#it's bullshit bc christians can just bitch about things they don't like in christianity and that's like. what it is

[manns-cape]

eternally grouchy about islam bc i don't even particularly care for it but i'm indebted to forever be pointing out islamophobia around me, because i am also doomed to being reduced to A Muslim literally the second that people find out my religion or google my ethnicity. i'm the worst idol-worshipping blasphemous muslim in the world but that unfortunately does NOT stop people doing weird islamophobic or islam-fetishizing things towards me. bro i don't want to have to care about this.

[maybanksbabe]

Ok so I hate cheating tropes

BUT I had this fuckin idea in my head for a few days now and holy shit

Little lamb already being in a relationship with someone that her father set her up with (maybe their dads are like really close or something) but meeting rafe and his family at church one day completely ruins things

I'm talking about little lamb telling her parents that she's going to church for some late night bible reading and her dad gives her the key to the church and she tells her boyfriend (let's say his name is Richie) that her father doesn't really let her out past curfew unless it's for a good reason (her curfew is like 8pm and 9pm on a good night but if it's for like church things than he's like reluctantly agreeing while little lamb's mom is ecstatic about her loving Jesus or whatever) and that coming over to her house without invitation is like a big no no (even though rafe is like coming over whenever he can cause you know he's a BadBoy™️)

And like rafe gets her a necklace that matches her purity ring (this is a little self indulgent here but not the point) and the necklace is like super expensive and had a really nice 'R' on it and Richie thinks it for his virgin ass but really the rafe Cameron

Her father kinda despises the Cameron's bc of all rafe's run in with the law but also because of the cover ups that ward does for rafe, he thinks that all of the Cameron's, except for wheezie, are sinners because

A. Rafe is an absolute psychopath and a 'delinquent' (he's not wrong y'know 👀)

B. it's rumored that Sarah is not a virgin and that she cheated on topper (so the exact 'opposite' of his little girl THIS ISN'T MY ACTUAL VIEW OF SARAH IT'S JUST WHAT I THINK THAT RAT BASTARD PREACHER MAN WOULD THINK OF HER)

C. Ward used to be a pogue (he's an evangelical Christian of course there's going to be some classist bullshit going on)

D. Rose is seen as the other woman even if it may or not be true (since we don't know what's her deal it's either she's a homewrecker if ward divorced his wife for her or she's trying to replace Cameron's ex wife is she's dead or missing, I DON'T HATE OR THINK OF ROSE LIKE THIS IT'S JUST WHAT I THINK AN ASSHOLE EVANGELICAL PREACHER WOULD THINK OF HER)

E. He thinks that wheezie is just an innocent soul trapped in a troubled family (again he's not wrong but he gets all high and mighty over it, y'know bc he's a preacher and has major savior complex problems, he probably offers bible lessons from his youth pastor for wheezie but she begs ward not to do it and he listens for once, preacher bitch gets mad but doesn't say anything and honestly he thinks that ward is corrupting her innocent soul but mama lamb jumps in and says it's fine)

BUT that him and his family being all kind and forgiving towards them and welcoming them into the church will do wonders for rafe and his family so he kinda just puts up a fake smile at the Cameron's whenever they enter the church but little lamb's mom is like 'stop being so mean, Jesus said to love thy neighbor and gosh darn it that is what we will do even if they're... sinners' she says with a forced smile as she lightly scolds him in the back so that no one will hear them and she makes little lamb be all friendly towards rafe and the rest of the Camerons. I imagine little lambs mom is like way more cool about this kinda shit than little lamb's father

Rafe likes to tease little lamb about losing her purity ring as he's balls deep in her and says something like "oh baby... Looking at that ring knowing that you're not married and that I'm not your boyfriend is really does make this so much more fun" He grunts and thrusts harder into her as he laces his hands with hers as he plays with the ring absentmindedly as he reaches one hand down and play with her clit as he grins

"and the fact that I'm doing this in your family's church really is doing something for me" he chuckles and feels her pretty pussy flutter around him as he says these dirty little things "fuckin on the church pews... Who knew the preacher's daughter had it in her" she's clawing at his arms trying to bring herself back to earth but rafe knows that isn't going to work so he grabs her hands

"you keep moaning like that and people might come in here to see what's wrong" he holds onto her hand again and puts it back on the pew "and if people come in here they won't think of you as a little lamb anymore" she moans into her hand but he can still hear her little high pitched moan as he holds her hips even tighter as she's bent over the pews

"what if" she cuts herself off with a moanas she gives up on trying to silence her moans and holds onto pew for dear life and looks at her purity ring without a care in the world "what if that's not what I want- oh!" She grips the pew she's bent over with a harsh grip, and looks down and takes a glimpse at his cock intruding her perfect pussy "oh my freaking god!"

"c'mon baby, I know you can curse" he leans in and whispers in her ear "I've heard you do it before, playing with your pussy in the church bathrooms cursing my name AND god for 'sending me to test you' oh I know all about that" he chuckles and rubs her clit even faster

"oh my fucking god! That's so good" she holds her skirt up and let's rafe see her bare ass as he's taking her from behind "holy shit that's fuckin good" she moans out and looks back at him He laughed and let her fuck herself back onto him "now just where did you learn that, Little lamb" he says as he looks at her cute round ass bounce as she's moaning loudly again

"I'm not stupid, rafe, I've seen my fair share of videos" she huffs out a laugh before it turns into more, almost feral, moan and reaches down and guides rafe's fingers around her clit just the way she likes it and lets her skirt fall over then again before rafe just lifts it up her waist "oh god just like that, holy shit"

"maybe I was wrong" he says as he takes control back and thrusts even deeper in her "maybe you're just a wolf in sheep's clothing, huh?" He lets her rub her clit as he thrusts into her at a faster and an unsteady rhythm as he feels her getting closer too "oh my little wolf is surely full of surprises, ain't she?" She nods her head before he pulls her hair to make her look him in the eyes as he takes her from behind "c'mon answer me, little wolf" he makes eye contact with her and enjoys the fucked out look in her beautiful eyes as she struggles to even think as she moans so loudly and plays with her nipples with one hand and plays with her clit with the another

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Him calling her little wolf instead of little lamb is so funny to me 🤭 (you can ignore this but I had to get this out of my head and I'm actually kind of scared to post this on my main so you're cursed with this thought... My bad 😚)

This au is based on the idea of what would happen if little lamb's family isn't at all what it seems, so you know it's kind of a more self righteous than the wards but at least there's no drugs or run-ins with the law or cover ups for said run ins with the law or infidelity (mostly 👀)

HOLY SHIT IS RIGHT ANON OH MY GOD????

It's been so long since we've had a Little Lamb and Rafe moment I'm HERE FOR IT 🤤🤤🤤 I literally have no notes on this the description, the content?!! THE NECKLACE?!!?

Lawwwdddd forgive me I'm about to fucking SIN -

[thedreadvampy]

ummmm

Ok so at the end of S4. Penelope goes to prison after murdering Every Other Blossom except Cheryl then breaks out in a prison break orchestrated by Hiram, who blows up the wall of the prison HE OWNS in order to sow chaos. Chic and Charles break into Betty's house in order to get gay crime married, then make her do some stabbing. Toni and Cheryl break up. everyone graduates and goes their separate ways.

S5. timeskip. everyone is 25 now. archie comes back from The War. he is haunted by what appear to be literal ghosts of men who died under his command. Jughead got a blockbuster hit with his book about Jason but then fell into a Bukowski alcoholism haze and meet the rat king of new York in the sewers. he can't write and he's in Big Debt. Betty is in FBI school but also she got Silence of the Lambsed by a serial killer. Veronica did not business things and keeps calling herself the She Wolf of Wall Street but now she's broke bc her husband is bad. Cheryl went nuts and is turning Thornhill into the Winchester House.

Hiram is trying to unincorporate Riverdale to get at a Super Valuable Mine under a heretofore unmentioned swamp. to prevent this the core cast start running the town.

sex workers are disappearing off the Lonely Highway. Polly is one of those people. Betty is trying to find Polly through chainsaw torturing truckers, running a strip club in Pops, and pretending to be an FBI agent.

Semi-relatedly, there are mothmen. Jughead and his new girlfriend Tabitha, who is Pop's granddaughter, are trying to discover what the deal is with mothmen. Initially it looks like Riverdale is gonna do aliens but they let me down again and it's actually murder hillbilly Blossom cousins. Tabitha, Betty and Jughead's other ex do mushrooms together and bitch about Jughead.

meanwhile Toni, Fangs and Kevin are raising a baby in a bisexual polycule but Kevin is a bad boyfriend so now it's just Fangs and Toni. Veronica and Reggie are off doing some business crime bullshit I don't care about. Veronica shoots her husband in the face.

Cheryl starts a Christian cult with Penelope which Kevin obviously immediately joins but then she 180s and decided SHE'S the actual Messiah and they're a maple worship cult now. she attacks her mother with bees.

Archie meanwhile is doing almost entirely unrelated things about war trauma. He jumps between being a veteran advocate, briefly dropping back into vigilantism, being a firefighter and eventually settles on miner, whereupon he is trapped in a collapse but saves someone with the help of ghosts.

Toni is running the school and is also a social worker. she is trying to help a young lesbian with abusive parents and UNACCOUNTABLY decides the best way to do this is to send her to live with Cheryl, who is at this point actively insisting she's a living god.

Jughead, Betty and Tabitha discover that the mothmen are hillbillies who are doing the road murders so they go to fight them and ultimately they prevail. unfortunately Polly is SUPER dead. Veronica defeats Hiram through Business Machinations and runs him out of town but foolishly does not kill him.

they hold a town meeting and decide that Riverdale will now be run by a Council of Five and you think it's going to be them but no! they nominate. for some reason. Alice Cooper, Toni, Archie's Uncle Frank and some other people I don't remember who bc I stalled out on the concept of getting ALICE COOPER to run the town, a woman who has never once made a not unhinged choice.

all immediate threats seem to be resolved. hooray we've wrapped it all up. Cheryl bursts in and says YOUR ANCESTORS BURNT MY ANCESTOR AT THE STAKE AS A WITCH, YOU ALL OWE ME A BLOOD DEBT AND BY THE WAY MOTHERFUCKERS THERE IS A WITCHES CURSE UPON EVERYONE HERE

there is a witches curse.

end s5

in what I can only assume is a desperate and yet delightful attempt to somehow up the ante from the grimdark of an unincorporated Riverdale where ghoulies just do random murders, both Veronica and Betty have now full on violently killed a man on screen, and apparently there's a witch curse even if there aren't aliens, S6 begins as above. I am on episode 3 and so far it appears that we're doing 'Rivervale is the battleground where the final war between heaven and hell is to be fought,' Jughead and Veronica have canonically sold their souls to Satan, and Betty has stabbed a man to death with scissors for channeling the ghost of her serial killer father.

so in summary: you should know it's impossible to give a cliff notes of Riverdale anything but they are indeed successfully upping the ante after a frankly lacklustre season 4 that was about public school murder clubs and 12 year olds making snuff films but imo failed at having any like. uniting story thread or conflict.

Can someone give me the clifnotes version of the last couple seasons