#it's bugged me forever and now that a third something dropped in there and i still can't see shit

[thebookishwallflower]

hey y'all, i can't figure out what's wrong, but my tumblr inbox is reading that i have three unopened things in there, but, when clicked shows that it's empty?

don't know how that works, or what happened but if anyone has any insight please share, and if you're one of the three, i'm so sorry, i'm not ignoring you, i can't see it!!

[ghosttalksalot]

if you know me you know i LOVE a real spidery peter. natural web production and all. ESPECIALLY when wade loves it.

starting this post off with a real quick spider lesson. you can skip to the next paragraph, but it explains the way i write peter here a bit. most spiders have what are called 'slit sense organs.' these are on their legs and bodies, and they allow them to detect what's on their web without seeing with their eyes. so they can detect the difference between prey getting caught, a leaf falling into the web, and a breeze. anyway~

peter might have some kind of an anxious habit, maybe he tries not to, its a little embarrassing. well, maybe not embarassing... but he definitely doesn't want people to know because they definitely would not get it. but after a real hard day when hes still feeling a little jumpy, he will weave a web. nothing CRAZY... just a little something over his bed and connected to the door and the close walls so he knows whats going on. its not CRAZY... its just different. there's a reason he's not open about it.

regardless, if he doesn't make it big enough to lay on that day he'll have his hand resting against it, just so he knows if anything happens in his room. he jumps a little less hearing ac turn on if he feels the breeze through the web as well, can't convince himself its something else. after all, it won't be there forever, it's just to reassure him for now. sometimes after a whole lot of people try to kill you, you want some reassurance.

so now he's getting closer with wade. he trusts him enough to have had him over, but he's not yet shared his name or face. he knows deadpool could have long since found him if he wanted to, so he figures going a little out of order doesn't matter. wade clearly intends on letting peter share as he's ready, which is a slightly unexpected but nonetheless appreciated kindness.

before patrol happened, wade told him he would bring pizza over that night. sounded great at the time, free food was always great, but with everything that happened that night he'd quickly forgotten. he's "relaxing" - he could hardly be more tense, doesn't quite seem right to call it relaxing - in his anxiously woven web, and three things go through his mind when he hears the window unlatch.

first, he's excited to get semi-unexpected pizza. second, he hopes wade didn't get mushrooms AGAIN. third, oh my god oh my fuck he's unmasked in a giant embarrassing web. that's one too many things to fix and far too little time to do so. his instincts take over and before the window is open, he leaps to his feet and pulls his mask over his face. guess deadpool gets to see him in a shirt and basketball shorts tonight, but it surely won't be the first thing he notices.

wade drops in through the window with five pizza boxes. the pizza smells amazing but peter is definitely not thinking about that. deadpool is frozen still, and for maybe the first time its almost seems that he's thinking before he speaks.

"i can... i can definitely explain this"

"webs... this is...."

"yeah, i know, it's weird, it's just been a long day, and i can-"

"i told you i was bringing pizza, what are you trying to catch bugs for?" the grin is now evident in wade's voice. peter groans.

"that's not what im doing, wade."

"really? because this is some excellent craftsmanship. if i were a bug i would definitely wander my way into this to get eaten by the big scary spider." wade plucks a strand of the webbing experimentally before semi-carefully placing down the pizza boxes and throwing his arms up in celebration. "and look! your hunt is successful! i didn't think to put bugs on the pizza but-"

"no, no. that's good. no bugs on pizza" peter's head is in his hands. "just sit down wade."

"on the web?"

"just sit."

"on the web it is!" wade plops down and peter flinches slightly at the movement in the web.

"be careful, will you? i can feel the vibrations in the web." wade slowly turns to him, wide eyes and excitement evident. peter takes the opportunity to take two of the pizza boxes. luckily, both of the ones on top just have pepperoni, and not whatever hellish combination wade asked the poor pizza man for today.

"am i allowed to ask?"

"you get two questions only. i won't answer more." wade thinks for a moment before settling on his first.

"why the web if not for bugs? because it really would be great for bugs, you drew me right in the window and im not even a-"

"so i know what comes into my room. i only do it after a bad night. next."

"...am i prey now, because im in the spider-man-web?"

"no, wade."

"will you still eat me if i ask nicely?"

"no, wade."

"HA! that was three answers." wade chuckles, proud of himself, and peter rolls his eyes under the mask.

"you're not... bothered by all this? i mean. it's a giant.... spider.. man.. web."

"nah. ...it's cool. i dig the weird spidery shit. web me up, spidey, if you catch my drift." wade waggles his eyebrows under the mask. peter groans grabs the nearest soft object to hurl it at him as wade laughs loudly.

although, peter supposes, if anyone were to find him in his...spider-man-web.... he'd rather it be wade. something about the merc's ability to never be truly shocked by his "spidery shit" came across as sincerely nonjudgemental. in that way, he felt comfortable with wade in a way he didn't with anyone else. he could relax and be himself, even the parts that were weird.

"what are you smiling for, spides?" wade puffed up his chest. "finally appreciating my excellent attempts at spider-seduction?"

"nah, it's just good pizza." peter took another bite and rolled his eyes at wade for the millionth time, this time because of his dramatic pouting. although he was sure he'd regret admitting it, he didn't mind having deadpool around. if anything, he enjoyed wade's company more than that of most people. he definitely could not admit that one. not now, at least. maybe, in the future, though. when wade can see his smile as he says it, and when wade can call him peter in his response. maybe then. for now though, he's just happy to eat pizza with him and not feel judged. this is good.

[ghost : im not happy with this one tbh... i love the idea but not the execution. ill revisit it in the future. here's this for now]

[venomous--fics]

Anon Requested: hi!! could you do a comfort fic for anxiety/trauma relating to an ex? like trust issues type stuff where you had to change your number and make a new acc on everything bc he wouldnt leave you alone. maybe eddie and venom help u w that?

Day 21!

A/n: I hope everything is going okay! And I hope this bring you some form of entertainment! Took forever to post because I kept having to change some stuff, and then the proofreading, etc etc. But, it's here now! And I hope you like it!

It just kept ringing and dinging. It was certainly letting you know that someone was trying to get ahold of you. And you were foolish to think it would stop. It's just kept going, day in an day out. And if it wasn't the phone, it was your socials. Messages flooding in seemingly every thirty seconds. It just would not stop.

How did it get this bad? Everything was so nice for a long time, why now?

Hey I'm around. Wanna hang?

You aren't answering. You okay?

Should I come over?

Same address, right?

Hey you should really pick up the phone.

So you're just going to ignore me?

Hello?

You couldn't take it anymore. It was going to end with you in a straight jacket if you kept dealing with it like this. You slammed the phone onto the counter, tearing through the apartment for anything hard and heavy enough to crush it. You landed on the lone hammer Eddie kept in his desk. Surely, for emergencies only.

You stalked back over to your phone.

It's like talking to a brick wall.

You ever going to pick up? Or do I need to call more?

I know you're reading these.

You can't hide from me forever.

H-

You brought the hammer down as hard as you could. Once, twice, and a third time just to be sure. You breathed a sigh of relief at the sheer quietness that flooded the apartment.

"Finally." You said, sitting on one of the bar stools, "Peace and quiet."

The door busted open and you lifted the hammer, thinking the worst was about to happen.

"I heard banging! Is everything o-...Kay?" Eddie looked from the hammer, to your face, to the kitchen island.

"Oh, it's you." You said, lowering your arm and dropping the hammer on the floor.

"The hell happened here." Eddie shut the door and walked over.

"It just- It kept ringing. It wouldn't stop. They wouldn't leave me alone."

"Hey, it's okay." Eddie rubbed your back, "We can just get you a new phone. I was planning on doing that anyways."

"You were?"

"Yeah, wanted it to be a surprise." Eddie looked at the remnants of your old phone, "So, surprise."

"A real surprise would be showing up to their place and eating them." Venom grinned at the thought.

"You don't have to do that."

"But I want to." Venom protested, "Besides, it's not like anyone would really care."

You sheepishly pulled at the ends of your sleeves, "Could you two maybe, instead of eating people, help me set up some new socials...?"

"I'd love to!" Eddie said, "Man, I've been waiting for you to ask. I love giving random companies all my personal information."

Just as promised, Eddie had gotten you a new phone, and helped you set it up. And he also helped you make new profiles for everything, making sure to block undesirable people in the process.

"I don't like having to use my last name." You said, "I'm sure they'll just keep bugging me."

Eddie took his laptop, "Here, then. Use my last name."

You felt your face heat up as you watched him type out the name Brock. He slid it back into your lap once he was done, "See, that was easy."

You stared at the screen, bewildered that that actually happened.

Eddie leaned over, practically laying on your shoulder now, "Wow, looks nice. And that name? Snazzy."

You felt like you could just burst into flames at any given moment.

"Sir," You said, "That wasn't necessary. I could've thought of something."

"Wouldn't have been as cool as Brock, though. What? Were you use Smith?" Eddie teased.

"Reeves, actually."

"Like Keanu?" Venom asked.

Eddie looked at the symbiote, "How do you know about Keanu?"

"I have hobbies, Eddie." Venom sounded offended, "I like to watch stuff while you sleep."

"Anyways." Eddie waved him off, "I think this looks really good. A fresh start for you."

A fresh start, you thought. Yeah, that's nice and all but Reeves is way cooler than Brock.

[lightrises]

"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

[lyssismagical]

72 w Parkner pls 🥺

just some bb fluff between the Keener-Parker-Stark family uwu

*

“I'll see you in a few hours, babe,” Morgan says, leaning up to kiss her partner. “I love you.”

Saylor smiles and gently pushes a strand of hair behind Morgan’s ear. “I love you too. Have fun. Tell them I said hi.”

Morgan and Saylor have been together for three years now, having met in Morgan’s third year of college, studying to become a teacher. Saylor’s in med school.

They live together in New York, only a few hours’ drive away from Stark Towers where Harley and Peter live.

She hasn’t had a day off between school and her job as a teaching assistant, not to mention having just gotten a puppy with Saylor who needs constant attention and care.

The drive to Stark Industries is a little boring, traffic a little heavier than usual on a Saturday morning. She feels a little bad about not spending the weekend with her partner who’s also rarely free, but she also hasn’t made the trip to see her family in quite a while.

Harley and Peter are sitting at the breakfast bar, knees touching and Harley’s laughing bright and loud at something Peter must’ve said. They both look tired, despite the weekend beginning, but she knows the business has been under some heat lately.

Peter’s up, out of his seat as soon as he sees her, pulling her into a warm hug. “I’ve missed you, bug. How are you? How’s Saylor? How’s school?”

“Let her breathe, darling,” Harley says, leaning over his husband to ruffle Morgan’s hair. “You want a coffee?”

“Yes, please, traffic was awful.”

Harley smiles and heads off towards the kitchen, leaving Peter to fuss over Morgan.

“You look tired, have you been sleeping alright?”

“Peter, I’m fine, I promise. I’m twenty-four, you don’t need to worry about me like I’m still fourteen.”

He sighs wearily, it’s obvious it hasn’t exactly been an easy week for him. “I know. But you’ll always be my little bug.”

“I’m good, really, Peter. I’m happy.”

Harley returns, pressing an old Iron Man mug into her hands. “How’s Saylor? I miss that kid.”

“They’re good… Busy, that’s for sure. Med school, the internship at the hospital, taking care of Nova. We’ve both been busy, but they’re happy. They’ve got the weekend off to just play with Nova and rest.”

Peter goes to respond, but his phone ringing cuts him off. “Sorry, I should probably… Hello?”

Harley sighs, leading Morgan to the living room. “It’s been complicated lately.”

“I heard, is everything okay?”

“One of our rival companies, they’re fighting dirty and it’s putting a lot of pressure on us. We’ve already lost a few employees, as well as some investors because of them. But we’re making progress and it’ll all blow over soon enough.”

Morgan nods, pulling her knees up to her chest on the couch, tucking herself into the warmth. It’s the same old couch that Tony bought decades ago, there’s a few photographs of her here when she must’ve been two to four years old, her dad holding her in his lap. On one hand, she knows why they haven’t bothered to replace it, every memory of Tony is important to all three of them and seems almost wrong to get rid of anything that belonged to him. But on the other hand, it really is just a couch. An old, worn-leather couch, with rips in the seams and stains along the back.

“Peter looks exhausted,” she says, watching carefully as Harley’s face shifts into worried sadness.

“He is. You know how he gets when it comes to anything surrounding your dad.”

Peter slips into the room, rubbing a hand down his face. “I’ve gotta go. I’m sorry to cut this short, but PR needs one of us downstairs.”

“I’ll get it,” Harley offers, already bringing himself to his feet.

“No, it’s okay. You took the last one. I’ll go, sort this out, I’ll hopefully be back within an hour or two. I’ll bring takeout for lunch, sound good?”

Harley sighs and Morgan knows she makes the exact same expression as he does whenever Saylor picks up extra hours at the hospital or stays up all night to study.

She’s never really known the two of them apart, she was too young to remember them before they got together, way back when they were eighteen and nineteen. They’ve been together ever since, bar the one time in college where they split up for nearly four months, long-distance having become too much for them.

She’s never known Harley without the permanent wrinkle between his brows from the constant worry of dating a selfless superhero. She’s never known Peter without the messy curls, having given up gel and product when Harley convinced him he looked better without it.

When she was young, she always worried that she’d never find love the way her parents did, the way she saw Harley and Peter, so unconditional, so pure, so endless. She worried she wouldn’t find the person who was clearly meant to be her other half like Peter is for Harley and Harley is for Peter.

But then she met Saylor.

“Bye, bug, I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

She hugs Peter goodbye, settling back into the cushions beside Harley.

“How did you know you were going to be with Peter forever?” Morgan asks. She adores the way Harley’s expression goes gentle and nostalgic and loving.

“Peter likes to say that he knew when we met, that very first time, at the cabin. But I don’t think it was ever quite that simple, you know? I knew I loved him when we were in college and he was in Massachusetts while I was in California, and I woke up one day, and found Peter in my dorm room. He’d flown all the way out, on his long weekend, just to spend time with me. He was sitting next to me, reading the book I had to write an essay on so he’d be able to me. It was so simple, so easy, and it was clear, in that moment, that I could do that forever. Wake up next to him, live in simple domesticity with him.”

“And you wanted to do that forever?”

She knows that moment with Saylor, too. They had come home from a long day at school and a long evening at the hospital, and they had picked up her favourite meal for dinner on the way home. They had curled up on the couch together, eaten dinner, and watched a movie, and smiled when Morgan had ranted about the antagonist of the film.

“For as long as he’d have me.”

“And you’ve never once gone back on that?”

Harley shrugs, eyes far away. “I fucked up in college, I nearly ruined the best thing I’d ever had, and that’s the biggest regret I’ll have to carry with me. That’s the only regret I’ll ever have about our relationship, is hurting him and losing four months with him.”

“I think I want to ask Saylor to marry me,” Morgan says. She’s certain about that, but god is she ever nervous. “I love them more than anything.”

“I know.” Harley nudges her with his shoulder. “Every time you talk about them, you get that same look that I see on Peter’s face constantly. And that- that’s a lot. I see it on Saylor’s face too, when they talk about you.”

“You do?”

Harley’s smile widens. “I do. It’s clear how much that kid loves you. And if you’re even a fraction as sure as I was when I proposed, then you should go for it.”

“How did you do it?”

“It’s about as dramatic as you’d expect from us. He was-” Harley stops, swallows visibly. “He was dying. He’d been hurt while on a mission and I was there, I was holding him and he was- he was dying. Bucky had to physically restrain me while Sam got him to help… It was the most scared I’d ever been.”

“He was okay, though.”

“Yeah, somehow he always is. He was in that goddamn hospital bed and he was so high on pain killers and I just, I asked him to marry me.”

“That simple?”

“That simple.”

Morgan laughs a little. “And he said yes?”

“He did. He said yes. And when he was released from the hospital, he laughed so hard he cried because he couldn’t believe that’s how I asked him.”

And god does Morgan ever want that with Saylor. She loves her partner like crazy, loves them to the moon and back, she never wants to go another day without them, she doesn’t want to spend another second without being able to call her partner, her fiancé.

“I want to marry Saylor,” she says again.

Harley grins. “I’m proud of you.”

“For being in love?”

“For being unapologetically you and going after what you want.”

Morgan leans into Harley, his arm coming up to wrap around her shoulders. “You think they’ll say yes?”

“No question about it, kid.”

“If they do…” She trails off nervously. “Would you and Peter walk me down the aisle?”

Harley presses a kiss to her temple. “We would love to. And I’m sure we could have Nova trained to be a ring bearer in no time.”

Morgan laughs at the thought of her clumsy, bouncy little puppy trying to do anything with finesse.

Peter returns with lunch a little while later.

As soon as he walks in, he drops the bags down on the table and says, “I want a baby.”

“What?” Harley lets out a little surprised laugh and Morgan bursts into giggles at the absurdity.

“Quinn brought her baby in for the meeting because she couldn’t get a babysitter in time,” Peter explains, pouting childishly. “And I want one.”

Harley shakes his head, more dumbfounded than disagreeing. “You want a baby.”

“I want a baby,” he repeats. “I want a little tiny thing with ten fingers and ten toes and a beating heart.”

Morgan laughs again, walking up to hug Peter. “God, I missed how absolutely crazy you are.”

“Okay, darling, how about you eat some food and we’ll talk some more later?”

It’s not a no and Peter grins triumphantly.

“When did you know that you wanted to be with Harley forever?” Morgan asks before she can stop herself.

Peter’s smile widens and he looks to Harley with the softest, most lovestruck eyes she’s ever seen. “I was fifteen.”

“Fifteen? You were seventeen when we met.”

Peter slides a hand over Harley’s shoulder, tucking himself into his husband’s side. “I was fifteen and I was here with Tony. Right here, actually. We were having a lab night and he mentioned something about a potato gun kid. And I asked him to tell me about you. About dumbass Harley Keener who didn’t know when to stop, who was talkative and loud and sarcastic and annoying. Harley who helped save Tony’s life. And I thought, wow, if anybody would know what it feels like to be me, it’d be Harley.”

“Really?”

“I googled you later that day and I scrolled through your mom’s entire facebook, wondering just who was special enough to stay in Tony’s head for so long, so fresh. I told Ned, I said to him, I’m gonna meet this kid and I’m going to marry him one day because who else is worthy of my love than somebody who could save Tony Stark’s life.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not! It’s all true. Ask Ned, he’ll tell you.”

Harley rolls his eyes in pure adoration. “You never told me that.”

“I was embarrassed and then it didn’t seem relevant anymore.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting to learning things about you, Parker.”

Peter grins up at him. “Like how I want to have a baby?”

“You two would be amazing dads,” Morgan says, almost shyly. That part of their relationship isn’t talked about very much, how they might as well have raised Morgan, filled in the spot that her dad left when she was so young. “Any kid would be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, bug,” Peter murmurs.

“If you take tomorrow off, we’ll start researching, alright?” Harley bargains. A day off is hard to come by with Peter, but with an ultimatum like that, Peter can’t possibly say no.

Peter kisses him in response.

April Parker is the flower girl at Saylor and Morgan’s wedding that fall.

Taglist: @littlemissagrafina @spideyspeaches @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @misskirkstark @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester @emo-girl10 @hold-our-destiny @imalivebecauseirondad @spiderman-peterman @dykeragee @maryserrao @heeeyitskay @parknerandirondad @lilacsandlilies4 @loveliestdisappointment @joyful-soul-collector @genderfluid-and-confuzled @fallenstar07 @gyurolls @sdottkrames @you-did-it-sir @not-today-thx @fandomstuffff

{Let me know if you wanna be added or removed}

[ratcandy]

CoGR Abridged/Summarized

Hello hello! My name is Clam, otherwise known as Squeakyclam on Ao3, and this is a heavily summarized/shortened version of my HK fic Camouflage of Great Renown. For anyone somehow finding this that doesn't know what it's about, CoGR focuses on Zote and his story through the game and what preceded it. He recounts his entire life up until the end of what's known in canon, and this includes a whole lot of angst, growth, realizations, and Trauma Revelations.

Oh, and he's a nosk. Zote is a nosk. Yep.

I've had a few requests for a summary, as the work is super long and reading through 130k+ words of Zote dialogue may not be for everyone, hehehe so I've compiled all the important plot points and wrote them out here in order of his story, rather than the plotline CoGR goes through specifically (in which big events in his history are revealed later on).

If I had to recommend reading the fic for anything, it'd be the... impact, I suppose? 'Cause reading the summarized events here will NOT be anything like reading it in CoGR. Seeing as the fic is all in Zote's pov and he actually has to force himself to admit all of this aloud. But I digress!!

Here's a summary of Zote's life according to CoGR.

THIS IS A VERY, VERY LONG POST DESPITE BEING A SUMMARY. I'm sorry, CoGR just has a lot happening! T/W for mentions of death.

A lot more heavy stuff happens in CoGR, but in this summary I do my best to step around those subjects. If you think more T/Ws should be added, let me know, and I'll put them here

Nosks were a species that inhabited Deepnest, specifically living in a den towards the nest's depths. It split off into lots of tunnels and caverns that each nosk lived in. "Society" there was very hostile and unwelcoming, as nosks valued brute strength over just about anything else. Caring for another nosk - be it kin or otherwise - was considered weak. "Burdens" to the den, such as nosks that were badly wounded, would/could not hunt, or were simply getting too old would be killed off. Death in and of itself was very common and hardly anyone would bat an eye at it.

Think the Mantis Tribe but largely feral and without a shred of decency of morals.

Runt donning mask of citizen was born into the nosk den alongside his brother, who would become hunter donning hide of tiktik.

(Before anyone asks, these are just the naming conventions that nosks have. No one but the nosk superiors - the leaders of the den - are granted actual names.)

A third egg was among them, but the brother broke it open and ate the younger sibling not long after hatching.

The two were born under a superior (their mother) and her chosen mate (their father). They were expected to grow up strong and eventually overtake their mother and become superiors. Or, one of them would, maybe.

The runt (Zote) was immediately scorned by the mother, as he was extremely frail and useless, and she just about killed him off right after he hatched - but his father stepped in, and the runt was left alive.

Zote grew up to be a weak nosk who could barely defend himself in a den full of beasts that would gladly kill him if doing so wouldn't be a direct offense to a superior. His brother was cruel to him, his father berated him constantly, and his mother was hardly in the picture at all. Only ever watching him distastefully from afar.

His father did, however, train him, if only sparingly. The least he could do to keep Zote alive. (Doing so would be a death wish were any other nosks to find out about it...)

However, an elder in the den - hunter donning mask of weaver - gained Zote's attention as she told him fantastical stories from outside the den. This elder had spent a good portion of her life among the Weavers, initially being sent to learn about them (to make them easier to hunt) but growing interested in their culture and choosing to stay. Until she did something to get her chased out.

At any rate, she told the stories from the Weavers to Zote, alongside news of what was happening outside of Deepnest. This caused the runt to become obsessed with the idea of being a knight, as the stories just sounded!! So amazing and heroic and awesome and!!! :D Yea!! He wanted to be just like that!

To the point where he even carved a sword out of the shellwood... with the den elder's help. He named it Life-Ender eventually.

At some point, however, his father found out about all this. His father figured that the only way to eliminate this problem - as wishing to be something heroic that saved lives or whatever was SO unnosk-like (and would get him killed) - was to kill the den elder.

Before she died, the elder told Zote to run away from the den, and not to return no matter what. The idiot did not run, and because of this, he witnessed the Den Elder's death at the hands of his father and some other nosks.

Man! this does, however, cause Zote to be more... "open" about his ideas. By this I mean he begins carrying Life-Ender around instead of hiding it in his nest. what do you mean it's a comfort item what! no he's just rebelliously showing off how much he wants to be a knight. totally. 100% /s

well, anyway, not long after this, the idiot's father dies at the claws of his mother. Zote unfortunately witnesses this as well. When he tries to run, his mother catches him, nearly killing him as well. Luckily(?), this attempt is thwarted by Zote's brother, who was very distraught over their father's death. The brother swears to kill the mother before storming off. Zote runs into hiding (still in the nosk den), and begins devising his plan so to get the hell out of there.

Of the few times that Zote leaves his nest after his father's death, 90% of them ended with him getting pummeled by his brother. The latter was livid, blaming the father's death on Zote and frequently bursting into fits of emotional rage. Rage is great for nosks, other emotions not so much.

On one occasion in particular, the brother goes too far, nearly killing Zote. In the scuffle, Life-Ender is shattered, and that sends Zote into a blind anger (mixed with survival instinct as he's About to Die). Zote then kills his brother.

A crowd had gathered around them during the fight. In that crowd was Zote's mother, who looked to him approvingly after he'd killed off his brother. This terrified Zote, so he gathered the pieces of Life-Ender and fled the den forever.

Stopping at the hot spring in Deepnest, he made a disguise for himself based on the vessels that nosks would often capture. He made a new name for himself, took on an entirely new identity, and decided to abandon the idea that he was ever a nosk. He would just go to the City, be knighted by the King (who he'd heard of from the stories the Den Elder would tell him), and live out his life as a knight. Just like he always wanted. Not as a nosk. because he's not that.

The events that follow now are just very short summaries of things that happen throughout cogr.

- He breaks a statue in the Queen's station on accident after a bug finds him there. as a nosk. oops

- He obliterates the entire uoma population /j and burns himself in the process

- He repairs Life-Ender originally using mushrooms in the Fungal Wastes. Fungal adhesion is real I checked I swear

- He makes it to the City of Tears! and while there, he

Gets caught by Hegemol who mistakes him as a vessel

Drowns in the City's gutters

Purchases a cloth to wrap around Life-Ender

Hears the Pale King talk one (1) time and immediately decides he hates him

- While leaving the City, he finds a grub. That grub never really gets named, but as he frequented calling the little thing "Fiend," and the grub eventually began responding to that title, he just considers it a name for them now.

- Zote travels with the grub throughout the Crossroads until he drops them off with the Grubfather, being rewarded for reuniting them but overall feelings pretty :( about it.

- He then goes to the. So you know the houses that are underneath the Gruzz Mother's lil arena? Yea that place. he goes there and "guards" it, becoming that place's self-proclaimed knight.

- then he starts being paranoid about the grub and returns to the grubfather only to see all the grubs have been stolen. he presumes Fiend is dead from this point on (and dodges around ever using the word).

- Then he goes back to the lil town place only to see everyone's infected :(

- We then spend TEN CHAPTERS!! in Greenpath. In which he

eats a plant and dies

Stands in No Eyes's tomb.

Visits the Lake of Unn (and nothing bad happens)

Sees a nosk at the entrance to Fog Canyon and proceeds to have a panic attack

Kills everything

Gets caught by the Vengefly king

Gets saved!

has a breakdown

Yells at Ghost and then Leaves

- Canon starts!

- He stops in Dirtmouth, listens to Elderbug talk, gets told the Myth of the Great old Nosks who are now all Extinct. The news that nosks are now extinct freaks Zote out a little, but he absolutely refuses to return to Deepnest. He doesn't need to make sure. It's fine.

- In an effort to convince himself not to go to Deepnest, he goes to the City again, thinking it can't possibly be all that ba-- oh no everyone's dead!

- he inadvertently steals a map marker from Ghost and decides to use that as a pin for his cloak

- Zote returns to Deepnest. He's very upset with himself for this, but he just has to know if all the nosks are actually extinct now.

The answer is yes

but before that he gets caught by dirtcarvers and put in a web and has to be saved. this makes him angry

Upon seeing all the dead nosks once he gets to the den, and noticing that the last nosk was mimicking Ghost (evidenced by the mask left behind) before it died, he decides that he's gotta Kill Everything again

- more specifically we're going to the Colosseum now.

- Zote's fear of water evaporates as he goes through the secret passage in the King's Station to get to Kingdom's Edge. He only found it because he saw Ghost go that way

- While at the Kingdom's Edge, he gets caught by the Fools, who he stupidly challenges and then immediately gets caught by.

- sits in dumb baby jail for a while. mean to tiso

- Then the colosseum battle happens! He does not win he then gets dropped down into kingdom's edge with little regard toward whether he's dead or alive

- He grabs a Fool's helmet before leaving, going back to Dirtmouth, and intending to bury that thing

- this goes wrong as he bumps into Bretta. He then sits and talks with her for God Only Knows how Long, spacing out while doing so, and not even noticing when she eventually gets up and leaves him.

- He buries the helmet, shuts himself away in his house, and gets stuck repeating his precepts to himself. At the end of CoGR it is revealed that he hasn't been talking to anyone, and is instead talking to himself endlessly as no one is left to listen to him

and that's it! that's cogr. yeah

[writing-in-april]

Star Wars vs. Star Trek

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

This is my entry for the secret fic swap that was organized by the ever amazing @imagining-in-the-margins 

The person I got was-  @sunlight-moonrise  who is an amazing little bunny that I love

Thankies all around to my lovely helpers @definitelynotkatesblog , @clean-bands-dirty-stories​ and @httpnxtt  Plus I was inspired by all the asks that @reidscardigan​ gets, it fuels my smutty thoughts!

Warnings: Jealous!Spencer, Rough sex, Impact play (on the heavy side), Face fucking, Light degradation, Choking, Bruising/Marking, Hair Pulling, Unprotected sex, and Orgasm Denial

A/N: I had a great time writing this I think its one of my best works! Feel free to drop a request in my inbox if you have a request (No duplicate requests please)

Word count: 3.6K

Masterlist   

  Spencer and I finally have some vacation time, and my god it feels like it’s been forever. We both worked ridiculously hard at the BAU, so Hotch had finally determined that it was time for the team’s mandatory two-week break this year.  

As soon as we got home the both of us stripped of our work clothes and cuddled up on the couch to watch some movies. Spencer had the remote in his hand scrolling through to find a movie, the cursor landed on Star Trek. I could feel his puppy dog eyes looking up at me through his glasses that he only wore at home trying to convince me into letting him choose it. “Noooo Spencer, we watched it last week” I groaned. Sometimes it felt like your relationship was Spencer and Spock, and you as the delightful third wheel. “Ok what about a different one? We don’t have to watch any of the vintage ones, the new movies aren’t my favorite but they’re still extraordinary pieces of film art!” he ranted enthusiastically. “No, why don’t we watch Star Wars?” I begged, he knew it was my favorite but still insisted that Star Trek was better. “No, because I know you’ll ask to watch the sequels and I don’t like them, the story is just a repeat of the originals.” his eyes rolled and I was surprised they didn’t get stuck in the back of his head. Spencer and I have had this argument many times. The back and forth on which series was better was exhausting but so exhilarating. “Star Wars looks better, has better music, and better plot lines overall!” My voice slightly raised, I hated it when he tried to prove me wrong about this. Star Wars was my cemented favorite just as his was Star Trek. “Star Wars has straight up inaccuracies while Star Trek has improbabilities, not outright errors.” Spencer snarked back. I could tell neither of us were going to win this debate anytime soon. We always ended up in a shouting match about  why we thought our favorite series was better. “Fuck you! I’m right, Star Wars is so much better! I mean look at Kylo Ren, he’s so much better then Kirk or Spock!” Spencer’s face turned into an expression mixed with jealousy and rage. “And look how good he looks during that interrogation scene!” I continued. “You think he’s hot?!” He accused profiling the look I had on my face as I was talking about Kylo “What are you jealous of a fictional character?” I asked mockingly, a knowing smirk adorning my face. Maybe I could get him riled up enough to get something else out of tonight. “N-no of course not that’s absurd!” He squeaked out, giving away how he truly felt. A coquettish smirk grew on my face as I got an evil idea. I deftly snuck my hands into my sleep shorts, slipping under my cotton panties and started to rub soft circles on my clit, not fully giving myself the stimulation that I desired. Spencer’s eyes bugged out of his head getting whiplash from the conversation switch. “Kylo” I moaned out with a simper, gathering my slick arousal I slid down my folds, pushing a finger inside, immediately crooking the digit to locate my g spot. I wanted to push Spencer to the edge of jealousy till he snapped. He got practically feral if I worked him up enough. I continued my descent into a selfish climax- adding another finger, as I picked up the speed of my thrusts into my dripping heat. My mind was so lost in the pleasure I forgot Spencer was there- until my hand was violently jerked from my pussy by a tight clasp on my forearm, just before I was about to fall into bliss. “What do you think you're doing?” Spencer spat.

That voice was usually reserved for unsubs, which served to further dampen my panties, his mind had switched into his dominant persona that was prevalent in the bedroom. “Just indulging myself, Spencer, since you won’t.” I bit back, irritated I’d been brought back from the edge of toe-curling bliss. He shot me a harsh look and tightened his grip on my arm, a warning if you will. I could tell I had just gotten myself into deep trouble, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to rile him up further. “Get in the bedroom and strip. You’ve earned yourself a punishment, brat.” His tone had gotten down right deadly at this point, but I didn’t let that deter me. I was on a mission. I decided to further dig myself in a hole by ignoring his order, simply crossing my arms and turning my head away. I could feel his bitter gaze boring into the back of my skull as I continued to defy his order, my excitement pooling in anticipation for the brutal punishment I’d surely earned. We sat like that for a while- refusing to break out of my sass, and him making sure that I was really ready for what he had in store for me. My legs started to squirm, the tension was almost unbearable. Just before I was about to give him another smart remark his other hand shot out to my leg, holding it firmly so I was no longer moving. A surprised squeak escaped my lips as Spencer  flipped me onto my stomach, my knees coming to rest on the floor and my chest pressed into the couch. I tried to regain my balance in an attempt to crawl away from him but he quickly moved to hover over my form, boxing me in with his arms. “Are you trying to get in more trouble, Dolly?” he asked, his tone dark and condescending. A pathetic little whimper escaped my throat. When I failed to reply quick enough by his standards, a large palm came down on my backside, forcing an answer out of me.

“Yes! I’m sorry Sir, I was trying to get in t-trouble.” “Tsk tsk. Only bad girls like punishment, Doll.” He sounded disappointed. I dug my nails into the plush and hid my face into the cushion, trying to escape from under his heavy gaze. He pulled my hands to rest behind my back, tying my hands with what felt like a drawstring from sweatpants. He’d learned to improvise during our time together; had he left to find more appropriate rope, there was no guarantee I’d be in the same position he left me in by the time he got back. He snaked his hands through my hair, yanking hard to pull my body flush against his own. “Color?” He asked quickly, checking in with me, which only made the situation hotter-what can I say? Consent is sexy. “Green” I replied with a grin. Being disciplined was always exhilarating. “What’s my punishment, Sir?” He let go of the grip on my hair, his hands swiftly moving to remove my shorts and now soaked cotton thong, revealing my bare bottom to him. I rubbed my legs together trying to get some sort of friction but was interrupted by Spencer wrenching my legs apart. “You do that again I’ll add 20 more and you’ve already earned yourself 40- plus a little extra something.” His words hummed against the shell of my ear, sending a shiver trickling down my spine. I groaned in protest and tried to wiggle myself away from him, his hand coming down onto my left cheek in response. “Doll-“ He warned sharply. “If you keep this up I won't let you cum for a week.” His words shook me to my sassy core; I was greedy and there was no way I was going to get myself in more trouble. “I’m sorry...” I muttered into the couch cushion. “Say it louder, Dolly.” The sing song tone/cadence of his voice felt like a trap- contrasted to his previously dark tone and warning smack brought down on my backside. “I’m really sorry, Sir!” I shouted. With my cry, I gave up control to Spencer entirely.  He loved when I acted like this, no matter how angry he pretended to be. “Do you mean it this time?” I could hear the devilish smile on his lips. “Yes!” I confirmed on a shaky breath. I was done fighting him. “You’re so good to me a-and I shouldn’t have tried to make you jealous.”

Although he couldn’t see my eyes, I put on my biggest, sweetest set of puppy dog eyes to really drive my point home.

“So you’re going to sit pretty and take your spankings like a good girl, right?”

I nodded sheepishly, secretly hoping that maybe, just maybe if I was good enough that I might get to come tonight. He let me stew in my thoughts for a minute before resuming his assault on my behind. His hand gripped both cheeks into his palms, kneading the tender flesh that was about to be covered in black and blue handprints. As the first strikes landed on my right side, he grabbed a blanket for me to cuddle into as he landed each smack, his full strength being used in each one, exhibiting just how much I pissed him off. My nerves were prickling, my ass had already started to sting and he hadn’t even reached the 10th strike. I’d definitely be able to feel the pain for the next week- maybe longer. Teardrops started to coat from my lashes onto my cheeks as he switched to the left cheek. By the time he’d reached the halfway mark, the blanket had become soaked by my uncontrolled muffled sobs. His rhythm never faltered as he continued to pepper the now-raw skin of my bottom with more punishing blows. “What are you?” He finally spoke as he was nearing the end of his count, my fingers digging into my palms to help me get through the last few. “I’m a bad girl, Sir” I pathetically whimpered into the blanket.

A brutal THWACK landed against my backside, letting me know he was looking for me to use my big girl voice.  A sob raked through my chest, sending more tears down the blushed apples of my cheeks. “I’M A BAD GIRL, SIR!” My bruised bottom felt like it had been burned by hot coals with welts forming as evidence, as Spencer drew out the last few at a languid pace. When he finally finished, he dropped his head down to plant kisses on each injured cheek, a sign of appreciation for behaving. “You dirty girl, you're getting off to this ” He said matter of factly, moving to run his finger through my drenched folds, his fingers probed my entrance trying to get me more worked up. Surging forward, he replaced his fingertips with his tongue stirring a fire deep in my belly, placing delicate kitten licks along my folds. My body writhed against his touch and for a moment, I thought I might get off easy. Until, again, he pulled away just as I was about to shatter into a million pieces. “Sirrrrr, please?” I begged, my clit was throbbing in tandem with the blood pounding under the skin of my raw and tender bottom. His threat from earlier became evident- he wasn’t going to let me cum easily. “No, Doll, you still haven’t proven that you’re sorry enough.” He roughly yanked me off the sofa, positioning me on my knees in front of him, his clothed cock sitting right in my eye-line. The sweatpants that he had dawned were taken off quickly, I drank in the sight of his hard cock through tear-stained eyes. “Color?” He asked while cradling my jaw. The realization hit me, and I became blissfully aware of one thing: he was about to fuck my face. “Green.” I was always happy to give Spencer pleasure, and to see all the power just my mouth had over him was insanely erotic to me. He gripped his cock in one hand, pulling my chin down to open my mouth with the other. I stuck out my tongue for him and leaned forward, wrapping my lips around the head of his erection to begin gently sucking. Precum filled my mouth as I started to bob my head, working my way farther down his length each time until I reached the base of his cock. I choked slightly, my nose nuzzling against the hairs of his waistline. He gripped my hair on both sides with each of his hands and did a shallow experimental thrust forward, giving me a taste of what was coming. My eyes screwed shut as he set a fast pace, his tip hitting the back of my throat, tears starting to prick at the corners of my eyes again. The hardwood grinding against my knees sourced a new pain, but all I was focused on was the cock  being shoved down my throat and pleasuring the man it was attached to. “Open your eyes, Doll. I want you to see what you do to me.” I glanced up with my glassy red rimmed eyes to gaze at the beautiful sight of Spencer, his head was tilted back, sweat coating his ruffled curls, with his mouth hung open in a silent gasp. Even through my tears I could see this man was an angel.  I groaned, somehow I was even more turned on, so much so that I could feel a pool forming on the floor from my arousal. He rutted harder into my mouth signaling that he was close to his release, drool was now dripping from the sides of my mouth, wetting the thin material of my pajama top. Hot spurts shot down my throat with a strangled cry from him. Tasting his salty release on my tongue, I drank him in, savoring every last drop he had to give me. As he pulled himself out of my mouth, the string of spit connecting my lips to the head of his cock snapped, falling down my chin. Saltwater still cascading down my cheeks met with the mess on my chin, creating  a messy mixture. Spencer pressed a thumb to my cheek, pushing the few drops of cum that escaped along with some spit into my mouth. “You being a cry baby, Dolly?” he cooed condescendingly, wiping away the drops that accumulated onto my cheek bones as I sent him a little pout. “You should’ve thought about the consequences before you broke the rules, Doll.” Turning me around, he pressed my chest into the coffee table across from the couch. Though I still had on my shirt, the cold surfaces rubbed against my sensitive nipples making them harden to a peak. He hadn’t done anything for a minute, so I tried to turn my head to see what he was doing. I was met with a harsh tug at my jaw forcing it to prop up facing the tv. The television flicked to life flooding the screen with the Disney+ logo I tried to glance back again to shoot him an incredulous look, but again I was repositioned roughly to stare at the screen. He clicked through until landing on the Force Awakens. My brows furrowed, but I decided not to push my luck by asking any questions. He pressed play and started fast forwarding until he landed on the scene I had been referencing that got in me trouble in the first place. Kylo Ren graced the screen, starting his interrogation with Rey. Was he going to sit here and make me watch it? Was he going to let me cum? Or was he going to edge me the whole night and hang me out to dry? I was snapped out of my thoughts by a tug at my neck, his palms wrapping around like a necklace, pulling my torso up so that my eyes locked perfectly to the moving figures on the screen. “You think he could fuck you better then I can, Doll?” he ground out. “That pathetic boy compensates with his saber, yet you have the whole package right here sweetheart.” I gasped and wriggled at his words, becoming down right desperate to have him do anything to me. He finally relented, dragging his free hand up my folds, still just barely touching me- ghosting around my clit. He sucked dark bruises into my neck, and as his teasing touches continued, I impatiently whined. “Please, Sir I need you.” “Why should I? You have Kylo don’t you?” “I already said I’m sorry, Sir! And I mean it really!” My begs filled our apartment, loud enough to completely mask the sound of the movie. I had been completely ignoring the film, focusing solely on trying to gain some sort of pleasure from the man endlessly denying it. “Ok, Dolly but only if you promise to never do it again.” I tried my best to nod against  his vise grip on the column of my throat. He deftly snuck two fingers into my pussy, fitting snugly inside of me causing my body to unconsciously move my lower half against him. He started to pump and curl them, expertly hitting the perfect spot each time making stars appear behind my eyes. Suddenly he removed his fingers, quickly replacing it with something far more satisfying before I could complain. His cock bottomed out, filling me to the hilt eliciting a surprised squeak from me. He always made me feel so full-it felt like heaven. His hips propelled forward starting a rough rhythm that left almost no room to breathe, the movie had been completely muffled by our moans and sounds of slapping skin, a heavy dose of sex lingering in the air. His thrusts were irritating the already brutalized flesh off my ass, but the stinging sensation just aided in ecstasy that flowed through my veins. “You look so much prettier with these bruises.” He grunted as I tried to arch my back to a steeper angle so I could take him as deep as possible. “It shows everyone who’s mine, even if they are a fictional character.” Spencer was repeatedly hitting my g spot sending me closer and closer to the edge, but I knew I had to ask permission before I came. “Please, Sir, Please! I’m so close! Can I cum?” “Why do you think you deserve to cum Doll?” He asked, I should’ve known he was still going to throw one last tease in before letting me orgasm. “Because- I - I don’t know I just need it!” I let out a frustrated sob as he continued to thrust with reckless abandon. “Ok. Doll. Let. Go.” he said, accentuating each word with a sharp rock with his hips. My eyes rolled far into the back of my head as I was sent careening into pleasure, the coil that sat deep in my belly snapped, sending me into violent waves of pleasure. As I rode out my delicious high, Spencer’s hips stuttered and the grip on my neck was tightened as he shot ropes into me, stuffing me to the brim. He let go of my neck letting me relax my head onto the table. I’m sure I had a messy, freshly-fucked look on my face but I couldn’t be bothered to care.“Have you learned your lesson?” He asked once he had caught his breath. I nodded meekly, knowing full well I’d be back on my brattiest behavior as soon as these bruises faded. We both groaned as he slipped his softening cock from out of my folds. He slowly padded away to grab his items for aftercare-my favorite part. I had never had a partner show so much care for me like Spencer had. He came back with everything he needed and got to work, starting by cleaning my folds with a washcloth, then switching to a fresh one wiping the tears and spit away from my face. Aloe that he had made sure to warm up was then squirted onto my cheeks, he rubbed the liquid in softly massaging the abused flesh with gentle care. My limbs still felt like jello when it was time to stand, so Spencer helped guide me into new clean pajamas, he even made sure to pick out the velvet ones I liked, they always felt like little soft caresses were being peppered against my skin when I wore them. “You ok, Doll? You haven’t said anything.” He whispered gently, as if afraid he’d startle me. “Yeah” I croaked.My voice had been thoroughly abused throughout the night making rasp harder than normal. “Just feel a little woozier than normal.” He quickly enveloped my form into a hug, drawing me in close so I could smell the cologne that made itself a part of everything he owned. Sitting us both down on the couch, he found as many blankets and as possible making a little fort of warmth around us.

“I’m sorry I was harsh, Doll.” “No no, I liked it, it was just intense.” My scratchy voice obviously made him cringe. “So you are jealous of a fictional character?” I cheekily quipped to try and cheer him up. He let out a chuckle in response and started to ghost little butterfly kisses all across my face.

“I love you,” he whispered between kisses. “Sing to me?” I asked softly. I cherished his horrible singing with all my heart, it made me  soft and mushy on the inside. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t take my dolly away.” I started to drift to sleep even though I was fighting to giggle at Spencer’s croaky singing. Despite his god awful singing in my ear, sleep found me, whisking me away to the land of sweet dreams. I drifted off in his arms, knowing I was his good girl- knowing he would love and cherish me until the ends of the Earth.

[wayward-mikaelson]

I Still Want You, I Still Need You--VII. A Chance (NSFW)

Word Count: 4510

About: A few years have passed and you have adjusted to motherhood. Steve and Tony pay you a visit. You and Steve talk about a moment you guys had.

Characters: Okoye, Olivia (OC), Steve, Tony, Pepper (Mentioned), M’Baku (Mentioned), Bucky (Implied Return) 

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings/Tragger Warnings: Language, Sexual Content (Unprotected-Wrap it before you tap it, Oral-F Receiving)

A/N: This part is bit long cause it’s full of details. Also who knew that about Steve?! 

*This contains content meant for the 18 and up crowd. Read at your own discretion 

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VI. Hello, Sweet

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Four years came and went.

You fell naturally into motherhood. Olivia was a good baby. She slept well during the night unless she had been teething up a storm. Those days you drank all the coffee you could. There were days you had a hard time but Okoye was there to help out and so did Steve whenever he came by. Steve and you grew closer as he helped you with Olivia. You called him super Uncle. The love and adoration that was always on Steve’s face, made you feel like you can almost move on. But the idea always scared you.

Olivia was a smart kid. She was a Stark to a T. She got her hands on just about anything and would make things. And for an almost four year old, it was extremely impressive. Impressive that Tony would sent little building kits for her and she would get them done in a few days with your help. She had the attitude of a Stark but she had the heart of a Barnes. Just like Steve predicted.

Your daughter’s facial expressions were one hundred percent Bucky’s. The way smiles played on the corner of her little lips down to the way she expressed herself with her eyes. Her long hair remained dark as well as her blue eyes. She was a miniature version of Bucky. Steve even said that each time he came back to visit, Olivia looked more and more like him.

Olivia was the calm to the the storm you had been through.

She kept you from falling apart.

She kept you whole.

But yet, you never moved on from losing Bucky.

You walked into the lab to find Olivia in the same place you had left her. She obsessed over the erector set Tony sent her. Tony loved to spoil his niece, just like you loved to spoil yours. A few months after Tony and Peppers wedding, Pepper had become pregnant and shortly after Olivia was born, so was Morgan. Whenever you went to visit them, which was the only time you left Wakanda, the two girls were inseparable. It killed you and Tony to see them have to part ways.

“What are you building this time, bug?” you asked as you sat next to her. Her dark hair hung around her face. She had always refused to where hair bands unless it was to bed.

“A rower coatter,” Olivia’s face popped through the hair, a huge smile on her face. The smile took your breath away. “Can you picture it to Unca Twony?” She loved it when you sent her completed works to Tony. And Tony loved it too.

“Sure thing,” you leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. “How about this weekend we go see them? I’m sure Morgan and you can find something in Uncle Tony’s workshop.” Olivia’s eyes lit up when you said Morgan and workshop. When the two of you would visit, Tony and you would find the girls in Tony’s workshop. You had to convince him to make a small space for the girls since they were always found there.

You sat down at your work table and began to fumble with the scrap metal in front of you. You made it your mission to get cleaner and better filtered water to the Border Tribe after discovering their wells were either running dry or had harmful bacteria in them. It took you a week and a lot of using that Stark charm to get M’Baku to agree to your aqueduct like creation.

“All I need to do is come up with good design,” you whispered to yourself.

After an hour of fumbling and putting pieces together. You finally came up with the perfect example. Now, all you need to do is email Tony what you need.

After hitting send on your email, you looked up to see Okoye walk into the lab. Over the last few years, the two of you have grown closer and could count on each other. You trusted her with yours and Olivia’s life.

“Okie,” Olivia shouted and ran to the woman. Okoye knelt down and let Olivia jump into her arms. Okoye had grown so fond of Olivia that she would take her out with the other members of the guard to show her what they were doing. Olivia loved it.

“How are you little Tiger?” Okoye kept the little nickname for Olivia from when she was in the womb. She has proven to be just that too.

“Good,” then off Olivia went back to her little work table. A true Stark never fully leaving their work undone.

“I see you got your aqueduct done,” Okoye came over to you. “When will we be able to get this done?”

“As soon as Tony can send me what I need, we will be able to get it up and running.” You pushed back from the table. “How’s the guard doing? Were they able to get the barrels of water out there?”

Since finding out about the water situation, you and Okoye decided it would be best to send water until you figured out what you needed to do. So Tony sent twelve barrels to fill with water, even though you asked for six. Tony somehow knew you would need more. Once a week Okoye and the guard would swap out six for six new ones. It was a good process.

“They did,” Okoye crossed her arms and watched Olivia. “This water should last more than a week. They had two barrels still full.”

“Good, that gives us enough time to get this thing built and get them water,” You stood up and made your way around the table.

“I haven’t seen Steve around these last few weeks,” Okoye gave you a side eye and smirk.

“I may have made our friendship awkward,” you said walking to get water. You slightly cringe at the last conversation the two of you had about a month ago. Since then Steve only called or texted you. Making the conversations brief.

“How could you make it awkward? It’s not like you two slept together…”Okoye’s chuckle died as she saw your face. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”

You pressed your lips into a thin line. Did you regret it? Nope, it was the first time in years you could let yourself just go like that. Was it the right time for something like that? Nope, but you thought it was and the next morning you had to tell Steve that.

“I did and it was great,” you closed your eyes as you remembered that night. “Then when morning came, some switch flipped and I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready.” Your voice began to shake as you remembered the exact moment you knew you weren’t ready to move on.

Okoye reached out and touched your shoulder. “It’s okay. Someday you will. Tiger will need a father figure to look up to. Steve Rogers is that kind of man.”

Okoye was right. Steve was the right kind of man and you knew deep down you should maybe at least give him a chance. “I’ll call him this evening when I’m settled down for the night.” Then you replayed that night in your head.

The tension.

The kiss.

The feeling of his skin on yours.

The warmth of his breath on your bare skin.

***

You sat on the couch mindlessly flipping through a magazine, while you sipped on your beer. You rarely drank so you always wanted to keep it light. Steve was putting Olivia to bed and seemingly, it sounded like it was going well. She normally tries every kind of tactic to stay up later. When a door opened, you looked up to see Steve walking your way.

“Asleep already?” you asked setting the magazine on the coffee table. “You didn’t drug her did you?”

Steve laughed and sat on the couch next to you. He cracked open a beer and took a long drink. “Nope, she just wanted four stories and by the time I got through the third one, she was out.”

You leaned over and rested your head on Steve’s shoulder. You swore you felt his muscles tense for split second. “You are a life saver!”

Steve gave a light chuckle. “Tell me whats new? How’s Tony and them doing?”

“Still won’t talk to you huh?” you leaned away. You saw the hardness in those blue eyes. Tony still held some feelings towards Steve. You tried a few times to get Tony to just move on and forgive him for whatever it was. But Tony was a Stark.

“Nope,” Steve emphasized the P in nope.

“Well, they're doing good, Liv and I are going to see them next weekend,” you poked your finger into Steve’s arm. “You can come, you know? He’s asks about you too.”

Steve leaned forward and folded his hands. “I can’t,” he said not making eye contact. “I have that group i’ve been leading.”

You stood up with a huff and walked to the small kitchen. “You and your fucking excuses Steve Rogers. You and Tony are like freaking teenage girls who had a stupid fight and wont talk to each other.” You turned to see that Steve had gotten up and had his hands on his hips. “I’m just saying,”  you turned to wash the few dishes in the sink. “You guys were the best of friends. You guys hung out almost all the time.”

You didn’t hear Steve come up beside you. You jumped a little but realized he was helping by drying the dishes. “That’s not why I hung out with him. People just assumed that, I just wanted to be closer to you and for the fucking life of me, I couldn’t man up and ask you out.” You rarely ever heard Steve swear. It surprised you each time.

But that wasn’t what made you drop the plate. You looked towards Olivia room and hoped that she didn’t wake up. You were in the clear.

“For years,” Steve continued as he turned to you. You just stood there and stared at the plate in the sink. The water spilling from the faucet, splashing water droplets around the sink. “I watched you with guy after guy. Almost dying in New York and then almost dying in Sokovia. I wouldn’t know what I would have done if you had.” Steve turned you with his hands. You kept your eyes on the ground. “The that day when Bucky went back on ice, that smile you two exchanged, I knew it was too late. I couldn’t be mad. The two you were perfect for each other.”

“Steve…” you stared to say but he shushed you.

“Then you lost Bucky and that literally almost killed.” Steve took his free hand and lifted your face to meet his eyes. They were soft and you saw just about every emotion he was felling. “Seeing you on that building ledge, I didn’t just pull you back for Bucky’s sake. I pulled you back for mine.”

Whatever happened next, it was beyond you. You didn’t know how it happened, but you found yourself closing the gap between you and Steve and pressing your lips firmly to his. His lips were soft and gentle. It was like something took possession of you body. Steve placed both hands on the side of your face and pulled away.

“You’re not kissing me because I told you how felt?” Steve asked resting his forehead on yours.

“I don’t know.” you answered honestly. Your eyes were closed and you were breathing hard. You really weren’t certain why you kissed Steve. He was never more than just a friend. But these last few years he’s been there for you and Olivia. “Just roll with it.”

And Steve did.

Steve pressed his lips back to yours and deepened it. One of his hands slowly makes its way to the back your neck, while the other goes down to you waist. It grips firmly as he backs you into the living room.Your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. Steve’s tongue slid across your bottom one, causing you to groan.

“Not here,” you slightly pulled away. “My room.”

Steve’s hand left your neck and shot down your waist. Without any effort, he picked up. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he wrapped his strong arms around you. Steve started towards your room. You buried your face into his neck and felt his body tense up and him suck in a breath.

Once in the room and the door closed, Steve had your back pressed to the door. His breath was by your ear. Sending chills down your back and making you ache for him between your legs. “I am going to take my time with you,” he whispered in your ear, sending yet another chill down your back.

“Show you me what you got, Captain,” you rolled your hips into his already hard erection. Even thorough your cotton pajama shorts, you could feel his cock straining against his jeans as it twitched.

Steve’s eyes grew dark as he spun the two of you around and dropped you on the bed. He bent down and pulled your bottoms and underwear. He saw how wet you were without even having to look at your underwear.

“Someone’s excited,” he teased as he tossed the clothes to the side.

You pushed up on your elbows and gave him a smirk. “I can say the same about you.”

Steve smirked and rose an eyebrow before pulling you legs and placing them over his shoulder. “Let’s see if you taste better than you look.” Without another word, you watched as Steve dove in. His lips meeting your clit and his tongue shooting right inside you.

With a gasp, you shoot a hand to push his face further. The way he licked, sucked, and flicked his tongue around, had you shaking and breathing hard. You couldn’t stop whimpering his name as you felt yourself quickly getting towards that edged.

“Steve,” you whimpered. Your legs pulled him closer and you could feel him hum against your clit as his tongue fucked you. The vibration of his hum was what sent you over the edge. You cried out and both your hands and legs pushed Steve further, if that were possible, into you. Your body shook as your orgasm rocked through your body. And Steve still ate at you until your back fell onto the bed.

You lifted your head up to see Steve stand up and discard his clothes. When his cock sprung free, it had you drooling and you wanted it all inside of you. Steve made his way between your legs and looked at your shirt, with his bare hands, he ripped the fabric off your body throwing it behind him. Looking into his eyes, you could see the hunger and lust. He dipped down and kissed you, tasting your release on his lips. He gripped your hands in his and placed them above your head.

“I want to hear you say it again,” Steve mumbled against your lips. You felt himself line up with your entrance.

You know what he meant. “Fuck me, Captain.”

With that, Steve slipped inside you effortlessly. A soft moan escaped your lips letting Steve’s tongue shoot into your mouth. Once he was fully inside you, he waited until you were adjusted before he started to move in and out of you slow. You slowly lifted your hips but Steve used a hand to pin them back.

“I don’t think so, sweetheart,” he hummed as he peppered kisses to your jawline.

“Well,” you wrapped your legs around his waist. “If you don’t do anything about that slow movement, I will have no choice but to take control.”

Steve pulled out all the way and then slammed right back into you. You cried and moaned as he grunted as the pleasurable action was repeated. His cock slid against your wall in the most beautiful way. You arched your back into his chest each time his cock hit your cervix. His pelvic bone rubbed your clit perfectly, making you moaning, whimpering mess under him. The pressure on you hands and hip being pinned, added to the mess you already were in.

Begging him not to stop.

Pleading him to keep going.

Calling him things, you never thought you would call him before.

It all was bringing you closer to the edge.

Soon, Steve’s thrusting slowed but they were still hard and deep. His grunt were deeper, inside his chest. He let go of your hands and hip and wrapped his arms around you. You did the same. You knew you were at the edge and you knew that Steve was close too. You pushed his face up and see could see the love he had in that moment in his eyes. It was all for you.

“Cum for me,” you whispered.

With one hard thrust, Steve spilled right into you and triggered your orgasm. Your bodies shook together and your breaths were still uneven as the both of you came down. Steve pushed himself up and cupped your face with hand. He leaned down and kissed you slowly. There was no hunger behind it. Just love and passion. Then he rolled over and pulled you into his arms before the two of you fell asleep.

In that moment, everything felt right.

Morning came when Steve gently woke you up. He sat on the side of the bed and brushed back some hair. “Hey,” his voice was gentle. “Breakfast is ready and Liv wanted to show you the pancake we made you.”

You sat up and stretched. “What time is it?”

“Eight, you deserved a morning to sleep in. Especially after last night.” Steve leaned in and brushed his lips against yours. “I’ll let you get ready.”

Once you were alone, you slid out of bed and went to the closet. When you turned the light on, your eyes landed on a box that was labeled BUCKY.

***

You were putting things away as you thought about that morning. You had just told Olivia to pick up her space for the day when you turned around and froze. There stood Steve and Tony. Their faces told you that they meant business.

Olivia squealed when she saw the two men and ran towards them. Steve hugged her while he made eye contact with you. Then Olivia jumped into Tony’s arms. He picked her up and he had the biggest smile on his face. She pointed towards her project and mumbled something. Tony’s face just lit up.

“I guess while I’m here, we can get you something else,” He told her as she wiggled out of his arms. “Sorry, dear,” he said as he and Steve approached. “We would have called but what we have to tell you has to be said in person.”

You gulped. Tony’s tone had you wondering what he needed to say. Steve just stood to the side and had his hands on his hips. His eyebrows furrowed. Taking a deep breath you turned to a random guard that was placed there to watch over you guys. “Can you take her to Okoye?”

The woman took Olivia’s hand and walked out with her. You turned to the two men but it was Steve you addressed. “What’s going on?”

“You may want to sit down for this,” Steve said.

You looked to Tony and he nodded. “Okay,” you sat in your chair. “What is it?”

“We may have found a way to bring everyone back.”

You froze. Coolness filled your body and in the wake of it washing over you, goosebumps followed. Your breathing got stuck in  your throat as and you grabbed your water and chugged the rest of it. Your ears were ringing and couldn’t hear what was being said by Steve or Tony.

“Let her breath, Rogers,” Tony’s hand was instantly on your back. “Gosh! We said we would ease her into this. Not dump it on her all at once.”

“How?” you choked out.

“Time travel,” Tony gently said as he sat on your table. “Do you remember Scott Lang? Well he helped me make it possible.”

Then you laughed. You laughed so hard that nearly fell out of your chair. “Time travel?” you asked trying to catch your breath. “You guys are going to go back into time and stop Thanos? What would that mean for us? I wouldn’t get Bucky back. 2018 me would still have Bucky and raise a child with him.”

Tony shushed you with his finger on your mouth. “Slow down, little sister. We are going back to get the stones and bring them to our time. Hoping it’ll work.”

You leaned back in your chair and folded your arms across your chest. You stared at Steve, who couldn’t take his eyes off you. “Do you think this will work?” You asked them both.

“We have to try, right?” Steve responded. “We owe it to those we lost. If not, then we just go on with life.”

You took a deep breath and just stared into space. You thought deeply about what was being said. You could get your husband back. Olivia could have her father. But what happens if this doesn’t work? Then you’re heartbroken all over again. You didn’t have the stomach to have such hope that they were serving to you on a silver plater. But yet, here you were taking it. Because that’s that just who you were.

“Okay,” you stood up. “Then I’m coming with you guys.”

“Nope, thats a huge ass pile of nope,” Tony said standing up too. “You missy, are staying here.”

“I agree,” Steve said.

“You have Olivia to care for,” Tony started to say.

“And you have Morgan,” you pointed out.

“She has two parents,” Tony said taking your shoulders in his hands. “Olivia only has one. For now. And if this were to go sideways and something happens to me, I need you there for Pepper.”

You took another deep breath. Tony was right. “Okay.”

“Perfect,” Tony said letting you go. “Now, I am going to go look for my darling niece and buy her something extravagant.” Tony walked out of the lab leaving you and Steve looking at each other.

The tension in the air was almost suffocating. You knew Steve didn’t want to look at you, he kept darting his eyes away from your each time you looked towards him. It wasn’t that the morning after sleeping with him was bad. There wasn’t even an argument. You just simply told him as you held one of Bucky’s shirts with a few tears in eyes that you couldn’t. That you needed some time.

Well, if this time travel thing works, then there goes the time you needed.

“You know,” you walked over to Steve. “I’m getting the feeling that you are partly on board with this.”

Steve looked down at the ground and then back at you. “What makes you say that?”

You made a face at him. “One, I’ve known you for over a decade. Two, you’re looking at me like you want to throw me on something and have your way with me. But you can’t because you’re best friend, also my husband could be coming back.”

Steve cracked a smile that disappeared just as fast. “It’s just horrible timing on my end. I’m fully on board with this.”

“Good,” you started to leave and turned back to Steve. “If this doesn’t work out, I’ll give us a shot. See where us goes.”

“And if Bucky comes back and he finds out about that night?”

“Then I tell him the truth,” you shrugged your shoulders. “In fact, I will just tell him. He’s been gone for five years. He would have expected me to move on. Now, let’s find my brother before he buys Liv something that’s too big to fit in my apartment.”

***

A few days have went by. Tony had sent the stuff you needed to get water to the Border Tribe. You and some volunteers set to work on getting it all started. It was hard long work that you decided to stay in your old house with Olivia. It made it easier to wake up and get to work and let Olivia play with the other children.

On the fourth day, you were ready to break ground when you noticed a change in the air. The same kind of change five years ago. You shook your head and passed it of as just thinking too much into it. You were too tired, you could barely sleep in that house still. You stayed up most nights as your mind raced with memories. And emotions.

“Let’s take a few hours,” you said to the others as you got up. You could barely concentrate. Today was the day that you brother and friends went on that time travel mission. You couldn’t help but worry about it going wrong. You were waiting for word about if it worked or not.

Olivia ran up to you and jumped into your arms. She nuzzled her face into your neck and you let out a soft sigh. She always knew when you needed hugs the most. She pulled back and took your face in her tiny, little hands. Her clear blue eyes stared deep into yours. She didn’t have to say anything to tell you that everything will be fine no matter what happened.

“I wuv you, Mommy,” she said.

“I love you, too, Tiger,” you gave her little butterfly kisses and set her down. “Can you take her back to the lab? I’m gong to take a few minutes and catch up later.”

“Yes, Missus Barnes,” the guard said taking your daughters hand in theirs.

When you alone you started to stare at the supplies in front of you. You wondered if this was actually enough. You wanted this to work so bad, you almost didn’t hear the snap of a twig behind you. You snapped your head up to listen for it again. Taking a deep breath you shook you head and went back to shuffling through the metal before you.

A twig snapped again.

You picked up a thin, but long piece of metal. “Whoever you are, you may want to think twice about who you sneak up on.”

You spun around, swinging the metal as you went. Something, well more like someone stopped your swing. You froze when you realized who had stopped your swing. A chill ran through your body. You know the color drained from your face. Those blue eyes were just as surprised as you were. They searched yours for some kind of answer.

Your hands fell and so did the metal. You took a step back only to lose your footing. He stepped forwards and grabbed your arms pulling you back towards him.

“Careful there, Doll.”

[littledrummeraussie]

summer nights.

Word count: 4000+

Warnings: casual drinking. tipsy flirting. first time having sex with each other. handjob. fingering. slight nipple kink. sex with protection. mentiones of possible future encounters. consent. because consent is sexy.

Author’s note: when Alice @babylonashton posted this freakin’ photoset of Ashton in that black tank top - I basically lost it and told my friend how I wanna feel his soft warm skin against mine. Cue to me writing a sweet summer fic where reader is lucky enough to feel that soft warm skin up close.

A big shoutout to @mymindwide for letting me use her again as my emotional punching bag. Love you more than you know.

Feedback is appreciated!

masterlist.

- - - - -

Luke has been bugging you for weeks about a game night/long weekend getaway vacation he has planned with his friends, saying that he thought you might have fun and it would finally give you the chance to meet his oh so famous band members. When you still weren’t sure about your answer he asked his girlfriend too, who practically begged you to join them for those few days, saying how they needed the girl power if they wanted to slay the boys in all the games they have planned. In the end you needed to agree, not being able to say no to both their puppy dog eyes and pouty lips.

You needed to give it to them that all their friends were amazing, and you did feel like one of the group from the moment you’ve stepped out of their car. They quickly started setting up a grill and the games they have brought with themselves, everyone settling into their rooms and the new environment for the next 4 days. Luke took some time to introduce you to his band members, and the ice was broken in seconds, all three of them acting like you’ve known each other for a long time now.

By the third night it didn’t surprise you anymore if Michael started eating from your plate, if Calum shared his beer with you while putting Duke in your lap for ear scratches, or if Ashton started snapping photos of the two of you while you pattered around the kitchen. Luke seemed absolutely happy with how everything turned out, and you thanked him and his girlfriend countless times for making you come with them.

To mix things up a little they’ve decided to put everyone’s name into a cup, pulling out two pieces of papers to make teams for an upcoming beer-pong challenge. Ashton gave you a pointed look when they’ve announced you as a team, saying how you are winning this thing, even if you end up drunk as a skunk. After your first failed attempt he stepped behind you, holding onto your wrist to help you aim the ball, which quickly landed in one of the cups, making Calum grimace as he drank his beer.

* * *

”No, no, don’t do it! Don’t! Doooon’t!” Michael yelled as Ashton aimed the ball again, throwing it into the last of the cups, sticking his tongue out at his friend. ”Dammit mate!”

”We won!” Ashton announced it with a laugh, quickly wrapping his arms around you as he picked you up. ”Drink up, Clifford!”

”Ash, no, don’t drop me!” you squealed as he was spinning you around, holding onto his shoulders as he finally put you down, his cheeks pink and a smile pulling at his lips.

”We make such a good team,” he gave you a high five before pulling you in for another hug.

And that was a moment. It felt like electricity ran through the both of you as he wrapped his strong arms around you, his skin warm and soft where it touched you. You wanted to pull away. You wanted to stay in his arms forever. His grip on you got stronger for a second, then he was letting you go, but his eyes were shining, lips parted as he quickly licked them, and you were sure he was trying to catch his breath the same way that you did.

”Are you done celebrating or can we finally have dinner?” Calum asked from his place by the fire, and you gave him a nod, pulling away from Ashton.

”We don’t want you to starve, Cal,” Ash huffed at him, rolling his eyes in a comical way. ”Could have started without us.”

”You would have stuck with the remaining salad, mate,” Luke laughed at him, and with that motioned for you two to join them.

* * *

The night went on with lots of talking, all of you feeling a little buzzed after your game of beer-pong and the drinks you had during dinner. Ashton sat on the other side of the fire, explaining something to his friends about this or that, but his eyes found you whenever there was a lull in the conversation, returning the smiles you’ve sent his way. It was about an hour later that he went inside the house, coming back with a blanket that he wrapped around your shoulders, sitting down and putting his arm around you to pull you to his side.

”Thanks,” you felt a blush colouring your cheeks as he made himself comfortable. ”Do you need the other half?”

”I’m fine, thank you,” he smiled at you, rubbing your arm. ”I’m never really cold, so this is nice for me.”

”Yeah, I’ve felt that,” you whispered, almost like an afterthought, gaze lingering on his arms and the black tank top pulling tightly over his chest.

”This way you don’t have to be cold either,” he gave you a wink, squeezing you to his side once again, and you let your head rest on his shoulder as you joined the conversation again.

* * *

The next thing you remembered was a chuckle against your ear and Ashton slightly shifting next to you, his hand still lightly rubbing your arm. Even in your half-asleep state you picked up on the quiet that surrounded you, the voices low and masculine around you, and you were sure the girls have already gone to bed, leaving the guys to have some time to themselves. You must have fallen asleep leaning against Ashton’s shoulder, and he was nice enough not to wake you while you napped and enjoyed the warmth radiating from his body.

”She’s out like a light,” you heard Calum say it from somewhere around the other side, a smile playing in his voice. ”You were upgraded to a pillow, mate.”

”Shh, don’t wake her,” Luke shushed Calum, and you felt Ashton trying to stifle his laugh, the sound vibrating against your cheek.

”Can’t blame her, though. We all know Ashton is a great pillow,” Michael made a comment too, and the others hummed in agreement.

”Guess this is my cue,” you felt Ashton turning towards you, his arms gently sliding around your back and under your knees, pulling you into his lap before standing up. ”I’ll take Y/N up to bed, then I’ll probably turn in too. Don’t stay up late.”

”Good night, Grandpa,” Calum snorted, and Ashton mumbled something colourful in response, making his way towards the house.

* * *

”You’re still nice and warm,” you hummed against Ashton’s neck as he took the last few steps to arrive to the first floor where all your bedrooms were.

”What, you’re not scared anymore that I’m gonna drop you?” he chuckled, tightening his arms around you as he turned the corner, looking for your room.

”You just want me to compliment you on how strong you are,” you giggled lightly, and he laughed against your hair, opening the door with his shoulder.

”Aren’t you just lucky to have your own personal walking-talking furnace pillow?” he put you down on the bed, hands sliding down to your feet. ”Alright, shoes.”

”I could just kick those off, you know,” you buried your face against the pillow, eyes barely open as you looked at Ashton fumbling with the laces on your shoes.

”It’s no trouble at all,” he smiled at you quickly, thumb brushing over your ankle before he tugged off the other one too. ”Guess you’re all set, love.”

”Thank you,” you mumbled, and Ash just nodded, fixing the blanket around your feet.

”I’ll see you in the morning,” he hesitated for a moment then stood up, stepping to the door. ”Good night, Y/N.”

”Good night… Ashton?”

”Yeah?” he turned back, leaning against the doorframe.

”Would you mind staying?” you bit your lip as you let the question hang between the two of you. ”I’m– still a little cold…”

”The blanket’s not enough?” a grin pulled at his lips as he closed the door behind himself.

”Definitely not as warm as you,” you confessed, lifting the sheets up as an invitation. ”What do you say?”

Ashton shook his head with a smile, already kicking off his shoes before climbing onto the bed and over you, his strong arms bracketing you as he leaned forward. He rested his forehead against yours, the tip of his nose tickling your skin as you relaxed against the pillow, arms slowly wrapping around his shoulders to keep him close. Ash sighed happily as you ran your fingers up his neck, stroking through his hair at the nape, and he gently pressed his lips against the corner of your mouth.

”Wanted to kiss you since the moment you’ve made me pancakes at one in the morning,” he lazily kissed your chin, running his lips down your throat and up to your ear, pulling back just enough to look into your eyes.

”What’s holding you back now?” you tilted your head up to lightly brush your lips against his bottom one and he hummed in response, leaning closer.

”I guess I don’t have a way out now,” he whispered on your lips, dimples appearing on his cheeks as he smiled. ”So I might as well just shut up and kiss you.”

You both chuckled at his words before Ashton cupped your face, pressing his lips against your forehead, the tip of your nose, and after a long look into each other’s eyes he finally kissed your lips. He lightly sucked on your bottom lip, tongue slowly slipping into your mouth as you relaxed into his touch, a quiet moan echoing around the room. Ashton faintly tasted like the ice cream you had a few hours ago, with a hint of the beer he must have drunk while you were sleeping on his shoulder. Your thumb brushed over the shell of his ear, fingers tangling into his dark locks just above it as you pulled him closer, all of your senses wanting more of his scent, his touch and taste. A low groan resonated against your chest where you were pressed together, his elbows and knees pushing into the mattress keeping him up above you.

”Want you closer,” you slid your hands down on his sides, fingers tangling into the hem of his tank top, slowly tugging it upwards to feel his skin against your palms. ”That’s okay?”

”More than okay, love,” Ash groaned, pushing back for another kiss as you worked the fabric up on his back, only letting go of you when you needed to pull it over his head.

Before you knew it he pulled away again, grabbing onto the blanket covering you and tossing it on the floor, just so he can take a good look at you. He was ready to climb back over you, but you were quick to kneel up in front of him, arms wrapped around his neck to kiss him again. Ashton’s arms circled your waist, pulling you to his chest as he tickled your skin, bunching the material of your shirt in his fists before pulling it off. A shiver ran through you as he massaged your back, his touch warm and curious as his fingers slid under the clasp of your bra, giving it the shortest of tugs.

”Still okay?” he rested his forehead against yours, eyes searching your eyes. ”Can I?”

”Please,” you nodded, voice just above a whisper, your own hands sliding down his chest and stomach, fingers tangling into the loops of his jeans.

”You can do that too,” he pressed a kiss on your temple, only working open the clasp when your fingers undid his button and slid the zipper down.

You pushed your head against his shoulder, looking down at his body as your hand slid inside his pants, palm curling around the hot flesh straining against his boxers, and Ashton moaned against your ear, slightly pushing forward to get more friction. His fingers grabbed your chin to tilt your head back up, pressing his lips against yours before pulling the straps of the bra down your arms, pulling back to quickly kick his jeans off, giving you the chance to get rid of your own shorts.

You took a moment to catch your breaths and admire each other’s bodies, his tan skin and tattoos on display to touch and taste, his cock hard and tenting his boxers. His eyes wandered down your neck, fingers following the path over your collarbones and breasts, thumbs rubbing your hard nipples while he kissed into your neck. Ashton’s arms were around you again, helping you lie back on the bed as he hovered above you, nose skimming down your skin as he searched for his prize, lips finally closing around your nipple, gently sucking it into his mouth.

Your fingers aimlessly stroked his hair as his teeth gave a light bite to the hard nub, his tongue massaging it to sooth the sting. He pressed his lips between your breasts, leaving short little pecks on your skin before moving to the other nipple, his mouth already back at work. You felt his thumbs hook into the sides of your panties, the rest of his fingers brushing against your thighs, asking if he can move forward, and you lifted your hips as an answer, making Ashton slip the fabric down your legs.

”You’re still wearing too much,” you laughed into his neck as he pushed himself up to you, hands sliding down his back to lightly squeeze his ass, and Ashton stifled his moan with a giggle.

”Wanna do something about it?” he pressed a quick kiss on your lips, wiggling his eyebrows.

You tugged on the waistband of his boxers, sliding it down on his thighs and Ashton kicked them off, hands gripping your legs as he turned to his side, pulling you with himself. His palm cupped your face, thumb brushing against your cheek as he kissed you long and deep, and you pressed against his chest, curling into his warm embrace. Your fingers skimmed down his arm, then up to brush against his nipple, making Ash hum against your lips and kiss you a little harder. You gave another light tweak to it, and his hips pressed forward, hard cock rubbing against your thigh as he looked for friction.

”How do you like it?” you pressed a kiss on the underside of his jaw as your fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking it up and down.

”That’s perfect,” he breathed against your hair, his noises filled with pleasure. ”You can go faster.”

”Like this?” you picked up the pace, thumb brushing over the tip to spread his precum down on his shaft, and Ashton moaned, a shiver running through him.

”Just like that, yeah.”

His hand wandered down your back, squeezing your ass before lightly caressing your thigh, fingers slowly sliding between your legs, palm cupping your wet sex. You buried your face and moans against his chest as a finger teased between your lips, giving light strokes to your clit before a second one joined, making you shift a little to give him more space.

”You’re absolutely gorgeous,” Ashton nudged his nose against yours, hazel eyes boring into yours as his thumb rubbed your clit, his digits lightly circling your entrance. ”Fingers?”

”Yeah, I like them,” you nodded while pecking his lips, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth as he slowly pushed in. ”Fuck, and they feel really good.”

”Yeah, I like your hand on my cock too,” he giggled between moans, fingers slipping deeper, curling against the sweet spot inside you.

He slowly slipped his fingers in an out, stretching you as you still jerked his cock, both of you trying to stifle your noises against the other’s mouth. Then Ashton pulled away, pressing his lips against your cheek and squeezing your hips before reaching for his discarded jeans, pulling out a condom from one of his pockets.

”Did you plan on getting lucky?” you pushed your toe against his knee with a smile, and Ashton chuckled, swiping his fingers through his hair.

”It might have crossed my mind,” he confessed, already tearing the package open.

”How long have you been hiding it?” you let your eyes linger on his fingers as he expertly rolled the condom on his hard cock, giving it a few pumps as he sighed.

”On and off since our midnight kitchen date,” he lay back down beside you, pulling you to his side, squeezing your hips again. ”Definitely been hoping for it after tonight. Put them back into my pocket when I brought you that blanket. You– kinda had an effect on me while you slept.”

”Should I say sorry?” you bit your bottom lip as you reached for his cock, giving it a few strokes before guiding it between your legs, swiping the head between your folds.

”I would rather you make up for it,” a smile pulled at Ashton’s lips as his hand covered yours, pushing the tip against your entrance.

”Sounds good enough for me,” you sighed against his neck, grabbing onto his biceps as he slowly moved, sinking his cock into you.

Ashton pulled your hips closer, fully pushing his cock inside as he kissed your forehead, drawing small circles on your back as you adjusted to his size, your pussy already clenching around him, wanting to feel more of the delicious stretch. He cupped your face as he kissed you, only starting to move when you whimpered your pleas against his lips, urging him to finally make love to you. His thrusts were slow and deep, making your toes curl as the tip of his cock dragged against your sweet spot, and you couldn’t help but bite his bottom lip as he started picking up the pace.

Your nails lightly scratched his shoulder blades, leaving small crescent marks on his skin when he moved above you, pulling your legs around his waist to fuck you the way he liked it, burying his face in your neck when a loud moan escaped his lips. You didn’t want the night to end; feeling Ashton’s body against you was the sweetest thing you’ve experienced in a long time, his kisses making you dizzy and craving more and more. Your fingers tangled into his hair, tugging on his dark locks as he rested his forehead against your temple, nose pushed to your cheek, his breath hot and tickling your skin.

”Want you to cum for me,” he kissed the soft spot behind your ear, hips quickly snapping against yours. ”Wanna feel you around my cock. Can you do that, angel?”

”Ash– fuck, a little more, please,” you whimpered, already feeling the pleasure building in your lower belly, tickling your spine, making you needy for it. ”Just… your fingers…”

”I’ve got you, beautiful,” he pressed his lips to yours, teeth giving the lightest of nibbles to them as he slipped his hand between your bodies, stroking your clit in quick circles. ”Good?”

”Yeah, so good,” you choked on a moan as he hit a sensitive spot, making you squeeze your legs around his waist. ”Ash– Ash, please–”

”I’m here, love,” he pulled your face against his neck, his movements never stopping as he whispered in your ear. ”Cum for me, Y/N.”

His words triggered something in you, and you felt an orgasm run through your body, making you shake from head to toe. Ashton’s arms wrapped around you as he fucked you through your pleasure, his lips and teeth leaving gentle love bites on your neck as you clenched around his cock, and you felt him slightly tremble against you, his movements getting more erratic. You squeezed your walls around him, not caring how sensitive you were, and he groaned against your ear, hips stuttering.

”Y/N–” he swallowed around a moan, fingers digging into your ass. ”Fuck, that’s good.”

”I wanna feel you too,” you kissed into his ear, teeth lightly tugging on his earring. ”Gonna give it to me, Ash? Please, I wanna feel you cum too.”

”Wish I could fill you up,” he panted, lost in his own pleasure, and you moaned at his words, squeezing more tightly around him.

”Next time, baby,” you breathed into his ear, fingers caressing the back of his neck. ”Next time you can have me.”

Ashton’s body tensed above you, his moans muffled against your neck as he stilled, hips lazily trusting into you as his cock twitched and pulsed, filling the condom with his cum. He sighed heavily as the last of his pleasure tickled his senses, burrowing against your neck with a happy sound, resting his weight on you, his skin sweaty and warm against you. You brushed kisses against his cheek, fingers drawing patterns between his shoulder blades, and Ash lightly chuckled, pushing himself up to nuzzle his nose to yours.

”Give me a sec, love,” he pecked your lips and you nodded, letting go of him as he pulled out, both of you slightly groaning at the feeling.

He quickly discarded the condom in the trashcan before climbing back next to you, wrapping his arms around you to pull you against his body. He grabbed the blanket at the end of the bed, pulling it up over your shoulders, tucking it around you.

”So you’re okay with having the other half now?” you silently giggled, pulling the blanket a bit more around his back.

”I have your naked body against me now,” he lovingly tapped your nose with his finger, making you scrunch up your face. ”Of course I wanna share.”

”You know… I’m still a little bit cold…” you squeezed your arms around his waist, and Ashton chuckled, playing along as he pulled you closer.

”Where do you need warming up, love?” he brushed a lock of hair behind your ear, smiling as you tapped your own lips.

”Right here.”

Ashton leaned forward and kissed you gently, spending the next few minutes making out with each other, the soft touches and caresses helping both of you to come down from your highs. He slowly turned onto his back, pulling you as close as he could, tangling your legs together under the blankets. He let you rest your head against his chest, listening to his slowing heartbeat as his fingers played with your hair, both of you ready to fall asleep together.

”You do make a great pillow,” you mumbled against his skin, and you felt the now familiar rumble against your cheek as he chuckled, leaning down to kiss your forehead.

”Does this mean you’ll take me home with you?” he slipped his fingers against yours, interlocking them on his stomach, and you lightly squeezed them.

”I could use a body pillow like you at home, yeah. Comfy and warm. Perfect for cuddles.”

”Yeah,” he sighed happily, resting his fingers in your hair. ”I like cuddles too.”

* * *

The sound of the door slowly opening made you aware of the light in the room, and for a moment you were sure Ashton has woken up and left you, but then you felt his warm embrace around you, and you burrowed against his side again, ready to go back to sleep.

”They look cute,” you heard Luke whispering, quickly shushing the two others as they started giggling. ”Don’t, you’re gonna wake them!”

”Must have been a night,” Calum commented, clearly looking at the discarded clothes on the floor.

”Told you Ashton makes a great pillow,” Michael said again. ”And Y/N clearly agrees on that.”

”When you’ve stopped being weirdos… could you leave us alone?” you heard Ashton grumble, moving you both, his back to his friends. ”I don’t need an audience for what is about to happen.”

The door closed as quickly as it has opened, and you stifled your giggles against Ashton’s chest, pressing a kiss into his neck.

”Is that a promise?” you looked up at him, and he gave you a lazy smile, brushing a kiss against your temple.

”How about we have some fun now, and then I’ll make you pancakes?”

- - - - -

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[astormyjet]

Winter of 2018 - Summer of 2021 TIME FILES WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR 20s!!!!

OH BOY. It’s been three years (or more) since I updated this. “Time is a weird soup!” to quote a fave. I guess I quit tumblr around the time there was a purge of content and creators and a smack down on a lot of the fandom communities. Tumblr has always been something of a crapshow though so I’ve been more productive with my time than I was in some ways, but I’ve also found other ways to waste my time. *cough twitter/netflix/youtube/MTGArena cough*.

General Life Achievements since 2018 -JLPT N3 GET in 2019! -Blackbelt GET in 2018! -TESOL 120 Hour and BE 50 Hour Cert from online provider GET in 2021 -STUDENT LOAN BANISHED (Thank you grandparents) -Survived Apartment flooding in early 2020. -Mystery anxiety related illness and chronic pain in my left leg from early 2020 - Present. -A mythical 6th and 7th year on the JET Programme. -Started posting on Instagram a lot more about my wanderings around Matsuyama/Uwajima. Mainly old buildings and stray cats. @astormyknight -Surviving so far in Japan with old rona-chan.

2018 was rough. I was given an additional school in the first semester (March to July) as we had someone find a better job. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a rough go especially when I was transferred that August after three fantastic years at Tsubaki JHS and ES and only a semester there. I legit went through the five stages of grief - which I think is another reason I stopped blogging. I was given my current base school along with four other schools. Going from 2(3) to 5 schools was a bit of an adjustment. I still feel a bit spread out.

That said, I keep running into teachers and students who were at the Tsubaki’s. The teachers shuffle around every April, so it's always a lottery with which new faces are going to be old friends (or enemies…). A couple of kids moved and transferred into my current schools from Tsubaki too. So I have one kid I can say I've been teaching for 6 out of the 7 years I've been here!

One of the kids who was in JHS 3rd grade when I first got here (in 2015!) hangs out around one of my favorite cafes, so I got chatting with him recently. He's in his second year of nursing school - his class nearly broke me in the first year, it was really a trial by fire with those kids. I was 22 then, and he’s 20 now, so it was interesting chatting to him about that first year of teaching. His younger sister was one of my favorite students too, she was in the group of kids that graduated in the March of 2018, the year group that went through Tsubaki JHS with me - they’re newly minted University students now!

This Thursday morning when I was cycling in to work, a kid who was 2nd year JHS when I left  (so 2nd or 3rd year JHS now) pulled up with their Mum in a van and got their mamachari out of the back to bike to school. The franticness of it all was hilarious. Their Mum legit sat on the horn until I pulled over. I was so happy to run into this kid, even at social distance and both of us late to work/school - because we both remembered each other and as they were going around the corners they were yelling each time they turned and humming the old elementary school directions chant and pelting me with questions about what I’ve been up to.

I've had so many students and schools now, that everything is kind of running into a blur. I remember flashes of kids faces and voices, random memories of in class or out of class shenanigans out of the blue. Also, I now, more than ever, have issues remembering kids' names, but I still know their faces (even with their masks), whose homeroom class they were in, who their friends were and which club they were in. I get random flashbacks to past conversations with them when I see them on the street or we run into each other. I feel bad because the first thing former students ask is ‘Do you remember my name?’ and I always have to be like, ‘Honestly, no, but I remember you did this on x day, x month in x classroom’.

Socially in 2018 -2019 - a few of our friends went home and things shook up a little. Our DnD group changed a bit - one of our players stepped into the role forever DM (THANK YOU RALPH). From memory the newbies were great - some of them just went home at the start of last month and it’s weird not seeing them around (JESS DO YOUR BEST!). I think we only have one or two people left from that rotation. There’s no 6th year ALTs, and only two 5th years.

Aug 2018 - Aug 2019 was the year of Hiura - my mountain school. Dang man, they were so cool. The students of the JHS and the ES combined barely hit 30, so each class was between 3-10 students depending on the grade. It was easier to get to know the kids, their abilities and their goals than it has been for me at other schools. I miss it so bad, being in nature once a week did my country-kid heart so good! The bugs! The frogs! The river! The mountain! The monkeys! The lizards! The dilapidated houses and hidden shrines!!!! The random crabs in the English room...I forgot that there was such a thing as freshwater crabs, and being right next to a river, the invasion wasn’t as out of place as I first thought...  

The area is so picturesque and calming. Every week up there was a small adventure (after getting over my motion sickness from the bus ride up). The kids were constantly pranking either myself or the main English teacher. There was always some new weird bug or lizard in a tank to be educated about. There were chickens on the way to the JHS that used to escape from their cardboard box prisons to run riot on the gardens. There were old people to freak out with my youth and foreignness! The kids also got to do a lot of extra classes, sumiyakai (making charcoal the traditional way), planting and maintaining rice paddies, setting up vegetable gardens, raising fireflies, conserving a special breed of fire lily (only found in this particular mountain valley) and another rare flower, wilderness training ect.

I wish I could have stayed there a lot longer but SOMEONE (read...the BoE) decided that schools had to be shuffled again(thank goodness the dude who has it now was able to keep it from the 2021 shuffle, he's the best fit for the school). I had so many good memories from there, I wish I had been more consistent in writing it down. I do have a bunch of photos and videos from there though, so that's nice. The only thing I don’t miss is the bus trip up and down - not only was it motion sickness, there was a healthy dose of fear each ride as the driver brought us perilously close to the edge of the mountain drop…

2019 - 2020 was interesting. With the school I got given instead of the Hirua’s I was roped into more demonstration lessons which was a lot of pressure because I was also involved quite heavily with the JHS observation and training lessons too. They were somewhat rewarding, the third graders are now super smart 5th graders, but the teachers  who need to embrace the new curriculum and ways of teaching really haven’t taken on anything from the lessons....

Outside of work as well, I was given the chance, thanks to an ALT buddy of mine, to join in with the local festival. It's been one of the biggest highlights of my time here, and I am gutted it’s been cancelled for the last two years, but I understand the reason…. I was able to travel to Okinawa too during that summer for an international Karate seminar with the Dojo I train with. I met the head of the style I currently practice and a bunch of people from around the world. I also got to see Shuri castle before it burned down. So that was a stroke of luck. One of the places I want to go when/if we get out of this pandemic is Okinawa. I want to see more of those Islands so bad. Just before the whole pandemic thing too - I managed to see the Rugby World Cup, a Canada vs NZ match, I even ran into Tana Umanga in Oita city!!!

2019 - 2020 was supposed to be my last year on JET, so I was frantically Job hunting. I went to the Career Fair in Osaka in early Feb/Late January 2020. I applied and got interviewed for a position in Sendai in early Jan 2020. In the end though - the Rona hit. We started hearing whispers of it around the end of 2019, then the cruise boats happened, and then Japan refused to cancel the Olympics...every holiday season there is a new wave of infections, my nurse friends in Tokyo are struggling....my teacher friends in more populous areas of Japan are struggling…

JET couldn't get new ALTs for 2020-2021, I took the extra year when it was eventually offered, as the one job I had managed to get a serious offer for was hesitating because with the rona setting in, things were uncertain. There was a lot of time spent adjusting to the new rules surrounding what we could do in class with the kids as well as textbook change. Schools shut on and off during the spring months. 

I also got a reminder of my mortality mid May with an unrelated illness which is still smacking me around a bit - stress/age, it does things to the human body it has no right to. It's only been in the last three months I’ve been able to exercise like I used to, I’ve put on a bunch of weight I can't shrug off (one part medication, another part diet) My relationship with food needs to change, and I really need a kitchen that allows me for more than one pan meals. I also need to figure out what to do with a left leg that is in constant pain from the knee down and a heart that misses beats when stressed out (mentally and physically…). 

My apartment also got flooded by the guy upstairs at one point, I spent most of late February/early March living in a hotel while my walls and floor got redone - I think this was one of the things that really stressed me out and kicked my anxiety right up a notch, it was right when things were getting REALLY bad with rona-chan in Hokkaido and schools were shutting down here as it was filtering into the prefecture and so Japan closed schools for the first time…

Classes in covid times have been weird. We’ve been wearing facemasks full time since the early stages of the pandemic (March 2020) - so I admit that I get a bit pissed off seeing both Americans and New Zealanders back home bitching about just having to start wearing them full time in public. I have asthma and have been suffering with the things on during the 30*C plus with high 90s humidity summers. Teachers were offered vaccines late July 2021, just days before the Olympics were open - and I finished my two shots in the middle of August. But the overall distribution and take up of the jab has been slow.  As mentioned above, we can't play a lot of the games we used to play with kids in classes anymore, and a lot of the activities outlined in the textbook curriculum need to be adjusted too, so we’ve had to be creative. We use hand sanitizer a lot more too. One of the things I miss the most though, is eating lunch with the kids.

Socially from summer 2020 - now 2021 we played a lot of DnD and board games, both online and in person when we could. There were no new ALTs again for the 2021-2022 JET year, and those of us who were in 6th year were offered a 7th. Four out of six of us took it. As a whole we’re down from a peak of 38 ALTs for Junior High and Elementary school to 22 for now. We hopefully will get a new person at the end of September, and 4 more in November. Which will bring us to 27. This has led to ANOTHER round of school shuffles.

Summer vacation has been weird the last two years. With rona-chan, we haven’t really been able to travel. All the summer festivals (all the Autumn and Winter ones too!) have been cancelled, so the changing of seasons just feels, wrong. I dunno. There is so much we all miss from pre-rona-chan, and so much that doesn’t happen that makes this just feel like one long long unending year of sadness, coldness, raininess, unbearable heat and repeat. I’m tired. Time is going so fast, but so.dang.slow.

I lost my favorite school (AGAIN GDI!!!) and gained the school I taught a semester at in 2019....I had my first day there on Wednesday. Schools actually started back on September 1st so there was some drama as the BoE didn’t communicate fast enough about our school changes. We legit got told on the 27th of August (on a Friday) our schools were changing effective September 1st, but somehow some of our schools found out on the Monday 30th August. In July we were told we would be changing schools at the end of September, so.a lot of ALTs and schools were left short changed, not having opportunities to say goodbye to co-workers or students/having their planning for the semester more or less thrown out the window too. I love my job. I really dislike the way the BoE treats us, the Japanese assistant language teachers and our schools.

The new school I have is used to having an ALT there twice a week, who plans all the lessons and executes them. I’m at three elementary schools. I'm only at each once a week, I want to plan, but being that I miss an entire lesson in between visits, it's going to be difficult to do so. Not impossible, but being that I'm already doing it for two other schools, who are at two different places in the textbook ah…….. From what I have talked to my new supervisor about though, it sounds like the teachers have taken on more of the lesson planning and I'll be able to contribute ideas when I'm there. I just want to and wish I could do more without being confused all the time. (This is all usually done in my second language too, not in English so extra levels of confusion and miscommunication abound).

 I feel like this at my JHS too a lot of the time. I want to contribute more, but even with constant communication with my main in school supervisor (who is a badass and pretty much on the same page about everything with me) I still feel about as useful as tits on a bull. Especially now that classes have been cancelled and or shortened, there's less time to do stuff. Any game or activity I plan is usually cut in favor of making up time in the textbook. When I'm in class, I'm back to being a tape recorder, the fun police and general nuisance.　

Also in the last week...my two of my schools were  shut due to students testing positive for the rona. This is the second time my schools have had a scare in the last 8 months. And by shut, I mean the students were all at home, but the teachers  all had to come into the office. Because why not I guess….. I mean,  the cases increasing is really not unexpected with the amount of people who were travelling over obon and the increase of cases due to the Olympics/Japan being slow on vaccinating/delta being the dominant strain/Japan's leaders doing relatively little except asking shops and restaurants to limit people coming in at one time and closing before 8pm. I know my schools weren't the only one shut either - but still High Schools were having their sports days this week. I kept on seeing groups of kids hanging in the park after, so that was a little bit nerve wracking.

It's just frustrating - we’ve been on half days to “minimize the risk of infection” for kids and teachers, as if only being at school from 8am through to 1pm is going to reduce the risk.  My schools have only just started testing out Microsoft teams and Zoom lesson equipment. Thankfully our school’s run in this time was contained real quick, the family was super good about informing us when they got their results back, and the fact they needed to be tested. The homeroom teacher and the students from the same class were the only ones tested, and they all came back clear, which was nice. But the information came back so SLOW. 

I’m a little irritated because I found out on Wednesday night what was going on, and even if I am vaccinated, I am super worried that I will end up being the covid monkey due to being at different schools three days out of five. I think other than being worried that I will catch it myself and get real sick, my biggest fear is that I will be protected from bad symptoms from the vaccine, but still be able to pass it onto some of my more vulnerable friends and students. The whole thing is a mess.  

Other than Covid and BoE drama, life is good. I’ve had a couple of other big changes - both fantastic and not so great, but yeah.  I have my health (and health insurance!) for now. I have a job, for now. I have a sense of existential dread for the next 12 months, but we’ll see where we end up. Life post JET is going to be way less cushy and I am TERRIFIED. I mean, I have a BA in Eng/Ling and no idea what to do with it…..because I am NOT suited for academia.

TLDR: Love my job. Don’t like the system. What is life? Future scary. 

[thatringboy]

Meet my OC Maei! She’s a Geo Archer from Natlan!

Optimistic Avenger

“I used to only exist to make my superiors happy, but now I exist to find my own happiness!”

A young outlander who hails from the Muratan Clan. She hopes to one day grow strong enough to protect her new family and friends from her mysterious past

General Information

Name: Maei Fa

Age: 29

Affiliation: ???

Birthdate: September 22

Starsign: Virgo

Constellation: Beatus Luto

Weapon: Bow

Vision: Geo

Voice Claims

CVA: 纯良少女小菊花酱 (if someone can find her name in the English alphabet I will love you forever)

JVA: Asami Seto

EVA: Daniella Medrano

Voice Lines

Hello: Hi! I’m Maei Fa! Need me to draw you up a map? Build a mud castle? Take down some bad guys? I’m up for the task!

Good Morning: Good morning, Traveler! Tell me, what do you want for breakfast? I’ll make it super quick!

Good Afternoon: Yo, are we stopping to eat? When the sun’s up, so is my hunger! … don’t tell Yangyue though

Good Evening: C’mon, I’ve still got some time to spare, let’s keep going

Good Night: *Yawn* Are we setting up camp? Or should I switch into my energy reserves?

When It Rains: Let’s go jump in the mud! Don’t call me childish!

When It Snows: Brr… last time I was this cold was the last time Yangyue and I fought and she “conveniently” didn’t pin down our tent flap all the way

When It’s Sunny: Ah the sun’s out! Let’s go run across the beach to catch some crabs!

Favorite Food: Mhmm, I’m in the mood for… Chicken Skewers! Just put some meat over a campfire and rub some spices over it… man my mouth is watering at the thought

Least Favorite Food: I’m not a fan of sweets… Yangyue’s the one with the sweet tooth in this relationship, not me

About: Vision: My Vision? I don’t like to talk about my past a lot, but I trust you with this information. After I discarded my old identity, I ran into the forests of Fontaine to hide from my enemies. I sat in the woods for three weeks eating nothing but bugs and berries and wallowing in my own self pity. I wished that the ground would swallow me up and bury me for the sins I committed. Instead, I woke up to a new morning and to find a Vision next to me. I met the love of my life that very same day

About: Interests: I’m a Cartography nerd on the inside. I could spend hours detailing a map of Inazuma’s Watatsumi island! There’s something so satisfying about stepping away from a completed map of a region and putting the first pin in. Do you want to see my most recent project?

About Childe: I haven’t been in contact with Ajax for a little bit. He hasn’t checked in like he’s supposed to with Yangyue… did something happen to him during his assignment in Liyue? Oh, Traveler, did I say that out loud? J-Just pretend you didn’t hear any of that!

About Diluc: You know the Darknight Hero? How do I know him? Eh, it’s been about a year since we last spoke, but we teamed up together a few times in the past. What were we doing? Oh, uh, I-I think I hear Yangyue calling me!

About Yangyue: She’s my wife! We met at a conference in Fontaine’s capital city… actually right outside of it since I wasn’t invited in hehehe… She was representing the Milileth of Liyue and had gotten into an argument with some trade partners, so she stepped outside to take a breather. I smacked right into her and made her drop all of her things! Ack, I was SO embarrassed! Six years later, here we are!

About Iansan: I’ve heard a bit about her, but not much to make a profile of her character. She sounds like a chaotic kid, a bit like me as a little girl, hehe

About: Knights of Favonius: So that creep Eroch was finally fired, Eh? Y-you want to know how I know about private gossip from Mondstat? Let’s just say I know a guy

About: Family: I… haven’t had a real family in a while. I don’t even remember the face of my father… I thought I had a family with… this one group I used to run with. But I was deeply wrong and I can’t take back the things I did with them. Now, Yangyue and I have our own family with her mom and some other people who wish to remain anonymous hehehe

About: The Fatui: … The Fatui only know how to steal and kill. They burned down my home village, murdered my parents, extorted my people and—! … *Sigh* and I did worse things than even all that.

About: “Innamorati”: How do you know that name?! Who told you that information?! I bet he told you! Oh, when I get my hands on that little shi— what does it mean? To put it firmly, it means “the immortal lovers”. It was a name that mocked the way my parents - our village’s only Vision holders - died in each other’s arms. I never want to hear that name fall from your lips again, do you understand me?

About: Numbers: I’ve gotta say, my favorite number has to be twenty-three. Why? Because my beloved was born on the twenty-third day of the second month! It’s hard to forget a birthday that is two-twenty-three! My least favorite number will always be eleven, I’m sure you can guess why

About: Weapons: What made me choose to use a bow despite my Vision? Well, I grew up training under my village leader to be a hunter for the community. When that all went south, I became a sharpshooter to make do in… less than desirable circumstances. Once I freed myself, I went back to my roots and took up a bow once more. And I have to say: I’m pretty good with it!

[leotssukinaga]

Friendship Bracelet

Makoto Yuuki x Reader

A/N: I literally dont know where this fic came from, it just popped into my head a few hours ago and now its here. Disclaimer that I don’t know Yuuki that well as a character so I’m not entirely sure how well I wrote him. This ends so cheesy but its cute so I stand by my choices Summary: Makoto and you have been best friends for years, even when you couldn’t see each other often your friendship held firm. There’s just one issue... Makoto doesn’t know if it’ll survive the romantic feelings he’s developed for you. Tags: Fluff, teeny tiny bit of angst, cheesy as hell, childhood friends to lovers Word Count: 1.7k

Makoto wasn't sure whether to smile or frown as he stared at the bracelet adorning his wrist, fiddling with it with his other hand. It was a little worn, though you could hardly see where he'd had to mend it when he caught it on that fence last year and it snapped, but even after 4 years of wearing it constantly the colours were as bright as the day you'd given it to him, the green heart embedded in the blue standing out as much as ever. It had been on his mind a lot recently- or rather, what you'd said when you gave it to him had.

-

You hopped up to him at lunch time, a sad sort of smile on your face. He knew why. You were graduating middle school in two days, and you weren't going to the same high school. You'd admitted to him a few weeks before that you were scared to face the world without him, that you didn't want him to stop being your friend just because you didn't see each other every day. He'd been a little too embarrassed to admit that he felt the exact same way. "Hey, I made you something. It's a little silly but... I want you to wear it all the time, okay? So that even when you're old and you can't remember your own name, you'll have a reminder that once upon a time, in middle school, we were best friends." He grinned as you showed him the blue friendship bracelet. He didn't even know you knew how to make them, but he admired your handiwork and held his wrist out for you to tie it on. It was only when you'd done so that he was the green heart you'd sewn onto it. "Not just in middle school," he reassured you, "just because we're going to different high schools doesn't mean I'll forget about you."

-

He'd been right, too. The two of you were in your third year now, and your friendship was as firm as ever. Of course, the different high schools situation had changed once Yumenosaki had opened up the producer course and you'd transferred (something you hadn't told him until you surprised him on your first day there), but even in your first year he'd cycled over to your house every night he had free. You'd always fussed over how he had the energy to do that, with how strenuous idol work can be, but he was insistent that you didn't worry about him too much. And now you were at Yumenosaki, he walked you home every day, just like he had in middle school. He was grateful for your ongoing presence in his life, but recently... He wanted things to change. Not in the sense that he didn't want you around anymore- as if he could ever want that- it was more like he wanted to see you more, if that was even possible.

He'd often catch himself thinking about you in a way he didn't know he could- about holding your hand or waking up next to you, about how nice it would be to be your boyfriend. It was bugging him endlessly. How could he fall in love with his best friend? That was something that belonged in slice of life manga and cheesy sitcoms, not real life. Not his life. Not when you had so many better options out there than him, when half the guys in your year were vying for your attention for less than professional reasons- and he knew that every one of them was likely better suited to you than he was. "Hey, what's on your mind?" Makoto nearly jumped out of his seat when you appeared next to  him, a concerned look on your face "O-oh! Nothings wrong, I'm fine." "I didn't ask if anything was wrong, doofus, but the fact that you answered like I did tells me you definitely just lied to my face. Cmon, out with it." "No really, I-I'm okay!" You frowned at him, pulling out the chair next to him and taking a seat. "When did you start hiding things from me?" "W-what?" "I feel like you don't tell me anything anymore... What happened to the Makoto who'd tell me everything, right down to how long it took you to eat your lunch? When did you stop wanting to share things with me?" You looked sad- heartbroken even- as you stared at your best friend. But that was just it. He'd always be your best friend, and nothing more. He'd thought he was okay with that, but he was beginning to realise he wasn't. "I don't know, I... I guess people just grow apart." He knew, the second he said it, that it was the wrong thing to say, and the tears pricking your eyes as you nodded and silently left the classroom confirmed it.

You didn't wait for him that evening. He arrived at the spot the two of you had used as a meeting place since you'd started at Yumenosaki and found nobody there. You didn't pick up when he called you, either, and the walk home was painfully silent without your company. He'd screwed up majorly, all because he couldn't stand to tell you he was in love with you. And he didn't know whether he'd be able to pick up the pieces or not.

But he knew he had to try.

This wasn't like him. Normally he'd call you before heading to your house, it was rude to drop by unannounced, but this time he didn't even think about it. (You'd likely not pick up anyway.) It wasn't until he turned onto your street that he even realised what he was doing, that he'd cycled all the way here without making a conscious choice to do so. Whether it was the fear of losing you forever or some miraculous bout of previously unfound confidence that saw him climbing the tree outside your window and knocking on it like some anime protagonist you guys would definitely make fun of together, he didn't know. All he knew was that when you opened the curtains you looked like you'd been crying- and that you shut them again the second you saw him. He slumped back on the branch he was sitting on, not ready to give up but feeling a little defeated, when he heard the door open below him.

"Makoto! What the hell are you doing up there?!" "I need to talk to you." "Ever heard of knocking?" "I didn't think you'd answer." "You could've tried!  Ugh, will you just get down from there, please? I'm having horrible visions of you with your head splattered on the sidewalk." He nodded and made his way out of the tree, trying not to think about how cute it was when you covered your eyes so you wouldn't have to see if he fell.

"I...I didn't mean what I said earlier." "I know." "You do?" "Yeah! I mean, come on. I know you better than anyone- if that was really how you felt you’d wanna talk about it, give me the reasons. You’re always so gentle with people, even when you don’t like them." "When you didn't walk home with me today I thought maybe I'd messed up beyond repair." "I was upset. Even if you didn't mean it, it hurt. And you've been so distant lately. I don't wanna lose you. Ever." "I don't wanna lose you either." The way you smiled at him warmed his heart, but your next words put a knife right through it. "Good. You're stuck with me as a best friend forever, whether you like it or not."

Makoto couldn't take it. He knew he wasn't good enough for you. You deserved a boyfriend who could sweep you off your feet, not some dork who's only romantic knowledge came from manga. But... even if it was unfounded, he had to have hope. He had to tell you how he felt.

"Y/N, look, I- I need to tell you something." "What is it?" "I-" The words stuck in his throat. You stared at him expectantly as he tried to get them out, but they wouldn't go, no matter how much he stuttered. Now was not the time for him to freak out and forget how to speak. He'd cycled over here and climbed a tree, for God's sake, and now he couldn't even say what he wanted to. He couldn't help but think that this was why you deserved better than him. "Makoto? Are you okay?" "Yes, I just-” He took a deep breath before finally blurting it out, so fast you could barely make out what he was saying. “I'm in love with you and I have been for like a year and I thought I could be okay with just being your best friend- and if you tell me to shut up and never talk about this again then I will, I'll be happy to be in your life in any capacity- but I knew I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try, you know? You're just so perfect and I know you deserve better than what I can offer you and it's so stupid for me to think I have a chance in hell but-" "Makoto!" "Y-yes?" "Will you shut the hell up and kiss me already?" "I- what?" "Oh, I have to do everything myself, don't I?" He was still processing what you'd said when you pulled him in for a kiss, cupping his face gently with your hands. It took him a minute to come to terms with the fact that you were kissing him, but eventually he settled his arms around your waist and melted into it. You pulled away abruptly when something cold and wet landed on your forehead, squinting up at the sky. As if the night hadn't played out enough like some cheesy romance film, snow began to fall around you.

"I probably should’ve worn a coat, huh..." "Oh my god, come inside before we both freeze to death!" "Will your parents be okay with that?" "Of course they will, it's you." You reached for his hand to pull him inside, but stopped when you noticed something. "Hey... you're still wearing the bracelet." "'Course I am. You told me to wear it all the time." You grinned up at him, giving him a soft peck on the lips. "I guess that heart means something different now, though." Makoto's real heart swelled in his chest. Being with you was... Well, it felt like something out of a fairytale, or one of those dreams that waking up from upsets you because it's not real. "Yeah. I guess it does."

[haleysreid]

You let out a deep, exaggerated sigh as you try to get comfortable on the couch. You’ve been trying unsuccessfully for about twenty minutes now, shifting awkwardly and rearranging pillows. Being six and a half months pregnant with twins, comfort doesn’t really come easily these days. You’re just about to give up and head to the kitchen to find a snack (you’re craving pickles dipped in peanut butter for the third pregnancy in a row) when you hear the front door unlock and open softly.

You smile to yourself. It was a quiet Friday night and Penelope had offered to take Didi and Ollie for the weekend. “I need some time with my two favorite Reids,” she told Spencer, followed by “no offense to you and Y/N, but they’re arguably a lot cuter and more fun.” She had a point.

“Hey, bubs,” Spencer whispers as hangs his coat up and sets his satchel down on the kitchen table. He kisses the side of your head and you breathe in his scent, comforting and familiar after being with him for the past seven years. You grab his hand and play with his wedding band for a bit, before bringing it to rest on your protruding belly.

A smile creeps across his face, and it’s the kind of smile from him that’s your favorite because it reaches his pretty, honey colored eyes. “How are our little acorn squashes today?” he asks, eliciting a giggle from you. Just like when you were pregnant with Didi and again with Ollie, you decided to not find out the sex of the babe until they’re born. Because of this, Spencer has been referring to the babies by whatever fruit or vegetable they’re the size off according to your pregnancy app. Your personal favorite was when they were the size of sweet potatoes.

“Pretty good, one of them has been kicking like there’s no tomorrow all afternoon. I think we might have a soccer prodigy on our hands,” you joke, placing your hand atop his where it rested lovingly on your bump. He lets out a sheepish laugh followed by one of his cute little nose scrunches. It’s something he doesn’t even realize he does but makes your heart feel like it’s going to explode out of your chest with love for him every single time he does it.

“Sweetheart, this child is going to have us as parents. They’ll probably be a prodigy of some kind, but definitely not anything athletic,” he quips, and you just chuckle because as usual, he’s right. You look up and meet his gaze, leaning into him as he comes in for a kiss. “Mmm, did you eat something minty?” you ask, licking your lips. “Yup, peppermint ice cream. Snuck some from the break room before I left work. I also may have stolen the carton out of the freezer and brought it home with me, don’t tell JJ because I’m pretty sure it was hers.”

You laugh and kiss him again, not wanting to let go, wanting him to hold on forever. “Want to fix your loving, pregnant wife a bowl and we can watch a movie? I’ll let you pick this time,” you say, knowing it’ll probably be some obscure foreign film without subtitles, but not minding because that would usually lead to him doing a simultaneous whisper translation in your ear the entire time. And that would usually lead to your clothes coming off because the feeling of his warm breath on your neck was sure to become too much. Which sounded like a good idea to you.

“Of course, bubs. You get comfortable on the couch and I’ll change clothes and be right down, okay? I love you,” he says and places a soft kiss to your nose. No matter how many times he tells you that, no matter how long it’s been, your heart still flutters like it’s the first time. He heads upstairs to change out of his work clothes and you flop down on the couch where you had been before Spencer got home. You cover yourself with your favorite blanket, the one Emily gifted the two of you when you were pregnant with Didi. It’s white and fluffy, and smells like Spencer after the two of you cuddling underneath it pretty much every night he’s been home for the past four years.

After a few minutes, your husband joins you on the couch, two bowls of the requested peppermint ice cream in hand. He hands you yours with a peck on your forehead. “Mmm, thanks, Spence. What should we watch tonight?” you inquire. “What about Aristocats?” he suggests, making you laugh out loud. “A Disney movie? You know we dropped the kids off with Penelope for the weekend, right?” you tease. “Not just a Disney movie, babe. Aristocrats is the best cinematic representation of cats of all time. They’re animals, but they still have their sophistication,” he quips, a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.”

“Didn’t you give that same speech to Didi once?” you ask, your fingers intertwining underneath the blanket. “Probably when I was trying to get her to watch something other than A Bug’s Life for the fiftieth time that week,” he muses. When you started your day, you didn’t expect to end it by watching the Aristocats of all things. But hey, if it meant you got to spend the night holding your sweet husband close like this, you didn’t really mind.

(The night may or may not have ended with Penelope facetiming you minutes after you and Spencer had finished having sex with your four year old daughter in hysterics because she forgot her ladybug stuffed animal at home. “I can totally tell you guys just had sex, but can you please bring Diana her lovebug so she stops screaming? I think I’ve gone deaf in one ear. Thank you!!”)

[kimburgess-ruzek]

you have no idea.

chapter two.

summary: burzek. Something Kim does changes her future in Intelligence forever. In ways no one can imagine. But when she is caught on the wrong side of crime, will her previous reputation and relationship with the police help her? Or are her actions so damaging that nothing or no one can save her?

word count: 3.5k

t/w: none.

read on ao3.

.

two.

tap, tap, tap. tap, tap, tap.

The bullpen was silent. Well, for the most part, except for the excessive tapping coming from Adam’s pen on his desk. He was so exhausted. and not just from the lack of sleep. no, he was so tired of not enjoying his work day anymore. before, before everything changed, he loved going to the district. he loved serving the city. it didn’t feel like work for him, and he loved getting justice for chicago. now, he barely makes it to work on time, never volunteers for overtime, and can hardly make it through the day without getting grumpy, hangry, or fed up. what caused the change in adam’s attitude? adam liked to beat around the bush, blame his attitude change on anything but the truth, whether that be old age, time, or the lack of vacation hours. but in reality, he knew why he hated coming to work everyday. hell, everyone in intelligence, at the 21st knew why. kim. it was because of kim. the way everything went down, how he doesn’t get to see her everyday, how he doesn’t get to take her to molly’s after a hard day and buy her a beer, how he doesn’t know where she is today, how her leaving changed the entire dynamic of the upstairs. everything about this situation made adam feel slimy, and he can’t help but feel some type of way when it comes with kim. because believe it or not, he is in love with kim. he’s never stopped loving her, and even though he hasn’t claimed it, even though he never admits it, he still feels bad for how everything went down and how he can’t be with the love of his life. what makes him feel worse is that he can’t do anything about it. and kim won’t reach out to him. adam feels helpless. truly helpless.

adam was running his mind to the ground and his body was physically doing all that he could to stay awake; the fact that there was no action happening with the case right now really wasn’t helping much.

at first, Jay and Hailey had no luck gathering security footage from the club. The owner refused to give it up, leading the team to believe that he must know something important. The two brought him in, with some help with patrol after the owner decided to take off, and now Voight and Rojas were interrogating him while Hailey and Jay watched behind the window. Adam and Kevin were in the bullpen, ready for the when the footage would be sent to them. Because the owner wouldn’t give it up, the video cam had to go through paperwork before being able to be looked through.

Adam was lost in his uncontrollable, subconscious tapping when he was hit in the forehead with a flying, foreign object.

thud.

after being stunned for a second, adam looked down at the object and found out Kevin threw a flying wad of paper, breaking him from his trance and making him drop his pen.

“Ruz, if you don’t stop that damn tapping, I’m gonna have to come over there and kill you.” Kevin deadpanned as leaned away from his computer screen, making himself visible to adam. he sat back in his desk chair after throwing the paper ball, succeeded both in the perfect aim of the flying paper was and getting adam to stop tapping his pen. kevin was just as tired as Adam, and the constant, incessant noise was starting to give him a headache.

Adam was too tired to even pick up neither the paper nor the pen that had fallen to the ground. instead he put his hand to his temple where the paper wad hit and looked at kevin with confused, tired bug eyes.

“bro, what the hell?!” adam half yelled, using his free hand to throw up in the air in disgust.

kevin didn’t even give adam an answer. he half laughed, giving adam that “you’re such an over exaggerating, neurotic ass and you need to stop looking at me with those bug eyes because it’s just a piece of paper” look. he shook his head and turned around, got up and walked to the break room. of course, adam, being the guy that he is, had to see this through. while he was tired, he still thought it was uncalled for. he marched into the break room after kevin, who was pouring both of them a cup of coffee.

“yo, what’s your problem, man?” adam asked in the doorway.

kevin finished pouring adam’s cup of coffee before turning around to face him. he sighed, and after a long pause said, “bro. it was just a piece of paper.”

adam sighed and put his hand to his forehead, only then realizing how stupid he looked. he tried to relieve the tension from his headache to no avail, so he instead took the coffee kevin offered him.

“and you were tapping your pen which was distracting me from daydreaming about all of the free time i’ll have away from you when I retire.” Kevin finished as he handed adam his coffee and sipped on his. Adam took his mug and drank all of it in one swig like it was water. he gave the mug back to kevin and kevin had to double check to see if adam actually drank all of it, which he did. impressed, kevin placed the mug in the sink.

“Sorry man, I didn’t even know I was doing it.” Adam buried his face with his hands and sighed, leaning against the wall. He was exhausted, and his empty stomach was reminding him how hungry he was by growling every four minutes.

“what’s up, bro? really, you know i’m here for you,” kevin looked at his friend with concern. of course he knew what was wrong with adam; he’d never been the same since that day. but the two of them had never talked it out, and he thought adam would benefit by confiding in him.

for the first time — whether it was because of him actually wanting help or him just being completely exhausted, he didn’t know — adam admitted his true feelings.

“man, i just… i just want her back up here, you know. it’s not the same, it’s not fair… it’s not fair how everything went down.” adam took a breath, feeling a weight lift off of him. as much as he hate to say it, he felt good finally saying what he’s been feeling for the past two months. kevin just looked at him, letting adam finish getting everything off his chest.

“and it’s more than that, man… i feel bad for her i really do. and i feel guilty everyday, because everyday i don’t get to see her up here when i know she deserves it. i, i should’ve stood up for her. i should’ve been there for her. i should’ve… i should’ve done more. and now, she hates me, she’s out of a job, and she’s off the grid. hell, i don’t even know if she’s still in chicago. and it sucks. it sucks that i can’t be there for her when i know she needs it.”

kevin walked over and put his hand to adam’s shoulder, showing him support. “bro, you did everything you could. there was no helping the situation. and you are being there for her, by calling her, even if she doesn’t return them. kim’s strong. she’s just.. you know she’s taking it hard. she’ll come around. she will.”

Adam let out a breath and nodded to kevin. it’s still not fair, adam thought to himself. but he didn’t want to drag it out and he appreciated kevin’s support. he just wanted everything back to the way it was, but he didn’t know how.

kevin and adam walked back into the break room to see that the others were still in the interrogation room and the footage hasn’t been approved to watch yet. they both sighed and slumped back into their chairs, getting back into their boredom.

out of the blue, kevin let out, “i can’t take this. i’m bored and i need food.”

after adam’s stomach growled for about the third time in the past ten minutes, he let out, “I need food too. and more caffeine.”

“hey man, why don’t you go get us some lunch. and you can get you some coffee that doesn’t taste like it came from the break room.” Kevin suggested, smirking and shrugging his shoulders.

“Really? You think it’s a good idea...” Adam asked, wary. Ever since Kim has been gone, Voight has been pretty tough on the team. He’s gotten stricter, not taking much bullshit from anyone. and yes, he’s even strict about leaving on a personal to get lunch.

As much as he would hate to admit it, Voight wasn’t doing that well either. When Kim left, he not only lost someone from his unit, but he also lost a valuable, genuine person that he considered a peer and colleague. To him, Kim has always been humble and hardworking. She was never obnoxious and she never acted self-righteous towards civilians. no, she actually cared about these cases, unlike others upstairs. kim saw more than bad guys and drug addicts; she saw people who needed help and victims that needed justice. she always saw a case through, and she never wanted to quit. To Voight, it was almost as if Kim was never satisfied with her work. She always wanted to do more, handle more cases. and He liked that about her. Kim was someone that he got to train and advise from the beginning; he got to watch her grow as a cop and person as she worked in Intelligence. and he loved that. he loved getting to watch someone with no policing background defy the criticism and earn a spot in intelligence. he admired how hard kim fought to be in intelligence. he appreciated the hard work she put in in order to prove not only everyone else but also herself that she deserves to be recognized.

and then the whole situation went down. voight tried to save kim by benching her, but he should’ve known she would leave on her own. and he hated himself to this day for it. he should’ve done a million things different, if he did, kim would still be up with his unit and everyone would still be happy. but he didn’t, and kim was no longer there. Voight did feel bad about the whole situation that happened with Kim; he felt awful about the aftermath and falling out of the case. but there was nothing he could do. It had gone too far. kim had gone too far. voight regrets not fighting more for kim to stay. he does. and he feels guilty that kim has basically gone radio silent. he asked around for the first couple of weeks, seekng if adam heard anything from her. when he realized kim wasn’t going to call back, voight never asked again. he hardened on the outside. he knew he could never go backward, so he decided to move forward. he decided he was going to save everyone else and not let another situation like this ever happen again by throwing himself on his work. he started being tougher on the team. No more rule breaking. Everything by the book. by doing so he hoped nothing like i with kim would ever happen again. and he hoped that with time, kim would finally come around.

Even though Adam could see through Voight — he could see how hurt he was — he still knew not to cross him. But Kevin was in dire need of coffee and he knew Adam could use the fresh air and change of atmosphere. He also knew Voight wouldn’t be too mad if he was back by the time the footage was released.

“Just go, bro. Voight won’t even know. that club owner doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon. plus, I’ll text you when we get the footage. Just don’t dally.” Kevin reassured.

Despite Adam still being suspicious, he got up and put his jacket on and hopped down the stairs. He was almost in the clear before he heard someone calling his name over his shoulder.

“Ruzek.”

Adam hastily turned around and walked back up to the voice that just called his name. “What’s up Trudy?”

Trudy lowered her glasses on her nose and looked at Adam. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“just getting me and kev some lunch. and Quickly, so I won’t get chewed out by my boss.” Adam hinted, wanting to be excused so he could get out and back in time. He raised his eyebrows and bit his lip.

“Alright.” Trudy nodded and paused, looking Adam up and down.

Adam waited and after a second of feeling uncomfortable, he turned and left but was yet again called back by Platt.

“adam. come back here i wasn’t done.”

“Sargent, if you don’t mind, I would like to get back in time so I can maintain my job.” Adam huffed and walked back to the sergeant’s desk. He was losing precious time every second he stayed in the building.

Trudy extended a hand and patted Adam on the arm.

“Adam.. If you need anything, just to talk or even to sit and listen, I’m here.” Trudy offered, staring right at Adam.

Trudy took the news hard. Really hard. Kim was without a doubt her favorite person up in intelligence, and even thought she didn’t show it outwardly, Kim had a soft spot in her heart for trudy. She appreciated all of Kim’s resilience while on patrol and she missed being able to pick on her and talk to her when Kim moved up to Intelligence. However, they still kept their friendship while kim was upstairs.

After Kim and Adam lost the baby, they both took it hard. Adam was more transparent with his feelings, but Kim grieved hard and alone. trudy tried getting kim to talk, but kim wouldn’t budge at first. Eventually, though, she opened up to Trudy, ever so slightly. kim kept opening up, each time sharing a little more of her feelings. trudy never pushed her more than what she felt kim could handle, and kim appreciated that. the two would talk after shift here and there. it was never really at an official meeting place, just whenever kim would want to get something off of her chest. but trudy loved it. she knew kim needed someone to confide in, and she felt honored that it was her and kim trusted her enough to do so. Trudy learned a lot about Kim that she never knew beforehand, like her life before policing and why she is the way she is.

and then came that case. the case that never should’ve happened if justice was served the right way the first time.

.

*flashback*

trudy was working the front desk like she does everyday. even though it was so late, she was still at the front desk per voight’s request. she had known about the case intelligence was working, and she was helping out in anyway she could. she knew the team were en route to arrest the two men that just recently got their freedom back, and she knew that voight made kim stay upstairs. trudy knew kim took it hard, she wanted so badly to give firsthand the justice those men’s victims deserved. and voight and trudy both knew that without someone watching the front exit, kim would sercretly make her way out and to the nightclub. so trudy, wanting to protect kim from not only voight but from her own impulsiveness, she stood at the front desk, making sure kim wouldn’t try anything. so when she got a personal call from voight, so knew something was up.

“trudy.”

“hank. what’s up.”

“did burgess leave upstairs?”

trudy could hear the concern in voight’s voice, making her start to grow weary. “no, i’ve been watching the front like a hawk. she hasn’t stepped foot downstairs.”

“i need you to go upstairs and see where kim is. the two men are not at the nightclub, and she hasn’t given any updates in the past 9 minutes. she would’ve gotten a ping on their car if they left.”

“copy you.” trudy took her phone off of her ear and half ran upstairs. the pit in her stomach kept rising, and she knew something bad had to have happened. kim wouldn’t have left her desk long enough to not see the car move and notify the guys. no, something had to have happened. and trudy didn’t like the feeling she had about this.

trudy came to an empty upstairs. she surveyed the room and saw no movement, no sign of kim anywhere. she panned to her desk and saw that the computer screen was up, but her jacket was gone.

“no. no. no. no. no.”

“trudy what’s going on?”

voight took trudy out of her thoughts. she put the phone back up to her ear and went to kim’s desk.

“hank, kim’s not here. she’s not upstairs and her jackets gone.”

“shit. where would she have gone trudy?” voight’s voice was rising and trudy looked over her desk, worried. she was looking for any clues about her whereabouts when she saw it.

“the two men’s car showed to have left the bar 8 minutes ago. it pinged at 17th avenue.” trudy looked at the whiteboard filled with information from the ongoing case.

“that must be their apartment. kim must’ve left to go to their apartment. she must’ve took the back exit.”

“send me that address NOW.” trudy could feel the anger in voight’s voice through the phone. she quickly sent the address.

she couldn’t believe it. what was she thinking, not covering the back exit? now kim had gone off the books, gone rogue. and whatever kim did, trudy would hang over her shoulders.

what was kim doing?

.

and now kim was gone, went awol. Trudy felt that previous bond disappear. she felt guilt, she felt horrible, she felt resentment. she couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault that everything went bad. she should’ve known kim wasn’t going to stop, she was going to do everything she could to help those women. and even though afterwards, voight and the team said it wasn’t trudy’s fault, she knew herself that kim would still be up there today if she had just stayed upstairs with kim.

trudy had tried to reach out to kim, but she got no answer and after a few weeks, she eventually gave up. But she knew Adam didn’t. and she knew if anyone took kim leaving harder than her it was adam. so she would sporadically try to talk to him, let him know she was there for him. it was the least she could do, she felt like.

Adam tensed his jaw and just nodded, almost unable to get a ‘yes’ out. When Trudy smiled softly and cued toward the door, excusing him to leave, he quickly turned around and walked out of the district to his car. Now all he had his mind on was food and caffeine, and getting back in time before getting his head chewed off.

...

The ride to the get lunch was pretty fast and uneventful. All Adam could think about was getting his hands on his favorite sandwich from his favorite deli shop that was conveniently next to a nice, local coffee shop. Adam looked down at the time.

11:55 am.

It was prime time for lots of hungry day workers, and Adam could tell by the crowd through the glass windows and the busy sidewalk. Adam knew that he had to make a quick run in order to get back to the bullpen in time so he hurriedly paralleled parked and jogged across the street. he had the game plan of getting his coffee, drinking it as he went and got him and kevin some lunch, and eat it on the way back to the bullpen with no trace of evidence by that time he got back to the 21st. he put his badge on his right hip in plain sight, hoping he would get some brownie points. He pushed past the moving current of the sidewalk and as he swung the door wide open he bumped into someone, causing the person to drop their recently purchased coffee on the ground.

Shit, Adam.

Adam was regaining himself when the woman he bumped into knelt down and tried to salvage her freshly brewed, hot coffee, only for her to realize it was spilt and gone forever.

“God, look where you’re going next time.” The woman scolded Adam, standing up and brushing her shirt.

All of a sudden, Adam froze in his place. The woman was shorter than he and was wearing a black ball cap, so Adam couldn’t see her face. But he knew that voice. He knew it from mile away.

It can’t be. It can’t be her.

“Are you going to get out of my way or—“ The woman rolled her eyes and looked up at Adam, preparing to chew him out for taking up her time and slowing her down. That’s when Adam’s thoughts were confirmed.

Kim.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

TATMILB, CHAPTER 3

Penelope spent her life writing love letters, which didn’t seem like a terrible idea until the letters were mailed out and Schneider received one of them. Hoping to fool their exes, they agree to fake a relationship. But are they lying to everyone around them, or to themselves? aka my To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before-inspired AU.

Penelope x Schneider, ODAAT. available on ao3 with extra author’s notes.

Chapter 3: Penelope tries to bond with Alex during movie night; he and Lydia bring the family’s donations to Goodwill. Schneider returns from vacation and confronts Penelope. She panics.

While Schneider was away with Nikki over the weekend, Penelope splurged on a trip to the movies--luring Alex with the promise of food he didn’t have to sneak in.

She was trying to focus on silver linings instead of her anxieties about Elena, and the upsides included her new availability for Alex. Twice as much parent to go around could only lead to more bonding, right?

He had lobbied for an R-rated comedy, which she was definitely not willing to pay for. On her own, she would’ve headed right for the newest Bradley Cooper drama, but no amount of chocolate could convince Alex to sit through that.

So they compromised on an action movie--which would have the added benefit of covering up the sound of her soda later. Agreeing to buy concessions for Alex didn’t make her a different person. Her discount snacks were better than their overpriced junk, anyway.

He grinned at her over his bucket of popcorn while they waited for the lights to go down, and she considered her bribery a success. See, she could be the cool mom. Even if she had Raisinets in her cargo pants.

“Hey, Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still miss Max?”

Where did that come from? The question hurt, mostly because it was so unexpected. With Max exiting her life right before Lydia’s stroke, neither Alex or Elena had mentioned him much in the last year. They’d all had other things on their minds.

She let the pain pass by before she answered.

“Yes, Papito, I still do. It’s hard to let go of people you love. Sometimes, a part of you misses them even after you’ve moved on.”

He nodded, sipping his soda.

“Do you think you’ll start dating again anytime soon?”

That question was even more out of character for her son, whose world had been so often self-centered since he first came into it.

Penelope narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you suddenly so interested in my dating life?”

“I was just wondering.”

”Well, I’m having fun the way things are. You and me, catching a movie on a Friday night, mother and son time with Elena away. Why would I want to date when I could be doing this?”

She grabbed a handful of popcorn and caught the way he cringed. Or flinched. Whatever it was, there was guilt there. Her mom radar went up.

“Alex, what is it? Is something going on?”

“It’s nothing!” He assured her in a rush. “It’s just...I kind of--did have a date.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. You wanted to go out together, so I rain checked it with Chloe for next weekend. But I mean, let’s be real, Mom. This can’t last forever. I’ll go off to college too, or modeling school, whatever, and then who will you hang out with?”

The trailers started playing, just in time, letting her wallow until the movie started.

Penelope couldn’t keep the sadness off her face as she watched Alex settle in with his snacks. He was growing up so fast on her. Too fast. And Elena was practically out of the house already.

She didn’t want to date just to avoid being alone, but hearing that concern from her teenage son? Ouch. So much for being the cool mom.

Now Penelope was glad that they’d picked an action flick. She was ready to watch some stuff blow up.

****

Alex emerged from his room the next morning waving his phone at her.

“Mom, that was the third text I’ve gotten from Elena since she left reminding us to take that stuff to Goodwill.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Penelope replied. 

She was almost out the door, but her son had the luxury of sleeping in on Saturdays until baseball season started. He was taking full advantage of it.

“Seriously, she woke me up--and I need my beauty rest. She’s not gonna stop bugging me until you drop it off.”

“Alex...” Penelope shrugged into her coat, kissing her Mami on the cheek in thanks for the quick cafecito she had substituted for breakfast. “It’s all boxed up, we finished it before she left; it’ll get there.”

“I’m just saying, she’s gonna start texting you next, and I don’t think you’ll enjoy the lectures any more than I do.”

“Well, I’ve got plans with Jill today--and I’m about to be late. Mami?” She raised hopeful eyebrows in Lydia’s direction.

“Hmm?”

“Can you go with Alex to the Goodwill donation dropoff? I won’t be back until dinner.”

“Si, Lupita. Go have fun with your friend, we will handle it.” 

“Great. Thanks. The things I’m getting rid of are in my room, next to the closet.”

“You know, this would be much easier if Schneider had not taken his girlfriend on a vacation.” Lydia frowned. “He could carry much bigger boxes than myself or Papito.”

“Hey, I can lift heavy stuff,” Alex protested. 

“Yes, but you should not have to! You should save your strength for wooing your future wife.” Lydia patted his face.

“Luckily for us--and Alex’s future wife--none of the boxes are all that heavy,” Penelope said. “And there aren’t too many of them. Now, I really have to go. I’ll see you both tonight.”

****

Absorbed in work and school, Penelope didn’t give their Goodwill donations another thought until Tuesday, on her way out of the hospital. The two boxes she’d packed in her room were gone, concluding that chore.

Or so she thought.

Penelope was  digging in her purse for her keys when she saw Schneider striding her way. “Oh, hey! I thought you were gonna be off the grid with Nikki for another couple of days.”

“No, that trip is kind of...over. That whole thing is kind of over.” 

“Again?”

Hurt crossed Schneider’s face before he buried it. He was really good at that, she’d learned--mostly from moments when she was the one hurting him. Way to go, Penelope. 

“I mean, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“Eh, I will be. Eventually. It’s not like we were engaged, right?”

Schneider shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here, though. Nikki may have dumped me for one of the jock dads at St. Bibiana’s, but that doesn’t mean I think you and I should blur the lines on the rebound.”

She stared at the creased blue paper he held up as he continued.

“Not that I’m not flattered, obviously. You’re the most badass woman I know, an amazing mom, anybody would be lucky to--”

Penelope’s field of vision narrowed to the letter in his hand, a letter that she definitely recognized. She didn’t hear the rest of his sentence. She could only hear her heart pounding in her ears, making her wonder if she was about to pass out there, next to her car.

How did Schneider get that? What was happening right now?

“I found it slipped under my door when I got home. And honestly, Pen, if you needed to tell me this stuff, you could have just done it in person--we’ve had enough late night chats that nothing’s really off limits at this point.”

She took a deep breath, trying to focus on a technique that worked for her during panic attacks and after nightmares. Since the moment felt like an actual waking nightmare, slowly counting backwards didn’t help much. He was still there. Waiting.

“Schneider, that letter--it’s not what it looks like, I swear. I don’t want to date you. At all. I wrote it because...”

She was still trying to find the words to explain something much too complicated for a parking lot when she saw motion past Schneider’s left shoulder.

Max was exiting the hospital and heading straight for them, holding a bright white envelope in one hand.

It didn’t take a genius to know what he was coming over to say.

Which was good, because Penelope’s mind was not exactly in top condition. It was already a five-alarm fire up in there, and every part of her was screaming I cannot deal with this.

In the fraction of a second she had to consider her options, Penelope acknowledged that the mature response would be to face it now--to explain the situation to her ex-boyfriend and her best friend at the same time.

Or, she decided, as she felt both men’s eyes on her and her palms started to sweat...she could do literally anything else.

Going with her first impulse, Penelope reached up and grabbed Schneider’s shirt with both hands, pulling him toward her. Before Max could get one step closer, she kissed Schneider like her life depended on it.

She couldn’t have explained to anybody why kissing Schneider seemed like a better idea than letting Max think she was still pining over him. Right then, she just needed Max to stay back. To leave them alone. 

Did it work? She wondered. She couldn’t check without breaking off the kiss, but the silence seemed promising.

Of course, the quiet only emphasized the situation she was now in. She was kissing Schneider. She was in a hospital parking lot, a few yards away from her ex-boyfriend, kissing Schneider. 

Pressed against her, Schneider didn’t react. Not after the initial moment, or several more. He let her kiss him, but he didn’t kiss back. And that was fine, Penelope told herself. That was better.

“Thank you,” she said when she let Schneider go. He stood there, flushed and baffled, looking at her like he had never seen her before. 

Though confusion was written all over his face, Schneider nodded. “You’re...welcome?”

Penelope wasn’t willing to push her luck any further. She couldn’t avoid the embarrassment forever, but at least she had managed to postpone it until she got home. She needed time to figure this out.

Without another word, and without glancing back to where Max was probably still holding his own letter, she got into her car and drove home.

****

Her reprieve was brief, not that she’d expected any different. She caught the aroma of dinner as soon as she walked through the door, and barely had time to praise her Mami’s cooking before Schneider arrived.

“Oh, good, Schneider, you are home from your vacación,” Lydia said. “I made enough for you to join us, just in case.”

“Hey,” Alex added from his spot at the table. “You’re back early, right?”

“Yeah, Nikki and I broke up.”

Schneider offered that explanation to Alex, but he was looking at Penelope. She shook her head in response, hoping the tiny movement would go unnoticed by the others. Hoping that Schneider would understand. Not now. Not in front of the family. Please.

His shoulders tensed where he stood, like her silent plea was a blow he had to absorb. But when he finally looked away from her, smiling at Lydia and taking his seat, Penelope knew he would let it go for now. “So you can see why I needed a nice, comforting family dinner this evening.”

“Oh, pobrecito Schneider,” Lydia said, patting his back before she sat down across from him. “You can do better.”

They were waiting for her to settle into her place at the table, but Penelope couldn’t join them until she knew for sure. She headed for her bedroom, straight to the spot where her army duffel would be. 

Or where it used to be.

“Mami?” She returned to the table and sat, trying to sound calm. “What happened to my duffel bag?”

“I don’t know,” Lydia said, pouring herself some rum as though her daughter’s world wasn’t spinning out of control in front of her. “Where did you see it last?”

“I keep it in my closet,” Penelope snapped back. “It’s been there for years. Where did I see it last,” she added in a mutter.

“You do not need to take that tone with me,” her Mami scolded her. “I did not touch your ratty old bag. I do not know where it is.”

“Well, I know I didn’t move it, and it’s gone. So can anybody explain to me how it up and disappeared?”

Lydia thought it over. “I suppose...if it was in your closet...it might be at the Goodwill.”

She clamped down even harder on her temper. “Why would it be at the Goodwill?” 

“As I said, Lupita, I have done nothing wrong. But your boxes were next to the closet. So if it is missing, that may be why.”

“It was just an old duffel bag, right, Mom?” Alex was halfway through his dinner, but he couldn’t ignore the tension in the room. “You can get a new one.”

“Not everything’s replaceable, Alex. That old bag had a lot of memories attached.” She picked up her fork and tried to focus on her food while her mind reeled. It also had five incredibly personal love letters tucked into the inside pocket. Letters she’d never wanted their subjects to read.

Now Max knew she never got over him, and wanted him back. God, after more than a year, how pathetic he must think she was. 

And that didn’t begin to address the other letters. How long until those came back to haunt her, too? What about the man currently watching her while he ate, pretending that he wasn’t? How could she possibly explain any of this to Schneider?

She stabbed at her salad, lost in thought until she was done eating. 

Worried she might snap at him next, even Schneider was quiet during the meal. The scraping of utensils against dishes filled the silence until Penelope cleared her plate and went to her bedroom.

Schneider swallowed loudly after Penelope left, but didn’t offer up his usual attempts to paper over the unease that lingered behind her. 

Instead it was Lydia who broke the silence. “Lupe hasn’t used any of her old bags in years. I do not understand why she is so upset about this one.”

“Maybe she’s going through menopause,” Alex offered up.

Schneider’s fork clattered loudly onto his plate. 

Lydia shook her head. “No, that can’t be the problem, Papito. She is far too young.”

“It can start between the ages of 40 and 50,” Alex argued, ignoring the way Schneider was gaping at him. “Mom’s just inside the window.”

“This is very inappropriate talk,” Lydia scolded him, standing up to clear the rest of the plates.

“Elena wouldn’t stop lecturing me about it, okay? She wanted me to be ready when it happened in case she was moved out already. You know how she never shuts up.”

Schneider left Alex sitting alone to go find Penelope--normally she would be back out with the family after dinner, but if she was going to try this hard to avoid him, she wasn’t giving him much choice. 

With Lydia at the sink and Alex’s face in his phone already, Schneider doubted the others would even notice him gone. 

He tapped lightly on her door. “Penelope?” 

The long silence wasn’t comforting, but eventually he heard a quiet “Come in” and let himself in. 

“Hey,” he said as he shut the door behind him. “You know, Max seemed just as confused as me, back at the hospital. He just sort of stared at me, once you drove off, for the longest five seconds in history, and then he left without saying anything.”

“Yeah?” Penelope was looking at the floor more than him, but he could tell she was listening.

“Yeah. I think he wanted to talk to you too. Which made me even more confused. What’s going on?”

A brisk rap on the door sounded before it opened--not giving either of them time to respond. 

“Mami.”

“It’s time for dessert,” Lydia told them. “What are you two doing in here?”

Penelope ignored the gossipy insinuation in her tone--she knew better than anyone that it was her Mami’s way of hoping something interesting was about to happen, whether it actually was or not. “We were talking about dessert, actually. I was asking Schneider if he wanted to go with me to get ice cream.”

She raised her eyebrows, hoping he would follow her lead. “What do you say? Dessert run?”

Whatever he was thinking, or feeling, Schneider kept it to himself. “Sure, Pen. Sounds good. My treat.”

“Oh, Schneider, you are such a generous man,” Lydia told him with a hand on his arm--laying it on a little thick even by her usual standards. 

“Mami, calm down. It’s ice cream, not new shoes.”

“Lydia, did you want new shoes?” Schneider perked up, and Penelope grabbed him by the arm to pull him past her mom before they could get any ideas. 

“She doesn’t need you to buy her shoes. Let’s go.”

Penelope rushed him to the door with one hand on his back, nudging him forward as she opened it.

She was in such a hurry, she almost shoved him directly into Ben--who was standing on the other side, hand raised to knock. 

“Oh, hey, Penelope. Is this a bad time?”

[hoekaashi]

HQ Skincare hcs

a/n: i had too much fun with these hehe, hope you enjoy! onto my next series which will be longer than the skincare ones characters: kageyama, kenma, kuroo, oikawa, iwachan, atsumu, osamu warnings: none other than my language lol taglist: @babydabi @suckersuki @bakugoustanaccount @animoozies @haiikyuuns @depths-of-your-soul @differentballooncollection @waitforitillwritemywayout​

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⇾ growing up as in going to middle school with oikawa, he picked up some stuff ⇾ small things, like which cleanser is better for his skin, what type of skin he has, the difference between toner and essence, what daytime moisturizer he should use and what nighttime one ⇾ things like that ⇾ and even once he was no longer around oikawa, skincare became something that he enjoyed doing ⇾ he would look up new products on his own and he was always willing to try new products too ⇾ his teammates are always so awestruck by his dedication just to his skin ⇾ wouldn’t mind splurging every once in a while on a holy grail product, but everything else is pretty much drugstore stuff ⇾ until he started getting products sent to him in pr packages once bokuto and atsumu let it slip in an interview that kags has a dedicated routine ⇾ his 4 step routine turned into 12 very fast and unfortunately for him, half the time he doesn’t know what he’s doing and ends up bothering oikawa about it

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⇾ he’s a rich bitch and it shows ⇾ he gets a facial two to three times a month, doesn’t care that he shouldn’t get them too frequently ⇾ his mentality is that if he’s not washing his face every day, it’s okay for him to get facials more frequently ⇾ he just really enjoys the massages they give him, but after learning that he doesn’t do anything at home to take care of his skin, they make him a list of products to use and create an entire daytime and nighttime routine for him ⇾ and because he can, he buys the fancy shmancy products that are overpriced ⇾ his favorite part of the routine is putting a cold sheet mask on his face and letting it marinate on his skin ⇾ he ends up buying a beauty fridge and stocking it up with mostly sheet masks ⇾ but because he doesn’t want to be wasteful, he ends up learning how to recycle them properly along with how to make his own sheet masks ⇾ his facialist starts crying when she finds out that he’s actually taking care of his skin now

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⇾ literally didn’t do shit for his face ⇾ but as he got older, he would look into ingredients more - not only with what he was putting in his body, but also on it ⇾ around his last year of high school, he decided to start a routine but it wasn’t anything too fancy ⇾ proper face wash and a moisturizer ⇾ slowly he started to build it more looking into the benefits of using toners and the difference between fermented products and regular ones ⇾ you can pry nerdy science kuroo from my cold dead hands but rigor mortis will make that even harder for you to do haha ⇾ once he got his fancy schmancy job, he had the money to splurge on skincare so not only did he get products that were good for him, he also got the expensive ass ones that typical people would save up for and make it last way past the expiration date ⇾ kenma got him hooked on sheet masks ⇾ he has a mini fridge in his office and whenever he’s stressed or just super tired, he’ll pop one on with some eye patches and just take a 10-20 minute nap in his chair ⇾ even though he’s not very active on social media (most of his followers are people who found him through kenma), he will still email companies and ask them to add him to his pr list ⇾ will bug kenma whenever he isn’t added to the pr list

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⇾ this bitch has a full 12 step routine that he perfected at a young age because he wanted to preserve his youth ⇾ ”why do you wait until you start aging to use anti-aging products? if i start at a young age, i’ll never get wrinkles and people will forever think i’m 20 years old” ⇾ rotates out one product whenever it finishes so his skin doesn’t get used to it ⇾ takes pride in his looks so he would never hesitate to drop money on a product that he knows works ⇾ but on the other side, he also doesn’t mind drugstore products if they do a bomb ass job too ⇾ tried to change the other seijoh third years to have better routines and they all either ignored him or assaulted him with body wash bottles or anything else laying around ⇾ everything is displayed in his bathroom in an aesthetic way ⇾ easily notices if even one product is off ⇾ has a travel sized version of his entire routine and it doesn’t matter if he’s away from his place for even one day/night, he will take the entire thing with him wherever he’s going ⇾ has never missed a single day of his routine which is why iwa went through his acne phase through puberty and oikawa didn’t he still holds it against him to this day

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⇾ literally uses bar soap to wash his face and moisturizes with coco butter BODY LOTION ⇾ oikawa has a heart attack whenever he sees him do this and proceeds with his cardiac arrest when iwa tells him to fuck off ⇾ wanted to punch oikawa in the face whenever he teased him about not having breakouts since he took care of his skin while they were growing up, but once puberty was done and his hormones were balanced, he never saw another pimple on his face again ⇾ will go to grave without a soul knowing, but his acne pissed him off so much he actually bought products to treat it ⇾ advocate for Proactiv MD ⇾ eventually grew out of his bad habits with skincare but still doesn’t do anything more than face wash, toner, and moisturizer ⇾ will never spend more than 25 bucks on a single product. ever. ⇾ enjoys how oikawa gets jealous knowing that he does the bare minimum and his skin looks as great as it does ⇾ quietly thanks his parents for their good genes

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⇾ aha ha ha he’s awful ⇾ rinses his face with water after practice, and if he’s showering, he’ll use his 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner to wash his face ⇾ complains about the weird coating it leaves on his face and when osamu tells him it’s because hair products aren’t for his face, he just says it’s extra moisturizing and walks away ⇾ wanna know why he copied osamu’s hairstyle in high school? it’s because his greasy ass forehead was covered in acne from the sweat, clogged pores, and lack of proper hygiene ⇾ in desperation, he stole osamu’s skincare products and used it to clear up his forehead their last year of high school ⇾ for once in his life, osamu let him get away with it because he was tired of hearing his brother complain about his skin ⇾ his patience ran out when he saw his brother using coconut oil on his skin - the kind you use for cooking ⇾ atsumu sat through three hours of his brother telling him what was good for his skin and what was bad - coconut oil was bad especially for his oily face ⇾ as an adult though, he has the money to spare to get facials and visit a dermatologist regularly ⇾ ironically became the face of a new skincare line and osamu never laughed harder when he saw the ads

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⇾ not super involved as a teenager but knows what products work for him and what don’t ⇾ definitely reads the ingredients and knows the good stuff from the bad stuff ⇾ doesn’t mind splurging on a product or two in high school, but nothing more than that he’d rather spend his money on food ⇾ as an adult it’s up to his mood on whether he would drop money for skincare or not ⇾ he enjoys getting microdermabrasion facials and gets one every 6-8 weeks to help his skin cell turnover rate ⇾ never misses his nighttime routine but not because he’s dedicated to his skin, but because he uses the time to relax before bed and just unwind ⇾ will have either relaxing music playing or complete silence as he does his routine - do NOT talk to him while he’s doing this though it’s his ‘me’ time just like when he works in the kitchen but that’s neither here nor there he needs a lot of ‘me’ time ⇾ if he can’t go to his facial, he will be working in the kitchen with a headband pushing his hair back and sheet mask on ⇾ has an anonymous blog where he rates and reviews new skincare products that’s pretty popular