and I talked it all over ‘fore you even woke up. We all earn our keep round here, fightin' demons, and since we did the hard part-- saving your ass, mind you--, and you got nowhere else to go, you'll stay and help us out.” She smiled and rested her hand on the headrest of the passenger seat. “ 'Sides, you won't be strategizing for all of them boys, just one of them”.

You pulled off your now coffee soaked shirt and went digging through the nearby laundry hamper for a new one, pulling it half on as you called out “Well, I guess that's more manageable, then. All depends, who am I paired with?”

A smooth voice split the silence. “You'll be joining me”.

You gave a little cry as you frantically pulled your shirt on the rest of the way, scrambling to cover yourself as a dark haired man rose from sitting in the passenger seat. His carefully neutral expression didn't give away whether or not he had seen anything.

“How long has he been--”

Nico waved her hand and cut you off. “This is V, y'all might've met before, but I don't think anyone would blame ya for not remembering. You were pretty banged up for a while”.

One hand gripped a cane, and V's other hand gave a polite half wave. A subtle smile played at his lips. “It's good to see you that you've recovered”. Your cheeks burned as you tried to focus on something other than the intricate tattoos that spanned his torso and arms, left visible by the long black vest and low slung jeans he wore.

V cleared his throat loud enough to get your attention, and the blush you were fighting crept up your face as you looked down at the floor.

You took a breath to refocus. “Thank you, I'm fine.”

V's tongue caught the edge of his canine tooth bringing his lips into a smirk; he arched an eyebrow. “So it would seem you are.” By the time your eyes had reached his face it was once again carefully neutral. You shook your head slightly, you had to have been hearing things.

V stumbled as Nico clapped a hand to his shoulder.  “Well the way I see it, V ain't too great with fighting neither, 'cept with them fancy shadow demons of his, so he'll need all the help he can get”. V leaned on his cane and stood upright, moving more toward the door.

“And we've got a mission this morning, you and I”. V pushed open the door, letting in blinding sunlight in large streams. Your stomach dipped at the mention of you both as a team.

“Just keep an eye on me, watch my back, and everything should go smoothly” V lead the way out of the RV as the door shut behind you. As you hurriedly yanked on your shoes leaning against the van, you looked up to find V already a few steps ahead of you.

V looked over his shoulder, a smirk on his face. “Though it doesn't seem you're able to watch much of anything else, hm?”

The blush on your face might as well be permanent it's so frequent. Your reply came out as a stammer.

“I don't know what you mean. I'm just nervous for the mission, it's not like I've ever been one before anyways.” You ran to catch up to him, struggling with the uneven pavement.

V chuckled, giving a quiet “hmm” of consideration. “How good it is to be a lady's first”.

You opened your mouth to reply when V's hand wrapped around your waist, abruptly yanking you closer to him as the ground beneath you gave away. A shriek of surprise left your lips as you both fell to the pavement away from the gap in the street.

When you sat up V was flat on his back, and to your mortification you realized you were essentially straddling him, one knee on either side of his hips. He arched a brow at you.

“For someone who is supposed to excel at strategy, you seem to be a little... distracted.” He gestured with a free hand to your position and his other hand grabbed his cane.

You hurriedly stood up, blindly moving forward down the path where the road collapsed down to meet the earth. You jumped as V crept up from behind, his voice low and smooth in your ear, “Perhaps we'll save that for some other time”. You tripped over the uneven pavement, your focus lost as your cheeks burned. You gave a groan as V forged the path ahead once again.

“Can you stop for one second?” You snapped. V scaled down into the sewer system extending a hand to you.

“And what exactly do you want me to stop doing?” V's face betrayed nothing of his thoughts.

“All of that... talking! Or whatever it is you're doing. Stop trying to throw me off.” You looked away from him as he took your hand and helped you down into the sewer tunnel.

V looked irrationally calm. “I'm afraid I fail to see what you mean. It's no matter” he waved a hand, cutting off your dissent. “Now the real mission begins”.

“What are we hunting down, exactly?” You had forgotten to even ask, and you cursed yourself for following blindly.

Any hint of humor that had been there prior was gone from V's expression and replaced with a serious face that sent a chill down your spine.

“We're going to kill the Elder Geryon Knight and his steed.” V's voice lowered conspiratorially. “What they don't know is you're also going to help me find the Devil Sword Sparda, to end this war with the Qliphoth and it's king, Urizen.”

As you both headed into the sewer system and away from the light of day, V whipped around to be face to face you, walking backward just to keep ahead of you. The tunnel grew darker and darker. “And they don't need to know. It shall be our little secret.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Is this whole fight some kind of game to you? I lost family you know, friends, and I'm not here to--”

You stopped as V pressed a finger to your lips. His voice had gained a new edge, something dangerous lurked beneath his words. “A horse misused upon the road calls to Heaven for human blood.”

You blinked, more confused than anything. You thrashed your head, freeing yourself from his grip. “I don't know what that means, and I'm going to need some answers if we're supposed to be a team.” You spat the last word as if sarcasm could be a curse.

“It means don't test my resolve, little wanderer. I want this war to end more than you could possibly ever understand.” His hand encircled your wrist, yanking you forward into the dark, his pace much quicker now even with his cane.

“Punishments await those who those who fail me. You have yet to prove yourself as a capable strategist.” You shivered as you followed hurriedly through the dark. V chuckled, though it sounded humorless.  

“Here's a good chance for you to prove yourself now. Unless you'd rather see the punishment, that is.” Light leapt forth from V as a large panther sprung into existence, a smile that was all teeth on V's face. In the glow he seemed almost predatory. You gave a cry as the light revealed a horde Empusa demon, shrieks rising up as they squirmed under the magic glow.

V looked over his shoulder and smirked. “Now's a chance to put your staring to good use, little wanderer.” He gestured with his cane to a higher ledge. “If you please, watch over me.”

[thatssonanii]

Guess What

Parental Paragraphs / Daddy Ro Fluff Series

With Simba's birthday coming up the three families were spending a lot more time with each other. Trying to plan took all three sets of parents and the older boys running errands or babysitting. They spent this day at the Reigns' house.

"Y'all plan on havin another?" Jimmy asked his twin.

Jey shook his head immediately. "Hell no. Simba and Lo is enough. You see all these gray hairs."

"Well I want a lil girl," Apryl pouted.

"You must gon borrow Haleigh cause you won't get one from me. I'm gettin fixed."

Apryl pushed Jey's shoulder turning her attention to the other treo ladies. "What about y'all?"

"Jimmy wants another boy but I don't think my nerves can handle another boy. The twins and Eli are exactly like him," Trinity laughed. "No thank you."

Kandice shrugged at the question. "We want another but Koda and Haleigh have made it very clear that we're not allowed to have anymore."

"Yeah, Koda said his luck it'll be another girl," Roman laughed, "Princess stresses him out enough."

"STOP TOUCHIN MY HAIR!" Haleigh squealed loudly.

"NO WAY!" "NEVEEEEER!" The twins yelled after her.

Simba let out a loud attempt at his uncle's war cry. "HOLD HER DOWN! I GOT GLUE!"

"Who gave his bad ass glue," Apryl asked getting ready to get up. Jey stopped her telling her to wait. "She'll go to the boys first," Jey assured her. The next thing the parents heard were loud footsteps running from one end of the upstairs to the other. Then more arguing.

"STOP YELLING!" Koda's voice boomed through the house quieting the younger children. "Why are y'all yelling anyway?"

"THEY KEEP TRYING TO PUT GLUE IN MY HAIR," the 13 year old pouted.

"GET HER BRODDER! HOLD HER DOWN!" Simba yelled once again.

"SIMBA, GIVE ME THE GLUE! WHO GAVE YOUR BAD BUTT GLUE ANYWAY?" Milo asked in a strained tone that told the parents he was holding his little brother back. More commotion ensued which meant they were now fighting.

"AYE!" Eli screamed. "WHICH ONE OF YOU GREMLIN TWINS HIT ME IN MY EYE?"

"LET ME GO, KODA! I'M GONNA TAKE THAT LIL MUNCHKIN OUT!"

"NO, HAE! AUNTIE APRYL WILL TAKE YOU OUT!"

"GET THOSE DOUBLEMINT TWINS OFF MY HAIR, KODA!"

Kandice reached out to pat Roman’s knee and he called out for the children to come down. A minute or so later the seven children came down the stairs still pushing and arguing quietly. They stood in the living room in front of their parents. Eli reached out to pluck his little brothers behind their ears for hitting him in the eye which started another fight between all of them.

"Hands in your pocket!" Jey yelled stopping their fighting. "Now what is the problem?"

All the kids stated to talk at once. There was something about glue in hair, playing a game, complaints about being hit and kicked and Simba just letting out another war cry.

"STOP! STOP! One at a time." Trinity sighed. "Hae, you first."

"I was watching YouTube, minding my business and those munchkins tried to attack me and put glue in my hair," she said glaring at her younger cousins. "Then they tried to attack me and my KoKo." Koda wrapped his arms around his little sister for the dramatic effect.

"Okay. Milo?"

"All I know is they ran in there jumping on us then bad butt," he said flicking Simba's arm, "Told me to hold her down and tried to attack again." Simba glared at his big brother then kicked him in the shin making Milo yelp.

"Feet to yourself," Trinity repeated. "Eli?"

"Look, all I know is one of these gremlins hit me in my eye and if it's bruised they're both bein put up for adoption."

"Jadyn and Jalyn, y'all have something to say?"

"No, Mommy," they answered.

"Simba?"

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled jumping on Haleigh’s feet.

"Oh that's it," she sneered picking the young boy up and turned him upside down. "Koda, open the back door. He's goin in the pool."

"Koda, don't you move. Princess, give him to his parents," Roman instructed quickly. Haleigh narrowed her eyes and tossed the young boy into his father's lap. "Who gave you glue, Simba?"

Simba laid against Jey's chest trying to look as innocent as possible. "It was in TK room. I borrow it."

"Were you supposed to be in there, Josiah?"

"No, Daddy. But Jadyn open the door."

"Hey! That was not me, that was Jalyn!" The eight year old said pointing an accusatory finger.

"Snitch," Jalyn mumbled.

"Stop arguing. No more arguing," Kandice demanded softly. "Y'all have done enough of that for one day. All of you sit down and calm down." None of the children moved just glared at one another.

"I think she told y'all to sit y'all asses down." Apryl repeated with a slight raise of her brow. She watched them all until they sat down peacefully.

Jimmy started to laugh catching them all off guard. "Y'all remember when we didn't have kids?"

Jey nodded. "Good times."

"Don't talk about us like we not here. That hurts," Eli asserted touching his chest.

"Yeah," the other kids agreed.

Apryl shrugged at him. "We love y'all but y'all are A LOT."

"But wait," Kandice laughed, "Remember when we told them we were pregnant with the boys?" Jey, Jimmy and Roman sucked their teeth at the thought.

--- 16.5 years earlier ---

The women invited their fiancés over to their shared apartment for dinner and a surprise. "Sooooo, are y'all gonna say anything?" Kandice asked. Apryl, Kandice and Trinity had just watched their other halves open their cards. And now they sat in silence.

(Jey's Card, Roman’s Card & Jimmy's Card)

Jey looked at his card, at his fiancé then back at the card. "I'm confused."

Roman scratched the back of his neck, still staring at the card. "What's a DILF?"

"I ain't make shit."

All three women sucked their teeth. "God I hope these babies have our brains," Apryl huffed.

"Babies? Who having a baby? I didn't agree to none of that," Jimmy said quickly.

Trinity sucked her teeth. "I think we both agreed to it when you let your little swimmers loose."

"Kandi," Roman called softly, "You still didn't tell me what a DILF is."

"Dad I'd Like to Fuck, slowness. But now I dunno about all that."

"So y'all tryna tell us that the three of y'all just happened to get pregnant at the same time?" Jey asked putting the card in his lap. "Y'all planned this."

"Clearly, I did. Did you read the card? I trapped your ass, now you're stuck and if you think you're leaving me with your big head baby you've got another thing coming, Fatu."

Jimmy got up from his seat to examine Trinity, stepping back in surprise when he lifted her shirt. "What's that?" He asked pointing at her stomach.

"It's a baby bump, fool. I'm almost four months," she said moving his hand to her stomach. "You can't feel him or her move yet but there's a baby in there. Our baby."

"How far are you?" Roman asked.

"Two months almost three," she approached him standing in between his knees. "I just look bloated right now."

"And you," Jey asked nervously.

Apryl smiled putting a hand to her pretty much flat stomach. "Just hit two months."

"Are we ready for this? I mean these are babies." Roman asked. His voice shook with anxiousness.

"Whether we're ready or not they're coming, Roman. One quicker than the others," Kandice joked looking back at Trinity and Jimmy.

"Mama is gonna beat us. You can tell her Jimmy."

Jimmy sucked his teeth. "I'm not worried about her. I'm worried about Pops, he gon whoop our asses. And then he gon fuss and i don't wanna hear that shit, dog."

"Y'all are 21. Are y'all really that scared? He's not gonna whoop y'all," Trinity laughed.

"Nah, nah," Roman shook his head, "You're sayin that cause you don't know. He is gonna beat them."

"Oh, please." Kandice laughed. "You're scared too I take it."

"For them, yeah. I'm just tryna figure out what to do with a baby. Never had one."

"I should hope not, Roman. None of us have either, we'll get through it together."

Apryl folded her arms across her chest. "All I know is, these babies are coming whether y'all are ready or not so y'all better do whatever you need to do or I'm getting my knife."

With that threat, all three women walked out of the living room to the back room slamming the door behind them. The men sat quietly, staring straight ahead until sniffed filled the room. Roman and Jimmy stated at Jey in confusion. Jimmy sucked his teeth. "I know you ain't cryin, Uce."

"Shut up," he fussed wiping his eyes. "I'm emotional, shit. I'm having a baby, mane. This is serious."

"But is it serious enough to cry?" Jimmy asked laughing.

"Fuck y'all, I'm happy."

"I'm happy too but my apartment is too small for a baby." Roman sighed.

"Bruh," Jey laughed through his tears. "A baby ain't that damn big. He'll be cool." Jimmy sat quietly, his mind moving a mile a minute. "You alright over there, big bro?"

"What are we gonna do with babies? Shit, they take care of us most of the time. And they want us to be responsible for lil tiny ass humans."

"It'll all work out, Uce. But right now we gotta fix what we just did," Roman said standing from his seat.

--- Present Day ---

"Did y'all really bring cribs home, Pop?" Koda asked laughing.

"That and a bunch of other shit," Apryl laughed. "Cribs, play pens, tubs, bottles, clothes. Our lil ass living room was filled with shit from y'all daddies."

"But had we known what we know now," Trinity chuckled. "None of y'all would be here."

"What? Mama you told me I was your pride and joy. The best thing that ever happened to you." Eli said scrunching his face.

"Did I?" Trinity asked still laughing. "Must've been drunk or sleepy."

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 66)

“Wow, that Keeper of the Grove costume is amazing! I'd be scared if you weren't so tiny, kid, but you and your girlfriend are still pretty creepy.”

“Well ain't you the best damn Piper I've ever seen all night! Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were the Holy Shepherd herself come back from the Aether to bless us with her presence.”

“OH MY GOSH! NINJAS OF LOVE! I NEED A PICTURE WITH YOU, RIGHT NOW, OR I'M GOING TO DIE! LIKE, LITERALLY DIE!”

“Hello! We're from the Old World Animation Society, and we'd love to take your picture and use it as part of our promotional material...”

“Well howdy there, cowboy! Mind if I ask y'all what time it is…?”

Taiyang grinned. “Well, pardner, I'd say it's… niiinneee forty-five…!”

The other Old World cowboy laughed. “Thanks for the laugh and the memories, pardner,” he tipped his hat to Taiyang. “You and your gals enjoy your night now!”

He tipped his hat back. “Yer welcome, pardner, and y'all stay safe, too!” he said, before he resumed waiting at a bench with Weiss, watching over their bags of souvenirs and food while the others were busy with a game of “Shoot the Shade.”

Weiss sighed.

Taiyang turned to her. “Something wrong?”

“I can't believe no one's noticed,” she replied. “All of these pictures, all of these people stopping us, and not a single one has had even the slightest inkling, if I wasn't pretty sure they're also like us.”

Taiyang shrugged. “It's Eve of the Ether; 'weird' kinda becomes the new 'normal.'”

Weiss was about to reply, before she saw a group of Fae walk on by, dressed in their usual armour with their animal features out, shrugging off any suspicion by speaking in fluent Nivian. The difference between Fae and human fashion was so great the unsuspecting masses probably thought they were just dressed up as characters from a holo or a Trance sim.

“Are you fucking kidding me…?!”

“Yeah, they do that,” Taiyang hummed, smiling. “The 'costumes' Summer, Qrow, and Raven were 'wearing' when I first met them were just like those, actually!”

Weiss turned to him. “You met them on Eve of the Ether?”

Taiyang smiled. “In this very city. We met while we were in line at a 'Test Your Strength' game, where I was betting my last Urochs on breaking the record. I couldn't do it, but Summer broke the ever loving shit out of it and the machine, then split her prize money with me—so long as I promised I'd buy Qrow that beer he'd been clamouring for all night with my share.

“It was at that moment that I’m pretty sure I fell for her, and though I didn't realize it at the time, she was pretty interested in me, too.”

“What, couldn't see her expression under the mask?” Weiss teased.

Taiyang chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, she was actually going without it that night, not scare the crap out of people for a while. Denial is a hell of a thing, though.”

“So how’d you end up dating her?”

“We spent the rest of the fair together, and had a lot of fun. By the time the sun was almost about to rise and we all needed to leave, I realized this was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities staring me in the face.

“I was young, lovesick, and had only enough money for the return trip back under the boot of the coziest kleptocracy in Avalon. What was the harm in following these three strangers back to whatever wild place in the Country they came from, I thought?

“As it turns out: a heckuva lot!

“But if I had a time machine to go back to the exact moment where I made that decision, I'd punch out Past Me, take his place, and convince Summer to take me home with her, so I could do it all over again without all the really bad decisions...

“How are you enjoying it out there, by the way?”

“Very much, actually!” Weiss replied. “My first two weeks aside, everything couldn't be better. At the very least, it's bounds better than what I left behind…”

Taiyang nodded. “You haven't experienced a Soul Eater attack yet, have you...?”

Weiss slowly shook her head. “No, actually... should I be worried?”

Taiyang was about to answer when the others came walking back with their prizes and badges proclaiming them the “Slickest Shade Shooters in the Realm.”

“I suppose you'll find out for yourself eventually!” he said as he got up to meet them.

Weiss sighed, figured that finding out how terrible something was from first-hand experience was just the way things worked in the Valley.

They eventually decided to go get dinner, and at Weiss' recommendation, they ate at Fiorina's.

For reasons of maintaining their cover, they chose a corner booth, Weiss and Pyrrha squeezed all the way inside and out of sight from the rest of the restaurant, Penny making sure that their bags of prizes and souvenirs were arranged in a way that would handily block the surveillance equipment without arousing any suspicion.

“This isn't amateur hour,” Ruby whispered to Weiss and Pyrrha. “We know what we're doing.”

They saw them in action as Taiyang talked to the waiter for all of them, and found out that he had followed the news very closely and had actually watched the fake ransom/execution holo several times—enough to feel that there was something disturbingly familiar about Ruby and the sound of her voice.

Taiyang sighed. “Look, Marty, I know it was big news realm-wide, but come on: we're just here to eat and enjoy ourselves! You wouldn't want to get in trouble with your boss by making seven hungry customers lose their appetites all because you couldn't stop talking about that awful tragedy would you?”

On cue, everyone but Weiss and Pyrrha looked at Marty with a mix of uneasy, disgusted, and extremely annoyed expressions.

Marty groaned. “Okay! Fine! I'm sorry for bringing it up... I'll be back with your orders in a 'jiffy…'”

They all watched him sulk off from the corner of their eyes, until he disappeared back into the kitchen. They let out sighs of relief, then started casually talking and discussing how to spend the rest of their night, as Pyrrha had essentially given them an effectively unlimited budget to do anything they wanted.

“I wish we had some way of paying you back for all this, 'Piper,'” Ruby said after they finalized their plans. “We've spent a LOT tonight.”

Pyrrha smiled. “Oh, it's fine! The memories I've made with all of you are more than worth every Uroch. My only regret is that we'll probably permanently part ways come morning...”

Yang smirked. “It's not to late to ask for our comms, you know—maybe you can just get Penny's, she's pretty well-connected after all,” she said, winking as she nudged Pyrrha with her elbow.

Pyrrha blushed.

Yang raised an eyebrow, then beamed. “Oh man! You already have, haven't you? Gimme a high-five, 'Piper!'”

Pyrrha tipped her cap lower over her bright red face, before she quickly high-fived Yang.

Penny smiled. “If I may interrupt: I do see a way we would be able to recoup our expenses,” she said as she pulled out her temporary comm-crystal, projected an advertisement out to the whole table.

“The Candela Couple's Costume Contest?” Weiss asked. “But contestants have to have a clearly matching theme, and it's only open to romantic—oh, right...”

“I'm game!” Ruby said. “It might be fun.”

“You'll probably score a lot of points with the judges for being relevant!” Taiyang added. “What is for sure is that you two going to get a lot of attention.”

“Possibly the bad kind...” Weiss muttered.

“Our ploy's worked very well so far,” Pyrrha said quietly. “I think it'll be safe to assume that it'll keep on working.”

Blake pulled out her own comm-crystal, typed something on it: “Make escape plan, just in case?”

Pyrrha nodded. “I can be bait for a distraction; I'm getting hell when I get home anyway, what's a little more trouble?”

Taiyang hummed. “Don't see how this can't work, if all of us work together!”

Yang raised her hand. “Yeah, that's going to be an issue, because I have several issues with this plan.”

Ruby sighed. “Can't you just let it go for tonight, Yang? We could really use the money.”

Yang glared at her. “No. You are my precious, innocent baby sister, and I am not okay with throwing you at the mercy of strangers for Urochs, especially when you'll be going in with Ice Princess over here!”

Weiss growled. “Everyone, could you please excuse myself and Yang? We'll just be going to the restroom...”

Ruby looked uneasily at them both, before she sighed and began to make room for them to leave, the others following suit.

Diners and servers gave them a wide berth as they walked on past, fearing the aura they were giving off—like an inferno coming up against a blizzard.

They kept their voices down for the benefit of the people actually using the facilities, but the tension came through loud and clear.

“What is your problem with me?” Weiss snapped. “What is it that is that ticks you off about me dating Ruby?”

Yang scowled and held up her hand. “I suggest you don't go there, princess, or else we're going to have to add broken furniture and walls to our bill later. Look: has anyone told you about the statistics of Fae/Human relationships? About how they’re almost always doomed to fail?”

“Penny has, and in my defense, that's the same thing they said about my grandparents relationship, and look how they ended up,” Weiss huffed.

Yang groaned. “I'm trying to help you here, Weiss! You know one of the biggest reasons why the Shit went down? It's because dad thought he could handle a relationship with Ruby's mom!

“Now don't get me wrong: they were crazy for each other, and Uncle Qrow’s got the proof in his chronicle, but the fact is, dad just couldn't handle all the cons of dating a Keeper—though it probably didn't help that he was forced to live with his ex-wife, AKA my mom the Alpha Bitch.

“Dating Ruby is going to be crazy, it's going to be full of problems, and trust me: you may think you've got it all figured out, but then something's going to happen that'll turn your whole world round and round till you don't have the slightest clue which way is up or down!

“Trust me: I watched this shit unfold before my very eyes, and it was a helluva roller coaster of ups, downs, and seventeen-dimensional shapes beyond our comprehension! I was just a baby for all of it, but I know you know from personal experience that little kids absorb and understand a lot more shit than adults think they do.”

Yang's eyes softened. “Dad wasn't perfect, as a person or as a husband both times he tried, and he'll be the first to admit that! But he was a helluva lot more well-adjusted and had a whole lot less issues than you did, Weiss.

“You're going to end up getting hurt. Ruby's going to end up getting hurt. And with Keepers, you can bet there’s going to be plenty of collateral damage. And I don't know if you’ll believe me, but I sincerely wish none of that to happens to you—to either of you.

“So please: will you say 'No' to the contest…?”

Weiss looked Yang in the eyes, saw the sincerity, the desperation. She felt the anger and indignation inside of her drain away as she saw something far too familiar:

Someone who only wanted to protect her little sister.

Weiss slowly reached out and touched Yang on the shoulder. “Yang…? I believe you, alright? I don't want Ruby to get hurt either, and trust me, I'm already starting to get a pretty good idea of all the crazy shit that happens when you date a Keeper.

“But I'm entering that contest with her, and I'm going to keep on dating her, unless one or the both of us decide to break it off!”

Weiss carefully pulled off her mask. “Ruby's going to get hurt, Yang. You can't protect her from everything. And I know you know she doesn't want you to—even if you are her big sister.

“It's called the growing the fuck up, and there's nothing you can do about it.”

Weiss put her mask back on.

Yang looked down, defeated. “… If you two happen to win one of the big prizes, and you have to do the big victory kiss for the crowds, don't go full-on make out session, alright? The images my brain is offering are bad enough, I don’t need the reality broadcasted on live HoloVision for all of Avalon to see.”

“We won't, I promise,” Weiss replied. She looked away. “… Besides, we, uh, kinda know from firsthand experience that it's REALLY bad for me to get too excited...”

Yang looked at her in curiosity. “Why? What happens?”

Weiss slowly looked back at her. “… I accidentally freeze our lips together...”

Yang sniggered. “Well, at least I you're not giving her the cold shoulder, huh?”

Beat.

The both of them groaned.

“Oh, fuck me, that was a mistake...” Yang said, quietly gagging.

“Yes… yes it was...” Weiss grumbled.

They returned to their table, told the others that Yang had changed her mind and that she'd join the plan. “And just so we're clear here: this is only because I don't want Ruby to get in trouble,” she added as she and Weiss slipped back into their seats.

“That means she's starting to like you!” Ruby whispered as Weiss returned by her side.

Their food arrived shortly after. They could see Marty still being very suspicious of them, especially with how Weiss and Ruby noticeably kept their masks on as the others began to dig in, but thankfully the other server with him told him to knock it off.

“Geeze, Marty, lay off the shock news for a while! That shit's not good for you...” they muttered as they returned to the kitchen.

After a dinner spent with Weiss and Ruby's hoods up and heads down as they ate, they sent an entry picture of them for the contest:

The two of them in the center, satisfied and looking very much in love while the others were slumped over “dead” on the table, ketchup “bloodstains” everywhere.

Penny attached their fake identities, playfully captioned it “Dinner Date for the Keepers,” then sent it off before they paid their bill and left Fiorina's. Marty was still wary of them and none too pleased about the mess beside, but the generous tip Pyrrha convinced him to give it a rest, for now.

It had barely been five minutes when they got a message back from the officials:

“What amazing costumes and astoundingly bad taste! We love it, you're in.”

Note: As the author finally remembered, their saying “Sexy Animal Noise” in their “Dr. Nefarious” Voice.

[finsterhund]

some more hell lol

I'm fucking sick of this shit.

I say about how I need to go to Costco after I get paid because there's things I need to get. As in necessities. Ex roommate says that we are going today instead and he can buy things and I'll pay him back. Never trust someone when they say this. Just don't.

Well guess who fucking lied. So who knows if I'll be allowed to go to Costco once I get paid or if I'll have to suffer waiting when I have money begging for someone to fucking take me places.

I am so fucking sick of this shit. If you would have just given a shit about the fact that I need a service dog when deciding on the place we were moving to without my input, we wouldn't be having this problem.

They both act like I'm a burden, lie, and then act like they're actually helping me when they're doing fuck all. They want to feel good without actually doing anything.

So this was a complete waste of time and energy and I could have been sleeping at home instead of trailing them around in a too hot Costco while getting NONE of my necessities knowing full well "we went to Costco three days ago" will be tossed my way when I finally get paid and I absolutely need to get things but nobody wants to waste their previous adult time making sure I have some level of comfort in life.

Worst part is ex roommate is getting a whole bunch of shit for himself and my friend is saying "yes if you want it" and he's going all "it's for all of us to share" even though we all know he'll stuff his face with all of it within a day of bringing it home and I'll be lucky to grab an eighth of it and if I manage to get some my friend will be like "the TWO OF YOU ate it all and I didn't get any" like, bullshit. I snagged scraps. I wasn't the fuckhead who ate it all.

I'm so mad because they're like "do you want mozzarella sticks?" And I'm like "I'd prefer to get my necessities honestly" so we don't get the mozza sticks OR my necessities.

Meanwhile ex roommate is (trying to say it quietly enough that I can't hear) about how he wants us to get our shopping done today so we won't have to do it for a while so fuck me, right?

Just to ensure I have SOMETHING I'm answering "yes" for literally everything I'm asked now because if I'm not going to have $20 worth of things I need right away I might as well have $40 worth of junk food. So yeah this isn't a matter of my needs being too expensive because they're getting lots of frozen food. My guess is to shut me up and if makes no damn sense.

This just shows me that ultimately the only one who cares enough about me in this household is me, and in order to ever thrive I've got to change my living situation but until I get my service dog I am entirely helpless to do so.

It really does feel like I'm an overglorified source of rent money and little else when things like this happen.

I just keep thinking about how if I had Zippy I could have easily passed her public Access test even though she can't do deep pressure therapy so at least she'd be able to help me potentially go places like the Costco by myself but in the end they didn't let me and she ended up getting sick and mom never told me and then she died and now I'll never be able to have her here with me ever. Fuck every last piece of shit fucko that makes my life harder than it has to be.

Like why is it so hard to wait until I get paid before getting groceries and shit? We have to wait until ex roommate gets paid so why can't we do Andy shopping runs where I get to get the things I need. I wouldn't be so dependant financially if y'all just tried to be convenient for me for once instead of me being a constant afterthought.

This is getting to the point where if I finally become independent I might just want to leave. Completely ditch this dynamic. I feel like it's a constant flux of doing super nice things for me and then treating me like shit.

The fact that I'm not allowed to have packages shipped to the door anymore and I have to beg if I ever want to go anywhere and I'll probably be abandoned and not get to go to the convention in May and I'm the only one who's made to announce when I'm having a bath and everyone else can take an hour in the bathroom without warning me and that the house is kept at a too hot temperature I just can't stand this anymore. It's like I'm not allowed to fucking live. I'm just expected to exist in my bedroom and suffer.

The one thing I get to get today is my epsalm salt. I can guarantee that they'll chew me out for wanting to have a bath today though. Because I had one yesterday. Nevermind that I'm sore and too hot and my skin is all raw and enflamed because one of my necessities we're not getting is something for that.

I'm standing to get my prescription that I was technically supposed to get in three days but I'm hoping I won't have to pay for getting it early (still don't know how that works) and I can hear them a ways away talking behind my back thinking I can't hear them again.

Fortunately the medicine doesn't cost money but they didn't put it in the special pill separator thing so I'm very anxious about it. I am hoping they have clear instructions on the label this time so I don't take too many again.

I feel a little bit better now that it's all over and done with. Extremely frustrated and still feel like this was largely a waste of time but at least I can go curl up in bed again and shut down.

A small amount of will to live returned to me because this random kid next to us in line at the checkout is saying about how they're a puppy and softly yipping and just generally being like me at that age. But the parent is being a stupid adult and getting annoyed at them quietly being a puppy next to the cart even though they're not bothering anyone and I hate adults but at least children are still good and pure like how I used to be and that makes me have hope for the future. I wish the mom wasn't an asshole though. Your kid is a treasure don't fuck up their personality like what my parents did to me. Let him be a puppy he's not doing any harm the kid looks 4 and it's too hot in this Costco they probably want to leave just like me.

I feel bad they got this kid in a thick sweltering coat and the tightest most uncomfortable looking jeans I've ever seen someone wear. They're probably extremely uncomfortable and you're getting mad at them for quietly playing with a stuffed toy while you're waiting in line. I hate you.

You're some stupid fuck who dresses their kid like some designer toy instead of what's comfortable and get mad at them for harmlessly playing when they're bored in a loud too hot store. I thought my hatred of this would die down as I got older but it's just gotten more aggressive. They shouldn't make designer clothes for toddlers it's not like the kids want to wear skinny jeans and shit they just want something comfortable to run around in.

I'm actually so disgusted that they make skinny jeans for toddlers. What the fuck.

So yeah. I feel like complete and utter shit and it's mostly an "adult humans are fucking parasites that exist to ruin the lives of everyone else" kinda mood.

[teambfalcon]

Rant 3

(my auto fill tells me how many rants I have made)

I woke up feeling ANGRY!!! It's a holdover from yesterday (when I had a severe depressive episode) and the day before (when a neighbor was harassing my guest and me). Basically, neighbor harassed us, my dad stuck up for her and got mad at me when I voiced my intrusive thoughts, and acted like I was a bad person because of them.

Here's a thing about me: I used to be outwardly violent. I had to work very, very hard not to be anymore. But I'm still inwardly violent, because that's just how thoughts work in my head and how I grew up. My dad is no better. He might not, say, wish death on THAT particular person, but oh man, the things he has said about our ethnic neighbors, and the things he said about Bush...

So Firstly, I don't think I should be treated like a monster, BY HIM, for saying "she should go die & not be a nuisance anymore". That wasn't the first time this month she had harassed a guest. (EDIT TO CLARIFY: Upon further reflection yesterday, I don't actually *want her dead*, I just want her to go away & leave everyone alone, and death is my go-to "go away forever" scenario because it is the most permanent, not because I want someone to literally not be alive anymore. BUT BY ALL MEANS, KEEP PUSHING ME AND TELLING ME THAT SHE'S A REAL PERSON WITH REAL FEELINGS that are implied to be worth more than mine, and I *WILL* get to that point, swear to former-in-law.)

Secondly, here's another thing about me, and it dates back to school days: The more you try to get me to feel guilty or feel sorry for someone, the less it will work. I do not CARE about someone else's perspective when I'm ANGRY, because they are not real people once they have ANGERED me (usually by harassing me or a friend). I do not CARE about her issues, because you're supposed to be on MY side, especially if you're my parent or caretaker.

Before y'all cry at me for being problematic, waaaah, let me tell you my Thirdly. Thirdly, I am mentally ill and I was on a beta blocker at the time of the incident. And by "incident", what even happened was she was harassing my friend and me, and so I started repeating what she said in a loud and mocking voice. She doesn't KNOW that I had violent ideations about her. I never threatened her, I never intimidated her to her face, though she certainly tried to do it to me. So you know, I basically didn't DO anything.

Fourthly, my beta blocker does NOT inhibit my violent thoughts. It makes me more calculated about them. I will spare you the gory details, but I had dreams all night afterwards about various pragmatic ways to Solve the Problem who lives upstairs. Now, please note that I won't ever act on them. I'm on probation, and even if I wasn't, I've heard the weight of taking a human life stays with you. I don't need that, what with all the other fun depressive things that go on in my head.

Fifthly, STEVE, MY DUDE. I NEVER SAID I WAS GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HER WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT ME!!??? I said she should do it to HERSELF, which okay, isn't great, but it's not like I told HER that! You're MY dad, you're supposed be on MY side, not trying to get me to care about someone who tried to intimidate me off MY OWN FUCKING PROPERTY!!!!!!

Sixthly, yes, I know how this sounds. But again, just because I *have* bad thoughts doesn't mean I'm careless enough to ACT ON bad thoughts. Ms. Upstairs doesn't even know I got mad at her to that degree. But my friends do! Some of them found it entertaining (because I'm bold enough to voice the thoughts they're too pure to say) and some of them were squicked the fuck out. Not that they SAID so, they know I react poorly to criticism when I'm ANGRY, but they sure stopped responding to me lmao. I made it fairly clear I was having a (friend-locked) meltdown and they're just like 🙈🙉😓 (I don't know how to do that shrug emote thing).

I mean, I guess it's better than moralizing at me, which makes me angrier and sometimes suicidal. And it's better than Lynn&Brynn going "omg your violence, it TRIGGERS". But damn, you would think someone I've been friends with for two years, who's usually quick to check on me would see that and not just be like "oh lol anyway Facebook, check out my hair and my butt quotes!"

btw yes I know how self absorbed that sounds, it's just, I actually feel like she's been avoiding me for weeks, it's just, that's the day that really clinched it for me, and I've got severe abandonment issues, and the court ordered therapy keeps getting rescheduled, and the Valley Med therapy won't call me back to set an appointment and I'm just --!

So I spent all of yesterday crying and feeling like I wasn't worth as much to my dad as some invasive broad that lives upstairs and won't move to a quieter unit because she's a shitstarter. Gina offered to talk to me but she is...well, she's provincial-Canadian and wouldn't know how to handle my jaded-American rage. I did talk to Favorite Sibling a bit, but I think she didn't really know how to respond because I have a history of escalating ANGRY, and neither of us want me to lose my shit *at her*.

I promised to do the dishes before I went back to work but I honestly just feel like slicing my arms open, which I also won't do because I'm TOO FUCKING TIRED to do anything other than brood. Oddly, this site made me feel loads better (probably because I follow only three people, and two of them post). My muscles are sore from bed and they want to be stretched but I just...can't.